Beauty and health of teeth 

"Please pray to your child at home." Can children be taken to public places and to work? Mom's hands: is it worth taking a child in her arms

The attitude of a person to life, to the reality surrounding him is one of the important features personality. And the foundations of the worldview of any person are laid in the first years of life. For proper development child is very important, in particular, awareness of self-importance, which provides confidence that his parents need him. And the most important proof sincere love close to the baby is an immediate reaction to his desires.

Mental development of the newborn

A newborn basically only eats and sleeps. In the second and even more so the third month, the child's life includes periods of wakefulness, which are increasing more and more. The baby still does not know how to sit, but the desire to contemplate the world he is very large, and the baby informs you about this with persistent "requests" to pick him up. The mental development of a newborn child is accompanied by the following very important processes:

  • social adaptation - therefore, for a full-fledged, harmonious development the baby needs to communicate with people);
  • imprinting - imprinting in the baby's memory the impressions and images perceived in the first minutes after the birth of the most important objects;
  • emotional development: a small child especially needs positive emotions
  • they stimulate the development of his psyche, while negative ones, on the contrary, hinder;
  • intellectual development: the huge need of the child for new impressions should be satisfied; insatiability in obtaining new impressions (only overwork can stop this process);
  • need for more and more complex information

There is a very simple way that satisfies almost all of these requirements: BRING YOUR CHILD MORE OFTEN.

miraculous physical contact

Carrying a child in his arms contributes to the development of his tactile sensitivity (sense of touch, touch). For a baby, these feelings are almost the main ones. This is evidenced, for example, by the early intrauterine (at 5-6 weeks of gestation) formation of tactile receptors ( nerve cells, transmitting information about touch and touch to the brain), advancing the development of all other sense organs. Tactile receptors are not collected in one organ, like the eye or ear, but scattered throughout the body, especially on the fingertips and lips, least of all on the shoulders, hips and back. There are several types and types of such nerve cells. Some quickly transmit information about touch to the brain and turn off (for example, we quickly stop feeling the pressure of a watch strap on our hand), others work more slowly, but send signals to the brain for a long time, where they are processed. At the same time, your actions should begin with one thing - go up to the child and take it in your arms to change clothes, feed, rock you, sing a lullaby (at the same time, the baby doesn’t care if you have an ear for music), etc.. Clinging to the mother , the baby calms down, warms up, does not waste time and energy on screaming and crying, but begins to look closely and listen to everything that is happening around. Besides,

  • Carrying on hands trains the vestibular apparatus (especially if the mother periodically walks in circles, for example, around the table, while simultaneously making smooth movements from side to side, up and down and back and forth).
  • Observing the articulation of the mother, listening to her, the child prepares for the independent development of speech.
  • The baby can catch the intonations of a familiar prenatal period voices of life, adopt emotional condition mother.
  • In a young mother, anxiety decreases and mood improves (which is especially important when depressed state observed in some women after childbirth).
  • Practical experience clearly demonstrates that premature babies catch up with their peers faster in development if they grow up being constantly in close proximity to the mother -on hands: even her breathing helps to stabilize the baby's respiratory rhythm.

We take on hands - we indulge?

Is it possible, often taking the baby in his arms, to spoil him? If the needs of the child are not ignored, do not deny him affection and tactile contact, then this does not mean at all that he is pampered and poorly educated. Love is not a synonym bad upbringing, especially if we are talking about a baby who is only a few weeks old. There is an opinion that a child cannot be spoiled before 12 months - until this age, all his "whims" are justified by needs, so an adult should indulge the baby in everything. And only when the baby reaches a year, parents should selectively treat his requests, based on what they are caused by. From this age, it is already possible to instill in the baby the concept that not only he, but also the people around him have needs. What Our Restraint Leads to Rigid parenting practices, in which taking a child in your arms means pampering him, ignore the baby's natural need for the constant presence of the mother (or the one who cares for him). Promoting the principle early formation"independence", they have significant negative features. Firstly, a child who is deliberately separated from his mother does not form a trusting, good relations to the world, and this will certainly have a negative impact on its adult life. Secondly, limiting bodily contact between mother and baby does not contribute to the emergence between them mutual feelings. It is not surprising that the child similar cases perceived as a hindrance to familiar image life and ordinary affairs. And the baby constantly needs communication and his crying is a call to everyone, and first of all to his mother: "I'm hungry!", "I have a dirty diaper!", "It's hard for me to sleep!". Indeed, even in those cases when, it would seem, there are no reasons for tears, the baby may burst into offended or angry crying - because he is not yet ready for loneliness, his biological connection with his mother is still too strong. Thirdly, it should be borne in mind that a strict attitude towards the child, when adults try not to show their feelings and emotions in relation to the child, is not a guarantee good upbringing baby and his future success. Of course, most often a young mother has a lot of housework. Therefore, if she often takes the baby in her arms, she will have to sacrifice some things. In addition, carrying a child in her arms is also physically not very easy. In general, if desired, there are many reasons for minimizing physical contact with a child. Here you need to prioritize and decide what is more important to you - the daily routine or the development of the child. If you want to properly take care of the child and at the same time not start life, look for helpers-allies with whom you can do everything.

