How I changed my attitude to my appearance. Formation of an attitude towards one's own appearance, body and health

08.05.2019

First-hand. Psychotherapist S.E. Martynov's interview for the magazine "Women's Health".

Looking good is very important for most women. But what happens when taking care of beauty becomes the main meaning of life?

We are talking about this with the director of the Moscow psychological center"Clearance"

- How to distinguish normal attitude to your appearance from pathological?

- We change throughout life, and our appearance also changes. And sometime we are more satisfied with our appearance, sometime less. One can talk about neurosis when a person is constantly not satisfied with his appearance as a whole or with some part of it. It so happens that a person explains all failures in life by this "defect". For example, a woman may think that she has small breasts and that is why she did not get married, did not give birth to a child. And she didn't even make a career, because, from her point of view, only ladies with a magnificent bust succeed.

For a person suffering from such a disorder, it all depends on how he looks today. If, he assesses his appearance well, then he is cheerful, energetic, happy with life. If he thinks that it is bad, he will be anxious or irritable, may conflict with loved ones, and will not go to work. In the hierarchy of values, where most people get to the top: family, work, hobby - such a person puts external attractiveness in the first place.

- But you will not deny that a lot of things in life are easier for nice people.

- Yes, there are studies in which large groups subjects proved that appearance affects the attitude of others. For example, attractive criminals receive a shorter sentence. Teachers tend to overestimate the grades for attractive students. But this shift is not very significant. A nice murderer will not be acquitted, but will be given, say, instead of 10 years - 9. A charming student will be pulled a "three" a couple of times, but if he does not study, in the future, beauty will not save him from bad grades.

Appearance is even less important for building a family. There are no statistics to prove that people with attractive appearance get married faster, get married. Or that their marriages are stronger. Or that they have more children.

- Yes, but men, first of all, pay attention to the beauty of a woman. And then they already appreciate her kindness, intelligence and other virtues.

“However, this does not mean that they marry beauties. The fact is that we tend to consider outwardly attractive people more sociable, more competent in communication, more cheerful. But at the same time - and less kind, less attentive, less responsive. And who to start a family with is still a big question. Those who rely on external attractiveness often find themselves in ridiculous situations. An acquaintance of mine, about to get married, put forward two criteria for evaluating the future bride: that she should be beautiful and come from rich family... After a year and a half, he told what hell he got into by choosing such a girl. Now he is divorcing her. If the kindness and intelligence of the future wife were important to this person, the result might have been different.

- In adolescence, we often seem to ourselves ugly and suffer from it. But then most of them outgrow these problems. And who gets stuck on them?

- The most susceptible, sensitive adolescents, closed people and demonstrative personalities. Sensitive children are constantly anxious, wondering if everything is in order, if they are too different from others. It is generally difficult for introverted adolescents to communicate. And then they see that someone is easily making contacts. What's the matter? Why? Probably because these guys are more beautiful ... It is important for hysterics to have an effect. But if they do not differ in bright appearance, then they can get hung up on beauty, believing that this is the main thing in life. And devote most of your life to achieving or maintaining your desired appearance.

Much, of course, depends on the support of the teenager in the family. If a girl knows that her dad admires her, then her attitude to her appearance will be positive, no matter who then says anything. And if she grows up only with her mother, and she constantly compares her with others: "Now, if you were as beautiful as Helen, I would buy you this dress" - the child, of course, will develop an inferiority complex. It is difficult to understand this attitude of parents towards their children. I am sure that it is normal to consider your child the most beautiful.

Wear clothes that you feel confident in. Research has proven that the clothes we wear affect our self-esteem. For example, a superhero costume builds self-confidence and makes you feel stronger, while clothes white helps people make decisions faster. There is evidence that women perform better on the math test when they are wearing a sweater than when they are wearing a swimsuit.

Wear clothes that flatter your figure. Choose clothes that you like your reflection in the mirror. Clothing must be suitable for your body type, in addition, great importance have accessories that highlight your dignity. There is no one perfect type of figure, but there are clothes that look good or bad on the figure. of a certain type... Clothes that are properly fitted to the figure usually look great on a person.

Wear clothes suitable size or customize it in the atelier according to the characteristics of the figure. If you wear clothes that are appropriate for your current height and weight, you will be more confident about your appearance, even if that size does not match ideal parameters that you would like to have.

