How to raise a happier child. How can an Orthodox girl cultivate meekness in herself? What complexes can manifest in a child with improper upbringing
Parental functions have changed over the past 10-15 years. The requirements for modern mothers and fathers are higher. Yes, and the children have become different, accelerated in everything. This is how they are born. They develop faster, they master everything faster, they feel more subtle. It is in this that you need to invest labor, time, love, sow seeds cognitive interest and thirst for movement. And then in the future the child will have wonderful fruits of your efforts.
1. Be interesting for the child
As soon as you stop in your development, the child immediately loses interest in you as a source. In this sense, children the best teachers for adults, motivators and a reason to improve. Do not dismiss questions, learn new things together, improve your own knowledge and share it with your child, discuss with him. And then even in difficult period puberty, you will remain an authority for your son or daughter.
What is dangerous transitional age? Teenagers are attracted to strength and authority. And if they are not in the family, they will find them somewhere else, and most often it will be a dubious or even dangerous source. Authority must be won not through punishment, but through communication, thanks to sincerity and openness, forming a safe space of trust and unconditional love. If the importance and authority of the parent falls, the child simply “leaves” the space of the family. And then it is already useless to moralize, talk about good and bad, threaten and demand. This is no longer education, but going beyond the child-parent relationship.
2. Become a source of information
Children need information. Hence the interest in tablets, laptops, smartphones. Gadgets make life easier for parents. But children, especially at the age of 2-3 years, easily get hooked on them, dependence is formed. The trouble is that access to information through this channel is very simple, which means that its value is nominal. The world is not getting wider, but narrower. And most importantly, what kind of world is this? Virtual, which means far from the real.
Availability kills interest. What was the value of knowledge a hundred years ago? It was difficult to obtain and obtain them. In order to achieve something in the information field, one had to at least work hard, go to the library, shovel through a huge amount of literature, comprehend and isolate the essence. And now it is enough for a child to make two clicks to get everything on a silver platter, or rather, on a tablet.
It is you, and not the tablet, that should become a source of new and interesting things for the child.
With little effort or resources, the child gets used to what the world owes him. A selfish system of consumption is being formed. The reaction to refusals or the inability to quickly get what you want is manifested in misunderstanding and aggression, which in adolescence comes into conflict with parents.
Therefore, it is you, and not the tablet, that should become a source of new and interesting things for the child. He should look at the animals not on the screen of the gadget, but in the zoo, where his mom and dad brought him. Expand your horizons through movement, movement, curiosity. This forms the communication system. Otherwise, how will he learn to interact with the world if he sees it only on the tablet screen?
3. Develop emotional intelligence
Even when the child is very small, you need to teach him to express desires and needs, at least by word imitation. In senior preschool age be sure to name and pronounce emotions, help children learn the vocabulary of feeling. For example: “I am sad”, “I am hungry”, “I am tired”, “I am uncomfortable”, “I am upset”, “I am happy”. Did the child fall and get hurt? Do not rush to hug and regret. Let him express whatever he feels. This is a huge event in his little life. This is how you teach him communication. "I feel - I say - it's safe." Here is an important meaning chain that should be formed at an early age.
Learn to feel with your child. Don't just turn on the TV for him, but sit down and watch a cartoon together. Watch him, participate in the processes of living the plot. After some time, you can return to the discussion by examining emotional resource. Share your experience: “I was scared when I saw this cartoon for the first time as a child.” This is a great opportunity to explore you, accept a different experience.
You need to stop living in the security system of the body, forgetting about feelings
Teaching a child to express emotions is one of the most important functions of parents. All the grievances that we “drag” into adulthood come from the inability to explain what we feel and what we want. An unpleasant discovery can happen: it turns out that not everything can be achieved with the help of manipulations and insults, and this causes painful impotence, loss of meaning, the consciousness of the victim is formed (“no one understands me”, “the whole world is against”).
We are used to thinking: well-fed means happy. This is an anachronism. You need to stop living in the security system of the body, forgetting about feelings. The suppression of the sensory sphere leads to the fact that the teenager does not understand who he is and what he is interested in. Parents run to a psychologist: "He does not want anything, is not interested in anything."
Did you just see him for the first time yesterday? Do you know this semi-adult person at all? Why is he closed in on himself? Because they did not listen to him, did not allow him to express feelings, were not interested in opinion, were not allowed to make decisions, humiliated and suppressed, did not listen to desires. And now you want him to become an adult overnight and magically Did you learn all this in one day after a sincere conversation with your parents? Alas, it won't work.
