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How to answer on the knuckle to your address. How to react and respond to insults and rudeness - examples of phrases. When it is better to ignore insults

Fragment of book Kovpak D.V. Not on those attacked! Or how to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012

How much can you put up with rudeness? In transport, at work, visiting, at home, online, on the street - anywhere! How much can the role of the victim? Patiently transferring any inconvenience, any manifestations of rudeness. Famous psychotherapist and courageous man, Dmitry Kovpak decided that he was enough for him! Read his exciting stories and professional advice To combat rudeness and cynicism. Dr. Kovpak is ready to change the worldwithout flexing to him! And you?

Basic strategies to overcome rudeness

Effective opposition

Obviously, there are three approaches in relations between people. The first is to be considered only with you and suppress others ... The second is always and in everything to give way to another ... the third approach is to keep in mind their interests, not neglecting the interests of others.

Only the dead is impossible to hurt for living.Each of us got into a situation where it was vulnerable or psychologically injured. Naturally, the desire arises to punish or teach the offender or minimize the damage for the renome and estimates of others.

What exactly do? To tolerate or answer? How will all this turn? And the whole premium of other questions is relentlessly spinning in the head. It happened not for the first time and not only with you. How was it answered previously peoplewho already encountered a similar problem?

When the Confucius was asked a question: "Is it possible to answer good for evil?" What he replied: "Good need to be responsible for good, and for evil need to answer justice."

Undoubtedly, if you regularly allow you to offend yourself, it can get into the habit of your offenders. The desire to make a comment or even breaking at you in the Grubian comes before it arises for this reason.

If you help unbalanced people, regularly providing them with a platform for splashing your irritation, this tactic will have automatically to work. They will no longer need to guess who is to blame for everything.

So, confusing patience and prudence with fear and laziness, you can turn into a local scapegoat.

A man in reality is not so peace-loving, as he declares it and even how he thinks about himself. Therefore, to wait from your offenders that they will simulate themselves, recognize mistakes and learned injustice, may be too time-consuming and expensive strategy. Help them realize that they did not run into order.

But respond not to the content of the speech of the enemy, but the very fact of his intervention is not in its business.

Are there any winners in a fight with Grabians, the question is controversial and even rhetorical. However, if you already decide for martial arts, then you will not prevent some skills, technology and useful information.

A number of qualities and skills are required to enter into a verbal duel:

  • efficiency of searching and playing information;
  • witness, irony;
  • resourcefulness, trick, enterprise;
  • skill use logic and consistent argument;
  • skill of rhetoric;
  • stress resistance and tolerance (tolerance);
  • noise immunity.

Very often, people, defending their interests, behave rudely and unceremoniously, mixing the concepts of aggressive, passive and uncertain and confident behavior. The difference in these ways of behavior is that, acting confidently, a person does not insult and does not suppress others, respecting the rights of people to the same extent as their own.

People who know how to properly stand up for themselves, are significantly less susceptible to stressful states in difficult life situations and more often experience sense of satisfaction and self-esteem.

People acting in an aggressive manner are actually feeling guilty, inferiority or insecurity and their aggressive behavior are trying to mask these impressive experiences.

The key to confident behavior is consolidated in the regular practice of a new model of relationships and behavior.

Remember: What you say to Grubian is much less important than how you say it.

To successfully put in the place of mines and aggressors in any situation, first of all, it is necessary to clearly realize the right to the inviolability of your personality and personal life.

The manifestation of rudeness is, first of all, evidence of the lack of decent arguments.

"Jupiter, you're angry, then you're wrong," said Prometheus once an angry Jupiter, who was ready to throw a lightning into him without finding another answer.

The most inefficient version of the response to Hama is emotionally start and scratching any nonsense in response. Thus, you become a twin brother of this uncompatible type and roll up to its level. And most importantly, your emotions will show that his arrows reached the goal and vulled you.

But sometimes it helps to reset the tension. The price of such a drop varies depending on the situation and the surroundings present at this moment, as well as deferred consequences. Sometimes it is exormably high.

Much better helps to receive a splash of negative emotions into water. Especially when the situation is already in the past, and "waving fists" still wants.

Open the faucet and just shock everything that boiled into the water jet. At the same time, smear cool water and get a positive emotion. Conflict has been exhausted. You turned out to be smarter!

Imagine such a situation: you were greatly angry with the boss, strictly and rudely reading you for the situation to which you really did not have any relationship. After his care, you hit the fist on the table, break two pencils, the handle and turn the whole stack of papers into a shapeless mass. Do these actions reduce your anger? And do they get rid of you from the inclination in the future to be angry with the head in such situations?

According to the well-known theory of catharsis (cleansing), the answer in both cases will be positive. When an angry person releases steam through energetic, but not causing any harm to anyone, the following occurs: first, the level of voltage or excitation is reduced, and secondly, the tendency to resort to open aggression against provoking (or other) persons.

