Institutions 

Find a common language with your husband. How to find a common language with your husband? Reasons for disagreement between spouses

Greetings, dear readers! Elena Nikandrova is with you. In, we found out the reasons that contribute to the deterioration of relationships and misunderstanding between spouses. In the same part, I will give advice from psychologists on how to find mutual language with her husband, which will help to improve mutual understanding with her husband.

It is known that both partners build relationships, but still most of the responsibility for harmonious relationship lies with the woman, so if something does not suit you in your relationship with your spouse, then first of all you need to change yourself - this is the only way you will achieve results.

So what should be changed?

Praise your husband often

Remember, in the first part, I mentioned that many of us lack a sense of gratitude for loved ones? So, if you understand that you are also sinning with this, then start praising your husband, thanking him for the work done. You need to praise and thank sincerely and only when he really deserves it. For example, he helped you vacuum the floor, thank you and say that he collected all the dust very well and even left nothing in the corners.

It is also necessary to praise a man for any undertaking and achievement. When you praise your man, his self-esteem rises, and he wants to do even more to earn your approval again. But once again I repeat: you need to praise and thank sincerely. If you do this through force and not sincerely, then the husband will definitely notice this, and will think that you are a liar.

Admire your husband

Admiration, like approval with gratitude, is very important for a man, especially if this admiration comes from his beloved. If a woman admires her man, his achievements, victories, then by doing so she pushes him forward, he wants to reach the heights and throw everything at your feet.

Admire him even when it seems that he did nothing of the sort. I'm sure there is at least something that can cause admiration, but again, it's sincere.

You must be joyful

With a man, a woman should radiate joy, then he will know that you are good with him and will strive to make you even better. It is clear that if you are sick or very tired, then there can be no talk of any joy, but the rest of the time, try to radiate joy.

Optimism

Optimism must replace pessimism. I know it won't be easy at first, but if you want to change and make positive changes in your relationship, you'll have to learn to look at the world with optimism. Learn to support your husband in any of his undertakings, do not look for any negative points, tell him that he will succeed, etc.

Humor

Humor is very important in relationships, often the ability to laugh at yourself or a situation saves relationships. Even in difficult situation you can find something funny, and then this situation will not seem so complicated.

novelty in relationships

If your relationship is standing still, and every day passes like the previous one, then something urgently needs to be changed. Make repairs, change the interior, paintings, curtains. Do what you did when you met. Feel young and carefree and do what you have always dreamed of.

Joint Goals

Nothing brings people together like common goals and interests. But if it is impossible to share all interests with her husband, and it is not necessary, since this will be regarded as an invasion of personal space, then a joint goal is definitely needed. It can be opening a business, buying an apartment, and much more, the main thing is that this goal ignites both of you, forcing you to move forward.

Don't invade personal space

Control yourself, do not try to invade your husband's personal space and do not let him do the same. Let him go without scandals, if he wants to meet friends, do not bother him to watch football, let him do what he loves. In the meantime, he is engaged in his hobbies, mind your own business.

Trust your spouse

Do not climb on his phones and computer, do not torment him with questions about where he was and with whom, and why he was late for a minute. By doing this, you will only achieve that your relationship will come to naught, and the man will really want to change, even if he had never thought about it before. And in general, jealousy is a poison that destroys all feelings. Remember, if there is no trust, then there can be no relationship either, because distrust kills love.

Don't be offended

Women are often offended by men, and they can’t even understand what they did wrong. If your husband offended you with something, then tell him about it, but say it calmly. Warn that it is not necessary with you, that it offends you and hurts. Hardly any loving man will repeat the same act only to offend you.

Just as often, we are offended that men do not remember some dates that are important to us. And here you need to understand that men have a completely different brain structure, he thinks about business, about work, but he forgets the dates, especially if it is businessmen. And this is not a reason for resentment. If you know your husband has a problem with dates, just remind him yourself or ask him to write it down. important events to the diary.

Talk and listen to each other

Unfortunately, we often listen, but we don’t hear and don’t understand each other, and we don’t know how to speak like that at all, and this destroys relationships. Learn to listen and hear each other, try to put yourself in the place of your spouse and think about how he might feel.

It's the same with conversations. Close people do not know how to communicate with each other, do not talk about problems, but accumulate everything in themselves and then explode in such a way that no one seems a little. Make it a rule to speak out the problem as soon as it appears, but speak calmly, without nerves and screams. Try to listen to your spouse and find a compromise.

