Distrust in relationships. Negative effects of jealousy. Why are we jealous

29.04.2019

This anecdote is that a jealous wife does not need a real reason for suspicions, accusations and revealing scenes. Her informal motto comes down to a somewhat paraphrased proverb: "If there was a husband, there would be a reason to be jealous." Distrust is a state of mind to which a man who is not trusted has a very indirect relationship.

The first step to overcoming distrust is to recognize this problem. A simple test: the wife found on her husband a sparkle that came from nowhere, what is the first thing that comes to her mind? A balanced wife will not give of great importance this trifle, provided that there are no other reasons to suspect the spouse of infidelity. If the main version that the woman "takes into development" is treason, then there is definitely a problem.

It is difficult for a woman to overcome distrust of her husband, because she is jealous not on her own whim. The reason for such behavior is most often dislike in childhood, a deep self-doubt, an unbearable fear of losing a loved one. These feelings, sharpening under the influence of the most insignificant external factors, begin to torment a woman from the inside. Suspicious, jealous, she suffers first of all herself and only then, unable to contain such a volcano of emotions in herself, splashes them out on her husband. From this stove you need to dance, coping with the problem of distrust. The measure itself is raising the self-esteem of a woman, developing her confidence in her abilities, in her self-sufficiency.

Ownership is another significant aspect of mistrust. The attitudes “you are mine”, “you have no right to look at another woman and think about another” result in total control from the side of his wife, in whose eyes a step to the left, a step to the right is regarded as an escape. Such a wife with perseverance worthy best use, tends to "call" her husband, checking if he is really where he should be, to read messages on the cell and in e-mail. From this point of view, a woman needs to instill in herself the attitude that her husband is not part of the interior, but a separate person with his own rights. It is important to understand that control, even the closest, is impossible to be faithful. If a person is happy with you, he will not go anywhere. That is why it is much more profitable to direct your energy towards creating a home. comfortable conditions, maintaining their attractiveness and establishing spiritual contact with her husband. And the first, and the second, and the third are destroyed by suspicions as if by a wave of the wand of an evil sorceress.

Thus, the best thing you can do for your family is to start every morning with the fact that you are beautiful and loved, develop the very sides of your life and methodically develop the habit of trusting your husband.

anonymously

Good afternoon! My husband and I are 28 years old, married for 1 year, met for several years, while living in different cities, far from each other. They got married and began to live in my city. To begin with, I grew up in a fairly well-to-do and apparently prosperous family, but where dad humiliated, spread rot all his life and even raised his hand to his wife. And as my husband says now, apparently, as a child, I decided to subconscious level that I will never be in the role of a victim, like mom, and therefore there is only one way out - to be like dad. Which is basically what is happening. My husband is a calm, reasonable and very wise man. I am a person with a bad character and I myself suffer from this, because I constantly find fault with my husband and terrorize him. And the reason is that at the equator of our meetings, we parted on his initiative. I've been through this for a very long time and it's hard. About six months later, we reconciled on his initiative, he still says that it was his mistake, he admits that he was afraid of responsibility then that he would have to marry me soon (although I did not aspire to this). that he loves and is ready to be with me all his life. He called me in marriage, steadfastly withstood my tantrums that had already begun because of my distrust of him. Married, one might say, persuaded. I do not regret. He lovely husband. But I still don't trust him. I'm afraid to be rejected again, I'm afraid that if I became unloved once, then it will happen again. Nothing helps anymore. No matter how hard I tried to talk to myself. I understand intellectually that life does not give any guarantees, but more and more often I tell him that it’s easier for me to stay alone and not rely on anyone. Live and not think that someday, perhaps, I will be betrayed again. It is better now, until the children are connected, many years of living together. By the way, I became Lately not to suit both how he looks and how he earns ... I find fault ... I understand this .. I myself feel bad. He endures. He just says, you'll see, I will make you happy ... and tears flow after such words .. how to overcome distrust of your still beloved spouse? thanks in advance!