Holding the baby right

So, if you realized the importance of direct physical contact with the child and decided to put it into practice, you only have a little left - to learn how to carry the baby in your arms correctly. How to hold a child in your arms so as not to harm him? After all, a long stay of the crumbs in the wrong position can cause the formation of posture defects and curvature of the spine in him in the future. The position of the baby in the arms of the mother (or another adult) primarily depends on his age, as well as on whether he will sleep or "walk" with his mother .. Up to 2-2.5 months (and sometimes longer) the baby's head must be supported, so in horizontal position(face up) arrange the child on your arm so that the back of his head rests on your elbow, back - on the forearm, and your brushes should support the baby's butt and hips. You can put the baby on your forearm and stomach. In this case, the baby's head should be in the crook of the elbow, and your hands will close on the baby's stomach, and one hand will pass between the legs of the little one. If you want to hold the child in an upright position, for example, in order for him to burp excess air, then support his head and back: put one of your palms on the back of the baby’s head, with your forearm firmly press his body to you. With the other hand, fix the buttocks of the crumbs. Attention! In no case do not sit the child on your arm until he has confidently mastered the skill of sitting, which happens on average at the age of 6 months. From 2.5-3 months, you can already carry the baby, turning him to face away from you, holding him with one hand at chest level, with the other -at the level hips.

How to lighten your burden

The baby grows, his body weight increases, and it becomes difficult to carry the baby in his arms for a long time (especially after 3 months of age, when the weight of the child reaches an average of 6 kg). Baby carrier aids such as baby slings and baby carriers can help out here for a while. A baby sling is a modern modification of a piece of fabric used to tie a baby to its mother in some Asian and African countries.). A baby sling provides close physical contact between mother and baby and all the benefits of such closeness already listed. In addition, with it, if necessary, it is easier to breastfeed a child while on the street or in another public place - a wide flap of fabric will hide from immodest glances; It is convenient to rock and lull the child. You can wear a baby in a flap from his birth and up to one and a half years. It all depends on the weight of the baby and your physical abilities. It is also very important to find the optimal position for the child and for the mother, which would provide both with maximum comfort. The basic positions for a baby in a baby sling are horizontal, with support for the spine, and (for older babies) raised upright or sitting, with the baby tightly pulled towards you by the fabric. A kangaroo backpack can be used only after the baby learns to hold his head confidently and his muscles get stronger. Preference should be given to backpacks with a rigid back. But still, you should not get too carried away with a baby sling and a kangaroo backpack. Firstly, it is still more useful for the baby to lie on the hard mattress of the crib or stroller. Secondly, it is unlikely that the child will like to sleep sitting in a backpack. And thirdly, a long stay of a child in the same position, which causes an uneven load on different parts of the spine, can provoke a pathology of the musculoskeletal system. Therefore, it is not recommended to keep the baby in a baby sling and "kangaroo" for more than 40 minutes a day. When the child grows up a little, you can practice the pose when the baby sits on his mother's side, facing her. The advantages of this position: the mother has one hand free, and the child has an excellent view. If the mother, for health reasons, is not recommended to take the baby in her arms, then you can often put him on her stomach, put him on her knees, or entrust this honorable duty to dad. From time to time, you should leave the baby alone in the crib or playpen - you, too, get tired of excessive communication even with the most pleasant person to you. But at the same time, the mother should not disappear from the field of view of the crumbs for a long time. Give the child the opportunity to admire or play toys on their own, feel the blanket, study their own fists ... This is also very important for full development baby - it is unlikely that he will learn to crawl, and then walk, if he is in his mother's arms all the time. natural weaning by hand The closer the age of one and a half to two years, the less often we carry a child in our arms. Children of this age are increasingly striving for independence, actively and tirelessly explore the world around them. But all the same, they will find time to comfortably sit on their parents' laps, and when they are tired of a long walk, they will gladly climb onto their father's arms or on his neck. At this age (as well as at a much later one), they still need love and affection, attention and care, and they still need physical contact with their parents. And this is equally important for both girls and boys. The upbringing of masculinity should not be accompanied by a lack of parental affection. A child of any gender and any age needs a kiss from his mother before going to bed and after waking up, in an affectionate and soothing hug. Of course, the upbringing of each child is purely individual process. Already in early age there is a noticeable difference between babies: some are happy to play with toys alone, others require the constant presence of the mother. This behavior is due to both the characteristics of temperament, the character of the baby, and pedagogical skills(or misses) of parents. Smile to your child, be attentive to him - this will allow you to feel each other better. The reward for your patience and love will be happy, loving baby and in the future, your "tame" child will be able to become a support for you and your own family.