Do not "saw" your spouse

If you are not satisfied financial well-being, then you don’t need to constantly reproach and “nag” your spouse, from this he will not want to achieve anything at all. Better learn to motivate him with praise, gratitude, and other ways. Learn to inspire him to new achievements for you.

I understand that turning all these tips into life is not as easy as it might seem at first glance, but if you really want to save your marriage and find a common language with your husband, creating a harmonious relationship, then you will be able to do it.

Yours faithfully, Elena Nikandrova

Question to the psychologist:

Hello! I am 23 years old, my husband is 28, we have been married for a year and a half, we have a son 4 months old. Our parents on both sides are full and happy families. The relationship between our parents' families is perfect, our relationship with each other's parents' families is also excellent! But my husband and I cannot find a common language in the family. They dated for a year before marriage. We were struck by love at first sight, after 3 months of meetings, we began to prepare the wedding. At the time we met, we lived separately. The relationship was perfect. My husband is very good man with the right life arrangements, but I was alarmed by the fact that he was rather callous on the manifestations of feelings, on care and other components of the spiritual relationship between a man and a woman. I have never heard from him that I am beautiful, smart (there are no compliments and praise on his part). But before marriage, I attributed this to a lack of communication between us and expected that after marriage we would live in perfect harmony, but this did not happen. My husband did not pay attention to me as a person and I felt great loneliness next to him. We really wanted a child, he is desired and beloved by us. But during the pregnancy, the first huge scandal happened, where all the dissatisfaction with the fact that I had little attention, that I was lonely and we did not spend time together came out. After the scandal, both of us, apparently afraid of losing each other, tried to improve relations, look for ways to spend time together and somehow interact. Tried to walk in the evenings, play board games and watch movies, but it didn't last long. My husband began to shout at me more often, I began to express my dissatisfaction more often. There were domestic scandals. On the this moment we have reached the point that I do not want to communicate with my husband, I see that he is not interested, and any conversation ends with screams and tears. I don’t see my future with him, I’m afraid to live forever in a scandal. But at the same time I love him very much, we both love our son. sexual relations we do not suffer in any case, tk. we're not used to taking scandal to bed. However, we can't communicate, we don't have common interests, there is no strength to quarrel further. Increasingly, I understand that together with my son I feel more comfortable and I see my future in the layout of life together with him. It's scary to get divorced, because we will destroy our entire big family in which, apart from the two of us, harmony reigns. Again, we still love each other. How to find a common language with my husband, if he constantly screams, and recently I perceive all his words "with hostility"?

The psychologist Alferova Margarita Olegovna answers the question.

Dear Anastasia, good afternoon!

Of course, it is better to solve such issues together with your husband, because you have a family. But you turned, so the conversation will be about you. I don’t see the point in discussing or condemning my husband behind his back.

Nastya, do you have slightly idealized childhood ideas about life in marriage (as in books) or do your parents just ideal relationship, which is very rare.

You write that love struck the two of you at once. I think it was more falling in love and passion, and here, of course, there is an idealization of partners, i.e. you saw through each other pink glasses, saw what you wanted to see, and even if you saw what you didn’t like, for some reason you didn’t accept it as part of the personality of your loved one, but believed that after marriage he, as if by a wave magic wand will change. Unfortunately, this does not happen. We are all who we are. And love, real love- this is the acceptance of a loved one as he is, acceptance and understanding, this is bestowal, and not demands and claims. There is a lot written on this site. good articles about relationships and about love - Nastya, read them so that I don’t dwell on this now.

Nastya, take a closer look at your husband's family, how his mom and dad behave there. Maybe this will tell you how to get along better with your husband.

You are now in a rather vulnerable state, after pregnancy and childbirth. Perhaps fatigue affects, and therefore heated. Try not to make any decisions bitterly and in such a state. Perhaps everything is not as terrible as it might seem.

Nastya, look at how his mom acts and behaves with dad and with him. Talk to her, ask for advice on how to be better (if you write that the relationship is good), but do not complain, namely, ask for advice. Maybe she will talk to your husband that you are now in a vulnerable position and that you, more than ever, need his care and attention. It is very important that this be a request, your dream, but not a requirement. It is very important not to assume that in marriage someone owes something to someone.

You now have a very big resentment towards your husband!!! And that is what hinders the dialogue. Perhaps he has too. Your expectations, as it were, were not justified, you may feel that you have been deceived, that you have been betrayed. But I think that no one deceived or betrayed anyone. You just don't know each other well, both have expectations instead of acceptance, claims instead of understanding.

