What difficulties do parents of two-year-olds face? If your parents divorced during your childhood, you will have a bad relationship with them. Your behavior in kindergarten determines how you learn and look for work.

28.04.2019

With whom to be friends, be like everyone else or stand out from the crowd (but how?), How not to quarrel with parents, where to find money and time for entertainment and trinkets, whether you need to look for a guy (girl), whether to start leading sex life, whether to trust your secrets to friends / girlfriends or parents, whether to run away from lessons or study, how to pass exams, where to enter, who to be, how to be, what to do ...

Surely each of us knows what it is like to throw out our aggression on others, when the head is a complete mess and everything around seems unreal. What is so annoying and confusing for teens at this age? And from which side does the annoying factor affect? Let's try to understand the situation.

School community

Often unjustified outbursts of violence happen precisely in the school where the personality of a person is formed. The way the child communicates with the class, the class with him, is very important. But the main mood is always set by the teacher, because subconsciously many children copy him, listen to his opinion.

A careless sharp remark, to some extent humiliating the personality of a child, a sidelong glance, an insult - both children, like "scavengers", rush to this "food" for thought, and accidental (and sometimes intentional) statements of the teacher turn into a real "bullying" ... Not “hunting”, no, they have no real arguments for this (they will not be able to answer the question “why don’t you like him / her?”), They only intimidate, drive, persecute.

Nazism, intolerance of differences

In almost any class there are guys who differ from the main mass in outward signs- skin color, eye shape, etc. The most common reaction of classmates is aggression. And, actually, why? Apparently because in recent times socially in our society too many stereotypes and far-fetched prejudices. Why this happens - the reason must be sought in common system education and ideology in the country, because such nonsense as racial prejudice in the brain of a person initially cannot and should not be, by definition.

When a child finds himself in an already formed group, the class often refuses to accept the newcomer benevolently. Severe persecution and humiliation begins. It's really hard, few people can imagine themselves in the place of an outcast - only those who have gone through something similar.

Informal appearance

Each of us has the right to express ourselves. Conflicts are always created by those in the majority. If the appearance of a teenager stands out in some way against the general background, most often he is mistaken for a homosexual. Moreover, not only the guys think so, but also the authorities, directing a lot of energy to the fight against subcultures (although there are more important problems in the country, and nothing can be solved by banning and persecuting informals).

Quote: “If the state pays for secondary education, it has the right to demand that in educational institutions values, ideologies and subcultures alien and harmful to the state were not promoted ”. I wonder who I mean: hippies, punks, emo, skaters, rappers - who? Maybe it would be wiser to tighten criminal penalties for crimes motivated by racial intolerance?

As an analogue to this situation, one can cite the way of fighting drugs: if on your personal plot more than three poppy plants were found, then you will have to explain for a long time that you are not a drug dealer. And what about heroin, plying tons of heroin around the country, while the control service is seriously uprooting from the gardens of the inhabitants innocent and, by the way, very beautiful flowers(well, really, are three flowers really a plantation, and heroin can be produced from them)?

Well, back to the question of subcultures. Of course, Goth or Emo cannot be called "positive", but the fact that they are based on the idea of self-destruction can hardly be called true. Firstly, there are practically no true or true emo now - there are teenagers who imitate them in the style of clothing. And they, as a rule, are no different from children who are not assigned to any subculture. And secondly, thoughts of suicide at certain moments can arise in any person (reflections, but not aspirations). And if a person decides to commit suicide - is it really the subculture's fault? No no and one more time no. These are exclusively personal mental characteristics, coincidence of life circumstances and all the same notorious stereotypes, perceived according to the scheme: heard - did not accept / accepted - tried on myself - did / did not... Just "did not accept" and "did not do" is an indicator that a person this person whole and not subject to harmful and stereotyped influences.

Disadvantaged children

They are usually worse dressed than most of their classmates and do not have too much high marks(of course, not always). They have an equal chance of becoming both outcasts and those who humiliate and suppress others. But more often than not, they become objects of hatred. Simply put, with their help it is easier to self-actualize those children who do not have skills, talents and advantages. In such an environment, complexes, self-doubt and anger only multiply. And everything can end with the fact that such children will not be able to become full-fledged members of society. Not the most promising prospects.

