What to do with a tyrant. It is important to understand that these women will experience self-respect issues. They are permanently in a state where they do not take into account either their opinion or their needs. They rarely know how to defend their borders, and often do not even grasp

21.04.2019

Marriage and a happy family life are the things that girls have dreamed of since school. Romantic walks under the moon Honeymoon, the birth of children, but then ... But then everything did not go according to the script.

Constant quarrels, nagging, insults and even assault do not fit into the happy format. family life... How could it happen that a gentle and romantic prince suddenly turned into a real despot and tyrant?

A woman is tormented not by the tyranny of a man, but by his indifference.
Jules Michelet

The problem of male aggression is quite common. At the same time, everyone suffers: the wife, children, loved ones, and, oddly enough, the aggressor himself. The overwhelming number of women faced with a similar problem, silently endure all the insults and bullying, patiently waiting for the moment when everything will work out.

But is it necessary to endure? Anyway the last word After you.

Causes of aggression

So what's the reason? The nature of male aggression can be very diverse.

One of the most common reasons is dissatisfaction with one's position or lifestyle, as well as professional failures. Being in such a state, a person may not even notice that he is hurting his loved ones, offending them with his words and behavior.

Fortunately, this problem can be overcome, but your desire alone is not enough. A man must fully realize that the way out of this situation entirely depends on him, and, in turn, will meet any of his decisions with understanding and support.

Often women, without noticing it, unwittingly become the cause of transformation fairytale prince v terrible tyrant... In their desire to show tenderness and care, they sometimes go too far.

Often, an uncontrollable desire to please your man in everything leads to the fact that he simply gets used to good things and absolutely ceases to appreciate and notice your efforts.

The people call this phenomenon "zazhralis". Imagining himself as a great padishah, the man begins to cling and scandalize over trifles. And you are gradually turning from a wife into a maid for him, who can be scolded and kicked for or without reason. Caring for a man should be dosed, otherwise it simply loses its value.

Apart from the above, the reason inappropriate behavior men in the family may be infatuated with another woman, admonished by parents (who often turn sons against their own wives), or maybe just feelings have cooled down.

How to get back the old relationship?

There are a number of very important points, thanks to which you can get off the ground and try to return the old relationship:

Straight Talk.
Sooner or later, the time comes when you need to express all mutual claims and discontent. Better early than late, but the main thing is that in no case be silent. If the desire to change the situation is mutual, contact a family psychologist;
Willingness to help.
If a man's aggression is caused by professional failures or personal crisis, let him feel the support of his family and show a little patience;
Try to bring something new to your relationship.
A change of scenery, a change in the usual rhythm of life - any changes will help you shake up and look at each other in a new way;
Force yourself to be respected.
Take care of yourself, change your wardrobe, find a hobby for yourself - continuously improve. Become interesting to those around you. Start to respect yourself and, perhaps, it will bear fruit.

Conclusion

Any relationship deserves to try and maintain it. If all your efforts are unsuccessful, this is a reason to think seriously. Should you endure humiliation and bullying?

Often women sacrifice themselves for the sake of children, in order to preserve a full-fledged family... But is it as complete as you think it is? Will it be good for the children for whom you sacrifice yourself? Maybe it's time to start a new life?

In any case, the decision is only yours.

The life of a woman and her children is hard and sad when her husband is a despot. Tyranny is equated by many with a manic state. This completely destroys the personality of the aggressor, leading him to the most serious crimes, making him insane in anger, and those at whom this destructive force is directed. How to recognize a tyrant at home? How to resist it and what to do?

Domestic violence develops in the following stages:

Psychological pressure. The tyrant suppresses the personality of the victim, changes stereotypes and ideals.
Sexual pressure. Forces to intimacy against will and / or in perverse forms.
Economic pressure. Controls the finances, movements of the victim, limits her contacts with the outside world. Forces to imprisonment.
Physical violence. It can be as much as beatings and threats to kill.

As you can see, the suppressed will of a woman does not allow her to realize the whole danger of the presence of such a person nearby. And even at a psychologist's appointment, it takes several sessions to understand that she is being abused.

Psychological characteristics of a tyrant husband.

