Why men cheat on their wives virtual. Love in disguise
Pursuit modern man get rid of loneliness and realize the natural need for communication gave rise to the new kind dating - via the Internet. It has become popular to search love relationship through social networks, various sites and chats. But where do online romances lead to? real life?
Why do people prefer virtual relationship real? Rather, because of convenience: you can get acquainted and communicate without leaving your home, at any time of the day, without being distracted from work, without spending money on trips. The only problem is that love on the Internet does not always end with a happy ending: more often it becomes the cause of problems.
Virtual treason?
Svetlana (32 years old):“I have no time to sit in Odnoklassniki for household chores, raising children and work, but one day I decided to go online to find my school friend... The spouse's page automatically opened, and what was my surprise when I found in his correspondence a real love story... For 10 years of our life together I have not heard such from him beautiful words(I thought he didn't know them at all!), which he enthusiastically threw at the stranger, not to mention the open invitation to have virtual sex with her. "
Psychologist, sexologist Alexander Firsov: “One of the reasons for virtual infidelity in most cases lies in the real sexual life spouses, more precisely, in its monotony and poverty. It is likely that such a man often hears words of refusal from his wife intimate relationships due to headaches, fatigue, lack of time, etc. Sexual relationships on the Internet are often an echo of the problems that have accumulated between spouses over the years - these can be a lack of communication, financial problems, domestic disagreements.
There are also cases when a man begins to engage in virtual sex because of male health problems: premature ejaculation, lack of erection, self-doubt. Virtual love, with its anonymity, accessibility and ease, completely takes a person away from reality, becomes a way of relaxation, escape from problems at home and at work.
When women find out about their husbands' virtual hobby, they regard their behavior as a real betrayal. And most sexologists and psychologists consider virtual sex still to look adultery, albeit unconventional. And such adultery may well lead to divorce. And yet, sometimes the family can be saved if you help the spouse in time to understand the illusory nature of the relationship in virtual space... No matter how emotionally difficult it is for a woman, one should do without criticism of her husband. Try to focus on yourself in real life: put on beautiful underwear, show your passion, learn how to do Erotic massage, turn on all your fantasy! If you notice that it is difficult for your soul mate to give up their hobby, contact a specialist. A sexologist or psychologist will help restore the lost trust in the relationship with her husband. "
Love in disguise
Irina (25 years old):“Our acquaintance happened on the Internet a year ago. As soon as I began to correspond with him, I was imbued with confidence in him. After all, he gave me his phone number and Skype address. Although I was a little surprised that during all the time of communication, he never called me, only sent SMS and continued to write gentle and affectionate messages on Skype. But then I wanted to see him in reality. For his part, he found any excuses to avoid a date. And when I asked what our relationship meant to him, he disappeared altogether. I am very worried, maybe I offended him in some way, why did it all end so sadly? "
Physician-psychologist, family psychologist, gestalt therapist Alina Mozhinskaya: “Most men are looking for relationships on the Internet because of their shyness, notoriousness or lack of free time for courtship. Virtual dating creates the desired illusion: we ourselves fantasize, invent an image of the one who is on the other side of communication.
If a man does not go to real contact, it is worth considering the reasons for this. Why is he afraid of meeting offline? Maybe he has a life partner, or in reality he looks completely different from the photo from his personal page? Some men willingly start several online novels: because of the busy pace of life, they do not have time for real dates, and virtual relationships help to distract from work, switch emotionally to another "wave". There are so-called love vampires who feed on the emotions of their virtual lovers: they kindle interest in themselves, fall in love, and at the same time keep the passion at a distance, turning relationships into fun.
The virtual world allows many to feel like they cannot be in reality - in demand, sexy, beautiful, eloquent, successful. This also applies to representatives fair half who, at the sight of incoming messages with compliments from virtual fans, experience a surge of emotions, imperceptibly getting used to this way of getting pleasure.
There is nothing negative in this, provided that virtual relations at a certain point in time turn into real ones. Alas, on dating sites, most men avoid real relationships and look mainly for entertainment, asserting themselves and thus increasing their self-esteem. One thing is clear: if a man really likes a woman, he himself will want to meet her as soon as possible, find any opportunity to continue the relationship.
Representatives of the fair half need to remember: if a woman is well-groomed, cheerful, she has every chance of finding her soul mate anywhere - in a store, cinema, at an exhibition, conference, at work, etc. And it is not at all necessary to resort to online dating ...
