How to re-start a relationship with an ex-husband. Would you connect your life with him? Communicate to your own detriment

12.05.2019

We divorced two years ago. But we continue to meet (read: sleep) until now. Why am I doing this? Because I still love this person... Question: Why does he do this?

Psychologists conditionally divide separated couples into several groups: “irreconcilable enemies”, “let's remain friends”, “it seems they got divorced, but feelings remained”. We seem to fall into the latter category. I don't feel any animosity towards my ex-spouse. Although there are good reasons for this.

A year ago, he started an affair with a young bitch. I can't name it otherwise. I don’t understand what pushes 19-year-old Barbies to have relationships with married men? Or is it due to a lack of intelligence? I do not argue, you can fall in love with anyone. And at the same time, no one looks into the passport ... But, nevertheless, it is more natural when young ladies communicate not with married uncles, but with free gentlemen.

My husband and I have no children. And we both led quite a free life. He did not feel in control. And at some point, "lost vigilance." In general, I "calculated" it. Not so much myself, but friends helped. But I'm not offended by them: they opened their eyes, so to speak.

Who wants to be foolish? Most importantly, the longer you walk in these very fools, the harder it is to recover from the blow (when the whole truth comes to light). One friend saw them in a nightclub, another noticed how her husband periodically brings this passion to her house. And so on.

Six months later, my ex-husband will marry the girl who caused our divorce (but I don’t know about it yet). However, we will still meet with him. Psychologists claim that similar situations a woman is nothing more than a toy for her ex. After all, she was left alone. And she cannot begin to build new relationships because of the old attachment, trailing behind her like a lizard tail that has not completely fallen off.

The man is all right: and new wife, and the “old” one (if you like), which, even after the divorce, continues to rotate with him in the same orbit.

After some time, I will still hate him: too many resentments will accumulate. Or still love will pass? After all, when you love, you forgive a lot. And when the feelings go away, you begin to hate yourself for these forgiveness, weakness, excessive softness. For allowing him too much. But, in order not to engage in self-criticism, I will remember the statistics. She says that ex-spouses who continue similar relationship make up a large percentage.

Many will react negatively to such a model of relations. But let's not be moralists. Firstly, the man is far from a stranger to me. Secondly, me and his new wife sort of switched places. She got what she deserved.

Well, to each his own.

And later I will marry again and be happy.

Click " Like» and get best posts on Facebook!

Let's dot the i

As a rule, people disperse by loudly slamming the door. Accumulated grievances do not allow to live in peace. "It's his fault! His character was unbearable!” Of course, we are all not angels and not an easy task family life it lies in the fact that two completely different in character, upbringing and, possibly, lifestyle, people can “get used to” each other. The secret of "lapping" is quite simple, but in practice, people do not use it, they ignore it, stuffing bumps one after another. It is about voicing any disagreements. As soon as there is dissatisfaction, express it.

At the same time, observing the elementary rules of human communication: talk only about a specific situation, without remembering all relatives up to the seventh generation and previous unspoken grievances, without insults, trying to decipher each concept or generalization. We are all very different. Each of us puts into words only their own meaning. Often a husband and wife, talking about the same thing, simply "call things different names". And now you are already in the registry office, holding an application for divorce in trembling hands. And in the column "Reason for divorce" write: "they did not agree on the characters." In fact, they simply did not want to understand each other ...

Let's try to understand each other

Now we have to find out the reasons for the past misunderstandings after the fact. Ready? The best place to meet no man's land and to talk. The most simple and at the same time such “sick” questions will help in this.

What did you not like about my actions and why?
What did you mean when you said that...
What did you expect from me in that situation?

For myself, not for that guy

You can say that you do not have to sort things out, reopen old wounds inflicted by this person, and even more so do something for him! "He just doesn't deserve it!" Maybe. Therefore, let's take as an axiom the fact that we do this solely for ourselves. And, of course, for the general child. After all, he has the right to a calm relationship between his beloved parents. At least after the divorce. The following questions will help us with this.

Do I want to stop twitching at the thought of this person?
Do I want to remain calm and unperturbed when meeting with him?
Do I want to peacefully communicate with my ex-husband- the father of my children?

