How to painlessly part with an alcoholic husband? The question is not simple. Especially if you have been connected with this person for many years of life together, and good happy moments remain in your memory.

Divorce or endure

A woman should make a decision on her own without pressure from relatives or friends. Divorce is a serious step, and it is necessary to mentally prepare for the changes in life so as not to retreat at the last moment.

If the man realizes his addiction to alcohol and is ready to be treated, support him. Without the help of close people, he will not be able to cope with the disease. Your support can be invaluable. When successful treatment perhaps there will be a chance to save the family.

But if the husband does not admit that he is addicted to alcohol or, after treatment, constantly breaks down, divorce is inevitable. A constantly drunk inadequate husband cannot be a support and protection for a family. He creates constant problems and pulls his family to the bottom.

2 main reasons why you should break up with your drinking husband

• Physical violence. If a drinking husband becomes aggressive under the influence of alcohol, then sooner or later he may raise his hand against his wife or children. And if this is already happening, there is nothing to wait, a divorce from an alcoholic is the only solution to the problem. Don't wait for him to maim someone, protect yourself and your children from violence.
• Moral aspects. A woman living with an alcoholic is constantly under stress. And to children, a drunken father can inflict a real psychological trauma, the consequences of which can affect the whole life. In this case, divorce is not a complete solution to the problem; rehabilitation with the help of psychologists is also required. In this case, it is necessary to part with the alcoholic as soon as possible, since there is a risk of living with him all his life. It is not uncommon for women to become codependent, and then it becomes very difficult to decide on a divorce.

Agree these two reasons are enough not to live with a drinking husband. In addition, there is material side provisions. Very often, a man who drinks regularly is left without work, and the financial well-being of the family rests entirely on women's shoulders. Even if you are making good enough money, consider why you should support an alcoholic husband. The situation is even worse when a woman's income is not high, and children are dependent. It is not uncommon for such families to have children without toys and beautiful clothes, but are simply starving. In such a situation, a divorce is simply necessary.

Rules to help you break up with an alcoholic

So, you have decided that it cannot continue this way, start acting. Divorce is not easy, especially if the other party is categorically against it. You need to be patient and not make concessions.

• Your decision must be firm. Warn one, maximum two times your husband that you do not intend, and if he does not stop drinking and does not get treatment, divorce is inevitable. If nothing changes, leave firmly. Frequent threats of breaking off the relationship cease to be effective, the alcoholic simply ceases to believe in them and continues to drink.
• Don't trust endless promises. Before the fear of loneliness, a drinking man is ready for anything - flowers, tears of remorse, pleading on his knees - all this is just a performance to pity you. He may even abstain from alcohol for several days, but, having received forgiveness, he will also begin to use alcohol.
• Do not feel sorry for your drinking man. Addicted people often become deceitful and cunning. This often interferes with a quiet divorce from an alcoholic. He can tell how hard and lonely it will be for him, that without you he will be lost. Do not feel sorry for him, he will disappear with you if he does not stop drinking. Alcoholism always leads to illness and problems in society. Think about your life. Did you plan to live it in constant worries about the drinking man, solving his problems and enduring humiliation? Perhaps there will be no affirmative answer.

Divorce from a husband who does not want to give up alcohol is inevitable. Otherwise, the woman can become codependent. And this is already a serious situation in which children suffer the most.

If you finally decide to part with your drinking husband, do it in his absence. This way you can calmly pack your things and not listen to pleas or threats.

In the case when the husband lives in your apartment, and you cannot get rid of him, you can do the following. When your spouse is not at home, collect his things and take them to his relatives. Leave the city for a few days yourself. This will help get rid of persuasion and unpleasant conversations.

Legal aspects of divorce

If you do not have joint children and property claims, then divorce is very easy. This is done at the registry office at the place of residence. In the presence of minor children, the application must be submitted to the court, where the issue of alimony and division of property can be resolved.

Many women are hesitant to divorce an alcoholic because of housing problems. The court can order the sale of the apartment and the division of money in equal shares for the purchase of a separate home.

The presence of a joint mortgage or consumer loan is also not an obstacle to a divorce from an alcoholic husband. V judicial procedure the debt can be divided between the spouses, the old agreement with the bank is terminated, and two new documents are concluded. Thus, the parties are not responsible for each other's solvency.

Even if you do not have joint housing, the ability to rent a room or move in with friends, do not despair. In every city there are social services that are obliged to help in solving such problems. In addition, there are centers to help women who have experienced domestic violence. There they will help you get rid of the tyrant's husband, provide you with legal and psychological assistance.

