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The child steals what to do. What to do if a child steals money from parents: advice from a psychologist. General information about child theft

When parents notice that their beloved child, who seems to need nothing, is slowly stealing money from his mother from her purse, they usually panic. Meanwhile, according to experts, child theft is a very common family problem.

Children's theft is a frequent phenomenon, but carefully hidden, like alcoholism and other "shameful" family secrets. In the minds of most adults, two myths are tightly soldered: a child is an innocent angel, and theft is a sign of the criminal world, for normal people distant and alien. When a child is caught stealing, parents usually feel completely at a loss. At the same time, some fall into hysterics, intending either to shoot themselves, or to unleash all the dogs on their unlucky child, others prefer to pretend that nothing happened, because it is not clear how to react. Experts believe that the only correct reaction on stealing does not exist: it depends on the reasons why the child steals. There are three main causes of child theft. The first is childish impulsivity. A child may steal simply because it is very easy, but to resist the temptation, on the contrary, is difficult. The second reason is the difficulty in communicating with parents. Some children feel that their parents pay little attention to them. When they appropriate their belongings or take money, it is a symbolic act of reunion with parents who have begun to drift away. The third reason is the desire to assert oneself. Some children begin to steal in order not to feel their inferiority, in order to convince themselves and others of their cunning, dexterity, courage. You can't, but you really want to. The most common reason for theft is children's impulsiveness. All young children find it difficult to control their desires. If a five-year-old child wants to take a cake lying on the table, then the only thing that can stop him is the fear of punishment. If he is sure that no one will notice this, it is useless to demand from him the manifestation of "consciousness". Even if he knows that it is impossible to take someone else's, he can involuntarily take the thing he likes.

Arbitrary behavior, subordinate to internal social norms, usually formed by 6-7 years. But some children have difficulty with this. Usually these children are more mobile and excitable, it is difficult for them not only to restrain their desires, but also just to sit quietly in the classroom and listen carefully to the teacher. The cause of impulsivity can be serious psychical deviations(for example, oligophrenia), and temperamental features (increased activity), and temporary neurotic reactions to any mental trauma (parents' divorce, moving, going to school). Impulsive stealing ("couldn't resist", "really wanted to") is sometimes confused with kleptomania. This mental illness, which, unlike simple theft, is extremely rare. According to American statistics, kleptomaniacs make up about 5% of adult thieves, and even then about half of them are malingerers. Among children, cases of kleptomania are rare. Impulsive children need to be strictly controlled and taught to be responsible. A child, even an impulsive one, will never commit an act that is immediately followed by punishment. Therefore, one cannot pretend that nothing happened, but one should not inflate what happened to the scale of a universal catastrophe. If a child has taken something from peers or from a strange family, then the procedure itself for clarifying the circumstances of the theft (with the participation of the victims and their parents), apologising and returning the stolen is quite painful. bad memory, which will remain with the child from such a trial, will help him next time to resist the temptation. Rebellion against loneliness The mother of 12-year-old Vitalik turned to a counseling psychologist with a very delicate issue. Already several times the son was caught on thefts. But if earlier he dragged things from home and money from his mother's handbag, then the last time he stole a large amount from friends who came to visit. The theft was discovered, and all the adults were terribly embarrassed. His own father Vitalik almost did not remember.