Especially order clothes in the sizes that suit you. For example, if you are a tall, thin man, you should order clothes from a special line for tall from online stores. Not worth walking the path least resistance and buy clothes that are too wide, baggy in a regular store, just because they fit you in length.
Tailor the length and width of your tailor's clothing to fit your body. Good seamstresses also know little tricks, for example, they can lay darts (sewn folds that accentuate the shape) on clothes to show off your worth.

Find the right lipstick. Applying lipstick correctly means more than just choosing correct color... This also means taking care of your lips by exfoliating (for example with a mixture of salt and almond oil) and applying a nourishing balm twice a week. As for lipstick itself, makeup artists recommend the following:

Try not to use glitter lipstick, it looks cheap.
Choose bright colors based on the natural color of your lips (for example, for fair skin lips are suitable for cherry tone lipstick, for natural - cranberry, and for dark skin- burgundy).
Choose your lipstick flesh-colored based on your skin tone (choose a lipstick that is slightly brighter or darker than your natural skin color).
Try to avoid shades based on blue or black. With this lipstick, you will look older, more serious and even cause fear in people (bluish lips are often associated with vampires in people).
You don't need to apply lip liner, but if you do, match the color of your lip liner, not the color of your lipstick.
Apply the lipstick gently, then blend the borders slightly for a more natural look.
Start applying lipstick from the center of the lips, and then spread the pigment towards the corners of the mouth. Be careful and try not to apply lipstick directly to the corners.
Apply a rich lipstick to your lower lip, then press your lips together tightly. In this case, the lipstick will lie in a thinner layer.
Apply lipstick in one layer, then blot with a paper towel and reapply. This will help the lipstick last longer.

Apply makeup to match the shape of your face. Although not everyone wears makeup, if you wear makeup, you can improve your attitude towards your appearance. To do this, you need to learn how to properly apply makeup in order to increase your self-confidence. As with clothing, you must first determine what makeup suits you (suits your face shape) and draw attention to the features you want to highlight. To determine your face type, collect your hair from the back and look in the mirror at your hairline and chin:

Heart-shaped face (wide forehead and narrow chin). In this case, it is important to divert attention from the sharp chin and pronounced cheekbones by applying an evening tone and color accent on the lips to the entire face.
Round face (forehead and lower face of the same width). In this case, it is necessary to visually create a relief by applying the appropriate makeup on the cheeks and eyes (for example, applying smokey-eye shadows).
Square face (rectangular lower jaw and wide forehead). In this case, use muted tones, face, and eye and lip makeup to soften harsh facial features.
Oval face (forehead and lower face of the same width, face elongated). In this case, the blush should be applied in the form of horizontal lines, and also highlight the lips and eyes with makeup in order to visually reduce the length of the face.

Get your hair nice. Pretty haircut made in good salon beauty or a highly trained hairdresser will help you feel more confident about your appearance and help you look stylish and modern. Just like with makeup, main secret a good hairstyle - it should match your face type:

If you have a heart-shaped face, a chin-length bangs and side strands might work for you. This hairstyle will visually make the face look rounder.
For those with a round face, consider a symmetrical or slightly asymmetrical hairstyle with strands framing the face. This will help to visually make the face not so round and create the illusion of relief.
It is better to frame the face with graduated strands, this will allow you to focus on the cheekbones.
If you have a face oval, then most hairstyles will suit you, since most special haircuts for other face shapes are aimed precisely at making the face visually close to an oval shape.

Taking care of your appearance is very important. If your appearance shows that you care about how you look and take good care of yourself, it increases your confidence in your own appearance. To create such an effect, it is enough to follow a few simple rules:

Make sure your nails look neat and well-groomed (this advice is equally relevant for both men and women). Keep the bases of your nails clean.
Brush your teeth several times a day, especially after meals, which can contribute to tooth decay.
Always keep wet or cleansing wipes handy to remove makeup, sunscreen, sweat, or simply freshen up after hours of strenuous work. Try to cleanse your face every 2-3 days to keep your skin clean.
Apply an anti-aging moisturizer, sunscreen, and concealer (to even out your complexion).
Apply your makeup by hand (not with a brush), then you can better understand how much (literally) decorative cosmetics you apply to your face. This will help you look more natural.
For a quick manicure, use false legs. This is perfectly acceptable even for those who are from the 80s.
Use deodorant or antiperspirant regularly.
Use natural oils (such as coconut and almond oil or avocado oil) to maintain healthy state skin and hair.