New life

Even the most coveted divorce often leads to depression. A woman often experiences loneliness and this can lead to a renewal of the relationship. Try not to contact your ex-husband at first, this will help you quickly adapt to changes.

Organize your time so that you don't have to be alone after work. Meet with friends, relatives, spend time with children. On weekends, go on vacation or indulge in your favorite hobby.

Try to devote more time to yourself. Sign up for a beauty salon or set up a beauty parlor at home. Change your hairstyle and grab some new clothes. This will make you feel like a woman again and possibly meet a new life partner.

Divorce from an alcoholic does not always go smoothly. But when all friction is in the past, you can start a new happy life.

All materials on our site are intended for those who care about their health. But we do not recommend self-medication - each person is unique, and without consulting a doctor, one or another means and methods cannot be used. Be healthy!

Once you are thinking about divorce, it means that all the arguments, beliefs and attempts to return your husband to the path of a sober life have been exhausted. Divorce from a drinking husband can be quite tricky business due to inadequate perception of reality by a person who regularly uses alcohol. In our article we will tell you how to quickly and painlessly divorce an alcoholic, as well as how to survive a divorce and start new life with blank slate.

Decision-making

For many women the main problem it is not about the divorce itself, but about how to decide on a divorce. The thing is that over many years of living with an alcoholic husband, such women have acquired codependency, that is, they began to blame themselves for their husband's drunkenness and believe that they are obliged to carry this cross until the end of their lives.

The wife must decide for herself whether to divorce her drinking husband or continue to endure. No amount of pressure from relatives or friends will help her decide to part with such a person. Divorce is a very serious and responsible step, so you need to prepare for it in advance so that such radical changes in life do not take you by surprise.

There are two paths before you:

1. If an alcoholic husband understands that he is addicted to alcohol and is ready to start treatment in order to defeat addiction, then it is better to stay with him and help him in this difficult matter, because without help loved one he may not cope, but you will always have time to disperse. If the treatment is successful, you will be able to keep your family together and you will have a chance to start. normal life with her beloved husband. Moreover, your spouse will appreciate you even more for your support and help in difficult moment.
2. They decide to divorce if the husband could not overcome the addiction and after several courses of treatment constantly returns to the bottle, as well as in the case when the faithful does not want to admit his addiction and be treated. It is necessary to decide on a divorce from an alcoholic due to the fact that such a person cannot be a support for a family and protection for loved ones. In addition, living with an alcoholic is a constant problem, stress and anguish for children. He pulls the whole family to the bottom.

Top reasons for divorce

The husband's alcohol addiction poisons the life of all family members; most often the wife decides to divorce according to following reasons:

1. Violence in family. An alcoholic in an aggressive state does not care who to raise his hand to - drinking companions, his wife or even children. It is especially dangerous if children live in a house with a drinking person. There are known cases of alcohol-related domestic violence with lethal outcome... If at least once a drunken husband tried to hit you or the children, then you need to disperse immediately. There is no point in waiting for a degraded person to seriously injure you or your child.
2. Psychological aspects. If the husband drinks, then his children and wife live in a state of constant stress. Children suffer the most in this situation. They receive tremendous psychological trauma, which can affect their entire later life... In this case, even if you divorce, you and your children will need psychological rehabilitation. Divorce due to drunkenness is sometimes the only way avoid the development of codependency in the spouse. If she appears, then such a woman can live with an alcoholic all her life, saving him and her guilt in his alcoholism.
3. Many women get divorced from their husbands who drink because of the unsettled financial side of family life. Long-term drinking men are characterized by the absence of work, which they have lost due to loss of qualifications and constant drunkenness in the workplace. As a result, taking care of financial well-being family is completely shifted to women's shoulders. But even a well-earning woman will not want to support her alcoholic husband. The situation is much worse if the woman's income is low, and children grow up in the family. In such families, children are not only deprived of beautiful clothes and good toys, but elementary can be malnourished. In this case, you need to part with your drunken husband as soon as possible.

If you do not know how to divorce an alcoholic, then our recommendations will help you with this:

• You must finally and irrevocably decide to divorce your husband. In this case, it should be solely your decision. About your decision, the faithful should be warned a maximum of two times at the moment when he is sober. If the spouse does not decide to stop drinking and start treatment, then divorce will be inevitable. Having decided on a divorce and not waiting for a change in the situation on the part of your husband, you can safely leave. If you often threaten your husband with divorce, but you never leave, then he will simply stop reacting to these empty words and will continue to drink, knowing that you will not be able to decide on specific actions.
• You also don’t have to believe your husband’s promises to quit alcohol. For fear of loneliness, he may speak beautiful words, giving gifts, shedding tears and crawling on your knees, but all this is just a show for you to evoke a feeling of pity. Often, the husband can even abstain from alcohol for several days, but as soon as everything calms down, he will return to the addiction again.
• Due to alcoholism, a person becomes quirky, cunning and deceitful, so you should not give in to persuasion, feel sorry for your husband. He may begin to tell you that he will die without you, that he will not be able to live normally and will disappear. All this will cause remorse in you and interfere with the decision to divorce.

