I want to get divorced! Things to think about before filing for divorce. How to get your wife back: from parting to returning. Features of male thinking

“I want to divorce my husband, but I’m afraid”, “How to get a divorce painlessly?”, “I’m worried that I won’t be able to correctly tell my husband and children about the decision,” these feelings are regularly expressed married women practicing psychologists.

In psychology, there have long been many schemes that can help most women through the divorce process.

It is very difficult for a woman to decide on a divorce. A woman takes marriage very seriously, and making the decision to divorce causes her more stress.

Divorce from her husband becomes a real drama. This step changes the whole life of a woman.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - how to understand myself?

“I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide”

And then another lady ran away from her husband. She ran away from resentment, broken expectations, claims and meaningless existence together. She left as from the battlefield, turning her family life in the battlefield.

For the first few days, a woman has a feeling of lightness, because she so wanted to get away from her unloved more husband. These sensations are similar to the situation when you are carrying heavy bags and when you carried them and threw them off you, you felt relieved.

But these sensations overwhelm a person only at first. Then there are throwing. The woman understands that she has not solved her task in this relationship. Because of this, she begins to look for a new man. If there is one, then with a 90% probability life with him will follow the same scenario. Each author has one style.

Don't be surprised by this. This is not because of men.

Every man is normal potential husband with whom you can start a family.

Any man can be accepted and respected. Every family has internal resources to work with.

When people agree to marry unprepared, they turn into blind kittens who share the cat's milk among themselves. If you look at the situation consciously, then you can always find a choice and a solution.

But a woman stubbornly lives the same experience, tries to change her partner, wants him to dance to her tune.

This is all written to the fact that indecision in making a decision suggests that you are acting as in the example. You want to abandon a sinking ship, instead of starting to patch holes in it and do reconstruction.

If you do not agree with this, then answer the question: “Have you done everything in your power for the development of the family?”. If the answer is no, then look for something you haven't done yet but could.

Crisis moments are experienced by everyone, but some run away to get divorced, while others look for a way out of the situation and become happy.

But there are situations in which divorce becomes the most optimal solution. Then the woman answers the previous question in the affirmative. Yes, I did my best. If yes did not sound, and there was no desire to do something, then this clean water escape. From my fears, expectations, from my husband, from myself.

When a woman uses the flight model, then future men will be even worse than previous ones. This is how nit-picking, claims, excessive demands on all men are born. Such a woman will be surrounded by those whom she most does not want to accept. This is due to the fact that she does not see others, by default everyone becomes not as they should be.

That is why it is worth doing everything that depends on you for the relationship. When a person does this, the thought I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide, disappears and the final decision comes.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - why are women afraid of divorce?

"I want to divorce my husband"

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide, there are many fears and doubts that keep a woman from making a decision. Due to fears, a woman is forced to continue living with a man for years.

Fear of the future of children. When a family has a child, it complicates the process of making such a cardinal decision. If a woman only carries a child under her heart, divorce is even more scary.

Being with her husband, even an alcoholic, it seems to a woman that the two of them can better provide for the child than she herself. After the divorce, she will become a single mother with a child in her arms.

A pregnant woman feels twice as vulnerable and defenseless.
Where to get money for life? Such a question tickles the nerves of many women who want to get a divorce. If a woman is used to the fact that her husband regularly brought at least some money, but she herself did not work, then the fear will be ten times greater.
Fear of judgment. A woman may be afraid that others may not understand her decision to divorce. The opinion of others is so important for some women that because of it they are ready to endure life with an unloved husband.
Fear of loneliness. A woman may think that when she divorces her husband, she will not meet anyone else. Because of this, she can continue to live with her husband.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can not decide - What decision to make?

All patience comes to an end. Women who cannot decide to divorce are the champions here. But is it worth it to endure if you can change your fate once and for all.

To endure is easier, so we remain in a state of sacrifice, for women it is very convenient. By default, all responsibility is shifted to the husband, and the woman proudly bears the image of a sufferer.

