How to live for childless women. A childless woman is a woman who is denied the right to be normal by society. A woman's life should be connected with children

Women with children often talk about how childless women do not know what they are losing in life. But do these women know what they lose by deciding to have children?

After all, children are everyone's preference, not a duty.

Sleep late

This is a fairly simple item, however, it is he who is the most expensive for many women. If you don't have children, you can get up early, or you can sleep late. You can sleep even longer on weekends. But if you have children, then you cannot do this. For some, this may sound rather strange, but if you have children, then you will immediately understand this need to wake up at five in the morning to take care not only of yourself, but also of your child.

Trips

The ability to travel is one of those opportunities that women who choose not to have children talk about most often. You can afford to travel more if you don't have children, and the travel itself is much more enjoyable and comfortable. You do not need to have a special car seat, stroller, bag full of diapers with you, and you will not be disturbed by hungry, bored, tired, sleepy or any other child.

Saving

When it comes to travel, it is also worth noting the fact that money is another great reason do not have children. As you start to grow up, you probably start to wonder how your mother could afford the luxury of raising a child. It's actually very simple: mothers have a lot to sacrifice. They have to sacrifice everything so that the children have food on the table, clothes in which to go to school, medicines to take in case of illness, as well as all other things that are related to the child.

Dirty diapers

Even without considering the cost (although everyone knows that diapers are incredibly expensive and parents have to spend a fortune on them until their child learns to go to the potty), the constant need to change dirty diapers is another serious problem... Of course, hardly anyone speaks out against the use of diapers, but every woman who does not have children is just happy that she does not need to change them all the time. After all, she does not need to get up in the middle of the night because of crying baby and hope that this time everything will work out and she will not have to "enjoy" in again enchanting aroma.

Living on your own

It's not just about freedom of travel. The fact that you are an adult with no children gives you a kind of freedom. You can live your life the way you want, doing what you need to do in order to achieve your dreams. If you have children, then you will not take risks. You will not be able to leave your job to try yourself in a new, more interesting direction for you. After all, it will be an irresponsible decision that will affect not only your life, but also the lives of children. If you have children, then you cannot decide at the last minute that you want to go to the movies or go somewhere, you cannot stay late somewhere. Without children, your life follows your immediate choices. All you have to worry about is paying bills, and everything else in life can go as you please.

Peace and quiet

If you've never heard a baby cry, you can consider yourself happy. After all, children with their screams and crying can strike such high notes that seem inhuman. Regardless of the reason for the screams, you will have to take a little time to get used to. So one of the most important things that women without children appreciate in their absence is complete silence in the house.

Time for yourself

As with peace and quiet, many women without children appreciate the times when they don't need to think about any obligations at all. If you paid the bills, showered and eaten, and finished the entire necessary work, all the time turns into time for itself.

Immutable body

This is one fairly popular point that, however, you are unlikely to hear about if you ask a woman a question about why she does not want to have children. But almost every woman thought about it. One of the things she loves when it comes to not having children is total control over own body... Having achieved ideal figure, many women begin to think that they will never gain this weight in their life, including the weight that accompanies raising a child in utero. What's more, some women struggle to maintain or lose weight gain, so they don't want to put their bodies through the horrific stress of pregnancy. They do not want to face the problem of milk oozing from the breasts, mastitis and other similar things that occur during pregnancy and after childbirth.

Control over life

This paragraph is similar to the one that told about life of its own accord, but it is a little deeper. If you don't have children, then your life is your decision. First, you can decide whether you want to have children or not, because previously this possibility was practically not considered on a voluntary basis. Therefore, in modern world you have full control over your own life and you can only thank fate and evolution for this gift.

Having children is good

For some reason, many people believe that women who have not had children do not like them and consider motherhood to be something bad. In fact, this is not the case. They may well be happy for you, they may think that having children is good for you if you yourself have made a similar choice for yourself. They fully admit the idea that children can be the most wonderful and wonderful experience in someone's life. It's just not the life they chose specifically for themselves.