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Introduction

Conclusion

Introduction

The relevance of the topic devoted to the problems of women's attitude to their appearance is due to the fact that many women have deep experiences associated with their appearance and its inevitable transformation in adulthood. These experiences and complexes affect performance, family and team relationships, and self-esteem. Many women resort to the help of modern cosmetology and see cosmetology as a panacea, but more often dissatisfaction with their appearance is rooted in the psyche, i.e. are subjective.

The problem of the study is due to the fact that when contacting a cosmetologist, both the doctor and the patient most often ignore the psychological and mental components of the correction of appearance. Meanwhile, changes in appearance caused by the intervention of doctors and cosmetologists can inevitably conceal new dangers for mental harmony, especially for a middle-aged woman, when the load on the psyche is greatest.

A negative attitude towards their appearance in middle-aged women is often caused by subjective factors, and radical changes in appearance by methods of cosmetology without psychodiagnostics and psychocorrection do not correct self-attitude towards their appearance, but, on the contrary, often bring Negative consequences... In general, the development of a hypothesis in the practical part thesis is carried out in the framework of determining the relationship between factors such as personal self-esteem, self-esteem of their appearance, emotionality, anxiety and personality type.

The external appearance acts as a constructed interpretive version of the subject's identity. The results of cultural and historical analysis indicate that the creation of a woman's external appearance (such elements as hairstyle, clothing, jewelry) is a priority in the history of culture. Gender differences, the image of gender identity are constructed primarily through hairstyles. This is evidenced not only by culturological, but also by socio-psychological works.

Appearance as a socio-psychological phenomenon is formed, changed, and functions in the cultural and psychological space of communication in connection with social cognition, in the context of which one of the most important places is occupied by the processes of interpretation. In most studies, the phenomenon of interpretation is considered not only as a “key moment” of social cognition, but also as a mechanism for constructing social reality, which sets its multiplicity and variability.

In relation to the external appearance, interpretation acts as a mechanism for constructing the image of a partner. Therefore, the approach to the analysis of the external appearance, which presupposes "absolute objectivity" and the rigid determination of the external appearance by the characteristics of the subject's personality, loses its meaning. Overcoming the limitations in the study of the interpretation of external appearance that have arisen as a result of established traditions becomes possible in the theory and methodology of social constructivism. It is within the framework of this approach that before social psychology the question is raised which categories primarily determine the interpretation of external appearance.

The purpose of this study is to study the attitude towards one's external appearance as a factor in the age dynamics of the "I-concept" of women.

1. "I-concept" as a relation to your external appearance

self-perception mesomorphic age physique

Being charming is a kind of courage, because it requires continuous work on oneself. This requires knowledge and skills in imaging - self-presentation. Self-presentation is the essence of imaging.

In self-presentation, it is not enough to rely on one's own talents and knowledge. Needed special training, and, above all, the ability to navigate the main components of this process.

“I-concept” is the first stage of work in the technology of personal charm, the stage of knowing and accepting oneself, forming one's own self-attitude towards a positive attitude to the world and to oneself: to know oneself, to accept, to love and learn to help oneself. “The image of your own I is the key to understanding your personality and behavior,” said M. Moltz. In working on the client's image, such image functions are realized as personally uplifting and psychotherapeutic.

The formation of personality occurs in the process of socialization. Personality becomes for itself what it is in itself, through what it presents to others. This is the process of becoming a personality. Behind all the higher functions, their relationships are genetically social relationships, real relationships between people.

The importance of the interaction of a developing personality with other people is great. Self-awareness and value orientation of a person mirror the reactions of the people around him. Just as we see our face, figure, clothes in the mirror (and they are of interest to us, because they belong to us), so in our imaginations we try to imagine how our appearance, manners, goals are reflected in the thoughts of other people, actions, character, friends ... - and this affects us in a certain way. So in the process of socialization, a person forms his “I-concept”.

