Why is a child afraid of certain places. Why is the baby afraid? The positive impact of fairy tales

30.04.2019

Many parents are faced with the fact that a child who calmly contacts and communicates with other people suddenly has unfounded fears. At the sight of a stranger, he runs and clings to his relatives, trying to hide. This behavior can appear in children as young as 8 months old. In psychology, it is called "fear of strangers."

Why is the child afraid of other children?

The behavior of a child who is afraid of other children is similar in most cases. Parents note that, at first, he willingly goes for a walk, takes toys with him with a desire to play with other children. The closer they get to playground, the more anxious the baby's mood becomes.

At the sight of children playing on the playground and hearing their voices, he may refuse to go to play, arguing that “It’s already busy there” or “I don’t want to play, there are already other children there.” At the same time, he clings to his mother, or hides behind her.

It is obvious that the baby has a desire to play with the same children, but the fear is great . He gets the better of the desire to play together.

Why is this happening?

The reasons may be different. Often, the fear of other children comes from the fact that the baby does not know:

what to do with other children;
how to play with them;
how to communicate;
what can and cannot be done;
how to ask or defend your toy.

AT this case important on initial stage development to help overcome simple children's problems together with parents.

Important! Up to 3 years, the baby communicates more with adults, and learns from them the rules of behavior and manipulation various subjects. Everything that happens around him “absorbs” like a sponge.

From the age of 3, according to experts, there is a need to play with other children. At this age, babies begin to learn how to apply the information received. Usually this role-playing games, and they need a partner for this game.

In their games, they, imitating adults, reproduce what they saw from others or on TV. Further, while playing, they communicate with each other.

By the age of four, the need for communication comes to the fore. But do not forget that each child is individual in terms of the pace of development. It also happens that he has not “grown up” to this stage.

Reasons for a child's fear of strangers

At the age of 6-7 months, the baby has an anxious period when he is afraid of strangers. He clearly distinguishes "his own", and expresses dissatisfaction with the presence of "strangers". This is usually manifested when a stranger wants to take him in his arms. The kid is afraid, cries, can scream even at those moments when a stranger tries to come closer.

Such a reaction at this age is rather a pattern. And you can explain it like this - a person who takes care of a baby is a guarantor of safety for him.

Psychologists have noticed that the child's fear of strangers also depends on emotional state mother. That is, the baby reads the reaction instinctively from the mother's expressed anxiety to the appearance of a stranger.

If at the sight of familiar people you show sincere joy, then the baby will trust this person and will not worry in his presence. So that this period does not last long time teach him to communicate with other people. In the future, when the baby goes to Kindergarten, she will easily get used to the team. And then she will not have difficulties in adapting to school. Sometimes the period of fear of strangers can last until the age of two.

Where does the children's fear of doctors come from?

Often in a children's clinic, you can see how a mother and son or daughter are waiting for a doctor's appointment, and the baby bursts into tears and with all his appearance shows dislike for people in white coats. What is the reason for the children's fear of doctors?

If during past visits to the doctor he caused pain to a young patient, then most likely this can cause fear. At a subsequent visit, the child will be afraid to experience similar painful sensations.

Important to install positive contact when meeting with a doctor.

Young children are generally strongly attached to their parents. When a stranger begins to touch the stomach and touch the body with a cold stethoscope, this will at least cause bewilderment on the part of the baby.

Sometimes doctors, due to their heavy employment or fatigue, do not behave very tactfully or even rudely. In any patient, this will cause a negative reaction. In this case, you need to point out to the doctor about mistakes in the methods of work or contact another specialist.

The cause of children's fear can also be the fear of being alone.

Table: norms of a child's fear of other children, strangers, etc., causes of fears

How to deal with a child's fears and where to turn: expert advice

Among the parents there are different opinions about children's fears. Some believe that by the age of sixteen, all existing fears should pass, and there is no need to worry about it ahead of time. Others argue that their children should not be afraid of anyone or anything at all. Opinions are different, but they all come down to one thing: if fears do not allow you to live in peace, you need to fight them.