Not having children is good too

Women who decide not to have children very often listen to opinions that they simply do not understand what they are missing in life. Or better yet: that they will never know in their life true love without having children. First, it is worth noting that such statements can be very offensive and offend that other forms of love are significantly belittled. And now it is worth imagining a situation in which this is said not to the woman who decided not to have children, but to the one who cannot have them. So even if a woman has no children, this does not mean that there are no people in her life that she loves.

A little selfishness

Many women who choose not to have children use the word “selfishness” when they talk about their decision (or when they talk about how someone talked about their decision).
However, it is worth remembering that selfishness is not always a bad thing, especially if it means that you live in accordance with your own values ​​and do not let anyone dictate to you how you live.

When the author of these lines was experiencing miscarriages, it was not yet customary to talk about it. Now she invites people like her - childless to dialogue. How to live with it? And can you put up with it? She almost did it herself. But sometimes 50-year-old Jill Gleason still thinks about how her unborn children could have grown up.

“I say little about my unsuccessful pregnancies... No one but my family and my best friends knows about this. There were three of them. Three lost child... But that was a long time ago, in past lives, and I no longer think about it. I am 50 years old. I will not have children. My life took a different path. I accept and even welcome this.

After three miscarriages, you need to get on with your life. But sometimes thoughts “what if” still burst into consciousness after random phrases or situations. I remember a conversation a few years ago with a man I fell in love with and who broke my heart. We sat on the couch, hugging and talking. Like me, he was divorced, like me, he had no children. He didn't want them. And he said jokingly: “It’s a pity that we don’t have children, they could have the same long legs, how about you".

I burst into tears and began to scream that he had no sense of tact. I think this flash surprised both of us. Then it occurred to me that perhaps I had not quite come to terms with my childlessness, as I had thought before. Or I was so upset that my man didn't care that we would never have children. For me, this has always seemed to be the ultimate act of love and devotion.

I experienced my first miscarriage at 22, being madly in love with my fiancé. The pregnancy was accidental and I was very nervous.

The child died at 12 weeks. I had to surgically delete little lump tissue that in six months could become a man. Despite the fact that he was lifeless, my body clung to him and did not want to let go.

My future husband was as shattered by this as I was. Long years he kept the first statement from the clinic that I was pregnant. Sean and his current wife now have nine children.

The other two miscarriages occurred at the same time. The man I got pregnant with was not a good man and I told myself that it might be for the best. This is what you say to yourself after you have lost your child, and this is what you hear from friends and family (if they tell you anything at all). Although at that time I just wanted to be condolently.

I will never forget how I had an ultrasound scan during my second pregnancy: cold jelly on my slightly rounded belly. Two hearts that the doctor found. Gemini, he said.

After that, I will never get pregnant. This is fine. I am not one of those who thinks that all women must become mothers. Some of us are simply not made to give birth.

Childless women create offspring for themselves in other ways. For me, these are words. The book I am writing will soon be my child. I am raising my parents, friends, a dog. My life was interesting and eventful, I was lucky in many ways. I have traveled all over the world from the Ecuadorian Islands to Israel. I loved and was loved, and although now I am alone, I believe that love will return to me.

But sometimes, when I am surrounded by children, I feel a small prick in my heart. I look at their parents, how they laugh or cry, hold hands and hug, and think: "It could be me!"

I think about the children I never had, especially the first one. We wanted to call him Sullivan or Sally, whether it was a boy or a girl. Ideal name: unique, but not silly. Good way honor our Irish roots with Sean.

Sally could now have turned 28. He could be a writer like me or an artist like his father. Or it would be a strong, independent young woman, bold and tough, traveling the world. Doctor or farmer. My child who never was.

Strange thing: my body knows what pregnancy is, never having a baby. I am familiar morning sickness I can still smell the humid summer air of Chicago, the scents I breathed into Sullivan's pregnancy. I then covered my nose as I walked past the dumpsters, desperate to cope with the onset of nausea.

I know how sensitive breasts become and how quickly they change. your mood... How hungry all the time. I know what it is like to stroke your belly, wondering that a person is growing inside. Seeing blood stains on panties when they shouldn't be there. And to hear the doctor say, "Sorry, I can't hear a heartbeat."

