Family conflicts. The main causes of family conflicts. What is family

28.04.2019

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Introduction

Chapter I. Conflicts in a young family

1.1 What is family

1.2 The concept of family conflicts and the reasons for their occurrence

1.3 Ways to prevent and resolve family conflicts

Chapter II. Empirical research causes of conflicts in young families

2.1 Organization and conduct of research

2.2 Analysis and interpretation of results

Conclusion

Bibliography

Applications

Introduction

The relevance of research. Every year, millions of families are created in our country, which are to grow stronger and stronger. A young family is considered a family with or without children with a marriage experience of up to 5 years and the age of spouses not older than 30 years. There are about 18% of such families in our country. The well-being and strength of these families is an important social problem.

In the initial period family life there is a transformation of the formally proclaimed marriage union into a truly family unit. Young family - difficult time creating common needs, interests, attitudes, tastes and habits. In other words, it is necessary to create a system of “we” from two different “I's”. This is not an easy task. The strength of the marriage, the creation of a favorable climate for the further development of family relations, largely depends on how young spouses will be able to adapt, master new roles, create an atmosphere of mutual understanding and respect.

Young marriages are characterized by the initial entry into each other's world, the distribution of labor and responsibilities in the family, the solution of housing, financial and problems related to the maintenance of a common household and everyday life, entering the role of husband and wife, deformation of the personality, the process of acquiring life experience, growing up and maturity ... And with the appearance of a child, the tension of the time budget, a sharp restriction of entertainment, rest, leisure, an increase in physical and nervous fatigue. In this regard, they have significantly limited opportunities for professional growth, for the realization of their interests. This period marriage life is the most difficult and dangerous from the point of view of family stability. A large part of young families break up at the very beginning of the joint married life... Statistics show that about 2/3 of divorces occur in couples with up to five years of marriage.

The object of the research is a young family.

The subject of the research is the causes of conflicts in a young family.

The aim of the research is to study the causes of conflicts in young families.

In accordance with the goal, the following tasks were set:

Consider the concept of family conflicts and the reasons for their occurrence;

Consider ways to prevent and resolve family conflicts;

Identify the causes of conflicts in young families.

Hypothesis - we assume that conflicts in modern young families are mainly caused by economic problems.

Research methods: literature analysis, test and survey.

Number of respondents: 16.

psychological family conflict

Chapter 1. Conflicts in a young family

A family- This is a unit of society, a group of relatives, sometimes living together, but unambiguously communicating with each other. Each individual family is an equal union of a woman and a man, implying mutual obligations and responsibilities.

1.1 What is family

In a narrow sense a family- this is a husband, wife and their children. This is every single family. In the broadest sense of the word, the family is the same husband, wife and children, plus parents on both sides, grandparents, and so on. That is, in this case, a family is a genus united by one (or several) surnames.

The family is the most important value in the lives of many people living in modern society... Every member of society, besides social status, ethnic background, property and financial situation, from the moment of birth to the end of life, has such a characteristic as a family and marital state. For a child, a family is an environment in which the conditions for his physical, mental, emotional, and intellectual development are directly formed. For an adult, a family is a source of satisfaction for a number of his needs and a small team that makes various and rather complex requirements for him. In stages life cycle a person's functions and status in the family are consistently changing.

To designate a family or pedigree, the Latin word "surname" is used, which in Russian primarily means "a common name for family members", traditionally considered the main purpose of creating a family.

The family is a whole organization of relationships between people; it can take on various forms. The quality of the forms will depend on the representation, on those component parts that will inhabit this state. Therefore, the problems differ in the degree of their resolution. There are two sides to be responsible for family relationships: both the husband and the wife. And since the family is a living organism, its evolution is inevitable. Like any form of organization, the family has its own laws, rules of coexistence. They are different for men and women. V recent times the cause of many troubles in the family is the woman. It is on her behavior that the outcome of events in the relationship depends. The desire to find answers to exciting questions - her the main task in achieving well-being in the family. Family life needs to be learned. And if the girl was not prepared for this by her parents, then in the future, great losses of time and energy are possible. In a family, each of its members is both a student and a teacher, as this is a creative process. And the connection itself is the next step in learning how to relate to yourself and your environment. At the very first stages of the development of such interaction, there is a large share of aggression and jealousy. All this happens because everyone here strives for power, for monopoly, for superiority. Thus, the family is a social group that has a historically defined organization, whose members are connected by marriage or kinship relations (as well as by the relationship of taking children into upbringing), community of life, mutual moral responsibility, and the social necessity of which is due to the need of society for physical and spiritual reproduction of the population.

1.2 The concept of family conflicts and the reasons for their occurrence

People who are starting a family strive to satisfy a complex of needs - in love, in children, in experiencing common joys, in understanding, communication. However, the formation of a family is not only the realization of the ideal ideas about marriage that the future spouses have. This is the real life of two, and then several people, in all its complexity and diversity; it includes continuous negotiations, agreements, compromises and, of course, overcoming difficulties, resolving conflicts that exist in every family.

Family conflicts are conflicts that arise between members of the same family, both about issues of family life, and about meeting the various needs of its members, compliance with role behavior expectations.

The family can be viewed from two main positions: as a small social group and as a social institution. In the first case, we can talk about the social - psychological (emotional and psychological), and in the second - about the sociological (instrumental) levels of group communication. Proceeding from this, the first group of conflicts will be determined mainly by the personal qualities of the spouses and the peculiarities of intra-family relations. The second is the influence of external subjective - objective conditions on marital relations. In everyday family life, distinguish internal reasons conflicts from outside can be difficult. The same external influences can sometimes cause diametrically opposite reactions in different married couples. For example, difficult financial and living conditions for one family can cause constant conflicts and even divorce, and for another - one of the main factors in strengthening family ties. Sometimes the spouses themselves do not fully understand the real causes of conflicts.

New, very complex image life, the burden of family responsibilities, the unsettled life and other things associated with the beginning of a life together turn out to be an unexpected, unpleasant, and sometimes overwhelming burden for many married couples. The fact that this is the case is evidenced by the authoritative opinions of A. Kharchev and V. Matskovsky, who, among the main causes of family conflicts and divorces in young families, include the attitude toward marriage as something easy. This attitude manifests itself in the following four factors: 1) unpreparedness of young people for a sharp change in their way of life; 2) the complexity of relations between generations; 3) hedonistic attitude towards marriage (when only pleasant surprises are expected from him); 4) lack of preparation to perform the entire range of functions required by the family.

Family conflicts are usually associated with the desire of people to satisfy certain needs or create conditions for their satisfaction without taking into account the interests of the partner. The conflict, as a rule, is generated not by one, but by a complex of reasons, among which the main reason can be distinguished quite conditionally.

So, V.A. Sysenko identified the following reasons for marital conflicts:

1. dissatisfaction with the need for the value and significance of one's “I”, violation of dignity on the part of another partner;

2. dissatisfaction with the sexual needs of one of the spouses;

3.dissatisfaction with the need of one or both spouses for positive emotions: lack of affection, tenderness, care, attention and understanding;

4. addiction of one of the spouses to alcoholic beverages, gambling, drugs;

5. financial disagreements between spouses: issues of mutual budget, family maintenance, contribution of each partner to her financial situation;

6.dissatisfaction with the need for mutual assistance, mutual support, cooperation on the division of labor in the family, household, raising children, in relation to parents and so on;

7. different needs and interests in recreation and leisure, disagreements in hobbies.

Of course, this classification does not cover the entire variety of marital conflicts, but it makes it possible to systematize the main ones. Let's take a look at some of these conflicts.

One of the most common psychological problems in young spouses is the problem of interaction with parental families. It can be generated to a greater extent by one of the spouses or parents.

In the first case, insufficient maturity of one of the young people, his emotional addiction from the parental family does not allow the formation of a normal marital system. Many young people do not immediately realize that now they must resolve all problems, difficulties, and controversial issues with each other, and not with their parents.

In the second case, the problem comes from the parents who find it difficult to reduce the degree of their participation in the life of the grown child. It can be difficult for them to give up the idea of helping, even if the young do not really need it. At the same time, the expectations of children and parents regarding the balance of providing and receiving help and gratitude may not coincide.

The young couple must establish a territory that is relatively independent of parental influence, and the parents, in turn, need to change the way they interact with their children after they have started their own family.

According to sociologists, the origins of many conflicts in young families should be sought in the struggle for domination in the family. Moreover, the attitude towards leadership concerns not only purely everyday problems marriage (how to spend money, where to spend vacations, etc.), but also, in fact, the whole complex of relationships between husband and wife.

Even before marriage, each person develops his own ideas about what family life should be like, what responsibilities spouses should have. But the emerging family relations often come into conflict with what the future spouses expected from family life. Conflicts based on the division of labor, inconsistencies in the system - mutual rights and responsibilities in the family are sometimes an insoluble problem for young spouses.

Any socio-economic difficulties of the family: lack of their own housing, low wages, lack of provision with kindergartens and nurseries - are reflected in the mental well-being of the spouses, and ultimately on their relationship.

All young spouses, regardless of their security, have financial problems. Beginners in family life need to learn how to balance their desires with opportunities, expenses - with income, that is, create a model of planning and distribution of the family budget that satisfies them.

Many quarrels, grievances and misunderstandings arise from differences in views on spending free time.

If the spouses recognize each other the right to a kind of temporary separate pastime as a kind of rest from permanent contact with each other, then there will be fewer conflicts in their lives. V modern life, tense, full of many events, people need a varied vacation, including outside the family. Such rest is extremely necessary for everyone, but it will be complete when complete mutual understanding and trust have been established between the spouses.

If there is no trust, a feeling of jealousy arises, which brings a lot of trouble into family life. A laconic and rather clear definition of jealousy can be found in V. Dahl's explanatory dictionary: "Jealousy is a blind and passionate distrust, a painful doubt about someone's love or fidelity."

Psychologists say that a healthy feeling of jealousy, jealousy in small doses - necessary component love. But the manifestation of jealousy already depends on the general level of a person's culture, on feelings dignity, the ability to manage their emotions.

The reasons and reasons for the emergence of conflict situations become much greater with the appearance of a child in the family. The spouses have new difficult responsibilities for caring for the child and raising him. In this regard, they have significantly limited opportunities for professional growth, for the realization of their interests. There may be a clash of views between spouses and their parents on raising a child. During this period, the wife's fatigue associated with caring for the child can lead to temporary disharmony in sexual relations.

Thus, we examined the most common causes of conflicts in young families in the literature: the complexity of relations between generations, claims to leadership, separation of household chores, economic problems, leisure activities, jealousy and the appearance of a child in the family. How consistent is this real life, will show us the corresponding empirical research.

1.3 Ways to prevent and resolve family conflicts

Sociologists point out that "marriages that are free from conflict from the beginning do not really exist." Happy families differ not in the absence or low frequency of conflicts, but in their shallow depth and comparative painlessness and inconsistency. Each resolved conflict enhances mutual understanding, mutual respect and increases concern for each other.

It should be noted that not every marital conflict has a negative meaning. There are conflicts that help spouses to develop common positions on controversial issues, get to know and take into account the needs and interests of each other. Of course, the best way to resolve marital conflicts is to prevent them from arising.

