Obsessive and prone to self-torture. type - "An old friend, suddenly inflamed with passion"

18.04.2019

If a certain guy feels sympathy for you, and you understand that for some reason you cannot reciprocate his feelings, then try to present your refusal in the most polite way. At the same time, it is important to observe the measure - not to become rude, but also not to answer so softly, as if you are flirting.

How to politely refuse a guy without offending him

Refuse to meet when you are not interested

Refuse further communication to a stranger much easier than a friend, so don't make a big deal out of it. If a similar situation has developed somewhere on the street, simply answer: “Sorry, I'm in a hurry. Plus, I have a boyfriend." Such a short and very informative answer will probably save you from an unwanted acquaintance.

Refuse an invitation to a date

If we are talking about an unfamiliar young man, then the situation is simpler - you have the opportunity to almost painlessly stop all further attempts to get closer. The easiest way is to say that you already have a boyfriend, and he will obviously not be happy if you decide to go on a date. A little the situation is more difficult if you are well acquainted with a man who wants to invite you to a romantic meeting. In this case, he is probably aware of the details of your personal life. If you are not sure that you will not change your mind about this guy, then say that in the near future you are loaded with work (study, family affairs), and you can return to this conversation no earlier than, for example, in a couple of weeks. During this time, you can think about everything, and decide how interesting this young man is to you. If you are convinced that you do not want to go on a date with him in a month or a year, then you will have to act more decisively. Be clear that you don't want to date at this time. You can not go into details. Explain to the man that you treat him wonderfully, but look at the situation soberly, and see no reason to transfer your relationship with him to another format.

Gently "send off" in person

You can directly admit to a guy that in order to start dating or at least go on a date, it is important for you to feel a certain "chemistry", but now this is not. Perhaps your heart is already occupied by someone else - in this case, tell the fan about it. If it just seems unattractive or uninteresting to you, then it’s better not to focus on this - it’s better to voice a different, albeit far-fetched, reason for your refusal, otherwise you can settle complexes in a person for many years. If you know that a personal meeting awaits you, it is better to think over the reason for the refusal in advance so that you are definitely not caught cheating. Don't say you just don't want a relationship with someone if you really don't and you're in love with someone. It's better to admit that you feel sympathy for another person, because if you start dating another guy soon after your rejection, the young man you "kick" will feel cheated.

Delicately refuse an offer to take a walk

It would be foolish to respond to an offer to take a walk: “I have a boyfriend!”, Because, in fact, a man does not offer you a relationship yet. In general, it even makes things easier for you. Of course, often a walk is followed by proposals for relationships, and, anticipating this, the girls try to get rid of the fan they don’t like in advance. So, what reasons for refusal will sound quite natural:

Fatigue.

suitable option

Employment.

It's nice to refuse communication

Of course, when it shows us personal interest a kind and polite man, whom we, for some reason, do not consider as a potential chosen one, does not want to voice a rude or insulting refusal. How to do the right thing? First of all, let the person know that you are very pleased that today he singled you out from other women and you are grateful to him for this. Note that he is pleasant to you as a person, but nevertheless you do not want to give him false hopes. Say that you respect him very much, so you do not want to deceive or mislead. Admit that there are some reasons why you do not want to develop a relationship, and you are sure that this does not change. Your refusal should sound unambiguous and firm, so that the fan does not live in illusions. Let him know that you do not believe that your communication makes sense and do not want to check it. Reassure him that over time he will see for himself that he needs another person.

How to tactfully refuse a man an offer to meet

It is important to convey to the man that you really do not want to meet him, but this should be done very delicately. However, he should realize that your “no” is what it is, and you are not trying to “fill your worth” or something like that. Your refusal must be voiced in a personal conversation, avoiding the presence of any witnesses.

Do not forget that if a man offers you a relationship, it means that at least you like him, he singled you out, noted. That is why you should not behave arrogantly or aggressively with him, treat him with understanding. Admit that his attention flatters you, and you treat him with respect as a person, but you do not want to give him vain hopes, "lead by the nose" or keep him in uncertainty. Tell him that he deserves to know about yours right away. true attitude- you don't mind supporting friendly relations, but you do not see your chosen one in him, and are sure that this will not change. It is quite possible that after this you will really be able to establish friendly contact with this guy for many years to come.

How to refuse a guy in sex so that he is not offended

Of course, if you do not have a close relationship with a guy (you do not meet as a couple, you have not identified each other serious feelings), then you should not worry that the refusal of sex will offend him - this is the answer is quite natural. Say directly that intimacy is possible for you only in a relationship with your boyfriend or fiancé, but nothing else. Another thing is when it comes to a young man with whom you are already in a relationship. In this case, since you are together, it is obvious that he is pleasant to you and in the future you are considering the option that it will come to sex. In this case, gently explain to him why this is not possible right now. So what are the options: You need to get used to it Some girls find it hard to decide on sex almost immediately after they started dating a young man. Tell the guy that you are one of those girls who needs to fully realize that you are now a couple, and you want to get used to this feeling. Designate estimated time. Speak confidently and softly. If you are dear to a guy, he is unlikely to insist. Nevertheless, it is important to designate though approximate terms. You are virgin and this is for you important step If this is true, then there is no point in hiding or hushing it up. Admit to the guy that you have not been close to other men before, and you need some time to decide on this step. There is nothing strange or wild about this - for virgin girls, such behavior is quite expected. You don't want to be distracted If you have already had sex, but now you don’t want to get closer, then you can tell the guy that you are immersed in thoughts about something else (problems at work, family troubles), and you don’t want to because of your distraction to these questions your intimate evening was ruined. Admit that you are very Bad mood, and this is not the best moment to give each other tenderness, and you want everything to be “on top”.

