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Why can't I forgive my husband's betrayal. How long does PTSD last? What should a wife do if her husband is cheating

Husband cheating is always pain and disappointment. The very fact of the infidelity of a loved one is the strongest test, since it is perceived by a woman as nothing more than a betrayal. Accepting the truth and learning to live with it is not an easy task. Even more difficult is to be able to forgive and, in spite of everything, save the family. But before making such a decision, a woman should figure out what nevertheless pushed her husband into the arms of another and whether their marriage is worth fighting for.

Unfortunately, there is no single answer to the question why men cheat. Nevertheless, it is possible to understand the motives of an unfaithful husband if you try to impartially, as if from the outside, look at your life together and analyze relationships. As a rule, the reason for betrayal lies on the surface, you just have to look around.

He's bored

Work, home, life, loans and bills… Day after day, the same routine. All the same talk about what needs to be done, the same routine. Rare outings with friends on weekends, and then again monotonous weekdays.

And then she appears - cheerful, easy to communicate with. She is pretty, she has that same “mystery”. And she doesn't talk to him about business. A man begins to experience emotions that he lacked so much, a hunter wakes up in him. Life no longer seems gray, it appears bright colors. And now, after work, he is not going to the place where his wife is waiting, perhaps children, a warm dinner. He hurries to the one that intrigues, seduces, with which everything is for the first time. For him, this is a drive, an adrenaline rush, enhanced by the fact that this connection is secret and forbidden.

Sometimes, having experienced a shake-up, a man calms down and ends the relationship on the side. However, there are cases when he deliberately does not interrupt communication, considering his mistress as a means to relieve stress and get thrills.

He just loves women

There is also a type of men who like women in principle. They say about such people “I won’t miss a single skirt.” Unlike the previous example, where the husband lacks "peppercorn" in specific, family relationships, for men-lovelace, it is not so much the result that is important, but the process of "hunting". They have no idea how you can always be with one woman.

Even entering into marriage, such men do not try to be faithful. However, relationships on the side rarely drag on for a long time. Before his wife, they do not feel guilty. Moreover, they are often proud of their polygamy, considering it a manifestation of their male nature.

As a rule, they show their essence to their wife even before the wedding. But the mind clouded with love refuses to accept the facts. Often a woman believes that she will be able to change her husband, to become the one and only for him, because he took her as his wife for a reason.

Understand one thing: the chances that you will be able to fix such a man are practically zero. If your husband belongs to the category of such loving "males", you should think carefully about whether you are ready for all later life put up with his betrayals.

Change gives a sense of worth

As paradoxical as it may sound, male complexes often lead to betrayal. Career stagnation financial difficulties, even a banal comparison of oneself with others, more successful or athletic, can give rise to thoughts in a man that he is nothing of himself.

Cheating in this case is a way to assert oneself, to show: I am needed, respectively, significant. Communication on the side is perceived as compensation for failures in other areas of life.

He sees no interest from his wife

Deceived wives usually blame unfaithful husbands for what happened, calling them scoundrels and scum. But it happens, and quite often, that it is the inattention on the part of the wife that makes a man look at other women. This happens, for example, when a woman sees nothing around except work. She is talented, ambitious, building a successful career. She, of course, loves her husband, only he is always somewhere in the background. And he, as a man, wants to be in the first place.

Here is another example from life. The wife begins to get hung up on children and life. She ceases to pay due attention to herself, forgets about her hobbies and interests. Losing herself as a woman, she also loses interest in her husband. Unbeknownst to her, he becomes exclusively the breadwinner and the father of offspring. But the man did not give up on himself! He, just as before, wants to see a woman next to him, albeit a little tired of household chores, but still romantic and tender. He wants to feel strong, he wants to take care of her and desire her. He wants reciprocity! And he finds her outside the family. After all, there are so many unmarried girls who want to feel male shoulder and who are ready to respond to the interest of the man.

He doesn't like sex


A man needs intimacy. Quality, regular and varied. Relationships in bed for him is one of the indicators of a successful marriage. Unfortunately, the reality is that many women are afraid to open up to their husbands, they are afraid to talk about what they want and like, they are afraid of being misunderstood. Not enjoying intimacy, they imperceptibly broadcast: “I don’t want you”, “you don’t interest me”.

As a result, unspent sexual energy accumulates, and in both spouses, and requires a way out. The woman begins to “wash down” her husband over trifles, not realizing that it is her dissatisfaction that speaks in her. The man, spurred on by his wife's lectures, goes to let off steam elsewhere. To another woman.

How to know for sure that a loved one has another

Check your husband's contacts

The simplest and perhaps the most the right way to accurately determine whether a husband is cheating - look at his phone: read correspondence, see with whom and when he communicates. An untimely message or a call from Slava ZhEK at the first hour of the night is enough to have serious suspicions of infidelity. Do not forget about social networks and messengers. Since these methods of communication are very popular today, it is likely that they can store irrefutable evidence of infidelity.

Blocking on the phone and closed pages on social networks may indicate that a man deliberately hides his contacts. And although the obvious evidence in this case no, such a fact is already serious reason to think.