Many works are devoted to the problem of preventing marital conflicts (V. Vladin, D. Kapustin, I. Dorno, A. Egides, V. Levkovich, Yu. Ryurikov). Most of them boil down to the following:

Respect for yourself and others;

Constructive resolution, the expression of errors, negative emotions, grievances and the like, and not their accumulation inside oneself;

Refusal to use sexual reprimands against a partner;

Negative remarks about a partner are not allowed in the presence of other people, strangers, and especially children;

Adequate assessment of one's own abilities and merits, the ability to admit one’s wrong, if the situation requires it;

Trust in a partner, minimizing feelings of jealousy;

Attentiveness towards a partner, the ability to listen and hear him;

Striving to maintain your physical attractiveness, health, work on your own shortcomings;

It is impossible to generalize all the shortcomings of a partner and consider his personality as negative in everything; it is necessary in a conversation to point out specific shortcomings, specific unacceptable behavior in a specific situation, and not in general;

Respect for the interests and hobbies of the partner;

Refusal of the desire to always and everywhere point to the truth, the ability to understand in what situation, however, will be perceived inadequately, will be superfluous;

Refusal to constantly spend time together, each partner has his own personal boundaries, the ability to take a break from each other.

To prevent conflicts, it is important to know not only what needs to be done, but also how to achieve the development of a problem situation in a constructive direction. Prev conflict situation usually occurs not suddenly, but gradually. It is important to determine in time that the emotional intensity of the dispute exceeds the permissible level, and competently stop it. To do this, each of the spouses needs to know the peculiarities of the manifestation of each other's characters and together learn to manage them.

There is only one way of resolving family problems, conflict situations, getting rid of resentment - this is the communication of spouses, the ability to talk to each other and hear each other. A protracted, unresolved conflict, quarrel, as a rule, hides an inability to communicate. By which we mean not only what should and should not be said, but also how should and how should not be said.

Another source of difficulties in communication, especially in conflict situations, is the inability to express and express your feelings and experiences. The surest and most productive way of expressing negative experiences is through conversation. First, there is a real opportunity to be understood, and your spouse has a desire to share their experiences with you. Secondly, when a person talks about his experiences, describes them in words, he himself begins to better understand and evaluate them. Disagreements are inevitable in life together, especially at the beginning of it. The main thing is to understand that problems arise not because of our disagreements (they always exist), but because of the way they are discussed. It is one thing when each side listens to the opinion of the other, finds common points, and quite another, when the proof of their innocence comes down to shouting and threats.

Depending on the means chosen by the spouses to resolve the conflict, he can fulfill both destructive and constructive roles. The means that destroy family relationships include insults, humiliation of human dignity, the desire to teach a lesson, offend, to blame each other for the conflict that has arisen. As a result, mutual respect disappears, and conjugal interaction becomes an unpleasant duty. In the second case, when the conflict plays a constructive role, the spouses tend to choose means that help to clarify the causes of conflicts, look for them, primarily in their actions and deeds, and express a mutual willingness to change the existing relationship. Possessing constructive methods for resolving conflicts, one can find a way out of the most seemingly hopelessly contradictory clashes, and, conversely, if the inability to conduct a conflict correctly, the smallest pretext can lead to serious consequences.

A constructive resolution of the conflict can occur only if between partners, it is possible, to establish relations, the ability to make concessions. The conditions for the constructive end of the conflict are:

Refusal to achieve victory at any cost, the ability to make compromises;

Respect for a partner, regardless of what he is to blame and what he deserves;

Finding out the true causes of anxiety, worries and confrontations;

Refusal of maximalism and categoricalness in manifesting one's position, the ability to listen to the position of another;

Inadmissibility of drawing other people into a marital conflict - parents, relatives, friends and especially children, manipulation, blackmail of a partner with the help of children is inadmissible.

So, in order to preserve love, young spouses need to master the culture of dispute and conflict resolution, which consists in the ability, on the one hand, to reasonably express their opinion without raising their voices and not offending their partner, and on the other hand, in the ability to admit that the other is right, the ability to obey this correctness.

Thus, in the course of writing the first chapter, we examined the following causes of conflict in young families: the complexity of relations between generations, claims to leadership, separation of household chores, economic problems, leisure activities, jealousy and the appearance of a child in the family. And knowing the reasons that contribute to the emergence of conflicts between spouses, you can justify the conditions for their prevention. It is respect for oneself and another; the expression of the errors that have appeared, negative emotions, resentments, and not their accumulation inside oneself; trust and attentiveness in relation to a partner, the ability to listen and hear him.

It is important not so much to be able to prevent conflicts as to effectively resolve them in a constructive direction. And a constructive resolution of the conflict can occur only if between the spouses, it is possible, to improve relations, the ability to make concessions. Mutual concessions - essential condition and the path to creating a friendly and strong family.

Chapter II. An empirical study of the causes of conflict in young people families

2.1 Organization and conduct of research

The psychology of all people without exception is significantly different in some way, and these differences inevitably begin to manifest themselves in the intra-family relationships of people, especially in the first months and years of the family's existence. Due to such differences between family members, contradictions, quarrels and even conflicts arise that spouses have to resolve.

The aim of our research was to study the causes of conflicts in a young family.

It was assumed that conflicts in modern young families are mainly driven by economic problems.

The objective of the study was to identify the causes of conflicts in young families. Based on the analysis of the literature, we examined the following causes of conflicts in young families: the complexity of relations between generations, claims to leadership, separation of household chores, economic problems, leisure activities, jealousy and the appearance of a child in the family.

Subjects: 10 young families with a marriage experience of up to five years and the age of spouses not older than 30 took part in our study. To determine whether these criteria were met, young families were asked about the length of their marriage and the age of the spouses.

To study conflicts in young families, we used two methods:

1. Methodology "Interaction of spouses in a conflict situation" Yu. E.

Aleshina, L. Ya. Gozman, E. M. Dubovskaya. The results obtained using this methodology make it possible to characterize the examined family by a number of parameters: the most conflict-generating spheres of family relations, the degree of agreement (or disagreement) in conflict situations, the level of conflict in a couple (see Appendix 1).

2) Test "Self-assessment of constructive interaction in marital relations" (see Appendix 2).

The analysis of existing works on the problems of family psychology allowed the authors of the methodology "Interaction of spouses in a conflict situation" to identify eight spheres of family life that most often cause interpersonal conflicts between spouses.

1. Problems of relations with relatives and friends.

2. Issues related to the upbringing of children.

3. Manifestation of the spouses' desire for autonomy.

4. Situations of violation of role expectations.

5. Situations of misalignment of norms of behavior.

6. Manifestation of dominance by spouses.

7. Manifestation of jealousy by spouses.

8. Discrepancies in relation to money.

The parameters for describing a person's behavior in a conflict situation were activity (or passivity) in a conflict situation, agreement (or disagreement) with an interaction partner.

The methodology represents 22 verbally described situations of family interaction, which are of a conflict nature. For the answer, the subjects are offered a scale of possible reactions, which contains two signs: the activity or passivity of the reaction and agreement or disagreement with the spouse (that is, the positivity or negativity of the reaction).

The scale is designed so that one pole (left) constitutes an active expression of disagreement, followed by a passive expression of disagreement, neutral behavior, passive expression of consent, and, finally, the other pole (right) constitutes an active expression of agreement. :

¦ -1. I disagree (disagree) with what he (she) does and says in this situation, I demonstrate my dissatisfaction, but I avoid discussion.

¦ 0. I am not doing anything, I am not showing my attitude, I am waiting for further developments.

¦ +1. In general, I agree with what he (she) says, but I do not consider it necessary to express my attitude.

¦ +2. I fully agree with what she (he) does and says in this situation, actively support her (him) and approve.

Before filling out the questionnaire, the subjects are given the following instruction: “There is enough in the relationship between spouses, there are often misunderstandings, clashes of interests, contradictions. You are offered (given below) fairly typical situations, the same or almost the same, the same occurs in each pair. Probably, he also visited you. Please select the option from the proposed answers (see the scale), which is most close to that you behave in similar situations... You should not think too long about the choice of the answer, since in this case there can be no right or wrong answers. Mark on the answer sheet the number of the option that seemed most suitable to you, and move on to the next situation. All answers will be kept confidential. "

The subjects are offered typical married couples situations to which you need to respond as in life.

When working with the methodology, it is necessary to use two different options - for a husband and a wife, since the general option can cause misunderstanding and confusion among the respondent.

In the methodology "Self-assessment of constructive interaction in marital relations" it is proposed to analyze and evaluate, on a five-point scale, one's behavior in interaction with a spouse according to 15 positions presented in the matrix. The readiness of spouses for constructive interaction in marital relations is assessed

2.2 Analysis and interpretation of results

When analyzing the results of the methodology "Interaction of spouses in a conflict situation", all situations are grouped into eight blocks (scales) (see Table 1).

The results of the methodology are obtained by calculating the general index (the arithmetic mean of the answers for all situations of the methodology), as well as partial indices for the blocks (the arithmetic mean for each block).

Index values range from -2 to +2. A negative value of the indices speaks of “negative” reactions of the respondent in conflict situations, a positive one - of “positive” reactions. Values in the range from -1 to +1 emphasize the passive nature of the subject's behavior in family conflicts, and those close to +2 or -2 about the active position in these situations. Blocks (scales) of the methodology "Interaction of spouses in a conflict situation"

Table 1

Block name	Situation no.
1. Relationship with family and friends
2. Raising children
3. Exercise of autonomy by one of the spouses
4. Breaking role expectations
5. Mismatching norms of behavior
6. Manifestation of dominance by one of the spouses
7. Manifestation of jealousy
8. Disagreements about money

Among the couples surveyed by us, the first place in terms of conflict is occupied by relations with relatives and friends (-0.7). In second place are the following blocks:

1. upbringing of children (-0.6);

2. violation of role expectations (-0.6);

3. manifestation of dominance by one of the spouses (-0.6).

In third place in terms of conflict is the manifestation of autonomy by one of the spouses (-0.5).

Our research was aimed at testing the hypothesis that conflicts in modern young families are mainly caused by economic problems. And disagreements about money rank only fourth (-0.4). Hence, the hypothesis was not confirmed.

In addition, situations can be divided into two groups on the basis of the “perpetrator of the conflict”. We put the word “guilt” in quotation marks, since we are not talking about real guilt in the conflict (which is often difficult to identify at all), but about a reason for a quarrel. In situations No. 4, 5, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 17, 18, 19, 22, the spouse who works with the technique is “to blame" for the conflict, and in situations No. 1, 2, 3 , 6, 7, 8, 12, 15, 16, 20, 21 such a reason was given by his spouse.

According to the results of the study, the spouse who works with the methodology (husbands -0.2, wives -0.3) is to a lesser extent “to blame” for the occurrence of the conflict, and to a greater extent the reason was given by his spouse (husbands -0.6 , wife -0.7).

The data obtained make it possible to talk about the general level of conflict in pairs. The closer the value of the general index is to -2, the more conflicting nature is the interaction of spouses. Our general index is -0.7, which indicates that the general level of conflict in the studied pairs is closer to the average.

According to the results of the methodology "Self-assessment of constructive interaction in marital relations", the level of readiness for constructive interaction in marital relations among the studied couples is average - 3.56, which indicates that the likelihood of conflicts with a spouse is quite high.

In addition, the technique allows you to identify the level of conflict in couples according to the following indicators: jealousy and leisure. The general index in relation to jealousy is 3.25, and to leisure - 3.75, which indicates high probability conflicts on these indicators.

Thus, the present study involved 10 young families with a marriage experience of up to five years and the age of spouses not older than 30 years.

Two techniques were used:

1. Methodology “Interaction of spouses in a conflict situation” by Yu. E. Aleshina, L. Ya. Gozman, EM Dubovskaya.

2. Test "Self-assessment of constructive interaction in marital relations"

1. The first place in terms of conflict among the surveyed couples is occupied by relations with relatives and friends (-0.7). In second place are the following blocks: 1) education of children (-0.6); 2) violation of role expectations (-0.6); 3) manifestation of dominance by one of the spouses (-0.6). In third place in terms of conflict is the manifestation of autonomy by one of the spouses (-0.5).

