Not a single mother will wish to survive: doctors hid the death of a child from Mom, continuing to take breast milk (video). "Adult women consider themselves major experts in the care of children"

01.05.2019

Yes, and with paternity, he is unlikely to be able to cope better than his own father. This is the only example known to him. And no child wishes such a father. And his husband will be even worst. Yes, but his father had at least the Earth, and he could arrange a family on her. And he does not even have it.
Despite the swinging of such loyal thoughts, Pace firmly knew that he had to protect the Dora, giving her at least his name. After all, now she will not find other applicants for their hand, especially when he is born, bastard. This one is enough to destroy all the dreams and hopes for a good, good marriage. Of course, marriage will not improve much of its position, but if you are lucky and he suddenly dare or kill him, she will become a venerable widow. Or maybe after the birth of a child, Pace will disappear from her life, and the Dora can again be able to consider himself a widow.
Yes, perhaps, this is a good solution. Pace jerk rose and, interrupting the maternal complaints in the middle, headed for the door.
Dora was in the chicken coop. She was already flushed out and put on one of his damn aprons. The woman kept a basket for eggs in her hand, but still found only two. For the first time after the arrival of Pace felt something like relief. If it becomes chosen into it different subjects, then there is nothing heavy at hand.
- There is a preacher in the urban court, who will marry us without asking any questions. Can you get there?
Then she looked at him. Her beautiful blue eyes looked seriously and strictly. Pash wanted to catch up as a schoolboy who was caught with a gum in his mouth, but he still managed to observe the decency. Of course, he would prefer to make a proposal not in the chicken coop, but, deciding what to do, Pace felt an impatient desire as soon as possible to finish everything. He did not really understand how children are born, but, surrender, this one may be born at any moment.
"You don't need to go to such victims," \u200b\u200bDaorman answered dryly, "everyone thinks that this is David's child."
He did not imagine that she would refuse him. Pais was confused at the Dora. And that serenely began to look for eggs, as if the conversation ended. Clearness gradually inferior place to anger.
- But my child. And I have the right to him.
Dora looked at him, as if surprised that he was still here. We must give her due, she only answered:
- But I do not challenge your rights.
"Then you allow you to give my child my name," he decided to comply.
Stopping, the Dora shrugged:
- But you can call him as you want. Pace furiously creaked his teeth.
- legal. I want him to carry my name on legal grounds. And this means that we must get married.
Dora again became surprised to look at him, as if she had a kind of colorful animal.
- You're talking nonsense. You do not want me to be your wife. Josi widowed, and it will be better for everyone if you marry her and sneak here. Home and farm need a male hand.
Pais knocked a fist on a wooden wall. A squeezed chicken coop shuddered, and chickens, caucoccum and clapping with wings, noticed on the floor. Dora reassured them and went to the door with a strange expression of awkwardness and fear on the face he had never seen.
The insulted, Pais grabbed the dorah by hand and pulled her out of the chicken coop on the sunlight.
- To the hell of Josie. To hell with this damn land. This is my child, and I demand it right. If you can't ride, I will bring a priest here. Just bring yourself in order and be ready. I do not wish that the child is born bastard.
Finally, it seems to believe in the seriousness of his words. The dora stopped breaking out, but looking at him right in the face, outwardly remained cold and wary.
"You can't want it," she said, "there is no place for me in your future." I'm not gung to my wife to a politically. I doubt that of me will come out a suitable wife and for a lawyer. You live in another world. But you can admit your child if he means so much for you. I never wanted to hide him from you. You can adopt it like Dad John entered with me. There is no need to marry me and spoil your career.
He was unbearable wanted to break down. Pais looked at the gray clouds running across the sky, trying to keep it out of all his strength to keep the bitter, burning tears of despair. Trying to overcome the cold, which he reached him from her words, he looked again at the Douro, was going to conceal the painful consciousness that even his guardian angel retreated from him.
He released the hand of Dara and drove a disgusting cavity from her head. Linen curls shone in the sunlight. Clinging to the straw, Pais took a deep breath and said without any expression:
- I have no career. Voters will rather hang out supporter of feds than allow him to an important position. And I do not think that this situation has changed soon. I can sit down at the table, fix the wills and deals, but the surrounding hardly forgive me my political views. We will probably be hungry for my Nishchensky salary. You better stay with Josie and my mother, until I find myself a place somewhere away. And it will be easier for me if you wear my name in these difficult circumstances. You are not guilty of anything. I do not want to be contemporated because of me. You have the same right to wear Nikollz \u200b\u200bsurname as Josie and my mother.
Pace felt like she looks at his unearthly look. Sometimes it seemed to him that God himself watches these eyes, and therefore Pace nervous and felt awkwardly, which, however, is understandable. He understood that the Dora could reach all directions of the case, even what he was not able to see. Let him look, it is a look of justice. He sees what is really and that man is unusual to see. Yes, he argues now irrationally, but the Dora has never deceived his expectations.
Dora frightened his forehead slightly, as if he was looking for that it was possible to argue that he was now said and why. Pace almost saw her, as she believed that he was now not trying to cause pity for himself, which was the truth about his explanation. She asked with anxiety: - And where do you want to leave? Not such a question he now expected. Shuddering from hopelessness and hacking his already disheveled hair, Pace again, before answering, looked nervously on big belly Dara. He could swear that he saw him slightly shuddered, probably a child was moving, and Pace felt an inexplicable desire to touch this place. He suppressed a desire, but the feeling of the need to act immediately enhanced. The child was preparing for the appearance of this light, and Pissa wanted to approve the rights of paternity. This required his honor. He refused to admit that they are owned by suddenly deliberate intrinsic instincts. They were never peculiar to him. Nothing and no one decree. He wants to do what he considers fair honest.
- Now it does not matter. The main thing is to deliver you to the priest, and as soon as possible. For details we can discuss later. Will you stand your trip?
Pais doubted that the Dora herself weighs more than one hundred pounds. The child probably adds another twenty additional burden. As she can wear such a cargo: But in appearance, it seems to be a weightless bird, ready to straighten the wings, who conceived over his question.
"I don't want to get married," she replied sharply. - I do not want to become the property of a husband.
Pais was completely staring at the Dora, he did not understand what she says. She can give birth every minute. He literally saw the child moves into her womb. What, damn it, is the property of property? He will now reinforce her over his shoulder and is honored to the priest if she never ceases to chat with nonsense. Probably this is due to pregnancy. Pace grew in his lawcot, desperately trying to find some reasonable arguments.
"You already belong to me," he answered as sharply. "What do you think, I will now let the other man touch you?" And while you are here, within reach, nothing will change. And you have already promised that you will not take a child from me. Thus, if you yourself do not quit him and you will not leave, you will have to deal with me. You, dora, already my wife, just before you wear my name. And all sorts of legal expressions will not be able to change anything between us.
He saw in his eyes the fear was shone, as if at the captive Lani. But one of this short glimpse was enough to spend his heart to him. Then her gaze expressed cold agreement with the logic of his evidence. He closed his eyes and sighed with relief, suppressing his own doubts when she finally answered:
- I can go. We must take a wagon. There are no horses for the crew.
He swore, and the Dora, shudder, was repaired. Taking a basket with eggs, she turned to go when he, as if apologizing, grabbed her hand.
- Sorry. I was too long in a male society. My knight can walk in the harness, and I now harness it. Then you can take a stroller. She has at least springs. I do not want to crush you. She was surprised how he was worried.
- But I'm not an egg shell. And it's not so easy to smash me. Do you want me to stroke your clothes before we go?
"No, let it make damned servants," he said, and realized that the servant was no longer left.
From the hut no longer came the songs, it did not hear laughter from the kitchen, no one drank from the upper windows of horses, idle down. Now he understood why the tobacco plantation has not been plowed yet. Pais squeezed his jaws, from the lips rushed from a dozen questions, and shook his head: - I will find something suitable in my room, you are also rejected and reset this apron. Man marries usually once. We must make an appropriate way.
As if they were always incurred in a designer way, Pace thought, helping Dore to climb the stroller. He finally calculated that she was pregnant for seven months. The unfinished priest will be married, in someone else's church, there will be no one from their relatives and friends. Yes, this is not such a wedding, which he once dreamed of, but at the prevailing circumstances, not from anything.
Dora removed his curls under the lace Cap, removing completely hiding the hair of the capor. Pace reluctantly agreed with this innovation, especially since the hair in the March wind, if they are not covered, will be in disarray. She put on a pure dress, not so worn, as the first, and he understood without words that she had no better. And besides, it is difficult for her and it is difficult for something in a figure. And why talk about it now. He examined his father's score and got only a few dollars, - spend on new clothes Not anything.
When he sat down next, the Dora silently served him a gold ring. He looked at her impassive face and so silently lowered the ring in his sultuka pocket. Pace Nick never gave promises to marry, but the ring almost implied the promise. Well, now he will perform it. And it will be able to somehow take care of her. True, as - he still did not know.
On the way, they talked little. Despite the clouds, the sun still managed to shine, although the wind was gusty and cold. Dora trembled in his raincoat, and Pace cursed himself for the inability to protect it even from bad weather. What the Dora thinks about, he did not want to know, and he was grateful to her for silence. Probably, she would prefer to marry her own, quake church with her strange ritual. Pace has already understood that Kvakers will not take him into their community and do not recognize the marriage of valid, but the dora did not mention this word. He himself came to his head now only apologies, but they were nowhere. Even if the Dora wished it herself, he laid it into bed without thinking about the consequences. He was an experienced man. She had no experience. Damn it, she probably had no idea that in such cases it happens. All this intrigue fully on its conscience. Pais tried not to think about the humiliating shame, which she had to tolerate all these months by his fault, and she would continue to tolerate if it were drunk, did not immersorate the train going to Kentucky. Now he understood that he could be in her not read by the letter. No apologies can redeem his act. And he fully recognized his guilt. Now he will take responsibility for himself and will partially fix the deed evil.
