Youth and beauty 

Why early marriages are fragile. Early marriage and its problems. Early marriage concept

If you delve into history and traditions different nations, then it can be understood that people have absolutely different view about when to join For example, in the classic work of Nikolai Leskov, describing the wanderings of the enchanted wanderer, eight years in the life of the hero are mentioned, which he spent in the Tatar camp. There he married a thirteen-year-old girl who over the years brought her husband nine children, giving birth to twins several times. And there was nothing strange, illegal or perverted about it. This was the norm.

Now everyone normal person understands that people who are mature and ready for serious relationships should be approached to starting a family. Family is not a kindergarten game of mother and daughter. It is responsibility for the life and happiness of others. The most strong marriages- these are the ones that people join, who know what they want from life, they are created out of love, with the aim of having children and helping in everything. Does the happy one depend on the age of the spouses? Early marriages - pros and cons .

Let's stipulate right away the case when people get married because the girl became pregnant. If before that there were long and serious relationship, a bright feeling and trust, then the marriage is likely to develop in a positive scenario. But this is if the spouses have already somehow taken place. What to do if teenagers find themselves in such a situation? Much depends on the parents. If an abortion cannot be performed and the question that the baby is still destined to be born has already been resolved, it remains to think about young parents. Grandmothers can take too maternity leave and give the opportunity to their passionate sons and daughters to get an education.

You can even check early marriages by offering a young family to live separately, because they are now adults and full citizens. If the mother of the young wife shows patience and tact, can unobtrusively and without scandals teach her daughter to cope with all responsibilities, and the husband's parents support their son in all endeavors, then such an early marriage will be successful. It is worth clarifying right away that the main thing here is that the newlyweds really love each other and want to cope with all the difficulties together.

But how many advantages such a young family has! While everyone starts between a career and a child, young and early ones can boldly move forward, because they already have a baby, perhaps even a schoolboy. A young mother will always be the most beautiful, and children will be drawn to her, because she is not so great.

Early marriages are also good because young people have so many vital energy, aspirations, passion, feelings, enthusiasm. Their everyday life is unlikely to be gray and they will not get tired so quickly from some everyday problems... By the way, psychologists argue that young spouses get used to each other much easier and make concessions, because they have not yet formed habits and the psyche has not yet settled, they are more plastic and flexible.

But still, there is negative sides this question. It's okay if there is support from relatives. If grandparents are ready to sacrifice their careers (and they are still far from retirement) and help a young couple. But what if the parents are unable or unwilling to help the young couple? Are these early marriages doomed to fail in the first place?

Most likely, yes, if neither of the spouses has any education or profession yet. Because then to a young father you will have to work a lot, and the young mother will constantly look after the baby and the household. There will be no opportunity to arrange joint trips, leaving the baby with grandmothers, life will become gray, adult and serious. Not everyone is able to endure this with dignity and save the marriage. But if the young do love each other, all these temporary difficulties will only strengthen their relationship.

In past centuries, early marriage was very common, and marriage at the age of 13 was considered the norm. The main reason for this phenomenon was the preservation of chastity before marriage. Today, early marriage is considered a marriage entered into before the onset of majority. In addition, creating a family for frivolous reasons, without their own material base and life experience, can also be attributed to this category. Is a marriage between very young people reliable, will it become strong and happy, despite the statistics? To answer this question, it is worth considering in more detail the main reasons for early marriages, for and against such unions.

Causes of early marriage





Arguments for"

Love

If it really is strong feeling, and not a surge of hormones, then a young family has every chance of becoming strong and happy. Over time, an ardent feeling is replaced by respect and tenderness.

Wedding

When concluding a marriage at an older age, spouses are more practical in celebrating this event, preferring a narrow family circle or a trip to the sea. But young newlyweds dream of great holiday, guests and gifts. This is especially true for young brides. After all, every girl wants to be a real princess.

Child

The optimal age for the birth of healthy children is 20-25 years. That is, young spouses can take their time with the procreation, get to know each other better, organize their life and just be together. In addition, it is much easier for women under 30 to bear and give birth to a baby than at an older age. Yes, and understand children in difficult period growing up a young mother can do much better.

