Causes of nervous tantrums in children 1 2. Lack of parental love and care. Tensions in the family

25.04.2019

What parents are not familiar with children's tantrums? Everyone who is a mom or dad sooner or later encounters a tantrum in a child, which manifests itself in various years life: 1, 2, 3, 4 and even 5 years. What causes children to hysteria? Everyone would like to know what can be done at the moment when.

When the baby begins to cry loudly, blush with a delay in breathing, tears begin to flow from the eyes, then two groups of adults arise:

Some feel sorry for him and begin to blame their parents.
Others support their parents, realizing that tantrums should not be encouraged.

Which of the two camps is right? Everyone is right and wrong in their own way. The main thing is to understand the reasons why the child has a tantrum, as well as what he wants to tell his parents with it. The site of psychological assistance site will try to help parents understand this difficult issue.

What is a tantrum in a child?

Hysteria in a child is the peak of nervous excitement, when the baby seems to go into a kind of prostration, from which it is difficult to pull him out. The main actions during a tantrum are:

Shout.
Cry.
Floor rolling.
Waving arms and legs.
Banging your head against a wall or biting yourself or others.

The child in his own way shows hysteria, which is expressed precisely in such forms of behavior. The parents don't know what to do here. And their condition is quite understandable. At the moment of hysteria, the child usually does not hear anything and does not see anyone. He seems to be immersed in his own experiences, indignation, allowing himself to show all the necessary emotions.

The speech and arguments addressed to him do not help, which is also explained by the inability of the child to hear anything during a tantrum. This is an extreme form of arousal that deprives logical thinking the one who is hysterical. Here the main thing is only one thing - achieving the goal. The child does not just fall into hysterics. Something indignant, excites, revolts him. He wants to get something. This is where the hysteria comes in.

This form of behavior can also be called a way to achieve the goal, which is used by children. We can say that her first attempts at manifestation arise almost from the first days of life. When a newborn wants to eat, he cries. Nothing can calm him down. Nothing can distract him. He cries until he eats - he reaches his goal.

Thus, a tantrum in a child is a way to achieve a goal. He uses the only methods he possesses and has in his arsenal. He allows his emotions to come out to the fullest, regardless of what others think. After all, it is important for parents that everything be quiet and calm, measured and orderly. It doesn't matter to a child when he has a desire that he wants to satisfy right here and right now.

Causes of tantrums in a child

Why is the child hysterical? Reasons can help parents understand why a child is behaving in an unpleasant way.

The most main reason is the desire to achieve what you want. Hysteria appears when the desires, interests and actions of parents and children diverge. Children show anger and irritation in a similar way. Occurs in situations where:

Words cannot express my dissatisfaction.
Feeling of hunger, fatigue, lack of sleep.
Excessive severity and guardianship of parents.
Desire to attract attention.
Wrong upbringing.
Imitation of adults or peers.
The desire to achieve the important and valuable.
Unbalanced and weak warehouse of the nervous system.
Painful or post-morbid condition.
Parents' lack of a clear attitude towards positive and negative actions.
A break from a fun activity.
Lack of a system of punishments and rewards.

Since tantrums are accompanied by noises that are embarrassing to parents, many of them want to stop them as soon as possible. It's entirely possible if you do it right. It is necessary to distinguish between hysteria and whims. Either way, both of these behaviors are not acceptable.

Whims are aimed at getting what you want. They want to get here and now. Sometimes a child demands the impossible, which, in fact, does not particularly bother him. Hysteria is not far from whims, when a child commits actions dangerous to his health, forcing his parents to fulfill his desires.

At the moment of hysteria, the child splashes out his emotions. Often they are irritation, anger, resentment, despair, aggression. It manifests itself as a result of news unpleasant for the child. At the moment of hysteria, the baby does not control his motor skills, therefore, he performs actions that are dangerous for himself. The pain threshold is lowered, because of which he does not feel pain.

The hysteria intensifies in the presence of the attention of others and disappears as soon as the child is no longer given it.

Children's tantrum parents want to stop as soon as possible. It usually begins to appear in the first years of life and reaches its peak by the age of three (the so-called “crisis of three years”). There is no time here obedient child turns into a stubborn and.

Parents are encouraged to note what actions the child precedes tantrums. It can be whimpering, sniffling, pursed lips. As soon as he begins to show these actions again, it is necessary to switch the child's attention to something else.

What should parents do if their child is hysterical?

All parents face the hysteria of children. It remains only to understand what can be done so that it does not arise:

Avoid overwork.
Give your child proper rest.
Talk to the baby about how he feels so that he understands what is happening to him.
Give your child the right to choose.
Respect the leisure of the child, let him play enough time.
Do not redo everything for the baby.
Tell your child what you are going to do.

Tantrums in children 1.5-2 years old

Already at the age of two, the baby makes the first attempts to defend his opinion. He begins to operate with such concepts as “I don’t want”, “I won’t”, “no”. If parents begin to indulge, persuade, feel sorry for the baby, then they provoke hysteria even more. If parents ignore, but remain in sight, remain calm and make it clear that the child will not get his.

