His fears are in love. Be faithful and loyal
The first secret is respect.
Treat each other with respect. You may not be alike at all: different interests and life principles, religion, education level and income. Learn from your soul mate, discover something new for yourself, open up something new to your partner. Respect is the basis of friendship, and without it, long and strong relationship.
The second secret is trust.
Trust your partner. You shouldn't turn into Sherlock Holmes and be vigilant around the clock, turning out your pockets and checking your phone. Both of you will quickly get bored of all this.
Everything happens, and betrayal too. And if it so happened that the fact of treason is proven, think about whether you can forgive your partner without poisoning your life and his life with constant suspicions. We decided to stay together - trust.
The third secret is constancy.
Long and happy relationships are built on loyalty. And since you expect it from your partner, do not deceive his expectations either. If the person is “yours,” you feel good together, why someone else?
Any couple has problems and disagreements. Maybe it's worth making an effort and trying to solve them, than looking for happiness on the side?
The fourth secret is the expression of feelings.
Give tenderness and affection to your soul mate. Smile at each other. Severely knitted eyebrows or a constantly miserable expression will scare anyone away. If you love, show it. Sweet words and touch is needed no less than a child. And if you are going to live together happily ever after, you shouldn't forget about it.
The fifth secret is sex.
Don't be a prude. Between loving people there should be no barriers and restrictions in the sexual sphere. Do not hide your desires, go towards the desires of your partner, give each other pleasure. Sex is an integral part harmonious relationships... Open up yourself, discover new things in your partner, reach new heights together.
The sixth secret is care.
The seventh secret is positive.
Be optimistic! A lot depends on our thoughts, and in relationships as well. Smile, try to notice the good in everything, give your soul mate positive emotions... Treat small troubles with humor, do not get upset over trifles.
The eighth secret is self-sufficiency.
Do not dissolve in your partner and become his shadow. Practice self-development, hone your talents, so you will support constant interest to yourself, to your personality.
The ninth secret is the environment.
Do not forget about the importance of relatives and friends in your life. For example, an unsettled partner's relationship can cause not only discord in a couple, but also a final break between loving people. Negotiate such moments, find a compromise, smooth over sharp corners.
The tenth secret is love.
Love is the most important component of a harmonious relationship. Quarrels and disagreements, irritability and the extinction of passion - everything can be overcome if there is love between people. Love each other, live happily ever after!
It is kindness and generosity.
Every day in June (the most popular wedding month per year) about great amount couples say yes, forming an alliance that will last until the end of their days and will be filled with friendship, joy and love.
Alas, this principle will not work for everyone.
Most marriages fail, ending in divorce, leading to resentment, resentment, and recrimination.
As psychologist Tai Tashiro writes in his book “ The science of happiness since ...”, Which was published earlier this year, only 3/10 of all married people remain happily married.
Sociologists began studying marriage in the 1970s in response to a crisis in the institution of the family: married couples began to break up at a record pace. Concerned about the impact that divorce is having on children, among others, psychologists decided to study couples so that laboratory conditions to find out, what is the secret to a healthy long-term relationship.
Was every unhappy family unhappy in their own way, as Tolstoy argued, or do all broken marriages have in common?
Psychologist John Gottman was one of the researchers. Over the past four decades, he has studied thousands of couples in order to understand what exactly keeps relationships strong. I recently had the opportunity to interview Gottman and his wife Julia, who is also a psychologist, in New York. Together, experts in family stability have created the Gottman Institute, which helps couples build and maintain strong relationships based on scientific research.
John Gottman began researching this issue in 1986, when he created the Love Lab with his colleague Robert Levenson at the University of Washington. Gottman and Levenson brought the newlyweds to their laboratory and watched how they interact with each other.
Together with a team of researchers, they connected pairs to electrodes and asked them to talk about their relationship - how they met, what was their first quarrel, what is the most positive memory they have with each other. As they spoke, the electrodes measured the subjects' blood flow, heart rate, and the amount of sweat they produced. The researchers then sent the couples home and invited them back to the lab six years later to see if their marriage had survived and how their relationship had changed.
Based on the collected data, Gottman divided the pairs into two main groups: "Masters" and "natural disasters".
- "Masters" were still happy after six years of marriage.
- "Natural disasters" were either divorced or chronically unhappy in their marriage.
When the scientists analyzed the information received from the couples, they saw a clear difference between "masters" and "natural disasters." During the interview, the latter looked very calm, while their physiology indicated otherwise. Their hearts were beating very fast, their sweat glands were overly active, and their blood flow was intense. Having analyzed thousands of couples in this way, the researchers concluded that the more physiologically active couples were in the laboratory, the faster their relationship deteriorated.
But what does physiology have to do with it? The problem is that "Natural disasters" showed every sign of excitement in their relationships. They seemed to be in combat mode, ready to attack at any moment. For them, having a conversation and sitting next to their spouse was tantamount to facing a saber-toothed tiger face to face.
The "masters", on the other hand, demonstrated low level excitement. They felt calm and comfortable in each other's company, which turned into affectionate behavior, even when they quarreled. This does not mean that the "masters" have created a better physiological disguise than "natural disasters." This means that the "masters" created an atmosphere of trust and intimacy, which allowed them both to feel emotionally and physically comfortable.
Gottman wanted to learn more about how the “craftsmen” managed to provide a culture of love and intimacy, and how “natural disasters” could destroy it. In a follow-up study in 1990, he set up a laboratory on the campus of the University of Washington. The conditions in the laboratory were more like the atmosphere of a sanatorium, where one could have a great rest.
He invited 130 newlywed couples there to spend the whole day in this pleasant place, doing what couples usually do on vacation. Gottman made a pivotal discovery in his research to understand why some relationships thrive and others collapse.
Throughout the day, partners made contact requests, which Gottman called "invitations." For example, a man drew his wife's attention to the fact that a goldfinch was flying around the yard. He said to his wife: "Look at the beautiful bird outside!"... He not only commented on the appearance of the bird, but also asked for a response from his wife - which is a sign of interest and support - and the hope that they will "connect" to each other.
The wife had a choice. She could respond by either turning to her husband or turning away from him. The bird, according to Gottman, here has become just a detail that allows you to take a closer look at the relationship in a couple. The husband thought the bird was an important reason to start a dialogue. The question is whether the wife recognized this position and whether she respected it.
The partnership-oriented people in the study responded to the invitation with keen interest and support. There were those who did not react or responded minimally, preferring to go about their business. Some even reacted with open hostility: "Don't interrupt me, I'm reading!"