Instead of making some decision, instead of building their own happiness with their own hands, women continue to say, I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide. They scold their husbands, because they are to blame for everything.

This position of the child does not make it easier for anyone. So what scares you more than the fear of loneliness, the fear of the future, or the ability to take your destiny into your own hands?

We often hear from women: “I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide,” and no one goes further than this.

They remain unhappy wives and torment their husbands with this.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - When should I think again?
"divorce from husband"

In order to decide on a divorce, it is important to know whether this decision will not become an erroneous one. Divorce is the collapse of a relationship, divorce will definitely affect your destiny.

And the reasons for divorce must be serious. But first, let's look at those cases in which you do not need to rush to divorce your husband.

You have a lover. It so happens that even the most devoted wives have intrigues. What to do if you have romantic feelings associated with another man.

Even if you think that new novel are the most serious relationship in your life, and your marriage fades against the background of these experiences, do not rush. The female sex is easily led by emotions. If you do not want to be at a broken trough, then take your time. There are stories of hundreds of women who left their husband and went to a new lover, but returned to her husband a month later.

The wisdom of a woman lies in the fact that she will not run to another, but will find in her husband all those qualities that she lacks in him for complete happiness.

Resentment against her husband. Resentment and conflict are frequent occasions for a divorce. But conflict situations- a matter of life. Is it worth ruining everything because of a misunderstanding, guesswork? Maybe you need to start to learn to listen to each other, not to hurt each other. Women are good at blaming their husbands and not analyzing their own mistakes. Therefore, because of everyday nonsense, they begin to think about divorce.

If you and your husband have a clear misunderstanding, conflicts and claims, think better about what can be done to change this.

Don't know how? Sign up for a consultation family psychologist, in the end. If you do not learn to manage conflicts, that is Great chance the fact that in future relationships quarrels and curses will be repeated.

Feelings are gone. At the beginning of the relationship with my husband, there was passion and positive, now it has become boring, you are increasingly resorting to the idea that I don’t love my husband anymore. This may be due to a relationship crisis.

Attachment, habit, everyday life - all couples go through this. If you want to feel again all those emotions that were at the beginning of your relationship, start working on it with your husband. To fall in love with a husband again means to fall in love with him again.

It is in your power to start looking at your husband in a new way and kindle the flame of love.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - When is a divorce necessary?

There are situations in which a divorce is necessary. And here all doubts should be left behind.

Husband abuses alcohol or drugs. From such husbands, oddly enough, few women leave. For the family, this is a real tragedy. But the chemical dependence of the husband generates psychological dependence wives. The woman believes that she is obliged to save her husband, but in the end, she and the children suffer. You need to get away from these guys.
Tyrant husband. domestic violence rooted in the lives of many families. Violence is not only physical acts, it is also constant psychological pressure. If your husband constantly humiliates and insults you, uses physical strength then run away from him, do not tolerate this in the hope that he will improve.

The husband has a mistress. Women from the fact of infidelity suffer and suffer greatly. The husband goes to his mistress, he may not even hide it, but you still say that I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide.

Stop guessing, take on the decision. From the fact that you delay your decision, he will not stop cheating on you.
It sits on your neck. If you have become the sole breadwinner of the family, and your husband is not able to strike a finger on a finger, then, of course, this is a disaster. First of all for you. He's probably fine with everything. A man without a goal is like a suitcase without a handle. You and him clearly have different paths.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - the pros and cons of divorce

Possible cons:

1) Undermined self-esteem.

Women are having a hard time breaking up, this is due to the many fears that overwhelm them at this moment. All this in a complex negatively affects women's self-confidence.

2) The loss of an important parental resource by the child.

Strong adults are very important in a child's life. When one of the parents is not in the life of a child, he is deprived of support and self-confidence. A child becomes a strong personality in a strong and strong family.

3) Self-flagellation and depression.

Women tend to go through a divorce for a long time, regret what they have done, ask themselves, what if we had not divorced. A man is more comfortable with a divorce. It is not difficult for him to find a new companion.