The most successful phrases for refusal in a comic form

If you want to dilute your rejection with a little humor, there are a few tricks you can take note of. As you know, many young people are wary of overly religious girls, and you can play on this! If a guy asks you out on a date, you can say, “Good idea, but usually free time I'm spending time in our religious community, so I suggest we meet there. Moreover, we need new members! Call when you decide! In this case, you can leave a "fake" phone number. You can also answer like this: “I have four children, and I have no one to leave them with, so choose a place for a date so that my guys would be interested there too!”. If, after such statements, a young man nevertheless calls you, then it makes sense to look at him with a new look - perhaps he is still worthy of attention?

Article content:

In the life of most of the fair sex, there are situations when they are forced to refuse young people. An invitation to a date is the most common circumstance in which a woman often wants to say “no”. The refusal occurs due to a number of reasons: the young man does not inspire confidence, he is very persistent, his appearance or financial situation does not meet expectations. In extreme cases, the girl cannot go / go with him, because she has a lot of things to do. In fact, there are many reasons and situations when it may be necessary to refuse a man: an invitation to visit, intimacy, a trip to parents, to a friend's birthday, and so on.

Ways to refuse a man

If you want to refuse a man and still look decent, ask yourself the following questions:

I want to refuse a man for the purpose of:

raise your self-esteem and look advantageous against its background
show a man that you are different and you are not on your way

After the refusal of how I voice the refusal, I want him to:

became even more confident

took a hit on self-esteem.

The first answer to both questions is ethically correct. However, as we all understand, in our life it is possible various situations. And yet, an attempt to dominate at the expense of humiliating the dignity of a man can even be dangerous.

6 ways to say goodbye to a guy

Be as tactful as possible. Delicacy and understanding of the feelings of a man will help you.
Be decisive. Stand firm and don't waver.
Don't give false hopes. This will only make the situation worse. You can't use phrases like "I need to think" or "I'm confused."
You cannot hide the reason for the refusal. The guy has the right to hear an explanation. But under no circumstances should you call true reason, if she can hurt a man's ego. It is important to come up with something here, for example, “I already have a boyfriend.”
If all of the above methods did not help, and after you honestly and firmly announced to the man that you did not want to be with him, he continues to pursue you, use the old female reception- ignoring.

If a woman does not want to do something, go anywhere or meet someone, then she should know how to politely refuse a man. A well-thought-out refusal will not only not hurt the vanity of a male representative, but will also put you in the most favorable light.

How to gracefully refuse a man?

First, be persistent. If you decide to really refuse, then you should not hesitate in your decision. Otherwise, your eyes will run around, a smile will illuminate your face, and this is all that a man needs. Not even 5 minutes will pass when he will be able to convince you and achieve his goal.

Secondly, any refusal must begin with an apology. You must apologize for not being able to go/ride with him. Hearing an apology, a man will be disposed towards you and will perceive the continuation of your information more friendly and understanding.

How to politely refuse a man?

We continue to learn about how to adequately refuse a man. After the apology, you must state the reason for your refusal. Why can't you fulfill his wish? The reasons can be very different: from the fact that you have a headache, ending with the fact that you urgently need to go to your mother. Better if the reason is real. But, if you are not going to build a relationship with this representative of the stronger sex, then a fictional story will be the best option.

How to send a man off correctly?

The last stage of refusal can be pleasant words addressed to a man. Of course, they will depend on how close this young man is to you, whether you feel sympathy for him or whether you never want to see him again. In the first case, end the refusal nice words. Say that next time you will definitely go / go. In general, do whatever he wants. In the second case, cheer up the man. Say that you are not for him, but he will definitely meet a girl with whom he will live happily ever after. In no case do not "lead by the nose" of a young man if you do not like him. It is better to tell the whole truth in person here and now than to be afraid to leave the house later.

How to send a guy politely?

Now you know how to refuse a man and not hurt his pride. Don't be afraid to express your opinion if you don't want something. In this case, the man will appreciate you more.