Excellent students

Yes Yes. Excellent students. They are not interested in fashion magazines, cool video games - they learn, learn well and have fun. According to psychologists, it is "Nerds" have the least developed strength will... Simply put, because of fear (and also from the subconscious hope of earning respect and friendship), they cannot refuse when they are asked to “roll”, write off a home or test, they are afraid to complain or adequately respond to bullying. The same problems in overly modest children, in children with low level sociability.

Pain addiction

The world has begun new wave adolescent psychosis... Teenagers sit on pain like a needle. Due to misunderstanding on the part of parents, peers and the whole world, they found new exit out of mental anguish - hurting yourself physically... Scars, cuts, bruises, burns, dislocations - teenagers mutilate themselves by replacing wounds mental wounds bodily. It's not about masochism, not about the pleasure of pain, but about the fact that for many it is the only efficient way take off nervous tension... Like a drug, like alcohol.

So, here they are, the main risk factors and their consequences. In fact, problem solving transitional age can solve everything social problems : society will consist of full-fledged people who are able to think independently, with a high level of intelligence and high moral standards, people who will not be influenced by alcohol and cigarettes, who will enjoy life, take care of the world and make it better.

Sounds like utopia. It is unlikely that this problem will be completely solved in the near future. But at least we can take a step forward towards the dream.

The constant "I don't want, I won't." Proof that the child has desires. Advice: you can offer the child a choice without a choice: what will you be - a banana or a pear? What kind of jersey will you wear - blue or yellow? This is his desire, he himself chose, and not imposed on him. So the child will feel their importance and that their opinion is taken into account.
"He achieves everything with tears, freaks out for any reason, is capricious"... Ask yourself a question: do I hear him, do I understand when he asks for something without tears? It is important for a child, like an adult, to defend their boundaries, to defend their interests. Sometimes, adults only hear him when he screams or cries. Advice: under no circumstances forbid crying! Since he is crying, there is a reason, caress, hug, calm down. Make it clear that even now you love him. Then calmly ask: what does he want?
"He achieves his goal with a wild, piercing screech, and arranges recumbent strikes." Thus, the child checks the limits of what is permitted, tries to manipulate. Advice: if you decide not, then firmly not. Once you follow the child's lead and give what you want in response to his screeching or lying strike, this will be constant behavior. He will know - that this is the way to achieve what he wants. But, if he realizes that in this way he will not achieve his goal, this behavior will not be repeated.
"The word cannot not understand, categorically does not accept any, it is impossible"... Indeed, children often react negatively to prohibitions, especially not to speak. Put yourself in the shoes of a child if we can't talk all the time? How does it feel? Advice: there should be few prohibitions, only what is really impossible (touching the stove, hitting mom in the face). But these prohibitions must be permanent and never canceled, even as an exception. If you prohibit something, then be sure to explain why it is not allowed? Notice in what tone you pronounce this word? The child will get used to these prohibitions, they are adequate, understandable for him. In other cases, you cannot replace the word with another, for example, dangerous. And use positive constructs more often. For example, an apple has fallen to the floor, the child wants to pick it up and eat it. instead of an apple - take a banana, the apple is dirty.
"They settled in their arms again." At 1 year old, the child separates from the mother, begins to move independently, then he ceases to like the separation, because the mother can also leave, so they settle in their arms. Advice: ask yourself a question - am I paying enough attention to the child? Attention must be of high quality! You can be near the child all day, but at the same time - the phone, the Internet, the TV - and there is practically no attention to the child. Is physical contact enough? Hug the child, stroke, indulge. Then he will be sure that mom is there, and there will be no need once again hold on to it, hang on your hands.
"You have to do everything yourself: put on shoes, get dressed. Any attempt to help is accompanied by a negative one." Beautiful time to instill in the child the quality of independence! Advice: encourage any attempt to do something yourself and praise! Be sure to ask if you can help him. In order not to rush the child, start getting ready for a walk a little earlier, for example. The next step towards growing up is when the child realizes that he cannot cope and asks for help himself. Now we only help when he asks for it. Trying to do everything for the child, we are doing him a disservice. First, we teach that they will do everything for him (what is his kindergarten will?). Secondly, we suggest that he cannot cope on his own, that he is incapable.
"Began to be greedy." The child begins to understand that there is someone else's and there is mine. And he, like any adult, does not always want to give his own. Advice: the child decides for himself whether to share or not. These are his things, toys, he is their owner. Do not put pressure on him or shame in any way. If you decide to share, be sure to praise. If they share with him, please note that the kid shared the toy with him, how great and pleasant it is.
"Has become very constant: without a panama and will not go for a walk, look for a panama, and that's it"... For kids great importance has consistency in everything, from regime to clothing. Advice: small children perceive any changes as a potential danger. The world is impermanent = the world is not safe. Try to stand in the child's place, understand him, this will help you survive these, as it sometimes seems, whims (I gave the wrong cup, put the chair in the wrong place ...).
Became aggressive. Aggression in a child is generated only in response to an adult's aggression. Is there no aggression in your behavior? Or maybe the child is just your reflection - look inside yourself, is there a source of hidden aggression - who are you angry with? For what? Advice: in no case forbid the child to show aggression, do not scold or shame him for these feelings! Talk to him, call the emotion a word (you are angry now). First, the child will not be afraid that something is wrong with him, that he is not like everyone else. Secondly, he will know that his mother understands him, and there will be more confidence in his mother. Draw anger or sculpt it from plasticine, dance, throw the ball against the wall, that is, help the child throw out negative emotions so that they do not stay inside, this is very important. Exercise periodically to express your aggression (you can shout in the woods or hit the sofa with a wet towel).