It is more difficult for a woman to cope with this.

The other side of the coin says that if you realized that you cannot be happy in a relationship with your husband, did everything for their development, but in the end did not get anything, then divorce opens up solid prospects for both personal growth and new successful relationships.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - the advice of a psychologist will help make a decision

In any life married couple sooner or later comes difficult period when the relationship starts to break down. Former passion goes out, love disappears, and spouses begin to quarrel more often. Once, standing in front of the altar, they swore to each other in eternal love and now they can't be around. But how to understand whether it's time to get a divorce, or in your married life- just a temporary crisis? Collapsing relationships - evidence that it's time to think about divorce. However, you should not rush into making a decision, because if you hurry, you can make a mistake.

How to understand yourself and understand that it's time to leave

Quarrels and omissions are not always a signal that you need to get divorced. There are no people in the world who would not have problems in relations with their soulmate in marriage. All families face challenges. Some couples go through a relationship crisis, while others decide to divorce.

If you were in similar situation, then ask yourself a few questions that will help you understand whether you really need to break the bonds of marriage or just a black streak has come in life:

  1. “Do I want a child to be born in our family?” Any woman who loves her husband wants children from him. This is true for men as well. If you do not want to have children, then there is an unloved person next to you. In such situation right decision there will be a divorce.
  1. “How will my life change if I part with my spouse (husband)?” As you ask yourself this question, imagine that you have decided on a divorce and finally found the freedom you dreamed of. Did you feel relieved, or do you regret what you did?
  1. “Do I want to live with my husband (wife) all my life?” Now imagine yourself and your soulmate after 10, 20, 30 years of marriage. Do you really want to be close to this person and meet old age with him?

How to Know When It's Time to Divorce Your Husband

For many women, divorce is an extremely painful situation. Not everyone can decide on such a responsible step. Some women are afraid of loneliness, the second think that they cannot cope with raising children and cannot do without the financial support of their husband, and still others still experience some feelings, despite the fact that their life has become a nightmare.

Breaking up with your spouse is worth it if there are good reasons for this. Sometimes divorce is the only way for a woman to save her psychological and physical health. So, good reasons for parting are:

  • causeless cruelty on the part of a man, physical violence;
  • unwillingness of the husband to work and provide for the family;
  • the presence of drugs or alcohol addiction in a man;
  • disrespectful attitude towards the spouse (constant insults to the woman, humiliation);
  • cheating husband.

If you have one of the above reasons for a divorce, then do not put off the matter indefinitely. Don't try to change your spouse. You are just wasting your time. Better get divorced quick and start life with clean slate. You will certainly meet such a person who will appreciate, respect, love you and will do everything to make you happy.

How to Know When It's Time to Divorce Your Once Beloved Wife

Many people think that love does not pass for the fair sex. They are more committed to their partner. However, women can fall out of love. You should think about a divorce if the wife has changed far from the better:

  • she stopped being happy delicious meals, does not try to look attractive, dresses up only for walks and meetings with friends that he does not invite you to;
  • she has no desire to talk to you, she does not call you at work, does not send SMS messages and is no longer interested in your affairs;
  • the slightest fault on your part causes a storm in her negative emotions, when talking with you, it becomes simply unbearable.

Pushes for divorce and coldness on the part of a woman in sexual relations. If the spouse sleeps separately in another room, then this may be a sign of fading love and a collapsing relationship. However, in such cases, it is not worth rushing into a divorce. You need to talk to your wife, because she may have some problems that she hides from you.

Universal signs that it's time to file for divorce

If you and your spouse have been living for many years, constantly swearing over various trifles, do not find mutual language then think about breaking up. Take a look at your relationships. You will surely notice the signs that it is time to divorce:

  • your love has long faded away, and you tolerate each other only for the sake of children;
  • you do not get divorced because you are afraid of condemnation and reproaches from relatives, friends and acquaintances;
  • you are missing common interests, you began to communicate less with each other;
  • you do nothing for the family, spend personal money only for your own needs.