What should adults not do when communicating with a child?

  • Constantly shake and squeeze the child, regardless of his condition and desire.
  • Throw the child up (often done by fathers and grandfathers), as you can drop the baby and injure him.
  • Kissing the baby's face, especially in the first year of life, so as not to infect the baby with some kind of infection, such as herpes.

For nursing newborns or small ones, premature babies especially good "kangaroo tactics" when during daytime sleep the baby is placed on the mother's chest (tummy down). In this case, the woman needs to get comfortable, take a semi-horizontal position in bed or on the sofa, placing two or three pillows under her back. In this position, the child is comfortable, cozy and can sleep for much longer. Mom at this time can also take a nap or read a book.

Scientists claim

American scientists have found that touching the body contributes to a better formation of immunity, stimulates the central nervous system, hormone production, and even increases the level of hemoglobin in the human body. Psychologists have data that those children who were not allowed to cry in the first months of life, eliminated the causes of discomfort in time, later grew up calmer than those who were given the opportunity to "cry".

It is known that the level psychomotor development children who are constantly “on their mother” are higher than those of their peers who have limited bodily contact with their mother (although this applies only to the first years of life). These conclusions were reached by researchers who studied children in African countries, where babies from birth are on their mother's back, tied to her with a scarf or a piece of cloth. Moreover, mothers “feel” their children so well that they don’t even use diapers: in right moment they simply take the child out of the flap, “plant it out” and, after the child has completed its physiological needs, they put it back.

Today, the opinion of pediatricians, teachers and child psychologists has changed dramatically: it is possible and even necessary to take a child in your arms, especially when he has such a need.


All parents know that crying baby calms down quickly if you pick him up. And the grown-up baby begins to ask for hands already consciously. Why does he need it? What does it give him? Understanding what is happening with the baby will help inexperienced parents make a decision in this matter. Being nine months in the mother's womb, the child is accustomed to feeling his mother nearby, heartbeat mother is natural to him. That is why, especially at first, he feels calmer in his arms.


Tactile contact with the mother creates a sense of security in the child, and this helps to adapt to a new environment for him. The baby needs such contact, and he achieves it in the most accessible way for him - by crying. When the mother holds the child in her arms, the distance between the child and the mother's face is 30-40 cm, which is the most optimal for the visual system. At the same time, let's not forget that human face- for a child it is much more than just an object for contemplation.


A little grown up kids love when they are carried around the room in their arms, they show and tell something. The baby needs you to get new information about the world outside the crib or playpen, i.e. with your help, he satisfies his need for new experiences. But the basic need of a child asking to be held is, of course, the need emotional contact. Each person in childhood should receive enough attention and affection from the mother. Children who experienced a feeling of loneliness in infancy and early age grow up emotionally undeveloped, withdrawn, insecure, and this is not in the best way affect their entire lives.


So, in the arms of the mother, the baby gets more opportunities for psychoemotional development. It can even be said that the child has the right to demand that the parents take him in their arms. Don't deny him this. A mother who is afraid to spoil her child thinks first of all about her own comfort, without caring about the real needs of the baby. Small children can and should be picked up, because for them this is the best proof that the world around is reliable, and they themselves are needed and loved.