Remember that right now you are laying down the qualities of the child's personality and forming his character. How do you want to see him in the future? So that he was a meek, obedient, comfortable person for other people? Or a confident person who knows what he wants and makes decisions on his own?

Almost everyone has heard the phrase "all problems from childhood", but few understand why this is true. This is very easy to explain and understand from a hypnosis perspective. In this article I will tell you why and how many non-constructive subconscious patterns are laid in childhood, and what can be done about it.

Consciousness and subconsciousness

If we simplify the model of consciousness to the most important, we have consciousness - our thinking, as we understand it - and subconsciousness. The subconscious mind is an unlimited storage of all information received during life, as well as beliefs, habits and character traits. The subconscious is our true self. Between these levels there is a special filter - which protects information in the subconscious mind from unwanted changes and finds in the environment "facts" that confirm its truth.

"Children's" hypnosis

Critical thinking Is a mechanism for comparing existing information with new information. And this means that critical thinking is formed and developed only to the extent that the subconscious is already filled with information with which something can be compared. If there is nothing in the subconscious yet, there is nothing to compare the new information with, and everything instantly passes into the subconscious and is fixed at the level of automatic associations.

This is what allows young children to learn so quickly, and this is what makes them very vulnerable and susceptible to negative "programming". Young children simply do not have critical thinking, so they believe in Santa Claus, monsters under the bed, and so on. Because hypnosis is about bypassing critical thinking to send ideas directly to the subconscious, young children are constantly in hypnosis. They are very suggestible and almost always anything said to them, especially from authoritative people, instantly becomes their reality and picture of the world.

The child's brain constantly absorbs everything around and builds associative connections. If something hurtful, painful or frightening happens, it is also recorded and instantly takes its place in the storage of the subconscious. This rarely immediately leads to any problems, but the formed connection remains.

How childhood associations become an adult problem

The initial connection is so weak that it is not felt in any way and does not lead to anything. But if subsequent events cause the child to re-experience the feeling that he felt "then, for the first time", the connection is strengthened. New events like this continue to strengthen the association until the moment it turns into a problem, when a symptom appears - irrational fear, insecurity, or other problems. It is the first occurrence of a symptom that most clients mistakenly believe to be the cause of their problem. This is nothing more than an event that "triggered" the problem, but it is not the cause. The real reason- this is the first association that developed much earlier.