Hello, can you write me a little more, at what stage of your relationship - you called it the equator - and how, in what form did your husband interrupt your contact? And how did you live in the break of your relationship with him? What did you feel in relation to him - to the situation - how did you feel? And how did the reunion happen?

anonymously

Thank you for the answer! We only knew each other for 5 years before we got married. , of which they either met or not. And they also lived 1000 km from each other. We saw each other about once a month. on weekend. So after 2 years of our meetings, I came to him for the next weekend (I didn’t live alone then, so I went to him more often), he met me, as it seemed to me, in love, but on the trail. the day we quarreled a little, I grumbled at him for some reason and he told me that it was better for us to leave. At first I didn’t even believe it, I was so sure that he would not go anywhere from me, because it seemed to me that he loved me very much. I cried and tried to persuade him. And when asked if he loves me at all? He replied that he did not know. He spoke calmly, so guilty. I apologized. There was nothing more for me to do there and I went home on the next train. A few days later I tried to make contact, but to no avail. For me, it was a betrayal, because going to a foreign city in order to be told that they did not like me and that I was no longer needed was too much, as it seemed to me and still seems to be. I think about it now and feel humiliated again. Of course, it was painful, insulting. I hated him and loved him. It seemed, sometimes, that she was ready to wash his feet and drink water. Just to come. I plunged into work, walked all night long with friends, just not to be alone. and a few months later he wrote. Then I was already cold. But my heart skipped a beat. At first, just - hello, how are you. They began to correspond. Just about nothing. They joked mostly. Then he started asking for a meeting. I did not want. And only six months later, on the eve of N.G. I decided that it was okay if we just met him together. I thought, well, I will rest my soul and body. And after that, N.G. he gradually and slowly began to enter my life again. I did not want to be with him, and could not be without him. He loved, cared in every possible way, although I told him that there was no trust on my part. Then my tantrums began with and without, nit-picking him. He proposed to me and only after another 1.5 years he actually insisted and persuaded me to marry him, appealing that we are suitable for each other, we love, and he will win my trust again when we are already together every day. ( Let me remind you that we lived in different cities). Then we got married. He arranged everything for the wedding himself. A year has passed, he is very caring, gentle and good husband. Helps and supports in everything. And everything would be fine, but I constantly remember how he abandoned me. And inside everything boils, I want to run away from him at such moments. This happens about once a week. By the way, he initiated me to talk to a psychologist. And we are ready to solve this problem together. Thank you very much in advance!

Wow, what a long - long "braking path" of your anger, resentment, experience of humiliation ... Although the way you are writing to me about this turning point - you write in my opinion with great sympathy for him too .. .And this is me ochchch. reassuring) it seems that in fact you have already outlived that very pain and that very anger of yours ... But then that becomes interesting. Why do you need here and now, in your really good life with him, GUILTY husband? How is he, GUILTY AND UNFORGIVEN, safer for you - more attractive - simply speaking, better than if he were just your loving you and YOUR MAN who once lingered with his love for you? Will you try to answer me? And maybe in your close circle there are such models of relationships - when one of the spouses or partners is "condemned for life" and the couple builds their relationship on the foundation of reproaches and accusations? If he wants you to talk to a psychologist, either by yourself or together with him, then I can ask around who in your city works well with such problems. Then write to me if you want where you are from.

anonymously

Irina, thank you for your reply! yes, as I wrote in the first letter, my parents have a similar relationship, I don’t know, however, for what reason they have such a relationship, but my mother was always in the role of a victim. Sometimes I think she even likes it. But I don’t like it, so perhaps I get some secret pleasure when I act as a tyrant, maybe it seems to me that if I give up my positions, then my husband will certainly take this role. And then I'll be in my mother's place. Perhaps that is why I cultivate this pain and resentment in myself .. so that I have something to motivate my anger. I don’t know .. I myself am already tired of my negative feelings and emotions. But I don’t know how to get rid of them ... Maybe it will pass with time? I live in Moscow.