You can hug a child, talk about your love, show your understanding. But in no case should you indulge his whims, otherwise in the future he will again throw a tantrum as soon as he wants to get something.

A baby’s tantrum can last for years, or it can end one day, depending on the behavior of the parents. If they satisfy the desires of the child, then they tell him about the correctness of his actions. If they persistently demonstrate their tough position, which cannot be shaken by tantrums, then they stop tantrums.

Tantrums in a child of 3 years

At the age of 3, the child gradually begins to defend his independence. Often this happens due to the fact that he performs all actions in defiance of his parents. If earlier he accepted everything that his parents gave him, now he wants to do only what he wants.

It is proposed to fight tantrums at this age by diverting them to other activities. Invite your child to watch cartoons or do something fun. You can’t forbid him to be capricious, because this will not help.

While the baby is hysterical, you should deprive him of the audience's attention. Ignore his attacks and mind your own business. Only after the seizures are over can you talk with the baby about what he did and what it led to. Direct instructions during a tantrum will not help here. The kid defends his independence, so the instructions will warm him up even more.

Tantrums in a 4 year old

If parents previously behaved correctly, then by the age of 4, tantrums pass. However, much also depends on mental characteristics child. In some cases, tantrums in given age talk about various nervous disorders in the body. However, often the cause of hysterical seizures is that the relatives of the child take an ambiguous position. For example, what the mother forbids is allowed by the grandmother.

A child psychologist should be contacted if tantrums continue beyond 4 years of age. The signals are:

The frequency and intensity of tantrums increased.
Tantrums begin at night and are accompanied by nightmares, mood swings,.
The kid holds his breath and loses consciousness during a tantrum.
Hysteria ends with vomiting, lethargy, fatigue, shortness of breath.
The kid harms himself or others in fits of tantrum.

Psychologists often note an unfavorable situation in the family where a 4-year-old child is growing up. Exactly wrong upbringing or a dysfunctional atmosphere in the family cause tantrums in the child.

In some cases it is required psychological help and medication, which should only be prescribed by a doctor.

What to do if a child has a tantrum?

To prevent a tantrum in a child, you need to know what causes it. Consider the most common:

Physical discomfort. If the baby is not yet able to talk about what he feels, then he starts to cry.
Paying attention. If the child cannot otherwise draw attention to himself, then he begins to hysteria, which often works.
Manipulation. If the child sees that with the help of hysteria he can achieve what he wants, then he resorts to this method.
Getting a benefit. If there is no agreement between adults, then the child begins to hysteria in front of those who succumb to his provocations.
Independence. Hysteria may also be the desire of the child to show his independence, to do everything himself.

If you eliminate the cause of hysteria, then you can avoid it yourself. However, not everything is as rosy as it seems. Usually all children are capricious. Parents should get used to this and just wait out this age. The main thing is to behave correctly and distinguish whims from ordinary requests.

Results

Hysteria is one of the ways to achieve the goal, which is available to the child. Since adults are concerned about what others will say about them, they try to calm the hysterical baby as quickly as possible. And sometimes for this you just need to fulfill his whim. As a result, the baby understands how he can get his own.

Some outsiders take the side of the parents, others feel sorry for the baby. But the most important thing is the behavior of parents who encourage or ignore the hysterical fits of the child, forming in him certain thoughts and conclusions. If the child understands that his tantrums do not give him anything, then he will stop hysteria and begin to use other ways to achieve what he wants.

- states of extreme agitation, accompanied by a sharp change in mood, screaming, loss of self-control. Occur involuntarily. The child cries, falls to the floor, arches the body in an arc, beats his head, knocks his fists on the surface. The reaction develops based on negative emotions- irritation, indignation, despair, aggravated by increased attention surrounding, attempts to calm the baby. Diagnosis is carried out by a child psychiatrist, psychologist. The main research method is a clinical conversation. The frequency of attacks, the severity of symptoms are adjusted by behavioral techniques. Parent education is done through counseling.

General information

In medicine, the term "hysteria" describes a nervous attack, a state of mental, motor excitement with tears, screams, convulsions. In colloquial vocabulary this concept used to refer to capricious, planned, manipulative behavior. The main difference between true hysteria and whims is involuntariness: the child cannot independently launch, control the course and completion of the reaction. Hysterical attacks are observed in 90% of children from 1 to 3 years. The peak period is the crisis of three years of age (2-3 years), the daily frequency of seizures reaches 10-15. By the age of 4, the risk of tantrums is reduced, the child completely masters speech, is able to express emotions verbally.

Causes of tantrums in children

During age crises the first year and three years, children actively show negativism in relation to the requirements of their parents, become stubborn, try to defend their desires, become obstinate, contradict the rules and traditions of the family. Tantrums are signs of a transitional stage of development. Causes - situations that provoke anger, anger, the need for resistance:

The basis of children's tantrums is the functional immaturity of brain structures, psychophysiological changes crisis period development. The maturation of brain structures occurs from the lower sections to the higher ones - from the subcortical structures to the cortex. When a hysteria is formed, nervous excitement accumulates, stress hormones are produced. The limbic system is activated - the emotion of anger arises, vegetative reactions are stimulated (muscles tighten, heart rate, breathing become more frequent). Chain physiological processes does not include activation of the cortex - there is no assessment of the situation, no choice of actions. Hysteria develops in waves: anger and rage increase sharply, at the peak they are replaced by grief, gradually the emotional attack weakens, it becomes ordinary crying.