Initial association errors

Why did the association lead to the problem? Because it was wrong, it was not connected with reality, it was incorrect. Events that are trivial for an adult often become matters of life and death for a child. Have you ever broken something that belonged to your parents? How did you feel when you thought about how they would swear? How do children feel when ice cream is not bought for them or when their toys are taken away in kindergarten? For them, these are events of extreme importance.

Children do not have the knowledge, experience, or critical thinking to separate the important from the unimportant. If a little girl broke her mother’s lipstick and was punished, associations may arise that “I am bad,” “I am not worthy of love,” “I cannot take anything in my hands,” etc., accompanied by an unpleasant feeling.

And since the child does not have critical thinking, this association becomes an automatic program of the subconscious. If other situations, even after many years, cause the same feelings, the initial association is strengthened more and more. And if there was a problem, this association was "activated".

Therefore, many years later, having dropped a folder with papers, she can burst into tears and fall into hysterics, causing extreme bewilderment of those around her. Because at this moment she does not react to a folder with papers, but to her mother's broken lipstick. And he reacts automatically, subconsciously, without understanding how it happened, and feeling ashamed of the whole situation. Critical thinking, which was not in childhood, is firmly formed at this stage and protects this non-constructive association of the subconscious, like any other. Therefore, efforts of will, rethinking the situation or consulting psychologists do not help.

"Edit Mode"

Reflexes, habits and subconscious associations can help save energy and time. What has sunk to the subconscious level does not need conscious comprehension, like driving a car. Saving time and effort allows you to devote attention to something else. Therefore, such automatic associations are a survival tool. And due to their importance, a person does not have the ability to change them at will, for this you need "admin rights".

Despite limited access to their own subconscious, nature has endowed every person with the ability to edit it. The state of hypnosis, which is the state of consciousness of the person himself, is the very "editing mode". It is in it, when critical thinking is inactive, that you can rewrite the first incorrect association, correcting its perception for a new one. And when this is done, there is no more negative feeling and wrong thoughts - and the problem disappears. All the events of many years that overlapped the first episode and exacerbated the problem before the symptom appeared, collapse like a house of cards. A person acquires a free life, and this is his own merit and his personal change.

The state of hypnosis is given to every person, you just need to know how to use it. And then everyone can make their life as free, comfortable and joyful as they want.

Use your critical thinking and love your subconscious mind.

Much of what happens to a person in childhood has an impact on his future. There is no recipe for success and happiness, yet psychologists have identified several factors that lead to a more successful life.

Get to know them to find out which ones were present in your childhood.

Researchers found that more high level income is guaranteed not only high intelligence, good socioeconomic status of parents and educational level, but also the desire to break the rules and unwillingness to obey parents. Softer and more flexible children earn less because they do not always know how to stand up for themselves.

If your parents fought in front of you, you will adapt better.

Everything is good in moderation. Children from families with constant quarrels do worse in adulthood... But children from families where conflicts took place with the support of each other and the search for a compromise, are better able to establish relationships with others and do well at school. If children watch their parents resolve their conflicts, they are happier than those who do not see any quarrels at all. The first category of children has an understanding that parents can cope with many things. In addition, the child copies the tactics of behavior of adults.

If your parents divorced during your childhood, you will have a bad relationship with them.

If your parents broke up when you were three to five years old, you will not have a reliable connection with them, especially when it comes to fathers. Still on your personal life it will not be affected.

Your behavior in kindergarten determines how you learn and look for work.

Researchers assessed the behavior of over seven hundred children and found that there was a link between kindergarten behavior and adult communication skills. Those who already know how to cooperate in childhood and understand the feelings of others, graduate well from university and find work by the age of twenty-five. Those who cannot find a friend are more likely to end up in prison, abuse alcohol and need social assistance.

If you are a girl and your mom goes to work, you will get more.

If your mom wasn’t a housewife, this may have a bearing on you. positive effect... Daughters of working mothers study longer, are more likely to get managerial positions, and have higher incomes than their peers with housewives. The effect is also noticeable in boys - in adulthood, they pay more attention to household chores and caring for children.

