How to renew your old passion. Psychologists' advice on how to return a husband's love for his wife and how to rekindle past passion in a relationship with a man. Where does passion go

20.04.2019

It's almost summer outside the window, nature pleases with a riot of colors and smells, and it's time to plan a long-awaited vacation, romantic evening walks and recharge with summer positive, but for which year everything has been going smoothly in your relationship, no outbursts of emotions have been observed and you have long forgotten that then this very romance ... And are you ready to agree with this development of events? It's time to shake off the dust from your relationship, refresh your feelings and re-experience all the thrill of being in love.

Like many things in our life, romance and sensuality in a relationship is a matter of habit. And if you are used to living without them for so long, then now is the time to bring them back into your life and do important aspect in communication with a partner. Indeed, at the very beginning you were so inspired, active, looking for adventure ... There is always an opportunity to repeat all this and bring to a new level not only relationships, but in general your whole life! The main thing is to act, and not wait for romance to knock on your door itself.

I have prepared 12 for you simple ways that will help you enjoy each other's feelings and being together. This is what makes our relationship with my husband constantly develop and at the same time always remain the most romantic, sincere and touching. Try it too ...

1. Travel the memories together.

At a time when the two of you and nothing distracts you - take a joint journey through the nooks and crannies of your story. What did you think of each other before the first date? Who liked who first? Who was the most nervous at first and who was the first to dare to utter the main words? Take care of these memories so that they do not lose their emotionality and are not erased from memory. After all, remembering how it all began, you will always experience the same quivering and pure feelings, and they will never lose their value.

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2. Talk about what you love most about each other.

Is this how you snuggle against his chest while you sleep? Is this the way he kisses you while you're in line? Or maybe this is how you ruffle your bangs when you are nervous? Or is it how he covers you with another blanket because he knows that you are always cold? You always feel butterflies in your stomach when your partner does something that just makes you smile - so tell him so! Let him know that it makes you happy. He will feel appreciated and will be pleased with himself when he does it again.

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3. Add extreme.

Any relationship after some time becomes monotonous, comfortable and mundane. And after working week both of you dream only of watching another movie while lying under warm blanket- there is no longer any desire to pack up and go for a visit, for dinner at a restaurant or even just for a walk. It's convenient to be lazy :) But now is the time to change the pace of life. Make a list of the exciting and even crazy things you both want to do - skydiving, jet skiing, hiking, etc. Join hands and hold each other tight when you decide to paint your everyday life. Doing something exciting and extreme together will bring you even closer.

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4. Have a “first” date.

Now you are dressing simply and comfortably, discussing neighbors, raising children and thinking about renovating the kitchen? Enough! Feel the thrill of your first dates. Plan a date and treat the date as if it were your second week of dating. You want to impress each other. You want it to be fun and romantic. Organize something really special. Get ready, dress up and admire each other for your attractiveness. Be flirty and get to know each other again - you are on a date!

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5. Start really dating each other again.

Don't treat dating as a one-off event - make it an integral part of your relationship. People often worry about their relationship becoming stale and cliché, but dating is an easy way to keep emotions from fading. Never stop trying to impress each other. Never stop trying to get to know each other better. Never stop getting better. Never stop trying to fall in love with each other even more. Plan each date in advance - what you will do, what you will wear, where you will go. Let this anxious expectation become one of the pillars of your relationship.

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6. Flirt.

Be mysterious. Be seductive. Be playful. Say things that remind each of you that you are sexy and attractive to each other. It happens that partners complain that they have cooled to each other, but forget that they did nothing to prevent this.

Flirting sets the mood for the whole day. Does he leave for work earlier than you? Send him a couple of tempting photos while you dress so he can help you choose what to wear. Or did you both get stuck in your cars on the way home? Send each other messages and tell each other exactly what you will do with each other as soon as you get home ...

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7. Always try to look good.

Continuing the previous point about flirting, remember your appearance... Do not allow yourself to walk at home only in sweatpants and a stretched T-shirt. Keep an eye on your makeup, tidy up your hair and get the most seductive shorts in which you feel irresistible out of the closet (or buy new ones). Keep a burning desire to look good for each other. Despite the fact that you both still love each other without makeup and in sweatpants however, both of you can become even more attractive. Comfortable clothes can seduce too! Leave the top button on your shirt unbuttoned for him to admire your neckline. And how good he is when he cooks dinner in this chic sweater that hugs his strong muscles!

