How to survive the pain of resentment from the betrayal of a loved one. When you were betrayed... Is it possible to forgive cheating with another woman

12.04.2019

Betrayal is a rather broad concept, each person understands completely different things by it. So it is quite possible to call the betrayal of a loved one, the violation of a promise given by any person, telling secrets to unnecessary persons that no one should know, and much more. One fact remains unchanged: after any betrayal, a deep wound remains in the soul of everyone, a person simply loses faith in all absolutely people. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one?

We all try to find support and understanding in our loved ones and loved ones, we trust them, reveal all our innermost secrets and believe that there is someone, but they will never deceive us. We all need the warmth of loved ones and the confidence that if trouble happens, they will support us and help us. And it is precisely because of this that the pain always turns out to be the most difficult after the betrayal of the person whom you sincerely love.

At its core, any betrayal is treason. And it’s not at all necessary physical, moral sometimes hits much more painfully ... And worst of all, it’s usually impossible to prepare for such situations, they can’t be predicted and prevented. It remains only to silently suffer about the collapsed trust.

Usually, if a person is betrayed, emotions begin to overwhelm him. For example, in a situation where a woman cheated on her husband. All her actions and thoughts are usually dictated by emotions. At first, she can look for the reasons why the betrayal happened, delve into herself, look for her shortcomings, blame herself for this betrayal. The next day, she only has hatred for her husband. A day later, depression sets in, tears ... And all this is absolutely wrong behavior, the problem cannot be solved like that. And you need to try to do it, get rid of your experiences.

Do not know how to survive the betrayal of her husband? Read the tips and you will succeed.

In no case should you bury yourself in a blanket and withdraw into yourself, in an attempt to wait for the moment when the pain inside just subsides. If you want to scream, scream. If you want to beat the dishes out of desperation, beat them. Some women may come up with writing letters to themselves and then re-reading them, others need to somehow throw out all their emotions, on paper, for example.

If the pain has no way out, it will simply “settle down” in the body, and then after some time it may well manifest itself in the form of diseases. Let this pain go! Indeed, at such a moment in your life, you have the right to any manifestation of your emotions. The only thing better to do is to try to protect your children from all possible tantrums. It won't do them any good.

Screaming? Amazing! Now try to pretend that all this horror did not happen to you. Distance yourself from the problem. It is best if you communicate with your husband only when necessary. And you don’t need to go somewhere far, and there is not always such an opportunity, just try to push the whole situation away from you until it stops being so painful for you. And in general, the whole world is not built on relations with her husband alone! You still have friends, relatives, work, after all. Give all this as much time and attention as possible. And it is best to spend the first months free time not with your closest friends. So you will not be tempted to constantly pour out your feelings and emotions from your experience to your friends.

Have you not seen someone for many years? Great, now is the time best time to visit them. In the workplace, try to take on only the most interesting and exciting projects for you. But it is better to move difficult tasks for a while as far away as possible. Otherwise, you simply may not have enough strength and you will break. From hobbies it is best to choose the most beloved and interesting. Maybe a theater? Spend your saved money on tickets and go to the show. Or maybe travel? This wonderful option, which will ideally "cleanse" your brains. Yes and a holiday romance may happen…

Well, how did you get the feeling that you are standing on your feet again? Great, now it's time to get to work. In its present state, most of the thoughts and feelings are reserved for itself. You feel sorry for yourself, but at the same time you hate that in a matter of months you were able to bring your life to a real nightmare. Thoughts “how did I allow this to be done to me” constantly deafen you and lead you into a dead end ....

Forgive yourself, because guilt is the most destructive of all feelings. Yes, you may have done something wrong, but are there people who never make mistakes? Find your mistakes and move on.

In most cases, male infidelity is easy. For your husband, they are just a way to fill the void that could have arisen in your relationship .. And the thought that this could lead to a divorce from you is truly frightening for him. He simply does not want to lose everything that was between you because of a moment of weakness.

Try to analyze your life (you can ask a psychologist for help), find the places where you "lost ground". Maybe you stopped taking care of yourself the way you used to? Pull yourself together: visit a hairdresser and beautician, buy new things. Or maybe you are lost as a person among all these domestic problems? Understand the man too: after all, he needs the woman he once fell in love with, and not a housewife who only thinks about household chores. Stop thinking that you are so wonderful, but he does not appreciate you, try to understand him. And when you are ready to hear not only your grievances and pain, you can move on to the next paragraph.

