How to build a relationship with a boy you like. How to build a relationship with your loved one? Don't Demand Immediate Decisions

10.04.2019

Hello dear readers of the blog Samprosvetbulletin!

“I don’t know how to improve relations with my husband. He often says to my claims that he does not understand me and "plays the fool." After work, he closes in on himself, you can’t get a word out of him. I try to communicate with him more, because I think that communication is the main thing, but he is more interested in playing games on the Internet. Just like a little one, he sits and points his finger at his iPhone. I told him that it was more interesting for him to play than with me, but he was offended. I don't know anymore," writes Svetlana.

“Tell me how to improve relations with my husband? I said that we should discuss our problems. He was generally surprised, said: “I thought that with us and you are happy with everything,” he feigned surprise. I lost my temper and told him everything that was boiling over. He just shrugged and said: “why are you just now telling me about this?”. I was also guilty! Now he avoids communication. Maybe I don't know? — Julia writes.

What is marriage and relationships for a man and for what reasons a man leaves communication, see →.

And today I have prepared for you seven simple secrets that will help you behave properly with a man.

1. Your husband can't read your mind.

Have you ever seen a man and a woman in a heated argument? A man stands with a puzzled face, spreads his arms, raised his eyebrows, looks surprised.

"What are you talking about!? I do not understand!"

This is a description of a man who sincerely does not know what the matter is and he has no guesses.

Usually a woman feels wounded and offended here. It seems to her that the man is pretending to be a “fool” or he is just an “insensitive blockhead”. But most often he really does not know what is at stake, especially if it is a dispute and disagreement. If he looks surprised, there is a good chance that he is really surprised and does not understand well what you want from him.

Some men find it difficult to communicate and understand women when there is no concise and clear language. Men are very annoyed when they see that a woman is upset and wants to convey something to them, but they cannot understand what the matter is.

2. Give your husband time for himself.

After a working day, a man wants to come home, to his fortress, relax, unwind. But the first thing he often encounters at home is the demand for his attention, the invasion of his personal space.

"What are you going to eat?"

"Look at these bills!"

"Did you find out when your vacation is?"

“Children do not obey, talk to them…”

In fact, it can wait a bit until the man clears his mind after work. Everything seems to be obvious, but in practice, in ordinary life, many women forget about it.

If you want to good communication, give a man the opportunity to just relax when he comes home tired. Instead of pestering him with questions and concerns, use " Law of First Impression».

The first impression determines our further communication.

We think that the first impression is important at the beginning of the acquaintance. But his strength is great in relationships. Whenever we part for a while and meet again, we are affected by the first impression. Our first words, our facial expressions, our behavior in the first few seconds sets the tone for the rest of the time.

Take control of the first impression in your relationship. When a man comes back short breakup create a pleasant and positive impression. Smile, kiss, try to look attractive and let him have his personal space and clear his head. Then he will come to you for attention and communication.

3. Know when to be quiet

Silence is gold. This is useful to remember for women who think that they can change their less talkative man by forcing him to communicate.

Silence is the best strategy if you are more talkative than your loved one. For many women to support happy relationship means to talk with your loved one about everything and as often as possible. Usually such women are never satisfied with communication. They think that the more they talk to a man, the more he will understand their feelings, the sooner he will change and love more. And while a woman tries to increase the number of conversations, he only closes more, moves away and gets annoyed.

If your man is not talkative, you may be trying to get him to talk more. Attempts to force communication will be perceived by him as disrespect. To make such men open up, you need a calm, intelligent approach. If you communicate with him at his pace, you are more likely to influence him favorably.

4. Learn to forgive his mistakes

Know how to forgive and do not hold grudges in your heart against the man you love. When your heart is heavy because of resentment, this is a sign that you are disappointed in him and still have not forgiven him. Yours will come through in communion with him different ways: in hints, in subtext, in body language. Unfortunately, this can start to work against you.

If a man treats you with love and respect more often than he makes mistakes, learn not to hold grudges against him in your heart. About how to stop being offended, read Samprosvetbulletenya.

If you often criticize your man and challenge his words, he will learn a new way to communicate with you - not to tell you anything at all.

For a man, condemning his answers is the same as being accused of murder when the trial is already just a formality. There is no point in proving and explaining something if the verdict has already been passed.

A woman asks her husband to wash the dishes after the children because she will come home late from work. She comes home tired, goes to the kitchen and sees that the sink is littered with dirty dishes. The husband is napping in front of the TV, still undressed after work.

