Where to go if nobody needs you. What if nobody needs you? When you lose a loved one

If you think that the world I owe you something, I have bad news. Perhaps you have already heard this phrase: no one owes you anything. And indeed it is. But in real life most people are sure that others and fate owe them something just because they exist.

I myself once thought so. I thought my life would turn out like clockwork. That I will realize my dreams, that I will become rich and famous. Just because I'm a great guy. After all great guys always become successful in everything.

Isn't it funny to think so? And how much suffering a person is able to inflict upon himself, faced with one terrible injustice - the world does not give him everything he wants. Does not give Good work, good employees, good partners, friends, does not give faithful girl and so on ... After watching films about success, motivating videos, after reading inspiring quotes and books, a person thinks that he is already ready to receive all the laurels.

And laurels don't just come in real life. In real life, there is too much competition for these laurels. And the sooner you realize this and stop living in the illusion that success will suddenly come to you from somewhere and take you to heaven, the more salutary it is for you. More time will be left to create results.

Look at the people around you. Listen to what they're talking about. If you hear from them again and again complaints, dissatisfaction with life and people, be sure that they are deeply immersed in their illusions, which I mentioned above. And, it seems, they are not going to leave there.

Because it is very convenient to live in illusions. This is a wonderful comfort zone that is difficult to part with. Which is easier: complaining that your boss ... (insert any the right word), and your colleagues are dull ... (insert another suitable word), or should you be in a place where the boss inspires respect and a desire to learn from him, and colleagues inspire with their teamwork and personal qualities?

Alas, we live in a whiner society. Why? I think nagging is wonderful way spend unrealized energy. After all, as I said, most believe that the world owes them. But a person cannot get what they want just because .... (insert the list of complaints here).

So why “nobody needs you”? Really so to anyone? After all, you have parents, friends, a beloved woman, other close people. It is wonderful that they are. But nobody needs you precisely if you are nothing of yourself and do not carry any value to this world.

If you don’t develop your abilities, don’t look for answers to the question “what can I do coolly?”, Don’t try to get results again and again, don’t take responsibility for these results, don’t learn new things and do not conquer new heights - you nobody needs.

Put yourself in the place of each of those who would be interested in becoming needed and then everything will fall into place.

• Do you need an employee who performs his duties "with his left foot" and even asks for a raise in salary?
• Do you need a friend who does not keep his word, fails, with whom there is nothing to talk about and who cannot be trusted with something personal and important?
• Do you need a son who grew out of childhood, but still whines, complains about life and asks for money? Who can't take the time to just call or visit so you know he's fine? A son in whom you have invested your strength and soul, but who lives his life in alcohol, meaningless parties and other destructive things and is not even going to create anything of value in his life?
• Do you need a girl who is lying, who will be unfaithful, who is like a dummy, in which there is no sincerity?

I think there are enough examples.

Nobody needs you as long as you wander in the illusion of "I am handsome and the world owes me". Most likely, you will not be told about it to your face, but it is worth knowing about it. I am perfectly aware that I, too, are not needed by my family, who are sad, lazy, who do not bring money to their house, who do not have serious plans for the future and do not strive to realize them. I do not need my woman unromantic, not giving her attention, not telling her how much she means to me. My son does not need me with a sad face and disappearing somewhere all day. My partners don't need me if I don't bring profit to our projects. This world does not need me. So I don't need myself either. And this is the most important thing. Realization of this simple fact gives a huge advantage in life.

While someone wastes energy on the senseless shaking of the air with their complaints and grievances, you work on your skills, train your competence, become such that people around you want to see you as a friend, valuable employee, boss, etc. And already through the value that you can coolly create for the world, you will become truly necessary for yourself. It's damn inspiring to see your results, to gain faith in yourself through being needed by other people. The need for good sense this word. Others need you because you are the one who is able to bring good to their lives, and not because you are easy to use for a solution. household tasks.

And if you still believe that you should be accepted as you are, then it's too early for you to think about my article, because it will give you another reason to complain.

Perhaps, a person experiences the feeling of uselessness more than once in his life. At first, children feel that they are not needed by parents who are constantly missing at work.

Then, when the bitterness of first love sets in, everyone feels disgusting and unnecessary. The same feelings can be experienced when divorcing or leaving your own children in adult life... But how to deal with it, so as not to fall into depression, you should ask the professionals.