The first thing to do is not turn away from the baby . Don't tell him: "Shame on you, he's so big already!" Such phrases will not reduce the feeling of fear, but will only make him feel guilty. The child will not want to contact you next time, and his fears will dig deep into the subconscious, which can only aggravate the situation.
Support your son or daughter in a stressful situation . Tell us that you, too, were afraid of someone as a child. It is not necessary to explain: "Baba Yaga does not exist", he himself realizes this with age. Ask him about fears. Seeing your support, he will not be so afraid.
Talk about fears . Determine together what the child is afraid of and possible cause fear. Discuss what needs to be done to get rid of fears or reduce them. But do not take drastic measures, otherwise he will think that the fears are justified.
Be confident and show it to your baby . He needs support from outside. loved one: “I won’t let you hurt”, “I’m there”, “I’ll help”. Talk about how he can handle it, and you will support him in this.
If fears interfere with the baby, and he does not sleep well, he has become aggressive , and also removed from society, immediately seek help from a child psychologist or psychotherapist.

Cast out children's fears with your child! Be closer to your baby and it will bring you a good result!

In the life of almost every child there is a period when he begins to shun, and even frankly afraid of strangers. Why does this happen, and what can relatives do to make this difficult stage of growth easier for the baby?

Children's fears are quite normal. And the fear of strangers is one of the first fears. As a rule, it appears in babies between eight months and six months and manifests itself differently in everyone.

Of course, psychologists could not help but pay attention to this children's fear and studied it thoroughly. We have collected their findings and answers to questions from concerned parents in this article.

Why is the baby afraid?

What happens to the baby that he suddenly begins to be afraid of strangers? There are several reasons for this fear:

Reason 1

Children at the age of "around the year" already have a good understanding of the differences between familiar and unfamiliar faces. They recognize loved ones and are wary in the presence of strangers, those whom they do not yet know or do not know well enough. For this reason, sometimes there are curious situations related to the fact that during this period the child can be frightened even by radical changes in the appearance of mom or dad. And nothing less than the arrival of a complete stranger. It is worth the mother to significantly change her image - and the baby does not immediately recognize her and even shuns her. He needs time to get used to the "new" mother.

Reason 2

The kid gradually begins to realize that his mother, the closest person to him, is not one with him. Therefore, her departure for the crumbs is a real tragedy, because he is afraid that she will leave forever. It is for this reason that a child may begin to shun even his beloved grandmother. And if, instead of his mother, unfamiliar people remain with him, then for him this is a nightmare at all.

Reason 3

Fear of strangers is a manifestation of the instinct of self-preservation. Indeed, by demonstrating alertness or even fear from the presence of strangers, the child thus attracts the attention of parents, shows them his concern and asks for protection.

Why are different children afraid in different ways?

Although most children have some degree of fear of strangers, they all react to strangers in different ways. If some babies simply do not trust strangers, shun them and try not to have anything to do with them, then others react much more violently, up to a loud roar or an attempt to run away from the “terrible stranger”. Any of these reactions are completely normal.

The strength of the manifestation of fear of strangers depends on several factors:

child's personality traits

Whatever one may say, there are extroverts, open to the world and those around them, who readily and with pleasure make contact, and there are introverts who are immersed in their own world and do not want to let “anyone” into it.

family lifestyle

When guests in the family are rare, and on the street the mother and child are walking away from people, then it is likely that the fear of strangers in the baby will be quite pronounced, because he is not used to strangers. Unwittingly provokes the emergence of fear of strangers and an overly timid mother, or an introverted mother.

behavior of guests and people meeting the child

If the baby is emotionally “attacked”, makes him a “goat” and promises to “show Moscow” a huge noisy “uncle” or an unfamiliar “aunt” kisses him passionately and for a long time from head to toe, then next time he is unlikely to want to become an obsessive object. attention of "suspicious" adults.

What should the parents of a "misanthrope" do?

Despite the fact that the period of a child’s misanthropy is not the easiest time for parents (especially if the parents themselves are sociable and open people), you still need to be patient and take into account a few tips that psychologists give. The rules formulated by experts for the relatives of the little "misanthrope" are simple and at the same time quite effective, they can significantly improve the situation and help the child.