Sit down at this table and finally start to communicate. Listen and speak. It can be very hard. If it seems that you can not cope on your own, again contact a psychologist.

Think about the fact that you once met, fell in love with each other, raised children much more inner strength than in some treason. And this “episode” has its own reasons - you need to find them, voice them to each other and continue to live on, taking into account all the conclusions made. Stop thinking about how to survive the betrayal of your husband. Just get over it.

No matter how strange it may seem, cheating quite often only brings the couple closer and makes the marriage stronger. But this can happen only when a woman manages to stay on the verge between unbridled hysteria, which she will later regret all her life and a normal life.

remember, that the main role in the construction of a new life will lie precisely on you. Find the strength within you. After all, you have your whole life ahead of you! And most importantly, that in this life you do not lose confidence in people. Of course, you should not rush into the pool with your head, you need to constantly think about whether the person is worthy of your trust, but if you completely close yourself from all the people around you, you will be very unhappy.

A person who does not trust anyone in life suffers most of all himself. No one can live without support, trust and support. But still, now you know how to survive the betrayal of a loved one. Let there be a person in your life who is 100% worthy of your trust. And remember that there is a way out of any situation!

Betrayal is always the strongest blow that unsettles for a long time and makes you reconsider your priorities. However, the betrayal of a loved one, who has already become an important part of life, is privy to many secrets and knows pain points, akin to a small death. To survive it, you need to have great strength, as well as feel the support of relatives or friends who will help if there are not enough internal resources.

Beloved betrayed: how to survive?

This is probably one of the most painful blows that life can deal.

But betrayal is not death or even a fatal disease, it's just another test.

And you will cope with it, and you will still enjoy Valentine's Day, choose a gift for your loved one, make incredible plans for a common vacation.

Realize the situation. Not the fact of betrayal, but its cause. Well, you never know, what if it wasn’t your beloved who cheated on you, but you just fell out of love with him and stayed with him only out of habit, and he simply could not stand your indifference. Life is an unpredictable thing. If it really happened that he turned out to be a scoundrel, thank fate for divorcing you in time. After all, you could stay with this person, not knowing his essence. And betrayal - though cruel, but a lesson.
You have the right to be weak. Especially when it hurts. You can cry, break dishes, scream, tear general photos. But this cannot go on for long. Throw out emotions in one flash, then collect his things, throw away gifts, delete all contacts and no longer throw tantrums. Now energy will be needed to restore peace of mind.
Life goes on. How many girls say they'll die without their lover? Every third, probably. But it's not. The man is gone, but life goes on. You feel bad, just disgusting in your soul, but you are alive, you breathe, you hear, you see. He was not your oxygen and something else vital. Just a man, not yet the best and most reliable, as it turned out. But you have relatives, friends, favorite hobby, favorite music and much more. Appreciate what you have and do not let betrayal take away the rest of your joys. No need to ask who is to blame, and what to do now with this guilty one. Just live.
Look for new experiences. It always works. To smooth out one impression, you need to get another. If you sit within four walls, melancholy eating chocolate, and avoiding communication with other people, very quickly your grief will reach a universal scale and obscure all the joys of life. Get a hold of yourself. At night she cried into the pillow, in the morning she masked the redness of her eyes and went to the cinema, to music Festival, even in a macrame circle, if you have long wanted to master this tricky science.
Forgive the one who betrayed you. This is probably the hardest one. But the resentment and anger that accumulates in you can poison all the good that is left. Breathe deeply and calmly, with each exhalation, release your emotions, say to yourself: "I'm not angry, I forgive him and let go." Believe me, there will be a lot of good things in your life, and skipping it for the sake of resenting one person is simply stupid.

How to survive betrayal at 40?

It's one thing when betrayal overtakes you in your youth, another - in 40 years. Life has already settled down and seems reliable, like the universe. But it has not ended; on the contrary, it is in full swing. Yes, the pain of what betrays you close person, is strong at any age, but at 40 you already have worldly wisdom, knowledge and the ability to cope with difficulties. Do you already have children who can support you in difficult situation. Moreover, thanks to them, your life has meaning even without the departed person. If you are alone, try to consider this situation as a second chance.