4. Do not replace the spiritual with the material
Modern parents cannot spend much time with their children and try to compensate for the lack of communication material things: new sneakers, tablets, toys. Hence spoiled, whims, tantrums. In fact, this is a cry for love, a demand to receive and express it. Having received a refusal to satisfy “I want and give,” the child interprets it as “they don’t love me.” Do not substitute or confuse the concepts of love and care with material substitutes. Share the feelings and needs of the ego.
You don't have to spend all your time with your child. It is important to surround him with attention every day. Let it be only an hour a day, but just a wonderful hour. Make it a rule to devote at least 12% of your time to something new every day: learning new information about the world, physical activity, emotions, knowledge, music. This algorithm will provide a good resource for interacting with the child.
5. Listen to the child
Everyone needs to know that they will be heard and understood. Even if there are seven children in the family, everyone should have time for personal communication with their mother, at least an hour a week. The time when mom exists only for him, when he fully owns his mother's attention. Call it "mom's day" or "mom's hour" (and "dad's," of course). This is how the child learns to plan his life: “I can speak out, mom / dad will listen and give advice.” This should continue into adolescence.
You can’t talk to your child while doing your own business: cooking, cleaning, ironing, watching the news. In this case, you turn your back on your son or daughter, which means you turn away from his problems and experiences. It is necessary to look into the eyes, to be on the same level. Don't hang over like a jailer. Whatever happens, eye-to-eye contact ensures safety.
Evaluate the actions, not the child. Everyone has the right to make mistakes, gain experience
Everything you feel towards him, say in the first person: "I'm upset that you're sick." Do not say: "You are my poor, unfortunate, sick." So we hang labels, and the child receives a secondary benefit from situations. He quickly develops simple chain receiving the love and attention of a mother.
Do not say “you are bad”, say: “This act upset not only me, but also the teacher.” "These are stupid words", not "you are talking nasty things." Evaluate actions, not the child himself. Everyone has the right to make mistakes, gain experience.
6. Let your child enjoy childhood
Developing courses, sections, circles, preparation for school, many get hung up on the idea of raising a child to be a genius, a leader, a new Lomonosov. The number of "devils" is directly proportional to the complexes of the parents. IN XVIII-XIX centuries there were no baby clubs, but even without them, writers, artists, and scientists appeared. Let the child live his childhood organically and find himself. If a child with linguistic inclinations is taken to gymnastics or karate, this will provide him with psychosomatic illnesses in the future. You just need to be attentive, watch what the child likes, give the opportunity to try, maintain interest.
It is not worth taking away childhood and scoring the whole day with developmental activities. A preschooler should have 70% (!) Free time. This is the time when he begins to create and fantasize. Without a creative element, you will grow a biorobot with an installed program.
7. Keep your word
It is unlikely that someone needs to be explained that it is impossible to raise a hand against a child. And as for punishments-threats, if you do not fulfill them, they lose their power. If you set limits, be consistent and go all the way. Say once, do twice.
Many parents only promise: "If you misbehave, let's go home." If you don't, your words will be worthless. The child will simply be “noisy” with endless threats. Words must be backed up by action: "We're leaving because you're screaming." But before you threaten, think ten times.
8. Let him be wrong
A happy child can be recognized by how fearlessly he makes mistakes, looks for options and solutions, joins in everything with enthusiasm and curiosity, without fear of being ridiculed or humiliated. How is it formed? Only the wisdom and cordiality of adults and teachers.
Finnish teachers, when they see that an example is solved incorrectly, say: "What a wonderful mistake." No mistakes can be found correct solution. And when they are scolded for them, it simply blocks all cognitive motives.
9. Just love the baby
Everything is easier than it seems. The main thing you can do is just love and talk about it. Do not be afraid to fall in love: love cannot be too much. Do not sell love for the fact that he is obedient, smart, cultured, but simply handy baby. This forms a neurotic type of worldview, low self-esteem. The child begins to ask himself: “Am I worthy of love / candy / high salary?” Ultimately, this results in an inferiority complex and life's troubles.
How obedient child different from successful? How to respond correctly to the mistakes of children and to your own mistakes? What is the global difference in the education of boys and girls? And how to teach a child to be happy and self-confident? These and other questions in his book "Children from Heaven" gives answers John Gray- Author of the bestselling book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The most interesting and close to us quotes from the book are in this post.