Symptoms of tantrums in children

By the age of 1, children begin to demonstrate independence - curiosity and a desire for research increase. Needs become conscious, desires determine the behavior of babies. Obstacles, prohibitions provoke hysterical reactions. The beginning is accompanied by loud crying, screaming. The child tenses, closes his eyes, but there are no tears. High muscle tone is replaced by impulsive movements - the baby clenches his fists, knocks on the surrounding surfaces. When an adult approaches, it scratches, bites, fights. Gradually, the reactions of anger fade. The child cries, tears flow profusely, the muscles relax. After a tantrum, there are signs of fatigue, fatigue.

Three-year-old children are experiencing a crisis characterized by the desire to act, to establish rules, to dominate. Are getting more complicated social relations, speech is actively developing. Resistance to adults is manifested verbally and in behavior. Tantrums are provoked by prohibitions, refusals, and demands. The attack is characterized by a variety of symptoms: three-year-olds fall more often, hit their heads, bite furniture upholstery with their teeth. Major seizures are accompanied by convulsions, "hysterical bridge" (arching of the torso in an arc), short-term respiratory arrest. After an attack, the child cries for a long time, complains of dizziness, nausea, pain from bruises, scratches.

Complications

Tantrums in children have physical and mental complications. The first occur after falls, hitting the head on the floor, walls, furniture. Babies get bruises and scratches. Wrong reaction fixes parents to hysteria this method behavior - the child begins to consciously copy attacks in order to achieve goals. TO adolescence hysterical character traits are formed: demonstrativeness, egocentrism, the desire to attract attention, dependence on the opinions of others. Unacceptable behavior (crying, screaming, throwing back the head) is transformed into a conversion disorder (hysterical neurosis), manifested by prolapse physiological functions at emotional experiences.

Diagnostics

In most cases, tantrums are a symptom of crisis stages of development. Emotional attacks are corrected by parents independently. The question of contacting doctors arises if the child loses consciousness, holds his breath for a long time, causes damage to himself and others, suffers from nightmares, fears, sudden changes mood, experiencing nausea, pain after a hysterical seizure. Diagnosis is performed by a pediatrician, psychologist, psychiatrist, neurologist. Clinical and physical methods are used:

Conversation. The doctor interviews the parents: collects an anamnesis, specifies the time of onset of tantrums, frequency, duration of attacks. Finds out the presence of convulsions, respiratory arrest, fainting, sleep disorders, digestion. The psychologist determines the style of education, the nature of situations that provoke attacks.
observation. At the consultation, the doctor evaluates the behavior, emotional reactions child. He notes manifestations of stubbornness, negativism to the comments and requests of adults - signs of an age crisis.
Inspection. With severe symptoms, the neurologist examines the formation of motor skills, reflexes. Conducts differential diagnostics, excluding the pathology of the nervous system as the cause of seizures with convulsions, loss of consciousness. If necessary, he prescribes instrumental examinations (MRI of the brain, ultrasound of the vessels of the head).

Treating tantrums in children

Age-related hysteria is a temporary phenomenon. Special Therapy children are not required, emotional-behavioral disturbances disappear after the end of the crisis. Parents are assigned a consultation with a psychologist. The specialist talks about the mechanisms that form the basis transition period, methods of correction of seizures, gives individual recommendations on the organization of the child's free time, necessary changes education. Here are some ways to prevent tantrums:

Proper rest. The balance of the processes of excitation-inhibition of the CNS is maintained by a rational alternation of relaxation and activity. important good sleep, outdoor games on fresh air, creative pursuits requiring the inclusion of cognitive processes.
Voice the child's feelings. It is useful to talk with the baby about experiences, feelings, current state. Conversations will develop the ability to explain verbally, to understand emotions.
Possibility of choice. The child must be given the opportunity self-adoption solutions. In situations where there is more than one course of action, parents are encouraged to let the child make the choice.
Explain the reasons for the ban. It is important to talk about the reasons for the restrictions: danger to health, harm to a person, the importance of performing other activities. Explanations create a relationship of equality, not subordination.

Tantrums begin unexpectedly, the affect quickly builds up, reaching a peak. Parents need to know about the principles of behavior that can reduce the duration and severity of seizures. Often used techniques that do not bring results - persuasion, abuse, threats, violent actions. The recommendations of psychologists are as follows:

Stay calm. You should not show irritation, anger in response to a child's hysteria. It is important to remain calm while being in the field of view of the child. The absence of an adult can frighten, intensify the reaction of hysteria.
Don't give in. Cannot be changed decision(prohibition, refusal), which has become external cause tantrums. Concessions to the demands of the child reinforce screaming, crying as a way to get what you want.
Don't punish. Swearing, spanking, threats do not calm the child, but can be perceived as signs of attention (tantrums will develop if it is lacking). The best option- ignoring the behavior of the baby, doing their own thing.
Establish tactile contact. After the peak of affect, it is desirable to hug, stroke, kiss the child. Soft touches allow him to calm down faster.