When deciding on a divorce, consider inner voice, sort out your feelings. If you feel empty in your heart and you don’t see yourself next to your spouse (wife) in the future, then this means that it’s time to leave. This decision will benefit both of you.

A few more tips from a psychologist:

I want to divorce my wife

Get your wife back

I want to divorce my wife

Often in a situation where you want to get a divorce but your spouse does not, there are several unpleasant moments. One of them: the depression of the abandoned wife.

On the one hand, you already understand that you don’t have long to be with this person, on the other hand, you don’t want to hurt her.

But the decision has already been made. Your patience has run out and it is time to firmly tell your wife that you are getting a divorce. This conversation requires a lot of courage and courage, it is not so easy to change your destiny. Therefore, make sure that you have thought through all the points:

1) You are absolutely sure that you want to get a divorce. You got this relationship. And you will no longer be overwhelmed by the shadow of doubt and the fear of losing your wife. You have firmly decided that you do not need such a wife, and happy life will never happen to her. If this is the case, then forward without looking back.

2) You have spoken to a divorce specialist and he has developed a strategy for you. It is very pleasant to make the decision yourself, and not to obey the wishes of your wife.

3) Found appropriate place where you will talk about divorce. Her workplace, a restaurant, in full view of the children - all this is not the best choice. Think about where she will be calmer and better.

4) Be clear in your desires. It's better to say, "We need a divorce" rather than "I want to be alone." The clearer it is, the fewer questions will.

5) Don't go back on your words. You have already decided earlier that this is your desire, and this is for sure. If the wife asks for another chance or a little time, and she will definitely do it, then you cannot show weakness and agree. Once you decide, then you decide. You are the man, you are in control.

6) Without accusations and screams. best tone when communicating with his wife, this is a calm tone. Whatever happens, be polite and calm.

7) Respect your decisions. Once upon a time, you loved her enough to say, "Yes." So, it is worth it to show respect and patience for her. Even now, respect her.

Adviсe:

  1. Before you tell your wife about the divorce, think about how you will divide the property. Love is love, and money matters too.
  2. Your wife may refuse to divorce you, then you will have to run a little and talk to lawyers. But, in general, there is nothing wrong with that. This is being resolved.
  3. Divorce is not something to play with. Do not scare your wife with a divorce in order to achieve " correct behavior" from her. So don't balance on the edge. This can play a cruel joke.
  4. Don't use your children to blackmail your wife. They are not to blame for your quarrels.
  5. You do not have to endure humiliation from your wife, if she starts to insult you, then you should not waste time on any explanations at all.

you can call mutual friend to help you deal with this situation. Don't feel guilty, don't stop. You cannot be happy when you return all the time to the life where you were unhappy. Help your spouse, but don't fall prey to human pity.

This will help:


HOW TO RETURN YOUR WIFE: from parting to returning

Type:EBook

Price: Paid version

Imagine that the phone suddenly rings. You look at the phone and see that your wife is calling. You are absolutely calm and confident. You know in advance what she wants to tell you. You know she wants to get back to you, she wants to be with you again. And this is not a joke, you can really achieve this!

Short description

Parting with a beloved woman is one of the most difficult and serious tests that men receive in their lives. And we'll be honest, parting changes men. It makes some insecure, weak and emotionally unstable, while others, on the contrary, it makes them change their lives in the right direction.

And we know for sure that women do not return to those who become weak and broken. Women give a second chance only to those who show strength and self-confidence. And this book will help you become just that strong and confident. You can get your wife back and start a new life with her.

Need to act right now

After parting with his wife, many men panic and begin to take chaotic actions. Someone fills up with gifts, someone kneels and begs to return, someone begins to threaten his wife and blackmail with children, and someone even sits down on a glass.

All these actions only worsen the situation and every minute reduce the chances of getting his wife back. However, if you follow our instructions, you will not only be able to get your wife back, but you will also get along with her. strong relationships. She will want you again, she will call you her man again!

Therefore, do not waste your time on useless activities. Take our instructions and act on it. So you can get your wife back with a 100% guarantee. It really works!