Prepared material: Hope Nazaryan
Raising kids who are confident
"The methods of the past were aimed at educating obedient children. positive approach aims to raise responsive children who obey the rules not out of fear, but act spontaneously and make decisions, following the dictates of the heart. And if such children do not lie, it is not because it is against the rules, but because they are honest and fair. Morality for them is not something imposed from the outside - it comes from within, brought up by cooperation with their parents.
“The educational methods of the past were focused on teaching children to obey. positive parenting seeks to create self-confident leaders who are able to create their own destiny, and not just follow in the footsteps of those who lead the way. Self-confident children clearly understand who they are and what they want to achieve.
5 Principles of Positive Parenting
- Being different is normal.
- Making mistakes is normal.
- manifest negative emotions-Fine.
- Wanting more is fine.
- Expressing your disagreement is fine, but remember that mom and dad are in charge.
They are already good.
“As parents, we must first recognize, respect and support the process natural growth our children. We are not required to somehow mold them into the kind of people we want them to be. However, it is our responsibility to give them wise support when it comes to developing their innate talents and strengths.
Children do not need us to guide or improve them, but their growth depends on our support. We must provide fertile soil in which to grow the fruits of their greatness. Everything else they can do themselves. The apple seed contains the most detailed plan for its future growth and development. Likewise, in the growing mind, heart, and body of every child, there detailed plan its development. Don't feel like you have to make your children good - recognize that they are already good."
Boys - more trust, and girls - more care
“Parents need to learn how to show their love to boys and girls in different ways. For example, girls need more care; but if you show too much care towards the boy, it will seem to him that you do not trust him. The boy needs more trust; but if you show too much trust in a girl, she may feel as if she is not cared for very much. Unknowing fathers tend to give girls what boys need, and mothers tend to give boys the care girls need. By realizing that girls and boys have different needs, parents can meet them more fully. In addition, they have less reason for disputes over parenting methods. Dads are from Mars, moms are from Venus.
No more, but otherwise
“The most common mistake parents make is that they try to give as much as possible. At the same time, what they seek to provide to children in large quantities often turns out to be inappropriate: more money, more toys, things, entertainment, more education, extracurricular activities help, praise, more time, responsibility, freedom, discipline, supervision, punishment, more communication etc. However, in reality here, as in other areas of life, "more" does not mean "better". You don't need more, you need something else. The task of parents is not to give more, but to approach education differently than our own fathers and mothers.
Request instead of command
“To achieve cooperation means to instill in children the desire to listen to your requests and fulfill them. The first step is to learn how to give orders most effectively. Hard orders don't work here. Judge for yourself: if at work someone commanded you at every step, would you like it? And a child's day is full of endless instructions. It is not surprising that mothers continually complain that their children do not obey them. Would you yourself perceive a person who constantly saws you?
“Positive parenting suggests replacing orders, demands, and goading with a request. Wouldn't you rather your boss (or life partner) ask rather than tell? In this case, you would have carried out his orders much more willingly. The same goes for your child. This is a very simple change, but it takes a lot of practice. Instead of saying, "Brush your teeth," say, "Will you brush your teeth?" Instead of saying, "Don't hit your brother," say, "Please don't hit your brother."
Let's do it
"The strongest Magic word to achieve cooperation is the word "come on".
Until the age of nine, children usually still have a very weakly formed sense of their own "I". By constantly commanding a child, you are building a wall between yourself and your son or daughter instead of strengthening the natural bond that exists between parents and children.
Whenever possible, invite your children to participate in activities with you. Even when you ask the child to complete a specific task, for example: “Will you clean the room?” - preface your request with a phrase like: "Let's get ready for the party." If your request becomes part of an invitation to joint activities children are more willing to cooperate.”
“The come on formula can be used in most situations until the child is nine years old. After that, the words "Let's clean up the room" will sound false if you yourself are not going to participate in the process.
4 types of temperament - 4 methods of education
"There are four main types children's temperament, - that is why children require a different approach.
The first temperament is sensitive. Sensitive children are vulnerable and sensitive. They are acutely aware of their own reactions to life circumstances concerning their needs and desires. In order to adapt to life, they need to be clearly aware own feelings, - and in this case they are more willing to make changes. These children respond best when they are listened to and understood.