At 50?

A person who has already lived half his life has a special philosophy. Of course, it all depends on the character, but most people aged 50 years and older are quite calm about the ups and downs of life and various troubles. If a loved one betrayed you, you just have to let him go and forget. But remember the main thing: 50 years is not such a deep old age as it might seem. You are just a woman in the prime of her strength and wisdom, who is able to attract a man, especially if you take care of yourself, wear nice clothes, and do not wrap yourself in hoodies, especially aging yourself.

Perhaps right now you have the opportunity to perform cherished desires travel, learn new language. The children have grown up, you are free, independent of someone else's opinions and desires. So use it.

It only depends on you. From how painfully you experience betrayal, how much you love this person, are you ready to forget about everything, just to be with him? But think about whether you can rejoice at your chosen one, still trust him unconditionally, love selflessly, constantly feeling the thorn of his betrayal. And is this pain worth it? happy life with another person who will not offend you and will appreciate?

Of course, you can forgive him, you even have to - but not for his sake, but for your own sake, in order to make room for constructive feelings. But it’s better not to stay with someone who once was able to step over you, because this may happen again.

What to do with relationships?

Can there be any kind of relationship after betrayal? Of course, this bitter knowledge does not always immediately lead to separation, you can still try to glue the fragments of a broken trust, to establish some kind of communication. But be honest with yourself: is it necessary to do this?

The best thing to do is put all your memories in a box and throw them away. Difficult, difficult, very painful, but necessary. However, it is only your choice.

Don't make mistakes that ruin your life. Even the most intense suffering passes, and as long as you are alive, and there are people for whom it is worth living, control yourself.

No alcohol! In films, the characters sit so beautifully at the bar or drink at home, but in life everything is much more prosaic. Firstly, drunk woman looks completely unattractive. Secondly, alcohol may allow you to forget for a while, but then the awareness of the situation will pile up even more. We hope that your plans do not include becoming an alcoholic? The maximum that you can afford: a friendly booze with best friend who will stop when you exceed your measure, comfort and listen while you sob on her shoulder.
Don't become a bitch. Another mistake that girls often make: they offended me, now I will offend everyone. Assault - good protection only in sports and in discussions, but in relationships you need to be able to maintain a human appearance. If you are angry, address your emotions only to the person who caused them. But there is no need to punish other people for it, especially since one of them can become your new happiness.
Maintain kindness and compassion. The best way to forget your grief is to help someone in their misfortune. If a friend or acquaintance who does not know about the situation in your life turns to you, you do not need to curse him for callousness. It is better to try to help, and there, you see, it will become easier for you.

It is not always possible to survive betrayal on your own and even with friends. In this case, it is better to contact a specialist to help you find the right path.

Sign up for a session. It is not shameful to turn to a psychologist, it is worse if you cannot cope with your emotions. A psychologist is just a person who can objectively and soberly assess your situation, point out what you don’t see, help you find the key to the door behind which your subconscious mind hides important answers. Your job is to follow the instructions. If you are not your own enemy, be honest with him, because you are helping yourself.
Keep a happiness diary. It can even be a pocket notebook in which you will write down all the good things that happened to you during the day. You saw a rainbow, they gave you a seat in transport, you were able to help someone. It is important to focus on the positive, and then it will fill your life.
Use positive attitudes. Do not apply negative definitions to yourself: abandoned, unhappy, poor. You should be joyful, interesting, free, independent. Believe me, your life shapes your thinking. If you feel sorry for yourself and constantly cry at the fate of the villain, then you will be miserable and unhappy. And that won't help you bring positivity into your life.

Answers to other frequently asked questions

How to survive the pain?

To survive heartache caused by the betrayal of a loved one, it takes time, sometimes a lot of time. The main condition: you need to continue to live, instead of gloomy obsessing over one moment, albeit such a painful one.