These “invite” interactions had a major impact on family well-being. Couples who divorced after six years of marriage devoted themselves to creating emotional closeness with a partner only 33 percent of the time. At the same time happy couples devoted 87 percent of their time to it. Only 3 out of 10 “invitations” from “natural disasters” were greeted with enthusiasm, while among “masters” this ratio was 9 out of 10.
By observing these types of interactions, Gottman could predict with 94 percent certainty what would happen to a couple - straight or gay, rich or poor, childless or burdened with offspring. Will they still be happy together a few years later, or break up (or remain in an unhappy union). Much of it boils down to the kind of spirit couples bring to the relationship. Whether they carry goodness and generosity or contempt, criticism and hostility.
In an interview, Gottman explained that the "masters" have a habit of thinking in a certain way: they monitor external environment for things they can appreciate and be grateful for. They build this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. “Natural disasters” scan the social environment for partners' mistakes.
“It’s not just scanning the environment,” Julia Gottman intervenes, “it’s scanning a partner for what he’s doing right or wrong. It's a choice to criticize him or appreciate him as he is. "
As scientists have found out, the main reason for couples upset there was contempt. People who are focused on criticizing their partners miss 50 percent of the positive things they do, and they also tend to see negativity where there is none.
People who give a partner a cold welcome, deliberately ignoring him or responding to his requests minimally, make him feel unnecessary and invisible. People who consistently scorn and criticize partners not only destroy feelings and relationships, but also reduce the spouse's ability to fight viruses and cancer. You might call this behavior the death knell for a relationship.
Kindness, on the other hand, ties couples together. Independent research has shown that kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important factors affecting satisfaction and stability in marriage. Kindness gives the partner the opportunity to feel loved, important, understood, and valued. "My generosity is as boundless as the sea," said Shakespeare's Juliet, "the more I give it to you, the more it becomes." The principle of kindness works the same way: there is a lot of evidence that what more good gets a person - the kinder he becomes himself. In relationships, this, of course, leads to their strengthening.
There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think of it as a fixed feature - either you have it or you don't. Or you can think of kindness as a muscle. This muscle is stronger in some people than in others, but it can get stronger in anyone with regular exercise. "Masters" tend to think of kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it in order to keep it in shape. In other words, they know that good relationship Is a constant hard work.
“If your partner expresses a need,” explains Julia Gottman, “and you are tired, stressed, or distracted, the generosity will be to turn to face your partner no matter what and respond to his invitation.
At this moment, it is easy to turn away from your partner and focus on your ipad, or book, or TV, mumble "Uh-huh" and return to your business, but neglect even such small moments social connection, will undermine your relationship. Neglect creates distance between partners and creates resentment in the one who was ignored.
The most difficult time to show kindness is a quarrel. But this is the most important time to be kind. Letting aggression and contempt get out of hand can cause irreparable damage to the relationship.
“Kindness does not mean that we do not express anger,- explains Julia Gottman - but kindness determines which way of expressing anger we choose. You can throw spears at your partner, or you can explain to him why you are hurt and angry, and this is a kinder way. "
John Gottman goes into more detail on spears: "Natural disasters" behave differently during an argument. They will say, “You are late. What's wrong with you? You are exactly like your mother. " "Masters" they will say, "I feel bad about you being late and, although I know that it is not your fault, it still annoys me that you are late again."
For the hundreds of thousands of couples who get married every June, and for the millions of couples who are now together, married or not, the lesson of research is simple: If you want to have stable, healthy relationships, start practicing kindness as early as possible and do it often.
When people talk about the practice of kindness, they often mean small acts of generosity (like buying each other small gifts or relaxing back massages, etc.). At the same time, serious examples of generosity and kindness can lay the foundation for relationships that partners will carry through their daily routines, regardless of whether they include back massage and chocolate.
One way to practice kindness is to be generous with your partner's intentions. We know from Gottman research that "natural disasters" tend to see negativity in a relationship, even if it isn't there. An embittered wife, for example, may believe that her husband left the toilet seat raised on purpose to annoy her. But he could do it simply out of absentmindedness.
Or, say, the wife is again late for dinner, and her husband thinks that in this way she does not appreciate him enough to come to their romantic date on the occasion of the anniversary on time, although he took time off from work early for the sake of this. But it turns out that the wife was late because she stopped at the store to pick up a gift for her husband.
Imagine her joining him for dinner, thrilled to please him with a gift, and her husband in a terrible mood for misinterpreting her behavior. The ability to interpret your partner's actions and intentions can mitigate the severity of the conflict.
“Even in relationships where people are disappointed, this is almost always caused by the fact that there are positive shifts, and people at least try to do some things right,” says psychologist Tai Tashiro. “Many times a partner tries to do everything right, even if he has does not come out very well. So appreciate his intention. "
Another powerful strategy for kindness is sharing joy.... To one of clear signs A "natural disaster" in a pair Gottman attributes to the inability to share the partner's joy. For example, one in a couple shares his joy about being promoted at work, and the second does not show any interest in this, being distracted by his hours or ending the conversation with a comment: "It's good".
We've all heard that partners need to be there when times are tough. However, researchers that it is more important to be there just when things are going OK... How a person reacts to good news partner can have dramatic consequences for the relationship.
In one 2006 study, psychologist Shelley Gable and her colleagues recruited young married couples to the laboratory to discuss positive developments in their lives. Psychologists wanted to know how partners respond to each other's success. Researchers have identified four types of reactions: passively destructive, actively destructive, passively constructive and actively constructive.
Suppose a girl finds out that she has been admitted to medical school. And she said something like “I got what I wanted! I was admitted to medical school! "
- If her partner answers in a passively destructive manner- it will ignore this event. For example, he may say, "You won't believe what happened to me yesterday: I won a free jersey!"
- If her partner answers in a passively constructive manner, he accepts good news, but sluggishly, downplaying it. Typical passively constructive response: "That's great, baby" - in the same style in which he texts a friend.
- In case of an actively destructive response the partner will greatly downplay the good news, for example, “Are you sure you can handle the stress? How much is it? Medical school- it is very expensive".
- And finally actively constructive response- this is when the partner stops going about their business and exclaims: “This is great! Congratulations! When did you know? Did they call you? Lessons will start in the first semester ”?
Among the four possible types answers are actively constructive - the kindest. While others can only kill the joy, the actively constructive type allows the partner to enjoy the joy and unites the couple even more. In the language of the Gottmanns, actively constructive type means "turning towards a partner."