If you answered “Yes!” to all questions, let’s proceed.

Remember the good...

Every person has both good and bad, advantages and disadvantages. Usually in equal proportions. At the beginning of a relationship, the “good” proudly comes to the fore to be noticed. "Bad" remains in the shadows. For the time being, for the time being. Yes, we do not want to notice him, seeing in our chosen one exclusively a prince on a white horse. But the months and years go by. The “good” is fading, it is no longer so conspicuous. We get used to virtues, forgetting that at the very beginning it was they that attracted us so much. And it's time for the bad. It turns out that he has so many shortcomings! And he snores, and blows his nose, and scatters dirty socks everywhere, and he's a fair amount of miser! “How I live with him is still unclear!”

When the “bad” bowl of family relations finally outweighs the “good”, people go to divorce. To keep this from happening , it is worth starting to notice the good earlier than you proceed with the division of property and children. But the divorce, alas, took place. Why remember this person? I answer: exclusively for the sake of future good neighborly relations. Both you and your to kid need peace and quiet. Is it worth it to twitch at the thought that “here again my son is sent to this hated monster!” The child, unlike you, sees in the "monster" a loving and beloved father.

Therefore, we remember its merits. Which? Where to look for diamonds when resentment boils in the soul? In the search, the question will perfectly help: “What was so special about him, why did I love him?” - How great did he play the guitar when he courted me? - Such scrambled eggs with tomatoes, which he cooked, I did not try either before or after him. - He could cheer me up when cats scratched at my soul. - The gifts he gave were always generous and unexpected. - In the bathroom, he sang songs, which greatly amused me and the children. He was very well-read and I loved listening to him talk about new books and films. - He ... You can, of course, mourn and cry. "Oh, what a guy he was!". Maybe you even want to return everything ... Of course, you can try, but they say that “you don’t enter the same river twice”.

Gratitude and Forgiveness

It is believed that the most right ways say goodbye forever negative thoughts about the ex-husband - gratitude and forgiveness. After such positive memories, there will be a reason for gratitude quickly. “He gave me so much! I got so much from him!” It’s harder with forgiveness ... Quarrels immediately pop up, with a showdown, misunderstanding and resentment. “Is this person really supposed to be forgiven!?” Should not. Do this only because you want to get rid of the burden of heavy memories, let this person go on all four sides, and not mentally return to mental abrasions.

Forgiveness - of course, sincere - has amazing property heal severe wounds by transforming our memories. It is able to move them from "emotional" to "actual". What happened to you will pop up in your memory without causing any mental harm. You will finally have the opportunity to look at past relationships with a sober look, to draw conclusions. For example, such.

Thanks to everything that happened, I realized that the most valuable thing in life is myself and my child.
I realized that living with an unloved person is a crime.
She believed that life could be different and that the person who would understand, care, and with whom it would be possible to build a good family could still meet.

Find meaning in his actions

Gratitude and forgiveness take time. Therefore, it would be useful to take a parallel look at the post-divorce situation from a logical point of view. “He calls me several times a day. The most banal reason can be chosen for the call. As soon as I begin to answer, he turns the conversation into finding out the reasons for our divorce. And, abruptly turning to a cry. Of course he does it on purpose!” “I do not prevent him from meeting with his daughter, but he, under one pretext or another, is trying to meet with me. This is extremely unpleasant for me, and when I refuse, I get another batch of accusations and curses. Let's stop looking for an enemy in the former partner, whose only goal is to take revenge, to ruin your life. A person may have other goals. Of course, we do not know for sure what, but we can guess.

He wants you back and child;
He wants to heal his own mental wounds that remained after the destruction of the family.
He wants to deal with own feeling guilt, responsibility, obligations once assumed ...

As you can see, there can be many reasons. And they hardly belong to the category of "revenge." To find out the reason for the actions of your ex-spouse, it is enough to trace a number of his actions in relation to you and children. As a rule, declared goals and real ones do not coincide. Therefore, relying on words and promises is not worth it. Follow your actions. Why does he take certain steps? What does he want to achieve? You also have your goals. For example, build ideal relationship with ex-husband. But they must first be introduced.