What is important to remember?

If possible, do not plan any major changes in your child's life between the ages of eight and eighteen months. The first visit to a nursery, a vacation without a baby, or a mother’s going to work is best postponed until the time when the little “misanthrope” is no longer afraid of strangers. Usually everything returns to normal after a year and a half, although, of course, there are especially timid and sensitive children who need more time to overcome the fear of strangers and adapt to society.
Do not think that something wrong is happening to the baby, do not be shy about manifestations of unsociableness, because they are completely normal: most children are more or less prone to the fear of strangers. Don't blame the child, or yourself, or wrong upbringing, accept the current situation as a given and just wait, everything will definitely work out.
Try to give the baby as much attention as possible. Research shows that children who feel under reliable protection relatives, less often and to a lesser extent afraid of strangers.
If the child has to communicate with strangers, warn loved ones that you should not frighten the baby with excessive pressure, take it in your arms against his will, or promise to “eat such a sweet.”
Even the smallest "misanthrope" can and should be introduced to others in accordance with all the rules, be sure to introduce him to guests or "aunts" and "uncles" who met on the street. Demonstrate the joy of meeting with your whole appearance, take the child in your arms so that he feels protected, and introduce him to an adult, telling a little about the guest: “This is my friend Aunt Ira, she is very kind. I love her very much and miss her a lot."
Forget about the dubious method of parenting, in which naughty child they promise to give it back to “someone else’s uncle”, “policeman”, etc. Such promises can make a neurotic even out of a balanced child, and even a baby who is already experiencing difficult period fears of strangers, they can even harm.
Stick to the rule of a few "don'ts":

1. Do not force the child to "go out in public" by force.

2. Do not ask him to kiss or hug strangers or unfamiliar people and even more so to go to them.

3. Do not shame or ridicule the baby for being unsociable (in no case do you say something like “he is a coward with us” or “what are you like a little one”) and do not let others do it.

If you follow the above tips, then your baby will overcome this stage of growing up quickly and painlessly, and you will be much less nervous and worried.

As I encountered this problem, I searched the entire Internet in search of an answer to the questions - is this normal, do I need to do something about it and when will it pass. Found answers. I will briefly write what the essence and the matter is. Might be useful for someone too...

At the age of 7-8 months, babies begin to experience another “crisis”. I deliberately wrote this word in quotation marks, as some psychologists argue that it is wrong to call this stage of development a crisis. It's perfect new stage in social and intellectual development child. It lasts up to 3 years in boys and 2.5 in girls. But, of course, the manner of its manifestation is changing: if at 7-8 months a baby cries at the sight of a stranger, then after a year it will most likely just be shy. Why is this happening? It is at this age that a child either learns to love or not. First of all, he loves his mother or the person who constantly looks after him. The appearance of a stranger, who, as a rule, still does not look like a mother, subconsciously causes fear in the child that he will be separated from his mother, that he will be harmed. Persuasion at this moment will not work - the fear is subconscious.

There is another significant explanation. It is at this age that the child learns to move (crawl, walk). But intellectually, he is not yet developed enough to make his route safe, get far away from his mother and be able to stand up for himself. Therefore, nature has thought of everything - the child is afraid of subconscious level to lose my mother, hence the fear of being alone in the room, and the fear of strangers.

It turns out that by evaluating the intellectual and social development child, it is also taken into account whether the child has a fear of strangers. If there is, then this is a big fat plus. But there are also children who by nature quickly find mutual language with a stranger: it is enough for them to look at a stranger for a short time, hear his voice - and that's all, he is his own. It's really a talent given by nature to be flexible in dealing with other people. This is not the merit of education. But do not confuse this with the lack of fear of strangers. you can check whether this is a talent or a considerable minus in the development of a child if you go into an unfamiliar (namely unfamiliar - this is important!) Office in which you must sit stranger. A person should quickly get up at the sight of a child, come up and take the child from his mother in his arms. All this quickly without saying a word. if a child is afraid of a stranger, then there is fear, of course ...