The actively constructive type has great value for healthy relationships... In a 2006 study, Gable and her colleagues tracked the couples six months later to see if their relationship was continuing. Psychologists deduced that the only difference between couples who were still happy with each other and those who broke up was the actively constructive type of interaction. Those who showed a genuine interest in their partner's success had a high chance of staying together. In more early research Gable also found that actively constructive interactions were associated with more high quality relationships and more intimacy between partners.
There are many reasons why marriages fail. However, if you look at what leads to the collapse of many relationships, it is more often than not a lack of kindness. When a lot of problems fall on a couple - routine, home, children, careers, relatives - people who love each other more recently can now begin to move away, putting less effort into relationships and allowing small grievances to gradually supplant a big feeling.
In most marriages, satisfaction levels drop dramatically during the first few years together. But not among couples who live happily together for years they are guided by a spirit of kindness and generosity.
Emily Esfahani Smith
Science Says Lasting Relationships
Come Down To 2 Basic Traits via
What not to do so as not to spoil the relationship with your beloved man
Rule 1. Do not forget that you are not alone now. The strongest relationship between people destroys indifference, when a person comes home, and no one meets him, no one is happy with him. Maybe that's why men often have dogs: that's where sincerity is from ears to tip of tail! Or mistresses ...
Rule 2. Don't expect him to guess. Problems often begin when our fantasies and expectations begin to drastically differ from reality.
Let me explain: you hoped that after returning from work, your husband would buy you flowers on the way, but he did not. What happens next? Here example scenario used by many women.
You pout and sniff resentfully all evening. For some time he has been trying in every possible way to find out what happened. At that moment you decided that he must guess what his fault is, so you will not speak. He doesn't know. You are quarreling. The evening is ruined.
Do you have such situations? At every step! Once my girlfriend even left her husband because he did not do something, and then did not guess why she was offended. After an hour's conversation, she gradually led her to the thought: why did you decide that he would do just that? "But he must ..." The logic was restored only after my phrase that no one owes anything to anyone. She thought for ten minutes, then called her husband and, under the pretext of returning the keys to the apartment, went to make up. We are still together and happy.
Rule 3. Do not discuss serious issues with a man if he is hungry. Remember in fairy tales: first feed me, give me water, steam in the bathhouse. And even Baba Yaga finds as a result mutual language with the most aggressive Ivan Tsarevich.
Rule 4. Do not try to decide for him how it will be best for him. He is an adult and somehow lived without you all these years. Therefore, he has the right to independently decide what to wear, where to go, who to be friends with, how to treat his parents, etc., etc. By imposing your decision on a person, you infringe on his freedom. And men do not like this! Therefore, when making a decision, think about it: is this your problem?
Rule 5. Don't strain! There is a category of women who, if they need something, it should be done yesterday, well, at least, this very second. At the same time, such a woman is absolutely indifferent: is the person tired, does he have own plans for this time. She need! Drop everything and do it! It will even endure for a while, and then it will probably explode, and you will get a serious scandal. You can get any person, no matter how patient he is.
Rule 6. Don't be boring. On the street there is a May Day demonstration, everyone is cheerful, happy, and she: "Throw away the tree ... Throw away the tree ..." - an old accordion. By the way, our tree stood until October last year. Before the new year, all friends came in with the same phrase: “Oh, you have new tree! ". The crane, again, can be repaired for a week. A cistern on the toilet - generally a couple of months. Over the years, I have already become so used to it that it even ceased to annoy. After all, he will do everything early someday, why would I be nervous ?! Everything should be treated easier. And with humor.
Rule 7. Don't like it - do it yourself. A man begins to hammer in a nail - go to another room and do not climb arm in arm with useful tips and recommendations. Took the dishes to wash - sit quietly, otherwise he will remember that this is not male work... You will redo it later as a last resort, if you don’t like it.
The most big mistake on the part of women is that many people think: now everything is bad with him, but after the wedding everything will change - I will redo it. What this belief is based on is not clear. Don't lie to yourself. As practice shows, with the beginning family life all disagreements and problems are only getting worse. Such a marriage initially runs the risk of falling apart and in most cases this is exactly what ends.
How can you sit at the computer when you have this dirty window before your eyes. Get up and wash! - Once my friend declared to her husband.
To which, of course, I received the answer:
- Yes, I somehow do not care. And if it annoys you, take it yourself.
Rule 8. Don't manipulate. I remember our first serious quarrel in a fit of resentment, I said: “Oh so! Then I go to my mother! " and went to collect things. I’ve already collected almost everything, but for some reason he doesn’t come to terms. I thought: what am I actually doing? So after all, the truth is to go to my mother. I went to him, they poured a mug of tea, as usual. He sits gloomily, upset. Further dialogue:
“You don’t want me to leave, do you?”
- I do not want.
- I will feel bad without you.
- Me too.
- Then why don't you stop me?
- But this is your decision. You have the right to do so.
I asked forgiveness, took apart my suitcase and I never did that again.
Rule 9. Do not stoop to insults during a quarrel. You still have to put up with it, but the resentment will sink somewhere deeply and with the next quarrel will definitely show itself. The more such grievances accumulate, the more difficult it will be to put up each time.
Rule 10. Do not deny your husband sex. After all, he got married for this too. If you have any health problems, you need to talk about it with your husband and see a doctor. If you just don't get pleasure from sex, read something on this subject - nowadays there is a lot of literature on this topic. If it does not help, again - to the doctor. He is called a sex therapist and knows in this area, if not everything, then a lot.
And even less so, don't use sex as a lever to exert psychological pressure or make concessions. Such manipulations do not end with anything good. You shouldn't try this long-suffering rake on yourself.
Rule 11. Do not humiliate yourself and your beloved man with suspicion. I know a huge amount jealous women who simply poison the life of their soul mate. Such people are able to secretly check their pockets, view SMS-ki on the phone, get into email... And even if no compromising evidence is found, a worm of doubts remains in the soul: what if he hid it so much that I simply did not find it. Most often this occurs after the cooling of the relationship that arose as a result of the failure to comply with rules 1-10.
Rule 12. Any problem is solved by talking about it. In 99% of cases, this rule works. If it doesn't work, then one of two exceptions takes effect.
Exception 1. If you cannot change the situation, change your attitude towards it.
Exception 2. If you cannot change your attitude towards the situation, do not be afraid of divorce. Sometimes this is the best way out. Why spoil each other's life, wring your nerves or make a beautiful face when bad game, creating in public the appearance that you are all right.
