You don’t want any mother to experience this: doctors hid the death of a child from the mother, continuing to take breast milk (video). “Anorexia is, of course, very cool for tearful television programs”
The famous pediatrician, TV presenter, author of numerous popular science works Yevgeny Komarovsky spoke in an interview with Anews.com about the feasibility of children's fitness, the nuances of a child's eating behavior, strengthening immunity, and also about how to distinguish a good pediatrician from a bad one.
“If the doctor emphasized that without him you are now lost, then something is wrong here”
What should immediately alert parents when meeting a new pediatrician? In what cases is it necessary to sound the alarm, pick up the child and go to another specialist?
First of all, you must understand: the task pediatrician to help you and solve your problems. If, following the meeting, you have much more problems than before, if you heard “horror stories” from the doctor, if a phrase like “it only seems to you that everything is fine, but in fact everything is bad for you” was uttered, if the doctor emphasized that without him you are now lost, then something is wrong here. The doctor should not demonstrate his interest in you, should not scold other specialists, should not send you to a strictly defined laboratory or to a strictly defined pharmacy. The doctor, after all, should be smiling and friendly.
All of the above are general human recommendations. But if you are engaged in your education, if you treat parenthood adequately and responsibly, if you understand that in the current situation in our country, dad and mom cannot blindly trust vital decisions regarding the health of their child to other people, if you read and If you are familiar with the elementary foundations of medical knowledge, then certain diagnoses and certain names of medicines will already tell you that it is time to look for another doctor. Well, for example, you are treated for dysbacteriosis, “raise immunity”, they advise you not to walk, it is recommended from two months Apple juice, prescribe interferons, treat the usual ARVI with a bunch of expectorant drugs and antiviral agents, recommend drugs "for appetite", "for the liver" and so on. I understand that with this answer I will most likely upset a huge number of readers, because they have to solve the most difficult task - to discover an extremely rare, almost non-existent phenomenon. The main thing is to draw two conclusions from all this: that, firstly, the problems of domestic pediatrics are not at all connected with specific pediatricians, and, secondly, that in the current situation, parents are simply obliged to engage in self-education.
“Adult women consider themselves big experts in childcare”
Are there any topics on which parents are embarrassed to talk with a pediatrician, prefer to remain silent, to solve the problem on their own?
Of course have. Most often, we are faced with the fact that all adults, especially adult women of the older generation, consider themselves major experts in the upbringing/care of children. The opinion of the pediatrician, voiced by the mother, often does not coincide with the opinion of the grandmother, and the situation when the mother ignores the doctor's prescriptions and is guided by the recommendations of the grandmother is very common. As a rule, they do not discuss and even hide from the doctor the real family problems that affect the health of the child. Here is a typical example: you are so-and-so, you cannot help our baby with bronchial asthma, but at the same time, dad who smokes in the house is taken out of the discussion. Very often, the recommendations of a doctor simply cannot be fulfilled, since there are no housing or material conditions for their implementation, but even these problems are not always discussed. Oh, and one more all the time. actual problem: Parents are often embarrassed to ask clarifying questions. As a result, there is a misunderstanding of the rules for treating a child, errors with dosage and medication, unnecessary parental initiative.
“If a child predicts an inadequate reaction from adults, he will hide the disease to the last”
Is it common for children to hide the disease, not to tell their parents about the health problems that have arisen? What could be the reason for this?
When problems arise, cubs instinctively turn to adult members of the pack for help. Given this instinct, it can be said that it is completely unusual for children to hide the disease. Well, if a child predicts taking into account his previous experience inadequate reaction of adults to his appeal for help, if he reasonably assumes that the reaction to his complaints will be cries, prohibitions and restrictions, so it is clear that he will hide the disease to the last. In general, the direct answer to the question of what could be the reason for this is as follows: almost always - the lack of mutual understanding between adults and children, the inadequate reaction of adults to children's complaints. Although sometimes there are such circumstances when no one is to blame: tomorrow they went fishing with dad, and in the morning the child woke up, his stomach hurts ... Well, how to tell dad about it, if you know for sure that after that the fishing will fail, and we dreamed about it two months…
“In kindergarten, an explosive mixture is obtained, which forms the mores of our adult society”
If a child does not go to a nursery/kindergarten, but instead stays at home with his grandmother, he will subsequently have problems communicating with peers. This is true?
I would not say this so categorically, but I think that the likelihood of such problems will indeed increase many times over. We all have to communicate with a huge number of people during our lives, and a lot depends on the art of this communication: personal life, academic success, professional realization. Not surprisingly, the standard recommendation is to teach the art of communicating with others from the very beginning. early childhood. Another question is whether in kindergartens much attention is paid to teaching children to communicate and build relationships with each other in a human way. As a rule, toddlers bring to kindergarten those relationship and conflict resolution skills that they have mastered by observing adult members of their family. In kindergarten, they exchange these skills, and in the future it turns out dangerous mix, which, in fact, forms the mores of our adult society.
Being in a team from an early age helps to strengthen the immune system, because in the garden or nursery the child will inevitably get sick colds. This is true?
Throughout life, a person necessarily encounters a certain number of viruses and develops immunity to them. You can meet with viruses at school, or earlier - in kindergarten. It is clear that having met them in kindergarten and having been ill, we will actually strengthen the child's immunity, but not immunity in general, but immunity in relation to very specific diseases. In general, it should be noted that numerous "kindergarten" diseases can have an extremely negative impact on immunity - everything here is determined both by the tactics of treatment and the conditions in which the child is in kindergarten. If each viral infection- this is an excuse to shove a dozen unnecessary medicines into a child, if restriction is practiced in kindergarten physical activity kids, if they are forced to eat here, if they walk a little, if the rooms are hot and dry, then it is clear that such treatment and such a kindergarten will certainly not strengthen the immune system.
Summary: We all need to think hard about how we can benefit from kindergarten. I mean, first of all, the health benefits of the child. Well, this requires actions in two directions: firstly, teaching parents the mandatory rules for helping children with acute respiratory viral infections and, secondly, public control over the observance by personnel of preschool institutions of obvious and mandatory sanitary and hygienic requirements.
“Anorexia is, of course, very cool for tearful television programs”
- Anorexia in childhood Is it a myth, a rarity or a real threat?
For a practicing pediatrician, the topic of anorexia is extremely unimportant. This is, of course, very cool to discuss in in social networks, for tearful television programs, for gossip on the bench, but in real life eating disorders reach the level of anorexia quite rarely, and these problems lie, as a rule, in the plane of psychiatry and do not concern ordinary pediatricians. I may be wrong, but out of the half a million letters I have received over the past 20 years, there have only been two (!) on the subject of anorexia. And in both cases, it was about teenage girls who were harassed by classmates.
- How can parents track the most early stages that their child has an eating disorder?
Violation of conduct is a violation of generally accepted norms and rules. In a situation where food addictions and the child's eating habits begin to surprise parents - the choice of products, the amount of food eaten, the time spent on this eating - a calm and adequate analysis of the reasons why this happens is needed. But the most important thing is that it is desirable, with the help of a doctor, to get an answer to a key question: whether the child's eating habits, which parents consider as an eating disorder, can actually lead to health problems now or potentially contribute to the fact that they will come up in the future. It should be recognized that very often certain eating habits are considered by parents as an eating disorder. In fact, they are not. For example, a child refuses the first course, or he has no appetite in the morning during breakfast, or he does not like the taste of buckwheat porridge ... Another issue is that parents should be aware of standard techniques to optimize eating behavior, make it convenient for everyone family members.
Well, for example, the child refuses breakfast. What to do? The answer is obvious - reduce the volume and calorie content of food eaten the night before, increase physical exercise. In other words, you need to change your lifestyle so that your appetite appears in the morning. After all, it is so convenient for everyone when a child has a hearty breakfast and has the opportunity in the morning to study quietly or play with other children without thinking about food.
In general, I sincerely would like to wish parents to independently seek answers to the questions of what is really good and what is really bad in the child's eating behavior. And besides this - to have the opportunity to discuss nutritional problems with an attentive, friendly and non-poor pediatrician.
"Never praise for an empty plate"
If a child eats too much, constantly requires supplementation, and parents have fears that he may gain overweight Is it appropriate to put him on a diet? In general, the diet and the child are compatible?