Patience

In youth, it is much easier to adapt to each other. The nervous system is still quite strong, the character is not fully formed, the habits are not settled. The main thing is to learn during conflicts that happen even in the most happy families, do not show the intolerance and irascibility inherent in young people.

Independence

Marriage helps young people to become more responsible and psychologically mature. The family fosters independence. After making a decision to create it, you have to learn to solve all problems, including financial ones, on your own. And be responsible not only for yourself, but also for the soul mate, and later - for the babies born.

Career

Most employers consider family employees to be more reliable than single employees. Although this applies more to men.

Arguments against"

Carelessness

Getting into an early marriage, few young people think about the fact that from that moment on, life will change. That yesterday's students will have to support themselves and own house, learn to resolve conflicts and build adult relationships. Discos, parties with friends will have to be reduced, or even abandoned altogether. When this understanding comes, the first conflicts and quarrels begin, the lack of life experience does not allow to get out of them correctly.

Everyday life

Even if a young family is financially secure, you need to get used to doing a lot of everyday household things on your own. Going to the store, washing, repairing - these simple little things often break even the strongest feeling. Besides, in Everyday life the partner may turn out to be completely different from what he was at the time romantic encounters... Knights and princesses get sick too, they get into trouble at work and just Bad mood... In order to accept a soul mate in a new way, wisdom is needed, which is often acquired only over the years. And the birth of a child can be a real challenge for young spouses. After all, for the sake of little man young parents will have to give up many familiar things.

Sex

Young people prioritize the quantity of lovemaking more than the quality. Adult couples are more relaxed in sex, focused on a partner. And if a man is in his prime at 17-30 years old, then the peak female sexuality falls on the age after 30. A guy and a girl entering into an early marriage, often have experience of intimate relationships exclusively with each other. Banal curiosity about what sex with someone else can be can cause betrayal and separation.

According to statistics, early marriages most often end in failure. But there is a small percentage of young couples where both spouses understand and accept full responsibility for creating a new family. It is these unions, backed up by strong love, become strong and happy over time.

So we got married ... What else interesting to come up with?

Love, romance ... How exciting this first sublime feeling. When in love, it seems that the euphoria will last forever. Lovers try not to notice each other's shortcomings, and, as a rule, see only positive traits and sincerely strive to quickly create their own family in order to finally be together ... once and for all. But is it forever? And is love itself lasting?

The problem of early marriages has always worried specialists - psychologists, educators, health workers and sociologists. According to the law, early marriages are considered unions concluded between young people who have reached the age of 18. But, as you know, you can get married earlier because of the pregnancy of a young expectant mother.

Causes

To understand why such young creatures, who, in fact, are themselves children and just yesterday spent time with friends on the street, in an instant decide to tie the knot, let's analyze the motives for creating a family.

First of all, it should be noted the sublime feelings for the beloved. Young people are overwhelmed by romance and euphoria. They practically do not think about the fact that they will soon have to face the problems of everyday life, learn to take into account the interests of another, plan family budget and possibly solve housing problems.

Striving to legitimize intimate relationship(as you know, many teenagers join sexual intercourse long before the onset of adulthood) can be called another reason for early marriage. And in some families there are parents of very conservative views who bring up their children in such a way that they do not even think about sex before marriage. Therefore, a stamp in their passport is almost the only way out of a delicate situation for them.

Perhaps the most common cause of early marriage is pregnancy. Few decide to have their first abortion due to the likelihood of serious consequences in the future.

Unfortunately, there are also families in which staying in them reminds children of a prison. Parents who are extremely distant from concepts developmental psychology and the rules of upbringing, bully their sons and daughters, manipulate them, severely punish for the slightest offense, constantly show disrespect. Therefore, it can be called quite natural desire quickly run away from such an attitude and constantly nervous environment. And if at this moment the teenager has a loved one on the side, then he can consider the issue of marriage to be completely resolved.

Most have a negative attitude towards early marriage. It is rare to meet parents who do not warn about the dangers of their matured children, they say, look, do not do something stupid. First you need to graduate from the university, then start working, get on your feet and only after that start a family.

In this regard, the question arises: is it really that bad early marriages? Is there really nothing promising and positive in them, except for the first two weeks life together euphoric?

It should be noted that this is not the case. Early marriage has its own advantages and certain advantages.