Ideal relationship. Is it possible to?

Maybe. If you translate the abstract wording "I want everything to be fine" into a normal human language. So I want:

that we learn to speak calmly;
that both bear responsibility for the fate of our children;
so that, when meeting, they do not remember old grievances, but only talk about specific problems;
so that our children learn from us to build relationships peacefully, and not to live on past grievances.

The list can be continued and the most subtle nuances relationships. The clearer, shorter and more positively the points of your relationship are formulated, the faster you will achieve them.

Talk to a child

The most disadvantaged party in the divorce process are children. And not only because the most beloved for child people constantly quarrel, find out something, how much because he is kept in the dark. Talking to a child about upcoming divorce or why mom and dad stopped living together seems to be the most difficult. But without explaining baby the essence of what is happening, we further complicate life for ourselves and for him. It doesn't matter how old your to kid. Try to communicate with him in his language. Tell him that you still love him. That the conflicts that occur between you are not related to him. He is not to blame for anything! Remember that only by sorting out previous relationships, drawing conclusions, forgiving and thanking former partner for priceless life experience, you can go to another, better stage family relations. The ones in which the sun always shines, in which people treat each other with care, and children often laugh!

How to communicate with an ex-husband if feelings are still alive and there are joint child?

Oh what a difficult question. You can say this: fate sent you a difficult test. Not only do you need to go through the pain of betrayal, the feeling of being useless, go through the feeling of abandonment, but also strangle your pride (torment: “Instead of me they preferred another”, “She is better”), and this is almost unbearable for the fragile “I” . It is necessary to recognize the fact that you are no longer loved and all the delights of love go to another.

By no effort of will you can completely change your relationship with your ex-husband until you go through all the stages of a painful separation.

burn away parting

All these bitter feelings can be experienced, weep, grieve, but ... alone. And it is best now not to know or hear anything about him, about the former. And here you have to communicate, because there is a joint child and you, like a normal mother, do not want to act to the detriment of the baby and deprive him of his father.

I can write a lot of advice on how to behave with the former, how not to drop your dignity in him and, most importantly, in your own eyes. But will it help you when your heart hurts, resentment eats from the inside, and your own unsettled life adds fuel to the fire of pain?

By no effort of will you can completely change your attitude towards your ex-husband and, accordingly, your behavior until you go through all the stages of a painful separation. I foresee your reaction: “How long can you go through a breakup? I've already gotten over my pain." So, if you experienced it, then the question of how to behave would not arise. It would not throw you from one extreme to another.

What happened to you and your family is a real tragedy, and there is no need to downplay and devalue the power of your experiences. But you did not truly let your husband go to another woman, did not accept his betrayal, you tried, but in reality you did not forgive him.

The path to true forgiveness is not easy. And with the help of some beliefs and reasonable explanations, it is impossible to come to it. Only after living through all the pain and finding in yourself the internal correspondences of the situation, accepting everything and forgiving everyone, you will be able to forgive your husband.

By not breaking up with him, you do not allow other men to enter your life. Every time you struggle with your feelings, you waste your energy, and then you have no strength left for anything else. You need to see and realize the harm you are doing to yourself and your life, to recognize your helplessness and the powerlessness of trying to change anything and gain control over yourself. Only then can you start your journey.

What is happening now? You do not give up the idea that you can influence yourself and the situation. You are asking for an algorithm of actions that will help you build the tactics of your behavior. But I'm sure you know perfectly well how you need to behave, hence all your attempts to accept and forgive, to pretend that nothing happened ... fatigue and anger - because there is pain inside you. You are fighting with yourself. And this is the road to nowhere.

Rules of conduct with an ex-husband

It's hard for me to say briefly what to do. There are exercises and meditations that trigger the experience of grief. But you will have to experience painful feelings yourself.

My 6 month program and is designed to support in such a situation. Working in a group helps you fully live your pain, and the feeling of similarity with the fate of other women will strengthen you. It will let you know that you are not alone in this situation.

At the end of September will begin.

Sign up for a group, and together with you we will begin a difficult path of experiences, following which you will discover a lot of interesting, useful, although at times, perhaps, unpleasant.