It is believed that this stage begins to appear at the age of 7-8 months. But the numbers here may vary, as each child is individual. Often such fear begins to manifest itself at 9 and 10 months, for example ...

How to behave? Do not force the child to communicate with those whom he is afraid of. You need to give him a sense of protection, give him the opportunity to watch a new person from the side, then let the child touch the stranger himself (if you see that the child is ready for this). Perhaps it is worth for some period to refuse trips to crowded places. Remember, all this will pass! The very peak of such fear, as a rule, is short-lived! Visiting relatives and friends should be warned in advance so that they are not in a hurry to hug the baby and take him in his arms.

Well, that's all! Sometimes what at first scares or just worries is a huge leap in the development of our children, the main thing is to know about it and understand your baby! Health to your children! =)

Raising children takes a lot of time and effort. Every mom and dad dream of their child growing up and smart. Ideally, they want to raise socially active children who will make contact with their peers and be able to express their dissatisfaction. But not all kids get it. But what if the baby speaks badly, is afraid of other children and animals? Where to walk with a child, how to develop his abilities? Let's try to figure it out.

Possible reasons

If your baby does not like to be in crowded places, does not tolerate noise and companies, then this does not mean that he is not like everyone else. Sometimes children want to play on their own, but parents should also influence their child. Give his thoughts and actions the right direction.

If a child (2 years old) is afraid of children, this does not mean that he is autistic or abnormal. This may indicate that the baby was offended by other children. He could simply not understand what happened, but remember this and not want this situation to happen again. Almost all children remember the mistakes of the first unsuccessful experience well. It's no wonder they don't want to experience it again. negative emotions. It is unlikely that your child just like that, for no apparent reason, protects himself from other children.

All the actions of the child speak of the situations in which he has been. Children who rarely make contact with peers may be strongly attached to their mother and rarely go out into society. Because of these moments, the baby does not know how to behave and is not friends with children.

Norms for children at 2 years old

Initially, it is worth understanding the standards for children aged 2 years. If your baby does not perform all the actions that are described, or does not say all the words, do not despair. Perhaps you simply did not try to talk to him in his language, and help child psychologist absolutely not useful. Just make more time for your child.

Motor skills and physical development:

walks up and down the stairs. May lean on the railing or ask for the hand of an adult;
jumps over obstacles;
runs;
stands on a stand;
catches and throws the ball;
plays in children's outdoor games;
draws lines and circles/ovals;
able to bend down to pick up an object;
controls facial expressions: folds lips into a tube, retracts cheekbones;
kicks the ball.

Communication and words:

studies children on the playground, tries to interact with them,
can speak individual words and ask questions
plays hide and seek,
copying adults
asking for help
understands some everyday concepts,
shows how old, calls the name.

Hygiene and life:

eats and drinks independently
brushes his own teeth
goes to the potty
taking off and putting on panties
able to take off and put on shoes with a light fastener.

This small list refers to the standards. Each baby is individual, some do all of the above and even more, and some do not. Look at the development of your baby and do not miss the moment when you can interest him. Some parents teach all these procedures so that the child goes to kindergarten. Children 2 years old are usually taken to the garden, if there are no other conditions for education.

Why do children need to be social?

Modern parents in a century the latest technologies completely forget about simple truths. Even our ancestors passed on their experience and knowledge about the development of children, not only in educational activities, but mainly through games. The famous "Magpie-white-sided", "Ladushki", "Geese-geese" and other games are undeservedly forgotten. Although thanks to them it is possible to develop not only fine motor skills but also thinking, memory and perseverance.

Many children do not know how to properly communicate with peers. The problem comes from childhood, such people even in old age often unable to properly express their desires.

Adults set boundaries for communication and want children to conform to those activities. But it is worth understanding that each child has his own knowledge of the world, each kid is independently able to learn how to contact other children, communicate, play and even resolve conflicts. Therefore, do not try to express your point of view when it is inappropriate. The playground in the yard is a great place for kids to socialize.

Narrow social circle

In fact, the mother herself is more dependent on the child than he is on her. This psychological trap is often confusing and misleading. If a child constantly spends time only with mom, dad or grandmother, then the illusion arises that there is no need for other people. Therefore, when appearing on the street, a child (2 years old) is afraid of children or avoids, does not make contact.

