Why is it difficult for gays to build long-term relationships. Going too quickly to open relationships. How to recognize a gay friend

22.04.2019

Today, you can see many films about same-sex love, come across many books and hear a lot of songs and ballads. It all says what to experience true love not only people of opposite sexes can. This is proved by modern stars of show business, who not only consider themselves homosexuals, but also do not hesitate to put it on public display. Regardless of their gender and year of birth, absolutely every person wants to be loved, so the desire to be needed by someone and to experience the feeling of love on oneself is not just a desire, but a need, because a person is a social being. Surely love is love, but family happiness, which means a strong marriage and a couple of cute joint kids, is possible only in heterosexual couples of traditional orientation.

Same sex love

The very concept of same-sex love appeared in ancient times. It was mentioned back in Ancient egypt... During one of the archaeological excavations, a papyrus scroll was found, which spoke about the warm homosexual relationship between Garus and Fet, they were gods, which means that such a relationship was quite acceptable. According to other studies, it was found that later such unconventional love began to be found in Asia, America, and Africa. But in Ancient rome, Babylon, Greece and India, the so-called male love was very popular. But similar relationship were allowed only to the highest strata of social society. In the East, homosexuality was not manifested in the form permanent relationship between two same-sex people, it was different there - young gay guys satisfied the sexual needs of their masters. Both girls and men can be homosexuals, the first among the common people are called "pink", and the second "blue".

Attitude towards homosexuality

As it turned out, earlier similar phenomenon although it was a rarity, but still met, but, as a rule, they tried to hide such a relationship from prying eyes. The love of same-sex couples did not give in to publicity, since this is not the norm, which means that other people could laugh at them, beat them or even execute them. V modern world everyone has the right to own point vision, even if it does not coincide with other people's opinions. Although life is much easier for homosexuals today than in ancient times, they can become a subject for discussion. Someone avoids them, tries to shield them from themselves, doing same sex couples outcasts. Others, trying to show their innocence visually, may be extremely negative towards them and even try to inflict physical harm and injury on them. Well, still others just try not to notice them, and if you still have to communicate, then they put homosexuals on a par with themselves, without belittling them morally and talking with them as with ordinary people without any deviation.

Reasons for same-sex love

The reasons why there are many, all of them simply cannot be listed, especially since there should be several reasons at once to turn from heterosexual into homosexual, but they can be divided into groups:

Disappointment in ordinary relationships. First of all, thoughts about a change in orientation come after an unsuccessful experience of a relationship with the opposite sex. Having stumbled upon failure once, men often do not want to build all over again, which is why they either try to avoid Serious relationships with women, or are increasingly thinking about changing their orientation.
Absolute understanding. It is far from a secret that only a woman is able to understand another woman one hundred percent, it is on this understanding that friendship is built, apparently, the same is with men.
Curiosity. 50 percent of all homosexuals have adopted this lifestyle solely because of their excessive curiosity. When intimacy with women does not bring the former delight and admiration, all wonderful feelings decline, and the man begins to seek new, more thrilling sensations. Someone renews and transforms their relationships with women, while others prefer to change everything drastically, increasingly thinking about why a guy loves a guy, and eventually becoming bisexual or homosexual altogether.
Psychological disorders... Same-sex male love can arise from common (or not so) psychological disorders, such as stress, depression, apathy, since during such states the healthy mind becomes a little dulled, which can lead to rash actions.

Desire for love

When looking for an answer to the question of why people become gay, it is difficult to find the information you are looking for. There is simply no single answer. Taken together, all the reasons for homosexuality can be characterized as a desire to find a loved one and loving person, capable of surrounding with sincere boundless care, who will understand from a "half-word" not only words, but even unvoiced thoughts. As a rule, it is much easier for two individuals of the same sex to understand and support each other. Also important role the media also play, spreading various stories and films for young people, in which you can meet two inseparable friends who love each other very much, but, of course, in a friendly manner, unfortunately, teenage boys do not always perceive such information correctly. they have an irresistible desire to feel the same light love. In the future, they understand that it is impossible to create such a relationship between a man and a woman, heterosexual love is completely different, more interesting, but more complex, which is why they become homosexuals.

