Not all families are able to fully support their children, giving them everything they need for their existence and complex development. At the same time, they have a desire to preserve parental rights. The only viable option in this case would be the temporary placement of children in a boarding school. But before performing this procedure, it is imperative that you familiarize yourself with its features.

Boarding system

Within the territory of Russian Federation is functioning great amount boarding schools where you can send your children. Before deciding on such a step, you need to think about whether it is really worth doing it. Indeed, in some cases, the transfer of a son or daughter for a long period can provoke negative consequences in the form of deprivation parental rights... And no one guarantees that they can be restored in the future.

The domestic boarding system allows you to transfer children to certain time to a closed boarding school. True, before sending a child to a boarding school without deprivation of parental rights, it is strongly recommended to read about your own rights and obligations.

Reasons for the need for placement in a boarding school

There are many reasons why parents decide to place their own children in a boarding school.

1. Lack of sufficient material support for the full support of the whole family.
2. The constant occurrence of problems on a psychological basis.
3. Transfer to a boarding school as one of the methods of punishment for very serious offenses - for example, for stealing money from the family budget, very poor academic performance and constant absenteeism, alcohol abuse (when children are influenced by bad companies).

Before transferring your child to a boarding school, you must remember that his consent will not be required if the age does not exceed ten years. If you have turned exactly 10 years old, from that moment on, the employees of the guardianship and guardianship authorities must definitely clarify his opinion. If he refuses, the requirements of the parents will automatically be considered canceled. Accordingly, it will be possible to send the little man to a boarding school subject to the simultaneous deprivation of parental rights.

Period of stay

When a toddler enters territory children's boarding school, parents must agree on the timing of its location. In accordance with the requirements of domestic legislation, it is established by general agreement parents and the head of the institution. The issue of determining the period of stay in the boarding school can also be agreed by its legal representatives.

After the term is agreed orally, the agreement is confirmed in writing. For this, a corresponding order of the director is drawn up. Groups of stay (residence), as a rule, are on the territory of the boarding school for five days. During this time, they will regularly receive five meals a day. Pupils primary grades as well as children with mental disorders, physical disabilities always go for a nap.

How to send a child to a boarding school without deprivation of parental rights

Many people ask the following question - is it possible to place a child in a boarding school without losing parental rights. In fact, such a possibility is indeed allowed. In total, the procedure is as follows.

1. holding individual conversation with the baby, his psychological preparation for the upcoming events;
2. contacting specialized state bodies;
3. collection of all necessary documents;
4. transfer of the collected package of papers for verification;
5. obtaining a decision;
6. individual consultation with the director of the boarding school to agree on general and additional conditions.

Where to go

There are two institutions that you will have to visit in mandatory- This is a representative office of the guardianship and trusteeship body in your city and a boarding school. To register your son or daughter in an institution, you must first write an application and attach to it Required documents... They will be considered first by representatives of the PLO.

If they are convinced of the advisability of placing their children in a boarding school, then the parents should go to its director. All conditions are agreed upon in a tripartite manner - between the parents, the director and the staff of the PLO. The result of the negotiations is the drafting of a tripartite agreement.

The following points are indicated here:

• length of stay;
• the order in which parents will meet with their children;
• responsibilities of the institution and parents;
• the peculiarities of providing psychological, social and other assistance to the family in case of such a need;
• measures of responsibility for failure to comply with the requirements specified in the agreement.

Required documents

In addition to the application to the representative office of the guardianship and trusteeship body, additional documents for registration of a child in a boarding school. This list includes the following:

• birth certificate (if age exceeds 14 - passport);
• medical card with complete list test results confirming the absence acute problems with health;
• separate opinion from employees medical commission in case the baby or teenager suffers from mental and physical disabilities;
• rehabilitation program for the disabled (if any).

Psychological trauma and other consequences

Remember that transferring a child to a boarding school can result in serious psychological consequences... Children are very attached to their parents, regardless of how the latter treat them. That's why long separation can negatively affect their state of mind.

On the other hand, adolescents in need of reeducation simply have to go through this step. The accumulated experience will allow them to understand what can happen if they do not change something in their lives. Therefore, before going to a boarding school, be sure to weigh the pros and cons of such a decision.

Other ways to arrange a child

For parents or legal representatives, the boarding school is not the only way out of the situation. Exists alternative ways devices. For example, babies can be accommodated in groups for a five-day night stay if, due to their age, they go to kindergarten... You don't have to worry about taking care of every baby.

