The concept of love in the modern world. How not to be confused with love. How does the feeling manifest

“We are part of a generation of people who do not love and break up, but we confidently create the feeling that we are together because we are afraid to see each other with someone else.” - Drake, “Doing It Wrong”

In 2009, Drake's first single, "Best I Ever Had", blew up most of the music charts. Amazing love ballad about special girls; a song against expensive cars, bitches and ostentatious glitter. The audience fell in love with his work, which propelled Drake into the top rap artists of the last decade.

Despite the first single, Drake began writing about breakups, promiscuity, loneliness and lack of commitment. The culmination of all this was the single "Hotline Bling". A song about a call from former love but the current whore. An artist with a sensitive and gentle voice has imperceptibly transformed into the bitter voice of a generation within a decade.

Its transformation follows the current social trend; our whole model of relationships with each other has changed. Driven by a complex mixture of technology, sexual liberation, distrust of marriage, focus on a career, and increasing freedom of movement. All this bears little resemblance to what was in Drake's songs in 2009.

Instead of creating lasting and meaningful relationships, we go through a long line of bad dates and intrigues. Instead of meeting people in real life, we constantly swipe, like and write another message to someone new. Instead of telling people what we feel, we write falsely about feelings that are trending. We are a friend zone for some people, and others are a friend zone for us. We no longer date or commit ourselves, we just “have fun” together. We are involved in a culture of relationships that systematically discourages close communication. We have become a generation that is afraid to love.

Ross and Rachel did not set an example

For millennials with a privileged middle-class upbringing, looking back is helpful in understanding the present and future of contemporary relationships.

When we were young, we truly believed in the concept true love... It was in Disney films, in classic TV shows like Friends, in our music. At the same time, there was a peak in economic activity in the world: salaries became high, and people began to feel the stability of their lives. Big economic success combined with growth women's freedom and a growing prioritization of happiness rather than financial well-being, allowed people to strive more for self-realization than for safe life without high rates. Our parents were able to answer the question of how to find love and marry those whom they really loved.

This is the generation that created the media of our childhood. The generation that has created a lifestyle where everyone not only deserves their soul mate, but is able to find it in a world of 7 billion people. This generation has created our collective understanding of how to love.

It's not hard to compare the more intimate relationships seen in Friends with those featured in more recent television series, such as How I Met Your Mother.

But something went wrong. These supposedly self-fulfilling, perfect relationships began to corrode and destroy. The divorce rate among our parents has increased so much that almost half of us are now children of divorce. Thus, we received a loud and clear message: "Love is doomed, so why try?"

We grew up and rushed to university defiant of our independence and vitality. Parents' failures in love were relegated to the background. “We can always think of love after graduation,” we said to ourselves. So the years went by under black cover, and we could hardly concentrate on the lessons, only to press the repeat button again and move on to the next day. But without a mission and purpose for cross-gender interactions, we lived only in a mono-gendered world. We viewed the opposite sex as a means to an end. Fuck someone sexiest and you are on top of the world. And if you start dating, then you are just idiots who miss all the opportunities around you. The university was a paradise of hot bodies and flowing liquor.

Simultaneously, a spectrum of technology has invaded everyday life, eroding our limited emotional focus. This opportunity to be constantly online, online, but offline in life, has led us to the fact that we have lost some of our ability to talk to people face to face. Our being still wanted intimacy, so we filled our soul pit with news feed, snaps, tweets, likes and other clicks. This brand of psychological reinforcement has come to control our happiness and mood instead of real human connections.

Cities are beautiful because you can meet so many different people and broaden your horizons. Unfortunately, this also leads to choice paralysis.

We graduated from university and moved to cities whose population is growing viral, hoping to find our happiness. Ultimately, finding a job that gives us some financial freedom. Every street in the city is teeming with newly minted professionals who strive to find success in big city... None of them are in love, and all are trying to find intimacy in our increasingly connected, but at the same time disparate world.

Instead of settling down like the previous generation, we again faced the consequences of over-choice. Why settle for a long-term relationship when there is always someone better just around that corner? And then we moved forward, from one corner to another, each step bringing us closer to the ideal. At least we thought so.

Our digital addiction has made this worse. Flashing red hearts are constantly flowing into our heads, taking up all the free space. Instagram models, hot schoolgirls, pornstars, and even Facebook photos from the Girls We Slept With You Shouldn't Reply to Emails album. We have Tinder for special kind of frivolous contacts and a bunch of other dating services. Choice has become the only commodity that we could not do without.

Abel Tesfay, known as The Weeknd, is one of the most popular and promising R&B artists. His lyrics contain elements of cynical depravity and fake love in abundance.

