The husband steals things from the child. Children's theft - advice to parents. How to become little thieves

• Illegal intrusion into their space and appropriation of their property.

• A way to tell us, adults, about some kind of trouble.

• family symptom.

• A way to cope with the consequences of some kind of trauma.

• The ability to get what you can't get otherwise.

What you should pay attention to?

• From whom - from which family member or school system - the child steals, to whom the message of the child is directed.

• What exactly does he take and what does he spend the stolen money on? This will indicate some kind of deficit, expressed symbolically.

• How long has he been doing this? If for a long time, then the family has some “blindness”, diligently does not notice the difficulties, is afraid to deal with them. This is the child's way of "opening their eyes" to the system.

What are the common reasons for this behavior?

• There are no clear boundaries in the family, which is possible and impossible for all family members, including adults.

• Adults themselves often and illegally violate the boundaries of the child.

• The child was deprived of something: an orphanage child, adopted child, an otherwise abandoned child.

• The family has very strict rules, and the child is completely deprived of the opportunity to satisfy some of his needs - it is impossible to legally get what you need.

• In the family and the child is not formed, the concepts of "one's own" and "alien" are confused. The child was not taught the skill of asking and negotiating.

• The child has developed a serious addiction - gaming, alcohol, drugs, which is also a violation of the functioning of the family system.

What should not be done in case of detection of theft?

1. Pretend like nothing happened.

Why? It is important to call a spade a spade and say: “You took money from your mother, this is theft. You can't do that. It is a crime".

2. Declaring a child a thief.

He is a child who committed theft. This is an act that is a signal for the family, it is more correct to react like this: "You have committed a serious offense."

Why? In most cases, this is an unconscious choice of the child. Criminal or administrative liability (up to 14 years) is not applicable to him. Parents are responsible for the theft of a child before the law, since they are the ones who indirectly contributed to this.

3. Punish the child more than the offense itself.

Why? In superpunishment, parents often shift all responsibility for the misconduct to the child and do not take their own. By this they teach the child the same thing - how not to take responsibility for what has been done. Adult position: "Together we need to figure out why this happened."

4. Leave the incident without consequences.

Why? At healthy child there are moral guidelines. If he did not suffer a reasonable punishment and somehow did not compensate for the damage done - within the limits of his capabilities, he may feel guilty for a long time and strongly.

What an adult can say: “It happens, we all make mistakes, often out of ignorance or because we didn’t think about the consequences. Let's think about how you can make amends for the damage you've done with this act."

5. Strongly shame the child.

Why? Exposing the wrongdoing and its consequences already evokes shame to a great extent. When a parent shames a child too much, in this way he is freed from his own shame and responsibility for the incident and “loads” another with it.

This is how the unwillingness to help the child is manifested in what will help to understand the reasons for the act, and the desire to simply intimidate or shame - arises "so that it would be disrespectful in the future." This causes the symptom to go inward, and the child is simply better at hiding the consequences of stealing, or the symptom is transformed into another.

6. Blame only himself for everything.

Why? Most of the responsibility belongs to the family, adults. It is important to highlight where whose fault is.

It would be good for the family to take responsibility for their own dysfunctional disorders, for violation of boundaries and the lack of formation of adequate norms and rules, that is, for the reasons for the act. The child takes responsibility for the act itself.

7. Be limited only to punishment, shaming or intimidation.

Why? This is a symptom of some kind of trouble, and it is worth sorting it out with the whole family or with the help of a psychologist.

8. To think that now this is forever a "spoiled" child and cannot be trusted.

Why? If you treat this as a problem and solve it together, then what happened will be just an episode in his life, a difficult event in which his family came to his aid.

If you think that your "bad" child is to blame for everything, he may continue to unconsciously confirm this issued label.

What to do if you find things in your child that you did not buy, or if money is missing?

• Ask where things come from, whose, under what circumstances the child ended up.

• To say that you discovered the loss of money and believe that a child took it.

• In case of detection of theft, calm down and do not panic.

• Ask if the child is aware that he has committed a serious offense.

• Call it theft, violation of other people's borders, rules and law.

• Say that the whole family needs to deal with this.

• recycle own feelings- shock, disappointment, shame, anger, fear, anxiety.

• Discuss the consequences of theft and restitution.

• Deal with root causes.

• Help your child arrange for redress, possibly with the family.

How to prevent child theft?

1. Correctly deal with the boundaries of all family members.

“These are Vanya’s toys, you can’t take them if he doesn’t allow you”, “If you want to take, you need to ask.” Accordingly, if you adults take something from your child, you also ask.

You do not get into his portfolio, diaries, pages in networks, mail without asking. Especially if the child does not want to let you go there. The idea "I just want to make sure he's okay" is not a reason.