Watch his behavior

A man who has a woman on the side very often gives himself away. He starts caring more own appearance, more attentive than before, refers to the choice of clothing. Sometimes changes are not just noticeable, but are striking.

Did he get more work? Ask why

Evening meetings ending long after midnight, more frequent business trips, calls from work… All this has long become a classic. If a husband, who always worked until five in the evening, suddenly begins to spend everything in the "service" free time, it is at least strange.

Try to talk to him about work moments. He does not want to discuss it and avoids talking? He probably has nothing to say.

Catch him lying

The husband said that he had left to help his mother, but she didn’t have him? Tell him about it. Ask a direct question, why did he deceive you and where was he really? Sooner or later, you will have to face the truth one way or another. So maybe it makes sense to do it now?

Very often, women try to avoid the bitter truth because they feel unprepared to face the choice of leaving or staying. It is necessary to understand that if there really was a betrayal, such a decision is inevitable. Fear of the truth is no reason to live a lie.

First, try to calm down.

Yes, cheating hurts. Yes, it seems to you that the world has collapsed, and you do not know how to react to the revealed truth. It is terrible to look into the future, there is absolutely no idea how to live on.

First of all, it is worth understanding: life goes on. Before you now is a situation that you have to let through yourself and realize. There can be no question of any decisions while emotions are raging inside. Take a little time out, be alone with yourself for at least a couple of days, give yourself plenty to cry. Let the accumulated negativity out. Get some sleep. And only after that act.

What exactly should not be done

So this is throwing endless tantrums, demonstratively fainting, and also attracting all friends and acquaintances to your family problem. It is very difficult for you now, but still, it is important to maintain your dignity and behave adequately.

Talk to your husband

Of course, easier said than done. But, nevertheless, a conversation is necessary, because betrayal concerns the two of you. In addition, no matter how absurd it may seem to you, most likely, your husband is now suffering no less than you. It is important for both of you to find out exactly why this happened. No need to blame anyone now, just listen to each other. This is probably the hardest thing you can do right now. But if you do not understand how and why you find yourself in such a situation, you will not make a really right, necessary, right decision for you. Therefore, take courage: talk to your husband!

If you want to keep your family

Despite what happened, get ready for the fact that you have to go through a very difficult path. Again and again, your memory will bring you back to treason, you will have to re-learn to trust your spouse. That is why it is vital for you to understand true reason betrayal and together with your loved one decide how you will cope with the situation.

If you are truly determined to save your marriage, you must be sure that your husband wants the same. If he sincerely repents and is ready, just like you, to fight for your relationship, it is possible to save your family. The decision to take this test together must be mutual.

If you see that a person by and large does not care that he no longer belongs to you, leave him alone. Your desire alone is not enough. AT best case, you will arrive at the same result.

Can cheating be forgiven?

Many women who have experienced betrayal are sure that it is impossible to forgive betrayal. Forgiveness is very often perceived as a humiliation of oneself. However, forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It means allowing yourself to be happy again. Forgiveness is necessary, and not even so much for the husband as for the woman herself. If the spouses have decided to stay together, then it is imperative to forgive, no matter how hard such a decision is given. Build healthy relationships on old grievances is unlikely to succeed.

How not to become a victim of betrayal again?

Life after betrayal is possible. Practice shows that quite a few couples manage to survive the crisis. In order not to fall into similar situation, it is important for a woman to deeply rethink her past relationship with her husband, learn to build relationships with him in a new way, more openly, so as not to run away from the problem in the future, but to solve it together. And you need to firmly grasp: if you decide to forgive and start over, NEVER remember what happened.

If you still decide to leave

Try not to drag the past along with you. Make a commitment to be happy in your new life and don't hold grudges. What happened, happened. You are not the first and you are not the last. First of all, give yourself the opportunity to rest. Even better - change the situation for a while. Think about your hobbies. Perhaps you have wanted to do something for a long time, but still didn’t get around to it - now is the time! Meet friends, meet new people and don't feel sorry for yourself!

Try to learn a lesson from the situation, thank your husband for the experience and everything that you had (after all, there must have been a lot of good!) And let him go. Of course, this will not be easy, it will take some time. But, only by leaving behind the burden of resentment and disappointment, you can create something new.

Cheating in marriage is an ugly phenomenon that cripples tender attitude to each other. And mental wound for a long time "bleeds" in the one who was hurt. But at proper treatment souls, the wound can still heal.

Is it possible to forgive an unfaithful husband if his betrayal seems incredibly creepy to you? You can, and sometimes you even need to. Let's look at all the options and even compare them with the situations of women from movies.

Oddly enough, not all women so sharply and with hostility perceive the buns of a loved one. In general, regarding jealousy, people can be identified by groups:

    Supporters of free love. They have no concept of treason at all. They are considered perverts, but they do not force anyone to have sex. Whether they unite in groups of swingers or just change in pairs is not important. The main thing is that there are no scandals and jealousy with a permanent partner.

    Weakly jealous. It's not scary to send your soul mate on vacation alone. They will not be furious if the spouse went to a party alone and returned in the morning. They spit in the face of any "well-wishers-snitches" if they bring news of treason. They are frightened only by the fact of a specific betrayal, as a betrayal.