The domestic aggressor is dependent on the emotions of his victim. For a comfortable life, he needs to show his negativism. Such a choice of self-realization allows one to feel like a master, while his real assessment by others is not high enough.

Such a husband tries to seize 100% of the power over his wife: he checks contacts, correspondence, monitors the amount of time in places of stay (at work, with parents or relatives). He is incredibly vigilant, jealous of every pillar.

The trouble is that the despot does not always show his malice. And often, before marriage, a woman does not even imagine the real picture. For friends and even his relatives, he may look like caring husband showing affection and attention. Showy love even more misleads the unfortunate and does not allow her to realize the horror of what is happening.

9 signs of violence:

Who is to blame and what to do?

In this situation, both sides are always to blame. The victim is to blame for allowing the attacks to manifest and failing to recognize the tyrant in time, bringing the situation to the point of assault.

It is useless to save a woman for unauthorized persons. The victim psychologically likes being in this position, attracting attention to himself, receiving his dose of pity and sympathy. It turns out that not only the despot is dependent on his wife's emotions, but she herself gets masochistic pleasure. Otherwise, the woman would simply run away and never return to this man.

How does the victim submit to the tyrant?

Violently low self-esteem. If you are told from morning to night that you are a complete insignificance, and without this person you cannot live, you will believe it.
"You yourself are to blame." A person with low self-esteem can easily be persuaded that her tormentor himself is tormented in the company of his wife. This means that a woman and only a woman is to blame for this situation. A person is built in such a way that he tries to correct his mistakes and not offend the object of adoration.
Change of landmarks. Across certain time a woman impeccably obeys the will of her master. He determines the circle of friends, the way of life and even the direction of thoughts.

What will this style of relationship lead to?

A breakdown in the psyche leads to her disorder. The victim realizes that something is going wrong, but he no longer has the strength to resist. She suffers. Their children grow up in constant tension. In the future, they already have huge psychological problems... Those prone to alcoholism and drug addiction are not able to build their own families. Sooner or later, beatings will begin, which can be fatal.

What is the tyrant afraid of?

The tyrant is afraid that you will leave, tell everyone the truth about him, file a lawsuit against him for moral humiliation and / or beatings, threats. He doesn't love you. You are a thing to him. Therefore, in no case should you show your fear and get rid of addiction.

What does the church suggest? How to pray?

On one of the sites, I found a woman's question to a priest. She and her husband were married. But he beat her, humiliated her, threatened to kill her, went into binges. Batiushka said that one should definitely leave, pray and apply to the authorities. Save your soul and the souls of your children. He also noted that God's will on such a question it is unambiguous - it is necessary to avoid obvious harm.

Pray especially in his presence with the prayer of Jesus, 3 times a day the 90th psalm (in the morning, before going to bed, at the moment of danger), read the Virgin Mary 150 times in a row, rejoice,

Write your opinion. Give advice, support to women who find themselves in such a situation.

Tyrants are not born, so where do they come from? The answer to this question must be sought in the personality of the one who is considered a despot. Our conversation will focus on the tyrant husband in the family, although it often happens that the first "despotic" violin in a relationship is played by a woman.

It seems like more recently they were like this loving couple, well, you just can't spill water, and then suddenly after the wedding he became suspicious and picky about his half. And where has love just gone ?! A young wife cannot come to her senses and understand how it happened that the man whom she loved so dearly suddenly became a monster?

Psychologists view tyranny as a serious mental disorder - neurosis, which is often the result of an inferiority complex that developed in childhood. Let's say the boy was underestimated, and he so wanted to be noticed. The man grew up, got married, but this passion to stand out, to attract attention, remained. But what if he feels insecure among people?

For the time being, unfulfilled desire lurks deeply in the soul and suddenly breaks through only in the family, unfolds here in all its "strength and power." So often a quiet and outwardly modest, decent young man becomes a tyrant in the family.