So, how to behave with an ex-husband correctly?

1. Try to talk to him only about the child. Do not ask him about business, about life and do not tell about yourself. Even if he is interested. Try to be gentle with the answer. Getting involved in communication, you give him your energy, and thereby attach yourself to him, and you absolutely do not need this. Save your strength for yourself. Don't feed your ex with your energy.

2. Try to emotionally distance yourself when communicating with him. Step back. Don't get involved in conversations. Be polite, but no more. If you can keep your interactions with him to a minimum, do it.

Although, apparently, it is still important for you to see him, you want to look into his eyes, to understand whether he is happy. And all these questions arise... Are you significant to him? Did he love you? Is it bored? Does he regret the past? Does he want to return?

3. Do not ask the child about the father, about conversations between them, do not try to find out information about the ex-husband.

4. Do not forbid the former partner to see the child, but the transfer of the child must be done in the way you want. Do not try to be comfortable and good, understanding everything ex-wife.

5. Don't let him know that you love and are waiting for him. Do not show or prove to him that you have no one. But do not do the opposite, demonstrating the presence of another man in your life. Be impervious to him. Let him know nothing about you.

6. This is the most difficult and difficult moment. Try not to forbid him to invite the child to new family. I know that it is very difficult and difficult to allow a child to spend time not only with his father, but also with his woman. This is not an easy test.

But if you can let go of your husband, then this item will become feasible for you. The fact is that the new darling may turn out to be a jealous lady, she may begin to put forward her conditions to the man. She is unlikely to like that she does not take part in the life of a partner. And then it can affect the frequency of meetings between the father and the child.

Therefore, if this has happened in your life, let your child become richer - find another family and experience a different relationship model.

Maybe soon you will create new union, and the child, communicating with members of both families, will grow up in a healthier environment.

Although I understand that it's only Right words. And having lost a husband, it is almost unbearable to share a child with him, especially if he is the only one. But still, probably not immediately, but allow this thought.

7. Try not to discuss the already ex-husband in the presence of a child - he will not understand your pain, but will only get confused in the situation. After all, he loves both you and his father, and you are both dear to him. There is no need to create a persecutor-victim-rescue triangle where you play the role of the victim. And don't make the child your lifesaver. Subsequently, all this will go sideways for him.

If you have a daughter, then you will form her not quite correct image men, and it will be difficult for her to trust a man, to love her chosen one. If you have a son, then his identification with men may suffer, which will then affect his ability to earn money and be successful.

Yes, and you yourself ... The more you think and talk about your husband, the more involved in these relationships. And they are already in the past for you, which you need to let go! Don't create an emotional funnel that will be very difficult for you to get out of later.

One year of waiting

If you still love your husband, then most likely you want him back, and the hope of a reunion does not let go of Wax. What to do in this situation? Trying to get your ex back or not? Should any action be taken for this?

There are no recipes that are equally suitable for everyone. But here you are in danger of immersing yourself in your expectations and hoping in vain for the return of your husband and thus losing several years, or even many years of your life. Of course, if you decide for yourself that you no longer want to have any business with men and the memories of the former are more than enough for you, then this approach is quite acceptable. But if, nevertheless, you do not want to spend your whole life in unjustified expectations and hopes, then set a period for yourself, for example, one year. Tell yourself if after a year your husband does not return, then you will cut him out of your life and will learn to live without him.

One year is enough to choose your path. And if the ex-husband lived for a year with another woman, then I think the chances of his return and generally greatly decreased. Although life has its own rules, and here nothing can be unambiguously stated.

You can really wait one year, but then start building your life without an ex. And I would strongly recommend you not just to wait for his return, but to take care of yourself, your inner world, with your soul. In any case, you have to go through a breakup, even if there is hope for the return of a partner.

If you cannot internally part with him, let him go, then all your attempts to return him are most likely doomed to failure. You can return someone only if in your soul you let go of this person and survived all the pain of betrayal and parting. If this did not happen, it means that you have not changed internally, and therefore, your relationship, even if your husband returns, will remain the same.

After parting with a man, reduce the importance of your desire to return him, trust the space of your destiny. It will be what is best for you.

