How to live an interesting life with a small child. How to have time to enjoy life every day? Too monotonous games
There are situations that can be classified as ideal, when the spouses part amicably, without special claims and insults to each other. IN similar situation it is much easier for a woman to live, because, as a rule, a man provides her with support, including material support, and spends enough time with their common child.
Thus, their child knows that he still has a mom and dad, they just live separately.
Of course, starting life anew after a divorce, even in such comfortable conditions not so easy, but you have to do it. No need to be discouraged and depressed. Many during this period go headlong into work, spend a lot of time in the gym and do everything possible to find themselves again, and small child left in the care of grandmothers, nannies, aunts, and so on. Over time, the situation will normalize, you just need to be patient.
Difficulties exist
Sometimes not everything goes as smoothly as we would like. In fact, the woman is left completely alone with the child in her arms, without any support and help.
Then you have to act immediately - plan in a new way family budget. Still, the child needs to be fed, clothed and given everything he needs. IN this case the most difficult thing is to find a balance between free time and work. Some dedicate themselves professional activity and simply do not notice what is happening around. Let them fully provide financially for themselves and their child, but this is not enough.
The child needs attention. And often parents try to compensate for his lack at the expense of expensive gifts, sweets, travel and other pleasant things.
If he does not maintain contact with his father at all, you do not need to tell him how a bad person is his dad. So in the head of a son or daughter a negative image will be created not only of his parent, but of all men in general. If a woman is raising a son alone, it is best to enroll him in sports section where the child would have a male mentor. Sometimes the role strong hand”can be played by an uncle or grandfather.
The girl, too, does not need to tell stories from the category that “everything is her ..”, otherwise she will think that all men are just like that, and she is unlikely to find family happiness in future.
In addition, you do not need to give up on yourself: do not stop looking after yourself, try to look good. One bad marriage- this is not a tragedy, but only life experience. Perhaps fate will give you a second chance to build strong family, and in children, thanks to this, there will be " new dad».
Related article
Even if the couple divorces quietly and peacefully, the period after the breakup is quite difficult in psychologically. How to survive it with dignity, not to fall into depression and not to commit rash acts?
Instruction
Immediately give yourself some time for experiences, do not drown them out, release emotions into the wild. Stress conditions are removed in different ways. Perhaps it will become easier for you if you throw out the negative by rearranging the furniture in the apartment. Or remove things from your eyes that remind you of ex-wife.
For some, a change of location will help. You can go to another city or just to the forest, to nature. New places will distract from gloomy thoughts, give vivid impressions. And nature will calm, pacify.
If this option does not suit you, try spending a few evenings in a cozy home environment. Take a bath with pleasant aroma, listen to your favorite music, watch a good movie. Just sit in a chair, wrapped in a blanket, not thinking about anything, relaxing.
When you feel that you are able to communicate, call your loved ones,
With daughter Amelia
Very often I hear the opinion of young girls that as soon as children appear, “life ends”. Of course, if for someone "life" is to go to clubs, hangouts and parties, walk all night and get drunk .... That yes, at normal parents there is no such possibility. But this does not mean at all that life with children should turn exclusively into washing, changing diapers, cooking and cleaning. Some women simply drive themselves into the framework of a nanny - a housekeeper, moreover, according to own will And they don't understand it at all! Alas, many people have a stereotype in their heads that a young mother should be exhausted, tortured, only take care of the child and scrub the floors, limiting herself for at least a year in communicating with friends, hobbies and visiting interesting places.
Let's have fun together too)
I would really like to prove to young parents that this is not so !!! It is worth realizing that this child has come to us, it is necessary to accept him and show him your life, adapt him, and not subordinate your life exclusively to care. Moreover, a happy child can only grow up in a family where parents are satisfied with life, with themselves, and are not angry that they cannot go anywhere or do what they love ... Or, even worse, when young mothers begin to feel a lot negative emotions, including subconsciously to the child, because the husband runs away from home for entertainment, and the wife has to sit within four walls ... Such marriages are teeming with quarrels and often end in divorce, so it is very important not to forget about yourself and rest!
All photos are clickable)
We walk around St. Petersburg
Is it possible to do everything with children? And live full life when there are children? Of course you can!!!
Do not be afraid to take out and take the child to various public places, after all, it has long been proven that if a child spends the first year of life in home sterility and does not encounter the ordinary world, does not use his immunity, then then he is provided with permanent illnesses.
What to do with small children? Where to go with the whole family with a child?