First you need to find the answer to the key question: the child eats a lot because he needs such an amount of proteins, fats, carbohydrates and energy, or he eats a lot because he just likes the taste of food, that is, food for him is not a vital need, but a way to get pleasure. And the second (we have already talked about this) must be understood: “eating too much” is a problem with the health of the child or with the psyche of the mother.
In any case, if he eats a lot and if there is a tendency to set excess weight, then the primary task is not a diet, but an increase in energy costs. First of all, avoid overheating and increase physical activity, engage in sports, housework, etc.
Diet? Yes, it's possible. Dramatically reduce the amount of sweets, reduce the fat content of foods and the calorie content of dishes. At least make sure that the spoon does not stand in the soup, but floats. It is also very important to follow the technique of eating food. Yes, yes, it’s exactly how it happens: do everything so that you don’t rush, so that you chew well, so that there is a pause between the first and second. Never praise for an empty plate.
“School physical education is a tick on the conscience of the state”
Today, the so-called children's fitness is gaining great popularity. Some parents see it as an alternative to school PE and just as a way to protect their child from obesity. How safe and justified is it to take a child to such classes? At what age can a child really need additional physical activity in the gym?
The lifestyle of modern children is such that they need additional physical activity without exception, so any methods are good to tear the child away from gadgets and TV. Where there is no urban infrastructure that allows you to actively run, jump and spend energy, where there are no bike paths and sports / playgrounds, then children's fitness will be a good way out of the situation.
School physical education is a check mark on the conscience of the state, which allegedly introduces children to sports, but all this has nothing to do with real energy consumption, with real sports. Fitness and any other sports activities after school definitely cannot be considered as an alternative to school physical education. It's much more efficient and more useful. I would sincerely wish all parents to have the opportunity to schoolwork introduce children to physical activity with the help of trained specialists in prepared premises.
Once again I draw your attention: modern children, especially urban ones, have motor activity many times less than prescribed by nature, than it should be from the point of view of their physiological needs. Therefore, it is impossible to name the age when additional physical activity is useful for a child, he always needs it and will not be superfluous at any age.
“Most schools are to a very small extent adapted to educate children harmoniously”
Today, parents are increasingly trying to send their child to school as early as possible, not even at 6, but already at 5 years old. What do you think of it?
This is a very simple question, since neither the age of the child nor the wishes of the parents are decisive for the answer to it. The main thing is the school. If the school created adequate conditions for classes, recreation, sports, walks, if the children feel good there and nothing negatively affects their health, then go to school at least from the age of three. But, to my great regret, the vast majority of modern schools throughout the territory of the former Soviet Union are to a very small extent adapted to teaching children harmoniously, without negative impact on their health. Based on this, I do not welcome the early start of education, since I categorically do not accept the situation that has developed in our education system, when child health spent in exchange for gaining knowledge.
For my professional activity You have given dozens of interviews. Surely there are questions that are sure to sound in almost every conversation with journalists. What questions are you most tired of?
There are three questions: How did you become a doctor? How to increase immunity? Do you vaccinate your children/grandchildren? And thank you so much that at least in this interview we avoided these topics.
Capable but lazy child
Imagine, at the age of three, he himself, learned all the letters by cubes. Knew all colors. Poems could read an hour in a row without stopping. All my friends were surprised. Once you read it to him, he will already remember half of it. And favorite books so "read". If I tried to cut somewhere, he immediately said: "No, not like that!" - and corrected as needed. I sometimes even wondered why he even needed me to read them if he knew everything by heart.
When we went to school to enter, everyone warned us: in order to enter this school, you need blat or money. And we just came for testing. I prepared him, of course, and he went to the school preparation group. But this, I'll tell you honestly, was a so-so group. Everything that happened there, he already knew. He was bored there in the classroom, and the teacher said: “Yes, Valera knows everything, but I can’t ask him alone all the time.” He went there only to play with the guys... So, we came for testing. He went through the written tour with a bang and there were the same difficult questions on the oral one, but the teacher who accepted only shook her head: "What a capable child! What a developed one!"
Have you come to me to find out how best to develop a gifted child? - I decided to intervene in the monologue, because the situation was not too clear for me. What to listen to? What to pay attention to? - But your strong school probably has a psychologist. He will be able to give you more qualified, pedagogically oriented advice. Or is there something else? Does Valera have health problems?
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! - Mom earnestly tapped her knuckles on the arm of the chair. - With our health
everything is fine.
"Then what brings you to me?"
He doesn't want to study! Can you imagine?! With his powers! The teacher said: "Either your Valera
takes over, or look for another school."
- But maybe you are exaggerating your son's abilities, and it is really difficult for him to study in this, most likely complicated and enhanced program. Preschool geeks don't always turn into
into good students...
No, doctor, you believe me! He was an excellent student in the first two classes. And it's not hard to learn! If he somehow worked, then this program would be for him - ugh! And he is like that in everything! Last year we went to a music school. They entered the competition, again without any cronyism. It seems like he wanted to. For the first three months, the teacher could not boast. And six months later, he quit. I won't go, that's all. You see, I have a feeling that he is not developing, but degrading. I used to read a lot, now I don't read much at all. All day long he can watch TV or play on the computer. But there were also karate, volleyball, even ballroom dancing... Dropped everything.
- But why? How does Valera explain his refusal?
- Doesn't explain anything! Tired of everything! My father and I went to all sorts of explanations and teachings - nothing helps.
- Probably, I need to meet with Valera himself. What grade is he in now?
- Finishes sixth.
Valera turned out to be a pretty, sociable boy, with delicate features and graceful movements. He willingly talked about school and family, easily, almost imperceptibly making fun of himself and the people around him. About each he said something good, something funny and always mentioned some of the shortcomings. For example, about the class teacher, he said that she is an honored teacher, she teaches a very interesting elective for high school students, she can’t stand it at all when she is objected to, and in class she repeats all the time: “You need to think with your head,” as if people can think in some other way. any place.
When I asked Valera how he explains the situation that has developed in his school, the boy laughed coquettishly and said:
- That's the way I am. "Able, but lazy" - so our teacher says.
- What do you think about this?
- I don't know.
- But you will have to change schools, part with friends ...
- I don’t know, maybe it will manage somehow ... I’ll pull myself up ...
What about the circles you started and quit? What's this?
- Well, at first I was interested everywhere, and then at every lesson - the same thing, the same thing. Boring!
- What's interesting?
- Well, it's interesting to walk, - Valera brightens up. - Fighters on TV are interesting to watch. Play on the computer. It is also interesting to go somewhere, to travel. I love excursions. We often have them at school. Go to museums. Encyclopedias are very interesting. And much more!
It seems to be a paradoxical situation. The boy is clearly gifted by nature. Quite decent conditions in the family and learning conditions (this is confirmed by both my mother and Valera himself). He's interested in a lot of things. And his studies at school do not add up and stable cognitive interests are not formed. Why?
Why can children learn but don't want to?
Strange as it may sound for people over thirty, today's children often do not want to learn for a very simple reason: they do not know what it is for. There is a very good children's anecdote. A boy comes to his mother and says:
Mom, say "fun".
- Why is this? - Feeling some kind of catch, the mother asks suspiciously.
- Well, you just say: "fun".
- What does that even mean?
- Yes, you do not ask anything, you just say: "fun!"
- Yes, I will not say any nonsense!
- You will not? So don't make me then English language learn!
Our children are not the same as we were. This is a banal truth, but in everyday life it is often forgotten. Our children
more different from us than we were from our parents. They live in another country, under a different social system. Arguments that somehow affected us often simply do not reach them. Fifteen-twenty years ago, the vague concept of some kind of "duty" (either to the country, or to future generations, or it is not at all clear to whom) was, nevertheless, a completely effective reality. The father said to his son:
- You think he doesn't want to study. Must and all! Here I am, you think I want to get up every day at half past five
and go to the factory? However, I am going. Because it should. And you have to study.
And behind this generally paradoxical statement for both the father and the son, there was some kind of reality. The son, observing the life of his father and the people around him, vaguely understood what was at stake and, at least, did not discard the father's explanation, as they say, "from the threshold."
For today's children, the announcement that they must learn is an empty phrase. Quite doubtful are the statements that, only by studying, you can get a good job in life. Our children are not stupid at all and every day they see people who, if they learned something well, obviously did not do it at school. Nevertheless, these people are perfectly (often much better than their pro-education parents) "arranged" in life. In addition, children, especially those under the age of 14, are generally not very capable of predictive thinking. Thinking today about what will happen to them in five or six years, and even somehow subordinating today's actions to this is an overwhelming work for their minds.
