Dating two guys at the same time how to choose. I love two at once - how to choose between two men of one and only? Does a man make plans for the future

10.04.2019

"The heart of beauties is prone to treason" - the character of Verdi's opera "Rigoletto" is sure of this. Apparently the Italian composer was wise man, because the same hero in the story himself is distinguished by an extremely inconsistent character. And such windiness, unfortunately, was and remains a common feature. People who are accustomed to the attention of the opposite sex are especially guilty of it. After all, popularity gives great pleasure, gives you the opportunity to feel your own relevance and significance, even if it is illusory. Heartthrobs prefer not to think about this nuance, as well as the fact that this state of affairs cannot last forever.

Sooner or later, even the most seasoned deceivers have to make a choice in favor of one person. It is not easy to make it, just as it is not easy to give up old habits and the exciting risk of exposure. But it is impossible to sit on two chairs, the fall can be very painful. Moreover, the situation does not concern chairs, but living people whom you bring suffering with this uncertainty. This awareness of your own dishonesty, and after it - an understanding of the inadmissibility of the current situation, should be your first step towards correcting it. And since we are talking about such personal situations, we can assume that a young and rather inexperienced girl in matters of the heart needs advice. Mature ladies prefer to solve such problems on their own and do not need outsiders' tips. But they will not interfere with those who cannot decide and close an ambiguous situation.

A difficult choice between two guys is a fairly common situation. Perhaps this fact will slightly lift your spirit, tormented by constant hide and seek. But on this good news are running out. Then begins the confusing and, perhaps, slow decision-making process. And if you expect that it will consist only in considering candidates and between good and even better, then you are deeply mistaken. This will be serious work. And above all, above yourself. After all, it was you who created a dual situation, which means that the cause of indecision must be sought inside.

What to do with yourself

Accept yourself. Every person has the right to own way, independent choice and inevitable mistakes. And if your hesitation is not a manifestation of malicious intent, but only an internal uncertainty, then it is unlikely that someone will immediately condemn you for cruelty. People tend to doubt, and first of all, in themselves. Hence all other doubts. Main principle, which you should be guided by in order to prevent too serious consequences, was formulated by the notorious humanist Emmanuel Kant. In a simplified version, it can be conveyed by the words "never treat a person as a means." This is a very abbreviated and paraphrased wording, but the essence of the idea, most likely, is clear to you. In other words - take care of the feelings of others, and especially loved ones, people.
Understand your desires. Most often, uncertainty arises from a lack of understanding or even a lack of specific goals. So honestly answer yourself the question: what do I want? From life in general, from relationships now and later, from loved one? The answers, if they are sincere and complete, will help you understand in which direction the path to the implementation of the tasks lies. You can think that this is your general plan action, at least for the time being.
Get ready for the pain. You and the young people you choose between will have to experience it. One of them will have to hear a refusal, and the second will find out that, although he emerged victorious from the rivalry, he was not the only guy in your life. Men, especially young and ambitious, painfully endure such discoveries. As for you, it is highly likely that thoughts will creep in from time to time that you made the wrong choice. And the candidate who “dropped out” of the game is actually smarter, stronger, more successful than your chosen one. These moments are inevitable, because people are not perfect, and all of them, at least occasionally, disappoint us. In such situations, it is helpful to remind yourself that you are not an angel either and that you may have deserved what is happening.
Possibility of error. Nobody is immune from mistakes. And there is a small but real possibility that decision will not bring quite the results you expected. You can only take this philosophically, and subsequently make any choice more deliberately.
Life goes on. Whatever decision you make is inevitable by the very existence of the dilemma. So, it’s worth at least relaxing and not winding yourself up and the situation even more. If only because cold head it is much easier to think and the probability of a correct decision in calm circumstances is much higher. You have the right to even take a kind of time-out and avoid intimacy with both guys. Such tactics will help you cool down from passion, calmly think without pressure from outside. And in general - the big is seen from a distance.

What to do with them
It's never too late and never too early to take care of yourself. For this you can find right time, secluded place and adequate mood. It is more difficult with other people: they are far from always ready to share their experiences, especially in such a sensitive issue. Therefore, you will have to act prudently and very carefully in relation to their emotions. Ideally, so that none of them would guess that a settlement of the conflict between the two sides is taking place in your soul. This will at least soften the blow a little and help avoid a showdown with those who will stay with you.