Of course, for a mother loaded with daily household chores, a baby in her arms creates certain inconveniences. But you should not regard the time spent with the child as wasted - do not forget about positive emotions that the mother herself receives when communicating with the child.

To answer this question, you need to take the position of the child. Children under 15-16 do not believe in death. Death for them is a long separation, maybe for a lifetime, but the very fact of disappearance is not perceived. Therefore, for a child, death is a long separation due to the fault of the one who died. This is an interrupt emotional connections love with the deceased, and that, of course, is a strong shock. Children often resent the dead as having abandoned them.

With such an attitude of children to the death of loved ones, the question of attitude to death is decisively determined by the environment. If the child's family shares Orthodox attitude to death, then you can and should take the child to the cemetery. It is explained to the child that the deceased is alive, but has moved to live in another area of ​​being. His body is planted in the ground like a seed, and someday we will all rise in the body and meet. That it is possible to communicate with the deceased in prayer, that he died not through his own fault, but out of necessity, that he is better off there. If a child sees that loved ones are grieving for separation, but do not fall into depression, but melt their grief into bright sadness, then he himself is calm. The child feels that the love for him on the part of the deceased has not diminished, but has passed into a different quality.

A completely different attitude to death in an unbelieving family. There, all relatives are horrified at the inevitability of death and, fearing it, behave unnaturally and detachedly. Naturally, in such a state, there is no time for manifestations of love for the child and calming him down. In this case, the child remembers death as an extremely traumatic state, fraught with despair and hopelessness. The child feels resentment for two reasons: firstly, because the deceased has abandoned him, and the child cannot be consoled Orthodox understanding of death; secondly, because adults are not up to it, and they are in a difficult state of mind. This attitude causes the child to perceive death as destructive. family love event. Often funerals are accompanied by hysterical outbursts of emotions of loved ones and relatives, which in itself frightens the child. The intensity of these passions reaches its greatest peak just in the cemetery. Secretly, those around them want to escape from the fear of death and flood it with many-guilty commemorations, so everyone considers himself obliged to relieve the emotion of fear of the coffin. One has only to remember how relatives fight over the coffin at some funerals, and everything will become clear. I once happened to observe a picture when the relatives of the deceased left the temple with their hearts cleansed and pacified after the funeral and went to the crematorium. You should have seen how the mother's heart was squeezed again by a wave of despair.

The situation is even more complicated if one of the parents, especially the mother, has died in the child. In this case, the most important thing that connected the child with the world and made it warm and bright is violated - mother's love. Before the little one suddenly and much ahead of time the whole horror of being in the world is revealed. Each of us sooner or later faces the understanding that he is mortal and alone. However, as a rule, this happens in adulthood, when the psyche is stable and hardened. If a person believes in Christ, then the horror of existence is replaced by the joy of communion with God. If not, he may find meaning in work, in loving others, or even see meaning in his own suffering. But what about a child who is completely dependent on parental love? He has to suddenly grow up in suffering.

Should I take a child to a parent's funeral? Yes, take it! It's scary, it's terrible, but it's for the good of the child. The good thing is that everything, even the worst, must be completed. Any suffering can be endured if you know that it will end. In the event that the child did not see with his own eyes how the parent is lowered and buried, then he will not accept his death. And if he does not accept, then in the psyche this situation will last forever, constantly tormenting and poisoning any joy. The parent remains internally alive, but this is not an Orthodox attitude to the life of the soul beyond the grave, but the life of the deceased in the depths of the soul with eternally unfinished pain. With such a low, depressive background, it will become impossible to live full life. This can develop into a neurosis, into a fear of the birth of one's own children, into suicide, finally.

Here the question arises: how to make sure that the child copes with this situation? After all, the future good does not give relief in the grief of today. Answer: bring to the Church of God. This is necessary for many reasons. The first is that the image of God is biologically embedded in us, which is manifested by the need and possibility of love. And, having lost a father or mother, a child can meet the call of his lost love with the answer of God's love. The grace of the Heavenly Father will replace lost love. The horror that befell a child before a life that takes away loved ones makes him especially sensitive to spiritual consolation. The second reason is that the rhythm itself Orthodox worship has a calming effect on the psyche and allows you to pour out your grief not in a destructive impulse of self-flagellation, but in prayers that harmonize the psyche. For those who have carefully read the meaning of the Six Psalms, this is especially clear. Finally, in the temple there is the sacrament of confession that heals the soul. The third reason is that only in the Church can one meet people who are able to sincerely share their grief with a child and a surviving parent, without fear of death itself. Of such kind social support especially important in a situation of loss, grief, fallen loneliness. The fourth reason is that only the Orthodox worldview allows you to reorient your understanding of death over time and find meaning in the sent down suffering.