Older children can be offered cadet schools or a sports boarding school. Naturally, to get there, you will have to pass the selection, passing exams and standards. On the other hand, it provides good nutrition, tuition and accommodation without any payment.

Legislative regulation

The procedure for regulating this issue is explained in detail in:

• Art. 155.1 Family Code(RF IC) "Arrangement of children left without parental care in an organization for orphans and children left without parental care";
• Government Decree No. 481 of May 24, 2014 "On the activities of organizations for orphans and children left without parental care, and on the placement of children without parental care in them."

In life, unfortunately, there are situations when the parents themselves do not have the opportunity to take care of their own child properly. However, not all of them want to abandon it. Temporary placement of children in residential institutions can be of help to such parents. We will tell you how to place a child in a boarding school without deprivation of parental rights.

Many parents find it difficult to imagine how you can voluntarily hand over your own baby to an orphanage or boarding school. However, for some it can be a real salvation. This is true for those persons who, for reasons of a valid nature, in this period time cannot fully fulfill their parenting responsibilities... They are given the opportunity to ask for the placement of their children in organizations for orphans, children left without parental supervision.

They cannot be deprived of parental rights for this.

However, this will help protect the interests of the child himself, whom the state will temporarily take care of.

Regulated this question the provisions of Art. 155.1 of the Family Code (SK RF), as well as Government Decree of May 24, 2014 No. 481. It is devoted to the organization of the placement of children left without parental care, v special institutions... The specified document spells out the procedure and conditions for placing such children in boarding schools and other similar institutions.

What is the order

If life circumstances force the child to be sent to a boarding school, then you need to know in what order this is done. Such issues are resolved by the local guardianship and guardianship authority (PLO). To register a child in a specialized institution, you need to write an application, attaching a number of documents to it.

In addition, if the child is already ten years old, then you need to ask his opinion on this matter.

Further, the PLO considers the submitted documents and makes its decision. If there are grounds for placement in a boarding school, then an agreement is concluded between the parent (s) of the PLO and the institution itself. In that tripartite agreement the following points are discussed:

• the period of the child's stay in the boarding school;
• the order of meetings with parents;
• responsibilities of parents and institution in relation to the child;
• measures of social, psychological and other assistance to this family;
• responsibility for non-compliance with the terms of the agreement.

Parents are expected to abide by the terms of this agreement. In such cases, the deprivation of parental rights does not occur. And after the period for which the agreement was concluded, the child can be taken back.

You can place your children in the care of state institutions for a period of three months to one year.

If, after its expiration, they did not return for the child, then the question of depriving them of their rights and placing the child in this institution for a further time is already being raised. If necessary, you can ask for an extension this period.

Required documents

In addition to the OOP statement itself, you will need to submit a whole package of various documentation. First of all, these are documents for the child himself. These include:

• birth certificate, passport (after 14 years);
• a medical record, a conclusion about his state of health, the results of examinations (analyzes);
• for children with disabilities ( disabilities) you need a separate conclusion of the medical (psychological and pedagogical) commission;
• for disabled people - a program for their rehabilitation (if any).

Parents will be required to provide documents proving their identity, as well as information about the child's close relatives. In addition, the OOP will conduct a survey of the child's living conditions. Additional papers may be required. This issue should be clarified in the PLO of your city.

Other ways to arrange a child

In difficult life circumstances, it is not necessary to hand over the child exactly in Orphanage... After all, this can be a serious test for him. You can consider other options that many simply do not think about.

Toddlers kindergarten age can be added to a group of five-day (overnight) stay. They function in many gardens today. There, your child can be taken care of at night. This option may be suitable for those who work in shifts or work late. In such groups, children do not need to be left overnight, just pick up after the usual six hours.

For older children, sports boarding schools or cadet schools are suitable. Of course, in order to get into them, you need to pass the selection, pass certain standards and exams. However, once they get there, they will be able to study, live and eat there for free.

In the meantime, parents will have time to solve existing problems. At the same time, the child will not think that his parents have left him.

Difficult vicissitudes of life Some people are familiar with the situation - a single mother living in a remote area wants to go to work for her family in a big city or abroad. There is no one to leave the child with, and she comes to a decision: “I want to send the child to an orphanage. Temporarily!". It is assumed that the mother does not abandon her child forever, only until she makes a living. The situation can be aggravated by the fact that the mother may have several children, and one of them requires an expensive urgent health care... Returning Foster and Adopted Children Sometimes parents have to think about returning foster children to the orphanage. The situation is known when adoptive parents took the child into a family with existing native children for them.