Important: if the husband does not stop drinking, then he can disappear, living with you, so you should not succumb to his manipulations. Alcoholism inevitably leads to chronic diseases and death.

In any case, you should think about your life. Have you dreamed of living it in constant stress and worries about a degrading alcoholic husband? Most likely no. Therefore, get divorced as soon as possible before you become codependent. In the latter case, children will suffer the most.

If you finally decided to leave your husband, then it is better to collect things in his absence. So, he will not pester you with his pleas and interfere with concentration. If your husband lives in your apartment and does not want to leave, then do this:

1. While the spouse is not at home, collect all his things and take them to relatives.
2. Do not forget to notify the faithful about this.
3. Change the locks in the apartment.
4. At the same time, leave the city for a few days in order to avoid unpleasant showdowns with your husband.

Life after divorce

Even a long-awaited divorce can drag you into the abyss of depression. A logical question arises - how to survive a divorce from an alcoholic? Many of those women who divorced their husbands experience severe loneliness at first, and some of them even return to their drinking husband for this reason.

1. So that you can quickly adapt to new living conditions, do not contact your ex-husband. It is important to plan your time so that in free hours you were not left alone, but were busy with interesting and important things for you.
2. Your children can greatly help cope with the tragedy they are going through. Spend more often free time with them, because they, like you, need psychological rehabilitation after divorce. Communicate more with family and friends, spend weekends outside the city or doing your favorite hobby.
3. Pay more attention to yourself and your appearance. Visit a beauty salon or do your homework cosmetic procedures... If finances allow, buy yourself new clothes, change your hairstyle. So you will feel beautiful again and desirable woman, which in the future will allow you to quickly find a worthy life partner.

Legal side of the issue

In the case when you have no children in common with your beloved one, and there are no property claims, you can quickly and easily divorce. To do this, you just need to submit an application to the registry office at your place of residence.

Important: if minor children are growing up in the family, then the application must be taken to court, since it will be necessary to resolve the issue of the division of property and the payment of alimony.

If you are afraid to decide on a divorce due to housing problems, when you and your husband share a common home, the court may decide to sell the apartment and divide the money equally between the former spouses so that they can buy separate apartments for themselves.

Also, do not think that the mortgage or consumer credit are a serious obstacle to divorce. If necessary, the debt in court can be divided between the spouses. In this case, the old agreement with the banking institution will be terminated, and in return for this, two separate agreements will be concluded for each of the spouses. This ensures that each of the parties is not responsible for the solvency of the other.

If you do not have the opportunity to move to live with your parents, friends, or rent a house, do not despair. In almost every big city there are social services that help relatives and friends of alcoholics in such a situation. There are also special centers social assistance women affected by domestic violence... In such organizations, they will not only provide you with psychological and legal assistance, but will also help you get rid of the drinking tyrant by providing a room for a while until you arrange your life.

Remember that despite all the difficulties and problems that arise during and after divorce, you and your children deserve better life... According to statistics, after six months, women are fully recovering and can breathe. full breast, not understanding how they could endure an alcoholic husband for so long.

29.11.2017 Svetlana Afanasyevna 0

How to divorce an alcoholic?

One of the most difficult tests that fate can prepare for a woman is a divorce from an alcoholic. You can talk a lot about women's patience, love, compassion, the desire to keep the family together. It is allowed to doubt, fight, sacrifice oneself. But it is wiser to radically resolve this issue if it has arisen in your life.

A happy marriage is, first of all, mutual respect, love and mutual understanding of the spouses. The absence of at least one of these "building blocks" in the family foundation over time brings problem after problem. But, together, any, the most difficult situations easier to overcome. All but one - alcohol addiction.

Usually, the first year of marriage is cloudless. Husband and wife enjoy each other, get used to a new way of life, plan the main stages of coexistence, children. But there are families in which already at this time of romance a question arises related to the attitude to alcohol. This is a disaster!

Causes

Previous addictions (including those of a genetic nature) turn out to be stronger than the family aura.
Psychological incompatibility of spouses, scandals, low self-esteem everyone is not enough high level cultural development.