If you do it for this reason, then you already have problems. Your child does not trust you, and in order to calm your parental anxiety, you violate the boundaries of your child than teach him the same thing.

2. Openly discuss the difficulties in the family.

“Let’s not tell grandma, otherwise she will be upset”, “Just don’t tell dad, he will get angry” - if you yourself are hiding something, then you are teaching your child to hide and do something illegally.

3. Give your child the opportunity to receive your attention, inclusion and satisfy important needs for him.

If you do not pay attention to the child himself, and he is only interested in you functionally - whether he did his homework, swept the floor, went to music, then the child will look for opportunities to involve you in his problems. Parents should not satisfy all children's desires at the first call.

4. The child should preferably meet with the fact that: they meet him halfway and give him what he asks for; they refuse, but he can explain how important what he wants is to him, and agree; refuse, and he will have to accept this refusal, it is desirable to share his feelings.

If there is no way to get what is really needed, the psyche is always looking for workarounds.

5. Help work through past traumas of severe scarcity and deprivation.

The trauma received even in early infancy - the child may not remember this - remains unprocessed in the child's unconscious and can be played out under some circumstances in order to pay attention to it and help this trauma to work through and close.

It is important - no matter what happens, children and other family members should not be subjected to violence, rejection, contempt, "exile": "That's it, you are not our daughter now, go away!". All this only exacerbates the trauma. You are a family, and you are adults, and your task is to help someone who is just starting to live.

Any child psychologist knows very well - almost everyone in childhood stole something at least once. And this is absolutely normal.

Depending on age, the reasons for stealing can vary greatly.

For example, the baby does not even fully realize what is “mine” and what is “foreign”. Fantasy and reality in his mind can be bizarrely intertwined, and the boundaries between them are very blurred.

Children preschool age in 5 - 6 years, too, they do not always clearly understand the boundaries of property. In addition, they have a very strong selfishness. This can be explained by the fact that in the process of evolution, the cubs of our ancestors needed to take very good care of themselves in order to survive.

At about 6 - 8 years old, the foundations of morality begin to form. Younger students are already beginning to correlate their actions with the interests and opinions of other people.

However, normal child, and often a teenager, quite easily steals. Why?

Reasons for child theft

1. Stealing with the best of intentions

A child can indeed steal with the best of intentions, for example, to give to someone he loves. Friend, mom or dad, brother. This desire turns out to be stronger than the restraining internal prohibition to take someone else's. After all, the moral foundations of this age are just beginning to take shape. And desires are very strong.

2. I really want to, I can’t resist

The child simply "really wants to." Toy, doll, pie or candy. Yes, you never know what a person might want. And - the hand, as it were, reaches out and takes it. He already understands that he has done something reprehensible, but he cannot resist.

The thing is that children are simply not yet able to fully control their behavior. They have not yet matured brain structures responsible for self-control, they are still being formed. But the child already understands that he has done something reprehensible, and slowly puts the toy in his pocket, a beautiful ring in a hiding place, etc.

The brain structures responsible for self-control do not fully mature until around the age of 19-21 and later. That is why teenagers are often unrestrained, and sometimes have problems with the law. They simply have not yet developed the function of self-control. They know how to do it, but they can't control themselves.

Via special exercises can develop self-control. This is what we do on CUB trainings.

3. The need to have an iconic thing

A teenager may go for theft because he needs a certain attribute of "coolness", without which he feels inferior among his peers. For example, friends already have the latest iPhones.

This is especially susceptible teenagers with low self-esteem and those to whom unable to build relationships with peers.

It seems to them that the cherished object will become the key to the recognition of their peers. But the young kidnapper is usually disappointed. After all, self-confident guys who know how to communicate enjoy the respect of their comrades. And it may seem to a teenager that he lacks some other attribute, but when he appears, then...

To break this vicious circle, the child needs build self-esteem and learn how to communicate. This is what our trainings are about.

4. Stress and loss of self-control

Stress further reduces the ability to self-control. And not only in children. Adults in a situation of stress also do not behave brilliantly: they smoke, seize, skip a glass and perform many more not very reasonable actions, which is closer to whom.
At the same time, you remember that in children the brain structures responsible for self-control have not yet matured. And when they're upset, tired, scared, or just unwell, kids have a much harder time than adults to control themselves.

Stealing is often a sign that a child is experiencing emotional distress. There can be many reasons.

Half a year ago, 8-year-old Vanya was born younger sister. And the parents began to give him less attention. And then the “big brother” suddenly, for no reason at all, steals money from a classmate from his wallet at school. Parents in horror: - Why? After all, he has everything? We do not deny him anything!

