How to force yourself to leave your husband. How to get away from reality. Keep a positive attitude

24.04.2019

Love, beautiful wedding and a happy family life ... Isn't that what girls dream of as soon as a woman wakes up in them. Only life is much more complicated than it seems in childhood, and people are not always what they seem at first glance. Therefore, the number of broken families and divorces is so high. It is impossible to foresee everything, to avoid trials too, no one is immune from mistakes. And when a woman understands that this man no longer makes her happy, but, on the contrary, causes suffering, especially physical, she has every right to leave him. And it doesn't matter who says what. The main thing is to avoid unnecessary problems and experiences.

It is not sad to talk about it, but many marriages end in divorce at the initiative of the fair sex. Which in itself is sad, because it is women who most of all want to tie the knot. But haste in such a delicate matter, not the desire to wait and weigh everything, leads to the fact that dreams remain dreams, but ex-fiancee, who became a wife, faces harsh reality, in which her husband is far from the hero of the novel, as she imagined him.

Someone's eyes are opened, and they finally see that this man is not ready to be responsible for the family and is still at the level of development capricious child who requires attention only to his beloved. Somewhere passion just goes away, but love never appears. In some families, the male representative decided that he was a great macho and conqueror female hearts despite being married. And in some, the husband turns out to be a gamer, an alcoholic, a real tyrant who morally and physically destroys his wife. And he doesn't care about kids either.

There are a lot of reasons why you want to leave, in any family they have their own, but it’s hard to do it. The opinion of relatives, what people will say, lack of livelihood, shame for the wrong choice, doubts and fear can for a very long time interfere with the decision to break off relationships that torment and have outlived their usefulness.

A separate place is occupied by attempts to establish family life. Loneliness scares and frightens, and even though he is inferior, he is near. The status of "married", the ability to take care of someone, "save" from all dangers and difficulties also make many ladies not change anything and continue to live on.

Here it is impossible to say whether it is bad or good, only those will be the most important adviser. inner feelings that arise in the fair sex at the thought of leaving. It is the woman herself who should and is able to give an answer, what is the best thing for her to do at the moment.

If she is scared, but she knows that she needs to leave, then it is necessary to fight the fears that prevent her on the way to another life. If it’s a pity and tormented by vague doubts that it’s better with him than alone, then you need to think it over again, analyze and try to improve relations, maybe not everything is so bad and you can still fix everything by talking to him and explaining what you don’t like .

Many men really sincerely do not understand what they are guilty of and what they are doing wrong. And all this is due to the fact that women sometimes attribute to them those qualities that are not in them, or they notice exceptionally bad things, because they are subconsciously accustomed to good men no.

Therefore, it is so important to clearly realize that it is time to change something, and if you can’t live with it, then it’s time to leave. But we must remember that the forces to take a decisive step will not appear at the wave of magic wand. They are within ourselves. You can solve any problem in the only case when a person is determined to do this and is ready to fight even with his own fears in order to get what he wants.

Often women leave, and then after some time they realize that maybe they shouldn’t have done this. Any spiritual impulses must be suffered, so that later you will not regret that you succumbed to impulsiveness and did not think everything over more carefully and carefully. After all, even to leave, it is very important to prepare for this both morally and financially. And this takes time.

Top 7 how to leave your husband

You are scared to leave him because he can't cope without you. Think about it, if it was so hard for him to live until he met you, why doesn't he appreciate it. Which makes him constantly disappoint you. When people appreciate someone, they protect and are afraid of losing, and do not behave like the last scoundrels.