It's great that you are aware of the shades of your self-attitude towards this behavior. And yes, of course, if you grew up in the atmosphere of your mother's "Sacrifice", break these relationship stereotypes ochchch. difficult ... However, in the Victim there is one disgusting detail in my opinion. The victim is always very, very vicious. And at the same time, she is very cowardly in order to "cash out" her hyper-malice clearly and directly in relations with the "Pursuer" The victim poisons the compatibility with the "aggressor" - and the first one herself will never, mind you, refuse this compatibility! - reproaches - complaints - "wars", which he stubbornly attributes to "sins of past periods" ... Stuffiness .... And you just feel it, and you yourself are extremely uncomfortable to play in such a role. Well) If you are in Moscow, you can write to me in a personal or call me, we will discuss the possibility of working if you want. And if you want to be like a therapy as a couple, I will recommend good family psychologists)

Psychologists believe that jealousy has a lot in common with envy. In a sense, jealousy is a kind of envy, which is combined with a feeling own inferiority, self-doubt and possessiveness. Thus, being jealous of a loved one, we demonstrate our complexes - because we assume that he can find someone better. Jealousy in a relationship brings a lot of problems, multiplies quarrels and scandals, and in the end can lead to a break. Please note that a jealous man wants to possess his soul mate entirely and does not want to lose it at all, but constant suspicions and interrogations endanger any, even the most strong relationship. And since you do not want to lose your husband, you need to analyze your relationship, identify the causes of jealousy and try to exclude them from your life.

What is jealousy

Jealousy is of two types - justified and unreasonable.

In the first case, it is real evidence husband's infidelity that you received by reading his messages, seeing him with another woman, etc. Moreover, it is absolutely not necessary to regularly encounter flirting on the side or cheating on your other half - sometimes one such case is enough to be jealous of your husband with or without reason for many years. IN this case It's about losing trust in your spouse.

Unreasonable jealousy is no less common. Usually a woman herself thinks out (and even invents!) What her husband does when he is late at work or goes to meet friends. Scrolling through these intrusive thoughts in her head, she begins to truly believe in them. So speculation takes on a real form and begins to be expressed in a distrustful attitude towards her husband.

Causes of jealousy

If we talk about justified jealousy, then its main reason is the situation in which you convicted your husband of infidelity or the desire to "walk" on the side. However, not all women whose husbands have cheated on them become jealous. And if this feeling has stirred up and grown in your soul, then you have complexes that make you think that your husband will find someone better than you. A psychologist will help you cope with self-doubt, we will discuss this in more detail in the last section.

Unreasonable jealousy arises for a number of reasons:

Manifestations of jealousy

Depending on the nature of the warehouse, women are jealous of their husbands in different ways. There is no list of stages of jealousy that each of those who suspect a man of infidelity must go through. There are four types of jealousy:
1. "Hidden" jealousy: a woman's experiences do not go beyond her thoughts. She thinks about her husband's infidelity, but does not make scenes for him and does not even think about talking to him about what she feels. This type is characterized by a desire to cope with their suspicions on their own; in this case, jealousy is just a thought that has settled in the head.
2. Inner jealousy becomes a constant companion of a woman, all her thoughts are busy possible betrayals husband. However, she does not get in touch with her husband and keeps everything to herself. External manifestations this type of jealousy doesn't have either.
3. Jealous, a woman is not silent about her suspicions, but speaks openly about them.
4. The most extreme degree of jealousy - the behavior of a woman becomes unpredictable, inadequate. She behaves like a mentally ill person, arranges scenes, can harm herself, her husband or people around her.
In relation to men, jealousy in women knows no bounds. So, jealousy of an ex-husband can destroy his current marriage. Feeling angry because he left her, the ex-wife can plot intrigues once close person, which often end extremely unpleasantly for both parties.

Jealousy is always destructive and unpleasant, and sometimes it can lead to really dire consequences. Do not let this force take over your mind and feelings - only then will you be able to adequately assess what is happening around and correctly interpret the actions and behavior of your husband.

In an atmosphere of distrust and constant suspicion, there is no place for love - it dies, even if at first it was strong and sincere. If you do not want to lose your husband, if you want to live in harmony and tranquility, you need to learn how to deal with jealousy.

If your jealousy is justified:
If your jealousy is unfounded:
If you are jealous ex-husband:
If you are jealous of your husband for children from previous marriage:
Help from a psychologist

If you can’t overcome jealousy on your own, you should seek qualified help from a specialist. This the best way- so you insure yourself against making mistakes. I am always ready to help couples to restore trust in their lives, to learn to understand each other better. There should not be a wall of speculation and doubt between you and your man - it prevents you from loving. My consultation will be the starting point to the world harmonious relations. You will understand what is real reasons your jealousy and I will teach you how to deal with it. You will learn to love and appreciate yourself, which will help you more adequately relate to the events around you and save you from being suspicious of your loved one. Subsequently, you can say goodbye to jealousy forever!