These assumptions are torn back to the works of Aristotle, who considered that the contemplation of the production, forcing the audience to empathize, indirectly can contribute to the "cleansing" of feelings. Despite the fact that Aristotle himself did not offer specifically this method for the discharge of aggressiveness, the logical continuation of his theory was proposed by many others, in particular Z. Freud, which believed that the intensity aggressive behavior It can be weakened either by expressing emotions related to aggression, or by observing aggressive actions of others.

Recognizing the reality of such "purification", Freud was subsequently very pessimistic about its effectiveness to prevent open aggression. It seems that he believed that his influence was ineffective and short-lived. And indeed, watching movies or television programs With scenes of violence does not lead to a decrease in the level of aggression - on the contrary, such an experience will rather strengthen the intensity aggressive manifestations in future.

The level of aggression does not decrease if a person takes his anger on inanimate objects.

Remember how we love to retell myths about the basements of Japanese corporations, where supposedly employees are hammer the stuffed bosses and then calm and satisfied on workplace. If you provide people with the opportunity to dull inflatable toys, To throw the images of hated enemies with darts or disseminate any objects, it is not necessary that the strength of their desire to make aggressive acts in relation to annoying persons will decrease.

The level of aggression is not reduced also after a series of verbal attacks - on the contrary, the data obtained suggests that such actions actually strengthen the opponent's aggression.

English writer John Reskin said: "The meek response removes malice."

This is also a certain technique. Only it requires enough hardening and excerpt. In order to have patience for evil insults to respond politely and not to go out of this, not only outwardly, but also internally. To do this, it will be necessary to develop a considerable self-discipline.

In the extreme case, you can say a calm-neutral descriptive phrase, for example: "As you grossly now spoke. I am not suitable for communication in such a form / such tone. " Sometimes it stops the offender or knocks it on time. In any case, you will receive a pause and can with proudly raised your head to be done from the spot of verbal battle.

So you will eliminate the cause for subsequent returns to the situation in the memoirs, which happens when swordless unrequited insults, with the scrolling of "victorious scenarios" in fantasy - virtual "waisting fists" after verbal battle.

The main thing is to preserve internal self-confidence.

It will be appropriate mentally said by the very phrase of Gandhi: "They are not able to take our self-esteem, if we ourselves do not give it to them." And the conclusions made on the basis of everyday experience, that we often feel better (that is, less excited or tense), responding to people who made us from themselves, truly have grounds, as they say very serious researchers of aggression.

If you have time, let the interlocutor adopt without obvious aggression, listen to it carefully, correctly and analytically.

Listen carefully - it means to perceive the words that are pronounced, not too distracted by passing thoughts. Correctly feed signals feedbackShowing that you understand the interlocutor (for example, with the help of the nod). Analytically - grab the essence of the statements, at the same time perceiving information encrypted between words. To be able to listen - this is real art.

But there are situations where the interlocutor sharply negatively responds about you or lies. In such a delicate situation, you should refuse this rule. Calmfully interrupt the conversation at that moment when you noticed that a lie was told: just politely and correctly correct the interlocutor. But please be briefs.

For example, during negotiations for round table Or performances on the podium need to react immediately - if not in words, then denying swaying with your head or gestures.

For a negative statement, you can respond later if this happened during the dialogue, but if there is a third party or spectators, they will wait for your reaction. And the lack of reaction means consent!

Do not be afraid if you need to violate the rules and stereotypes. A clever person chooses tactics depending on the situation.

The technique of the question is the queen of dialectics. "Who asks, he controls!" - So in the form of a slogan formulated one of the leading rules of art of the conversation.

Questions are often pressure tools in order to require information, deepen the topic of conversation, motivate interlocutors or translate a conversation with a material or technical plane to emotional. They also serve in order to demand an explanation, insist on justice, swinging the participants of the conversation or inspire something to demand to bring the facts or specify the statements of the interlocutor.

Therefore, remember the task tactics. They can stop the aggressor and Hama. Do not be afraid to answer the question to the question. This is also a strong tool.

The client asks:

  • And why are all realtors answer the question of the question? Realtor response:
  • What do you think?

If anyone indicates you how to do, makes incorrect comments, trying to check your knowledge in any area or give you the estimates that you did not seek, you can respond with one of the following ways described by V. Petrova.

The initial, mild and polite reception of self-defense can be designated as "psychological barrier." We can deliver our personal space with your polite and concrete comments, explicitly giving to understand the interlocutor that he encroaches to someone else's territory. As a rule, after the first stage of self-defense, most of the aggressors retreats.

Most often, this method is applied when unfamiliar or unfamiliar people express their considerations, comments or give us advice that we did not ask.