The main reasons for tyranny in the family

The origins of family tyranny lie in psychological characteristics personality. The most common reasons why a husband often becomes a tyrant in the family are:

Lust for power... Strives for total control and tries to regulate all aspects of life, when only he decides what and how to whom to do, how to behave. Let's say how a wife should dress when she needs to come home from work, what needs to be cooked. And attempts to resist such a dictate are suppressed by rude shouts and punishment. For example, a wife may be denied the purchase of a necessary thing, and the child, if he has not done the lesson on time, may not be allowed to walk with his peers.
The pleasure of humiliating your loved ones... This is nothing more than a manifestation of an inferiority complex. If the boy was humiliated and insulted by his parents, did not allow him to fully realize his childhood fantasies under the pretext that "these are harmful inventions", all this remained deep in his soul and left its mark on his character. He is formed with low self-esteem and vindictive: "When I grow up, I will show you! .." And when his family appears, he subconsciously realizes his emotions suppressed in childhood on his wife and children. No one close will ever hear from such a person kind word- neither to yourself, nor to your friends. And relatives, for example, wives, are all so and so, among them there is not one good man... From such statements, seeing how loved ones suffer at the same time, the tyrant husband takes pleasure. This is already serious mental disorder bordering on sadism.
Jealousy... The property is natural, but if it goes beyond all permissible boundaries, when it becomes an all-consuming and all-consuming feeling, it turns into its opposite - tyranny. The husband follows literally every step and gaze of his wife, her manner of dressing and appearance... It all seems to him that she is cheating on him with another and for him is trying to look beautiful. This is already a clinic when a jealous person can literally be jealous of a telegraph pole.
Beatings... An extreme manifestation of despotism, often associated with the use of alcoholic beverages. A person who is not confident in himself often tries to "untie" his loved ones with his fists and show his strength. So he asserts his authority in the family. Life with such a monster becomes dangerous, and it is not uncommon for the assault of a monster husband to end sadly for his wife or children.
Material dependence... When a wife depends on financial situation her husband, for example, earns a little, in maternity leave or suddenly she fell ill, her husband-despot begins to "swing" his rights, that he supports her, without him she is nothing, and so on.

It's important to know! At the heart of family despotism, when the honor and dignity of the wife and children is humiliated, is moral immaturity, its causes lie in the inferiority complex that the tyrant husband in the family suffers from since childhood.

Signs of a tyrant husband in the family

Signs of a future tyrant husband in the family may appear even before the wedding, for example, a guy does not listen to criticism in his address, believes that only he is right in everything, this should already be alarming. In family life, one of the main factors of tyranny is the desire for leadership.

There are many nuances, let's take a closer look:

A high self-evaluation... Associated with an inferiority complex. Deep down, he considers himself the best, but this was not appreciated. Therefore, he does not accept a different point of view. He always thinks he is right.
Feeling superior... The wife's opinion is always wrong. "You misunderstand!" So gradually her word is reduced to nothing insignificant, the woman feels her inferiority, she has a feeling of guilt, she becomes dependent on the judgments of her husband.
Hard to please... He evaluates all the actions of his half critically. Only he knows how good it should be.
Negative reviews of others... Constant criticism of friends, acquaintances and relatives, not only of his wife, but also of his own. This can be called a desire to limit the circle of contacts in order to control all aspects of the life of a loved one.
Only he main person in her life! The idea is suggested that without him she is nothing. This is done in passing by various jokes and insults, covered by the phrase "Yes, I love you!" This is how the physical and psychological dependence wives.
Avoids responsibility... Picky and arrogant in the family, but in public life Does not show himself in any way, evades serious duties under any pretext.
Alcohol (drug) abuse... They give him a sense of confidence for family showdowns.
Gains satisfaction when venting anger on loved ones... This is from an internal inferiority complex, as a child, parents tore off their irritation on him, now he, even unaccountably, "takes it out" on his family.
Communication tone... He covers his inner weakness with a cry, speaks constantly in a raised voice.
A zealous attitude towards the success of the wife... She strives to keep her half in tight-knit gloves, because her successes, if she works, stand in the throat, because, as he believes, they humiliate his dignity.
The family budget is only in his hands... The desire for total control in the family extends to finances. Only he knows how much, on what and how to spend money.

It's important to know! When a woman begins to fear her man and tries to please him in everything, she falls into psychological dependence on him. This main feature a tyrant husband in the family.