Hope for the worst, and the best will come.

I listed general rules However, every woman finds her own behavior patterns. But most importantly, always remember the interests of the child, try not to inflate, (not pride) and, of course, do not forget about yourself. Maybe your husband left you, taking care of your soul, so that you turn to yourself and begin to treat yourself differently. Or maybe he made space for something or someone. Emptiness has one remarkable property to be filled. And maybe after a while you will be grateful to your ex-husband for what he did to you.

With love,

Irina Gavrilova Dempsey

It seems like only yesterday you walked together happy to the altar. Until now, joyful cries of “Bitter!” are heard in my head. And everything that happened seemed like a fairy tale that happened to you in reality. And then suddenly you wake up.

Flowers, champagne and tears of happiness dissolve into a cruel reality. And you instead of status happy bride get a new - bitchy ex-wife. The question arises of how to deal with the ex-husband. In this article we will try to consider all possible strategies of behavior in this situation.

Habitual reactions of the ex-spouse

First, let's analyze the typical reactions of a man to a divorce:

Pretends that nothing happened. This type male behavior characteristic of those who perceive you as property and do not want to part with it. And not because he loves you madly. Now he has to cook dinner himself, wash his socks, iron his shirts and deal with paying utility bills. In this situation, a man is ready to do anything, just to return everything as it was. If you have begun to notice that your ex-husband has begun to take care of you, this should make you wary. Thoughts that “maybe I still love my ex-husband,” drive away. Most often, this concern is feigned, just sit down and think about why you got divorced and whether it is worth stepping on the same rake again.
Forced communication because of children. The situation with divorce becomes more difficult when there is a child in the family. As a rule, men do not want to communicate with their ex-wife, but they are forced to do this for the sake of their beloved child. Often a woman, looking at how her son / daughter rejoices at the arrival of her father, experiences a huge sense of guilt, because of which she may unconsciously turn the child against her father. It is absolutely impossible to do so. In the future, this may turn into the fact that the child will hate the mother because she interfered with his relationship with his father. If it's really hard for you to watch them warm relations then you need a family psychologist. Perhaps he will be able to overcome your guilt and improve relations with your ex-husband.
Threatening, spreading rumours. Most often this happens if the initiator of the divorce was a woman. In a man, thus, resentment speaks. Of course, it is not pleasant that your ex spreads rumors and thereby denigrates you in the eyes of relatives and friends. But in this situation it is better to just feel sorry for him and not try to take revenge. Perhaps, when the offense passes, he himself will ask you for forgiveness. If there is a possibility that your ex-husband is able to somehow physically harm you and carry out his threats, then you need to immediately write a statement to the police!
Closes in on itself. It's not just women who tend to get depressed after a divorce. Men are also subject to emotional anguish and remorse. They can spend hours scrolling through all your quarrels, insults in their heads and regret that they did not understand in time how to find an approach to their already ex-wife. In this situation, you may have rushed to divorce. If you still have feelings for your partner, you can try to restore your marriage. A family psychologist will help you learn to listen to each other, respect and appreciate.

Woman's behavior

With women, in this regard, everything is easier. They have only two typical behaviors:

Beautiful and happy. Thus, a woman tries to raise her self-esteem. Agree, after 5-10 years of marriage you rarely hear from your spouse: “You are so beautiful with me” or “How lucky I am to grab such a beauty!”. That is why many women dive headlong into a series of meaningless novels, just to prove to themselves that she is still capable of something. But this period does not last long, about a couple of months, then the woman becomes depressed.
Broken and desperate. The same mechanism as in the first paragraph, only in reverse. At first, the woman is moping and does not know what to do with her ex-husband. Then she begins to gradually feel the taste of life. Changes hair, style, maybe even work. Freed from daily worries, the girl feels like heavy load fell from her fragile shoulders. But now, knowing what life in marriage is, she is in no hurry to go down the aisle again.

Cohabitation after divorce

There are also more advanced cases. Let's say that during your marriage you jointly acquired a house. And none of you have anywhere else to go. How to live with an ex-husband? For some, this will seem savagery, but such modern realities. Housing in the middle of the road is not lying around.