2. The hypothesis that conflicts in modern young families are mainly caused by economic problems has not been confirmed. Disagreements about money rank only fourth (-0.4).

3. According to the results of the study, the spouse who works with the methodology (husbands -0.2, wives -0.3) is to a lesser extent “to blame” for the occurrence of a conflict, and to a greater extent the reason given by his spouse (husbands -0 , 6, wives -0.7).

4. General level conflict in the studied couples is -0.7, which is closer to the average. average level- 3.56, which indicates that the likelihood of conflicts with a spouse is quite high.

Conclusion

The period of a young family is distinguished by all researchers without exception precisely from the position of many problems of a psychological and everyday nature, which often destroy the family for another initial stage its formation. A considerable part of young families break up at the very beginning of their married life.

From the very first steps of married life, it should be remembered that a different approach to solving life problems is not a reason for creating conflict situations. If the conflict is still ripe, it is necessary, without aggravating the quarrel, without unnecessary emotions, to resolve it constructively. It all depends on the ability to be tactful and diplomatic, on the ability to compromise.

Our study involved 16 young families with a marriage experience of up to five years and the age of spouses not older than 30 years.

Among the couples surveyed by us, the first place in terms of conflict is occupied by relations with relatives and friends. The transition from life to parental family to independent very often entails conflicts between representatives of the older generation and young spouses. Moreover, they arise both between newlyweds living separately and their parents, and between those who continue to live together.

Each person has his own friends, his friends, old and recent, close and distant. And if the friends of the husband and wife find a common language, if they are interested in each other, this is very good. But this is not always the case.

In second place are the following reasons: 1) upbringing of children; 2) violation of role expectations; 3) manifestation of dominance by one of the spouses.

The birth of a child is a serious challenge for many families. After the birth of a child, spouses have to change the entire structure of relationships, habits that have already developed within the family, the entire way of family life created by him. In addition to their previous roles as spouses, they take on the roles of mother and father. This restructuring does not always go smoothly.

Conflicts over violation of role expectations arise as a result of spouses' ambiguous understanding of the roles of husband-wife, mother-father, owner-hostess, man-woman, head of the family, and ambiguous ideas about the use of a particular family role by each partner.

A wife or husband (or both) can be formed by leaders before marriage. Maintaining such positions in marriage is fraught with conflict. The way out of this situation will be mutual discussion and refusal of claims for leadership, loyalty to the alternative opinion of the other partner, joint solution of family issues.

In third place in terms of conflict is the manifestation of autonomy by one of the spouses. It is not easy to come from two formed “I” to one “We”. However, a patient attitude to each other's habits, joint patient work on oneself will create conditions for conflict-free interaction in later life.

The general level of conflict in the studied pairs is closer to the average. And the level of readiness for constructive interaction is average, which indicates that the likelihood of conflicts with a spouse is quite high.

The data obtained in the study can be used to prepare proposals for providing assistance to conflict young families in the process of counseling them by psychologists.

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22. Tseluyko VM Psychology of the modern family. - M .: Humanit. ed. center VLADOS, 2004 .-- 288 p.

23. Shuman S. G., Shuman V. P. Conflicts in a young family: causes, ways of elimination. - Minsk: Universitetskoe, 1989 .-- 80 p.

24. Encyclopedia of a young family. G.I. Gerasimovich and others - Minsk: BelSE, 1991 .-- 703 p.

25. Yakovleva G. V. Newlyweds. - Mn .: Nar. light. - 1989 .-- 96 p.

Annex 1

Test "The nature of the interaction of spouses in a conflict situation"

Yu. E. Aleshina, L. Ya. Gozman, E. M. Dubovskoy

Method text

Option for women

1. You have invited your relatives to visit. The husband, knowing this, unexpectedly returned home late. This upset you, and after the guests leave, you express your disappointment to your husband, but he cannot understand the reasons for the dissatisfaction. You...

2. The husband has promised many times to do something around the house, but still he hasn't done anything. You…

3. You have been queuing at the store for a long time. The saleswoman was distracted all the time, rude buyers. When it was your turn, the husband, in your opinion, too, abruptly began to speak to her. You are unpleasantly surprised by his tone. You...

4. You agreed to spend the weekend together at home. But suddenly your parents called you and called you. You immediately started to pack up. The husband is unhappy that your joint plans have been disrupted. You...

5. Husband is in a bad mood. You can guess that he is in trouble at work, although he does not say anything. You try to call for a conversation, but he leaves the conversation. You...

6. You and your husband are invited to a friend's birthday, there is not enough money for a gift. It seems to you that it was the husband who spent too much of them this month. You…

7. Your girlfriend shares her problems and concerns with you and your husband. One of your husband's remarks, in your opinion, falls out of the general tone of the conversation and is insulting for the interlocutor. You…

8. You both need to stay late at work, and there is no one to spend with the child. You think that your affairs are more important, and your husband should do it, but he does not agree. You…

9. You have started renovating your apartment. Suddenly, it turned out that this venture will cost more than you expected. The husband was skeptical from the very beginning about your plans, and now he is still angry with you for unforeseen expenses. You…

10. You are about to leave home on business, and your husband wants to talk to you and is unhappy that you refuse to stay for a few minutes. You...

11. Since your youth, you have many male friends. You are happy to communicate with them, they come to visit you. All these visits cause dissatisfaction with the husband. You...

12. It seems to you that your husband is not spending money on that. So he again bought a thing that, in your opinion, unnecessary, but the husband believes that it is necessary in the house. You...

13. You accidentally met an old friend, got into conversation with her, she persuaded you to come to her house. You stayed with her all evening and came home late. The husband was worried and, when you returned home, showed you his displeasure. You...

14. You spent the evening with new friends who your husband likes, but you are not very attractive. In your opinion, it was boring with them, but you tried not to show it, and on the way home, your husband, unexpectedly showed his dissatisfaction with the way you behaved with his friends. You…

15. Your husband is going to visit his old friends. You would like to go with him, but he does not suggest that. You...

16. Do you have favorite hobby to which you pay free time... The husband does not share this interest and even expresses open dissatisfaction. You...

17. While visiting friends, you were introduced to attractive woman... Your husband sat next to her throughout the evening, dancing and talking about something animatedly. It hurt you. You…

18. You were going to spend Sunday at home, but it turned out that your husband promised his friends to visit them. You really don't want to go. You...

19. You told your friend about your family problems... The husband found out about this and was very unhappy, as he believes that it is not worth telling everyone and everyone about such things. You…

20. The husband recently asked to sew his trousers. Today he would like to wear them, but they were left unstitched. He shows his displeasure, despite the fact that he knows that you had no time. You...

21. This is not the first time a family friend has let you down, and you think you need to show your displeasure. The husband says that you shouldn't attach much importance to this. You…

22. You are discussing vacation plans with friends. The husband suddenly begins to sharply oppose your proposal. You…

Option for men

1. You invited your relatives to visit, your wife, knowing about this, unexpectedly returned home late. This upset you, and after the guests leave, you show your grief to your wife, but she cannot understand the reasons for the dissatisfaction. You...

2. The wife has long promised to do something around the house and again did nothing. You...

1. You have been queuing at the store for a long time. The saleswoman was distracted all the time, rude to customers. When your turn came, your wife, in your opinion, began to speak to her too harshly. You are unpleasantly surprised by her tone. You...

4. You agreed to spend the weekend together at home. But suddenly your parents called you and called you. You immediately started to pack up. The wife was unhappy that your joint plans were disrupted. You...

5. The wife is in a bad mood. You guess she's in trouble at work, although she doesn't say anything. You try to call her into a conversation, but she leaves the conversation. You...

6. You and your wife are invited to a friend's birthday, there is not enough money for a gift. It seems to you that it was the wife who spent too much money this month. You...

7. Your friend shares his problems and concerns with you and your wife. One of your wife's remarks, in your opinion, falls out of the general tone of the conversation and is offensive to the interlocutor. You....

1. You both need to stay late at work, and there is no one to stay with the child. You think that your affairs are more important, and this should be done by your wife, but she does not agree. You…

9. You have started renovating your apartment. Suddenly, it turned out that this venture will cost more than you expected. The wife was skeptical from the beginning about your plans, and now she is very angry with you for unforeseen expenses. You…

10. You are about to leave home on business, and your wife wants to talk to you and is unhappy that you refuse to stay even for a few minutes. You…

11. From your youth you have many female friends. You are happy to communicate with them, they come to visit you. The wife is dissatisfied with these visits. You…

12. It seems to you that your wife periodically spends money on the wrong side, so she again bought a thing that you do not need, but the wife believes that it is necessary in the house. You...

13. You met by chance with your old friend, got into conversation with him, and he persuaded you to come to his house. You stayed with him all evening and came home late. The wife was worried and, when you returned home, showed you her displeasure. You...

14. You spent the evening with new friends who your wife likes but you don't like. In your opinion, it was boring with them, but you tried not to show it, and on the way home, your wife suddenly showed her dissatisfaction with the way you behaved with her friends. You…

15. Your wife is going to visit her old friends. You would like to go with her, but she does not suggest that. You...

16. Do you have a favorite hobby to which you devote your free time. The wife does not share this interest and even expresses open dissatisfaction. You...

17. While visiting friends, you were introduced to an interesting man. Your wife sat next to him throughout the evening, danced and talked about something animatedly. It hurt you. You…

18. You were going to spend Sunday at home, but it turned out that your wife promised her friends to visit them. You really don't want to go. You...

19. You told a friend about your family problems. The wife found out about this and was very unhappy, as she believes that it is not worth telling everyone and everyone about such things. You…

1. My wife asked me to fix the iron for a long time. Today she wanted to take advantage of it, but it turned out to be unrepairable. She showed her displeasure, despite the fact that she knows that you had no time. You...

2. In the evening, you are going to watch TV with your wife, but your interests intersect: you want to watch programs on different programs... Each of you insists on his own. You...

3. You are discussing vacation plans with friends. The wife suddenly begins to sharply oppose your proposal. You…

Appendix 2

Test "Self-assessment of constructive interaction

in marital relations "


	I respect myself and even more my spouse
	I always remember that he (she) is the closest person to me, the father (mother) of my children
	I try not to accumulate mistakes and resentments, but immediately react to them
	I never make sexual advances
	I never make comments to my spouse in the presence of other people, including in the presence of children
	I never exaggerate my own abilities and dignity.
	I do not consider myself always and in everything right
	I am never jealous and always trust my spouse
	I am always attentive, I can listen and hear my spouse
	I constantly work on my shortcomings, take care of my physical attractiveness
	I never talk about the shortcomings of a spouse, but I am talking only about specific behavior in a specific situation
	I always treat my spouse's hobbies with interest and respect
	I do not try, by all means, to establish the truth in family relationships, if there is a possibility not to do this.
	I try to find time to sometimes rest, from each other, and give this opportunity to my spouse
	In conflict, I never bet on winning and always ready to give in

Evaluation of results

1. Sum up the scores obtained for all 15 positions and find the arithmetic average of this amount.

1. If the result is from 4.5 to 5 points, then your readiness for constructive interaction in marital relations is high and excludes conflict.

2. If the result is from 4 to 4.5 points, then the level of your readiness for constructive interaction is above average. To eliminate conflict in relations with your spouse, you need to reconsider certain positions of your behavior.

4. If the result is from 3 to 4 points, then the level of your readiness for constructive interaction is average and, therefore, the likelihood of conflicts with your spouse is quite high. You need to seriously reconsider some of the positions of your behavior.

5. If the result is less than 3 points, then the level of your readiness for constructive interaction is low, and the likelihood of a conflict with your spouse is very high. You need to seriously reconsider most of the positions of your behavior indicated in the test, and actively work on yourself.