R. Burns gives the following definition: "I-concept" is the totality of all ideas of an individual about himself, coupled with his attitude to himself or to his individual qualities, this is called self-esteem. "

Self-esteem reflects the degree to which a person develops a sense of self-esteem, a sense of self-worth and positive attitude to everything that is included in the sphere of his "I".

Working with the image of an individual according to the "I-concept", it is necessary to understand well the theoretical aspects this phenomenon. What does the “Self-concept” consist of? What happens to a person when working on his “I-concept”? How to set yourself up for success? What does a positive self-concept give to an individual?

As many authors point out, a positive "self-concept" is determined by three factors: a firm conviction that you are appealing to other people, confidence in the ability to do a particular activity, and feeling self-worth.

The descriptive component of the "I-concept" is often called the image of the I, or the picture of I. The “I-concept”, in essence, is determined by the individual: what he thinks of himself, how he looks at his active principle and the possibilities of development in the future.

The allocation of descriptive and evaluative components allows us to consider the "self-concept" as a set of attitudes aimed at oneself. The installation includes three main elements:

1. Persuasion of the individual: it can be both justified and unfounded (the cognitive component of the attitude).

2. Emotional attitude to this belief (emotional-evaluative component).

3. The corresponding reaction, which can be expressed in actions (behavioral component).

In relation to the "I-concept", these three elements of the attitude can be concretized as follows:

1. The image of I - the idea of an individual about himself.

2. Self-esteem - an affective assessment of this idea, which can have varying intensity, since specific features of the self-image can cause more or less powerful emotions related to their acceptance or condemnation.

3. Potential behavioral response, that is, those specific actions that can be caused by the image of the I and self-esteem.

The subject of self-perception and self-esteem of an individual can be his body, image, manners, abilities, social relationships and many other personal manifestations. Let's focus on the three main components of the Self-Concept.

The individual's ideas about himself seem to him significant, regardless of whether they are based on objective knowledge or subjective opinion, true or false. The specific ways of self-perception leading to the formation of the self-image can be very diverse.

If we are faced with the task of describing an individual, we will use the adjectives: "reliable", "sociable", "strong", "conscientious", etc. All these are abstract characteristics that have nothing to do with a specific event or situation. As elements of a generalized image of an individual, they reflect, on the one hand, stable tendencies in his behavior, and on the other, the selectivity of our perception. The same happens when we describe ourselves: we try to express in words the main characteristics of our habitual self-perception. They can be listed endlessly, because they include any attributive, role, status, psychological characteristics of an individual, for example, a description of his property, life goals, etc. All of them are included in the image of the I with a different specific weight: some seem to the individual more significant, others - less. Moreover, the significance of self-description elements and, accordingly, their hierarchy may vary depending on the context, life experience individual or simply under the influence of the moment. This kind of self-description is a way to characterize the uniqueness of each personality by combining its individual features.

The qualities that we attribute to our own personality are far from always objective and other people are not always ready to agree with them. Only age, gender, height, profession and some other data that have sufficient indisputability will not cause disagreement. Basically, in attempts to characterize oneself, there is a strong personal evaluative moment. In other words, the “I-concept” is not only a statement, a description of the traits of one's personality, but also the whole set of their evaluative characteristics and associated experiences. Even such at first glance as objective indicators as height or age, for different people can have different meaning due to the general structure of their "I-concept". For example, the achievement of forty years of age is sometimes considered by some to be flourishing, while others are considered the beginning of aging. The height of 170 cm is perceived by some men as acceptable, even optimal, to others it seems insufficient. All this can be explained by the prevailing stereotypes in society. For example, excessive fullness is universally considered undesirable, and people who seem too fat to themselves (although they are not at all such in the eyes of others) often come to a feeling of their inferiority, because it is common for a person to transfer external defectiveness to the personality as a whole. If a person has an unattractive appearance, physical disabilities, is socially inadequate (even if it only seems to him), then he feels negative reactions surrounding (often also only seeming), accompanying him in any interaction with the social environment. So, social environment significantly complicates the development of a positive "I-concept". Even emotionally neutral self-characteristics usually contain implicit values.

