Do I need to get married. Fears of potential wives. Anything but marriage
It used to be that if a woman did not marry before the age of 25, then she was a loser, an old maid of no use to anyone. Fortunately, now there are other opinions on this issue. The weaker sex does not seek marriage and increasingly asks the question, should i get married?
Many girls, even doubting, are still in a hurry to get married. To be happy wife, to have happy children, you need to know 7 reasons why you should not get married.
7 reasons not to get married
- You like a man only on the outside. Of course, handsome men attract everyone. This is the subconscious desire of a woman to have attractive offspring. But handsome men usually infantile egoists, love only themselves and live for themselves.
- All the girlfriends jumped out to get married and brag about their happiness. Do not equal others, keep your individuality, look for the right person. In addition, not all friends will tell you how things really are in their families.
- Time is running out and you are in a hurry to get married, marrying the first person you meet. And he turns out to be not the person with whom you want to go through life. You should know that a free living full life a woman causes envy, and strangers, "dripping on the brain" about marriage, do not wish you happiness at all, but most often they want you to experience all the hardships family life.
- desire to forget failed relationship in the past. A woman rejected by one man rushes into the arms of another. As a result, she no longer needs him.
- Desire to get rid of parental custody.
- The social status of a man.
- Out of pity. He whines all the time, begs him not to leave, says that he cannot live without you.
The main thing is to find your man, then there will be no doubts about marriage and reasons for refusal.
A middle-aged woman wrote the following comment:
« do you even need to get married? Well, why are all women so eager to wash and feed someone? to sleep with men - it is not at all necessary to wash other people's socks. Why waste your life and energy on those who will die earlier anyway? »
It's true that you don't have to get married to have sex. It is worth going to any club, cafe or restaurant in the evening, and you can easily find a partner for the next night or a couple of nights.
Perhaps this relationship will last even half a year, and will consist of sexual pleasures.
In such a relationship, you definitely don’t need to wash your partner’s socks or underpants. He will do it himself with ease with the help of washing machine Indesit or Zanusi.
But for some reason, people get married.
What for? Do I need to get married? Do I need to get married and start a family?
If marriage consists of sex and washing socks, then it is not clear why a man proposes to a woman, drags her to the registry office, spends big money on a wedding and a bride's outfit. And then year after year drags the burden of the family.
And he certainly does not do this for sex, or washing with a sock, or a delicious dinner.
My parents will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary soon. For such a long time, of course, they lived not only in joy, everything happened, but they always held on to each other.
And now it touches me how dad winks affectionately at mom in response to her cooing or gently hugs her waist, and mom, like a teenage girl, is embarrassed by his attention. Today, when my sister and I started our families, my parents were left alone. Mom increasingly tells me that it’s good that she has a husband next to her.
Remember, as the husband of the heroine of the film “I work as a mother” said to her phrase: “Our children will grow up, they will scatter, and we will be left alone.” And he corrected her: "Not alone, but together." Feel the difference. Together!
At 30, you don’t want to complicate your life by caring for an adult. Of course, a woman takes care of her child, but many modern “middle-aged” women cross out the respect and love for men with a black line.
But behind washed socks there are a lot of important things, without which a person can hardly be called happy: love, respect, care, attention, support, comfort, help. It's all behind those socks.
Many go for broke and break off marriages, destroy families, and then at the age of 50-60 cry into the phone to their children that they are left alone, ask their child to come to visit, call, visit more often.
But this child also has a life of its own. And no matter how much he respects and loves his mother, he wants his own corner, where only he will be the owner or mistress, where you can walk in a negligee and relax with friends, and, of course, not only that, he wants his own life, his own mistakes and conclusions.
And mothers who chose an independent celibate life at the age of 30, even with lovers or best girlfriends, at 50 crying at home alone from loneliness.
Dear women, if you are single today (lovers and casual sex partners do not count, since we are talking about a civil or legal spouse, about that man who wakes up with you day after day in the same bed and returns to your house in the evening) Be sure to look around and think.