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8. Be consistently affectionate.

Touch each other. When walking, hold hands or hug your waist. Kiss and hug each other casually. Physical contact triggers the very same chemical reactions in your brain that make you happy and strengthen your bond with each other. You will always feel emotional closeness when you are physically close.

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9. Compliment every day.

When you started dating, you both complimented each other. He loved your lines at the corners of your eyes when you laughed. He loved to run his hand through your hair when he wanted to kiss you. Now he loves the way you seriously stand in front of the closet in the morning, choosing clothes. You love the way he dances in front of the stove when he makes scrambled eggs. You love the fact that he knows exactly what week of the month he should return home with bags full of your loved ones. chocolates and cookies. You both need to be aware of what makes you love each other even more and that you both appreciate it. This is mutual reinforcement romantic feelings and emotions.

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10. Talk to each other.

Somewhere in the path of your relationship, the conversations between you have probably gone from "learning" to more trivial, formal, and less intimate. Make sure you are really talking to each other. You usually talk about mortgages, insurance renewals, and birthday gifts cousin your aunt? Of course, this is important, but first hear and find out about each other's feelings. Even after 20 years together there will always be new things that you can discover in a partner.

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11. Kiss - unexpectedly and spontaneously.

Remember your anticipation and excitement before your first kiss? It's time to bring back this freshness of feelings! It can be difficult to find time between work, children and other responsibilities to be together. However, you can always bring "quick" kisses into your relationship.

Are the kids playing in another room? There are a couple of minutes to kiss each other while you wait for the pasta to boil. Can you hear the clatter of children's feet towards the kitchen? Boom - you have drifted apart and no one suspects anything. Heading to a party? It looks like you have 15 seconds until the door is opened for you and you appear in front of other guests. "Quick" and light kisses will keep your passion and your feelings for each other.

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12. Take time for yourself.

If you really want to give the relationship a "second wind", then right now, after reading this article, hug your loved one and complete step 2. Or call him and ask him out on a date. After all, knowledge alone about what to do is indispensable. As Stephen Covey said: “Love is a verb. So these are actions. " Yes, you know how much you love your partner - but does he know about it and does he feel it every day? And even if your feelings have dimmed a little over time under the influence of various deeds and obligations, you can always go in the opposite direction - and return them to their former brightness. And then passion will no longer need to be returned to your relationship, because it will forever become their integral part.

With love,

Olga Yakovleva

P.S. How do you ignite the spark in a relationship? What do you usually do to keep them from becoming a chore and bring joy to both of you? Share in the comments - maybe someone needs your advice right now.

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I like

Romantics and realists are two diametrically opposed categories of people.
For realists in family relationships, maturity is more important. They believe that love, proven over the years, is much more important than passion, which leads a person in the wrong direction and pushes him to stupid rash acts. Realists completely reject the very idea that passion can be the basis for joining marriage relationship.

Romantics, on the other hand, don't see true love without passion. They are constantly looking for people to whom the attraction will never disappear, and they believe that this is possible. Romantics equate loss sexual desire and the fading of love.

Whatever category a person belongs to, sooner or later it becomes clear that over time powerful emotions come to naught. Passion and desire are replaced by other feelings: respect, responsibility, constancy. But to maintain harmony in family relationships, this is extremely small.

Even if the attraction, it would seem, is irrevocably gone, there is still an opportunity to fix everything.

1. Forget the common myth that you are halves of one whole.

At first, in a relationship, everything is not at all the same as after many years: you want to impress your lover, everyone phone call perceived as a great event. And then there is a sense of the unknown: none of you know what will happen next. It is this ignorance of the future that heats up relationships and ignites a spark in them.

Over time, main mistake: partners get too close, without leaving any understatement. As a result, it becomes boring, because inner world loved one is no longer a riddle that one wants to solve.

All you can do in this situation is to learn how to harmoniously combine the personal space of each family member and mutual trust... Develop separately from each other, and then it will become interesting for you together again.

Entering the initial phase of a relationship, people try to learn as much as possible about each other. Over time, it begins to seem that unknown facts about the partner is not left at all. This is a delusion that a person accepts, because he is afraid to admit that he really wants change and unpredictability.