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INTRODUCTION

Currently, there is a certain deficit of theoretical work in the field of the study of marital conflicts. At the same time, they can be very useful in solving very specific situations in which there is a clash of interests of two or more parties. To find the optimal solution, you need to have knowledge of how these types of conflicts develop. To develop the correct line of behavior in such conflict situations, it is very useful to know what marital conflicts are and how people come to agreement.

From a practical point of view, the relevance of the work is no less significant. The number of divorces and remarriages is currently on the rise. But do not forget that the family is the basic unit of society. This issue is not only interpersonal, but also social. Therefore, research in this area is of great practical interest.

So, object our research is young families in the early years of marriage.

Subject research in this work are the features of the mechanism of occurrence and course of marital conflict in a young family.

Thus, goal of our research - identifying the causes of conflicts in a young family.

So, we put forward hypothesis our research:

The reason for the emergence of conflicts in a young family is the spouses' unpreparedness for marriage, caused by a lack of mutual understanding, insufficient awareness of each other and different views and stereotypes of behavior of the spouses.

In accordance with the purpose of the study, we put forward the following tasks :

1. Analyze theoretical approaches to the problem of the emergence of marital conflicts in a young family in domestic and foreign literature.

2. To identify the causes of family conflicts in a young family.

3. Develop methods for turning destructive conflicts in a young family into productive ones.

1. Marital conflicts

Conflict concept, types of conflicts

In psychology under conflict means opposition or collision of indexically opposite goals, interests, motives, positions, opinions, intentions, criteria or concepts of the opposing subjects in the process of communication - communication 1. Or - a mutual negative mental state of two or more people, characterized by hostility, alienation, negativism in relationships, caused by the incompatibility of their views, interests or needs 2.

Conflict - this is a sharp exacerbation of contradictions and a clash of two or more participants in the process of solving a problem, which has a business or personal significance for each of the parties.

Conflict - a social phenomenon, generated by nature itself public life... This phenomenon is widespread, ubiquitous, ubiquitous. Conflict is predictable and subject to regulation 3.

Participants in the conflict - these are subjects (individuals, groups, organizations, states) directly involved in all phases of the conflict, irreconcilably assessing the essence and course of the same events associated with the activities of the other side.

Sources of conflict are the contradictions that arise between people, groups, organizations, states. Sources of conflict situations are exacerbated contradictions, mismatch of points of view, goals, approaches, vision of ways to solve production problems that in one way or another affect personal interests, including the leader.

The source of any conflict is contradictions, and contradictions arise where there is a mismatch:

goals, interests, positions;

opinions, views, beliefs;

personal qualities;

interpersonal relationships;

knowledge, skills, abilities;

management functions;

means, methods of activity;

motives, needs, value orientations;

understanding: interpreting information;

assessments and self-assessments 4.

Character traits, features of human behavior characteristic of the conflict:

the desire to dominate at all costs, to be the first, to have the last word;

be so “principled” that it encourages hostile actions and deeds;

excessive straightforwardness in statements and judgments;

criticism, especially unfounded, insufficiently reasoned;

bad mood, if it also recurs periodically;

conservatism of thinking, views, convictions, unwillingness to overcome outdated traditions in the life of the team, which have become a brake on its development;

the desire to tell the truth in the face, unceremonious interference in personal life;

striving for independence is a good quality, but up to certain limits;

excessive persistence (obsession);

unfair assessment of the actions and actions of others, belittling the role and importance of another person;

inadequate assessment of one's capabilities and abilities, especially their overestimation;

initiative, especially creative (where it is not needed) 5;

The main stages of the conflict :

1. The emergence and development of a conflict situation;

2. Awareness of the conflict situation by at least one of the participants in social interaction and his emotional experience of this fact;

3. The beginning of open conflict interaction;

4. Development of open conflict.

According to the severity of the contradictions that arise, conflicts can be divided into the following types of conflicts:

discontent disagreement contradiction disagreement disagreement squabble skirmish quarrel scandal enmity war.

On the basis of the problem-activity characteristic one can distinguish, for example, the following types of conflicts: managerial, pedagogical, economic, political, creative, marital.

By the degree of involvement of people in the conflict the following types can be distinguished: intrapersonal, interpersonal, between an individual and a group, intergroup, intercollective, interparty, interstate 6.

Interpersonal conflict - this is the most common type of conflict. This is a conflict that manifests itself between different subjects (individuals). Marital conflicts also belong to this type of conflict.

Conflicts happen open and hidden ... Open conflicts take the form of a quarrel, scandal, fight, etc. Latent conflicts do not have a vivid external manifestation, it is rather an internal discontent, but their influence on marital relations is no less noticeable than the influence of open ones. Indicators of latent conflict are: demonstrative silence; a sharp gesture or look that indicates disagreement; boycott of interaction in some area of family life; accentuated coldness in relations. An open conflict manifests itself more often through: an open conversation in an emphatically correct form; mutual verbal abuse; demonstrative actions (slamming the door, smashing dishes, banging on the table with a fist), physical abuse, etc. 7.

Conflicts can also be easily solvable and intractable ... First, the cause can be easily identified and corrected. In the case of intractable conflicts, even if the cause is identified, they are not easy to eliminate, so the relationship between spouses remains tense. However, the reason that spoiled the relationship should be tried to be eliminated as soon as possible.

Determining the nature of the conflict depends on whether or not it contributes to the preservation and development of marital relations. For this reason, all existing conflicts are considered as constructive (they are desirable and even necessary for the development of family relationships) and destructive ... The consequence of a destructive conflict is the persistence of tension between spouses for a long time after a quarrel. Both partners in families with a predominance of destructive conflicts consider real threat divorce. Constructive conflict involves the removal of tension in the relationship of partners. Although after a quarrel a heavy sediment remains, but the spouses begin to treat each other more carefully, strive to better understand each other. Subsequently, such a quarrel is perceived as an accident, a misunderstanding.

The goal is not to eliminate or prevent conflict, but to make it productive. The productive development of the conflict, which presupposes the joint concentration of the efforts of the parties on solving the conflict problem, in its main features is similar to the process of creative thinking. Like the solution of creative problems, it is carried out in several stages: from cognition of the problem and unsuccessful attempts to solve it using traditional means through frustration and discomfort to insight, which allows you to see the problem in a new perspective and find its new solution. It turns out that the destructive function of the conflict is designed to serve as the engine of the process leading to the implementation of the constructive function. The expansion and escalation of the actions of the participants in the conflict, which have a destructive effect on the other participant (that is, the situation when the destructive function in the conflict begins to dominate), is apparently connected with the fact that “insight that allows you to see the problem in a new perspective and find its new solution », Meets serious obstacles for whatever reason. So, for example, the self-concept of a person can interfere with a sober view of a conflict situation, without which it is unthinkable to come to a constructive solution 8.

S. Kratokhvil describes possible positive outcomes of conflicts:

1. One of the spouses learned or understood something, learned something new.

2. Tension decreased due to the fact that complaints and claims were expressed, emotions were released, irritation decreased.

3. The conflict led to greater mutual understanding and rapprochement, partners began to feel more that they depend on each other and evaluate each other correctly.

4. As a result of the conflict, a solution to the problem was found, the parties made mutual concessions, and further behavior was considered and discussed.

Turning the conflict from destructive to productive, spouses not only settle differences and the reasons that led to it, but also bring their relationship to a new level: trust between spouses increases, they become closer spiritually and understand each other better. In a word, spouses gain invaluable experience, which turns out to be extremely important in their future family life.

Thus, a conflict is a mutual negative mental state of two or more people, characterized by hostility, alienation, negativism in relationships, caused by the incompatibility of their views, interests or needs 9. Conflicts are divided according to the severity of the contradictions, according to the problem-activity characteristic and the degree of people's involvement in the conflict. Also, conflicts are open and hidden, easily resolved and intractable, constructive and destructive. Unlike destructive ones, constructively resolved conflicts are necessary in marital relations. Therefore, the actions of the participants in a spousal conflict should be aimed not at preventing the conflict, but at changing its nature: from destructive to constructive.

Given the fact that a young family is mostly created by young people, their adaptation to each other can be quite difficult. Because they themselves do not yet fully understand what marriage is, or have different ideas about it. Most often idealistic or taken from the family in which they grew up. Thus, the newlyweds may have much more reasons for clarifying the relationship than the partners in an established family.

The main causes of conflicts in a young family:

Life and household... Especially often, the topic of the role of husband and wife and their responsibilities becomes a stumbling block for spouses who did not live together and did not run a common household before marriage. To a young guy it is very difficult to switch to doing “family-wide” tasks if he hasn’t done anything around the house before. In the same way, it is not easy for a girl who is very superficially familiar with the full volume of homework and still does not know how to organize it as efficiently as possible. But the reason for quarrels and clarifications of relationships due to everyday life can be not only the abilities and skills of the spouses themselves, but also what family values were instilled by the parents. For example, it may be difficult for a guy to accept an offer from a young wife to help with the kitchen if he and his father went there exclusively to eat. In the same way, it is difficult to understand his wife, whose father and brother quite often cooked food and washed the dishes.
Finance and management... Creating a family is not only a moral responsibility, but also a material one. Therefore the financial question cohabitation becomes one of the first in a series of family discussions. The change in lifestyle is especially difficult for young people who do not yet have their own income - students or adult children who are supported by their parents. Financial independence introduces significant restrictions on the life of the newlyweds, since new items are added to the costs - housing, food, household chemicals etc. This requires new spouses to be able to properly distribute their income. Often to the detriment of their usual bachelor life things. And the very idea of how the family budget should be spent can vary significantly among newlyweds. For example, it will be very difficult to find a common language for spouses, one of whom is used to spending money sparingly, while the other is prone to thoughtless spending.
Parents and relationships with them... Parental interference in the lives of their children is another pitfall for a young family. Disagreement can be caused by differences in parenting, housekeeping, financial obligations, and spouses' relationship to each other. Often there are situations when parents (or one of them) simply do not approve of the choice of their child. In this case complicated relationship add up to personal dislike.
Gray days and lack of attention... The routine, which in most cases occurs after the wedding, provides many reasons for dissatisfaction both on the part of the young wife and on the part of the husband. The young wife lacks the romance and attention that were present in the "candy-bouquet" period of relations with her future husband. She is not ready to share his attention with the couch or the computer. In the same way as the newly-made husband, who now most of his time sees his wife in an ordinary home clothes, and not in full "combat readiness", as it was during the dates.
The appearance of a child... The birth of a baby makes certain changes in the life of the spouses - in all its areas. The rhythm and lifestyle change, certain restrictions, obligations, an increased need for finances, etc. appear. It is especially difficult for a young family, in which a child appears almost immediately: a young mother, due to inexperience, gets very tired, gets nervous, does not have time to do anything, and a young father finds it difficult to endure a lack of attention and intimacy. Changing the routine is difficult for both young parents, especially in the first months after the birth of the child. Sleep deprivation, baby crying, illness, necessity proper care and walks on fresh air, housekeeping is something that a mother finds it difficult to deal with alone. And if the dad does not want to participate in this, this can cause constant conflicts. Further, as the baby grows up, the cause of quarrels between parents can be different views on his upbringing.
Different temperaments... The different needs of spouses in intimate relationships can also violate the family idyll. Most often, partners who, before marriage, did not live together or did not discuss this topic, find out about the incompatibility of their temperaments. Also, as already mentioned, the feeling of dissatisfaction with intimacy may arise in the husband during pregnancy and after the birth of his wife.
Different interests and aspirations... No less discord in family relationships can be brought about by different views on the conduct of leisure and life in general. For example, it is very difficult to understand a friend of a friend to spouses, one of whom prefers to rest in front of a computer monitor and is content with little, and the other has an active life position and seeks to achieve something in life.
Bad habits and addictions... In the process of family life, spouses' not entirely disagreeable weaknesses may emerge: alcohol abuse, drug abuse, passion for gambling and computer games, etc. This can also include untidiness, laziness.
Relationship to each other... The formalization of a relationship can make significant changes in the behavior of spouses, when the mask of kindness, respect and sympathy falls off as unnecessary. And emerges outward real attitude- consumer, selfish, selfish, etc. Naturally, a wife (or husband), deprived of due respect, understanding and support, will feel uncomfortable in such a union. Also, starting to live together, spouses may suddenly notice previously unnoticed negative character traits - quarrelsomeness, scandalousness, greed, envy, meanness, infidelity.