Here are examples of such answers:

  • Thanks for your attention, you should not worry about it.
  • Please do not worry because of our cases, we will be able to figure it out.
  • Please do not pay so much attention ...
  • I ask you, do not bother ...
  • Sorry, but is it your business? Do not say: "Not your business" - it sounds more roughly, as well as avoid the wording "This is my case", because it attracts attention to your person (translates the center of attention to others to your person), and not to the behavior of your opponent.
  • An option is possible - to remind the attacker that only the court or the Lord is to judge is and the aggressor has no right to give other people assessments. The power of the impact of these words is that every person seems to understand that he is not ideal and has no moral right to indicate others. Any criticism and Hama can be rented for the assignment of the role of the judge: "And who are the judges?"
  • "What basis do you ask me these questions?", "What basis do you examine me?" - Such responses are formalized, but it helps to support their own confidence with the Association with the power of bureaucracy and are confusing in detrimental functions, which often operate. The aggressiveness of such an answer is significantly muted, and it can be used even in conversations with the bosses in case of strong pressure.
  • "This is how God will judge. Or do you want to assign on his functions? " It doesn't matter to whom you contact - to the atheist or religious fanatics, it will still work. Forwarding "To God" - an effective admission, since everyone understands that, giving an assessment to another person, he clearly exceeds his powers.

It is necessary to distinguish between rudeness and objective criticism.

All people tend to make mistakes, and you too. If you were criticized in the case (for example, at our point of view, you did not take into account some fact, something did not notice, made any error or oversight) - thank the criticism, for example, words: "Yes, really, I did not take into account / Accounting this fact. Thank you, I will keep in mind, "" Thank you, I just did not notice, "" I'll think about it, thanks for the remark / information. "

A number of technician unsubscribe to the Grubians are built on the principle of attention of attention from your personality to the personality of the attacker.

An example is the phrase of one of the characters of the film "Kin-Dza-Dza": "Does someone told you that you are smart, or did you decide so?"

Another option for switching attention to the identity of the Grubian is a description of its actions.Any action of the interlocutor can be represented as a picture, only written not by paints, but by your words.

A person who behaves unworthyly, as a rule, does not give himself a report in the fact that the urgentness of his behavior and motives, which forced him to flow in this way, are perfectly visible to others, or simply displaces the understanding of this. Whatever enough, the aggressor seems that people perceive only his words, but they yourself do not see (do not evaluate). Therefore, to confuse the enemy, it is necessary to describe his behavior in the form of a visual picture, for example: "Do you hear what you say?" Or "Do you understand how now look?"

People who love to talk for others, in particular to broadcast from the position of "higher values", "norms of morality and morality", can also be put in place.

You should ask a person who, for example, accused you, who concretely caused harm to your actions. If not for him personally, then you are not obliged to talk with him and especially before it is reported. Reply: "We will talk about this with that man whose interests were affected, but not with you."

If the aggressor claims that you are damaged to many, tell me: "If you wish, you have the right to apply to the relevant authorities" (for example, to your authorities, to the house management, the police, to the court, etc.). But in no case do not turn on the dispute you do not need. Do not justify, do not report to a person who is not officialWhose responsibilities really enters the legal assessment of your actions.

Talking with people insistant that you make harm to some third parties, not even if you have irrefutable evidence of your own innocence. Invorate these evidence in case they intervene commissioners, in front of which you really are obliged to report.

The fact of what you started to justify before a strangers, testifies that you have reduced self-confidence, you can easily cause guilt and you too much "must" around.

No matter how self-confident and impulse you seemed to you, remember that there are people in the world with whom he is afraid to speak as with you.

Also, Grubian would not dare to behave in a similar way, if the situation was seen by the people he was afraid or the opinion of which values. You can appeal to them: "Why don't you repeat the same thing (call the name of the chief of this person, a relative, whom he respects or is afraid, and so paragraph.", "You don't talk like that at work! "

Another option is a link to virtual witnesses: "How do you think it would do in your place brought up? " (You can call the name of a particular person whom the aggressor respects), "How do you think, why don't other people do that?"

If a person who is in the performance of official duties behaves unworthy, it is possible to comment on his behavior wishes to hear his words that the representatives of this profession honor.

Somehow once the teacher called the student with a swiss word. He was not confused and said: "Let Makarenko and Sukhomlinsky hear you."

The so-called Milton Erixon method (a well-known hyposychotherapist), which used metaphors and stories, which included a hint or an example of the behavior of a person who was intended for the story.

The metaphor is a kind of indirect suggestion. This word consists of two Greek roots: Meta - "Through" and Fore - "Transfer". That is, the metaphor is a means of transfer. What carries the metaphor? It transfers meanings, bypassing conscious controls and barriers.

For example, here is the story that not everything is rude, it seems at first glance.

Once a wanderer stopped a walking elder to find out whether far from the city.