Sensitive children need sympathy and recognition of their experiences and grievances.
The second temperament is active. Active children are less concerned about their own reaction to life circumstances, they are more interested in the ability to influence the world. They strive to take action and achieve results. They are self-motivated and show the greatest willingness to cooperate when they know what to do or have a plan. They need to constantly move forward, lead and do things their own way.
Active children always need to know the action plan, the rules of the game and who is in charge. To reduce resistance active child at least give him the opportunity to lead.
The third temperament is reactive. Reactive children are sociable and friendly. They develop a sense of self based on their relationships with people and reactions to the outside world. They seek to see, hear, feel and experience everything that life has to offer. These children have broad interests therefore, they require external stimulation more than others.
Reactive children learn about themselves by their own reactions to life experiences.
The fourth temperament is receptive. Receptive children worry more than others about how life is going. They want to know what will happen in next moment and what to expect from the future.
Before such a child it is necessary to set tasks. Without proper support, he may not acquire any interests at all. Routine, ritual and rhythm provide the necessary foundation for him to take risks and undertake new things.”
Raise a Successful Person
“Success in life does not come when a person follows the rules. Success comes when a person thinks with his head, following his own will and the call of the heart. This natural ability is developed when you reinforce the child's innate desire for cooperation. If parents demand obedience from a child, his will is blunted. Mind and heart are closed, and the child forgets about his potential to live the life that is meant for him. If you remind the child that it is normal to resist, but you should remember that mom and dad are the main ones, his mind and heart remain open and he develops the ability to realize his desires and aspirations in life.
The meaning of borders
“When a child demands his own too insistently, it means that he does not get what he really needs. The same applies to adults: if a person is unhappy because he does not receive something in the outside world, true reason unhappiness lies in the fact that he lacks love and support. But there is always enough love around - we just don't see it.
Children need boundaries that they are trying to cross. If there are no boundaries, the child becomes restless and insecure. When a child gets his way too often, he is not satisfied with what he has found. We can appreciate what we have only when we realize our true needs. Resistance outside world helps a person to understand what he really needs, and not get hung up on what he wants.
Making mistakes is okay
“Children do not need perfect parents; they need parents who do the best they can and take responsibility for their own mistakes.
Apologizing later is very important. You can say something like this: “I'm sorry I yelled at you. You didn't do anything to get yelled at. In general, shouting is not a method of communication. That's my fault.
When a child has made a mistake, this is the wrong time to remind him of past mistakes.
Punishing the baby and getting angry at him, you use outdated methods of communication. Best response on the mistakes of the child - an indifferent or tired look. You don't need to pay much attention to the error itself. Instead, focus on redirecting the baby by asking him to do something. IN this case you can ask your child to help you pick up the pieces.”
From innocence to responsibility
“At about the age of nine, the child begins to develop a sense of his own “I” as an entity separate from his parents. This is the time of self-awareness. From this point until the age of eighteen, children need more trust, although care is still needed.
“Shaming a child is always inappropriate. Only after the age of nine should the child be gradually invited to take responsibility for mistakes and correct them. In the first nine years of life, the child must develop a sense of innocence, and in the next nine years he must learn responsibility. When a child is nine years old, he is ready to gradually take responsibility for his mistakes and correct them. Until the age of nine, parents should look at the child's mistakes through their fingers and treat them neutrally.
Children are programmed to automatically correct themselves when they make a mistake. main reason Why children and adults do not correct their behavior is that they are afraid to admit their mistake. Natural self-correction requires a sense that it is okay to make mistakes.”
Learn to be happy
“In the first seven years of life, a child’s sense of self is formed primarily under the influence of parents or immediate guardians. In the next seven years (from seven to fourteen), the role of parents is still strong, but now brothers and sisters, relatives and friends are increasingly influencing the formation of a positive sense of "I". In the next stage (from fourteen to twenty-one), adolescents and young people increasingly define and develop their "I" under the influence of peers and people striving for the same goals as them.
Too burden children in the first fourteen years - a mistake. During these years they need to learn to be happy. The ability to be happy is the most important life art. Happiness does not come from the outside world, but from within. This is art. Happy people are happy regardless of external circumstances.
How to raise a happy child?
Some simple rules which should be observed in communication with your child. They will create warm relationship in the family and will have a positive effect on later life beloved child.