In the usual, weekday, working day near the district court stood only a few horses harvested in wagons, and a rustic cart, half-loaded with supplies, in front of the bench. From the breath of horses standing on a cobblestone pavement, couples rose. Pais managed to put his Merin in front of the entrance. Dora nervously grated his hands, looking at the majestic brick building, but Pais neglected her excitement. He must fulfill his duty as applied with all the formalities.
"I thought we were going to the priest," the Dora whispered, moving away from him. - With me enough and the priest.
He could not be in a sense, where such indecision, as she did not understand before, why she refuses him, and therefore was not a very fit and accepting.
- This is only a formality, dora. Of course, if you want, we can first go to the priest. But I want the marriage to be registered by the district judge.
- Can you not do it without me?
He is so used to her "you" and "yours", which has always noticed their absence. And she lowered such an appeal when it was very upset, not trying to hide it.
"Okay, let's go first to the priest." He will give us a document on a signature, and I can come then and arrange it. So suits you?
Without looking at Peis, the Dora hurriedly nodded. And he did not have time and patience to find out this little secret, and he led her down the street in a residential quarter for the area on which the courthouse was located.
He all the time remembered her burden, but the Dora moved with some cautious grace, not the fact that other women who in her position walk like ducks, having turned off her legs. By the time they reached the humble house of the priest, he already really wanted to take part of her burden on himself. And at the same time, Pais understood that in a couple of months he would really take this cargo to his hands. And this thought was terrified by Pace.
The rite was perfect in the tiny living room of the priest. His wife and daughter witnessed. In the slot between heavy curtains slid a sunbeam, fresheny linen curls of Dara and who made more transparently thin skin. More than ever before she seemed to him an angel if not to look at her figure. The little breast, which he once kissed, twice the volume, and it would be curious to see her nude. And soon he will fulfill it.
In this thoughc, he suddenly got angry. He has a wife, the abukhanta for seven months, which, obviously hates his men's advantages, and he already thinks whether it will soon drag her in bed. Yes, he worst worse do not come up.
Pais put on the Golden Ring on the finger of Dara, repeated the priest of the vows, do not even hear his own words, and bent, so that a quick kiss touch the dry lips newlyweds. In the ceremony obviously there was nothing solemn or sacred. He was not surprised when the priest gave him to sign the testimony, on which the date 1864 was prudently delivered instead of 1865. He was happy that he had several dollars in his pockets. The priest, of course, was counting on weighty thanks.
Dora did not notice the discrepancy of dates. Knowing her tendency to truth, Pais silently raised thankful prayer. His main concern was to legitimize the birth of a baby, but in the future, they appeal with an enjoyment confirmation, as if married before pregnancy. Over the years, the truth will come true.
He deliberate the priest and with caution brought the dope from the house. They are married. She became his wife. Pace, not believing his eyes, looked at her calm face. He and the day did not stay at home, but already chained in the chain of her husband and the future Father. Is it possible to leave even lower?
And then the Dora also looked at him with his all-seeing eyes. Pace waited for condemnation from her side, but she gave him light smile And said:
- I thank you, Pace. I think I will learn to love such a person like you.
And he had such a feeling as if she had chosen the soil from her legs.
Chapter 22.
End of her dominion with a wedding!
Freedom gives in return to the chain
And, creating the Lord from slaves,
Trainers creates from previously faithful.
John Crown "English Wandering Monk"
Dora did not understand why she uttered these words. Pace was unpleasantly struck by them, and she wanted to take them back. But they are told, and so it should be if she wants to remain honest. Dora not very easily succumbed dangerous emotionsBut Pais has already given them once the will. He can easily do the same again. However, they will try to get along. Her ardent feelings for Pans have nothing to do with marriage. Now the main thing is a sense of relief, because now it will divide the burden, which was previously carried alone.
Dora took Peis under his slightly coarse hand, and they headed back to the courthouse.
- Few people know what's right. Even less than those who are correct. And you are one of this noble minority.
The expression of his face softened, he accepted her words as an expression of gratitude.
- I did only what I had to do any person in my place. After all, I'm not completely a villain, Dora, and regret that you had to suffer because of my sinful behavior, but now it's finished with it, and I would not want to talk about it anymore.
She quickly and shyly smiled:
"After all, I didn't know that we make something that children are born, otherwise I may not have gone to it." But I am guilty as much as you.
"Curse, Dora," Pace got angry, "I said that I no longer wish to hear about it." I feel like the last scoundrel.
So, he decided to punish himself. Well, let. She was repulsed by other thoughts, for example, that in court they can meet the sheriff. She would have not really wanted to bring to his information that they and Pais got married just. And suddenly on this basis, the sheriff will protest its former decision on real estate? And maybe the pace did not receive her letters?
It was quite difficult for her to start a conversation on this topic. Pace fell into one of his gloomy thought and hardly aware of her presence. They approached the stroller. He silently helped her sit down. She called him, but he dismissed and quickly rose in the steps in the building with a marriage testimony. Dora sat in a wheelchair, confusing his hands, or from excitement, or going to pray, it is incomprehensible.
When he returned, he had no more gloomy, than usual. Dora took it like good signBut when Pais asked if she wanted to go to the restaurant, the Dora shook her head negatively. She wanted to get away from the courthouse as soon as possible before the inevitable one would happen.
She just was not used to lying. Dora already squeaks words in mind to ask how things are concluded when Pais interrupted the flow of her reflection by the question:
- Where is Josie and Amy?
- They hurt. And Josie decided to immediately leave, as soon as Amy recovered a little to bring the road. They will have a few days from the parents of Josie.
Here the Dora climbed the lip, hoping to change the topic of conversation, but Pace, thinking about her, continued to ask.
- Why did not the fields plow? Did any of the workers left for anyone?
- Only Solly. He can not all have time. There are still a few women in the huts, but they have little children and they cannot plow.
- Why not hire workers? Why didn't Josie do this?
Dora shrugged:
- And who to hire? The president announced that slaves were free. The staff of Kentucky did not recognize this. Laws during your absence have not changed. Free ebony cannot live in Kentucky as a legal citizen. And in the whole state there is no one whom, which would agree to perform the work of blacks. I would have done this herself, but now I am unable. And if such a position continues, we will all be hungry.
Pace barely heard cursed.
"But why then Josie will not sell the damned manor?" It would have given the opportunity for a long time to live without needing.
Dora looked at him questioningly:
- But the farm does not belong to Josie. Both, and Charlie, and your father, chose you by the heir.
Probably, she was not very clear in the letter, but Pais was struck by her in words that she did not have the spirit to say about the sheriff's decision and the document on which her signature stands.
- Me? Did they make me the owner? What the hell did they expect from me what actions? I have no idea about agriculture.
Dora cheated his surprise, and she laughed:
- But Josie too. I think they have both suspicion that she will sell the estate at the first suitable case.
Dora stopped laughing and looked at the peis more.
"I think they believed that you would rather than she want to leave possession."
- Well, it means they are mistaken. I do not mean anything in the farm labor and is not going to learn.
A minute later he was confused, sighed and said:
- Well, I give up to me, you need to hire a person who disassembled. And you, and the rest you need to live somewhere until I find myself a refuge. And you will need some income. I do not know whether it is possible to sell this property so that some time to hold out.
- I have own house, - renovally objected the Dora. - You do not need to worry about me.
He quickly looked at her big belly.
- Of course not. You will go to plow yourself, give birth to the bushes and, having endured with childbirth, you will make me again for the Pahot. Not stupid, dora. You are now my wife. And, one way or another, but I have to look after you.
"I don't wish, in order to look after me," she answered in a childish capricious. - I'm tired of permanent guardianship. And for a variety I would like to take care of yourself. You can go our own way. Until at that time, I perfectly accounted for my own.
- Oh yes, truly fine. You have just admitted that I was too ignorant and did not suspect how children are made. Damn it, in the world there is still a lot of things, what you do not know, and I will not let you know about it in your own grave experience. Someone should take care of their innocent creatures like you.
Probably he was right, but Dore did not like it. She silent and evil watched on the road. She has not yet fully realized that he is already married and that Pace has the right to all these extensive statements. And she will soon understand it. Contrary to all reasonable grounds, she bought a legitimate name for his child in exchange for the tyrant of marriage. And maybe she itself needs the owner.
Finally, by the night, the sky was covered with clouds, it was cold and smelling the rain. Under the oaks already bloomed daisies and on the yudy tree Nobuchley bloody-red buds. The weather in Kentucky did not complain the messengers of spring.
Dora mumbled something unintelligated under his nose, putting on a heavy flannel night shirt. Under the gust of the northern wind in the windows, glass rattled, he walked in the bedroom, threatening to repay the candle. In a small room, next to the bedroom Harriet, there was no fireplace nor the oven. Dora already believed that she was finished with winter cold. Now, it turns out, it is necessary to hide the heavy woolen blanket again.
She tried not to think about what Pace was doing now. He rushed back and went to the city immediately after they returned from the district court. And did not even bother to explain the mother that now they are with expensive legal spousesBy giving it to his wife. The old woman perceived the news very complacently, although, probably, forgot about it in two minutes. But one way or another, this month of pregnancy, such a news was perceived as a happy permission of all problems.
Pace returned earlier than she assumed. He took the horse to the stable and cleaned it. There Pais found Solly, and, probably, they discussed where to start. And it should not count on some changes at times and forever the order only because today they are the first with Pais's marriage night. Apparently, Pais married her only because of her belly. Although now she probably seems to him ugly.
Dora blinked candle and crawled under the blanket. She was still a shiver. She hugged himself to warm up quickly, and for the first time in the past day she was curious, and what would it like to sleep in one bed with her husband. How strange it sounds this word. She was not going to get married. And did not feel married. A piece of paper, pretended to her relationship with a man, has not turned her life upside down. Becoming married, she took up the same everyday ordinary affairs. Pace with the same success could still be in the army, so little was noticeable his presence in the house. It was possible to pretend that they returned in former times when she was in the house in the position of Guest, and he was a student and studied the right.
From such thoughts, her rest did not feel calmer. The child was unspecable in his stomach, and the Dora tried to find a more comfortable posture. Sripped the bed, and the woman froze, hoping that Harriet did not hear anything.

