Crisis 2 years child psychology. Calendar of age crises in a child
Experts believe that age-related crises that people face during their lives contribute to the improvement of the psyche. Such transitional stages are already characteristic in preschool age. Therefore, parents should learn in advance about the crisis of 2 years in children in order to know its features. During this period, it may seem to many mothers that the child is specifically testing their patience. In fact, psychologists single out a crisis of 3 years, just a transitional moment can begin earlier or later, its duration is also individual. Some children begin to experience this period at 2 years old, and some only at 4. Therefore, mothers should be prepared for difficulties as early as possible.
Signs of a crisis 2 years old in a child
At this age, the little one is active, striving for independence, looking for opportunities to build relationships with the world. The baby still does not speak very well and this prevents him from expressing his desires and needs. Therefore, parents cannot always understand what their child wants, which in some cases causes tantrums.
That a child of 2-3 years old has a crisis, the mother can understand by his changed behavior. Increasingly, to some of their requests, adults begin to hear “No”. In addition, parents regularly encounter children's tantrums, sometimes kids in such situations can show aggression, break toys, throw things. Moms may notice that the little one often shows stubbornness.
It is important for parents to remain calm and not try to put pressure on the baby. It is impossible and using physical strength because it negatively affects the formation of personality.
To overcome the crisis of 2 years in a child, to cope with tantrums, it is worth listening to the recommendations:
It is necessary to respect the wishes of the crumbs, take into account his opinion and allow him to make a choice where possible.
It would seem that the most hard time behind, your baby becomes more independent, you can actively communicate with him, and colic, the first complementary foods and teething teeth are behind. You can breathe easier. But this is the biggest misconception of parents. During this period, many babies are experiencing a special "crisis".
From the age of two years, the most interesting things begin in the life of the baby and parents, at this age, parents need to be patient and help the child in becoming independent and shaping his personality. If you are familiar with the psychology of a child of 2 years old, it doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl, you can go through this much easier difficult time. In addition, knowing the characteristics of the child's behavior and the causes that cause it, you can change your attitude to these events in behavior, not waste your nerves and not get annoyed in vain.
Crisis 2 years in children
More recently, your baby was affectionate and obedient, calmly played and studied, and today he screams, stamps his feet and throws tantrums for any reason. This can be angry and frustrating for parents who do not understand what is happening to the baby. They can't find a way to deal with similar changes considering that the child bad temper. In fact, this is a crisis of two years for a child.
You should not think that the child behaves so on purpose, the baby himself may not be aware of what is happening to him. He has formed ideas about himself as a separate person, and he begins to check the boundaries of what is permitted. However, all of it mental processes are random, spontaneous in nature, they do not have a clear plan, they arise suddenly and are just as quickly forgotten. Children cannot yet consciously control all their emotions, which leads to outbursts of anger and tantrums, irritability and tearfulness. However, children can concentrate for a relatively long time and be interested only in events or things that are interesting to them. In this regard, children with tantrums and whims can be easily distracted, and they will forget about their whims and scandals. If time to take the child interesting business, this can mitigate the manifestations of crisis behavior.
It is difficult to say how long the crisis lasts for 2 years in children and how pronounced it will be. In some children, it goes almost unnoticed, as parents are philosophical about the behavior of the crumbs. For others, the crisis can drag on for several months and become a real test of the nerves of mom and dad. But in any case, this is a temporary phenomenon, and if you behave correctly, the problem will soon be solved.
Often the manifestations of the crisis will be expressed in protest behavior - the children will refuse any of your proposals. It can be a problem dressing, receiving new food, hiking or shopping. The kid may flatly refuse to swim, go to his grandmother or go to bed. When is it worth to go on about, and when to show firmness? It is important here how safe this behavior of the child is and how much it goes against your plans. If the baby climbs into an outlet or tries to pull a hot kettle off the table, this must be stopped sharply and firmly. All actions that threaten his safety must be severely suppressed. If the child's behavior is contrary to your plans, you are late for work, you need to go on business, or it's time to bathe, eat or sleep - you also need to be firm and insist on your own. Sometimes it will not be easy, but you need to let the child understand that there are things that he must strictly follow.
But in terms of walking, games or activities, you can vary. Allow the child freedom of choice, this will help in many ways to avoid conflicts. Sometimes you can achieve your goal by resorting to cunning, not calling the baby for a walk, but his favorite toy, and asking the child to help get ready. You can go to the trick, turning the situation where the baby is naughty into a game. And sometimes it’s worth just ignoring the whims of the baby - having lost the audience or seeing that his tricks do not work, he will quickly lose interest in the whims.
And remember, all children and parents go through such a period, do not get annoyed and do not be nervous, everything will pass.