Five years ago, his mother married a second time, and they moved from a small town near Moscow to a huge apartment on Chistye Prudy, with bookcases to the ceiling and the remnants of family silver in the sideboard. My mother's new husband was the son of a prominent scientist and he himself also had a brilliant scientific career. Soon a younger brother was born in the family. Mom was absorbed in caring for the baby and, besides, she tried her best to match the high cultural level of her new environment: she read books, studied at the evening institute, and after a while got a job as an accountant, because, despite her husband’s scientific successes, there was no money in the family enough. Of course, she had practically no time left for her eldest son. He hardly got used to the new environment: he slept poorly, studied poorly, was withdrawn and taciturn, unlike his younger brother, who bathed in the rays parental love and radiating reciprocal cheerfulness. The only person in the family with whom Vitalik talked was his grandmother. It was from her that he first stole a watch two years ago. Grandmother noticed the loss, but pretended that nothing had happened. She generally felt sorry for Vitalik, realizing that he was not the favorite in the family. But soon the boy stole money from his stepfather's desk. This theft was also soon revealed. Stepfather was most worried about what exactly Vitalik spent the money on. It turned out that he spent half at McDonald's, and gave half to a friend, "because his mother is a nurse and she has to work even at night." All other thefts were of the same "uncalculated" character. Most often, Vitalik gave money and things taken from home to the poor at the Kursk railway station. The psychotherapist recommended that the parents give Vitalik a certain amount of pocket money, and keep the rest of the money in a place inaccessible to him. He also advised the whole family to make an audit in the house once a month: to select old things and take them to the nearest charitable organization. And Vitalik was appointed responsible for this assignment. My main recommendation- to show to the son more love and attention - the therapist did not dare to say aloud.

Attempts by the child to restore the lost connection with the parents quite often become the cause of theft. When parents are too preoccupied with their own problems, the child feels lonely and abandoned. He begins to feel that his parents give him less attention than other children, or that they do not like him, or that they are unfair to him. And then he can take money or some thing from his mother from the bag, but always in such a way that the loss is easily detected. The child doesn't really need the money. He unconsciously seeks to attract the attention of his parents, even if it is anger, indignation and punishment. When you are punished, it is still better than when you are not noticed at all.

Noisy scandals and harsh punishments only convince those children who steal the attention of their parents with the help of theft in the correctness of their chosen strategy. In such cases, psychologists are advised to ignore the fact of theft or treat it as an ordinary event.

Sometimes it is useful, instead of a scandal, to praise a child for some success or to give a gift that he has long dreamed of. Even if, in response to your generosity, the child does not admit to the theft, he will remember the feeling of shame and embarrassment for a long time. How to Raise a Bandit Sometimes parents themselves push their children to steal with their unconscious attitudes. The mother of 16-year-old Maxim raised her son alone and dreamed that over time he would become her support. She admired the enterprising and wealthy men and in every possible way encouraged in the boy inclinations to "supermanhood". Maxim was developed beyond his years, he was friends with older guys and that's it. free time was doing some business. Mom preferred not to delve into the essence of this business and was proud that her son did not beg her pocket money. She was shocked when the investigator called her and let her listen to the recording of a telephone conversation between her son and a classmate. Maxim demanded $500 from a friend, threatening to tell everyone about his homosexual inclinations. At the trial, it turned out that the main business of Maxim and his two friends was at first the theft of money in the school locker room, which they had been hunting for since they were ten years old. Then they set up buying and reselling things that, on their instructions, were brought from home by the younger guys. The most amazing thing is that several dozen children were involved in these frauds, but none of the parents was alarmed that books, computer disks and jewelry were missing from the house. And if he was alarmed, he kept the offense of his child a secret. As a result, the young bandits felt absolutely unpunished. They practically opened an underground shop for buying stolen goods at the school and got burned by accident when they decided to blackmail their classmate, who was suspected of homosexuality. They did not expect that the boy would turn to his father for help. Dad wrote them down phone conversation and took the tape to the police. Maxim's two friends were given a suspended sentence. He himself escaped with a slight fright and was immediately sent to Spain - obviously, to continue his education. Many parents want to see their child as a strong personality. However, a child may have his own idea of ​​exclusivity and choose his own to fulfill his parental dream. own way. For example, decide, like Maxim, that he is too smart to obey the rules. Sometimes a child starts stealing out of "class" considerations, envying more affluent children and seeking revenge on the "rich". This is possible, for example, if a similar "class hatred" is cultivated in his family. As a rule, parents soon lose control over the young "superman". The child is convinced of his impunity and begins to believe that the laws do not exist for him. But sooner or later he comes to the attention of law enforcement agencies.