Don't take an online romance to heart: face the truth - relationships in in electronic format do not entail any obligations, they may have more romance, but they are not able to relieve you of loneliness. Maybe that's why we get so much disappointed, and even get depressed, moving from virtual to real? And although according to statistics, some couples found each other thanks to the Internet, the percentage of successful graduation virtual dating not so great: only 5–7%. Most people do not find their happiness in the virtual space. "
Those who have already fallen into the network of virtual relationships and understand that this cannot go on indefinitely, should ask themselves: “Where are my real friends and real communication? Why am I constantly "hanging out" on the Internet? What is the reason for my loneliness? " If your internet addiction has been long-term, you may have to re-learn how to live in the real world. To get started, just get up from the computer and call your old acquaintances: find out how they are doing, invite them over. Open up to communication: talk to a fellow traveler on the bus or with a neighbor on the staircase. Remember that life is the best scriptwriter, you can expect the most amazing stories from it and unexpected turns development of events. You and I just need to help her a little by showing initiative and fearlessness! Good luck, happiness and Great love in the real life!
In one lovely morning you turn on your beloved's laptop or tablet, and his intimate correspondence opens up to your eyes. No, no, not with you, but with some charming Masha. Virtual treason in the era information technologies you won’t surprise anyone. Quite often men give likes to beautiful strangers on social networks, lying in bed with their beloved wife. They correspond with Lena and Masha, looking at photos in a bikini, scattering in compliments and declarations of love. Astro7 experts figured out whether such behavior can be considered treason and what to do to the injured party.
Virtual betrayal is no different from the real one. Faced with her, the injured party experiences no less unpleasant emotions than if she saw her husband in real life in bed with some blonde. You feel the ground slipping from under your feet, your self-confidence disappears, your heart is hurt by betrayal and deception. It seems like, and the betrayal is not real, but still it is treason. To the question "What to do?" there is no definite answer. Each woman has her own recipe for getting out of this situation. Someone prefers not to look at the spouse's phone or tablet at all on the principle “the less you know, you sleep better”. Complete trust is a wonderful thing, but only until the moment when you accidentally see a message from some stranger. The second category unconditionally trusts a spouse who swears that this happened for the first and last time in his life. They believe that a person who has been on a dating site for a year will change his addictions one evening. They believe exactly until the moment they dare to check the archive in the tablet again. There is another category that even considers frivolous communication in social networks to be something normal. “Well, I won’t be jealous of him for a sultry mulatto woman living on the other side Globe? ", - justifies her calmness friend, who does not want to change anything in life. But most often, the virtual betrayal of the husband hurts even more than the real one, because they cheat on you, being very close. You understand that while you were putting the children to bed, your spouse corresponded with some Masha, flirting or openly engaging in virtual sex with her.From virtual romance to real betrayal
From virtual romance to real betrayal one step. Simply due to the fact that at some point the “lovers” decide to appoint real meeting to look at the one who has been sending seductive photos for so long and openly talking about her addictions. I wonder what modern women the propensity to take risks and real cheating is higher than that of men. It is a woman in such a relationship who can initiate a meeting, hoping to bite off a "tidbit". So it’s hardly worth believing that the case ended with just one correspondence.Twenty years ago it was impossible to imagine that people would get to know each other, fall in love and cheat on their halves without getting up from their chairs. But with the advent of the Internet, all this has become a reality ... Virtual novel - cheating on the Internet happens to everyone.
American psychologists believe that today almost half of the betrayals are on the "conscience" of the Internet. They are echoed by lawyers, claiming that in last years Cyber passions have become a major cause of family breakdown. In Europe, they also sound the alarm: in England, a third of young men and almost the same number of women do without real sex, content with a virtual romance - cheating on the Internet and communication on dating sites, on social networks, ICQ and chat rooms - here most often a virtual romance arises - treason in the Internet. Danes: Almost 65% of the adult population indulge in cybersex. Our cheaters and fans of virtual strawberries have not yet been counted, but psychologists say that every fifth person has problems in one way or another related to communication on the Web, including on sexual topics. Why do people of their own free will get stuck in this very Network and can virtual novels be considered treason?