• Household troubles housing problem, material disorder.
• Interrupted career, frustration, lack of interest in life.
• Beer alcoholism - gambrinism.
• Male infertility.
• Death of a loved one.

When it is possible to correct the situation and save the family

Emerged problem situation can and should be corrected. True, given its seriousness. The largest percentage of divorces is at the expense of alcoholism. Despite the fact that deciding on a divorce from her husband, if he drinks quietly, without burdening his family with his behavior, it is very difficult. The most important thing is not to waste time.

If there is an opportunity to eliminate the cause that triggered the addiction to relieve stress with alcohol - this is one situation. We have survived and forgotten. If the drinking habit is second nature, it is completely different. Alcoholism - serious illness that affects both body and soul. This is substance abuse Native sister addiction.

To get rid of a terrible illness, you need not only the help of a narcologist, a psychologist, but also the patient's desire, his willpower. The incentive for treatment should be clear awareness the fact that life with an alcoholic is an abnormal phenomenon, in fact. From a similar situation everyone suffers. Unhealing mental wounds remain to a ripe old age.

Emotional stress, social discrimination, psychological stress on the alcoholic's wife is extremely high. A child growing up in a family drinking man, against the background of constant conflicts and mutual reproaches, forms a model antisocial behavior in future. There are pathological traits of character, problems in communicating with peers.

What to look for before divorce

If the husband does not understand the whole tragedy of the situation, does not want to listen and hear, the problem will grow exponentially. In this case, when deciding on the possibility of correcting the situation, it is necessary to take into account:

1. How often the husband behaves beyond good and evil.
2. How long does it take to drink.
3. Is the spouse capable of normal communication, intimacy.
4. Whether he is aggressive when drunk.
5. What emotions are experienced by family members, especially children. How it affects their physical and mental health.
6. Is the loved one religious.
7. Is it financially independent?

Rules of behavior

If there is even a drop of hope to rectify the situation, you need to correctly position yourself in communication with your spouse:

• Never allow him to insult, humiliate himself. It is necessary to make it clear that you are ready to turn to the law, relatives, and the church for help. In the worst case, write a statement to the police.
• You cannot cover up his "sins", protect him from friends, colleagues, himself. The alcoholic must learn to take responsibility for his actions if you want to continue living with him.
• Do not solve his problems for him. Overcoming is the incentive to get rid of the addiction.
• Do not give him a descent, but never humiliate him.
• Take care of yourself, cultivate culture, socialize with friends, start attending the temple. Orthodoxy, Islam are powerful helpers. Do everything to interest your spouse in your life, social problems, to involve him in them.
• Establish communication between the husband and children, do everything so that they help him cope with the disease and do not cease to respect.
• Remove alcohol from the house.

When to break up with a drinking husband

Deciding to divorce an alcoholic husband is not easy. But if you have exhausted all conceivable and inconceivable methods of resolving the situation, it is simply necessary. For a woman, this is a real tragedy. She is sacrificial, in fact, therefore she is ready to endure hardships for a long time, material distress, everyday discomfort. And forgive.

However, there is a line that cannot be crossed. These are beatings. If your alcoholic husband raised his hand against you, leave him the same day without hesitation. The consequences are not important, the life of yours and your children is important. Once he hits, he will do it over and over again. Parting is the only way to avoid tragedy. No options.

The second unconditional reason for divorce from an alcoholic is moral terror. Stress, anticipation of trouble, a feeling of complete confusion, self-doubt. In such conditions, a woman cannot live. The situation is aggravated by the developing codependency, the need to lie to others. Divorce is the only solution to the problem.

Divorce for the sake of children - pros and cons

Probably, it's not a secret for anyone that “the weather in the house” is more important for the child than for you. Therefore, if you answer the question about divorce, protecting the interests of children, the answer is unambiguous, and you know it. The child cannot respect drinking father... He can love him subconsciously, but never respect.

Divorce of parents will bring a lot of suffering little man... But is there really a risk of being injured, falling under " hot hand», Constant fear, humiliation, a sense of shame in front of peers, burning resentment for abuse of mother will not weigh the scales. Add possible malnutrition, lack of pretty clothes, not a happy childhood at all.