Stay, - the one answered the one. Puzzled Wanderer continued the way, reflecting on rudeness local residents. But he did not pass and fifty steps, as he heard:

Wait! The old man stood on the road and shouted the traveler:

To the city you are another hour.

Why didn't you answer right away? - exclaimed the wanderer.

I had to see what step you go, "the old man explained.

Or a story about hasty conclusions.

Walked knight in the desert. Long was his path. On the way, he lost a horse, helmet and armor. Only sword remained. The knight was hungry, and he was tormented by thirst. Suddenly, he saw the lake. Collected the knight all the remaining strength and went to the water. But the lake itself sat the three-headed dragon.

The knight snatched the sword and began to fight the monster from the last strength. A day beat, the second beat. Two heads of the dragon cut off. On the third day, the dragon fell without his strength. Nearby fell exhausted knight, unable to stand on the legs and keep the sword.

And then the dragon asked from the last forces:

  • Knight, and what did you want?
  • Drink water.
  • Well, I would drink ...

And finally, remember the enchanting film "Formula of Love" and the calm rewarding of Dr. Podzhtza Caliostro using visual examples from life:

Yes, yes, "Caliostro agreed. - There is so many unprecedented about me that I get tired of refuting. Meanwhile, my biography is simple and ordinary for people who bear the title of Master ... Let's start with the childhood. I was born in Mesopotamia, not far from the merger of the Tiger Rivers and Euphrates, two thousand one hundred and twenty-five years ago ... - Caliosostro looked at the crowd, as if giving them the opportunity to realize heard. - You probably amazes such an ancient date of my birth?

No, not amazed, - the doctor said calmly. "We had a clerk in a county, in patchports, where a year of birth, one tipper just indicated. Ink, Shelters, Vish, saved. Then the case cleared up, he was in progress, and the patchport did not exist. The document is still.

© Kovpak D.V. Not on those attacked! Or how to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012
© Published with Publishing Permissions

If you learn how to cope with bullying and insults, you will be easier to behave in such unpleasant social situations. To protect yourself from frills and insults, evaluate the situation, answer properly and contact your help if necessary.

Steps

Rate the situation

    Understand that it's not about you. People who are teased and insult others themselves are not confident. Their mockery is often due to fear, narcissism and thirst to control the situation. Mocking over others, they feel stronger. Awareness that the reason lies in the offender, and not in you, will help you become more confident in the current situation.

    Observe what drives your offender. If you make efforts to understand why special person Insults or teases you, you will get the key to solving the problem. Sometimes people mock others to assert themselves, and sometimes they do it because they do not understand you or the situation as good as they could. Or they just envy what you did or have reached.

    Develop a plan to avoid a person or such a situation if possible. If you avoid the offender, it can minimize the number of insults or bullying that you are exposed. And although it is not always possible, come up with ways to reduce the amount of time you have to spend together with the zada, or at all avoid contact with it.

    • If you stick to you when you come back home from school, work with parents safe routewhich will help avoid bullying or insults.
    • If you are tease or insult on the Internet, think about removing the offender from your social networks Or reduce the amount of time conducted in certain applications.

  1. Determine whether bullying violations of the law are. Sometimes bullying or insults are direct violation of one of the codes or the constitution Russian Federation. For example, if you experience sexual harassment from colleagues (not necessarily physical, but also verbal), this is already a violation of Article 133 of the Criminal Code, and you must immediately declare it.

    • If you study at school, you have the right to study in a safe setting without distracting factors. If someone mocks you to such an extent that you do not feel safe, or it prevents you from learning (for example, making your desire to come to school), you should discuss it with parents or teacher.

    Answer mockery and insult

    1. Prepare for the situation. If you are forced to spend time with a person who constantly insults or teases you, develop a plan, how to take the situation under your control. For example, it will be useful to play roles and think over the response options.

      • Practice to play roles with a friend or family member. Let a friend (or girlfriend) say you: "Alina, your hairstyle is terrible." And you can answer like this: "Thank you for your opinionBut I like it, and this is the most important thing. "
      • If the boss insults you, bringing your merit, come up with a plan. Try to say: "Anton Petrovich, your comments are unprofessional, hindered and affect the productivity of my work. If this does not stop, I will be forced to inform the higher authorities. "

    2. Keep calm. When you tease or insult, it is important to keep calm, even if you want to get angry or cry. People who mock others and humiliate them often wait for a response. Keep calm and do not lose your head.

      • If someone insults you, try to make some deep breaths before answering.

    3. Be configured decisively. Confidently and unequivocate to understand the offender, how his insults affect you. Solid, but at the same time, a calm tone, explain why you do not like these mockery.

      • Try to say a classmate who teases you because of your shoes: "I am angry that you are kidding me before the whole class. Stop do it. "
      • If colleagues throw you with sexist notes, try to say: "Your bullying and insult borders with sexual harassment. If it happens again, I will immediately inform our supervisor. "

    4. Ignore insults. Sometimes the best response to insult is ignoring. You can pretend that you have not heard anything, or change the topic of conversation to the absolutely opposite. If, instead of reacting to insults and bullying the offender, you will not pay attention to them, you will avoid pouring oil into the fire.