Important! There are many reasons for quarrels in a family that is just beginning to develop. However, most of them have common framework- different ideas of young people about marriage and the role of each of them in such a union.

Types of conflicts in a young family

There are several ways to classify conflicts that can be summed up in conflicts in a young family.

Types of conflicts among newlyweds according to the objectivity of the situation:

Authentic. A really existing problem, which is recognized by both spouses (for example, a dispute about what to spend a “bonus” from the family budget for: a wife for a fur coat or a husband for a car upgrade).
Random (conditional). This is a conflict based on an easily resolved issue, but the spouses are not aware of this fact (for example, the option to leave the money saved in the family's budget intact or spend it on common needs, which the husband and wife do not even consider).
Displaced. This is a situation when the real reason for the quarrel is completely different (for example, when the wife is in conflict over the scattered socks, the wife actually only uses the socks as an excuse to express all her claims to her husband).
Wrongly attributed (unfair). A conflict when one of the newlyweds falls under the "distribution" for having fulfilled the order of the spouse, which he had long forgotten about.
Hidden. At the heart of this confrontation between spouses is a real contradiction that they do not realize.
False. A conflict based only on subjective assessments and lacking objective reasons.

Types of conflicts in the family by the form of manifestation:

Open. Conflicts with an obvious external manifestation (smashing dishes, talking in a raised voice, fights, tantrums, scandals, quarrels, slamming the door, using physical force, etc.).
Hidden. These are contradictions experienced internally (boycott, ignorance, demonstrative silence or coldness, harsh gestures or views of denial).

Forms of family conflicts based on the result:

Constructive. Those that have a positive outcome. That is, they help relieve tension within the family and enhance mutual understanding. Even if such a dispute leaves a heavy "aftertaste", it will not last long. And then it is perceived as an accident, which helped the spouses to understand each other even more, to trust and bring the relationship to a higher level.
Destructive. These are conflicts that only increase the tension between the newlyweds and can lead to divorce.

Also, conflict situations between young spouses are divided according to the adequacy of perception (adequate, inadequate and false), according to the strength of perception (strong and weak), in time (long and fleeting), in depth (deep and superficial).

Important! Specialists have highlighted one feature of family conflicts, which also applies to marital conflicts in a young family: the most stable and protracted contradictions "live" where they do not consider it necessary to limit themselves to some kind of framework: what I want, I say what I want, so I'm doing.

Ways to resolve conflicts in a young family

In resolving a family conflict, a lot depends on how much the newlyweds are ready to yield to each other, change and compromise, on their maturity in terms of responsibility, perception of others and acceptance of their imperfection. An important role plays and how exactly the "puzzles" coincide in the overall picture of the spouses. Therefore, ideally, it is better to try to find out all possible nuances before marriage. This will reduce the number of quarrels, but still not get rid of them.

Pole change method... One of the main advice of psychologists in the event of a conflict is to restrain one's emotions, that is, to avoid destructive tactics of behavior (shouting, insulting, ignoring, egocentrism, etc.). Positive behavior can be a much more effective “release” of tension. For example, in the case of a minor disagreement, you can relieve tension with a joke or a distracting "maneuver" to transfer the conversation to another topic. If the conflict has a more serious basis, you can switch to active listening opponent is a calm, attentive perception of what was said, acceptance of information and understanding. This behavior also helps to reduce tension between spouses. Moreover, it helps to achieve mutual understanding and show respect.
Prevention method... Prevention is effective not only for disease. This method can be actively used in marital relations. This may be the line of conduct - respectful attitude to a partner, understanding, mutual assistance, encouragement positive qualities and achievements. This also includes holding back anger, anger, irritability, and bad moods. For example, if you feel that you are about to break on your spouse simply because of a bad mood, it is better to take a walk on the street or do the cleaning.
Method of one motive... It is very important not to turn a banal quarrel into a grandiose scandal, "clinging" to unwashed dishes or a bottle of beer drunk after work, more significant reasons - financial insolvency, betrayal, disrespectful attitude, etc. Make it a rule to be consistent in sorting out the relationship - the topic of discussion should be one. And there is no need to weave past "exploits" into it.
Tete-a-tete method... If the topic of family squabbles has become the behavior or actions of a spouse or child, there is no need to make remarks to the guilty person in the presence of other people. Discuss the problem without unnecessary eyes and ears. First, it will save the pride of the hero of the "celebration". Secondly, there is no need to wash dirty linen in public: you will solve your disagreements and forget about them, and in the memory of observers of the conflict, they can be postponed for a long time. Especially in the memory of a child who often becomes an unwitting spectator of parents' quarrels.
Method attentive listener ... Another way to "extinguish" a family conflict is to learn to listen to your counterpart to the end. Not interrupting even when he says something completely unacceptable. This allows one spouse to fully express himself, and the other to understand his position. In addition, a calm discussion of the problem promotes the quickest search for compromises and develops a culture of communication in the family, where they not only know how to listen to each other, but also talk about their feelings and needs, as well as admit that others have them.

Any conflict, including a family one, can be resolved if both sides want it. If one of the parties (or both) take the position of the ultimate truth or fundamentally do not want to compromise, it will be very difficult to reach an armistice.

How to resolve a conflict in a young family - watch the video:

Ministry of Education and Science of the Russian Federation

GOU VPO "Tyva State University"

History department

Department of Psychology and Acmeology of Education

Course work

Conflicts in a young family

Performed: 4th year student of 2nd group IF Full name Supervisor: Pankratova S.E. - Senior Lecturer of the Department of Psychology and Acmeology of Education

Kyzyl - 2011

Introduction……………………………………………………………………..................3

ChapterI. Conflicts in a young family………………………………………..........5

1.1. What is a family …………………………………………………………… ......... 5

1.2. The concept of family conflicts and the reasons for their occurrence ... ... ... ......... 7

1.3. Ways to prevent and resolve family conflicts ………… ..... 12

ChapterII. families……………………………………………………………………….……...........16

2.1. Organization and conduct of research ……………………………… ....... 16

2.2. Analysis and interpretation of results …………………………………… ........ 20

Conclusion……………………………………………………………………..............24

Bibliography……………………………………………………………............26

Applications……………………………………………………………………..............28

Introduction

The relevance of research. Every year, millions of families are created in our country, which are to grow stronger and stronger. A young family is considered a family with or without children with a marriage experience of up to 5 years and the age of spouses not older than 30 years. There are about 18% of such families in our country. The well-being and strength of these families is an important social problem.

In the initial period of family life, the formally proclaimed marriage union turns into a truly family unit. A young family is a difficult time to create common needs, interests, attitudes, tastes and habits. In other words, it is necessary to create a system of “we” from two different “I's”. This is not an easy task. The strength of the marriage, the creation of a favorable climate for the further development of family relations, largely depends on how young spouses will be able to adapt, master new roles, create an atmosphere of mutual understanding and respect.

Young marriages are characterized by the initial entry into each other's world, the distribution of labor and responsibilities in the family, the solution of housing, financial and problems related to the maintenance of a common household and everyday life, entering the role of husband and wife, deformation of the personality, the process of acquiring life experience, growing up and maturity ... And with the appearance of a child, the tension of the time budget, a sharp restriction of entertainment, rest, leisure, an increase in physical and nervous fatigue. In this regard, they have significantly limited opportunities for professional growth, for the realization of their interests. This period of marriage is the most difficult and dangerous from the point of view of family stability. A considerable part of young families break up at the very beginning of their married life. Statistics show that about 2/3 of divorces occur in couples with up to five years of marriage.

Object of study- young family.

Item research- causes of conflicts in a young family.

Purpose of the study – study the causes of conflicts in young families.

In accordance with the goal, the following were set tasks:

Consider the concept of family conflicts and the reasons for their occurrence;

Consider ways to prevent and resolve family conflicts;

Identify the causes of conflicts in young families.

Hypothesis- we assume that conflicts in modern young families are mainly caused by economic problems.

Research methods: literature analysis, test and survey.

Number of respondents: 16.

Chapter 1. Conflicts in a young family

The family is a unit of society, a group of relatives, sometimes living together, but communicating unequivocally with each other. Each individual family is an equal union of a woman and a man, implying mutual obligations and responsibilities.

What is family?

The family is the most important value in the lives of many people living in modern society. Each member of society, in addition to social status, ethnicity, property and material status, from the moment of birth to the end of life, has such a characteristic as marital status. For a child, a family is an environment in which the conditions for his physical, mental, emotional, and intellectual development are directly formed. For an adult, a family is a source of satisfaction for a number of his needs and a small team that makes various and rather complex requirements for him. At the stages of a person's life cycle, his functions and status in the family change sequentially.

The family is a whole organization of relationships between people; it can take on various forms. The quality of the forms will depend on the representation, on the constituent parts that will inhabit this state. Therefore, the problems differ in the degree of their resolution.
There are two sides to be responsible for family relationships: both the husband and the wife. And since the family is a living organism, its evolution is inevitable.
Like any form of organization, the family has its own laws, rules of coexistence. They are different for men and women. Recently, the cause of many troubles in the family is a woman. It is on her behavior that the outcome of events in the relationship depends. The desire to find answers to exciting questions is her main task in achieving well-being in the family. Family life needs to be learned. And if the girl was not prepared for this by her parents, then in the future, great losses of time and energy are possible.
In a family, each of its members is both a student and a teacher, as this is a creative process. And the connection itself is the next step in learning how to relate to yourself and your environment.
At the very first stages of the development of such interaction, there is a large share of aggression and jealousy. All this happens because everyone here strives for power, for monopoly, for superiority.
Thus, the family is a social group that has a historically defined organization, whose members are connected by marriage or kinship relations (as well as by the relationship of taking children into foster care), community of life, mutual moral responsibility, and the social necessity of which is due to the need of society for physical and spiritual reproduction. population.

1.2. The concept of family conflicts and the reasons for their occurrence

People who are starting a family strive to satisfy a complex of needs - for love, for children, for experiencing common joys, for understanding, and communication. However, the formation of a family is not only the realization of the ideal ideas about marriage that have developed among future spouses. This is the real life of two, and then several people, in all its complexity and diversity; it includes continuous negotiations, agreements, compromises and, of course, overcoming difficulties, resolving conflicts that exist in every family.

Family conflicts are conflicts that arise between members of the same family both over issues of the family's life, and over the satisfaction of the various needs of its members, the compliance of role behavior with expectations.

The family can be viewed from two main positions: as a small social group and as a social institution. In the first case, we can talk about the socio - psychological (emotional and psychological), and in the second - about the sociological (instrumental) levels of group communication. Proceeding from this, the first group of conflicts will be determined mainly by the personal qualities of the spouses and the peculiarities of intra-family relations. The second is the influence of external subjective - objective conditions on marital relations. In everyday family life, it can be difficult to distinguish internal causes of conflicts from external ones. The same external influences can sometimes cause diametrically opposite reactions in different married couples. For example, difficult financial and living conditions for one family can cause constant conflicts and even divorce, and for another - one of the main factors in strengthening family ties. Sometimes the spouses themselves do not fully understand the real causes of conflicts.