If you are a boy and your mom works, you will be a better father.

The division of roles in the home serves positive example for a child, and a boy from such a family will be more willing to help his wife take care of the child and household chores.

If you have copied your parents, you are a more open person.

If you imitate your parents without even understanding the details of what you are doing, as an adult you will be more open to new cultures.

If you are sexually abused, you will be overweight.

Research has found a link between violence and eating disorders. Girls who experienced violence were 27% more likely to experience overweight, and for boys, the probability increases even more - by 66%.

Popularity in school as an adult can lead to problems

V school years did you want to be popular and smoked or drank alcohol? In adulthood, this can lead to serious problems... Those who try to mature before true maturity may later find themselves involved in crime.

If your parents have a high income, you have a higher grade

According to research by scientists at Stanford University, children of wealthy parents perform better. Socio-economic status determines a lot in how a child strives for knowledge.

If you are from a poor family, you may have memory problems.

Scientists have noticed that children from poor families in adulthood often face problems with memory.

If you've watched a lot of violent TV shows, you will be an aggressive person.

Children who watch a lot of detective series with violent scenes grow up to be more aggressive and harsh.

If you started doing math early, it will be easier for you later.

Math skills in early childhood help in school and make learning much easier in the future. Interestingly, it even improves your reading skill!

If your parents had addictions, you will be a serious person.

If you've watched your parents abuse drugs or alcohol, chances are you've learned to play the parenting role for themselves. As a result, you lost your childhood and became an adult too quickly.

If your parents had high expectations, it is easier for you to go to university.

Based on data from a study that analyzed the lives of more than six thousand people, scientists have found that much of a child's success is determined by the expectations of parents. If parents are confident from childhood that the child will receive a higher education, the goal becomes closer.

If your parents did not let you decide for yourself, you may face codependency.

If you were not allowed to choose your own clothes or food, you may find yourself in dependent relationship... You will be looking for a partner who will completely control you.

If you watched a lot of TV as a child, you may have communication problems.

TV interferes with communication between parents and children, which as a result disrupts communication skills in adulthood.

If you have been bullied, it is difficult for you to control your emotions.

Researchers have found that people with difficult childhoods have worst memory and unable to control their emotions.

If you were a child with good self-control, you will be a more successful adult.

Children who are able to control themselves with early years grow up healthy, financially secure people, in contrast to those who do not know how to behave.

If your mom took maternity leave, you will be more successful.

If your mom gave you maximum attention in your early years, it will be easier for you in life. Scientists note positive impact both on the level of intelligence and on income.

If your parents are considerate of you, it will be easier for you to create a healthy relationship.

If the parents were attentive and took good care of the child, he will most likely be able to build healthy relationship and succeed in education. Good relationship with parents from the first days affect the whole life of a person.

If you were mistreated as a child, you are prone to depression.

According to British researchers, people who experience bullying in childhood are more likely to experience depressive disorder.

If you faced problems, you will be more successful later.

According to research, people who faced hardships and problems in childhood learn not to give up and fight to the last. It is easier for such a person to finish what he started.

If you did chores as a child, you are better at collaborating.

If the child does not wash the dishes, someone else does it for him. It is important that the child has his own responsibility, so that he understands how important it is to work and contribute to a common cause. Then, in adulthood, he knows how to cooperate with colleagues, understands their feelings and can act independently.

All the information that follows is not applicable to absolutely all students and does not imply that they all go through difficult period v high school... On the contrary, most of the students attending grades six through eighth pass this time without worries. However, this does not mean that in high school they do not witness such negative relationships, or that they don't have the moments of self-doubt, pain, loneliness, and anxiety caused by being in school.

High school in a teenager's life

The importance of communicating with parents

Simply put, there is nothing good in the fact that a student carries all the negativity in himself. school life out of pride or trying to show their independence. “I must be able to cope with my problems myself,” every student thinks. The fact that during this period the child begins to gain his independence from his parents does not mean that they should not be told anything. Independence should not be equated with isolation. Just because the unspoken school code prohibits a child from informing on his classmates does not mean that he should shut up, shut himself up and go through hard times on one's own.