My only brother died three years ago without ever becoming a father. I never asked my parents if they miss their grandchildren. My mom and dad are also travelers, they are like big children. And they never pressed me that I should try to get pregnant again.

At my cousin have a daughter Olivia, beautiful girl 17 years. They are very close to my father and she often visits him. Sometimes when I look at them, something cracks inside me, like ice in a glass. He would love his grandchildren. And so is my mom.

Now the parents are already many years old: dad is 84, mom is 79, and recently she was diagnosed with dementia. When they leave, I will be alone. I will no longer have a family, I am the last. Who will take care of me in my old age?

For the first time in my life it occurs to me that I can fall in love with a man with children. Of course, now the children of any of my potential partners already adults, and that's okay. But I like to think that even at my age I still have a chance to start a family. "

"What can I say, every woman dreams of children. Only I seem to have stopped already. Spent twelve years to get pregnant from own husband... I lay in a variety of fertility clinics, took a variety of pills and subjected myself to the most terrible procedures - nothing helped.

What have I not seen enough there, in these clinics! Young women, beautiful, wealthy, successful in everything - except one. And everyone considers themselves unhappy because there are no children. Some are treated for years, others get divorced from their husbands - what if someone else is lucky? Still others are constantly deceiving her husband that something is wrong with him, God forbid he thinks that she is sterile. They are going through five, six, eight miscarriages in order to get pregnant for the ninth time and lie in preservation for all nine months, to finally get their precious, only child, scratched out of the clutches of fate. In the infertility department, we had a joke: "Other women cry when their periods are not on time, but we - on the contrary, when they came." And in fact: across the corridor from us - they do not have time to bring back from abortions. Why so, why?

If you think about it, do children bring a lot of joy to a person? While they are growing, while they are small, while they are being bathed and dressed up, and they, like dolls, in bows and curls - yes, there is a lot of joy. But childhood flies by quickly, and now sleepless nights, when the son lingers with friends, and you do not sleep and listen to the silence outside the window, imagining all sorts of horrors for yourself, now the daughter reproaches you that you are not dressing her well enough, and then leaves to a stranger to the peasant, slamming the door, now the grandchildren have gone, and you are fiddling with diapers and cereals, despite the fact that you are still young and attractive, personal life yours is over. To your health and appearance you have given up a long time ago, who needs it, it only takes a hardy and wiry old aunt to carry bags and strollers and talk less.

And what is the answer? Rare calls on holidays or when you need money, poorly hidden mockery of your old-fashionedness, a bouquet of flowers on duty and a box of birthday chocolates. I've seen enough of all this from my friends, I studied the subject, so to speak, in full. "

"I always dreamed of children. When I was still in school, first-graders and second-graders always followed me with their tail - I was their teacher and older sister, and the arbiter. She invented games for them, broke up fights, reconciled, took them on campaigns, was the head of the live. corner, played the Snow Maiden. In general, the most popular personality among the kids at school. I already started running on dates, and the little ones all followed me with their tail. Once, because of this little thing, I quarreled with a guy whom I really liked. He was waiting for me at the cinema, and the kids brought a kitten with a crushed paw to my house - he was hit by a car. They roar in three streams, do not know what to do. Well, as I was in high heels, I rushed with them to the veterinary hospital. We cured the kitten, and then for two weeks I could not explain to Borka why instead of a date I went to the veterinary hospital!

No one was surprised when I became a teacher kindergarten... Here all my talents have already blossomed: you know how to sew well - necks outfits for dolls and costumes for the holiday, you know many fairy tales - tell the children, if you know how to hammer a nail - fix the wardrobe. Here you have a workshop, an atelier, and a living corner. I loved it all. And my children have always been the most developed, the most cheerful, you can't kick them out of the garden. Not the most obedient, of course, but if I take offense at them and don't tell a fairy tale before going to bed, then they walk on tiptoe, their faces are dejected. They do everything diligently - until the first, of course, scuffle. In my heart I considered myself almost the best kindergarten teacher, and then one day I accidentally overheard a conversation between one of the mothers and the nanny: “She is trying so hard, because there are no children of her own, she needs to put her energy somewhere. say ah childless woman really cannot love a child - yesterday she kept my Stasik in the corner for half an hour, she has no pity. "

I wanted to jump out of the door right there and shout: "Yes, even if your Stasik is sealed in that corner, he will terrorize the whole group anyway!" But then I realized that this was not the main thing in her words, but something else: I am a childless woman ...