Look to the future. Imagine the situation: you are standing at a bus stop in winter, you are very cold, very hungry, you want to go home, but there is no transport. You feel that a little more, and burst into tears of despair. But then your bus comes, you warm up a little in it, after half an hour you enter warm house dressing up in home clothes, crawl under a warm blanket and drink hot tea with sandwiches. You are happy, aren't you? Did you think just an hour ago that you would be happy? So it is with the pain of betrayal: it will go away, it just takes time. And it is in your power to mentally transport yourself to the future, where resentment is no longer so strong, where there is a place for simple joys and bright emotions. The more vividly you imagine this time, the sooner it will come.
Do what you love. Nothing lifts your spirits like favorite hobby. If you have a hobby that you can do day and night, do it. Try to focus on him, give him all the emotions, try to achieve perfection in every detail. You will be able to switch - and after a while the severity of the pain will smooth out, and gradually it will come to naught, leaving only unpleasant memories.
Remember yourself in the past. Remember the grievances and experiences that at some stage of your life seemed to you the most terrible thing in the world. Has it passed? What emotions do they evoke now? True, everything seems not so hopeless as it was then? So the current state will pass, and you will someday remember it with bewilderment.

Surviving betrayal and maintaining faith in humanity, love and people is very difficult. Especially when the world seems mean and unreliable. And it’s good if there are friends nearby, proven over the years, various trials and temptations, who will lend a shoulder and will not let you sink to the bottom. But if the pain is so strong that you want to shut yourself up and never talk to anyone again? How to deal with it.

Time cures. This Golden Rule doesn't crash. Gradually, you will stop reacting so sharply to the memories of what happened. Yes, the fact itself will not go anywhere, but your attitude to him will change, and it will become easier to live.
Don't generalize."He broke-up with me! All men are like that - traitors and goats! Similar phrases often said by abandoned girls. But is it really so? Look how much happy couples around, how many people have created families and lived together all their lives. Do not rashly give up your happiness because of one painful experience. If this case is not the first in your life, it is better to try to understand yourself, and not blame the whole world.
Remember the good. Surely in your life there are faithful and loving people who have already proven more than once that they can be trusted. remember them good qualities focus on what they have done for you. try to see positive sides people: they are guaranteed to be more than negative ones.
Do good yourself. It is, oddly enough, one of the most operating methods don't be disappointed in people. Take part in charity event become a volunteer, help social workers. You will see how many wonderful, kind and sympathetic people in the world are able to rush to help even to a stranger. Can one traitor block all this positive?

Every lesson, even the most painful one, is necessary for some reason. Be a wise student and live on, remembering the mistakes you have made, then in the future everything will be easier and better.

People are constantly in search of happiness. Those who have already found it, it would seem, can only be envied. However, do not rush to do this. Long family relationships is the daily hard work of two people. Everyone has their own character, and you need to find a way to come to terms with this. Many succeed, and such people deserve respect. But everything can change in an instant. It often happens that one word, action or misconduct crosses out everything beautiful that two people had. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one and is it worth continuing to live together after that? The question is complex. Everyone is looking for an answer for himself. And what to do if the pain does not go away and poisons life.

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one

Trust is an integral part of any Serious relationships. It is impossible to live happily with a person from whom you constantly expect something bad. It eats from the inside and destroys the psyche. You never expect betrayal, it is impossible to predict and prepare for it. Even if a loved one regrets, it is quite difficult to forgive many things. Just pick up and forget is unlikely to succeed. You'll have to make an effort. First, decide for yourself whether you want to continue the relationship. If yes, then you should try. Understand one simple truth: if you want to live happily with your loved one, you will have to forgive him once and for all. It's difficult, but necessary. Tune in to the fact that you will never remember what happened in the future. Otherwise, it will spoil everything completely, and you will most likely have to leave.

How to survive a betrayal of a husband

It's hardest when similar situations take place in the family. Breaking up is much more difficult, especially if you have children. The woman has to make the decision. And the decision is not easy. Many, in an attempt to save the family, withdraw into themselves and suffer silently or constantly quarrel. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one and not lose yourself? Give free rein to your feelings. Don't pretend that you don't care. Let your spouse feel your grief and understand that he made a mistake. You have every right to cry, to speak out, to explain the situation from your position. If you can't do it live, then write a letter. It is very useful during this period to start keeping a diary. So you can splash out your emotions at any time. If this option does not suit you, visit a psychologist. He will always listen to you, support and help you figure out how to survive the betrayal of a loved one. The main thing is not to keep negative emotions in yourself.