Source:
www.mamaclub.ru
Crisis 2.5 years
First crisis, constructive approach
I never figured out what the crisis should be - two or three years. Our period of whims, negativism, falling to the floor in protest, noisy rallies in defense of children's rights and freedoms and other signs of growing up began a month before the second birthday and continues to this day (my son is 2.5 years old). I realized that I couldn’t wait it out and I needed to learn to live with the monster that my friendly and calm child regularly turns into.
And I began to study. I had to read and think a lot, to develop my imagination and speed of reaction, and to stock up on endurance and patience in incredible quantities. And now more and more often I manage to take control of my uncontrollable child. More importantly, I learned to receive desired result without threats and slaps, bribery and permissiveness (oh-oh, not always of course ...).
List of tricks:
1. magic words
Alternative
Favorite words
Explicit and implicit ultimatum
Cunning
tell yourself
Do like everyone else
Caring for others
An important matter for which you need to postpone crying
conscious crying
Missed whim
Looking for a compromise
2
. Creativity
special way
A creative look at problems
Continuous play
Important order
Fairy tales
3. Respect for the individual
Explanation of prohibitions
Introduction to the plan
Explanation of behavior
4. Simple and fast
common goal
Plots
Question answer
Smeshinki
just wait
Ode “Well done! Well done!"
Prize
Distraction in a new way
1. Magic words
Imagine the beginning of a child's tantrum, an annoyed mother at every word raising her voice more and more and the looming threat of a quarrel, a disrupted walk, and subsequent feelings of guilt. And suddenly imagination gives birth or memory prompts magic words. And the storm dissipates. And the son forgets about tears and cheerfully runs to fulfill his mother's request. And mom smiles, kisses her son and sighs with relief. Fairy tale? Maybe yes, maybe not. I will tell you my magic words - and you will test their power in practice.
Alternative
If I want to feed a child, I never ask “Will you eat?”. I ask the question like this: “Will you eat porridge or cottage cheese?”, And the little unwilling woman will not be able to answer “no” and, most likely, will not refuse the choice. So ask the right questions:
“Will you wear a blue hat or a yellow one?”
“When we get home after a walk, will we play with cubes or read?”
“Pour the soup into a red or blue plate?”
It is also important to always support the possibility of such a choice. For example, we have two children's toothpastes, so you can always ask “Will you brush your teeth with the old toothpaste or the new one?”.
Favorite words
Some words please the son so much that they have tenfold persuasive power.
"I can't buy chocolate, but I will buy lots and lots of nuts."
"Let's eat a little, and then let's go play."
Explicit and implicit ultimatum
Many of the methods listed below are mild forms of ultimatums. But sometimes (probably, the less often, the better) you can set a more stringent condition.
“We will sculpt only after you assemble the constructor. (and to somehow soften and help) If you want, I will hold the box so that it would be more convenient for you to throw details.”
Perhaps it is better when you do not give an ultimatum, but simply inform that the child’s decision will entail unpleasant consequences.
“Okay, you don’t have to eat soup, but then I won’t be able to give you dessert either.” (instead of "You won't get dessert until you've had your soup.")
At the very beginning of the period of disobedience, blackmail seemed to me the only in an efficient way, allowing to achieve the desired behavior of the son. And blackmail helped, but if it’s magic, then it’s some kind of evil ... In general, if you don’t want to invent anything, strain your imagination, prepare surprises in the evenings and generally make unnecessary efforts, you can blackmail your child, but in a year or two he will answer those or...
Cunning
It’s good if arguments come up in time that are strong enough for the baby to do what the parents need. Only the trick should be such that, having solved it, the child does not feel deceived or insulted.
“Do you want to swim? Okay, don't bathe, just get in the bathroom and wash the bucket and the duck, they're too dirty. They are so dirty that you will even have to add foam to the water, otherwise they will not be washed off.”
tell yourself
I ask my son, who needs to sleep, to go to the kitchen, drink tea and talk to dad. He wants me to sit next to him. I say “Mitya wants mom to sit with him? (yes) What does mom want?” The son replies that mom wants “Ty, dad” and waves “Dee” (go) favorably at me.
Do like everyone else
I don’t like to refer to others and use the neighbor’s boy as an example, but here’s a saying “All the children have long brushed their teeth, lay down in their beds and fell asleep, only Mitya is not sleeping!” the son loves it very much and asks to repeat it ten times every evening. Apparently she helps him come to terms with the need to go to bed.
Caring for others
It is clear that a child of two or three years does not think about others. But if you tell him how important what he does for another, how he, the other, will rejoice - and all thanks to him, then perhaps he will give up his claims or stop crying (so as not to make noise and not wake up a tired dad).
(the son demands chocolate or cake in addition to the piece allocated to him) “You have already eaten, this is dad’s piece, dad will come, be delighted and ask “Who left me such delicious chocolate?”, And we will say “This is Mitya!” “(oh, what a thrashing I received from my son when I broke off a piece of “daddy's” chocolate).