How to deal with a tyrant husband

How to live with a tyrant husband, if it so happened that he began to show despotic inclinations, and you cannot get away from him at all, for example, the children are very small, and he has good earnings? We need to try to change the situation. And here the most important thing is to defend your independence. Only on the basis of a trusting and equal relationship can a healthy family and not injure your psyche and your children.

How to behave with a tyrant husband - follow the tips that will help protect you from the unfair claims of your husband and, hopefully, will help him come to his senses:

Try to be financially independent... Work or your own business will always help you to have pocket money for personal expenses, so that you do not go to your husband for any reason. This is the guarantee of an independent position.
Don't let your freedom be limited... There must be a circle of friends with whom you can communicate from time to time. Behave in such a way that your husband respects your friends and family.
Don't please! Do as you see fit so that peace and order reign in the family. By no means go on about his whims.
Show restraint! Do not respond to shouts and discontent with the same, try to behave evenly, with dignity. This will cool his temper and make him see you as a strong person.
Stop any attempts to demean your dignity... If you uncomplainingly treat one time to swearing, all the more swearing, to other attempts to humiliate you as a woman, it will become a habit and become the norm of communication. This is a direct path to a disenfranchised position in the family.
You need to live today! Don't hold on to the memory that "he was so good!" This is already in the past, but today it is how it happened. You need to proceed from what is, and try to rebuild your relationship.
Don't be afraid to show that you want to leave... Love not only beautiful, women, strong in spirit, attract men. If you show that you can easily do without him and raise the children yourself, it can make him think again.

Confronting a tyrant husband is not easy, so you should know the helpline or other social service that can help in a difficult situation. Do not be left alone with your problem, the specialist will always give valuable advice, which is so necessary.

How to get away from a tyrant husband

And if it is impossible to live with a tyrant husband under one roof? It is better to be the mistress of your own destiny than just to go with the flow, maybe it will nail to a good bank, although it will nail, as a rule, to a bad one.

Even in such difficult situation you can always find a way out. If you have already tried to fight for your relationship, your family, especially since you already have children, but everything turned out to be in vain, then you just need to pack up your things, pick up the children and leave. And do not be afraid of his cries and threats that "you will die without me!" The radical option is divorce.

But before you get rid of your tyrant husband, you need to calculate your next steps. If possible, you need to return to your parents, although they will not always accept with delight the return of the "prodigal" daughter. Maybe friends or acquaintances will help with the apartment. If by virtue of various reasons there is no way to find a separate accommodation, you need to contact special service responsible for the safety of such socially disadvantaged families.

Important! The tyrant in the family is serious problem which requires immediate permission. If a woman resigned herself to her tyrant husband, it lies on her conscience, but what can expect children in such a family? They suffer, and as they mature, they will make others suffer.

How to get rid of a tyrant husband - watch the video:

There are no hopeless situations, there is an inability to find a way out of them. You don't need to let your life take its course. Only a strong personality is able to control his own destiny. If you want to leave your tyrant husband, do it without looking back at your past life with him. Best years you have yet to come!

Tyranny in the family is complex topic in family relationships that a woman herself can change. Being inside the situation, sometimes a woman may not realize that fate has tied a tyrant with her husband. Therefore, one should learn to identify such a man and decide what to do next. For a tyrant, a wife is a sacrifice with which he will instill in her wrong in all matters of life. A tyrant husband feels great if his wife is insecure, which allows him to manipulate her. He will definitely blame his companion for his failures, both large and small.

Often at a psychologist's appointment, when it comes to domestic violence, women mean physical impact. However, along with the physical, it delivers no less troubles, which are hard for women.

Types of behavior of the tyrant's husband

Psychologists note two types of tyrannical behavior:

- the first type includes men who have not been able to realize themselves in the business sphere. Husbands who have failed to find their purpose at work can easily “try on” the leadership role at home. They tell loved ones what to do, while constantly criticizing. Such men desire in every possible way emphasize their status, because they are the head of the family. In turn, they expect total worship from family members;

- the second type includes men with children's complexes. Such complexes are often associated with resentment towards parents and classmates. The remaining children's complex inside forces the man to hold on to a dominant position. This is due to the fact that the "child" inside the man is afraid in advance of being offended. This type of men constantly arranges showdowns and scandals, they are present everywhere: at home, at a party, in the supermarket. This is due to the fact that in this state he feels protected.