So what's the point

The return of a woman is achieved by new emotions and sensations that she receives from her "old" man. But in order to achieve these emotions in such difficult situation, you need to apply methods that seem illogical and incorrect at first glance. In our book, we describe these methods and explain why they work.

Your task will be to strictly follow these methods. And so you can take your wife to the right emotions and she wants to come back to you. Everything is very simple!

Advisor to Laymen.ru

The largest male psychological portal, which operates with the aim of supporting and mutual assistance to men. You can always get competent advice, a good guide and live support from us.

Divorce is stressful to say the least. Most women do not want to divorce their husband even if married life has become unbearable. And all because they are afraid of the following:

  • Responsibility for children is completely shifted to the shoulders of the mother. Not wanting to feel guilty for taking the father away from the kids, the woman endures the presence of her husband to the last.
  • Close, not knowing true circumstances in the family, often take the side of the husband. Thus, a woman is left without the support of loved ones, which leads to doubts and erroneous conclusions about her act.
  • Material security is one of the main obstacles to separation. Especially when the spouse is fully supported by the husband. In this case, the stress is double. Although for those who are tired of indecision and boring existence, on the contrary, job search becomes an opportunity for self-realization.
  • Loneliness and fear that causes psychological discomfort. The lady needs to come to terms with the idea that now she has new status- "single woman". For many, this is very annoying.

Naturally, there are purely individual reasons why the young lady prefers bad marriage calm loneliness. But there are times when it is simply necessary to leave. Otherwise living together threatens undermined physical and mental health beautiful person.

How to understand that you need to divorce your husband? Alcohol, drug addiction of the spouse.

The most compelling reasons, because dependent individuals become asocial over time, degrade and lose all ability to perform family functions. You definitely need to think about the offspring - what do you doom them to, forcing you to see your father in an inadequate state almost every day?

Physical violence

Beat - means love? Do not make me laugh. There is no such good reason in the world why a husband could raise his hand to his chosen one. The sooner the gap happens, the better for your health and life.

Moral pressure, despotism

It is not known what is worse - physical abuse or daily moral abuse. If the satellite constantly insults, humiliates, ignores, then over time the passion will turn into one continuous lump of diseases. By mocking, the partner destroys the self-esteem of the second half, nurtures inferiority complexes, which leads to psychosomatic failures. A child (if any), seeing how his father treats his mother, makes his own complexes and problems with relationships in the future.

Constant betrayals

Should we turn a blind eye to treason? If adultery happened once, and if the companion sincerely repents, it is necessary. And if betrayal occurs openly and is accompanied by a complete disregard for the legitimate companion - why endure?

Laziness and unwillingness to provide for the family

Yes, anyone can be out of a job. certain period own life. You can understand it. But how to understand a person who does not want to go to work and lives quite calmly on the finances of a companion? Is it a reason for divorce?

Attention: these tips should be considered for those wives who do not face the weighty reasons for the breakup listed above.

How to decide on a divorce? Psychologists have a wonderful technique that is designed specifically for dealing with confusing situations. Especially in cases where the senses say one thing and the mind another.

The technique is called "Cartesian questions", which sound something like this:

  1. What happens if this is done? (Answer simply).
  2. What won't happen if you do this? This question designed to identify "secondary benefits". That is, with the help of the answer, one can determine the advantages of the current situation and the advantages that there is a risk of losing when a new result is achieved.
  3. What won't happen if you don't do it? Here left hemisphere the brain goes into a stupor. But if you try to look for the answer, then a person can avoid the usual conscious thinking and use other neural channels of the brain. Simply put, you will think about a known situation in a new way. This process helps in understanding those values ​​and internal forces that were previously unknown to you. Therefore, here I would like to wish to seek an answer with the help of intuition, but not logic.
  4. What happens if you don't? It highlights the price you will pay if you continue to live as you did. Or you realize that parting will be a step forward for you, an impulse that will change your life for the better.

Important: Beforehow to divorce your husband, a woman needs to look inside her soul, turn to her values,ask yourself how the current situation satisfies your deepest needs.