Let's go for a walk in Pskov
It so happened that we began to travel with my daughter as soon as she was a week old. There were a lot of cases, I was in business and dragged her everywhere, wherever possible! It seems she was only a couple of weeks old when we went out to the Chinese restaurant for the first time. Where we have been known for a long time, my husband dined there for 10 years, so we were sure that this would not cause negative emotions among the staff. Fortunately, the baby slept all the time, we were able to chat with friends, relax, I fed her hiding behind a large menu, and we generally had a great time. And most importantly, we realized that we can get out to our favorite places with a child.
Our tango threesome)
As soon as the baby began to hold her head, we remembered dancing. After all, my husband and I met in tango classes. As it turned out, Small child There is no reason to leave them at all. Moreover, dancing, like nothing else, helps to regain good shape. And for my husband, it was not a weak physical activity.
Just as easy with a carry (or with a sling, who uses it) turned out to visit interesting exhibitions, walk around the city, go to visit ... When the baby was not even a year old, we even went with her to the planetarium, to the cinema, visited a scientific exhibition. And how many museums went around with her abroad !!!
at the stable
We ride horses, my daughter looks out of the stroller)
We celebrated our daughter's four months at the stable. She looked at the horses with interest, and then fell asleep, because it was outside the city and fresh air there was - at least eat with spoons. We rode horses, ate rustic food - the owners baked delicious real pancakes for us, rested just great! We only regretted that we came for a day, and not for a few days. My daughter breathed in nature and was so calm!
The kid is not a hindrance to your favorite activities, but an additional incentive!
As soon as spring came, we got our favorite videos. As it turned out, daily walks with a stroller can be so exciting!!! And I immediately began to lose weight, because nothing burns fat better than roller skates. Now, when the second baby was born, we are looking forward to spring again, and we hope that we will find small roller skates for sale for a two-year-old daughter to go, for example, to Krestovsky Island for the whole day and ride there with the whole family, while the baby will be just watch the flickering trees from the stroller and breathe in the fresh air.
Stockholm
When my daughter was half a year old, we went to the first. Yes, it was very exciting, so we chose a small one to start with. We would have gone earlier, but there was no sea navigation in winter. Well, then we went, from there we went to Morocco, then almost ... And from there we traveled with the baby to Malaysia, and to Vietnam, and ... Yes, we visited a lot of places with the whole family, and I can definitely say that those who are afraid to travel with a small child and are waiting for his turn of three years to “begin”, take a big risk! Because the child who has been sitting at home before will have big problems with acclimatization, and immunity is not prepared, and most importantly - the psyche. Our daughter is so accustomed to falling asleep in one country, waking up in another, sleeping in different hotels, seeing different sights, in general, constantly getting a lot of new impressions, that she takes everything calmly and feels at home everywhere.
Hong Kong waterfront walk 
Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh City, Saigon 
in Tallinn 
In Thailand 
Amelia and Barack Obama))) Helsinki, Finland 
Ferry to Stockholm 
On Koh Samui 
In Morocco with two grandmothers) 
In Kuala Lumpur 
This is us in Spain 
In Kuala Lumpur, weightlessness simulator 
On a ship to Scandinavia, 6 months. 
Amelia in front of the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur 
In Stockholm 
Food that is always with you) In Sweden. Sand! 
In Spain, Malaga 
Our Friendly family in Dream World Park 
Paradise Park 
Paradise Park, Koh Samui, Thailand
And on airplanes he calmly plays, eats, sleeps ... Goes about his own business, even when flights (for example, a year from Thailand to Russia) last 10 hours. Psyche home child just can't handle that kind of experience! So I advise you to start traveling with a small child as early as possible! Now we are looking forward to spring to finally go with the whole family with two children already to Europe!!!
Open, tango threesome
When my daughter was six months or eight months old, we even went to open-air dances in the open air, in summer and autumn they take place every weekend on the spit of Vasilyevsky Island. And a year later, she herself was already dancing there, delighting those around her with her rhythm in a year and 9 months)
Rest - so everyone together!
And recently I went with my daughter for the first time (in the city) to the pool. It was just a delight! Now we will go once or twice a week. I look forward to when my son turns one month old and we will all walk together. Either we go with my husband and bathe all together, or, if it is a weekday, we take our grandmother-mother with us. If doing in different groups early swimming by age, then you can first swim with your daughter, then give it to your grandmother, go to class with the baby yourself, and then relax in the children's room for another half hour. And the eldest will play enough, and everyone will buy up! You can even let your grandmother go for a swim in the adult pool while we play. And neither winter stops us, nor the fact that we need to take a minibus (there is no car now), and the road from two year old, who is interested in everything around, takes more than an hour ... But after that she fell asleep an hour earlier and slept soundly all night. Yes, and I also had a lot of fun with her, I also dragged her in my arms, because I didn’t take a shift for her, that I even lost half a kilo in weight right away). After . My son was 3 weeks old at the time! Of course, he was not bathed, most of the time he slept under the sound of water.