An important matter for which you need to postpone crying
“Wait a minute to cry, we still need to urgently prepare dinner.”
“Come on, you’ll cry later, otherwise the sun will set soon, and if you cry, we won’t have time to take a walk.”
conscious crying
If the son cries from an unfulfilled whim or in protest of the ban, I say:
The son is still crying a little, but this is no longer crying, but vocal exercises.
Missed whim
Unnoticed, not nourished by other people's attention Bad mood may pass by itself. But remember that it is easy to make a mistake and show indifference where care and participation are needed. You can help your child "jump over" a whim.
(Doesn't want to eat porridge) “What cartoon are we going to watch while eating?”
(Doesn’t want to go for a walk) “What do you think, leaves have already appeared on our birch, let’s go and see.”
Looking for a compromise
A good method if the child behaves appropriately. So while the opposition has not led to hysteria, we are looking for compromises.
“You can’t walk in puddles in boots, but if you want, we will return home, you will put on rubber boots and we will go for a walk in the puddles.”
“Okay, you don’t have to finish the soup, but catch and eat all the potatoes, broccoli and carrots.”
“No, we won't buy chocolate, but I can buy a big bag of nuts.”
Sometimes the tantrum is already in full swing, and you scold yourself for not buying him this ill-fated chocolate bar. And I'm ready to go and buy, but it's scary to lose credibility. Compromise in such cases is indispensable, it will help to hide the defeat. It looks like this:
“Do you want me to buy you a chocolate bar? (Here you need to get a clear, intelligible answer. A child immersed in mourning for his unfortunate lot and not capable of such an answer will simply not hear your proposal). Okay, we’ll go back to the store now and buy a chocolate bar, then we’ll quickly run home, have lunch, and then you can eat it.”
The tantrum may resume in the store. Again, a compromise saves - I allow you to carry chocolate. It won’t help - I allow you to try a piece, is it tasty. Of course, this is already capitulation, but at least not unconditional.
2. Creative approach
Every problem in life needs a creative solution. well and creative attitude It is doubly useful for raising a child - for both mother and child. But when household chores pile up, and the work taken at home is not done and the child constantly requires attention, the fantasy disappears somewhere. So I try to think non-standard solutions in advance, by inspiration, and in right moment I use blanks (if I remember them ...)
special way
In my opinion, one of the best ways that will give not just peace of mind, but real holiday. If only I could come up with something new!
When the son does not want to dress, but he needs to be dressed (he has a cold or after bathing), I offer him my clothes.
If the son does not want to have dinner, I offer him a “candlelight dinner” (I turn off the overhead light, put a large candle on the table). You can also sometimes eat not in the kitchen, but in the room on a tray - rare child won't agree. You can offer to eat Chinese chopsticks or prepare food in the form of canapés.
Sleep (especially during the day) you can put the child in children's house or in the summer on the balcony, in a sleeping bag.
You can not go home from a walk, but jump.
A creative look at problems
The son was afraid to wash his hair because of water getting into his eyes. We bought him glasses for the pool, and now he, having put on glasses, washes his hair with pleasure.
You can give a flashlight to a child who is afraid of the dark.
Continuous play
IN game form you can do anything.
For example, turning dressing into a game of hide and seek of the head, arms and legs.
Food - in the carriage of goods with a spoon-machine.
Bathing - in washing the child-ship.
Important order
If you don’t swim - but wash the bath, don’t eat - but free necessary for mom a plate, not to walk, but to go outside for flowers for a new vase - who will object and be capricious, having received a responsible task.
Already more than a year I compose fairy tales that correct my son's behavior.
A fairy tale about a bunny who did not like to brush his teeth.
What happened to the bunny who didn't like to bathe.
About a duckling who did everything very slowly.
How the titmouse helped the bunny get rid of bad habits.
About a good pig that didn't want to go to bed.
And do not doubt your talent as a storyteller, I simply describe the situation that happened to my son, only I replace all the participants in the incident with forest dwellers. Once the son guessed that it looked like him, but even this did not stop us from discussing the mistakes of the bunny (duckling, squirrel). And if the problem of behavior arises again, it is enough just to say “Do you remember what happened to the bunny when he…”
3. Respect for the individual
Coming up with all sorts of tricks, I try to remember that in a few years my son will answer me the same. Therefore, now I strive to behave in such a way as not to be afraid of the future.
Explanation of prohibitions
Children do not like bans, especially if the reason for the ban is not clear to them. Therefore, if I forbade something, and the son continues to insist on his own, and raises his voice and is ready to cry, I try to explain in detail, in a calm voice, why it is impossible, when it is possible, and what will be the consequences if the ban is violated.