At 30, you can enjoy freedom, but think about what will happen at 45-50 years old, 50-60 years old. Children will grow up and create their own families, and you will become lonely.
Start your family now. Don't put off this important decision until tomorrow or later. Try on the veil and wedding dress!
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"Married to a millionaire
or
how to meet a wealthy man
and marry him for love."
Modern girls do not aspire to get married.
The traditional idea of a woman's life purpose is inextricably linked with marriage. Ideally, this is a happy and successful marriage, but if you didn’t manage to grab the prince, or at least just normal man- you have to marry someone. It was with such ideas that great-grandmothers, grandmothers and even mothers of modern girls lived. But these girls are increasingly thinking: is it worth getting married if there are doubts? Is it necessary to “ring” at least some pants if all the girlfriends have long acquired husbands?
There are still strong beliefs that marriage increases social status women. And if you remain unmarried much longer than your friends, you cannot avoid the pressure of relatives of the older generation. They are really scared that their daughter or granddaughter will “stay up in the girls”.
Yes, and the girls themselves are starting to get nervous, noting that five years, three years, two, one remain until their thirtieth birthday ...
Should I get married because "the clock is ticking"?
move biological clock, perhaps main factor, forcing the girl to rush into marriage. Years go by, and now the mirror shows its owner the first mimic wrinkles, the cosmetologist offers "hyaluron", and the gynecologist of the old school hints at the need for an early conception. A hungry gleam appears in the girl's eyes, and the area is scanned for a more or less suitable candidate for legal marriage. Thinking about whether to get married without love is relegated to the background.
Unfortunately, the result of such a forced marriage dictated by the fear of the “ticking clock” is disappointment. Someone resigns himself, they say, “everyone lives like that,” someone gets divorced. Psychologists have noticed the emergence of a new life scenario, which is increasingly chosen by unmarried women aged 30–35: a wedding, the birth of a child, a divorce in 2–3 years. After that, the woman sighs calmly - the program is completed!
What to do if you notice that you are increasingly visited by thoughts about the course of the biological clock? What arguments can you find for yourself so as not to rush things? Is there an age when you should get married? Think about this:
- The concept of critical age is conditional. In traditional societies, girls are married off at 13-15 years old, while in Europe the age of first marriage has been pushed back to 28 years (this is average) and it keeps growing. While a 16 year old girl from traditional society Feeling Overstarred, 30-Year-Old European Enjoys Youth!
- A 30-year-old self-grooming woman looks much more attractive than young girl With overweight and acne. Now the beauty of a woman, at least up to forty years old, does not depend on age, but on care. Many women reveal themselves at the age of 30, acquiring an individual style and charm.
- In Russia, in the old fashioned way, a 25-year-old woman is considered old-bearing. Derogatory term! modern medicine allows you to successfully give birth in 30-40 years. Much greater value than age has physical state organism. So it's better to carry on healthy lifestyle life than to be nervous about age.
And most importantly: teach that as soon as you turn on the "scan mode" and start evaluating each man according to the criteria "fit - not fit", "marries - does not marry", the brain forbids you to fall in love. Internal tension turns off the romantic perception of the world. What does it threaten? That you find a husband but miss true love.
Is it necessary to marry for convenience, if it does not work out for love?
It happens that love does not come, the girl at some point begins to believe that this feeling does not exist. It happens that love disappointments make a girl cynical. In such cases, the idea often arises of entering into a marriage of convenience: in order to create a materially prosperous "economic unit of society", to raise children in complete family Yes, just to not be alone. But is it really necessary to get married without nourishing tender feelings to the chosen one?
If you are seriously considering the possibility of marrying for convenience, soberly assess the prospects for such a marriage and answer the questions:
- Are you sure that the solution of material problems is possible for you only through marriage?
- Is status really important to you? married woman?
- How will you behave in a few years if the “tolerate - fall in love” program fails?
- Do you want to have children with someone you don't love?