Look at both of you from a different angle. By driving your loved one into a stereotyped framework, you yourself turn a relationship into a coexistence without passion. Consider how fragile your bond really is. Relationships cannot be predictable and stable.

You can try to look at your husband or wife the way you would look at a stranger. Seeing how a loved one is passionate about his hobby, how he communicates with friends, how much success he achieved at work, you can again experience a great desire for him.

3. Don't push your partner into the cage.

Two loving friend friend to people to become one whole without consequences, no matter how much you want the opposite. Loosen control, stop interfering with your spouse's relationship with the outside world. Don't try to shield your family from any kind of shock. This behavior, oddly enough, often leads to betrayal.

Spouse - free man, an independent person. This is how he once chose you as his life companion. And if loyalty and the desire to be close to your family cease to be voluntary, your partner will certainly want to escape from your captivity at all costs.

Do not follow the person you love, do not control his every step, studying the content Email and watching his movements. Such a pattern of behavior can awaken in him the desire to seek personal space elsewhere.

4. Recognize that there is a third character in your relationship.

The third subject always looms somewhere on the border family relations... Perhaps this is the first school love, a gym trainer, a pretty salesperson, or school teacher your children. Maybe it's just a stranger on the bus who smiled at you. All these people are the third characters in your family life... They kind of materialize our desires to receive something forbidden, outside the scope of what is permitted by our conscience.

Oddly enough, the presence of a third subject only makes the marriage relationship stronger. Understand that your partner may also have secret desires and fantasies without your presence in them. Both of you are independent.

You can discuss the third side of the relationship in a joking manner, turn conversations about this person into a kind of game. Making sure that a partner cannot be fully owned, you can feel that the relationship has been filled with new shades.

5. Learn to distinguish between passion and love.

And while some people think that sex is about achieving sensual intimacy, many would disagree. More often people want absolutely different things in love and sex. You can love your partner and treat him with great tenderness, but at the same time want to experiment in bed, display aggression and power. Do not expect from conjugal debt the same thing that you expect from love. And vice versa.

6. Get rid of the cult of the child.

For several decades, there has been an unpleasant tendency - the cult of children. We fuss and run around the child, so that he feels happy and contented.

When mom or dad consider it their duty to be with the children every minute, to provide all the benefits of civilization, time and energy for a loved one may not remain at all. It's time to stop. The spouse is also worthy of attention. Talk to your partner about how you can organize a conversation just for the two of you without worrying about what's going on at home.

Set aside at least a couple of hours for a joint hike to a cafe or spend a day off in some picturesque place in nature.

7. Assign areas of responsibility.

Don't dump the whole homework and parenting per person. It would be surprising if by evening he had the strength and desire to fulfill his marital duty.

Divide responsibilities, you can create a written schedule and indicate who should do what: go grocery shopping, take the child to Kindergarten, take out the trash, or walk the dog. Try to distribute the load honestly, in equal shares... Compromise in solution this issue will free up a lot of time to be with each other.

Sometimes you can not act according to plan: let your beloved wife sleep on Saturday a little longer, and cook your own breakfast at this time.

8. Be a little selfish.

Your own pleasure is very important. Often people try to please their partner and forget about themselves. Concentrating on meeting the needs of your spouse and fearing to do something wrong, you can completely lose attraction.

Oddly enough, people behave this way quite often. Consider that your partner is unlikely to feel happy and fulfilled if they notice that you are very tense and anxious.

Just relax and enjoy the process. At such moments, you should not think about the end result, because such thoughts only distract. Concentrate for the time only on your feelings, be selfish - the passion will definitely return, including from your spouse.

9. Understand exactly what each of you wants.

There is nothing difficult in sorting out the desires of each other. Take sheets of paper and divide them in two. Each of the columns is an association with love or sex. Both you and your partner write on your sheet what each of these categories means to you personally. By comparing what has been written, you can learn a lot about each other and about the relationship of each of you to love and passion. This will help you adjust your behavior according to the wishes of each of you.

10. Go beyond your daily routine.

Marriage is considered a serious and responsible business. This is comfort and reliability, which supposedly cannot coexist with risk, pranks and flirting.