There are no people in the world who would never feel lonely. But more often it happens to those who have nothing to do. But constantly busy people have no time to bother about loneliness, since they have a goal in life - to develop a business and make money.

Everyone perceives loneliness in their own way. For some, this is not a reason to be upset, because they have enough of themselves, while others are depressed, are in depressed state, which often leads to suicide.

It is important to keep yourself busy. Let it be a banal cleaning, during which there is no time to think about the uselessness of someone. When boredom sets in, you can call friends with whom you have not had communication for a long time. Someone has to take the first step, and then they will call back to free time.

It is very important for a person to be significant, to be loved, given warmth and thought about him. But for this you need to act, and not sit and wait for the manna to go from heaven. Many young people suffer from unrequited love, protecting yourself from new acquaintances with the opposite sex.

Yes, it really hurts when you are abandoned, but you have to learn to experience it, get up and build your life further. Communication with people is very helpful for starting new relationships, or at least protecting yourself from thinking about bad things.

But at the same time, one should not become too intrusive, since it is precisely such people that they do not like, and very often they ignore or reject. In communication, you need to become self-sufficient people. To improve your abilities in this matter, you can purchase a book on the art of communication.

It is necessary to get out into the light, and not sit and feel sorry for yourself in the room. Insufficient correspondence with friends in social networks, you need to see people, do any useful deeds... If you interact with society, you can become the right person for friends and other people.

As a last resort, you can get yourself a pet that can ease feelings of loneliness. So, even a dog will dutifully wait for its owner at home. It turns out that there is already a feeling that someone needs you.

There are situations when a person is constantly in society, but when he comes home, he realizes that no one needs him. Sometimes it becomes a psychological disease that needs to be addressed to a specialist. To change the attitude of other people towards yourself, first of all, you need to change yourself. If in the end, in search of friends, someone rejects communication, do not be upset, because someday there will be a person who will need it.

Psychologists claim that happy people look about the same. They do not have complaints about negative living conditions and certain circumstances.

Happy people tend to be happy with what they have, and they don't need a bigger house, higher wages, and fancy resorts. Therefore, they seem to be more calm and carefree. They have a feeling that they are loved in the family, appreciated at work, so loneliness and uselessness are not about them.

Even not all the lucky ones are very lucky in life. Each result obtained requires that effort, time and attention be invested in the work. The same can be said about relationships with people.

It seems like a trifle, but it is usually overlooked. It turns out that people begin to look for the culprit in their misfortunes, but they forget to think about what was done for the people around them.

When things go wrong, a person usually withdraws from society until things get better. Do not forget that solving problems can take a long time, and during such a period the desire to communicate disappears. And those around them get used to such detachment, and do not try to get into someone else's life and problems.

You cannot try to solve your difficulties on your own, it is better to contact people. Perhaps in the future they will also ask for help, and friendly relations will last for many years.

In order not to feel unnecessary, it is very important not to fence ourselves off from people, not to refuse their communication and help. Going out into the world gives you the opportunity to be surrounded, needed and useful.

Thus, loneliness will never be the only feeling among all possible in this life.

Hello, my name is Irina, I am 25 years old. I recently realized that no one loves me, no one respects me, no one cares. My friends only call me first when they need something. They can easily give a damn about me when it's my birthday, give me a lollipop and get drunk at my expense. My former boyfriend did not spend money on me at all, I always paid for myself, he never listened to me, always said that he was not interested in my stories. I'm used to serving him. Just do not think that I am ugly and downtrodden. No. I have a higher education, I earn good money, they say that I am very beautiful. I am very easily and strongly attached to people, and at first they are sincerely happy, and then they don’t value me and use me. I can no longer be the gullible sheep that no one needs. Help!

Hello Irina! You don't get attached, you start to Get addicted. You expect that there will be people around you who will be able to protect you, take care of you - that is why you serve others, in the hope that they are the ones who will take care of you. You become dependent on them - but this circle turns into a trap for you - you cannot take care of yourself, protect yourself, you are disappointed In them (in a young man, in friends) - BUT - you are actually disappointed in yourself. You are like a little girl who expects to be warmed up, taken care of, but every time you are faced with the fact that you are ONE. That no one cares about you, no matter how you expect it. It is important for you to find this adult in yourself - to teach you to take care, respect and love yourself - and not to expect this from young man, From friends. You yourself allow yourself to be used in the hope that you will be respected, loved and appreciated - THIS will NOT happen. You will be treated the same way you treat yourself! You need to start with yourself - find this adult in yourself, protect this little girl inside yourself, learn to love and take care of yourself - then there will be no more place for addictions, disrespect and dislike in your life - everything is inside you!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

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Hello Irina!