The first secret is respect.
Treat each other with respect. You may not be alike at all: different interests and life principles, religion, level of education and income. Learn from your soul mate, discover something new for yourself, open up something new to your partner. Respect is the basis of friendship, and without it, a long and lasting relationship is impossible.
The second secret is trust.
Trust your partner. You shouldn't turn into Sherlock Holmes and be vigilant around the clock, turning out your pockets and checking your phone. Both of you will quickly get bored of all this.
Everything happens, and betrayal too. And if it so happened that the fact of treason is proven, think about whether you can forgive your partner without poisoning your life and his life with constant suspicions. We decided to stay together - trust.
The third secret is constancy.
Long and happy relationships are built on loyalty. And since you expect it from your partner, do not deceive his expectations either. If the person is “yours,” you feel good together, why someone else?
Any couple has problems and disagreements. Maybe it's worth making an effort and trying to solve them, than looking for happiness on the side?
The fourth secret is the expression of feelings.
Give tenderness and affection to your soul mate. Smile at each other. Severely knitted eyebrows or a constantly miserable expression will scare anyone away. If you love, show it. An adult needs affectionate words and touches no less than a child. And if you are going to live together happily ever after, you shouldn't forget about it.
The fifth secret is sex.
Don't be a prude. There should be no barriers and restrictions in the sexual sphere between loving people. Do not hide your desires, go towards the desires of your partner, give each other pleasure. Sex is an integral part of a harmonious relationship. Open up yourself, discover new things in your partner, reach new heights together.
The sixth secret is care.
Any person, even the strongest and most successful, needs care. A cup of coffee brought to the computer. Dinner made with love. Cleanliness and comfort in the house. Raspberry tea for colds. Such simple expressions of love and tenderness are a sign of a happy couple.
The seventh secret is positive.
Be optimistic! A lot depends on our thoughts, and in relationships as well. Smile, try to notice the good in everything, give your soul mate positive emotions. Treat small troubles with humor, do not get upset over trifles.
The eighth secret is self-sufficiency.
Do not dissolve in your partner and become his shadow. Engage in self-development, hone your talents, so you will maintain a constant interest in yourself, in your personality.
The ninth secret is the environment.
Do not forget about the importance of relatives and friends in your life. For example, an unsettled relationship with a partner's parents can cause not only discord in a couple, but also a final break between loving people. Negotiate such moments, find a compromise, smooth over sharp corners.
The tenth secret is love.
Love is the most important component of a harmonious relationship. Quarrels and disagreements, irritability and the extinction of passion - everything can be overcome if there is love between people. Love each other, live happily ever after!
Love fortune telling "Deep psychological compatibility"
Psychologists say a lot about the fact that compatibility is the key to long and happy relationship... It is based on many factors, on what the partners expect from the relationship and how similar these expectations are, on the idea of the roles of a man and a woman in a couple. This tarot divination for love will help you understand how you and your chosen one fit together. The layout analyzes the hopes and fears about love, which also have a huge impact on the relationship. With the help of this fortune-telling, you can get closer to your loved one.
How a partner sees me in a relationship
The first position "How the partner sees me in a relationship" tells about what character traits, tastes and habits your partner notices in you in the first place. By this card, you can judge what kind of image of you has formed in his head.
What I really am
The second position "What I really am" will show your real face in this relationship. How you present yourself to your partner, how you used to behave. By comparing the first and second cards, you will understand how a loved one knows the real you.
How I see a partner in a relationship
The third position "How I see a partner in a relationship" will show the image of a loved one that you will have.
What he really is
The fourth position "What he really is" will reveal what you may not notice in his behavior.
How he wants to see me
The fifth position "What he wants to see me" will tell about the secret desires of a loved one, about his ideal of femininity.
How I want to see him
The sixth position "How I want to see him" will tell about your ideal of masculinity.
My hopes are in love
The seventh position "My hopes in love" will answer the question of what you expect from this relationship. Expectations can be both positive and negative. If a negative card fell out, this indicates that fears and complexes control you.
His hopes for love
The eighth position "His hopes for love" will tell you what your significant other expects from this relationship.
My fears in love
The ninth position "My fears in love" will tell you what you are most afraid of in a relationship.
His fears are in love
The tenth position "His fears in love" will reveal his secret fears that negatively affect your connection.
15 secrets of a happy relationship
It is interesting to know the secrets of a happy relationship for everyone: both girls who have not yet had time to put on a wedding dress, and only newlyweds who have married, and even experienced couples married life at twenty.
Psychologists are conducting more and more research, the goal of which is to find out how to make relationships happy and families strong. But, despite the fact that many girls and young people would like to have one loved one for life, the divorce rate in modern world just rolls over. Read the advice from Signorina and you will find out what is the key to a happy relationship.
1. Resolve Disputes Amicably
Even if you are very angry and want to tell your loved one what you think of him, it is better to stop and cool down a little. Otherwise, you can destroy the relationship with one chopping phrase, and in the future you will regret it, but nothing can be fixed. Not all people easily forgive offenses.
As a child, we can say to a friend, “Take your words back,” and in half an hour already play together, as if nothing had happened. In adulthood more and more complicated. It's easier not to say phrases that offend weak spots your beloved than to seek forgiveness for a long time. During quarrels and disputes, you need to know the limit that cannot be crossed in any case.
2. Spend time together interesting and "high quality"
Always make time for each other, even with the most hectic schedules and no vacation. Moreover, this moment is more important for successful couples than for lovers who are already trying to be there every minute. But after a few years life together all communication begins to boil down to everyday issues: what to buy for dinner, and which circle to send the child to.
Of course, these questions are also important, but communicating only in everyday topics, the spouses will very soon become uninteresting to each other. And even during dinner together a couple can be close and at the same time be infinitely far from each other. Do not forget about joint hobbies and hobbies. If there is no such activity yet, be sure to come up with one. Let once a week be yours, only your time when you can relax and enjoy each other. And ignoring your partner can hurt more than anger and irritation.
3. Help each other grow
But you can grow not only in the profession. You can acquire various knowledge, engage in hobbies or volunteer activities with interest. Eventually, you can start your own business. In each of these areas, the support of a spouse or just a loved one can be invaluable. It's so great when there is someone to share your joy, to celebrate another victory together. It's great when your loved one is proud of you and inspires you to adequately take on the next challenge.
