Medicine today 

Oilseed Parenting: How to Raise Strong Children. How to develop certain qualities in a child? How the royal daughters were brought up in the family

The main feature of any character is the ability or inability of a person to correlate the concept of "I must" with the concept of "I want."

We call people weak-willed when they cannot complete their plans, when they act on someone else's orders, when they do not have their own opinion on important life issues. Or they have this opinion, but cannot defend it in front of colleagues or close people. From such people "losers" grow, who become a burden for the family and the subject of constant ridicule among colleagues. Scientists-psychologists have proved that the foundations of behavior, success, the ability to achieve a set goal and, in this regard, building good career are laid in early childhood... How to correct the character of the child? What do we, parents, need to do for this?

First, to teach the child to achieve goal achieved, you must always purposefully teach him to bring any business to the end. If your toddler started playing with a construction set or puzzles, ask what he wants to build, design or fold. If he collects, for example, fridge magnets, ask him what he intends to do next with his collection. This gives the baby the opportunity to fantasize and make his first plans for the future. Give him time to play and carry out his own plans, and at the end, see if he has achieved the result.

If the child, without completing the previous game, takes on a new one, then you must explain to him that this cannot be done. And bring him back to the old game. He may need your help with this, because sometimes children quit the game when something does not work out. And then attentive parent will advise what and how to do to achieve the final result. But maybe not. Some children are very restless and often change their occupation. This is not the most best feature in the character of the child for successful advancement in life, and therefore, if you do not correct the temperament of your baby (this is almost unrealistic), then teach him to choose an activity that does not require long-term implementation and bring the matter to an end.

For example, when choosing puzzles for a calm and diligent child, feel free to buy large and rather complex paintings. He will have the patience to carry out such a task, reflect on the correctness of the decision and admire his result. And if the baby is very mobile, cannot sit still for more than 15-20 minutes, get him small pictures with plots of varying complexity so that in a short period of time he can see the final result of his work. The same advice can be given with the choice of Lego bricks. But of course, not only in the game is it necessary to develop the character of the child. If the child is guilty, and you deservedly punished him (deprived of some pleasure, watching your favorite TV series or film, excommunicated for a while from the computer), then you need to teach him to withstand the punishment, and not follow you on your heels and ask you to cancel it ... But you must also be persistent at this time and not succumb to his provocations in the form of whims or tantrums. This is also an integral part of the upbringing of a strong-willed character, both for boys and girls.

A special place in such education is given to labor orders... They do not have to be always light and pleasant for the child. So that your baby learns to understand the word "need", let him do different jobs: water the plants in the room or in the garden, pick berries or vegetables for dinner, pick mushrooms in the forest, weed a flower garden or a small garden bed. Sometimes it is worth giving your child difficult tasks, for which he will have to think a little, for example, arrange books on the shelves according to their genre or help dad fix something. Such tasks are aimed at developing the child's intelligence.

Not all of these works will appeal to the child, but their execution should always be accurate and complete. If the child did not finish the work and returned to the game, if he did the task in bad faith, you must calmly but persistently return him to work. The main thing is to make sure that the volume of work does not exceed it. physical capabilities... But if you see that the child is physically tired of the work done, and it is not yet completed, then agree that tomorrow, first of all, he will finish it, and only then he will play again. And adhere to this agreement strictly.

V adolescence it is possible to distribute a large amount of work over several days, with a predetermined result. And if the child has found a good and rational way to fulfill it ahead of schedule, or simply decided to do it by increasing the daily working time, be sure to encourage him, praise him for innovations. This will give him self-confidence, form positive features character of the child and will help to understand the benefits of a rational approach to work.

Help in hardening and educating the strong-willed character of the child playing sports and dancing. But one should not replace the other. That is, hobbies should not replace regular household chores or personal plot, helping dad in the garage with a car repair or participating in the yard cleanup. Only common complex of all educational activities will help to grow out of your child a truly strong-willed and purposeful person who knows how to deliver personal interests to the service common goals... And most importantly, achieve your goals in life!

