In the life of almost every person, sooner or later, parting occurs. In the lives of many - more than once. This is very significant event, since it is only on one side the end of something. More importantly, parting is a moment of choice and the beginning of something new. If the choice is right, it becomes the beginning of a new one, a better life, a truer understanding of love. It was the separation that helped a huge number of people to become adults, loving and happy people.

The theme of parting was fully experienced by me myself. I have enriched and deepened my experience with the help of highly qualified psychologists and Orthodox priests who participate in the work of the Perezhit.ru website. This article is the quintessence of our methodology. The article does not replace other articles, but will help you structure and better understand the material.

1. Put an end
If the separation has occurred, first of all, you need to take the fact of what happened for granted. If a person is gone, you need to let him go. It is necessary to put an end to those relations that were.

Stories are different. Unfortunately, there are breakups marital relations. Therefore, when I say that it is necessary to put an end to it, I do not say: shut the door tightly, bury the person, erase him from your memory. Not! Often lawful husbands and wives return with repentance, and then they can be accepted. It's about something else. Coming to terms with a breakup means letting go of a person. Recognize his right to such a decision, even if it is wrong. Stop holding it.

Theoretically, it is possible that after some time both of you will change, and a new meeting of you may occur, and you new ones will be able to create other, more harmonious relationships.

But the people you are now couldn't be together. The path you were on has come to this point. And at this point it ended. The person you are now must recognize and accept this.

If you have even a little love for this person, recognize his right to be free. Release and bless him.

Say to yourself, addressing this person: “I let you go! Bless you!"

The cessation of attempts to return a person, the cessation of hopes for his return is completely necessary condition successful separation. Some cling to a person for months and years. And as long as they cling, they suffer, they get stuck in this state.

Often lovers (especially those suffering from love addiction) break up and converge several times. And the further - the lower the quality of their relationship. By doing so, they humiliate themselves, their relationships, they reinforce the skills of how not to live, and reduce their chances of building healthy relationships. There is good rule: "Leaving go!"

And believe that your clinging does not increase the love and respect for you of the one you cling to, but quite the contrary.

2. Overcome intrusive thoughts
Most crisis situations we suffer not from the situation itself, but from false obsessive thoughts about it. "You won't find someone as good as her." "You won't love anyone else." "You will never have children ". "It's impossible to love someone like you." “I won’t love anyone like that again” (this is usually for girls aged 15-18), “There is no need to live anymore.” These thoughts hurt us almost physically, plunge us into despair.

Relatively speaking, 10% of our suffering is from the situation itself, from the inability to see loved one, be with him, etc., 90% - from these false thoughts. So, as soon as we overcome these thoughts, we will stop suffering. And you can overcome obsessive thoughts quickly enough.

First of all, we need to recognize these thoughts as an external force hostile to us, which, with the help of deceit, is trying to plunge us into despair and almost kill us from the world. These thoughts are not generated by you! They have come from outside to harm you. To accept a thought or not to accept is in our power. If we accept it and begin to “chew it”, then it becomes, as it were, ours.

What do psychologists of women's, as well as popular psychological magazines advise in similar cases? Get distracted. Find an activity that will help you take your mind off heavy thoughts. This is as “wise” as advising a front line soldier to turn away from the enemy so as not to see his nasty face, and do something else. Like, you can't see him, so he's gone.

And what about the fact that just at that moment he will put a bullet in your back?

My advice is unequivocal - turn to face the enemy and fight. This is the only real opportunity to deal with this enemy. A thought is such a thing that neither an exercise bike, nor a swimming pool, nor the fingers of a beautician or masseur, nor new lover. Thought can only be defeated by thought!

How to win?

Arguing with hostile thoughts is useless. Some hope, with the help of a discussion with thoughts that overcome them, to analyze something, to judge, to make some kind of decision. IN acute period crisis, in the first week or two, no sound reasoning and right decisions impossible. First you need to bring yourself to a healthy, sober state. In a period of acute crisis, we have only one goal - to gain a sober view of things by combating obsessive thoughts.

The only way to overcome false thoughts - to oppose them with true, kind thoughts, clothed in the power of prayer.

To do this, it is necessary, first of all, to constantly control what kind of thought torments you. That's what I call looking the enemy in the face.

Second, to oppose this thought with an appropriate prayer. That is, a prayer, the meaning of which is opposite to the thought that torments in this moment. Three or four short prayers are enough to “deal with” most of the obsessive thoughts in a breakup situation.

If you are tormented by thoughts of self-pity, thoughts of despondency, grumbling or fear.

Typical thoughts are: “I won’t love anyone else”, “I won’t feel so good with anyone else”, “My life no longer makes sense”, “How can I, poor thing, live now?”. Our worst enemy is self-pity. This pity must be dealt with ruthlessly.

Prayers that are used against such thoughts: “Glory to God for everything!”, “Thy will for everything. Let it be as You please!”

The meaning of these prayers is that we recognize the non-randomness of what happened. We recognize that no matter how painful it is, it is for our good. Thus, we express our trust in God, Who wishes us every good, and the confidence that this event will serve to improve our lives and our souls. And since the improvement of the soul implies an increase in love in it, it means that it is quite possible that we will still love someone, and with a more perfect love.

If you are tormented by thoughts about the person with whom we are parting, or about the one who “took away” this person.

Typical thoughts: “He is the best, you won’t meet such a person again”, “I can’t live without her!”, “How would I return him”, “Scoundrel! How could he deceive me like that!”, “I hate her, the vile one, for taking him away! How can I get revenge on her?"

If we are tormented by the thought of any person, we kill it with a simple prayer: “Lord, bless this person!”. We invest in this prayer the desire for good to a person.

The psychological explanation is this. The fact is that the essence of obsessive thoughts that torment us is evil, aggression. This is either an insult to a person, or a desire to deprive him of his freedom, tying him to himself against his will, or a desire to take revenge, or a desire that misfortunes befell him for what he did. All this is the opposite of love. And so, when we oppose a good thought to these evil thoughts, the evil thought is defeated.

There is also a deeper level of understanding. If we admit that the source of our evil thoughts are dark entities, then it is clear that evil is their goal. And as a result of such prayer, not just good is obtained, but double good: both you benefit from prayer, and the person for whom you pray. Naturally, such a result of their intervention does not suit these dark entities at all, and they move away from you. Verified by many!

If you are tormented by aggressive thoughts addressed to yourself.

False thoughts: “It’s impossible to love someone like you, you are a loser”, “You are to blame for everything, if only you hadn’t made that mistake!”