Orthodox calendar

Monday, March 18, 2019(March 5 O.S.)
Week 2 of Great Lent
Mch. Conon of Isauria (I)
Finding the relics of blgv. princes Theodore of Smolensk and his children David and Konstantin, Yaroslavl miracle workers (1463)
Saints' Day:
Mch. Onisia (I). Mch. Conon of the Gradarian (III). Rev. Mark Postnik (V). Rev. Hesychius Postnik (c. 790). Prmch. Adrian Poshekhonsky, Yaroslavsky (1550). Mts. Iraids. Mch. Eulogy, like in Palestine. Mch. Eulampia. Finding the relics of St. Luke Spanish, archbishop. Simferopolsky (1996).
Memorial Day of Confessors and New Martyrs of the Russian Church:
Shmch. Nikolai Intercession Presbyter (1919); ssmch. John the Peacemaker Presbyter and St. Mardaria Isaev and Feofan Grafov (1938).
Day of veneration of the icons of the Mother of God:
Icon of the Mother of God, called "Education".
Great post.
Marriage is not performed during Great Lent.
Readings of the day
Gospel and Apostle:
For eternity: - Gen. 3:21-4:7; Proverbs 3:34-4:22 At the 6th hour:- Isaiah 4:2-5:7
Psalter:
Morning: - Ps.24-31; Ps.32-36; Ps.37-45 For eternity: - Ps.119-133

In this article, we will look at important question which will interest many women. In it, we will tell you how to politely and tactfully refuse a guy.

It is quite difficult to refuse a gentleman without causing him pain. Men, in general, take women's refusals to heart, especially if their love and passion are strong enough. Therefore, it is advisable to do so with tact and restraint. Even if the young man is free and is potential partner, he must be refused delicately.

How beautifully and politely to refuse a man, a guy in a meeting, so as not to offend him: words, phrases, dialogue

In a meeting, sometimes it is necessary to refuse not only a good friend, but also a guy you barely know if he decided to call on a date. If you agree, you understand that you didn’t like the guy during the date, you need to come up with something to refuse him.

During parting, you should not promise him.
If you can't tell directly, then don't answer his calls for a while. The man himself will understand that you do not want to go on the next date.
After receiving a message from the guy, politely write to him by mail, thank you for the well-spent leisure time. Tell him this: this moment I don't have the opportunity to meet you."

It is very easy to refuse a date with a stranger from a dating site. If a man asks you to politely meet, while you communicate well with him, then in such a case it is also necessary to refuse politely: “It's a pity, but I have a catastrophic lack of time for meetings. Crash at work. Give me your phone number, I'll call you as soon as possible right moment". But, if a man is very annoying, hints at intimacy, then first refuse the invitation to visit him, then just block his account.

To a stranger who decided to meet you on the street and invite you on a date, refuse politely, saying the following:

“Excuse me, but I already have a beloved man. And I don't look at other men. Of course, you are attractive, but you must understand me too.”
“I don't want to meet you. There is simply no desire. For what reason, I do not want to say. I don't want to go on a date with you."
"Okay, we can meet. When? So, on Wednesday I can’t, I’m leaving, on Thursday I’ll be on a trip. You can on Saturday, let me call you.
"I'm sorry you attractive guy but I prefer blondes (brunettes, redheads). No, don't even try, sorry. You want us to be friends."

If a grown man asks you out on a date, politely decline the meeting: “Sorry, but I like my peers better.” To a man who is married and harassing you at work, apologize for your behavior. Perhaps he thought he had a chance of meeting and bonding. Tell him "I respect family bonds and marriage is considered sacred to me.”

If your boss invited you on a date, politely explain the whole situation to him, say: “I am currently very worried about my own workplace so I can't meet you. If the boss offers to promote you after the date, thank him and say: “I am an ambitious person and I’m used to going to the intended goal on my own.”

How to properly, correctly, politely, tactfully refuse to communicate with a man, a guy, so as not to offend him: words, phrases, dialogue

Almost all ladies face persistent admirers. Afraid of hurting the man and hurting him, the ladies politely refuse him and step aside carefully. However, this approach can sometimes bring additional problems. A man, if his feelings are very strong, may begin to hint at suicide, threaten the chosen one. What to do in this case?

Psychologists advise saying “no” right away. But this must be done politely, following the following rules:

Refuse tactfully, be kind. A man who has been rejected by a lady forgets about politeness, sometimes even love at one moment turns into hatred. Such a gentleman may even begin to offend and show assault. Therefore, don't risk it. In such a situation, it is advisable to wait until the "fire" in the man goes out.
Be firm, be decisive. Today, people often meet on the Internet. After some time, these relationships turn into real world. If, after the meeting, sympathy did not arise in your soul, it is advisable to immediately inform the man about this, cut off all relations with him.
Start explaining right away. Having received an invitation to a meeting from a fan, give a direct answer, deny the possibility of further relationships. Never use a phrase like: "Let's chat on next week or “May I think for a moment?”. These phrases will give the satellite hope and only complicate the situation.
State the reason why you are refusing. Here you can refer to the estate of another man. Tell them that faith does not allow you to make a new acquaintance and communicate with another young man. It needs to be said in a respectful way. Sometimes even playful phrases help, so that the partner is not offended.

Give your partner the exact answer. Do not start a long, emotional monologue. Explain this to the man briefly so that he does not have unnecessary questions, so that he understands everything right away.
Be serious without a chance for flirting. Very often, women tell their partners, but do not notice their own coquetry at all. Men begin to perceive this as decisive action. Therefore, refuse your partner by preparing in advance.
Ignore strongly persistent natures. If a man is very loving, just ignore him. Step back and emphasize your coldness.