When choosing a sport, consider not only the natural data and character of the child, but also his tastes and desires. Of course, a preschooler is not yet very well versed in the intricacies of sports disciplines, but he is already able to understand whether he likes hockey or diving.

2. Follow your lifestyle

Make sure that the young athlete has time not only to train and study, but also to rest, even to laze. If, after training, the student has to prepare for the test before midnight, it may be worth discussing with the child's teachers the possibility of flexible learning.

3. Choose your club and coach carefully

A good leader is one of the guarantors of success. The coach must be able to objectively assess the child's capabilities, create equal opportunities for a group of children, try to reveal the talent of each. By the way, both criticism and motivation are also the tasks of the coach, and parents should focus their efforts on creating a comfortable rear and providing psychological support.

4. Remember the joy

Of course, in sports there is more work than entertainment, but the pleasure of exercising is crucial aspect sports life... That is why, for example, in training for preschoolers more games than serious exercises, and the goal of the first competition is not competition and victory, but the opportunity to feel excitement, unity with the team, delight from success.

5. Set realistic goals

The constant demand for fast and high results without taking into account the individual pace can lead to the opposite effect - the child's loss of interest and faith in himself. And do not forget to praise even for seemingly insignificant achievements - the vast majority of children respond better to encouragement, and not to constant criticism and harsh pressure.


How to Raise a Champion? Natalia Bobrova, mother of figure skater Ekaterina Bobrova:

MOST IMPORTANT for a young athlete is self-discipline, and he cannot do without the support of his family. After all, you have to strictly observe the regime, learn to save time, cherish free minutes, correctly distributing forces and opportunities! The mother of an athlete child should be a psychologist, intuitively know when and how to support him. Everyone has both recessions and defeats, several times the daughter in her hearts even said: "I'm giving up!" But the coach once told them a wonderful phrase: “Children, you do not belong to yourself. You belong to the country. " And so it is. I want to say to my parents: yes, there will be hard times, you will have to live with the hopes and dreams of a child. But the biggest reward is to see how baby goes to the cherished goal, how he wins, and to hear: "Thank you for your children!"


Thanks to P&G and the Thank You Mom! for help in organizing the interview.


5 more important tips

6. Create a "development zone"

Discuss competitions together, read thematic books, watch films and videos, study sports theory and experience the life of famous athletes. All this broadens the horizons, and increases interest in the chosen field, and stimulates the desire to develop.

7. Support the child's decisions

Let him have the opportunity to try different disciplines. The rule of "don't quit in the middle" can play against you here: perhaps by insisting on continuing unloved activities, you deprive him of the chance to succeed in another sport. Be aware of the fact that the child may stop studying: after all, his task is to grow up happy, not to realize parental ambitions. And, even quitting training, he will not stop setting and achieving goals.

8. Don't focus on winning

Although competitions, standings and ratings are a significant part of an athlete's life, focusing strictly on winning is not the most successful strategy. There is a risk of earning an "excellent student's complex": overestimated requirements for oneself will keep the child in constant stress, and defeat will lead to the collapse of self-esteem. Let him know that any result is valuable - after all, it helps to identify weak sides and set new goals.

9. Teach worry and fear

Be there: Remind your child that anxiety and insecurity are legitimate feelings, that you love them regardless of the outcome. Relaxation techniques, such as alternating breathing rhythms, will help. You can also come up with a special ritual that only you will know about (say, a funny handshake). It is important to teach the child to be aware of his emotions, to call them: "I am upset", "I feel anxiety."

10. Help Deal with Failure

Mistakes and defeats are inevitable! But do not look for the reasons for the loss in external circumstances: strict refereeing, weather conditions. Let the athlete analyze the situation and mistakes, feel the desire to continue practicing.

We often name one, the most pronounced feature of behavior. But character is not one trait. This is a whole "bouquet" of properties that depend on the natural characteristics of the organism. Each property, depending on the upbringing and life examples, can become both a plus of character and a minus.

To build up upbringing correctly, it is important for parents to understand the characteristics and inclinations of the child. But how do you know what kind of character he got?