Soul mates

Why does a guy love a guy? It is difficult to give a clear and correctly formulated answer to this question. But you can try to do this with the example of girls. Often times, women become lesbians out of a desire to challenge male society. Men are rude and selfish, in "bed" they satisfy only their whims and do not think about the girl's feelings at all. With women, everything is different, they are very sensitive, gentle, emotional, they always think about others, and even more so about loved ones and loved ones. They do not forget to depilate their legs and shave their armpits on time, they always observe hygiene. A woman can find erogenous zones his partner with closed eyes, she can bring her chosen one to orgasm without even undressing. Amidst such a bundle of perks, it's no surprise that women are becoming lesbians. With men, although there are differences, but in general outline everything is similar. Guys also understand better; partners become not only lovers, but also best friends.

Is homosexuality a congenital or acquired phenomenon?

Psychological disorders, curiosity, disappointment in the opposite sex - all these are generalized causes of homosexuality. Such a phenomenon can be acquired (for example, wrong upbringing, mental disorder, defective or dysfunctional family) and congenital (for example, heredity, various pathologies of intrauterine development).

Same-sex marriage

In most countries of the world, including Russia and Ukraine, non-traditional marriages are prohibited, and those already concluded in other states are not legally recognized. Although it is not uncommon to meet same-sex couples who live together under the same roof for several years now, they can formally get married only in Belgium, the Netherlands, South Africa, Spain and some provinces of Canada. Also, same-sex unions are prohibited in many religions, according to the traditions of which marriage can only be concluded between a woman and a man.

Sex and nothing else

The manifestation of homosexuality can be explained in terms of physiology. It has been proven that most of the "pleasure points" in men are located in the anus. Of course, now it's no surprise that men are sometimes attracted to same-sex sex. Perhaps such a relationship will not last long, since it will be based solely on sex, but nevertheless, this is a manifestation of homosexuality. Even the most considerate husband, caring father and an exemplary family man in one person can have such a little intimate secret. Moreover, having experienced such pleasure at least once, for sure, a man will want to repeat it again.

Private opinion

The desire to love and be loved is not just a desire or a vital need. Man is a social being, he just needs a partner on whom he can rely in difficult moment who will support him, and vice versa, in Good times will rejoice with him. If there were no such among the representatives of the opposite sex, then there is nothing to worry about. The main thing is to find your “soul mate” and be mutually happy. But it should be remembered that children are born only to opposite-sex couples, this is how nature works, and it cannot be changed. Therefore, children should not have, and the issue of adoption should be resolved by a firm refusal. In sincere mutual love there is nothing wrong, this is great, but raising children, traumatizing them, making them like themselves is fundamentally wrong.

Loneliness is the price of love

Despite all the advantages of same-sex relationships, all of them in the future are doomed to collapse and collapse, and people to loneliness. Why does a guy love a guy? Yes, just like that, because he just loves. But for ordinary, traditional couples, sooner or later, the "candy-bouquet" period ends, they begin to think about the family, about children, which same-sex couples cannot boast of. They just have to enjoy each other, but like all good things, over time it will just get bored. In order not to be left alone, a man will find a new partner, and then a second, and a third, and a fourth ... But in his old age he will most likely have no one - no partner, no wife, no children, no grandchildren. And the surrounding society will often bypass it.

I was raised to romantic comedies and dramas, and starting with adolescence, dreamed of a prince on a white horse.

But the years passed, and the prince did not appear on the horizon. And it’s like you’ll try with one, then with the other, but something doesn’t work.
At first, at the stage of falling in love, everything is fine: a lot of attention, a lot of sex, a lot common themes... But when it ends " Honeymoon", you begin to notice more and more flaws in a person, and you don't want sex as much as before. In general, the standard scheme of any relationship. But why is it so hard to go further together? Why are heterosexual couples more likely to go through this stage and continue to live as a family?"

There are several reasons for this.