We are talking to you, and a woman can be wiser. Therefore, you should learn to forgive. Try to do it.

Try to give yourself a word and for a while do not make any claims at all, even within yourself, try to watch everything from the side, like in a movie. When you cope with this, then already begin to observe everything and your husband with interest, try to find something good in him every day and note first to yourself, and then aloud to him, find something to praise him for, but it is important to get down to business. Get a notebook and every day write down there - for which you are grateful to your husband. Don't show your husband.

After you do all this and you will be more calm and balanced. You first write on a piece of paper all your claims to your husband, throw everything out. Then burn this leaf. Now you can be ready to talk to your husband.

Find right moment so that everyone has good mood, everyone was full and offer to talk. As I understand it, before marriage, you didn’t talk much at all, you didn’t discuss joint views on something, views on life together, did not discuss how each of you sees the ideal relationship. It's not too late to do it now.

Talk to him like loving wife, as a friend asking for what you lack, but it is important not to demand it! Ask him what he wants, how he sees everything and try to understand, accept and follow it. You can make a kind of agreement on how to live so that both are comfortable. But remember that the beloved must first of all be accepted as he is, even if he is not the most affectionate, you fell in love with him and love him like that, otherwise you would not have chosen! You yourself chose it that way, which means that it is exactly what you need.

Remember that people rarely change unless they want to.

You both need to learn to love and accept unconditionally. This is a big job, and the family is work, and not just passion and desire.

You can want, desire certain behavior from him and even ask for it, but do not demand or consider that he should. Just like you can want to change, you can love because you love and care, but you don't have to do it just because you have to.

Nastya, it makes sense to understand, to learn again what your husband is interested in. It is important to share his interests, then he will begin to care more about you.

Nastya, you have to great work over himself and his family, but believe me, he is worth it. This is the path to happiness!

I wish you happiness!

There is a good Japanese parable about femininity, wisdom and patience

"Tiger's Whisker"

A woman came to an old sage for advice. She told him the following: “This is about my husband, O sage,” she said. - He is very dear to me. For the last three years he has been at war. But since his return, he hardly talks to anyone. When I talk to him, he doesn't seem to hear me. But if he does, he speaks harshly. If I cook his favorite meals, he pushes them away and angrily leaves the room. Sometimes, when he should be working in the rice field, I see him sitting on the top of the hill and looking out to sea. I need a potion,” the young woman said, so that he would become loving and affectionate, as he was before. The sage told her to bring a live tiger's whisker, from which he could make a magical drink for her. At night, when the husband fell asleep, the wife sneaked out of the house. In her hand she held a pot of rice drizzled with meat sauce. She went to the place on the side of the mountain where everyone knew the tiger lived. Standing far from the tiger cave, she held a pot of rice in her hands, inviting the tiger to come out and eat, but the tiger did not come. Every night she came to that place, but each time she came a few steps closer to the tiger. And although the tiger did not respond to her call, he gradually began to get used to her. One day she approached the tiger cave within the distance of a thrown stone. This time the tiger came out, walked a few steps and stopped. They looked at each other in the bright moonlight. The next night the same thing happened, but this time they stood so close to each other that she spoke to him in a low, soothing voice. The next night, after carefully looking into her eyes, the tiger ate the food she brought. The next night, the tiger was already waiting for the woman's arrival, standing on the path near the cave. Almost half a year has passed since her first visit to the cave. And finally, one night, after stroking the head of the animal, she said, “Oh generous animal, I need to get one mustache from you. Do not be mad at me, please". And she plucked one mustache from him. Then the woman ran to the sage with a tiger mustache tightly clutched in his palm. The sage carefully examined this mustache, after which he threw it into the fire. “My dear,” said the old man. - Can a man be called a more ferocious creature than a tiger? Is it harder for him to respond to kindness and understanding? If your patience and tenderness could inspire confidence in a wild and bloodthirsty animal, you may well do the same with your own husband.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello. I have been married to my husband for 3 years and we have a two year old son. Before marriage, I had many admirers and all the relationships that I had were always broken by me. And it seemed to me that I finally found the person for whom I would feel like stone wall capable of making serious decisions and being responsible for them. Since my husband is serving in the northern fleet, I had to leave big city to a small closed garrison, leaving work, friends, relatives. Upon arrival, we signed, and the celebration was postponed to the summer. The problems started with the wedding. My husband is Armenian. The wedding was celebrated in Armenia, since he has all his relatives there, and there were 100 of them, and from my side there were only 5 people, naturally, my friends could not fly by different reasons, and my brothers, too, for good reasons, could not fly to another country at that time. At the wedding, my husband had fun with his relatives, not noticing me, there were no kisses at the wedding, there were no hugs, in preparation for the wedding, no one took into account my wishes, the whole wedding took place on Armenian, my relatives did not understand a word, everything was decided for me up to makeup, dress and manicure. My husband was always angry with me that I was doing something wrong in front of his relatives. At the time of the wedding, I was pregnant for 3 weeks, I tried not to be nervous and not show my displeasure. I expressed my desires, but he did not want to spend extra money on my desires. It doesn’t fit in my head, how you can spend a lot of money on relatives whom he has never seen, and your wife can’t add 4 thousand on a dress that she wants. And until now, when it comes to any wedding, everything starts to boil in me, I hate this day and all the pre-wedding preparations. I always tell him this, hoping that he will hear me, to which he replies that I am ungrateful. And after the wedding, resentment and discontent began to accumulate like a snowball. To buy some thing, you always need to beg, we don’t go anywhere except Armenia on vacation, because we save money, we rarely get together with friends, he goes for a walk with me and the child once every half a year with a scandal, in the house he he does nothing, he considers all my desires to be complete nonsense, and he does not want to solve problems. I tried many times to get him to talk, in response I always got rudeness or "the conversation is over." I want to leave this city, and he tells me in plain text that he is not going to listen to this and we will live here for 16 years for sure, until he finalizes the northern pension and we buy our own housing. I understand that it is so gray and my whole life will pass, that I will get out of this darkness only when I am 43 years old! It's terrible, but I don't want to leave my husband, not because I love him madly, but because I love my son. I want him to grow up complete family I want to fix my life somehow, but I don't know what to do. If I take offense at him, he does not pay attention to it, everything suits him. My husband tells me almost every day that he loves me. Perhaps he loves, but does not respect, and my heart is torn from pain and misunderstanding.