In the future, this is likely to turn into aggression against the background of self-doubt. Of course, if “there is no prophet in his own country,” all the more it is impossible to weigh the pros and cons of a divorce from an alcoholic from the point of view of a child. And yet, when divorcing a drinking husband, remember this:

• The child is what will bind you all your life. Therefore, if at least a drop of decency, responsibility, love is preserved in the husband, do not interfere with the communication between the father and the child. Naturally, if he is sober, not dangerous for the baby, and the child himself is happy to meet.
• Never denigrate the father in the eyes of the child. Explain that alcoholism is a disease and divorce is a compulsory measure.
• Do not refuse financial help from your ex-husband, but do not demand the impossible.
• Do not interrupt the connection between the child and the husband's parents.
• Surround your child with care and affection, do not impose your experiences on him, create emotionally favorable atmosphere in a family without a father.

Rules to help you break up with an alcoholic

If a break is inevitable, you need to act. How to divorce an alcoholic husband without unnecessary worries, mistakes, if he (God forbid!) does not give his consent, psychologists know. They recommend using some kind of rules of conduct:

1. The decision must be made irrevocably. Before divorce, you need to warn your spouse a couple of times (no more!) About a possible separation if he does not give up his addiction. You can even try a temporary separation. If such measures are useless, leave without looking back.
2. Remember firmly that promises of improvement cannot be endless. If, after the forgiveness received, the booze does not leave your life, save yourself before it is too late.
3. Don't feel sorry for the alcoholic. He will disappear in any case, with or without you, if he does not part with the bottle.
4. Think about yourself, children, their mental and physical condition.
5. Leave home when your spouse is away. Extra pleas, extra tears. The end is known.

Legal aspects of divorce

In the absence of property claims, divorce does not pose a major legal problem. The divorce case is considered and resolved by the registry office at the place of residence of the former married couple. The division of property, disputes concerning minor children, the payment of alimony are the prerogative of the court. An application is submitted to it.

Departure with spouse

Perhaps, in our country, the lack of their own housing is one of the main problems for which women do not long time do not dare to dissolve a marriage with a drinking person. Even if he is a tyrant. However, with a properly executed, from a legal point of view, an application to the court, the problem has several solutions:

If the spouses do not have the funds to purchase separate housing and the husband's consent to travel, the court has the right to oblige the former married couple sell an apartment, divide the money from the transaction in equal shares.

A mortgage loan is also not a sentence. The debt, at the request of one of the spouses, can be judicially divided between the husband and wife. In this case, the previous mortgage lending agreement is terminated, two new ones are concluded. This practice excludes the liability of the parties for each other's insolvency.

If your family rented a room, and you don't have friends who can shelter for the first time, this is not a reason to despair. In any city in the country there are services designed to solve similar problems... If necessary, they will provide the help of a psychotherapist, psychoanalyst.

Psychological help after divorce

Surviving a divorce from an alcoholic husband is not easy. Assess the psychological damage done to them, physical health close people is not always possible. But the emotional drain on the family is obvious. Given the incessant attempts at contact drinking person with a wife, children, support after a divorce is extremely necessary.

Specialized social services are called upon to provide it. Their task is to calm down a woman in shock, find temporary housing, arrange children in new school (kindergarten), provide work, assess the margin of safety emotional sphere, help rehabilitate, survive a divorce from her alcoholic husband.

There are several such organizations in accordance with the profile of the assistance provided:

• Center for social assistance to women who survived divorce.
• Rehabilitation center to support victims of violence.
• Center for psychological assistance to children in difficult situations.

Contacting specialists helps to cope with feelings of loneliness, mood swings, depression. V critical situations- to stop suicide attempts. The psychologist will help children and adults in this situation gain self-confidence, restore personal relationships with family and friends.

New life

It is important to start a new life from scratch, having managed to turn the page of the past. Psychologists advise:

1. Eliminate contact with your ex-husband, at least at first.
2. Organize your time correctly so as not to be alone: ​​study, work, friends, theater, exhibitions.
3. Sign up for a spa salon, buy a new dress, dye your hair, change your image.
4. Spend more time with children, parents, loved ones.
5. Start swimming in the pool regularly.

Alcoholism is an ailment that not only destructively affects the patient's health, but also breaks the life of his loved ones. In families where the husband is fond of alcohol, scandals are frequent, and domestic violence flourishes. Capable of drunkenness a person cannot control himself. He is prone to unreasonable aggression, therefore, any quarrel is fraught with beatings, and in other cases - serious injury. Most of all, his wife and children suffer from living together with an alcoholic. Added to physical injuries constant stress shaking them nervous system leading to neuroses and even mental disorders.

The most logical way out in such a situation is to divorce an alcoholic. Unfortunately, this is not easy: Russian laws cannot be recognized as incapacitated persons who suffer from alcoholism, but do not have others mental illness... Therefore, unilateral divorce in in this case impossible. Divorce is carried out by general rules prescribed in Family Code RF.