Trust your intuition. Surely you feel more affection for one of the two, and the second seems more reliable and devoted. Follow your heart. After all, even the most decent and faithful man will not be able to make you happy without your reciprocal feeling for him. You choose not a quality refrigerator, but a hearty friend. It should be comfortable and calm, cozy and warm with him. And leave forecasts and guarantees of stability to household appliances.
Remove one. Mentally. Imagine that he left forever, turned out to be a follower gay or fell in love with another girl. Then do the same in your mind with the second candidate. In these fantasies, you will miss one of them more than the other. He should be preferred, because it turned out that it is easier for you to refuse his opponent.
Write lists. There should be two of them (or as many as the guys claim your heart), one for each. List in detail best qualities rivals: character traits, life prospects, and most importantly - attitude towards you. If this does not help, write lists of shortcomings that are as fair and accurate as possible. Such characteristics will prompt those arguments "for" and "against" that could previously escape attention.
Ask for advice. But only at the close friend which will definitely not be spilled to a third party. Or a sister, mother - in general, the person who sees your communication with both guys from the outside and can draw objective conclusions. Pay attention not so much to direct advice (it is better to avoid them), but to the opinion of how you look in a society of young people. How often do you smile or, on the contrary, frown, how do you behave, how relaxed, in what mood do you remain. “Your” person is someone you get along with and feel at ease and flirtatious with.
Don't get hung up. The truth is multifaceted, and often it lies in the fact that you need to look for it elsewhere. And be among your friends true love- you would not doubt. And if “you both want and prick” - then, perhaps, you don’t like any of them so much that you refuse all the others. In this case, you can either continue the non-committal flirting, or stop dating both applicants and find a third one. But already the only one, with whom no one can compare.

There are many more ways to resolve doubts: all kinds of checks, observations and face-to-face confrontations. All of them are tricky in their own way and boil down to trying to get the guys to solve the problem for you. Women in general are very inventive in that regard. But a decent person should have enough of the proposed methods to understand own soul and make an honest, responsible decision. As a result, the very completion of a dishonorable situation will bring relief and inner peace.

Not every girl can boast of having a lot of fans. However, sometimes the situation develops in such a way that two fans appear at once. The young lady begins to be tormented by the choice between two men. As a result, she still has to break someone's heart, since in such an ambiguous story there are always two winners and one loser.

Come to right decision When choosing between two men, it can be difficult, as you have to take into account many parameters. Below you will find practical advice what to do and what to look for when you have to choose between two men.

Good guy or bad guy

One of the most effective ways choice between two men is to compile a list of positive and negative qualities each of them. Think about the features of their appearance, tastes, behavior and other criteria that you consider important. Make a list for each. Then weigh the results and determine the winner. Just remember that there are many other factors that also need to be considered. However, making such a list is a good starting point to choose between two men.

Compatibility of women and men

Every time you are faced with a choice between two men, watch each of them. Compare characters, temperaments, worldview, tastes in music and art, love for pets, and so on. Think about how a particular candidate matches your own tastes, how much you yourself are ready to share the position or hobbies of a particular man.

Compatibility is not only what binds you in bed. If you notice that many things or hobbies of one of the candidates seem strange to you, or you are not ready to share them, make a choice in favor of the other, no matter how strong the sexual attraction between you is.

obligatory

A real man is characterized by how he treats his own obligations. This includes how he talks to friends or subordinates, members of his family, how he keeps promises made to other than you. If the choice between two men is relevant for you, you need to make sure that you choose a partner who is able to build a long-term relationship.

If you don’t know if he had such an experience in the past, if the candidate cannot show you friends with whom he has maintained relationships since childhood or at least from the institute’s bench, you may be disappointed in the near future.

Hopeless characters and bad habits

Nothing betrays a hopeless character better than having bad habits. Particularly relevant here are alcohol or drug addiction, extreme views (regarding religion, race, gender or politics), what is called "male chauvinism." If you find such signs in one of the chosen ones, it is better to stay away from such a man.

Social adaptation of a man

If you are with your companion in in public places, you will want to be proud of his social talents and achievements, as well as his ability to present himself in society. When you feel at ease next to your companion in public and among your friends, as well as his friends and acquaintances, you may have made a good choice.

Does a man make plans for the future

Living for today like tomorrow never comes, that's ok. However, if you have some different views on life and how it should be treated, it is better to choose between two men of one who has a clear and realistic idea of \u200b\u200bhis own future, including his ideal place of work, residence, family, and so on.

Talk discreetly about this topic with each of your two fans, and only then decide whose vision of the future appeals to you more.

Man's ambition

What does it mean to be perfect guy"? Dreaming about high goals or making sure that goals are achieved and dreams come true? If this question is rhetorical for you, choose a man with the most daring ambitions.