Forecast and prevention

The prognosis of tantrums in children is favorable, the attacks end on their own by the age of four. Prevention is based on observing the daily routine, rational organization of leisure, building friendly and respectful relationship with baby. It is important to talk “on an equal footing”, explain the reasons for the prohibitions, demonstrate by your own example adherence to the rules of conduct and rituals. physical activity change rest, evenly distribute meals - the baby should not feel hungry, tired, bored. It is worth paying attention to emotional condition child, find out the causes of grievances, whims, aggression, discuss them.

I am very glad to see you, my friends, at my place. Oh, the topic today ... to put it mildly, "nervous". And she makes all the participants nervous. Now I will voice the topic, and you will understand everything! How to deal with tantrums in a 2 year old. Yes, everyone is nervous, a wave. Starts with a toddler. His discontent and irritability, of course, spreads to the parents, who cannot calm their screaming child in any way. And then, as in Hiroshima: the shock wave went around. She touched everyone who became a voluntary or involuntary witness to the scene when your child is hysterical. And these are passers-by on the street, and neighbors in the house, well, and friends on joint holidays gets it too.

Many resort to sedatives for a child, I have never given anything like that and I will tell you why.

The nervous system at this age trains, the child learns to control himself, learns to get what he wants, to interact with his parents and the world around him. And the task of parents is to help him learn his personal example, tranquility, therapeutic fairy tales, etc. It is important to set the rules and unconditionally adhere to them, not to break even with a huge hysteria. In order for the child to quickly understand that this method will not be able to get what he needs in this moment. That this tool is ineffective. Human nature is such that he will not do what he does not succeed. And he will look for another method to get what he wants.

Here, honestly, I don’t know about you, but to this day I screaming children in panic. Like a wave covers me. I'm lost right away. What to do? How to calm down? You won't close your mouth. But it is useless to say something, anyway, the screamer will not hear. And therefore, when a tantrum begins in a child of 2 years, the first thing to do? And now let's put everything on the shelves. Maybe then it will be possible to restore order in thoughts and actions.

Let's take a look at all the components of our topic separately:

First, what should a parent know about their toddler who is 2- 2.5 years,?
Secondly, what is hysteria and what is its reason or reason?
Do you really need to fight? Or how to help the baby?

What you need to know: The technical part is not set up yet

You may have heard of synapses - this is the point of contact between two neurons, serves to transmit a nerve impulse between two cells. We will not go into complex chemical and electrical impulses, one thing is important for us - in children, impulses are transmitted more slowly. In newborns, about 20 impulses per second pass through the synapse, in adults - 100–150 impulses per second).
In children, the synthesis of a substance that promotes the transmission of impulses occurs more slowly. Therefore, fatigue occurs faster in the synapses and nerve centers with prolonged excitation. How less age child, the more it is expressed. As children grow, they develop a large number new synapses, which contributes to the development of the brain, learning processes, memory, control of your body and emotions.

There are many more scientific papers, which explain at the physical and chemical level the behavior of the child when he is upset or happy. At strong arousal, in particular when showing joy or grief: the child jumps or stamps his feet; he is completely in the grip of excitement, and no amount of persuasion can calm him down. All this is explained by the ongoing processes in the brain.

By the age of 4-5, the technical part is already set up more or less, and in case of tantrums, we can already talk about the software part. The software part is configured directly by the parents. How? We lay down programs with our behavior, habits, worldview, cartoons, books. The child himself already understands how to say what to do, how to negotiate and solve his problem, he already has experience.

What psychologists say

You are a caring father or mother, and therefore you read a lot of literature and communicate with other parents. From these sources, you heard that there is such a thing as crisis 2 years. Why are you doing all this? To better understand your baby.

And it is UNDERSTANDING that is the key moment in this whole situation. It is thanks to him that you can correct behavior babies. And now let's see at what stage of development your little one is.

Finally, you waited until the little one, more or less, but speaks out in such a way that you can guess what it is about. But the little one continues to grow and learn this world, himself, you and ways of communication. AND ALL OF THIS CAN BE A REASON FOR ... tantrums for any reason! Yes! That's right, you heard right, or rather, did not see each other! Such understandable and correct things give rise to panic in the mind and heart of a strong man, because of which he arranges scandal in your quiet society. And this is if the kitten is healthy and nothing bothers him. But, do not forget about teeth, vaccinations, and elementary colds. And now about everything in more detail.

Is there any reason for hysteria?

In most families, there comes a period when it seems that the baby is falling asleep and wakes up with a tantrum. That all these scenes are endless. But believe me, there is an explanation for everything. The cries and cries of the young creature are not causeless. And it is important to know these reasons in order to help both the little one and yourself.

What about the child that he screams:

The crumb is beyond the power of anything, and he is irritated by the realization of this.
Little attention is given to him.
The little one perceives limitations in this way.
"Educates" adults.
rolls up hysteria due to illness and anxiety.