As in other cases, when the family is threatened with divorce, you need to think carefully about your choice, weighing all the pros and cons. As a rule, a wife does not immediately decide to break off relations with a drinking husband, because he is not a stranger to her, this is a close person with whom she has already experienced a lot.

At first, the woman takes pity on the alcoholic, takes care of him, and treats him like a patient. She tolerates aggression, mood swings, insults, and even assault. A significant role in this is played by the formula happy marriage- "in sorrow and in joy." It is difficult for a woman to leave her beloved husband, who, in her opinion, is simply ill, and if he is cured, he will become the same again.

But alcoholism, like any disease, progresses without treatment, which is accompanied by a gradual degradation of the patient's personality. The alcoholic's character changes, he becomes unbalanced, proud, capricious. Anything can provoke an outbreak of aggression: spilled milk, crying of children, lost TV remote control. The main blow is taken not only by the wife: the child can also fall under the hot hand of an alcoholic father.

If attempts to persuade a husband to recover from addiction do not lead to anything, and during drunkenness he becomes dangerous to others, then it is better to dissolve the marriage. In such a situation, one's own life and the well-being of children are more important than the health of a husband, which he destroys of his own free will.

When is it possible to correct the situation and save the family?

It is real to save the marriage if the husband drinks. The main condition for this is that he himself would like to recover from alcoholism and go to meet his wife. He should be aware that he is sick, but this is not enough: both spouses need a considerable supply of determination, patience and willpower, since treatment is long way, and it is often difficult to pass it.

In addition, it is worth finding out what led a loved one to addiction to alcohol. Sometimes it all starts with frequent quarrels, when the atmosphere in the family gradually becomes unbearable, there is no understanding between the spouses, and as a result, one of them feels unnecessary, and alcohol helps him to calm down. Another factor undermining marriage is the birth of a child, when the husband fades into the background. The wife pays all her attention to the baby, and tears off fatigue and irritation in the "second half."

If the cause of alcoholism is family problems, it is worth trying to fix it. Often, a joint visit to a psychologist helps, who will find out what exactly destroys the marriage, and will suggest ways out of difficult situation... Will help and straight Talk heart to heart, if the husband does not mind.

When the reasons are clarified, it remains to get rid of the addiction. The choice of treatment methods in modern medicine very wide - from sewing in a "torpedo" under the skin, to hypnosis and hardware brain stimulation (EFT).

When to break up with a drinking husband: domestic violence, the impact of a drunkard on children

One of the main reasons to divorce an alcoholic is assault. If a spouse in a state of intoxication raised his hand against his wife or child, there is a chance that this will happen more than once. A drunk person does not control himself, in anger he can seriously injure others. Sometimes family scandals lead to dire consequences such as the disability of a wife beaten by a drunken husband, or even murder.

Living with an alcoholic father is also dangerous for children. Among negative consequences, to which it leads, the following can be distinguished:

• Low self-esteem;
• Claustrophobia;
• Sociophobia, isolation;
• Relationship problems with the opposite sex;
• Propensity for alcohol or drug addiction;
• Lagging in physical or mental development;
• Imbalance, tendency to sadism, if domestic violence was the norm;
• Lack of self-care skills, household skills (inability to regularly wash, comb your hair, wash clothes, etc., if little attention was paid to children).

If a drinking husband refuses to make contact with his family, does not want to negotiate and, moreover, to be treated for addiction, it is better to get a divorce - the marriage can hardly be saved.

How to behave with children if the family has broken up?

For children, divorce is no less a tragedy than for their parents. Family breakdown, destruction habitual way life they endure very hard. You should support children in this difficult time, treat them gently, and make it clear that, despite what happened, they are still needed and loved. If financial position the family has worsened, you can find a mother for yourself additional source earnings (part-time work, remote work, freelance).

When talking with children, in no case should you scold their father. You can not drag them into squabbles between spouses, and thereby cause them additional pain. It is also not necessary to forbid children to see their father, if they themselves want to. If necessary, you can determine the conditions for the ex-husband that he will be obliged to comply - for example, to meet with the children sober.

Rules to help you break up with an alcoholic

When the decision to divorce is made, it is worth adhering to the rules that will help facilitate this difficult process:

1. Don't hesitate. Endless threats to divorce, followed by reconciliation with the husband, will lead to the fact that he will not take his wife seriously.
2. Find a temporary apartment for yourself and your children, where you can move from your previous home.
3. Do not feel sorry for your husband and do not worry about his fate - he himself is to blame for the destruction of the marriage; do not give in to his persuasions and promises not to drink anymore.
4. Rely on friends and close relatives, and surround yourself with people who can help you survive divorce.
5. Think about the future of your family, about permanent housing, and how to support yourself and your children.
6. Do not lose faith in yourself, firmly know that all difficulties are surmountable.