    Healthy jealousy. If a loved one behaves frivolously, allows himself to flirt with others, then this is unpleasant. Although forgivable. Gossip from "well-wishers" is alarming, but this can also be taken calmly. But the poor spouse is the one who was caught at the "scene of the crime."

    Sick jealousy. This is a real torment for the jealous, for him loved one. Cheating is seen in everything - in kisses on the cheek, in innocent hugs, in a look at the opposite sex. And in general: a step to the left, a step to the right - execution.

You probably recognized yourself in one of these groups. If you are a supporter of free love, then you have no problems at all. But if you have a feeling of jealousy, whatever it may be, and you still somehow have to forgive the unfaithful, then we will think about how to deal with it.

It is wonderful when there is complete trust and mutual understanding in the family. The main thing is that the one who is trusted appreciates this and matches his image of an ideal family man.

But sometimes the behavior of a husband, even the most ideal and honest, is simply shocking. Well, let's take as a basis the famous film "Love and Doves", where main character Vasily is just gold for his wife.

Yes, he is naive, he has a hobby - pigeons, he is a simple hard worker, but for his wife Nadia, he is ideal. “The main thing is not drinking!” she said. And Nadya was 100 percent sure of this man, that he was certainly not capable of cheating on her - so she easily let him go to the resort.

But no, Vasily still fucked up! Yes, and not just changed - fell in love and went to live with an exalted lady Raiska. Here it is - impeccable trust and confidence that you are better than all the women in the world for your husband.

And yet - even the naive Vasily realized how sick he was of life without children, native wife and native village. He appeared with a guilty head, as if he "got a deuce."

Remember how it was:

So, how do you forgive? If you are in the same position as Nadia, and your life is broken, and love still burns in your soul, then do not repeat some of the mistakes of this heroine:

    Do not promise to curse those who communicate with him. Especially children. If you reconcile, it will turn out that you yourself committed a betrayal. At first, you want to tear and throw, and then you regret what was said.

    Don't talk about your troubles yourself. If everything returns to normal, then the image of an ideal family will no longer exist. Most often it happens that people gloat, but do not regret. But Nadezhda had no choice - she lived in the village.

    Don't drive him out of the house. If your love is so strong that you are ready to forgive, then let him live in another room, sleep on a cot, but there will be no risk that he will again go to a rival.

At first, it will be very difficult for you, simply unbearable! You won’t be able to forgive your husband’s betrayal right away - such is the psychology: the heart breaks from love, and it’s impossible to hug a loved one - it still “penetrates” with that rival.

And here he is sitting on his cot, his tail between his legs, he is afraid of himself, he understands that he has committed a betrayal. Well, it's come your time revenge on the unfaithful, and here are some tips for you in this regard:

    Get everything out of the closet beautiful dresses. The time for "later" has come. And do not forget about cosmetics - let him see what beauty he could lose.

    Do not "drank" it hourly for misconduct. Otherwise, the husband will be tormented by vague doubts - did he do the right thing by returning?

    If you do not know how to be silent, then you can turn everything into humor. Jokes on the topic - rare, harmless, witty, but on the forehead. Let him be ashamed.

    If you managed to forgive, then try to forget everything forever. Let there be no previous trust, but the husband certainly does not want to repeat his mistake.

In general, such a shake-up gives a lot of thought: what did you yourself do wrong that even your golden husband could leave you? If you can’t figure it out on your own, go to a psychologist, maybe he will give you answers to all questions.




Frame from the film "Love and Doves"

arrow_left Frame from the film "Love and Doves"

It's okay if your motto in love is "Trust, but verify," especially if your man, as a young guy, was still that gulena. Although such a joker can be corrected in family life.

There is such soviet film"Crew". In it, the womanizer Igor falls in love with Tamara so much that he is ready to end his past and marry her. But former mistress Igor creates such a situation that Tamara is sure of his betrayal, which never happened.

How could he justify himself to her if his reputation as a Casanova guy was already damaged? In the film, he was able to prove his love at the risk of his life, but this is a movie. But how in life can you forgive someone who is not grabbed by the hand, but there is not enough trust in him?

    Come to terms with his past, since you chose such a guy. Almost everyone has their own mistakes, for which it is a shame in the future. If a man is seriously in love with you, then he is already oversaturated with his fornication.

    Get ready for the kicks. Women are insidious at their core. They rarely forgive those who abandoned them. They don't care about women's solidarity and there is no pity for the new passion of the unfaithful. Broshenka will do everything to trample both of them.

    At least trust your intuition. If you feel that the guy values ​​​​you and does everything for joint happiness, then you should still close your eyes to his past and the deceit of former lovers.

But if you found him in bed with another, then he either did not improve, or he was not in love with you enough. And therefore, it is up to you to decide - either to part with him, or to pretend all your life that nothing is happening.

In any case, the incorrigible womanizer will passionately beg you to return and this will not happen again. He will ask to keep the family for the sake of the children, and even for some time he will be an exemplary family man. But for how long?