No lazy child

Imagine, he himself for three years, he learned all the letters into cubes. Knew all the colors. Poems could read the hour in a row without stopping. All familiar surprised. Once it will read him - he will remember half half. And books favorite so "read". If I tried to cut somewhere, he immediately said: "No, not so!" - And corrected as it should. I sometimes even wondered why he should generally read them if he knew everything.

When they went to school to do, we all warned everything: to enter this school to do, you need a blobe or money. And we came just for testing. I prepared it, of course, and he went to the group on school preparation. But this, I will honestly tell you, so myself was a group. Everything that was there was, he also knew. He missed the classes there, but the teacher said: "Yes, Valera knows everything, but I can't ask him one that all the time." He went there, only to play with the guys ... So, we came to testing. A written tour he passed with a bang and on orally the same complex questions were, but a teacher who took, only headed: "What a capable child! What developed!"

Have you come to me to find out how to better develop a gifted child? - I decided to intervene in a monologue, because the situation was not too clear for me. What to listen to? What to stop attention? "But a psychologist is probably in your strength school. He will be able to give you a more qualified, pedagogically oriented consultation. Or is there something else? Valera have health problems?

Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! - Mom Istivo knocked the knuckles of the fingers on the handle of the chair. - with health with us
everything is fine.
- Then what led you to me?
- He does not want to learn! Imagine?! With his abilities! The teacher said: "Either your Valera
It takes for the mind, or look for another school. "
"But maybe you exaggerate the ability of the Son, and it is really difficult for him to learn from this, which is more complicated and enhanced, the program. Tenderkind preschoolers are far from always turning
In good pupils ...

No, doctor, you believe me! He in the first two classes in general was an excellent student. And it's not difficult to learn to learn! If he had somehow worked, then he was this program - pah! And he is in all so! Last year went to music school. Received by the competition, again without any Briton. It seems to be wanted. The first three months the teacher caught could not. And after half a year, everything threw. I will not go - and that's it. You see, I have a feeling that it does not develop, but degrades. Previously read a lot, now almost does not read at all. For all days can watch TV or on a computer play. But there were still karate, volleyball, even ballroom dancing ... All threw.
- But why? What is Valera himself explains his refusal?
- Yes, nothing explains! Tired and all! We have been outlued with my father to all sorts of explanations and teachings - nothing helps.
- Probably, I need to meet with Valera himself. What is it class now?
- finishes the sixth.

Valera was the Miloid, Contact Boy, with thin devils Persons and elegant movements. He willingly talked about the school and about the family, easily, almost imperceptibly improper and over himself, and over the people around him. Everyone he spoke about something good, something ridiculous and necessarily mentioned something from the flaws. For example, he told about the class teacher that she had a well-deserved teacher, he behaves very interesting optional for high school students, at all, when she objects, and on the lessons repeats all the time: "We must think your head," as if people can think more Some place.

When I asked Valera, what he explains the situation that has happened in his school, the boy wrapped around and said:
- So I have. "Can, but lazy" - so our teacher says.
- And what do you think about this?
- Do not know.
- But you will have to change school, part with friends ...
- Do not know, maybe somehow it will cost ... I will catch up ...

And the circles in which you started to do and threw? What is it?
- Well, at first it was interesting everywhere, and then at each lesson - the same thing, the same thing. Bored!
- What is interesting?
"Well, it's interesting to walk," Valera is animated. - The militants on TV are interested to watch. On the computer to play. It is still interesting to ride somewhere, travel. I love excursions. We often have at school. In museums walk. Encyclopedias are very interesting. And a lot of things!

Paradoxical seems to be the situation. The boy is clearly gifted by nature. Quite decent conditions in the family and the conditions of training (this is confirmed by Mom, and Valera himself). He is interested in "a lot of everything." And he does not develop studies at school and sustainable cognitive interests are not formed. Why?

Why can children, but do not want to learn?

Oddly enough, it will sound for people older than thirty, but today's children often do not want to learn on a very simple reason: they do not know at all what it is necessary. There is such a very good children's joke. The boy comes to his mother and says:

Mom, tell me: "Fun".
- Why is it? - Feeling some kind of catch, suspiciously asks the mother.
- Well, you just say: "Fun".
- What does this mean?
- Yes, you do not ask anything, you just say: "Fun!"
- I will not speak all sorts of nonsense!
- You will not? So do not forcing me then english learn!

Our children are not as we were. This is a banal truth, but in everyday life it is often forgotten. Our children
More different from us than we differed from our parents. They live in another country, with a different public strict. Arguments, which somehow affected us, often simply do not reach them. Fifteen - twenty years ago the misty concept of some "debt" (not that before the country, not that future generations, it is not even clear to whom) it was nevertheless a completely effective reality. Father spoke to his son:
- Think, he does not want to learn. Must and everything! Here I think I want to get up in a half day
And to go to the plant?! However, I go. Because it should. And you have to - learn.

And behind this paradoxical in general, approval and for the Father, and for the Son there was some kind of reality. Son, watching the life of the father and the people around him, vaguely understood what was being taken by and, at least, did not discard the explanations of the Father, which is called, "from the threshold."