“So tell me that you love me! Just for this night ... Even if you don't love me. Just Say You Love Me. "- The Weeknd, Wicked Games

The result was, and remains, a relationship model that is unsatisfying at best, and at worst bordering on severe emotional turmoil. We spend time on various intrigues to fill the space until we "find the person we are looking for." Amorphous conglomerates of physical traits and interests excite us as much as answering questions about music taste and future career. Choice comes first, intimacy and connection are afterthoughts. Thus, one night, two nights and three nights are worth nothing, we just have fun without being tied down. But we never give another person the opportunity to prove himself in order to know his true self. We think we know who they are, but how can we know them if we don't know ourselves?

We say to the public what we want to find " the right person"That someday we will want to get married, that we want to feel in love. But all our actions create a difficult situation for such things to occur. When we don't give people a chance, we don't give ourselves the opportunity to learn from them what, in principle, we can love. When we prioritize sex or choice while denying the value of intimacy, we reward emotionally distant connections.

How does the modern relationship model work? (for Dummies):

1) People often hang out, have fun, or just have sex for extended periods of time, but don't officially date. This allows them to avoid committing to long-term relationships.

2) Possible investment in a person is often viewed as something negative when meeting someone. We have words like "nasty", "clingy" and "hopeless" to describe such a person.

3) Loose relationship valued for certain things, be it sex, relationships, careers, or freedom of movement.

The Attractiveness Paradox, or: we don't like people who like us.

One of the most obvious examples of our fear of serious relationships is what I call the "Attraction Paradox." Our inexplicable ability to attract those who are not available, losing interest in those who are.

IN modern relations potential partner needs emotional support, or does not need it at all, which often leads to a loss of interest. There are many terms in our language: clingy, overly loyal, weird, creepy, desperate, etc. These words confuse emotional interest. Because we value choices and society expects people to maintain emotional distance, we have an expectation that people will not be attached to or interested in us in the early stages of a relationship. And thus, a partner who shows interest beyond what is expected becomes “too clingy and annoying,” and we end up losing interest. If you're too sticky, then just one Tinder swipe will replace you. This does not mean that people do not have great, fulfilling relationships, but it does become much more difficult to scale the emotional distance that we cultivate so carefully.

John Bellion is another "empathetic" performer, along with Drake and The Weeknd.

“We live in an age when everything is simulated, and all we do is pretend to feel. I was afraid to show myself as real. Last night I woke up in a fucking sweat, realizing that I desperately need you. "-Jon Bellion," Woke the Fuck Up "

Like Drake in Hotline Bling, we are all blindly tinkering with the dating world, in which we have no understanding or any cultural models. As children, we were taught to value love, but our institutions, cities, and technology have taught us to fear commitment and the need to make choices. We are caught up in a self-sustaining cycle of emotional distance from each other.

Most of us really want love, but our behavior is at war with that desire. We maintain an emotional distance because we fear commitment and possible rejection, not because our true selves behave this way. We replace feelings of true closeness with short-term relationships or long-term evasive relationships. We comfort ourselves that at least we don't feel the stinging pain. broken heart and that at least we don't have to deal with real emotions. We are caught in a cycle in which we are all involved.

This vicious circle harmful to all of us. Happiness has acquired different meanings for different people. For some it is marriage and children, for the second it is a trip around the world, and for others it is a rainy day with a good book. One thing we all share is that having the strong, positive relationship in our life is one of the keys to happiness and fulfillment of dreams. Experience shows that we know this to be true.

When we maintain our emotional distance due to the fear of rejection, we lose one of our most important aspects being a person. Deep down, we know that we are dissatisfied, but we do not know how to fix it. Therefore, we play a game where there are no winners. We must free ourselves from this culture, which is damaging to all of us, and learn to love again.

6 ways to love again:

To end this article with something actionable, I've tried to frame 6 things we can all do to help break this vicious circle. Not all of these suggestions apply to all people, and they are nothing more than thoughts, but hopefully they will have a positive impact:

1) Try to give each person time to learn something interesting: things that you may not know or may have missed on the first or second date, provided they meet your basic expectations.

2) Try to be more emotionally receptive and honest. Say what you have in mind. And back up your words with actions. Express your thoughts and emotions with a smaller filter. We often share the same thoughts and complexes, but since we don't talk about it, we feel lonely and isolated. Expressing yourself correctly can lead to amazing things that you didn't expect.

3) Understand that possible failure at the first meeting is not personal criticism, it is a reflection of the fact that you are not compatible. Try not to get angry, sad, or acting crazy about rejections early in the relationship. A relationship requires a connection between two people, not just one.

4) Try to refrain from "stalking" and silent escape from a person whenever possible. If you don't want to see the other person again, tell him about it. This is detrimental because the addressee believes there is hope when there is really no hope, which ultimately undermines their trust in others. Most of the time, they will thank you for being straightforward and honest about your feelings.