Signs of a tyrant's husband

The following are the most common signs of a tyrant. So, you can refer a husband to a tyrant if:

- he likes to put his spouse in a dependent position, be it emotional or material;

- speaks impolitely about the spouse's relatives, friends, and also restricts her communication with her friends by all means and wants the wife to give all her time and attention preferably to him;

- likes to criticize the female manner of talking, dressing, making up, laughing;

- over time, it becomes virtually impossible to please her husband, she is constantly being nagged: she did not sit down like this, did not stand up that way, she didn’t add salt or salt, she talks too quietly or loudly;

- the husband loves to make fun of his wife, while if he hears that the wife is unpleasant, then he tries to convince her that there is nothing wrong with his actions, but her perception is very critical due to increased sensitivity and lack of a sense of humor;

- a man allows himself to humiliate, insult a woman with obscene words, forcing her to feel infinitely guilty for everything;

- after any conflict, the husband always blames his wife and if the man did something wrong, then it is the wife who is to blame;

- a man is not responsible for his words. He rarely fulfills promises, but demands from a woman completely the opposite;

- naivety that the husband can be remade;

- the presence of small children;

- subconscious contentment with the role of a victim: there is no need to take responsibility for the family, make decisions, a woman enjoys scandals with subsequent reconciliation;

– material dependence from her husband;

– lack of work,

- memories of the initial good relationship and the conviction that the spouse will correct, becoming the same;

- lack of friends, relatives who could help;

- feeling of own guilt for the fact that the spouse has become different;

- lack of self-confidence;

- being left alone and not understanding what to do next.

If a woman sees a way out in continuing to live with a tyrant, then she has the following options for behavior:

The first is to submit to everything and submit to your husband.

The second is to win back your position and be able to stand up for yourself.

The choice remains only with the woman.

You can make life with a tyrant easier, but if you decide to fight back. To do this, you need to contact a psychologist, with whom to analyze each specific situation, drawing up a specific action plan.

Psychologists advise not to take a subordinate position in the family, not to lower your head and not give slack. As soon as a woman shows weakness, the tyrant will go on the "offensive", so you need to become a strong personality and.

How to get rid of a tyrant's husband

If life with your spouse has become unbearable, then the best way out is to end the relationship and divorce.

This requires:

- to awaken self-love and realize that life is one and to live it with a man who does not love or respect is stupid;

- it should be understood that a woman is just a victim for her husband, he does not see a personality in her, therefore, without any problems, he throws out all his negativity, insecurity and inconsistency on her;

- you need to seriously think over your future plan and not take serious action yet, but it will be necessary to start creating a financial airbag and looking for housing. It is advisable for a woman to apply for specific advice to a psychologist, since it is a specialist who will help to understand each specific situation, give recommendations on how to behave with her husband, how to stop his male cruelty;

- You will need to restore the lost connections with relatives and friends, tell them about what happened, for what reason you stopped communicating with them. To do this, you should announce your problem in case you have to contact them for help;

- if there is no assault in the family, you can declare your intention to leave directly. If the spouse does not give his consent, it will be appropriate to seek help from a lawyer or to a crisis center, where they will provide legal assistance and a roof over their heads;

- you should get a job, save cash for the future independent life Without a husband;

- it is necessary to start communicating with people and go out into society again in order to get distracted from home, acquire new interests and acquaintances;

- if the husband is assaulting, you should collect things when he is not at home and move out immediately. You can rent an apartment or ask for help from friends, relatives, write a statement to law enforcement agencies;

- if a man has gotten into the taste of tyranny, then he will not stop, so there is no point in engaging in self-deception, believing that he will correct himself and be led by the persuasion of such a person;

- when the decision is made, then you should seriously think about how to leave the tyrant's husband and successfully implement the plan of leaving without negative consequences;

- if it so happens that the woman does not have the material opportunities for renting an apartment and relatives, then you can use the help of the crisis center, where they will give shelter and protect;

- do not be afraid that ex-husband will start to chase. Often such people are cowards and are afraid of publicity for their actions. With strong fear, you can move to another city and start life there. In any case, it will be better than going on with your fears. You should also not endure beatings and bullying, for the sake of preserving the family for children. In such a family, children grow up unhappy. Remaining to live in the family of a tyrant, there is Great chance that children can imitate their family's behavior patterns;

- to give yourself confidence, you should communicate with women who have experienced parting with a tyrant. It is difficult to find among them those who are upset. the decision... Most regret not having done this before.