For today's children, an announcement that they must learn is an empty sound. Pretty dubious and statements that, only learning, you can get a good job in life. Our children are not at all stupid and see people every day, which if they studied anything well, then clearly did it not at school. Nevertheless, these people are fine (often much better than the parents taking care) "arranged" in life. In addition, children, especially under 14 years old, are mostly not very capable of predictive thinking. To think today about what will happen to them in five to six years, and even somehow subordinate to this actions to this actions - unbearable work for their mind.

So what to do? The only exit is every day, with each convenient case to show children that knowledge, education makes the life of a person more interesting, filled, expand the boundaries of the world affordable to him. Not available - "take and eat", but in terms of "understand." And this understanding (and ultimately - control) can deliver not less, and often more satisfaction than direct possession. You need to explain on affordable child Examples. Now few children want to become astronauts, but many dream of business. Most of them absolutely do not imagine what it is. Explain to them. Summate to prove that business is first of all the correct understanding of the situation and actions of people, and in the second - management of all this in the interests of the case. Let them know that there is a special science dealing with all this, and by the time they grow up, no business without the use of this science will be simply impossible, as it is impossible to fly into space, without using mathematics and physics achievements.

Another reason why completely capable and even gifted children are often not learn - this is a lack of interest in studying. They simply are not interested, and no beliefs and threats will help here. The only way out in this case (if the child is really gifted) to find school or program, quite adequate opportunities for the child. Interest in school will return - performance will return.

Sometimes child performance suffers due to conflicts at school. In medium-sized classes (5-8) it is especially common. The child claims the role of the leader, but does not have strength or abilities to lead others. The child got between two "groups", cannot determine his position, conflicts with both parties and, of course, it turns out to be losing all the time. In class, where the relationship has already been formed, a new, not too sociable student came. He has no friends, during his change, he stands at the wall, without deciding to take part in the noisy games of classmates, does not respond to the clumsy "pensions", attempts to involve him in communication. Gradually, such a child becomes a scapegoat and, as a result, cannot learn well, does not want to go to school.

These and many other situations unites one thing - the inability of the child to establish adequate relationships with peers, violation of its social functioning. The impairment of academic performance is happening here, it comes from the fact that the child lives in constant voltage and is gradually neurotic. In this case, it is necessary to analyze the causes of child conflicts with classmates, and contact a specialist for individual or group psychotherapy. As in other cases, it is necessary to find a resource to which you can rely on the restoration of violated communications (for example, the child is perfectly communicating with the peers in the country), and to provide a child with all-time support in the family. Violated relationships in school is always predominantly trouble, and not the child's fault. Therefore, parents need to mainly think about how to help him, and not about what you can accuse him.

Sometimes the cause of study below the possibilities or even failure is the incompleteness of the cognitive interests of the child. Such children tend to grow in incomplete or socially disadvantaged families, from the earliest years have been provided by themselves. The abilities of such a child can be quite high, but the area of \u200b\u200bhis interests is very narrow, lies within the yard or a quarter, where he communicates with the same as he, "the children of the street", of course, who does not enrister them and without enriching them, In addition to practical survival skills. Sometimes such children produce a very pleasant impression by their independence and intelligence, but the future of them, as a rule, is not painted in the rainbow paints. Despite all satisfactory abilities in primary school They, as a rule, are listed in the "lagging".

IN high School They may be lucky. This will happen if there will be a talented teacher on their ways, which will be able to transfer his love to such a child and his interest in any subject, thereby witnessing the "dormant" capabilities of the children's brain. It is not necessary that the child's life will later be associated with chemistry or botanic, but the brain has already started working, and the process of formation of cognitive interests has begun, the food for which you can find almost everywhere. We all heard, and more read about such cases. Unfortunately, in life, they are extremely rare. The author was lucky to observe only two such episodes.

Reading and unquidental children

It's no secret that today more and more children grows, and without taking a book. Their literary experience in this case is limited by comics, more or less random journals, and later - lethargic attempts to master the works school program In abbreviated presentation. How to deal with such a position of things and do you need to deal with him at all? - This is the question that parents are often asked in one connection or another. Let's try to figure out.

What is the reason that today children are less reading less than their peers 15-20 years ago? It can be assumed that several reasons are responsible for this, including the change in the characteristics of the information flow, the overall acceleration of the pace of life, the change of social values \u200b\u200band the changed attitude towards the book at all. Let's start with the last - watching the multicolored collaps of semi-digit girls and cosmic monsters (namely, for the first time, our children are seen), no normal man It does not occur to utter some completely banal for the previous generations phrase, like "I owe the book" or "Love a book - a source of knowledge," or even "the book is holy." Not everyone does not reach high library halls and dust foliants, and book collaps in a set saw any child of absolutely any age.

Further. An increasing amount of information, especially information relevant for youth and Maskultura in general, is underway through audio video products, television, and through a computer and computer networks. This is an objective reality, and nothing can be done about it.

The overall acceleration of the pace of life and, perhaps, even some parties of thinking lies in the fact that the child from childhood gets used to a certain specific number of information and events per unit or book time. This amount judging by modern cartoons And video clips are very large. Most adults are simply not able to monitor these endless "splines", pursuit, shudders and drops that modern cartoon characters are undergoing with non-resistant constancy. Children make it easy. Having used to such a "density of information", our children, naturally, with difficulty read, for example, the English or Russian novels of the nineteenth century, where the speed of existence of events and images is fundamentally different from the last video of the "foot of the foot" or modern products of Disney film studio. In order for them, they still do it, we need special techniques that we will talk about below.

And finally, today a child or a teenager, carrying out most of his life for reading artistic or popular science literature, is often perceived by other children as an almost comic character. Even if it is not so, then in peers, in any case, there are (often reasonable) doubts about the adaptability of such a child, that is, youth public opinion gradually departs from "high-blast" in the direction of the company's "their guys and girls." Thus, we again, in the next generation, "catch up with America."

Summarize. Children read little, and it seems to be fine. But suppose that we have a rather cultural, reading family, which is righteous and slightly snorkels tremble from the modern Zasya Maskulture and which would like any means to ensure that their children read books. What to do such parents? First of all, decide. What would you like to see our children in the hands? Modern criminal-loving fantasy story? It should not even strain it here. From early childhood, buy a child's comics about the ninja turtles and the adventures of Barbie dolls. Later buy a couple of literary presentations of your favorite TV series, read and discuss in the family the last detective Alexandra Marinina or the last fantasy Roman Nick Perumov. Sooner or later, the child will also join you. If still not joined, do not worry, not so much he lost. In addition, not even evening. Everything will be fine.

Do you want your child to "carry from the Belinsky and Gogol bazaar", read on Pushkin, Moliere and Dostoevsky? Here you have to work hard. First you have to forget about comics and magazines with stickers. Read aloud little child Children's "classic", catching him and strange to adult hearing folk tales (Try the African - you yourself get a great impression), and to the sluggish descriptions of Bianki, and to the dry politicization of Rodari, and to the explicit socialist rhetoric of the north. Do not forget about the didactics of Lion Tolstoy and Constantine Ushinsky.

Starting from five to six years, tightly go to historical stories for children ("Adventures of the Primitive Boy", "Stone Book Sheets"), stories about animals and sentimental stories (Lydia Char, "Little Lord Fauntler", "Without a family", etc. d.). Even when the child learn to read on their own, do not learn to read it out loudbecause he, of course, freely reads a letterproof or housing for the second class, but large, interest books He himself has not yet mastered. You can read in turn, you can arrange family readings. But somewhere since eight years old, you show trick.

The trick is that reading is breaking on the most interesting and dramatic place, you have an urgent job, and the book remains on the corner of the table. It is unlikely that the experiment will be held with the first or even fifth book. But someday there will be such a moment that the child will get tired of "waiting for mercies from nature" and will take them. Further your task is to gently and persistently appreciate the child's book. God forbid you go along the way of direct recommendations. Books must unobtrusively appear in your home. They can be brought from the library and simply "crawl" from the cabinets. To begin with, it should be exactly the genre to which the "first" book of the child belonged to the "first" book. Historical story about primitive people? You are welcome! Here is one more. "The Wizard of Oz"? So you continue! Etc.