5) Compliment each other, but do not focus on appearance. Notice the good things in their hobbies, their ability, their intelligence, or their ability to be just a good friend. It's amazing how a simple compliment can affect a person.

6) Don't be afraid of people who like you. Appreciate the moments when you are especially attractive to other people. Someone decided that you were enough good man in order to spend time with you. Conversely, don't value people who don't value you.

For most of us, improving our relationships is one of the best things we can do in life. For me, with this awareness and a purposeful desire to be more open, honest and direct, I was able to improve my relationship with other people. Maybe it will lead to a happier and more a fulfilling life maybe it will just make me better, or maybe it will lead me to find love. I just know I don't want to be involved in modern model relationships. I'm happy to create real emotional connections... And in the end, being happy is the only thing I want.

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Since the end of centuries, love in the world has filled people's lives with meaning, inspires to create masterpieces in culture and art, pushes them to feats, makes them just happy. Love is a volcano of emotions that can push people to actions, sometimes insane, sometimes beautiful, which they previously thought were impossible. Love has no time, no barriers, no prohibitions, love gives wings and lifts to heaven those who once had a chance to experience this incomparable feeling. IN modern world as it has always been, love is different and everyone shows love in different ways. For some people, the concepts of love and freedom are inseparable parts of one whole, the so-called free love. For such love, there are no restrictions on the choice sexual partner, the concept of fidelity as such is absent. People who live by the principle of such love believe that partners should not encroach on each other's freedom. Jealousy for them is a manifestation of a sense of ownership in relation to another person.

Free love is a kind of challenge to society for the well-established principles of love and marriage. Free love in the modern world is a worldview that is close to those who have such a vision of love. All over the world, youth movements are being created that support such an ideology. If you plunge into the distant 60s of the last century, you can find some similarity with hippies who had a similar worldview. An interesting fact is that this trend even had its own sign, a symbol of free love - this is a red and white bauble. One of the manifestations of free love in the modern world is swing. Swing is a way of life for some married couples... Swinging involves the exchange of sexual partners, which is characteristic of free love in the modern world. For such couples, special swing clubs are created, membership in which implies the obligatory presence of a permanent partner and their mutual agreement to join a club where they can have a good time and get to know potential partners.

Swingers meet not only in special clubs, but also on the beach, discos, restaurants. Swing has its own ethics and rules of conduct, what is allowed and what is not, and which are usually discussed before exchanging with selected partners. There are also well-established and binding principles of behavior. Swingers have their own commandments, and the main one is that you should not try to destroy someone else's marriage. Swingers believe that they are special couples who are above social moral principles and who reject the typical relationship between spouses. For some, swing is a fashionable trend, for others it is a way of life. This manifestation of free love is becoming more and more popular in the modern world. Many works have been written about free love in the modern world, thousands of songs have been sung, more than one film has been shot. Some believe that free love gives freedom of action and choice, others strongly disagree with this and believe that true love is devotion and loyalty to one partner, both spiritually and physically. These disputes will remain as long as there is love in the world. Despite the fact that there are so many concepts of love in the world, it remains the most wonderful feeling. Love, and your life will be filled with meaning, it will become brighter!

We know, of course, that not all love is the same. This is why the concept of “soul mate” still resonates in many love stories.

They say that the Eskimos North America have 50 to 100 unique names for snow

Numerous indigenous languages ​​have incredibly detailed descriptions of plants, land, or jungle structure. This enables them to better understand environment and share knowledge on how best to move forward or get out of difficult situation... A more detailed description of your environment will allow you to better understand the world in which you live.

Why, then, do we have only one word to express our innermost feeling?

Love.

Is our love for The Avengers exactly the same as our feelings for our beloved?

Or does your breakfast have the same place in your heart as your mother? Most probably not.

We need a more complete description of love, we must hone its definitions in order to be able to more accurately describe our emotions and activate our understanding of the world around us. Fortunately, we do have these descriptions.

They were lost; sacred knowledge was sacrificed to the ruthless time, the progress of society and culture. Both the ancient Greeks and modern psychologists help our desire to concretize the descriptions of love. Using their terms, we can more clearly express our feelings about events. Everyday life and our relations, and at the same time become closer and more understandable to our relatives, colleagues and neighbors.

We know, of course, that not all love is the same.

This is why the concept of “soul mate” still resonates in many love stories. This is why some supporters of strict relationships are wary of casual relationships that "tarnish" the subtle nature of true love.

Deep down, we understand that love has different levels and that it manifests itself in different ways - so how can we convey all this using one single term?

It seems like the time has come to update our emotional dialect.