Jealousy is one of the most strong feelings capable of destroying trust, tenderness, mutual understanding, the ability to adequately think and listen to a partner. Scientists have proven that it affects the mental and physical health person, causing increased anxiety, stomach, headaches, digestive problems. Individuals prone to jealousy, at the time of the next attack, lose control of themselves and can commit a crime.

Where does this destructive feeling come from? How to deal with it?

Sources of emotion

It is important to understand that most often the roots this feeling hidden deep in the subconscious of a jealous person and they are not aware of it. At the same time, the culprit is often not a husband or boyfriend, but early experienced events.
Common cause of jealousy low self-esteem, negativism towards oneself. Such a person needs daily proof that he is still loved. And a slight distance of the second half, the husband, is perceived as confirmation of one's own uselessness, accompanied by a painful feeling of loneliness and worthlessness.
People who tend to be jealous tend to fixate on the relationship, perceiving the beloved as part of themselves. However, a full-fledged relationship cannot be built on limiting the freedom of a partner. For a couple to exist harmoniously, everyone needs to have their own hobbies and desires.
In addition, the reason may be the susceptibility of the most jealous betrayal. Zealous outbursts often occur in someone who has committed this offense or intends to "go left."

Negative experiences can also cause mistrust and anxiety. Negative attitudes, drawn from the past, cause the desire for manic control and complete mastery of the attention of the object of love.
The source of suspicion sometimes lies in stereotypical thinking, for example, that "all men cheat" or "women always go to the rich."
It is important to develop the ability to control your emotions, because jealousy over time can lead to violence or a breakdown in relationships.

How to cope with yourself and stop being jealous?

Accept the fact of your jealousy without suppressing it. Mentally try to reproduce the situation that causes this feeling. By re-living jealousy, you can reduce the level of tension so that it is easier to cope with yourself in the future.
You can't be 100% sure that a relationship will last indefinitely. Trying to find guarantees eternal love We don't knowingly destroy relationships. Only by staying in the present moment, feeling all its charms, it is possible to be happy.

A husband or boyfriend may see the situation in a completely different way. It is worth listening to him carefully, even if great desire object.
If necessary, seek help from a specialist. If the jealous person becomes aggressive, try to leave the premises or call 911.

Today I will tell how to get rid of jealousy against your husband, wife, parents, children or friends. Why are people jealous of their husbands to their girlfriends? their wives to unfamiliar men? Your parents to other children? Where does jealousy come from?

Reasons for jealousy:

First, jealousy comes from fear. Fear of losing what you love.
Secondly, it grows out of self-doubt, in one's own (other, child, anyone). Uncertainty that the partner loves you and will not prefer you to another person who will be better than you.
Thirdly, jealousy is the result of a possessive attitude towards your partner. Desires to have a monopoly on his personal life, to interfere in all his affairs.
Fourthly, this quality can grow from any other complexes and fears.

What did we not see in the list of reasons for jealousy? Love! Jealousy does not stem from love, its basis is fear. Constant outbursts of jealousy only interfere with love and turn relationships into a series of suffering and distrust.

How to overcome jealousy? How to eliminate the causes of this feeling?

1. Get rid of everything that does not serve your love.

During jealousy attacks, many people play spy games. They constantly check outgoing calls on the spouse’s phone, try to catch the smell of perfume from his jacket, call him every hour to make sure that he has met with his friends and is not visiting his mistress, forbid him to communicate with members of the opposite sex, etc. .d. In short, keep your partner on short leash. At the same time, they do not even think about where this feeling leads them.

Subconsciously, people may feel that they are solving some problem that serves the interests of a healthy relationship. After all, spouses should love each other, should not cheat with other women and men, they think. And therefore, they need to constantly be confident in the fidelity of their partner and do everything in order to feed this confidence, even if it causes a wave of distrust, negative emotions and quarrels for empty reasons. Thus, jealousy gets the green light.

People are used to the fact that love and jealousy go hand in hand, and many of them have learned to put up with the fact that jealousy has become a full participant in their relationship.