Don't forget to tell your child about love. He must constantly receive confirmation of your tender feelings for him.
Praise your child for the smallest reason. Thus, you will stimulate his diligence and feeling dignity. Thanks to this simple trick, your child will grow up to be a confident person.
Accept the child as he is. He needs to know that you are happy to see him. Always.
It is important for your child to feel that you are proud of him. Do not deny this pleasure to yourself or him.
Respect your child, treat him as an equal. Believe me, your child is much smarter than you think. When communicating, it is important to support visual contact"eyes to eyes". Such a technique will show him your attention and help build trust.
Thank your child for help or favors. He must know how important his actions are. It is this simple step that will help develop the habit and desire to do homework.
Do not scold and make fun of your child's mistakes. You should calmly discuss the problem, draw conclusions and forget about what happened.
If the child did not live up to your expectations, you should not blame him. He shouldn't feel guilty. After all, the child should realize his potential, and not realize your dreams. The task of parents is to provide their child with maximum support.
Be sure to listen carefully to everything your child has to tell you. Free yourself from work and focus on it. Such behavior will form in him a sense of self-worth.
Rejoice in your child's achievements, no matter how great they are. Your positive reaction will increase his self-esteem.
Expect only the best from the child, believe in him, and he will cope with any problem.
Do not force your child to do anything. Convince him, let him want to take some action. Talk to him as equals. Let him know how important it is to take this or that step.
When communicating with your child, be honest and open. After all, you are the role model.
Accept independent solutions Your child will learn if you ask for their opinion. Ask him what he would like to have for dinner or where he would like to relax.
Be sure to tell your child about your work. Listen to his advice. After all, it is he who can offer you a fresh idea that you cannot think of on your own.
Get in the habit of preparing surprises for your child. If you can't see him, call or leave a note. Let him know that you remember him always and everywhere.
Feel free to show tender feelings to your spouse. Your behavior will help your child form relationships with the opposite sex in the future.
Friendly home atmosphere contributes to the formation of strong nervous system child and will become a guarantee that he will grow up as a harmoniously developed personality.
This is for us adults, every day consists of a set of duties that turn into a routine over the years. Children are different! Every day of their life is filled with amazing discoveries and new experiences. And even if, becoming an adult, a person does not remember in detail what happened to him in the first years of his life, he will carry the atmosphere of his own childhood, the joyful moments of his growing up through his whole life.
Proved from happy child grow up to be a happy adult. But how do you make sure your child is happy? Not talented, not smart, not diligent, but just happy? It seems that the answer is obvious: “You just need to love your child!”. That's just each of us loves his child so much, but not everyone knows how to give their love. We will talk about this in this article.
1. Learn to enjoy life
It sounds a bit selfish, but the fact remains that unhappy parents will never raise happy children. Agree, it is impossible to enjoy life while living side by side with a person who is dissatisfied with his work, constantly grumbles at life, curses the state and gets annoyed over every trifle. Life shows that such children of such parents study worse at school and make contact with their peers more difficult.
The kids of those parents who, in addition to work, have hobbies, who communicate kindly with each other and know how to enjoy even the smallest things, feel completely different. Looking at the parents, the child begins to repeat after them. That is why set yourself up to leave all the negativity outside the threshold of the house, and in the family circle allow yourself to rest your body and soul. Meet friends more often, get out into nature, find something to do that will delight you. This is equally necessary for you and your children.
2. Spend time with your kids
Modern life leaves us little time to spend with our families. It is much easier for parents to offer their child a TV, computer, tablet, just to take his time and do own affairs. But the kids very quickly forget about gifts and purchases, and they will never forget about the time spent together!
The importance of the time you spend with your little ones cannot be overstated. Live communication between a parent and a child is exactly what allows you to maintain an invisible connection between loved ones and makes both children and adults happy. Moreover, in order for this time to pass in harmony, it is important to take into account the interests of both parties. It is necessary to play with the child more often, and in the most different games, even in dolls or cars, in theater or football, because in childhood The baby learns everything through the game. At the same time, you can involve the baby in your own activities, developing diligence in him and teaching him, for example, cooking or cleaning the house. The main thing is to do everything in a playful manner so that the baby does not lose interest.