4 love concepts of ancient philosophers

The ancient Greeks divided love into 4 main types: eros, filia, storge and agape.

1. Eros (Passionate / Intimate love)

Eros means sexual or romantic love. The Greek word "erotas" means " intimate love". From this word came modern concept"Erotica".

In modern society, this is a sexual or intimate passion that you feel in relation to the person you like. Tempting attraction well dressed woman or the irresistible charm of a fashionable gentleman.

Eros is a sensual attraction to human beauty. Usually this is the feeling that arises between lovers or the love of the population for the "reference ideal of beauty", which is promoted and encouraged. Eros is mobile, he is constantly changing. Over time, you increasingly fall under the influence of your partner, eros evolves. Although initially it is a love of beauty, it can develop into a love of personality, go beyond physical attractiveness.

In his acclaimed work "Feast", Plato claims that Eros helps us understand beauty in its true form. He notes that love does not require physical attraction and that beauty can be found in all people - from here we got the idea of ​​"platonic love", that is, love without physical attraction.

"He who loves touch does not walk in the dark" Plato, "Feast"

Plato is known for his "theory of ideas" - this is the idea that the idea of ​​some object or phenomenon is never identical to its "real" manifestation. This idea is reflected in Plato's concept of eros: true beauty is not what is visible on the surface.

The passion of eros is the precursor to the establishment of a relationship. You must feel the attraction of the other person. You must appreciate its beauty.

But be careful. Relationships built solely on the basis of eros will not last long, since the deep essence of love is ignored or overlooked.

Have you ever met a couple who only got along on the basis of external attractiveness partner? Yes.

How long have they been together? No.

Eros attracts us external beauty, but constant thoughts about the beauty of man push us on the path of knowing the true nature of beauty, boundless and unconditional.

2. Philia (Companionable / Brotherly love)

Filia is friendly affection, brotherly love. Love for close friends, mentors, groups of people, their loved ones.

An important difference between eros and philias is that philias are sexless, virtuous love. She is sexless in the sense that it does not imply a romantic relationship.

Filia is love, which is based on respect, partnership, mutual understanding.

"The deepest human need is to overcome their isolation and get out of the prison of loneliness." - Erich Fromm, The Art of Love

This is the feeling that occurs when your friend trusts you with something important. personal secrets and you become a part of his secret. It is a sense of deep respect and empathy that arises when you try to relieve someone else's pain and understand the root of someone else’s suffering.

In particular, the definition of philia as impassive, virtuous love was given by Aristotle in his famous work Nicomachean Ethics. In this work, Aristotle points to two subspecies of philia.

He notes that on the one hand, it is the previously described deep devotion and closeness to his friends. On the other hand, he interprets philia as a manifestation of shared love for their peers, community or occupation.

He describes filia as the rush of pleasure you experience while playing your favorite sport, as respect for your classmates, or as the serene happiness that comes after a pleasant walk in the park.

Filia is an exciting concept as it is the least natural of all forms of love. The biological necessity of philia or friendly love is still hidden from modern science... Since filia is the least natural, it is considered one of the most high levels, because a person chooses the object of such love independently and freely.

This is why many of us feel more attached to our friends than to our relatives. There is a popular saying: "Friends are a family that you choose yourself." Voluntarily inviting someone to this level of your life is a sign of deep trust and empathy, and philia describes it.

CS Lewis, describing these four types of love, notes: “... in ancient times, unlike the modern world, which ignores this, friendship seemed the happiest and most complete form human love, the crown of life and the school of virtue. "

Heck. Have you ever met a friendship for a reward?

Although the concept of filia could be extended to family relationships (in which it usually also exists), another term is better suited to describe love for relatives - this is our third form of love, storge.

3. Storge (Family / Tender Love)

Storge is family love, tender love to your loved ones, be it your son, daughter, mother, father or a wider range of relatives.

Storge is considered the innate, most natural and natural form of love that we know.

Did you do anything to earn your mother's love? Do you ever “think” that you love your brother?

This love is in us by nature. It is universal and omnipresent.

This is a natural emotional empathy for one's family, which is programmed in parents and all family members. The similarity of their individual traits to many of the other family members leads to a natural sympathy for their relatives.

Storge is natural, as it is present in us without any effort. Love for your children is innate.

Storge is instinctive, it appears as a consequence of your similarities and the friendship that arises as a result of these similarities.

Finally, the storge is the most common because it doesn't have to be "deserved." It is the least selective of all forms, as its subject does not need to be "worthy" of love. It is simply a mutual affection based on an innate similarity. The Storga lacks those filters and comparison criteria that are characteristic of Eros and Filia, this love, which is the easiest to give, but is the most fragile.

Why is the storge fragile?

Because natural tendencies and expectations are the reason for its prevalence.