Prayer: Praise God for everything! If they are really guilty of something: “Lord, have mercy!”, “Lord, forgive!”.

Prayer "Glory to God for everything!" universal. It contains, among other things, self-acceptance, gratitude to God for the good that is in us.

Penitential prayers: “Lord, have mercy!”, “Lord, forgive!” are pronounced without strain, in an even, impassive tone. If we start acting, we ourselves will not notice how, instead of repentance, we will concentrate on despondency and self-pity: “Oh, how unfortunate I am, have pity on me!”. This will only cause harm. When a person truly repents, he firmly believes that God forgives him, and every minute it is easier for him.

I emphasize: the tone of all prayers must be even, no matter what storm rages within us!

There are a few more rules to keep in mind when praying.

First, you need to control your attitude towards the One to whom you pray. Remember that God does not owe you anything. He is not to blame for the fact that you are now ill. But you, most likely, are largely to blame before Him. Therefore, pray humbly. Only humble prayer achieves the goal. Prayer, in the depths of which there is an offense against God or an impudent demand, will not give anything.

This is on the one hand. On the other hand, do not consider yourself a completely alien, disenfranchised petitioner. You are not addressing an indifferent official, but a merciful Father who loves you. He wants to give you everything you ask for and more.

Secondly, believe that you are being heard, that you can be helped and will certainly be helped. God is omnipotent, He created this world out of nothing. God hears your every word (which you yourself hear), and not a single word of yours is wasted.

Thirdly, it is desirable to know as well as possible the One to whom you are praying. Some people think that God is a "higher intelligence." But under the definition of "higher intelligence" is quite suitable and Satan. Therefore, if you are close to Christianity, try reading the Gospel to find out what kind of God He is. Just do not visualize God during prayer - this is very dangerous. (Looking at the icon of Jesus Christ does not mean presenting God in front of you, it is safe.)

You need to pray for exactly as long as the attack on you by obsessive thoughts continues. Some will read the prayer several times, and then say: "I tried to pray - it did not help." This is ridiculous. You are sitting in a trench. The enemy is firing at you from all sides. You fire three shots at the enemy. Naturally, the shelling does not stop. In desperation, you crawl to the bottom of the trench, throwing away the machine gun: it supposedly does not help.

Where is the logic here? The force of action must be equal to the force of reaction! When I was in this situation, for the first 5 or 7 days I prayed almost continuously, repeating the words of the prayers thousands of times. By carefully observing exactly what thought is attacking me now, and using the appropriate prayer against it. I held on to my prayer like a drowning man to a lifeline. Naturally, if I let go of the circle, I would immediately go to the bottom.

Therefore, do not be lazy, do not retreat, do not give up! Fight with all your might!

3. Forgive yourself and the other person

Common problems in a breakup situation are positions of resentment towards the other person or blaming oneself. Both positions prevent us from finally recovering.

Another person may be guilty of something before us. However, you need to forgive him, for two reasons.

First, we do not know exactly why it happened, we do not know the degree of our guilt. The mistakes of one of the two can be obvious (drunkenness, cruelty, treason, consumer attitude on a material level), and the other is hidden (consumer attitude on spiritual level, jealousy, disrespect, emancipation). However, the former may be a consequence of the latter. That is why they say that both are always to blame. Each of the two always has their own truth. And you, knowing only your own truth, but not knowing the truth of another, cannot judge him.

Secondly, your resentment binds you to this person, as shackles bind two convicts. By cutting the chain of resentment, you release not only him, but also yourself. And each of you takes with you your piece of the chain - your share of responsibility.

How to forgive?

Tell him mentally: “I forgive you!” This does not mean that you approve of what he did or take full responsibility for what happened. No, he is responsible and fully responsible for his mistakes. But he will bear this responsibility himself, without your participation.

If obsessive thought resentment will continue to haunt you, use the above weapon prayers: "Lord, bless him!"

If we blame ourselves, we need to sort out our feelings and separate the rational from the irrational.

Rational - these are the facts of your specific sins: betrayal, rudeness, deceit, jealousy, the wife's desire to rise above her husband, etc.

The irrational is just an inferiority complex, behind which are not facts, but beliefs: “I am bad”, “I am no good”, “I am not worthy of love”, etc.

The rational is cured by repentance. Take your share of responsibility on yourself, refraining from self-justification. Ask for forgiveness from a person - really or mentally. Ask forgiveness from God. Work on fixing yourself to become a different person who won't do it again.

The irrational is an obsessive false thought. She heals with prayer and good deeds. But above all - improving relations with parents.

4. Benefit, work on yourself
Known common truth: any difficult situation, any crisis is not a “misfortune”, but a test. A test is an opportunity sent down to us from above, accurately calculated for our needs and abilities, to grow, to take a step towards personal perfection and a better life. And the opportunity to grow is so important and valuable to us that it would be strange to call it a misfortune. As we grow up, we become happier.

But growth does not automatically follow trial. As stated earlier, a test is an opportunity. If we only feel sorry for ourselves, blame others, lose heart, grumble, then we have not passed the test, we have not grown up. And you have to grow. So the next lesson will be tougher.

To pass the test, you must first of all humble yourself. When you and I, overcoming the desire to lose heart, feel sorry for ourselves and grumble, prayed “Glory to Thee, Lord!” This was the school of humility. Thanks to this school, we will not be so upset during the next trials. Humility makes us stronger and more patient. Humility is our most valuable "income" from any trial.

Now that passed acute stage crisis, it is time to soberly analyze the reasons for what happened.

First, what were the components of your relationship, how much love was there, how much addiction, how much physiological passion? From your side, from your partner's side.

Secondly, what were the true goals of the relationship - family, pleasure, mercantile calculation? From your side, from your partner's side. To what extent these goals are worthy of you, do you need such goals?

Thirdly, if the goal was worthy ( real family), then how suitable were you and this person for each other and for this purpose? Could this goal be achieved with this person? And did you know him enough to allow the degree of intimacy that you allowed? And what kind of person can achieve this goal? And what kind of person is best for you? What qualities do you lack in order to successfully achieve this goal? Are you an adult or an addict? What harmful and useful habits did you learn from parental family and from the relationships that preceded those relationships?

Fourthly, if the goal was worthy, and people worthy goals What mistakes did you make in the process of achieving these goals? What should you do to get better results?

In the process of this analysis, write down on paper everything that you need to change in yourself. Your mistakes that you need to repent. Your shortcomings that should be corrected. Those good qualities that need to be developed. These records will be your second "income" from this test.