Prevention

The most simple measure prevention of child theft is not to provoke it. For example, do not scatter money around the apartment, but keep it out of the reach of the child. It may not be easy to find such a place, but in many cases such a measure is quite enough. In addition to money, sometimes problems begin with things. Very often, even in the most affluent families, children do not have personal belongings - that is, they do not have the opportunity to freely dispose of things, including donating, spoiling and destroying. And so they are not responsible. In this situation, the child is not aware of the difference between "mine" and "ours". He can take things from home without perceiving their sale or gift as theft. It is important to clearly delineate for the child the boundary between his own things and the common ones, which he has the right to use, but does not have the right to dispose of. Many parents are intimidated by the idea that some of the things should be transferred to the child in "undivided" ownership. It seems to them that in this way they will lose an effective lever of control over the child - for example, the opportunity to take away his bicycle if he finishes the quarter with triples. But it is the child's lack of experience in owning property that provokes theft. Effective way prevention of theft is also the allocation of the child pocket money. Own money is perceived by children with great responsibility. As a rule, even seven-year-old children manage the amount regularly given to them very reasonably, and from the age of nine they begin to save it for major purchases, which indicates the successful overcoming of their impulsiveness. Therefore, of those significant amounts that are spent on a child, it is worth giving out a part. This saves not only money, but also nerves.

Any parent at least once in his life is faced with when his child takes someone else's. So, what to do if the child steals money? Strange, but all parents react to this situation in almost the same way - sharply.

Most parents in this situation begin to ask themselves the question: “Why did this happen to my child? ". Then confusion sets in, and then panic: “What will friends and relatives think now? ". Then comes the time for other questions and complaints to oneself: “I am a useless educator! " or "Punish him so that he understands everything! » Each of the parents experiences a storm of emotions in such a situation. But it is important how parents react to this situation. In general, is this the first such case, or is it just that they noticed the theft of their child for the first time?

Of course, it is very bad if a child steals money. The concepts of "thief", "theft" and "theft" are negative and inapplicable in relation to children. 'Cause a child's world is full of fantasy and real world for him is almost inseparable. The child cannot independently understand that his act is wrong. In addition, parents should treat this situation based on the age of the child. For example, if the child is still very young and not yet five years old, his step cannot be called stealing. Little ones do not know such concepts as “my” thing or “someone else's” at all. From the age of five or six, the child will be able to understand the belonging of objects to someone. Therefore, until the age of five, he cannot restrain himself or his desires. He wants to take something and he will take this thing. For him, there is no such thing as the value of objects. But adults do not pay attention to this side of the situation and begin to panic that their child is stealing money. Interestingly, they will not be shocked if a child takes a plastic trinket without asking, and if he takes a valuable thing, they begin to scold him. For a child, these things are interesting not at all because of their cost. He just followed his impulse.

In such cases, the child simply needs to be explained what personal property is. Do not take personal items without permission. In addition, parents should remember that many children in young age are selfish. They are driven by the desire to find something or take what they want. Parents are required to teach their child to take any things with the permission of the owner.

By the way, there are different reasons, according to which children take someone else's thing without permission.

Seeing a new interesting toy, the child often experiences a burning desire to get this thing. So, after waiting for an opportunity, he quietly takes the toy home. The reason for this act can be explained by the fact that children are not yet familiar with the division of things into "mine", "your" or "someone else's". You can not immediately call a child a thief. He just needs to explain that he took someone else's, and it's not good to take other people's toys. Parents must accompany their explanations with a case study. So that the child understands how another baby will suffer if he loses his toy.