And briefly on the points

The baby is unable to do anything, and he is irritated by the realization of this. His power of knowledge is so great, and his physical power is so small that the little one has no choice but to arrange constant panic attacks to himself and others just because he cannot do something.
Little attention is given to. Until quite recently, everyone around him was running and fussing. Everyone was expecting at least something from the little one. One smile made him ecstatic. And you think the baby forgot it? Netushki! And he wants to continue. Rather, it makes demands!
The little one perceives limitations. Adults don't like the word "no". What can we say about the child. But it was at this age that restrictions began, and he most often hears “no”, then “no”.
"Educates" adults. We all have some sort of power. This is true in friendship, love, and family. Just think about how a child will know how important his role in the family is and how long he can “command and command” if he doesn’t scream? Of course, he does not obey, he wants to be listened to!
Illness and anxiety. The little one has not yet learned to speak in such a way as to explain everything that worries him. He does not know any other way to deal with the problem, except for whims.

Well, as doctors say, diagnosis is a big part of treatment. Indeed, by understanding the root of the problem, one can find out how to stop tantrum.

"Patience! And again, be patient!

And let's get back on topic again. Please forget about the wording " how to fight". Let's try peaceful ways first.

What exactly can be done as preventive measures:

Help the baby in his knowledge of the world. The baby has no strength, so help him. When teaching or playing with him, take this moment into account in order to turn your shoulder in time, even before started scream and panic at the little one.
Pay enough attention. Try to be around all the time. But don't let yourself be manipulated. Even strong hysteria in public should not change your “no”.
What else matters? Complete rest, healthy eating and reasonable schedule.

Don't be too categorical. And it is better to make decisions, taking into account all the nuances. This will help not to demand more from the baby.

Tantrums before or during sleep

A special conversation about the fact that the baby sometimes falls asleep with hysterics,wakes up and cries. If not visible signs disease, this does not mean that there are no causes. Perhaps he had a bad dream. A simple fairy tale can fix this before bedtime. It is possible to carry out additional procedures such as light massage, sedatives herbal baths.

What else could be the reason why the child is being tortured night tantrums? Perhaps the day the baby received a huge dose of emotions. Good or bad impressions, it does not matter, the main thing is that they awaken the baby. He wakes up, and here ... it's dark, and there are no relatives ... br-r, it's scary. Naturally he flows into almost in a state of shock, which leads to hysteria.

We have already talked about why a child can fall asleep with a tantrum in the article.

Yes and After sleep it is important that the little one is “greeted” with smiles and good words. All this is not a panacea, and you are still waiting for the cries that tear your soul apart. It remains to be patient, and remember that the kitten is scared, and he needs your understanding and help.

Guys! I deliberately left out the questions of medication or some other (for example, hypnotic) intervention. The thing is, every child is special. And everyone needs help. And do it in difficult cases without consulting a doctor, I just can not.

And for myself, I deduced the formula: THIS IS TEMPORARY! The main thing is to behave with dignity and not to hysteria yourself.

But I can invite you to subscribe to the news and receive articles on time, where we will continue to learn to be the best parents in the Universe. Subscribe and bring your friends! More interesting together. Goodbye and waiting for you in the next article.

When asked what hysterical behavior is, mothers will answer without hesitation: aggressiveness, loud screams, tears, uncontrolled actions. Similar signs are often found in children from 2 to 5 years.

In any case, a tantrum in a child of any age will not leave indifferent either his relatives or eyewitnesses of the attack. How to behave in similar situation mom? Punish? Slap? Ignore? regret? The main thing is to keep calm.

A hysterical attack in children (no matter at what age - at 2, 3 years old, at 7 or 8 years old) is characterized by emotional arousal, aggressiveness, which can be directed at others or at oneself.

The child begins to sob, scream, fall to the floor or ground, bang his head against the wall, or scratch his body. At the same time, he almost completely “disconnects” from reality: he does not perceive the words of other people and does not feel pain.

In especially severe cases, there are involuntary convulsive reactions, which are known in medicine under the name "hysterical bridge". The body of the baby arches in the form of an arc, and his muscles become tense.

It is necessary to distinguish between a hysterical attack and a whim. The first is characterized by involuntary. Capricious behavior is a deliberate step, based on the desire to possess any thing. Such techniques are often included in the "arsenal" of children prone to manipulative actions.

Hysteria in young children most often usually proceeds according to a similar scenario and includes several stages. Each of them is characterized by certain symptoms, which you need to know, as this will help to quickly stop the attack.

The main stages of a hysterical attack in children:

Harbingers. Before the “concert”, a child of 2 or 3 years old begins to express displeasure. It can be whimpering, sniffling, prolonged silence, or clenching fists. At this point, the tantrum can still be prevented.
Voice. At this stage, the child begins to scream, and so loudly that it can scare others. Demanding to stop is useless - he is cut off from reality and does not hear anyone.
Motor. The active actions of the child begin - throwing things, stomping, rolling on the ground or floor. This phase is the most dangerous for the baby, because he can be injured, because he does not feel pain.
Z final. Having received a "relaxation", hysterical children seek support and consolation from their parents. The kids are tired physically and mentally, since such a strong emotional shock takes a lot of strength from them.