The psychologist Ladatko Marina Georgievna answers the question.

Good day, Violetta.

It so happened that you chose this particular man, behind whom "you will be like behind a stone wall" from everything and everything, and to some extent, perhaps, from the world. Whatever it was, but it was you who chose him, it was he who was entrusted with your fate. What is left to do now? Trust completely.

I want to warn you right away: the husband will not change. He will not stop saving money and will not stop visiting relatives in Armenia. He will not change his mind about the need to meet friends more often, etc. His picture of the world is the way you discovered it for yourself after the wedding. I can assume that you were simply not interested in all these seemingly trifles before, before the wedding. But this is his worldview, his position in life, which must be accepted and respected. And he, like a real man, respects his world. If there is no place for violence in this world, bad habits and humiliation, then this is a worthy world.

Expressing your dissatisfaction and indignation is a waste of your strength. Plus, it's a misunderstanding and negative feelings to you from his side, because he appreciates and respects his world and the foundations in it.

What is left for you? You are left with a choice: 1) accept, learn to live in such conditions that your husband will ask you, accept his world as your own (and, believe me, it can be quite deep and full, even without everything that you want), or 2) run away from this relationship.

The first choice would be reasonable and wise. After all, you yourself attracted this person into your life. You don't know him, you didn't know him. And now your task is to learn to understand the Husband, to accept his world and unobtrusively, gently, with love to introduce him into your world. To do this, you need to take responsibility for the relationship.

The second option does not require special efforts: You just drop everything and run ... But you will not run away from your husband, but from yourself. From your failures, disappointments and complexes (after all, is it really so important what dress you are in when your beloved man is nearby? after all, if you have a family, then your friends are no longer so close and the need to often see them by itself disappears).

Whatever choice you make, Violetta, it will be yours. And it will be right for you. Regarding the child: yes, it is better for a boy to grow up in complete family where there is respect between parents for each other. A family in which resentment and hatred reign is not the most the best place for any child. This will affect his health.

Violetta, your annoyance is understandable: your expectations (and this is an idea of ​​​​how you dreamed) did not materialize. Do you have requests in life better life, more attention, best holiday) that go against the understanding of your husband. And this is where conflict arises. To improve the situation and to make family life really happy, just let go of all these requests. Relax and trust the man. Learn to find joy in what you have. Does your husband love you? And it's already great! Does he take care of you and your son? (as he knows how, but cares) And this is also wonderful. You can - life will get better. No, nothing good will happen.