Hello, Irina. This is about changing your character. Your dependence is on self-sufficiency and confidence. On the ability to say No. On the ability to put a person in his place. On the ability to fulfill your interests and goals in the first place. On the ability not to depend on the opinions of other people. .It's work to add value. Your addiction goes back to early relationships with parents who tied you to themselves through a sense of guilt. And YOU build relationships with this childish feeling in the adult world. Therefore, some psychological work to destroy some scenarios of addiction within yourself and build new strategies that are useful to you. I offer the most effective way-format of coursework with a psychologist. This will take some time, but it will help to change and feel a pleasant perspective in life. Contact me, I’m working with this.

Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist at the Volgograd psychoanalytic school

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I don't know at all what to do next, how to live on. The fact is that right now I felt that absolutely no one needed it, sometimes I meet with classmates, classmates, I see they have families, that they know how to make something and life has some meaning, although I studied better than them at the university. ... but I was completely alone at home in a remote village, for some reason, for some reason, they were always better developed in my older brother, he trusted everything more, and since childhood, I wanted so much to be able to tinker with something, to understand technology, but I was constantly beaten off by my hands and that now I’m under forty and I’m practically a wretched man, who has not created anything and is not able to create anything ... see the night "? even nature is not happy, the thought of worthlessness and the impossibility of correcting life because of age has crept deeply, that sometimes from nightmares on this topic I can wake up in the middle of the night, and there is only deaf loneliness around, and my body is all covered with sweat, yes, resentment, ... ... I don't know what to do next.
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babatur, age: 36/10/2013

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Good day! What is he like for you? Are you in the world with you today? Perhaps I want to live some segment of my life anew, to act differently somewhere, to say different words, to behave more dignifiedly, not to miss the opportunity ... Yes, I have had this too. Alas, this is impossible, just as it is impossible to enter the same river twice. Is it really necessary? What will we change? What is the opinion of others about yourself? Will we buy something very important?
We are who we are. With its own character traits. And we are unlikely to become different.
And if I am not satisfied with my qualities, my characteristics, my condition today? Is it that nothing can be changed? Why not? Sure. Only a change must first take place in consciousness. Everything is from our consciousness. This is well understood by those who change self-perception and perception of the world with the help of alcohol, drugs, cigarettes ... The effect is instant, but temporary, like all surrogate happiness.
So how to make this change in consciousness without resorting to external influence on the psyche? Changes in consciousness begin only when you clearly realize the meaning of your existence. No, not invented by himself, but real. Who knows? Let's think logically. Who knows best the meaning, purpose of any thing, any creation? The one who creates it. Man - Whose Creation? I hope not to hear from you a story about how “for millions of years it rained on hot stones and in this broth the atoms suddenly accidentally formed into a DNA molecule, which formed living cell, and that after many millions of years gave all the variety of life on earth, harmoniously connected links, obeying a single law. And one of the branches of the monkey genus suddenly turned out to be the most advanced ... "
Life on Earth is the creation of a living mind, whose name is God. And man is a special creation created by God for himself. And the answer to the eternal question about the meaning of being must be sought only from Him. - "And how will I hear him?" There's the Bible for that - the Word of God. For this, Jesus lived among people, left disciples.
“So what does the Bible say about the meaning of my life?” This is a separate conversation, which cannot be digested right away. The main thing is to take the first step: to understand and accept the fact that the truth is with God. And to begin to understand little by little what He expects from us. To begin with, let's read carefully, slowly, pondering each sentence, one of the letters of the Apostle Paul:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He, in Christ, has blessed us with all the spiritual blessings of heaven. After all, He chose us in Him even before the foundation of the world, so that we might be holy and blameless before Him. By his love, by his good will and will, He predestined us through Jesus Christ to become children adopted by Him in order to praise the glory of His grace that He gave us in His beloved Son. In Him we have received the atonement by His blood and the remission of sins by His infinite grace, which God has generously endowed us with. With all wisdom and knowledge, He revealed to us the secret of His will. He did this according to his good desire, originally embodied in Christ, in order to unite everything in heaven and on earth at the appointed time under the authority of Christ. In Him we became heirs, as it was predetermined by the plan of God, who does everything in the world according to his will and his plans. We, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, are to praise His glory. In Him, when you heard the word of truth - the Gospel that brings you salvation - believing in Him, you were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit, which is the guarantee of our future inheritance and the redemption of those who belong to Him, for the praise of His glory. "