Pros of early marriage

Love... Despite its fragility, it wonderful feeling able to help young people steadfastly overcome problems and crises, show tolerance.

In addition, young people have more flexible nervous system than older people, not fully formed character, labile habits that are easier to change. Therefore, it is possible to quickly find mutual understanding and come to some kind of compromise when deciding conflict situations and family problems, to adapt to each other, which gives a chance for the further successful functioning of a young family.

V young age easier to adapt and accept each other's shortcomings, more chances of giving birth healthy child... And besides, there is a reason to grow up. As a rule, young people have more health, so they endure the difficulties of giving birth and raising a child more easily.

However, at the same time, entering into an early marriage, one should remember: most likely, you will have to solve problems with housing, since living together with parents can be very difficult, since the older generation teaches the mind - the mind of the younger, to interfere in their affairs , arguing this with great experience, etc. You will also have to plan the family budget, solve household issues and respect the interests of others. Are young newlyweds ready for this? If so, then they still have a chance to stay together.

Early marriages are far from uncommon today. For some it ends well, for others it doesn't. Before making any important decision, it is always worth weighing the pros and cons and assessing the consequences that will be.

But if you start over, then why?

Causes of early marriage

  • Strong feeling of love. Absolutely all situations are twofold: there is good and bad. At an early age for marriage, girls and boys have developed a sense of maximalism. This does not mean that love is not so strong and that the couple will definitely disperse. It's just that “feelings” don't always pass the test of strength statistically. It is always worth asking yourself the question: why do I love?
  • "No sex before marriage." Some come up to a similar situation responsibly. Going to bed with another person, you need to understand that big belly and then sleepless nights - a possible consequence even with contraceptives... Therefore, such a marriage based on mutual construction future life mature in its own way. Not everyone wants marriage for these reasons. Sometimes girls or boys just want to legalize their sexuality.
  • Parents. Because of their overprotectiveness, the child wants to quickly "fly out of the nest." A marriage for this can be in the event that the parents refuse to let the girl or guy go just to live separately.
  • Pregnancy. This is the most frightening reason. Between the ages of 16 and 20, childbirth, although the least painful, can lead to different consequences... Average female childbearing age starts from the age of 20, which is most favorable for both the mother and the child. Therefore, it is worth emphasizing the importance of protection. And if the child's father does not insist on an abortion, has made an offer and is already making plans for a life together, then this is the case when unplanned pregnancy led to the bonding of a wonderful pair.
  • A broken heart is often the reason for an imminent wedding. Wanting to leave the whole past behind, young people rush into a saving marriage, which not only does not solve their problems, but also adds new ones.

Pros of early marriage

  1. Love. As already mentioned, nobody canceled youthful maximalism. But in early age there are for real mature feelings... It is possible that the couple wants to build their future in the future, they are planning development both in career and in family terms. It is likely that the future newlyweds have already lived or are living together and managed to get used to each other in everyday matters. Love is a plus when both understand that behind a beautiful wrapper beautiful life the usual routine is hidden too.
  2. Growing up. Even if the marriage ends up being unhappy, it's still an experience. The girl is imbued with all the problems of conducting household, the young man bears the burden of responsibility for providing for a new family.
  3. Freedom from parents. Excessive custody there are fewer parents in marriage, since from now on it is new family where the newlyweds are already responsible for each other. And they provide for themselves.
  4. V mature age people are more picky. They are not so flexible in relation to each other's habits. It will be more difficult for a mature person to get used to everyday issues with their well-established principles. Young people are more flexible, hold on to strong feelings, albeit not always soberly regarding a partner.
  5. A career issue often requires family relations. Married man is taken more seriously and moves faster up the career ladder. In addition, the presence of a stamp in the passport allows you to emigrate to another country as a family.

Cons of early marriage

  1. Feelings will become less and less like passion and madness, and relationships will begin to build on mutual understanding and respect.
  2. Living together. Every day you need to clean the house and cook food, earn a living, even if you really don't want to.
  3. Now the couple is a separate integral unit of society, which bears responsibility for itself and provides as well. Parents are not obliged to help children who become adults through marriage.
  4. Having run away from your parents, you should not be very happy, because the partner is the same person. He, too, will demand the joint separation of household duties, occupy the computer at the very important time and switch from your favorite TV series to football.
  5. A married couple cannot afford the same entertainment as a regular boyfriend and girlfriend. So a young man will not appreciate the trip of his beloved to a strip bar, and the slightest hint of treason will carry not only broken heart, but also a whole red tape with papers.