Thus, self-esteem is not constant, it changes depending on the circumstances. The source of the individual's evaluative ideas about himself is his socio-cultural environment. For example, the words “boring”, “fat”, “lazy” contain an initially negative assessment, while “smart”, “courageous”, “reliable” - positive. Social reactions to some of his manifestations and self-observation can also be a source of an individual's evaluative ideas. Self-esteem reflects the degree of development in an individual of a sense of self-esteem, a sense of self-worth and a positive attitude towards everything that is included in the sphere of his I. Therefore, low self-esteem presupposes self-rejection, self-denial, negative attitude to your personality.

Self-esteem is manifested in the conscious judgments of the individual, in which he tries to formulate his significance. It is hidden or explicitly present in any self-description. This is reflected in the “I-concept” methodology. Any attempt to characterize oneself contains an evaluative element determined by generally accepted norms, criteria and goals, ideas about the levels of achievement, moral principles, rules of behavior, etc. ...

Any attitude is an emotionally colored belief associated with a specific object. The peculiarity of the “I-concept” as a set of attitudes is that the object in this case is the installation carrier itself. Thanks to this self-direction, all emotions and evaluations associated with the self-image are very strong and stable. It is quite simple not to attach importance to another person's attitude towards you: there is a rich arsenal of means for this. psychological protection... But if we are talking about the attitude towards oneself, then simple verbal manipulations here may be powerless. A person who is tired of everyday activities can take a vacation, change jobs, move to another city, or in some other way change the situation. But can he run away from himself?

At all times in different cultures arose different views about ideal sizes and proportions human body, preference, as a rule, was given to large men and relatively small women... A positive assessment of his appearance in the mind of a person, as well as in the judgments of others, can significantly affect the positivity of his “I-concept”, while a negative assessment entails a significant decrease in overall self-esteem.

It was found that the degree of satisfaction different characteristics their body significantly correlates with overall self-esteem. "Skinny", "fat", "bespectacled", "not as tall as his brother", "there are no such curly, gorgeous hair like a sister ”- such judgments, as they are included in the self-image, can negatively affect the general self-esteem. A person's height, weight, physique, health, eyesight, complexion, etc. are able to become the leading components of his attitude towards himself, the main factors that determine the feeling of his own worth, adequacy and acceptability of his personality. The body is a visible and tangible part of our I.

Two terms can be found in the self-perception literature: body schema and body image. The body pattern, which defines its boundaries and the location of individual parts, arises under the action of sensory impulses and is retained in the cerebral cortex. In contrast, the body image contains primarily an assessment of your physical self.

The complex combination of psychological factors affecting the structure of the body image can be represented as follows:

1. Real subjective perception of the body in terms of functional ability as a whole.

2. Interiorized psychological factors arising in connection with the emotional experiences of the individual in various life situations.

3. Social factors: the reactions of others to the individual and his interpretation of these reactions.

4. An ideal body image that summarizes the relationship of an individual to his body, which arises as a result of specific observations, comparisons and identifications with the bodily qualities of other people.

Any changes related to the body and appearance of a person can make significant adjustments to his ideas about himself as a result of the action of one or another of these factors.

2. Study of women's self-esteem of their appearance

The woman looks at the age at which she feels herself. So that you can be gorgeous at twenty, and thirty, and forty, and seventy.

So why, then, so often women who have crossed the threshold of middle age are seized by the fear that while they were raising children, helping their husbands make a career, taking care of home comfort have they missed so many opportunities ?! And right now, when the children have grown up, and the house is equipped, I so want to make up for lost time. And right now there is an urgent need to feel 10 years younger, to achieve new goals, to live for pleasure. But there is no longer the former self-confidence, and the mirror is merciless towards us, and will never hide a cobweb of wrinkles around the eyes, or a fold on the forehead, or a skin that has lost its elasticity.

But in order to be attractive in the eyes of men, it is not at all necessary to have the right features, smooth skin, huge blue eyes, blonde hair and full lips. In a recent study in England, 68% of average men prefer a cute and cute girlfriend to their model. charming woman with a normal appearance.

Perhaps in his the inner world a person can still figure it out, sometimes - not without the help of a psychologist. As for the external appearance, then ... Recent studies of psychologists devoted to the problem of a person's perception of himself, testify: our ideas about our own appearance do not coincide with what it really is.