Let's look at this with the example of “respect for elders”.

Often the main reason we should respect our elders is simply the storge - the idea that you should love your family. So the argument is: you have to love and respect your family because you have to love and respect your family. This is great reasoning.

This makes it unnecessary for us to take action to earn this love.

An individual is expected to receive love and respect regardless of his actions. This love is "put" to him by birthright.

I remember how it pissed me off as a child, I just could not evoke this feeling in myself. My grandparents often neglected my desires and were rude if I did something they did not approve of. I was expected to love them without any attempt on their part to deserve it. I was bothered by the feeling that I had not chosen a relationship, but was born with it, and that I should show respect without any effort on the part of my elders to earn it.

Although love for family is the most common, basic form love, it must find its way to the surface through words, actions and understanding.

The haystack is Yang in relation to Yin filia. Filia is a high-level love, precisely because she is chosen: she is chosen by us.

We are working for its appearance.

Historically, storge is used almost exclusively to describe marital love and is not usually used outside of this context.

This is the natural, relentless concern and concern of parents in relation to their children, and this is the basic foundation on which other forms of love are built: eros, filia, agape.

Storge is our first experience of love, innate and unconditional, which gives us vitality for the cultivation of all other forms of love.

4. Agape (unconditional love)

Agape is the highest form love, for it is unconditional love. It is commonly referred to as the love of God for man and the love of man for God.

Agape is all-consuming love.

Regardless of the context, external conditions, new factors or feelings, agape is not subject to any changes. Agape is widely known as the love that we attribute to all "enlightened" people - those people who show respect, understanding and compassion for all beings, without any hesitation, reasoning or conditions.

Agape is unconditional love for yourself and for everyone else.

It's deeper than love-storge. This is not just sympathy for her relatives, it is the relentless, unconditional love with which a mother empathizes with her child. It is love that makes you suffer for your loved ones. This love is so pure and so strong that very few are capable of it.

Modern and ancient scientists and writers have touched on this topic more than once. If your love does not extend to all of humanity without any conditions, then you have not yet known true love.

Agape is considered the highest of the four because it exists out of context; changes in circumstances or changes in individuals do not affect agape.

Agape beautifully brings us to that "golden rule" that is manifested all over the world in various religious scriptures - "do to others as you would like to be treated with you."

Agape is when you treat all beings with kindness, not because they did something good to you, but simply because you good person.

Agape is what we strive for in life. Agape exists without any conditions.

This is the main objective of all relationships, when the partner accepts us as we are, along with all the flaws, weaknesses, spots and bruises. This is the main goal social interactions when we accept everyone, from prince to beggar, without hesitation or reasoning.

Views modern psychologists to modern love

Modern society has moved away from understanding the four forms of love that are listed above, but traditional psychology has not done this. In reality, the understanding of love by modern psychologists is directly related to the definitions of eros, filia, storge and agape.

Modern psychology also divides love into four types: thoughtless, romantic, friendly and perfect.

1. Thoughtless love

Thoughtless love is sexual attraction without essential emotional closeness... This is purely sexual, physical love.

Although we categorize our definitions of love, this does not mean that thoughtless love is "inferior"; it is just a form of love. Thoughtless love is essential to the continuation of our species.

We saw eros as an "evolving" form of love. The initial fascination with the physical beauty of a person then develops into a desire to understand the true nature of beauty and love for the individual, regardless of physical beauty.

Thoughtless love seems to be a very good fit to describe early stage eros. As eros develops, people move further and further from thoughtless love and increasingly turn to the inner beauty of man. So we go to following form love: romantic love.

2. Romantic love

If, following thoughtless love, you begin to feel respect, affection and interest, this means awakening. romantic love... Romantic love is formed over time, along with a sense of reverence and respect. It adds to sexual attraction (eros) a sense of comfort, security and respect.

The most common type of relationship in modern society is all kinds of transitional forms from thoughtless love to romantic love.

It is also a form that leads to a lot of stress.

If one of the partners is "attracted" more, or if one person is more attracted to external data, and the second has moved on to the stage of romantic love, you may feel that the relationship is "breaking up." These differences in inner feelings make the relationship tense. With this in mind, try to deepen your relationship and better understand your partner's feelings. This is the best way to assess the prospects of your living together.

How do you feel about each other? Is this love romantic? Or that rather love to friend? Here we come to our next definition - friendly love.

3. Friendly love

According to psychologists, this is the third kind of love. It has a lot in common with the filial (and, in part, with the storge) of the ancient Greeks. This is deep respect and love between friends and peers. It is closeness and devotion based on respect and benevolent action.

It does not necessarily lead to romantic love or sexual attraction and can remain platonic. It develops over time, and there are very specific actions you can take to deepen this love among your inner circle.