“There are many beeches and nothing is clear?”)) Yes, at first it is so…. And then the lines of the Bible become living water, as we purify it, it opens more and more.
Life appears in a completely different light when you understand that the earthly segment is a test before eternity. If we learn to live every day in joy, without getting angry, without being offended, thanking the Creator for all the lessons, if we understand that offended by life, we blame God for his imperfection, if we learn to love his world, his creation, his people, accept them as they are ... - then we will be ready to spend eternity with Him. Joy and thanksgiving.
This is the meaning of earthly existence.
But it's not easy to learn it. After all, there is a spiritual war for each person, and the devil does not let go of his prey so easily! He will throw us temptations every day, leading us astray. And it is almost impossible for a person to resist himself if he does not look at Jesus.

This is the main thing that I wanted to say. Did you hear? And about age - it's funny. You are only 36. I envy that you have the opportunity to know real meaning life before I knew him ...

Vladimir, age: 45 / 06/13/2013

Hi. In your situation, the main thing is not to despair. I read somewhere that if nature is not happy, then this is such a strong depression. You just need to not accumulate unresolved issues, but try to solve them. I also went through a divorce, partition of the house, but did not agree to sell the house. Ex-wife Therefore, he does not allow me to see the children, scolds them if they communicate with me. Solve emerging problems with loneliness, the desire to do what you love one by one. For example, I look behind the house - I plastered the barn, mow the grass in the summer, remove the snow in winter, right now the fence needs to be painted. I live on the edge of the city. I listen to birds singing. I work, I live, even though I myself.

Roller, age: 40 / 14.06.2013

Good afternoon. Take a closer look, maybe someone around you needs your help. Surely you know how to do something very well and not necessarily this craft. As for age, I think that you have everything ahead of you)

Irina, age: 06/14/2013

Familiar questions ... familiar emotions ... a certain stage they arise ... for some during age crises, for others - more often, for some they do not appear at all and they live without even thinking about it ... Yes, living in a village and not being able to tinker is probably bad. But a person has a lot of opportunities to change his life in this regard, it is much more difficult - to change his soul, but you need to change, otherwise resentment, quiet envy and dissatisfaction with life will eat you. And age, excuse me, you have written 36! It's time to take on your life! We need steps along which you will get away from this state ... these are small steps-goals, real ones that can be completed. For example, this week, I'm changing the fence, for next week- work, or something like that ... And do not forget to work on your soul. And everything will work out. You will be with your old woman, a year or so through ..., looking at the growing grandchildren, you will be surprised at your imaginary uselessness and weakness at the age of 36.

LanaSvetlana38, age: 38/16/2013

From myself I will add go to Orthodox Church, regular confession and the sacrament can help.

Sergey, age: 38 / 06/17/2013

Hello Babatur! What you are describing is called a midlife crisis, it happens to everyone from 35 to 45 years old, and, unfortunately, you will have to go through it. Why "Unfortunately? Because it is very painful in terms of emotions, you are very clear about the symptoms of depression that accompany it. You can, of course, try to somehow evade it, then it will cover it to its fullest at 68, then there will be a crisis of old age. In your case, apparently, first of all, you will have to accept yourself with all your shortcomings, not gouge that you did not become who you wanted and that the family did not work out, but, on the contrary, turn to face yourself, stroke yourself from the inside, love and accept yourself. you have a Small child, it is you, and he will always be with you, until your last breath, so you will never be completely alone. But now this child really needs your inner love, warmth and kindness to himself. Shine love into yourself, warm this little yourself from within. The midlife crisis bares us, it clearly indicates that some things will never happen, some dreams will not come true, and this is reality, and there is no escape from it. it needs to be accepted and everything re-evaluated. You saw life in one way, through the eyes of a boy, when you imagined it at the age of 16, and now you are already 36, and you are different, and the world is different, everything is different. We need to look for new goals. This will take time, you will probably have to read a lot about the crisis, how to survive it. I will say one thing, no one will make us happy, this is a lie that a person, if he is married or married, or if he has children, then he is certainly happy. This is not entirely true. A person can be happy if he is in harmony with himself, accepts himself as he is, with all the shortcomings, and does not struggle with his ideal way"I", which was once created by him, but in reality he cannot correspond to him. And all these attributes: husband, children, all this is relative, because there is no guarantee that the husband will stop loving, and the children will leave to live in another city ... Therefore, loneliness is inevitable. Therefore, you must be able to live alone, be able to cheer yourself up, give your love inner child.