Forgiveness is a noble thing. But wouldn't you be disgusted by the touch of someone who recently somersaulted in bed with another? If you are not so jealous, then you will do everything not to know about the spree of your husband, and sometimes you still have to forgive, deceiving yourself.

Is family life possible with this, you will learn from.



Shot from the film "Crew"

arrow_left Shot from the film "Crew"

Like this: she lived with a man for many years and did not even realize that he was not only capable of treason, but also lived in two families. Here we can recall the film "Autumn Marathon", where the main character rushed between his wife and mistress for many years.

If your fears were confirmed, but you want to live on with this person, then you won’t be able to simply forgive and then keep your husband in tight rein: by arranging concerts and tantrums for him, he will most likely run away from problems to his mistress. After all, he also has feelings for her.

It's better to act like this:

    Give him time to choose. Let him be near, but do not have any relationship with him at this time. This is his time to think.

    Do not lose shape during your "throwing". The same beautiful dresses, the same cosmetics, the same light flirting with men in front of him to make him jealous.

    Collect a dossier on the homeowner. How to unsettle her - you will find out in the article.

If he made a choice in favor of you, then it's time to radically change the situation, and it is advisable to change your place of residence if possible.

Everything will be different in the new place. Even new walls will make it possible to forget everything old. Yes, and the separation will be far away. And in the family, keep calm and do not create a nervous atmosphere. A man is unlikely to want to leave the place where he is loved no matter what.


Why men are jealous and compare with their behavior. Runs, doesn't it?

Finally, an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any relationship problems at all.

Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her methodology has helped many girls feel loved and receive gifts, attention and care.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.

Forgiveness is difficult, no matter the reason. A husband can change because of a lack of love or just go to a young . How to forgive cheating husband? Who to blame? Is it really worth it to forgive? Reasons for cheating will help answer this question. If you understand them, it will become clear whether to forgive or not. Denial only makes things harder. No need to think about how this could happen. Some women prefer to turn a blind eye to infidelity. You can live like that, but life with betrayal cannot be called happiness. The easiest step is to change in retaliation. But after the celebration, bitterness returns.

It seems that it is easier for an experienced lady to forgive her husband's infidelity. In fact, it is easier for a young girl to forgive. The girl has years of life and hope ahead of her. Women who have lived with their husband for many years, have given birth to children, consider betrayal the end of happiness. First step, how to forgive cheating husband is to accept it. There is no need to feel sorry for yourself. When cheating, it is better to convince yourself of your attractiveness in every possible way. If the spouse goes to reconciliation, then you need to declare peace in the family. But you don't have to hide your pain. A husband should not pity his wife, but himself. Pity is a feeling that needs to be instilled in the guilty.

Straight Talk

Speaking frankly is also a way how to forgive cheating husband. Change can be detected. The husband himself can tell about the betrayal. In any case, the fact must be spoken. How to build your conversation with your husband? Quiet and humble woman should be strong, a little angry. Aggressive natures need to be restrained and modest. In general, you need to surprise your soulmate with your reaction. If a man appreciates prudence in his wife, then you need to solve the problem judiciously. In a conversation, you need to make him feel guilty. Guilt will be a punishment for a man. No need to threaten to change or forgive immediately.

Life apart

How to forgive cheating husband if you see his face in front of you every day? To forgive, you need to disperse for a while. When leaving, be sure to leave a reminder of yourself. The liberated must not relax. The purpose of leaving is an opportunity to think judiciously and make her husband bored. If the family reigned romantic relationship, then treason is easier to forgive. As a rule, such betrayals occur due to quarrels, in a fit of anger. It's best not to go to your parents. You can travel, relax in another city, country. It is advisable to take children with you. Just do not abruptly tear the child away from the father. The trip should be presented as a necessity, not as a punishment.

new hobby

A woman can understand her husband, forgive him. But resentment will remain, and memories of betrayal will not go anywhere. A new hobby will help to survive the insult. Over time, the hobby can develop into something more serious. If a lover takes up all his free time, then it is more difficult to survive betrayal. A man shouldn't be the only meaning life. You should always love yourself more. This does not mean that you need to love in doses, not entirely. A hobby can help take your mind off the fear of losing a loved one. You can sign up for dance courses, foreign language courses. Don't think it's too late to change something. It's never too late to live and try new things.

Children

Children should not be used as a weapon of punishment. You need to solve adult problems on your own. But children can help mom cope with infidelity. You can pay more attention to the child, take joint walks. If the child is an adult, then you can discuss with him his personal problems. The main thing at change - get away from it. A husband needs to be forgiven not only in words, but in his soul, remembering all the good moments, the birthdays of the child. Any person makes mistakes. Gotta make a man miss former life. The decision must be communicated to the child. It is necessary to explain the act of the pope without anger. If the child is an adult, then he himself is able to draw conclusions.

love yourself

It is more difficult to forgive cheating on women who are insecure. An attractive person who is successful with the opposite sex finds it easier to deal with unpleasant feelings. You have to try to love yourself. Not as a mother or as a successful businesswoman, but as a seductress. Compliments from random life partners will help you forgive your husband's infidelity. It is not necessary to change in retaliation at all. Conversation with interesting interlocutor, dinner is not treason. It is necessary in every possible way to prove to yourself that there is no better beauty and cleverness. If you convince yourself, you can convince others. We need to spend more time in companies. Even if there is no mood, dress nicely and go to a meeting of friends.