Thirst for acquaintance
According to some advanced Internet users, a virtual romance - Internet cheating has many advantages over real passions. Unlimited choice of partners. Anyone who can tell the difference between a computer and an iron can have a romance in cyberspace. Before you - the whole world: blondes, brunettes, fat, thin, romantics, realists ... You want in your city, you want - on another continent. Fast, convenient and simple. As Beatrice Mileham, a researcher at the University of Florida, noted, "With the development of cybersex, there is no longer a need for secret travel and cheap motels: online dating can take place in the same room as a spouse." That is why some users manage to flirt with several dozen (!) People at the same time.
No commitment
If a pen partner is disappointed or bored, it is enough to simply blacklist him and he will no longer "reach" with his messages. And no quarrels, tantrums and a showdown for you - that is, all that inevitably arises when a breakup in real life.
You can try on any image. Feeling insecure due to being overweight or old? It doesn't matter, in the virtual we will introduce ourselves as a sexy blonde 25 years old. And for the sake of reliability, let's put a photo of a little-known American actress. Or we will photoshoot our own so that own husband does not recognize. True, the interlocutor on the other side of the screen can do the same. There were cases when 70-year-old retirees turned out to be a "passionate admirer of brunettes". Not a single fan of virtual adventures is immune from such punctures.
Relaxedness... Internet communication creates the illusion of anonymity, so users allow themselves on the Internet something that would never be allowed in real life. Here you can describe your sexual sensations: and wet panties, and discharges on the body, bringing the virtual partner to orgasm.
Virtual risks
Virtual love is played with equal enthusiasm by both men and women, and more often than not, "burdened" by the family. Someone had a fight with a half, someone yearns for new sensations, someone lacks communication ... Research shows that cyber passions excite most men over 40 and ... housewives of all ages, including young mothers.
As for the gentlemen, here, as in a joke, when a young hot guy he persuades forty-year-old men to swim across to an island full of naked maidens, but his older comrades answer him: "But why? And you can see quite well from here!" Housewives, on the other hand, are oppressed by monotonous everyday life and a lack of attention from a spouse (although most often ladies take elementary fatigue after a working day for inattention). So they run to the Internet - to "unwind". Most are convinced that online romance is innocent entertainment, almost child's play. But psychologists have a different opinion.
At first, you can fall in love with your online partner, because the more often people communicate, the more they trust each other. Arises emotional attachment which can be more destructive than naked sex. The writer gets the feeling that they understand him better on the other side of the display than in his own family: they will ask about health, and about the mood, and even give flowers (no matter if they are virtual). And with a rich imagination, the penpalter will seem like an angel, completely devoid of flaws.
Secondly, virtual flirting is no different from real treason. British psychologists came to this conclusion after a series of polls, during which it turned out that 51% of people consider network passions to be cheating, and 84% are convinced that a deceived partner will certainly feel pain, resentment, disappointment and loss of trust, that is, everything that a person experiences after learning about the betrayal of his half. And it's not far from here to divorce.
Thirdly, you can "get hooked" on virtual sex, like on drugs or alcohol, considering real love relationships insipid, and "earthly" partner - a bore and conservative. And Internet addiction, like any other, is difficult to treat.
Viva romance!
Therefore, before responding to the sexual appeal of a certain Andrey from Kiev or tapping out the answer to the mysterious Dan from Uzhgorod with trembling hands, weigh it a thousand times. Maybe it's better to turn off the computer, go up to your partner and do "it" as temperamentally as during honeymoon? It is not out of place to listen to psychologists:
Every third virtual novel develops into a real one. Are you sure you're ready to go this far?
If your internet addiction is caused by boredom and low self-esteem, urgently change your life: sign up for shaping, dance, start repairs eventually. Virtual passions will not solve your problems, but will drive them even deeper!
Most The best way
return to the relationship the former romance - periodically arrange sexual weekends (even better - spend part of the vacation alone, without children, grandparents). Go at least to the Maldives, at least to the dacha (just do not build a barn there, do not dig the beds and do not salt cucumbers) and enjoy each other's company!
If virtual connections are alien to you, but you suspect a partner of them, this is not a reason to smash the keyboard on his head. Perhaps he went to a dating site or chat just out of curiosity. Are you sure he's having a real virtual affair? Act wisely, because online romance does not just happen - it is a consequence of problems with a regular partner.