“And mom, and dad, and Mitya too: everything, everything, everything”
So says the son, resigning himself to the inevitable. We often eat together or go to bed together. And we also smear each other with brilliant green and drip our noses.
Self-reliance is the key to success
Food prepared and decorated with the direct participation of the child is eaten without whims and twice as fast.
The son himself takes clothes out of the closet and puts them on - and there are no objections “I will not wear this” (only seasonal clothes should be available).
If the son agrees to make the bed of the day daytime sleep, you can be almost sure that you will not have to lay it.
Introduction to the plan
Often whims or backlash occur because the child does not understand what they want from him and why it is needed at all. Therefore, I always (several times a day) try to tell my son what, why and in what sequence we will do the next few hours. And I also tell him plans for the week.
Explanation of behavior
In a calm voice, I tell my son what he himself often does not know: “It’s time for you to sleep, so you are capricious and do not obey. Let's sleep a little, and then you will become cheerful again, and mom will play with you with pleasure.” (Today I obeyed and went to bed).
4. Simple and fast
Sometimes intellectual, creative and all other forces are running out and you just want to calm the child or quickly achieve peace in the family and do other things.
Hurry, so as not to have time to come to your senses, object
“Quick, quick, carry the potty, quick, quick, take off your panties, hurry, sit down.”
common goal
I need to go home, my son wants to go for a walk. We buy a book or a treat, and now we both need to go home.
Plots
I have been using it almost since birth. Works regardless of the condition of the child, but requires a lot of energy. The essence of the method is to speak, speak, speak. And then the child who is about to cry will listen and forget about crying, and the baby dangling his legs and not wanting to get dressed will freeze for a few seconds. Well, you can feed porridge this way, and in general you can achieve the desired passive (not requiring your own actions from the child) behavior. It’s just that it’s almost impossible to withstand such a conversational load for a long time (and it’s desirable not to grind nonsense, but to report something smart, useful, developing).
Question answer
The method is similar to the previous one, but part of the conversational load goes to the child. In transport or before going to bed with a child in the question-answer mode, a certain text is spoken. I ask to show parts of the body or ask what sounds, what animal makes, what it eats, where it lives. The result is a calm child for the duration of the text.
Smeshinki
Calming the crying or capricious child can be translated into tickling or something funny. Not suitable for hysterics.
I “scare” my naughty son: “Now I’ll cut off my ears!” and my son, forgetting about leprosy, closes his ears and laughs.
just wait
Often fees for a walk are accompanied by a terrible hassle. One day, having come to my senses (after all, we have nowhere to hurry!), I stop the battle for dressing, leave the overplayed child and sit down at the computer. Half an hour later, my son comes to me, already almost dressed, and calls me outside.
Ode “Well done! Well done!"
We have some homemade songs that are sung as a reward for special accomplishments (such as using the potty on time). Instead of songs, there may be poems or rituals.
The method is very effective, but I am confused by the purchase good behavior. I try to reward interesting game, new fairy tale, by reading. And yet, not a single trip to the supermarket is complete without a sweet prize (I console myself that a child with perfect mom would be boring.)
(does not want soup, but asks for marmalade.) “Do you want marmalade? So I put it on a saucer, cooked it - after you eat the soup, you can have a bite of marmalade.”
(doesn't want to get ready for bed) “Do you want me to read you five whole books? Then let’s make the bed, brush our teeth and read.”
You can not give the prize in your hands, but hide it in a conspicuous place: “It seems to me that if you remove all your toys, we will wash the floors together, a prize for us will definitely appear in a clean room.”
Distraction in a new way
Distract, interest - this is for more early age but sometimes it helps.
(Naughty, about to cry) “Oh, what is it with you, an eyelash on your eye, wait now, I’ll pull it out, otherwise it prevents you from crying.”
A matured and wiser child can be distracted not by a mythical flying bird, but by a completely material surprise. For such occasions, I keep a strategic supply of small toys, stickers, Balloons. I also cut out animals or men from cardboard (and it’s convenient to store and my son is happy with it).
(to a crying child on the verge of hysterics) And whoever rustles in the kitchen, it seems to me it’s a mouse or a hedgehog, I’ll go see who is in charge ... (I come to the kitchen first and manage to attach a cardboard mouse or cork hedgehog on the table).
The midlife crisis is a common cliché that we all have long been accustomed to and do not consider it to be something special. But not everyone knows that this kind of turning point in the formation of personality happens not only with middle-aged men and growing teenagers, but with small children, namely at two or three years of age.
The formation of a child's character begins at the age of about 2-3 years. It is at this age little man enters his first crisis age and he needs the love and support of his parents. But what to do if a baby with an angelic face, calm up to this point, suddenly turns into a small domestic tyrant?
What is the reason?