      • If you are insulted or teased on the Internet, do not answer.
      • If you are offended by a family member, try to ignore his bullying and get out of the room.

    5. Reagree with humor. The use of humor as a reaction to insult or bullying is very effective. Humor can remove the tension, disgrace the offender and even turn his words into dust. Try to stick together when someone insults or teases you.

      • If a colleague rudely responds about the poster that you brought to the conference, try to say: "You are right. This is a terrible poster. I was not worth allowing my five-year-old son to make it for me. "
      • Another option may be a faithful surprise or ironic remark. For example, you can say: "My God! You're right! Thank you for helping me to overlook! "

    6. Report insults and bullying against your sex, race, nationality, religion or limited opportunities. IMPORTANT immediately declared these types of aggression, as it often is a violation of the law. If you are insulted or mocking over you in this way, go straight to the boss.

      Talk to your offender. For example, if any of the parents or family members is constantly insulting, it may have come to sit down and talk about bad handling. Directly explain what you feel because of bullying and how such oppression affect your life.

      • If the mother constantly criticizes your appearance, try to say: "Mom, it hurts me when you comment on my clothes, hairstyle or makeup. It wounds my feelings. From now on, please stop making such comments. "
      • Even if the piercing is not malicious, you can still tell a person that you don't like it. For example: "I like to spend time with you, and we can having fun to tease each other. But some topics (clothes, husband, children, and so on) We will not discuss any more - it wounds my feelings."

    Learn to appreciate yourself

    1. Work over your self-esteem. Due to the understated self-esteem, you may be harder to cope with piercing, as with malicious and not. To enhance self-esteem, time is required, but you can do it with simple action, eg:

      • Make yourself compliments. Try every morning to look into the mirror and talk one pleasant thing about your appearance, for example: "My eyes today look especially bright and beautiful."
      • Make a list of yours strong Parties, achievements and things that admire you in yourself. Try to list at least five things in each column. Keep the list and re-read it daily.

    2. Clean yourself. Caring for yourself is an important and good strategy that helps to cope with insults or humiliation. Try to take a bath for a long time, make quiet walks or do something pleasant for yourself, such as a pedicure. These contention methods will help strengthen self-esteem and improve your opinion about yourself.

      Develop resistance. If you are a persistent person, it will be easier for you to restore after insults, humiliation and other life difficulties. Try to work on this quality in order to increase the ability to come back after bullying and attacks. Here are some things you can do to develop resistance:

01. Any similarity between you and man is purely random! 02. Are you always so stupid, or today a special case? 03. As an outsider, what do you think about the human race? 04. I would like to hit your teeth, but why should I improve your appearance? 05. At least there is one positive thing in your body. It is not so terrible as your face! 06. Brain is not all. And in your case it is nothing! 07. Careful, do not let the brain get into your head! 08. I like you. They say I have a disgusting taste, but I love you: Have your parents ever asked you to escape from home? 10. If I had me such a face as you. I would sue my parents! 11. Do not be mistaken. Many people have no talent! 12. Do not be offended, but you have, what work to distribute ignorance? 13. Continue to speak, someday you will still be able to say something clever! 14. Do you still love nature, despite the fact that she did with you? 15. I don't think so, maybe you have a brain stretching! 16. Fellows as you do not grow on trees, they fluctuate there. It has a mechanical mind. It is bad for him, he often forgets to turn to the wind back. His mind like a steel trap, which always slams while trying to find an answer! 19. You are a man of the earth, it's bad that it is not the best part of it. He thought - this is something new. When, finally, it will smash, you will probably look better! 22. Yes, you are just a miracle comedian. If ridiculous, this is a miracle! 23. In the book "Who is who" you should look for what it is? 24. You are living proof that a person can live without brains! 25. He is so short that when it rains, he always learns about this last.26. Yes, you are just a template for building an idiot.27. Why are you here? I thought the zoo closes at night! 28. How did you get here? Did someone left the cage open? 29. Do not try to find anything in my head, it is empty. I think you would not want to feel the way you look! 31. Hey! I am human! What are you? 32 I can't talk to you right now, tell me where you will be after 10 years? 33. I do not want you to substitute the other cheek, it is just ugly.34. I do not know who you are, but it would be better for you, I am sure everyone will agree with me.35. I do not know what makes you stupid, but it really works.36. I can drive out of you a monkey, but it will be very expensive for you cost! 37. I can't remember your name and please do not help me in this! 38. I don't even like those people you are trying to copy.39. I know you were born stupid, but why do you have a relapse? 40. I know what you did yourself. It's good that you recognize your guilt! 41. I know you are not so stupid as you look. This is impossible! 42. I saw people like you, but then I had to pay for a ticket! 43. Why are you such a fool today? Although I think it is typically for you.