- Do all the advantages of a marriage of convenience outweigh one major disadvantage - the need to live next to an unloved person?
Marriages of convenience for women are often pushed by the pressure of relatives and friends. Considering that the relative “stayed up in the girls”, grandmothers and aunts begin to select candidates for grooms, introduce her to “ positive men". Here you need to seriously think about whether you will live your own life or will begin to fulfill someone else's life program imposed on you.
Is it worth getting married a second time?
Most first marriages now end in divorce. After this psychological shock, a woman may experience a fear of repeating the scenario and doubts whether it is worth getting married a second time, even if unearthly love has come again.
Psychologists say that the main thing in making a decision about a second marriage is to understand what has begun. new stage of your life. It is not at all necessary that your new chosen one will behave in marriage in the same way as the first husband. Moreover, second marriages often turn out to be happier than the first ones, since a woman already has a certain life experience and takes a more serious approach to assessing marital prospects (and most importantly, she is not in a hurry with a wedding, “because it is necessary!”).
But there are reasons why it is definitely not worth entering into a second marriage. It is hardly worth hurrying with a second marriage in order to:
- annoy ex-spouse;
- forget about love;
- feel wanted.
Such motivation speaks of self-doubt, the pressure of negative life experience. It's not your choice, it's the choice of the injured ego. In order for the relationship in the second marriage to develop successfully, the motivation must be positive.
Is it necessary to get married in the 21st century?
Modern scenarios of success in life no longer require a woman to get married. The role of Cinderella is no longer as attractive to girls as before. Thinking about whether it is necessary to get married in order to gain a high social status, a woman of the 21st century is increasingly coming to the conclusion that personal success and happiness in marriage are two parallel, not interconnected lines.
Modern girl You don't have to get married anymore to get respect and material well-being. You don't have to be first lady, you can be president!
Is it good or bad? Adherents of traditional life scenarios believe that this trend is negative, because instead of “a child, a kitchen, a family”, a girl chooses self-realization according to male type. But work, creativity, success do not necessarily lead to masculinization. Why be a woman when you can be a business woman? Yes, that's right, lady.
In the new life scenarios, there is still a place for love. Moreover, the prospects for marriage are becoming more optimistic. After all, if a girl does not need to get married for status and material reasons, she can afford to surrender to a whirlpool of sincere feelings.
After all, there are 1,000 and 1 reasons to get married, but only one of them is a valid one. This is love, trust and the desire to live with a person all his life.
Do you think marriage is a necessary stage of a relationship? Share your opinion in
Mankind has gone too long to form the current family relations to give them up so easily. The family was once necessary for existence in society. Single woman perceived by society as inferior. A single mother carried the status of shame until the end of her days.
To date, emancipation has reached such proportions that women perform the functions of a man in production, sometimes have an income above the average male, make rapid career and decide for themselves whether to create a family or not, to give birth or not to a child.
Actually, the well-being of children is the main factor in the conclusion of an official marriage. Normal sexual development child can only occur in complete family. The child must see an example of heterosexual relations between parents in order to correctly identify himself and not subsequently have problems in relations with the opposite sex.
Of course, this happiness is to find your soul mate, live happily with her all your life and die on the same day, surrounded by children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. But if not fate?
To live life wisely, you need to know a lot.
Two important rules remember to start:
You'd rather starve than eat anything
And it's better to be alone than with just anyone.
Omar Khayyam
And fate can turn out in such a way that in life you will not meet such a person with whom you would like to be close long years. Do not put an identity sign between the concepts of "relationship" and "marriage". Even the most romantic relationship may collapse under the influence of unresolved and unresolved domestic problems. While separate coexistence and infrequent meetings can satisfy both members of the tandem. Although this form of relations is not yet typical for Russia, it is practiced in Europe and America and even has the status marital relations and is called a guest marriage.
Classical marriage meant distribution family responsibilities. The man is the earner, the woman is the keeper of the hearth. Most women work today. Moreover, they have to combine work with caring for the hearth. The functions of men in the household are limited to maintaining plumbing equipment and electrical appliances in working order.