Gradually expand the genre palette. If your child from childhood is used to hearing to perceive non-adaptable, highly artistic text, then its capabilities in the third-fourth grades are very wide. The author is known to children who at the nine-year-old read with pleasure I read the more hunted " Lord of the Rings", Jules Verne and" Seagull named Jonathan Livingston. "And remember: the child who has learned to read in the sense described above, no cartoons and computer games are not a hindrance. He is already able to perceive the system of images from a print sheet of this book, and other systems Images are not obscured, but only complement its world. Sometimes, growing, such children cease to read books like parents and go to modern literature. There is nothing terrible in this. You did everything you could, and to Pushkin, Shakespeare and Dostoevsky, your children will be returned at the next stages of age-related development.

Telik, Jewel and computer. Benefit or harm?

Many children love watching TV or videos. Many children can for a long time to sit for game consoles, facing parents or updating new and new cartridges from buddies. The happy owners of the "real" computers (whom, notice, becomes more and more) have even greater opportunities for pastime, including work, training or entertainment on the Internet. How to treat this? Keep and not to bother or, on the contrary, provide events to develop your man, referring to the fact that each generation has their own songs?

First you need to take into account, with what kind of child we are dealing with. How old is he, five or fifteen? What is his temperament? How is his work with health (first of all, we are interested in the condition of vision and nervous system)? Having answered all these questions to all these questions, parents produce for themselves an individually acceptable strategy for the "wonders of the twentieth century" and, if possible, strictly hold it.

This situation is probably unacceptable: today you have a fighting mood and you, raising the interests of the child, after half an hour after the start of classes, you drive it off from a TV or computer, calling for playing, reading a book or help you on the housework. And tomorrow you came to your girlfriend, and so that the child does not interfere with your highly intelligent conversation, you yourself send it to the same (very harmful yesterday!) The screen and for three hours do not remember it. This is an error that beats not so much by the state of the child's health, as in the process of upbringing as a whole. The next time you pronounce your monologue about the dangers of computer games or a continuous TV look, the child simply does not believe you.

And now, a few tips that may be useful parents who have begun to develop this very "wonderful" strategy.

Council first. Limit the time that the child spends in front of the TV screen and computer. The following dates are considered reasonable safe.

For a child 3-5 years old. TV or vidic - 3 times a day for 20 minutes. Computer - 1 time to 30 minutes.

For a child 5-7 years old. TV or vidic - 3 times a day for 30-40 minutes. Computer - 2 times a day for 20-30 minutes.

For a child 7-10 years old. TV or vidic - no more than two hours a day with mandatory breaks. The computer is no more than one and a half hours a day, with mandatory breaks after every 20 minutes of training or game.

For a child over 10 years old. TV or vidic - no more than three hours a day with mandatory breaks after each hour. The computer is no more than two hours daily, with mandatory breaks every half hour.

Council second. Do not neglect well-known safety rules. Watch a modern color TV from a distance of at least one and a half meters. For old TVs, this distance should not be less than two meters. If your computer is not too modern monitor, be sure to purchase an additional protective screen. In watching television and work on a computer every 30-40 minutes (for small children every 20 minutes) must be taken break.

Council Third. If the child suffers, or has other neurological violations, it is necessary to significantly limit the viewing of "horror stories", bloody militants and an overly exciting child gear. If you have the idea of \u200b\u200b"strain" nervous system Healthy, but overly a huge and careful child, then start with something easier and while watching all the time you are next to the child (so that it can touch you at any time to touch you). If a child has a serious, especially progressive, violation of vision, the time specified in the first advice should be reduced by 1.5-2 times. If a child is wearing glasses, then watch TV and work at the computer he must certainly with glasses.

Council fourth. Do not forget that the "miracles of the twentieth century" is not only entertainment, but also a powerful tool for learning and education of a child. That is why it is advisable (if, of course, the funds allow) to have at home gaming console To TV, and a real computer (a little outdated, but quite suitable for the educational purposes the model cost today is quite cheap), not just a TV, but a video recorder. Modern video, I. computer programs They can help the child to learn foreign language, machinery and design, learn how to work with reference literature, in a huge amount to get acquainted with the world of animals and world history, to satisfy their cognitive interest in almost any industry knowledge and find new friends. All this is especially important for children of low-cost, sedentary, often ill, and, of course, can be a real salvation for children with disabilities.

Harmful tips. What do you need to do to raise hatred for school in your child and disgust?

So, what do you need to do to confidently and for sure to raise the child with a resistant hatred of school and no less persistent disgust for the process of obtaining knowledge?

Harmful Council №1. More often, tell the child that he must learn in any case, despite all the feelings that he is experiencing about this. Constantly bring examples of people who all their school life I hated school, and then achieved great success thanks to the knowledge gained there.

Harmful Council №2. Choose some child, your son (or daughter), who learns better, and to which your child is already experiencing persistent antipathy (it may be a neighbor, classmate or daughter of your girlfriend). Talk to your child regularly and detail about the successes of this character, about how she (he) is perfectly learning, engaged in an artistic (musical, mathematical, astronomical or culinary) school, helps mother in the house, respects the elders, plays with a small brother and t . D., etc. In response to attempts to your child, make you silenced confidently say any cauldron, a dishonorous phrase, like: "Here! True, the eyes of the eyes!"

Harmful Council №3. More often, tell a child about his shortcomings, if possible, it is less likely to mention advantages. Do not limit general definitions Type "Lazy", "Scotch", "Brainless", "Belessless". If in a child bad memory, not enough attention or poorly developed with abstract thinking, do not forget to mention it. It is also necessary to say more often to the child that all these qualities will remain with him forever, since he "absolutely not working on himself", "is lazy to tear the ass from the sofa," etc.

Harmful Council №4. Be sure to tell the child that with such as it (stupid, poorly educated, unquident, physically weak, cowardly, etc. - see the Council third), no one will ever be friends. If the child decides to you in that well, Katya and Vasya are friends with him, contemptuously raise the eyebrows and exclaim the painter: "Is it a friendship?! Nowadays ..." To catch up with the phrase, you don't need to be the perfect picture of friendship in "Your Time "The child could complete himself. Although it is necessary to mention that in your time, sick classmates have always brought lessons to the house (for some reason, this is not accepted for some reason). Let the child who has to learn the lessons by phone is aware of the inferiority of his own relationship with classmates.

Harmful Council №6. Often, tastefully tell the child, what a terrible fate awaits him if he won't learn well. Be sure to mention the criminal "six", prostitutes, alcoholics, merchants from trays and "dubogol" guards. Try to tell him that Boris Yeltsin, Boris Nemtsov and Boris Berezovsky well studied at school. More often lead to the example of parents, that is, yourself. If you succeeded in life, this is just because ten years looked at the mother of the teacher. If you or your spouse (spouse) consider yourself losers, then explain to the child that, learn from the school a little better, - long ago it would have become cosmonauts or bankers (depending on your addictions and ideals). And it is possible (for harmony) as follows: dad - astronaut, and Mama is a banker. Honestly, your child will receive true pleasure.

What can "help" in this case of the teacher and specialists?

The main role in the development of disgust for school and knowledge belongs is undoubtedly a family, but at the same time it is impossible to deny that the teachers and specialists can provide parents to parents.

For example, teachers can often and reasoned to inform the child that he is nikudny and, most importantly, an absolutely unpromising student, from which nothing is possible will never come out. In addition, the colorless identities of teachers and completely uninteresting and boring lessons are very helpful to "our business". Although this, of course, is not absolutely, because in any school there are two or three good teachers, whose lessons really develop and form children. Much "more useful" may be "bad reputation", which has developed a child at school, suppose due to its excessive mobility. Then the child turns out to be "extreme" in any collective prank and, even possessing nature light and good-natured character, gradually angry against the school and the pedagogical team as a whole. Very helps the reputation of the "mattress" and "brakes". Two or three in time told by the teacher of the phrase (a genuine example: "And now we will wait for the whole class until it comes to Vasi"), and the reluctance of the child go to school reaches truly astronomical sizes.

"Help" of specialists here can manifest two. First, the specialist, (most advantage - neuropathologist) can help parents convince the child that he (child) is seriously ill and a school in all its beauty and cruelty to him (child) is simply contraindicated. In this way, the child will have tasty headaches or attacks of gastritis in the morning, before shipping to school, indomitable vomiting before the control, in his school he will spin the head, sick the heart and jump pressure.