So what to do? The only way out is to show children every day, at every opportunity, that knowledge and education make a person's life more interesting, more fulfilling, and expand the boundaries of the world accessible to him. Accessible not in terms of "take and eat", but in terms of "understand". And this understanding (and, ultimately, management) can bring no less, and often more satisfaction than direct possession. Need to explain to available to the child examples. Now few children want to become astronauts, but many dream of a business. Most of them have absolutely no idea what it is. Explain to them. Be able to prove that business is, first of all, a correct understanding of the situation and the actions of people, and secondly, managing all this in the interests of the business. Let them know that there is a special science that deals with all this, and by the time they grow up, no business without the application of this science will simply be impossible, just as it is impossible to fly into space without using the achievements of mathematics and physics.
Another reason why quite capable and even gifted children often do not study is a lack of interest in learning. They are simply not interested, and none of your beliefs and threats will help here. The only way out in this case (if the child is really gifted) is to find a school or program that is quite adequate to the child's abilities. Interest in learning will return - academic performance will return.
Sometimes children's academic performance suffers because of conflicts at school. In the middle grades (5-8) this is especially common. The child claims to be a leader, but does not have the strength or ability to lead others. The child is caught between two "groups", cannot determine his position, conflicts with both sides and, of course, always loses. A new, not very sociable student came to the class where the relationship had already developed. He has no friends, during breaks he stands alone at the wall, not daring to take part in the noisy games of his classmates, does not respond to clumsy "prompts", attempts to involve him in communication. Gradually, such a child becomes a scapegoat and, as a result, cannot study well, does not want to go to school.
These and many other situations are united by one thing - the child's inability to establish adequate relationships with peers, a violation of his social functioning. Violation of progress here is secondary, it comes from the fact that the child lives in constant tension and gradually becomes neurotic. In this case, it is necessary to analyze the causes of conflicts between the child and classmates, and contact a specialist for individual or group psychotherapy. As in other cases, here it is necessary to find a resource that you can rely on when restoring broken communications (for example, a child communicates well with peers in the country), and provide the child with all possible support in the family. Disrupted relationships at school are always predominantly a misfortune, not the fault of the child. Therefore, parents should mainly think about how to help him, and not about what he can be blamed for.
Sometimes the reason for studying below the capabilities or even failure is the unformed cognitive interests of the child. Such children, as a rule, grow up in single-parent or socially disadvantaged families, left to their own devices from an early age. The abilities of such a child can be quite high, but the area of his interests is very narrow, lies within the yard or quarter, where he communicates with the same as him, "children of the street", of course, without enriching himself in any way from them and without enriching them in any way, apart from practical survival skills. Sometimes these children produce very pleasant impression their independence and intelligence, but their future, as a rule, is not drawn in rosy colors. Despite quite satisfactory abilities in elementary school, they, as a rule, are listed as "lagging behind."
They might get lucky in high school. This will happen if on their way they meet a talented teacher who will be able to convey to such a child his love and his interest in any subject, thereby awakening the "dormant" capabilities of the child's brain. It is not at all necessary that the child's life will subsequently be connected with chemistry or botany, but the brain has already begun to work, and the process of forming cognitive interests has begun, food for which can be found almost everywhere. We all heard, and read more about such cases. Unfortunately, they are extremely rare in real life. The author was lucky to observe only two such episodes.
Reading and non-reading children
It's no secret that today more and more children grow up without picking up a book. Their literary experience in this case is limited to comics, more or less random magazines, and subsequently to half-hearted attempts to master the works. school curriculum in an abbreviated form. How to deal with this state of affairs and is it necessary to deal with it at all? - this is the question that parents often ask in one connection or another. Let's try to figure it out.
What is the reason why children today read less on average than their peers 15-20 years ago? It can be assumed that several reasons are responsible for this, including a change in the characteristics of the information flow, a general acceleration in the pace of life, a change in social values, and a changed attitude towards the book in general. Let's start with the last one - watching the colorful collapses of half-naked girls and space monsters (namely, this is how our children see books for the first time), no normal person it would not occur to me to utter some phrase that was quite banal for previous generations, such as "I owe all the best in myself to the book" or "Love the book - the source of knowledge", or even "The book is sacred." Far from everyone reaches the high library halls and dusty tomes, and any child of absolutely any age has seen a lot of book collapses.
Further. An increasing amount of information, especially information relevant to youth and mass culture in general, comes today through audio-video products, television, as well as through a computer and computer networks. This is an objective reality, and there is nothing you can do about it.
The general acceleration of the pace of life and, perhaps, even some aspects of thinking lies in the fact that a child from childhood gets used to a certain specific amount of information and events per unit of screen or book time. This number, according to modern cartoons and video clips, very large. Most adults are simply not able to follow these endless "slaps", chases, shudders and falls, which modern cartoon characters are subjected to with resilient constancy. Children make it easy. Accustomed to such a "density of information", our children, of course, have difficulty reading, for example, English or Russian novels of the nineteenth century, where the speed of the existence of events and images is fundamentally different from the latest clip of the Nogu Svelo group or the modern production of the Disney film studio. In order for them to do this, however, special techniques are needed, which we will discuss below.
And finally, today a child or teenager who spends most of his life reading fiction or non-fiction is often perceived by other children as an almost comical character. Even if this is not the case, then peers, in any case, have (often justified) doubts about the adaptability of such a child, that is, youth public opinion gradually moves away from the "high-browed" in the direction of the sociable "his guys and girls." Thus, we are again, already in the next generation, "catching up with America."
Summarize. Children read little, and this seems to be normal. But suppose we have a fairly cultured, reading family that is righteously and a little snobbishly trembling under the modern dominance of mass culture, and that would like by all means to ensure that their children read books. What should such parents do? First of all, decide. What would you like to see in the hands of your children? Modern crime-love-fantasy fiction? You don't even have to stress too much here. From early childhood, buy your child comics about ninja turtles and the adventures of Barbie dolls. Later, buy a couple of literary expositions of your child’s favorite TV series, read and discuss with your family the latest detective story by Alexandra Marinina or the latest fantasy novel by Nick Perumov. Sooner or later, the child will also join you. If you still didn't join, don't be discouraged, he didn't lose much. Besides, it's not evening yet. Everything will be fine.
Do you want your child to "carry Belinsky and Gogol from the market", to be read by Pushkin, Moliere and Dostoevsky? Here is where you have to work hard. For starters, you have to forget about comics and magazines with stickers. Read aloud to a small child the children's "classics", accustoming him to folk tales that are strange to an adult ear (try African ones - you yourself will get a huge impression), and to the sluggish descriptions of Bianchi, and to the dryish politicization of Rodari, and to Nosov's obvious socialist rhetoric. Don't forget the didactics of Leo Tolstoy and Konstantin Ushinsky.
Starting from the age of five or six, move on to historical stories for children ("The Adventures of a Primitive Boy", "Sheets of a Stone Book"), stories about animals and sentimental stories (Lydia Charskaya, "Little Lord Fauntleroy", "Without a Family", etc.). d.). Even when the child learns to read on his own, do not stop reading aloud to him., because, of course, he freely reads the primer or reader for the second grade, but he himself has not yet mastered large, interesting books. You can read in turns, you can arrange family readings. But somewhere from the age of eight you show cunning.
The trick is that the reading ends at the most interesting and dramatic place, you have an urgent matter, and the book remains lying on the corner of the table. It is unlikely that the experiment will take place with the first or even fifth book. But someday such a moment will come that the child will get tired of "waiting for favors from nature" and will take them himself. Then your task is to carefully and persistently slip books to the child. God forbid you follow the path of direct recommendations. Books should appear unobtrusively in your home. They can be brought from the library and simply "creep out" of the cabinets. For starters, it must be exactly the genre to which the child's "first" book belonged. A historical tale of primitive people? Please! Here's another one for you. "The Wizard of Oz"? Here's a sequel for you! And so on.
Gradually expand the palette of genres. If your child is accustomed from childhood to perceive an unadapted, highly artistic text by ear, then his possibilities are already very wide in the third or fourth grades. The author knows children who, at the age of nine, enjoyed reading the most boring " lord of the rings", Jules Verne and "A Seagull named Jonathan Livingston." And remember: a child who "learned to read" in the sense described above, no cartoons and computer games are a hindrance. He already knows how to perceive a system of images from a printed sheet this book, and other systems of images do not obscure, but only complement his world. Sometimes, growing up, such children stop reading books that their parents like and move on to modern literature. There is nothing wrong with this. You have done everything you could, and your children will return to Pushkin, Shakespeare and Dostoevsky at the next stages of age development.