Often, when thinking about whether to get a divorce, a lady puts in the first place financial situation. Many women have an insoluble dilemma - material or spiritual comfort.

There are only two exits here. First - beautiful person takes responsibility for his life, becomes independent and financially independent. That is, she preferred love and sincerity to money.

The second - a person chooses money and comfort, but is forced to adapt and endure, depriving herself of a complete emotional experience. Is it necessary to suffer so much if life is one and it is better not to observe it, but to live it?

Expectations and reality

After carefully considering the previous questions and answers, you may be surprised to find that in order to eliminate the interfering factors in your married life, as well as to achieve your goals, it is really possible to do without a breakup. Because the main part of the positive factors that a person is so striving for are already present in life, he just does not see them.

While you have not yet decided to divorce your husband completely, there is a chance for fresh start. Only for the start there is no need to radically change the partner. Just change your point of view. If you have reached such an awareness, then grab the chance and change yourself while you are still close to the former companion. Because with the new you will be forced to start from scratch. And the assurance that new version would be better, no.

Keep in mind that the other person may not be found. Especially when the requirements of a woman are too high, and among the representatives of the stronger sex there are very few ideal ones. Psychologists advise to become a philosopher - to sort out expectations and possibilities. Also believe in yourself, no matter what awaits you at the finish line.

So, what does a lady expect when she is ready to make a decision to divorce her husband? Of course, subconsciously, she is waiting for only one thing - a happy ending:

  • The partner will get scared, correct, rethink, weigh and quickly begin to do what is expected of him.
  • The lady will get rid of the annoying partner.
  • Fate will immediately bring you to a new passion.

But let's return to reality and see how monstrously further events can disappoint a person:

  • The partner does not show any reaction and acts in the same "disgusting" way.
  • The partner reacts, but by committing inadequate actions. They do not fit into the plan you have developed at all, and the loneliness and other "benefits" that appear in connection with the separation are even more annoying than the previous problems. So, the lady falls into a zone of doubt and begins to want to turn back time - so that all this does not happen at all.
  • Fate turned out to be cruel and did not give a chance for a bright future, or the chance was received, but spoiled by the same scenario.

So, sometimes a person is left with empty hands and a lonely soul. And complete despair comes when he realizes that the expectations were naive and stupid.

If the reflections did not lead to the final result, then think about this. Both in youth and in old age married couple binds one very important thing- Spiritual relationship. a huge role plays proper communication, trust and intimacy not only in bed, but also in spirit. If, thinking about whether to get a divorce or not, you did not find anything like that in your relationship, then there is no point in living together. The couple will suffer longing and loneliness with each other.

Signs that a breakup is near

The inevitable approach of a break in steam feels intuitively. Sometimes this is determined by certain signs that are a warning. There are many cases where one of the couple had a premonition of an impending storm, but did not have enough reason to explain what was happening.

First signal - limited communication between people. The partner suddenly becomes withdrawn, immersed in his personal experiences and does not want to share with his soulmate. Of course, such behavior is inherent in a man in case of problems at work or with health ( male diseases, For example). Therefore, here the situation is still to be clarified, and isolation does not mean that it is worth getting a divorce.

But if the storm is indeed coming, then the development scenario is more or less clear. After immersing himself, the husband becomes more "cold" with his passion:

  • Refuses physical intimacy.
  • When showing any signs of attention from the wife, the spouse is indignant, irritated and even behaves aggressively.
  • Tries to independently (without asking your opinion) to solve everyday important issues.
  • Attempts to ask where the husband was, how the day went and why he was late for dinner, the reaction follows - "my personal affairs do not concern you."

This stage is already well under way. It is, of course, possible to return relations to their former course, but it will not be very easy. After all, spouses behave like almost strangers.

But what if you want to save the relationship? In this situation, go to a psychologist. Although it happens - when one partner cools down, the other does the same. And this happens on its own. But here, too, there is a plus - the decision to leave will be deliberate, balanced and mutual.