We offer you a few phrases, thanks to which you can refuse a man to communicate. In this case, you will have to take into account the type of the man himself:

Stranger

For a stranger, such phrases are suitable:

“Forgive me, but my spouse will not approve of our communication with you.”
“Sorry, but I have no time to communicate, I need to pick up my daughter from school.”

An acquaintance who shows sympathy

First, decide if you need a relationship with this man. If you just want to be friends with a guy, talk to him calmly. Say that his attention is dear to you, but there can never be a relationship between you.

“You are a good man, but I already love another. If you want, we can be good comrades.”

A friend who suddenly fell in love with you

A long-term friendship eventually becomes an attachment. Consequently, a man may suddenly decide to announce to you that he is passionately in love with you. In such a situation, talk heart to heart with him. Tell him the following:

“You are a dear person to me, but I am in love with another. We can't communicate with you."
“I love talking to you because you are my friend. But there can't be anything serious between us."

Former Lover Who Wants to Reconnect

“My preferences have changed a bit, and therefore, we will no longer be a couple.”
“I no longer experience the same feelings that I previously experienced. You can still meet the woman you love."

How to correctly, correctly, politely refuse a man, a guy on a date, so as not to offend him: words, phrases, dialogue

Any woman is faced with a situation where you need to politely refuse a date, sometimes even just say “no”. If you have no idea how to proceed in such a case, use our advice.

Speak persuasively. Your words must be clear. Often, men do not want to accept a woman's refusal, especially if it does not convince, it sounds “weak”. When speaking, try not to use different female tricks: don't straighten your hair, don't show the man's neck, don't play with the shoe. A man will definitely understand that you are against meetings.
Don't promise anything. Choosing suitable phrase how to refuse a date, immediately cross out such phrases from the list: “Not today”, “Maybe we will meet”, “Do not rush things” ... It is unlikely that his feelings will go out after that. Rather, he will perceive these words as a hint of the continuation of the relationship. Be honest with him, say right away: “We won’t be able to meet with you, and there won’t be a meeting in the future either.”
Give him important reason for refusal. Justify your own refusal. The most important thing is that these arguments are really plausible, as well as respectful and neutral. For example, the reasons should not depend on the man himself and did not belong to his qualities.

The following phrases will help you refuse a date:

“I try not to date the men I work with at the same job. It is fundamentally".
"Sorry, but my heart is already taken."
"You good man, but I prefer couch potatoes, calm men.

There are similar reasons great amount. Everything here will depend on the exact situation you are facing.

How to politely, tactfully, delicately refuse courtship to a man, a guy, so as not to offend him: words, phrases, dialogue

The most important rule is refusal in private. Walk with the man, talk to him. Without witnesses, a man can more easily endure a refusal. He will not feel so humiliated. Speak to your partner in a low but convincing manner. Look firmly into the eyes of your companion. Yes, it will be hard, but right. If your refusal is uncertain, the man will feel it as doubt. That is why he will not stop caring for you. Observing following tips you will definitely reach your goal.

Be confident in your own words and phrases.
Be firm.
Avoid offensive language.
Be laconic.
Give the man an important reason.

Never keep a man in reserve. Perhaps he will meet the woman he really loves with all his heart.

So, refuse a man to courtship like this:

"We are in you different people so we don't get along."
"I'm already busy with another guy."
"I'm already in love."

How to correctly, correctly, politely refuse a man, a guy in a relationship, so as not to offend him: words, phrases, dialogue

The young man, basically, after clarifying the relationship does not return to this issue. But, if you got a persistent young man, then words will not be enough for you. You have to back up your words with actions.

Ignore. You have already explained everything to the guy, were extremely clear. Now you are not responsible for his experiences. Do not try to be kind, do not compensate for your partner's feelings with your own attention. Reduce communication with a man to a formal level. Move away from him.
Show your favorite. If you already have a lover, then you simply must introduce him. annoying admirer. If you are still free, ask your favorite one of your close friends to play. Since it's one thing to stalk a defenseless woman, it's another thing to run into a jealous partner.

Having done everything without mistakes, your partner's feelings for you will cool. But you will not spoil your relationship with him, he will not be offended by you, therefore, your communication will continue.

If suddenly you meet a fan on the street, and he hints to you that he wants to start a relationship with you again, you can say the following phrases:

“Sorry, I'm in a hurry. But you can call me sometime."
“There is a car over there, in which my beloved person is sitting. I don't think he'll like you telling me how you feel."
“Sorry, but I fell in love with another man. I only want him."

How to tactfully, delicately, dignifiedly refuse a man, a guy in closeness, so as not to offend him: words, phrases, dialogue

Of course, if you have not yet entered into intimacy with a man, then you should worry. After all, the rejection of intimacy can offend the chosen one. But, if you have young man not strong feelings or you just met him, then you do not need to worry. Say directly that you are not interested in intimacy with him. If you have been dating a man for a long time, but do not want to get intimate with him yet, then explain for what reasons this is impossible.

You should get used to your partner

Many women do not immediately decide to enter into intimacy with a partner. Do you belong to this category? Then tell your man: “I need to realize that now you and I are a couple.
I need to get used to you, to my feelings. Designate an approximate date, talk with your loved one confidentially, gently. If a man really loves you, he will not insist.