The author has already been familiar with the girl Masha, which has a formal diagnosis of "Vegeth-vascular dystonia", regularly falls into fainting on the threshold of the school and four or five months a year does not attend school on the references, which she regularly "removes" from a neuropathologist, convincing Its that at home she feels much better. At home and in the school "patient" Mashenka gentle, but three summer months She works in a garden in a garden in aunt in Krasnodar with a thirty-degree heat, without having any difficulty from his "diagnosis". Masha excessively complete, hates physical culture and is also afraid of elevators, hooligans and control. No psychotherapy on Mashenka acts, as it is much more convenient for to remain a "patient" than becoming healthy. This year she is going to enter a medical school. I wonder how she will learn there?

His contribution can be made to the process and psychologists, for example, in the presence of a child, his unfavorable conclusion about his mental or emotional development. School psychologists Sometimes they are carried out in the class of a procedure called sociometry (in the process of which the leaders received and rejected by the student class are revealed), and then discuss the results of this study with the pedaclecloth or, worse, with the studied class. It is absolutely ethically unacceptable. The results of school sociometry are a work tool of a psychologist, on the basis of which he plans its further work. No more.

Sometimes a psychologist may in the presence of a child say something quite ethically neutral, for example: "Maybe you look for a more adequate program for learning your son?" Most children will miss it by ears, but some, with self-esteem features, will decide:

1) I am hopelessly stupid, and they want to send me to school for mentally retarded;
2) I am very talented, this school is too bad for me. I am worthy of the best.

Therefore, any, even the most neutral conclusions of the psychologist, parents better listen in the absence of a child. If the psychologist "forgot" about it, remind him. If a psychologist finds you need to inform something to the child yourself, then it will do it separately, in specially selected expressions.

Returning to Valery ...

Valera could never complain that he did not talk about what he was good. Enough adults admired the boy's abilities a lot and often. But no one said about one simple truth of Valera: by themselves, the ability to whatever the advantages of a person are no more than high growth, blue eyes or curly hair.

Absurd from the point of view of formal logic, but, unfortunately, true in terms of practical psychology thing: human abilities are not its resource. Moreover, sometimes very pronounced abilities even interfere. And the speech here is not at all about the bay genius. In the practice of the author there was a case when a boy of ten years had a phenomenally developed visual and humor memory. He literally remembered later read and heard. Naturally, he got used to rely on memory. It was very well helped him in elementary school, but when subject training began, and difficulties began. Excellent everything I remember, in the literal sense, without difficulty learning by heart, our little phenomenon did not have learned to think, analyze, silence the main one from the read. Much had to catch a lot (from just a memorized) to study again until the boy's performance stabilized on the arrangement of him and his parents level (you understand that the phenomenon himself, and his parents from an early age are accustomed to success).

So, the human resource is not the ability by themselves, but only something achieved or formed on the basis of these abilities. For example, the ability to listen to others developed by man based on congenital phlegmatic temperament. Or the ability to sing beautifully, achieved on the basis of a congenital voice. Or the ability of a physically strong child well to play football, developed in the sports school or in the courtyard football battles.

Valery, undoubtedly, had the abilities that are called general gifting on a pedagogical psychological language. Why did they not turn into a resource? Yes, because the adults surrounding a gifted child have formed a written idea that the abilities are valuable by themselves, that he himself does not need to do anything, and all good in his life will happen by itself. The greatest value in life little child - Love, praise and encouraging significant adults. Valery from the very early age had all this in excess, without spending absolutely no strength for it. Naturally, he was accustomed to such a position of things and did not want to change his position when the situation around him began to change. After all, he remained the same - capable, cute child. Previously, everyone admired them, why now something requires something from him?

For a fairly long period, we talked about all this with your mother Valery. She often argued with me:
- And what would it be better if we did not praise him?! But after all, the children are needed to praise - you yourself say, and in all books it is written ... But is he really a cute child - contact, developed, intelligent? Do you disagree with me?
- Of course, you need to praise children. But not for the same thing they are brunettes or red! And Valera too often praised for the fact that he quickly thinks, remembers well, easily catches pattern. They praised his congenital "common gifting", in which, if not adhere to the Hindu views on reincarnations, there is absolutely no personal merit. In the end, it is even hurt. After all, in the structure of his personality, there is no doubt, there are genuine resources, for example, the same contact, curiosity, love for visiting museums ... Tell me, did anyone praise Valera for curiosity?

For curiosity? - Mom thought. - I do not know. I do not remember.
- And Valery really lazy?
- No, what are you! It is movable, clockwork, not at all lazy ...
- And where did this definition come from, which he himself so willingly repeats?
- Well, you know, it was necessary to somehow explain that here it is so capable, but learns worse and worse ... well,
Teachers have such ... that ... they are so talking about many children ...
"And Valera used to believe that they say about him ..." I picked up. "Although you, and he himself knows that laziness is not at all about him ..."
- Yes, yes, he is generally very gullible!
- That's based on this and we will work ...

Then I worked with Valera himself. Some (short) time he looked into a group where he immediately came down with all the guys. No Valerina problems in group work manifested. His stay there was only needed to get feedback from the guys. Everything happened as I planned. Movable, developed Valera, everyone liked, and, accomplishing it, the group told the boy that it was interesting to talk to him that he was not harmful and easily agreed to not argue and not swear that he was not only easily performing some exercises, but also tries, So that it looks beautiful that some things he says (for example, talking about visiting museums), forcing other children to think about such phenomena and problems that they have not thought before. All this, as you already understood, was a genuine resource of Valera.

It is from the discussion of the opinion of the group we started individual work With Valera. Consisted of an estimated list of its advantages and disadvantages. It was allocated among the advantages of those that are a resource (when Valera realized what was the matter, he really liked this word, and then he wouldingly operated on them). Among the disadvantages identified with those with which you can work, and those that will be as if not very leaving (for example, Valera had a weak degree of myopia). Did you find out that the lack called "Lena" in Valera is not available and, therefore, the teacher's definition of his school failures will have to revise.

High level of intelligence Valera (dignity, but not a resource!) And his curiosity, directed in our case on his own personality (resource, and what else!) In the aggregate determined very high efficiency Psychotherapy. For pretty short term (about four months) Valera managed to completely rebuild his ideas about himself and how suicide and recognition should be achieved. And the success and recognition was needed by Valera as air. The boy did not hide it from his own, nor from others, and it was this honesty that allowed him to protect him from hysterical neurosis at the peak.

After three months, Mom began to notice that Valera's school cases went to the way. Teachers talked about the fact that the boy brings additional literature on the lessons, it is interesting to tell a lot of lesson or close to it. Tries to attract attention non-standard approach To the topic, the disclosure of her unexpected side, some kind of associative material (we talked about all these strategies in detail with Valera during sessions, work out examples). Fortunately, Valera really learns in a good school, in which the teachers managed to understand the "Creativeness" of the Valerian approach and, noticing the return of interest in their studies, at first did not demand a meticulous observance of the "letter of the law". Gradually, however, the requirements tightened. Educational process Included not only what was interesting for Valera, but also what was bored and even disgusting.

This is not my resource, "Valera's authoritative arises, sitting in a chair in my office. - All these accuracy there, underscore with different features, or when examples need the same twenty pieces to count. These are Petit Korolkova Resource and Masha Galkina. They have notebooks both on a computer are printed. I still do not get angry with them. But I can figure out how to solve the task in three ways, and they say. One way to me, one pate and one Mashka. And Olga Vasilyevna does not guess. And then I have answers from Petka with examples to roll (I always will do one or two mistakes), and I will emphasize my pencils to me with my pencils. Anyway, I sit with her. And by the way, other boys with girls are divided, fights, in the head of each other with backpacks are scattered, and we have mutually beneficial cooperation with us. Is it a resource?
- Resource, resource! - I laugh and, without sustaining, I add: - Well, you are the bog, Verka! Capable, but lazy!

Discuss the re-education of children with the whole family!

The spoiled child brings a lot of problems. After arranging whims, he achieves his own and feels power over his parents, who in all of him pokak. The result of such behavior of the parents will not make himself wait. As soon as the child tries to prohibit something, he immediately applies a proven method and arranges another hysterical until his own.

Everything is aggravated when parents cannot or do not want to admit that their child is spoiled and it's time to take some measures. Many parents do not pay attention to the toddler's capricious behavior. However, such children are waiting for problems in the future adult life. That is why the parents are responsible for understanding the problem in time and try to solve it.

Is your child spoiled? Here are 12 main distinctive features behavior of such children. If you know at least a few, you will definitely familiarize yourself with the tips of the psychologist at the end of the article.

1. The child does not want to share anything with others.

The egoism of the spoiled children makes them come only in their own interests, because they are accustomed to getting everything they will demand. Of course, such a baby will categorically protest, if you have to share myself with someone, whether your favorite toys, some kind of delicacy or the attention of parents.