But in fact, the paranoia that appears on the basis of jealousy does not at all serve the goals of love and a harmonious life together, but only poisons love. Jealousy, as well as actions caused by jealousy, do not solve problems, but create them.

Think about what your endless outbursts of jealousy will lead to? You are so afraid of lies, but you yourself envelop your relationship with an atmosphere of distrust. You are so afraid of losing your partner, but at the same time, you try to control his every step, blame him, create prohibitions, swear, scream, suspect ...

Does this create the ground for loved ones, trusting, healthy and long relationship? The irony of jealousy (and indeed of many other feelings based on fear) is that because of your fear, you only bring closer what you are so afraid of! Distrust and paranoia ultimately make relationships more fragile and alienate you from your partner.

The next time you get jealous and feel like yelling at your husband or checking his phone, ask yourself how these actions can help your relationship? How will this help your love? How can this prevent the things (losing a partner, breaking up a relationship) that you are so afraid of from appearing?

If your answer to all three questions is “No” or “It will only get in the way”, then give your jealousy a red color.

This alone, of course, will not help you completely get rid of this feeling. But, the first step towards getting rid of negative emotions is the realization that you do not need these emotions, that they only interfere with you.

Rid your relationship of what does not serve the interests of love!

2. Eliminate your fears

Of what we are afraid, we naturally do not want to think. For example: “What if I lose my job? I don't even want to think about it!" Strange as it may sound, but our fears have power over us precisely because we do not want to think about what will happen when the fear comes true.

Of course, you will disagree with me and object: “No matter how it is! I constantly think about what I'm afraid of. I imagine how bad it will be for me when my loved one leaves me, and what terrible feelings I will experience.”

But you don't think about what will happen next. You only think about negative emotions at the time of the realization of your fear. Try to mentally go beyond this limit, even if you yourself do not want to think about the future.

Think: “What will happen a year after our breakup? What will happen in five years. The first few months must be tough for me. But then I'll start to come to my senses little by little. After some time, I will have a new relationship, maybe they will be even better than these.

(This is by no means the most best script! Perhaps your relationship will live even after treason! I will talk about this in the last paragraph of this article.)

Not as scary as you thought at the beginning, is it? Be realistic! Try to run these pictures in your mind. Think about how you will get out of this situation, how you will continue to live, and not about how bad it will be for you at the moment your fear is fulfilled!

Don't get too attached to what you have. IN this moment You may feel that your relationship with this person is the most important thing in your life. But, this is partly an illusion and a deception. It is difficult for people to think in the perspective of their whole life, and they sometimes greatly overestimate the role of what they have now.

This idea may not be entirely intuitive. You ask me: “how is it not worth getting strongly attached to something? I am attached to what I love: to my children, to my family, to my work, to my goal. This is the basis of my existence! Are you suggesting that I become indifferent to the things I love?”

No, I only suggest that you stop experiencing painful attachment that brings nothing but suffering and fear.

If you love your husband very much, but constantly live in fear that your relationship may end, are you happy? Do you get satisfaction from such relationships? I do not think. The fear of losing those relationships in the future makes you unhappy. But the fact that you have them in the present does not make you happy, because you are constantly afraid and only think about the future!

Strong attachments give rise to fear of loss. And the fear of loss prevents you from enjoying the present moment.

Do not test strong affection does not mean not to love. Not being strongly attached means being more relaxed about the fact that nothing lasts forever, being more realistic. Be ready for anything. And be able to enjoy what you have now.

3. Stop comparing

“What if he finds more worthy woman than me, smarter, more beautiful!”

“There are so many men around her who are more beautiful and successful than me, there is no chance that our relationship can last.”

These disturbing thoughts are familiar to many. You start comparing yourself to other members of your gender, and you become overwhelmed by the fear of competition. But men and women are not some goods in the love market!

Relations between people are not always similar to commodity-money relations, within which preferences are formed solely on the basis of the properties of the “commodity”: attractiveness, success, intelligence, etc. Rather, it is more like the attitude of the owner of capital, in fact, to capital. This is also not the best analogy, but closer.

I mean, your relationship now is not the same as it was when it first started. Maybe when you first met your partner, you were connected only by mutual attraction.