Early marriages have existed at all times, they still happen today. Both supporters and opponents of such a relationship have arguments in their favor. Of course, every everyday history special and it is impossible to say unequivocally whether an early marriage is good or bad, develops in different ways. And yet, why are young people in a hurry to enter into marriage unions? What are possible consequences early marriages?

Why are they in a hurry to get married?

First, you need to define the concept of "early marriage". Today, early marriages are those that are concluded immediately after reaching the age of majority, namely at 18-20 years. However, there is also psychological aspect this definition, according to which early marriage is called a union of people who are not yet ready for cohabitation and are not able to support themselves financially.

Probably, most often the reason for early marriage is a strong feeling of love. In adolescence, in general, all feelings are brighter than in older age. It seems that it is impossible to live without a loved one, and you want to quickly reunite with him for the rest of your life.

Children who are brought up in families with strict morals often strive for marriage as a way to legitimize their sexual relations... In fact, in this way, young people want to satisfy banal curiosity and at the same time not be judged.

Another one common reason marriage unions between very young people - early pregnancy... Boys and girls are sometimes imprudent in matters of contraception, so they often face such a consequence of a seemingly completely harmless relationship. Some in this situation prefer to get rid of pregnancy, while others decide to get married.

Sometimes marriage becomes a way of revenge. former lover or my beloved - "I will marry in spite of the former." Of course, this is completely childish, but after all, we are talking about people who were recently children. Unhappy love often pushes a young man or girl into the arms of another person, and the desire to prove something to the former or the former often becomes the reason for marriage.

Do not forget about such a reason for early marriages as the desire to leave the family. Moreover, it is not necessary dysfunctional family for example, if the parents are alcoholics. They often want to get rid of parental care as soon as possible if this care is too intrusive, with many conditions and restrictions. Suffering from excessive parental control, a young man or girl is trying to escape from him and see no other way but to marry or get married.

Most early marriages still fall apart, but there are also happy ones among them, and it cannot be said that early marriages do not have any advantages at all.

Pros of early marriage

At the beginning of a relationship, each couple has to rub against each other. We all have a little different upbringing, family traditions, their habits. V young age such lapping are easier, besides, the nervous system is not yet shaken. It is much easier for a young body to endure stress and deal with difficulties, including family difficulties. In addition, many personal habits have not yet been settled, so boys and girls are more flexible in relationships and it is easier for them to rebuild psychologically. Rubbing themselves in, adjusting to each other, young people form new family with their own traditions.

Another plus of early marriages - good health spouses, and this is an important factor for conceiving and bearing a healthy child. As a rule, with age, the risk of developing many chronic diseases... Therefore, young parents are more likely to give birth. healthy baby and pregnancy is usually easier for a 20-year-old mom than for a 35-year-old. It is worth noting that there is more understanding between parents and children in families where children were born at a younger age.

As a rule, a young family is financially unsupported or insufficiently provided. Very rarely spouses, students, or even schoolchildren, can provide themselves financially. As a result, they cannot live separately, and they have to sit around their parents' necks.

If, nevertheless, a young family finds the possibility of living separately, this often entails a lot of everyday problems. Difficulties of life often take a guy and a girl by surprise. Add to this the frequent need to drop out of school, since the boy must provide for the family, and the girl becomes pregnant and becomes a mother. In addition, with age, it becomes more and more difficult to resume training, both for material and psychological reasons.

Do not forget that often a marriage entered into during the period of falling in love quickly becomes obsolete. Love does not always turn into true love when a person is perceived as a part of you, and you are ready to put up with all his shortcomings. This is especially true in relation to the first love - the brightest, but also the most transient. Having lived with a spouse for some time, a guy or a girl understands that there are no more feelings, there is only one annoying and tedious life left. The result is divorce.

In many cases, disappointment also overtakes those who sought relief from dependence on their parents in an early marriage. After a short time, young people realize that they still remain dependent on another person, there can be no question of complete independence, because you have to reckon with your spouse, give in, constantly look for compromise solutions. 4.8 out of 5 (22 votes)