He is alive!)
Of course, some things still had to be abandoned, for example, we began to take care of ourselves more and participate less in risky entertainment. When you realize that you have a dear defenseless little man, you can no longer climb into the pool with live crocodiles ... But go to nature with your baby and take turns swimming on a wakeboard, paragliding, running on jumpers ... Yes, you can do anything, even go fishing, the main thing - all together!
Get more out in nature 
master new way movement 
Anywhere, anywhere, remember your favorite activities 
Sometimes turn everything upside down 
Always looking for something new 
Believe in yourself
Try and win, even if only yourself Try to take off 
Learn new things
Most women are faced with the fact that, being on maternity leave, they no longer belong to themselves. They often hear that now personal life is over and they must live for the child, giving all their time and energy to him, otherwise there is a risk of being labeled a bad mother. But a woman is also a person. She has her own interests and needs, and she just wants to have at least some free time for herself. How to make sure that the development of the child does not suffer, and the mother does not feel like a squeezed lemon?
At proper upbringing by the age of three, the mother begins to feel freer. But before three years you still have to live, so it makes sense to talk about how to make life easier for yourself during this period.
What to do with a child?
1. Young children often like to tear papers. It's good for development fine motor skills which is related, among other things, to the development of speech. And for mom, this is a great opportunity to buy yourself some time. Enough to provide the child with plenty of paper. Better if it will plain paper without printing, so that the child does not swallow the paint if he wants to put it in his mouth.
2. If the child likes to play in the water, you can provide him with a bowl of warm water and toys. It’s good if there is a rubber mat under the basin (this will eliminate the need to make repairs to the neighbors below). Cleaning after such games does not take much time, but the baby will be busy for a long time.
3. Best toys- things of adults. No matter how much various toys in a child, he will still be drawn to those things that his parents “play”. You can give your child something that is difficult to break: a dusting brush, a saucepan, an old phone charger, etc.
4. Salty dough - great alternative plasticine. It is much easier to sculpt from it; it is not smeared, like plasticine, over everything that surrounds the child; even if the child tries to eat it, it will not be poisoned. Usually it is enough to lick once so that you no longer want to pull. salty dough into the mouth. And thanks food coloring, you can make it in different colors.
5. Games that the child can play for a long time and with enthusiasm can help. For example, these can be children's designers on Spok.ua.
6. Walking on the playground with good friends, you can free up your time by taking turns looking after the children. This will allow, for example, to go to the store.
7. Depending on the age and nature of the child, you can leave him under the supervision of teachers in special children's rooms, which are usually found in large shopping centers.
How to relax mom?
Even if the child is supervised or busy with something for a long time, mothers often cannot afford to relax, using the free time for cooking, washing, ironing, etc., so that later free time spend with the child. Such a regime does not leave time for rest and mothers will still be tired and wound up, despite the fact that the child is more often engaged on his own.
Every day you need to devote at least a little time only to yourself: go for a walk alone or with friends, listen to your favorite music so that no one is guaranteed to distract you, do what you love (it doesn’t matter if it’s cross-stitching or exercising in the gym), etc. Even if there will not be very much free time, it is important that a woman can spend it the way she wants. This will help you get through the period relatively calmly. early childhood, preserving the nerves and health of the mother without prejudice to the child.
(not mine, but very good thoughts!)
So, what can you do to not complicate your life:
1. Adhere to the principles of natural parenting as much as it is convenient for you. Sleep with your baby if it improves the quality of your sleep, feed on demand, as it is natural and saves everyone's nerves.
2. Moderate your bigotry. If it doesn't work with planting, then don't plant. If the child does not want to dive, then do not force him to do it.
3. Learn to ask for help from loved ones and learn to accept it. Invite friends and family to mop the floor and cook food.
3. Less listening to other people's opinions and more listening to yourself. Hang in a conspicuous place the mantra "I - best mother your child” and look at her more often.
4. Walk more often with a child in a sling and be in society. In the store, at a party, in the park. Find interesting communication for yourself.
5. Gather a company of several moms and spend time together doing something interesting: yoga, crafts, whatever. Because, as the proverb says, “it takes a whole village to raise one child.”
6. Find an interesting activity for YOURSELF that you could do with your child and regularly devote time to this.
7. Less visit to the children's clinic.
8. When you are invited somewhere or you want to do something interesting for yourself, do not think “now I have a child, I have to deny myself a lot”, but think “how can I organize everything so that I get to where I want to be with my child." As much as possible include the child in any adult activity.