An exhausted child usually falls asleep quickly, and his sleep will be deep enough.

Who is most prone to tantrums?

Psychologists note that not all kids are equally prone to hysterical seizures. The frequency and strength of an emotional outburst is determined by the type of temperament and higher nervous activity:

melancholic. These are children with a weak nervous system characterized by increased anxiety, often a change in mood. Such a baby is often hysterical, however, due to the weakness of the central nervous system, it soon returns to normal;
sanguine. Children with this type nervous activity at any age (that at 2 years old, that at 7 or 8 years old) usually stay in good mood. Tantrums can happen if the reason for this is severe stress. However, this rarely happens;
choleric. Such children are characterized by an unbalanced character and bright emotional outbursts. Hysterical attacks occur suddenly in small choleric people, and are often accompanied by aggressive manifestations;
phlegmatic. Such kids already at 4 years old (and even younger) are characterized by calm behavior and prudence. In them, inhibition processes prevail over excitation, so tantrums practically do not occur.

Based on the foregoing, we can conclude that mothers and fathers of small melancholic and choleric children, that is, children with unbalanced types of nervous activity, will complain about children's tantrums more often.

Before proceeding directly to the factors that provoke the occurrence of children's hysteria, it is necessary to dwell in more detail on the features of the development of three-year-old children.

At about 3 years old (give or take 7 or 8 months), children begin a period known as the "crisis of three years of age." From this moment, the child realizes himself as a separate person from his parents, he has a desire for independence.

You can learn more about such a psychological phenomenon as in another article. child psychologist. This material contains many useful tips, including the fight against the hysterical behavior of the child.

For all children, such a crisis period can manifest itself in its own way, but usually psychologists distinguish a kind of seven-star signs:

It would seem that at 2 years old the baby was so obedient, and now he starts to do everything “out of spite”: he takes off his clothes if he is asked to wrap himself up; throws a toy if asked to pick it up.

Tantrums at this time are quite common, especially difficult situations the baby is naughty 7 or 8 times a day (of course, classic hysterical seizures are much less common).

When a child is four years old, tantrums gradually fade away, as other, more advanced methods of expression appear in the children's arsenal. own emotions and desires.

To know how to deal with constant child tantrums, you need to have an idea of what causes them. The solution to the problem will depend on what exactly triggered the hysterical reaction.

The most popular reason for tantrums in babies is conflicts that inevitably arise in parent-child relationships. In addition, do not forget about age features children at 3 years old.

In general, the cause of a hysterical reaction in three-year-olds can be several main factors:

Thus, each hysteria has some underlying reason. It is worth understanding that three year old he is not going to deliberately anger his mother, on the contrary, his own attack also scares him. That is why it is necessary to respond correctly to children's behavior.

If tantrums in a child of 3 years old become more frequent, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. And the most important recommendation- Avoid hysterical attacks. That is, your goal is not to fight the reaction, but to prevent it and mitigate the severity of outbreaks:

It is important to maintain a daily routine. Both babies at 3 years old and children at 7 years old feel safe if you follow a clear daily routine. Therefore, you need to try to put the child to bed at a certain time during the day and in the evening.
We need to prepare the child for the coming changes. For example, you need to warn about a future visit to the kindergarten not when the baby crosses the threshold for the first time. preschool, but a few weeks before the event.
You must be firm in your decision. No need to change your firm decision in response to tantrums and whims. How older child, the more bad behavior turns into a form of manipulation. By the age of 7 or 8, you simply cannot cope with the young manipulator.
Bans should be revisited. On the other hand, it is necessary to "revise" the restrictions and leave only the really vital ones. But it is better to refuse optional prohibitions. Who said you can't make sandwiches if lunch is delayed?
Children should be given a choice. Three-year-olds need independence and independence, which can be provided by the usual alternative. The child can decide for himself which blouse to wear for a walk - blue or yellow.
Try to pay maximum attention. Children tend to get parental attention by any means, even bad ones. Try to spend more time with your child and respond to his desire to be with you.

It is important to carefully monitor how the child reacts to the development of the situation. If you notice the harbingers of hysterical behavior (clenched fists, whimpering, formidable silence), it is better to immediately switch the baby's interest to something else.

How to stop a tantrum in a child?

If the hysterical attack has not yet gone too far, the baby can be distracted unusual object or sudden action. This method occasionally works, but you should also know other tricks to reduce the intensity of passions:

Do not think that after the first application of one of the above recommendations, tantrums will disappear. Some mothers think that as soon as they leave the room, the child will calm down. This is simply not possible because it takes time to form a new habit.

What to do after a tantrum?

It must be understood that work with the child begins precisely after the end of hysterical reactions. They should be dealt with sequentially and progressively, unless, of course, you want them to be repeated again and again.

First of all, it is necessary to teach the child socially acceptable methods of expressing their feelings and aspirations. The best way to do this is through role-playing games or reading specialized literature - fairy tales and poems.

You should also convey to the children the idea that they will not always be able to get what they want. Moreover, the desired is not achieved with the help of such undesirable actions as screams, tears, jerking of the lower limbs.