You are still virgin, therefore you are not yet ready.

If you really have not yet had sexual intimacy with a man, then do not hide it, do not be silent.
Confess to your partner: “I haven’t entered into intimacy before, I need some time to decide on this step.”

You don't want to be distracted

If earlier you entered into an intimate relationship, but now you do not want to get close to a man, then tell your partner about it. “I now have a lot of problems at work (at home, in the family). I don’t want my problems and worries to ruin our romantic evening.”
You can also say this: “This is not the right time for tenderness. And I want everything to work out just great for us. ”

How to refuse courtship to a married man?

Experts advise in this case to adhere to special rules. They will help you beautifully refuse a married man without offending him.

Do not be rude to the gentleman, do not say that you do not need him at all. Say "no" firmly, but in a friendly way, so as not to offend him, do not hurt male pride. During the conversation, hint that you are not very interested in this courtship and you will not change your mind over time.
Is your fan of an imposing nature, does he like to be constantly in the center of everyone's attention? Apply it" weakness". Such a young man should be rudely refused. Otherwise, it will become a real tragedy for him. Shower the fan with compliments. Tell a man how lucky he is interesting person. Speak compliments among other people so that many will hear. As a rule, such men like to assert themselves, therefore, they test their own strengths by “framing” another lady.

If on the way you met an energetic and assertive married man who is important to win in sex, then act radically opposite. Talk to him briefly. Refuse directly, do not even explain the reasons. Don't worry if the man gets offended. He, perhaps, will not react to your refusal at all and will not be offended.
If you are bothered by a persistent "married man" who threatens you, then we advise you to start taking action. Threaten the man that you have a man who can give you protection. Tell him this decisively, do not worry and do not be afraid. Since only feigned perseverance can come from a man, helping him to manipulate you. But it is advisable for you to play it safe in advance. Talk to friends, ask for help. If the fan knows your residential address, don't come home very late. Let one of your colleagues from work guide you.

How to refuse a man, a guy, to tie him up, and he wanted to get married?

How can you refuse a guy, but at the same time bind to yourself? Sex is, of course, good, but only if it does not happen very quickly. If you are very attracted to a man, then for the first time refuse the chosen one in intimacy. Especially in such cases:

If you were the initiator during the acquaintance.
If your chosen one belongs to the category of men "collector".
You know that a man must go to another country.
Your man is married.
You do not know the chosen one at all.

The following conversation works very well:

“I am drawn to you, I can break down, but I am a living person.

"So why are you refusing?" There is a problem?

“I don't want to follow my own instincts.

After such a conversation, just run away.

Such an answer is worthy of only the most well-mannered ladies. You are a woman who should not fall into "wide consumption". Such an answer will not offend your chosen one, but it can provoke him. A "bummer" of this kind will not stop your partner, therefore, he will hope.
The appearance of the fact that a woman does not want to lay claim to anything strongly binds men. That is, show nobility, pretend that you are not completely interested in sex. This technique is used, as a rule, by ladies' man. You can tell your beloved by hugging him that this is just a friendly hug.

Remember the most important thing this issue People are drawn to what they cannot take. Until you give him the most important thing, he will be near you. Over time, if his feelings are really sincere, he will want to stay with you forever and will definitely marry you.

Video: How to refuse a man like a king?

» How to refuse a man

How to say no to a fan?

Every woman at least once found herself in a situation where a fan needs to be competently refused. With the sensitivity characteristic of the beautiful half of humanity, women are often afraid to offend, hurt male pride, strive to disperse in a good way, but in the end they have problems. Yes, and boyfriends are different - others do not work and a firm categorical "no". On the contrary, it can cause an ambiguous reaction, from a threat to harm oneself to aggression towards the “beloved”. What is the best way to do it?

Let's look at a few common situations. When choosing a withdrawal form, you should pay attention to psychological picture men and the form of relationships. What will be like death to one, will only provoke another.

For example, there is an intelligent, kind, perhaps shy man who is hopelessly in love with you. They may turn out to be a longtime friend or acquaintance, whose feelings have only now become known. Important criterion here is the one that a person already takes his place in life and you don’t want to lose him completely or offend him, but it will be dishonest to give false hopes. Whatever his character, this is always the man who is sympathetic in a human way. Positive side that you can talk with him sincerely: about your feelings; about respect for him; thank you for showing you sympathy or love.

The moment of gratitude for the voiced feelings, albeit not mutual, is very important. He will see that, despite the negative response, his determination and attention were appreciated. So it was not done in vain. In fact, most men are very fond of bringing joy to women. That way you won't discount his deed. Compliments, attention and recognition are important to every woman deep down. Thanks to this person, you had the opportunity to once again feel that you are beautiful, that you are worthy of love, that someone saw you as the best. To be grateful to a person for this or to proudly turn up your nose because he is “not the one” is a matter of attitude. A woman who respects herself is likely to respect the feelings sincerely directed towards her, because she knows perfectly well that she deserves love. So the man who chose her is in her eyes at least a man with good taste. The rejection of the relationship itself must be firm and unambiguous, otherwise a person is able to harbor hope for a long time and get stuck in his love.