Rules of conduct for former spouses

But still, some rules of cohabitation should be observed:

This type of residence should be temporary. First, it's stressful for both of you. Secondly, you will not be able to build new relationships in such conditions. Thirdly, during such a residence it is impossible to avoid scandals, which will have an extremely negative impact on your children (if you have any). If you see that your husband is not going anywhere, move out yourself. Your nerves are worth more.
Be honest about whether you want to keep the relationship. If you deliberately do not want to leave, then remember one thing: you will not be forced to be nice. And to the question of how to deal with an ex-husband, the only correct answer is: forget and let go.
Divide household chores. Since there was a divorce, you are not obliged to cook breakfast for your ex-husband, even if you live in the same apartment. If necessary, you can even make a duty schedule. Payment utilities and funds for the maintenance of the apartment should also be divided in half.
If your husband suffers from alcoholism, drug addiction or is able to raise a hand against you, run away from there as soon as possible!

Ex-husband wants to come back

However, there are many cases where exes start dating again after a divorce. And some even go down the aisle in the second round! Will the ex-husband come back? - the question is quite complicated. It all depends on the reason for the divorce. If he went to his mistress, then you do not need to wait for him. In any situation, you need to keep dignity. But all other cases give a small chance for resuscitation of relations.

signs

Signs that your ex wants to get back with you:

Interested in your life directly or through acquaintances. To an indifferent person I don't give a damn about how you're doing, what happened to your mom, or what problems you're having at work. Therefore, you are remembered and possibly missed.
Fictional excuses to meet you. Has your ex-husband not been able to take things out for a month now? It's not about forgetfulness at all, a man is a hunter who first lulls the vigilance of his victim, and then attacks. But only the victim decides whether to surrender to the predator or run away.
He began to take care of himself. Remember how many times you asked your ex-husband to shave, but to no avail. If you notice that your man smells of new perfume, he is always clean-shaven and smartly dressed, then he is not trying for his own sake. Thus he tries to attract attention to himself.

All of the above suggests that it is too early to put an end to your marriage. Maybe if you start with newline everything will go differently. First of all, decide on your feelings, you should not fool a man's head because of his indecision.

When you see the first signs of attention, directly tell your ex-husband that you are not sure that you are ready to reciprocate. If nothing of the kind is observed, you do not need to wait until your missus changes his mind, walks up and returns. He doesn't deserve it. We put on stilettos and go to conquer new heights.

Children and ex-husband

Another point that cannot be ignored. What to do with your ex-husband if you have children together? The task of a woman in this situation is incredibly difficult. You can quietly hate your partner, but you absolutely cannot show this to a child!

Children are very vulnerable creatures, and sometimes you have to turn a blind eye to your feelings in order to help your child survive the divorce of his parents as comfortably as possible, even if relations with an ex-husband do not add up.

Talk to your child. It is desirable that the child learns that his parents are separating before divorce proceedings. It is unpleasant when you are simply put before the fact. Give your child the opportunity to express their opinion on this matter. It is possible that the first conversation will cause a fit of aggression in the child, especially if he has transitional age. Do not push or impose, let him comprehend the new information a little and he will get in touch with you.
Provide equal opportunities for the child to communicate with both mother and father. The law in 90% of cases takes the side of the mother, determining the place of residence of the child. And only a negligible percentage of women have the wisdom not to interfere with his relationship with his father. No matter how hard it may be for you, you can not forbid the child to communicate with dad. Thus you inflict a colossal psychological trauma child who may not in the best way turn around in his adult life.
Avoid scandals in the presence of a child. If you and your ex-husband have developed a hostile relationship, then adhere to some boundaries in communication. Even exchange in short sentences better than a series of reproaches at the first opportunity.

Pay attention to the child

In that difficult period you need to pay close attention to the behavior of the child. The child became closed, not talkative, gloomy and academic performance began to fall? See a child psychologist immediately!

Divorce destroys everything small world your child, sometimes he simply cannot cope with this on his own. A timely appeal to a specialist will help him adapt to a new, previously completely unfamiliar situation.