Fear for yourself that if you leave him, he may take revenge. It's time to think, and if you stay, will he stop torturing and mocking you. He perfectly understands why his wife does not leave and takes advantage of her helpless position. Because petty "domestic tyrants" manifest themselves exclusively in relation to those who are not able to fight back. If you want to get rid of him, gather all your courage into a fist, find an opportunity to sign up for martial arts classes. This will give strength and self-confidence. Show that you are no longer afraid of him, that death is better than such a life. But it is advisable to hint to him that once again he will try to humiliate you or hit you, and the hospital or prison is provided for him.
Of course more safe option will become a search additional source income, especially if he is the breadwinner in the family. Since often the lack of work and personal money makes it impossible to quietly leave him and disappear. Therefore, we realized that you can’t stand it anymore, look for a part-time job or get a job if he doesn’t care and he doesn’t insist that you stay at home. Save as much money as you can from what you earn. It is better to deny yourself something in order to quickly leave the hated spouse.

When the husband is wealthy and does not let you work, look for a job on the Internet, try with the money that he gives for pocket money collect something or put them into some project. Buy a currency at one price, and when it rises, sell it at a higher value. Your task is to provide yourself with a financial airbag. Gives money, don't spend it on knick-knacks, but save it in a bank account that he doesn't know about, or rent a safe deposit box, buy gold. After some time, when there will be at least a supply Money enough for 6 months independent living, especially with children, look for housing.
Consider relocating. Having asked to visit your parents, explain the situation to them, let them cover you. And go yourself to look for housing in another city, if you are afraid for your health and life. Do not tell any of your friends and girlfriends where you rented a house. Share this information only with trusted people. Especially if he abuses alcohol and drugs. Your task is to protect yourself from his unexpected visits, which may be fraught.
If he is an adequate person, but you have fallen out of love with him and nothing can be restored, find housing in your city where you have a job, friends or relatives. The help of loved ones during such a period is always very important. And when nothing holds, it may be worth looking for another place of residence, where you will start all over again.

Think, while you are considering whether to leave him or not, and whether you should get an education: let it be courses, correspondence courses or institute. Not all men who are abandoned are so terrible that they will not let their wife study. Sometimes people just do not fit together, and it is very difficult for a woman to live with someone who does not cause her anything but pity or indifference. Therefore, bear it for some more time, until you firmly stand on your feet. This is especially true for girls who got married very quickly and early and already have children in the family, and now they realized that they chose the wrong one, but there is nowhere to go and with nothing, because she has neither money nor education, no connections.

Marriage is not a sentence, even when a woman feels like a prisoner. Marriage does not mean at all that she is forever doomed to drag out a miserable existence next to a disgusted husband who did not live up to her expectations, and endure him when she no longer has the strength. Every person has both the strength and the ability to change his life. And no one can take away this right from him if he does not allow it. So do not be afraid, and if you really want to leave your husband, then it's time to do it. No need to sacrifice yourself for the sake of some norms, rules, children or parents when you feel bad. Children need you to have a happy and contented life, and not vice versa, just like normal parents. Remember this and make a choice, weighing all the pros and cons.

If life with a man under the same roof has become unbearable, you need to leave. Psychologists do not recommend thinking about who is to blame. It is more reasonable in such a situation to think about how to leave your husband. Statistics show that it can take quite a long time from the first thought to end a relationship to actual action. Do not try to do this in one evening - this behavior can lead to grave consequences. First you need to understand whether the gap is really necessary. Talk to your husband about the accumulated problems. If you understand that he does not want to correct the situation, moreover, he beats you or humiliates you, you do not need to stay with him.

Significant Reasons for Divorce

There are several circumstances when the decision to end a relationship is reasonable and even necessary.

The husband drinks or uses drugs. living with dependent person, a woman endangers her mental and physical health. Under the influence of alcohol or drugs, a man often shows aggression, becomes uncontrollable and can harm his wife and children.
Husband is always cheating. For the sake of preserving the family, many women forgive accidental infidelity. But if the spouse is constantly cheating and does not even hide it, such behavior can be tolerated only in the absence of self-respect and pride.
Husband beats. A woman should not endure beatings, if her husband raised his hand once, he will beat you all the time. The only way out is to end the relationship.
The husband does not want to provide for the family. If he does not work and does not try to find a job, blaming all the problems on his wife, it is better to end the relationship. A woman is not obliged to support a healthy man.
Lack of love. If you understand that you do not love your spouse, do not want to share a bed with him, you should not portray love and passion.