Indeed, their son is not deprived of anything, except for one thing - for six months now he has considered himself deprived parental attention. A little man interprets it as a deprivation of love. Millions of years of evolution have taught human babies that without parental love they will disappear, die, so the child experiences stress in this situation.
And you remember, the effect of stress is such that self-control is reduced.

5. Imitating friends

It happens that children steal "for the company" or imitating others - peers or older children. This can be explained by two reasons:

• my friends do it, so it's normal. This is how the “social confirmation” effect works;
• division of responsibility. After all, if together, it seems that the blame will be equally distributed among everyone, and I will only be slightly to blame;
• perhaps with the help of theft, the child passes the test for “weak”, and wants to prove that he is brave, mature and worthy of the friendship of his comrades.

5. Theft as revenge

Maybe the child wants to punish the offender by depriving him of something significant? Looking forward to how he will be upset, and maybe even punished for the loss.

So, you found out that the child stole. What to do?

Here it should also be noted that our adult reaction to the difference in the value of a stolen item and the reaction of children is very different. Adults may be indulgent about a stolen candy or a beautiful sticker, and be horrified if a child appropriated someone else's phone. But the child doesn't care. For him, only the strength of his desire to take possession of this object is important.

First, a few categorical: what exactly NOT TO DO.

1. Do not threaten!

Often parents, being shocked that their child has committed this unforgivable and terrible, in their opinion, act, begin to frighten the child with talk about the prison and the police.

While children are small, they often cannot relate their misconduct, which is not so terrible, in their opinion, with the horrors that parents frighten.

It is very important here that your son or daughter always feel that you are on their side, even if they did bad things. And if we are talking about the police or prison, then you will be a “lawyer”, not a “prosecutor”.

2. No labels

“You are a thief!”, “Yes, you have one road - to prison”, “Criminal! Nothing good in life awaits you! And sometimes you can even hear - “My child could not do this! You are not my son!"
If you stop for a second and think, you will immediately see that the scale is completely off here: stealing is certainly an unsympathetic act, but it certainly does not deserve a curse for life.

Z. Without comparison!

With yourself as a child, with other children, etc.
Firstly, who is without sin? Everyone has done things that are embarrassing to remember. Each.
If you manage to convince the child of his "badness", this will only contribute to the next offense. After all, if he is bad, hopeless, worst of all - then why try and keep yourself from temptations? A child with such self-esteem will no longer have faith in his ability to resist temptation, and will more easily succumb to it again.

Remember, our goal is to build a child's self-esteem.

Accusations and punishments are also dangerous because the child will regret not that he did a bad deed, but that he was caught, and will try to repeat his feat, but more inventively, so as not to get caught. I don't think that's what we're aiming for.

Secondly, ask yourself the question: what is your goal now? Do you want to humiliate and crush a child? I think no. You want to keep him from doing bad things in the future. But scolding and humiliating a child, you cause him stress. And you already know that stress reduces the ability to self-control.

4. Not in front of witnesses

In no case do not disassemble in front of strangers.
Uncles, aunts, friends, school teacher- no need. Only alone. No wonder the classic of education says: praise - in public, reprimand - in private. Everything that was written in the first three paragraphs will be reinforced by the publicity of shame. Remember about stress, self-control and self-esteem.

5. Who will remember the old ...

If you do not want to strengthen the child in the belief that he is "bad", that he is a "thief", do not remember this sin of his in the future. Especially if his new "crime" will be of a completely different kind. For instance, bad grade, unwashed dishes, mess in the room.

So how do you influence the child?

1. Explain

While the son or daughter is still small, just try to calmly explain to them that you can’t take someone else’s thing without asking. Help imagine how someone whose property is stolen feels. How other people treat those who steal.
Tell me what civilized ways can be to get what you want. You can agree on the exchange of toys for a while, you can ask your parents to buy him a similar one. Etc.

2. Support

Support your child's self-esteem. Explain to him that he faced a difficult test and could not bear it. The temptation was too great. Tell us how something similar happened to you as a child, and how you vowed not to take someone else's again and were able to keep your word, even though it was difficult. Let him know that almost everyone goes through such an experience, it is important what lesson you learn from it. The main thing is that the child identifies with honest man, and would like to match this image.

3. Find out the reasons for theft

Remember, they can be varied. But in any case, this is some kind of deficit. Maybe there was a lack of recognition in the classroom, and the child stole to show off or even give away. There may be a lack of self-esteem, and he needs a symbolic thing to assert himself (everyone already has such a toy, a phone ...) Maybe the child tried to console himself when he was sad or he was nervous (stress). It is important for you to find out how you can help him compensate for the existing deficit.