In no case do not spy, trying to find out with whom exactly your husband is communicating, and do not arrange "heart-to-heart conversations" for him. According to psychologists, wise woman in such a situation, he will pretend that nothing is happening, playing the role of an ideal spouse. If offended wife start throwing tantrums
expelling the vile deceiver from the house, he will leave: "You yourself wanted it." By the way, if this happens, wait to despair. Most likely, your chosen one will return soon. The peculiarity of virtual novels - betrayal on the Internet is that they flare up instantly, but just as quickly go out: beautiful photo the display does not correlate well with reality. At first, a man will be surprised to find that the waist of his virtual girlfriend in reality resembles a quay pedestal, then dirty dishes in the kitchen will irritate him (and his wife had perfect cleanliness!), And then he will hastily collect a suitcase. Life is sobering instantly!
Become mysterious. This applies not only to a new image, although this should not be neglected, but also to a change in lifestyle. Did you like soothing colors? Wear bright! Hate to cook? Surprise your husband with delicious meals. Was it soft and fluffy? Master the role of a vamp woman - the more drastic the change of image, the more the spouse is interested.
Bring back the bed!
The recommendations are also effective for ladies whose husbands are only fond of Internet strawberries. Many consider online pornography a kind of virtual betrayal, but sexologists argue that there is nothing wrong with that - the stronger sex needs visual sexual stimulation.
Moreover, the majority of gentlemen, as a rule, work up their appetite on porn sites, and have a hearty and happy "dinner" already at home with their lawful wife.
It is bad, however, if pornography becomes a substitute for normal sex, then the beloved hubby really needs to be urgently pulled out of the virtual embrace of silicone beauties. Better - with the help of a sexologist.
And as a preventive measure, add spice to intimate life... Sometimes you can watch "adult films" together - this, as noted by experts, will excite your partner more than watching alone. And there will be a chance to apply the theory in practice. And don't forget the proven tools - new positions, sex toys and, of course, revealing lingerie.
Family sex crises
Chronic mutual irritation is a bad sign. It is especially dangerous if the crisis overtakes a couple in ... the third year of marriage. Stormy passions last, alas, from six months to two years. To keep the mutual interest together, you must be connected by something other than sex, such as having a baby.
Seventh - both men and women get tired of boredom family life... So that my husband does not go to look for a volcano of passions on the side, he will have to ... become a volcano herself.
Twentieth year. People part after living together for half their lives. The reason is loneliness together. The children have grown up, nothing seems to unite. Here common hobbies will help: building a house, traveling. And sex is the best way to remind each other of love!
Fivesigns of treason(real or virtual)
Being in the role of a cheated wife is not very pleasant. Psychologists advise paying attention to indirect signs indicating possible treason.
1. The habit of lingering after work, especially if this has not happened before; making regular visits to friends you don't know.
2. Strange behavior during telephone conversations: partner seeks
go somewhere with the phone, does not say who called, erases SMS, etc. The same applies to the computer: the spouse locks himself with a laptop in the bathroom, does not allow him to view his mail, approach the screen when he is working, constantly deletes your internet history. 3. Frequent freezing on chats and social networks, too a large number of friends of the opposite sex on his page.
4. Unusual sexual behavior: the spouse either by all means avoids intimacy with you, or, on the contrary, solicits at every convenient and even inconvenient occasion, which has not been observed before.
5. An unexpectedly picky attitude towards own appearance: careful selection of a costume, perfume, purchase of expensive lingerie, etc.
The more time we spend in virtual space, the more real it starts to seem. In this world, morality as such does not exist, the norms of behavior in society can be safely stepped over, hiding under the guise of anonymity.
Why is virtual space so attractive?
A person is built in such a way that he needs to constantly improve himself. If someone thinks that he has reached the desired level of development and stops there, then he degrades, and does not freeze in the current state.
But moving forward and developing a person as a person requires not only time, but also significant efforts. In addition, I want to immediately see the result and celebrate my progress.
To seem, not to be
There is a temptation to take a shortcut: not to become, but to seem better. You can be anyone on the Internet. Why go to the gym and limit yourself on food when you can find a pretty picture and pass it off as yours? You don't need to take care of yourself, in the virtual world they won't notice that you haven't brushed your teeth for 3 days.
And while it may seem like it helps you get better in life, you do good results, in fact, this is not at all the case. This is a fast path to the abyss of frustration and self-destruction.