4. Trust each other
An atmosphere of trust and security is one of the necessary conditions happy relationship. Reliable companion in life strong shoulder you can rely on in difficult situation- isn't that what every woman dreams about? In turn, you need to organize coziness and provide comfort for your beloved man.
5. Be faithful and loyal
True love and real friendship inseparable from each other. Real love does not weaken, even if people are separated by thousands of kilometers, and sometimes even becomes stronger. In a happy relationship, loyalty is a prerequisite, other options are simply not considered.
Surely you expect loyalty from your man. This means that you yourself should not flirt with familiar guys. If you love each other, members of the opposite sex simply cease to exist for you. Why do you need someone third, if you feel good together so much that it’s even scary that this fairy tale will end one day?
6. Love and respect each other
No matter how trite it may sound, but it is love and respect that are a reliable basis for a happy and lasting relationship. Moreover, respect is often forgotten, hoping that passionate love is enough, which will keep a man and a woman together, allowing you to create a happy family.
It's actually naive to expect your passion a year from now to be as intense as it was at the beginning of the relationship. And during this period, in the absence of more deep feelings there is big risk scatter. It is also important to note the fact that if we do not love ourselves, then it is unlikely that others will love us either.
7. Support each other in grief and joy
Do not think that only people need support weak people... Not true! Even at the very strong man there are moments when you need support like air and you want to hear the words "You will succeed!" Even a successful businessman needs the approval of his half, although, perhaps, he will never admit it for anything.
The world can be cruel, and sometimes only the support of loved ones and loved ones allows you to survive a period when everything does not go well, does not turn out the way we would like. It is very important to know that loved ones will be available not only when it is convenient for them, but also at the moment when we really need it. Together in happiness and in sorrow - this is the credo loving friend a friend of people. Listen to their wisdom.
8. Understand that all relationships are different.
Some mistakes in relationships with previous guys can be taken into account in future relationships. However, not everything is clear here either. After all, the characters different men very different, and what you liked ex-boyfriend, will not always delight your current beloved. Typically feminine qualities- flexibility and the ability to adapt to a loved one, as well as intuition can be very useful.
9. Learn to listen and ... hear
Unfortunately, our loved ones cannot read our thoughts in order to understand how we feel in this moment what we want and what we expect from them. Isn't it easier to say what you need? At the same time, it is important not to forget not only about your needs, but also about the needs of your loved one.
In the modern hustle and bustle, we can listen even to people close and dear to us in half, being immersed in our own thoughts... Do not forget that you need to learn not only to listen, but also to hear your loved one.
10. Turn disadvantages into advantages
At such moments, you need to remember that every person, without exception, has shortcomings. What if you turn them into virtues? Does your husband love to save by saving every penny? But in winter you will go to Thailand, and your friends will envy you.
11. Work on your relationship
Ask yourself questions more often: "What can I do today to make our relationship brighter, warmer, closer tomorrow?" "How can I make my beloved's life happier?" You may not see the effect of the efforts made right away, but it will be!
12. Shared values of the most important common interests
The same attitude towards family, towards children, towards religion is much more important for truly happy relationships. And fishing is quite possible to fall in love with over time. Or just cook fish soup from the crucian carp brought by her husband.
13. Don't recall old grudges.
Task wise woman- to create a family atmosphere when her spouse will want to return to her beloved as soon as possible, and not run away to drink beer with friends. Some things cannot be forgiven, and then the relationship ends. Fortunately, there are not many of them.
14. Be realistic about your expectations.
If the expectations of partners are realistic, if the wife does not demand from her husband a villa in the Bahamas, and he from her - to become like his beloved Penelope Cruz, this will avoid many disappointments leading to quarrels and breakup.
The secret to a long, happy relationship comes down to two things.
It is kindness and generosity.
Every day in June (the most popular wedding month of the year), about a huge number of couples say yes, making an alliance that will last until the end of their days and will be filled with friendship, joy and love.
Alas, this principle will not work for everyone.
Most marriages fail, ending in divorce, leading to resentment, resentment, and recrimination.
As psychologist Tai Tashiro writes in his book “ The science of happiness since ...”, Which was published earlier this year, only 3/10 of all married people remain happily married.
Sociologists began studying marriage in the 1970s in response to a crisis in the institution of the family: married couples began to break up at a record pace. Concerned about the impact that divorce has on children, among other things, psychologists decided to study couples in order to find out in the laboratory what is the secret to a healthy long-term relationship.
Was every unhappy family unhappy in its own way, as Tolstoy argued, or do all broken marriages have in common?
Psychologist John Gottman was one of the researchers. Over the past four decades, he has studied thousands of couples in order to understand what exactly keeps relationships strong. I recently had the opportunity to interview Gottman and his wife Julia, who is also a psychologist, in New York. Together, experts in family stability have created the Gottman Institute, which helps couples build and maintain strong relationships based on scientific research.
John Gottman began researching this issue in 1986, when he created the Love Lab with his colleague Robert Levenson at the University of Washington. Gottman and Levenson brought the newlyweds to their laboratory and watched how they interact with each other.
Together with a team of researchers, they connected pairs to electrodes and asked them to talk about their relationship - how they met, what was their first quarrel, what is the most positive memory they have with each other. As they spoke, the electrodes measured the subjects' blood flow, heart rate, and the amount of sweat they produced. The researchers then sent the couples home and invited them back to the lab six years later to see if their marriage had survived and how their relationship had changed.
Based on the collected data, Gottman divided the pairs into two main groups: "Masters" and "natural disasters".
- "Masters" were still happy after six years of marriage.
- "Natural disasters" were either divorced or chronically unhappy in their marriage.
When the scientists analyzed the information received from the couples, they saw a clear difference between "masters" and "natural disasters." During the interview, the latter looked very calm, while their physiology indicated otherwise. Their hearts were beating very fast, their sweat glands were overly active, and their blood flow was intense. Having analyzed thousands of couples in this way, the researchers concluded that the more physiologically active couples were in the laboratory, the faster their relationship deteriorated.
But what does physiology have to do with it? The problem is that "Natural disasters" showed every sign of excitement in their relationships. They seemed to be in combat mode, ready to attack at any moment. For them, having a conversation and sitting next to their spouse was tantamount to facing a saber-toothed tiger face to face.
In contrast, the “masters” showed a low level of arousal. They felt calm and comfortable in each other's company, which turned into affectionate behavior, even when they quarreled. This does not mean that the "masters" have created a better physiological disguise than "natural disasters." This means that the "masters" created an atmosphere of trust and intimacy, which allowed them both to feel emotionally and physically comfortable.