Legal aspects of divorce

If there are no children or joint property, the marriage is dissolved through the registry office. Common children who have not yet turned 18, property claims, common real estate are a reason to go to court. When the real estate is divided, the previous apartment is sold, so that each of former spouses could buy a separate home. In the case of loans that were paid by the husband and wife, the previous agreement with the bank is terminated, and two new agreements are concluded - separately for each. The issue of alimony is also decided in court.

If after a divorce ex-wife nowhere to live, she can turn to a specialized psychological and legal center that deals with helping women who have suffered from domestic violence.

Departure with spouse

To get the husband to move out of his apartment, the following is recommended:

• While the spouse is not at home, you need to take his personal belongings to a place where he can live during the divorce - for example, to his family;
• Next, you need to change all the locks so that he cannot get into the apartment without the knowledge of his wife;
• Finally, the wife must leave home - to a place where the husband will not look for her.

If a wife lives in an apartment owned by her husband, she must:

• In his absence, collect their belongings, as well as the property of the children;
• Leave a note, SMS, message in a messenger or social network, where you can summarize the decision to leave;
• Move to a place that is unknown to her husband - to be sure that he will not find her.

After the move, the spouses can start the divorce proceedings.

Your Narcologist recommends: Psychological help after divorce for men and women

The recommendations of psychologists will help you to safely overcome the painful divorce period. Here are some tips to help you cope with your worries:

1. The best thing is to come to terms with the divorce. It is worth looking at it as a difficult but necessary lesson, a transitional stage, after which you can start life from scratch.
2. New life - new opportunities that could not have appeared in the old hateful marriage.
3. Loneliness is harmful. It is much better when there is an opportunity to rely on friends and relatives, to spend as much time as possible with people who will not condemn, but, on the contrary, support.
4. New hobbies new job, change of lifestyle, place of residence - all this will help to distract from painful thoughts.

The rule with switching of attention works most effectively. You can occupy your mind with anything - if only it helps to expel negative emotions... Helps very well social work such as volunteering.

New life

A divorce from an alcoholic took place - the worst thing is over, it won't get any worse. Whatever trials life prepares, they will be easier than what has already been experienced.

Often women are afraid to get divorced, because they do not know if they will be able to financially support themselves and their children. In this case, you should think in advance about a new, more suitable, job, or extra earnings, which will allow you not to deny yourself anything. Another fear, no less frequent, is the fear of leaving the comfort zone, albeit not very pleasant, but habitual. The unknown is always frightening, and in order to build a new cozy "shell" for yourself, you should show willpower and boldly meet changes.

In addition, you should always remember that this is done for your own good and for the sake of the children. As often as possible, you should remember everything that was bad in old life, and what the family got rid of thanks to the divorce. And, despite all the stereotypes about "divorces" prevailing over society, a chance to create new family very large. Just do not enter into a relationship immediately after a divorce - it is better to take a pause so that the longing for the ex-husband and the natural distrust of the opposite sex in this situation pass away.

Many women, whose spouses are in captivity of addiction, think about how to divorce an alcoholic husband. However, not everyone is ready to take the decisive step and remove from their life a man with his addiction to alcohol. What stops women, in what cases it is possible to fight the hopeless drunkenness of the husband, and when do you need to leave without hesitation, saving yourself and the children? Let's consider this problem in more detail.

Living with an alcoholic or getting divorced: relationship psychology

For most of both sexes, the continuation of even an unsuccessful marriage in many respects is preferable to. The fact is that the final rupture is perceived as the destruction of the old (habitual and familiar) way of life.

Even the understanding that it is necessary, and further living together with an alcoholic - impossible, does not fully facilitate this critical moment life.

If you look at the alcoholic's family from the outside, then the woman's position often looks illogical:

• a man degrades socially, morally, etc .;
• it is often inadequate;
• drunkenness causes;
• the husband does not participate in the life of the family and does not pay due attention to his wife and children;
• with such a “family man” it is impossible to make plans even for the near future, because the actions of an alcoholic are unpredictable even for himself.

However, from the point of view of psychology, everything is explained quite simply. A wife is often guided by a whole complex of reasons, which makes her a hostage to the prevailing conditions and her own feelings.