What should be done now?

1. Forgive your husband for the wedding. It's hard work to let go of deep resentment. It was a great day for you. 1 day in my life, which now I don’t even want to remember. Relive it mentally again, finding at least something good (with this request it is better to turn to a psychologist). Otherwise, this day will become a burden that will ruin your whole future life. All grievances must be let go, otherwise health suffers from them, destinies sway.

2. Get to know your husband and cherish him: every day find at least 1 of his plus signs for which you can praise. And praise. For men, it is pride, joy and an incentive to bring you more money, pleasure, joy.

3. Love yourself. Regardless of the status, to the place where you live and what you wear. Fill yourself up internally. Find a hobby, take time for yourself, sign up for some courses that interest you and will benefit your entire family.

What should be avoided?

1. accusations - any (you can't blame others, you can't blame yourself). Take situations as they are, as a lesson, and people as a unique unknown world that causes surprise.

2. insults (they accumulate in the form of diseases)

That's all I can say about your question like this... from a distance.

Wisdom to you, Violetta, and happiness to your family.

Your psychologist Ladatko Marina Georgievna.

4.8125 Rating 4.81 (8 Votes)

Perfect family - cherished dream every woman. And at the beginning of a relationship, it seems that the realization of this dream is not so difficult task. But time passes, and family life ceases to please, and the spouse begins to frankly annoy and disappoint. Unfortunately, this picture can be observed in most couples. The reason for this often lies in a banal misunderstanding. It always seems to women that a man is completely indifferent to her problems and worries, and their family, in general, does not interest him.

Men, in turn, believe that a woman inflates a scandal out of the blue, worries about nonsense and does not want to notice their contribution to the development of the family. If your family quarrels often happen for these reasons, then it's time for some changes. First of all, you need to understand how to find a common language with your husband. After all, calm and healthy communication will allow you to solve problems more productively and avoid stupid empty quarrels, and this is already a significant contribution to the well-being of your family.

Loss of spiritual unity is a common problem often faced by married couples. And this problem does not disappear on its own. If you don’t work on relationships, then very soon they will simply cease to exist, and your marriage will turn into a painful neighborhood. In this article, we present several useful tips about how to avoid similar situation and what needs to be done to achieve this.

What is the reason for the separation of spouses?

Most often, at an appointment with psychologists, women complain about the indifference of their spouse, his lack of interest in the activities of a woman, negative attitude to her hobbies. Often, ladies accuse their spouses of being completely incapable and simply do not want to listen, are not able to support serious conversation, strive to reduce everything to a joke and curtail important topics for a woman. At the same time, the ladies note that their husband’s conversations are completely uninteresting to them. It seems to them that male head full of immature thoughts and sheer nonsense. This is the most bright examples family misunderstanding. Very often it is this that causes the breakup of the family.

But no less often people get divorced for more specific reasons that give rise to irreconcilable conflicts between spouses. Among the most pressing topics that can lead to divorce, psychologists call:

  • Dissatisfaction with finances;
  • lack of sex;
  • Lack of care, attention, affection;
  • Lack of mutual help and support;
  • Lack of rest, a ban on hobbies.

As well as common causes of family quarrels and divorces are bad habits, dangerous and destructive addictions, behavioral patterns.

Whose fault?

In their attempts to analyze the next family quarrel, start from the axiom that both are to blame for any quarrel. Even in the most unambiguous situation, one cannot place all the blame on one person. For example, in a situation where a woman works, provides for the family financially, and the husband sits at home and does not even do household chores, both are to blame. The guilt of the man in this case is obvious. And the woman is guilty of the following:

  • Devoted herself to work, not family;
  • She indulged her husband's idleness;
  • Left to live with a loafer, and not divorced.

Even such a situation cannot be called unequivocal, because we do not know the motives for which the roles in this family were distributed in this way. Perhaps a man also suffers from his position, but does not have the opportunity to radically change it. Very often, women imagine their family life as a relationship between a fool and a wise woman who feeds, waters and tolerates this fool. This position is fundamentally wrong. Is it possible to call such a relationship normal? Of course not. And the responsibility for what is happening lies on the shoulders of both partners. Before blaming your spouse for all the troubles, try to take a critical look at yourself. Maybe start changing positive side worth it from yourself?