Communication by mood
It is easier to communicate with virtual interlocutors. Bad mood or irritation after hard day will not be noticeable in intonation or sharp words. When the conversation is in writing, there is time to reflect on your words. And the fact that the other person does not see us in a vulnerable state gives a sense of security and soothes.
If you are not in the mood to communicate, you don't have to listen to the grievances live. You always have escape routes. And you don't have to worry about the feelings and emotions of the interlocutor, unless, of course, you are communicating in the real world.
Communication without obligation
Attractively virtual communication and the fact that it almost never has consequences. You can simply delete your page in social network and create a new one, leave old friends wondering in the past.
Virtual love is also safe from the point of view of contraception: sexual diseases and risk are not transmitted over the Internet unwanted pregnancy null.
Anonymity
Anonymity also protects against condemnation and public censure. If some desires or preferences seem shameful to you, you will almost certainly find like-minded people on the net.
Imaginary freedom
You can invent any personality for yourself, give it a name, character, habits, preferences. This fictional person will quickly make friends, he will lead more interesting life having virtual sex. Most likely, he will do what you yourself would like to do, but for some reason you cannot do it. This is very dangerous path from the point of view of psychology. Plunging so deeply into the image of another character, a person risks losing himself.
What is virtual cheating?
Everything described above creates the illusion of impunity. Maybe virtual betrayal and not betrayal at all? Everything is possible on the Internet. Even what is prohibited by law. You just need to find a way to get to closed sites. You don't have to be a programming genius to bypass standard locks.
And pop-up ads often urge us to break moral rules, let our desires happen, and engage in virtual sex. Skillfully composed texts muffle the voice of conscience and reason. Therefore, it seems that everything is fine, it should be so.
Communication with other women attracts men. If in real life it is necessary to spend money on a mistress: go to restaurants, buy flowers and gifts for her, pay for a taxi, then it is much easier to establish communication on the Internet.
Moreover, most people are very shy and have a hard time making new acquaintances. What can we say about how, with the help of hints, to understand whether a woman is ready to become a mistress. Therefore, virtual love can be more economical for the family budget.
And in the network, this obstacle is easily removed. Refusal is no longer perceived so sharply. And there are a million applicants, there is always someone to choose from.
As in life, virtual relationships begin innocently enough. Here we met, began to communicate by interests. And it begins to seem that you are like-minded people, no one understands you as much as an unknown interlocutor. And you get support from him (only in words), attention, sympathy.
And your mind creates an image real person giving it only positive qualities... How not to get carried away?
And at the first opportunity, your husband checks messages, writes something furtively, put multilevel passwords on your phone, computer. And you can feel how it recedes. When you ask about who he communicates with and about what, he avoids answering, accuses you of encroaching on his personal space.
Communication flows smoothly into a more intimate channel. And now your husband is not turned on by you, but by a stranger. She differs from a real mistress in that your husband did not enter into sexual relations... But they may well have exchanged personal photos.
What kind of beast is this "virtual sex"?
Virtual sex is the process of obtaining sexual satisfaction without the direct participation of a partner, but he is in touch: either writes messages, or talks on the phone or on a webcam.
Posts
A man can engage in self-gratification, just by texting with a virtual mistress. By the way, it can be quite real, just this time they diversified the format of their meetings.
They exchange intimate information, simulating sexual intercourse. Virtual love seems real passion, but outside the Internet, these people would hardly be nice to each other.
Phone sex
Is not latest invention in the sex industry, but the development of communications and the Internet has made it easier and more accessible. Even if the service is provided on a paid basis, the wife may not suspect anything.
Essentially it is sexual intercourse with your voice. The dialogue is structured as if two lovers were in this moment having sex.
Video conference
This is a more progressive form of communication after voice. You can not only hear the interlocutor, but also see in all the details. There are many paid sites where girls will willingly help a man to achieve an orgasm and show themselves from any side.
What is common between real and virtual betrayal?
What unites this type of cheating is that your man, during the act of self-gratification, does not think about you. Thoughts not about you enthrall him, you do not make his heart beat faster. Such virtual love can be disgusting and humiliating for the wife. But what is to be done?
First, find out the reasons that pushed your husband into another world. Maybe he wants variety, but does not want to change? Or is he ashamed of his desires? Or does he want to be a fit and athletic alpha male rather than the average man with a beer belly?