How to send a child to an orphanage? is it possible to send your own child to an orphanage

Upon reaching the minor ward fourteen years of age, custody of him is terminated, and the citizen who performed the duties of the guardian becomes the guardian of the minor without an additional decision on this. 3. Educational measures: naughty child can be taken to an orphanage or sent to the army? Recently, the court made an unprecedented decision - to deprive parents of parental rights of their own free will.

Mom and Dad, by the way, both with higher education and having three older children, explained their act by the fact that the son skipped school, did not study well, ran away from home, dragged money. And although the child begged to forgive him and take him home, the parents remained adamant.

According to their father, they no longer want to be responsible for the boy's actions. Sergey V. If a woman refuses a child (hands it over to an orphanage) - should she pay something like alimony? 1 answer.

Moscow Viewed 74 times.

How to send a child to an orphanage

Send a child (not a baby) to an orphanage in Ukraine Every child should be brought up in a family. You cannot argue with this axiom. This is the normal order of things.

Attention

You can even say that it is necessary for a child to grow up as a worthy member of society, a citizen, in the end - simply a good man... And in most cases, fortunately, this is what happens: long-awaited child is born, he and his mother are discharged from the hospital in a festive atmosphere, and he goes to get acquainted with his warm, cozy home.

I want to take my child to the children's home

Here I am interested in this topic to horror !!! Don't worry, I'm not out of my mind and I'm not going to take my blood to an orphanage at all, I ask this for a different reason ... I like to watch the news - well, I can't live without them (especially without crime), so I watch the news like on Ukrainian and Russian channels.

A month ago in Russia there was a case - a mother killed a child: she raised a type and beat a 5-year-old boy to death. It is justified that it was hard for her alone, so she fell through.

The boy did not obey and indulged in, so she beat him with her fists until he stopped breathing ... The other day Ukraine shows: a three-year-old girl was beaten by her mother's hahari while her mother was lying thumping.
Mom makes excuses that the child fell from the tractor - but the child was shown on TV. What kind of tractor is there! After all, it is clear that the little girl has been beaten. The third day in the intensive care unit, the baby is calling her mother, but her mother does not come ...

How to apply for a boarding school

They have either underestimated or overestimated self-esteem due to the unformed image of "I". Flaw social experience leads to the fact that children cannot find common language with people around them, because of this, they become rude, distrustful, suspicious, they can begin to deceive.

They tend to want to separate themselves from the rest, to assert themselves by any means. Negative consequences living in child care Before taking final decision, need to have correct representation about how children live in an orphanage and how their personality is formed there.

Important

This is a place where children will not be able to develop a stable attachment to a person, to the so-called "significant adult" by psychologists. And without this, according to L. Petranovskaya, a Russian psychologist, teacher and publicist, it is impossible to form a full-fledged personality.

How can a child be enrolled in a boarding school without deprivation of parental rights?

The reasons for this are different, but the result is the same - the parents have lost their authority and cannot exert the proper influence on the teenager. The latter is aggressive, sees in relatives a threat to his freedom, strives to run away from home, and even grab some of the things, and the parents do not feel safe being next to him.

Do they have the right to make a harsh decision in educational purposes, or should they humbly wait for their fate? Each parent answers this question independently in each case. It is not worth waiting for help or advice from others in such matters - this is your personal choice and your responsibility.

What documents are needed to hand over a child to an orphanage? A child is a full citizen of his country. Therefore, if such a decision has already been made, the orphanage will need to provide a package of documents.

Can you send your own child to an orphanage?

This is a moral and ethical question and everyone answers it in their own way. It is very important that in the case of a positive answer - yes, to give - this happened with the full understanding that the condition for the formation of a successful personality of every child can only be a family.
Everyone will agree with this statement - from psychologists, teachers to the children themselves - inmates of orphanages.

• 15.02.2018

Instructions

To begin with, soberly assess and carefully examine those things that you want to give to the orphanage. As a rule, the capital's orphanages have already stopped accepting used clothes from, since most often people carry very shabby and old, and sometimes unwashed things... Therefore, if you have collected a bag with normal clothes, which you would gladly and not be ashamed to give to your sister, your child, and they would wear it with no less pleasure, then you are halfway to the title of a worthy benefactor. Children will be very happy with a good and modern clothes... In children houses willingly accept sportswear and quality shoes.