Always explain to the little "bully" how much his act upset you. Be sure to demonstrate that your love for him is unconditional, but tantrums make you feel a lot of unpleasant emotions.

Children's tantrums are often fixed in the child's behavior and become a habit. Therefore, this problem cannot be solved quickly. In addition, the duration of retraining will depend on the type of temperament of the baby. The most difficult thing will be with little choleric people.

Most often, after six or eight weeks of regular work of the parents, the tantrums in the child stop. However, in rare cases, such behavior not only does not stop, but also becomes more frequent or severe.

Tantrums in a 4-year-old child are still more rare than commonplace. Therefore, if at this age hysterical attacks are repeated, we can assume the presence of diseases of the nervous system.

You should contact a pediatric neurologist if:

If medical examination does not detect deviations in health, then, most likely, the problem may be in the area parent-child relationship or in an inadequate reaction of loved ones to the behavior of the baby.

Do not give your child sedatives own will. Inadequate medical therapy can harm the baby, therefore, treatment can be carried out only after examination by a neurologist and only with prescribed medications.

As a conclusion

The answer to the question of how to deal with a child's tantrums worries many parents. This problem becomes especially relevant when the baby is three years old.

Experts are convinced that whims and mild hysterical attacks are not a deviation from the norm in three years old. This period is characterized by crisis phenomena, which become the source of problematic behavior.

Usually, after the end of the crisis period, hysterical seizures also disappear. If they recur after 4-5 years, it is better to contact specialists who will confirm or dispel doubts.

In general, it is important to respond correctly to ambiguous children's actions. Parents should communicate more with the child, teach him to manage his emotions, and demonstrate his unconditional love.

In this case, the child's tantrums will lose their sharpness and brightness, which means that soon the baby will stop using them as an instrument of pressure on parents. Therefore, very soon calm and peace will reign in the family.

Your baby, your friendly baby on the eve of two years turned into an unbearable tyrant? Demanding, impatient, who knows how to run, push, rush, pinch, bite, and answer any offer or request with a hard "no"?

Persuasion, explanations, threats or punishment no longer work? What is it? Is there something wrong with your baby or is it you, as a parent, who made mistakes?

Outbursts of hysteria and stubbornness with throwing objects and toys on the floor, screaming and choking attacks (when the child holds his breath until his desires are fulfilled) are a normal occurrence in life small child who still does not know how to express their needs and sadness in words. Tantrums happen to all children. This is not a behavioral disorder, but a normal, healthy release of stress and frustration.

Research states that crying and rebellion are aids to release tension, they reduce arterial pressure, and together with tears, they remove from the body associated with stress chemical substances thus restoring the chemical balance of the body.

Therefore, children should not be punished and condemned (saying, for example, that the child is a whiner or a crybaby) for tears or a rebellious character.

Tantrums usually appear at the age of 1.5-2 years, during the period when the child develops self-awareness (awareness of one's own "I"). However, sometimes tantrums can start earlier, at the age of 12-15 months. Babies at this age begin to understand more and more of the words they hear. However, their language abilities are still weak enough to voice their experiences, desires and needs, which they are beginning to realize. As self-awareness develops, two-year-olds develop a need to do certain things on their own (on their own) and make their own decisions. For the first time you can notice this when a child plays with blocks, pyramids build a tower of sand and it does not work. You try to help him, to which you get a violent rebuff - the child does not want to accept your help and wants to do everything on his own. Usually violent tantrums pass up to 4 years, although sometimes they can drag on for more late age(In this case, you should contact a specialist to help the child learn to cope with frustration together).

If by this peak moment in the life of a baby, most parents were similar in their careful and gentle handling of their babies, then after its onset, parents are sharply divided into two camps. The former tend to traditional methods upbringing and begin to use their power, giving orders and punishing disobedience, the latter - on the contrary, instead of counteracting the stubbornness of the baby, yield to his every desire. There are also such parents who resort to orders, and then do not withstand the onslaught of the baby, they seem to fulfill all his requirements.

What to do if a child has a tantrum?

When a child has a tantrum, he is not able to hear explanations, reasons, agreements. Therefore, he responds with indignation to your cries and threats. The more you scream, trying to stop the tantrum, the louder the tantrum. If you try to hit a baby on the butt, you can get a corresponding reaction. For children, what an adult allows himself is a role model, so in the logic of a child, what you do can be him. The child does not just “copy” (should). For him, your reaction is an example of how you can overcome anger, disappointment, when something doesn’t happen the way you want. What really works during a baby's tantrums (calms down a storm of emotions) and at the same time is good example for imitation - it's just calmly being next to the child, waiting for the storm to subside by itself.

Hysteria is easier to prevent than to stop!