This is one of the first wishes arising after insulting. But the response is appropriate, only if he:

  • witty;
  • occurs in a circle of relatives or friends;
  • rather, discharges the situation than the conflict exacerbates.

In all other cases, even if you consider yourself a sharp, Oscar Wilde, respond to an insult to an insult - is not the best way out. So you go to the level of Hama-opponent and let's understand that his words trembled you, that is, there may be some truth in them.

2. Jold

The difference between witty insult and the joking answer is that in the second case you are ridicuing the situation itself. The advantages of this strategy are obvious: an insult loses its toxicity, voltage, and the audience (if there is) takes your side.

In this case, you can also take a pseudo-sensitive position. So you will somete the opponent and disguise sarcasm.

Example 1: Colleague says you have prepared an ugly presentation.

Answer: "Perhaps you're right. The next time I will not ask for help from your five-year-old son. "

Example 2: Unchanged man Causes you.

Answer: "Thank you, it is very valuable information. You opened my eyes to my shortcomings. Will be thinking about dinner. "

3. Accept

In some cases, analyze the words that seem offensive to you really stands. Especially if they come from close and respected people. In this case, perceive their replicas not as an insult, but as criticism that can make you better.

We will not know about the motives of people, find out what exactly forced them to use sharp expressions. Perhaps this is a stormy reaction to your far from angelic behavior.

4. Reply to the intention, not on words

Any insult always has a hidden goal. Make a secret explicit: mark it.

For example, in response to rude words, tell me: "Wow! Between us happened something really serious, since you decided to hurt me. "

So, on the one hand, you will be able to knock out the opponent from the rut, and on the other - to find out the reason for his negative attitude.

5. Save calm

If the insult does not come from close man, and from a colleague, acquaintance or even a stranger, never show that you are treated. Most likely, the insecurity lies behind them, dissatisfaction with their own life and the desire to just recoup on you. Do not allow the trick to work, react calmly and with a smile.

If necessary, continue to bend your line: ask what exactly caused a person with such a reaction, not paying attention to his words.

6. ignore

Often the best answer is his absence. If we are talking about Internet trolls, you can simply not respond to their comments or send Hamov. Well, "In Offline" you can always miss an insult by ears or leave. You have full right.

An example from ancient Roman history ... Once B. public Banya Someone hit the Katon policy. When the offender came apologized, Caton replied: "I do not remember the blow."

This phrase can be interpreted as: "You are so insignificant that I not only do not care about your apologies, but did not even notice the insult."

7. Use the law

You can attract an offender to justice or at least treat it to him. The punishment for insult is spelled out in the Code of Administrative Offenses, but the slander is already in the field of criminal law. In case of insults from the head, you can contact the personnel department.

The main thing - remember: no one has the right to encroach on your honor, dignity and reputation. But you must answer people in the same way. Otherwise, any recommendations are meaningless.

84 523 0 Hello! In this article we will tell about how to answer an insult. When we hear negative statements in your address, insults, the first work is included by a protective reaction, I want to snap and answer the "reciprocity" offender. Usually, it is designed. The one who insults is trying to bring another person from emotional equilibrium. How to react to react to keep feeling own dignity? Is it possible to remain calm when you want to humiliate?

Insult is usually applied with words in oral or writing. And it can also be expressed in action (spit, blow, indecent gesture, etc.).

At the insult include:

  • coarseness;
  • rudeness;
  • unreasonable criticism;
  • piercing, sarcasm;
  • application physical strength against the will of another person.

What feelings we test when we are insulting

  • Offense
  • Anger
  • Disturbance
  • Hatred
  • Sadness, despondency
  • Despair
  • DOSADE
  • Fear
  • Guilt
  • Confusion
  • Contempt.

A whole set of negative feelings. Each of us visits one of them or several times when we hear insults to their address. And these feelings more determine what our answer will be in this situation. Therefore, their awareness is important in order to learn how to react to any attacks of others, addressed to us.

Why people insult others, rude

  1. Dissatisfaction with your own life. When a person is unhappy, dissatisfied with his own personality, achievements, his surroundings, etc., he flies his anger on others. They do not even always realize why they insult others (both close people and others).
  2. Features of temperament, strong excitability. Often, people may insult someone or make an offensive effect on another person in an enlightenment of anger, when they no longer control their emotions. So often happens in a situation of a quarrel. When the emotions calm down, and the mind returns, many regretted about what has been said or deed and asked for forgiveness.
  3. Arrogance. There are people who are unreasonably considering that some of them surrounding them in status. Respectful and friendly communication - not their cone.
  4. Self-assertion at the expense of others. Humiliating others, some feel stronger. Although it is only self-deception. For such self-affirmation, as a rule, there is an insecurity and a complex of inferiority.
  5. Lack of culture and upbringing. If the rules of politeness and tolerance were not vaccinated in childhood, then adult life It may pour out rudeness and disrespectful to other people. And the children who grew most of them on the street were subjected to adverse environmental influence and used to communicate unfriendly.
  6. Insult to Provocation. To this method are resorted when they want to withdraw a person from themselves to put it not in best light Before others, drop his reputation. And all this usually happens in front of eyewitnesses.