All clothing should be clean, well washed, dry, preferably ironed. Inspect for torn items, with diverging seams, musty, and stains that cannot be washed. Clothes should not be stretched, with fluffy edges. Badly flawed things, even if they were once very expensive and beautiful, it is better to throw it away. If you are at a loss as to which clothes should be left and which should not, consult with the administration of the orphanage or, in extreme cases, when transferring things, warn them that you have not sorted them.

If you are going to transfer to an orphanage household appliances, books or something else, also inspect everything for external and hidden defects: are there missing pages in books, are electronics working, etc. Better if the transmitted things will have the original packaging and instructions for use.

Transfer everything you have collected to any social center. The addresses of the centers in Moscow can be found on the website: http://fadm.gov.ru/regionmain/region77/suborg/cspsid.php or http://www.dsmp.mos.ru/institutions-of-department/... Regional centers addresses social assistance children can be found at the reception of your city administration.

Orphans in hospitals are also in dire need of ordinary, but quality things and items such as personal care products, soap, Toothpaste, powder, creams, dusts, baby oils, shampoos, diapers. These hygiene products should not be printed. And, of course, sick kids are doubly pleased to receive new toy, book, coloring book, etc. To assist hospitals, contact the reception Federal Service for supervision in the field of health care in your city or directly in medical institution, which deals with the treatment of orphans.

If you want to provide targeted assistance to a specific orphanage, you can take things independently, but in work time and having previously warned the administration about your arrival. Another option is to send things by post by ordinary parcel. Addresses and telephones for children in Moscow: http://www.allo499.ru/tel/allomsk/16/631/.

Sources:

• clothes orphanage

Barely closing wardrobes, clogged balcony and garage, overflowing shelves - all this sure sign that it's time to arrange the analysis of old things. But what to do with the resulting mountains unnecessary clothes?

Instructions

Discard unnecessary

Take a close look at old things. Some of them may be overly worn out. Torn, full of holes, moth-eaten is not needed not only by you, but by anyone in general. Feel free to send it to the trash. The rest of the things can still serve someone, and sometimes bring profit.

Advertise

City newspapers often have headings for advertisements from individuals. If you decide to sell clothes, this is the place for you. Briefly describe the item, size, color and name your price. The downside is that you have to leave yours for communication and meet with potential buyers who do not always make the planned deal.

Drop off clothes at nursing homes / nursing homes / comprehensive social service centers

This option is suitable for those who are ready to old things free of charge. Many children's institutions need help (there are few exceptions, most of which are Moscow orphanages). Call orphanages in your area or region and find out if they need clothes, check the size. Usually such institutions do not refuse help. There are two ways to convey things. Send the parcel from the post office or deliver them yourself. If the second option is convenient for you, do not be lazy and ask your friends if someone else will want to help the children. Addresses and can be found on the Internet, for example, at http://www.detskiedomiki.ru/">http://www.detskiedomiki.ru.

Talk to . There are many where you can give / sell unnecessary things

For example, the blogging site http://www.livejournal.com/http://www.livejournal.com has a special section "Give it for free", where you can find and give away absolutely any thing or object.

note

Respect the people you donate clothes to. Do not be lazy to wash, or even better to iron things. Check out little things like missing buttons.

From time to time, a lot of unnecessary things accumulate on the shelves of cabinets. Among them may be souvenirs, read uninteresting books or unsuitable clothes bought in a hurry. Most of these items are unlikely to be used someday, so it's best to get rid of them as soon as possible.

What are the best things to throw away

Unnecessary more clothes and shoes can always be attached somewhere. However, it is better to just throw torn and heavily worn things into the trash bin, since it will be extremely difficult to please even the poorest person with such products. However, it is better to throw them away wrapped in a bag, because there are many people who have to look for their clothes in the trash cans. So your battered jacket or torn boots may still be useful to someone else.

You also need to throw away the used underwear even if it is in good condition, since it is not accepted to sell or give away such things.

Where can old things be

All other things are better still to give to other people, since today there are a lot of needy or just poor adults and children who will be happy unexpected gift... It will take you quite a bit of time, but you can do a good deed.