4. Fix

Instead of punishment and reproaches, show the child the way to correct the situation. For example, how to return the stolen or compensate for the damage, if possible. If he is very ashamed of the perfect deed, then maybe you can secretly return the thing to its place? And if this is no longer possible, then you can try to make some good deed to at least symbolically balance the bad.

7-year-old Kostya went for a walk in Pushkin with his grandmother. When they returned home, it turned out that Kostya had taken a toy motorcycle from somewhere. It is no longer possible to establish its owner. But you can donate this motorcycle and some other toy to children from orphanage. Fortunately, there are points where you can bring things for orphans. Kostya and grandmother did just that. They collected several toys, and the boy himself chose not only toys that were already boring, but also those that he loves. And also attached to them the ill-fated motorcycle. This restored Kostya's self-consciousness as an honest and good man able to cope with their desires and impulses. And most importantly, it will be remembered for a long time.

11-year-old Marina stole money from her mother's wallet, and more than once. As a result, a fairly significant amount was accumulated. How did Marina spend them? I bought treats for my classmates! So she tried to win their favor. When the situation came to light, worried and disappointed parents, on the advice of a psychologist, gathered family council. They managed to explain to Marina without reproaches and accusations that she would have to somehow compensate for the money taken from the family budget. Marina could choose whether to give up entertainment during the holidays or take on additional household duties so that her mother would have more strength to earn the amount Marina spent. The girl chose additional household duties and whole month performed them. So she retained her self-respect and learned to take better responsibility for her actions.

Conclusion

Please remember, even if your child is already old enough, if he stole, then he could not cope with his desires. He has a deficit. He lacked self-control. Perhaps he was under stress. This means that he also needs your support and help in correcting the situation, as if he were 7 years old. Children should feel that we are always on their side, that we are their "lawyers" and not "accusers".

This problem needs to be addressed from two sides. The child will be helped trainings for children and teenagers, and you can learn the skill of parenting on

When confronted with child theft, parents get confused and panic. They are frantically trying to figure out what to do if the child is stealing and how serious it is. Does the tendency to steal testify to the depravity of the offspring or to his mental disorder. Parents do not understand the motivation of their children, who have everything they need. They look for reasons in themselves, considering themselves bad educators. It is widely believed that child theft is characteristic only for prosperous families. However, very often the theft is committed by children of intelligent and financially secure parents.

The concept of one's own and someone else's is formed in a child after 3 years. No one would think to say that two year old stole a toy from another child while playing in the sandbox. But in some children, moral development is delayed. There are cases when children of 7-8 years old do not realize that they are violating generally accepted norms by appropriating someone else's thing.

Moral development consists in the assimilation of moral norms and the formation of such moral emotions as shame, guilt, empathy (the ability to put oneself in the place of another person) and conscience. The mental reaction to the violation is formed under the influence of adults. If the parents did not explain to the child in time the difference between the concepts of their own and someone else's, then he will demonstrate antisocial behavior. It will be difficult for him to sympathize with another person and understand him emotional condition. Such a preschooler will grow up weak-willed and irresponsible.

The lack of necessary education is often observed in children from prosperous families. Cultural and intelligent people often do not have time to explain simple truths to his offspring due to strong employment. Children are forgotten in families in which parents constantly sort things out. When a child steals, they don't know what to do. Adults do not always associate their behavior with the actions of children.

Trying to fill the gap in education, the student seeks answers to his questions from outsiders. It forms mental reactions based on the experience of communicating with them. If the authorities for him are people who do not observe moral standards, the child copies their behavior and commits antisocial acts consciously.

Sometimes adults, without knowing it, set an example for their offspring. If a child sees that dad brought something from work, took goods out of the store without payment, or took a table item in a holiday home as a keepsake, he will rightly decide that there is nothing wrong with stealing.

What if the child does not consider stealing a bad deed?

If the fact of theft is not confirmed, there is a possibility of an error. Unfounded accusations can cause serious harm to a child's psyche. Especially when they are made in public. Even if later the mistake is recognized and the child is rehabilitated in the eyes of his peers, the injury will still remain. The child will remember the shame experienced for a long time and painfully.

If the parents suspect the student of stealing or the teacher reported the theft, you need to calmly talk to him alone at home. It is desirable that the conversation take place without the participation of other family members.

During a conversation, one must carefully select words, trying not to humiliate the child and not accuse him unfounded. If he categorically denies the theft, there is high probability that he is right. You need to listen to him, then tell in detail why stealing is not good. After the incident, it is worth watching the offspring, especially in situations in which he probably committed theft.