In the absence of love and mutual understanding, such an imbalance degrades the dignity of a woman and makes marriage a burden on her. Moreover, the stereotype imposed by public opinion and traditions forces most women to put up with this state of affairs.
Of course, the institution of the family will exist for a long time, and the same number of women will marry in search of a strong shoulder. But if you do get married, then on equal terms with a man, and not in the status of a free housekeeper and nanny. Still, a husband is not just a male person nearby, but a soulmate. With time happy spouses become similar in appearance, understand each other perfectly, feel the pain and joy of each other. No wonder they say "husband and wife - one body, one thing, one spirit."
Only today is the practical necessity of a formal marriage. Many women consider the question of the expediency of marriage without looking back at public opinion and traditions. They have the material opportunity and the moral right to be guided by own attitude to the registration of relations.
According to statistics in our country as of April 2013, there are 56 unmarried women for every 20 single men.
Therefore, a woman who, for some reason, did not marry, has no reason to despair about this, and even more so, to rush into the maelstrom of marital relations just for the sake of a stamp in her passport.
Good day to you, my wonderful readers!
Last time we talked about why men don't want to get married. Today we will talk about the opposition of marriage and civil marriage for a woman.
Many women assent to their men that the stamp in the passport is a mere convention, no one needs it now and does not solve anything, it is a waste of money. I do not believe that women sincerely agree with this. They do this to please their beloved man, whom they are so afraid of losing that they are ready to agree to anything, otherwise he will suddenly smell fried and run away. And so he will relax, see how special she is and don’t want to get married, and immediately make her an offer. Yep, wait. Men are logical, and this is not at all logical - to offer a woman something that she does not need for nothing. At least according to her words, which there is no reason not to believe.
Other women have already believed and carry this idea themselves, that marriage is a mere formality. Especially if these women have already been in their first marriage, and did not take anything out of it, except for disappointment.
Some people think that stamping a passport is unromantic for high relations. But what they don't take into account is that there are a lot of far less romantic things that can happen to them in their high but unregistered relationship.
So why should you get married?
Let's start with the little things that are not too important, but they spoil the mood and shake the relationship.
How to call a man in a conversation or when meeting him with his friends? My... uh... boyfriend? Dating boyfriend but not living together. Friend? Friends don't have sex. Roommate? Honest, but nasty word. Husband? Lies, a man is called a husband after receiving a special piece of paper in the registry office.
This item does not matter to everyone, the status of a wife is not particularly important for some women, they call themselves and a man as they please, and they do not care about conventions. But most women are annoying, no matter how a man calls them. The wife is not true and the heart skips a beat, the girlfriend is disgusting, the cohabitant is a complete nightmare and few dare to put it that way.
A wedding ring protects a man from excess female attention. From especially cunning women, and from those who do not love themselves, the ring will not save, but the string of his admirers will noticeably thin out, and this will only benefit your relationship with him. If wearing wedding ring without marriage, then this will only constantly remind the woman that they have not taken responsibility for her and are not going to, and the ring has no meaning in itself, only window dressing, if only she would get rid of the man. “What else do you need, I’m already faithful to you, I live with you, I even wear a ring.” The ring without responsibility is annoying.
Again, I admit that there are women who do not care, but I do not believe in their sincerity. Maybe they got drunk in their first marriage. Or this is stated by a woman who does not love her man and would like to leave a loophole for "the one." After all, when he breaks into her life, she will have to divorce unloved husband. If there is no love for her husband, then divorce is a matter of time, therefore, there is no need to marry.
Many women (I am one of them) claim that after registering a marriage, a man began to take them more seriously. Because this is already a wife, and not just like that. Take responsibility - bear it. It happens, though not with all men. The stamp will not affect the irresponsible.