Biological - partners in heterosexual couples are different not only at the level of physiology, but also at psychological level... The heterosexual at least has a biologically inherent prerequisite to be together for a long time - this is the birth of a child and his upbringing. We can assume that we are conscious, but physiology very often turns out to be stronger than psychology, we cannot control it. And for heterosexuals, it can play a big role in building long-term relationships. Physiological gay men only have a need for sex and it is not so strong in maintaining relationships. But rather, even to some extent destructive, we all know that at the level of biology, a man seeks to impregnate as many partners as possible.
At the junction of biology and psychology is the presence of gender roles. In heterosexuals, they can be inverted, that is, a woman can perform a man's gender role in the family, and a man is a woman. But in terms of relationships, this is not particularly important, the main thing here is their presence. Gays do not have clear roles in relationships, and if both have the same role, then problems are likely to arise here. Both will want the same thing from each other, and in the end no one will satisfy their needs. In order for such a relationship to exist, both partners must be able to make compromises, must be psychologically formed. And then I smoothly move on to the next point.

Psychological- heterosexuals live in a society that fully accepts them. From childhood, they see around them the same people as themselves. And if the family is healthy, that is, the parents are not rapists, not alcoholics, not sadists, etc., then the child grows up psychologically formed and special problems in life and in its development does not experience. For gays, however, everything is more complicated - from the very moment of realizing their orientation, a person begins to understand that he is not like the majority. That some part of society generally rejects people like him in best case, and at worst it can be aggression towards him. There may also be problems with the acceptance of a gay by his parents and loved ones. Not everyone dares to lead an open life, at least in relationships with loved ones. In general, psychologically, a gay receives a whole bunch of problems that will prevent him from building a relationship. This is not self-acceptance, and the lack of a positive experience of building close relationships, and not the desire to take responsibility, and the absence adequate self-esteem etc.

In my opinion, these are the main obstacles for gay men in long-term relationships. Of course, you can endlessly blame your partner for being different, that sex is no longer interesting, try open relationships and all that. But it won't work until you are in tune with yourself. It seems to me that you need to look at yourself first, deal with your injuries and sore spots... Only when you yourself are whole and formed do you have the opportunity to accept another. Love is about acceptance, it is about the fact that I accept you for who you are, and do not try to change you for myself.
I am open to dialogue in the comments, I am interested in your opinion.

Who are gays and whether their behavior is normal has been debated for centuries. For many centuries, lovers of same-sex love were expelled from society, imprisoned, and executed. Now they are treated much more tolerantly. The question remains: is homosexuality a disease or a norm?

Who are homosexuals?

Gay has many meanings. It is believed that the etymology of this term comes from english word"Carefree, cheerful", the meaning of which at some historical point in time expanded and began to denote a person indulging in voluptuousness. Later, representatives of the gay community were considered bearers of a special identity, were members of a whole subculture. Who are gay people nowadays: just people with a different sexual orientation. Neither the openly declaring their preferences, nor the hidden, latent homosexual are new today.

Causes of homosexuality

Homosexuality: a disease or just a sexual variation - that's what society has been arguing about for centuries. Scientists insist that such behavior is not at all deviant: in nature, male animals also often give preference to their own. Mother Nature made no exception with people. So more often they are born gay. Sometimes it is acquired and depends on upbringing.

What are active and passive gay men?

When answering the question of what kind of gay people are, it is customary in society to divide them into active and passive. Among homosexual individuals, dominants are often distinguished, that is, active, and followers are passive. V sexual life preferences often change, and social roles are rarely divided into male and female, so the issue of passivity and activity is very controversial. Who are active gays, and who are passive, let's figure it out further.

Active homosexual

Where active gays come from can be difficult to determine. Who are gay assets? outward signs often cannot be said. Active homosexuals can look brutal, so they often look like heterosexual men. Activity is manifested in the fact that love relationship they dominate the partner and play the role of a man - they protect and take care of their loved one.

Punk

It's easy to see why people become passive gay. A man recognizes himself in the role of a woman and wants to act as the weaker sex, allows himself to take care of himself in everyday life, and in bed - the dominance of a partner. Passives often look more feminine than most men, have sophisticated manners, and are emphatically polite.

How to recognize a gay person?

There is only one one hundred percent way how to identify a gay: learn about his homosexuality from himself. Other signs:

He behaves the way gays behave: he walks with a representative of his gender down the street, holds a hand, kisses.
Does not pay attention to girls, does not converge with them, or converges, but does not make attempts to build relationships.
He hides his personal life, dodges questions about his soul mate.
Reacts extremely painfully to attacks against sexual minorities.