A new, very complex way of life, the burden of family responsibilities, the lack of comfort in life and other things related to the beginning of a life together turn out to be an unexpected, unpleasant, and sometimes overwhelming burden for many married couples. The fact that this is the case is evidenced by the authoritative opinions of A. Kharchev and V. Matskovsky, who, among the main causes of family conflicts and divorces in young families, include the attitude toward marriage as something easy. This attitude manifests itself in the following four factors: 1) unpreparedness of young people for a sharp change in their way of life; 2) the complexity of relations between generations; 3) hedonistic attitude towards marriage (when only pleasant surprises are expected from him); 4) lack of preparation to perform the entire range of functions required by the family.

So, V.A. Sysenko identified the following reasons for marital conflicts:

dissatisfaction with the need for the value and significance of one's “I”, violation of dignity on the part of another partner;
dissatisfaction with the sexual needs of one of the spouses;
dissatisfaction with the need of one or both spouses for positive emotions: lack of affection, tenderness, care, attention and understanding;
addiction of one of the spouses to alcoholic beverages, gambling, drugs;
financial disagreements between spouses: issues of mutual budget, family maintenance, contribution of each partner to her financial situation;
dissatisfaction with the need for mutual assistance, mutual support, cooperation on the division of labor in the family, housekeeping, raising children, in relation to parents, and so on;
different needs and interests in recreation and leisure activities, differences in hobbies.

Of course, this classification does not cover the entire variety of marital conflicts, but it makes it possible to systematize the main ones. Let's take a look at some of these conflicts.

One of the most common psychological problems in young spouses is the problem of interaction with parental families. It can be generated to a greater extent by one of the spouses or parents.

In the first case, the insufficient maturity of one of the young people, his emotional dependence on the parental family does not allow the formation of a normal marital system. Many young people do not immediately realize that now they must resolve all problems, difficulties, and controversial issues with each other, and not with their parents.

According to sociologists, the origins of many conflicts in young families should be sought in the struggle for domination in the family. Moreover, the attitude towards leadership concerns not only the purely everyday problems of marriage (how to spend money, where to spend vacations, etc.), but, in fact, the whole complex of relationships between husband and wife.

Many quarrels, grievances and misunderstandings arise from differences in views on spending free time.

If the spouses recognize each other the right to a kind of temporary separate pastime as a kind of rest from constant contact with each other, then there will be fewer conflicts in their lives. In modern life, intense, full of many events, people need a variety of rest, including outside the family. Such rest is extremely necessary for everyone, but it will be complete when complete mutual understanding and trust have been established between the spouses.

Psychologists say that a healthy feeling of jealousy, jealousy in small doses is a necessary component of love. But the manifestation of jealousy already depends on the general level of a person's culture, on self-esteem, the ability to manage their emotions.

Thus, we examined the most common causes of conflicts in young families in the literature: the complexity of relations between generations, claims to leadership, separation of household chores, economic problems, leisure activities, jealousy and the appearance of a child in the family. To what extent this corresponds to real life, the corresponding empirical research will show us.

1.3. Ways to prevent and resolve family conflicts

Sociologists point out that "marriages that are free from conflict from the beginning do not really exist." Happy families are distinguished not by the absence or low frequency of conflicts, but by their shallow depth and comparative painlessness and inconsistency. Each resolved conflict enhances mutual understanding, mutual respect and increases concern for each other.

It should be noted that not every marital conflict has a negative meaning. There are conflicts that help spouses develop common positions on controversial issues, learn and take into account each other's needs and interests. Of course, the best way to resolve marital conflicts is to prevent them from arising.

Many works are devoted to the problem of preventing marital conflicts (V. Vladin, D. Kapustin, I. Dorno, A. Egides, V. Levkovich, Yu. Ryurikov). Most of them boil down to the following:

Respect for yourself and others;

Constructive resolution, the expression of errors, negative emotions, grievances and the like, and not their accumulation inside oneself;

Refusal to use sexual reprimands against a partner;

Negative remarks about a partner are not allowed in the presence of other people, strangers, and especially children;

Adequate assessment of one's own abilities and merits, the ability to admit one’s wrong, if the situation requires it;

Trust in a partner, minimizing feelings of jealousy;

Attentiveness towards a partner, the ability to listen and hear him;

Striving to maintain your physical attractiveness, health, work on your own shortcomings;

Respect for the interests and hobbies of the partner;

Refusal of the desire to always and everywhere point to the truth, the ability to understand in what situation, however, will be perceived inadequately, will be superfluous;

Refusal to constantly spend time together, each partner has his own personal boundaries, the ability to take a break from each other.

To prevent conflicts, it is important to know not only what needs to be done, but also how to achieve the development of a problem situation in a constructive direction. A pre-conflict situation usually does not arise suddenly, but gradually. It is important to determine in time that the emotional intensity of the dispute exceeds the permissible level, and competently stop it. To do this, each of the spouses needs to know the peculiarities of the manifestation of each other's characters and together learn to manage them.

There is only one way to resolve family problems, conflict situations, get rid of resentment - this is the communication of spouses, the ability to talk to each other and hear each other. A protracted, unresolved conflict, quarrel, as a rule, hides an inability to communicate. By which we mean not only what should and should not be said, but also how should and how should not be said.

Refusal to achieve victory at any cost, the ability to make compromises;

Respect for a partner, regardless of what he is to blame and what he deserves;

Finding out the true causes of anxiety, worries and confrontations;

Refusal of maximalism and categoricalness in manifesting one's position, the ability to listen to the position of another;

Inadmissibility of drawing other people into a marital conflict - parents, relatives, friends and especially children, manipulation, blackmail of a partner with the help of children is inadmissible.

It is important not so much to be able to prevent conflicts as to effectively resolve them in a constructive direction. And a constructive resolution of the conflict can occur only if between the spouses, it is possible, to improve relations, the ability to make concessions. Mutual concessions are the most important condition and way to create a friendly and strong family.

ChapterII. An empirical study of the causes of conflict in young people families

2.1. Organization and conduct of research

The purpose our research was to study the causes of conflicts in a young family.

It was assumed that conflicts in modern young families are mainly driven by economic problems.

Subjects: Our study involved 10 young families with a marriage experience of up to five years and the age of spouses not older than 30 years. To determine whether these criteria were met, young families were asked about the length of their marriage and the age of the spouses.

To study conflicts in young families, we used two methods:

Methodology "Interaction of spouses in a conflict situation" Yu. E.

2) Test "Self-assessment of constructive interaction in marital relations" (see Appendix 2).

Relationship problems with family and friends.
Issues related to the upbringing of children.
The spouses' desire for autonomy.
Situations of violation of role expectations.
Situations of misalignment of norms of behavior.
Dominance by spouses.
The manifestation of jealousy by spouses.
Discrepancies in relation to money.

The parameters for describing a person's behavior in a conflict situation were activity (or passivity) in a conflict situation, agreement (or disagreement) with an interaction partner.

♦ -1. I disagree (disagree) with what he (she) does and says in this situation, I demonstrate my dissatisfaction, but I avoid discussion.

♦ 0. I am not doing anything, I am not showing my attitude, I am waiting for further developments.

♦ +1. In general, I agree with what he (she) says, but I do not consider it necessary to express my attitude.

♦ +2. I fully agree with what she (he) does and says in this situation, actively support her (him) and approve.

Before filling out the questionnaire, the subjects are given the following instruction: “In relations between spouses it is quite enough, often there are misunderstandings, conflicts of interests, contradictions. You are offered (given below) fairly typical situations, the same or almost the same, the same occurs in each pair. Probably, he also visited you. Please choose the option from the proposed answers (see the scale), which is the closest to how you behave in such situations. You should not think too long about the choice of the answer, since in this case there can be no right or wrong answers. Mark on the answer sheet the number of the option that seemed most suitable to you, and move on to the next situation. All answers will be kept confidential. "

The subjects are offered situations typical for married couples to which it is necessary to react as in life.

When working with the methodology, it is necessary to use two different options - for a husband and a wife, since the general option can cause misunderstanding and confusion among the respondent.

2.2. Analysis and interpretation of results

When analyzing the results of the methodology "Interaction of spouses in a conflict situation", all situations are grouped into eight blocks (scales) (see Table 1).

Index values range from -2 to +2. A negative value of the indices speaks of “negative” reactions of the respondent in conflict situations, a positive value - of “positive” reactions. Values in the range from -1 to +1 emphasize the passive nature of the subject's behavior in family conflicts, and those close to +2 or -2 about the active position in these situations.

Blocks (scales) of the technique "The interaction of spouses in a conflictsituations "

Table 1

Block name	Situation no.
1. Relationship with family and friends
2. Raising children
3. Exercise of autonomy by one of the spouses
4. Breaking role expectations
5. Mismatching norms of behavior
6. Manifestation of dominance by one of the spouses
7. Manifestation of jealousy
8. Disagreements about money

Among the couples surveyed by us, the first place in terms of conflict is occupied by relations with relatives and friends (-0.7). In second place are the following blocks:

1. upbringing of children (-0.6);

2. violation of role expectations (-0.6);

3. manifestation of dominance by one of the spouses (-0.6).

In third place in terms of conflict is the manifestation of autonomy by one of the spouses (-0.5).

Thus, the present study involved 10 young families with a marriage experience of up to five years and the age of spouses not older than 30 years.

Two techniques were used:

1. Methodology “Interaction of spouses in a conflict situation” by Yu. E. Aleshina, L. Ya. Gozman, EM Dubovskaya.

2. Test "Self-assessment of constructive interaction in marital relations"

Conclusions:

2. The hypothesis that conflicts in modern young families are mainly caused by economic problems has not been confirmed. Disagreements about money rank only fourth (-0.4).

4. The general level of conflict in the studied couples is -0.7, which is closer to the average. And the readiness for constructive interaction in marital relations has an average level of 3.56, which indicates that the likelihood of conflicts with a spouse is quite high.

Conclusion

The period of the young family is distinguished by all, without exception, researchers precisely from the position of many problems of a psychological and everyday nature, which often destroy the family at the initial stage of its formation. A considerable part of young families break up at the very beginning of their married life.

From the very first steps of married life, it should be remembered that a different approach to solving life's problems is not a reason for creating conflict situations. If the conflict is still ripe, it is necessary, without aggravating the quarrel, without unnecessary emotions, to resolve it constructively. It all depends on the ability to be tactful and diplomatic, on the ability to compromise.

Our study involved 10 young families with a marriage experience of up to five years and the age of spouses not older than 30 years.

Among the couples surveyed by us, the first place in terms of conflict is occupied by relations with relatives and friends. The transition from life in a parental family to an independent one very often entails conflicts between representatives of the older generation and young spouses. Moreover, they arise both between newlyweds living separately and their parents, and between those who continue to live together.

In second place are the following reasons: 1) upbringing of children; 2) violation of role expectations; 3) manifestation of dominance by one of the spouses.

The data obtained in the study can be used to prepare proposals for providing assistance to conflict young families in the process of counseling them by psychologists.

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Annex 1

Tect "The nature of the interaction of spouses in a conflict situation"

Yu. E. Aleshina, L. Ya. Gozman, E. M. Dubovskoy

Method text

Option for women

You invited your relatives to visit. The husband, knowing this, unexpectedly returned home late. This upset you, and after the guests leave, you express your disappointment to your husband, but he cannot understand the reasons for the dissatisfaction. You...
The husband has promised many times to do something about the house, but still nothing has been done to him. You…
You have been queuing at the store for a long time. The saleswoman was distracted all the time, rude buyers. When it was your turn, the husband, in your opinion, too, abruptly began to speak to her. You are unpleasantly surprised by his tone. You...