Among the most significant reasons:

• habit;
• attachment (often reminiscent of the "Stockholm syndrome");
• denial (unconscious) of reality;
• social or material dependence;
• housing issue;

It is also known that a woman's decisiveness in the issue of divorce is influenced by her own personal qualities and the system of cultural stereotypes.

It is worth noting that many husbands, feeling that all their actions go unpunished, will not attempt to completely quit alcohol. A very small percentage is able to appreciate the self-sacrifice of the second half.

In the end, each family is not like the rest and final decision a woman must accept on the basis of all the characteristics of the prevailing circumstances. And the responsibility for the final break should not scare her.

In a situation where everyone possible methods tried and failed, the dialogue is completely blocked by the husband, the negative is displayed on the children, and there is no more strength to endure and hope, there is only one option left - divorce.

A woman shouldn't be sorry drinking husband- he is an adult and is responsible for his own life, but his own future is what she should be most worried about.

When can you not part with your drinking spouse?

A drinking husband is, it would seem, a stalemate. However, if a woman continues to love, then there is always hope in her heart.

Under what circumstances is it possible not to part:

1. firstly on initial stage alcoholism, when mutual understanding can still be found, and the man does not have a personality disorder. However, even if he is able to stop on his own, a consultation with a narcologist and psychotherapist will not hurt. The problem is that no one is going to stop often, and everyday drunkenness gradually develops into a real illness;
2. secondly, if the husband makes any attempts to save the family and realizes that his bad habit hurts the family, children and personally to him, and is also ready to be treated. In this case, you can "fight" for the person and support him on the path to correction. However, it is necessary to adhere to the strategy of the "golden mean" in behavior, since both scandalousness and excessive obedience will almost 100% provoke the spouse into another binge. By the way, there is one interesting fact: After feeling the independence of the wife (financial and psychological), most husbands who abuse alcohol, begin to make attempts to overcome their dependence.

A woman in a family with an alcoholic also needs the help of a psychotherapist, because often only a specialist can determine true reason entering into such a relationship.

How to divorce an alcoholic husband?

If all attempts are in vain, then parting becomes inevitable. A woman should stop inventing excuses and honestly answer the question: "Is she happy with her alcoholic husband and is she not afraid for her life and the future of her children?"

However, understanding the problem is only halfway there. In order to act, the weaker sex often lacks self-confidence and self-confidence.

It is better to act in stages:

• , you cannot immediately inform your husband about it;
• you need to wait a couple of weeks and think it over well, make sure that this is not a fleeting emotion;
• undesirable, therefore, you should think in advance about a new place of residence and provide a source of funds for living;
• if the decision is residual, then it is better to take things during the absence of the husband (if he lives in the husband's house) or to transport the spouse's property to his relatives and change the locks (if the house belongs to the woman);
• , so you will have to move out with too;
• at first, you should refuse to communicate with your ex-husband, his friends and relatives;
• if a meeting is inevitable, then you need to take care of a "support group" in advance;
• urgently file

Naturally, after all the work done and the efforts made, one should not succumb to false persuasions and consent to the renewal of relations.

It makes no sense to make scandals and try to sort things out after breaking up - you need to accept the divorce not as the end, but as the beginning of a new one life path and only move forward.

Divorce from a drunken spouse in the presence of minor children

A woman divorces her alcoholic husband, but he still remains the father of her children. Of course, subject to availability good reason it can be, but usually, and the man gets the opportunity.

At first time the main task- explain to minor family members that this cardinal step has been taken in their interests, as well as that they are still loved.

In addition, children should be kept as far as possible from divorce proceedings... After parting, despite all the pain and resentment, a woman should not.

However, he must be required to comply with important conditions... For example, ex-husband should come only sober, not to scandalize and not psychologically put pressure on children.

Positive emotions, general interesting leisure with mother and constant dialogue - best recipe to start a happy childhood.

Psychologist's advice on how to painlessly survive the divorce process

After a divorce, even if a woman is sure of the correctness of her decision, many show signs in themselves.

Psychologists believe that depression is normal reaction, which, however, can be significantly reduced by following simple rules:

• at first it is necessary in every possible way;
• A change of scenery, such as a short trip, will help calm down;
• it is especially necessary to prepare a written description of life with an alcoholic (you can take a photo) and re-read in moments of weakness;
• tell about your experiences only to positive-minded people;
• work for a divorced woman is the basis of her independence, the ability to provide herself and her children with everything necessary, therefore, it is vital to pay maximum attention to the issues of earnings;
• should be found new meaning in life and interesting hobbies;
• special attention should be paid to your health and outward appearance, because this will help you feel more confident regardless of age;
• a woman should not try right away, because she can fall in love only when she psychologically recovers.