2. Frequent hysteria

The kids up to 3-4 years old, and arrange hysteria, because they have not yet learned to express their feelings in a different way. but frequent hysteria In older children, this is a reason for concern, because with their help the child simply manipulates his parents.

3. Strong dependence on parents

You regret the child, if he does not want to stay with his grandmother, does not want to fall asleep alone or nervous due to the need to visit kindergarten. If it repeats too often, then there is a reason to think about its spoil. Adult, the child must learn to feel comfortable among other people.

4. Requires to prepare his favorite food

Of course, sometimes children can be capricious because of food. However, if your baby regularly refuses to eat ordinary food and requires special dishes specially for him every day, it is clearly spoiled.

5. constantly expresses discontent

Another sign of spoils is frequent dissatisfaction with something. The baby all the time reports that he does not like toys that he does not want to wear such clothes that he was tired of eating soup or walk in this park. The situation is aggravated when some new new child appears at the neighborhood interesting thing - In this case, the spoiled Choo will certainly require the same.

6. never helps

Already after 3-4 years, the child needs to gradually teach to remove toys behind them. If my mother continues to do everything for him, in the end he will get used and will think that it should be so, and he does not have anything to help anyone.

7. Rudeness and rudeness

Satisfying the whims of the child, parents develop consumer attitude towards adults. As a result, the child ceases to respect them. And why speak politely if they still eventually fulfill all the requirements. Sometimes it leads to the manifestations of rudeness and rudeness from the child.

8. Baby often have to persuade

The spoiled child does not recognize that parents or grandparents need to obey. It is not surprising that their requirements for him are empty words. After such requirements and requests, the child begins to be capricious, manipulating adults. In order to achieve something from him, parents have to go on persons.

9. Manipulation of adults

The spoiled children are easily found in the family an object for manipulations, with which lovers always work in ways to achieve their own: whims, tears, hysterics, etc. For example, if dad does not respond to such manifestations, the baby will definitely go to his mother or grandmother, it will be rude and intrusive, with tears and hysteries to ask for something until he achieves his own. At the same time, the kid can use other means of manipulation. For example, to say grandmother that he loves her most. As a rule, such love quickly goes to someone else, if the desired does not work from the grandmother.

10. The child makes parents blush for his behavior

Wanting to attract attention, the kid often interrupts adults, can start shouting or arrange a hysteria somewhere in public place. This problem is particularly hard to fix if the parents initially broke the child, allowing him to behave as he wants.

11. Does not feel responsible for bad actions.

Everyone must understand since childhood that only he should answer for his actions. However, the spoiled children have an excellent support group - parents and grandparents who are always ready to correct baby errors. For example, if the baby hit a neighbor's child, no one explains him that it is impossible to do so, and even protects - they say that the boy himself is guilty. In such circumstances, children grow irresponsible and divided.

12. It categorically does not perceive the refusal

The spoiled children simply do not understand how this may be that something is impossible to them. Such behavior can be forgiven only to kids up to 4 years. In children of 4-6 years, the concept of the impossibility of doing any desire must already be formed, they learn to safely perceive the refusal of something. The spoiled child does not understand such bounce, he simply arrange another hysteria to achieve his own.

Causes of spoils

Family life changes dramatically when main role Begins to play the spoiled child. Children are born in the same conditions, but they are spoiled. wrong education. If up to 3-4 years old crying and whims - quite natural feature Behavior, then after 4 years it gradually develops into a means of manipulation by adults, which in previous years used to do everything, if only the baby calmed down. As a result, the child becomes egocentric, gets used to seeking his whims and hysteries, ceases to see in adult authority.

Often, spoiled children grow in families where parents cannot find general methods Education. Feeling disagreement, the baby begins to look for adult control levers. If the dad is too strict, it goes to a softer and ready for him for all mom or grandmother.

Also one of the causes of spoils may be the impermanence of prohibitions. For example, if yesterday the child was allowed to run on puddles, and today they suddenly banned, it invariably cause indignation.

One of the current reasons for spoils can also be excessive employment of parents when they cannot give a child a lot of time. As a result, they are trying to redeem their guilt with gifts and fulfillment of all the desires. And after a couple of years, when the whims and the demands of the child are becoming the norm, and the kid 'requests grow, it is suddenly clear that the child was spoiled.

1. Always stay calm

Control of the situation is impossible without calm communication. If you start screaming and nervous, the child will not change, and in the worst case - will answer you the same. In the case of problem situations, it is best to try to ignore the hysterics of the child. Tell a calm voice: "We will talk about it only when you calm down."

2. Realize the problem and start the re-education as early as possible.

Do not wait until everything goes too far. At the first signs of excess capriciousness or hysteries for the sake of getting desirable, try to stop the child. Do not allow him to manipulate you, fulfilling all his desires, just to calm him.

3. Adhere to the sequence in education

If yesterday you forbade the child to jump on the sofa or run on the puddles, and today he does it impunity, then such education is useless. The kid gets used to that any prohibitions can be circumvented. Therefore, if there are some clear bans, all adult family members should remind all the time. Try to always perform what you are talking about.

4. Learn to refuse to a child

Many adults indulge children, because they simply cannot refuse to be beloved. As a result, the child begins to treat people with consumer, feeling the opportunity to get everything that only wants. Instead of a new typewriter, already tenth on the account this week, better play with the child or walk into an interesting place.

5. Enter the duties for the child

The kid from childhood should learn to understand the word "need." The concept of responsibility is formed even in small orders. For example, consolidate the duty for it to remove toys or put your things behind it. Let him be not very good to get acquainted and then you will have to redo everything, but so the kid will understand what "duty" means and becomes more responsible.

And do not forget during the re-education, do not exercise excessive rigor. Explain the baby all calmly, find mutual language with baby. Be sure to say that you still love him very much, but his behavior is wrong and he will have to be corrected. And certainly discuss the re-education of children with the whole family so that grandmother does not continue in secret from you to fulfill all the desires of the baby until you continue to try to explain to him what it means "it is impossible."

"If the doctor stressed that without him you will now disappear, it means there is something wrong here"

What should be immediately alerted the parents when familiar with the new pediatrician? When do you need to beat the alarm, take a child and go to another specialist?

First of all, you must understand: the task of a children's doctor is to help you and solve your problems. If on the basis of the meeting you have much more problemsthan it was before her if you heard a "horror strokes" doctor if the phrase of the type "It only seems to you that everything is fine, and in fact you are all bad," if the doctor stressed that without him you will now disappear So something is wrong here. The doctor should not demonstrate his interest in you, should not scold other specialists, should not send you into a strictly defined laboratory or in a strictly defined pharmacy. The doctor, in the end, must be smiling and friendly.

All of the above are universal recommendations. But if you are engaged in your education, if you adequately and responsibly treat your parent, if you understand that the situation in our country, the situation of Dad and Mom cannot blindly trust vital decisions regarding the health of their child, other people, if you read and The elementary foundations of medical knowledge are familiar with you, then certain diagnoses and certain drug names will already be told that it's time to look for another doctor. Well, for example, you are treated with dysbacteriosis, "raise immunity", they advise not to walk, recommends from two months apple juice, interferons are prescribed, treat the usual ORVI bunch of expectorant drugs and antiviral meansRecommend medicines "for appetite", "for the liver" and so on. I understand that this answer I, most likely, grief is a huge number of readers, for they have to solve higher task - Detect the phenomenon is extremely rare, almost non-existent. The main thing is to make two conclusions from all this: that, firstly, the problems of domestic pediatrics are not at all associated with specific pediatricians, and, secondly, that the parents are simply obliged to engage in self-education.

"Adult women consider themselves major experts in the care of children"

Are there any the themes for which parents are shy to talk to the pediatrician, prefer to silence, solve the problem on their own?

Of course have. Most often we are faced with the fact that all adults, especially adults of the older generation, consider themselves large experts in child education / care. The opinion of the pediatrician, voiced by his mother, often does not coincide with the opinion of the grandmother, and the situation when Mom ignores the appointment of a doctor and is guided by the recommendations of the grandmother, it is very often found. As a rule, do not discuss and even hide real family problems from a doctor that affect the health of the child. Here is a typical example: you can not help our baby with bronchial asthmaBut at the same time smoking in the house dad is dismissed beyond the discussion. Very often, the doctor's recommendations are elementary cannot be fulfilled, since there are no housing or material conditions For their implementation, but even these problems are not always discussed. Well, one more constantly actual problem: Parents often shy to ask clarifying questions. As a result, the lack of understanding of the rules for the treatment of a child, errors with dosage and drug intake, unnecessary parental amateurness.