In the life of a modern woman, a mirror is a daily necessity, be it a huge dressing table in full height, a special cosmetic mirror increasing the reflection or a complex system of mirrors that allows you to see in all details such hard-to-reach areas of the body as the back, the back of the head, the back of the thighs. Statistics say that girls from six to ten years old spend seven minutes every day in front of a mirror. From the age of ten, a little woman's interest in her appearance increases. For the next five years, she sits in front of a mirror for 16 minutes a day. From 15 to 20 years, the time spent in front of the mirror increases by another four minutes. From 20 to 25, a woman spends 22 minutes on a mirror. This self-admiration peaks at 28 minutes a day between the ages of 25 and 30. Over the next five years, the mirror is given 24 minutes. A 35-40-year-old lady devotes even less time to her reflection: only 18 minutes. A woman after 45 looks in the mirror for 12 minutes a day, a 50-60-year-old woman - seven minutes, a 60-70-year-old six.

Throughout her life, a woman spends 349,575 minutes looking at herself, which equals 5826 hours, or 242 days. The most interesting thing is that, correcting her hair in front of a mirror or tint her lips, a woman admires not herself, but her mirror counterpart, which is significantly different from the original. Our body is asymmetrical, so is our face. The right and left halves are different from each other. This is why, getting used to our mirror image, we sometimes do not recognize ourselves in a photograph or videotape. The latter, by the way, is even less designed to help you learn your appearance, because an unprofessional operator and improperly selected clothes add at least 7-8 kilograms to the object of knowledge.

If you mount the portraits of a person only from the right and only from the left halves, then you get two different faces... The "right" retains the physiognomy of the face, but at the same time looks older, and the "left" seems younger, but loses its individuality. Everyone probably knows the feeling of amazement and protest when he accidentally notices his reflection in a shop window or in a tinted car window. As a rule, what you see is very different from the usual idea of your own appearance as more significant and interesting. After all, looking in the mirror, we involuntarily assume a certain posture, as if preparing to see ourselves. As a result, facial expression changes, spontaneity and ease disappear.

With age, a person develops an ideal image of his face, therefore, the discrepancies between the true and perceived image of his own "I" increase. The German scientist Gottschaldt conducted the following experiments: the subject sat in front of a screen onto which his photograph was projected. He could move parts of the body from place to place, narrow or expand the image, adjusting it to fit his reflection in the mirror. The results turned out to be striking: the participant of the experiment was sure that the product of his "creativity" was identical with his mirror image, while objectively they were two different portraits.

According to psychologists, most of the fair sex overestimate their own appearance. A woman admires her beautiful eyes, and the "unsuccessful" nose does not notice or gets used to it so much that she even begins to like it. But, unfortunately, the number of women seeking to remake themselves for no good reason is also large. Unaesthetic mole, plump underlip or not too thick eyelashes can even cause stress (especially in young age), and in especially severe cases, dysmorphobia develops - painful rejection own body or any part of it.

Psychologists believe that high self-esteem, unless it leads to complacency and arrogance, is always better than low self-esteem. And in general, there are very few women in the world who could impartially evaluate their appearance. Objectivity is hampered by one very simple thing- self-love. Despite the flaws that prevent her from claiming the title of "beauty queen", despite the fact that she would gladly add blue to her eyes or change the shape of her ears, the fact remains: a woman loves herself. And this is wonderful, because love for oneself is based on love for everything else: for a man, children, the starry sky and the first spring thunder.

The results of the study of physical attractiveness, which is closely related to the state of mental health of the individual, indicate physical attractiveness for women is more significant than for men. Socially attractive woman can count on bigger payoff from the impression she makes than an attractive man.

Research also suggests that stereotypes of masculinity are consistent with mesomorphic type, and the stereotype of femininity is ectomorphic.

The mesomorphic body type is considered ideal type male figure and is associated with a cultural standard.

Ectomorphic type of female figure corresponds to the ideal image female body... This is due to the stereotypical belief that slenderness is a sign external attractiveness women. By analogy, it is easy to conclude that the sex-role traits of femininity are associated precisely with ideal way female body.

From what has been said, however, it does not follow that the body type of an individual necessarily influences the formation of his positive “I-concept” and that people react to each other in accordance with stable stereotypes.

After decades of struggling to get women to be valued for intelligence rather than beauty, women today believe that celebrities, many of whom have artificially improved their appearance, and retouched images in the media get in the way of happiness. ordinary women rather than increasing their chances of success.