There is an opinion that if the baby sees a limited circle of people, then in society he can behave aggressively. This is not because he has such a character, everything happens because he has no idea how to communicate in an extended circle. Due to the fact that the child constantly spends time with adults, it is easier for him to contact with them than with peers. By organizing children's activities, you (and your baby) will enjoy the process.

Actions of parents

Expand not only yours, but also your child's.
Change the environment.
Be friends with families - the more people, the better.
Play more children's outdoor games in the company of your baby's peers.
Show interest in activities with children.
Praise your child often.
Give easy tasks first, then more difficult ones. After the baby copes with the first, say that he can, you just need to think.
First teach the child to play, then ask to play.

Hedgehog gloves

In children who are brought up in strictness, more problems in communication than in children who are praised. Such a child will always have limits, try to please. Although in almost all cases, such requirements for children are too high. Because of this, the child withdraws into himself, because it is easier to be alone with his thoughts, where you will not be scolded, you will not be demanded, and you will not be constantly not as good as you should be.

After all, it is not without reason that children feel everything, and, accordingly, if your child (2 years old) is afraid of children, then he is simply not self-confident and anxious. With such a baby, children will behave coldly or rudely, to which the child will not respond, because at home this normal reaction to his actions.

With a child's low self-esteem, his anxiety and self-doubt increase. Such children often say that they cannot do anything. This means that the child is afraid of other children and needs your help. He doesn't know how to ask you and not get rejected. He is not confident in his abilities, although he would very much like to try.

early autism

by the most difficult case uncontact child is infantile autism. The playground in the yard does not cause joy, the child is closed in himself and is very convenient for parents. Such children can move objects while sitting in one place for an hour. modern medicine diagnoses such cases already in the first year of a baby's life.

Signs of early autism

Starting from infancy, the child does not experience the joy of communicating with relatives and mother.
When he is picked up, he does not seek to touch an adult or hug him.
Doesn't make eye contact.
Repeats many times the same phrase, movement, action. These children develop language late.
Autistic children walk on tiptoe or hop around with a thoughtful and detached expression on their faces.

If you have any suspicions that the child may be sick, then contact a specialist. Timely detection of the disease is half the work on it. After the examination, the doctor will say whether the baby is healthy or sick.

If, nevertheless, your child suffers from autism, then start with small household chores that he is able to complete on his own. Children's outdoor games will help you develop interest in communication. Get pets, they are very good at helping the child to realize responsibility and adapt to the world around.

Communication with children

Many children show their first reaction to peers in the form of aggression. This is not an alarming indicator, but a peculiar method of studying other children and the world. In such games, they can realize where is "mine" and where is "alien". Aggression is a primitive way of interacting with other children. You can call it the first level of acquaintance.

Children are very sensitive, they are able to capture emotions and attitudes towards themselves. But in order for the child to get used to communication and outgrow fear and aggression, he must feel the constant support of his mother. Over time, his behavior will change, but for now, the mother must prevent conflicts, attend children's events.

For example, a child (2 years old) is afraid of children because a toy was taken from him in the sandbox. When they try to take away his toy from your baby, and he is against it, then you should ask the offender: "Does my daughter mind you playing?" - or: "First ask Katya, then take it." This is necessary so that the child feels protected on your part and can defend his desires. After all, he is also a person, and it is necessary to respect his desires and protests. As time goes by, your child will begin to explain his rights to children on his own.

If you see that your baby is simply offended from scratch, do not stand aside. Tell the offender in a stern tone that you can’t do this. This is bad! It is unlikely that he will want to continue, but if this does not work, then take him aside bad child. Until the baby reaches the age of 3, you must fully protect him if he cannot cope on his own. At an older age, children understand what is possible and what is not, they remember very well how their mother supported them, and independently defend their point of view.

It happens that a previously inquisitive and sociable baby suddenly begins to be afraid of strangers or new places. And some children are fearful and cautious from birth, hard to endure new experiences and do not want to communicate with anyone except their relatives. This is very inconvenient for parents. Especially when there are older children in the family and things that require trips to different places, but there is no nanny with whom you can leave the baby.

