What to do if you are lonely at heart. Our group Vkontakte: "Psychology of love". Negative sides of loneliness
How often do you get lonely? Loneliness can appear both when you are alone with yourself, and when other people are around. If you do not have a partner, you will feel lonely, but there is a place for this feeling in a relationship. Fortunately, there are things you can do to make yourself feel better. Check out expert tips on how to deal with loneliness. 
Make a to-do list before you feel lonely
Instead of waiting until you feel lonely, make a list of things you should do at that moment. It is important to do this in advance, because under the influence of sadness you will not have any inspiration. Try to find activities that will benefit others or that lift your spirits. If you want to improve your mood, go for a run, ride a bike, swim, go to a museum, and if you help, then little things will be enough: you can walk the neighbor's dog, help an elderly person, or chat with the cashier. The point is to take your mind off the heavy thoughts. Among other things, you can listen to music that uplifts your mood or makes you positive emotions.
Hear stories
A great way to take your mind off your longing is to read or listen to stories about other people. Find a podcast with stories about people from all walks of life. You will be able to get to know amazing experience and see the world with different points vision. Listening to these stories will help you feel connected to those around you. It evokes positive emotions and allows you to have fun. 
Become a Volunteer
The best way to stop feeling lonely is to start giving back to others. Loneliness can increase isolation and negative thoughts so try to act to break out vicious circle. Try to help others, devote your time to volunteer work, and you will find that your discomfort quickly disappears. Find a way to connect with others and with the world. It is important to understand that you can do your part to improve life on the planet. 
Create something
Creativity always helps to cheer up, no matter what exactly you will create. The very process of creativity can free you from loneliness. When you create, you express your personality. It is very helpful to learn this. 
Meditate
Have you done meditation? It may seem strange, but this process really helps to cope with feelings of loneliness. Sit quietly and meditate, trying to find where the source of the sad feeling in your body is. Breathe deeply and send comfort to where the loneliness lies. 
move on
Exercise or just movement helps to get rid of the feeling of loneliness. When a person is lonely, he begins to fixate on his feelings. This leads to isolation and inactivity. Fight the situation by making the body move. 
Sign up for a group workout
Instead of working out alone, try signing up for a group workout. This lovely way meet people with similar interests. You will want to leave the house, you will get rid of the feeling of loneliness. 
Call a friend or relative
When you're lonely pick up the phone and call to the best friend or close person. You can also connect with others on social media. Loneliness is associated with a craving for communication. If you try to communicate with someone, it will become noticeably easier for you. 
Visit Therapy
If you notice that you constantly feel lonely, you may need professional help. If it's a chronic problem, a therapist can help you figure out what it is and how it comes about. Perhaps you did not have close relationships with your parents and you never learned to be close to other people. By working through this problem, you will be able to build relationships that will not allow you to feel lonely.
Remember this will pass
Perhaps the feeling of loneliness is driving you to despair right now. Remember that these feelings are completely normal and they will pass. Try something the experts recommend: go to a workout, get creative, get moving, or call a friend. Smile and remember that this will pass and you will feel much better again.
Loneliness - what to do if it has become the only companion in life. Loneliness in childhood and old age, at home and at work, among people and in the vast expanses of the Internet. Everywhere is loneliness.
Loneliness - what to do, where to look for deliverance
Loneliness has many faces. Each person is lonely in their own way, and each person relates to his loneliness in a different way. Some are afraid of him. Others, on the contrary, dream that everyone would leave them alone, and they could finally be alone with themselves. There are those who are unaware of their loneliness.
After the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan revealed a single basic cause of loneliness, it became possible to overcome loneliness by everyone who wants to get out of this state and change their lives for the better.
Human - social form life. He cannot exist alone. Everyone is born in order to potentially show their developed innate properties and talents for the benefit of society for the preservation and development of all mankind. To enjoy life - from the realization of oneself and the fulfillment of one's desires through communication with others.
The reason for the feeling of loneliness is the inability to communicate with other people with joy, developing and realizing one's talents and abilities. This may be a consequence psychological trauma, underdevelopment innate traits and talents. Or the reason is the impossibility of realizing in life their already developed talents.
Knowing the reasons for the formation of a feeling of loneliness, you can understand what needs to be done, how to get rid of the feeling of loneliness:
1. Learn to understand others- to see them not through your desires and sufferings, but to see precisely their desires, properties, states.