The best investment a woman can make is to marry wealthy man and give up a career altogether. Male leaders are not attracted to female leaders because they don't like competition. They want a trophy wife. It doesn't take much knowledge to understand that good looks more important for a woman than for a man. It shouldn't play that role at all, but it is.

If you look good, then you have already done halfway up the career ladder. But has the world really changed? Henry VIII was sent a retouched portrait of Anna of Cleves, his fourth wife, but when he saw her in reality, she was not at all what he wanted to see. The marriage lasted 6 months, but Anna outlived Henry by 10 years.

According to the survey, 7 out of 10 women are sure that their flaws in their figure prevented them from leading the life they would like to lead. If they had a more beautiful body, then about half (46%) would change careers, and 12% would change partners. Women are also afraid to look old. 58% envy women their age who look younger, envy their good-looking girlfriends (42%) and all young women in general (36%).

Women are constantly faced with news of celebrity body enhancements and fake looks and see that good-looking women seem to be doing more than just smart ladies.

More attractive people do well in all aspects of life, but this is true for both men and women. Women, however, are more likely than men to consider themselves unattractive when they are average in appearance. The role of the media in this process is fundamental because they select only the most attractive models and actresses. However, there are clear signs that men, too, are under pressure to look more attractive.

Women who are at least somewhat dissatisfied with their appearance are the majority, and the overwhelming majority. At the heart of a woman's dissatisfaction with her own appearance are not only subjective ideas about imaginary "defects". Very often, these are hostile assessments of others, and our self-esteem can literally crumble only from one comment about our appearance, or from a fleeting ironic glance.

Fictional or exaggerated with the help of others, shortcomings can overshadow even our most obvious advantages. And such tricks of our psyche cost us extremely dear: loss of self-esteem, chronic dissatisfaction with ourselves, envy of others - this is only a small part of what can poison the life of any woman. Psychologists say that when our attitude to our own appearance ceases to depend on our own assessments and real natural data, we can talk about the emergence of an appearance complex.

This complex is capable of haunting us all our lives, but there are two "critical points", two age period when negative self-esteem of appearance is especially pronounced and especially strongly depends on the assessments of others. The first "crisis point" falls on the period of 15-18 years, that is, it actually coincides with the adolescent period.

The second "critical" age for self-assessment of appearance falls on the fifth decade. Quantity negative emotions about unprofitable appearance only increases with age. This is partly because over the years it appears additional source dissatisfaction - comparing oneself with younger ones. Another one feature- at this age, through the desire to change, improve their appearance, the need to resolve deeper psychological problems is often manifested: a long-term dependence on another person, chronic dissatisfaction with the way of life, achieved results, position in the family, etc. ...

By the way, such a "displacement" of internal psychological problems, even if not so global in relation to their own appearance, is typical for a woman of any age. Surely, everyone noticed that if they are upset about something, then it is better not to approach the mirror: all the wrinkles become immediately noticeable, the figure looks disgusting, and the hair - well, they just don't want to fit! It turns out that appearance turns out to be a "scapegoat" for the fact that we are in a bad mood. Therefore, we advise you to pay attention to when and in what situations you start to get annoyed with "defects" in appearance. Maybe something else is to blame.

The body, whatever it may be, is rightfully an integral part of our personality. And partly, actively influencing our character. It is interesting that such a close symbiosis of the physical and inner "I" is more characteristic of women. We make a conclusion about whether we are happy, whether we are lucky, how much we can realize ourselves and expect something from life, proceeding to a very large extent from our assessment of our own appearance. For men, things are a little different with this, their self-esteem is not so dependent on external data. Ugly women simply do not exist in nature. And psychologists working with women's problems, believe that the differentiation into "beautiful" and "ugly" is fundamentally wrong. Instead, they offer a different scale. female attractiveness: "Women are optimistic" and "women are pessimistic."

To better understand the difference, let's look at these two female type in more detail. “Pessimistic women” never notice the merits of their appearance, the focus of their self-perception is directed only to the flaws. As a result, they are always dissatisfied with themselves, complaining about their real and imaginary defects, they are able to talk only about what they do not like about themselves and how they suffer from it. These sufferings, as you understand, are not always passive, more often - active. But, trying to correct their appearance, "pessimistic women" require themselves to exactly match the "ideal", which they are naturally unable to achieve.