What would you do in her place?

Wake him up and tell him he's lazy and irresponsible?

Or you will not rush to conclusions?

Suppose it turned out that he, too, had a rough day, that immediately after coming home from work, he began to help one of the children with a school assignment for tomorrow. If a woman lashes out at him with reproaches, he will feel hurt because he did nothing wrong to her. He will feel bitterness and resentment.

If she didn't jump to conclusions, he would have a chance to explain everything, and she would see what a good father he was. She will have the opportunity to express her gratitude and praise to him. In this case, the man will be more disposed to fulfill her request.

In a relationship, the same situation can lead to different outcomes if you don't rush to make judgments but give the man a chance first.

I don't want to say that all cases will be the same, but not jumping to conclusions before you have all the information is the best strategy in a relationship with a man.

6. Don't Demand Immediate Decisions

Perhaps you have been in a situation where you say something to a man, waiting for his answer, opinion, decision, but he seems to “freeze” in space and does not hear. In fact, he is simply not ready to give you a definite answer. Do not "pressure", give him time to come to a decision or conclusion, do not put pressure on him.

A man needs more time to process certain information, especially when emotions are involved. Instead of demanding a response from a man right here and now, give him some time to process your conversation and come to rational, honest conclusions and be sincere with you.

If you demand a solution right now, his response will most likely be based on a desire to please you in order to avoid conflict in this moment and you will not understand what he really wants.

7. Don't deny reality

The denial of reality is one of the defense mechanisms of our psyche when we do not want to see reality as it is. This defense mechanism is often used by women. For example, in a relationship with a man, a woman may not see any character traits, because of which he behaves this way and not otherwise. A man has his own character warehouse, habits, outlook on life and expectations. Even if you don't like something about it, you can't deny the reality.

If you communicate with a man with the expectation that he will be able to understand you completely and be perfectly reasonable and logical all the time, you will be disappointed.

The first step to improving communication is to accept a man as he is now and how he communicates at this moment.

If you expect a man to communicate and behave in the way you ideally imagine, you put up barriers between you. You can't build relationships by denying reality.

Of course, each situation is unique and there are no recommendations that would suit every couple 100%. But the main thing is that you already have a desire to improve your communication, change the situation, and this is the first step towards solving problems.

In everyone's life married couple there is a period when quarrels arise for no reason, conflicts out of the blue. Moreover, such a period can come both in the life of newlyweds and spouses who have lived together for more than a dozen years. If you do not find a point of reconciliation in time, do not come to an understanding, the family may fall apart. After all, it is impossible to live in a depressing atmosphere where there is no love and warmth. And, since women are by nature more emotional and receptive, it is they who are deeply worried about problems in the family and are looking for ways to improve relations with their own husband.

Impossible to fix family relationships without understanding the reasons for their discord. Knowing exactly why the relationship with your husband deteriorated, you can find the origins of the conflict, if necessary, change something in yourself. As they say, you need to know the enemy in person, then it is easier to fight him. Most often between spouses occurs for the following reasons:

Age features. Every age has ambitions and demands. The newlyweds want to conquer the world, but the family gets in the way of achieving their goals. In failures, the spouses begin to blame each other. mature couples rush to live. Therefore, husbands have young mistresses, as if trying to stop youth.
Difference in social status. This problem arises when a woman succeeds in her career, is financially more secure than her husband. A man cannot feel himself the head of the family, be self-sufficient. The situation is aggravated by women's accusations of financial insolvency.
Dissatisfaction with each other, the desire to change their half. After the wedding, both husband and wife realize that their halves are not perfect, as they seemed before. Everyone makes demands on each other, resulting in resentment, irritation and disappointment. At the same time, none of the partners admits their imperfection.
Committed to full control, jealousy. One of the spouses constantly controls the other, checks the phone, reads email. This is perceived as disrespect and distrust.
Problems in sexual life. Passion subsides, and intimate life becomes boring and monotonous. Sex becomes a marital duty, it pushes one of the spouses to cheat. Infidelity also causes quarrels and conflicts.