Children's and teenage clothes, unnecessary souvenirs, shoes, as well as toys and books are best given to boarding schools, baby homes and orphanages. Even in the largest cities, these institutions sometimes lack basic things, not to mention an extra pair beautiful boots... There you can also attach furniture you no longer need, an old, but working TV or computer.

Things for adults can be taken to the temple - right at the entrance there are often advertisements for those who need something. If there is no such announcement, you can simply give the box with the things to the employees, who will distribute your clothes and shoes to the poor parishioners. Many churches also send things to orphanages and pre-trial detention centers. Old things can be attributed to various charity organisations that help those in need.

Before giving old clothes, be sure to wash it, iron it and fold it neatly.

Torn books and magazines can be returned to waste paper collection points. A fiction and modern journalism in good condition is best taken to a home for the elderly or disabled, because people living there often really need interesting book or a magazine. Books can also be added to libraries.

To give away old furniture or interior items, place an ad about it on free sites on the Internet: avito.ru, otdamdarom.ru and others. And in order to help you to put things in order at home appeared faster, take a picture of the items that you are offering as a gift. Thanks to this method, you can get rid of many things in a matter of days, because there are a lot of people in need today. In addition, many old furniture today it is used by designers to create interesting interiors. And they are looking for such furniture at flea markets or on the Internet.

Tip 4: Orphanage - a shelter for abandoned children or a prison?

Children deprived of their parents are usually branded with an orphanage. This means that in society such people are looked at with pity and apprehension, not believing that they can really achieve something in life. No joke - according to statistics, about 40% (!) Of graduates of orphanages in Russia embark on a criminal path. On the other hand, everyone knows some orphanages in which they try to surround babies with almost maternal affection and care.

Mom, what am I going to do?

There can be a great many reasons why a child ends up in an orphanage. For some, their parents died, for the majority, they were deprived of parental rights for or cruel treatment, some were simply abandoned. The task of the state with which it copes with varying degrees success is the constant support, socialization and upbringing of these children.

Children's homes, like kindergartens and schools, can be different. Some of them really resemble a prison - it already depends on the teaching staff. For the most part, nannies, educators, teachers of orphanages really do their best to give these children love and affection, but if a human heart can easily accommodate 30, 50, 100 children, then there is simply not enough time for everyone. And for this reason, raising children turns into a conveyor belt.

Psychologists say that any child abandoned by parents, no matter how small they are, is a victim of severe psychological trauma that cannot be healed.

It turns out like this: up to 4 years old, the baby is in the Baby House, where he already has friends, where he gets used to the nannies and educators. Then he is transferred to an orphanage - and he has to get to know the children again, get used to the local order and the new teaching staff. Often after that, at the age of 7, the child enters a boarding school, where an additional division into older and junior classes... Of course, any child goes through approximately the same stages of socialization, but the fact is that after kindergarten, school, college, he comes home to his mother in the evening. And these children have nowhere to go - and every time they young age you have to start all over again. But that's just one problem.

Mom, how will I live?

Another is that children from orphanages live in a confined space. In this regard, the truth is similar to a prison - there are their own laws, there is a special life, and then, when the guys grow up and end up in " Big world", They simply do not know how they should behave. In addition, according to the law, orphanage workers have no right to force children to work, including, say, helping in the kitchen. And then the graduate orphanage having received his lawful apartment, he will not know how to clean it and himself lunch. Few will know how to make a living. Hence the huge percentage of criminals.

10% of graduates of orphanages receive higher education and find a worthy place in life.

That is why in all institutions where children are brought up without parents, it is believed that a child is always better in a family - native, foster, foster - than in an orphanage. The orphanage is not a prison. But he never makes anyone happy either.

A baby house is an institution where children from 0 to 4 years old are brought up. It is financed from the state budget, therefore, children often do not have enough funds even for the most necessary, but all possible help can be provided.

There are people who care about orphans. Children living in the baby house are especially in need of help. Anyone can provide it, you just need to set a goal, and there are many ways to do this.

Regular visits

To help the baby's home, you can contact the senior educator or manager by phone and find out what the institution urgently needs. Its employees will happily dictate a list of what the kids need. After that, you can go to the store and purchase items and things from the list at your discretion. If possible, you should help regularly. For example, once a month to take things there, medicines, toys, personal hygiene items. But you can provide help from time to time, they will also be very grateful for it. So, for example, you can buy gifts for children for the holidays, arrange tea parties for them with contests and prizes. The best thing, of course, is to find like-minded people, dump every month and buy something for the little ones. As a result, such a contribution will not make a hole in family budget, and help will be more tangible.