To get the third "income" from the test, put this sheet into action - start working on yourself. First of all, we are talking about inner work. About overcoming addictions, passions, cultivating love, chastity. Such work on yourself will make you a different person.

If you find it necessary to also work on your body, doing physical education is in any case beneficial. physical training, coupled with overcoming “I can’t do it anymore”, not only make our body younger and more attractive, but also strengthen the will, which has great value for the success of all the affairs of our lives.

It is very important at this stage to set the right goals for the next period of life. It is the improvement of yourself as a person, the cultivation of love in yourself, getting rid of shortcomings that should be your goals. Not new meeting, not the return of the one who left.

Moreover, it is highly desirable to abstain for at least a year from any relationship resembling love, even chaste ones. Because otherwise the relationship will be built on an unreliable foundation. The first time after parting, self-esteem is underestimated. After some time of work on yourself, it can become overpriced. Both that, and another, hinders soberly to estimate the partner. In addition, the substitution effect is known, when we unconsciously look for a replacement for a partner who has left us. Relationships that begin to take shape ahead of time will be fragile.

Therefore, do not go in cycles in the topic of love relationships! Don't worry about having nowhere to meet a good man! Everything will happen in due time. When you're ready to create a full-fledged family — worthy person will appear. As soon as you become a princess, your prince will immediately rush on a white horse. Even if you sit at home all day because of illness, he will make a mistake with the door or phone number - and will come to you. And if you are not ready, then even with a huge circle of friends you will not be able to choose anyone.

If age leaves little hope for the creation new family Moreover, a person is left with one field of activity - his soul. If there is someone to take care of, this is also a worthy task of life, but still, improving yourself is more important. Since only loving person can truly care for others. Here interesting video- the story of a woman who lives a worthy life after a divorce in celibacy.

5. Do not recognize the right to be unhappy
Many of us, unconsciously for ourselves, in the state “I am poor, unhappy, no one loves me” feel more comfortable than in the state: “I was born for happiness, and it depends on me whether to be happy or not.” This is due to infantilism (childishness), the inability to overcome some stages of growing up. We do not want, as adults, to take responsibility for ourselves. And therefore, although we are afraid of trouble, when they come, we literally cling to them and do not want to let go.

How more infantile person, the more long time he gets stuck in a state of experience. Just as at school he liked to lie in bed when he was ill, feel sorry for himself and accept the sympathy of others, so here he lies down in the bed of self-pity. Finally, it seems like a valid reason for self-pity has been found. And in this state after parting, a person, if desired, can stay long years. But what's the point?

In fact, there is not a single valid reason for such relaxation. Adults, mentally healthy people never relieve themselves of their responsibility to themselves and other people. After all, we need other people, and ourselves. We need not only healthy and capable, but also strong, joyful, able to support and delight others.

Therefore, adults, mentally healthy people do not get stuck even in such a severe trauma as experiencing the death of a loved one. No one but our enemies needs our tears, physical and mental illness and suicide. All our near and far, living and dead, need us strong and joyful.

Therefore, our task is to rejoice. And not sometime later, when everything will work out, and we will create a family with one of the heirs of the British royal house. You need to rejoice right now. There is no good reason not to do this. We are alive, able to work, we can love, God loves us, and He has given us many abilities that it's time to use.

6. Do good deeds
Good deeds are of particular importance in self-improvement. If the crisis helped you identify your tendency to love addiction, low self-esteem, selfishness or self-isolation, doing good deeds - the best medicine For you. Only this should be a real good deed, and not a deal based on the gratitude of people.

Difficult experiences must be faced.

How to learn not to react painfully to a person who was dear, and then did a very bad thing to you in life? At least not cry when you see a nickname on the Internet or something similar - on the street?

It follows from the question that we are talking about relationships that have ended, but continue to torment the soul. In psychology, this is called an "incomplete situation." A formal parting is never enough to cut off all the connecting threads. Especially when it comes to relationships tied to mutual spiritual weakness.

I speak of weakness because heartache a person can only be when he is in psychological dependence from a partner. Resentment, anger, jealousy and similar feelings arise only when you expect something from a person, when you need his recognition, love and fidelity. It's common, but it's not normal.

People - especially in heterosexual relationships - very rarely communicate "without a second thought." Consciously or not, both partners always have some views of each other, some plans, some hopes and fantasies. And the more these “bells and whistles”, the higher the likelihood that one day the partner will surprise, will not live up to expectations, will show his true face. Then resentment to the point of tears arises - “I thought, but you, it turns out ...”

Judging by the question, it can be assumed that we are talking about relationships of just this type, when there was a deep emotional penetration into each other, a lot of hopes and expectations. And then something happened that at once crossed out all the dreams and ideas about a partner (friend or girlfriend, it doesn’t matter). And the disappointment that arose due to the fact that the person is not the way you wanted to see him, became the reason for the break in relations.

However, parting in itself cannot relieve the pain of resentment. They say that time heals, but, in relation to such situations, this is a lie. Time only makes it possible to hide your experiences deeper, up to complete oblivion. But the emotions themselves do not fade from this and burst out at the first opportunity - "when they meet a nickname on the Internet and a similar one on the street."

If you do not remind about the painful situation long enough, then, of course, you can completely push it out of consciousness. But this is akin to trying to forget about your inflamed appendicitis. You can drown out the pain, but in most cases it is fatal.

So, we can say that in your situation, parting happened only on the external level. And inside you continue to worry, be offended, jealous, and so on. The pain that was caused to you will not disappear from the fact that you broke up, and will remind you of yourself until you deal with it for real, until the situation is finally completed.

To do this, you need to act in concert on two fronts - intellectual and emotional. First of all, you need to understand very clearly what kind of emotions are boiling inside you, what exactly offended you, what kind of expectations were destroyed. This is what is called understanding feelings. You can take paper and a pen and just start recording the chronology of events external and internal in great detail until there is nothing more to add. Such work allows you to look at the situation more soberly and thereby reduce emotional stress.

The next step is to think about this. Every person has the right to be himself, the way he is. Nobody owes us anything. In this world, every man for himself. And even the promises given to us do not give us the right to consider someone our debtor. It is clear that you want to find someone who you can fully rely on in everyday life and emotionally, but that will never happen. This is just a fairy tale that is told to children about human relations.

JOKE ABOUT A HAPPY MARRIAGE.

Husband and wife lived long happy life married. They shared with each other all their secrets and experiences, but only one thing the wife asked never to do: do not look into old box from under the shoes she kept on the top shelf of her closet.