Relationships should be lively and dynamic, so you can't do without flirting, games, jokes and fantasies.

Stop treating family life like work, let your imagination play one of the main roles: start flirting with your spouse on the phone, make a date at unusual place, create an erotic atmosphere at home.
In true love there is a place for everything: both tranquility and adventure.

Photos from the site: girl-magazine.ru

Many women, after several years of seemingly successful marriage, suddenly discover that they remember with longing those happy times where the spouse literally carried in his arms, pampered and promised to throw the whole world at their feet. Over time, the first, hot and insatiable love leaves, turning into something more calm, balanced and serious - true love, with all its borscht, mutual understanding from half a word, warm slippers, concern for the partner's health and concern for well-being.

Stormy passions seem to recede into the background, but sometimes you really want to feel again that glow, a blazing and burning fire of sensations and emotions, which inspired, pushed to new achievements, gave energy and the desire to live. But how to return passion to a relationship with your husband, is it possible to take any steps to see that same groovy and a little crazy in the eyes of a beloved man again? young man who was ready to throw you on his shoulder and hide you from the whole world?

Love or Habit: Renewing Family Relationships

Photos from the site: ShkolaZhizni.ru

Most people who are married have enough long time, after a while, they begin to complain that dear and important person, who seemed so caring and courteous, stopped paying attention to his soul mate. A man comes home from work, throws his shoes in the hallway, collapses on the sofa in front of the TV and waits for his wife to bring him food, as if he does not care about the woman herself. There is a gradual, but rather strong cooling of relations, the spouses are no longer so attracted to each other, and fatigue comes to replace desire.

If you are worried about how to improve your relationship with your husband, then the problem is really ripe and it will have to be solved, one way or another. You cannot ignore the discord in the relationship, otherwise over the years you can completely move away from each other, completely losing the connecting thread that ran between you before. Then life together can turn into hard labor, where everyone is dissatisfied in his own way and in his own way is right.

Almost every couple is faced with something similar, the statistics in this regard are disappointing. But is it necessary to suffer and suffer, do all families endure, in mandatory like twists and turns? It turns out that this is a delusion, no one should be tormented, because you can open completely new sides in each other, continue to surprise and delight each other, day after day. It is this ability to maintain relationships in "freshness" that can be called true love.

Am I doing everything right?

If you are going to refresh your relationship with your husband, you first need to analyze your own actions, ask yourself what efforts you have made so that your husband treats you the same way as in the first months after marriage.

Photo from the site: onmoy.com

Mutual, mutual feelings and actions aimed at a common happy future bring them closer together, give strength to go further along life path, and can lead to a dead end of misunderstanding, from where it will be extremely difficult to get out. Some do not understand why the spouse has moved away, and then the marriage is doomed to failure. The consequence of such a total misunderstanding will be divorce, traumatized or destroyed psyche of children, shattered nerves, stress, depression and other unpleasant things.

Won't go anywhere

The first and the most terrible delusion female half humanity lies in the fact that since a man has already married, signed and put a golden ring on your hand, it means that now he is completely yours, like a galley slave. Most often, such girls, deciding that they have achieved everything they were going to, relax and stop looking after themselves, laziness overcomes them, they get fat, lose their shape, become absurd, irritable, capricious or, on the contrary, authoritarian.

Photos from the site: cosmopolitan.ru

Ultimately, ladies of this order turn into those very classic women in eternal hair curlers, filthy dressing gowns and with a ladle in their hands. From such, they just hide on fishing trips and garages, where you can relax even for a second, talk with friends, take a break from the eternal and tireless "sawing". Indeed, why make an effort if he is already married, and it is to you, and he loves children to madness? Therefore, he, especially, has nowhere to go.

In this case, the man begins to feel like a piece of furniture more than a strong and handsome male, ready for anything for the sake of his wife. It is worth stopping, looking around and realizing that slavery was abolished a couple of hundred years ago, and the world is full of unmarried people, with hairstyles and manicures who will gladly open their arms, and you can just stay on the sidelines at one moment, complaining about life and complaining about the homeless woman. Always start with yourself, because a man is not a chain dog and is not obliged to bring slippers, he married a groovy funny girl who turned into an incomprehensible one and he has the right to end the hateful marriage once and for all.