Yes it is. Vasily and I have been married for eight years, and we have no children. We underwent examination, they explained to us - it is with him that I cannot have children, something in our bodies does not combine. It happens. Girlfriends, of course, immediately give advice: leave your husband or get a lover. I do not want! I love Vasya, I don't need anyone else. And we live well. Why seek the best of the good? We have somehow come to terms with the fact that we will not have children. I have enough of this fun at work, Vasya is generally quite indifferent to little ones.

But the words "childless woman" ... After this incident I began to look at myself - maybe I'm really harsh with children, it's too easy to solve all their problems and problems, too glad to have a rest from them in the evening? After all, mothers do not have such an opportunity - they think about the child day and night, they always live with his worries.

And then a friend gave birth to a second. I went to congratulate, looked at this small miracle how it sleeps with lashes in its cheeks, squeezes tiny fingers into a fist, hung its lips, as if upset by something ... And it smells so tenderly in the room - ironed diapers, breast milk, chamomile, something infant. And to watch her breastfeed, and at all torment - such bliss is not given to me to taste. Lord, why is that? I really love children, everyone, whatever you gave me, gave birth, not like those who go to abortions. But it's better not to think about it. So that's my fate.

And yet ... I look at childless families- their life is empty. A woman and a man got along and live for their own pleasure. They please themselves. And with children, all life is filled with meaning. And sooner or later childless marriages break apart. I had acquaintances - a couple of feast for the eyes, he carried her in his arms, she could not breathe on him. Everyone was jealous of them. They lived for ten years and parted - he went to a woman with a child, she gave birth from her lover. So say here that not everyone needs children. I began to look at Vasya with suspicion: when he says that he is indifferent to children, does he consoles me or is he deceiving himself? He is already under forty, and at this age, they say, a person feels everything differently, he begins to treat children with special tenderness. What if he, too, will meet with the child?

All these thoughts tormented me. My character began to deteriorate - I yell at the children in the garden, I sulk at my husband, I envy my friends.

And here my young niece was doing an internship in a child's home. Someone dreams of children, but how many of them are abandoned, unhappy! Ninka sheds tears after each watch. He says - although the state allocates a lot of money for them, what's the point. All with chronic diseases, one cannot juice, the other has an allergy to chocolate. And the staff is stealing from them. Ninka, as she goes to work, will buy thirty-two sweets, not chocolates, so that everyone can be given. The children are waiting for her arrival, they want warmth and attention, because she manages to talk to everyone, pat on the head - at first they shied away, did not understand, and now they themselves drag on. “It’s still not so noticeable from the boys that they’re from orphanages,” says the nephew, “but the girls ... all look the same, they look like boys. It’s immediately obvious that they are not at home.” How did I introduce these girls with short haircuts who don't even know how to wear dresses, no matter how you dress them up, everything in me turned upside down. I think - why am I so selfish? I grieve that there are no children of my own, but there are so many unfortunate, abandoned ones. To at least one to fix life, create normal family- this is such happiness. It was decided √ we will take the child for education. He, too, was tired of living without parents. And we will have an ordinary family- like everyone else.

Many women and some men worry about being infertile. Girls even fall into depressive state because they can't get pregnant. But is it really that bad to be a childless person? In this article, you will learn what are the benefits of being childless and why you shouldn't end a relationship if your partner is infertile.

Write a message this article I decided at the request of the site reader. Read it to understand this young woman's problem:

We have been living with my husband for 2 years. I am 22 years old. I love my husband, and he does me too. We cannot get pregnant all this time (my husband has problems). And I really want a child. What to do? Everyone says - get divorced, young, you will find yourself more beautiful.

Is sterility a reason for separation?