And now let's deal with the "ideal" to which "we must strive."

Each era has its own ideal female beauty, with certain proportions of the figure and facial features. How much do you think real women can fit this ideal? Right. Units! But what about everyone else? The choice is not rich: you can, reasonably focusing on the "standard", create your own image, taking into account your natural data. Or it is possible, contrary to what nature has awarded us, by all means strive to correspond to fashion.

V last years the standard of female beauty is considered female figure, in its parameters approaching adolescent. We were taught that it is not the rounded female forms that are considered beautiful at all, but a kind of almost asexual image, only a hint of the further transformation of the girl into a woman. But if you are already established, mature woman, then it is hardly realistic to "fit" yourself to the adolescent ideal. This attempt is initially doomed to failure. And this failure entails even greater dissatisfaction with oneself, which develops into a chronic one. Several years of this permanent state disappointment in yourself and hopelessness - and depression about your own appearance is guaranteed to you.

The only ideal of female attractiveness for all ages is female individuality! Each woman is unique and inimitable and her advantages are not in following the “standard of beauty”, which, as we can see, is capricious and changeable, but in her special, personal attractiveness. It's another matter whether we know how to accept our individuality, be proud of it.

But back to the "pessimistic woman."

The surrounding people very often consider her unattractive: a dull look, an uncertain gait, hunched shoulders.

She literally screams with all her appearance: "I am ugly." And others readily read these signals and believe them. After all, you probably know that 80% of information about a stranger we receive from his non-verbal signals (facial expression, posture, voice, manner of movement, etc.)

So truly no ugly women, there are those who consider themselves as such!

And one more characteristic feature of "pessimistic women".

They firmly believe that, having achieved the "ideal" appearance, they will immediately become happy: both the character will become softer, and the behavior is more confident, and the joy of life will appear, and I will meet with friends more often, they will stop sitting at home in the evenings, relationships with men they will develop in a completely different way than before, and they will dress more fashionably, and everything will go much faster with a career. Alas, none of this will happen. And in what is now, it is not the appearance that is to blame, but your attitude towards it.

Speaking in the language of psychology, an internal problem is taken outside and, thus, of course, is not solved.

Things are quite different with the appearance of the "optimistic woman." You think they are saved by the illusion of their own unearthly beauty? Nothing like this!

They really appreciate both the winning features of their appearance and those that leave much to be desired. It's all about accents.

And the "optimistic woman" focuses on her own merits. She knows how to emphasize those features of her appearance that are really winning.

They do not complain that they are ugly, they create their own attractiveness.

And those around them really find them charming and attractive.

Here we have a clear dependence: the more positive the self-perception of appearance, the more stable self-esteem, the more stable self-esteem, the less we depend on the opinions of others, and the less we depend on the opinions of others, the more confident we look, and the more confident we are. we look, the more attractive we are in the eyes of others. Here's a simple logic.

Conclusion

So, a positive "I-concept" is determined by three factors: a firm conviction that you are appealing to other people, confidence in the ability to do this or that kind of activity, and a sense of self-worth. At all times in different cultures, different ideas arose about the ideal size and proportions of the human body, preference, as a rule, was given to large men and relatively small women. A positive assessment of his appearance in the mind of a person, as well as in the judgments of others, can significantly affect the positivity of his “I-concept”, while a negative assessment entails a significant decrease in overall self-esteem.

Of all that people think of themselves, how they assess themselves,
nothing plays such a big role as the assessment of one's own appearance. How we rate our appearance depends on our self-confidence. A distorted self-image can affect the assessment of our own appearance, and this, in turn, affects how we see ourselves.
Girls and women are generally less satisfied with their appearance, especially in terms of their weight, than boys and men. Even tiny girls found in their figure what seemed too big to them - the hips in particular. In general, women consider themselves to be more fat in comparison to how others evaluate them. Moreover, women's ideas about which figures are more popular with men are usually wrong; men prefer not so thin women.

The formation of a negative image of one's appearance is rooted in childhood. Our society pays too much attention to the physical appearance. Wherever girls and women go, ideals of beauty are falling upon them - from television and magazines to the winners of contests for the title "Miss".

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