First of all, you need to figure out what is happening with the child. The root cause of a sharp change in the child's behavior lies in his desire for independence - this is one of the most difficult stages in the formation of a personality. If earlier child did not realize himself as a person and almost did not draw a line between himself, the world around him and his mother, accepting it all as a whole, now it's time to "break away" from the mother's heart. After all, this is no longer the baby who smiles when mom smiles and sits quietly while he is dressed. The child begins to realize his own "I" and one of the manifestations of this process is the study of the boundaries of what is permitted. At first glance, it seems that the child purposefully pisses off the parents, but this is not so. He simply explores what is possible, what is not and learns to manipulate loved ones. At this point, it is very important not to succumb to his provocations."I myself!"
Unfortunately, there is no clear age limit when the first transition period. For some babies, this happens at the age of one and a half to two years, while others continue to please their parents for up to three years. Therefore, the first signs of a crisis phenomenon can take parents by surprise.The manifestations of hysteria can be completely different - from demonstrative silence to screaming, crying and various forms aggression. An occasion for a scene can be found at any time and can be completely insignificant. Sometimes the demands that a naughty baby puts forward may be impossible to fulfill. Sometimes it looks like a surge of accumulated tension, and sometimes it looks like a purposeful incapacitation of one or both parents. But be that as it may, there is only one reason: the baby enters a transitional age and masters new system relationships with those around him. Parents should not execute themselves, in any case, from the feeling of guilt that a two-year-old mom and dad can experience, it will not be better for anyone. This period must be taken for granted, and try to behave calmly and balancedly with the child.
Key phrase for the first transitional age child, as a rule, becomes the famous "I myself!". With this statement, the child categorically informs his parents that he has already grown up and strives for independence. There is nothing wrong with the fact that with simple tasks the baby wants to learn how to cope without outside help. Such a desire should be welcomed and try not to infringe on the rights of the child. If he wants to dress himself, give him the opportunity. Try to start getting ready in advance, for example, for a visit, so as not to be late. Keep in mind that the child is still small and the dressing process will take him much more time than if you dressed him. In addition, it is good to give the child the opportunity to take part in the choice of clothes.
In addition, try to listen to the child's requirements, it is quite possible that they are justified. For example, you adhere to a strict schedule, and the child must have lunch at 13.00. But if today he doesn’t want to eat at the allotted time, first try to go forward and postpone lunch for half an hour, it is quite possible that the child will get hungry earlier than you expect.
Limits of what is permitted
Psychologists say that at the age of one and a half to three years, the child begins to explore the boundaries of what is permitted. And he needs these boundaries in order to feel safe. If earlier baby enough mom's hand and dad's voice, now he needs something more. The mechanism of the infant's interaction with the world is very simple: if the response external environment on the same action is repeated, then it is fixed by memory as a norm. In the future, trying to feel safe, the baby performs the same actions and waits for the usual results. If the results, and in specific cases, the reaction of the parents is different, then the child will not feel in the usual security. Therefore, hysteria on the same occasion can be repeated countless times. It is very important for parents to understand that this is not a whim of the child, but a desire to receive a sign that everything is in order, everything is normal, everything is as usual.In addition, over time, the child needs to face the resistance of people and his environment. Receiving no resistance, he subconsciously feels that something is wrong and perceives this as a kind of danger. So the paradox that appears at first glance is actually quite natural: a hysterical child needs the resistance of others in order to feel safe.
In turn, parents are looking for ways out of this situation, and many of them even have their own know-how. It is important to understand which method is most suitable for your child: one needs a stern parental shout, the other needs a soft, but effective punishment(for example, put on a chair and ask to think about your behavior), the third - you need soft calm words mothers, the fourth, alas, can no longer do without a good slap.
Strange as it may seem, but the most effective method recognized as having no audience. Hysteria is always directed at someone. If there is no public on which you can pour out your whims, then there will be no hysteria. Therefore, for the first time, psychologists recommend leaving the child alone in the room, it often happens that emotions, having reached their peak, disappear by themselves.
Another effective way is the so-called. In this case, you need to calmly, without emotions, inform the child that you understand his feelings: “I understand that you are tired and angry ...” or “I see that you are not feeling well ...”. It is important not to include interrogative intonations, the child can easily recognize the falsity in the voice of native people, so the sentence, whatever its content, should have soft positive intonations. True, this method works only when the child is still able to perceive words, if the hysteria has already entered into active phase, then any exhortations may turn out to be useless and tougher intervention, and sometimes its complete absence, will be required.