Secrets that will help get rid of family problems

Whatever caused the loss of mutual understanding, if the husband and wife are still together, then there is a chance to maintain the relationship. Just one of the spouses must make concessions, even if he is a thousand times right. And the wife should do this, since it is she who is the keeper of the hearth, the personification of peace, love, warmth and comfort in the house. No matter how much you want to remain proud and maintain a position, you can overcome yourself in order to maintain peace in the family. A man without clear formulations is not able to understand the essence of the problem, often he simply does not understand what caused the quarrel. This male nature, with which you need to put up with and conquer it with cunning and affection, but in no case with claims and conditions. It is possible to restore relations with your husband by following a few rules:

Can't be ignored. Women, offended by their husband, stop talking to him. By this they show how much they do not care about his opinion. You need to talk to your spouse, find out the relationship.
You need to be able to keep silent. In the midst of a quarrel, when mutual reproaches and claims are pouring, it is important to be able to stop in time. At this moment I want to say everything, and it seems that this will make it easier. It is better to remain silent and resume the conversation when both spouses have cooled down.
During the showdown, you need to restrain yourself. Mentally remind yourself that you can not scream, insult, cry.
You need to be able to listen and hear. It is possible that you are the cause of the conflict, but the husband cannot convey his claims because of your pride and unwillingness to listen.
If a compromise cannot be reached, you should try to let go of the situation for a while.
Learn to forgive and apologize. Today this problem seems to be global, and after a while you will understand what trifles can have a destructive effect on relationships. Ask for forgiveness for your actions.

How to prevent family quarrels and conflicts

Misunderstandings and conflicts do not arise out of the blue. In order for the family to constantly have peace and harmony, this atmosphere in the house must be created daily, even if you are dissatisfied with something.

Communicate with each other not only within the framework of domestic issues. There must be common interests.
You don’t need to demand anything from your husband, let alone cut daily. Over time, you will see how your husband will change, he will give you twice as much.
You don't need to re-educate your husband. He is an adult independent man with his own interests, principles and life position. If we are not talking about alcoholism and violence, then all other minor shortcomings can be accepted and learned to live with them.
You need to feel gratitude. For deeds, for the fact that he is the head of your family, for the fact that he is trying for you and the children.
Husband needs to be inspired. If he has achieved something, even if it is not such a significant achievement, the support of his wife is important to him. Remember that behind the big names of the great commanders, scientists and creative people there are modest, unknown, but wise and loving women.

What to do if the passion has passed?

Problems in family life arise automatically as soon as discord has come to the family. A normal intimate life is possible if there are no resentments and irritations. good sex able to distract from all problems, reconcile after quarrels and resolve conflicts. Therefore, if there is no passion between spouses, it is fraught with discord in their relationship.

What's happened happy family know those couples who have gone through a lot of problems, conflicts, experienced a lack of understanding, distrust of each other. Passed, but managed. In such a family, everyone is happy - parents, children, relatives. And only members of such a family know that happiness is achieved through constant struggle for their love, self-improvement and self-sacrifice.

Of course, returning those feelings that were experienced at the very beginning of the relationship will no longer work. But adding a touch of novelty is necessary for the spouse to feel for you sexual interest and did not look to the side. You can return with your spouse under the following conditions:

give constant attention his appearance. The husband is used to seeing his wife uncombed, in a dressing gown, without makeup. Of course, it is impossible to stand at the stove or washing machine v evening dress, but you need to give up bathrobes and scarves. Daily light makeup add to the attractiveness. It is necessary to purchase sexy lingerie and peignoirs.
Need permanent care behind you. Beauty criteria for each man are different: someone likes skinny girls, someone prefers ladies in the body. One thing is constant: clean silky hair, smooth skin, nice smell- this is something that will not leave indifferent any man.
The decor in the bedroom should be evocative sexual attitude. A minimum of light and decorative elements, light colors, pleasant linens from silk or satin - in such a bedroom you will want not to sleep, but to make love.
You need to spend time together. It doesn’t matter if you go to the sea or to the country, the main thing is that you and your spouse should be alone. Children should be sent to their grandmothers, turn off their phones and enjoy each other. You need to have weekends like this once in a while.

Variety in sex. A man does not cease to be him at the age of 20, and at 50. It is foolish to think that after the time has passed, the husband does not need a variety of sex. Making love will no longer be as frequent as in old days, but you need to surprise and seduce your husband every time. diversify sex life can different ways: arrange role play, experiment with poses, prepare romantic dinner, buy some toys in a sex shop, perform private dances. You don't have to be afraid to appear loose. A man will like that his woman is changing for him. After such experiments, he will not look for entertainment on the side.
And most importantly, take care of each other. How are the evenings of the average couples? The spouses come home from work, have dinner, and everyone goes on business: she takes care of the children, he sits at the TV, before going to bed, everyone hangs on a laptop or phone, then they turn their backs to each other and sleep. These habits do not serve to strengthen the family. The family needs traditions to go to the park, cinema, theater every evening, arrange entertainment with children at home, play sports together - you can find a lot of activities, the main thing is that it will unite all family members.