No mercy

It is not always necessary to forgive the betrayal of a husband. Forgiveness should not be forced, for example, because of small children, years marriage. If it is impossible to reconcile and forgive betrayal, then it is better to leave. You don't have to be afraid of loneliness. If a woman is successful, self-confident, then she can fall in love at any age. Cheating can become a sign from above that you need to start a new life. Family Children, joint years should not be required to forgive. It is better to leave than to live without loving. How do you know if it's worth it to forgive? It's all about the reason for the betrayal. If, after eliminating the cause, the husband does not change his behavior, then you need to leave. No need to take quick decisions. Actions must be thoughtful.

Show selfishness

After the disclosure of treason, the main thing is not to feel slighted. You have to be assertive, selfish. You can be happy even after betrayal. In general, infidelity is better not to be considered as meanness. Change is a mistake. You have to try to be happy in spite. A woman should try to develop a sense of aggressiveness in herself. In this case, you can be happy in spite of your husband, girlfriends, mistress. You need to give yourself small joys, for example, go to a movie premiere, buy new clothes, goodies. From experiences it is necessary to be distracted.

Friends and relatives

Relatives may not have been in such a situation, but they are trying to help. Why make enemies out of them? No need to be shy to invite guests, open the soul to loved ones. You can even throw a party, have a bachelorette party. The problem is best looked at with a young eye. Why is it easier to overcome problems and difficulties in youth than in age? It's all about the future. The young girl believes that everything is ahead of her. There will be many more meetings and romances, sighs and partings. But after 30 years, there is no need to put an end to the future. Does anyone stop you from trying something new? You can do a little madness that you never dared to do before.

faith in the future

No matter what happens, you should always think about the future. If the present has disappointed, then the future can be bright. Why escalate the situation? Sooner or later the betrayal will be forgotten. Even with change, you can feel happy. The main thing is to convince yourself that the husband still loves. You should not be disappointed in a man ahead of time, without giving him a chance. Disappointed in the chosen one, there is no need to be disappointed in the whole world. Books, films, friends will help to believe in the future. Small changes are already new life. We must remember that happiness has no age. A woman can be happy with the stronger sex, without it, with infidelity, and at any age.

Situations in family life are different, both positive and negative. Some women are offended by their men because of trifles, and some easily forgive men's "blunders". Another thing is if you are faced with the question of how to forgive your husband's infidelity. Here you have to take your will into a fist and not make the mistakes of most women. Take advantage of the advice of experienced psychologists in this difficult situation.

How to forgive a cheating husband and move on

Naturally, resentment will remain in the soul. It will be cured only by time, but this process can be made faster. For example, refer to family psychologist. About how to forgive a husband, they tell their clients almost every day. After all, first of all, this problem lives inside.

The husband has corrected himself, he is with you and will not go anywhere. Now you should also take a decisive step and forget your husband's betrayal. Just take and forget. Experienced psychologists they will tell you what to do and how to live.

Not every one of you can pretend like nothing happened. But believe me, when punishing a husband, you should not throw out your anger on your spouse, but you need to make sure that the husband blames himself.

After you start to come to your senses, if you still love him, and he crawls in front of you and asks for forgiveness, forgive him. Everyone can make a mistake in this life, including you. For the sake of the family, women are ready for anything. After all, someone else's man does not need your children. Who, if not their husband will also pamper and love them. The family is forgiving.

If your heart is breaking with pain and you don’t know how to forgive your husband’s betrayal, try the two of you to calmly talk and discuss everything to the smallest detail. Do not interrupt him while he is explaining. After all, maybe your husband will tell you something that you did not even suspect and only the two of you can decide.

But even in spite of this, you should not show that you feel guilty and are ready to forgive him. Keep neutral. To continue the whole conversation, ask yourself one single question: “What can I do to save my family?”

How to live after cheating husband

The question of how to forgive the betrayal of her husband, of course, is difficult. Far from everyone can forgive her husband for going to the left, but wise woman will be able to overcome everything, for the sake of saving the family. The main thing here is that your husband understands you and changes the situation with you.

Many women, some time after her husband's betrayal, claim that after she forgave him, the family appeared new round relationships that have become even stronger.

The next step for you will be remembering only good points. It is worth reminding more often why you fell in love with each other, how much pleasant moments and how many problems you have already endured together.

Remember your vacations and the birth of children, weddings and fun days birth. In a word, so that after your stories you have a smile and nostalgia on your face.

Don't blame each other and don't steal blame. It will only aggravate your already difficult situation. state of mind. If you have finally decided to forgive the betrayal of your husband, then try not to remind about this case at all.

Your husband is also an adult and he himself understands that he acted disrespectfully towards you. And if you act like wise wife and you will say from day to day how wonderful he is with you, then he will understand that recently he almost lost himself native person. And believe me, he will not change anymore.