A solid, solid, persistent person. He does and feels everything intensely, as if with an additive. Not just wants something, but stubbornly achieves, "gets stuck" on experiences. Can endure for a long time and accumulate negative emotions, and then throw them out at once. Thoroughness makes him attentive and meticulous, he is disciplined, assertive and achieves a lot in life. At the same time, he is authoritarian and cares primarily about his own interests. This creates fertile ground for conflict, but also helps to break through in career and business.

Weak point of a tense character manifests itself when someone tries to infringe on the interests of such a person. Or he just thinks that his interests are at stake. No one will be able to take away a candy from a child with a tense character, an adult will not be forced to work an extra hour. He will fight for his own, resorting to even the most ugly methods.

How to raise a stressed child

Such a child is prone to mood swings, sometimes whiny, aggressive, stubborn. Little animal tormentors and tyrants from the sandbox, school aggressors who persecute a classmate - these are all children with an intensely explosive character. They often surround themselves with younger and weaker guys who are ruthlessly pushed around.

It is important to soften and align the manifestations of character in time, otherwise they will result in complex qualities: stubbornness, aggressiveness, egocentrism, ignorance of others. And the parents will suffer from this in the first place.

Encourage the hard work and perseverance of such a child, choose a business that will captivate him, and thus channel his inexhaustible energy and ingenuity in a positive direction. Help him achieve success and feel the importance in sports, in taking care of someone. Then he will not have the need to assert himself at the expense of others.

Instill in such a child empathy for others, teach him to be attentive, to help. This will balance his natural focus on his own benefit.


A person with an anxious mind reacts subtly to people and events, does not tolerate stress well and suffer every time a choice needs to be made. He even worries about minor reason, makes high demands on himself, and is constantly afraid not to justify them. It is difficult for him to communicate, but, unlike introverted people, he shares his experiences with loved ones, and in general, he is endowed with emotional warmth. Anxious people get tired quickly, therefore they are not very efficient at work. At the same time, they are intelligent, conscientious, responsive, gentle and responsible.

The weak point of the anxious- anything that makes him tense and creates stressful situations, requires excessive responsibility and hurts self-esteem.

How to raise an anxious child

About anxious children they say "at home". They are quiet, shy and obedient, they are afraid of many things: the darkness, someone else's environment, strangers... They are very attached to loved ones, worried about their health and life, sometimes driving themselves to panic. School is a constant source of stress for them. There is hyperresponsibility and permanent contacts with a lot of children and adults.

To feel safe anxious child rules and clear guidelines are needed. Don't set high expectations. He will not cope with them due to lack of energy, but he will gnaw himself, tormented by the thought that he has disappointed you.

Punishments and reproaches only hurt the self-esteem of such a child. He is obedient without complementary methods impact. If whims arise, it is only because the child is overworked, and adults do not take into account the peculiarities of his psychotype.

It is important for an anxious child to create a gentle regimen. But do not go too far so that, instead of caring, you do not nourish children's anxieties to the maximum. Provide him with warmth and support: listen to complaints, be calm about mistakes. Let's understand that he is dear to you beyond all conditions and achievements. And praise. Anxious child it is impossible to over-praise.

All people with a demonstrative character need is to constantly be in the spotlight, to receive praise and admiration. The central quality of a demonstrative personality is egocentrism. They are artistic, attractive, know how to fall in love with everyone, from nannies to kindergarten, to colleagues and fans. They have superbly developed imagination and imagination, but often - to the detriment of logic. They are the soul of any company; they bring animation and humor everywhere. They communicate a lot and willingly, but mainly on the topic of their merits.

The weak point of the demonstrative- criticism, loss of authority or high positions in the team. They can hardly stand refusals, lack of attention to themselves, and cannot stand loneliness. To avoid this, they skillfully manipulate the opinions of others. If this happens, they react violently and hysterically.

How to raise a demonstrative child

A demonstrative child needs spectators. And he will find them. If not at a kindergarten matinee, then during a tantrum in a store. Everything he does must be seen, appreciated, praised. Study is often neglected, not because of low intelligence, but because this is a job, and it does not bring honor. Often complains about unfair grades, misunderstanding teachers and classmates.