TV, video and computer. Benefit or harm?
Many children are very fond of watching TV or videos. Many children can sit for a long time at game consoles, begging from their parents or bartering with friends for more and more new cartridges. Happy owners of "real" computers (which, we note, is becoming more and more) have even greater opportunities for pastime, including work, education or entertainment on the Internet. How to treat it? To hold on and not let go, or, on the contrary, to let events unfold in their own way, referring to the fact that each generation has its own songs?
First you need to consider what kind of child we are dealing with. How old is he, five or fifteen? What is his temperament? How is his health (first of all, we are interested in the state of vision and the nervous system)? Having answered all these questions for themselves, parents develop for themselves an individually acceptable strategy for dealing with the "miracles of the twentieth century" and, if possible, strictly adhere to it.
This situation is probably unacceptable: today you are in a fighting mood and, raising the interests of the child to the shield, half an hour after the start of classes, drive him away from the TV or computer, urging him to play, read a book or help you with the housework. And tomorrow a friend came to you, and so that the child does not interfere with your highly intelligent conversation, you yourself send him to the same (very harmful yesterday!) Screen and do not remember him for three hours. This is a mistake that affects not so much the health of the child, but the process of education as a whole. Next time you're doing your harm monologue computer games or continuous watching TV, the child simply will not believe you.
And now for some tips that you might find helpful parents who began to develop this most "wonderful" strategy.
Council the first. Limit the time your child spends in front of the TV and computer screen. The following periods are considered reasonably safe.
For a child 3-5 years. TV or video - 3 times a day for 20 minutes. Computer - 1 time up to 30 minutes.
For a child 5-7 years. TV or video - 3 times a day for 30-40 minutes. Computer - 2 times a day for 20-30 minutes.
For a child 7-10 years old. TV or video recorder - no more than two hours a day with obligatory breaks. Computer - no more than one and a half hours a day, with obligatory breaks after every 20 minutes of learning or playing.
For a child over 10 years old. TV or VCR - no more than three hours a day with obligatory breaks after every hour. Computer - no more than two hours daily, with obligatory breaks every half an hour.
Tip two. Do not neglect the well-known safety rules. You can watch a modern color TV from a distance of at least one and a half meters. For older TVs, this distance should not be less than two meters. If your computer does not have a very modern monitor, be sure to purchase an additional protective screen. In watching television programs and working on a computer every 30-40 minutes (for young children every 20 minutes), you must definitely take breaks.
Tip three. If the child suffers or has other neurological disorders, it is necessary to significantly limit the viewing of "horror stories", bloody action movies and programs that are overly exciting to the child. If you have an idea to "train" the nervous system of a healthy, but overly shy and cautious child, then start with something easier and while watching, be near the child all the time (so that he can touch or cuddle you at any time to you). If the child has a serious, especially progressive, visual impairment, then the time indicated in the first tip should be reduced by 1.5-2 times. If a child wears glasses, then he must wear glasses to watch TV and work at a computer.
Council the fourth. Don't forget that the "miracles of the twentieth century" is not only entertainment, but also a powerful tool for teaching and educating a child. That is why it is advisable (if, of course, funds allow) to have at home not game console to the TV, and a real computer (slightly outdated, but quite suitable for educational purposes, models are quite cheap today), not just a TV, but a VCR. Modern video and computer programs can help a child learn a foreign language, typing and design, learn how to work with reference books, get to know the world of animals and world history in a huge amount, satisfy his cognitive interest in almost any branch of knowledge and find yourself new friends. All this is especially important for children who are not sociable, inactive, often sick, and, of course, can be a real salvation for disabled children.
Bad advice. What should be done to instill hatred for school and aversion to knowledge in a child?
So, what needs to be done in order to confidently and surely instill in a child a persistent hatred of school and an equally persistent aversion to the process of acquiring knowledge?
Bad advice #1. Tell your child more often that he must learn in any case, despite all the feelings that he has about this. Constantly give examples of people who hated school all their school life, and then achieved great success thanks to the knowledge gained there.
Bad advice #2. Pick a child around your son's (or daughter's) age who is doing better in school and who your child already has a strong dislike for (this could be a neighbor, a classmate, or your friend's daughter). Tell your child regularly and in detail about the successes of this character, about how she (he) studies well, studies in art (music, mathematics, astronomy or culinary) school, helps her mother around the house, respects her elders, plays with her little brother, etc. etc. In response to your child's attempts to silence you, confidently pronounce some capacious, sarcastic phrase, such as: "Here! The truth hurts your eyes!"
Bad advice #3. Tell your child more often about his shortcomings, mentioning his virtues as rarely as possible. Don't be limited common definitions such as "lazy", "scoundrel", "brainless", "handless". If the child has bad memory, insufficiently developed attention or bad with abstract thinking, do not forget to mention this. It is also necessary to tell the child more often that all these qualities will remain with him forever, since he "absolutely does not work on himself", "is too lazy to tear his ass off the couch", etc.
Bad advice #4. Be sure to tell your child that no one will ever be friends with someone like him (stupid, poorly educated, non-reader, physically weak, cowardly, etc. - see Tip Three). If the child objects to you in the spirit that Katya and Vasya are already friends with him, raise your eyebrows contemptuously and exclaim pathetically: “Is this friendship?! Here in our time ...” There is no need to finish the phrase so that the ideal picture of friendship in “your time" the child could complete it himself. Although it is necessary to mention that in your time, classmates who fell ill were always brought home lessons (for some reason, this is not accepted among today's children). Let the child who has to learn lessons by phone realize inferiority own relations with classmates.
Bad advice #6. Tell your child often and with taste what a terrible fate awaits him if he does not study well. Be sure to mention criminal "sixes", prostitutes, alcoholics, sellers from stalls and "oakhead" security guards. Try to tell him that Boris Yeltsin, Boris Nemtsov and Boris Berezovsky studied well at school. Often cite your parents as an example, that is, yourself. If you've succeeded in life, it's only because you've been staring a teacher in the mouth for ten years. If you or your spouse consider yourself a loser, then explain to your child that if you studied at school a little better, you would have become astronauts or bankers long ago (depending on your passions and ideals). And you can (for harmony) like this: dad is an astronaut, and mom is a banker. Honestly, your child will get real pleasure.
How can teachers and specialists "help" in this matter?
The main role in developing aversion to school and knowledge undoubtedly belongs to the family, but at the same time it cannot be denied that teachers and specialists can provide significant "help" to parents.
For example, teachers can often and reasonably inform a child that he is a useless and, most importantly, absolutely hopeless student, from whom nothing worthwhile will ever come out. In addition, the colorless personalities of teachers and completely uninteresting and boring lessons help a lot in "our business". Although this, of course, is not absolute, because in any school there are two or three good teachers lessons that truly develop and educate children. Much more "useful" may be the "bad reputation" that a child has at school, let's say, because of his excessive mobility. Then the child turns out to be "extreme" in any collective prank and, even having nature easy and good-natured character, gradually becomes embittered against the school and the teaching staff as a whole. The reputation of a "mattress" and a "brake" also helps a lot. Two or three phrases said by the teacher in time (a real example: "And now we will wait with the whole class until it comes to Vasya"), and the child's unwillingness to go to school reaches truly astronomical proportions.
The "help" of specialists here can manifest itself in two ways. Firstly, a specialist (mainly a neuropathologist) can help parents convince the child that he (the child) is seriously ill and the school in all its beauty and cruelty is simply contraindicated for him (the child). Oriented in this way, the child will have the most severe headaches or attacks of gastritis in the morning before going to school, indomitable vomiting before the control, at school he will feel dizzy, heart ache and pressure jump.
The author has known the girl Masha for three years already, who has an official diagnosis of "vegetative-vascular dystonia", regularly faints on the threshold of school and does not attend school for four or five months a year on the basis of certificates that she regularly "removes" from a neurologist, convincing him that at home she feels much better. At home and at school, the "sick" Masha is spared, but three summer months she works obliquely in her aunt's garden in Krasnodar in 30-degree heat, without experiencing any difficulties from her "diagnosis". Masha is overweight, hates physical education and is terrified of elevators, hooligans and control. No psychotherapy affects Mashenka, since it is much more convenient for her to remain "sick" than to become healthy. She is going to enter medical school this year. I wonder how she will study there?