Signs of jealousy in a man and in you

This is a two-sided problem. First, you must make sure that the man of the two you choose between does not show any signs of deviant jealousy. If there are such signs, then everything will get worse and worse, draw conclusions. Second, listen to your heart.

If you're staying with one of your men while simultaneously feeling like you're cheating on the other, it might be worth opting for a second suitor.

your own freedom

When you are young and love freedom, no one has the right to limit it. If one of your two men is trying to impose any restrictions on what you do and how to behave, think about whether you want to exchange freedom for new rules? Analyze how each of your fans respects your personal freedom.

Use your imagination when choosing between two men

This method will require a little imagination from you. Think of two of your men and imagine that you are going to travel with each of them for at least a month. Then you will have a wedding. Then there will be children. How do you feel when you imagine with one of them? Are your feelings different? Which fan brings you more joy when you think of a future together?

Test your men

It sounds a little cruel, but there is no better way to check how much each of the two men you choose between is ready to endure your whims and tantrums. Arrange for each of them unexpected tantrums, “please” with a sudden change in your mood, be arrogant or sarcastic. keep track of yours and male reactions. Rather, the man who can handle your little test is the best fit for you.

How do you feel about little lies?

The choice between two men is difficult. Especially if in the process of such a choice you have to communicate with both at the same time. In this situation, you can not do without small deceptions. Listen to your feelings. Your reaction will show you which of your two fans you take more seriously if you have to go to small tricks in dealing with them.

listen to your heart

Considering various ways when you have to choose between two men, you should not lose sight of such a feeling as ... love. Of course, if you realize that you have fallen in love with one of your two admirers, the problem of choice will go away. Only for this you must carefully listen to your heart and be fully aware of your feelings.

Soul mates

You cannot always be guided only by reason when choosing between two men. If you feel that you have found your soul mate in one of them, even if it does not meet all the criteria for your selection, then so be it. Don't be shy and make a choice. All you can do in this case is wish you the best of luck on your incredible adventure!

your inner voice

When there are no other options left to choose between two men, listen to your intuition and use the full power of your sixth sense to decide who is worthy of becoming the best partner for a girl like you.

Article author : Margarita Degtyareva, Moscow Medicine ©
Denial of responsibility : The information provided in this article on how to choose between two men is for guidance only.

In the life of many girls, a situation arose when two young men were immediately interested. At first glance, this might seem great. But in fact, the heart is constantly torn apart from mental anguish. After all, there can only be one life partner. How to choose between two guys, the publication will tell.

Assess the positive qualities

Every time you meet guys, you need to think about what you like most about each of them. Of course, it is not always easy to understand what specifically causes sympathy. Then you have to analyze positive sides by asking yourself a few questions.

Do you have young man sense of humor, can he make you laugh? Men who are witty and can make jokes delight women and make them see the world differently. Therefore, girls prefer those guys with whom it is fun.

Is the young man interested only in himself or in other people? It will be a huge plus if he has big circle friends and many hobbies. Such people have their own view of the world, and it is very interesting to work with them.

Is it possible to say that the guy is emotional? Does he show concern for other people? Many young boys hide their true feelings. If the chosen one is not shy about his emotions, then this indicates his maturity and self-confidence.

Does a man like only appearance or inner qualities? Potential companion life should do compliments not only to the body.

Is he patient? A guy who does not rush what is happening loves to enjoy every minute spent with his girlfriend. Such a person can be considered reliable. A young man who is constantly in a hurry and presses often changes his passion very quickly.

The list is endless. Need to highlight positive traits, which I would like to highlight in my chosen one, and compare whether one or the other guy has them.

Assess negative traits

In moments of love, you don’t want to think about negative qualities. But if there is a firm intention to make a choice, then you will have to think about it. You need to make a negative characterization of both guys, which will reveal those aspects of them that do not suit you. You can ask yourself the following questions.

Does the big guy pull emotional burden? Are you ready to constantly face his difficult past? Not every girl can put up with this, even if she is very good with her second half.

Is the young man trying to manipulate and control? Does he not admit that he is wrong and wants to always be the way he needs? If so, then this clear signs selfishness, which can significantly complicate relationships.

Have any of the guys ever lied? If so, then such a person is unlikely to ever become frank, and it will be difficult to trust him. And without this, it will not be possible to build normal relationships.

A young guy constantly finds trouble on his head? Then it is better not to contact him at all. Not only will the young man not have time for his girlfriend because of this, he can still get involved in his troubles.

Does a man talk about his ex all the time? This clear sign that he still loves her. It is better to let such a person go to sort out his feelings, and not be a vest for him.

What kind negative qualities do the guys have more? You should think about this carefully before making your choice.

What feelings do both guys evoke in you?