Gottman wanted to learn more about how the “craftsmen” managed to provide a culture of love and intimacy, and how “natural disasters” could destroy it. In a follow-up study in 1990, he set up a laboratory on the campus of the University of Washington. The conditions in the laboratory were more like the atmosphere of a sanatorium, where one could have a great rest.
He invited 130 newlywed couples there to spend the whole day in this pleasant place, doing what couples usually do on vacation. Gottman made a pivotal discovery in his research to understand why some relationships thrive and others collapse.
Throughout the day, partners made contact requests, which Gottman called "invitations." For example, a man drew his wife's attention to the fact that a goldfinch was flying around the yard. He said to his wife: "Look at the beautiful bird outside!"... He not only commented on the appearance of the bird, but also asked for a response from his wife - which is a sign of interest and support - and the hope that they will "connect" to each other.
The wife had a choice. She could respond by either turning to her husband or turning away from him. The bird, according to Gottman, here has become just a detail that allows you to take a closer look at the relationship in a couple. The husband thought the bird was an important reason to start a dialogue. The question is whether the wife recognized this position and whether she respected it.
The partnership-oriented people in the study responded to the invitation with keen interest and support. There were those who did not react or responded minimally, preferring to go about their business. Some even reacted with open hostility: "Don't interrupt me, I'm reading!"
These “invite” interactions had a major impact on family well-being. Couples who divorced after six years of marriage spent only 33 percent of the time creating emotional intimacy with their partner. At the same time, happy couples devoted 87 percent of their time to it. Only 3 out of 10 “invitations” from “natural disasters” were greeted with enthusiasm, while among “masters” this ratio was 9 out of 10.
By observing these types of interactions, Gottman could predict with 94 percent certainty what would happen to a couple - straight or gay, rich or poor, childless or burdened with offspring. Will they still be happy together a few years later, or break up (or remain in an unhappy union). Much of it boils down to the kind of spirit couples bring to the relationship. Whether they carry goodness and generosity or contempt, criticism and hostility.
In an interview, Gottman explained that “masters” have a habit of thinking in a certain way: they monitor the external environment for things that they can appreciate and for which they can be grateful. They build this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. “Natural disasters” scan the social environment for partners' mistakes.
“It’s not just scanning the environment,” Julia Gottman intervenes, “it’s scanning a partner for what he’s doing right or wrong. It's a choice to criticize him or appreciate him as he is. "
As the scientists found out, the main reason for frustration of couples was contempt. People who are focused on criticizing their partners miss 50 percent of the positive things they do, and they also tend to see negativity where there is none.
People who give a partner a cold welcome, deliberately ignoring him or responding to his requests minimally, make him feel unnecessary and invisible. People who consistently scorn and criticize partners not only destroy feelings and relationships, but also reduce the spouse's ability to fight viruses and cancer. You might call this behavior the death knell for a relationship.
Kindness, on the other hand, ties couples together. Independent research has shown that kindness (along with emotional stability) are the most important factors for satisfaction and stability in a marriage. Kindness gives the partner the opportunity to feel loved, important, understood, and valued. "My generosity is as boundless as the sea," said Shakespeare's Juliet, "the more I give it to you, the more it becomes." The principle of kindness works the same way: there is a lot of evidence that the more good a person receives, the kinder he becomes. In relationships, this, of course, leads to their strengthening.
There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think of it as a fixed feature - either you have it or you don't. Or you can think of kindness as a muscle. This muscle is stronger in some people than in others, but it can get stronger in anyone with regular exercise. "Masters" tend to think of kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it in order to keep it in shape. In other words, they know that a good relationship is always hard work.
“If your partner expresses a need,” explains Julia Gottman, “and you are tired, stressed, or distracted, the generosity will be to turn to face your partner no matter what and respond to his invitation.
At this point, it's easy to turn your back on your partner and focus on your ipad, or book, or TV, mumble "Uh-huh" and get back to your business, but neglecting even such small moments of social connection will undermine your relationship. Neglect creates distance between partners and creates resentment in the one who was ignored.
The hardest time for showing kindness is fighting. But this is also the most important time to be kind. Letting aggression and contempt get out of hand can cause irreparable damage to the relationship.
“Kindness does not mean that we do not express anger,- explains Julia Gottman - but kindness determines which way of expressing anger we choose. You can throw spears at your partner, or you can explain to him why you are hurt and angry, and this is a kinder way. "
John Gottman goes into more detail on spears: "Natural disasters" behave differently during an argument. They will say, “You are late. What's wrong with you? You are exactly like your mother. " "Masters" they will say, "I feel bad about you being late and, although I know that it is not your fault, it still annoys me that you are late again."
For the hundreds of thousands of couples who get married every June, and for the millions of couples who are now together, married or not, the lesson of research is simple: If you want to have stable, healthy relationships, start practicing kindness as early as possible and do it often.
When people talk about the practice of kindness, they often mean small acts of generosity (like buying each other small gifts or relaxing back massages, etc.). At the same time, serious examples of generosity and kindness can lay the foundation for relationships that partners will carry through their daily routines, regardless of whether they include back massage and chocolate.
One way to practice kindness is to be generous with your partner's intentions. We know from Gottman research that "natural disasters" tend to see negativity in a relationship, even if it isn't there. An embittered wife, for example, may believe that her husband left the toilet seat raised on purpose to annoy her. But he could do it simply out of absentmindedness.
Or, say, the wife is again late for dinner, and her husband thinks that this way she does not appreciate him enough to show up for their romantic date on the occasion of the anniversary on time, even though he took time off from work early for that. But it turns out that the wife was late because she stopped at the store to pick up a gift for her husband.
Imagine her joining him for dinner, thrilled to please him with a gift, and her husband in a terrible mood for misinterpreting her behavior. The ability to interpret your partner's actions and intentions can mitigate the severity of the conflict.
“Even in relationships where people are disappointed, this is almost always caused by the fact that there are positive shifts, and people at least try to do some things right,” says psychologist Tai Tashiro. “Many times a partner tries to do everything right, even if he has does not come out very well. So appreciate his intention. "
Another powerful strategy for kindness is sharing joy.... One of the clear signs of a "natural disaster" in a couple, Gottman attributes to the inability to share the joy of a partner. For example, one in a couple shares his joy about being promoted at work, and the second does not show any interest in this, being distracted by his hours or ending the conversation with a comment: "It's good".