But, in the course of the development of relations, a certain “capital” is formed, something more than just attraction and passion, enhanced external attractiveness and success. This capital is accumulated over the years, as both subjects of relations understand each other more and more deeply, as they jointly find solutions to their problems and draw conclusions from their mistakes, as they overcome another difficulty that has arisen in their path ...

And this capital is too valuable. It cannot be easily exchanged for something else. In short, your partner loves you not only for your qualities, but for everything that you had with him. Or maybe he loves you for something else that you yourself do not know. And this is what allows you to prefer more successful and attractive people.

“Good,” you say. “What if our relationship is not like “building joint moral capital”. They just crumble. I don't think there's anything between us anymore."

Then move on to the next item.

4. Improve your relationship

Spend more time with your partner. Find out his desires. Show him care and trust. Try to work together to solve family problems. Talk about your difficulties. Become more attractive to each other. Bring variety. And develop your relationship without stopping there!

I'm not going to bring here detailed instructions to improve relations. This will be the topic of a separate article. What I want to say here is that the fidelity of the spouses to each other is not a derivative of surveillance, suspicion and mistrust. It is the result of a strong, reliable, satisfying relationship.

If in the course of your surveillance of your husband you do not find any evidence of infidelity, then this will not help eliminate your jealousy, after a while it will flare up again. But when you become more confident in your relationship, when you, together with your partner, surround each other with trust, only then will you have less reason be jealous.

In order to eliminate the very feeling of jealousy, as well as the reasons for its occurrence (treason), one must strive to develop relationships, and not turn them into a spy romance and soap opera simultaneously!

Recently I have been thinking about why total state control is present, as a rule, in underdeveloped countries. It seems to me that this is due to the fact that countries with big economic problems have only one way to instill patriotism and keep their residents inside the country. This way, to lie, organize surveillance and create prohibitions, including a ban on leaving the country. The love and devotion of the inhabitants of this country to the state is based on fear and deceit.

But states with good economies and social conditions do not need to resort to dictatorship. A person will not flee this country if given the opportunity. Because he loves his state, for what it provides to its residents good conditions for life and take care of them. Nobody forces him to love. Therefore, this feeling arises sincerely.

You can easily apply this analogy to your relationships. It is necessary to create an atmosphere of love and trust in your family, to accumulate joint “love capital” and thereby reduce the risk of “emigration of your spouse” to another family. It's better than doing it through bans and surveillance.

5. Curb your imagination

Your husband is late at work. And now pictures are already coming to your mind in which he has fun with other women. But do not rush to let your imagination go ahead. If you keep imagining it, then it will be difficult for you to get out of these thoughts and listen to reasonable arguments when they come to your mind.

These fantasies deprive you of the possibility of a sober assessment of the situation. Therefore, if you notice bouts of paranoia because of your partner’s betrayal, then make it a rule: “ first thought is the wrong thought until she proves otherwise.

It can be said presumption of guilt impulsive thoughts. This principle helps me a lot to cope with many emotions and see the situation as it is, and not as my momentary feelings try to present it.

So put all these fantasies out of your head for a while. You will pay attention to them later. To start, . Anyway, as long as you are covered by anxiety and anxiety, nothing worthwhile will come to your mind.

So shift your attention to something else. Don't let him get "bogged down" in these fantasies. Start thinking about the problem only when you realize that you have calmed down and your anxiety does not attract all your thoughts to their "negative pole". Then you can assess the situation soberly. Maybe you will realize that your fears were unfounded. But perhaps they will be confirmed. But before you think about it, you should calmly analyze the situation in reality, and not get carried away by your fantasies.

6. Stop living only your partner's life.

Often the reason for jealousy is the fixation of one of the partners on the life of the other. It happens that this happens for the reason that one of the partners does not have his personal interests and own personal life. And he has no choice but to live the life of another.

This applies not only to jealousy, but also to excessive control from parents (usually mothers) in relation to children. Understand that your control, your anxiety, your endless interference in someone's life will not make you or the person whose life you interfere in happy!

To avoid this, add some variety to your life. and your passion. In no case should this be an excuse for you to ignore your partner or child because of your new hobbies. Not at all! Let this be a reason for you to understand that there is more to life than your husband or your children.