"If the child predicts an inadequate adult response, it will hide the disease to the last"

Does children hide the disease, do not tell the parents about the problems with health? How can it be due to?

If you have problems, the youngsters instinctively seek help for adult members of the flock. Taking into account this instinct, it can be said that the children are completely unusual to hide the disease. Well, if the child predicts, taking into account his previous experience, an inadequate adult response on his appeal for help, if it reasonably assumes that the reaction to its complaints will be screaming, prohibitions and restrictions, it is clear that it will hide the disease to the last. In general, a direct answer to the question than may be due to, such: almost always - the lack of mutual understanding between adults and children, inadequate adult response for children's complaints. Although sometimes there are such circumstances, when no one is to blame: they gathered tomorrow with a dad fishing, and in the morning the child woke up, his stomach hurts ... Well, how to tell dad, if you know exactly that after that, fishing is angry, and we dreamed about her two month…

"A kindergarten is obtained in kindergarten, which forms the morals of our adult society"

If the child does not go to the manger / garden, and instead will sit at home with a grandmother, afterwards he will have problems with peers. It's true?

I would not claim this so categorically, but I think that the likelihood of such problems will really grow multiple times. We all have to communicate with huge number People, and from the art of this communication depends a lot: personal life, success in school, professional implementation. It is not surprising that the Standard Recommendation implies training to the art of communication with other people from early childhood. Another question is that in children's preschool institutions really pay a lot of attention to teach children to communicate and build relationships with each other in human. As a rule, the kids bring to kindergarten the skills of finding out the relationships and the settlement of conflicts, which they seized, watching adult members of their family. In kindergarten they exchange these skills, and in the future it turns out dangerous mixwhich, strictly speaking, forms the morals of our adult society.

Finding from an early age in the team helps to strengthen the immune system, because in the garden or nursery the child will inevitably hurt cold illness. It's true?

Throughout life, a person is necessarily found with a certain amount of viruses and produces immunity to them. You can meet with viruses at school, and you can earlier - in kindergarten. It is clear that he met with them in kindergarten and overdoned, we actually strengthen the child's immunity, but not immunity in general, but immunity towards completely specific diseases. In general, it should be noted that numerous "kindergartens" diseases can have immunity and extremely negative impact - everything is defined as tactics of treatment and conditions in which the child is in kindergarten. If each viral infection - This is a reason to stick in a child a dozen no one unnecessary drugs, if in kindergarten is practiced restriction of the physical activity of kids, if they are forced here, if they are very walking, if it is hot and dry in the premises, it is clear that such a treatment and such a kindergarten They will definitely not strengthen the immunity.

Summary: We all need to think well about how to get beneficial from kindergarten. I mean, first of all the benefit of the child's health. Well, for this, actions are necessary in two directions: first, parental training is required to fulfill the rules for assistance to children with ORVI and, secondly, public monitoring of the personnel of children's preschool institutions of obvious and mandatory for the implementation of sanitary and hygienic requirements.

"Anorexia is, of course, very cool for tearful television programs"

- Anorexia B. childhood - Is it a myth, a rarity or real threat?

For a pediatrician Pediatrician, anorexia theorexia is extremely littlectocable. This, of course, is very cool for discussion in social networksFor tearful television programs, for woven on a bench, but in real life Violations of food behavior achieve the level of anorexia rather rarely, and these problems lie, as a rule, in the plane of psychiatry and ordinary pediatricians do not concern. Perhaps I am mistaken, nevertheless from half a million letters received by me in the last 20 years, there were only two (!) On anorexia. And in both cases, it was about teenage girls who were filled with classmates.

- How to track parents in the earliest stages, what does their child have a violation of food behavior?

Violation of behavior is a violation of generally accepted norms and rules. In a situation where food addiction And the food habits of the child begin parents to surprise - the choice of products, the volume of food eaten, the time, which is spent on this eating, is a calm and adequate analysis of the reasons why this happens. But the most important thing is that it is desirable with the help of a doctor to get an answer to the key question: whether the child has the food habits that parents are considered as a violation of food behavior, can lead to health problems now or potentially contribute to the fact that They will arise in the future. It should be recognized that very often some food habits parents are considered as a violation of food behavior. In fact, they are not these. For example, a child refuses from the first dish, or he has no appetite in the morning during breakfast or he does not like the taste of buckwheat porridge ... Another question is that parents should be known for standard techniques that allow you to optimize food behavior, make it convenient for everyone family members.

Well, for example, a child refuses to breakfast. What to do? The answer is obvious - to reduce the volume and caloric content of food eaten the night before, increase physical exercise. In other words, you need to change the lifestyle so that the appetite appears in the morning. After all, it is convenient for everyone when the child has a tight breakfast and has the opportunity in the morning quietly learn or play with other children without thinking about food.

In general, I sincerely wanted to wish my parents to independently search for answers to questions that in the food behavior of the child really good and what is really bad. And besides, it is to be able to discuss nutritional problems with a careful, benevolent and nonsense pediatrician.

"Never praise for an empty plate"

If a child eats too much, constantly requires additives and parents appear concerns that he can dial overweightIs it appropriate to put it on a diet? In general, diet and baby are compatible?

First you need to find an answer to the key question: the child eats a lot because it needs such a number of proteins, fats, carbohydrates and energy, or he eats a lot because he just likes the taste of food, that is, the food for him is not a vitality, but a way to receive Pleasure. And the second (we have already spoken about this) I will definitely understand: "Eats too much" is a problem with the health of a child or with a mental mother.

In any case, if there is a lot and if there is a tendency to a set excess weightThe priority task is not a diet, but an increase in energy consumption. First of all, to avoid overheating and increase physical exertion, to attach to the sport, work on the house, etc.

Diet? Yes, perhaps. Reduchly reduce the amount of sweets, reduce the fat content of the products and calorieness of dishes. At least, to make so that the spoon in the soup was stood, but swam. It is still very important to follow the technique of food intake. Yes, yes, precisely how it happens: to do everything so as not to hurry to be well chewed to be a pause between first and second. Never praise for an empty plate.

"School physical education is a tick on the conscience of the state"

Today, the so-called children's fitness is gaining great popularity. Some parents see it as an alternative to school fizre and simply as a way to protect the child from obesity. How safe and justifies the child to such classes? How old is the child really need extra physical loads in the hall?

The lifestyle of modern children is such that in additional physical exertion, they need it difficult, so they are good any methods that allow you to tear the child from gadgets and televisions. Where there is no urban infrastructure that allows you to actively run, jump and spend the energy where there are no bikes and sports / playgrounds, - there the children's fitness will be a good way out of the situation.

School physical education is a tick on the conscience of the state, which allegedly acquires children to sport, but to real energy consumption, to real sports, all this has nothing. Fitness and any other sports activities After lessons, unambiguously cannot be considered as an alternative to school physical education. It is much more efficient and more useful. I sincerely, I would like to wish all the parents to have opportunities in order to bring children to physical exertion after school classes with the help of trained specialists in the prepared premises.

I will pay your attention again: modern children, especially urban, have motor activity Some are smaller than the nature prescribed than is expected in terms of their physiological needs. Therefore, it is impossible to name the age when the child is useful to additional physical exertion, they always need them and will not be superfluous at any age.

"Most schools are in a very low degree adapted to teach children harmoniously"

Today, parents are increasingly trying to send a child to school as early as possible, not even at 6, and already in 5 years. What do you think of it?

This is a very simple question, because neither the child's age, nor the desire of parents is not determining to answer it. The main thing is the school. If school is created adequate conditions For classes, recreation, sports, walks, if children are good there and nothing is affected negatively on their health, so go to school at least three years old. But, to a huge one regret, the vast majority modern schools throughout the territory of the former Soviet Union in a very low degree adapted to teach children harmoniously, without negative influence on their health. Based on this, I do not welcome early start Training, since it categorically does not accept the situation in our education system when children's health is spent in exchange for knowledge.

For their professional activities, you gave not one tens of interviews. Surely there are questions that certainly sound almost every conversation with journalists. What questions are you tired most?

Three questions: how did you become a doctor? How to increase immunity? Do you make vaccinations to your children / grandchildren? And thank you so much that at least in this interview we went around these topics.