But be prepared for surprises! Your complaisant and good man can do what he has never done before: react impulsively, be offended, flare up ... A person who is not a "lady's man" needs courage to open his feelings. The answer could be perceived very painfully, then his aggression is a defensive reaction. If you can manifest at this moment such feminine qualities, as wisdom and generosity, then it's time to find them in your heart ... Of course, it is not necessary to support such behavior with external approval. But for yourself to forgive and maintain communication, it may be worth it.

Another reason for the sharp reaction of any man is female pity. Subconsciously, it is always felt. No matter how much the men themselves make fun of this topic, after all, they are not children! An adult person can quite cope with his rejected feelings himself and survive the rejection. To pity him means to recognize him as dependent and, in a sense, small in comparison with you. It is fair that it hurts the sense of dignity. You should not console men as your girlfriends. Such behavior will be supported only by someone who is just ready to be a "girlfriend" or "eternal child", but not " reliable shoulder among your acquaintances.

The next reason for the sharpness to your “no” is that this person is actually not so kind and good. Many mentally ill people do not look at all like hardened criminals in life, until you find yourself in their power, but rather like nice and likeable people. The displayed aggression may just be shown to you for the first time. true face". A woman's instinct, observation and calm analysis help to understand the real character of a person and his motives, so do not immediately get lost in emotions, but try to assess the situation.

Another option to scare away a hopelessly in love man is to radically change his behavior for the worse in order to stop liking him. Every girl notices dozens of details that are unpleasant this person. But this technique does not always work.

Here it should be highlighted important aspect… You need to act differently if a man seems to fit the description above, obsessively pursues you, and at the same time you treat him rudely. Moreover, the more categorical refusals and dismissive behavior, the more he becomes attached and loves. This type of behavior in both men and women has its background in childhood, but we will not dwell on them here.

To get rid of him, you should be nice, attentive and caring. This does not mean answering “Yes” instead of “No”, but simply communicating on occasion in a similar manner. Soon he himself will leave to look for a new "aggressor" for the role of a lover. And you will have a reason to wonder why he chose you, especially if this is not the first time. Masochists are always subconsciously trying to find those who will hurt them. Perhaps in your attitude towards people there is initially too much neglect, cruelty or selfishness?

The next scenario is not so simple at all. The fan imposes his society, tires with the manifestation of feelings (calls, sms, gifts, constant "random" meetings, etc.). You have already answered “no” several times, but he stubbornly perceives this as “yes, but later” and female coquetry. An important role is played here gender stereotypes, which such a person is likely to share and extend to all the women in his life. He does not intend to disappear from your life, considering his persecution "a process of conquest."

Even if there is an initial interest, such obsession can completely discourage the desire to communicate with time. Not a single person wants to be deprived of his freedom of choice, and such fixation on the object of attraction is quite justifiably scary. An obsessive suitor can become like new person in life, and the former, who wants to return the relationship. There are several options here.

First of all, take care of yourself. If you, saying “No” to men, smile sweetly, shoot with your eyes, flirt and charm, then on a subconscious level it really is such a “no”, which is “yes”. He may be confused or take your refusal literally as an offer to win me. There is a phenomenon of incongruence - inconsistencies, in this case information provided by you different channels communication. People perceive at the verbal (verbal) level only 10-15% of information. This will be your no. The rest is read non-verbally: about 30% through the auditory channel (intonation, tempo, timbre, voice power); about 60% through visual (facial expressions, gestures, posture, body position, etc.) and tactile channels.

At the same time, the ability to flirt with the help of gestures, facial expressions, voices, and so on in many women is almost innate and often unconscious (unintentional), so you should watch yourself. When you say "No", your demeanor should confirm the seriousness of the words, not refute them. Demanding a man to leave himself alone by sending signals of interest on a non-verbal level is not very fair. He himself will not necessarily understand what is happening, but he will be attracted to you as a potential object of passion.

Here are some flirting gestures:

shaking hair;
demonstration of the wrists;
swinging the hips;
a sideways glance;
cross-legging in a feminine manner and playing with a shoe;
slightly open mouth, licking lips, bright lipstick;
invasion of intimate area(15-50 cm around the body);
chest intonations in the voice;
touches "accidentally" and so on.

If you like a person, all this, of course, should be used to attract his attention. But if you want to get rid of an obsessive boyfriend, try to exclude such behavior next to him.

And yet, it may not be entirely up to you. Arrogant fans are unlikely to understand any other refusal, except as convincingly categorical. If he sees that you hesitate, are not sure, he will begin to insist and put pressure, wanting to influence the decision. When there is not enough confidence, figure out if this person is really not interesting to you or you have not decided yet and therefore act evasively?

If there is no interest, first gather yourself internally, then talk to him. Many women are afraid to show aggression and stand up for themselves, so as not to look “not beautiful”, “embarrassing”, they wait until “he guesses”. Do not be afraid to hurt someone else's feelings, adamantly and directly ask such a person to leave your life, explain that nothing will work and that you do not change decisions. The conversation should not be dragged out, drawn into a showdown. You don't have to give reasons.