How to become a friend to a child, you ask? Actually it's not that difficult. Just learn to live not only with your worries, but also with the worries of the baby. Do not rush to scold him for tricks and blunders, because childhood was created for experiments. Tell, and even better, show how to do it right. Talk with the baby about everything that worries him and you, share your emotions and impressions, and ask his opinion. Such live communication will allow you to get to know each other better, and if the child will share his problems with you without hesitation, you can save him from many mistakes in life.
4. Raise an optimist in your little one
It's no secret that people who are optimistic about the world around them have a much easier life. It is easier for optimists to find friends, build a career, start a family, in general, it is much easier for such people to become happy. But given that the child takes everything from his parents, we ourselves need to reconsider our attitude to life and become optimists.
Try to find a positive in everything, look for solutions to emerging problems, and not fold your hands in impotence. Teach your children not to be discouraged difficult situations, constantly encourage them, and promise that together you will find a way out. Such support is very important for the formation of an optimistic character. And also, make it a rule every evening with your baby to remember ten pleasant moments that happened to you today, as well as making bright plans for the next day and weekend. Exchange positive energy that will take place between you will be a guarantee that your child will grow up happy man looking to the future with optimism.
5. Don't scold your child for mistakes.
Psychologists unanimously argue that childhood is just given so that the child learns to live in this world by trial and error. The fact that the baby will make mistakes along the way is quite normal, which means that it is completely wrong to scold him for mistakes. Parents in such a situation should, in a benevolent environment and game form Show your child what to do to get it right. And if necessary, you need to show it 3, 5, and 10 times, without shouting and moralizing.
There is an interesting study. It turns out that if you offer kids tasks of varying complexity, then those kids whose parents are too demanding to meet the expectations of their dads and moms take on the easiest tasks. At the same time, children who are constantly encouraged by their parents take on difficult tasks. We can definitely say that such children will grow up happier, because they are not afraid of the difficulties that they encounter along the way.
And further. If a person is scolded all the time and pointed out his shortcomings, it is naive to assume that he will want to become better in order to please you. With such an overly harsh upbringing, you can lose the trust of the child, lose with him emotional connection, he will stop hearing and listening to you, and it will become very difficult to convey even your best wishes to him. This does not mean that education consists only of support and kind words you live on common territory where there are certain rules and responsibilities of all family members, it is important to be able to negotiate. The main thing is not to confuse stability and intelligibility with tediousness, cruelty and humiliation.
6. Demonstrate to the child his importance
It's extremely important point in the upbringing of the baby, on which the attitude of the crumbs to himself and to the world around him largely depends. From childhood, it is important for the baby to feel significant, someone needs. He must realize that he is an important part of his family. If you constantly show your child that he is important to you, he will grow with high self-esteem. And this is a key moment for the formation of a happy and harmonious personality.
How to show the baby its importance? It’s very simple: let the baby have some small household chores from childhood, for which he will be responsible, for example, walking a puppy, laying out spoons for dinner, or watering flowers. With age, these responsibilities need to be expanded and increased. With this approach to upbringing, you will not only raise a hardworking and responsible child, but you will also convince the baby every day that without his help you would have had a much harder time in life.
7. Teach your child to build relationships
Starting to visit kindergarten or school, the child is bound to encounter communication problems. The neighbor boy offended, the girls do not take in their games - similar situations happen almost all the time. But the child has just begun to live, he still does not know the art of diplomacy, he does not know how to become his own in a team or be friends with everyone so as not to offend anyone. This is where parents need to come to the rescue.
Wise moms and dads should tell the little one how to keep friendship, but at the same time not allow themselves to be mini-played, how not to let themselves be offended, and at the same time not to fight and not offend others. Parents can teach how to defend themselves, negotiate, avoid conflicts, in general, they will help to become full members of society. In the future, this will definitely help your children to get along with people more easily and have many friends, avoid conflicts and save their nerves. But aren't these qualities a happy person?
8. Give your child the right to choose
WITH early years The child must understand that he has the right to choose. It is clear that parents will never allow you to go outside in winter without a jacket, but the kid himself should wear a green or blue jacket. And with age, there should be more and more of these moments. For example, parents can advise their daughter to join an interest group, but choose between dancing, fine arts and she herself must do gymnastics.
Why is this needed, you ask? According to psychologists, such a right to choose is extremely important for shaping a child's understanding that he controls life, that he makes decisions and is responsible for them. Making a decision for your child, and not being interested in his opinion, you run the risk of raising a child who is completely dependent on the opinions of others. Moreover, if the parents do not ask the kid if he likes swimming and if he wants to develop this skill in himself, where is the guarantee that he will not grow up as a deeply unhappy person, since he spent all his childhood on a completely unloved activity?