Why does this happen, when will it pass and how to live with it?

The fact that the child begins to fear the new and unfamiliar is a completely natural and normal stage of development. Having learned to walk, the baby gains independence and is more exposed to various dangers. Along with growing physical abilities restraining mental factors to help you use skills safely. The ability to run fast is normally balanced by caution, and the desire for communication is restrained by the understanding that there are strangers in the world and not all of them can be benevolent.

It is at this age that children often experience painful separation from their mother and do not want to let her go even for a short time. Often it is the anxiety and fear of separation that causes the fear of new people and places. There are other reasons for uncomfortable behavior and reluctance to visit certain places: various fears (for example, a child was once very scared of something and now his fear spreads to all similar places), protest, desire to go to another place. First of all, it is worth knowing the reason - then it will be clearer what to do. But even if the reasons are not clear, there are some general recommendations.

The most important thing is to respect the needs of the child. In our culture, there is an opinion that you need to kick a wedge with a wedge and force you to do what is scary or not desirable. But if a child cries or resists, it means that he has a real need, and our task is to understand and satisfy it.

1. Watch your child

Pay close attention to what exactly scares him, what he doesn’t like, what causes inconvenience. It often happens that we ourselves exacerbate or ignore the problem, which is solved with minimal effort. In my practice, there was a case when a child had a tantrum on a walk when trying to enter the park. This became a great difficulty for my mother, because there was nowhere else to walk. Mom began to watch, and soon found out that the child was afraid of one particular poster that hung next to the entrance. Why he was afraid is another question. But the problem was solved easily and quickly - just go through another entrance.

2. Know it's not forever

Gradually, fears and anxiety will subside. Of course, temperamental features will remain, but children usually outgrow such pathological fearfulness, having gained life experience and strength. Parents can help them by staying calm, reliable and stable.

3. Try to take into account the characteristics of the child

And take care of it whenever possible. If it turns out to stay at home when he does not want to go somewhere, let him stay. Quite often it is a matter of competent planning and distribution of tasks. You should not drag the child to where he feels bad, for educational reasons, "to get used to it." This usually has just the opposite effect. It must be understood that extra stress develops not character, but anxiety. Development takes place best in a calm and comfortable environment- when a child does not need to defend himself and spend strength on resistance, they can be used to grow. You need to give him time and the opportunity to gently adapt to uncomfortable conditions.

But sometimes there are situations when the child has to face stressful situation. For example, there is no one to leave him with, but you definitely need to go to a terrible place. Here are some suggestions for such a case:

Try not to be nervous and not predict horrors. The calmer you are, the calmer baby, he feels and adopts your state.

- Tell your child in advance where you are going and why. Tell me in detail what will happen there. Even those children who do not yet speak are able to understand the main idea. Uncertainty worries the most, and when a child knows what to expect, he feels more confident.

In the process, comment on what you see, calmly tell what's what. This will help you not to be nervous yourself, and for the child it will be an indicator of your calmness, arouse his interest.

- If possible, let the child gradually get used to the place. Do not rush into the thick of the crowd at once, first look from a distance and approach slowly. Don't drag him to the dentist's office right away, but give him time to play in the lobby and look at the pictures on the walls.

You need to understand that the child needs much more time to get comfortable in new situation. Try to look at everything through the eyes of a child, as if for the first time. Perhaps you will see something that you did not notice before and will be able to understand it better.

- Look around for something interesting for the child. Pay attention to funny details.

Get ready to go - take it with you necessary set for all occasions, so as not to experience discomfort, if suddenly something is needed. Small snack, water, wet wipes, diapers or some change of clothes will save your nerves in case of surprises.

- Be sure to bring a few favorite toys and books with you. If he becomes scared, there will be something to switch attention to.

All work well interesting little things – bubble, small air balloons, stickers, etc. Watching bubbles (and doing any other fun and interesting business), it will be easier for the child to adapt to the place.

In the development of new territories for a child, the most important thing is your support, love and tranquility. Keep this in mind and please be tolerant and patient.