Regardless of the reasons, the decision to leave a husband requires right tactics behavior. This will allow you not to regret what you have done, to make parting less painful for everyone.

How to decide to end a relationship

Very often, women save a marriage out of pity. And this big mistake. There is no need to endure beatings, humiliation or indifference, even if you are sure that your husband is not able to live alone. This is your life and should not be wasted. Think about what time you live with unloved husband you could spend happily with another partner.

If you are thinking about how to leave your husband, first decide financial questions. If you are completely dependent on your husband's income, find yourself an income so that you can provide for your livelihood. open credit card for the most difficult cases. Learn to plan your purchases, you may have to rent an apartment and many purchases will have to be abandoned.

Child and divorce

If there are children in the family, you will have to divorce through the courts. It is better to resolve the issue of alimony in advance - consult a lawyer and draw up a mutual agreement. If the spouse does not want to sign it, file an application for the recovery of alimony along with the petition for divorce.

If you are pregnant and decide to divorce your husband, do not torment yourself with doubts. The possibility of becoming a single mother scares any girl. But to endure because of this humiliating treatment is not worth it. Enlist the support of family and friends. When the child grows up, speak respectfully of the father, do not insult him.

How to get away from an alcoholic or tyrant

If your husband beats you, and you are simply afraid to leave him, after the next cuffs, go to the emergency room and record the fact of beatings. When you tell your spouse about your desire for a divorce, most likely, he will begin to threaten you with violence. Say that you will contact the police and attach the act of beating. His resolve will be gone.

When a husband drinks, the decision to leave him should be immediate. Don't try to fight bad habit. Collect all valuables and move anywhere - to your parents, friends, to a hotel. A person suffering from any form of addiction is unpredictable and capable of anything.

Look for support in the family, do not worry about everything in yourself. It is important to survive difficult period as calmly as possible. Psychologists recommend talking. You can write letters to your spouse, but not send them. In them, you describe everything that you had to face, how difficult it was for you. Be sure to write a positive letter, remembering the good times. Comparison will help you make your decision easier.

The decision to leave your husband should be deliberate and conscious. Do not succumb to the first emotions, otherwise you will regret what you have done in the future. It should be understood that parting is a serious step.

Talk to your husband, telling him about your intention to leave. The conversation should take place in calm, friendly tones. It is much easier to survive a divorce if you save with your husband friendly relations especially when there are children in the family.

Tell close friends and relatives about the upcoming divorce and its reasons. Very often a woman who wants to leave her husband is faced with misunderstanding and condemnation from others. If no one knows what is happening in your family, your decision may be perceived negatively, up to the complete cessation of all relationships.

Overcome fear and make plans for the future. Many women fear divorce because they think they can't do without their husband's financial help and raise their children on their own. In this case, it is important to believe in yourself and know that any situation is solvable.

In order for you to do well, a positive attitude is important. Think that divorce is the beginning of a new, happy life. The power of thought is miraculous. The stronger and sincerely believe that happiness will definitely be, the faster it will happen.

The sounds of the wedding march faded, impulses and passions burned out - and in life married couple a lot has changed. There is no feeling of happiness from the fact that there is a dear and beloved person nearby, the time spent together does not please, and in general life together does not please. Instead, irritation accumulates in the soul, and from time to time the thought arises: "How to leave my husband?"

This idea is quite common in our time and makes you think about the future of many of the fair sex. If you are among these girls and women, and you are also periodically disturbed by thoughts about the future, and in particular, one of the most important ones: how to decide to leave your husband, then this article is for you. It will give advice and recommendations on how to take this step and make the separation process less painful.

So, you are thinking about the question “How to leave your husband?”. To begin with, it is worth firmly grasping one thing Golden Rule: never make such decisions hastily and in a hurry. After all, at stake is yours future life. Having made the decision to part, make sure that it is firm and true. To do this, you can mark all positive sides your life "before and after" by making such a "work list". In the same way, you can note all the positive and negative features of your life partner. Then you need to analyze and evaluate the written. If they still outweigh " negative aspects» life together and the desire to leave her husband does not disappear, it is worth deciding on this step. Let's repeat it again - a deliberate step.