Desire in a child most often arises spontaneously, depending on what she meets on the way. Therefore, in order not to become a hostage to desires that change again and again, before you go for a walk (or place), prepare your child by drawing up a route and action plan with him. For example, where will we go for a walk today: to the playground near our house or to the park? At the same time, it is more emotionally attractive for the child to highlight the option that is desired for you. For example, there will be many children there, we can feed the pigeons and there will be a sandbox, you like to play in the sand (underline what the child loves). We'll go with you on foot, take the tram? And so on ... When you leave the house, try to keep the child's attention with stories about where you are going and how, so that your arrangement remains relevant and desirable for him. All the time emphasize emotionally what will be interesting to the child himself. If you watch mothers and their babies, you will notice that the most talkative mothers have calm children and they are more likely to stop crying. Mostly children cry with silent fathers who do not explain or explain little to children what, how and why. Most often, they briefly address the child, saying: “don’t cry,” “don’t climb,” “don’t fight,” “you can’t”! From this, the world of the baby becomes not too clear and full of prohibitions.

The second secret to preventing tantrums is that babies are very ritualistic. Usually they like to walk the same way, wear the same clothes, do similar activities. Don't be scared. These are not signs of autism, this is normal for young children, they do what they are familiar with, what they are used to, and only gradually expand the list of actions they are used to. Given this tendency of young children, most of their desires can be predicted. If you do not want your child to demand cookies or juice from you before each walk, do not repeat this offer for more than two walks in a row, it is better to offer something new each time, but no less interesting for the baby. If, nevertheless, this tradition has already taken root, do not be angry with the child for once again throwing a tantrum at you: “I want cookies”, or go to the store. Be prepared for this, and since you've already agreed to this once, don't mind it now. On the contrary, you can use it to your advantage, for example, we will go for a walk, and on the way back we will buy cookies, because now we have nowhere to put them, etc.. In this way, you will also teach your baby to develop willpower, patience and a long-term perspective. Just remember to keep your promise on the way back!

Pay attention to when your baby most often has tantrums. That way they won't surprise you. Children are often naughty when they want to eat, drink, tired, want to sleep, too excited.

Another likely trigger for tantrums could be TV or video, even if it's from cartoons for kids. They can become a source of stress, excitement, fears, especially for young children. So take this into account and change the time spent watching TV.

The study also notes that an increase in moodiness and tearfulness often precedes the acquisition of new skills. In this case, they become like harbingers of a new stage in the development of the baby.

It is almost always possible to agree with the baby (with his desires) to prevent tantrums, when the fulfillment of the child's desires does not contain a potential danger and cannot harm his health or the health of others. In this regard, parents should think, is it always worth demanding obedience for the sake of obedience itself?

Remember which one of you is the adult!

It doesn't matter how long the tantrum lasts. Do not get into ridiculous demands or negotiations with a child who will scream! Especially there is a desire to make concessions to the requirements of the child when you are in public place. Try not to pay attention to what others think or say. Anyone who remembers being a parent can remember being in your shoes. Also, do not get into a power struggle with your child, showing him your advantage. Manifestations of force in relation to the child - physical or moral (threats, oppression) - will show him how to decide conflict situations, or vice versa, will suppress in him any initiative and ability to defend himself. Reacting calmly to a tantrum will show your child that you are in control.

If the child is still small, and the tantrum is already strong, The best way to calm is to take the baby in your arms, hug him, show him tenderness and support, take him out of the scene, gradually distracting his attention.
If the outbursts of tantrum reach a peak, when the child begins to beat people or animals, throw things or squeal, you should also pick him up and take him to safe place where he can calm down. Tell him why he is here (“because you hit grandma”) and that he will stay here until he calms down.
Older children sometimes run away to another room on their own. Let your child be alone and calm down. After a while, discuss the situation with him, accepting his feelings (“you got angry” or “upset”), gently point out to him what he was wrong about (“but you can’t throw things or fight”), give him possible variant solving the situation (you need to ask ...), if possible, try an adequate solution to the situation now (let's go ask together).

Watch for signs of stress in your child's life

Despite the fact that tantrums and moodiness is normal for children two years of age, be attentive to possible problems that can provoke them:

Was there a scandal or quarrel in the family the day before (or do they happen from time to time)?
How difficult is your busy period right now?
Are there tensions between you and your partner?
There has been some new stressful situation in a child's life? (The child entered kindergarten or a second child was born)
Perhaps that in ordinary day baby has changed? (The teacher has changed) whether.

If after the age of 3-4 your child still throws serious tantrums every day and refuses to cooperate with any provocation, even to perform the usual daily procedures(dressing or picking up toys), you should seek help from a specialist. A pediatrician, a neurologist, a psychologist will help you make sure that the physical or psychological condition the baby is not the cause of the baby's problems, and will also help find solutions to repay outbursts of tantrums.

What is a tantrum in a child?

Causes of tantrums in a child

What should parents do if their child is hysterical?

Tantrums in children 1.5-2 years old

Tantrums in a child of 3 years

Tantrums in a 4 year old

What to do if a child has a tantrum?

Results

General information

Causes of tantrums in children

Symptoms of tantrums in children

Complications

Diagnostics

Treating tantrums in children

Forecast and prevention

What you need to know: The technical part is not set up yet

What psychologists say

Is there any reason for hysteria?

And briefly on the points

"Patience! And again, be patient!

Tantrums before or during sleep

Who is most prone to tantrums?

How to stop a tantrum in a child?

What to do after a tantrum?

As a conclusion

What to do if a child has a tantrum?

Hysteria is easier to prevent than to stop!

Watch for signs of stress in your child's life

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