Due to the fact that people impose stereotypes on each other, many childless couples break up. They cannot withstand the pressure of relatives, friends and acquaintances. Therefore, they are destroyed for the sake of the environment and their own instincts. But is it worth putting false goals above the love of a man and a woman? Procreation is not a deliberate decision of a living being. It's instinct. If you indulge your instincts, it will be impossible to maintain a relationship with your loved one.

Highly good sign is a woman's desire to become pregnant when she is intimate with a man. Such a desire suggests that a woman actually loves her man. But when the desire to have a child arises simply as an independent and obsessive idea, then this is already a sign that there is no love for a man. In this case, the woman's selfishness will contribute to the destruction of real relationships.

A woman who sees her partner not as the one and only man, but as an inferior livestock, should break off such a relationship. After all, even a barren man has the right to be loved not because he is useful in something, but simply without conditions and expectations from the woman. Maybe after a while he will meet his soul mate, who will love him, and not his usefulness, seed or heirs.

Judging by the fact that the author of the request asks whether she should leave her husband to please her desires, we can conclude that, most likely, she invented love for her man. After all, when two people are connected by real feelings, then own desires or the advice of others will not destroy the union of lovers. Even loving wife a disabled person does not ask the question whether it is worth abandoning the legless or the armless. Spouses of disabled people live with those whom they once fell in love with. And they see in their already completely defective men all the same beloved men.

If a woman cannot get pregnant, this is not yet a reason to change her life partner. After all, if you think about it, the obsessive desire to have a child is no different from the desire to own a huge and expensive villa. Many girls leave their men to get what they want. But in the end they turn out to be lonely, unloved and useless. They scattered what they had and were ultimately unhappy. Although they achieved their goals.

The desire to have a child, eating a girl, is akin to when a woman wants to possess an expensive thing. The only difference is that expensive car, a villa or a yacht can be sold if they become unprofitable or just annoying. Your child needs to be raised, fed and educated for many years, and then until his death to support him and more often financially. You can't go on about your instincts and stereotypes imposed by others. A child is not something taken for granted, but the mother's eternal duty, pain and responsibility.

If a woman, devoured by the desire to give birth to a child, can abandon her husband, who is not useful to her, without consequences for herself and her own psyche, then when he turns out to be uncomfortable, useless or difficult for her, she will not be able to abandon the child. Therefore, before ruining, it is worth considering how correct your thoughts and actions are. And what they can lead you to afterwards.

Is sterility a curse?

You can understand a woman who cannot get pregnant. After all, it is clear that until she knows the "joys" of motherhood, she will consider that being a mother is the ultimate dream. But in reality, everything is completely different. Great mother's love begins to fail under the pressure of chronic lack of sleep, financial problems and hyperactivity of the child. The love of mother and child, celebrated everywhere, disappears into oblivion as soon as the child enters puberty. And what older child it becomes, the more difficult it is for the mother to cope with him, to protect him from problems and to guide him on the right path.

While a woman puzzled about childbirth suffers from toxicosis, swelling of the legs and arms, bouts of uncontrollable gut and psychosis, turning into tearful hysteria, self-sufficient woman lives for himself. She can afford to visit beauty salons, because she does not need to buy a stroller, diapers, undershirts, bottles, rattles and so on. She can acquire herself gorgeous dress, instead of a dress tent for pregnant women. And go in your beautiful outfit in an evening club with your beloved man.

When caring milf ponders which grandmother, neighbor, aunt, girlfriend to leave her baby screaming around the clock for at least one night to sleep for the first time in several months, a self-sufficient woman comes up with sexual foreplay to prolong the night passions with her husband, contributing to complete relaxation. And she is happy that she escaped the fate of becoming a mother, otherwise she would have to forget about sex for a long time.

Infertile women and men do not even think how much simpler their lives are. There are many advantages to what they consider to be a disadvantage:
- no need to protect yourself, as most people do;
- don't be afraid sexual relations due to possible pregnancy;
- no need to worry complicated pregnancies and childbirth;
- there is no obligation to bear responsibility for someone;
- you don’t need to sponsor someone for the last money all your life.

Childless men and women who have lived together for decades, as a rule, can boast of their own real estate, large financial savings and a wealthy old age. Most of these people travel, allow themselves expensive purchases and really live happy life... After all, all the years they live exclusively for themselves.