The main thing is not to make a family idol out of a bright gifted child. Eliminate over-praise. Give approval only when it is won through work and perseverance, and not just for natural data. Praise is a great tool for a demonstrative child. By earning it, he will develop exactly the qualities that you want to invest in him. Praise his altruistic impulses, caring for others, work on himself, and ignore all unwanted antics.

Do not give in to attempts to bargain, ignore demonstrative tantrums and threats. Set boundaries firmly and persistently.

A question from our reader Boris: More than once I heard the opinion of other people about myself, who said that I was weak-willed. Tell me how to cultivate a strong character? Now I understand that when I was growing up, there was no example of a person with strong character from whom one could learn. Is it possible to cultivate a strong character already as adults?

I’ll answer your question right away, Boris. Yes, strong character can be formed at any age, there would be a desire and understanding of how to do it. And now about everything in order.

Indeed, it is the character of a person that largely determines what his fate will be. In essence, character is a manifestation inner man, the imprint on the road of life of all his beliefs, principles, personal qualities, habits and external manifestations, everything that he managed to learn and form in his life.

What is a Strong Character?

A strong character- this is the ability to unswervingly follow the chosen beliefs, life principles and goals, ideally, the laws of honor. Stupid thoughtless stubbornness - has nothing to do with strength of character, but is just a manifestation of a person, his inflated ego and lack of awareness.

Strength of character- is determined by the strength of a person's convictions and principles, strength of spirit and willpower.

  • The power of beliefs and principles- this is a certain built attitude towards oneself, one's own destiny and towards the surrounding world. For a Samurai, for example, this is the Bushido code. For a Russian officer - the code of the Russian officer.
  • Strength of mind- this, Valor and other strong qualities that determine the triumph of the spirit (spiritual) over the body (over the material).
  • - the ability to patiently overcome internal resistance(laziness, weakness, desire or unwillingness) and external obstacles in achieving the goal.

More detailed about who he is The strong man – .

Respectively, Weakness Is the lack of clear life principles, strong convictions and lack of will. Which often involves cowardice, cowardice, dependence, the presence of other vices and weaknesses. Each weak-willed person has his own set of such weaknesses.

Weakness is often the result of spinelessness. About what spinelessness is -.

How to develop a strong character?

A strong character is brought up either from childhood, like knights were brought up, from the age of seven. Or life itself tempers a person's character, leading him through a series of difficulties, obstacles and trials. Or a strong character is formed by the person himself, working on himself every day, purposefully creating the necessary conditions for this.

But first, let's answer the question - how is it not possible to develop a strong character? It is not possible to cultivate a strong character:

  • without leaving your usual comfort zone
  • without overcoming your own inner weaknesses (laziness, fears, etc.), but indulging all your whims, desires and vices
  • only in thoughts and dreams also the strength of character cannot be brought up, without passing real tests in real life
  • without rhythmic training, without the formation of their will and discipline. The character is trained only by the regularity of the effort
  • without self-esteem and inner dignity. On pride and arrogance or in the role of insignificance, true character will not grow
  • without a struggle in life and overcoming any external obstacles. When everything is smooth and everything goes by itself - a strong character is not particularly needed
  • without significant motivation. A truly strong character develops only when there is a worthy meaningful goal.
  • on violence against oneself. Differentiate between violence and discipline

So, what you need to do to develop a strong character:

1. A strong character is formed by working on one's convictions, developing the strength of the Spirit and willpower. Read more and with instructions for action about this in the relevant articles:

2. The character is brought up not on paper and not in the mind, but in real life. Therefore, first of all, decide on your goals in life, the achievement of which will require you to have a strong character and powerful personal qualities.

3. Be sure to identify for yourself an activity that will require you to constantly overcome your weaknesses. For example, take up martial arts or some other sport.

4. One of the foundations of a strong character is a powerful invulnerable: self-confidence and feeling dignity. Instructions are here:

5. Living examples and images always help. Find an example for yourself - a historical person or a movie hero that you would like to be like a character. Visualize your goal. To get the most out of the necessary image - imbue yourself with impressions - watch the corresponding films about the strong and worthy people(about knights and warriors), read books with suitable heroes.