What do gay men look like?

How to recognize a gay person among others? Almost nothing! Often it is beyond the power of even experienced psychologists, since representatives of the sexual minority do not outwardly differ from heterosexuals. But knowing which ear gays pierce or on which finger they wear a ring, one can identify one of them: homosexuals themselves invent attributes to highlight their dissimilarity. So, wedding ring on the little finger - a sign of supporters of same-sex love. Few people know that even such an insignificant detail as an earring in the right ear speaks of belonging to the gay community.

How do gays live?

Homosexual men are usually no different from the rest of their gender. They perceive themselves as they are, live in harmony with themselves and the world around them, do not shout about their belonging. After all, there is nothing in common between sexual orientation and cultural life. There is a separate stratum of aggressive homosexuals who participate in parades and processions, dress brightly and loudly, trying to shock the public and are condemned by society.

How do gay men make love?

There is controversy about how gay men have sex. Some believe that partners are distributing for themselves sexual roles once and for all and do not change them. Others adhere to the point of view that everything depends on specific individuals, and one homosexual can be an asset in one pair and a liability in another. Even within the framework of some sexual relations roles change frequently.

How to get rid of homosexuality?

Contrary to popular belief, gay sex is not a disease. The craving for members of the same sex is genetically laid. Sigmund Freud called it a variation sexual function... However, the question arises whether it is possible to cure a gay man who has become such as a result of trauma, violence, or mental abnormalities. It is possible to restore it, but it is not a fact that the previous sexual preferences will return to it.

10 myths about homosexuality

Here are some myths about homosexuality to appease homophobes.

Same-sex relationships are trendy. existed at all times, starting from antiquity, where it was even exalted.
Homosexuality is a disease. Even in nature, up to 10 percent of creatures practice same-sex relationships.
All representatives gay feminine: this is only a prescribed type of gender behavior, in fact, among the representatives of this minority there are many strong, courageous, absolutely brutal people.
All gay men are crazy about fashion: we are all human, someone loves fashion and understands it, someone doesn't care about it.
Can't trust people like that boys: Scientific research prove that there is no connection between pedophilia and homosexuality.
Same-sex relationships are frivolous, one-off: history knows many examples strong marriages and love to the grave.
There can be no marriage between same-sex partners, because they are not able to raise healthy children. Again, as history shows, sometimes families with only two dads are harmonious and fulfilling.
This is inherited: the gene of homosexuality has not been proven in nature, everything depends more on upbringing.
All representatives of this sexual minority are divided into active and passive: not at all, like heterosexuals, they practice different sexual roles.
The main disease in the gay environment is AIDS. Anyone can become infected with HIV sexual orientation, it's about prevention or lack thereof.

Famous Gays

Society has been familiar with the concept of homosexuality for a long time. People of gay orientation have been at all times and many of them have influenced the development of our civilization:

Films about homosexuals

Full-length films about homosexuals began to appear in the 1980s. These were often dramas or deep melodramas, because society in those days did not accept such a strange love:

"Old friend", 1984 - on the fight against AIDS.
"Maurice", 1987 - on attempts to hide relationships in a refined English society.
"Philadelphia" 1992 - on the struggle of minorities for their rights.

With the appearance in 2005 of the melodrama Brokeback Mountain, films about a strong male love has become more. These are simple melodramas about love (no matter what gender it is):

"Weekend"(2011) is a great melodrama.
Harvey Milk(2008). This topic remains a problem in society.
"50 shades of blue"(not a parody, but a deep complex drama).
"The Story of a Bad Boy" other.

V recent times, the life of homosexuals under the magnifying glass of society. And naturally, it is overgrown with all sorts of legends and myths. I'll try to debunk some of the most common

1. Gays are not born, but become(straight, don't be born beautiful)

I think this is one of the main myths about gays. Probably since communist times. To date, the prevailing point of view in scientific circles is about the birth rate of homosexual orientations. Like eye color, hair ... That is, it is genetically predetermined, but this has not been fully studied and proven

2. Gays often and easily change partners(the dream and envy of a burdened heterosexual womanizer)

By nature, any man, regardless of orientation, is polygamous, and gays in terms of sex are simpler and more straightforward than heterosexuals, who are forced to engage in some kind of detouring maneuvers so that the mistress does not collide with his wife and vice versa. But still, homosexuals have strong couples who live for many years, touching each other taking care of each other.