9. Go to classes for mothers with children. If you do not have them in your city, then organize them yourself. Experience shows that the need for them is great.
10. Find an opportunity to spend at least half an hour a day (and then more) alone, returning to yourself and your needs. Let your husband, grandmother, nanny or someone else you trust be with the child at this time.
11. Exercise Regularly physical activity and your health. If something hurts, treat it immediately.
12. Make taking care of yourself as important as taking care of your child. Because if you do not take care of yourself, then there will be no one to take care of the child.
13. Buy yourself nice clothes.
14. If possible, hire a babysitter for a few hours a week, or bring in grandmothers to free yourself.
15. In your free time, do exactly YOURSELF, and not the necessary household chores.
16. Travel with babies, since such children are easier to tolerate climate change, airplanes, and it is easier to feed them.
17. Listen to audiobooks while walking with a stroller, watch a movie, try to get new information every day.
18. If you enjoy working, find an opportunity to work a little. Or change activities so that you can work in front of the child.
19. Stop whining and start doing something.
20 Give your husband a “tool” to calm the child (fitball for motion sickness, a comfortable sling to wear), teach him, leave detailed instructions, help him at first, and then you can devote more time to yourself, and your husband will feel confident and enjoy communicating with the child.
21. Communicate less often with relatives who annoy you. Or not communicate at all.
23. Talk more with friends, talk about yourself and your affairs.
24. If it is impossible to go to a holiday, arrange it at home, invite guests.
25. Do something new every day, like walking a new route.
26. Leave the sacrificial position and take the initiative, arranging comfortable life just for yourself.
27. Contact a specialist if necessary.
28. Solve problems with your mom, if any. good method- Hellinger arrangements. If you can't decide, keep the impact of your conflicts to a minimum.
29. Find an opportunity to be with your husband just the two of you, take a walk, give warmth to each other. Then it will be easier for you to find contact when caring for a child.
30. Let go of perfectionist attitudes like “I will give my child the best.” Just give him the good stuff. So it will be easier for you to live, and it will be easier for the child to grow.
Outside the window, snowflakes curl and softly fall. A table lamp in a shabby lampshade is barely lit, quietly ticking Wall Clock. A beautiful young girl sits in an armchair near the window. Her face, as if on an icon, glows with some unique mournful beauty. She is delicate, with bleached skin and bottomless blue eyes, under which lie the shadows of long sleepless nights and emotional agonizing loneliness. The whole world, the whole universe, the whole truth is visible in her eyes. She sits and crochets tiny baby booties. No, she mends tiny white rompers with pink flowers, from time to time she stops, closes her tired eyes, takes a deep breath. No, she's tearfully studying a magazine" Happy parents ", a story about the role of dad in raising a baby. Next to the chair, awkwardly, and as if interfering, there is a small baby crib. On its back, a washed-out baby blanket with a bunny casually hangs. In the crib, peacefully snoring, the baby sleeps. Glorious, a rosy-cheeked baby, her face concentrated, as if she is thinking in a dream, this carefree sweet baby who has never seen her father in her life.
Approximately, this is how life seemed to me, and in particular me myself, if I left my husband. In moments of severe depression, the colors of this picture became completely gloomy: there was a dark underground passage, damp and slippery steps, gray damp diapers and my lowering hand, firmly holding the sleeping baby, while the other hand was stretched out before the feet of passers-by, in the hope of at least some kind of alms.
In fact, everything turned out a little differently. There was simply no time for empathy. And I didn’t fix the sliders, but I just went and bought new ones. Feeling the happiness of motherhood, I unexpectedly felt an unimaginable surge of new, completely indescribable strength.
For the welfare of my own child, I was able to move mountains. Own "I" in itself disappears somewhere, and together with laziness, selfishness and tantrums. From somewhere come the strength and the desire to work, mine, strive and live ... And to live to the fullest, passionately reveling in the possibilities of one's own.
When I first left my husband, my daughter was not yet two months old. My husband returned not for the first time drunk and drunk, and before falling near the sofa, he said that I would go to hell with my daughter. Holding the crying baby tightly to my chest, I realized that I would be much better off anywhere, but not with this moral monster, and not in this apartment.
I am convinced that each of you has such a friend who will not refuse you even for little time shelter you in spite of the child.
Remember that absolutely hopeless situations does not exist. Turn off emotions: hatred, anger at the whole world, what happened, happened. Just turn on the mind and live on, for the sake of your baby.