Analyzing the causes of rudeness, we understand that almost always there is an insecurity of themselves, many complexes and hidden discontent with themselves. Such people do not deserve anything but pity. After all, they are deeply unhappy. But unfortunately, when we sharply face rudeness and insults, we cannot immediately realize this and remain calm. Most often we react with some familiar way for us, not always effective.

Unsuccessful ways to answer rudeness and insults

  1. Insult in the answer . This is one of the most common reactions to rudeness, rudeness. Of course, such a reception is sometimes justified, and it even happens that you can get the winner from the situation. But still it is impossible to know about what moment your offender will stop and will stop at all. Perhaps its resources will be enough for a long time, and yours are already on the outcome. So is it worth risking? Moreover, most likely, there will be an unpleasant aftertaste because all sorts of nasty were forced.
  2. Jumping, subordination of the will offender . Never admit as an answer to frank rudeness and insult phrase in style: "Yes, I agree with you, this is my drawback," "I'm sorry that forcing you to be nervous with my behavior," "I don't like it in myself," "Well, I will be corrected" And so on. So you completely lose your face and agree to the addiction on who attacks you. It is better to silend for some time. Although with a delay, but a more decent answer will definitely be found.
  3. Application of physical strength . Some are so touched up the words or actions of others that they are ready to solve the issue of fists. But here, you know, and before the police not far.
  4. Try to persuade, appeal to the human mind. For rudeness, rudeness always stand some emotions. First you need them to calm down, and only then logic will return and constructive thinking. Therefore, it is useless to immediately try to "form" the attacker.

If these methods are unsuccessful because:

  • We require a lot of energy from us, we are emotionally hard at the moments of confrontation of Hama.
  • We are unhappy with themselves, since they could not adequately answer insult.
  • Situation of rudeness for a long time Does not give us peace, we plunge into stress.
  • there is desire Revenge offend, we feel hate to it.
  • There is no feeling of internal debugging indicating that we have come out of the situation with the winner.
  • Over time, it begins to seem that everything around Hamyat and self-affirmation due to us.

Do not forget that with any interaction with someone more influence on the interlocutor, it does not have what we say, but how we do it and how do you look. When our face is covered with paint from rage, the whole body is intense, the voice at the limit of its volume - the offender feels a personal victory, checking out that he brought us out of himself. Or when we clic down in themselves, we lower the look, something quietly mumble and felt that I am about to write - Ham again jershi, which managed to suppress us with his head.

3 principles contributing to the successful confrontation of rudeness and insults

  1. Respect and love yourself. The surrounding feel your attitude towards yourself. Just those who are dissatisfied with their own person, attract rude attacks and insults. And when we are in Lada, we understand and accept yourself, then we are much more difficult to "drop", to bring out.

Self-esteem and love for themselves create an invisible, but tangible protection from rudeness and rudeness.We advise you to read :.

  1. Believe in your strength, they have them. His set to successful overcoming conflict situations and internal confidence You attract to yourself positive energy And strengthen personal resources. You will notice that even externally become an impressive and bolder.
  2. Allow yourself to be. After all, you know how much. You have Those who make you smile. And around a lot pleasant momentswho should be rejected. It is important to realize that happiness in our hands and we must take it.

Happiness is a process, and not some kind of distant goal.

It's three whales of your inner harmony And success in relations with others.

How to answer rudeness

Task number 1 - follow your behavior at the time of "hitting" and learn at least externally demonstrate self-confidence and imperturbability when it happens.

  1. Ignore rudeness, silent. Quite often, this can be discouraged by the opponent. After all, he counts on the fact that you outrage, you will be nervous, join the dispute with him. And if this does not happen, then its further deposits are meaningless, and the offender can quickly calm down. In addition, you will save your emotions and health. We advise you to read:

    Do not think that look weak at this moment. Feel your own inner power And superiority, and it will feel others.

  2. Verbalization of feelings. Roughness is usually conjugate with the experience of various negative emotions. Most often it is manifested without control of the mind. It is important to sound these emotions.
    - a) To direct the offender to the awareness of his feelings, you can say to him: "Are you upset?" or "I understand that it outraged you".
    - b) report its feelings: "I'm unpleasant when you say so". It is important to use "I-statement".

Typically, this method allows to reduce the head of the Grubian and slow down his offensive expressions.