Show your vulnerability, let the person know that he is important to you, emphasize what you value in him - all this can strengthen friendly love and your relationship.

4. Perfect love

And in conclusion, we see how the concept of "agape" was transformed into the definition of "perfect love." The very concept of "perfect" echoes the idea of ​​agape, which is all-consuming, unconditional love.

This love implies the presence of passion, and spiritual closeness, and a sense of responsibility. It does not require compliance with any standards, but it is unconditional and free.

This is the love we all strive for in our romantic relationship, but which not everyone can achieve.

This is the love of God for man and the love of a mother for her offspring. It is the sparkle in your eyes when you see your loved ones, even if they are not in their best shape.

This does not mean that your relationship is always cloudless. In fact, quite the opposite. There can be a lot of tense moments. However, they do not detract from your feelings of love; perfect love does not depend on circumstances.

Now that we've looked at the evolution of the four different types love, ranging from the ideas of the ancient Greeks (eros, filia, storge, agape) to the definitions of modern psychologists (thoughtless, romantic, friendly, perfect), how can we apply this knowledge? How can our subtle understanding of love help in our daily life?

We begin to understand the nature of our love and get the opportunity to deepen it.

How to determine which form of love is dominant in our relationship

Having the opportunity to characterize your love taking into account subtle nuances, you will be able to describe your relationship more accurately. These lenses will help you figure out how to love relationship, and in social connections, and this makes it possible to develop them at your will.

If we are talking about eros, or passionate romantic love, you can define what is the basis of your relationship:

Will your relationship get tense if you change your appearance or image?

How will your partner act if you are sick?

Are you praised for any particular trait or for everything?

What does your partner value about you? What does he like about your character?

The answers to these questions will help you understand how far you have come on the path from thoughtless love to romantic love, and tune in accordingly.

Love is the only aspect of our life for which we cannot be satisfied with a mediocre outcome.

Understanding what stage you are in helps develop relationships.

Talking about philia or your friends and family relationships, you can understand who is really close to you, and who is just taking advantage of your friendship:

Do you have friends who ask you for a favor but are unwilling to help themselves when you ask them to?

Do your friends visit you without an invitation?

Do you feel like you can trust and truly open up to your friends and loved ones?

Do you enjoy respect and trust with your friends?

Whom in your life do you deeply respect?

As we have noted, this is one of the highest levels of love, because it is love based on our personal choice... You decide who to bond with, so make sure that you are surrounded only by those who love you.

"You cannot change the people around you, but you can change your environment." - Minimalist slogan

Friends are incredibly important. Make sure you surround yourself good people.

Finally, we turn to agape. Often this is a personal understanding and the embodiment of love. This is your relationship with love and peace. This is a love that can be grown over time:

Do you see the enduring value of every person?

Do you think that individuals are worthy of love, not everyone?

Do you think that only certain types of people are worthy of love?

You only share your love with those who love you or have done something worthy of love?

Are there things that people can't count on you to do? further love?

Agape is unconditional love. Unconditional. Find those areas in which you condition the possibility of love and solve this problem.

How to develop and deepen love in your life

There are a number of ways we can help us make our love better, feel it deeper, and express it honestly and openly.

The first step is to be able to clearly describe your love. We now have subtle definitions for this: eros, filia, storge, agape.

The next step will be to determine the place that our relationship occupies on this spectrum. Is our relationship shallow or deep, and how do we express our love?

Then we can take action to move forward. There are several ways to do this:

Practice goodness and love meditation. Show your love for everyone you meet.

Create feelings of gratitude throughout the day. We cannot love other people or receive love effectively until we put ourselves into a state of love. Develop it within yourself.

Be considerate of your friends. Instead of sitting and watching TV, ask them about the problems they face and how you can help. Thank them for any help they have given you, and remember to say how much you value their attitude.

Try to understand your partner deeper. Is your relationship based only on looks? Or do you see the true inner beauty your partner? Do you value a beautiful soul or only Beautiful face?

Ask questions that allow you to be involved. Move to unconditional love to this person and to all people. Ask what people are struggling with, what they fear, what they are passionate about, and how you can help them.

Love is one of the most important events in our life. We all strive for love. But all too often we end up regretting where we came to.

If we make a conscious effort to understand and cultivate love, we can dive deeper into this emotional and spiritual state.

Enjoy eros, develop your philia, respect the storge, and live with agape. published

Today I would like to talk about human security in modern society. In an effort to make his life easier, a person has built around himself such a world in which you need to spend 17 years just to at least approximately learn to exist in it. Civilization developed and becoming easier and more convenient for a person on the other hand concealed more and more new dangers. Won, epidemics, man-made natural disasters and man-made disasters. Anyone can at any time ...