Psychologists can also contribute to the process, for example, in the presence of a child, announcing their unfavorable conclusion about his mental or emotional development. School psychologists sometimes conduct a procedure in the classroom called sociometry (during which leaders, accepted and rejected students are identified), and then discuss the results of this study with the teaching staff or, even worse, with the class studied. This is absolutely ethically unacceptable. The results of school sociometry are a working tool for a psychologist, on the basis of which he plans his further work. No more.
Sometimes a psychologist may say something quite ethically neutral in the presence of a child, for example: "Maybe you should look for a more adequate program for teaching your son?" Most kids will ignore this, but some with self-esteem traits will decide:
1) I am hopelessly stupid, and they want to send me to a school for the mentally retarded;
2) I am very talented, this school is too bad for me. I deserve better.
Therefore, it is better for parents to listen to any, even the most neutral conclusions of a psychologist in the absence of a child. If the psychologist "forgot" about it, remind him. If the psychologist finds it necessary to communicate something to the child himself, he will do it separately, in specially selected expressions.
Back to Valery...
Valera could never complain that he was not told how good he was. The adults around him admired the boy's abilities a lot and often. But no one said about one simple truth to Valera: ability in itself is no more a virtue in a man than tall stature, blue eyes, or curly hair.
absurd in terms of formal logic, but, unfortunately, true from the point of view practical psychology thing: a person's abilities are not his resource. Moreover, sometimes very pronounced abilities even interfere with him. And we are not talking about geniuses estranged from all vain things here. In the author's practice, there was a case when a ten-year-old boy had a phenomenally developed visual and auditory memory. He literally memorized what he read and heard at once. Naturally, in his studies, he used to rely on memory. This helped him very well in elementary school, but when subject education began, difficulties began. Perfectly memorizing everything, in the literal sense without difficulty learning by heart, our little phenomenon never learned to think, analyze, isolate the main thing from what was read. A lot had to be caught up, a lot (from what was simply memorized) to be re-learned until the boy’s performance stabilized at a level that suited him and his parents (you yourself understand that both the “phenomenon” itself and his parents were accustomed to success from an early age).
So, a person's resource is not abilities in themselves, but only something achieved or formed on the basis of these abilities. For example, the ability to listen to others, developed by a person on the basis of an innate phlegmatic temperament. Or the ability to sing beautifully, achieved on the basis of an innately strong voice. Or the ability of a physically strong child to play football well, developed in a sports school or in yard football battles.
Valery undoubtedly had the abilities that in pedagogical and psychological language are called general giftedness. Why haven't they turned into a resource? Yes, because the adults surrounding a gifted child have formed in him a false idea that abilities are a value in themselves, that he himself does not need to do anything, and all the good things in his life will happen by themselves. The greatest value in the life of a small child is love, praise and encouragement from significant adults. Valery from the very early age had all this in abundance, without spending absolutely no effort on it. Naturally, he got used to this state of affairs and did not want to change his position when the situation around him began to change. After all, he remained the same - a capable, sweet child. Previously, everyone admired him, why now they demand something from him?
For quite a long period, we talked about all this with Valery's mother. She often argued with me:
- And what, it would be better if we did not praise him ?! But after all, children should be praised - you yourself say, and it is written in all books ... But is he really a cute child - contact, developed, smart? Don't you agree with me?
- Of course, children should be praised. But not because they are brunettes or redheads! And Valera was too often praised for the fact that he thinks quickly, remembers well, and easily catches a pattern. He was praised for his innate "general giftedness", which, if one does not adhere to the Hindu views of reincarnation, has absolutely no personal merit. In the end, it's even embarrassing. Indeed, in the structure of his personality, there are undoubtedly genuine resources, for example, his same contact, curiosity, love for visiting museums ... Tell me, did anyone praise Valera for her curiosity?
For curiosity? Mom thought. - I do not know. I do not remember.
- Is Valery really lazy?
- No, what are you! He is mobile, groovy, not at all lazy ...
- And where did this definition come from, which he himself so willingly repeats?
- Well, you see, it was necessary to somehow explain that he is so capable, but he studies worse and worse ... Well,
teachers have such ... such ... they say that about many children ...
- And Valera is used to believing what they say about him ... - I picked it up. - Although you, and he himself knows that laziness is not at all about him ...
- Yes, yes, he is generally very gullible!
- That's what we're going to work on...
Then I worked with Valera himself. For some (short) time he was like a group, where he immediately got along with all the guys. No problems in group work were shown by Valerina. His stay there was only necessary so that he could get feedback from the guys. Everything happened just as I planned. Everyone liked the mobile, developed Valera, and, seeing him off, the group told the boy that it was interesting to talk with him, that he was not harmful and easily agrees so as not to argue and swear, that he not only easily performs some exercises, but also tries, to make it look nice, that some of the things he talks about (for example, talking about visiting museums) make other children think about such phenomena and problems that they had not thought about before. All this, as you already understood, was Valera's real resource.
It was with the discussion of the opinion of the group that we began individual work with Valera. We made a list of its pros and cons. We singled out among the advantages those that are a resource (when Valera understood what was the matter, he really liked this word, and then he willingly operated on it). Among the shortcomings, we identified those that can be worked with, and those that are not very amenable to volitional control (for example, Valera had a slight degree of myopia). They found out for certain that Valera does not have a shortcoming called "laziness" and, therefore, the teacher's definition of his school failures will have to be revised.
High level Valera's intellect (dignity, but not a resource!) and his curiosity, directed in our case at his own personality (a resource, and what a resource!) together determined the very high effectiveness of psychotherapy. In a fairly short period of time (about four months), Valera managed to completely rebuild his ideas about himself and how exactly to achieve success and recognition. And Valera needed success and recognition like air. The boy did not hide this from himself or from others, and it was precisely this honesty that allowed him, at the peak of his problems, to protect himself from hysterical neurosis.
After three months, my mother began to notice that Valera's school affairs went smoothly. The teachers said that the boy brings additional literature to the lessons, talks a lot and interestingly on the topic of the lesson or close to it. Tries to get attention non-standard approach to the topic, revealing its unexpected side, some kind of associative material (we talked a lot and in detail with Valera about all these strategies during the sessions, worked out examples). Fortunately, Valera really studies at a good school, in which the teachers were able to understand the "creativity" of Valery's approach and, noticing the return of interest in learning, at first did not require meticulous observance of the "letter of the law" from him. Gradually, however, the requirements became more stringent. The educational process included not only what was interesting for Valera, but also what was boring and even disgusting to him.
This is not my resource, - Valera argues authoritatively, sitting in a chair in my office. - All these neatnesses, underlining with different features, or when you need to count the same examples in twenty pieces. This is Petya Korolkov's resource and Masha Galkina. They have notebooks printed on a computer. I still can't keep up with them. But I can figure out how to solve the problem in three ways, and tell them. One way for me, one for Petya and one for Mashka. And Olga Vasilievna would never guess. And then I’ll roll up Petya’s answers from examples (I myself will always make one or two mistakes), and Masha will emphasize everything to me with her pencils. I still sit with her. And by the way, other boys and girls share desks, fight, hit each other on the head with backpacks, and Masha and I have mutually beneficial cooperation. Is it a resource?
- Resource, resource! - I laugh and, unable to stand it, I add: - Well, you are a beetle, Valerka! Capable but lazy!
In the Zhytomyr Regional Children's Hospital, the death of a baby was hidden from the mother and continued to take breast milk.
22-year-old Anna Avramenko with her son Mikhail was admitted to the Zhytomyr Regional Children's Hospital on December 13. According to the girl, they were sent there from the Emilchinsk regional hospital, because they suspected jaundice in the baby and found a rapid heartbeat, reports
“Immediately we went there and we were put in the pathology department with jaundice. The first day, just the child was lying and he was treated for jaundice. Neither the ultrasound of the heart, nor the cardiologist, no one gave us any attention on this matter. On December 14, we already went for an ultrasound of the heart, the Uzendist cardiologist said that no congenital heart pathology was found in the child. We were diagnosed with tachycardia.
Then, I agreed to have an X-ray taken. We did an X-ray, a cardiogram, all these procedures. I was called by a cardiologist, he says: we will put your child under supervision in intensive care, the child at that time was in a state of moderate severity. They say: we will wait a little so that the state of the child's heart stabilizes and then you will switch to pills. They transferred the child to the intensive care unit after lunch, here the doctor calls me to the intensive care unit, says: the child has pneumonia, where did you get pneumonia from the child? That is why this tachycardia began in the child.