This point is no less important than what each of the guys likes. One man may have an ideal set of character traits and qualities, but at the sight of another, the heart may beat faster or, conversely, freeze. Therefore, you need to carefully monitor your feelings that arise in the company of these young men. Is there dizziness, a feeling of joy, self-confidence? If so, that's a great sign.

To make it easier to understand, you can ask yourself a few questions. Do you feel like you are becoming better near with a guy or, on the contrary, spoil? Is there a desire to develop and grow personally? Do your cheeks burn and butterflies flutter in your stomach? Is there an awareness that you are a special, fragile girl, real woman? What feelings arise when a guy touches (takes the hand, hugs, kisses)? Do you like it, it becomes unpleasant or completely indifferent? All arising sensations should be exclusively positive.

Young people's feelings for you

How to choose between two guys? Pay attention to how they feel. If you assume that one of them will easily find himself new girl and will not even be upset because of the breakup, then it is hardly necessary to continue the relationship with such a person. If a young man has more serious intentions And deep feelings, then this fact should be a weighty argument when choosing.

It is not necessary to directly ask about love and a joint future. Moreover, such a question can confuse and alienate some guys. It is enough to follow the behavior of a young man to understand his true feelings. They are manifested in the look, the desire to spend more time together and so on. The choice will not be easy if both men are ready for anything for you.

Make a list

You should not stay with a young man just because he really likes you. All factors must be considered together. A list of advantages and disadvantages that are welcome and, conversely, undesirable in a partner can help with this. So you can understand how these guys are similar, how they differ, and what you really want.

For clarity, you can divide a sheet of paper into several columns. They need to indicate the desirable and undesirable qualities of the chosen one. They should be compared with the character traits of both guys. After that, you should calculate the number of pluses / minuses and draw an appropriate conclusion. Please note that the criteria may be different weight. Therefore, it is better to evaluate the quality on a point system.

Ask loved ones for their opinion

To figure out how to choose between two guys, close friends and relatives with whom they are established can help. trusting relationship. They will support and advise how to behave in this situation. Only their opinion should be treated critically. Relatives only express what they think, and the choice is yours.

It is wrong to ask who they like more. You need to ask which of the guys is the most suitable for you. Only in this case it will be possible to get an answer with whom it is better for you to be, and not with whom your girlfriends would meet. It is worth listening to what close people advise, and not let it pass by your ears. If you don’t want to follow the recommendations, then there was no point in asking someone’s opinion.

trust your intuition

Listen to what the heart says - it's very old and wise advice. Ideal people simply do not exist, so there is no need to wait for the prince. Assessing the qualities of both guys, do not forget about your feelings. If you are more attracted to some young man, then there is nothing to think about.

Sometimes it doesn't work out very well simple situation. Intuition tells you that one guy doesn't really like it, and the second doesn't fit in many criteria, but he's still cute. In this case best solution will take a break from both suitors. To be free where better than suffering in a confusing and leading nowhere relationship.

If it is very difficult to decide, then you can resort to a little trick. She will quickly help you figure out who you love and how to do it. right choice. You need to take a coin and decide that tails means one guy, and heads means another. After that, it will be possible to throw the copper into the air. This is where the whole secret lies - while the coin is in the air, you need to catch yourself thinking which side you would like to see when it lands. This will be the answer to the question of who you most want to meet.

Don't rush to choose

If you did not give any obligations to any of the guys, and there is no feeling that you are cheating on someone, then you can take your time with the choice. In this case, you do not have to make a decision right now. It is better to think for a while - a few days or even a week. During this period, young men can do something good or bad, which will greatly facilitate the decision. But it’s not worth it to delay the choice too much. If a man finds out that for many months you have been dating two people at the same time, then this fact will greatly humiliate and hurt him. And after this, there is no longer any desire to continue the relationship.

Decide

When all the pros and cons are already carefully weighed, you can finally decide which guy to choose. After making a decision, you should contact yourself with obligations with your chosen one. To do this, you need to seriously talk with him and clarify all points. You need to talk about your feelings and make it clear if he wants to date you and be in the status of "boyfriend and girl". Whatever his answer, the second young man will have to admit that you do not want to continue with him. It's not easy, but it needs to be done. In any case, it will hurt someone, but almost all people go through parting - such is life.

Now you know how to choose between two guys if you really like both. The main thing is not to be afraid to make a mistake and not to delay making a decision. Only in this case, the feeling of guilt will not be tormented by the fact that you are dating two men at once.

Instruction

The ideal option will, of course, suspend relations - both those and others. In the future, this will save you from unnecessary pangs of conscience and attacks of remorse for having deceived.