Once, during a consultation, a pretty woman, and besides that, a candidate of economic sciences and a dean, smiling at ease, asked me the question: "Is conscience a rudiment?"

Let me remind you! A rudiment is an organ that has lost its original meaning during the evolution of an organism, for example, a human tail.

It doesn't matter what I answered then, something else is important - today, for many, Conscience has really become a rudiment. And with the rudiment, what are they doing? Right! From him, as from something superfluous and interfering with life ...

When we reached spiritual development, necessary to consciously enter the World of Thought, and leave the World of Desires, which is the area of ​​light and color, we go through a state that the occult researcher calls the Great Silence.

As already mentioned, the higher strata of the Desire World show a variety of mixed forms and sounds, but when we pass through the Great Silence, it seems that the whole world has disappeared and the Spirit seems to float in an ocean of intense light, in utter loneliness but absolutely ...

Probably no religion these days attracts as much attention and causes as much controversy as Islam. It can be called the most powerful and viable religion of our time. At the same time, the undoubted and constantly growing threat, which is commonly called "Islamic terrorism", compels everyone more people all over the world view Islam with fear and incomprehension. Far from agreeing with the qualification of Islam as a "religion of hostility and hatred," one cannot at the same time ignore that ...

CHAPTER TWO

First question:

Osho,
Your face is not in the memory
And love comes, faceless.

I don't know that part of me
Who loves you.

She has no name
And she comes and goes
And when he leaves
I wipe the tears from my face
To keep it a secret.

Dharma Chetana,
Love is a mystery the greatest secret of all that exist. It can be experienced but not recognized; it can be tried, experienced, but it is impossible to understand. It is beyond comprehension, it surpasses everything ...

How can love between people be law? After all, love refers to the feelings of a person ...

Feelings are the law - we have nothing but feelings. Desire is the same law, the same active forces: the force of attraction and the force of repulsion.

I love fish - that's the law. I love my grandson - also a law. There are simply laws that we have not yet followed. They are hidden from us, but we must learn and observe them.

What is called love in our world? Something awakens in me a sense of the possible ...

Nature and revelation equally testify God's love... Our Heavenly Father is the source of life, wisdom, and joy. See amazing and wonderful works of nature. Think how wonderfully everything is provided for the benefit and happiness of not only man, but all living beings.

Sunlight and rain, pleasing and illuminating the earth, mountains, seas and plains - everything tells us about the love of the Creator. After all, it is He who satisfies the urgent needs of all His creatures. He said great about it ...

Society does not recognize love, because if a person truly loves deeply, he cannot be manipulated. You cannot send him to war, he will say, “I am so happy! Where are you sending me? And why should I go and kill people unknown to me who can be happy in their home?

And between us there is no conflict, no clash of interests ... "

If the younger generation moves deeper and deeper into love, then wars will disappear because you won't find enough ...

Let's move on to such an important section, such as love in the modern world. Of course, it is not the same as in the eighteenth century, what's new and what's left, let's try to find out. If love is the ability of a mature, creative character, then it follows that the ability to love in an individual living in a particular culture depends on the influence of this culture on the character of that individual.

Now, at the present time, love is a relatively rare phenomenon, and its place is taken by different shapes pseudo-love, which, in fact, are numerous forms of decomposition of love. Modern man alienated from himself, from his neighbors, from nature. Although each tries to be as close to the others as possible, each remains extremely lonely, imbued with deep feelings anxiety and guilt that always appear where human loneliness cannot be overcome.

Human happiness today lies in having fun. To have fun means to enjoy the use and abuse of goods, spectacles, food. Drinks, cigarettes, people, lectures, books, films - everything is consumed and absorbed. Our character is adapted to exchange and receive, trade and consume; all objects, both spiritual and material, become an object of exchange and consumption.

One of the most significant expressions of love, and especially of marriage with its alienated structure, is the idea of ​​"coherence." Ideal happy marriage- this is the ideal, properly functioning coherence: the husband must "understand" his wife and help her; he should make supportive remarks about her new dress and delicious food... She, in response, must "understand" him when he comes home tired and upset; must listen carefully to him when he talks about his business difficulties; not to be angry, but to “understand” when he forgets about her birthday. The whole set of these types of relationships comes down to a well-oiled connection between two people who remain strangers to each other throughout their lives. They never reach a "deep connection", but are kind to each other and try to make each other's life as pleasant as possible. With this understanding of love and marriage ("team", mutual tolerance), the main emphasis is on finding refuge from the otherwise unbearable feeling of loneliness. Finally, salvation from loneliness is sought in "love". A union of two persons against loneliness is created, and this union is mistaken for love and intimacy.