2. Know yourself - your nature, innate properties and talents, be aware of your desires and mental states.
3. Learn to be aware of the state of loneliness and be able to help yourself cope with loneliness - to know what to do with such a state in accordance with the characteristics of your psyche.
Let us consider in more detail what people should do to overcome loneliness - depending on their natural properties.
What to do if you want to love, but lonely in life
"Be in love! So I want to love!” This is about people with a visual vector. This is their natural innate desire. It's theirs natural ability. Only the owners of the visual vector are able to love like no one else.
And yet, not all owners of the visual vector can experience this in life. strong feeling such love. Some of them, on the contrary, are single or are in a relationship, but experience a feeling of loneliness.
The state of "Love" is the maximum content of the developed visual vector. This internal state- "I love". A person falls in love when he projects his inner state outward. In love, the internal state is primary, and not the object of love.
The nature of the visual vector is to love, build emotional connections, close relations. When these natural desires are not filled, visual people experience a painful feeling - loneliness. Such is the law of the psyche: when an innate desire is not fulfilled, it hurts.
Considering the property of the psyche of people with a visual vector to the maximum possible amplitudes in their states, it is even difficult to imagine what kind of despair, emptiness and feeling of uselessness they can experience, feeling themselves the most unhappy at the extreme point of the state of loneliness.
What to do? Develop, fill and realize your innate properties and desires - draw, create, sincerely help other people. Read books and watch films that fill and develop the soul - for empathy, about love. Attention from their experiences must be redirected to help others. Learn to build sincere emotional ties with people - talk about feelings, emotions, and not about where they sell what, who said what.
What to do to overcome the fear of loneliness
People with a visual vector can experience not only loneliness. They may feel fear - they are afraid of being alone. These feelings - loneliness and fear - often go together, since both feelings are a sign of insufficient realization of the visual vector. Therefore, many manifestations of life in people in loneliness are associated with fear. Fear of love, fear of relationships, fear of life. Fear of darkness, heights, people...
When loneliness is intensified by a sense of fear - an unbearable, depressing state is further exacerbated.
What to do?
From fear, love must be grown. Fear is about yourself. Love is about something else. It is enough to look around and start giving your attention, warmth of the soul, positive, inspiring emotions to others. People who are in difficult life situations or bad emotional states. Children, old people...
What to do if I love loneliness, but life alone is unbearable
Complete loneliness is the dream of people with sound vector. Concentration within oneself, silence, darkness. Sleep 16 hours a day. Loneliness during the day. Loneliness at night.
But loneliness in the sound vector is intended for something else - to reveal the meaning of life, happiness, being. Bringing to the super-perfection of technology, music and words. But all this can be fully realized only through concentration outside, on outside world and the people around. So that later, plunging into silence and loneliness, to realize ideas in works of literature or, for example, in scientific discoveries.
When the sound engineer fails to realize the purpose, focuses only on own thoughts- innate desire begins to "sick". Loneliness turns into a trap, appear painful conditions up to depression.
What to do? Focus outward - on others. Learn to recognize meanings. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan can provide significant assistance in developing the skill of knowing oneself and others. Or push the innate talents of a writer, musician, programmer to come true. Optional.
What to do if living with a dog is so good that people are not needed
People with an anal vector in a state of resentment, the experience of unfinished relationships, can choose for themselves a life without people - with a dog. They do not consider themselves lonely, rationalizing this by the fact that the dog - true friend who will not betray.
But if their communication is limited only to communication with a dog, they may experience, in addition to longing for the past, resentment against members of their former family, unconscious loneliness. It will manifest itself, since the desire to communicate with others is not realized - it will hurt, regardless of whether it is realized or not.
The owners of the anal vector are created for the family, for the birth and upbringing of children. These are their values and the possibility of realizing the properties of the psyche - everything that gives meaning to life. Loneliness, caused by the grievances of the past, does not bring satisfaction.
What to do? Become aware of your conditions and the reasons that led to them. This can be done in a free online training on systems-vector psychology Yuri Burlan. Understanding the reasons why loneliness is chosen will help change the life scenario to a more successful one.
The problem can be solved - get rid of loneliness
It is impossible for people with visual and sound vectors to get used to the state of loneliness. Unrealized innate desires will hurt and periodically cover with a feeling terrible loneliness the owner of a visual vector or a state of terrible depression - a sound engineer.