View from the outside

Take a break from yourself. Try to put yourself in the place of your offender. Think about what motives he could have, why he did it this way and not otherwise. Do not look for excuses for him, just try to understand. It may not be as bleak as you think. Any person can be wrong. In most cases, people do wrong not with malicious intent, but simply out of stupidity or ignorance. Another reason bad deeds is the weakness of man. It happens that due to the circumstances, he simply could not do otherwise. The answers to these questions will help you understand how to get over the betrayal of a loved one.

You met a person who makes you feel special. And now you are married in the hope that this relationship will last a lifetime. Years have passed and the marriage has been kind to you – you thought so. Over time, you begin to notice different models the behavior of a spouse who is increasingly ignoring you. After a while, you will start not to pay attention to it.

After all, the last thing you could ever imagine is that your spouse is having an affair on the side. I don't even want to believe it. Your spouse denies cheating until the day comes when he gets caught in a lie. Those who have experienced similar situations know that betrayal runs very deep and can be devastating. Trust was torn to shreds. You may even want to take revenge on your spouse for the pain and humiliation.

Is it possible to survive this pain and humiliation, betrayal and betrayal? Is it possible to forgive someone who offended so much?

Nothing matures like betrayal.
Boris Strugatsky

Introduction

Most people who have experienced betrayal. The reality is that a person can let you down again.

Betrayal is interpersonal trauma, which destroys assumptions about how life and loved ones should be viewed. At devoted person feelings alternate between feelings of numbness and feelings of distrust. Such a person feels like a victim and life can get out of control.

You need to deal with strong negative emotions and talk more effectively about the impact of betrayal. This may require setting appropriate boundaries with each other, learning how to deal with emotions, expressing your opinion on how you feel about infidelity.

Next, you look at the current development of issues within yourself and in your relationship that may have contributed to the infidelity. Usually both parties have an idea of why an affair might happen on the side, but often there is no consciousness or motive. Acquiring new understanding often results in increased compassion for the partner.

Finally, the couple may begin to understand why the affair happened, they must assess the viability of their relationship, the potential for change, and their willingness to act together. Whether you decide to stay or leave, it's important to heal the emotional rift between each other as quickly and effectively as possible. That's why forgiveness is so important. Let's now look at how you can recover from betrayal.

Step 1: Admit the pain

While every situation is unique, there are certain things you can do to help ease the pain. When you learn about the betrayal, you will most likely sink into an emotional whirlwind of anger, fear, and feelings of loss. Realize that you are not going crazy.

Others experienced the same pain and confusion but survived. Remember that you are not alone. What you are experiencing is a normal and adequate response to such a traumatic experience. You have not yet recovered not only from the loss of the integrity of your relationship, but also from the loss of illusions about happy relationship. In the face of such devastating news, it would be strange if you did not feel like a lost person.

It may seem paradoxical, but once you acknowledge this pain, only then will the pain begin to dissipate.

Treason is a whip that hits you only once - at the moment when you found out about everything.
All the following time you cut yourself with it yourself.
Evgeny Panteleev

Step 2: Gain control of your emotions

When you try to decipher what happened to you, your thoughts and actions can get out of hand.

You are likely to become more obsessive, thinking about the details of the betrayal and the events that led up to it. You should strive to defuse your anxiety as soon as possible.

Distractions can serve as a temporary antidote to feelings of anxiety or emptiness. But if you want to put yourself back in the right place, then you need to slow down, confront your pain, figure out why it happened, and decide what you want to do about it.

Step 3: Stay or go

After the betrayal, you will need to decide if you want to restore the relationship or if this is the end.

You will need to confront the ambivalence about whether to stay or leave the relationship. You must make your choice consciously. You will be able to make an informed decision based on your circumstances and needs. "What can I expect from love?", "Can I trust my feelings?", "A partner is right for me?". These are just some of the questions to ask yourself.

A psychologist can help you sort out your answers. Stay or leave - will lead you to a dead end. If you choose the first option, then he will not be able to guarantee that treason will never happen again. It's a ticket to disaster, creating a big gap between you, leading to a life of quiet desperation.

The second option will help get rid of the traitor once and for all. start living with clean slate. You will say goodbye to the past for good and start creating a new life.

Step 4: Blame Both Partners

So often a partner is blamed for not getting along and failing to see the connection between their personal, lifelong relationship conflicts. Both partners can be to blame for cheating, not just one.