6. A strong character is, among other things, the ability to control oneself, tame one's passions, manage one's desires and emotions. Read more:

For each parent, their child is the best, kind, intelligent, beautiful and talented, from birth and throughout life. But this is a subjective opinion loving people... But so that they were the same about him good opinion and others, and not only in childhood and adolescence, but also in adults, socially active years, parents have to make a lot of efforts in the field of education and the formation of the character of their child.

If a child is long-awaited from the first days of his birth, it is impossible to restrain positive emotions and efforts to please the baby in everything. How not to spoil the child from the first minutes of his still unconscious life, so that he becomes the pride of his parents and a worthy member of society?

To begin with, one should establish unanimity in the family on the issue of upbringing, when, during a reprimand, a child for bad thing from one parent, the other will not immediately protect the baby. To do this, all household members should, from the first months of the child's life, jointly adopt a single line of his upbringing, determine the circle of forbidden actions for the baby and discuss adequate measures punishments for certain offenses. This model should always be adhered to, slightly adjusting it as the child grows up, but not significantly changing it.

There is no need to frighten the little offender, shout and get angry, it is quite enough calmly and correctly to show that the parents are unhappy and how he can correct the situation. But children should never doubt that their parents love them, that they have cozy home, loving family and a strong rear. The child should carry all his children's troubles and problems into the house, discuss with family members and choose correct solution together with them, without fear that they will not understand or listen to him.

The punishment for disobedience and violation of the established rules of conduct should be commensurate with the severity of the offense. In this case, the priority of values ​​is formed in the child, in which offending a person or an animal is a more serious crime than a broken cup or uncleaned toys.

The child's attitude to rudeness or lies is formed only personal example his family. If lying or swearing is bad, then all family members should behave accordingly, and not punish the child for swearing, while using profanity or semi-normative vocabulary.

In order for children to develop self-respect and confidence in the correct behavior, they should not insult and humiliate him, shout or beat him. It is necessary to demonstrate in every possible way respectful attitude and to him, and to his views and beliefs, if they, of course, do not harm others.

A tolerant attitude towards other people, their deeds and actions is also instilled in childhood. Small man must know that he is not the center of the Universe, that others - children or adults - also have their desires and rights. Teaching him to be attentive, to satisfy his desires without violating anyone's rights is the primary task of parents.

Each child is endowed from birth with certain abilities that loving parents should try to discern in him, in every possible way helping them to develop, encouraging and captivating a future biologist or computer genius, football player or singer, carpenter or baker with those occupations for which he has a craving, and which, later becoming his profession, will bring a lot of joy in life from doing what you love.

Raising sociability, it is necessary to play games that are interesting for them with children, even if the parents have little time, you need to allocate at least a little it for your baby. After all, children like to be in the center of attention so much, they want to play with their parents, and the time when the child has not yet moved away from them passes very quickly, you may not have time to experience this flurry of positive emotions from the happy and joyful laughter of the child.

When playing with toddlers or older children, you need to choose games that develop their memory and curiosity, in game form: learn to write and count, memorize poetry and prose while playing school; to teach how to behave in society - playing in mothers and daughters; not to be afraid of doctors and injections - playing in the hospital, instilling a love of singing and developing an ear for music - playing concerts and so on. This is both insanely fun and very helpful in shaping your personality. When a person is not ashamed to sing and dance, he has good memory, secular manners, high achievements in the professional field, then he is calm and confident that everything works out for him, his psyche is normal, and he himself is always in good location spirit.

And it is imperative to educate in the future member of society responsibility for their decisions and actions, demonstrating this by their personal example and buying him pet, looking after which will be his area of ​​responsibility. You should explain to the child what will happen if you do not feed him or take him out for a walk, and in no case do it for him.

Having made such a titanic effort, as a result, parents will receive respectful and attentive children, and society - responsible and serious citizens, without psychological deviations and all kinds of complexes.