Avoid loneliness and related severe conditions perhaps with the help of the knowledge of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
“... Getting rid of the fear of people, which I could not achieve for many years of “training”, happened by itself already when I passed the first level of the SVP. I suddenly discovered that from the contemplation of people I began to get great pleasure, unknown to me before. I absolutely fearlessly look at strangers on the street, in transport. It became very interesting for me to look at them. And I feel connected to them. I have learned by experience that mere eye contact with a stranger can become an "event of the day", bring pleasure. Now I have no animosity and condemnation for anyone. Communication began to be easier, without the former terrible tension ... "
“... Such a crazy understanding of realities and life circumstances brings a colossal feeling of your presence among people and a huge surge of strength. And only now, on these crazy differences, do you begin to understand that once you were so tormented by the state of some kind of isolation and loneliness, even being in a circle of familiar people ... And now you just begin to experience pleasure from seemingly simple life things, such as simply walking among other people.
And when moments of feeling of loneliness come and you somewhere behind you hear a phrase like “...listen this weekend in the market for discounts up to 70% ...” from a completely unfamiliar person, and then more, and more, and more, then you feel how inside, a smile of recognition breaks out. And today you don’t feel lonely, even being among strangers!!!”
With the help of system-vector psychology, you can learn the secrets of your psyche and the psyche of other people, know yourself, learn to understand others. Get rid of the consequences of psychological trauma. Find out why a gloating person is a contender for loneliness, and a person who shares his meal with others will never be alone. Reveal the mystery of the nature of man and woman and the secrets of building happy relationship in mutual love for life.
If you want to change the feeling of loneliness to the feeling of the joy of life with your loved one, come to a free online training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register via the link.
The article was written using materials from online trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
often read
I want to warn you right away: “I am not guilty of any of the future charges!” =))))))))))))))))))))))))
Having read various opinions about human loneliness and its causes, I will insert my “five cents”. Immediately make a reservation that I do not claim to be unique, this is my subjective opinion, based on personal observations and experience.
The world flies forward dynamically and dispassionately, both connecting and scattering people in different sides, changing destinies, kneading with diseases of the body and absolutely does not ask permission. Anyone who today is rich, healthy, successful and self-confident, tomorrow may suddenly find himself on the sidelines, sick and not interesting to anyone.
At the same time, a person thrown out of an apartment, deprived of family and support of friends, may begin to want very strongly not to drown, having only a pure intention to live, develop and prosper. He can also become not just rich and successful, but a completely different person compared to who he was before his personal social catastrophe, loving, meaningful and striving for universal human values. Not only me, but you, for sure, know a huge number of examples of this. But what is strange and all-encompassing in everything that I have just written is that all this happens to a person precisely in solitude.
Even the decision to survive and find like-minded people and live on, a person makes himself, if there is still strength. “But what about relatives, friends and relatives?”, You will object. Of course, everyone has them, and it is likely that many people will come to the aid of some, fewer for others, and no one for some. It all depends on what environment a person came out of, what set of genetic information his ancestors supplied and what kind of relationships he built around himself (by the way, we build relationships exactly the same as mom and dad between ourselves and they are with others. If you have already talked about this If you didn’t think about it, then look back and you will be amazed at how many times, exactly the same, you repeated what they would have done in this or that situation).
BUT!!! Just as everyone is born alone and dies alone, so from time to time fate, as if experimenting, leaves a vacuum around us and looks at how we will behave, whether we will get out of habit ourselves, taking on everything that the eye covers and without hesitation to ask for help, or let's cry out to heaven. We are not taught to ask for help, even when dying, some people do not make the slightest attempt to save their own life, not because they are worse than others, it’s just that the society in which they lived and grew up instilled them with false concepts and now their own life has suffered (this is my personal observation, verified during volunteer work in the hospice).
So who are these lonely post-Soviet people? I would call them people who have faced so much pain in their lives that they stopped believing. To believe in people, to believe in the country in which they were born and live, to believe in relatives and sometimes even their own, whom, due to their environment and hereditary information, they were unable to educate people.
These people did not make the decision to become lonely, well, who wants to be lonely in childhood - everyone wants to be princesses and astronauts. The loneliness of one appeared from the all-encompassing disorder of all around and his desire to emerge at least someday from this constant poverty in the race for prosperity, comfort and success in society. As a result, the driven person, sooner or later, being unable to solve all the problems that had piled up, ended up in the ocean huge amount pain, loneliness and disbelief in universal justice.