At the same time, allow your partner (or son, daughter) to live some other life than family. Leave him space to communicate with friends, colleagues and even people of the opposite sex! Show your partner that you trust him, give him some freedom, do not try to explore every inch of his life and do not squeeze it in the grip of control.

It will also help you become less attached to your relationship, as you will have something else! Therefore, you will be less afraid of loss and suffer less!

7. Do the opposite

Do the opposite of what jealousy pushes you to do. If you see your wife talking to a man you don't know at a party, instead of glaring at that person and then making a scandal to your wife, come up and politely introduce yourself to this man! Maybe you will find out that this is just a work colleague whom your wife met and whom she simply could not pass by for reasons of tact. And you will understand how your jealousy was absurd.

8. Be honest! Don't play games

Drop all those spy games and hidden doubts! If something is bothering you, ask your partner directly! Just don't do it in the form of a scandal! Calmly state all your suspicions and see what he says.

But, before talking about this with a partner, it would not hurt you to assess for yourself how your suspicions are justified.

After all, many people play a “hidden game” and act on the sly only because they subconsciously understand that all their doubts are absurd and ridiculous and it would be ridiculous to talk about their paranoia to another.

Therefore, preparing for such a conversation will help you not only express your concerns directly and reach out to new level trust (if you understand that the conversation should take place), but also to check whether your fears are real or just the result of an unbridled fantasy.

9. Trust your partner

I have already spoken about trust more than once in this article, but I consider this issue to be quite important, so I am taking it out as part of a separate paragraph. Trust is a sine qua non healthy and strong relationships. Think about it, do you have a reason not to trust your partner?

I'm not saying that no one has such a reason. But it often happens that we begin to suspect our partner, not because he did not justify our trust, but only because we ourselves experience fear and self-doubt. Jealousy, in this case, is not based on anything in reality, but stems only from our personal feelings.

Why not try to trust your partner then? Stop seeing deception in his every word and discard your endless suspicions. Of course, suspicions are not always unfounded. But try to believe your soulmate and not suspect him of something bad for at least a month, no matter how he behaves and no matter what he does.

If your fears remain with you, then you probably need to change something in your relationship. But, it is quite possible that you will understand how ridiculous your fears were and see how believing in your partner transforms your relationship and makes you happier. And you want to stay with that trust forever...

10. Be willing to forgive

I do not want people to take some of my advice as a way to come to terms with obvious problems in the family and get rid of jealousy, for which there is a reason. Maybe everything is really not so smooth for you and your partner is systematically cheating on you. And it's not your paranoia and fear that tells you, but established facts. (It's hard to deny this when your husband is always going missing, arriving late at night and smelling of perfume.)

In this case, it is better not to deny the obvious things, not to suppress the attacks of jealousy in yourself, and try to do something with your relationship. I have always been a proponent of trying to make amends for what happened, to forgive the person and start over before accepting decisive action. This is what I advise you.

Cheating is not always an indicator of your spouse's or your spouse's lack of love for you. Sometimes people cheat, simply because they are not sexually restrained, but continue to love you. Sometimes they do it because their ego craves new victories on the love front, but at the same time they continue to love you. Sometimes this happens because a person gives in to affect, but continues to love you. Sometimes this is a consequence of a momentary weakness of a person, his mistake, for which he can be forgiven.

Cheating is not as scary as your fantasy and your feelings draw it to you. But if this happened, be ready to endure it together, and live on. This is not the end of life.

If you know that you are able to forgive a person. That they are able to trust him again, after all his actions. That cheating won't be the end of your relationship. What can you do to change and improve your life together to prevent the recurrence of such cases in the future. Then you won't be so afraid of it. Then you will have much less reason to be jealous!

But this requires the trust of both spouses. And their desire to develop relationships!

What is jealousy

Causes of jealousy

Manifestations of jealousy

Help from a psychologist

Sources of emotion

How to cope with yourself and stop being jealous?

1. Get rid of everything that does not serve your love.

2. Eliminate your fears

3. Stop comparing

4. Improve your relationship

5. Curb your imagination

6. Stop living only your partner's life.

7. Do the opposite

8. Be honest! Don't play games

9. Trust your partner

10. Be willing to forgive