We went to buy medicines for this pneumonia, and before that we bought all the medicines that we needed in order to cure the child's heart. They began to treat him for pneumonia, and for tachycardia, and for everything. They didn't let me into the emergency room. They let him in only to feed him, I breastfed. I expressed milk, brought it, fed him at 3:00, fed him at 6:00. The child's condition, I was told, had stabilized, and the attack of tachycardia was removed.
I came at nine o'clock in the evening, the last time I saw him, I fed him, because after nine they said they were not allowed into intensive care. I came and played with him. At about ten o'clock I went, the child was in a stable condition, I was, I saw the child's pulse, because he was connected to the device. The heart was normal, the nurse told me: don't worry, everything will be fine.
At 12 midnight, she handed over more milk to the dairy kitchen, because they were not allowed into the intensive care unit. And at 3:00 they said: children food they will give him. I went to bed, at six o'clock in the morning I came to give the child food, but they don't call me to the child's ward, they don't let me go anywhere. They called me to the doctor's office. I say: good morning and he says: he is not good for you. Your child's heart has stopped. How is it if at 12:00 I gave him milk, and no one told me that my child was gone. To explain why my child's heart stopped, I heard: we don't know. It’s just that your child’s heart stopped,” says the mother of the deceased child, Anna Avramenko.
A heartbroken mother shows a photo of her child that she took an hour before her son's death. He says he still cannot understand how this could happen.
“I sang to him, I rocked him, he fell asleep, I crossed him and left. If I had known, I would not have left him, ”recalls Anna.
In the hospital, they justify themselves, they did everything possible to cure and save the baby.
“The baby was 24 days old. The child's heart was weakened, this may be accompanied by pneumonia. According to the examinations of the radiographs, focal pneumonia in the child was indeed described. A child may have several pathologies together: jaundice, pneumonia and heart disease. Now we already know what it was congenital pathology- hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, which may be accompanied, in this case it was accompanied by an attack of paroxysmal tachycardia and it can lead to sudden death", - said the pediatrician of the Zhytomyr Regional Children's Hospital Olga Zakharchuk.
“At night they don’t warn, they don’t call their parents. AT working time, from eight o’clock in the morning, usually during the daytime, at night they don’t call my mother,” says pediatrician Olga Zakharchuk.
Relatives suggest doctors did not report the death of the child immediately in order to have time to hide real reasons of death. Therefore, suspecting physicians of improper performance of their duties, the mother of the deceased child and contacted the police.
“Just, I want to know: what, why, why, how? Even if there was a pathology of the heart, what was not discovered? Why didn't anyone tell me? No one told the relatives that the child was dead, no one. What did they do in the evening and until the morning? I can't understand it. I want to demand that they explain to me the cause of death, for which my child was treated. And pneumonia, which was not? At autopsy, the potalagoanatomist said: there is no pneumonia. Why was my child treated for pneumonia and how was he treated?” Anna Avramenko said.
To date, the police have already opened criminal proceedings on the case and are investigating.
And with paternity, he is unlikely to be able to cope better than his own father. This is the only example known to him. And you wouldn't want a father like that for any child. And he will be an even worse husband. Yes, but at least his father had land, and he could raise a family on it. And he doesn't even have that.
Despite the whirlwind of such gloomy thoughts, Pace knew that he must protect Dora by at least giving her his own name. After all, now she will not find other contenders for her hand, especially when she gives birth, bastard. This alone is enough to destroy all dreams and hopes for a good, kind marriage. Of course, marriage will not improve her situation much, but if you are lucky and he suddenly dies or is killed, then she will become a respectable widow. Or maybe after the birth of the child, Pace will disappear from her life, and Dora, one way or another, will again be able to consider herself a widow.
Yes, this is probably a very reasonable decision. Pace jumped to his feet and, interrupting his mother's complaints in the middle, headed for the door.
Dora was in the chicken coop. She had already washed her hands and put on one of her damned aprons. The woman had an egg basket in her hand, but so far she had only found two. For the first time since his arrival, Pace felt something like relief. If she throws at him miscellaneous items, then there is nothing heavy at hand.
“There is a preacher in the city court who will marry us without asking any questions. Can you get there?
Then she looked at him. Her beautiful blue eyes looked serious and stern. Pace wanted to sneak away like a schoolboy caught with gum in his mouth, but he still managed to keep up appearances. Of course, he would have preferred to propose outside the chicken coop, but having decided what to do, Pace felt an impatient desire to get it over with as soon as possible. He didn't know much about how babies were born, but it looks like this one could be born any minute.
“You don't have to make such sacrifices,” Dora said dryly, “everyone thinks it's David's child.
He had no idea that she would refuse him. Pace looked at Dora in confusion. And she serenely began to look for eggs, as if the conversation was over. Reason gradually gave way to anger.
“But my child. And I have a right to it.
Dora looked at him, as if surprised that he was still there. To her credit, she only replied:
But I don't dispute your rights.
"Then you'll let me name the child," he decided contentedly.
Straightening up, Dora shrugged.
But you can call it whatever you want. Pace gritted his teeth in rage.
- Legal. I want it to bear my name on legal grounds. And that means we should get married.
Dora looked at him again in amazement, as if she were looking at some kind of strange animal.
- You're talking nonsense. You don't want me to be your wife. Josie is a widow, and it's better for everyone if you marry her and settle down here. The house and household need a man's hand.
Pace slammed his fist on the wooden wall. The frail chicken coop shuddered, and the hens, clucking and flapping their wings, tossed about on the floor. Dora reassured them and went to the door with a strange expression of awkwardness and fear on her face, which he had never seen before.
Insulted, Pace grabbed Dora's arm and dragged her out of the chicken coop into the sunlight.
“Damn Josie. To hell with this damned earth. This is my child and I claim it by right. If you can't drive, I'll bring the priest here. Just get yourself ready and be ready. I don't want the baby to be born a bastard.
At last she seemed to believe in the seriousness of his words. Dora stopped struggling, but, looking straight into his face, outwardly remained cold and wary.
“You can't want this,” she said, “there is no place for me in your future. I am not fit to be the wife of a politician. I doubt that I will make a suitable wife for a lawyer. You live in a different world. But you can recognize the child as yours if it means so much to you. I never wanted to hide it from you. You can adopt him like Papa John did to me. There is no need to marry me and ruin your career.
He wanted unbearably to cry. Pace glanced up at the gray clouds running across the sky, struggling to hold back the bitter, burning tears of despair that had come from nowhere. Trying to overcome the coldness that came over him from her words, he looked at Dora again, trying to hide the painful consciousness that even his guardian angel had abandoned him.
He let go of Dora's hand and pulled the disgusting hood from her head. Flaxen curls shone in the sunlight. Clinging to straws, Pace took a deep breath and said without any expression:
“I don't have any career. Voters would rather hang a Fed supporter than admit him to important office. And I do not think that this situation will change soon. I can sit down at the table, fix wills and transactions, but those around me are unlikely to forgive me for my political views. We will probably starve on my beggarly salary. You'd better stay with Josie and my mother until I find a place for myself somewhere far away. And it will be easier for me if in these difficult circumstances you will bear my name. You are not to blame for anything. I don't want you to be scorned because of me. You have as much right to bear the name Nicholls as Josie and my mother.
Pace could feel her searching him with her unearthly gaze. Sometimes before it seemed to him that God himself was looking at him with these eyes, and therefore Pace was nervous and uncomfortable, which, however, is understandable. He understood that Dora could grasp with his mind all sides of the matter, even what he was not able to see. Let him look, this is the look of justice itself. He sees what is in reality and what is unusual for a person to see. Yes, he thinks irrationally now, but Dora has never disappointed him.
Dora wrinkled her brow slightly, as if she were looking for something to say to what he had just said and why. Pace could almost see with her own eyes how she believed that he was not now trying to arouse pity for himself, that his explanation was based on the truth. She asked anxiously, “Where do you want to go?” This was not the question he was expecting. Shuddering in desperation and ruffling his already disheveled hair, Pace glanced nervously at Dora's big belly again before answering. He could have sworn he saw him flinch slightly, probably a baby moving, and Pace felt an inexplicable urge to touch the spot. He suppressed the urge, but the feeling of the need to act immediately only intensified. The child was preparing for the birth of this world, and Pace wanted to assert the rights of paternity. This was required by his honor. He refused to admit that he was possessed by suddenly awakened possessive instincts. They never belonged to him. Nothing and no one orders him. He wants to do what he thinks is fair and honest.