Psychologists in such situations argue that a week should be enough for you to decide who you need more, weighing the pros and cons. The main condition is that this week you should not see anyone, calls, sms and any other type of communication are also prohibited.

If you don't have analytical warehouse mind and it’s hard for you in your head all the nuances, on help will come paper. Divide it into two parts and write the merits first of one and then the second man. Repeat the same operation with the disadvantages. You'll see - it will be easier for the final choice.

Psychologists say that a person is best when traveling with him. So, as an option, we can offer the following: you spend the weekend on sorties with yours, in turn, of course. This should help you make your choice.

Although neither psychologists nor fortune-tellers will help in such matters. Each one must decide and accept final decision. If you are in this situation and you don't know how to choice between men, think about it. If there is something in each of them that makes you go to, then most likely you simply do not need any of them. He simply cannot give you everything you need. When you truly meet that person, you won't even think of choosing between him and anyone else.

So if everything is not serious with you, and you are a risky person by nature, continue the relationship in the same spirit, without choosing anyone. Sooner or later, life itself will put everything in its place.

Two partners - problem or benefit

Of course, some women quite consciously get themselves several admirers, lovers and are not at all burdened with this.

They directly say that they are doing this, because one partner cannot give them everything they would like. One, as a rule, gives them spiritual satisfaction, and the other contains, provides materially.

It is clear that such a "scheme" of relationships sooner or later, if a woman is interested in creating a family, will still lead to a situation where she will need to make a choice.

Who to choose if you like both

However, I would like to discuss another situation where the second relationship does not appear intentionally, not planned. How does it usually happen?

More than once I heard a story quite familiar to many. In short, it sounds like this: we broke up with a young man, I started dating another, after a certain time former partner reappears and starts talking about love.

And here the problem often arises: who to choose? What to do and how to understand with whom to stay. Is it possible to somehow calculate the most favorable option for creating an "ideal" relationship? Why does this situation happen at all?

Should you start a relationship if you are still thinking about your ex?

To begin with, to begin with, you need to understand that if you have such a question, if you cannot decide who you need, then you have not yet completed your past relationship. The point, so to speak, was not set.

Sometimes my clients say: “I would be happy to end the past relationship, but he does not want it.” But in fact, the decision is yours, no matter how you explain it to yourself.

A man will not insist for a long time on resuming a relationship with a woman if she firmly and confidently tells him “no”. Except, of course, not quite adequate masochists who take pleasure in pursuing a woman who rejects him.

Therefore, if you think that the resumption of relations did not occur solely on your initiative, then I hasten to dissuade you: maybe not on the initiative, but with your permission.

What do you really want from a relationship?

Most often in such a dual situation are women who do not fully understand what they want from a relationship? What masculine qualities are important to them. There is nothing surprising in this.

Sometimes people live together for years and don't think about why they do it. Therefore, the first thing to do in a situation where you choose who to be with is to answer a few questions for yourself.

For what reasons did you break up? What didn't work for you in a relationship? See if you can run into the same problems again. Very often, women renew relationships, succumbing to the persuasion of a partner, believing his promises to "do everything differently." However, in reality, everything may turn out to be completely different.
Past relationships are always attractive because you have already studied the other person enough, he has already become close to you, you know his habits, which means you don’t need to learn something again, get used to it, learn to negotiate, and so on. Compared to old ones, new relationships are always stressful, stressful. Perhaps you are just afraid to start building something new?
After some time, we forget about the negative aspects and tend to somewhat idealize our past relationships. Remember that returning to the old and so familiar often seems more attractive to us than deciding to create something new.
Make a list of things that are important to you male qualities, then write a list of qualities that your men have. Do the same for your relationship: answer the question “what do I want in a relationship?”.
Next, define your relationship with each partner using adjectives such as "calm" or "passionate."

As a rule, having done such work, women begin to look at their relationships more consciously, and the choice becomes obvious.

In any case, whatever decision you make, it is important to remember that:

No one guarantees you a happy future and will not give a 100% guarantee that the man you have chosen will make you happy.
It is better to make a decision, get a result and move on, than to postpone the choice, wondering: one or the other? The time spent thinking will not bring you anything but painful thoughts and wasted energy.
In my opinion, the most important thing is to learn how to build relationships in a couple, to consciously look at your needs and not get upset if something doesn’t work out, but always try to find a solution to the problem that has arisen.

In any case, if you are confused in a relationship and cannot figure it out on your own - and it is really quite difficult to do this - do not hesitate to seek help from a psychologist.

The main thing to remember is that your happiness is always in your hands, so act, do not give up and you will definitely succeed!

family relationship consultant