inna elizarova, age: 38 / 06/18/2013

You can't live your life by the standard and be like the lucky ones in everything, former classmates and fellow students. Each person is unique and everyone has their own destiny. Not everyone has families, children, etc. You can find joy not in the material. Switch from your sad thoughts to the world around you, he, like all of us, is not perfect, try to have animals, they will definitely need you and no matter how banal, animals, rejoicing every day, teach us the ability to enjoy the simplest things. Your "age" is not an obstacle in the fight against loneliness, get acquainted, communicate with people is a great prospect to find like-minded people, friends and possibly a life partner, or just get good advice and support. GOOD LUCK !!!

natalia, age: 43 / 06.19.2013

Hello! One a wise man said that if you don't know how to change your life, change the idea of ​​happiness. And in fact, can you reconsider your views a little? Maybe think not about "no one needs", but "who do I need"? Maybe there are people around you or animals that need care, care, help? The expectation of "need" from other people is a passive expectation, and rendering this "need" to others at the behest of the soul is an active position. Think, maybe you should prove yourself somewhere? Where with a kind word to help, where with participation.
Living closer to nature, you can do things that are inaccessible to the townspeople. Indeed, calm down, concentrate and tinker with something. Just for little things, it is not necessary to design a car right away! I straightened the fence, patched up the roof, walked around the house - where the nail sticks out, where the board creaks, and everything needs to be fixed ... big things start small! Order in the economy, order in the soul. And there may come up with something.

Technician, age: 06/30/2013

The same topic, just recently I thought about it: I can’t do anything; profession a waste of time from 8 30 to 17 00; there are no permanent friends because of business trips; relationships after divorce too; illness; fear; I'm thinking of killing everything at once - to go to work - not with a diploma, not by vocation - stupidly as a loader.

simenime, age: 32/10/16/2013

The first thing that came to mind. You need to get out of a remote village. Perhaps there is a nearby settlement with educational institutions... If you want to tinker with something, try a vocational school! It doesn't matter how old you are. It is necessary, it is necessary to realize oneself professionally! .. It is difficult to fight the feeling of loneliness, but not impossible. Maybe you have such a period. Your story is specific and short. If you have at least some kind of living relatives, then not everything is so tragic ..

Diana, age: 44 / 09/08/2014

Why are you different then?
So what, what are you 40?
So what if you haven't learned anything?
You are not living the last day.
I do not care that the post is 2 years old!
You take it and do it !! Or, you just keep whining and fucking.
Do you know why the others did it? They weren't whining! Or maybe they were whining ... but they did, damn it, until they got their way.
You will answer in your head "time to do" - life will change. And put your hands down .... then you are simply negligible. On **** excuses!
P.S. It is NEVER too late to change your life, if it seems that it’s time to change something, it doesn’t seem to you.

Vlad, age: 25 / 22.07.2015

Try to find something interesting for yourself, and do not think about who needs you. Try to help others as soon as possible.

Vladimir, age: 16 / 28.12.2015

Seraphim of Sarov has several expressions as commandments. Some are very accurate. I do not accept God myself, I have not found this
gift.
Himself now, too, is bad, several months, and it seems to be getting worse.
If consciousness allows - read the ascetics, lamps of the soul - Sergius of Radonezh, Seraphim of Sarov ...
If you accept, you will find your way in life.
Everything will be fine. I wish you GOOD.

Roman, age: 40 / 03/12/2016

Dude make art it's never too late.