There are situations when a child takes money without permission to give a gift to his mother. This act is due to the child's lack of understanding negative side theft. He wanted to do native person pleasant. However, he does not realize that he is doing the wrong thing to do so. In addition, the child can present in such a way that he “found” the money. He needs to explain that the term "found" in this case is not applicable. The money he found does not belong to him, so he cannot keep it. Children with young years must explain that "found" money or things do not become the property of the person who found them. But in real life even parents do not always do the right thing when they find ownerless things or money on the street or somewhere else. The child is learning parent example. If he constantly sees that his parents take things from the office or from neighbors, then another example is not needed.

By the way, children often steal, attracting attention to themselves. Thus, they desire to attract the attention of elders or peers as the owner of some item.

Sometimes a child may steal because he feels like he doesn't have enough of what his friends have. For example, now many children have pocket money. If parents do not have money for such expenses of the child, then sooner or later he himself will find ways to satisfy personal needs. Adult children begin to steal deliberately in order to gain power or control. It happens that child steals to take revenge on someone.

How to behave if a child steals money? First, parents must first understand the reasons for what happened. Then you need to think about what led the child to this act. It is very important to carefully understand all the nuances of this act. Pay attention to whether the child brought the money openly or hid it. Maybe he just wanted to draw attention to himself? Maybe money gives him power over others?

It is important to understand whether the child feels guilty? Having discovered the money, the parents should speak out unambiguously, the money should be returned to the owner. That everyone around and loved ones, and society condemns theft.

Parents, having discovered theft, should be strict, but you also need to feel sorry for the child. It is necessary to awaken in him a sense of shame. Then you need to help him correct the mistake. Having discovered a negative act, parents should show tact and determination. When the child understands his guilt, it is necessary to shift the focus to the feelings and experiences of loved ones, as well as people who have lost money or things. You need to help the child get out of the situation without humiliation. It is also necessary to take measures to return or compensate for the damage. It is not recommended to threaten a child with the police if he refuses to admit his guilt. You can not show aggression, a clear threat leads the child to a dead end. You can not call a child offensive words and a thief. Have a confidential conversation with him, not a judgment seat. Do not talk to your child in public. If the parents begin to misbehave, the child will no longer trust them. Remember, stealing can become a children's demarche against family troubles and mistakes in education.

Every parent wants their child to grow up healthy, happy and smart, and most importantly, obey mom and dad. After all, from the height of adult years, it seems to us that we know everything and can do it better than them. But it happens that rosy ideas about ideal behavior baby are breaking about harsh reality- Money is stolen by a son or daughter. What to do in this situation? Calm down and reconcile with the fact that many children carry money, or go on principle and severely punish the child so that in the future it will be disrespectful?

This is enough complex issue and any action must be carefully considered. After all, even a carelessly thrown word can cause a cold relationship with a child in the future. Sometimes thoughtless actions lead to childish resentment, which remains with the child for long years. In this article, we will try to figure out why children steal money from their parents, how to respond to such behavior and how to prevent an incident in the future.

Why does a child steal money

First you need to try to understand why the child steals money? What prompted him to do such a thing? The overall emotional picture of what is happening may depend on this. After all, it's one thing when a son took money for the treatment of a homeless dog, and another when he skipped his father's salary with friends. To find out true reason what happened, you do not need to raise your voice at the child, shout and lecture him. Try to build first trusting relationship and find a contact. Thefts often occur in adolescence, children at this time are quite aggressive and closed. But try to find the thread that you can pull. Go out with your child straight Talk and ask why he did it. Usually children steal money from their parents for the following reasons.