We are friends
“I don’t understand anything! My wonderful baby, who smiled, laughed, ate well and went to bed without any problems, has now turned into an ugly and neurasthenic, - mother writes to psychologists three year old boy. - He stopped going to the potty, every action - changing clothes, lunch, walking, going to the store, daily washing - everything begins with his words “I don’t want to, I won’t!”. Further, without any explanation, the child falls to the floor and throws a tantrum. Or starts throwing toys, tearing books and even fighting! What to do - I won’t put my mind to it! ”IN this case, mom is simply overwhelmed with her expectations from the child, and he simply does not justify them. In fact The best way to raise any child is to be friends with him. It is important not to separate family relationships on children and parents, although, of course, the child must understand who is the eldest and chief in the family, treat this with respect, but not with fear. Best Parents These are the parents who know how to be friends with their children. To do this, you need to use the pronoun “we” more often and not leave the child alone with his problems (lack of an audience for hysteria does not count). If the baby suddenly balked and turn further developments threatens to cry, it’s a good idea to sit next to him and talk, but so that your eyes are at the level of the child’s face, this eliminates the position “above” and establishes more trusting relationship. Use active listening(“I see that you are tired…”) and do not disregard your own emotions.
Feelings of a parent
Many parents experience irritation, impatience, frustration or even anger at a naughty child, but in every possible way they try to control themselves and not show their feelings. This is not always correct. Emotions accumulate and sooner or later pour out into an adult hysteria, which is not so easy to cope with. Everyone has the right to express their feelings, the only question is how to do this without hurting the feelings of the child. For this, there is a so-called “I-message”, which helps to avoid an explosion of accumulated emotions in a parent.Sit next to your baby and say how you feel, such as "I'm tired of screaming loudly" or "I don't like toys under my feet." Avoid derogatory and accusatory forms of dialogue. For example, “I don’t like it when you scream” will be perceived by the child not as an expression of your feelings, but as an accusation against him. In this case, it is better to put the sentence in an impersonal form in relation to the baby, for example, “I feel bad when they shout loudly.”
If you feel that your personal emotions are ready to burst out, it is best to express them in a calm manner and in a relatively calm environment before they break out on their own and harm both you and your baby.
If the tantrum starts...
If constructive dialogue with a child is impossible, his tantrum has already begun, then it is necessary to help him cope with it, even if this means complete non-interference in what is happening. Many fathers unconsciously win the favor of their own children by showing complete indifference to his tears and aggression. Whereas more sensitive mothers try to exhort or, even worse, satisfy the demands of a screaming child. "Anything to shut up" - the most dangerous path, it leads to the fact that the baby gradually becomes completely uncontrollable, gets used to achieving everything through screams and tears. Therefore, parents need to determine once and for all the list of allowed and forbidden things and always adhere to the established ban. It is enough to deviate from the created rules once, succumb to pity or other unacceptable feelings, as the baby will immediately feel his power over you. Thousands of previously said "no" will crumble into dust with a single "yes".Very often in conflict situation parents are trying to divert attention to something more interesting. However, this method is only good for very young children. During the transitional period, this technique will no longer help, but even if it helps, it will only become a temporary measure, since by distracting the child, you only postpone the solution of the problem, and do not solve it. The situation will repeat itself over and over again until it is resolved. Therefore, the moment of truth is necessary for every child, he will let him know that this way of interacting with others is no good.
So if the tantrum did happen, then avoid gratification, switching attention and persuasion. You should not indulge in lengthy explanations, this will not give the desired effect, because sometimes even adults, being in strong irritation unable to think rationally, let alone small child. First of all, in simple and short phrases, explain to the little whim why his demands will not be satisfied. Do not enter into further negotiations, just leave the room, leaving the child alone with his thoughts. In 99% of cases, the hysteria will come to naught, and baby will come to you, thus resuming the interrupted communication. It is best if the baby himself initiates the resumption of the conversation, since some children perceive the first word of the parent as surrender and the tantrum can begin in the second circle. But this does not mean that you need to sit in another room, personifying the impregnable Everest. If the child came by himself, caress him, hug him and be sure to discuss what happened, if not now, then later, when the passions finally subside.
When to go to a psychologist?
In some cases, it is still recommended to show the child to a psychologist, especially if the tantrums are of a protracted nature (do not go away in the absence of an audience), if none of the above ways does not work and, which is especially important, if the family is dysfunctional or incomplete.In addition, the transition period ends naturally within a year and a half. But it happens that it is delayed and sometimes the reason for this is the erroneous behavior of parents. The crisis, in theory, has already passed, but the child still needs help. In this case, it would also be good to turn to a psychologist. It often happens that parents need help more than children, and as soon as adults put their thoughts and feelings in order, the kids gradually calm down by themselves.
Most child psychologists agree that age-related crises are simply necessary for a child; without experiencing them, the baby will not be able to fully develop. In the life of a baby, stable and crisis periods alternate - this is a kind of law in the development of the child's psyche.
As a rule, crises pass quite quickly - in just a few months, while periods of stability are much longer. But, it is worth noting that an unfavorable combination of circumstances can significantly increase the duration of the crisis period, sometimes a restless period in a baby's life can last a year or more.