The man never asked about the contents of the box. He just thought it was something from a personal feminine...

But then one day the old woman fell ill. When she became very ill, she asked her husband to bring that box to her in the hospital, as it was time to reveal the secret.

The old man came home, found the box and opened it. There were 2 inside knitted dolls and a huge pile of money - 95 thousand dollars!

But why? How?! - he could not come to his senses, dumbfounded by such a huge amount.

Before we got married, the old woman said to her surprised husband, my grandmother told me a secret happy marriage. It was that I never argued with my husband. She advised me every time I get angry with you to sit silently and crochet one doll.

The old man was touched - there were only two dolls in the box. For all 50 years life together she only got mad at him twice. He hugged his wife and kissed her.

But where did they come from money ? he wondered.

Ah, this? she replied with a smile. - This is the money I earned from selling dolls.

If you are suffering for a man who has left you, then first of all you need to understand and distinguish between natural suffering, when faced with loss and betrayal, and prolonged suffering, which is already an unhealthy reaction to what happened.

To suffer and experience the pain of loss is natural. The betrayal and departure of a man is a small death and must be experienced.

This is always a tragic event, which is accompanied by pain, disappointment, loss of trust, a feeling that you have been betrayed, humiliated, acted unfairly, left, rejected.

This is especially hard to worry about when a woman is no longer so young.

For many women, the question is:

"How to deal with loss?"

"How to deal with pain?",

“How not to run after him and not ask for a refund?”

And in the end, how to believe that life has not ended, that new meetings and new love are possible.

Very often, a woman lacks simple knowledge about the natural stages of experiencing loss. She does not know how to continue to live, how to behave.

There are 5 stages of suffering from parting with a previously loved one:

Stage 1. Denial.

“It could have happened to anyone but me!”

You have heard similar stories but find it hard to believe that this has happened to you. The fear of separation and the upcoming loneliness are so frightening that you do not understand how to live on.

Stage 2. Anger.

How could he do this to me?

I don't deserve this kind of treatment?

Sadness turns to rage, and you are sometimes frightened by the intensity of your hatred for him. From resentment and bitterness, injustice and humiliation, you feel helpless and very angry.

Stage 3. Activity.

You start thinking: “What if…?”

Possible Pain Relief Options and Changes terrible situation cause a burst of energy. You become creative. And by any means looking for opportunities to restore relationships.

Many just at this moment come to a psychologist with a request to return her husband. Many begin to negotiate with God or the Universe, promising anything if the relationship is restored. And many turn to all possible fortune-tellers and clairvoyants.

But all actions are in vain. Nothing changed.

Stage 4. Depression, loneliness.

After the rise in energy and emotional outburst, there comes a deeper disappointment and a strong energy decline.

A deep sense of loss, loneliness, sadness, and a general world-weariness are what a woman feels at this stage. She hardly gets up in the morning to go to work or do household chores.

Appear classic signs depression: lack of appetite, sometimes vice versa, unwillingness to see anyone and or communicate with someone, tears, insomnia, or vice versa, constant drowsiness.

Stage 5. Acceptance and desire to get out of this state. Journey inside yourself.

A strong desire to heal leads you to deep work on yourself.

You start to analyze your relationships, your life, yourself. A natural question arises: “Why did all this happen to me?”

Start looking for ways to heal mental wounds, let go of the past and forgive everyone, reconnect with your self and find peace in your soul.

This is the final step that allows you to move on from divorce to a new happy life.

And I also want to tell you, do not pay attention to the words of your friends, that you should shake yourself and spit on everything.

It is very important for you to just go through all the stages of your grief.

Remember, "the night is always dark before the dawn."

At all these stages, it is very important that there are people nearby who are ready to support and understand you. It is important that there is a person who will help you understand and realize everything that has happened, help you go through all the difficulties of this period.

Who will it be? Close girlfriend, mother, spiritual teacher, psychologist - it doesn't matter. The main thing is to feel that you are not alone with your suffering.

Experience of grief and an acute condition, as a rule, lasts a year. It takes about 3 years to fully recover from pain.

If your suffering has dragged on, then it's time to think. If you suffer for a LONG time over a man who has left you, you cannot let him go, accept the situation, then this means only one thing - you yourself make such a choice.

For you, life is suffering, you do not know how to be happy and live without suffering, but deep down in your heart you think that you deserve everything that is in your life.

You know that there is another life, but for some reason you think that it is not for you. It's like what is at the table full delicious meals and dare not touch any of them.

If you suffer for a long time over a man who has left you, then for you love is associated with suffering, and while this continues, you save virtual love to a man, creating the illusion of his presence in your life.

To stop suffering means to part with him forever, and this very thought is unbearable for you. You'd rather suffer.

So on a subtle plane you create the illusion of your relationship with him. You are not alone, you are alone with your suffering and pain. And if you suddenly stop feeding your suffering and free yourself from it, what will be left around you?
Nothing.

You are seized with fear at the thought of this, because you do not know how to live differently.

One of my clients, who for years could not forget her husband, who left for another woman, during our meetings remembered how, as a child, she each time hoped and waited that the next the man will leave from her mother's life.
He left, and my mother again emotionally returned to her until the next novel.

Then a man appeared again in her mother's life, and she seemed to relive the loss, betrayal, betrayal.
She felt unnecessary and abandoned, again left alone, forgotten by her mother, in the hope of her soon returning to her.

I hope you understand that my mother did not go anywhere, she simply switched all her attention to the object of her passion.

Subconsciously, my client associated suffering, loneliness, abandonment and uselessness with her love for her mother.
In life, she simply needed suffering, otherwise she did not feel love.

Another client of mine described a similar situation with her father: her mother emotionally distanced herself from her when she reconciled with her father, and vice versa, she moved closer to her daughter after another quarrel with Father.

In life adult woman there is a similar scenario: the man went to another woman, but she cannot believe that this is forever, she is waiting for the moment when he will return to her again.

It seems to you that you can forgive him and live with him differently, but as my practice shows, a broken vase with such a perception of the world cannot be glued together.

Pain and suffering will always be your companions, even if a miracle happens and the husband returns.

Suffering is what you believe in, and most likely, your relationship with a man was not so joyful, in your heart you were unhappy with him, you had many claims against him, perhaps you considered him unworthy of yourself.

Even being next to him, you had reasons to suffer, he could not make you completely happy.

You always lacked something in a relationship, it always seemed to you that a man does not love you enough, does not pay enough attention to you.