Now the question is more serious. How many times in a lifetime does a person get married? Two, three, five times, more is rare. And how many cohabitations can he go through in his life? Yes modicum every week new relations. At official marriage people seriously think about whether they want to spend their lives with this person, whether he is worth the cost of a wedding, whether they can come to terms with each other's shortcomings.
Before cohabitation, it is not at all necessary to think about it. If you don't like it, we'll run away, that's all. You can run from one relationship to another, break the hearts of not only your own, but also your children, in this way ad infinitum, because initially the approach to such relationships is not serious. Many women who have gone through several cohabitations feel dirty afterwards and need the help of a psychologist to overcome self-loathing.
With a wedding, a man and a woman prove to each other that they take responsibility for the relationship. This is not a whim, it is a signal for everyone that this couple is really serious, and not just like that. Like it or not, everyone should come to terms and take it for granted that the family has been created, and now destroying it is a crime.
In case of problems in cohabitation, people simply scatter in different sides. If problems arise in a formal marriage, then the spouses once again(and more than once) think before getting a divorce. There was love, where it disappeared, maybe somehow you can return it, find an approach to each other, after all, this is still a husband, and not an outsider, all relatives and friends have already become common, and the division of property does not inspire ...
The more barriers to separation, the greater the chance that people will still find ways to stay together, and a formal divorce is one of those barriers. Women have repeatedly turned to me for advice precisely because he is a husband, and not “just passed by and lingered a little.” In cohabitation, such thoughts arise much less often, it is easier to start with clean slate than fixing what's broken.
Besides, what is the usual explanation for the reluctance to put a stamp in the passport? “We have friends who got married, everyone is already divorced, but we didn’t get married, we won’t even need to get divorced, there are so many problems with this, first with a wedding, then with a divorce.” That is, people initially enter into relationships, caring only about how it would be easier for them to break up later, so that there would be fewer difficulties with this. If the separation is simple and hassle-free, then even small difficulties can destroy them. Why look for another way out, rack your brains, waste time and money, if the simplest and most obvious is to say goodbye?
But all these are flowers, after all cohabitation without marriage registration is a cruel blow to children. If you plan on getting them, of course.
In an official family, children feel happier. Have you seen the Indian movie "Daddy"? There, the protagonist had a stroke from the sudden realization that he was a "bastard", an illegitimate son. With children's maximalism, this awareness can have a very serious impact on the child's psyche.
At school, children can be teased about this, which is also not in the best way affects the psyche. What will you answer the child when he asks why you and him have different surnames?
Yes, and giving birth to a child from a roommate is very risky. After all, until it comes to childbirth, your relationship with a man can deteriorate, and he decides not to recognize his child. He wants to start life from scratch, and you live as you know. You will face the most unpleasant judicial red tape with genetic expertise and proof cohabitation, otherwise you will have to raise the child yourself and earn a living for both, and this is not easy for a woman.
What if the baby's father dies or disappears before birth? If you live in his apartment, then you will have to move out into the unknown with your child. It is even more unpleasant when you invested your money in this apartment, but it was registered to a man. There are frequent cases when the husband's relatives refuse to help the mother of their grandson and do not want to know her at all, they themselves move into this apartment, and they put her and the child out the door. If at the same time you and a man also had a joint business recorded on him ... Guess how it will end.
Isn't it easier to have children in a legal relationship? If a man does not want to take responsibility for you and your future children, then why should he give birth to them? He refuses in advance to protect you all from unforeseen circumstances. When giving birth out of wedlock, only a woman risks, but not a man. In marriage, spouses share the risk in half.
There is another nasty little thing. In an unregistered relationship, it turns out that the father adopts own child. This is the same "romance in civil marriage", which they are looking for?
If there is between you sincere feelings, you care about each other with trepidation and dream of living together all your life, then registering a relationship will be a completely logical step. Especially if you plan to have children, because in this way you protect their rights in the first place.
For those who want to live with a man before the wedding, but not remain an eternal cohabitant, I will write one of the following articles.
All happiness! With love,
Geneva Kaul