During a crisis, a child undergoes a significant shift in development, the model of his behavior changes, usually these periods are short-lived, but quite stormy.
It is rather difficult to determine the beginning and end of the crisis, usually at this time the child is practically not amenable to education, persuasion and agreements that were successfully used by parents earlier do not work, the baby's behavior becomes inexplicable, the reaction to various situations is quite violent.
Many parents note that during periods of crisis, children become more capricious, whiny, there are outbursts of anger and hysteria. But, do not forget that each child is individual and each specific crisis can proceed in different ways.
Child Crisis Calendar
For a child, this period also does not go unnoticed, it is difficult for him to find mutual language with others, the baby has an internal conflict.
There are several age crises:
In order to know how to behave with the baby in certain period life, you need to know when crisis periods occur, the calendar of age-related crises of the child will help to calculate them, it will tell you when your baby will react especially violently to what is happening around, and when you should pay maximum attention to your child.
Let's take a closer look at how the behavior of the baby changes during periods of crisis and how parents should behave.
lactation crises
Lactation crises, that is, a decrease in milk production against the background of established lactation, pass quite quickly, usually within a few days. The main condition in given period- this is unlimited attachment of the baby to the breast, night feeding. Usually, lactation crises occur in the first month of a baby's life, at 3 months, 7, 11 and 12 months.
Traditionally, this is explained by the fact that the baby has a need for in large numbers milk than is produced by the mother. During these periods, the baby becomes more restless, he cries after feeding, demanding an additional portion. The frequency of breastfeeding during this period increases. Usually for babies lactation crises at 1 and 3 months do not pose any threat or danger.
In order for this period to pass as soon as possible faster mom It is necessary to observe the regime, do not worry and do not panic. In this case, lactation improves by itself rather quickly. The main thing is not to stop feeding the baby, to apply it to the breast as often as possible. Do not supplement or supplement the child during this period, refuse to calm with a dummy.
It is worth noting that lactation crises are less likely to occur in mothers who are confident in their success. breastfeeding and trained proper attachment to the chest.
The crisis of the first year of a baby's life
Almost all babies experience it. At this age, many children are already beginning to walk independently, pronounce their first words, try to dress and eat without the help of adults. As a rule, at this time, the child responds with capriciousness to the parents' excessive desire to help him in everything and take care of him.
New skills give the baby the opportunity to feel independent, but at the same time, the child begins to experience fear that he is losing his mother. Girls usually experience this crisis period A little before the boys about a year and a half, but for the boys these unrest pass closer to two years.
How to behave as parents during this difficult time? During the first age crisis, the baby feels a great need to communicate with his mother, he wants to be with her always, without stepping back. If the mother needs to go away, then the child begins to be capricious and bored, and upon returning she asks to be held in her arms, trying to draw attention to herself in various ways.
Mom, in order to be able to go about her business, you should first take time for the baby, play with him, read books, talk. Having enjoyed the presence of mommy, the child will soon want to play on his own.
Very often, parents meet with a manifestation of stubbornness during this period of their crumbs' life. The child may refuse to eat, walk, protest against dressing. Thus, your baby is trying to prove his adulthood and independence. The child's favorite toy can come to your aid: a car or a doll are going to walk, and a bunny behaves well at the table.
At the end of this period, your baby will gain new knowledge about himself, his abilities and the world around him, and previously unknown character traits will appear. Remember that if this period will pass unfavorably, then a violation in the correct development is possible.
How to survive the crisis of two years with a baby?
At this age, the baby begins a stormy research activities trying to figure out what can and cannot be done. This is necessary for the child to determine for himself the boundaries of what is permitted and to feel that he is safe.
Psychologists explain this quite simply: the baby’s behavior model is formed on the basis of the reaction of mom and dad to one or another action on the part of the baby, if the reaction is natural, then it is postponed in the child as a norm, if the reaction of the parents differs from the usual one, the baby will not will feel safe.
It is important for parents to understand that such a check on the part of the baby is not a whim, but a desire to make sure that everything is in order. It is worth remembering that over time, your child will have to face the resistance of other people and the environment.
Parents during this period of development It is worthwhile to clearly establish the boundaries of what can be done and what cannot be done categorically. Under no circumstances should this prohibition be waived. If you succumb to pity, allow something from the forbidden, then the child will instantly feel his power and will try to manipulate you.
Each parent must find ways to influence the baby on their own, guided by the individuality of the child, because someone needs a hint, someone reacts only to a shout, and some understand the requirements of the parents only after the conversation.
It is worth noting that the absence of an audience is recognized as the most effective way to stop hysteria, therefore, psychologists sometimes recommend disregarding the baby's whims and tantrums.