Volunteer movements

Not everyone can help the baby's house financially, but if there is free time and desire, then you can join volunteer movements and go to work in this institution on a free basis. Of course, no one forces you to spend the whole day there, you can agree to do a certain job, spending only a few hours on it. You can also negotiate with the manager yourself. However, babysitting the babies will not be allowed, since for this you will need to have a sanitary book, a health certificate, and medical education... But you can, for example, clean rooms, wash clothes, wash dishes. Such help will also be welcome, and if possible, it should be offered. If there is Teacher Education, then you can conduct classes with educational games, contests and tasks.

Remittance

When there is no time to travel to the baby's home, then you can help this institution financially. In this case, you will need to find out the current account of the baby's home in your city and transfer a certain amount of money to it. To make the help more tangible, you can create a group in the popular social network... Its members will be discounted as much as they can, and the owner of the community will subsequently transfer the funds raised to the account of the baby's home.

Ask a psychologist

Good day!

At 19 she became pregnant, the child was not planned. When I told my boyfriend about this, hoping that he would offer me to get married, he said that he was not ready to talk about this now, and then he offered an abortion. I refused, said that I would do without him. Earlier I already had 2 abortions and was afraid to do 3. So I gave birth to myself. Lived with my dad and son, graduated from university, found a good job.

At 23 she met my husband. I realized right away that he was "my man". After 2 weeks he proposed to me in marriage and after 2 months we got married. On the first day I met him, I told him that there is a child.

My husband is an independent person, wealthy 10 years older than me. He was not married before, had no children. I really wanted to have my own child. When our daughter was born, he was replaced as a substitute, but not in relation to me, but in relation to my son. Once he suggested that I send him to an orphanage. I didn't believe it at first. Then they just went for bullying ... There should be a child in his room, and not with us at the table. When the husband is at home, the child should not leave the room and I cannot communicate with him. You can't go out with him outside the fence (we have our own house, you can only walk in the yard). He began to seize all the money so that I would not buy him something. Even count the food in the refrigerator. My husband thinks that his family is me, he and my daughter, and he doesn't need "trailers". He is ashamed that someone might find out that he married a woman with a child, that only alcoholics and those who cannot make their children marry people like me. When I asked what he thought before, he replies that he immediately thought and counted on the fact that we would get rid of the "trailer". He loves me and his daughter for us nothing is a pity. I have relatives, but no one wants to take the child with them.

He put me in front of a choice of either a "normal family" or a divorce. He does not want to tolerate someone else's child in his house. Looking at someone else's child, a picture of me with a strange man rises before his eyes ...

The point is, I love my husband. And I'm just torn between him and my son. I myself, from an incomplete family, lived with my father. Father died a year ago. I always dreamed of a complete family. And my husband, like my father, is by nature a very family work-home, does not smoke, drinks very rarely at home on a holiday, earns good money. I feel like stone wall"And I don’t want to live without him, I’m afraid that after the divorce, I will rip off evil on my son.

Help me, what should I do in my situation?

You write that he does not want to tolerate someone else's child in his house. But this is your child. Are you a stranger to him ???

Good answer 3 Bad answer 1

Hello Margarita! Perhaps your husband has such attitudes (albeit incorrect) that only drunks marry women with children, etc. However, he still married you and adopted your child - however, you should not assume that your husband loves you and your daughter - your son is your part and not to love or respect him means not to respect you and not to accept your past! It is possible that your husband has rather rigid views on this issue and he invented these restrictions for himself and adheres to them - and the issue should be resolved in a coordinated way - think that it will be better for you and your children - to live with your husband and be humiliated by him, kinda kind psychological abuse above the child and he will grow with a feeling of inferiority, that he is embarrassed and ashamed, and the mother allows and admits this relationship, which means he deserves it - this is the logic of the children and this is a fact (there have been such examples from practice!), and the second child will obviously be grow up with an overestimation of oneself and a disdainful attitude towards his brother, and in general towards men! - Is this a normal position in the family? and what thoughts may be about the orphanage - you are ready to abandon the child for the sake of a man who allows himself to humiliate and dominate this little man, tyrannizing you too - this is not a way out of the situation, but an escape from it! and with what feelings the child will grow up, knowing that his mother left, for the sake of that uncle - he will be deprived of the basic need for security, with resentment and pain in his heart and it is not known how he will subsequently treat women in general (after all, as every woman, for him it is a type of mother!) - think about it. If you find it difficult to figure it out and decide what to do - you can feel free to contact me (there were such examples and were also difficult, but everything is allowed, the main thing is to fight and not give up !!!) - write or call me - I will be glad to see you help and support!