With him you did not feel happy, and when he left, it did not bring you joy.
Strange paradox, isn't it?

Women are often relieved that a man is gone - as if a stone falls from their shoulders, but then they begin to suffer from the fact that he is not around.

If you suffer for a long time because of a man who left you, this means that according to your scenario, you cannot be happy.

You aspire to life in a palace, but once you get there, you will feel awkward, unworthy of living in such a beautiful place.

In your unconscious there is no place for another life - joyful, easy, with pleasure. You don't have that experience. Therefore, all your suffering is fully justified from the point of view of your unconscious.

You must be aware of all the details and details of the existing script in order to rewrite it. Find moments in your relationship with your parents where you are stuck.

In this state, you are like a blind man who is used to living in the dark and begging on the street.
Yes, he suffers, but he knows no other life.

If you perform a miracle and give him sight, he will become an even more unhappy person, because he will have to start living anew, learn to look at life in a new way, and the worst thing is that unconsciously, deep down, he does not want to be able to see.

So your suffering for the departed man nourishes you and satisfies your secret desires.

You need to be in painful relationship with a man who no longer belongs to you. But in this situation, it is more important for you that you are suffering, and not that the man has left.

It seems to you that if you stop thinking about him, you will lose him forever, it scares you, because thinking about him creates the illusion of his presence in your life.

If you suffer from a man who has left you, if your condition has dragged on for a long time, then this means only one thing - you are dependent on the presence of another person in your life, you do not love yourself, you are not interested in being alone with yourself, you only need Him, to feel happy.

You must realize the full power of the influence of the past on your present life.

You must understand that you are not living in reality, but are in your fantasies that a miracle will happen, and he will return to you, realizing that you were the only and necessary woman for him.

Many women spend countless years on such fantasies and secret desires.

They do not want and cannot believe that He is already living with ANOTHER woman, he loves her, there is no place for you in his soul.

Your reactions and feelings are similar to the reactions of children who are in Orphanage when they spend their days standing at the window waiting for their mother.

In every woman they see their mother, at night they do not let go of a soft toy, hugging her and talking to her, imagining that they are talking to their mother, who is like soft toy will always be with them.

Your reaction is similar to small child, who cannot refuse and forget his mother, cannot believe that his mother left him, she does not need him.

The child feels that he has been abandoned, abandoned. To be left alone, small in such big world- very scary. Mom gives not only love, but also a sense of security. And with her departure, it collapses, the most important thing suffers - a sense of SECURITY.

If you suffer from a man who has left you, you must understand that this reaction is not to a man - with his departure, your childhood pain and childhood suffering wake up.

All the feelings that you live are not new to you. They are familiar to you. You just don't remember them. They were stored in the depths of your unconscious, and now parting with a man has awakened them.

In psychology, there is such a thing as “Secondary benefit from illness.” At the level of consciousness, a person does not want to get sick, but in connection with his illness, he nevertheless receives a certain benefit - the attention of others and sympathy.

Why do so many people love to go to the doctor? Only because doctors listen carefully to them and show interest in them.

So your suffering brings you a certain benefit. You feel life when you suffer. To suffer or be free from suffering is your choice.

Just think about what your former man has been living his life for a long time.

Why can't you start living differently?

Why can't you understand that you live in your children's scenario? It was a long time ago.

Why do you let the past have a strong influence on you?

Live all your painful feelings, realize their similarity with your past and start living differently, without suffering.

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In order to have time to jump off the train, which, picking up speed, takes you in the usual way to an undesirable destination - pain and suffering, you must finally decide not to let something that hurts you into your life.

Why do we suffer so much in our lives? Why, when we want the simple things, can't we get them? Why woman's happiness available to few? Why do we constantly experience the same pain? How to make the existing negative scenarios of love cease to affect us, and we "jumped out" of our suffering and experiences?

I think if you are engaged in spiritual development and are trying to change your life, strive to become happy, you have repeatedly asked yourself these questions.

Elena's story

To begin with, I want to tell you the story of my client, which very eloquently shows how internal changes and how to get rid of the unfortunate scenario that appears in the relationship.

Lena came to see me 4.5 years ago. She is quite attractive woman, but I immediately drew attention to the sad, even hopeless expression of her eyes. In their depths, an unexpressed longing and loneliness lurked, although she herself was quite optimistic and cheerful.

She had two marriages behind her, in which she was happy only a short time. It was difficult to name both her husbands successful men. They were kind and gentle, took care of his wife and forgave her a lot, but over time she ceased to appreciate them and in quarrels very often showed open disrespect. Sometimes she did not even hesitate to use rude and very offensive expressions. But she got away with it. Husbands were ready to endure her unkindness, because she knew how to love and completely dissolve in a man, give a feeling of exclusivity, surround with care. However, such moments came only when she was on the wave of love, and when she had a desire. But the impulse of tenderness soon faded away, and the woman again became dissatisfied.

Despite all the obvious advantages and conveniences of these marriages, Elena was deeply unhappy, believing that worthy man did not appear in her life.

She came to me after last divorce and the end of several failed romances. She perfectly explained to me everything that happens in her life.

For some reason, I always want to receive their love and tenderness. The hunting instinct “turns on” inside me. I begin to seek the love of such a man, and everything is used. I surround the gentleman with care and understanding. But sometimes I freak out and leave, then I come back. I demand tenderness and attention. And then I love and am ready to accept everything as it is, I convince myself that I don’t need care, I’m learning to be independent, then I tell myself that I don’t need anything.

Sometimes I remember with regret the relationship with my ex - who knows how to give husbands. At such moments, I begin to dream of a gentle and loving partner. And he appears in my life. And at the beginning of a relationship, I like him ... and then again everything bothers me, and I endlessly think about a self-sufficient man.

So it shakes me through life - from one man to another. And I just can not stop and just live, be happy. Why is it always wrong for me?

"I want to love and be loved" - this was Lena's request in therapy.

And we started to work. It took a long time for the woman to realize and see her unconscious script. And he is.

As a child, she loved her father very much, but he was an emotionally distant person. Her mother was very much in love with her husband (this was her second marriage) and paid all her attention only to him. The enthusiasm of the mother and the structure of her psyche did not allow her to completely immerse herself in caring for her lovely daughter - a girl with curls, with big, beautiful, but very sad eyes. Therefore, my client still has childhood, by the age of three, a pronounced need for father's love was formed. Not satiated and not nourished by maternal care, she waited with redoubled, if not tripled strength, for attention from her father.