If a child steals money from parents and is caught by the hand, one must resist the temptation to throw out all the accumulated emotions. It is strictly forbidden to insult a thief, to beat him, saying that before thieves were cut off their hands, or to threaten with a prison. One must refrain from using the words: theft, theft or crime. Aggressive behavior adults will harden the baby. He will be convinced of his depravity and decide that nothing can be changed. An embittered child may subsequently commit other thefts in order to retaliate.

You need to express your disappointment and bewilderment. Many children painfully perceive the sadness of the mother. Sympathizing with her, they are more likely to realize their guilt. You should talk to the thief and ask what motivates his act. If the baby does not want to talk, do not insist. Be sure to explain to him why it is impossible to steal.

If the parents themselves allowed themselves to take other people's things, they need to admit their mistake. Sincere repentance of adults will become a model of behavior for their children. They receive the first and most important lessons of morality in the family, observing the behavior of loved ones.

Stealing as a way to get attention

To understand why a child steals money from relatives and friends of the family, you need to analyze your life and the behavior of the child. The reason for children stealing may be a desire to attract attention.

Most of these thefts are junior schoolchildren and teenagers. But such behavior is usually formed in early age. Children feel a lack of love or complete indifference from loved ones. To be noticed, they steal things.

The kid carries out the first thefts even before entering school. They may go unnoticed or be ignored. As they grow older, the child steals more often and does it more defiantly. However, he persistently refuses to admit his guilt and behaves as if nothing bad has happened. Thieves do not pursue any goals, committing theft. They do it unconsciously and cannot explain the motives of their action.

Such behavior causes irritation and anger of relatives. They are ready to forgive the thief if he repents and asks for forgiveness. But stubborn denial repels parents from him. . Adults consider the child an immoral monster.

Children who commit such theft are open and friendly towards others. They easily make contact and share the innermost. These are sensitive, vulnerable and insecure teenagers. They need the support of loved ones, whom they repel with their behavior. Stealing is a cry for help, a way to get through to adults.

What to do when a child attracts attention by stealing?

It is necessary to recall when cases of theft were noticed for the first time. Perhaps during this period married couple experienced a period of stormy showdown or. Watching the destruction of relations between parents, the baby suffers and feels unnecessary to them. Even if the parents divorced calmly, without quarrels and insults.

Severe stress sometimes causes the birth of a brother or sister in a baby. The inept behavior of the parents, who switched to the baby and are busy with him around the clock, breaks the heart of the firstborn.

The reaction to the first theft could have aggravated the injury. If the parents insulted and humiliated the thief, he could strengthen his opinion and become embittered.

To remedy the situation, you need to give the child what he is trying in vain to achieve. long time- Attention. You need to demonstrate your love in every possible way, take care of him, be interested in his opinion, ask about relationships at school. You should not scold him for theft and demand a confession of guilt. It is necessary to create conditions that are comfortable for him, in which he will relax.

If theft doesn't stop or become less frequent, it's likely that the process has gone too far. In such a situation, it will not be possible to cope with the problem on your own. Professional help needed. You need to visit a psychologist with your child. If he categorically refuses, you should consult with a specialist without him. The advice of a psychologist will help develop the most effective line of behavior in the family.

Theft as a result of insufficient development of the volitional sphere

The vast majority of children steal other people's things under the age of 10, realizing their guilt. The reason for the theft is desire take possession of the thing you like in spite of reproaches of conscience. The child cannot resist the temptation to appropriate the robot of his friend and commits a bad deed. However, he is clearly aware that the robot is stolen. Therefore, the kid thinks over to the smallest detail how to hide the theft and where to hide the robot. This behavior often goes unnoticed.

If the thief is discovered, he finds various excuses for his act. He argues according to the principle: "Kolya has a lot of these things, so nothing will happen if I take one for myself."

An uncontrollable desire to take possession of a thing can make a baby get into his parents' wallet. Such acts are committed by children who are brought up in severity. Some adults deliberately do not buy sweets or toys, trying not to be led by children. Watching how his peers enjoy things that he does not have, the baby feels flawed.

Preschoolers can sometimes take someone else's thing, considering it a draw. Such behavior can be copied from the actions of parents who appropriated the wallet found in the transport and rejoiced at their find.

Sometimes a child steals a friend's thing in order to avenge his offense. Bad thing can be done with the aim of proving one's fearlessness and asserting oneself. V this case theft is a manifestation of the will. The thief can even defiantly return the stolen item to the owner.

As a rule, such thefts are single. A guilty child rarely steals again.

What to do if the child deliberately stole?