We've all heard that partners need to be there when times are tough. However, researchers argue that it is more important to be there just when things are going. OK... How a person reacts to good news from a partner can have dramatic consequences for a relationship.
In one 2006 study, psychologist Shelley Gable and her colleagues took young married couples to a lab to discuss positive experiences in their lives. Psychologists wanted to know how partners respond to each other's success. Researchers have identified four types of reactions: passively destructive, actively destructive, passively constructive and actively constructive.
Suppose a girl finds out that she has been admitted to medical school. And she said something like “I got what I wanted! I was admitted to medical school! "
- If her partner answers in a passively destructive manner- it will ignore this event. For example, he may say, "You won't believe what happened to me yesterday: I won a free jersey!"
- If her partner answers in a passively constructive manner, he accepts good news, but sluggishly, downplaying it. Typical passively constructive response: "That's great, baby" - in the same style in which he texts a friend.
- In case of an actively destructive response the partner will greatly downplay the good news, for example, “Are you sure you can handle the stress? How much is it? Medical school is very expensive. "
- And finally actively constructive response- this is when the partner stops going about their business and exclaims: “This is great! Congratulations! When did you know? Did they call you? Lessons will start in the first semester ”?
Among the four possible types of responses, actively constructive is the kindest. While others can only kill the joy, the actively constructive type allows the partner to enjoy the joy and unites the couple even more. In the language of the Gottmanns, actively constructive type means "turning towards a partner."
The active constructive type is essential for a healthy relationship. In a 2006 study, Gable and her colleagues tracked the couples six months later to see if their relationship was continuing. Psychologists deduced that the only difference between couples who were still happy with each other and those who broke up was the actively constructive type of interaction. Those who showed a genuine interest in their partner's success had a high chance of staying together. In an earlier study, Gable also found that actively constructive interactions were associated with higher quality relationships and greater intimacy between partners.
There are many reasons why marriages fail. However, if you look at what leads to the collapse of many relationships, it is more often than not a lack of kindness. When a lot of problems fall on a couple - routine, home, children, careers, relatives - people who love each other more recently can now begin to move away, putting less effort into relationships and allowing small grievances to gradually supplant a big feeling.
In most marriages, satisfaction levels drop dramatically during the first few years together. But not among couples who live happily together for years, they are guided by a spirit of kindness and generosity.
www.cluber.com.ua
Leo man: how to understand that he is in love, and what women he likes
The Leo man is a representative of a bright, burning fire element under the auspices of the Sun. Such a man always wants to be in the spotlight... He is proud, expansive, and also full of feeling. dignity... And if you try to infringe on him at least in something, you know, you will not be good at it. So, your choice fell on the fiery king of all animals? Let's figure out how to understand if a Leo man is in love.
How to know that he is in love
- His eyes will tell more. Such a man loves to look at the beautiful face or figure of his betrothed. It lingers on the lips, eyes. It may seem that the man is looking at you as if chained. And this is good. In fact, in his thoughts, he has long taken possession of you, and therefore intends to all possible ways touch you. And the more the better.
- He will always be there. With the subject of his adoration, of course. If a man is in love with you, he will try to always be present near you. Of course, at first he will be laconic, but he will not show his feelings. But, if you notice that he is trying to casually hug you by the waist or shoulders, then you should know that he is obviously not indifferent to you. However, not everything is so simple here either. In the case when you are just starting to communicate, such a man will only touch your things, trying to express his desires in this way.
- He is more attentive to you than ever.... Is your coworker wearing the same blouse as you? And Tanya went to the dances from the fifth? Believe me, if a man is in love, he will not only listen carefully to you, but also remember. Maybe not all, but at least part of it is for sure. The Leo man wants to know everything that is possible about his chosen one. Environment and friends, hobbies and work, life preferences, and so on. Of course, in long, family relationships this will not matter, because his hobbies will be more necessary for the common family good, but right now your finest hour... Go for it. And do not hesitate, he will definitely remember every detail of your life. After all, you are his lioness. One and only.
- He tells you a lot... If a man falls in love, he will definitely tell you everything. It will even seem to you that you have snatched off the most intelligent person in the world. His knowledge is so limitless. The Leo man is ready to chat about anything. And if he also repents of some old misconduct and shares it with you, you should know that he is definitely in love. He will talk about himself both good and bad, and even such that may seem very insignificant at first glance.
- Gestures instead of a thousand words... To demonstrate himself in all his glory in front of the future lioness, he will behave slightly ridiculous and awkward. This manifests itself in his unbridled desire to tell funny stories, laugh the loudest, and drop objects and pull on clothes. Every time he accidentally or not very much will try to violate your personal space. And no, he does not bother you, he tries to show his feelings. V big company such a man will glance at you more often than at others. Also pay attention to the toes of the shoes - they will be turned in your direction.
- He will start grooming himself regularly.: change hairstyle, sign up for gym maybe he will go about his meals or go out for regular jogging. A man in love should look irresistible.
- But it also happens that a man shows indifference, keeps his hands in his pockets, nevertheless, is interested in your affairs. It's OK. In such a strange way, he tries to show feelings.
- Humor and good mood. Leo in love is an emotionally upbeat Leo. It manifests itself in everything. There is always a wide smile on his face. He is kind and generous. Always on a good wave. At such moments, Leo wants to joke merrily and enjoy life. In general, if he is in love with you, you will see it in his happy eyes and the curve of his lips.
What women like the representative of this sign
Appearance and general impression
In relationship
Lion is the king of the animals. This also applies to bed relationships. Let dominate him and your evenings will be filled with pleasure for both.
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It is interesting to know the secrets of a happy relationship for everyone: for girls who have not yet had time to put on a wedding dress, and only newlyweds who have married, and even couples with a married life of twenty years.
Psychologists are conducting more and more research, the goal of which is to find out how to make relationships happy and families strong. But, despite the fact that many girls and young people would like to have one loved one for life, the divorce rate in the modern world is simply off scale. Read the advice from Signorina and you will find out what is the key to a happy relationship.
1. Resolve Disputes Amicably
Even if you are very angry and want to tell your loved one what you think of him, it is better to stop and cool down a little. Otherwise, you can destroy the relationship with one chopping phrase, and in the future you will regret it, but nothing can be fixed. Not all people easily forgive offenses.
As a child, we can say to a friend, “Take your words back,” and in half an hour already play together, as if nothing had happened. In adulthood, everything is more complicated. It's easier not to say phrases that hurt your loved one’s weaknesses than to seek forgiveness for a long time. During quarrels and disputes, you need to know the limit that cannot be crossed in any case.