However, she was even less fortunate with her father than with her mother - and she was an imperious, sometimes cruel woman, but not indifferent to her child. She loved as much as she could. The father turned out indifferent person GENERALLY unable to love.

The girl, not understanding this, tried in every possible way to get his love. She stuck to him, how can she do that Small child, seeking attention, all the time asked to play with her. And he did not seem to refuse, but he was so far from her emotionally.

During therapy, Elena realized how much she had always loved her father and how much she wanted to receive love and care from him. But, alas, he did not know how to give warmth. People with a narcissistic personality structure like his just can't love others. In their space there is a place only for themselves. For own desires and thoughts. Their souls are empty, they have no responsiveness. They need other people only to maintain their narcissistic nature, to feed the importance.

As a rule, after realizing one’s problems in relationships with loved ones, and most importantly, after experiencing the pain of rejection and uselessness, loneliness and cold, mental fatigue sets in. And it is this fatigue that helps you decide that you WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN. And it doesn’t matter if rejecting men come into your life or not, they won’t stay in it.

Elena stopped taking the initiative in relations with her father, and they stopped communicating. She spent years sorting out her relationship with him. And later, her mother showed up in our therapeutic space.

Together with the client, we lived through many acute emotional moments and, step by step, plunged into childhood pain ...

And then a man entered Lena's life, strong, handsome, successful. And she was really drawn to him. But from time to time she still had a feeling of her uselessness. She didn't feel like she mattered to him. Sometimes she felt cold and uncomfortable around him. Her feelings accumulated and she began to realize that she could not stay in this relationship.

And once, after another experience of her uselessness, she had a very symbolic dream.

A man is standing on the bank of the river. And Lena in a bathing suit enters the stream and realizes that it is not deep here - she will not be able to completely immerse herself in the water and swim with pleasure. But she does not pay attention to the lack of water and begins to do various tricks in the river to show herself and attract the attention of a man. However, she soon realizes that he is indifferent to her maneuvers, and because of this, she is overcome by a bitter sense of disappointment and pain. She realizes that he is completely uninteresting and not needed.

Waking up with a lump in her throat and pain in her chest, Elena still did not understand what this dream was telling her. However, while talking about her dream, she suddenly saw that it reflected not only her current life situation but also the relationship with his father. She remembered how, as a seven-year-old girl, she climbed onto her father's lap and began to portray a circus performer. She performed acrobatic stunts, imagining her father as her partner in the arena, who backs her up and keeps her safe.

And Lena realized that then, in childhood, she felt how much her father was removed from her and supported her only mechanically. He just couldn't refuse her. But he didn't care what she portrayed, he was busy with his own thoughts. Everything was like in her dream, when she demonstrated herself in the water, and the man did not show interest.

Elena realized that her current partner is very similar to her father, and with him she experiences what she once experienced with her father. During our conversation, I saw how at some point she again plunged into her pain and suffering. But this pain was no longer as acute as two years ago. The suffering was bearable, and Lena clearly understood that she no longer wanted to be around such men. She does not want to deserve and seek their love. Unwilling to take the initiative. And she does not like that the connection rests only on her. She felt that she was ready for another relationship - and at that moment she "broke out" of her script.

Yes, she was already on the train that would have taken her across the known path, but she managed to jump off him, realizing that she no longer wanted to go to this destination.

Elena stopped communicating with her man. And two weeks later, he called her and said that he was ready for a dialogue, that he wanted to learn to love and trust women.

Eight months later they were married, and after another seven months they had beautiful daughter Nastya. Of course, they periodically have problems, and there is a misunderstanding, but they are open to communication with each other, and most importantly, both want to work on relationships and are ready to dive into the depths of their love.

Later, my client's husband confessed to her that for the first time in his life, a woman refused a relationship with him, declaring her desires. And he realized that it was time to say goodbye to his egoism, and that Elena was exactly the partner with whom he was ready to change.

Lena's story is one of many examples of how you can move away from your negative inner script.

Of course, my client's life could have taken a different path. The man she stopped seeing could be gone forever. But for the most part, it doesn't matter. The most important thing is that after living and realizing her scenario, Elena was able to complete it within herself. So, there will be no more in her life disharmonious relations, and with one hundred percent certainty it can be argued that the suspended men will not linger in her path, they will either leave or change, passing their lessons.

Steps to End an Unwanted Script

1. The realization that you are reproducing what happened to you as a child.
2. Contact with pain and understanding that these are the feelings you lived with one of your parents.
3. Working with defenses that keep pain in the depths of the psyche.
4. Living your suffering on new coils of awareness.
5. Tired of suffering and understanding that there will be no other way with this (problematic for you) person.
6. Making a decision to end your suffering.

I would like to draw your attention to this point. So many of you are going through the first two stages. But at the same time, they do not plunge into the depth of pain, but, on the contrary, run away from it.

You do not give up a secret dream for a different outcome with the same partner. You believe to the last that everything can change. And therefore you cannot experience the real emotional fatigue generated by the internal struggle. And therefore, you are not able to make a decision to abandon the negativity in your life.

You need to either accept your suffering and relationships as they are, or abandon them forever.

By the way, in my client’s dream, water symbolized feelings and love, which seem to be there, but they are not enough to plunge into them, like into a deep river, and enjoy the relationship process.

I hope this article has helped you figure out how to "jump" out of your habitual inner scripts and discover new road love without pain or suffering.

If you want to understand how to end your suffering, then we are waiting for you at

Always happy to help you become happier!

With love,

Irina Gavrilova Dempsey

More recently, you walked together through the streets of the city, confessed your love to each other and made plans for the future, and now you different sides“barricades”, you communicate as if you are enemies, and so you want to return everything. It seems that all that life was the very present and what should be. And now it's some horrible dream, which should end.

These sufferings alone without a loved one take out the soul, and only one thought torments: How to stop suffering and live after parting with a loved one?

Before answering this question, it should be clarified that this case I am talking about a relationship that has formally ended and, no matter how painful it is for you, you do not intend to return your loved one. But, despite this, you are still suffering, yearning, your soul is still in past relationships and they haunt you.

If this is your case, then on the site love-911 I will tell you: how to survive a breakup, how to stop suffering after parting with a loved one and what needs to be done for this?

talking unscientific language the situation you are in, shitty , but you ended up in it solely through your own fault. No, no, I'm not talking about building relationships and not about the fact that you did something wrong, I'm talking about the fact that a person experiences excruciating torment and suffering in similar situation only when the situation remains unfinished.