We must ask the thief to put himself in the place of the victim. Children rarely think about what emotions their actions cause in others. Trying to satisfy their desires, they sincerely rejoice at what they managed to do. However, the thief himself is extremely unpleasant at the thought that someone else can encroach on his property. In a conversation with him, you need to explain how the person feels, from whom the thing was stolen. We need to ask the baby how he would feel if his favorite toy disappeared. Usually, one such conversation is enough so that the next time the baby does not succumb to the temptation.

If the parents find out that the child feels flawed against the background of others, you need to allow him to buy what he wants more often. Fearing to spoil children, adults inflict on them psychological trauma. Its consequences can be seen in adult life person and cause him more harm than being spoiled.

Parents need to give their children more freedom. Do not be afraid to trust them with various tasks. You can ask them to do homework and prepare meals in the presence of adults. If the kid does not cope, he will think about how to do the job differently. If successful, the child will be proud of himself.

You need to ask the baby to choose a goal, support his choice and help him draw up a plan of action. Self-reliance will make children more responsible. She will teach you to rely on yourself and achieve what you want on your own.

Did the child start stealing? Do not rush to pick up a belt, find out the types of child theft and their causes.

Child theft is not uncommon, but for every family it becomes a tragedy that breaks the usual rhythm of calm everyday life. First, parents notice that small bills are disappearing from the wallet, and then teachers, relatives, and neighbors report the child’s dishonesty. Do not rush to panic, first you need to figure out why children steal, what kind of children's kleptomania is and how to deal with it.

How to become little thieves

According to psychologists, children often steal from their parents. Parents hide this act, like alcoholism in their adult relative. They associate theft with the criminal world and, as a rule, experience awkwardness and confusion.

Some parents scold their baby, others try to convince themselves that they made a mistake in counting the money in their wallet.

In order to respond correctly and protect your child from unpleasant consequences, you need to figure out why the child began to steal? Maybe he is tempted by the ease of obtaining money, with which you can buy sweets or other things in the store. useful little things. Or he protests against loneliness.

After the first awkwardness and fear for his act, gradually the preschooler begins to feel bold, dexterous and cunning. He understands the unseemliness of his behavior, but the desire to buy the thing he likes overpowers the feeling of shame. small child often only the fear of punishment keeps them from stealing. But when there is hope that the theft will go unnoticed, then nothing will stop even well-bred kid. By identifying the type of theft, it is easier to find a solution to the problem.

impulsive theft

The behavior of the baby, subject to the requirements of society, is formed closer to school age. But mobile excitable children hardly restrain their desires.
Causes of excitability of the baby:

• oligophrenia;
• increased excitability;
• mental trauma.

The cause of mental trauma can be quarrels of parents, moving to another place, admission to the first class.

With impulsive theft, the child strongly wants to possess something, and he is not able to resist. Such children need to be strictly monitored, their purchases or new small things should be controlled. He must know that even petty theft will inevitably lead to punishment. You should not turn a blind eye to the theft of the baby, but you also do not need to panic and complain to neighbors and relatives.

If a child steals from strangers, then in no case should the facts of theft be hushed up. No matter how unpleasant it is, you should tell the victims about the theft and force the culprit to return everything stolen. An unpleasant procedure can serve as a good lesson, perhaps it will save you from more serious deeds.

Theft as a sign of protest

The child may begin to steal in protest, thereby fighting the seeming injustice to him. Here real story With good example and expert advice on how to wean a child to steal.

Vasya's mother came to a psychologist with a request to help deal with family problem. Her son steals not only from his parents, but also from strangers. It turned out that Vasya own father does not remember his. His mother very successfully remarried a businessman. Soon they were born common child in which the father and mother doted on.

Mom got a job, took care of the younger one, and Vasya grew up as a homeless guy. He withdrew, talked little, had no friends. The boy acutely felt his loneliness, because, unlike younger brother little attention was paid to him.

First, the boy stole the ring from his grandmother. She, pitying her grandson, concealed the fact of the theft. But then he started taking money from his stepfather. With stolen funds, he bought sweets and simply gave away to his less wealthy friends. Sometimes he took things out of the house and gave them to the poor.

The psychologist advised the parents to allocate money to their son for his personal needs, and keep part of the funds in a secret place for the boy. He recommended that unnecessary things be donated to a charitable society, entrusting this to his eldest son. But, the main thing is to show more attention and love to the boy.

By taking money from parents, an abandoned child thus wants to attract their attention. Such a child does not need money. Let him be scolded and even punished, but finally, they will pay attention to him. Then experts advise simply not to pay attention to the loss of money or simply scold the baby.

Simple praise for school success and household chores will help. Try to buy him a long-awaited gift or take him to the park, cinema, cafe. Small man will experience a sense of shame that will keep him from further theft.