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Instruction

Very often, people in the hustle and bustle of everyday affairs forget about the main thing. It is forgotten why they meet or live together. Conducting a joint life is pushed into the background, deeds and worries become not the consequences of relationships, but an end in themselves. Think about it: surely your loved one does not enjoy seeing your frowning face all the time. Even if you think about pressing problems and try for both of you, remember that you must be able to enjoy life from life. Take care of yourself: maybe you have become in the habit of nagging your life partner for not taking out the garbage on time, for forgetting dirty dishes in the sink? You should not play for a loved one the role of his mother or mentor. If he is constantly late at work or looking for excuses to disappear from home, next to you he no longer feels joy.
Try to switch from household trifles to yours own feelings and sensations. Do only what is necessary. Forget about moralizing and reproaches. If you need the help of a loved one, do not "saw" him with enviable regularity, but ask him. And reward the fulfilled request with a smile, hugs, or - those that were in the first days of your meetings.

Add variety to your everyday life. Sometimes the routine seizes every person. Then longing appears regardless of whether the loved one is nearby or not. It is necessary to break the usual pattern: home - home - work - shops, and home again ... Yes, it's not so easy to show spontaneity when there are obligatory things to do. Try to start small. In, instead of sleeping until dinner, get up early in the morning and go with your loved one to the earliest session. A comedy, a fantastic action movie or a not stupid melodrama will do. Weekdays instead of usual home dinner go for a bite to eat in any place that you think is pretty: a place with good hamburgers, a Japanese restaurant, an ice cream parlor... An unfamiliar place, new people, choosing new dishes will positively affect your general mood. You can even change the usual route by which you return from work. Appoint your loved one on a date in the park, take a long walk, listen to birds singing instead of announcing subway stops. You will come home late, but you will be much more rested.

Make it a habit to talk about everything. Let's say you stopped showering your loved one with reproaches for forgotten bread. you make him pleasant surprises, bring variety to your life and rest. But the relationship still leaves much to be desired. Call your loved one straight Talk. Let him express what he does not like. In turn, do not accumulate dissatisfaction with some things in yourself, voice them. But such conversations should be constructive. Don't invoke guilt. Don't manipulate. Tell me exactly how you feel. Recognize the differences that exist between you. There is no need to be ashamed or afraid of this - all people are very different, and you should not be copies of each other. And then try to find a joint solution that suits both you and your loved one. Learn to feel where you should compromise, and where you can stay with your opinion.
For example, you agree to learn how to cook tomato soup, without which your loved one cannot live. But instead of a trip to the forest with tents, you can go to visit your relatives in a cottage where, unlike the forest, there are all amenities. While respecting your partner's interests, learn to trust him as well. A self-confident life partner attracts more than a suspicious girlfriend who calls into the forest tent asking if there are strangers there. Build your relationship on trust.

How to improve relations with your husband? Despite the global nature of this issue, I believe that there are such recommendations that help to improve relations in any couple, regardless of age, level of the problem and the amount of time lived together. And even if it seems to you that the relationship is already on the verge - I am convinced that there are ways to restore them and make them much better, warmer, closer, happier than they have ever been.

In this article, I want to draw your attention to the intricacies of the relationship between a man and a woman that you did not know or did not pay due attention to. But you will not get the desired effect from the recommendations made if you do not feel what you are saying. Words, deeds and the desire to improve relations must be sincere, and the attitude towards a man must be respectful. That's the only way you can do it.

How to build a relationship with your husband - 5 easy steps

I present to you five simple steps leading to how to improve relations with her husband.

Step #1: Find out from yourself what exactly you don't like

Take a piece of paper and a pen. To begin with, you need to find out from yourself - what exactly does not suit you in your current relationship, and what needs to change, so that you say that now everything is as it should be. This will give you a clear understanding of how to build relationships. To do this, ask yourself two simple questions and answer them honestly:

Who am I in this relationship?
What role do I play in them?