It is worth noting that a woman who has suffered from her husband's infidelity, even after reconciliation, constantly expresses her suspicion towards her husband. Be careful here, because excessive vigilance will only destroy everything that you managed to come to after reconciliation.

It is, of course, understandable that returning a husband to the family does not at all mean forgetting everything, but it is worth keeping yourself in control and not reminding you of this, under any circumstances.

Another problem that women face after cheating on their husband is sex. Of course, it is unpleasant to make love if you know for sure that your husband caressed another woman. You are thinking about how to forgive your husband's betrayal to the end, but your husband is also not sweet.

Like it or not, the whole family life is built on intimacy and respect for each other. Therefore, you should not withdraw into yourself or vice versa, prove to your husband that you are better than his mistress in sex. You are certainly better, since the husband is with you, and not with her. And all grievances will certainly heal time.

How to survive a cheating husband and forgive him

Usually, when they talk about the betrayal of a husband, we are talking about his betrayal, therefore, when this question is raised, they really think about how to learn to live after his betrayal.

Alas, no woman is immune from her husband's betrayal, no matter how strong and indestructible the bonds that bind her to her husband seem to her. And each woman has her own reaction to betrayal: someone manages to quickly become the mistress of the situation and forgive her husband’s act, someone never finds the strength to forgive and completely cuts off all ties with the once beloved person, and some even completely pays no attention to it.

In any case, such an act of the husband testifies to that. that your relationship is in a serious crisis and you need to do something urgently if you want to save it. Well - or disperse.

First, decide for yourself whether you need to forgive him at all. After all, if your husband is an incorrigible womanizer, goodbye, do not forgive, everything will repeat again and again.

But if this is not your case and you really want to forgive, because the relationship with this person has a certain value for you, then you have to try.

If you found out about your husband's infidelity by accident, and he himself did everything to hide this fact from you, this only says that you are very dear to him and he does not want to lose you. Think about it. Perhaps this will help you forgive his betrayal. After all, every person makes mistakes in life.

You can also forgive your husband’s betrayal when you see sincere repentance in the eyes of your husband, he is trying in every possible way to earn forgiveness and is trying to establish his former relationship with you.

It is possible that in order to cool down a little and think about everything that happened, you will want to live separately for a while. Do not be afraid of this step, it will help you calm down, and it will be useful for your husband to be alone for a while.

Talk about what happened. Yes, this conversation will not be easy. but you both need it and, first of all, you yourself. You will be able to express everything that has accumulated in your soul, and the expressed resentment will no longer sit in your heart like a cancerous tumor, and the husband will try to give some explanation for his act.

The most big mistake many women who decide to forgive their husband's infidelity are constant reminders of him, even with every petty quarrel. Thus, they constantly remind themselves of this and cannot forget, and the husband lives with constant feeling guilt.

Only a few husbands are able to endure this depressing state, usually the couple thus comes to a divorce, or the husband again begins to seek solace on the side. Never do that. Remember that if you really want to forgive your husband, you must simply forget about this incident forever.

“Tell me how to forgive the betrayal of her husband? We have been married for 3 years. Outwardly, we perfect family. We have a little daughter. I have a prestigious interesting job. We have no domestic and material problems.

When my husband looked after me, there was no more loving, gentle and sympathetic person. Everyone kept saying that I couldn’t find a better husband and my affection would continue to turn into love. A year after the marriage, he began to lie to me on trifles and show unattractive traits of his character (rudeness, impatience, irritability).

Several times we experienced major quarrels. Then, in the hope that the relationship would improve, they decided to have a baby. During my pregnancy, we also experienced several major quarrels(I did not want and could not tolerate violence against myself and my opinion). But I could not even imagine that the danger lies in wait for me very close.

My husband began to spend a lot of time with my girlfriend, while I "departed" after a difficult birth and nightly vigils with a child. In a very difficult time for me, he had fun with the person with whom I shared everything and whom I unconditionally believed. And then he confessed everything, and she confirmed his words.

He said that she was not a stranger to him and understood him, and I completely forgot him in caring for the child. At first I wanted to take revenge on him in a similar way, then I realized that this was not The best way. I don't want to get divorced.

I think he loves me. He swears he will never hurt me again. Sometimes it seems to me that they are still dating. Or maybe I'm paranoid. How to regain trust? How to overcome his and her betrayal? How to forgive cheating husband? Jadwiga Pavliushchik.

Psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers

“Everyone kept saying that you couldn’t find a better husband and affection would turn into love” ... That is, you didn’t love him. And they got married because “everyone around” decided ... As a matter of fact, where is justice: best husband others considered him, but you have to live with him?

And who now to make claims that you only have outwardly wealthy family? Because affection did not turn into love, and a year later problems began that are natural for psychologically strangers who again live like neighbors in a communal apartment, despite the child.

Now let's talk about the baby. A child does not improve relationships! Think about it: the two of you can’t figure it out among themselves, and you also “turn on” a third one ?! Although, in principle, one can understand where the myth “if relations deteriorate with a husband, give birth to a child” came from: a woman will switch from the role of a wife to the role of a mother, she will completely move away from her husband, or even isolate herself as a child.