When you get to the bottom of this, you can figure out how to get your husband back in real world... He may need the help of a psychotherapist. First of all, he is pushed into the virtual world by his own fears and complexes.
Is it worth forgiving virtual betrayal
If you think that virtual sex is not sex at all, and you eliminate the reasons for this behavior of your husband, then forgive him. We always strive for something new and unknown, but we do not always do it in the right way.
But if you are unbearably disgusted with looking at your husband, then evaluate what is more important for you: to preserve and revive the good that was between you or to destroy this relationship to the ground and create your family anew with another person? At this point, do not think about the children or what your relatives will say. Living with someone you have disgust for is awful. Moreover, your children will suffer more from this.
If the family is more expensive, then forgive and forget. Create at home trusting relationship, do not scold or condemn. Give your man the support he needs. Let him feel that he has a reliable rear.
What if it repeats itself
You seem to have figured out the reasons, understood and forgave your husband, but he still spends more time on dubious sites than with you. And again, virtual betrayal! What's the matter?
The fact is that this kind of leisure is addictive. Usually it doesn't stop forever with one conversation. Losing virtual world, the man feels empty. She scares him.
Therefore, it is very important to prevent its occurrence. You must take it upon yourself to prevent your husband from getting online again. Therefore, we replace virtual communication with live one. Meet with friends more often, go to visit.
Create new hobbies for yourself. Nowadays, many different master classes are being created. Do you want to make sushi or pizza, do calligraphy or learn how to paint with watercolors? Sign up soon!
Remember to walk together more often. Fresh air good for health, and observing wildlife is soothing and calming.
Diversify your leisure time. Go to exhibitions and theaters, arrange dates in cafes. Get active: Run together in the mornings in the summer and go skiing on the winter weekends.
You can invite your friends to share your new hobbies. More fun together!
Introduce strict rules and regulations regarding technical devices:
- there is no place for a telephone and a computer in the bedroom;
- when we eat at the same table, all televisions, computers, telephones are turned off or put on hold;
- during a trip to the toilet or shower, the phone remains in the designated place;
- no one under any circumstances has the right to take his phone without permission;
- we need a phone and a computer for work, for communication, devote more time to personal meetings.
Gradually, your husband will return to the real world, because he is so interesting. But since you know that he has such a tendency - to withdraw into himself in safe place then you are armed. At the first sign of a resumed virtual life, you will quickly take action to get your husband back.
And reconsider your views on sexual experimentation. Maybe you will like it yourself. Don't be a prude in the bedroom. Or maybe your husband himself will be disappointed in his fantasies. After all, everything is different in the imagination than in life.
The share of revenue from the cyber porn industry is the largest of all online commerce, at $ 1.7 billion annually, which is 8 times more than the revenue from the next popular category - PC games.
Do you think this is only the privilege of men? Then take a look at next figure: 30% of people visiting porn sites are women.
Before, there was nothing like this - all the barriers that had previously existed that hindered access to pornography have collapsed.
The power of the Internet lies precisely in its accessibility, in its invisibility and its interactivity in real time. No need to wait for another monthly magazine to arrive in the mail. Most of the porn sites are updated hourly. You also don't need to go to peep clubs. You are sitting at home, you have Beethoven on your headphones, and fish are swimming nearby in an aquarium. In addition, if you wish, you can find a live one! virtual partner. And it's almost impossible to track you down, even for the most astute and computer-savvy wife. You just need to erase the list of visited sites from the browser, and no one will know about your adventures.
This means that people who did not have access to pornography before, and who had to work hard to get what they wanted, became much easier. But psychologists warn that virtual sex, which is becoming more commonplace, is not so harmless. Some of them consider him new form infidelity of the last millennium. Others believe it can develop into an obsessive-compulsive disorder that requires psychotherapeutic treatment. According to experts, addiction to virtual sex is often no less serious than other forms of addiction - alcoholism, smoking, overeating or work addiction. She may be difficult to treat. Moreover, unlike real infidelity, it does not always go away with age, when hormones decrease.
Warning signs
Not all engaging in virtual sex leads to pathology, psychologists say. Men who look at pictures of naked women a couple of times a month indulge in the usual sexual fantasies Is the same form of self-satisfaction as watching Playboy several times a month. Everyone has one or another fantasy. Many people present themselves with other partners, this is not cheating. It is simply one of the properties of human sexuality.