Well, I'll arrange it for him! Banned scandal

In spite of common sense, many women mistakenly believe that having rolled up a grandiose scandal with screams, smashing dishes, tears and tantrums, they can achieve anything, beneficial primarily for themselves, a decision from a man. This is how they try to renew their relationship with their husband, to bring freshness and originality to them. Naturally, the signs of which are worth comprehending and remembering will give a certain feeling of novelty for a while, but is it worth it? What is the cost of this kind of interest, how much nerves and energy will have to be spent?

Photos from the site: mir-zenshin.ru

Whatever happens in life, any conflict, even the most terrible, can be resolved calmly and without hysterics. Throwing scenes and scandals is not the best decision, it will inevitably lead your marriage to ruin, so just stop and stop yelling, because no one is afraid of you, and shouldn't do it. Most men hate such picture showdowns, they run from them, as if from fire. If you do not want to be left with your wild hysteria one on one, it is better to “kill” it, at the very beginning.

To overly please = to harm everyone

Many women not only do not make scenes and scandals, but act in a radically opposite way. They completely obey any word and demand of their spouse, often this happens when the parties are not equal in social and financial situation... A woman begins to walk on tiptoe, talk in a whisper, is afraid to even raise her eyes to her husband, agrees with any decisions, even those that she does not like. In fact, she loses her own personality, dissolving in a partner, adopting his habits, attachments, turns into a voluntary slave, ready to run at the first call, with the same slippers in her teeth.

Photo from the site: Xvatit.com

This is a completely wrong model of behavior and return passion in a relationship with a husband when similar attitude will hardly work. Over time, a man begins to perceive his wife as something familiar, for example, dishwasher or a slow cooker. The thing, of course, is useful, its cost is considerable, there is enough use from it, but hardly anyone feels a passion for an electric kettle or a mixer. Always remain yourself, the loss of individuality will not bring you family happiness.

Decisive steps: how to renew your relationship with your husband

Going to refresh and give family relationships new life, to return passion, attachment to it, first you should give yourself answers to a number of questions.

Do you love your own husband?
Are you willing to donate own calmness, for the sake of renewal of relations?
Are you willing to save your marriage?
Are you ready to fight for your loved one?
Do you consider your spouse worthy to fight for him?

Photos from the site: cosmopolitan.ru

If you answered no to all of these questions, go to a lawyer and start divorce proceedings, there is nothing more to catch here. But if the determination to restore the relationship is there and it is great, and the person living nearby is not just a roommate or even a bed, but a beloved man, then hack it in your nose that marriage, marriage and love are not only joys and pleasures.

This is a huge responsibility and work, because you have to build, adapt, sacrifice something, and somewhere make concessions, and this applies to both spouses. It is very important to understand what to fix sexual relations with her husband is no less important than renewing emotional connection... Without this, the relationship is unlikely to become harmonious, and the marriage will be happy.

Let's take a break from the routine

What do you do every day when you drag home from work and have a quick dinner in the kitchen? Correctly, most often couples sit down in front of the TV, and even then, not always together, or they sit, buried in a laptop or smartphone. Everyone there has their own life, their own interests, and half at this time may simply suffer from loneliness, emptiness and hopelessness. If you really want to improve your relationship with your husband, suggest joint rest, and this will not necessarily be a trip to Bali, although this is an excellent choice that is not available to everyone.

Photo from the site: provita-fv.ru

Remember what you did before, as soon as you got married, what games you played, where you went, what you were interested in. Try to refresh all this in your memory and put it into practice, play "Monopoly", go to a cafe on the corner, go fishing in a neighboring area, taking tents and cauldrons, and if you also take children with you, then the common good will be invaluable ... Ultimately, you can even rent a room for newlyweds in a hotel, leave the babies with their grandmothers, and again feel like a bride and groom for a day.

Tenderness and talk of love

No matter how many years have passed in marriage, no matter how perfectly you would know each other during this time, always show tenderness to each other. These neat, light touches, long looks, when a warm smile is hidden in the corners of the eyes, unexpected or long-awaited hugs at any moment of life, bring so much joy and quiet happiness that it’s even difficult to imagine how you could live without it. Physical contact necessarily strengthens the emotional bond between partners, and tenderness will help restore and strengthen it.

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Do not be silent about your feelings, tell your partner how much it means to you, everything he does. Share the most intimate, tell that you notice how he gently kisses you on your shoulder while you sleep, how he covers you with a blanket, how he knows exactly when it’s better not to start conversations, because you have PMS, how you calculated exactly how many more grains of sugar can get into your tea until it becomes too sweet, as your chatty girlfriends tolerate. Tell us how your heart flutters from the fact that he is near, how butterflies appear in the stomach every time he is close, too close ...

First date, dating and flirting

To improve sexual relations with your husband, you can try to use the old French way... Ask him out on a date, the first in your life together date. Pretend that you are completely unfamiliar people, get to know each other, spend time together, and you cannot "declassify" until the very end. Get ready, dress up nicely, go to the spa and hair salon, buy a new dress. Leave all these fees a secret, the way awaits real surprise... Excitement will bring novelty to life, the effect of surprise, some extreme.

Photos from the site: psychology-tips.ru

Do not stop these dates in the future. The fact that you have been husband and wife for a long time does not necessarily have to deprive your meeting of romance. Think of how you will spend time together, with each other, and let the routine fade into the background, and the children can still sit well at home, in the care of grandmothers or girlfriends. Make time for each other regularly and your relationship will always stay fresh. Tease your partner, flirt with him, offend him, try to always look your best, and then relationships in the family, as well as in sex, will never become boring or meager.

Unfortunately, even the most strong passion ever ends. Even the most best sex"Boring", and the most caring and attentive man becomes uninteresting over time. And then we say to our beloved: "I'm tired." Realizing that this fatigue is not physical, not only yours, your relationship is tired.

Text: Ksenia Milevich

Fatigue comes to everyone different time: to someone after 10-15 years of marriage, and to someone already in the third year it becomes boring and uninteresting. How to overcome fatigue in your relationships, how to make them bright and passionate again? Let's figure it out.

Axiom of marriage

First, you need to answer a few simple questions: do you love your husband? Are you ready to fight for your relationship? If the answer is no, you don't have to read this article, but start dealing with the division of property. But if you nodded your head in agreement, then it's time to learn the main rule of family life: relationships are not only pleasures. This is serious work - building, adapting, changing, repairing, correcting mistakes - all these are the tasks of both spouses.

We make a diagnosis

Now that you're ready to get started, it's important to diagnose your relationship. How to determine if fatigue has appeared in your relationship?

There are several specific signs:

1. You stopped feeling emotions from each other. Everything seems gray and mundane to you. You can easily predict what you will do today, tomorrow, at next week and a month ahead.

2. It seems to you that you were mistaken in choosing a partner. You increasingly think that you are wasting your time. Your husband seems to you like a "suitcase without a handle": it's hard to carry, but it's a pity to throw it away.

3. You very often quarrel over trifles, and play "silent". And, even if you "sorted out the relationship" and made up the day before, in a couple of days everything repeats again.

How is it? Are there any similarities? If you agree with all the points, the diagnosis is clear: your relationship is tired. Moving on to the next point - prescription and treatment.

How to bring passion back into a relationship with your husband

So, do not forget that your main tool in "fixing" relationships and returning them freshness is your love and desire to keep the person close to you. Armed with this simple yet powerful weapon, let's get ready to take a few steps:

Step 1. Throw away the TV and laptop

What do you usually do after work? You have dinner, then you turn on the TV, before going to bed, everyone is buried in their laptop, and “ Good night"? It's time to change this scenario. Try to come up with a new (or forgotten old) entertainment for several weeks in advance: cinema, bowling, a walk in the park, board game, dinner at a restaurant, a trip out of town, your 9th anniversary of your trip to Paris ... You did all this when you first started dating, remember? Wasn't it interesting to you? You just need to return all these activities, and replace the TV and laptop with them. Oh yes: try to pass off your plan as a spontaneous proposal, because if you show your husband your "schedule", he can go crazy.

Step 2. Change sex

Sex has become boring and boring, and you don't want to have it more than once a month? So you are doing it wrong! Go to trainings at the "Woman's Transformation Center", where you will be taught both new techniques and role-playing games, and massage, and spiritual practices! You can't even imagine how many interesting things are hidden under this four-letter word, and how much pleasure you can give and receive, instead of onerous marital responsibilities!

Step 3. Take care of yourself

As children love new toys, so men love changes in a woman. Become different! Hire a stylist and shopper: change your hairstyle, go to a beautician (who will help you lose weight and look younger, if necessary), buy some new dresses (and sets underwear). And be sure to change home bathrobe for something bright and unusual!

Sweetheart, would you like to tell me something before the football season starts?

Almost every couple notes that sexual interest in marriage is slowly starting to decline. Is it possible to warm up passion throughout years and how to do this, Woman’s Day found out together with psychologist Ekaterina Fedorova.

Sink rate sexual appetite it is different for everyone: some begin to get bored after six months, and some only after 5-7 years. As a rule, the one who was more active in the pre-wedding period, who was a hunter (and this is not always a man), cools faster. And here main danger- the transformation of sex into a routine fulfillment of marital duty, which always takes place according to the same scenario.

It is clear that knowledge of each other, including knowledge of the characteristics of sexual behavior, preferences, erogenous zones etc. is a plus. The couple, through trial and error, found the most optimal scenario for obtaining satisfaction. I found it and calmed down. This scenario is played out every evening, and at first it suits everyone. But we must not forget that everything is boring.

It's like your favorite cakes: try to eat them every day and you will hate them. Ideally, the combination of the usual scenario and deviations from it should be in the ratio of 80 to 20. If there are no such deviations, experiments, then sex in marriage will become boring.

When people got married once and for life (and this was not always the case, remember the Slavic pagan holidays with their shocking sexual binge even for us), posts were invented to maintain sexual interest in marriage.

Abstinence during fasting only fueled sexual interest, allowing the couple to accumulate passion. And there are many posts: 40 days in spring and winter, 2 weeks at the beginning and at the end of summer, plus every Wednesday and Friday. Although it was believed that if the husband really needed it, then it was possible, but in general men were forced to restrain their desires. This kept the passion alive. Now, probably, you should not force your husband to fast if you are both not deeply religious, he will just think that you are slowly going crazy.

But periods of abstinence won't hurt anyway. It can be business trips, trips. Many women from menstruation make a period of abstinence, which is also not bad.

How much do you need to follow the lead of your husband, if a couple of days after the wedding he already needs variety and he insists on it? First of all, do not forget that the path of the victim always ends badly.

You can't let your husband do whatever he wants. If any of his desires are instantly fulfilled, then he will become completely uninterested in what you want, your desires will no longer be taken into account.

In order to have balance, harmony, you never have to fulfill all requests. There should be restricted areas where you can't. And let this live with her husband as an unrealizable erotic fantasy. Only what both want to happen in bed. If your husband calls you to a swinger club, and you don't want to go there at all, then there is no need to agree. It's another matter if you are interested in it yourself. But keep in mind - the swinger club actually transfers your relationship from family to partnership, even friendship. Oneness is removed, only joint management farms.

A man whose whims are fulfilled on demand is an unhappy child who already has all the toys and has nothing more to dream about.

Nothing surprises or pleases him. There must be restrictions. Even if you do not mind embodying his whim, it would be nice to say no. Then then, in a month or in a year, your “yes” will be a gift for him, and not a passing episode. Do not forget: you will live with him for many years to come, you will still have time to carry out all the experiments and fulfill your fantasies.

Except for periods of abstinence and restricted areas secret, intrigue will help to keep the passion.

The French, for example, never show their cards to the end. It is believed that like two crossed wedding rings there is only a small common plane, and in the relationship between spouses there should be a small zone of complete revelation, and everything else should be hidden from the husband. A woman should have her own life, then she will be a "fam fatal" - a woman-mystery, a femme fatale.

For a relationship to have passion, it doesn't have to be level.

For this, nature provides physiological mechanism mood swings in a woman. Ovulation - and everything is fine, but closer to menstruation, horror begins: female hormones have dropped, male hormones have risen, and I want to kill everyone.

For half a month we are soft, beautiful and fluffy, and then all of a sudden - then tears, because a sad dog on the street met, then screams, because my husband put milk on the wrong shelf in the refrigerator. No man is able to get used to it, but this variability is not only the cause of quarrels and stress - it is also a guarantee of female attractiveness.