What can be said in conclusion? Regardless of age, a person is alone in this world. Standing on the verge of two worlds: the spiritual and the material, a person seeks God in the spiritual world in order to sanctify and straighten out his sufferings in the material world with His help. Standing on the edge of the grave loved one we suffer like children. And in order to find “peace and rest for our souls,” it is necessary to find the parental comfort of the Lord for their children.

M. Itskovich,
Orthodox psychologist

Death separates the living and the dead, but it only separates physically and not spiritually. Faith and love are the spiritual ties that connect the living with the dead. Faith connects the present with the future, the visible with the invisible - man with God, with the invisible angelic world and with relatives and friends who have moved to the invisible world.

Dear editors! Answer me, which saint should pray for the lost youth Constantine? He died without pectoral cross although he himself was baptized. He was a group II disabled person due to a head disease, and when his mother died in a car accident, he fell ill even more and took off his cross. I, his grandmother, persuaded him to wear a cross, but he persisted

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Many parents think that if baby beg to be held then, this speaks of the spoiled child and therefore, you need to take the child in your hand as little as possible. But, right or wrong, do i need to take the baby in my arms?

You can often observe such a scene: the child screams loudly, and his parents do not react and can no longer stand it, they come to the crib and want to take the child in their arms. But, in this case, young parents begin to strongly object, explaining that if you always carry the baby when the child asks to be held, he will get used to being in his arms and will not give anyone peace.

But, in fact, in parenting practice, if the child is born in his arms or just worried and crying, then good remedy calm him down - pick him up, shaking him. After all, quite Small child asks for hands not consciously, not because he is such a spoiled egoist, but because he really needs this contact with his parents. And already when he becomes a little older, then the child will ask for his arms consciously, purposefully and ask and even demand to be carried, rocked and lulled. But why does the child ask to be held? Why does he need it?

To understand this, let's go back to the newborn period. Caring for a newborn baby is a very hectic time for parents, when the baby cries because he is not feeling well or because he is overexcited. His nervous system still weak, not strong, and he cries. And you take him in your arms, it distracts and calms him. The warmth of your body, the pressure on your tummy helps it too. Your tenderness, your conversation with him also has a positive effect on the child. Therefore, if in the first months the child asks to be held, then there is no need to be afraid to spoil the child and there is no need to doubt whether the child should be picked up or not.

As for the newborn child, everything is clear. But, when a child turns 3-4 months old, gases at that age, as a rule, do not torment and he has fully adapted to environment. Is it necessary to take a child in her arms at this age, because the child asks to be held in her arms as before. Yes, this is true, but a 3-4-year-old child likes to roll on his hands for other reasons. Scientists say that the best distance for the functioning of the baby's vision is 30-40 cm. And this is exactly the distance between the child and the mother when the mother holds him in her arms. For a baby like this visual contact is big interest and the human face is very important to him. And this applies to and, equally,. The variety of such contacts also plays positive role for a child.

Children also ask to be held, because they love to be carried around the apartment, show everything and tell. For mental development personality is very important occupation. The baby is still too helpless, so the child asks to be in your arms in order to get information about the world around you with your help and thus the baby's need for new impressions is satisfied.

Children also love to be rocked in their arms, thrown a little (and always caught) and twirled from side to side. Thus, the baby's vestibular apparatus is well trained.

At the age of 7-8 months, children ask to be held in order to play with an adult in such games as "patties", "magpie" or play with toys, for example, to drive a car. This happens before the child starts walking, he wants to spend as much time as possible with his mother and she has to carry him for a long time. It may be enough for the baby that you go about your usual business, being in his field of vision and from time to time affectionately communicating with him. In this case, the child asks to be held, perhaps not. Your attention and participation will calm the baby.

Towards the end of the family, it happens that the child asks to be held in order to use an adult to achieve his goal. For example, if the baby wants to look at something or get some interesting thing on the wardrobe.

It turns out that in the hands of an adult, a child develops mentally better. And, based on this, we can say that the child asks for hands not in vain, not for the sake of his whim. For him it is a vital necessity for full development, and for parents in