Famous educator V.A. Sukhomlinsky wrote: " main meaning life is the upbringing of children, and the basis of this upbringing is the relationship of father and mother.
Unfortunately, modern parents spend little time, preferring to spend most of the day at work. They mistakenly believe that to become a happy person you need to have a lot of money, and for this you need to work and work.
Years fly by unnoticed children wealthy parents have everything: from studying at a prestigious university to a luxurious apartment and a cool car, but they do not consider themselves a happy person. They, just like in childhood, lack friendly and warm communication. Most of them are deeply lonely, because they do not know how to realize their potential and benefit other people.
Statistics show, modern children in a day hear from their parents 10 times more negative phrases than positive ones. They lack communication with loved ones, but every day they witness quarrels between their parents, their screams and reproaches. Meanwhile, in order to raise a child as a happy person, first of all, you need to create a sincere, trusting and friendly atmosphere in the family.
Appreciate each instant spent with your child, learn to restrain emotions, be patient and cheerful. Share your own happiness, joy and optimism with your child every day, then he will also grow up a happy person. If you began to notice that your child stopped "hearing" you and no longer reacts to your words, then these are the first signals that you have lost his respect.
2. Respect the child's opinion. No need to laugh at the words spoken by the child. Of course, he is still small and his opinion often does not coincide with what parents think is right. The child still does not understand much, but this does not mean that parents should not respect his opinion, listen to him and, without ridicule, explain to him how best to act. The child should not be afraid to express his opinion, then he adulthood he will be able to make decisions himself, not allowing others to control him.
3. Independence. At the age of three, children begin to strive for independence, infuriating their parents with their "I myself!". Of course, it is very difficult to allow a child to fasten buttons, put on a hat and boots when you are late for work, but this is the only way to teach him to be independent. How more baby shows his independence from parents in childhood, the more responsible and independent he becomes in the process of growing up.
4. Praise. Parental approval increases the child's self-esteem, gives him self-confidence and is an incentive for further achievements. Praise the child for dressing himself, putting away toys, drawing beautifully, eating, and so on. If you don’t like how the baby puts away the toys, don’t tell him: “Is this how they put things in order?” But tell him that he’s done well and put the toys away, then next time he will try to do everything better to hear your praise again.
5. Avoid Prohibitions. Even if a situation arises when he wants to get what he wants with the help of screaming and crying, try not to scold him and not demand that he immediately stop the tantrum. Better think of a way to help distract him to something else. Young children quickly forget what they recently wanted to receive. With parents who prefer to forbid and indicate, instead of calm actions and responses, children do not heed their advice and do the opposite.
6. Don't label. Scolding a child, you can express your dissatisfaction with his behavior, but do not call him names. Phrases: "You are bad", "You are stupid", "You are a crybaby", etc. reduce the self-esteem of the child, and he grows up as an insecure person. You can only judge the actions of the child, but not his feelings. For example, say "You behaved badly today", but not "You are not good."
7. Reward Talent. A child can become happy only if he manages to realize his talent in adulthood. Encourage your child in all endeavors, if he likes to draw, write him down in a circle, and then he can become a famous artist. If he sings well or plays football since childhood, help him prove himself in the field of music and sports.
8. Learn from mistakes. Do not scold the child for mistakes, because only those who do nothing do not make mistakes. If he did something wrong, talk to him and discuss together how he should have behaved so that this did not happen. In this case, the child will not be afraid to back down and make decisions on his own in the future.
9. Don't Compare. Each child is individual. Exists a big difference between what a five-year-old and a six-year-old can do. Chasing the achievements of other children who are already reading and writing can seriously harm your child's development. Never tell your child: "Vanya is such a good fellow, he told the poem so well at the matinee" or "Katya already knows how to read, but you still don't even know the letters."
At preschool age, children develop rapidly and each of them has its own, only inherent features.
10. love. You can hug and kiss a child ten times a day, but he will only feel that you love him when you love him without any "ifs". Phrases: "If you cry like that, I won't love you", "If you don't eat porridge, you won't good boy", etc. make the child understand that parental love must be deserved.
Children should know that their love the way they are. If you first punish the child and threaten him, and then kiss and hug him, he will understand that his parents love him only when he bad actions get their attention.