And everyone will be on their own ... It is useless to demand that such a husband fulfill his father's duties. Even before the birth of the child, he will start, as they say, in all serious ways. Like, my wife decided to get her own toy, and I'll get mine!

And he will get himself, for example, a mistress. And it is interesting: the more problem childbirth and postpartum period(and with such internal tension in the family, this process is more often problematic for a woman), the less attentive the husband is to his wife. Like, have fun, dear, you wanted it so much!

And one more hundred times repeated “safety rule”: do not dedicate to your family problems and the secrets of even the closest friends. If you need to speak out - complain to a diary or a personal psychotherapist. It's safer.

You laid out to your girlfriend all your weak spots, and perhaps she, deep down somewhere, envied you. Your external well-being, your prestigious work, your material wealth...

And since in the social sphere she could hardly defeat you, the natural step on her part was an attempt to take your husband away, especially when she found out that with external well-being your union is unreliable. Sorry, but for many girlfriends, the temptation is too great!

However, your spouse does not want to completely part with you: your prestigious position and wealth (obtained obviously not without your help) may be the reason for this. Or maybe he needs a harem of two ladies, who, moreover, almost fight because of him. So maybe he and your girlfriend are dating...

You ask how to forgive your husband's betrayal and want to restore trust, but sorry, you can't return what was not! Perhaps you are desperate to create really ideal family(But this is in vain).

If you understand your feelings and do not attach yourself to a person who “I think he loves”, but in fact there is no confidence in this, if you can feel free, strong, independent of any girlfriends, then you have a lot chances for your own happiness.

anna base

The beginning of a close relationship is sweets, bouquets, passion, breathing in unison, a feeling of infinity of love. It seems like it will always be like this. However, sometimes expectations are shattered by an instant bomb - the betrayal of a loved one.

Why men cheat

reasons male cheating many, however, they come down to two global ones:

lack of sex;
banal boredom.

Male infidelity, the cause of which is a lack of sex, happens in ninety percent of cases. This happens due to different temperaments partners. For example, if a man needs intimacy twice a day, and a woman is enough a couple of times a week, such relationships are almost always tested by male infidelity.

In family life, a woman gets tired at work, takes care of children, cooks, cleans, and does laundry. Performs many other duties. In the evenings, she, like Uncle Fyodor's mother from the cartoon, "barely has enough strength to watch TV." Yes, and there is no time and desire to take care of yourself at home: a washed bathrobe, curlers, no makeup. A man loves with his eyes, he wants sex. You can understand a woman, understand with the mind (brain), but who said that men think only with the brain?

Deceived women ask: “Why do men cheat? What do they lack?"

She is so attractive, loved, understanding, sexy, always ready for close relationships. And he dared to change. But often not all of this list applies to the deceived woman. And something, it is not difficult to guess what, her chosen one is clearly not enough.

Cheating due to boredom happens because people do not work on their inner spiritual development, it seems to them that happiness is somewhere nearby, they want thrills. So they are trying to grab the tail, and in our case, other parts of the body, the bird of luck. And they do it by self-affirmation through sex.

Boredom comes from routine, lack of variety sexual life. A partner is dear as a person, a man is not going to stop relations with her.

Some representatives of the stronger sex identify themselves with males, they believe that they are polygamous. Having a connection on the side is a common occurrence for them, which does not cause feelings of guilt and painful self-flagellation that devour from the inside.

Why women cheat

It's not so easy with women. Cheating on a wife or girlfriend is sometimes a balm for her, able to fill a spiritual void. Women's betrayal rarely spontaneous. More often the decision to change matures from:

partner dissatisfaction;
desire to feel like a woman;
feel the beauty male care, attention, romance, which a constant life partner forgets, oh, how often.

Dissatisfaction with the partner grows, again because of the difference in temperaments. It happens that when long term relationship the situation is opposite to that described above. Phlegmatic man ready to be content with not too frequent sessions intimacy with your beloved. Much more fun for him computer games, beer, watching on TV football matches. He does not care about the appearance of the abdomen, bald patches, fumes, coupled with the "flavor" dried fish consumed with beer. And a woman wants love, romance, and this is where the X moment comes - treason.

You want to feel like a woman in a situation where you have to shoulder everything on your own fragile shoulders: household chores, making money, raising children, making decisions. In such a situation, betrayal occurs when a fan appears in her life, who easily solves problems, takes responsibility.

After the period of “pink hearts” and beautiful courtship ends in a relationship, the attributes accompanying it leave. Surprises, romantic walks under the moonlight, compliments, bouquets, tender text messages are a thing of the past. Thoughts about showing concern for the beloved to dress according to the weather, eat fully, rest, a man has not arisen for a long time. And then a romantic, caring, handsome admirer appears on the horizon. He gives flowers, whispers gentle words, surrounds with romance and care ... In general, the outcome is clear.

There are still extremes, which also often happen, apply to both men and women:

treason in a drunken state;
cheating for promotion;
.

Is it worth it to forgive betrayal

To forgive the betrayal of a loved one is one thing, but to restore old relationship- completely different. And if the first must be done without fail, then the second depends on a number of circumstances and is not always appropriate.