Someone goes to a church or a sect, someone gets a dog or a cat at home or feeds animals on the street. Some volunteer to help the seriously ill or dying. There is an opinion that a person, being lonely, should go and look for a circle for himself - then we can say that he is the “right person”.
Yes, perhaps, but only life dictates other rules. There are lonely people who are not able to leave the apartment. There are deaf, dumb, there are introverts in life and you can’t accuse any of them of unwillingness to communicate, but quite the opposite. I hope it doesn’t occur to you to drive a dumb, legless or deaf person to look for a circle of friends.
When and where do we go, besides work?
- When we are healthy and financially prosperous and we can provide ourselves with travel to a meeting place with like-minded people. The bulk of lonely people are people of an age, limited financially and physically, who have endured a sea of pain, traumatized and do not want to reveal their tormented soul to every curious and not always tactful stranger.
Look at the sea of newfangled, paid groups and groups on all kinds of yogic techniques, spiritual centers and meditation communities and the like. They consist mainly of bored women average and above average income, active and healthy. The most destitute and sluggish, just go to churches and get dogs, on which unspent warmth is poured.
Is it possible to wake them up and make them more active so that they themselves strive to change something in their lives?
- Theoretically, yes, but in practice they have lost their strength and self-confidence so much that they really need help and sometimes professional help in order to find themselves, faith in people and at least some ambition in order to try to light the flame of life in their souls again. Therefore, to demand an active position from an extinct and depressing person is like demanding from a mountain to go to Mohammed. Maybe all the same we will try to meet this mountain halfway and show warmth, altruism and our mature attitude and understanding of reality, which strives for unity?
The state of a person in which he is isolated from others: in the physical, real and imaginary mental. In the first case, this is due to some external factors: work in secluded places, forced isolation from society (dangerous criminal or mentally unhealthy person). And in the second - occurs in the human soul, despite permanent contacts with other people when not soul mate close in views and meaning in life.
The hardest part is the loneliness. It may occur according to different reasons: parting with a loved one, death of loved ones, moving to another city / country. Sometimes a person is lonely since childhood due to a difficult inner peace, which is not understood by its environment.
Women are more likely than men to suffer from loneliness due to more strongly developed emotionality. But sometimes men are very difficult to experience this condition.
Ways to deal with loneliness
The main thing in the fight against is not to get hung up on this feeling. A short period of being with yourself is very useful, because with constant employment, sometimes there is not enough time to understand yourself, your feelings and sincere wishes. But you should not close yourself, try to isolate yourself from society on for a long time, otherwise it can develop into depression, from which it is then very difficult to get out on your own without the help of specialists.
In no case should you seize or drink loneliness, it will not go anywhere, and the consequences can become very serious, and sometimes even intractable (alcoholism). You should not get hooked on various depressants, they, of course, will help, but addiction may appear, and the reason will not go away by itself.
If loneliness arose due to parting with a loved one, then you don’t have to blame yourself and invent yourself different complexes. You should not delve into the past and remember the good moments, this will only make the feeling of sorrow stronger, and loneliness will manifest itself even more. Give yourself some time to relax, take a break from everything - find in your state a few good points. After all, you have enough time to take care of yourself and do something that was impossible in a relationship. You need to feel yourself not as a lonely person, but as a free person who does not need to report to anyone for his actions.
After a few days of rest, it is worth going out into society and taking your day to the maximum so that there is no time for sad thoughts. This is a good opportunity to make a career, gain new skills and knowledge, and take up your favorite hobby. Enjoy every day, and also try to communicate more with positive people who don't worry hard days in your life, it is they who will help you tune in the right way. You can visit different entertainment places if you really want to, do not do it by force, otherwise it may backfire. And never regret the past, because the future depends only on you.
If you are lonely due to the death of loved ones, then there is a slightly different situation, and only time will heal this feeling. You should not forget your loved ones, but you need to understand that you can no longer help and change something too. So take it for granted, but keep on living. And a busy day too a good option getting rid of bad thoughts. When a person gets very tired during the day, then at night there is no time for worries. And over time, loneliness will become less acute, and communication with other people partially compensates for this.
Loneliness can be useful for a short period of time, do not feel sorry for yourself, it only aggravates the situation, but try to use it for your own good in order to improve and develop.