3. Gays refer to each other as "pro-a-active"

To some extent, this is the case, well, you yourself understand, these features of psychophysiological development make some effeminate, but there are very few of them. I can assure you that you will not recognize and figure out a real gay man, maybe even now you are working with him side by side and do not know a thing about his inclinations! And if I say about some of our famous personalities, about whom a common man in the street could not even think that they are gay, and they have beloved boyfriends / husbands, in general they will throw stones at me.

4. Gays unmistakably identify each other in the crowd(fisherman fisherman is an ambiguous saying, in every sense)

Yes, it happens! Every gay person has his own inner “geydar”, which will unmistakably identify a gay person by his look. Also in the West there is a whole system of gay symbols and signs (and in clothes), which ours practically do not use, we can say that they do not apply at all!

5. Gays are corny, capricious - worse than girls

By bright personalities don't judge everyone else. I repeat once again, there are different gays. Courageous homosexuals are the majority. Like many and purely heterosexual men who look effeminate - with a figure, a thin voice, a squeamishness, you probably have such neighbors, work colleagues, and so on. Yes, there are bright "peacocks" among gays, by which all gays are judged. The majority of homosexuals regard such a purely negative, as they harm the "deep" image, contributing to the folding of this "cock" myth

6. Gays communicate only with members of the same gender, and women hate

Ooooh, I tell you, this is such nonsense! Most have heterosexual girl friends who know and support their gay friend! Moreover, every gay man should have a plus-size girlfriend, I'm kidding, of course, but in every joke you yourself know what there is. There are many and fictitious marriages among gays and lesbians (taking into account the social pressure from the side of parents or society).

7. When people say "gay, homosexual", they automatically mean males

Complete nonsense. Probably only in Russia and in the expanses of the former Soviet republics, when they say “gay,” they mean two men, but in fact, the word “gay” has no gender, because two lesbian girls are also gay, as are two guy. Well, you have to be "dark" in order not to know such elementary things.

8. Gays are a risk group for AIDS

This zombie goes back to Soviet times. However, take any statistics from the relevant medical institutions and you will find that on average 92 percent are injecting drug users, 4 are homosexuals, 4 are heterosexuals, 2 are parenteral infection, from mother to child. I will say more, gays are very concerned about their health! So don't believe these tales, but oh safe sex Do not forget!

9. Gays crowned themselves

Partly, yes, there are enough "crowned" persons among gays, it is easy to see in the corresponding thematic clubs, and in real life they are also found, but smart people understand that everyone is equal from birth, or if not equal, then they have equal rights, for happiness, for example.

10. Ardent opponent of gays and everything connected with them - latent homosexual

I’ll say briefly: the person is either gay or not!

You understand that these are far from all the fairy tales of the "Blue" forest ... Just sometimes turn on your head and feel with your heart and you, with your eyes closed, will be able to recognize where the myth is and where the reality is!

We are always interested in learning something new about the people around us, even if this information is shocking. Tickling your nerves is also good, if occasionally. It is better to have as much as possible about the immediate environment. full information, even when it comes to sensitive issues. It is not so difficult to understand how to recognize a gay, it is more difficult to live on with the information received.

Facts about homosexuality

As an introduction, it would be nice to say something about homosexuality:

It is present in nature, characteristic of all animal species.
V human society homosexuality has been known since ancient times. In many cultures in certain periods was considered the norm and was not condemned in any way.
Many famous people did not hide their homosexuality. Some kept it a secret, but after death, most of the secrets no longer make sense.
In Nazi Germany, gays were exterminated, on an industrial scale. Along with Jews, Communists, Russians, Ukrainians and Belarusians.
One in ten adult men in the world is sexually impaired. It's not just about homosexuality.
Homosexuality was excluded from the list of diseases only in the 20th century. And then, the decision is rather political.
Homosexuality can be accompanied by a variety of mental disorders... However, many representatives of sexual minorities are no different from heterosexual men in their way of thinking and outward signs.

The list can be continued indefinitely, but it should give a basic idea of this phenomenon.