“Now it doesn't matter. The main thing is to get you to the priest, and as soon as possible. We can discuss details later. Will you make it through the trip?
Pace doubted that Dora herself weighed more than a hundred pounds. The child probably adds another twenty additional burdens. How can she carry such a load: But she looks like a weightless bird, ready to spread her wings, thinking about his question.
"I don't want to get married," she replied sharply. I don't want to become my husband's property.
Pace stared at Dora in confusion, he did not understand what she was talking about. She can give birth every minute. He literally saw the baby moving in her womb. What the hell does property have to do with all this? He would now throw her over his shoulder and rush to the priest if she did not stop talking nonsense. It's probably because of the pregnancy. Pace rummaged through his attorney's brain, desperately trying to come up with some reasonable arguments.
“You already belong to me,” he replied, just as sharply. "Do you think I'm going to let another man touch you now?" And as long as you're here, within reach, nothing will change. And you already promised you wouldn't take my baby away from me. Thus, if you do not leave him and leave, you will have to deal with me. You, Dora, are already my wife, as long as you don't bear my name. And any legal expressions will not be able to change anything between us.
He saw fear flash in her eyes, like that of a captive doe. But that one brief glimpse was enough to break his heart. Then her gaze showed cold agreement with the logic of his evidence. He closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief, suppressing his own doubts when she finally answered:
– I can go. We must take the wagon. There are no more horses for the carriage.
He cursed, and Dora recoiled with a start. Picking up the basket of eggs, she turned to leave when, as if apologetically, he grabbed her arm.
- Sorry. I've been in male society too long. My Knight can walk in a harness, and I will harness him now. Then you can take a stroller. She has, at least, springs. I don't want you to be shaken. She was surprised at how worried he was.
But I'm not an eggshell. And it's not easy to break me. Would you like me to iron your clothes before we leave?
“No, let the damned servants do it,” he said, and realized that there were no more servants left.
There was no more singing from the huts, no more laughter from the kitchen, no more calls from the upper windows for the horses lounging below. Now he understood why the tobacco plantation had not yet been plowed. Pace clenched his jaw, a dozen more questions burst from his lips, and shook his head, “I’ll find something suitable in my room, you too change and take off that apron.” A person marries, as a rule, once. We must commit about the proper way.
As if they had always done the right thing before, Pace thought as he helped Dora into the carriage. He finally calculated that she was already seven months pregnant. They will be married by an unfamiliar priest, in a strange church, there will be none of their relatives and friends. Yes, this is not the kind of wedding he once dreamed of, but under the circumstances there is not much to choose from.
Dora tucked her curls under her lace cap, removing the bonnet that completely concealed her hair. Pace reluctantly agreed with this innovation, especially since in the March wind the hair, if not covered, would be in disarray. She put on a clean dress, not as worn as the first, and he understood without words that she did not have the best. And besides, it is difficult for her to pick up something according to the figure. And why talk about it now. He searched his father's meager supply and came up with only a few dollars to spend on new clothes from nothing.
When he sat down beside him, Dora silently handed him Golden ring. He glanced at her impassive face and just as silently slipped the ring into the pocket of her coat. Pace never made a promise to marry anyone, but the ring almost implied a promise. Well, now he will do it. And he knows how to take care of her. How, though, he didn't know.
They didn't talk much along the way. Despite the clouds, the sun still managed to shine, although the wind was gusty and cold. Dora shivered in her cloak, and Pace cursed himself for not being able to protect her even from the weather. What Dora was thinking now, he did not want to know, and he was grateful to her for her silence. She would probably prefer to get married in her own Quaker church with its strange ritual. Pace already knew that the Quakers would not accept him into their community and would not recognize the marriage as valid, but Dora did not say a word about this. Only apologies came to his mind now, but they were useless now. Even if Dora herself wanted it, he put her to bed without thinking about the consequences. He was an experienced man. She didn't have any experience. Hell, she probably had no idea what happened in such cases. This whole affair is entirely on his conscience. Pace tried not to think about the humiliating shame she had endured all these months because of him, and she would have continued to endure if he, drunk, had not been loaded onto a train going to Kentucky. Now he understood what could be in her letter he had not read. No amount of apology can atone for his act. And he fully admitted his guilt. Now he will take responsibility for himself and partially correct the evil he has done.
On an ordinary, weekday, working day, there were only a few horses harnessed to wagons near the district court, and a village cart, half loaded with supplies, in front of the shop. Steam rose from the breath of the horses standing on the cobblestone pavement. Pace managed to put his gelding in front of the entrance. Dora clenched her hands nervously as she gazed up at the majestic brick building, but Pace ignored her excitement. He must fulfill his duty as it should, with observance of all formalities.
“I thought we were going to see the priest,” Dora whispered, moving away from him. “I've had enough of the priest.
He could not understand why such indecision came from, as before he did not understand why she was refusing him, and therefore he was not very accommodating and accommodating.
“It's just a formality, Dora. Of course, if you want, we can go to the priest first. But I want the marriage to be registered by the district judge.
"Can't you do it without me?"
He was so used to her "you" and "your" that he always noticed their absence. And she omitted such an appeal when she was very upset about something, without trying to hide it.
- Okay, let's go to the priest first. He will give us a document to sign, and I can come later and draw it up. So does it suit you?
Without looking at Pace, Dora nodded hastily. And he didn't have the time or patience to figure out this little secret, and he led her down the street to a residential area behind the square where the courthouse was located.
He was always aware of her burden, but Dora moved with a kind of cautious grace, unlike other women who, in her position, walk like ducks, waddling from foot to foot. By the time they reached the modest vicarage, he was already anxious to take some of her burden upon himself. And at the same time, Pace understood that in a couple of months he would really take this burden in his hands. And the thought horrified Pace.
The ceremony was performed in the tiny living room of the priest. His wife and daughter were witnesses. Slid into the gap between the heavy curtains Sunshine, which illuminated Dora's flaxen curls and made her even more transparent thin skin. More than ever before, she seemed to him an angel, if you do not look at her figure. The small breasts he once kissed had doubled in size, and he would have been curious to see her naked. And soon he will do it.
At the thought, he suddenly got pissed off. He has a wife who has been pregnant for seven months and obviously hates him. male dignity, and he is already thinking about how soon he will drag her to bed. Yes, he is a worse bastard.
Pace put the gold ring on Dora's finger, repeated the vows after the priest, not even hearing his own words, and bent down to touch the newlywed's dry lips with a quick kiss. There was clearly nothing solemn or sacred about the ceremony. He was not surprised when the priest gave him a certificate to sign, which was thoughtfully dated 1864 instead of 1865. He was happy to have a few dollars in his pockets. The priest, of course, counted on weighty gratitude.
Dora didn't notice the date discrepancy. Knowing her penchant for the truth, Pace offered a silent prayer of thanksgiving. His main concern was to legitimize the birth of the baby, but in the future they would appreciate the confirmation that they were married before the onset of pregnancy. Over the years, the truth will be forgotten.
He thanked the priest and carefully led Dora out of the house. They are married. She became his wife. Pace stared at her calm face in disbelief. He did not stay at home for a day, but was already chained in the chains of her husband and future father. Can you go even lower?
And then Dora, too, looked at him with her all-seeing eyes. Pace expected her condemnation, but she gifted him a slight smile and said:
“I thank you, Pace. I think I'll learn to love a person like you.
And he had a feeling as if she had knocked the ground out from under his feet.
Chapter 22
The end of her dominion with the wedding!
Freedom gives in exchange for a chain
And, creating from the slaves of the masters,
He creates traitors from the formerly faithful.
John Crown "The English Wandering Monk"
Dora did not understand why she said those words. Pace was unpleasantly surprised by them, and she wanted to take them back. But they are said, and so it must be if she wants to be honest. Dora did not give in to dangerous emotions very easily, but Pace had already given them free rein once. He can easily do the same again. However, they will try to get along. Her passionate feelings for Pace have nothing to do with marriage. Now the main thing is a sense of relief, because now she will share the burden that she previously carried alone.
Dora took Pace under his slightly twisted arm, and they walked back to the courthouse.
Few people know what is right. There are even fewer who do the right thing. And you are one of that noble minority.