Conclusion

Now you know how to communicate with your ex-husband after a divorce. In conclusion, we recall that divorce should not be perceived as a catastrophe of a universal scale. Treat this as the next step in your life. You will need to look at the world in a new way. Take care of yourself, find a new hobby, go on a trip. Open new horizons for yourself. Your endless tears and worries will completely drag you into a swamp of hopelessness, and finding a way out from there is quite difficult.

Get rid of anger, resentment, sadness - they will not bring you anything good. Only when you find harmony with yourself, your heart itself will tell you how to behave with your ex-husband.

Unfortunately, marriages don't always work out well. The thought simply does not fit in my head that the person who was closest to you for some time will one day become a complete stranger.

He leaves your house, but at the same time, he does not leave your life: you still think about him out of habit, meet him by chance in the city, maybe even call him up. Well, if you have children together, then communication, at least minimal, simply cannot be avoided.

However, the question of whether to continue relations with an ex-husband or stop them completely after a divorce always arises: you doubt - and this is normal!

You hear a lot of useful and very contradictory advice: “Don’t communicate with this scoundrel” or “Communicate - it can still go back to normal.” How not to get confused, especially if advice is given by people who are very authoritative for you: parents, girlfriends.

Of course, you must decide everything yourself, and close people should support you in this decision.

Communicate to your own detriment

You should not communicate with your ex-husband if you are very upset after the meetings. Communication reminds you of past "happiness" and exacerbates your current "loneliness".

It will be useful to stop meetings even if former spouse talks to you disrespectfully, allows himself rudeness. Before, it was still possible to understand your patience - you wanted to save your family with all your might.

Now you need to let him know that you are not his “property”: he no longer has any rights to you! You are as alien to him as thousands of other women - and he deserved it.

Perhaps, at least for some time, it is necessary to stop meeting and talking to those couples in whose family affairs the “third” or “third” intervened. Nothing makes it so clear true attitude to a person, like separation.

"Continuation of the banquet"

However, if you yourself feel that, despite the divorce, despite everything, not very pleasant moments in your relationship, you need this person, then you should not go against your heart.

It makes no sense to “cut off” your past for those who have developed quite respectful and trusting relationship. Maybe love, passion, tenderness have passed, but friendship remains - one of the components of any marriage. It happens that both the husband and the wife have new families, and they are still interested in each other's life, if possible they help in word or deed.

Divorce is a reason to start over

Divorce is just a documented solution to the issue, but sometimes it is he who helps the spouses get out of the "impasse" in the relationship. None of them really wants to leave - they just needed some kind of relaxation: too much has accumulated. The set “point” becomes the beginning of a new stage in their family life.

Therefore, if you feel that you want to keep your ex-spouse longer at your place, and he doesn’t want to leave your house for the night at all (he came to pick up some things, find out about the children’s studies, or found some other good reason for in order to find yourself under the same roof with you in the evening), then why do you at this moment remember the advice of your girlfriends that this cannot be forgiven?

Relax, allow yourself at this moment not to think about anything: neither about the past nor about the future. Once again you are close, and everything else does not matter!

Children's surprise

If you have children, then the question is: “Is it worth continuing the relationship with your ex-husband after a divorce?” - redundant for you. You will have to keep in touch with their father in any case, unless, of course, he is the kind of parent who, having received "freedom", completely forgets that he has obligations.

For the sake of children, you can go to great lengths, and even pretend that, although you are divorced, you still appreciate and respect their father - let your relationship not touch their fragile children's world.

Let's give ourselves a certain setting before the meetings:

1. Be calm.

2. Don't remember the past.

3. Do not demand explanations.

4. Talk respectfully and stick to neutral topics.

5. Look at your ex as a new man in your life - with interest.

It is very difficult, but it gives effective results: he will either respect you like never before, or even fall in love again!

Decide: what do you want? If your ex-spouse really bothers you so much that you have long dreamed of living with him in different parts light, then no one has the right to persuade you to “love” him again.

But, perhaps, in the depths of your soul, a spark of hope is smoldering. Then communicate and do not forget about one piece of advice - look at your ex-husband the way you looked at him at the time when you were his bride.

In contact with