Critical self-awareness

Think about what your spouse reproaches you most often. Think about it, maybe there is some truth in his words? Often family happiness and calmness is hindered by such qualities in a woman as:

  • Perfectionism;
  • obsession;
  • Touchiness;
  • Mistrust;
  • Lack of desire to change;
  • Pessimism;
  • know-it-all syndrome;
  • Intransigence;
  • Ingratitude.

These qualities are worth considering in detail, because they are indeed a serious barrier to trust and healthy relationships with husband.

Perfectionism. Many are proud of this quality. But in fact, there is absolutely nothing to be proud of here, because a perfectionist is able to turn into hell not only his own life, but also the life of those around him. Such a person believes that he alone knows how things should be. No other opinions are taken seriously. Often, perfectionist women set themselves the task of bringing their spouse as close to the ideal as possible. And themselves, as a rule, consider the person closest to the ideal. But do not forget that for everyone there is an ideal. For example, do you think that perfect wife should be a silent and submissive housewife, but for your husband, the ideal wife is an agile and stylish business shark.

Obsession. Many ladies sin with this shortcoming. They believe that they should devote every free minute of their time to their husband, as well as his free time too. As a result, a man is deprived of the opportunity to be alone with himself or go about his business. Because of this, tension in the family is growing. You should never forget that your husband is a separate person, he also gets tired, is out of sorts, has own desires not related to you. Men need freedom, so you should not try to lock him up at the hearth. By doing this, you only spur his instincts, which tell him to move forward and look for new targets, including new women. Another disadvantage of too close communication between spouses is that a woman, imbued with the interests and affairs of her husband, ceases to have her own hobbies and activities. She, as it were, merges with a man, becomes his weak shadow. Living with such a lady is completely uninteresting and very difficult, because she begins to take part in absolutely any business.

Touchiness. And this sin is seen in almost all the fair sex. Moreover, women have learned to use resentment as a powerful weapon, because female resentment turns a man into a submissive and obedient goat that jumps around the mistress's feet, faithfully looks into her eyes and catches her every word. It might work a couple of times, maybe a dozen. But someday your man will definitely think about why he is so humiliated in front of you? He will certainly come up with the idea that there are still many women around who do not require behavior from him. faithful dog. And such thoughts will definitely not do you any good.

Mistrust- one of the main causes of discord in the family. It may manifest itself in different forms, from jealousy to distrust in simple household chores. And to experience someone's distrust is very unpleasant, especially if it is unjustified.

Lack of desire to change. Family life does not change people better side. After some time, both the man and the woman begin to look dull and tired. And the task of a woman is to prevent unpleasant changes, to make life diverse, vibrant and rich.

Pessimism. When next to you is a person who is set up for defeat and preparing for failures, then life turns into a continuous expectation of these failures. Joy completely leaves the house in which the pessimist lives. A pessimistic woman is not able to set her husband up for success, she plunges him into inaction. As a result, everyone in the family becomes unhappy.

know-it-all syndrome- An annoying trait that needs to be dealt with. Nobody likes phrases like “I told you so”, “I knew it”, “Yes, I know you”, etc. There is no useful effect from them, only harm. Therefore, try to exclude them from your vocabulary, and life with your husband will become much easier and more enjoyable for both you and him.

Intransigence. In the decision family problems- not the most best quality. The family needs to be flexible, willing to compromise. Confrontation in marriage does not lead to anything good.

Ingratitude. Every person wants to be appreciated. Therefore, you need to notice the right actions of the husband and praise him for all the work done. Otherwise, some other woman will start praising him. Indeed, in essence, the husband does not owe you anything, he is a separate independent person. Therefore, do not forget that everything he does, he does voluntarily, for you. And for that, you need to be grateful.

How to fix the situation?

Do not know how to find a common language with your husband? Try to change your attitude towards him. More often use such useful in family life tools like:

  • Praise. Don't skimp on pleasant words for the husband, and he will strive to receive them as often as possible;
  • Humor. It is not necessary to make a global catastrophe out of every trifle. More often, to resolve a conflict or problem, it is enough to give up on her, laugh and forget. Humor saves a marriage;
  • Novelty. Upgrade everything - house, interior, outfits, yourself, entertainment. Let something new and pleasant constantly appear in your life. This will not let you drown in everyday problems;
  • Common cause. Try to always do something together. It would be great to have common hobby. It can be anything - dancing, sports, walking, collecting. The main thing is to always do this together;
  • Gratitude. Say "Thank you" to your husband often. Believe me, he will appreciate it;
  • Personal space. Leave an inviolable corner for your husband in the house and in his life. Periodically let him go to friendly meetings, let him be alone and study men's affairs. Let go of your leash!
  • Leave jealousy. Do not torture yourself or him with your suspicions, checks, distrust. This is very exhausting and seriously spoils family relationships;
  • Confidence. Do not underestimate your man and treat him like a child. He can easily cope with any household chores, as well as look after the child.
  • Leave grudges. There are little things that are really not worth any offense. Don't abuse it women's weapons, otherwise it will simply cease to operate, and forever offended wife starts to annoy her husband.
  • The ability to listen. Listen to what your husband says. Perhaps this will help you understand what exactly he is trying to convey to you. And what seemed to you nonsense before, will open from a new side.
  • Accept him the way he is. It is impossible to re-educate a person, so leave your pedagogical methods for children;
  • Don't tell your husband what to do. Nobody likes directions. And when they do, you always want to do the opposite. Believe me, your man himself knows what, when and how he needs to do it.

These simple rules behavior will help you deal with misunderstandings in the family. If you have complaints about your husband's insufficient earnings, then try to help him, become a source of motivation and inspiration. And, perhaps, you yourself need to reconsider your attitude to money and its use, as well as your own earnings.

If problems are observed in terms of intimacy, then there is only one way out - to open up to each other, to talk about your preferences, desires, needs. A frank conversation will help resolve all issues.

Is the husband to blame?

However, as we have already said, both are to blame for any conflict. Therefore, some measures must be taken in relation to the husband.

Take it to straight Talk. Be honest that you are not happy with everything. Ask your husband what he thinks about this. Wait for an answer and move on to the next question. Try to talk, not fight.

Remember that no one is perfect, and if your adversity grows solely from your desire for an ideal, then you should just be more condescending to your husband.

Maybe you're both just tired and it's time for you to go on a journey that will refresh your senses and make you feel free and in love!

You may be interested

    What picture appears more often than others in women's dreams? Of course, caring husband well-to-do, handsome…

Men and women are very different. And sometimes these differences are not visible to the naked eye. And it seems that we think alike. But it's not. Finding a common language with a man is not an easy, but feasible task.

To create a happy harmonious relationship, everyone - both a man and a woman, must be very good, almost professional psychologists to understand each other and be able to speak the same language.

Do you know what secret words will help to fall in love with a man very quickly?

To find out, click on the button below and watch the video until the end.

Differences between men and women scientific fact which needs to be carefully studied. At least to fix your personal life. So how do you find a common language with a man? Why do we approach relationships with different perspectives?

1. Different thinking, or why do we think differently?

To find a common language with a man, you need to know how he thinks. And here medical knowledge will help us) There are very important difference that separates us - and this is the difference, the structure of our brain.

Both men and women have two hemispheres of the brain, but they work in completely different ways. One of the hemispheres is responsible for the intellect, the mind, and the second controls our emotions.

But any woman is a real unique, compared to a man. After all, a woman is always in a state when both hemispheres of her brain work! Surprisingly, it is a fact: a woman thinks, reasons, and experiences emotions at the same time. The impulses in women's brains move so quickly between one hemisphere and the other, and that's why none of the parts ever turn off.

And it's not like that for men. A man works either one part of the brain or another. A man either thinks or feels.

You can watch for different men when one or another mechanism works for them. It happens that on a man's face you can see when he switches to the mode of emotions, and when he begins to reason logically. Seeing these states, a wise woman can skillfully guide her man and find a common language with him.

2. Differences in shopping habits

A man can pay much more for a thing that he really needs. Such is the nature of a man. A woman is arranged differently: a woman will most often be ready to pay two or three times less for a thing that she does not need at all.

Such an interesting paradox, but which also needs to be kept in mind in order to find a common language. For the most part, all store discounts, sales, and so on are designed for women, since they are very susceptible to such things, and are easily "led" to discounts. .

There is one more thing: a man can easily accumulate funds, and he can calmly contemplate some amount of money lying in the closet. But for a woman it will be a lot of stress) Most likely she will think that this is very, very wrong, that there is a pile of papers, but there are great amount beautiful things (perfume, clothes, shoes, and so on) that you can buy right now. Therefore, it is very desirable that a man be engaged in any savings, and protect a woman from such stresses.

3. A woman worries about her future until she gets married.

Although in modern society it is fashionable to say that “the seal in the passport does not solve anything”, and these are all “prejudices”, it is very important for a woman to feel in a certain status, the status of a wife.