Ingvarr, age: 30/04/2016

Good day!
The best defense against self-delusion is work, action. And if there is no program, goal? Then you will have to put them, but not through the psychological masturbation and self-flagellation characteristic of intellectuals, but
through a rational assessment of the available personal resources. You are not alone. I dare, however, believe that you have a job. Sorry for the pun, it means - and there is, in the sense - to eat, there is also. Already
one plus, believe me, the overwhelming majority, having your problems, DOESN'T WORK. Further - about the goals: and, in fact, what was your goal in your youth? And was there anyway? Besides,
what kind of self-deprecation - the inability to correct your life? Come to Artsakh ( Nagorno-Karabakh), there is adrenaline for you, and put on a free house with a house in a border village, and with a special language
There will be no problems, and the girls there are very collected and purposeful. Believe me, if you like it, you will achieve a lot, the Artsakh Armenian woman will chew a rock for her husband's career, even if she and he are for
90 will be. By the way, you will see 18-year-old guys who, without any reflection characteristic of Shakespeare's hero, calmly and calmly, without thinking about nature and nightmares, guard
border. Waking up in the middle of the night? Nonsense, nonsense! Do you know who wakes up in the middle of the night? A person whose children died before him, a person who was found to have an incurable disease, a person,
which owes the bank a certain amount of interest. And you have so - a banal crisis, or rather - an overestimation. Change your surroundings. I advise Artsakh so that you understand that everything is relative,
the main thing is to look at life simply and clearly. And there you will be taught this.

Armen, age: 08/01/2016

You are needed by the one who is just as lonely. Find a lonely affectionate woman. You are still so young, and that means a lot. Everything will be fine with you. No need to delve into the reasons, just live and do not dig.
not to blame and no one is new. Work and look around. There are many lonely people in the world. affectionate women.

Elena, age: 54 / 14.10.2016

You can't think so, you are a human ... Look for a positive ... Morning is not easy to get up again ... Morning you took a break from yesterday, and today something good will happen ... This is the first, and there are many more rules to happiness ..

Neli, age: 50 / 14.12.2016

Brother ... MCH's daddy died recently ... Believe me: it can always be even worse !!! Better just live, and that's all ... Soon everything will pass, believe me !!! ..

Maxim, age: 33 / 12/18/2016

You have already written a good text for the letter. It means that you can do something. Good luck in finding yourself,

Ask a psychologist

Good afternoon. I'm 28 years old, personal life does not add up. I will try to write briefly and informatively. Errors are more visible from the outside.
I'll start from today. I'm sitting on the northwest. About 15-20 people write to me periodically. Every day or every other day a person writes 6. I understand that they do not care about me, in principle. When they have a weekend, they don't even come in to write something to me. Everyone has their own life. I'm just for "chatting" when there is nothing to do, apparently. One asked for a long number. I gave. In the end, he said that he was afraid to call and did not call, but he writes sometimes. For 35 summer man this is very strange. I don't think he is interested in me enough. It may not appear for weeks.
In real life, people rarely meet me. I rarely go where. Or maybe this is not the reason. In the summer, a guy met, but he didn't call either. Although he said that I was beautiful and cool. I didn't really like him, maybe he felt it. Before that, a guy met, he called. But I refused to meet him (not directly, was taking time, maybe to decide on a meeting), he eventually disappeared. Maybe I'm afraid of men. Do not know. But how to gain experience if there are no men? when someone appears, naturally I have fear. after all, usually no one is interested in me. And, if you are interested, then those with whom you definitely cannot build a relationship: womanizers, married.
I had "fans". But they tried to belittle me. they said: I like the one, this one and you. One loved his ex, and frankly mocked me. I step forward, he back. If I am backward, he is forward. I stopped communicating with him. Although he still came for a long time afterwards. I had only one relationship. And then, short. Years at 17.
In my life, I have no friends for 3-4 years. There were friends with whom I was friends since childhood. they were friends for 10 years. then I moved. There were girlfriends in college. They were friends for 2.5 years. at the end of the third year they stopped communicating. In one person I was disappointed, I stopped communicating with her. Everyone stopped communicating with me) although one was torn between me and that friend, but still chose her. There was another girl from a different company. She called me names for my eyes. I found out about this and stopped communicating with her. There was a group of guys with whom I talked for about 4 years. But later they began to assert themselves at my expense. I also stopped communicating with them. And here's the strange thing, many people from the past are trying to make friends with me again. Only I don't feel like it. Is there a sense at my expense to assert myself, to speak behind my back? why do they do this and what am I doing wrong that annoy them so? I want new friends, new acquaintances. But, it seems that I am not needed by those who I need. Why is that? I have none now loved one... It can be very lonely.
One psychologist once said that I suppress men. But, other psychologists said that I adequately respond to everything and they do not see arrogance or something like that. I'm not going to pretend to be a stupid girl or be worse than I am to be friends with girls or boys. I have my own opinion, desires, interests.