Instead of blaming your partner for the betrayal, reevaluate your relationship. There may be a mistake on your part. For example, you constantly pushed your partner away, there was no support, or intimacy. There can be a lot of options. The main thing is to figure it out. On the other hand, if you are stuck in a cycle of intense anger towards your partner, then you must decide if you can afford to let go and rebuild your relationship.

They may have a high need for acceptance and approval. If your partner fits this description, then you must decide if you can heal him of betrayal. In any case, it is necessary to stop accepting betrayal personally.

Betrayal already points to love. You can't betray a friend.
Marina Ivanovna Tsvetaeva

Step 5: Rebuilding Trust

One of the most damaging aspects of betrayal is to break trust. Once trust is broken, it is very difficult to rebuild it. To restore trust, action must speak louder than words. A sense of security is paramount here. If a person who has been betrayed cannot feel safe, trust cannot be built just like that.

The traitor must demonstrate with concrete actions that he is only loyal to you. You should feel safe with him. If you are planning to stay with a partner, you need to focus on building trust. If you can't forgive, then don't waste time in this relationship. Instead, give yourself the opportunity to pick up the pieces and start over. Start by learning to trust yourself and life.

Instead of focusing on your exes and betrayals (not to mention past relationships of disappointment), think about everything. amazing people in your life who you can trust, including yourself.

Make a list of ten fantastic choices and decisions you have made in the last few years. The process of rebuilding trust can take a lifetime, but that doesn't mean you have to deal with trust issues on a daily basis. Trust can only be earned over time through commitment and continued effort.

Step 6: Find forgiveness

Forgiveness - highest form the love that everyone can give. Forgiveness is a voluntary act in which you make the decision to see the situation differently. Forgiveness helps you change the way you think. Instead of seeing the situation through the lens of anger, guilt, or fear.

Forgiveness as a science of the heart, the discipline of discovering all the ways of being that will prolong your love for the world. This is the achievement of mastery over the wound. Forgiveness is the process by which the injured person first fights, then hugs, then conquers the situation. On a deeper level, forgiveness can change the mindset that includes the humanity and spiritual nature of all people.

Forgiveness is not pardon. It's about your inner emotional release. Forgiveness is also not reconciliation. You can forgive someone, but that doesn't mean you have to reconcile. On a practical level, forgiveness is all about reducing your own emotional burden and healing the pain in your heart. It's about your own inner healing.

Step 7: Hope and Rebirth

Sometimes you need to take something from each other in order to rebuild it in a more or less long time. Eric Erickson, a famous psychologist said: "The crisis can be a turning point." The same is true in intimate relationships.

Most of the people are completely unprepared for what lies ahead and ignore the fact that they are required to see it through to the end. You may think that you know everything, but the truth is that most of you have no idea how to live. Betrayal is shocking and leads to reality. It also gives you the opportunity to completely change your life.

The betrayal of a loved one is the hardest blow for any woman. In one second, the world is turned upside down and filled with black colors. A new range of emotions covers a woman with her head: pain, rage, resentment, disappointment. In this state, it is easy to "break a lot of firewood" and make irreparable mistakes. But stop, pull yourself together and think, is it possible to forgive betrayal?

"A Sound of Thunder!"

Every woman is different. Some have long suspected the faithful of all sins and finally find convincing evidence of treason. Others learn about everything thanks to a random SMS, and for others, the news of a betrayal becomes completely unexpected. In any case, this realization is a huge stress for a woman, which she does not always manage to cope with.

post-traumatic mental disorder

On the Holmes and Ray stress scale, infidelity is equated to the death of one of the spouses. It is these emotions that overwhelm a deceived woman. Before she regains her ability to think soberly and make informed decisions, she must go through five stages of accepting the situation:

Shock. At this stage, it seems to a woman that everything that happened to her is someone's ridiculous fiction, and even direct evidence of infidelity cannot make her believe in her husband's betrayal.
Deal. At this stage, women make the most mistakes. They begin to perform many mutually exclusive actions in the hope of returning everything "as it was before."
Aggression. The anger caused by the betrayal of her husband must inevitably have its way out. At this moment, noisy scandals begin with breaking dishes and mutual accusations. It was during this period that the deceived woman says with all her actions: "You betrayed me and it hurts me!"
Sadness. This stage is characterized by long and painful memories about a happy past before the appearance of a rival. A woman becomes inert, looks at photographs for a long time and reacts painfully to her friends' stories about her marital happiness.
Reconciliation. The woman comes to terms with the situation, and her first thoughts begin to visit whether it is worth forgiving her husband's betrayal. She begins to weigh the pros and cons, tries to somehow plan her future life. It is at this stage that you can start negotiations with your husband and try to establish a life together.