This gives her inner peace and emotional stability, which is very beneficial. Usually, when you communicate with married and unmarried girls, it is quickly "read".

What is the difference between a married woman and an unmarried woman? internal state tranquility, serenity. An unmarried woman usually chases somewhere, runs and hurries. She is driven by instability and fear. Such is the nature of women, and it is important to know this in order to find a common language with women.

And a man can begin to worry about something only after marriage, since a certain, rather large responsibility is imposed on him, which he does not feel when he “walks”.

How to find the key to a man's heart? Use secret words that will help you conquer it.

If you want to know what to say to a man in order to charm him, click on the button below and watch the video until the end.

Before marriage, a man experiences only the emotions of freedom. He can do what he wants, go where he wants, nothing holds him back. But on the other hand, it doesn't make much sense. A free wind that blows here and there.

4. A man can be called successful when he earns so much that his wife is not able to spend it.

A normal man is always a breadwinner, and a man needs to realize himself in this status. And of course, material protection and security, this is very important factor in relationships between men and women.

Of course the limits women's desires most likely not, and they are limitless, but the man who at least covers most of them is successful :)

At the same time, situations often arise in communication when a woman indicates desires that a man simply cannot physically pull. Let's say he works as a janitor, and a woman suddenly wants to buy a house in the center of Moscow, and this week already.

It is clear that a man is simply not able to do this. But most often a woman, denoting such unrealistic desires, wants to test a man. See how he will behave.

For a woman, this is a test - loves or does not love?

And a man can behave in two ways: the first, when a man says to a woman, “What are you, a fool, chtoli, this is impossible, you are completely crazy.” And it is obvious that this will lead to only one thing - a common language cannot be found, and the woman will make the man hysterical.

Or a man can act more wisely: start showing his woman that he is striving to fulfill her desire, even if it is unrealistic. Look at real estate catalogs, show her options, tell her what he is doing to fulfill his desire. Most often, a woman, seeing that a man is trying, calms down, and after a while simply forgets about her inadequate desires.

5. A man is very easy to reset, and a woman never forgets anything.

To find a common language with a man, you need to understand that a man quickly forgets some events, resets to zero, and moves on. He does not experience emotions over and over again, he is not imprisoned for this. The psyche is arranged in such a way.

But women don't forget anything. If you offended a woman, or caused pain or suffering, she will definitely remember this, and you can’t run away from this anywhere.

And if a man also messed up decently, and then didn’t work out his mistakes, you can be sure that there will be a woman in the world who will constantly “wish you happiness.”

And this negative female energy very strong, and often after that things start to go wrong for a man, everything in life falls apart. And all because somewhere there is a "nuclear reactor", which endlessly radiates in his direction.

6. Women think that a man will change in marriage, and men that a woman will never change.

Both are wrong) A man after marriage will not change much, and will not turn into fairy prince, due to the fact that he had a stamp in his passport.

That is why it is so important for a woman to choose her man correctly and for a long time, check him before the wedding, look at him, and evaluate what he does for her, how he behaves.

After all, after a man is properly “set up” before marriage, then later on it is already quite easy to control him and maintain excellent relationships.

But a man often lives in the illusion that a woman will always remain the way he takes her as his wife. She will always retain her appearance, and time will not have power over her. Which of course is also wrong.

A woman will change, and change very much. And it's not just about appearance, but in general about the condition of a woman. She is a changing form that will always change the space around her, and she herself will also be transformed incessantly.

7. It is very important for a man to be able to yield to his woman.

It is impossible to win an argument with a woman. Behind her will always be the last word. And wise man should understand this very well.

Everything that will be said during a dispute or quarrel, when it is not possible to find a common language, everything that will be expressed by a man - all this will only be a new reason for continuing the dispute. Therefore, a wise man tries to keep quiet more, and take on everything female emotions. And in general, the fact that a man yields to his woman is a sign of his strength, not weakness. Being uncompromising is worth in society with other wolves, and not with your weak and soft woman.

conclusions

A woman, in order to find a common language with a man, needs to understand him very well. To know his features, what he wants, how his brain works, in what cases it is possible to influence him, and when it is better to let go of the reins so that the man himself leads and takes responsibility.

It's not an easy task, but wise woman it is within the power. And it is the ability to communicate and find a common language with a man that can lead to harmony in the family.

There are only a few secret words , upon hearing which a man will begin to fall in love.

Discover a secret that only a few women know. Click the button and watch the video until the end.