2. Spend time together interesting and "high quality"
Always make time for each other, even with the most hectic schedules and no vacation. Moreover, this moment is more important for successful couples than for lovers who are already trying to be there every minute. But after several years of living together, all communication begins to be reduced to everyday issues: what to buy for dinner, and which circle to send the child to.
Of course, these questions are also important, but when communicating only on everyday topics, the spouses will very soon become uninteresting to each other. And even during a joint dinner, a couple can be close, and at the same time be infinitely far from each other. Do not forget about joint hobbies and interests. If there is no such activity yet, be sure to come up with one. Let once a week be yours, only your time when you can relax and enjoy each other. And ignoring your partner can hurt more than anger and irritation.
3. Help each other grow
It will be much easier for a man to achieve success in his career if he has reliable rear in the form of a caring and understanding companion. The same can be said about the fair sex, it is also important for them to be supported professionally, and not to be told: "Your place is in the kitchen."But you can grow not only in the profession. You can acquire various knowledge, engage in hobbies or volunteer activities with interest. Eventually, you can start your own business. In each of these areas, the support of a spouse or just a loved one can be invaluable. It's so great when there is someone to share your joy, to celebrate another victory together. It's great when your loved one is proud of you and inspires you to adequately take on the next challenge.
4. Trust each other
It is very important to trust your loved one and know that his feelings are sincere, that you are not being used for personal gain. The game of Sherlock Holmes with checking the contents of pockets, as well as reading all incoming SMS in your man's mobile will quickly get bored of both of you. You do not need to look for signs of treason, otherwise you will suddenly find!An atmosphere of trust and safety is one of the prerequisites for a happy relationship. A reliable companion in life, a strong shoulder to lean on in a difficult situation - isn't that what every woman dreams of? In turn, you need to organize coziness and provide comfort for your beloved man.
5. Be faithful and loyal
True love and true friendship are inseparable. True love does not weaken, even if people are separated by thousands of kilometers, and sometimes even becomes stronger. In a happy relationship, loyalty is imperative; other options are simply not considered.
Surely you expect loyalty from your man. This means that you yourself should not flirt with familiar guys. If you love each other, members of the opposite sex simply cease to exist for you. Why do you need someone third, if you feel good together so much that it’s even scary that this fairy tale will end one day?
6. Love and respect each other
No matter how trite it may sound, but it is love and respect that are a reliable basis for a happy and lasting relationship. Moreover, respect is often forgotten, hoping that passionate love is enough, which will keep a man and a woman together, allowing you to create a happy family.
It's actually naive to expect your passion a year from now to be as intense as it was at the beginning of the relationship. And during this period, in the absence of deeper feelings, there is a great risk of scattering. It is also important to note the fact that if we do not love ourselves, then it is unlikely that others will love us either.
7. Support each other in grief and joy
Do not think that only weak people need support. Not true! Even the strongest person has moments when support is needed like air and you want to hear the words "You will succeed!" Even a successful businessman needs the approval of his half, although, perhaps, he will never admit it for anything.
The world can be cruel, and sometimes only the support of loved ones and loved ones allows you to survive a period when everything does not go well, does not turn out the way we would like. It is very important to know that loved ones will be available not only when it is convenient for them, but also at the moment when we really need it. Together in happiness and in sorrow - this is the credo of people who love each other. Listen to their wisdom.
8. Understand that all relationships are different.
Don't compare your relationship to that of the stars or your neighbors on the staircase. At first glance, you may think that everything is just perfect. You may even wonder why you could not find yourself such a wonderful man. Don't be jealous! Everyone has their own skeletons in the closet, and only positive moments are often shown to others.Some mistakes in relationships with previous guys can be taken into account in future relationships. However, not everything is clear here either. After all, the characters of different men are very different, and what your ex-boyfriend liked will not always delight your current beloved. Typically feminine qualities - flexibility and the ability to adapt to a loved one, as well as intuition can be very useful.
9. Learn to listen and ... hear
Unfortunately, our loved ones cannot read our thoughts in order to understand how we feel at the moment, what we want and what we expect from them. Isn't it easier to say what you need? At the same time, it is important not to forget not only about your needs, but also about the needs of your loved one.
In the modern hustle and bustle, we can listen even to people close and dear to us in half, being immersed in our own thoughts. Do not forget that you need to learn not only to listen, but also to hear your loved one.
10. Turn disadvantages into advantages
Everyone knows that during the period of meetings and falling in love, it seems that your man has no flaws at all. And even if they are obvious, they seem like cute features. A little time passes - and we may begin to be annoyed by the way a loved one eats, walks, and speaks. An unsealed tube of toothpaste may well become the spark from which the scandal flames.At such moments, you need to remember that every person, without exception, has shortcomings. What if you turn them into virtues? Does your husband love to save by saving every penny? But in winter you will go to Thailand, and your friends will envy you.
11. Work on your relationship
Some couples naively believe that if they met and fell in love with each other, now no effort is needed to maintain feelings. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Relationships need to be worked on, and worked daily. Successful relationship need constant emotional support.Ask yourself questions more often: "What can I do today to make our relationship brighter, warmer, closer tomorrow?" "How can I make my beloved's life happier?" You may not see the effect of the efforts made right away, but it will be!
12. Shared values of the most important common interests
We do not argue if the husband and wife are connected common hobby, whether it's fishing, playing table tennis or culinary feats, this will be a fat plus in a relationship. But there are things that are much more important - these are common values.The same attitude towards family, towards children, towards religion is much more important for truly happy relationships. And fishing is quite possible to fall in love with over time. Or just cook fish soup from the crucian carp brought by her husband.
13. Don't recall old grudges.
Grudge is a quality that is harmful not only to your health, but also to your relationship. Grievances, quarrels, quarrels occur in every family. You need to learn to sincerely forgive the man who offended you.The task of a wise woman is to create a family atmosphere when her spouse wants to return to her beloved as soon as possible, and not to run away to drink beer with friends. Some things cannot be forgiven, and then the relationship ends. Fortunately, there are not many of them.
14. Be realistic about your expectations.
Relationships in reality are not at all the same as in melodramas and soap operas... And it would be difficult to withstand such a daily intensity of passion, which is shown on television screens. Long term relationship are built on condition that each of the partners invests their efforts.If the expectations of partners are realistic, if the wife does not demand from her husband a villa in the Bahamas, and he from her - to become like his beloved Penelope Cruz, this will avoid many disappointments leading to quarrels and breakup.