When does a person cross the line? If you are able to calmly discuss your involvement in virtual pornography with your other half, this good sign... If you have the same view of the importance of virtual sex in your life, that's even better. And if for you cybersexual fantasies are a way to avoid real betrayal, then your partner can also put up with this, although not always, there is one caveat. If you hide your passion, dodge it, that's a completely different matter. The main thing is honesty towards your real life partner.
If you do not have a permanent real partner, this does not mean that cyber pornography is completely harmless to you. It can prevent you from developing a serious relationship in the future. If you are constantly on the Internet, looking at "nudity", your chances of meeting a real partner are significantly reduced. This can lead to reluctance to make real contacts or avoidance. lasting relationship... Especially if it is a way to fill the emotional void in your life, then it is cause for concern. If this is preventing you from having one of the greatest pleasures in life - communicating with a real living partner - you should think carefully about it.
There are 5 warning signs that your cyberporn addiction is becoming abnormal or out of control:
1. You can't wait for your next visit. Whether you're just looking at nude photos or hanging out with a virtual sex partner, cyber contact is more important to you than other aspects of your life.
2. If you adjust your life to the schedule of Internet visits. Maybe you change your sleep hours or cancel tasks on weekends. If you would rather watch porn than go to the movies with your wife / husband, this is a red flag.
3. You find it difficult to concentrate on work when you are working, or on your family when you are at home.
4. You feel that you cannot stop, that you are addicted to cyber pornography. If you need to get more and more aroused, or spend more and more time on the Internet.
5. Cyber pornography satisfies most of your sex addictions. You prefer masturbation to lovemaking with a real partner you love.
Another alarming sign depression may be present. People with addictive behavior are often involved in vicious circle... It can even start with the first visit to a porn site and go as far as visiting two or three times a day. Cyber pornography begins to affect your social life, leading to a closure in oneself. Then there is depression or anxiety, often the cause is the self-loathing that occurs when cyber pornography takes over. leading place in your life. To overcome depression, you are forced to increasingly resort to virtual sex. This creates a vicious circle that needs to be broken.
Does your partner do this?
You may not even be aware of this. But how can you be sure of this? And what should you do if you guess about it? Observe your partner closely.
The following signs exist:
Your partner is spending more and more time on the Internet. Check the list of his visits. If you find links to porn sites, then this is the most sure sign... But if your partner is good at computers and covering their tracks, then you will have to rely on your intuition and find the connection between the time spent on the Internet and what he usually does on the Internet.
Your partner takes a defensive stance when you ask what he or she has been up to online. He may be short or vague when you bring up the topic. Sometimes your discussion can turn into an argument.
Your relationship is deteriorating, or it was not very good to begin with. Sometimes cyber pornography can lead to a deterioration in the relationship, or, conversely, a lack of love or warmth in your relationship can provoke a partner's interest in cyber pornography.
You feel like your partner is emotionally distant from you and unwilling to discuss your suspicions.
This raises the question: is the passion for virtual sex treason?
In answering this question, both the religious, moral and ethical beliefs of the partners and their feelings in relation to virtual sex are important. It's good if your partner does not hide his hobby and can explain its reasons, and is interested in your opinion.
Cheating occurs when a partner begins to lie - not only about virtual sex, but also about other aspects of his life. Of course, everyone can have secrets, but if there is deception in the relationship, it can also affect the sexual side of your relationship.
What can you do?
As angry as you are at your partner who is caught up in the cyberporn circle, you need to stay calm. Try to talk to your partner about the problem, but do not lose your temper or label yourself. Also try to figure out during your discussion how deeply his passion is. Remember that rare visits to porn sites are often triggered only by ordinary and harmless fantasies. A stronger infatuation, however, may indicate that your partner needs help. Psychologists differ in what degree of passion should be a cause for concern, but most agree that once a week or more virtual sex is a worrying sign.
It's great if your partner shares your concerns and seeks advice. In fact, cyber pornography can be a consequence of problems in your relationship, as well as their cause. It is necessary to understand which case is yours. Try to bring something new to your relationship and fill the emotional void. In this case, you may need the help of a psychologist. Or even a psychotherapist, if the hobby has turned into an addiction. Be that as it may, to understand the problem means to partially solve it. Acknowledging that a problem exists is the first step towards honesty in your relationship. And honesty is necessary condition for long-term relationships.