A lonely man came to the sage. Parable
The guest agreed. On the first day, the elder blindfolded the boy so that he could see absolutely nothing. All day he had to live ordinary life but with a blindfold. Oh, these days lasted for an eternity and were very difficult - by touch the man found the items that he needed and with difficulty fulfilled the simple requests of the household.
On the second day, the sage also tied his ward's ears. It was terrible. On the third morning, the subject was locked in a dark, windowless room.
The night has passed, and now - the long-awaited freedom and the passed test!
- I survived everything! Well, can you help me with my problem?
"Do you still have that feeling?" the old man asked.
- To be honest, no. I realized that I did not notice and did not appreciate how beautiful the world around me is - such a riot of colors, sounds, many possibilities and sensations ...
– As long as you can enjoy the gifts of the Creator – the sea, the sky, the earth, you will never be alone.
– What if the fear of loneliness comes back to me? What to do then?
- Come to me again, I will come up with a new test. the teacher smiled.
I am very lonely - what should I do?
Man is a social being. We need someone with whom we can share joy and pain, our achievements and disappointments. At the very beginning of the Bible, Genesis, describes how God created the whole world that we see around.
Night and day, luminaries, atmosphere, earth, oceans, plants and animals. And here is a man to whom all this is given into possession. The Creator places Adam in the Garden of Eden so that he manages it, cultivates it.
“And the Lord said, It is not good for the man to be alone. Let us make him a helper suitable for him.” (2-18)
Thus, the first family appeared, which the Almighty commanded to give birth to children, filling the Earth. Having friends, family and loved ones is a great blessing. The Bible has a lot to say about friendship. For example, that you need to be friendly yourself so that others want to have a relationship with you. But does this mean that all that is required is to get married, give birth, and sometimes meet friends and relatives?
Fear of being alone in old age?
Rodi, adopt, educate, then you will have a glass of water and a call once a week. If you're lucky, they'll let you babysit your grandchildren. At worst, get a dog.
And if you're young - come on, fill your time with a career, entertainment, travel, romance. Live to the fullest, as they say.
You can burrow into the illusion of communication and self-importance – social media, games, forums, career.
Surely you know such people or you yourself are one - you are alone in an outwardly prosperous marriage and feel pain in your soul and emptiness even in noisy company buddies.
It turned out to be an extra day off - and unbearable. Looking for something to do with yourself. You turn on the TV so you don't hear your thoughts. In the car - radio, for food - a smartphone. Fall asleep as soon as possible, so that in the morning again in the cycle of working days. The children have grown up, and now it is empty not only in the apartment, but also in the soul.
Eat a cake, drink a glass or two, extreme views sports, shopping - everyone has their own ways to drown out unresolved questions of the meaning of life.
We are afraid of loneliness, because it exposes that emptiness inside, which only God can fill. Everything else is a substitute for happiness, a temporary phenomenon. Sometimes, like the young man in the parable, you have to lose a lot in order to see the main thing. Perhaps this is what is happening to you right now?
We all have to die one day
Unfortunately, the number of relatives mourning at your bedside or "ex" crying at a funeral will not brighten up your stay THERE. Do not take with you dizzying novels and cool impressions, pumped up body, a successful career with faithful like-minded colleagues and even fame with a crowd of fans.
Perhaps that is why it is precisely in old age, when people are left alone with themselves, that many turn to faith. Because only the Lord can fill the void in the heart.
If the Almighty is your Heavenly Father, Savior, teacher, friend, brother (yes, this is exactly what Christ calls himself in the Gospel for those who believe and confess), you will never be alone. Even if everyone turns away, does not understand, betrays, does not appreciate - He is with you, and has already taken a step towards you, dying on the cross for your sins. Now it is your turn to respond with faith and repentance.
“… and behold, I am with you all the days to the end of the age.” (Heb. Matthew 28-20)
The bottomless starry sky, the singing of birds, dew drops on the emerald grass and the sea breeze - you will begin to notice all this, feel and see care from above every day. In any situation, you will have confidence - He controls everything and will not leave. And even if death, illness, collapse - there is hope!
« … loving God called according to His will, everything works together for good.” (Rom. 8-28)
But if you have not reconciled with Him, and the Creator for you is a formidable judge, a distant universal mind or an invention of people, loneliness will haunt you. Like an orphan without a father, grown up and busy with his own affairs, you will feel a nagging pain inside. Everything is there, but something is missing. The most important thing is the One Who gives meaning to everything and sheds the light of eternity on life.