How to survive alone with a small child
Sometimes, it seems that one's own arrogance and decisiveness of the actions taken are simply dumbfounding. I just quickly left everything in the car, children's things and essentials easily fit into the bath where my baby bathes. And I left, so that, but not to live with a tyrant. How often do people pity and sympathize with other people, especially single women with baby. Everyone treated me with big love and endless understanding. I began to build my own life, I had to learn to live alone without a husband.My child got a lot of attention, everyone carried it in their arms, showered it with gifts and all kinds of trinkets, and sometimes gave it to me only when it was necessary to feed my baby. I myself was pitied and sympathized with me, praised for my courage and endurance, because not everyone can live alone with a child, and everyone said that everything would be wonderful. Sometimes people just need drama and its cardinal decisions, but only in someone else's life, necessarily someone else's.
Making me strong and independent
The next day, after leaving my husband, I realized that I really miss home. It's like a withdrawal from a drug addict. I can’t say for sure what exactly I didn’t get, but I was tormented, staggering around from corner to corner, and all this time only one question did not leave me. How to survive alone with a small child in her arms. I didn’t even know where to put myself and what to do with myself, all this time I understood that everything that surrounds me is alien to me.How many times have I wanted to return to my husband, even if it’s bad there, even if he doesn’t love me, just return to ask, no, beg for forgiveness, kneeling down in front of my beloved husband. Just not to live alone with a child after a divorce.
After all, then it seemed to me that it was very simple - to love! When there is me, my husband is our child, and all this is ours, our life.
In the end, I could not stand it and called first. It seemed that my heart was trembling as if we would communicate for the first time. As I talked to him, I kept remembering how he loved me, pampered me, bringing me a tray of fruit and tea to bed, how he hugged me, sometimes waiting for an hour until I woke up from sleep. How we wandered in the park, together, holding hands tightly, when our lives were filled with happiness.
He came for me and my daughter so depressed, not well-groomed, he immediately felt so sorry for him. He took a baby bath with daughter's things, me and our baby. On the way to the taxi, we did not let go of our hands, and I understood that this is happiness. And I kept driving and thinking how good it is that I don’t need to fill my head with thoughts of how to live alone with a child.
The next time he drank himself insane, I left a second time. But this time I no longer had despair, I knew that I was not alone! I knew that survive alone with a small child Can. I was just sick of myself, from understanding how I could return to this monster, I only became disgusted.
I was able to hold out for a long time without him, it seems that I have already got used to the idea that you can live alone with a child. But over time, past feelings came flooding back and I began to yearn and get bored. Then, from mutual acquaintances, I learned that my husband fell ill with pneumonia and was at home with a huge temperature. I, without hesitation, came to him, and to my misfortune, we reconciled again.
How much water has flowed under the bridge since then, how many more departures and promising returns have followed. But each time, I understood more and more that we different people. That it's time to leave forever and try to survive alone with a small child in her arms.
For that, all these partings taught me to live, moreover, not just to live, but taught me, how to live alone with a child without housing. For myself, I figured out a few conclusions.
If you leave, do not make my mistakes, do not return to the tyrant. Just think that after all, he, in fact, does not care at all for you and for the child.
Remember the rule, if you are determined to leave your husband, wait at least one day. After all, the simplest solution is to run away from your problems and your offender. But remember that the more hasty your departure from your husband was, the more painful and longer the torment will be, and with them the accompanying grief and suffering. Care is in the so-called educational purposes, can only be effective once.
You need to take care of your livelihood in advance, because the child needs to eat, and so do you. But do not panic, because the child does not need very much.
Majority girls goes to an abortion out of horror and fear, as they believe that it is almost impossible to survive alone with a small child. It's almost out of the question. Almost every newspaper has advertisements for a wide variety of vacancies. You just need to take and overcome yourself.
When you take a newspaper with vacancies, then just drive away the emerging negative feelings: horror, self-pity for your beloved, disgust and, most importantly, hatred for your baby's dad. Remember, it is the latter that must be eliminated once and for all.
Don't torture yourself past feelings They just don't exist and never will. Do not waste your precious time that you can spend on your favorite baby. Do not build magic castles, inventing for yourself what has not been and will not be. Just open yourself up to new relationships. Live for yourself and your child. And believe me, if you are destined to meet your prince, you will definitely meet him.
If one of the relatives can support you and the child for at least a few months, do not waste a day, take care of your education. Learn a foreign language, go to distance courses in accounting or, for example, in financial accounting. The main thing is not to sit still, develop, strive. And you will definitely succeed. And the most important thing, survive alone with a small child when you have your own business in life, much easier.
Only after enduring temporary, albeit great difficulties, hardships with your head held high, give your love to your baby. This may be the biggest test of your life.