  1. Ask a Question. If the situation has not yet come out of control, and the person allowed himself a little rudeness, you can ask a question: "Why are you talking to me?" or "Why do you behave like this?" This tactic is effective only in relation to loved ones and friends.
  2. Collect all your inner strength and answer without words using external signals, for example, with the help of strong view In the eyes of the interlocutor for a few seconds.
  3. If the situation allows you to simply stop communicating with the jubian.Sample phrase: "I am unpleasant to me, and I have forced to this moment Stop it! " Tell me decisively and leave or put the phone if the conversation was conducted by phone. Often, the offender cools after such words, apologizes and asks to continue the conversation.

How to react to insults

The above responses listed above will also be appropriate in situations when you are insulting. We serve several more options for effective answers.

  1. Test pity for the offender. As we already found out, those who insult others are unhappy people who are dissatisfied in the first place. If the interlocutor negatively speaks to your address, mentally compelling him and feel how aggression and anger in relation to it are reduced. After all, why annoy it when he is so miserable and unhappy? Do not even want to spend your precious energy on this person.
  2. We connect fantasy. In order for the image of the offender is even more pitiful, use the reception of visualization. At the moment when he erupts his insults, imagine it in some ridiculous form (clown, liliput, cockroach, bedbug, in a funny headdress, etc.) You can also mentally blow up the opponent with a glass wall: you see it, but everything What he says can not penetrate your side.
  3. Can reply to insults beautiful. For example, thank for your attention to your person: "Thank you for the interest manifested for me.". Or if you hear insults from a familiar person, you can answer him with a smile: "I am also crazy about you!" or "Your statements will not prevent me from love!"
  4. Cut the offender to respond to your words. Ask for examples confirming criticism to your address. You can say to him: "What exactly does this manifest themselves?" Or "Prove that I ..."
  5. You can answer Opponent smart words . Interrupted the endless stream of insults often help clarifying questions. For example: "What do you want from me?", "Can you suggest something?" Usually these phrases are confused.
  6. Humor also B. this case can play you in favor. Ability to witness always answer good weapon protection.
    Examples: "But from now on, I will ask more in more detail, please", "Listen, how do you get so quickly to invent nasty? Or did you cook all night? "," Here, really, very hot - you already have a brain boiled! "
  7. Call for conscience. You can openly ask the source: "How would you answer if you were so insulted?" It discourselves it, and turn thoughts into a constructive channel.

All the answers must be quiet and confident. You can do it both seriously and with a smile (depending on the situation and the type of reaction). Try to look straight into the eyes of the opponent. This is an indicator of your courage.

How to react to rudeness - examples of phrases

If you distinguish between rudeness, insults, rudeness, then the latter most often comes from strangers, unfamiliar or not particularly significant for us. Therefore, you should always have such a mood: everything that is pronounced by those with whom we do not associate any relationship, should not bring us out of themselves.

Feel pity for khama or present it in funny sight, as in previous cases, is also effective techniques for cooping with one's own negative emotions At the time of psychological attack.

The main rule - in no case goes to the level of Ham and do not use methods in response.

  1. Ignoring It will be suitable in this case, it is impossible better. You can not look at the offender at all (it is an empty place). Mentally imagine yourself, for example, a stone or mighty oak, the resistance of which is impossible to break.
  2. Do not take everything on your own account. After all, quite often it turns out that you just got under " higher hand"(Or rather, under the" hot "language) Hama. And he, in turn, is angry with the whole world and his life, in particular. But anger expresses an unquilized way. It remains only to regret this unfortunate Hama and sympathize with Him.
  3. Reduce the importance of what has been said.For example: "Do you really think that I wonder your opinion?" or "Probably very valuable remark, but I will Purple!"
  4. Smile. The smile will strengthen your internal resources and will cause a perplexity at Ham.
  5. It will be appropriate reply funny and sarcasm. This will allow to discharge the situation and will give you the opportunity to become the master of the situation. "Probably, you are very old! Congratulations!" or "The public is delighted! Do you work for it? "
  6. Direct question: "You are a hurt me. Want to hurt me or do you have another goal? "
  7. You can force offenders to think about: "Carefully in expressions. It is said that everything said can return to you in a double size ".
  8. Cheeky answer. For example: "You are unoriginal, next time come up with something better.".
  9. Rate the offender: "Rudeness you are not to the face", "I hope that rudeness is only your mask, and in fact you are better."
  10. Release with the world:"Do not worry, and happiness will come to you. Smaller negative - and everything will work out! ".

It is important not only to prepare for the situations of rudeness and be able to correctly respond to rudeness and insults, but in general, pay attention to your approach to life and if necessary to change it. Be positive in everything and do not expect from the life of the surrounding "pinks". Appreciate and love yourself, and other people will relate to you also. Do not take everything very close to your heart, because it is one. Better let him beat in full strength, Rejoice life and breathe full of breasts!

How to react to insult

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