How long does PTSD last?

Professional psychologists advise against taking radical solutions until all five stages have been completed. Every woman has them different period time. It depends on the age, upbringing and social status of the lady. On average, the journey from "shock" to "reconciliation" takes about three months, which is best spent away from an unfaithful husband. Unnecessary quarrels and scandals will only exacerbate an already difficult state of affairs. You should not approach serious changes in life, guided by resentment and emotions.

Love and betrayal: a female look

Psychologically, it is very difficult for a woman to understand the reason for infidelity, and she plunges into the abyss of soul-searching in search of the culprit. In this process, she can make many mistakes that will significantly affect her self-esteem and her future life. So, what happens to a woman who knows about her husband's betrayal:

A woman with irresistible force strives to see her rival with at least one eye. This should not be done under any pretext. Visualizing a rival will only aggravate the state of depression and longing in which the deceived wife is immersed. Think about it, if the opponent turns out to be younger, more beautiful and more successful, what blow to your ego will this cause? Psychologists note that the image of a rival is practically imprinted in the mind of a woman, and she begins to cultivate shortcomings in herself (obvious or imaginary), causing self-pity from her husband and friends. To get out of this state, she will need many months of careful work on herself. Most likely, the help of a professional psychoanalyst will be needed.
The woman blames herself for everything that happened. Most often, such a reaction occurs in women with the psychotype of the victim. The deceived wife seeks to correct the situation and become several times better than her rival. She extinguishes the anger caused by betrayal, and activates the functions of the mother, mistress and mistress, bringing them almost to perfection. Unfortunately, this path cannot help a woman survive the betrayal of her husband, and after a while she comes to the stage of aggression. In particular difficult cases the suppression of anger can lead the deceived woman to the clinic of neurosis, quite often neurosis provokes the appearance of other diseases, such as ulcers and cancer.
Overly emotional persons throw out all their pain on a man. They see only him as the culprit of the betrayal that happened and in every possible way remind him of what happened. Unfortunately, a woman is not able to think rationally at such moments, and with her behavior she repels her husband. After a while, when emotions subside, a woman can understand that the family is already lost and the man has accepted final decision by choosing an opponent.

It is worth noting that any reaction of a woman to her husband's betrayal is a normal and natural attempt to survive the situation. The main thing is that a woman should allow herself to throw out negative emotions and approach the solution of the problem with a sober head. If for six months she cannot cope with her emotions and her husband's betrayal still causes uncontrollable anger in her, it is necessary to contact a specialist who will help her approach the stage of "reconciliation" with the betrayal that has happened.

Why is he changing?

An important role in solving the problem of betrayal is played by a clear understanding of the mechanism male infidelity. For a woman, love and betrayal are absolutely incompatible things. loving wife will always be faithful to her man and accept him with all the shortcomings. The male psyche is arranged differently, and various factors can serve as the cause of infidelity.

After analyzing the situation, because of which the man betrayed her, the woman can come to the beginning of the search for a way out of this difficult conflict. Most often there are only two ways:

accepting the situation and moving on life together by virtue of nature, then be prepared for a repeat of the situation, but a single betrayal provoked by problems in the family will most likely never happen again);
preparation of documents for divorce.

Whatever the reason for the betrayal, before saying "You betrayed me!" and make a fateful decision, it is required to consider the problem from several sides.

Notice of change

Before deciding on a divorce, it is worth analyzing how the news of the betrayal came to the family. Of course, it is necessary to start such an analysis after all emotions subside, and only if the woman has come close to the moment of making a decision. There are a great many options for learning about betrayal, but two of them clearly indicate that a man does not want to ruin his family and break off relations with his wife:

Deliberately ostentatious evidence of treason. In some cases, men deliberately do everything to be caught by their other half. They leave open pages in in social networks, put in a conspicuous place a phone with intimate correspondence or a receipt from the store. All these actions have as their goal only one thing - to show the wife that her urgent intervention and changes in the family are required.
Conversation with a partner. Many women learn about the betrayal of the faithful from the rival herself. She may call or come to a meeting to share the details of her whirlwind romance. You should not show your emotions and immediately break off relations with your husband. Most often, it is precisely this reaction that the opponent hopes for. As practice shows, a fruitless expectation pushes her to such an act. decisive action by the lover. A man refuses to leave the family and continues his relationship with his wife, so the decision to open your eyes to treason becomes the only way provoke a wife to divorce an unfaithful spouse.