Factors causing feelings of insecurity

For at least the first year or a couple of years in high school, every child goes through a stage in which they feel socially insecure and emotionally vulnerable due to their new environment. It is worth looking at three factors that can cause this feeling of insecurity.

Distance from parents

First, at this time, the child begins to turn into a teenager (at the age of 9-13). During this period, he moves away from his childhood and his parents in order to begin to develop his own personality and independence. Growing up requires giving up familiar things, so some of the important childhood connections with the young self and parents need to be let go of the teenager. And then painful distancing from the parents begins. While the first grader loved it when his parents came to school, the sixth grader finds such a public presence of his parents excruciatingly awkward. During this period, the teenager becomes very vulnerable, as he realizes that he will never be able to return to that simple and safe time of his old life... Adolescence begins with feelings of insecurity due to loss important elements life.

Difficulties of socialization at school

Secondly, the adolescent needs to form a second - social - "family" outside the home, consisting of friends who go through the same period in order to get necessary communication and understanding. However, peer group membership is not free. To belong to a group, you have to conform to it. Among the unspoken, but completely understandable requirements, the main one is the following: “To be one of us, you must become like us, think like us, behave like us, walk with us, look like us, love only us and do nothing better than we are. " It is always very difficult to fit in. And now that young teens looking for solid ground and self-determination, five types of cruel social behavior become most relevant: ridicule, exclusion, bullying, gossip and gang formation. Most often, the targets of such treatment are adolescents who are seen as "others", that is, different from the standards of the group, from the desired social norms... As a result, victims are damaged at the expense of the problems of those who attack them. During adolescence, the number of negative actions with the help of which teenagers want to receive some social recognition and take their place in the sun increases significantly.

Puberty

Third, in the early years of high school, adolescents begin to puberty, during which hormones act on the body to endow it with the ability to produce eggs or sperm. And these are processes that a teenager cannot control. He has to wait for how he is new organism will become the result. Parents may notice that their teen becomes much more preoccupied with their appearance, demands more privacy at home, spends more time getting ready for going out to friends, shows attention to the details of their wardrobe, spends a lot of time in front of the mirror, and gets easily upset if appearance or the choice of clothing is criticized. V adolescence vulnerability, sensitivity to shame, embarrassment and humiliation increase significantly.

The impact of factors on the life of a teenager

When these factors come together, they create a high level of insecurity that can be very negative for peer relationships at school, which is one of the most important social places in a teenager's life.

List of major problems

Readers who don't like lists may skip what follows, but it's hard to think of more effective method demonstrate complexity social life adolescents in high school than using a list of major factors that can cause discomfort in a child. Just remember that this list is not exhaustive. So baby adolescence may face the following problems:

Other children want to become friends solely because the teenager is popular.
Gossip about other students.
Distance from a close friend.
Bullying.
Spreading rumors about other students.
Group attacks.
A good friend becomes the main enemy.
Quarrel with friends.
When a friend told everyone a secret that a teenager shared with him.
Feelings of envy when a friend is spending time with someone else.
When a friend becomes a completely different person.
Fighting for a boyfriend or girlfriend for whom the teenager and his boyfriend / girlfriend have romantic feelings.
Bullying other students.
Theft or damage to objects belonging to another student.
Feelings of shame.
Receiving messages that hurt your teen's feelings.
When a teenager has to follow the lead of a dominant friend.
Receiving threats from other students.
Bragging about what the students didn't actually do.
Using offensive nicknames.
A fight to prove your worth.
Caring about whether the teenager will be liked by anyone.
Use of insults.
Exclusion from the group, which included all the friends of the teenager.
Going to a party for a shy and reserved teenager.
When a teenager pretends to enjoy life, but in reality he is experiencing difficulties.
Writing an insulting note to another student.
Responsibility for the fact that friendly relations the other two schoolchildren stopped.
When a teenager forbids other students from joining his group.
Confrontation with a good friend.
Putting pressure on other students who want to join the group.
Desire to have a best friend.
Desire to have what other teens have.