The problem is considered to be quite common social phenomenon. Domestic violence found in absolutely all social strata of society. Therefore, women need to remember that any psychological action a violent character refers to a crime. Various humiliations of the person, insults, after a little time will only intensify and worsen. Hushing up this issue will not favorably resolve the outcome of the situation. First of all, women need to turn to specialists in family law and psychologists should also seek support from loved ones. You do not need to refuse to communicate with loved ones. Even if they cannot help, this will give an opportunity to speak out and receive psychological support.

Often times, abusive women find it difficult to accept help from others. Often they are shy, ashamed and simply afraid to ask for help, so they are left alone with trouble. There are also people who do not know where to turn, suffering from home tyranny... If there is a need for an immediate response, then you need to contact the police. But it should be borne in mind that the police will not regulate, which require a cardinal position from a woman. First of all, a woman should try to get rid of her husband's emotional or physical oppression herself. Until a woman accepts on her own final decision that she is no longer a victim, there will be no change in family life.

There are specialized organizations ( crisis centers, social services), which provide assistance to women victims of violence. It is important that the telephone numbers of these organizations are always at hand in case of need.

A woman can give phone numbers to neighbors and children so that they can independently ask for help if she is not able to do this at a critical moment.

Husbands who commit violence are subject to civil liability, administrative or criminal. It is necessary to understand that before the tyrant's husband takes responsibility, a lot will be spent mental strength and time expenditures, but all these are trifles in comparison with the tragic consequences of hushing up the problem.

Domestic tyrant husbands are quite common. A woman often hides that her husband is a tyrant, but she needs the advice of a psychologist in order to know how to behave with him.

How to resist a tyrant and manipulator husband?

A tyrant is a neurotic, possessed by a power complex and self-asserting at the expense of other people. He is not able to concede superiority in any situation, but if he cannot satisfy his thirst for power at work, he begins to "build" household members. Any woman who has concluded that her husband is - has to look for an answer to the question of how to live with him.

you need to accept the fact that the husband is a tyrant and manipulator, it is useless to remake him, this will cause rage and aggression;
you cannot forgive a husband for disrespect and violence, he needs to be rebuffed, forced to reckon with himself, and if the answer is assault, it is necessary to part with such a spouse;
you need to maintain your social circle, even if the spouse's relatives and friends do not like the husband, it is these people in difficult situation can become a support and support;
you need to know the helpline of the social service in order to quickly receive advice from psychologists to get rid of negative emotions and conflict resolution.

Tyrant husband - to endure or get rid of?

Sooner or later, any tyrant's wife asks the question - to endure her further or to divorce. Universal Council v in this case it cannot be, because it often happens that, despite the disgusting nature of the husband, there is warm feelings and memories.

In addition, there are other reasons for keeping a family that must be taken into account. Firstly, it is the presence of children. The father in almost any case will be better able to provide for the family than the mother alone. Another important factor- status married woman, with which not every lady decides to part.

How to get rid of the tyrant's husband?

If life with a tyrant and manipulator has become unbearable, you need to leave him. Since such a husband will most likely not let his wife leave in peace, the woman needs to prepare.

First, it is necessary take care of material well-being: create savings, collect valuables, get a job. Secondly, the departure from the tyrant must be planned at a time when he is not at home, otherwise the husband can use both force and psychological tricks- entreaties, entreaties, threats.

Very often, after some time, the tyrant husband begins to understand his mistakes and seeks to establish and return his wife. In this case, a woman should rely on common sense and experience. Perhaps the man has learned the fact that his wife will not let herself be offended and he can be given a second chance.