Couples who seek to produce children as quickly as possible are in need for the most part. They forget what it means to live for themselves. The whole life of these people passes in the eternal struggle for the survival of themselves and their offspring. These mothers and fathers are always worried about something. They are the main buyers of harmful discounted and expired products, and expensive drugs. They are the ones who are not satisfied with politics, government, taxes, laws and so on. After all, they need to constantly survive. And how much they succeed depends on how the state will treat them.

Childless couples don't live from handout to handout. They earn for themselves and live only on each other. And they always have the opportunity to secure their future. By old age, they accumulate whole capital and can afford to live comfortably in hot countries in luxurious villas. Therefore, infertility should not be viewed as a curse. Childlessness has its tangible advantages!

Can't get pregnant. What to do?

In this part of the article, I decided not to write about how women solve the problem of childlessness. After all, these methods are quite popular, and therefore a lot has already been written about them. As, for example, about artificial insemination, going to the left, changing partners or adopting a child. All, except for the last, these methods do not really solve the problem, but help the woman to get confused in herself. After all, if she does not consider her man full, the same opinion about her marriage, then there is a high probability that later she will not be satisfied with her child, life with a new partner, or the fact of her betrayal of her husband will torment her.

In this part of the article, I would like to describe the stories of people who are faced with childlessness. Having delved into each, you can already draw the right conclusions and understand what to do if you are tormented by the problem of childlessness. Other people's stories help you look at practical experience infertile men and women who have exchanged their happiness for following instincts and stereotypes imposed on them by society.

The first story once struck me to the core. An internet friend of mine told me that his wife left him because he was infertile. As he assured me, they loved each other very much, and therefore the breakup was long and painful. The woman received advice to leave her husband from the priest. And so that she quickly weaned from her husband, the same priest recommended that she go to a monastery.

Years later, the woman who supposedly loved her husband remarried. But she still has no children. Her real husband is a full-fledged man, just like she is a full-fledged woman. But they have no children, as well as love between them. Because of what a woman feels completely unhappy. In her case, it is appropriate to recall the saying "You can't escape fate." The former husband of this woman is a barren man, he found the strength to be happy alone and therefore cut off any connection with her. Do not exchange those who love you for your desires that arise from you simply because your instincts are turned on.

Another story is even more sad. The young woman dreamed of a family so much that she got married when she was barely eighteen years old. Until twenty-five she could not get pregnant. Realizing that she and her husband were overtaken by childlessness, the woman passed necessary examinations like her husband. It turned out that it was the man who suffered from infertility. Without thinking twice, the lady left her husband, insulting him goodbye. Because of what the man began to drink too much.

Consumed by the desire to have a child, this woman began to cohabit with her first boyfriend. Nine months later, her son was born. Upon learning of her pregnancy, the newly-minted groom quietly disappeared from her life, and became a single mother, formerly married and happy woman... Years passed, the son grew up and went to work abroad. Since then, the unfortunate mother has not heard anything about him. And her ex-husband after she left him, he met a woman who was not worried about his infertility. He quit drinking and healed with new wife happy life.

A woman who is happily married will say that there should be no one closer and dearer to a beloved and loving man. Children grow up and usually forget about their mothers. And if a woman did not value the relationship with her man, she finds herself in all alone when the child grows up. A child should be the fruit of love between a man and a woman. But not an obsessive goal that breaks real relationships and, ultimately, the fate of two people who could happily live their lives together, and certainly not the fruit of sexual relations with the first one.

When I think about these stories, it becomes completely incomprehensible to me why women are so persistent in their instincts. After all, you can live with what is now in this moment... If you are next to you now loving man, then he will stay with you until old age. This man will always be your support and support. Only he will come to your aid when you feel bad. And children will always need you. You will have to become an eternal support for them. Rare people grow up to take care of their old parents. Usually mom and dad are drawn to their offspring all the years of their lives.

Childlessness is an advantage!