That is, your relationship may have come to a logical end, but you have not solved the problems that were in them for yourself. The relationship remained unfinished.

After all, to say to each other: “Farewell” is just a formality, words flying out of your mouth. And it is necessary that your brains accept this fact. You can accept this when you understand the relationship, understand and realize what happened to the relationship and that parting was necessary in order to live on and enjoy life. But such an analysis can be done only after your resentment, your despair, anger and hatred finally spill out. Then you will be able to properly collect your thoughts and think about everything.

I also have to say that if you really want to turn this page of life, then inaction and the hope that time heals will not help here. In such cases, time only helps to shove your experiences into the most remote corner, but exactly until someone or something disturbs them again. Then emotions and experiences again begin to stir the soul.

How to stop suffering after parting with a loved one?

So, if you broke up with a man or woman, but you just can’t calm down, constantly worrying, jealous, angry and hating, then you broke up only in words. In fact, you have not let go and keep this person in your soul. So something needs to be done about it.

This situation is like a cancerous tumor, you can take pills to numb the pain. But cancer is not cured from this, but only grows and eventually kills - it is necessary to treat cancer, and not just drown it out with pills.

Feelings of resentment, hatred, jealousy, longing and anger also need to be treated, but not with alcohol or pills, as some do, but with the most psychological methods.

These methods should touch two areas: emotional and intellectual.

emotional sphere.

To understand it, you need to clearly define:

How do you feel when you think about the person you broke up with?
- How do you feel when you think about the relationship with him: those that you really had, not about what could have been, or you wanted to, but about what you had?
- How do you feel after parting with him?

Here you don't have to argue. You must think and feel. Anything you feel, write it down. It's called understanding feelings.

After this process, it will become much easier for you, and you will relieve emotional stress.

Now we can proceed to the intellectual part.

Intellectual sphere.

Each of us is born a free man, each of us has the right to independence, freedom of choice, freedom of expression.

It is not simple beautiful words. This is a given, and the relationship between a man and a woman cannot cancel this given.

Each of us can dream about anything, think about anything, want anything. How great is that! Truth?

Why, then, as soon as it comes to a person close to us and his personal desires that run counter to ours, all these privileges and givens disappear somewhere and we, as it were, by itself, of course, deprive our partner of the right to freedom, making him a hostage of our dreams and desires.

You are you, he is he, and each of you builds your life, focusing solely on your desires and feelings. And, since you broke up, it means that one of you wanted this.

If we do not agree with this, if we expected something else, then these are our difficulties, these are our expectations that have not come true, these are our hopes that have been shattered. And the fact that we made plans for this person is also our problem. You can not hang on a partner those thoughts and fantasies that do not belong to him. He is not to blame for them.

Our behavior in a relationship is very well reflected when a situation of treason arises: when one of the partners is cheating on another, then the cheater, under the pretext of complete honesty, must definitely confess to treason. In reality, this is not done so that the relationship is honest. To do this, it was necessary to think before cheating, and in order to relieve yourself of guilt, and shift the responsibility for the relationship onto the shoulders of the partner.

So it is here: if we dream and make plans for a loved one, then we also need to solve our unjustified hopes ourselves.

You have to come to terms with this situation and understand where the partner put you in a situation of unjustified hopes, and where you yourself fantasized and dreamed.

This can also be written, for example, in two columns.

You will have to work on your fantasies, discard them and draw conclusions.
Everything that appears in the column of promises and vows of your other half will require continuation.

The continuation of all this should be a conversation with your former partner or partner. After you think it over and formulate for yourself, you can ask concrete questions then you will get concrete answers. Don't expect an apology or anything. All unfulfilled promises and oaths should remain on his conscience, your task is simply to clarify and let go of this situation in order to be able to fully complete the relationship.
By the way, no one should explain anything to you either, so even refusing to meet or refusing to explain should also become a kind of answer for you.

Obviously, emotions and longing will still haunt you for some time. But, if you follow our recommendations, then this will already be a kind of residual phenomenon that time will heal.
You can help yourself: find new hobbies, interests and acquaintances. Set new goals for yourself. This will speed up the recovery process and make you a less vulnerable person.

And, the last thing: you need to understand that these recommendations cannot be completely suitable for absolutely everyone and in all situations, because each story is unique. Therefore, if you doubt that your situation fits these recommendations, you can contact the service specialists

The most common model of relationships - dependent relationships - with a fixation on a partner. We were taught this way - to live differently, to love the other, to idealize the other, to curse the other too ... The focus has always been outside, not inside. It's hard for us to think that something is wrong here. And yet, it is precisely the focus on the personality of another, and not on oneself, that brings us much suffering and pain. After all, when two people go deep into a relationship, it is quite predictable and guaranteed that at some point they will open each other's deepest wounds and press on the most painful points.

What causes our dependence in a relationship? And what is she hiding underneath? How "inevitable" is our suffering?

If you smiled and thought "well, this is not about me," do not rush to close the topic. The symptoms of addictive relationships are opaque and insidious, and it takes purposeful awareness and courage to see them in your life. For example, you are thrown into the cold, then into the heat - from the feeling of being chosen and superior to complete self-abasement. Or just about, and there will be a need for approval and support from others in order to feel that everything is going well. Or periodically rolls over the feeling of his powerlessness to change anything in the current relationship, which slowly but surely kills both. Or do you often seek relief in alcohol, food, work, sex, or some other external stimulus to distract you from your worries, your inability to experience feelings of true intimacy and love. Yes, and the role of a martyr is given to you especially gracefully and naturally ... Then look, do not be afraid, look into the face of what may have been forced out of your consciousness, what you have denied in yourself for many years or even "did not guess" - your addiction.