The decision has been made, weighed and analyzed, it remains to be decided: how to leave her husband? We can answer in one word: beautiful. Yes, yes, it's beautiful. should not become Everything nowadays can be done in a civilized manner. For starters, after deciding on a divorce, you should inform your spouse about it. There are no omissions here. When reporting your decision, give reasons that, in principle, served as the reason for the break in relations. However, do not forget about mutual respect. Quarrels, tantrums, mutual insults in this case- not the best helpers. A simple statement of facts calm environment, without unnecessary emotions and intrusive little things of life - that's what you need.

After communicating your decision, your spouse should not be delayed with preparations. The faster you do this, the less hope you will give your companion for a possible settlement of the problem. You should not hide your actions from your spouse: after preparing the documents and submitting them to the relevant authorities, immediately inform him about it. If a spouse has a desire to start a conflict, in no case do not succumb to his provocations. Respect yourself and him. Try to leave with dignity, keeping at least a little friendly and respectful relationship.

Then take an important and decisive step (if, of course, this is possible) - change your place of residence so as not to escalate the situation until you inform your spouse about all the measures taken related to the separation. You shouldn't hide anything from him. This applies primarily to the issues of raising children and If difficulties arise, seek advice from specialists: lawyers, notaries, lawyers, etc.

Are you still thinking about how to leave your husband? Then one more piece of advice: if your family has children, think about them. They don't need any more injuries. Always remember that your child must have both a mother and a father, even if they do not live together. And this means that you must do everything to ensure that the child (children) retain respect and love for dear person wanted to meet him and share his joys and sorrows. Only in this case, your conscience will not torment you and you will not have to stir up the past ...

Unfortunately, it often happens that long years together, you suddenly realize that you and your husband are completely strangers. For some reason, quarrels, resentment, misunderstanding of each other became more frequent, and there both reproaches and omissions appeared. You catch yourself thinking that you don’t know this person at all, that your views on life are completely different, common themes there is practically no conversation, and if modest attempts to talk slip through, then it all comes down to platitudes, such as: “How was your day? How is it at work? What's new?". Here is perhaps the most complete and exact list topics of conversation Lately. The rest of the time, for some reason, you began to spend apart, some reading a book, some watching TV, to be more precise, you became more like neighbors than a family.

Such cases are not uncommon, last years there are more and more of them. Many have come to terms with this, probably, they are quite satisfied with such an existence. No one bothers anyone, everyone has their own interests, family hearth more and more reminiscent of a communal apartment, where everything seems to be together, but at the same time apart. But what about those who are annoyed by this state of affairs? Tolerate and put up with it further? Or take a chance and cross out everything once and for all?

If this happened to you, it’s not the first time you think that it can’t go on like this, that you need to change something, then it’s time to act. If you have a desire to fix everything, and there is hope that feelings can be renewed, returned, well, you can try, because if you don’t try, you will then reproach yourself for indecision. And if you tried it and the result is zero, or you no longer have the strength or desire to try to glue something that doesn’t stick in any way, you need to realize once and for all that it’s time for you to leave. Arises quite logical question: "How to leave your husband?".

Many women are very afraid of this step, because they will have to get used to a new and unusual state of affairs, learn to be responsible for themselves, not wait for support and protection behind their backs, but rely only on themselves. Well, it's really not easy, but it's not that hard, you'll get through it pretty quickly. You should not delay the divorce indefinitely, because nothing will change by itself, and time does not stand still, life does not tolerate downtime. You need to clearly understand what this stage this is the best way out, by doing this you will change the course of your life in a new, better way.