  1. It happens that a child takes money, simply believing that they are common, because the family and the budget are common. But this usually happens in children. younger age- up to 7 years old, they still cannot distinguish between "friends and foes".
  2. Most often, a child steals money because he wants to buy chewing gum, sweets and other rubbish, but there is no money. After all, everything around is full of temptations, friends buy what they want. Be honest with yourself, do you give your child pocket money, and at the same time the opportunity to manage your money? Of course, the lack of pocket money does not justify theft, but if you constantly refuse to your child small things like chewing gum, saying that it is harmful, you simply leave him no other choice.
  3. Sometimes the desire to assert oneself in the company of older and arrogant peers pushes theft. This is especially pronounced if the child is not understood at home, the father brushes aside spending time together, and the mother considers hobbies for airplanes to be nonsense. With the help of parental money, the child wants to show himself in a new company, wins the trust of its "leaders" by buying various sweets, etc.
  4. It happens that theft is a simple attraction of the attention of parents to their person. Admit it frankly to yourself - when did you devote all your free time to a child? You spend the whole day away from each other, and in the evenings you persuade the child to leave you behind, because you need to cook dinner, tidy up and throw things in the laundry. “And in general, go do your homework,” you say. Dad is also busy - he looks important review political news. The child understands that in order to be noticed, something special must happen to him, because it was not for nothing that his parents rushed about him like mad when he had a sore throat with high temperature. And then the child decides to attract the attention of parents by stealing money. And let this attention be manifested by shouting, anger and punishment, but this is already an achievement - after all, he has achieved this attention. If this is the reason, this is not a reproach to the child, but to you. After all, in fact, theft in this case is a silent cry for help.
  5. Some children steal on a dare or on a "weak" basis. They try to establish themselves among friends by overcoming fear and getting the desired profit. In this case, we can say that the child real complex inferiority, and he cannot place himself in society correctly, cannot achieve respect in other ways.
  6. Children can steal if they see an example in front of them. If you take and put the found wallet in your pocket, take pens from various cash desks and appropriate the neighbor's shovel without asking, the child understands that there is nothing dangerous or bad in this.
  7. It happens that parents speak with anger about a rich neighbor, saying that he stole money. The child sees the “beautiful” life of a more successful neighbor and begins to understand that taking without asking is good, it’s better to live this way.
  8. Sometimes quiet, and even withdrawn children begin to steal. If you are confident in the moral character of your child, he may be forced to do this by older teenagers. Often weak in spirit children are forced to steal money on pain of beating him or her younger brothers and sisters. Here it is very important to have a frank conversation with the child.

This is far from full list reasons that may encourage a child to steal. Talk heart to heart with your son or daughter and you will understand why the child stole the money.

So, the fact of theft was recorded. In no case do not blame the child if you are not sure that it was him. Anything happens in life, a dishonest neighbor who checks utilities could steal money, and they could even be pulled out in transport! Even after an apology from an unfair accusation, the sediment will remain. Therefore, a conversation with the child should be only after full confidence that he did it.

The first step is to cope with aggression and try not to yell at the child. Especially in public place. Do not scold the child in front of strangers - this can cause him injury, guilt and shame will remain with him for life. Even the whole family should not scold the child. It is necessary that parents (without brothers and sisters) talk to the child for cleanliness. It is necessary to find out why he did such an act. If this money was extorted by older children, be sure to contact law enforcement agencies, do not leave the child alone - he must know that there will be opposition to any action without rights. The child must know that you can always protect him.

If he took the money of his own free will, ask him why he did it. You need to explain to your child about your desires and priorities. Be sure to start giving your child money - for small pocket expenses. After all, he becomes an adult and also participates in trade and market relations. But not immediately, but after a while, so that the child does not think that this is a reward for stealing. Having pocket money is great for educating a child of any age. You can explain to him that managing money is very interesting. You can spend all the money in one day by buying chocolates and sweets, or you can collect them and buy a bicycle or a tablet for savings. Financial education is important factor child development.

In conversations with a child, conversations on the topic “What is good and what is bad” should often be present. Instill in your son and daughter moral values, say that you can not take someone else's. Say that rich people are great, they have achieved everything with their skills and knowledge, even if this is not always true. In the future, the child will strive for knowledge, for obtaining high-quality skills in the chosen profession in order to achieve real heights. In no case do not scare the child with a prison term and a dubious future. Also, do not compare him with a brother or sister. Besides the fact that you sow enmity in family relations, thus you grow up in the child an inferiority complex. Tell your child that you love him and worry about him, that stealing is not good, ugly and shameful. Say that you want to deal with the problem together, that you will always support him on the way to fix it. In general, the child should hear understanding, not tantrums and aggression.