5. Husband is in a bad mood. You can guess that he is in trouble at work, although he does not say anything. You try to call for a conversation, but he leaves the conversation. You...

6. You and your husband are invited to a friend's birthday, there is not enough money for a gift. It seems to you that it was the husband who spent too much of them this month. You…

8. You both need to stay late at work, and there is no one to spend with the child. You think that your affairs are more important, and your husband should do it, but he does not agree. You…

10. You are going to leave home on business, and your husband wants to go with you.
say and is unhappy that you refuse to stay for a few minutes. You...

11. Since your youth, you have many male friends. You are happy to communicate with them, they come to visit you. All these visits cause dissatisfaction with the husband. You...

12. It seems to you that your husband is not spending money on that. So he again bought a thing that, in your opinion, unnecessary, but the husband believes that it is necessary in the house. You...

15. Your husband is going to visit his old friends. You would like to go with him, but he does not suggest it. You...

16. Do you have a favorite hobby to which you devote your free time. The husband does not share this interest and even expresses open dissatisfaction. You...

17. While visiting friends, you were introduced to an attractive woman. Your husband sat next to her throughout the evening, dancing and talking about something animatedly. It hurt you. You…

18. You were going to spend Sunday at home, but it turned out that your husband promised his friends to visit them. You really don't want to go. You...

19. You told a friend about your family problems. The husband found out about this and was very unhappy, as he believes that it is not worth telling everyone and everyone about such things. You…

21. This is not the first time a family friend has let you down, and you think you need to show your displeasure. The husband says that you shouldn't attach much importance to this. You…

22. You are discussing vacation plans with friends. The husband suddenly begins to sharply oppose your proposal. You…

Option for men

2. The wife has long promised to do something around the house and again did nothing. You...

You have been queuing at the store for a long time. The saleswoman was distracted all the time, rude to customers. When your turn came, your wife, in your opinion, began to speak to her too harshly. You are unpleasantly surprised by her tone. You...

5. The wife is in a bad mood. You guess she's in trouble at work, although she doesn't say anything. You try to call her into a conversation, but she leaves the conversation. You...

6. You and your wife are invited to a friend's birthday, there is not enough money for a gift. It seems to you that it was the wife who spent too much money this month. You...

You both need to stay late at work, and there is no one to stay with the child. You think that your affairs are more important, and this should be done by your wife, but she does not agree. You…

10. You are about to leave home on business, and your wife wants to talk to you and is unhappy that you refuse to stay even for a few minutes. You…

11. From your youth you have many female friends. You are happy to communicate with them, they come to visit you. The wife is dissatisfied with these visits. You…

12. It seems to you that your wife periodically does not spend money on that, so she again bought a thing that you do not need, but the wife believes that it is necessary in the house. You...

13. You accidentally met your old friend, got into conversation with him, and he persuaded you to come to his house. You stayed with him all evening and came home late. The wife was worried and, when you returned home, showed you her displeasure. You...

15. Your wife is going to visit her old friends. You would like to go with her, but she does not suggest that. You...

16. Do you have a favorite hobby to which you devote your free time. The wife does not share this interest and even expresses open dissatisfaction. You...

17. While visiting friends, you were introduced to an interesting man. Your wife sat next to him throughout the evening, danced and talked about something animatedly. It hurt you. You…

18. You were going to spend Sunday at home, but it turned out that your wife promised her friends to visit them. You really don't want to go. You...

19. You told a friend about your family problems. The wife found out about this and was very unhappy, as she believes that it is not worth telling everyone and everyone about such things. You…

My wife has asked for an iron fix for a long time. Today she wanted to take advantage of it, but it turned out to be unrepairable. She showed her displeasure, despite the fact that she knows that you had no time. You...
In the evening, you are going to watch TV with your wife, but your interests intersect: you want to watch programs on different programs. Each of you insists on his own. You...
You are discussing vacation plans with your friends. The wife suddenly begins to sharply oppose your proposal. You…

Appendix 2

Test "Self-assessment of constructive interaction

in marital relations "


	I respect myself and even more my spouse
	I always remember that he (she) is the closest person to me, the father (mother) of my children
	I try not to accumulate mistakes and resentments, but immediately react to them
	I never make sexual advances
	I never make comments to my spouse in the presence of other people, including in the presence of children
	I never exaggerate my own abilities and dignity.
	I do not consider myself always and in everything right
	I am never jealous and always trust my spouse
	I am always attentive, I can listen and hear my spouse
	I constantly work on my shortcomings, take care of my physical attractiveness
	I never talk about the shortcomings of a spouse, but I am talking only about specific behavior in a specific situation
	I always treat my spouse's hobbies with interest and respect
	I do not try, by all means, to establish the truth in family relationships, if there is a possibility not to do this.
	I try to find time to sometimes rest, from each other, and give this opportunity to my spouse
	In conflict, I never bet on winning and always ready to give in

Evaluation of results

1. Sum up the scores obtained for all 15 positions and find the arithmetic average of this amount.

If the result obtained is from 4.5 to 5 points, then your readiness for constructive interaction in marital relations is high and excludes conflict.
If the result obtained is from 4 to 4.5 points, then the level of your readiness for constructive interaction is above average. To eliminate conflict in relations with your spouse, you need to reconsider certain positions of your behavior.

5. If the result is less than 3 points, then the level of your readiness for constructive interaction is low, and the likelihood of a conflict with your spouse is very high. You need to very seriously reconsider most of the positions of your behavior indicated in the test, and actively work on yourself.

Analysis of scientific literature shows that there are practically no families without conflicts, especially young families. A person is in constant conflict even with himself. Conflicts vary significantly in different families by the nature and frequency, and most importantly, by the ability of the spouses to resolve them, by the culture of behavior in a conflict situation.

During the period of marital adaptation, the spouses' general ideas about marriage and family are formed. The conflict in a young family occurs precisely because young spouses have ideas about family life, which are somewhat contradictory to each other. By marital conflict in a broad sense, we mean a clash between spouses caused by a contradiction in attitudes, goals, views, ideals, ideas, etc. in relation to a specific subject or situation. Based on this definition, conflict marital unions can be called those in which there are constant quarrels between spouses, where their interests, needs, intentions and desires come into conflict, giving rise to especially strong and prolonged emotional states.

The main reason for family misfortunes, as L.N. Tolstoy, is that people are brought up to think about happiness and expect it from marriage. But even sometimes, after several months of married life, hot feelings go into oblivion, and only gray, endlessly monotonous, with a mass of the most ordinary and prosaic affairs, everyday life remain.

Among the main causes of marital conflicts in young families, there is a violation of the ethics of marital relations (betrayal, jealousy), biological incompatibility, improper relationships of spouses (one of them) with people around them - relatives, acquaintances, colleagues, etc., incompatibility of interests and needs , the presence of personal handicaps or negative qualities in one, and sometimes in both spouses, the selfishness of the spouses.

Given the fact that the basis this study made up student families, it becomes necessary to reveal some of the features of student families as one of the varieties of young family unions.

Thus, according to experts, in the majority of student families, conflicts are infrequent and have a constructive nature, which is noted by 85% of spouses-students in the course of this study. A feature of relations in a student family is that both spouses (68% of husbands and 76% of wives) are concerned about the appearance of conflicts, regardless of their nature and frequency. Another characteristic feature of student marriage is the varied content of conflicts. They are connected both with the main aspects of the life of the family and with the widest range of problems solved by the spouses during the adaptation period. This indicates the activity of adaptation processes. If in a mature family the sphere of conflicts is limited and the reasons for quarrels are rather monotonous, then in a young family literally everything becomes a reason for clashes.

What determines the frequency and nature of conflicts? What subjective and objective characteristics of the student family determine them? The way family life is organized affects not only the frequency and content, but also the nature of conflicts. The way of making decisions also depends on the basis on which life in the family is organized. The greatest satisfaction with the way of making decisions, for example, was expressed by spouses from student families of a democratic type. This is due to the fact that in these families not only decisions are made jointly, but the responsibility for their implementation is equally divided. The more the spouses are satisfied with the decision made, the more likely it is that a constructive conflict will prevail in this family. The degree of satisfaction of the student wife with the distribution of housework and childcare responsibilities also has a decisive influence on the frequency, nature, and other characteristics of conflicts.

The conflict in the student family is also significantly influenced by the dissatisfaction of the spouses with spending their leisure time, which is of value in the youth environment. Starting a family involves the emergence of new responsibilities, which means a decrease in free time. Leisure content also changes.

Conflicts are also influenced by the degree of unity of views, attitudes of spouses-students on how it should be organized.

As an integral cause of conflicts in student and other types of families, the mismatch of the spouses' ideas regarding the realization of their own needs, the needs of the partner and expectations in relation to the partner can be considered. This factor belongs to the sphere of meeting the needs of the spouses.

Conflicts between family members are not always recognized. Quite the opposite, many of them remain unconscious. Awareness of the conflict by participants in family interaction is divided into the following types: adequate (appropriate real perception disagreements); inadequate (partners perceive the conflict situation in a distorted way); false (conflict interaction arises on the basis of an incorrect assessment of oneself and a partner in the family).

The creation of a family begins with the development of a common lifestyle, with the mutual adaptation of spouses, with the convergence of tastes, etc.

Marital partners usually operate on the basis of unwritten rules that are not clear-cut and even more rigid. Often spouses themselves agree on mutual obligations, on the division of labor in the family, on the distribution of the family budget. This is how the system of interaction and cooperation is gradually taking shape.

Naturally, the actions of a husband and wife are determined by how they understand the main goals and objectives of family life. Each of the spouses contributes to family cooperation. The behavior of a husband or wife is organized in response to the demands of the marriage partner. If this behavior does not meet these expectations and requirements, then conflict situations arise, mutual accusations that obligations are not being fulfilled.

The convergence of tastes, assessments of future spouses, as a rule, occurs even before marriage. Young people strive to understand, accept, love everything that is dear to him (her). And at the beginning of life together, the desire of the spouses for even greater spiritual rapprochement, empathy, and the desire to live in the interests of each other clearly appears.

But when the first ones leave happy Days, weeks, months, a person begins to open up from a variety of sides, sometimes not only unexpected for a spouse, but even undesirable. And the first quarrel arises, the first conflict, the first offense ...

In family conflict, researchers distinguish the following independent levels:

Psychophysiological,

Psychological,

Socio-psychological,

Sociocultural.

At the same time, they distinguish between the intrapersonal conflict of the husband, the intrapersonal conflict of his wife and the interpersonal conflict (between husband and wife, parents and children, between children).

The structure of a family conflict includes: a conflict situation (the subjects of a possible conflict and its object, for example, an unstable area of emotional interaction in the family) and the images of the participants in the conflict.

Marital conflict is a complex phenomenon that encompasses various levels of interaction. Its origin and course is possible at the level of the relationship of spouses, without implementation in their behavior certain time- the stage of latent conflict.

The aggravation of the relationship between partners contributes to the fact that the conflict spreads to the sphere of their communication, is expressed in different forms conflicting verbal and non-verbal behavior... The transition of the conflict to the behavioral level indicates its aggravation and development from the latent stage to the open one. There are certain signals or signs of family conflict: crisis situations(states), tension, misunderstandings, incidents, discomfort.

In a crisis state, the urge to break the bond with a love partner, manifestations of violence (mental and physical), violent arguments, loss of control over emotions, some loss of strength in the norms of behavior, the possible ability to imagine and act to extremes come to the fore.

The state of tension of any of the representatives of the family system distorts perception, burdens the relationship with preconceived opinions, negative attitudes, modifies feelings for the worse, becomes a source of continuous anxiety.