Why you should forgive betrayal:

only by getting rid of the yoke of unforgiveness, you can objectively look at the situation and accept the right decision about the next steps;
there is a parable about a bag of rotten potatoes, and so every insult (inability to forgive) is a potato that rots, and we drag it in a bag behind our backs;
build new harmonious relationship impossible, dragging stones with you unforgiven grievances, they will always cause fear of a repetition of the situation;
sometimes a person confuses forgiveness and oblivion, to forgive does not mean to forget and renew relations, to forgive means to free oneself from an overwhelming burden;
another common misconception: to forgive treason means to allow trampling, betraying, humiliating. This is not so: your feelings have already been trampled, betrayed, humiliated, and by forgiving betrayal, you will be cleansed from the inside.

It is easy to talk about forgiveness, but if it doesn’t work, if the bitterness of resentment is stronger than all other feelings? How to forgive betrayal? The advice of a psychologist will help:

changes a person with the body, but forgives with the heart. Forgiveness does not come immediately, it takes time. A change in the usual environment will help, for example, a trip to another city, country;

analyze the reasons for the betrayal, no matter how difficult and painful it is, turn on the mind: how did you attract such a situation into your life;

maybe you also cheated, and now you are faced with the same in relation to yourself, remember those justifying thoughts that visited you, apply them to the “sinned” partner;

treason is a mistake, and not a single person is immune from mistakes, it just so happened in society that treason is perceived more painfully than other mistakes;

inability to forgive - in fact, hypertrophied self-pity, feeling like a victim, to forgive means to say goodbye to the victim's clothes;

betrayal happens physically, and forgiveness is a spiritual act, learn it, work on your inner world: someone helps prayer, confession, reading thematic literature, and someone gets help by contacting a psychologist.

Forgiveness is necessary, first of all, for yourself. To control and manage your feelings. Anger, hatred, resentment control a person, do not allow him to breathe freely, paralyze.
Write on paper resentment, for which it is impossible to forgive a loved one. Opposite each item, write - I forgive. It's difficult, but it must be done. To live on, breathe freely, think.


As soon as the thought of resentment arises, block it, replace it with the thought of forgiveness.

Worst case

Psychologists offer people who have experienced adultery to choose worst case development of events. Just need to mentally rewind the film life events during the period when you were happy with your partner, and no one thought about any betrayal. The answer to the question will help to think and look with different eyes at the fact of treason.

Imagine that the person you love:

becomes a drug addict or alcoholic;
turns into an avid player, loses property, gets into debt;
falls ill with a fatal disease;
becomes disabled;
commits a crime and goes to jail;
is cheating on you.

So tough brainstorm shows that betrayal, it turns out, is not the worst scenario. At least there are ways to return, which are practically excluded in other options.

Relationships after cheating

When it turned out to forgive, the question arises, after treason? It's up to you to decide. To accept the right decision, let's go from the contrary, consider the options when the restoration of relations is out of the question:

when the decision to be together is made not for the sake of relationships, but for the sake of money, children, parents and other "significant" factors. Such a union will not last long, children grow up, money loses its value, parents change their minds, and in the meantime life passes;

if no more mutual love. To understand if there is love on your part, listen to your heart, and whether a partner loves can be understood by actions;

if the “soulmate” who has changed does not really pretend to renew relations, it does not matter to him or her;

if once they already forgave, resumed relations, but the betrayal was repeated;

when, despite efforts, it was not possible to forgive, in no case should you continue the relationship, they weigh and torment.

Is the person still dear and loved?

How to prevent change

It's easier to prevent than to treat. So here. Consider the universal points that allow you to understand how to prevent the betrayal of a loved one.

Building any relationship is work, only at the beginning everything goes smoothly. The beginning of a relationship is still filled with passion, euphoria, which help the union of two people develop on autopilot. And already at this stage, you need to direct them along that path. mutual trust, understanding, on which the likelihood of change is reduced to zero. The main thing is that both partners understand and accept these rules:

both are responsible for the quality of relationships in a couple, most importantly, to be partners, and not just lovers or a man and a woman who happen to be together;

the basis of harmonious relations is sincerity, there is no place for a game, acting, provocation, manipulation, coercion to the desired behavior;

it is important to recreate the mutual ability to sincerely rejoice in the success of a loved one, to want to see him happy;

learn not to turn a blind eye to the mistakes and mistakes of a partner, but to understand their true cause;

to be able to admit their own mistakes, to understand that our behavior can not only please, but also hurt a loved one;

To build such a trusting, harmonious relationship - communicate with your loved one. It is useful to arrange "hours of revelations." At the beginning of a relationship, this is easy to do, lovers chat incessantly, are often alone, talk about hidden dreams and desires.

The longer the relationship lasts, the less often the partners talk heart to heart. It often happens that it is difficult for a husband and wife who have been married for many years to find a topic for conversation, except for discussing everyday pressing problems.

Talk about what excites, worries, what inspires your partner. delve into inner world each other. And this must be done constantly. Do not wait for a bolt from the blue, called betrayal, to then blame your partner for all serious things, while biting your elbows and forgetting that none of you worked on relationships.

December 28, 2013, 10:24 am