How to prevent theft from happening again

First, the situation must be closed on the same day that you sorted it out. You should not be reminded of theft every day, and even more so, shame in front of your grandmother or reproach with every penny lost. Feelings of guilt may arise in the child, from which it will then be difficult to get rid of.

To prevent the incident from happening again in the future, try to develop respect in the child. You earn money and distribute it yourself. The son or daughter must respect this and not touch the money without your knowledge. At the same time, you need to learn to show respect for the child - his desires and needs. If he asks to buy him new headphones, do not rush to buy them, but do not refuse him unconditionally. Tell him that every week you give him a certain amount, if he does not spend it, he will be able to buy himself headphones in a month. Or say that while you do not have the opportunity to buy what you want, but after 5 days you will receive a salary and will certainly buy them. It is important to look for compromises, a blank wall of misunderstanding always pushes for theft.

At the same time, it is very important to teach the child to treat money, clothes, toys correctly. WITH early years mothers calm little children who got dirty in puddles - nothing, they say, terrible, we will wash or buy new t-shirt. The child grows up and without fear goes to play football in a new white shirt - after all, mom will buy a new one, if anything. In this case, the child thinks that finances are an endless resource and they can be taken from their mother's wallet as much as they like.

To prevent theft from happening again, try to find common ground with your child. Have confidential conversations with him, but not as compulsory program by placing stools opposite each other rather at ease. The most frank secrets are told to parents while cooking, while simply lying in bed or walking together. Be interested in the affairs of the child, try to delve into his problems, establish psychological contact and tell the child about your feelings. Just say what you love and be proud of. And then a sea of ​​affection will fall on you, talk about girlfriends and first love.

If a child stole parental money - do not rush to pounce on the child with accusations, screams, corporal punishment and prohibitions. The choice of words will determine the future of your child. After all, this is your baby, you yourself must know the key that opens his heart. Try to understand the cause of the theft and eliminate it. And then the stolen money will become just a memory that you will not tell anyone else about.

Video: what to do if a child steals money from parents

Name: Ksenia

Today they called me to school - my daughter steals from classmates - stickers. money. 200 r. she was caught by the hand. You can't hide anything from her at home. carries sweets. although he is on a diet and knows perfectly well what is possible - but not much. but find everywhere and eat. wrappers and packaging hides. hides notebooks too - I find torn sheets behind the sofa. with mistakes and bad marks. I talked to her - that in any case - no matter what she did - I would love her. what would she tell me. went last April for a consultation with a psychologist - that we can’t mutual language find a psychologist advised not to control every step. less to scold to be friends. I loosened control. here's what it turned out to be. lies - until you pripresh against the wall .. sobbing. All my friends and neighbors look askance at me. children are not allowed to play with it. the teacher didn’t immediately inform me, but told the whole school right up to the watchmen, and even if you translate, which is impossible, there are no more schools in our area, the teacher will write everything in the description. I give my daughter money. I buy whatever I want. at home, piles of toys, magazines and stickers ... Internet .. disks. music. we have everything incomplete family. Completely incomplete, I have no relatives and no husband. the child is single and late. The psychologist at school talks about kleptomania. I have no idea how we can live on. They are going to register her with the police. I write and my hands are shaking .. affectionate girl. animals at home - she looks after them - I don’t even touch. wipe everything .. goes to dances and karate. every year a circle of some sort. from the age of three. at her request. discussing. I started letting one out into the yard only this summer .. so I was under control all the time. I started having health problems. from stress. at work, it will also become known .. I valued my reputation so much. constantly writes to me I love you. and I always tell her this hugging. maybe of course I'm not very affectionate, but we laugh often. no one to discuss with. ashamed and scared.