Most likely, to show rigidity is the only way to be heard like a person. Even if you are soft and delicate, try to play the role cold-bloodedly. After a decisive refusal, ignore attempts to communicate with you. As a last resort, you can ask a friend to play the role of a lover so that the boyfriend understands that you are busy. Or tell your brother, father, uncle about the situation - there is nothing shameful in asking for help when the attention becomes already obsessive. In addition, making a man angry by showing attention to a woman dear to him is much more dangerous than pestering a defenseless woman. Your boyfriend understands this very well.

Be prepared that if a man is touchy and not distinguished by nobility, he is able to say quite a lot of unpleasant things to you personally or to mutual acquaintances. After gentle courtship for a woman, this becomes a real surprise. This only says that the man’s self-esteem is unhealthy, the refusal was perceived as a personal insult, now he is trying to humiliate you. So, you acted very wisely, excluding him from your life now, and not later. There should be no place for guilt. Some people have one unsightly property: if they cannot get what they want, they automatically look for a way to devalue it in their eyes, put it in an unsightly light in order to reduce their stress level. Fear of public opinion should not interfere with your happiness in your personal life. Moreover, only those who live at this level will support such gossip.

A few words need to be said about "pick-ups". What distinguishes them from ordinary men who know spectacular methods of dating and communication is their rejection of a woman as a person, which allows them to treat her only as an object of self-affirmation. This attitude hides a number of complexes and negative experience, but it doesn’t make it any easier for the affected girls. It is also not easy to roll off such a gentleman, since he is inclined to change strategy; appear and disappear, picking up the "key" to you. An important guideline is such that you will not leave the feeling of duality, even if everything is perfect in words. There will be a feeling that you are being lifted up to heaven and made to feel great; then they “lower” in some trifles, “cling” emotionally and there is a desire to prove to the man what you are worth. If you experience similar discomfort from the attention of a particular fan, refuse to communicate without delay. Such inconsistent behavior is strong binding. Over time, you may be surprised that you began to miss a person who initially did not cause sympathy. Don't give him time to find your vulnerabilities.

Finally, the last option is obsessive courtship. unknown man. Such situations occur in transport, on the street, in a restaurant, etc. The best option is to say that you are not interested once, and then ignore it. You can wear headphones; say that you are very tired and want to rest. It’s good if your voice remains confident and cool so that the man understands that further communication does not promise him anything but wounded pride. After several attempts to strike up a conversation, a more or less adequate person will leave you alone.

In the case of rudeness, which every girl is familiar with, do not be rude in response (you are being provoked), remain calm and cool, change your place. When asked why you don’t want to get acquainted, you can improvise: you don’t have time, but you have a jealous karate husband, and you are now eating from the club of Jehovah’s Witnesses - you can invite him there too! This, of course, is a joke, but ingenuity sometimes helps not only to ward off unpleasant subjects, but also to cheer up a spoiled mood with humor.

A special situation with citizens under the influence of alcohol or other doping: if you “be smart” with them, this can provoke and provoke aggression; if you ignore them, then how lucky. At the very least, try to respond little, maintain a peaceful soft tone to any of his comments (really friendly, not feigned), until you get to a place where you can get away from communication or ask for help.

If the boyfriend literally pursues you, do not panic, evaluate the situation and your possible actions. Any establishment or mall you can threaten to call the guards, go in search of her. If possible, visit places with a well-functioning security system. Don't isolate yourself from people. Don't run if it's too late to do so. Running will only turn on the feeling that you are defenseless. Defiantly dial a loved one or friend on the phone and give your coordinates, describe what the pursuer looks like: if he hears everything, only better. If you are approached at night on the street, be sure to immediately shine a flashlight or mobile phone in your face, making it clear that you remember the features well. Of course, the unique situation determines the action. But the very fact that you are able to ask for help, testify, are not afraid to look funny, call for help, cools the ardor of many inadequate personalities. Most of them prefer to deal with the classic "victims". But women often waste precious time hoping that everything will work out.

The main factors that prevent you from protecting yourself are shame and fear. About shame: a normal man will always understand a woman's desire to take care of herself in an incomprehensible situation, even if you made a mistake about him. Prioritize - don't look stupid or get hurt? About fear: you need to become aware of the willingness to inflict real harm to another person in extreme situation, as well as noise and shouting to attract attention. It is for women that the psychological barrier is not easy to remove, but necessary. Be sure to get acquainted with the techniques of physical and psychological self-defense - not everything is decided by brute force.

The simple understanding that you are not afraid and not ashamed to stand up for yourself, do not provoke, you know the elementary rules of self-defense already partly removes the feeling of a “defenseless passive victim”, which such people calculate by their gait, look, voice ... As practice shows, such women are more often chosen as a target. Scroll through the options in your head “what could I do in this or that situation”, consult with the men you know, because this knowledge will not become superfluous! And yet, let them be useful to you only for the growth of self-confidence!

Often in the life of women there are situations when a married man begins to take care of them. If being a mistress is acceptable to you, then this article is not for you. We will try to highlight the topic of how you can beautifully refuse a man, bound by ties marriage.