What should parents do if the child has a tantrum? First, you should not satisfy the desire of the child, you must steadfastly adhere to your prohibitions. Secondly, do not try to switch the attention of the child, this method is only suitable for very young children. Thirdly, try to briefly and succinctly explain to the capricious why his demands will not be met. If the child comes to you for reassurance, do not push him away and try to discuss the situation when the baby returns to normal.
3 year baby crisis
Almost all babies experience behavioral changes between the ages of two and three, known as the three-year crisis. At this time, children become capricious, their behavior changes far from better side: tantrums, protest, outbursts of anger and aggression, self-will, negativity and stubbornness - you have never seen your child like this. All these manifestations of the crisis are connected with the fact that it is at this age that the child begins to position himself as an independent person, and shows his will.
The child must be given the opportunity to choose, for this, parents should use peculiar tricks, for example, allow the baby to independently choose the dishes from which he will eat or from two blouses the one he wants to wear for a walk.
Hysterical fits, throwing things and toys on the floor during this period is quite natural. It is worth worrying only if the child cannot get out of the state of hysteria or they are repeated several times a day.
Try with all sorts of persuasion and explanations to prevent the baby from starting a tantrum, because preventing it is often easier than stopping it. The most important thing that moms and dads should remember is that the child should not be allowed to get what they want during a tantrum.
Does it happen that the crisis three year old doesn't happen? Rather, it happens that this period passes quickly and does not make significant changes in the character and behavior of the baby.
A child aged 4-5 is naughty - how to deal with it?
The most difficult childhood age crisis is considered to be the crisis period at the age of three. And now, it would seem, when this period is left behind, a lull should come, but suddenly the child becomes again restless, capricious demanding. What is it connected with?
In psychology, a crisis of 4-5 years is not noted by experts, rather, on the contrary, at this time the baby should become more resistant to different situations and irritants, given age the baby ends the period of speech formation, the child can quite clearly and logically express his thoughts. Right now he is experiencing a great need to communicate with peers.
Toddlers aged 4-5 years have great fantasies, show interest in learning, curiosity. So what can affect psychological condition baby at this age? As a rule, a lack of communication can provoke a crisis in a child of 4-5 years.
A crisis at the age of 4-5 years is rarely experienced by children attending preschool institutions, sections and circles. Therefore, if you notice that the child has become capricious or, on the contrary, too closed, then most likely this is an occasion to expand his social circle with peers.
Crisis in a child at 7 years old - what to do?
The crisis of a seven-year-old child, as well as the crisis of a three-year-old, is accompanied by a sharp change in behavior. During this period, it seems that the child does not hear the comments and requests of adults, and the child at this time allows himself to deviate from the permitted framework: he argues, makes reservations, and grimaces. Quite often, a crisis in a seven-year-old child is associated with the beginning of his educational activities.
It is worth remembering that the child's psyche is quite complex and unpredictable, so this crisis period can begin earlier (at 5-6 years of age) or later (8-9 years). main reason this crisis lies in the fact that the baby overestimates his capabilities.
How does the crisis manifest itself at 7 years old? Did your baby get tired quickly, irritability, nervousness, inexplicable outbursts of anger and rage appeared? Then it's time to sound the alarm, or rather, to be more attentive to the child. At this time, the child may be too active, or, on the contrary, withdraw into himself. He seeks to imitate adults in everything, he develops anxiety and fears, as well as self-doubt.
By the age of seven, the game gradually fades into second place, giving way to learning. Now the child learns the world in a completely different way. This process is rather associated not with the beginning of schooling, but with the fact that the child is reconsidering his own personality. At this time, the child learns to be aware of his emotions, now he understands why he is upset or happy. Painfully the baby worries if his inner "I" does not correspond to the ideal
If before your baby was just enough to be sure that he is the best, now he needs to figure out if this is really so and why. In order to evaluate himself, the child monitors the reaction of others to his behavior and quite critically analyzes everything that happens.
Parents should remember that the child's self-esteem is still very vulnerable, which is why self-esteem can be both overestimated and underestimated unreasonably. Both the first and the second lead to serious internal experiences of the baby and can cause his isolation or, conversely, hyperactivity. In addition, now the baby is striving to grow up as soon as possible, the adult world is very attractive and interesting for him. At this age, idols quite often appear in children, while the kids actively imitate the chosen character, copying not only his positive, but also negative deeds and actions.
What should parents do during this time? Of course, first of all, you need to help your child learn to realistically assess his abilities, while maintaining his self-confidence. This will help him learn to adequately evaluate his achievements and will not lead to disappointment in himself. Try to evaluate the actions of the child not as a whole, but by individual elements, teach the child that if something did not work out now, in the future everything will definitely go exactly as you wanted.
In conclusion, I would like to say that there is another crisis - the crisis of adolescence, which also requires specific model behavior from parents. Remember that everything is only in your hands, help the child cope with his experiences, support and guide him. parental love can help to survive any, even the most difficult crisis.