Infertility and childlessness are not problems. These are just features. You should come to terms with them. You need to learn to enjoy life here and now. After all, childless people can afford to live for themselves. This means that they can feel happy. When you hear from others that children are their happiness, then do not believe them. People love to hide the truth and wishful thinking. Mothers and fathers almost always solve some problems, they simply have no time to be happy, because they do not live for themselves. Only years later, when their offspring grow up, before the appearance of grandchildren, these people will be able to enjoy a short-term opportunity to live for themselves.

If you are infertile or your spouse has been diagnosed with infertility, do not panic, do not consider yourself inferior or your loved one is not useful. Find the benefits of being childless. Enjoy the opportunity to live for yourself, have sex with your spouse without consequences, travel together, save money, or spend it on yourself. And if all this does not allow you to feel happy, then help large families, orphanages, shelters for dogs and cats, etc. Caring for someone can save you from obsessive thoughts give a birth to a baby.

How to accept childlessness?

In order not to consider yourself and your spouse to be inferior people, you do not need to listen to the overwhelming opinion of others. People, doing something, always try to justify themselves. When a couple of your acquaintances have children, living in a rented apartment, and they barely have enough wages heads of the family, these people begin to justify their behavior. They say that children are the flowers of life, after their appearance, love grew stronger, and relations stabilized. In fact, this is a deception, in order to justify their wrong actions, harming themselves and their offspring. Therefore, do not pay attention to the statements of "happy" parents in your address.

A woman who is oppressed by the idea that she is not destined to become a mother can help get rid of the obsession with the time spent with someone else's baby. Take to your place for a week screaming baby your friends to be bottle fed. Let his mom sleep six nights in a row. Try to "be in the shoes" of a young mother. This experience is very sobering. After all, sleepless nights, constant fussing around the baby tire so much that sometimes it seems as if there will be better life... But if this does not cool your fervor to become a mother, then it might be recommended that you become a nanny for young children of busy parents. This usually helps a childless woman to show her inherent maternal instincts without destroying the relationship with the infertile spouse.

That the main reason for the modern version of patriarchy is material, it is the fulfillment by women of family care work (caring for children, sick and elderly family members, household services).

This particular work time- from 10-15 to 100 or more hours per week, which is spent on free labor, performed not for economic reasons, but because of coercion, persuasion and social manipulation.
This is the time that a man can spend on labor in a higher capitalist formation - labor for which he receives money, and which goes at the expense of career, length of service, that is, public recognition. A man can also spend this time on personal growth, development, on personal projects and on entertainment.
It doesn't matter if the woman combines family care and paid work (or, for example, freelancing, which is also new - but in fact old form hired labor) - or she is only engaged in family care. In any case, she sacrifices something: either work for money, which means personal independence and social recognition, or personal development and rest.

It is these 10-100 hours a week that are the main social difference between a man and a woman, from which all other differences follow. It - labor Relations, in which women and men enter among themselves.

Based on this, girls and boys are brought up in different ways, prepared for life. Based on this, women and men see and evaluate themselves and the opposite sex, based on this, books are written, films are made, and the entire known ideological system of patriarchy is being built.
Even sexual assault arises for the same material reason. Sexual abuse is not a matter of sex, but a matter of hierarchy; women are lower in the hierarchy because they have to do family care work. It is possible and necessary to carry out violence over lower beings from time to time (not forgetting to mask it with powerful propaganda of "male nobility", romantic love and other apology for a strong and superior male). The very sexual desire in a violent relationship is firmly tied to hierarchical representations.

But here another important question arises:
“But not all women have children or care for disabled people. However, literally everyone is oppressed, women scientists and politicians are faced with "glass ceilings", a childless and well-to-do model can be raped, childless women are hindered in their studies and careers, they are paid less.

Yeah, feminists can say here: it means that the problem is not in working hours and not in free labor - but in patriarchy as an idea. This idea came from somewhere (obviously, from the deep biological viciousness of men) - and from it already follows free female labor, and sexual violence, and contempt, and sexism.

What do women who do not have children suffer from?
And they suffer from belonging to social group... So, if about a certain nation (for example, about Arabs) in society it is considered that they are poorly educated, not motivated to education and work, are lazy; then even the most hardworking and intelligent Arab will be in the eyes of those around him, first of all, an "Arab" (lazy, unmotivated and stupid), and he will have to deal with hard work prove that it is not.