These two questions will help you understand if you are in love or emotional dependence whether your relationship is healthy. If you hear an answer from yourself, such as: "victim" or "a woman who wants to be loved" - you are probably in a dependent relationship. How to get out of the role of a victim, you can read in this.

Possible options There can be many answers to these questions, so try to analyze them yourself. What are you doing that has shaped this role for you in a relationship? If you didn't like your answer, what do you think needs to be done to get out of this role now?

And now we will continue to find out what is your personal dissatisfaction in the relationship. Let's move on to questions about values. Ask yourself right now and write down the detailed answers:

Why do I need this relationship?
What do they give me?
What is so important for me I get in this relationship?
What values do I want to realize through a partner?
Am I able to realize these values?
Which of my values are not being implemented in the relationship right now?

Your values in a relationship can be, for example, to feel happy, to communicate on deep topics. Friendship, respect, understanding, care, money.

As a rule, people enter into relationships in order for someone to realize their values, to fill in the “voids”. If your partner is not able to realize them, then only dependent relationship. And if you are already for a long time If you are in a relationship, then, most likely, the discord occurred because some of your values were realized before, but now for some reason they have stopped. In other words, you stopped getting from the relationship what you used to get. Write down which of your values have been embodied in the relationship in the past but are not embodied now.

This was the first step in which we found out what for you at a deep level caused discord in the relationship. Now let's move on to how the partner feels.

Step #2: How to find out what does not suit him

On the initial stage relationships, a person falls in love with you if you match with him in values and are ready to satisfy most of them. For example, you both want to live in your own house, not an apartment. Both want to have two children, not eight. Both love dogs more than cats. Both want long Serious relationships rather than a short sexual adventure. If your values do not match at least 60%, your relationship is unlikely to last long. But if you have been living together for more than three years, then you can overcome any discord.

So, how do you know what exactly at the level of values has ceased to satisfy your partner?

The first thing you need to do is mentally put yourself in his place. So you can understand what he expects from you. What exactly could be the solution to the problem for him.

It is impossible to mentally stand in his place if you have aggression against him. First you need to calm down. How to get rid of aggression, read this.

So, get into his position, into his position. And think with his thoughts: “What do I need her to do so that I want to change the situation for the better? What values of mine are not being realized in relationships? What am I missing? How can I be motivated to make myself crazily want to build a relationship?” Look at the situation through his eyes.

Motivation is of two types - “motivation from” and “motivation for”. For example, you can motivate a man to do something by threatening him with a lack of sex (motivation from) or vice versa, by doing something that he would be extremely happy about (motivation for). In a relationship with a man, try to always choose the second type of motivation. Each favorable outcome of such motivation will strengthen your union and bring you closer.

So, you took the place of your partner and understood what he needs. Which of his values are you realizing and which are not. And they found out what needs to be done so that he himself would madly want to make peace. Write it all down.

Step #3: How to mend relations with your husband - the right fight

Now you clearly know what exactly does not satisfy you in your current relationship, and you assume that it does not satisfy your husband in them. You also realize what can motivate him to reconcile.

Let's move on to how to restore relationships, knowing all this. The first step you need to take is to quarrel properly. The right quarrel is always growth, development in a relationship. It excludes the so-called you-messages (reproaches, dissatisfaction, complaints), and instead is filled exclusively with I-messages (saying your needs and desires). Here are examples of you-messages: “You always come late”, “You never wash the dishes after you”, “You never understood me”. Quarrels filled with such messages have no effect. They only alienate you from each other, creating a cold atmosphere of disharmony and rejection in the house.

You-messages are the transfer of responsibility from oneself to another. In order to quarrel correctly, constructively, you need to learn to take responsibility for yourself.

Examples of I-messages: “I don’t like that you come in late. This upsets me. I would like you to come on time, it will make me happy.”

“I’m sorry that you don’t wash your dishes. It upsets me. It would be great if next time you washed it. I will be very happy about it."

“When I see that you do not understand me, I am upset. It pains me to realize that you are not striving to do this. Please listen to me carefully. And I, in turn, will try to convey my idea more clearly. I will be happy if you listen and understand me.

The main difference between “you” and “I” messages is that in the first case, you completely relieve yourself of responsibility and shift it to the interlocutor, and in the second, you express your dissatisfaction, while leaving the focus of attention on yourself. The I-message algorithm is as follows:

You express the essence of your indignation without judgment, without emotion
Describe your feelings and emotions caused by this situation
Express your wishes by suggesting possible alternative options partner behaviors that would suit you

When describing your wishes, you can also attach feelings and emotions to them. “I will be glad if”, “I will be so grateful to you”, “I will be happy”.