If you found out about the betrayal by any of the above ways, then you have every chance to save the marriage and start all over again.

Preparing for an important conversation

Conversation with an unfaithful husband requires maximum preparation and tension from a woman nervous system. Keep in mind that during the conversation, some "pitfalls" may come up that you need to be prepared for:

cheating on a husband is not always a betrayal (many men do not consider physical betrayal a good reason to destroy a family);
denial of one's guilt (quite often men instinctively shift responsibility for what happened onto the shoulders of their wives and mistresses);
refusal to have a serious heart-to-heart talk.

Remember that splash negative emotions will adversely affect communication with your husband, try not only to express your grievances, but also to hear his explanations. Don't try to play any role, it won't lead to good result. Talk about your resentment, pain, disappointment, but do it calmly and as detachedly as possible. Don't be afraid to ask your husband questions and hear the answers. Perhaps this conversation will clarify many points in your family that you did not even notice before. Ideally, an honest and open conversation should tell you how to live after your husband's betrayal.

The beginning of the exit from the crisis

If a heart-to-heart conversation took place and you still decided to save your relationship, then be prepared for a long and hard work. First of all, listen to your feelings. What would you like? How do you dream of building your life? What needs to be changed? husband and start over? Most likely, you will not find answers to these questions right away. And, believe me, you will never find it alone. You need to be in close contact with your husband, voicing all your emotions and desires. Many couples who successfully survived this stage noted that they had never been as close to each other before as after betrayal. For most of them, the appearance of a mistress has become an incentive for serious and positive changes in family life.

How to get rid of a rival?

Usually, after accepting the situation and deciding to save the family, a woman expects the situation with her rival to resolve itself. But, unfortunately, the lovebird does not disappear anywhere, and the woman ends up in new circle resentment and claims. Many wives give an ultimatum and every day remind their husband of their nobility and his guilt before the family. This situation brings the couple to new round conflict, which often leads to the separation of spouses. How to behave in this situation? How to trust a husband after betrayal? How to make sure that the rival has disappeared forever from your life? Carefully observe the husband's behavior, most often he will compare two women in order to make a final decision. You should not be perfect and fearfully wait for a new day. Take care of yourself and stop worrying about your husband cheating. A woman who often leaves the house, takes care of her appearance and leaves free time for some activity that develops her personality, always arouses the interest of a man. Feel free to leave your children with your husband and ask him to spend time with them. The more time your man gives to his family, the more negativity he will receive from his rival. As a result, the decision to save the family will seem to him the most faithful and the only correct one. Of course, trust in her husband will not be restored in a few days or even months. But this is where visiting family psychologist, reading special books or buying audio lectures. You will be surprised when you find out how many women have experienced similar problem. Each answered the question of how to trust her husband after betrayal, and found her own ways to forgive her husband.

Summarizing all of the above, it is safe to say that cheating is not the end of a relationship. According to statistics, many families become even closer and stronger after experiencing betrayal. To save the family and rediscover yourself, psychologists advise you to carefully listen to the following recommendations:

be calm and self-confident, men cannot stand tears and violent tantrums;
analyze the motives of the spouse that pushed him to change;
your main weapon in the fight against a rival is humor, such a woman always remains out of competition;
throw out all your negativity, but when your spouse is not around;
forgive your husband, even if you decide to part with him, it will ease your soul and make you stronger;
be responsible for decision(if you save the family, then exclude the accusations against the spouse);
ask your husband for help in overcoming always striving to be a knight and will do everything possible to regain your trust in him);
improve as a woman (every day strive to be better than yourself yesterday);
learn to be an interlocutor (do not just nod and agree with your husband, but really perceive his problems and troubles).

Be above the situation, and then betrayal will not become the element that in an instant will destroy the family carefully built by you to the ground.