Features of the manifestation of dependence:

• A person defines who he is (his identity) only through relationships. Without a partner, he does not think of himself at all. In relationships, he seems to be supplemented to the whole, but at what cost - renouncing himself. He looks at the other as the source of his happiness and the fullness of existence. If I am not happy, then I hold the other person responsible for it.
• An addicted person constantly depends on another person: on his opinion, on his mood, on whether he approved or frowned, and so on.
• Dependent persons find it very difficult to separate themselves from their partner. The loss of a partner is unbearable for them. Therefore, they seek to increase infantile interdependence rather than reduce it. They thus reduce their value, sabotage their freedom. They also constantly undermine the freedom of a partner.
• Such people are characterized by the inability to perceive and respect the individuality, uniqueness, "friendship" of a loved one. True, they do not perceive themselves as separate people. This is the source of much unnecessary suffering. When one person says to another: "I can not live without you", It's not love, it's manipulation. Love is the free choice of two people to live together. Moreover, each of the partners can live alone.
• Dependent people are looking for a couple, trying to solve their problems in this way. They believe that love relationship cure them of boredom, melancholy, lack of meaning in life. They hope that the partner will fill the void in their lives. But when we choose a mate, placing such hopes on her, in the end, we cannot avoid hating a person who has not lived up to our expectations.
• Unable to define their psychological boundaries. Dependent people don't know where their boundaries end and where other people's boundaries begin.
• Always trying to produce good impression on others. They always try to earn love, please other people, wear masks of "goodness". Thus, dependent people try to control the perception of other people. But at what cost - betraying their true feelings, needs.
• They do not trust their own views, perceptions, feelings or beliefs, but listen to the opinions of others.
• They try to be needed by other people. They often play the role of "rescuers".
• Jealous.
• They experience difficulties on their own.
• They idealize a partner and become disappointed in him over time.
• Unconnected with their dignity and intrinsic value.
• They experience despair and painful loneliness when they are not in a relationship.
• They believe that the partner must change.

Addiction It is a relationship with a fixation on another person.

Adult codependency occurs when two psychologically dependent people establish a relationship with each other. In such relationships, everyone contributes a part of what is necessary for him to create a psychologically complete or independent personality. Since neither of them can feel and act completely independently of the other, they tend to stick to each other like glued on. As a result, everyone's attention is focused on the personality of the other, and not on himself.

The addicted lover strategy

A disproportionate amount of time and attention is spent on the person targeted by the addiction. Thoughts about the "beloved" dominate the mind, becoming an overvalued idea. Characterized by obsession in behavior, in emotions, anxiety, self-doubt, impulsiveness of actions and deeds, difficulty in expressing intimate feelings. He, as a rule, does not know what he needs specifically, but desperately wants a partner to make him happy (as in a fairy tale: "go there, I don't know where, bring something, I don't know what"…).

The love of an addict is always conditional! It is mixed with fear, jealousy, manipulation, control, claims, reproaches from unjustified expectations.

There is no trust in such relationships. Without it, the person becomes suspicious, anxious and full of fear, while the other feels emotionally trapped, it seems to him that he is not allowed to breathe freely. There is jealousy - fear of loneliness, low self-esteem and self-loathing.

The addict is in the grip of experiencing unrealistic expectations in relation to another person who is in the system of these relations, without criticism of his condition. Waiting is the first, weak form of "demanding"... And demanding is, in fact, aggression. Directed - at oneself, at the world, at life, at another person.

A love addict forgets about himself, stops taking care of himself and thinking about his needs outside of a dependent relationship. The addict has serious emotional problems, in the center of which is the fear that he tries to suppress. The fear that is present at the level of consciousness is the fear of being abandoned. By his behavior, he seeks to avoid abandonment. But on subconscious level it is the fear of intimacy. Because of this, the addict is unable to tolerate "healthy" intimacy. He is afraid to be in a situation where he has to be himself. This leads to the fact that the subconscious leads the addict into a trap in which he chooses a partner for himself who cannot be intimate. This may be due to the fact that in childhood the addict failed, experienced psychological trauma when showing intimacy to parents.

In my understanding, love between two people can take place only when each of them has become a spiritually mature person, and it can only be truly deep and beautiful when relationships come from freedom.

1. Love is freedom, but not the kind of freedom that does not recognize obligations. Love is responsibility, obligations that you yourself voluntarily observe, and the freedom of choice that you give to another person. It is important that our love does not become a suffocation for loved ones. To comply with obligations to a loved one, but at the same time let him breathe freely.

Nobody belongs to anyone! The partner is not my property. He is a person, a soul who has decided to walk the path with you so that together you can grow. It's not always easy to let go of the one you love, but there is no other way. Life wisdom tells us: the more freedom we give to another, the closer he is to us.

1. To love is to be there when you need it, and step back a little when the space becomes too small for two. "When two devastated souls meet, they are already tired of each other right away, their relationship is doomed"(Jigme Rinpoche).

Partners in such close relationships move in and out of each other during their dance, they are not always psychologically together and may still quarrel and argue with each other, but they do it impartially and with respect for each other's needs and feelings. This is made possible through trust and conscientiousness.

1. A relationship of Freedom and Love is fundamental security. When two people learn to be independent, whole, autonomous people, they no longer need to protect themselves from each other, control (themselves and a partner) and manipulate. Love means that next to you a person can be real. He is allowed to be weak, he is allowed to doubt, he is allowed to be ugly, he is allowed to get sick, he is allowed to make mistakes. To love a person more than the actions that he performs. To be the one about whom they know that he will never betray. We love and love just like that, for nothing, because we cannot help but love. We love out of abundance, not fear and insufficiency. We love, not to possess, but to give, to give away what overwhelms us.
2. Relationships from Freedom and Love are always maturity and awareness. This deepest work over himself, first of all. Love is like death. Through the experience of love, a person is reborn for a new life: he dissolves his ego, is freed from it. Love - I am ready to give up my selfishness.

That's what it is highest degree freedom - first of all, internal! When you are free, you respect and appreciate the freedom of your partner. Become a source of freedom...

"Immature people, falling in love, destroy each other's freedom, create dependence, build a prison. Mature people in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy any addictions. When love lives in dependence, ugliness appears. And when love flows with freedom, beauty appears"(Osho).

If you are in dependent relationships, your attention is focused on another person, you feel happy only next to him. You are ready for anything, just to get it, because otherwise your world is empty and gray. If you choose to find inner integrity and maturity, look for a way out and do not find, there is simple technique Gratitude Technique!

Find time for yourself. Stay alone with yourself, with your soul. Ask yourself a few simple questions and answer them sincerely.

• What am I thanking this man for?

• What attracts me to it?

• What happens to me when I interact with him?

• How are we similar?

• Where does it expand me? What can I learn from him?

• Why can't I still delete his contact?

• What can I keep from this connection? Which lessons?

• What binds us at the Soul level? Why do we both need this connection and this experience?

• What is the most valuable thing in my life now because of this experience?

• How did he protect me when he didn't choose me? What are my good thoughts about him?

• What am I like because of my relationship with this person? What in me, which was in the shadow of my consciousness, has found light?
• Can I go on by myself? Bless and release him? Is there love and gratitude in my heart for this person? If not, why not? What is not yet completed between us? How much time do I give myself to complete this? Do I choose to sacrifice another piece of my life to what is already in the past?