This way you can always communicate in the language of i-messages. Such communication will make your relationship harmonious. The right quarrel always leads to rapprochement, the development of relations. Partners learn to listen to each other and implement what the other needs.

And do not forget about sincerity! If you don't feel what you're saying, it won't work.

Step #4: Dealing with the depths of a lingering fight

At the beginning of the article, we talked about values - yours and your partner's. Now let's move on to action. Step four is a frank conversation. Talk to your partner seriously. You can tell him how much work you've done by thinking about his and your values in the relationship. Speak with the help of I-messages which of your values are realized in the relationship, and which have ceased. And why would you want them back. Express your wishes and offer alternative options for partner behavior. Do it calmly and carefully, without shifting responsibility on him.

Then move on to his values. Ask if you guessed right? Or maybe he wants something completely different from the relationship? Invite him to speak in the same way as you did. Let your partner talk about himself, about his feelings and emotions, without shifting everything onto you. Try to explain to him how it works. Ideally, let him read this article.

And now slowly begin to understand each other deeper. Talking about values will give you an understanding of what really caused discord in the relationship. Fighting on a deeper level than yelling over unwashed dishes and poorly cooked dinner will bring you closer and understand what you both want from each other. You will also understand how you both can give it to each other. One such fruitful quarrel will save you several years of misunderstanding. And perhaps on the same day will give a new start to your relationship.

Step #5: New relationship

Start building relationships in a new way. Bring them the right quarrels. Remove from your life you-messages that lead to the collapse of any relationship. Every time you feel unhappy about something, remember the self-message formula: "Situation-feeling-wishes." Use it constantly. Very soon it will reach automatism for you, and then it will safely descend to the level of the subconscious, and you will always quarrel like this, without prompting.

Even if your husband is not set up for this kind of communication, he will imperceptibly become your reflection. It is impossible for a calm person who takes responsibility for his values to respond with rudeness. If not quickly, then gradually he will move to your level of communication. You will talk like adults instead of throwing you-messages at each other like hot cakes.

After you have established a relationship with your husband, I recommend that you read articles about and about. With their help, you will be able to establish a balance in the family and learn how to build mature, harmonious, respectful and, most importantly, long-term relationships.

Conclusion

Congratulations, now you know much better how to improve relations with your husband. Any relationship can be made happy if you turn to the depths. Let me briefly remind you of 5 steps to restore a warm, respectful relationship:

Step one. Learn about your own values. By understanding why you entered into a relationship, you will be able to remember which of your values were realized at the very beginning and which of them ceased to be fulfilled. So you will understand what does not suit you at a deep level.

Step two. Put yourself in his place and think in his mind. Ask yourself the same questions about values that you asked yourself in the first step.

Step three. Learn to quarrel properly, without shifting responsibility to your partner. Express your wishes and offer an alternative. And don't forget feelings.

Step four. Talk about values using the I-message technique. Reach out to your own and his depths. Make a decision to meet each other's values.

Step five. Start a new relationship in which you both take responsibility. Even if only you do this, over time, the husband will move to your level. After all, we are all reflections of each other.

And don't forget to download my book How to Love Yourself. In it I share the most effective techniques, with the help of which I myself once became confident and learned to love myself. This book will be a great helper on the path to improving relations with your husband, and will also make your life happier! After all, a favorable solution to any life task begins with self-love.

If you need individual help to build a relationship with your husband and bring them to new level, you can contact me for psychological . I will help you understand yourself and relationships, understand the causes of problems and get rid of them, becoming a happy and harmonious person.

You can book a consultation with me via in contact with, instagram or . You can get acquainted with the cost of services and the scheme of work.

Subscribe to my Instagram and YouTube channel. There's a lot of good stuff in there!

Have a great start to a new relationship!
Your psychologist Lara Litvinova

There are situations when a crisis occurs in family life, and the husband and wife cannot find mutual language. We have prepared some tips to help you get out of difficult situation and tell you how to improve relationships in the family and learn how to prevent conflicts in family life.