Reasons for refusal

If you are still puzzled over whether or not to have a close relationship with a married man, here are a few arguments in favor of why you should not take this desperate step:

Get ready to be #2. No matter what your gentleman says, no matter what praises you sing, he will spend all the main time with his wife. You will get only “minutes of happiness”, which can be snatched from case to case. All holidays and weekends, he will be with his family, and you will remain alone and patiently wait until your chosen one deigns to appear. In addition, you are unlikely to be able to openly walk around the city and go to restaurants. AT similar relationships meetings, as a rule, take place in the woman’s apartment or the gentleman specifically rents housing for this;
Mistress. As is known, public opinion extremely negatively assesses love for a married man, so do not be surprised if you are elevated to the rank of a homeowner and family destroyer;
Be patient a little and I'll get divorced. Promises of this kind are a favorite mantra of married men who have relationships on the side. As a rule, this is limited to mere words, and it comes to action only in very rare cases. And in most cases, a man does not dare to leave his family, especially if there are children in it. And this promise serves more as an excuse to keep a girlfriend for secret meetings, and, as a rule, does not reach a divorce;
All good men married. This artificially created myth successfully exists among women who are a little over 30. For some reason, they decided that by this age men with good qualities already sorted out, and those who remained unmarried do not deserve attention. Therefore, women agree to the role of a mistress, if only the man is caring and successful. Let's dispel this misconception. Enough around attractive men who are not yet married and can make a very good match. You just need to look for them a little or take a closer look at your surroundings. And to perceive the situation as hopelessness, and from this to become a lover - is not worth it, because you probably deserve better;
Take care of your nerves. When choosing a relationship with a married man, do not expect only pleasant romantic encounters, bright sex and gifts. reverse side medals here is permanent nervous tension and permanent jealousy. Yes, married people can lie, saying that his wife no longer means anything to him, their relationship has been eaten by life, and he is in the family only because of the children. But face it, he spends more time with his wife and he goes to bed with her at night. Think about it, are you ready to put up with it?

How to refuse a married man beautifully

Learn to say a firm "no" in a soft way. To succeed in this field, you will need to use all your skills of tact and gather courage into a fist. This will allow you to get away from evasions and get rid of the state of uncertainty.

No need to be rude to a man and say that you do not need him. The refusal should sound firm, but in a friendly way, so that his pride does not suffer. In a conversation, emphasize that this format of communication is unacceptable for you, and your position will not change over time.

If you come across an imposing admirer who loves to be in the spotlight, then use his "Achilles heel"For a beautiful refusal. Such men cannot be rudely rejected, otherwise it will be a personal disaster for him.

It is necessary to shower him with compliments, tell him what a successful, interesting and versatile person he is. It is advisable to do this in public so that not only your fan can hear it. As a rule, men of this type want to assert themselves and simply test their strength by seducing another woman.

Therefore, give him the desired recognition of his abilities, but only in a slightly different form, and he will remain satisfied, but to the denial of intimacy take it quite calmly. The main thing is to tell him about it face to face, so that there is no unnecessary witnesses and add a hint of regret in your voice, saying that you would like to, but you just can’t.

If you are faced with an energetic and assertive specimen, for which only victory in sexually, then it is necessary to act radically opposite. Men of this type are characterized by a high temperament, they perceive a woman exclusively as a sexual object, and they are not at all concerned about her psycho-emotional state.

Their credo is animal sex and replenishment of the collection of sexual victories. With such instances, the conversation should be short. It is necessary to refuse directly, clearly and without unnecessary explanations. Do not be afraid to offend such a boyfriend, because he will not take your refusal to heart.

Such men are not affectionate and do not experience deep romantic feelings, therefore, refusal will practically not upset them. Having received a lapel-turn, they will simply go in search of more pliable women who will reciprocate them.

And if you meet on your way a fan who is very persistent and threatens to use force if he refuses, then we recommend that you ring all the bells. To begin with, threaten in response that you have someone to protect you. Do it decisively and confidently. Do not be afraid. Indeed, on the part of a man, this may be a feigned assertiveness that he uses to manipulate you.

But better be safe just in case obsessive admirer will not stop, but will continue his persecution. It would also be good to talk to friends beforehand, who can be contacted in emergency. If the boyfriend knows where you live, try not to come home late alone, ask friends to walk you to the door.

And in no case do not let him into the apartment, even if he hysteria and beg. This is just a way to influence your emotions, nothing more. But we hope that similar situations you will be bypassed and you will not have to resort to the last paragraph of the recommendations.

Don't give a reason

And one more piece of advice: so that the question of how to properly refuse a married man does not arise in the future - analyze your behavior. Perhaps you yourself, unwittingly, gave hope to the fan, and therefore he became more insistent in his proposals. Indeed, quite often there are cases when a married man is pleasant and attractive to women, and they broadcast this at the level of emotions and views.

At the same time, a woman is restrained by strict principles - not to have an affair with a gentleman who is tied by the knot. There is a situation called and want and prick". Thus, problems arise, for the solution of which we have to apply our advice in practice.