Misunderstanding presupposes false conclusions from the situation due to insufficiently clear manifestation of thoughts, lack of mutual understanding, emotional tension of one of the participants in the conflict.

Family incidents, pettiness and insignificance can, however, generate temporary excitement, irritation and misperceptions that lead to conflict.

Discomfort means an intuitive feeling that something is wrong, although it is difficult to verbalize it. This contributes to the strengthening of internal observation, vigilance.

In domestic and foreign psychology, there are many points of view on the grounds on which it is possible to typologize certain family conflicts.

1. Depending on the functioning and resolution, conflicts are divided into:

Positive or negative;

Constructive or destructive.

Fulfilling a constructive function, conflicts in mature families reveal mutual claims of spouses and other family members, differences in their needs, attitudes and intentions, contribute to the development of common positions, successful adaptation to the performance of various roles. Such conflicts take place against a general background of positive relationships in the family, mutual satisfaction of its representatives and emotional attachment. Constructive conflict involves the removal of tension in the relationship of partners. Although after a quarrel a heavy sediment remains, but the spouses begin to treat each other more carefully, strive to better understand each other. Subsequently, such a quarrel is perceived as an accident, a misunderstanding.

Destructive conflicts prevent spouses and other family members from developing a single point of view, leading to disorganization of their communication and cooperation, to maladjustment. Such conflicts take place against the background of negative family relations, mutual dissatisfaction of their participants and the weakening or loss of the emotional attractiveness of partners. Destructive conflicts are typical, as a rule, for problem families. The consequence of a destructive conflict is the persistence of tension between spouses for a long time after a quarrel. Both partners in families with a predominance of destructive conflicts consider a real threat of divorce.

2. On the basis of values (value orientations), family conflicts are subdivided into conflicts of terminal and instrumental values of partners.

The conflict of terminal values and orientations is expressed primarily in the form of disagreement on the following issues: important and secondary in life, prestigious and not prestigious, good and bad. Disagreements often show up for minor reasons - different attitude to a friend, a friend, a book, to spend leisure time, vacation, etc.

The conflict of instrumental values is manifested in differences in views on the ways and means of achieving life goals (worthy and unworthy, honest and dishonest, decent and dishonest, etc.). Approving the desire of a partner to achieve a high social status in a service career, a standard of living, the spouse, for example, does not support the methods used in this case (intrigues with colleagues, false careerism, enrichment at the expense of others, etc.).

3. In terms of depth, strength, time of existence, conflicts are:

Strong and weak (insignificant)

Deep and superficial

Long-term (protracted) and fleeting (short-term).

Specialists in the field of family counseling have noticed that the depth, significance, protracted nature, special sensitivity and intolerance of conflict in a certain area of family life indicate a special personal significance for the spouses of that area of relations that turned out to be inharmonious, conflict. Conflicts are often persistent where they believe that in family life you can not restrain yourself: what I want, I say, as I like, I act.

4. In connection with the constituent elements of the conflict (the conflict situation and its images among the participants in the disagreement), according to the American psychologist M. Deutsch, the following types of family conflicts can be distinguished:

genuine conflict - existing objectively and perceived adequately;

random (conditional) conflict - can be easily resolved, although this is not realized by the spouses;

displaced conflict - when obvious and obvious disagreements hide other, true motives and reasons;

incorrectly attributed conflict - quarrels due to the fact that the spouse himself attributed to another spouse (example: the wife scolds her husband for having implemented her order, which she managed to forget about);

open conflict - explicit actions that take the form of a quarrel, scandal, fight, etc .;

latent (hidden) conflict - a contradiction between spouses that is unconscious for one reason or another, which exists objectively, they do not have a vivid external manifestation, it is rather an internal discontent, but their influence on marital relations is no less noticeable than the influence of open ones;

false conflict - arises only due to errors in the perception of spouses, without objective reasons.

5. In terms of resolvability, conflicts can also be:

Easily soluble;

Intractable.

First, the cause can be easily identified and eliminated. In the case of intractable conflicts, even if the cause is identified, they are not easy to eliminate, so the relationship between spouses remains tense. However, the reason that spoiled the relationship should be tried to be eliminated as soon as possible.

6. On a family - role basis, conflicts in young families are also differentiated into:

Matrimonial;

Kinship-parental;

Family related.

The most common marital conflict characteristic of the first year of marriage is the mismatch of partners due to the lack of adequate structures of behavior. This is a lack of housekeeping skills, communication skills, inexperience in the sexual sphere, habits unpleasant for the spouse, inability to distribute intra-family responsibilities, etc.

The typical and most important marital conflict in families is the conflict between traditional male headship and the factual grounds for it, the struggle for power in the family. This factor occupies a significant place among the factors of disagreement between spouses. According to a number of studies among officers' families, more than 52% of male spouses have an inadequate unconscious gender identity, which creates a real basis for the development of this conflict.

The conflict is usually caused by some difficult problem for the spouses. Conflict situations are specific to different stages of family development. The most significant role of the conflict during the formation of the family, when the spouses are just beginning to adapt to each other. In a young family, conflict is characterized by adaptation to each other, when two “I” become one “We”. There is an evolution of feelings, love disappears and the spouses appear before each other as they are. During the period of initial family adaptation, the likelihood of divorce is high, up to 30% of the total number of marriages See: V.A. Sysenko. Marital conflicts. - M .: Mysl, 1989. - S. 122 ..

As you know, very often any conflict situation is accompanied by a quarrel between spouses. The emergence of quarrels that never pass without a trace is one of the most destructive consequences of the adaptation of young spouses and their feelings. People usually say: darlings scold, only amuse themselves. But this is not at all the case. Any quarrel is irreversible, that is, it leaves some kind of imprint on further relations.

The quarrel is usually fanned with harsh words, stupid reproaches, unfair accusations. The most often unrecognized cause of an argument is negative psychological attitude... In a state of emotional fatigue, a person often becomes picky and unrestrained. It is better to immediately understand the cause of the breakdown and immediately demonstrate this understanding See: Yurkevich N.G., Krasovsky A.S., Burova S.N. and other Ethics and psychology of family life: book. for the teacher. -Mn .: Nar. Asveta, 1989. - S. 145 ..

Spouses, especially young ones, usually dramatize any controversial situation and believe that the only way out of such a situation is divorce. In many cases, divorce is more evil than good. In most cases, they come to divorce because young people were unable to solve difficult problems of family life. All other reasons are concomitant, although they are sometimes put in the foreground: lack of an apartment, financial difficulties, prolonged forced separation, bad influence third parties (first of all, parents of young spouses). Although, in fact, the accompanying circumstances begin to operate if the action of the main reasons is fully manifested.

Nowadays, young spouses often too hastily resort to divorce as a way to resolve any conflicts, including those that can be overcome at first. Such a "light" attitude towards the breakup of a family is due to the fact that divorce has already become commonplace. At the time of marriage, there is a clear orientation towards divorce if at least one of the spouses is not satisfied with their life together. It is clear that such an attitude encourages divorce.

Divorce is understood as the dissolution of a legal marriage during the life of both spouses, giving them the freedom to enter into new marriage... Recently, the divorce rate in most industrial societies has risen markedly. Divorce rates are volatile. Usually those people remain in marriage who:

Have become spouses at the age of at least 20;

Both grew up in a stable two-parent family;

Met for a long period of time before marriage;

Well provided for and with roughly the same education;

Have a good job and a stable income;

They live in a small town or on a farm;

Did not have cohabitation and did not become pregnant before marriage;

Believers;

Same age, creed and education.

None of these conditions, taken alone, are sufficient for a stable marriage. But if none of these conditions are met, it can be said with almost complete certainty that the marriage will fall apart See: D. Meyers. Social Psychology/ per. from English - SPb .: Publishing house "Peter", 1999. - P. 151 .. If all these conditions are met in a marriage, then the probability that the spouses will live together until death is high. The English may have been right when they argued centuries ago that it was foolish to consider a temporary intoxication with passionate love as sufficient reason for deciding to marry. As a spouse, you need to choose a person for whom you have a strong sense of friendship and with whom you have a common background, interests, habits and values.

It is difficult to find a married couple who, at least in their lives, has not thought about divorce. It happens that one of the spouses simply threatens with divorce in order to "frighten" his "half" and change the situation.

What are the most common reasons and motives for divorce? The main reasons for divorce are: incompatibility of characters, inability and unwillingness to subordinate their interests to the will of the other, inattention of one of the spouses to the other, etc. Recently, more and more more reason divorce is called the addiction to alcohol of one of the spouses. G.P. Razumikhina notes that over the past 15-20 years, the number of marriages that have broken up due to alcoholism has increased from 40% to 55% See: P.P. Razumikhina. The world of the family: A book for high school students on the course "Ethics and psychology of family life." - M .: Education. 1986. - P. 208 .. Currently, the number of divorces is growing, in which the husband leaves the drinking wife.

About 25% of families break up because of adultery and about the same because of the loss of love. In both cases, it is very difficult to decide whether it is necessary to dissolve the marriage.

Not everyone succeeds in preserving love for many years. V different years this feeling is filled with more and more new content. And a person is often inclined to take only passionate sensitivity for love. Its calmer manifestations seem to be something else. Therefore, it is not always possible to trust experienced spouses who claim that love has gone over the years. As for the first case, betrayal is different. Sometimes it is based on the unbridled and licentiousness generated by alcohol. The drunk excites, discourages the will, awakens the basest, encourages to forget about honor and dignity. In other cases, a sudden strong infatuation suddenly blinds the person, weakens his moral self-control. He (the spouse) then sometimes himself suffers because of what he had done, repents, but it is too late to return anything.

One of the frequently cited reasons for divorce is the dissimilarity of characters. This motive is difficult to define. Most often, he hides behind himself other, deeper causes of family discord. As a rule, spouses come to divorce gradually, accumulating many mutual claims. The inability to build constructive, quarrel-free communication is most often accepted by the husband and wife as a dissimilarity of characters.

So, during the period of primary marital adaptation, the spouses' general ideas about marriage and family are formed. As a rule, this occurs as a result of a clash of views of the husband and wife on family life. Any family clash most often finds its expression in family conflicts. A family conflict is a clash of opposing desires and needs, interests, goals, positions, opinions or views of spouses, other members of family interaction. In healthy family relationships, creative struggle and conflict are more often present than absent. At the heart of the conflict are either a mismatch of interests, desires, drives of family members, or their conflicting positions on any issue, or opposite goals or means of achieving them in the given circumstances.

The conflict in a young family occurs due to the fact that young spouses have ideas about family life, which in some way contradict each other. Conflicts are usually caused by some complex problem. The most significant role of the conflict during the formation of the family, when the spouses are just beginning to adapt to each other. And all irreconcilable and insurmountable conflicts in the family end in the same way - in divorce.

The analysis of scientific literature made it possible to identify the most typical types of conflicts, which are based on various grounds. Conflicts are divided according to the severity of contradictions, according to the degree of people's involvement in the conflict. Also, conflicts are open and hidden, easily resolved and intractable, constructive and destructive. Unlike destructive ones, constructively resolved conflicts are necessary in marital relations. Therefore, the actions of the participants in a spousal conflict should be aimed not at preventing the conflict, but at changing its nature: from destructive to constructive. On the basis of values (value orientations), family conflicts are subdivided into conflicts of terminal and instrumental values of partners. According to the family-role basis, conflicts in young families are also differentiated into marital, kinship-parental, family-related conflicts.

Young families are characterized by the dramatization of any controversial situation, intemperance and pickiness. The increased level of conflict in young families during the period of initial adaptation is especially clearly manifested in the dynamics of divorce among young spouses. The second chapter of the thesis will be devoted to the problem of studying conflict and finding psychological ways to reduce it.

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