Raising a thief with your own hands

It often happens that parents themselves are to blame for child theft. They dream that children in old age will be their support and encourage enterprising inclinations. Adults do not control children's expenses and are happy that they do not ask them for money. Then they are surprised when they are invited to the police station.

There, parents hear about the terrible deeds of their son or daughter. They find out that the teenager extorted money from the students. lower grades or blackmailed elders. Parents only encouraged the independence of their heir, wanting to raise him with a strong personality. But the child in the definition of "strong personality" can be deeply mistaken.

Envy as an impetus for theft

Sometimes a child steals at school out of envy. He is jealous of the richer kids and wants revenge on them. This happens if parents in front of a student condemn wealthy neighbors or just acquaintances. A teenager, seeking to restore class injustice, begins to steal. If his parents don't stop him in time, the police will.

It is necessary to monitor your baby and eliminate the disturbances in his upbringing in time. Even if you have a feeling of envy, do not express emotions in front of children.

Kleptomania is a rare disease

Kleptomania is a mental illness, but it is not common - out of a hundred adult thieves, about five people suffer from kleptomania. But, many of them simply simulate the disease. Children with kleptomania almost never get sick, so do not rush to diagnose yourself.

What to do if a child steals money for no apparent reason? Take him to a psychologist to rule out or confirm an unpleasant diagnosis. Try to distract your son or daughter, for example, get a pet using ours, or help him learn new ones.

Prevention and Caution

If a child steals money, the advice of a psychologist begins with preventive measures.

1. The best prevention is not to give the kid a reason to steal money. It is impossible for him to know where his parents keep their savings.
2. The child must know the boundary between his own and other people's things. He can use his things, but he does not have the right to give or sell them. He has no right to take other people's things.
3. We need to allocate money for pocket money. The child will be treated responsibly with such money. Even younger students, considering these funds as their own, save them for expensive things. In this way, they overcome their impulsiveness. The regular issuance of a small amount will teach him to take care of other people's property and not to steal.

Now you know the main reasons for child theft and what to do if a child steals money and lies. If these tips do not help, do not delay, and contact a professional as soon as possible.

Before sounding the alarm, take a moment to understand why children steal and how to deal with this problem. How should parents behave in this situation, when a child has taken or is taking something from someone else without asking?

Why do children steal. Like lying, "stealing" is an adult term that has nothing to do with young children. Children have completely different views on "ours" and "theirs", not the same as we, adults. A lollipop caught in a sticky fist after going through the checkout, or a toy found in a four-year-old's pocket after visiting a friend's house, is no proof that the child is already a criminal. The child does not steal, but takes. For a preschooler, ownership means exclusive use. The child believes that he has a moral right to everything that is within his reach. Children under the age of four have difficulty distinguishing between "mine" and "yours." For them, these are empty sounds until adults reveal their meaning. Everything is potentially mine. They don't realize that a lollipop hidden in a hand at a grocery store is a steal until you tell them so. According to the child, he did nothing wrong until the parents explained to him.
Many preschool children do not know how to curb their impulsive desires. They see a toy, and if they feel like it, they take it, without reasoning about the right thing to do. The child is convinced that everything belongs to him, if everything is in front of his eyes and you can pick it up and play. Instead of guilt, they feel relieved that their desire has been granted.
Between the ages of five and seven, children develop an idea of ​​the wrongness of an act. They can understand the concept of exclusive use and property rights. They come to terms with reality and begin to understand that they cannot take things that do not belong to them. Also, by this age, the child is able to be a smarter thief. His deterrent is the fear of retribution from adults or the fear that makes him refuse to realize his “desire”, and not an understanding of the immorality of theft. He always needs to explain what “mine”, “your”, “someone else's” means. And not just to explain, but to forbid taking someone else's without asking.

Actions of parents

If you find out that your child has stolen something, it is important that the child himself understands that stealing is not good. You can still remember the shame you felt as a child when you were caught stealing, if that happened in your life. The child should receive the same lesson, although many experts believe that too much shaming or ridicule will have the opposite effect. Simple explanations are best.
In most cases, it's probably best not to ask the child direct questions about whether or not they stole something and why they did it - this can cause the child to come up with a series of excuses in an attempt to save face. Instead, be direct and report what you know about the theft.

It is important to arrange the return of someone else's thing in any way. The child must return the item he took to the store, friend or school. At the same time, you can accompany him and persuade him to apologize for what he did, while saying that he will never do this again.
After that, talk to your child. Instead of blaming him for being bad, try to figure out why he stole the thing. Explain to him that even though children want to have some things, they should not take what does not belong to them. In most situations, if the incident of theft is discussed immediately after it has happened, it should not happen again and the child will learn from it.
If an older child (slightly under or already youthful years) committed theft, you again must give him the opportunity to study and discuss his behavior, in particular linking its manifestation with stressful situations that he experiences in this moment. In some cases, your reaction to your child's stealing may be to have a serious discussion with him about peer pressure and how it affects your child's behavior. But at this age, stealing most often signals personal or social difficulties and may require professional intervention.