Good answer 3 Bad answer 0

Hello Margarita! In your situation, a feeling of compassion for your son arises, this is what happens and from the very birth he was not needed by his own father, you gave birth to him for yourself, as you put it and are ready for the sake of a new husband and feeling like a "stone wall" send the child to " good hands"?! Try for a moment to feel what your son is experiencing ?? His living conditions in your family are similar to those of an outcast. Do not eat at the table, do not go outside the fence. Why do you go to these provocations from your husband? I understand you you want a complete family and loving person- this is very good wishes... However, love is a complete acceptance of a person - UNCONDITIONAL, that is, everything and entirely, including with the past that was. this is your son, your part, your blood and flesh, please do not betray him. When there is love they do not put before a choice, love your son, give him your love and understanding - he is your continuation, and loving your son, daughter, you can work in the direction of your family and maybe you should think about what is behind the illusion of a "stone wall" hiding really is not such a perfect picture. You definitely need to work with a psychologist, you and your husband! I really hope that you can solve it in the most favorable way for your whole family!

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Margarita, how did your husband develop and develop relationships with his parents? Maybe there is some secret story of his kind (he describes very colorfully about " trailers "he does not need. He is ashamed that someone might find out that he married a woman with a child, that only drunks marry people like me and those who cannot make their children"... He is the only son, what were the women (mother, grandmothers, great-grandmothers ...), who took with a" trailer "... Explore. Together.

The fact that you are interviewing relatives about the return of your son says that you are not confident in yourself. It is important, for example, to point out the fact that what happened before the meeting with him has already happened, this cannot be changed, and if there had not been a break with the son's father, you would not have met. Only thanks to that "strange man" you are now together and happy. To give a son away is to give half of yourself ... Of course, it would be nice for a consultation. Family therapy is for couples, but it can be for each separately. Usually the one / the one who is worried about the situation comes. Please contact.

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Hello Margarita!
I sympathize with your difficult choice in all relationships. I do not consider it necessary to moralize, this is not your need now, as my client. Let's try to understand what the disadvantages are in this or that choice (they are also advantages in the opposite). So, the first choice is to send your son to an orphanage:

• serious psychological trauma for a child who will radically change his life, and in this regard, will cause you to feel guilty
• Your daughter will lose her older brother, and this is a rather big and irreplaceable loss, and again, your guilt for this, it is not known how your daughter will evaluate your decision in the future
• this choice satisfies the interests of only one member of your family - your husband, which means that if you satisfy him, then it will be difficult for you later not to do this in other things, most likely (this is my forecast) you will only do this in your life, and this is not useful for you
• You will incur the aggression of society, and it will be quite difficult for you to resist it, because society here will be right - children deprived of family education, are a threat to the peace and prosperity of this very society

The second choice is to get a divorce:

• You will not have a husband, and your daughter will not have a father living with her (since she can continue to communicate with her father, but she will not live in the same territory)

I do not see any other disadvantages in the second choice for you, it is for you, because you are now my client, not your son. And the fact that you will be aggressive towards your son if you divorce your husband because of him is a minus for him, not for you. I will not analyze these disadvantages for you, do it yourself. I will share more thoughts about your husband, since some of his qualities, it seems to me, can directly influence your life. Your husband is a dishonest person, because he did not tell you right away (before the wedding and the birth of your daughter) that he was determined to get rid of his stepson. He presented this demand to you when you have already connected life with him, attached to him and, in a certain sense, depend on him. This is called manipulation, and it is very cruel, since the fulfillment of its conditions by you will violate your interests. Manipulation is generally quite acceptable in our life if its implementation does not violate the interests of the one who is being manipulated. If you choose to live with this person (even regardless of whether you send your son to an orphanage or not), then this choice, with all due respect to him (I respect the right of an adult to make any conscious life choice), will cause me very strong anxiety for you, Margarita. You risk becoming a tool for satisfying his (husband's) needs and losing your own life and destiny. There is something to think about. I wish you to make a satisfying choice. All the best, Elena.

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