Good day, Elena.

You serious problems communication and therefore very vague prospects for the future.

Loneliness and hopelessness in finding intimacy is the worst pain.

And best of all for you, from the whole arsenal psychological remedies, the psychodynamic self-knowledge group will work.

Come and we will be treated.

Sincerely,

Marchenko Victor, Psychologist, family analyst, Almaty, skype

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Hello Elena. In this story, it is not the letter that should be analyzed, but your very personality. It is obvious that you are a positive person. But, with men, apparently, you are cowardly, touchy and often not decisive. It is important to understand the black holes of your personality responsible for grateful and mutual relations. Yes, there is a lot of negative on the sites, but, nevertheless, you can choose a companion, at least to work out skills and relationships on him, by becoming friends. Somewhere you yourself run away, but somewhere you cannot to be active, using the relationship for the benefit of yourself. This is from excessive caution and vulnerability. The less vulnerable and suspicious you become, the more versatile and flexible you will become in the minuet of dating. coursework with a psychologist, since, in such a matter, one-time consultations are not suitable. Since difficulties have the roots of fears and poor adaptation from early childhood. Adjust yourself to your height and do not be discouraged!

Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychotherapist-psychoanalyst Volgograd

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Hello, Elena,

it is not entirely clear why you broke up with your girlfriends and friends and were left alone. Either it’s your distrust of everyone in general, or your inability to build serious relationship... It looks like the second. You seem to be very intimidated by an emotionally close relationship. Because it is work. It's very hard to be in a relationship and be independent at the same time. It doesn't work that way. Perhaps there are a lot of fantasies about relationships in my head that are far from reality. And then the guys run away or are afraid or try to use you for frivolous relationship... We all need to deal with this. It seems that you did not manage to establish relations with psychologists in order to work productively, you write about different psychologists who tell you different things. Probably, this is also a reason to think about yourself.

Sincerely,

Tlegenova Harlan, psychoanalytically oriented psychologist, Almaty

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Hello, Elena.

Perhaps there are more pros and security for you to be alone, but it will not last that long, the disadvantages will soon begin to grow, and the more you are alone, the more difficult it will be to achieve change. I don't think that everyone you meet on your own life path trying to assert itself at your expense. It's just that our world reflects like a mirror inner world person, as long as you see negativity in him, the world seems dangerous, as in that children's cartoon, where the heroes were afraid to go across the river, because someone terrible and dangerous lived there, but as soon as they smile, everything changed. You do not need short meetings with a psychologist, you need a long therapy that will give you the opportunity to see other people, another communication, another life where you are needed, and where you have friends, communication, family and even children. Just allow yourself this, you have the right not only to fear and caution, but also the right to love, friendship, trust and recognition.

Best regards, Lyudmila Tskhai, psychologist in Almaty

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Hello, Elena. Judging by the letter, you are a self-sufficient person. Perhaps it's a matter of patience, you are lacking it. After all, it is necessary to build relationships patiently, accepting people as they are, with all their advantages and disadvantages. You seem to be judging people by their first impression. And it is usually deceiving. And people, in fact, feel it and they subconsciously create a stupor for further close acquaintance. The stupor has the function of a protective mechanism. In their memory, your evaluating gaze remains, which repels. The second reason I believe is your "mind". You, a smart girl and demonstrate it. The smart ones are usually afraid. I will dispel the myth: they are afraid of the smart not because they are afraid to look worse or stupid. And they are afraid that you will start teaching them! Nobody wants, especially men, to be taught. And psychologists, I think, will not be able to help you as long as you think that you yourself know everything. Until then, you will not begin to reckon with the opinions, desires and interests of others. You, rightly so, are not pretending to be stupid. But, perhaps, in order to have friends and a loved one, it is enough to be attentive, caring, a cheerful person... To be able not only to listen, but also to hear. And at the same time, it is not at all necessary to assume that they assert themselves at your expense. You may not say anything abstruse to them. But, on a non-verbal level, you signal them about your intellect and mind, with your gestures, facial expressions and even postures. Men love us, women, not for our mind !!! They love us because we bring them happiness. Good luck.

Respectfully yours, psychologist in Almaty, Chembotaeva Bayana

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