What to do
Stopping petty theft and explaining its wrongness may seem like a "little thing," but learning to be honest in small matters paves the way for doing the right thing later on.
The child must learn to control his impulses and respect the rights and property of others.

Use the attachment method. Children brought up in the "attachment" method are more sensitive, they are able to understand and respect the rights of others. These concepts are easier to learn at an earlier age. Children brought up in the "attachment" method are easier to explain the meaning of moral values. They have developed the ability to empathize and understand the impact of their actions on others. Their parents are sensitive to behavior when it deviates from the norm. Lies, deceit and theft violate their inner state.
Because attachment parents know their children well, they can tell a child's misbehavior from their facial expressions or behavioral changes. Thanks to strong contact, the child will willingly accept the advice of parents and their moral values. By trusting his parents, he will be able to tell them the truth.

Do not lead children into temptation. Teach your kids how to manage their own money. Family money must be kept in a locked drawer. Money is provided in case of need at any time. To remember who owes whom and how much, you can use receipts. We also recommend keeping family money in an inaccessible place, and carrying it in a purse or wallet. a small amount of which may be required. Make sure family members trust each other. If a child comes to us and complains, "Someone took my five dollars," we ask, "Where did you keep it?" We do not worry, finding out the culprit of the loss, because we rely on the conscience of the household. We will never be in a position to hide money from children who are old enough. The siblings are not the only possible suspects after all. Our children have learned that not everyone can be trusted. This good lesson for life.

Teach exclusive use. The kid is convinced that everything belongs to him, if it is in front of his eyes and you can pick it up and play. Between the ages of two and four, a child may understand what ownership is (the toy belongs to someone), but may not fully realize that the toy does not belong to him. At two years old, you can begin to explain the difference between "mine" and "yours." During an argument over a toy, the parental court may return the toy to its rightful owner, but don't expect the child to fully realize this until age four. Look for other ways to reinforce the concept of ownership: "That's Watt's toy," "That's Sarah's bear." He needs to explain this all the time, and not just to explain, but to forbid taking someone else's without asking. Over time, the child will understand that ignoring these rights is wrong.
If a four-year-old child brings home a friend's toy, it is necessary to explain to him how children feel when they are deprived of something, how he himself will feel when another child unexpectedly appropriates his favorite toy. The best way laying down long-term moral values ​​is to have the child draw conclusions for himself from your instructions. Your task is to teach the baby to make decisions independently.

Don't allow theft. Encouragement and assistance in recovering stolen items teaches not only that theft is unacceptable, but also that wrongdoing must be corrected. If you find an empty candy wrapper, lead the thief back to the store with payment and an apology.

Determine the reason. Need to understand possible cause theft and analyze it by answering a series of questions. Did the kid steal by accident or on purpose? The child needs money and feels that stealing is the only way get what he needs? If so, offer assistance. Give him certain tasks and pay for them. Help your child understand that money to buy toys can be earned, not stolen. Sometimes a child steals to increase his fortune or to get attention. Perhaps your child needs stronger guidance? Some redistribution of priorities and strengthening contact with the child will restore order.

Identify risk factors. Check for the following risk factors:

• low self-esteem;
• impulsivity: strong desire but little control;
• lack of empathy for others;
• lack of contact;
• angry child;
• family changes, such as divorce;
• often bored;
• spends a lot of time alone.

By managing these risk factors, you will eliminate lying and stealing.
It's important to get to the point. If the problem of chronic theft and lying is not solved, it grows like a snowball. Repeatedly committing misconduct, the child is convinced that it is possible to live like this. He does not listen to your moralizing. A child without remorse becomes uncontrollable.

Praise for honesty. A five year old finds someone's wallet and brings it to you. Praise him unlimitedly! “Thank you for bringing mom the wallet you found. Now let's see if we can find the one who lost it. I bet the person will be very happy that you found it, just as you would be happy if you lost something special and someone returned it to you. Avoid saying, "Thank you for telling the truth."
Some children may not have even thought about hiding the wallet they found. Regardless of the praise, let the child know that he did what you expected.

When to Contact a Specialist

You should apply for extra help to the children's clinic, child psychologist or a specialist in the field mental health, if:

• the child often steals something from home or school, from parents or other people;
• a teenager “buys” attention and gains authority from peers with the help of theft.