Causes of family conflicts and their solution

Any quarrel hides reasons that are much deeper than those because of which you swear. Did your husband take out the trash? Was your wife 5 minutes late? The guy did not compliment the new dress? Is it because of trash bag or a little delay you yell at each other? Not at all. And several million more people did not praise the new dress. But you needed to hear something nice from your partner. What is hidden behind family conflicts and quarrels, let's try to figure it out in this article.

Rule #1: Don't be afraid to take responsibility

A real disaster in a relationship is a situation where partners shift responsibility onto each other. In the heat of quarrels, a man and a woman make mutual accusations, never finding right decision. It is important to learn how to resolve conflicts in family life together, sharing equally the responsibility for them. This will help to reconcile even after strong quarrel.

Everyone is responsible for their own mistakes or words, and it turns out that in the heat of the moment it was you who could not control your behavior. It is difficult to admit one's guilt or mistake, but such behavior testifies to the wisdom of a woman. If you behave with restraint, do not pour accusations and insults, then the husband will soon adopt such behavior.

Naturally, to take responsibility for yourself is not to shoulder all the problems. No, you need to learn to be aware of the scale of the problem and how each of the partners can participate in solving it.

Rule #2: Don't hold grudges and don't leave conflict situations in a family neglected

- this is not a way to solve the problem, and after a hot scandal, you should not forget about its cause. Quarrels arise because of a specific reason, having dealt with which you will get rid of the cause of the conflict and avoid its recurrence in the future.

For example, if conflicts in family life are due to bad habit spouse, then select effective method combat this problem. Discuss everything with your partner, separating roles: what is the cause of the conflict, how can you solve it, what will be the actions of each partner when you start to solve the problem?

Avoid playing on the feelings of a partner, taking offense over trifles.

If you understand that specific claims have ripened for you, then do not be afraid to express them. And silent games and manipulations with feelings do not add love to partners. When you want to point out your partner's mistakes, act gently and calmly.

But even if you have a habit of often being offended, then learn to forgive and still take at least part of the responsibility for the quarrel on yourself. This skill can change your attitude to quarrels, you will stop taking words so close to your heart and once again do not provoke a conflict based on your grievances.

Rule number 3: if you are wrong, admit your guilt

Problem modern relations inability to give up. It is important for a man when his woman herself admits her guilt. How else to improve relations in the family, if you do not know how to admit your mistakes and ask for forgiveness? After the conflict is over, be sure to talk about how you were rude in the heat of the moment and how you regret it. Of course, at first offended man he will accept the apology coldly, but a little later his heart will melt sincerity.

Rule number 4: be able to accept criticism in your address, remember the merits of your man

The ability to accept criticism is important for both women and men. Imagine that you came to an appointment with a beautician, and he told you: “The skin is flabby, the chest needs to be tightened and cellulite removed!”. Will it occur to you to be offended and immediately begin to criticize the beautician himself?

So it is with the second half: learn to listen and accept truthful criticism, which concerns both character, behavior, and even appearance. Of course, in the heat of a quarrel, criticism can be exaggerated, but at the end of the conflict, be sure to discuss everything that has been said with your partner.

Adequate criticism expressed at the peaceful negotiating table is not a way to humiliate you or unleash another family quarrel. This is a factor that will help better side change you, and you will learn about your partner's attitude towards you and your shortcomings.

Next to the shortcomings are positive sides that couples forget about. Over the years living together positive actions of a man become the norm, and shortcomings come to the fore. To see the good and not the bad, try not to compare your partner to other men. Always remember why you fell in love with your husband or boyfriend, while at the same time trying to gently correct those shortcomings that you cannot reconcile with.

Rule number 5: sex is not the engine of relationships

Sex, of course, is important, but it does not bind partners as tightly as mutual understanding, emotional connection, loyalty. You should not give your desires an outlet by choosing sex with several different partners. Consumer attitude to it today is the problem of modern relations.

Body love is a form of affection, but the more you indulge your desires, the more insatiable you become. You can experiment with something new intimate life but does not become dependent. By the way, the manipulation of sex is not the norm.

The phrase “you didn’t take out the trash - today you sleep on the couch” will be an occasion for another quarrel in the family later because of a hidden conflict.

Rule #6: Partners have different interests

Marriage, love, relationships - no reason to forget that a man and a woman can have different interests. You can not understand each other's hobbies, but you can’t limit your soulmate either. Show care by giving your loved one the opportunity to practice and believe in what he wants. Naturally, if we are not talking about alcohol, narcotic substances or change.