His expression softened, he took her words as an expression of gratitude.
“I only did what anyone in my place should have done. I'm not exactly a scoundrel, Dora, and I'm sorry that you had to suffer because of my sinful behavior, but now it's over, and I would not like to talk about it anymore.
She smiled quickly and shyly.
“I didn’t know we were doing what made babies, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have gone for it. But I'm as guilty as you are.
“Damn it, Dora,” Pace snapped, “I told you I don't want to hear about it anymore. I already feel like the ultimate villain.
So he decided to punish himself. Well, let. Other thoughts plagued her, such as that they might meet the sheriff in court. She would have hated to let him know that she and Pace had just been married. What if, on this basis, the sheriff will protest his previous decision on real estate? And could it be that Pace didn't get her letter?
It was rather difficult for her to start a conversation on this topic. Pace fell into one of his gloomy thoughts and was hardly aware of her presence. They approached the carriage. He silently helped her sit up. She called out to him, but he waved him off and quickly climbed the steps into the building with the marriage certificate. Dora sat in the carriage, her hands clasped, whether from excitement, or about to pray, it is not clear.
When he returned, he looked no more gloomy than usual. Dora took it as good sign, but when Pace asked if she wanted to go to a restaurant, Dora shook her head. She wanted to get away from the courthouse as soon as possible before the inevitable happened.
She just wasn't used to lying. Dora was already looking for words in her mind to ask how things were going with the document, when Pace interrupted her flow of thoughts with a question:
Where are Josie and Amy?
- They were sick. And Josie decided to leave at once, as soon as Amy recovered a little, to endure the road. They will stay with Josie's parents for a few days.
Here Dora bit her lip, hoping to change the subject, but Pace, thinking of his own, continued to ask.
Why aren't the fields plowed? Are there no workers left?
Only Solly. He can't do everything. There are still a few women left in the huts, but they have small children and cannot plow.
Why not hire workers? Why didn't Josie do it?
Dora shrugged.
- Whom to hire? The president announced that the slaves were free. The state of Kentucky did not recognize this. The laws have not changed in your absence. A free Negro cannot live in Kentucky as a legal citizen. And in the whole state there is not a single white who would agree to do the work of Negroes. I would do it myself, but right now I can't. And if this situation continues, we will all starve.
Pace cursed under his breath.
“But then why doesn’t Josie sell the damned estate?” This would make it possible for a long time to live without need.
Dora looked at him questioningly.
“But the farm doesn't belong to Josie. Both Charlie and your father chose you as their heir.
She probably didn't make it very clear in the letter, but Pace was so taken aback by her words that she didn't have the heart to speak of the sheriff's decision and the document she signed.
- Me? They made me the owner? What the hell did they expect from me, what action? I have no idea about farming.
Dora was amused by his surprise, and she laughed:
But so does Josie. I think they both had a suspicion that she would sell the estate at the first opportunity.
Dora stopped laughing and took a closer look at Pace.
“I think they thought you were more likely than she to want to keep the property.
Well, then they were wrong. I don't know anything about farm work and I'm not going to learn.
After a minute he calmed down, sighed and said:
- Well, it seems to me that we need to hire a person who understands this. Both you and the rest need somewhere to live until I find a home for myself. And you need some income. I don't know if this property can be sold so as to hold out for a while.
“I have my own house,” Dora protested indignantly. “You don't need to worry about me.
He glanced quickly at her large belly.
- Of course not. After all, you will go to plow yourself, give birth in the bushes, and, having finished with childbirth, will again take up plowing. Don't be stupid, Dora. You are now my wife. And anyway, I have to watch over you.
"I don't want to be looked after," she replied, childishly capricious. “I'm tired of constant care. And for a change, I'd like to take care of myself. You can go your own way. So far, I've been doing just fine on my own.
“Oh yes, it is truly wonderful. You just admitted that you were too ignorant to know how babies are made. Damn it, there's a lot more in the world you don't know about, and I won't let you learn it the hard way. Someone has to take care of innocent creatures like you.
He was probably right, but Dora didn't like it. She paused and looked angrily ahead at the road. She hadn't quite realized yet that she was already married and that Pace was entitled to all those vague statements. And she will soon understand. Against all reasonable grounds, she bought a legal name for her child in exchange for the tyranny of marriage. And maybe she herself needs a master.
Finally, towards night, the sky was covered with clouds, it got colder and smelled of rain. Daisies were already blooming under the oaks, and blood-red buds were swelling on the Judas tree. The weather in Kentucky did not favor the messengers of spring.
Dora mumbled something unintelligible under her breath as she put on a heavy flannel nightgown. Glass rattled in the windows under a gust of north wind, and he walked in the bedroom, threatening to extinguish the candle. The little room next to Harriet's had no fireplace or stove. Dora already believed that the winter cold was over. Now, it turns out, again it is necessary to take cover with a heavy woolen blanket.
She tried not to think about what Pace was doing right now. He had a quick bite to eat and left for town as soon as they got back from the county court. And he didn't even bother to explain to his mother that now he and Dora legal spouses by giving it to his wife. The old woman took the news very complacently, although she probably forgot about it after two minutes. But one way or another, in this month of pregnancy, such news was perceived as a happy solution to all problems.
Pace returned earlier than she expected. He took the horse to the stable and cleaned it. Pace found Sulli there, and they're probably debating where to start. And she should not expect any changes in the once and for all routine just because today is their first with Pace the wedding night. Apparently, Pace only married her because of her belly. Although now she probably seems ugly to him.
Dora blew out the candle and crawled under the covers. She was still trembling. She hugged herself to warm herself as soon as possible, and for the first time in the whole day she wondered what it would be like to sleep in the same bed with her husband. How strange that word sounds. She didn't intend to get married. And I didn't feel like I was married. The piece of paper that legitimized her relationship with a man has not yet turned her life upside down. Once married, she took up the same daily routine. Pace might as well still be in the army, so little was his presence in the house noticeable. One could pretend that they were back in the old days, when she was in the house in the position of a guest, and he was a student and studied law.
Thoughts like that didn't make her rest any easier. The baby was pushing non-stop in her stomach, and Dora tried to find a more comfortable position. The bed creaked and the woman froze, hoping Harriet hadn't heard.
Natalya Efremova
Dear doctor, my child (3 years old) does not eat anything but milk and bakery products, does not try anything new at all, is suspicious of any products, while weight and height, character and health do not cause any worries. Tell me how you can make a child eat, while the advice of experienced people that you need to let him starve is unacceptable for me, this is not a puppy that I would not be able to leave hungry either! Let me know if there have been similar cases in your practice. I would be grateful for advice.
Hello! Such cases in the practice of any, just a lot. And first of all, under the circumstances, it is necessary to work with parents, not with children. Since it is the parents for whom it is easier to give a child a bite to eat bread with milk than to try to organize a full meal, they are to blame for the appearance of a reduced appetite. With such an attitude, all advice will simply sink into oblivion. You need to understand that young children are very smart, they quickly understand everything, quickly find weak spots parents, grandparents, and therefore you need to clearly set a goal for yourself and in no case deviate from it. Agree that no one persuades you to completely leave the child without food! Just wait until the baby asks you to eat and at this moment start offering the child soup, salad, you should not go on about the baby and immediately give a roll with milk after the first refusal. Be persistent. To persuade your baby to eat more varied foods, you can: Make the feeding process more like a game, for example, make a funny face or figurine from the food on the table. Learn by example: try the product and show your child how delicious it is; Your child will surely follow your lead. Give new foods little by little for a snack, so that even if one of them is not to your child's liking, he will have the opportunity to choose something else (although it is not always necessary to give children the opportunity to choose their favorite food). It is easier for the child to agree to try new food if the portion is small - in the end, if he likes it, you can always give supplements. If the baby refuses the product, be persistent and give it another day, mixing, for example, with a small amount child's favorite food. This process is long, but as a result, he will be grateful to you for it. If the child does not want to try any new food, you will have to come up with some new little tricks.
Consultation of a pediatrician on the topic “Dear doctor, my child is 3 years old does not eat anything but milk and chl ...” is given for reference purposes only. Based on the results of the consultation, please consult a doctor, including to identify possible contraindications.
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Safin Dinar Adhamovich - practicing pediatric surgeon, pediatrician. Graduated from the Russian State Medical University. Currently, she is undergoing clinical residency in pediatric surgery at the Children's City Hospital of St. Vladimir.