But the most difficult thing is usually to decide to voice your decision to your husband. In this case, you can simply offer to talk calmly, without scandal, and without insulting each other. If the attempt is successful, during the conversation you will find out the reasons why you make such a decision. Do not forget that in such cases both parties are guilty, do not shift all the blame on the husband, but do not take everything upon yourself, this will not lead to anything good. It is likely that both of you realize the inevitability of what is happening, understand each other and part as friends, this happens, although it is extremely rare. If you still can’t pull your spouse out for a calm conversation, your half ignores all your arguments if they start to openly insult you, and even threaten you, well, there is a way out too. Pack your things, since living with such a person after voicing your decision to leave can be dangerous, and try to intersect with him as necessary only in the presence of friends or relatives, and even better a lawyer who will deal with divorce proceedings. In this case, you will protect yourself from insults and infringement of your rights, you will be able to calmly observe what is happening, and add confidence to yourself. Let a person competent in this regard take care of the matter, he will tell you how to leave your husband and make sure that everything goes the least painful for you.

She doesn't have strong self-esteem

Often in women, there is a tendency to associate their internal gender self-perception with the very fact of having or not having a relationship. A woman considers herself a “worthy”, “normal”, “full-fledged” woman only while in a relationship. Therefore, she cannot leave her husband, no matter how painful the relationship is, because the loss of a partner is perceived by her as the “death” of her personality.

A woman intensely experiences feelings of guilt, has a strong internal prohibition on pleasure, depressive, masochistic traits.

This is very typical for people from post-Soviet space. Due to the peculiarities of upbringing, they always feel guilty.

They necessarily “must” experience suffering. At first, everything may look quite well, but then the woman unconsciously builds relationships in such a way that she necessarily becomes a victim of the circumstances that accompany the relationship.

If the outside world itself does not “provide” circumstances for which one can suffer, a feeling of anxiety arises inside, because a world without suffering is an unknown, unpredictable world, and on an unconscious level it is perceived as uncomfortable due to unfamiliarity.

The feeling of guilt chronically experienced by a woman seems to be pushing her to find in outside world real reason for "punishment" of herself, and at the same time - for splashing out internal tension.

The partner often becomes a "place" for placing aggression in the outside world and at the same time - the one who "punishes". Relationships turn into a clarification of who is right and who is wrong, a series of conflicts follows. However, conflicts at least slightly relieve internal tension and make the world more predictable, understandable, the same as it was in childhood.

If a woman constantly feels guilty, then she feels "justice" bad attitude to her, does not experience internal protest, recognizes the right to offend and humiliate her. Internally, it looks like "I'm bad, I deserve punishment, he's good."

A woman assumes all the responsibility for what is happening in a couple, for the feelings and actions of her husband, devalues her own needs and desires, except for one thing - to stay in a relationship, because only the fact of being in them can keep her self-esteem from complete destruction.

Usually in therapy such a woman is found guilty of happiness, guilt of pleasure. That's why habitual style life is “I suffer, I tell everyone about how I suffer, but I cannot leave my husband.” "I need to constantly atone for my bottomless guilt with suffering."

Often women cannot get out of relationships with alcoholics, married men, sadists, with people who simply do not suit them because they have radically opposite views on relationships and on building relationships.

Relationships can be catastrophic, affect finances, physical health, on the sexual sphere, on children and so on. A partner can beat a woman, rape her, humiliate, insult her, take money from her, deprive her of communication, social opportunities etc. But she says she loves him.

In dysfunctional, painful relationships, people talk about breaking up all the time, but they don't break up, they try to re-educate the partner, who, in turn, tries to re-educate them. It seems that their views on relationships, their values and relationship needs not only do not coincide, but are mutually exclusive.

In fact, each of them "gets" exactly what he needs in the relationship, although he does not realize it. A man receives power and the opportunity to feel his absolute value for a woman, and a woman receives exactly that predictable world of suffering, which for her is strongly associated with love.

And in the second part, we will look at how to realize what you need in your relationship, what you “get” from them, make an informed choice, and, if you wish, get out of a destructive, sick relationship: “ How to leave your husband and learn to build other relationships? Part 2 ».

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