If the overwhelming majority of women have children and thus do family care work, and a particular woman X does not do this work, she still belongs to the "women" social group. She is evaluated primarily as a "woman", her very appearance evokes a number of associations in any person (no matter what gender): caring, hostess, children, motherhood, cooking, cleaning, beauty, comfort, emotionality, tenderness. Even if a woman resolutely does not correspond to this series of associations, she may be judged judgmental ("does she have children?" one year old "heroine-physicist:" Nobody taught me to cook porridge. But you cannot call her a real physicist in comparison with the male heroes of the film).

That is, this woman is still assessed on the basis that she belongs to a social group that does free and disrespectful work just like that, because she "has to". Traditionally.
She is assessed by the employer: he would rather accept to work a man than a childless woman, and what if the woman still decides to give birth? It is uncomfortable for him. An employer will pay a man more than a woman, because the latter is more dependent on him, even if she has no children - she is still the worst product on the labor market.

She is just assessed by men: she is naturally below them in the hierarchy, so you can and should make fun of her, make fun of her, disrespect, violate boundaries, evaluate her body and sexually humiliate her.
Recently, revelations of a woman, a university professor, circulated online: how freshmen who have not read a single book come up to her and ask: do you really consider yourself equal to us?
And all this - despite the fact that this woman herself does not perform any additional work.
In the South of the United States, in the century before last, any black person was perceived as a slave, even if he was not a slave in fact. In the Russian Empire, any peasant was a "peasant" or "woman", regardless of serfdom or free status. And decades after the liberation of the peasants, they still remained "women and men", created for service and black labor.
So a childless woman is primarily a woman in the eyes of society (and then a specialist, an interesting interlocutor, etc.), that is, one who, in principle, is intended for care and maintenance.

In short: childless women suffer because other women have children!

That is why battles on this topic constantly flared up among feminists. Childless women, vaguely understanding the above, sometimes see the root of their problems in the fact that others have children. It seems to them: let them not give birth, and then we will not suffer! All women must become what they are - independent and childless, familyless, and then the problem will be solved. The bugs and fools who succumb to patriarchal propaganda are to blame for everything! They get married, have children. "Do not sell for flowers, tomorrow you will stand at the stove!"
Another option: if she has a child, then she is samaduravinovat. Why should this society pay for a woman's personal hobby? A child is like a dog or a cat: personal entertainment and pleasure. The capitalist-employer should not pay anything and should fire pregnant women without any problems, capitalists should in no case be burdened with duties in relation to pregnant women and children, because because of this, childless people are a bad product!
Sometimes richer women practice this in their own lives: "I have to earn money for a child, and then I will have him." By the age of thirty-five or forty, she earns money for a child and has the only blood that she does not get enough of. Or it doesn't start any more, because health after these "earnings" does not allow.

Of course, ordinary, not advanced women are outraged by this. For example, because an ordinary worker will never be able to "earn for a child" - that is, save so much money to buy an apartment, stay at home for several years, and hire childcare personnel. She needs support - a husband, government benefits, kindergartens, and so on. Social democratically inclined feminists also disapprove of the idea of ​​"every man for herself" and "there is nothing to breed poverty."

Patriarchals are also outraged by this idea, but for a different reason - they are worried about the demographic problem. If everyone stops giving birth, then we will die out.
By the way, for some reason the people associate with feminism precisely this "childless approach", feminists and childfree in public opinion- almost the same thing. Although this is far from the case.

Naturally, the only solution to this problem is the transition to socialism and, within the framework of socialism (public ownership of the means of production), the transition to the maximum possible socialization of family care (optimization of everyday life, technology, children's institutions, care institutions). Plus compensation (material and status) to women for that inevitable share of labor that cannot be socialized (childbirth, feeding, caring for a child up to two or three years old).

If this problem is solved, then the problem of oppression of all women, regardless of whether they have children or not, will be solved.
Then the very appearance of children will turn into joy, and will cease to be a source of suffering and oppression.