Emphasizing the spirit of coherence, mutual tolerance, etc. is a relatively new phenomenon. In the years after the First World War, this was preceded by the concept of love, where mutual sexual gratification was the basis of satisfactory love relationships and, in particular, a happy marriage. There was a belief that the reason for many unhappy marriages must be sought in the fact that the partners in marriage did not achieve "sexual matching"; the cause of this misfortune was seen in ignorance of the "correct" sexual behavior, ie. in ignorance sexual technique by one or both partners. To “cure” this trouble and help unlucky partners who were unable to love each other, many books gave instructions and advice on proper sexual behavior and promised, implicitly or explicitly, that happiness and love would then come.

The underlying idea was that love is a child of sexual pleasure and if two people learn to sexually satisfy each other, they will love each other. Ignored the fact that the truth is exactly the opposite of this underlying assumption. Love is not the result of adequate sexual gratification; knowledge of the so-called sexual technique is the result of love.

Love as sexual mutual gratification or love as “well-coordinated work” and a refuge from loneliness are two common forms of devaluation of love in modern society. There are many individual forms pathologies of love, which, leading to consciousness, are considered neurotic.

The basis of neurotic love is that one or both lovers remain attached to the image of one of the parents, and, already as adults, transfer the feelings, expectations and fears that they experienced in relation to the father or mother to the loved one. These people never free themselves from the image of child addiction and, as adults, look for this image in their love demands. In the most severe cases, emotional immaturity leads to impairment of the social capacity of such a person; in less severe cases, the conflict is limited to intimate personal relationships.

A more complex type of neurotic disorder in love, based on a different kind of parental situation, occurs when the parents do not love each other, but are too restrained to quarrel or show any signs of displeasure outside. Detachment does not allow them to be involuntary in their relationship to the child. The child lives in an atmosphere of "correctness", this atmosphere does not allow close contact with the father or mother, and, therefore, the child is deprived of the opportunity to solve his problems and lives fearful. He never knows what the parents are feeling or thinking; in this atmosphere there is always an element of uncertainty, mystery. As a result, the child goes into his own world, into dreams, and in reality remains detached and retains the same attitude in his future love relationships. Further, this isolation in oneself affects the development of intense anxiety, a feeling of distrust of the world, and often leads to masochistic inclinations as the only way to experience intense excitement.

A form of pseudo-love that is not uncommon and is often perceived as “ great love”, This is love - worship. In the modern world, this type of pseudo-love is very common, so let's give it this great attention... If a person has not reached the level at which he acquires a sense of authenticity, his own “I”, thanks to the productive realization of his own capabilities, he tends to “worship” a loved one. He is alienated from his own forces and projects them onto a loved one, whom he honors for the highest good, the embodiment of love, light, bliss. In this process, he deprives himself of any sense of his own strength, loses himself in a loved one instead of finding himself in him.

Another form of pseudo-love can be called “ sentimental love". Its essence is that love is experienced only in fantasies, and not here and now in existing relationships with another a real person... The most widespread form of this type of love is the surrogate feeling of love satisfaction experienced by the consumer of novels, screen and journalistic love stories. All unfulfilled desires for love, unity and intimacy find satisfaction in the consumption of such products. For many couples watching these stories on television, this is the only way to experience love - not for each other, but together - as spectators of the "love" of other people. Try to give examples yourself - Santa Barbara, endless soap operas, serials.

True love is possible only if two people are connected with each other by the centers of existence, which means that each of them perceives himself from the depths of his existence. Only in this “central experience” is human reality, only here is vitality, only here is the basis of love. Love is a constant risk, it is a state of movement, growth, working together; the presence of harmony or conflict, joy or sadness is secondary to the main fact: two people feel the fullness of their existence, in unity with each other, each of them gains himself, and does not lose. There is only one proof of the presence of love: the depth of the relationship, the vitality and strength of each lover is the fruit by which love is recognized.

Our souls today are much more drawn to discord than to agreement, and even in our personal relationships there is more discord than harmony, strife than friendliness. Parents and children, boys and girls, husbands and wives - their souls and relationships are more governed by the springs of self-love than "friendliness", "I-requests" than "we-requests". The souls of loved ones compete more than live in the world, their power strings sound more often than peaceful ones. Almost from the cradle, the microbe of discord infects our psyche and creates in us a discordant subconscious, discordant feelings.

The civilization of a fragmented humanity and a fragmented man - that is how the present civilization could be called.

The new civilization, which is maturing in the bosom of the current one, will perhaps become the civilization of a single humanity and a whole person, and its general law will probably not be rivalry, but the community of people. Although unlikely.

And love can become one of the main builders of this civilization. All love is brotherly, sexual, kindred as a principle of a person's relationship to the world and to other people.