Signs of Gay: Latent Homosexuality

In theory, everyone's orientation and sexual preferences are highly personal. No one should worry so much intimate question if everything happens between adults and by consent.

Curiosity, in this regard, can have far-reaching consequences. And we are talking not only about the deterioration of the living conditions of the "exposed". A lover of revelations can also spoil life.

In theory, gay loves men, straight loves women. This is where the differences end. But disorders of the sexual spectrum do not just arise, their "innateness" has not yet been properly proven. And this means that the gay man must have had some kind of traumatic experience, and some instability of the psyche cannot be ruled out. So, first of all, one should assess the personality and reliability of a person, and only then ask questions of orientation.

For those who hate gays with all their hearts, there is bad news. According to Freud and the basics of introspection, the main reason for hatred is a reluctance to admit one's own homosexual nature... Latent homosexuality is scary and difficult to diagnose.

How to distinguish gay from straight?

Of the very obvious signs:

A guy walks with another guy around the city, holding hands and kissing. Such a sight can be seen in big cities, but it is still a rarity in Russia.
The young man does not pay any attention to the girls, but at the same time he constantly stares at the representatives of his gender.
Very easy to converge with girls, but invariably only friends with them, without making any attempt to direct communication in a romantic direction.
Always dodges discussion personal life... Completely different stories can be told from time to time.

Perhaps, only the first point gives an almost 100% guarantee of the correctness of judgments. Everything else can be explained by a dozen other reasons, it would be a fantasy. For this simple reason identifying gay people is not at all rewarding.

How to recognize a guy as gay?

There is simply great amount indirect signs, which may indicate that the guy is gay. But they do not give any guarantee, even a combination of several at once. But a reason to think about it appears when following signs:

Excessively monitors his own appearance. It just so happened that it is almost impossible to find an unkempt gay, they all take the issue too seriously own appearance.
Change of interests and priorities. A homosexual may also have brutal hobbies, but often the vector shifts towards clothing, accessories, own body, art.
Natural narcissism pushes gay men to hike in GYM's... This does not mean that there are a lot of gays in the rocking chair. But the fact that the "suspect" has started to engage in fitness will not stand out from the general list of suspicions.
Excessive mannerism. It's hard to describe in words easier times see in the video below. Such habits can be explained by the inability to keep oneself in society, but most likely the point is something else.

In any case, until the person is caught red-handed, all statements will remain on your conscience. And catching in this way is a dubious pleasure.

Here is the same video with mannered gay shoe seller:

How not to confuse gay and straight?

Sometimes an awkward error can occur when trying to figure out the orientation of a friend:

It is not difficult to make a mistake, it must be understood. But after such a statement, the life of the accused person will certainly change. Here, however, in case of an error, not for long. Because public censure will find another way out and an avalanche will fall on the hapless accuser.

Man is a vindictive creature, especially when he is completely "undeservedly" slandered. So the moment with a personal vendetta cannot be discounted. So, more often than not, it is better to keep some conclusions with you and voice them only in case of emergency. Blackmail is also a completely ignoble thing, and even more than that, it is subject to jurisdiction.

How to recognize a gay friend?

There are a lot of troubles around, so also a comrade may be from "another camp". For some, this moment does not matter, and for some it is fundamentally important. In fact, drunken conversations are best at this identification. After a certain dose of alcohol drunk, there are practically no secrets between people. If the interlocutor is not particularly talkative or there is no desire to ruin his health with drinking, you can try to guess by indirect signs:

Not interested in girls.
Most of the environment is guys. And also "suspicious".
She never talks about her personal life. Or, on the contrary, it is noticeable that he is lying.
Pays too much attention to his own appearance. He spends a substantial part of his salary on clothes and a rocking chair.
Any hint and flirtation from the opposite sex is met with hostility, overreacting too harshly.
Looks at guys, on the phone and on the computer photographs of representatives of the same gender.

All this should make you think that something might be wrong with the person. Feeling hostility towards gays, it is better to protect yourself from such communication. Why additional stress?

The only one really reliable way how to recognize a gay- to hear his confession. Everything is like in ancient times, without confession you can't figure it out.

Video: 5 signs that a guy is gay

In this video, psychologist Miranda and her friend Mark will talk about 5 signs of gay, how you can accurately recognize him: