Manipulation in relationships between men and women. Vampire is a cold hearted and ignoring vampire. Basic techniques for manipulating a woman

23.05.2019

Manipulation in relationships - is it possible to do without them? And how to do this?

Today I want to complete a series of articles devoted to relationships built on emotional dependence. As your response to previous articles on this topic showed, this issue is indeed relevant now. Based on your letters with cries for help, I identified 3 conditional groups of people:

- Those who Now suffering from emotional addiction in relationships and cannot cope with feelings of jealousy, fear of losing and loss of interest in other areas of life and other relationships

- Those who Already broke off the relationship but continues to struggle emotional dependence, endlessly suffering over “irretrievably gone love” and cannot start a new relationship for fear of experiencing this pain again

— Those who themselves (thanks to numerous trainings teaching how to get a man, marry a millionaire and others like them!) created relationships in his life in which his partner emotionally (and not only) depends on him. And now these relationships have “slowed down”, are not developing or are already on the verge of collapse, and inside these people a feeling of misunderstanding, dissatisfaction, and disappointment is brewing.

Whoever you are - the one who depends or the one on whom the partner depends - this relationship is doomed to fail. At least in emotional sphere. Such relationships cannot become a source of true joy, it is impossible to feel safe in them, you cannot be sure of stability and durability.

I want to emphasize that, in my opinion, a relationship based on any kind of dependence is only a pathetic substitute for a harmonious union of two truly loving friend people's friend. Whether you agree to such a relationship, whether you accept this surrogate, or create a relationship that you deserve and in which you are happy - everything is only your free will.

Manipulation in relationships.

Now let's move on to the methods of manipulation characteristic of dependency relationships. I'm wondering how many of these manipulations you use to keep your partner and which ones are hooks that keep you on a short leash.

Manipulation 1. Finance and gifts

The most banal method of manipulation, which is especially pronounced in conditions of economic instability. It is difficult to break off such a relationship if you are completely financially dependent on your partner. And with permanent gifts it’s even more interesting. This can touch both your material aspirations, if the gifts are expensive, and your emotional side. In addition, for many women, gifts are one of their love languages (in subconscious level are perceived as manifestations of love on the part of the partner).

But there is also a more subtle one, energy binding. When the house is filled with such lovely gifts, especially those symbolizing relationships, then entanglement with invisible energy bonds affects you constantly, even if you don't notice it. That's why one of the first recommendations when breaking up is to carefully get rid of all gifts, photographs and other things that remind you of your ex.

Manipulation 2. Physical manifestations of feelings

These manipulations include frequent hugs, touching, stares“with meaning” or refusal to make eye contact as a means of punishment. This group also includes such female manipulations as wearing things, copying a partner’s style, and, of course, refusing physical intimacy into "punishment".

I think you have already guessed that this type of manipulation also has roots in one of the “love languages”. And for those for whom this language is dominant - glances and touches become excellent bait. It is very easy to mistake (especially when one is “happy to be deceived”) such looks and touches as manifestations of love, and it is difficult to recognize manipulation. I remember now my own situation, when a loved one, knowing that hugs - The best way calm me down, made me give up my true desire. We now remember this story with laughter. But how it hurt me when I realized what had happened!

Manipulation 3. Romance.

Mmmm, women are very susceptible to this manipulation. Having read women's novels, watched enough beautiful TV series, dreaming of a beautiful unearthly love)))) They use poetry reading, music, songs, gallantry and similar things that cause natural emotional reactions.

Do you know what's most interesting? That all these things don’t even need to be trained in expensive pickup training, you just need to watch a couple of TV series or read a couple of women’s novels. And that’s it, the complete toolkit of a professional seducer, capable of keeping the necessary or comfortable woman, ends up in the hands of a manipulator. And it can be very, very difficult to break out of this. It is so I don't want to film pink glasses and refuse “beautiful” love.

Manipulation 4. Compliments

Flattery, praise, flirting. “You are the only one who understands me,” “I don’t know what I would do without you.” Cute nicknames, hints, mention in conversations of something that has special meaning for two (especially in companies). Again, this is a clue to one of the love languages.

Such manipulation is especially catches those who crave recognition but do not receive it. And that is why women most often use it against men. The only question that arises is: will you be able to dear women, with the help of these manipulations, make sure that your man receives recognition in society and becomes successful? Or just satisfy his natural male need in full recognition. And he will no longer need to seek recognition in his career, business, or social fulfillment. But with the help of this manipulation it is very easy to make you a housewife and give up your desires.

Manipulation 5. Need for “help”

Deliberately creating or exaggerating problems to attract attention and arouse sympathy. A technique that is primarily taught to women in all kinds of trainings to get men.

A subtle game that draws you into a net that is difficult to escape. And again the question arises: dear women, but do you want to be loved or to be pitied? Although yes, many people really want to be pitied, because it is so difficult for them, poor things, in this life. IN similar relationships initially there will be no harmonious union. Because they are created in the form of an unequal position: one constantly gives, the other takes. And as a result, the first one is exhausted, and the second one begins to “sausage” due to an imbalance in the energy balance.

Manipulation 6. Guilt.

Ooooh, this is the favorite manipulation in relationships of so many people. Moreover, it is very easy to use in our time, when a feeling of guilt at a deep level is inherent in almost every person. And it is very easy to make another person feel guilty for not meeting our expectations.

Frank reproaches can also be used: “If you loved, you would...”, “Well, yes, you’re too busy to call me/take the time/do for me...” , “I laid my whole life/best years at your feet, and you...”. You can use silence and pouting cheeks/lips and demonstrate with all your appearance “I’m unhappy with you...”. A the guilty person really wants to justify himself, prove that he/she is better than they think.

And until he proves it, he won’t leave. Or he will leave when he no longer has the strength to be forever guilty. This is how almost all manipulations in relationships end.

Manipulation 7. Threats.

The most common are threats to leave (here they also sign bright colors consequences of leaving for you) and suicide. Unfortunately, such manipulations in relationships are far from uncommon.

The threat of suicide, in fact, is a variation of the previous manipulation - that is, another, perhaps the most powerful attempt to tie a partner, to obtain a non-existent guarantee of love, to blame one’s own death on the one who breaks off the relationship. This threat does not arise out of nowhere. Most likely, manipulation has already worked in the relationship of this couple, that is, one partner has already tried to “put pressure” on the fear and guilt of the other partner, but in different contexts. If a person succumbs to provocation and follows the manipulator’s lead, this triggers vicious circle further speculation on feelings of guilt and sense of duty.

What to do if you recognize manipulation in a relationship

In fact, manipulation in relationships is quite common. Moreover, any relationship is manipulative in nature. After all, that’s why they are RELATIONSHIPS. Everyone has a goal and everyone wants to achieve it. But, as they say, everything is good in moderation. And when all relationships are completely built on various kinds of manipulations, when there is no place in them simple easy communication and the joy of being together - then it’s time to think about it.

It should be understood that manipulative struggle only increases anxiety, makes you tense, and most importantly, destroys the deep basis of relationships: the free decision to be close, the opportunity to be open, to be yourself.

And of course, it is much more difficult for us to find ourselves engaged in a manipulative game. It’s just as difficult for our partner who gets involved in it.

Therefore, there is no need to rub your partner’s nose in and make him feel shame and guilt. If you have such an intention, think about it: perhaps you yourself sometimes resort to this instrument of influence? After all, our partners are our beautiful mirrors

And for those who have decided to stop manipulation in relationships, ours will be very useful.

If the reins of controlling destiny are in the hands of another, then it is most difficult to discover your own contribution to the development of such relationships. The main thing to understand here is that manipulation cannot arise out of nothing - two hands are needed to clap. What tricks does the manipulator use? What is the secret of his power and “invincibility”? And what is your contribution to this relationship?

Manipulation- is not the same as influence. Influence counts important criterion healthy social functioning. For example, each of us influences others in one way or another to achieve our goals, but influence takes into account the boundaries of others and is based on direct and open interaction. Influence, by and large, is the art of convincing your partner and having a discussion with him, while maintaining respectful attitude to your opponent’s position and taking into account the possibility of his disagreement with you.

The manipulator is accustomed to achieving his goals at the expense of the person he is manipulating; his manipulations are based on hidden influence and coercion. And although the manipulator may seem strong and controlling, he is not. Usually, behind the façade of unscrupulousness and pressure lies self-doubt. Treating others as a commodity or thing, violating social norms is evidence of the insoluble personal conflicts of the manipulator himself. Chronic manipulators do not have loved ones trust relationships, they are simply not capable of them.

The manipulator has an excellent nose for his potential victims; he always very accurately distinguishes between those who will “play along” with him and who will not. If the manipulator understands that a person will not fall for his tricks, then he without hesitation switches to a more receptive and flexible victim.

You are easy to manipulate if:

You only feel appreciated and loved when you fulfill the wishes of others. If you are constantly trying to be “good” and please others, then your feeling self-esteem directly depends on the ability to please others and do what they like, not you. This can go so far that you start pleasing others at the expense of respect for yourself. For example, you may buy something especially expensive for your partner or friend, while you would never dare to spend such an impressive amount on yourself.

It is vital for you to receive the approval and acceptance of others. Most people strive to gain the approval of their loved ones, this is not surprising. The problem arises when you feel the need for approval for your every word or action. In this case, you are controlled by the fear of being rejected and it is so strong that you are ready to do anything to avoid this unpleasant feeling. At the beginning of a relationship, a manipulator gives you the approval you need and then manipulates you by threatening to take it away.

Are you afraid to express negative emotions . Expression of rage and anger in conflict situations It's never been a pleasant experience, so some people will do anything to avoid confrontation and leave things as they are. Expressing fear, anger and anger can be a “taboo”, the violation of which will result in inevitable punishment. The manipulator knows this and all he has to do is raise his voice or get “angry” and it’s done.

You are unable to say NO. Healthy Relationships- this is, first of all, respecting personal boundaries and the ability to say “no” even more than the ability to say “yes”. The manipulator knows how much you are afraid of conflict if you say “no,” so it costs him nothing to go beyond all reasonable limits and stab you in the heart.

You don't have a clear picture of yourself. Force confident person is about knowing yourself, your values, priorities, desires and weaknesses. Confident people always know exactly what they want to get from life; it is impossible to force something on them against their will. If you don’t know what you want, then it’s difficult for you to make independent decisions and rely on yourself, and without clear ideas about yourself, you will always be an easy target for a manipulator who will gladly decide for you what you need and what you don’t.

How does the manipulator work?

The law of relationship development says that manipulation should progress over time. First, the manipulator “breaks the ground” and finds out how far you will allow it to go. A manipulator is a person with a subtle mindset, he will not try to manipulate you at the very beginning of a relationship, he understands that first he will have to study you, watch you, find out your weak sides and only then turn them against you to achieve their own selfish goals.

As a rule, manipulators plan their maneuvers ahead of time, but they always have the opportunity to “adjust the program” for a specific victim or situation. Any tricks are used: lies, screams, feigning ailments and diseases, resentment, ignoring, silent reproaches, small and large dirty tricks...

There are two main and fail-safe mechanisms for manipulating others:

The first mechanism is the promise of benefits, changes in better side, improvements, growth. In this situation, the manipulator will reinforce your actions with all sorts of promises and promises. He will “guarantee” certain results for you if you agree to follow his needs and desires (“I will continue to communicate with you if you stop being friends with Petya”, “I will respect you if you do as I said”). .

The second mechanism is the threat of loss, deprivation, loss, damage. In this case, the manipulator threatens the victim with the loss of something valuable and significant for her if she does not agree to fulfill the will of the manipulator (“I will ignore you until you change your mind”).

It is worth considering that skilled manipulators use more subtle if/then constructions that are not so easy to recognize.

The manipulator is always driven by selfish motives, even if he denies it. The only criterion that guides him in his relationships with others is the “worth” of a person, so it is useless to talk to him about spirituality, human values and other high matters; for a manipulator these are just words that he has learned to skillfully juggle in order to control others.

What should I do?

Do not try to “outmanipulate” the manipulator - this will only make you more vulnerable. Remember, you cannot change the behavior of another, all you can do is change your own reactions to the other person's attempts to manipulate you, so focus on your changes.

Also, you will not change anything if you want to re-educate the manipulator by pointing out his “imperfections”. Manipulators are not capable of empathy, so do not share your deepest feelings with them if you do not want this information to be used against you.

Learn to accept your emotions, because the more feelings you allow yourself to experience, the more difficult it is to manipulate you and the “less convenient” you become for the manipulator. Accepting your feelings will help you maintain self-respect and build relationships where there is no room for manipulation. You can disarm the manipulator by calling a spade a spade: “we both understand that you like to play on my feelings, but you know that this will no longer work with me.” Don’t threaten, just stand in your position: “either we communicate like two adults, or not at all.”

If the manipulator is trying to persuade you to make a decision that you doubt, then you can answer as follows: “I will tell you my answer after I think about it.” Don't start making excuses. When the manipulator wants to know why you took time to answer, simply repeat again: “I need more time to think about everything.” If the manipulator is not ready for such a development in the relationship, then he will simply leave you and go in search of someone else.

Psychological manipulation is a combination of hidden tricks influencing the consciousness of a person in order to change his behavior.

IN Everyday life very often you can become a victim of a manipulator. Cases of male manipulation in relationships with women are also possible.

How to recognize male manipulation

Using methods psychological manipulation, a man builds relationships in a way that is convenient for him, bypassing the wishes and goals of his other half.

In this case, the woman becomes a puppet and unconsciously serves her man in everything.

To recognize manipulation, you must first analyze your partner’s character traits.

A manipulator has the following character traits:

Selfishness;
Cynicism;
Narcissism;
Constant denial of one's own guilt;
Inability to apologize to a partner;
Pompous self-sufficiency;
Cruelty.

Relationships with a manipulator are accompanied by a feeling of tension, and after a conversation with him, internal discomfort arises. The behavior of the manipulator is not logical - his words do not correspond to his actions.

Often before and after communicating with a psychological “vampire” you may feel nausea, increased heart rate, elevated temperature body and insomnia appears.

If after a conversation it is difficult for a woman to remember what was discussed, this means that the man used psychological techniques to control her consciousness.

Male manipulation is expressed in constant reproaches of a woman, comparing her with others, avoiding clarification of any aspects of the relationship, as well as attempts to lower a woman’s self-esteem.

Basic techniques for manipulating a woman

A manipulator man acts secretly. He plays with his woman's feelings.

By evoking pity, a man intends to abuse the kindness and responsiveness of his partner, and the manifestation of sincerity on his part is a way to win over the woman. straight Talk to find out its weak points.

There are three more common techniques for controlling a woman’s consciousness. Two of them are based on time manipulation. A man often makes himself wait, delaying the pre-agreed time of arrival:

The manipulative partner uses pauses at every opportunity. For example, when a woman is waiting for further discussion about some relationship problem, the manipulator man remains intriguingly silent. This is done with the aim of causing internal imbalance, puzzlement and embarrassment in a woman in order to easily control her consciousness.
Subsequently, the woman begins to get nervous, angry and looks hysterical, which does not make her look good and does not benefit her in a given situation.
A man uses time manipulation and pauses to tie a woman to himself and change her positive opinion about herself to the opposite.
The third technique is to give the woman a false idea of her role and place in the life of the manipulator. Various romantic events and veiled phrases create the illusion of a woman’s importance. In such a relationship, a man does not talk about the future, about marriage, etc.

Rules of conduct with a manipulative man in a relationship

First of all, a woman should think about whether the words of the man for whom she feels are true. love feelings and hopes to start a family with him.

Secondly, you shouldn’t initially keep all your claims inside. You need to immediately tell your partner about them, however, without scandal, in a calm tone, briefly and clearly.

It happens that the manipulator is exposed, but the woman still understands that her feelings are strong, and she cannot leave him, no matter how badly he treats her. In this case, first you should copy the man’s behavior. Mirror absolutely all his actions and words, reminding him that his behavior was the same at one time.

Another important rule for a woman in a relationship with a manipulator is control. own emotions and a partial manifestation of spiritual kindness towards a man. It is necessary to strengthen inner rod personality” in order to demonstrate the qualities of one’s character not in the usual way, but only when it is appropriate.

In order to be in a relationship with a manipulative man and not subsequently acquire deep mental wounds the following is important:

Don't depend on a man.
Do not dissolve in it, do not rave about it, strive to have personal income;
Don't cause pity.
Do not make a victim, if possible, do not let the man know that he has offended or offended him in some way;
Find contrasts.
Keep an emotional distance when the manipulator portrays tenderness and affection.

Conclusion

There are many psychological techniques manipulating a woman. However, knowing character traits manipulator and recognizing his methods of influence, you can easily protect your interests and not fall into a trap.

It is so accepted that intrigue and manipulation are attributed mainly to women, while the weaker half of humanity suffers no less from psychological pressure from men. Men's manipulations are often much more insidious than women's and are rarely used in the interests of the couple.

Confident and self-sufficient personality will try to establish contact with the subject of interest through confidential conversations, revealing his soul and getting to know the woman. This is why a man never seriously admits that he is manipulating his girlfriend, wife, or mistress. Indeed, in the understanding of the stronger sex, manipulation is a tool of changeable women: sometimes exalted, sometimes hysterical.

However, manipulations in the relationship between a man and a woman are also found in “ candy period", and during marriage. But the most interesting thing is that sometimes controlling a woman can bring harmony to a relationship if the man does not get too carried away in constructing a cunning plan to conquer the woman’s body and soul completely.

Manipulation of a woman - is it always bad?

It is believed that male manipulation is bad and unworthy. What if a man is not driven by the goal of asserting himself or humiliating a defenseless girl? And if this is love, affection, a desire to be with her, how then to “tie” the object of adoration to yourself, is it worth doing it at all? Manipulating a woman without humiliating her dignity will help a man, as it were, spur on his lifelong friend, letting her understand that she should value the man and her relationship with him.

Some ladies believe that a man owes them by definition. Must earn good money, must carry out everything free time next to her, must anticipate all the desires and dreams of his chosen one and must do much more.

This approach is unfair - a man is not obliged to play by the rules just because “ a real man must…". Only by giving and receiving in return can you count on a long-lasting and spiritual union. In some cases, manipulating a woman helps to rein her in and make her more flexible, but only when there is no malicious intent in the man’s methods of influence.

Men's ways of controlling a woman

What types of manipulations do men choose, what strings of a woman’s soul do they pull in order to subjugate her? How to manage a woman? The main methods are:

This type of manipulation is very insidious and sneaky in nature. It consists of hints about a woman’s unattractiveness (comparison with others, emphasizing shortcomings), her lack of such a sharp mind as the most “beautiful and ideal” man. As a result of such manipulations, the man receives a notorious life partner; the lady will even be afraid that the man will leave her. If you want your life friend to start taking care of herself, to increase the level of her knowledge, then you should spur her on in a different way, without killing her faith that she is the best. For example, go in for sports together, and not blame her for the extra kilos while lying on the couch with a bottle of beer.

Attempts to convince a woman that she is not worthy of a man.

Men's manipulations are something like this: “A woman should stay at home and raise children,” “What can you do without me,” “Who needs you?” This is true for family people, where the man has the largest (sometimes the only) income, and the woman is a housewife. Unemployed (or paid pennies), not as attractive as others, a woman will begin to doubt herself, pleasing her husband even more. Often men do not appreciate when they are taken care of, when they come clean and cozy home. But manipulations in relationships in the form of reproaches will lead to the woman becoming hateful both her husband and the household, and even herself.

A man “doesn’t notice” how hard his chosen one tries to please him.

This is a subtle psychological move so that the girl does not think that she has won the man’s heart forever. This method of manipulation can be good and beneficial for both the man and the relationship. The girlfriend of a “cold” person will not allow herself to relax, she will direct her efforts to self-improvement, education, and strengthening relationships. Just don’t be too blind to the attractiveness of a lady, because there will certainly be those who will appreciate her beauty, generously showering her with admiration. Often young people ignore their companion's stories, saying offensive phrase, like: “Oh, sorry, I was thinking about my own.” It is important to know when to stop in everything - it doesn’t matter whether a woman is manipulated or done unconsciously.

Promises to get a star from the sky before intimacy and ignoring them after sex.

This manipulation is used by young people who are not in the mood for serious relationship. The girl who lost her vigilance from romantic words, gifts, is already coming up with names for future children. This is female psychology. What a disappointment awaits her when interest in her suddenly disappears. And this happens more often, of course, with still young and trusting creatures. But deception on the part of a man will haunt the girl for a long time. Next time, the one who was used for pleasure will not even believe the truth. Male manipulations of this kind are dangerous for vulnerable girls.

Refusal of intimacy on the part of a man.

What do they want? strong representatives humanity? Perhaps they are tired of ordinary sex, they want something new, but the man does not know how to say it correctly. Another reason may be problems in relationships, lack of personal space, conflicts at work, or depression of the man himself. A woman, offended by inattention (and even refusal), believes that the problem lies solely with her (has become unwanted). It’s great if the couple is able to sit down at the negotiating table and find out the reason for the silence in bed.

Manipulation of a woman in the form of accusations of all sins.

In order not to admit their mistakes and mistakes, men shift the blame for their failures onto their companions. For example, a woman is indignant that her husband does not devote time to the child. But in response he hears from the manipulator that he is already tired, that he has no strength at all, and also a wife who gnaws without reason, and that the child’s upbringing is lame. Fatigue is a valid reason; you can devote only 15 minutes of time to your baby, asking about the past day, telling a fairy tale, even without getting up from your favorite sofa. The main idea of such manipulation is “it’s all your fault.” In the example presented, the wife is to blame for the fact that her husband works so much because she and the child sit at home and do not bring in any money. But by creating a family, the man understood what awaited him in the future. This can be used to build protection against manipulation.

A challenge to conflict from a man.

This is what energy vampires, familiar to everyone, do and people who prefer to present their lady of the heart in front of everyone as someone with an unstable psyche. Intentionally bringing a woman to scream, tears and hysterics, the man immediately replaces his anger with mercy, his tone becomes calm. The woman, in the end, begins to believe that she really lives with a person with truly angelic patience, and not with a tyrant who says nasty things to throw out his inner negativity. Hence the series psychological problems related to the fact that she is not worthy of him, and the partner’s excuses.

How to resist manipulation in a relationship with a man?

You shouldn’t think that all men dream and see how to control a woman. Often a thoughtless word comes out of a man’s mouth not out of malice. Besides, a boyfriend, husband or lover is a common person. Sometimes he “breaks down” for a reason feeling unwell, troubles at work.

How to resist manipulation? Think about whether there is truth in his words. Don’t accumulate resentment by crying into your pillow at night. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your beloved, listening to his position in response. But the conversation should not take the format of a scandal or a one-sided game, when a woman speaks and a man is silent. By searching for a compromise and cultivating mutual respect for each other in a relationship, a peaceful agreement can be reached.

The main rule on how to resist manipulation by a man is not to completely dissolve in him, go a little to the side after hearing an offensive phrase from him, try to figure out the situation on your own, putting everything in order in your head. Management from the outside can even help a woman and spur her to self-improvement. If a man’s manipulations have long outgrown the level of “for good”, and from a caring partner he has turned into a selfish manipulator pursuing only his own goals, do not hold on to him so tightly. Think about where this relationship will lead you.

What to do if you get caught

In the hands of a manipulator, you cease to be yourself, act in a way that is unusual for you, and justify it and your behavior to your friends. You go against yourself, thinking that it is “for” something. And you don’t see any other exits. To avoid male manipulation First, figure out why you allow this.

Psychocomplexes. Women's manipulation of men in relationships and methods of protection

Manipulation- this is a type of psychological influence used to achieve a unilateral gain through a hidden inducement of another to perform certain actions.

Purpose of manipulation- achieve what you want without taking into account the interests of the opposite party.

Ambiguity, lack of clarity in expressing your thoughts and requests.

Using emotionally charged arguments, when the emphasis is on moral or other values, which should persuade the partner to agree.

The desire to shift responsibility for the development and outcome of events to the victim.

Manipulation would be impossible without the presence of psychocomplexes in the person to whom they are applied.

(or what male weaknesses women play on)

These thin strings of the human soul obediently respond in every way from the skillful touch of the master. When it works psychocomplex, a person becomes uncritical and begins to behave like a child, obedient to someone else’s will. Therefore, the effect on psychocomplexes is the most effective means manipulation people. It is no coincidence that it was said that the truth is not in the mouth of the speaker, but in the ears of the hearer.

There are not many psychocomplexes, but enough to manage people and achieve their goals. Let's talk about the main ones in the context of the topic of intergender relations.

Human fears are one of the most powerful and effective psychocomplexes. They are often caused by a person’s poor information. Therefore, if you are frightened by some mythical dangers and are urged to do something to eliminate them, inform yourself.

In the context of relationship development, this is the fear of loneliness.

Protection against manipulation: A man must be ready to lose a woman at any moment. This is the only way he can maintain control over the situation.

It is customary to believe that a man should take care of a woman. Just like that, abstractly - every man about every woman. And to this is added the fact that he must take especially diligent care of his woman. This principle is not even discussed - it has long been imprinted in the genetic code of our society.

« Honey, do you love me? Great, then you owe me..." A man owes a woman - this is the foundation of a woman’s view of relationships with the opposite sex. Moreover, what exactly a man “should” depends on the woman’s current needs, desires and mood. This is one of women's strategic levers - pressure on the reality of men, programming them to behavior that is beneficial to them.

Guilt is one of the oldest elements of manipulation on earth. All religions of the world use it. Are you familiar with the phrase: “We are all sinners!”? Familiar? “So you have to go to confession or repent.”

After repentance, you may be told what to do. Did you notice? - They tell you what to do! And even as if you needed it yourself. At all times, the church has used guilt as a reliable element in controlling the actions of the people.

IN interpersonal relationships This manipulation works very simply. One person makes it clear to another person that he is to blame for his problems. The more emotional, the better. For the manipulation to work, the second person must feel responsible for emotional condition first. This condition is easily met if the second person is in a relationship with the first.

The feeling of guilt can be based both on individual small events and on some major event, on the basis of which a person is considered guilty in life.

The next step is to let you know what you need to do to make amends for your “guilt.”

Often the manipulation of guilt goes in conjunction with the manipulation of fear of loss.

Protection: Have your own idea of “what is good and what is bad.” And only base your actions on it. In the end: who are the judges?

Image a real man is the most powerful psychological lever with which women successfully control the stronger sex. WITH early years women implant this control lever into the subconscious of boys. They, justifying their demands on the child, use the argument: “ You are the future man" And if they want to encourage a child, they use praise: “ Well done, you acted like a real man!" If you do what we need, we will recognize you as a real man. If you don’t do it, you will not be a real man in our eyes.

It is very convenient for women to pretend to be the weaker sex, allowing stronger men to take charge of all problems. But at the same time, every woman wants strong man fulfilled HER wishes and followed HER decisions, and took responsibility for all consequences.

It is usually used in conjunction with manipulation of a sense of duty and guilt.

Please note that the very mention of a “real man” is a subtle hint to a man that he should strive to realize in himself the female interpretation of a “real man.” In this way, not only a direct manipulative motivation for action is formed, but a guilt complex is also instilled in the man, and a woman will not have it idle - a man’s guilt is always a useful thing.

Protection: Remember that a “real man” is a fiction, a myth, a phantom, a scam and a standard manipulative technique. Don't be afraid to NOT live up to it!

5. SSV (sense of self-importance and superiority)

Many people are susceptible to flattery. The art of making direct and hidden compliments in such cases is the most important weapon. You can pay a compliment to the person himself - express admiration for his enterprise, intelligence, appearance. You can use superlative words to describe the work he is doing, to note his successes in this field.

This is done to make a person lose his vigilance and sense of reality. His reality shifts towards the fact that since he is seen this way, he strives to live up to expectations or ideas about himself.

In essence, a woman tells a man with flattery what she WANTS to see him as. And if you do not live up to her expectations, then phrases such as “ I thought you were like that, but you really are...."). Although in fact a woman sees perfectly well who you really are. And by manipulating flattery, she just wants to direct your actions in the direction she needs.

Protection: Stop attempts to flatter you if you clearly see that the compliments being given to you are not true. If you fall for this bait, then your actions will not be aimed at what YOU want, but at meeting someone else's expectations.

Generosity is a feature of our national character. Kindness, generosity of soul - these qualities are valued in our country like gold, but they are not showered with them on anyone. And all because people most often use these wonderful qualities of human nature for the most unseemly purposes.

In relationships there are such varieties as “You are a generous person, I know that, and only you can help me now”, “You are able to forgive what others cannot” and so on.

Protection: Focus on EQUIAL exchange of resources.

You need to pretend to be helpless and weak, evoke pity and compassion for yourself, force yourself to be surrounded by care and offers of help. The feelings of protectiveness and patriarchal responsibility that are inherent to a normal man, just on physical level they push him to help a lady suffering from an unbearable load. Ladies use this with pleasure.

The weakness and helplessness of women is greatly exaggerated. In fact, ladies are, on average, much more resilient than us. Nature took care to give them an increased margin of safety. But if a woman doesn’t want to do something, if she intends to avoid solving a problem or just slightly exploit you, then in most cases she pretends to be helpless. “Oh, I can’t do this”, “Oh, I don’t understand this”, “I don’t understand this” etc.

Pretending to be stupid and weak, the woman shifts all the problems onto you, and then she can only watch how, satisfied with your coolness, you struggle for her, being so “stupid.”

Often used in conjunction with manipulations on your masculinity, emotional sensitivity and generosity.

Protection: Avoid girls who have more problems than you.

Most likely you have met the “easily touchy” type of girl. Women love to be offended. This is the most reliable trick for getting what you want from many of them - and what’s more, almost everyone! And in a relationship with a girl, rest assured that this method will be applied to you more than once or twice.

This manipulation by a man occurs most in a standard way: they hint to you or openly tell you about some desire, and if you don’t rush headlong to fulfill it, they become cooler towards you or are openly offended. This happens until you achieve what you want - then the flowers “bloom” again. However, this does not last long: just until the next whim and subsequent resentment.

It also happens that with the help of insults, a model of behavior that is beneficial for a woman is imposed on you. There is already a perfect circus here: either you do as your chick dictates to you, or you get a portion of scandals, reproaches and, of course, tears.

Often used in conjunction with guilt manipulation. Resentment is one of the ways to make another person feel guilty.

Protection: Try as soon as possible to learn to understand where the offense makes sense - read, you really did something wrong, and where it is simply an element of manipulation.

For some people it's enough to say magic word “weak?”- and they will be ready to do the craziest things. Their pride is usually fueled like this: “Prove that you can do it. You’re strong, not a coward!”

This is one of the most common manipulations. The target of influence is the desire of every person (especially men) not to look like a coward. Appearing indecisive, risk-averse and inept, unprofessional. The bait that draws you into manipulation is a challenge thrown at the addressee.

Since decisiveness, risk-taking is masculine qualities, it is used mainly in connection with the manipulation of masculinity.

Protection:"Footballing." How to “football” is easy to understand from the following life example:

The client is in a hurry and calls the waitress: “ Is it difficult to bring me coffee quickly?" - The waitress immediately retorts: " How about giving a weakly good tip?”

In order to reliably protect yourself from the influence of others, it is necessary, first of all, to identify your weaknesses, that is, to admit that you have certain psychocomplexes. This will be very easy to do if you do not announce them publicly.

Analyze events last months. Did you do everything according to your own will or fulfill someone else’s? If someone manipulated you, try to determine how, that is, through what psychocomplexes you have. The manipulated person always has “hooks” to which the manipulator catches him. If a person is free from any “hooks”, then it is impossible to hook him.

Psychocomplexes are those barriers that often prevent one from moving to that level of consciousness for which independence is an important parameter. The sooner you realize that you don’t have to live up to someone else’s expectations and live up to them, the sooner your consciousness will shift to new level perception of the world.

No drama: the dangers of manipulation in relationships

A harmonious, strong relationship is something like Bigfoot, whom no one has seen, but there is a rumor that he exists somewhere. Together with an expert in amorous affairs, Polina Arens, we figured out how to build relationships without drama and manipulation.

Each couple is unique and has its own perfect shape, meanings, goals and values. Moreover, the form and meanings of each pair change over time, relationships and balance are transformed, the balance of power often changes over time. life cycle families. It is impossible to single out a single role model of relationships that is true for everyone and would be universal.

First, let's understand what we mean by strong relationships. A couple is a dynamic structure, not formed once and for all and cemented in a fragile balance. According to psychologist and abundance consultant Pauline Arens, the strength of a relationship is determined by the balance of investments, in other words, a couple will be stable as long as both partners are equally interested in the relationship and regularly invest their time, energy, emotions and finances in approximately equal proportions into a relationship.

What causes harmony in relationships to be disrupted?

However, if at some point the balance is upset and one of the partners begins to realize that he has become the master (mistress) of the situation, the beloved is conquered once and for all, the exciting uncertainty and passion are gone, and the unconditional attractiveness of the other half decreases, then distance automatically occurs.

In psychology, this situation in a relationship is called the “paradox of passion,” in which the importance of each partner determines how harmonious and strong the couple will be.

This theory is based on psychologist Kurt Lewin's idea of field theory. According to this theory, we are all part of one energy field, and objects or persons endowed for us high significance, are also part of our own energy field. If we talk about the energy field of a couple, we can say that it will be stable only if both partners are of equal importance, otherwise the same imbalance will occur in which the weaker partner wants to return the attention and love of the stronger one.

Passive aggression or manipulation

It is at this moment that drama and manipulation begin on the part of the weak, who feels extreme anxiety due to the distance of his loved one and the fall in self-esteem, which is completely tied to the strong partner.

The main goal of such manipulations is to restore the former security of relationships by any means and to beg as much attention and recognition as possible from the strong. However, any requests, hints, begging, tears and hysterics are types of passive aggression and are very poorly perceived by a strong partner.

Feeling that he is being pressured and manipulated, the strong man experiences both guilt and irritation towards his once adored lover. There is a desire to both free yourself from this pressure and at the same time continue to meet the expectations of your partner. It is this paradox that explains the temporary improvement in relationships after dramatic quarrels and all kinds of manipulative techniques. But the irritation is only accumulating and will very soon burst into the deepest inopportune moment. A strong partner will leave sooner or later, and the self-esteem of a weak one will be completely destroyed.

So, we are faced with the question: how to build strong and harmonious relationships without manipulation?

Firstly, never forget about the free will of the one who is next to you, because harmonious relationships are possible only when both partners grow and develop in them.

Secondly, in case of any imbalance, it is very important to switch from your partner to yourself, start pumping up your resources, increasing objective self-esteem and working on your own achievements, since only this can increase your significance for your loved one and re-ignite the fire of love.

Manipulation and honesty in relationships

Manipulative people and manipulation in relationships are common. In psychology, they are also called passive-aggressive - this is a manner of behavior when a person hides his true feelings, especially negative ones, so as not to “upset” the interlocutor, but at the same time deliberately sabotages the idea. This behavior always leads to relationship problems.

It’s interesting, but recently, in response to an article about personal boundaries, I received an unexpected comment from a girl that this was manipulation. Telling a person, gently and kindly, what you do not accept in relation to yourself is honesty and openness in a relationship. To remain silent about what you don’t like and hope that he will figure it out on his own is stupidity. And if you are silent and offended, this is a passive-aggressive type.

Imagine a girl who comes to the store and silently looks at the seller. Guess what she needs! Well, of course! She's a girl. What, you don't know what girls need?

This is exactly how some women sometimes behave. They don’t want to tell their partner what they need, because they are trying to “figure out” who is the real one? Such ladies think that if they tell their partner what they want, then it doesn’t “count” - what will he do when I’m not looking? I’d rather watch how he behaves in a natural way. And to say what I need is “manipulation”.

The difference between honesty and manipulation

How to distinguish honesty from manipulation? Important intention. Honesty always has the best interests - both yours and the other person's - in mind. Manipulation is carried out by an individual so that only he feels good, often at the expense of the interests of others.

If you've told your partner what you want and don't want in a relationship (politely and gently), then you're helping him build a good relationship between you. It helps both of you.
If, for example, you lied that you were at your grandmother’s when you were on a date with another man (or simply forgot), then you are trying to gain an advantage only for yourself.

The difference between honesty and insensitivity

Also, some girls believe that you should always hit the truth straight in the face, otherwise it’s a lie. But very often the truth is insensitivity and callousness, not honesty.

For example, if a friend asked you how a dress fits on her and it fits her badly, then the correct answer depends on whether the outfit has already been purchased and where she asks you about it. It is important to understand how to help your friend with your answer, and not just express the truth - the dress does not suit you.

If you're in a store and haven't made a purchase yet, be sure to express that it's worth continuing to look for a better option: “I'm not sure if this is your style,” “I don't think this is your color,” “the previous dress looked better,” or “ let’s try this again.”
If the item has already been purchased, there is no way to prevent the mistake. If a friend asks for your opinion at a party and she's already wearing that dress, then give her the confidence to feel good and have a good time. If you tell her that the outfit does not fit her well, she will be upset and will not be able to enjoy the holiday.
You don't have to lie! Tell me exactly what you need like in this dress: beautiful embroidery, fashionable style, famous designer, thin material, color matches her eyes or skin tone. Something about it must be attractive! Even if it doesn't suit her.

Consciousness of behavior

When you express your feelings it is always important intention. Try to be honest and kind at the same time, to really help your partner and not hinder.

Naturally, we constantly influence each other. But if the influence is aimed at achieving one’s selfish interests, regardless of the harm that you cause to another, this is manipulation. If you are not trying to achieve your selfish interests, but still cause harm to another person, this may be insensitive.

Make it a habit to think about the purpose of your actions and words before you do or say anything.

What goal do I want to achieve?

Who will this help?

Is there a moment of selfishness or insensitivity in my assessment?

How to achieve desired result ethical and environmentally friendly? (Truthfully and without harming others)

This will make your behavior more conscientious, and you will be a more pleasant and desirable partner, interlocutor and friend.

Manipulation in relationships between men and women

Manipulation is the most common phenomenon. Someone is trying to manipulate us, and someone is trying to manipulate us. Most people experience manipulation all the time in their daily lives without even noticing it.

Manipulation is always a hidden influence. Because open influence- this is no longer manipulation, it is simply influence. This could be an attempt to negotiate, convince, or intimidate. And manipulation is always hidden, this is its essence, the main criterion.

"Manipulation is hidden psychological impact for the purpose of obtaining benefits by the author of the manipulation.”

Necessarily hidden and necessarily obtaining benefits.

How manipulation works

Usually the manipulator acts through our emotions. As a rule, there are no other options. We cannot be physically influenced in a hidden way. Only through our emotions. That is, the manipulator, with the help of words or hints, creates such a state in the listener that he becomes uncomfortable. The manipulator in him evokes some feelings, for example, a feeling of guilt, a feeling of fear. The manipulator hints with some words, draws a certain image, and because of this the person experiences some negative feelings. And since we don’t like to stay in negative feelings- we want to get rid of them. How can you get rid of it? We do something that this manipulator needs, he seems to guide us. And as a result, our negative feeling goes away.

But if we openly want something from another person, then it will either be an order, or a discussion, or an argument - that’s all open methods impact. Generally speaking, they can be called beliefs.

Persuasion is an open psychological influence using emotions and logic to convince the interlocutor of something.

I want to convince you of something, for this I use words, emotions, and wave my hands, for example. Open. You see it. And, accordingly, you can agree with me or not.

There are seven types of basic manipulations. Let's sort them out. And when you listen, remember when you use them (I’ll say right away, we all use them). We use manipulation all the time. And when they were used on you, remember.

Manipulation of love. “You love me, but how much? How else? And if you love me, give me this.” Or: “If you love me, then you will do this.” This is the binding of love to an action that is beneficial to you. A person is forced to do it if he wants to show that he loves you. It turns out that love is a kind of commodity that, if necessary, can be exchanged for services or money. “Since you love me, then do this. If you don’t do it, it means you don’t love me.”

Manipulation of feelings of guilt, I talked about them. Often used by women in relation to men. But in fact, women are most often manipulated. That is, women are “driven” into a feeling of guilt, and then they get something out of it. For example, they can get sex. “Well, ungrateful one, you and I have been dating for so long, I take you to restaurants, but you can’t even do such nonsense for me... You behave like this... You see, I love you so much, and you...” With these words, a man tries to make a woman feel guilty. And then, out of guilt, she goes to bed with him. How does the woman feel? She wants to get rid of the feeling of guilt, and for her to do what the manipulator asks, she does it.

Women can manipulate men's sense of responsibility. If a man is serious, for example, in front of his woman. “You sit at work for a long time, and I can’t do anything without you.” The sense of responsibility puts pressure. Often in this way women try to tie a man to themselves and keep the marriage. “You are abandoning us, but we have children together. What will happen to the children? Or: “You’ll go away and leave me alone with the children.” This woman is pressed by a sense of responsibility. Many families survive precisely on the fact that the man does not see the possibility of leaving his wife.

Don't quit, quit, actually. Because irresponsible men leave, and they have no problems with it. He just goes to his mistress, he doesn’t care, the grass won’t grow, even though she has 30 children left. But leaving for some reason that is compelling for a man - this already applies to responsible men, and often they cannot do this. Because the wife manipulates the children, either with her health or in other ways. In the long term, this does not lead to anything good, but many people use it.

You may object: “If you don’t use manipulation, then how to keep a man in the family if he decides to leave?” Or how to keep him from cheating if you feel that he is carried away by another woman? As a psychologist and a man, I do not recommend that you use manipulation and intimidation. This will completely ruin your relationship. There are other methods that you can use to protect your man from sexual influence another woman and strengthen your family.

You will learn about these methods and the reasons why a man can cheat in the video course “How to protect a relationship from your mistress.”

Love, family, life - X factor

Sexual manipulation of a man. Types of sexual manipulation

Women - ALL, to a much greater extent than men, have acting abilities that are natural and a necessary condition living in society in general, and in personal relationships of people in particular.

But, naturally, each of the women has her own role - she plays, basically, those roles or the role that suits her best in terms of her internal and external properties.

Here are the most common roles women use for sexual manipulation of men:

Women's roles as sexual manipulation by men

Sexual manipulation by a man: “A real woman”

This sexual manipulation by a man is used by EVERY woman at least once in her life - before getting married.

In fact, EVERY bride diligently pretends to be “ A real woman"for your chosen one. After all, the stakes of this manipulation are very high - a woman needs to make this man hers - to marry him.

As a rule, if in fact this woman is not a Woman in her essence, but, excuse me, just a woman, and even if her chosen one is not the same man, this woman, after successful sexual manipulation by a man, returns to her roots - becomes a woman.

Sexual manipulation of a man: "Blonde"

The woman plays the role of the stupid one, BUT adorable sheep, which, well, can’t do without a strong, smart, etc. man nearby.

This manipulation of a man is built on his eternal desire for a man to feel like a “Real Man.” Even if only in the eyes of one single woman.

Sexual manipulation of a man: “Mommy”

This manipulation by a man is based on the desire of many men to relax - to feel like a child again.

This desire is especially characteristic of those men who, in childhood, were subjected to educational pressure from their mother. A woman, manipulating such a man, literally builds a relationship with him according to the “mother-child” principle.

Well, if someone - both a woman and a man - likes it - as they say: Their problem.

Sexual manipulation of a man: “Boss”

This manipulation by a man is built on the previous principle of “Mommy”, only the woman already shows one side of motherhood: a hard or, less often, a soft order.

If in the previous case a woman, like a mother, could be condescending and affectionate towards a man-child, then here she says harshly: Do what I told you, otherwise you will be punished.

It is clear that such manipulation is suitable for women and men with sadomasochistic sexual tendencies.

Sexual manipulation of a man: “Keeper of the Hearth”

This sexual manipulation of a man is based on creating in his brain the idea that he cannot live a day without THIS woman.

Who, without her, will take care of him: feed him, clothe him, maintain the house - run the household? And, importantly, who will take care of the children?

Agree, it is a VERY common manipulation by a man. Many wives, through life, thus keep their husbands to themselves.

BUT, everything can end in an instant, only a man will see that there are women, more often, a specific woman who can provide him with a better family home.

Yes, also, she has a younger body and in sex she looks more interesting, naturally. And it turns out that they have a long-forgotten love, like love.

Sexual manipulation by a man: “I am your victim”

This manipulation of a man is based on creating a stable thought in his mind: For my sake, THIS woman has endured and is enduring SO many hardships and hardships in life.

Because of me, she was unable to continue her studies, because of me, she lives on my miserable salary, but she could have married a rich, more worthy man. Because of me, she suffered, giving birth to MY children. And so on, in that spirit.

Agree, it is a very common manipulation of men in many families.

What is typical, and sex, with such manipulation by a man, is presented to him as a sacrifice on the part of a woman: If you didn’t need it, I wouldn’t suffer so much having sex with you.

Sexual manipulation by a man: “I’m hysterical”

Everything is very simple here: sexual manipulation by a man is based on the fact that if a man does not do this and that, in accordance with the desires of a woman, then she will throw a hysterical scandal at him.

IN in this case In order for this manipulation of a man to be possible, it is necessary to strongly, first, tie him to yourself. How?

There are many ways, but most often it is a man’s love for his children, his inability to get away from this woman, or a strong sexual attachment to this woman.

Well, there are, of course, masochistic men who get a kick out of a woman’s hysterical behavior.

Of course, these are the main and most common ways women do to manipulate a man. I emphasize that this is all sexual manipulation by a man.

For, even if a man and a woman are not aware of their sexual underpinnings and, even if their sex life not very prosperous, or is fading away, but the basic instinct rules here.

Even if it manifests itself in a form that is not entirely adequate.

What do you think: Sexual manipulation by a man, in one form or another, takes place in a man-woman relationship?

Friends, I decided to remove this article from the site. It was written a long time ago and there really was a lot in it. controversial issues. Today I decided to re-read it and there were a lot of things I didn’t like. I mixed a lot of things into one pile then, some ideas were quite good, some were not needed at all. Now I would write it completely differently and maybe one day I will do it.

This means that one loves less, is less interested in relationships, values himself higher and is ready to show his partner the door at any moment (in your place there would be two hundred), does what is convenient for him and what he wants. The second one loves more, relationships are of great value to him, he depends on the assessment of his partner’s praise, adapts to his desires (and suddenly gets angry and leaves). Sorry, but this relationship is pregnant with abuse! One partner is psychologically dependent, and he will be called more a nice word“follower”, or will become a classic victim - left at the mercy of the dominant. You said this yourself, comparing it with the child-parent or boss-subordinate relationship. If you get an idiot parent or a tyrant boss, you will be tormented and humiliated. If you find someone who is wise and kind, you will be happy. It is especially bad for a child - he does not choose at all, and simply endures violence, thinking that this is how it should be. There is no need to invite adults of any gender to put themselves in the position of a child or subordinate. More often than not, this ends badly.

Thanks for your comment, Anna. Yes, the article describes extremes. I am still in favor of dominance being more adequate and closer to balance. When one is completely dependent on the other, that’s also not good, you’re right here.

A very correct article, you can also add that in a relationship there should be no arrogance and pride, no one should put themselves above the partners, in a relationship a man should lead a woman like a partner in a dance, life is like a dance, and a man leads as he partner, and she should relax and have fun

I absolutely disagree with the article. Main mistake the author, what he immediately says is “better” and what all women “love”. You never need to put everyone on the same page. It is immediately clear that the author is illiterate and illogical. I can bring you to my personal example, I am a leader and dominant in everything, including sex. I am attracted only to modest, timid men with a gentle character. My husband openly recognizes my leadership, his self-esteem does not suffer from this. We are very happy in this relationship, we have mutual respect and love, he wonderful person. And the author’s subjective opinion about ALL women is offensive and discriminatory. I do not rule out that many women are looking for a model of relationships, which is presented here as the “only correct one”; these are usually weak, dependent, insecure women, without self-esteem, who were brought up in conditions of patriarchy. And he won’t fuss, this model of relationships is beneficial to men on all sides, hence such intrusive propaganda. It is not surprising that the author is also a man who belittles women. This is still unfortunately common in the CIS countries, but in Europe and the USA relations have long moved to a new level and there is much less discrimination against women there.

Elizabeth, there are still people who like to be beaten or strangled, but these are rather exceptions, just like your case. And the desire for a man to be “taller, stronger, smarter” is not only characteristic of downtrodden, dependent and insecure women. There are very few women who would choose a man who is shorter, has less money, is stupider, is too soft, etc. regardless of their social status and independence (if you have a choice, of course). More precisely, sometimes they can choose to be worse than themselves in something, if in other respects this is compensated by the man being taller. Moreover, for women who have achieved a lot, this becomes a problem, because their level is quite high, and they want a partner at least at the same level, or better yet, higher. Those who are lower do not catch on. And the choice of such men is much smaller. And these are not my fantasies, alas.

As for Europe and the USA, I have familiar colleagues and quite a few clients from different countries Europe. There were a few from the USA, Canada and even a couple of people from Australia. Not everything there is as fabulous as it seems to you from here. But I won’t try to convince you, I don’t need it. Thank you for your opinion and in the future I ask you to be more polite when expressing your point of view, otherwise I will simply ban you.

From personal experience I’ll say, I’ve never been attracted to girls who don’t value and respect themselves.

If a woman is not a fool, she will never endure.

The whole article is reminiscent of the “Dominate, Conquer, Humiliate” manual. IMHO.

My dad always told me that a man should be strong, brave, and fair. Don't give in to difficulties. Appreciate your family. To love your woman, to be her support, wall and protection. Respect her and listen to her needs.

Respect should be one of the main points in the family. Therefore, the section “You can dominate in two ways: by rising above your partner or by lowering your partner below you.” For me it’s wild, I’ll be honest.

Putting down your loved one and asserting yourself at the expense of a girl in order to feel dominant is not masculine, it seems to me.

Increasing your self-esteem at the expense of the weak, you will not become stronger, but will sink even further.

Yeah, I don’t like the option about “lowering the value of another person in order to be higher.” Nevertheless, it exists and I wrote about it. I am not saying that it is necessary and correct to do this, that it is good. I wrote that this also happens.

Also, please note that the importance of another is not lowered in order to become stronger - this is not required. It is enough for its significance to be higher.

I don’t understand why its importance should be higher?

For me, relationships and family are a union of partners of equal importance (if everything is reasonable).

I believe that if one of the partners is more valuable or significant, then this is somehow unfair and ugly in relation to the other. A priori, all people are different and manifest themselves in relationships differently. The distribution of roles “dominant” and “slave” is not always appropriate, but again IMHO.

And besides, I have many friends who, to be honest, cannot be called alpha males/dominants. They are all in relationships and happy with their halves (what I mean is that there are no comrades according to taste and color. There is a demand for everyone)

Therefore, in my personal opinion, you need to be yourself and honest with your woman. There is no need to try to impersonate someone or exaggerate your importance; at the very least, it looks stupid.

It's not worth portraying. It's better to upgrade yourself.

As for your friends - if their level is higher than their women - that's enough. You don’t have to be some kind of super alpha, it’s enough to be taller (smarter, stronger) than a particular woman.

As for equality, it would be very good, but still usually not achievable, precisely because people are different. As I wrote at the very beginning of the article, even if it’s you and your friend, one of the two will still be more important. This does not mean at all that the other will somehow humiliate him or elevate him on purpose. But it will be more important, even if just a little and almost imperceptibly. But in general, after for a long time Yesterday I re-read the article and decided to remove it - I mixed a lot of things into a pile then. It would be necessary to rewrite it properly, but this topic is not particularly interesting to me at the moment.

Greetings!! It was a great article! Even if in extremes, but it helped me a lot, I send it to the Author sincere gratitude!) I sent it to girls who put my importance and the importance of my communication with her above her own interests. As a result, they experienced dependence, suffering, etc., and after reading this article they sobered up a little and at least mentally understood what was what

I even saved the page in the tabs, @Alex, I understand that for my sake alone you will not update the text of the article, although it was really high-quality and working material. In general, I would be grateful if you somehow send me the original text. or by mail: [email protected]

Ps: for personal purposes only,

Hi Alex! You had an excellent article about dominance... I personally re-read it at least 20 times and I’ll be honest, it once opened my eyes very wide, for which I am endlessly grateful to you... Really, Thank you. I gave it to many of my friends and recommended them to read! It’s a pity that you removed it from the blog, I decided to go and read it again, but alas... I hope this was not contributed to by the comments of people who “didn’t like” this article... As I noticed, there was a lot of controversy here, in the comments...

Hi, Max! I removed the article after I re-read it myself many years later. I guess my level is just different now and I saw a lot of nonsense there. Also, many things should be described differently, but now I see them more deeply. In general, it is worth rewriting it.

We will be waiting for a portion of new thoughts... Good luck and inspiration to you!

Each couple is unique, has its own ideal form, meanings, goals and values. Moreover, the form and meaning of each couple change over time, relationships and balance are transformed, and the balance of power often changes during the life cycle of the family. It is impossible to single out a single role model of relationships that is true for everyone and would be universal.

First, let's understand what we mean by a strong relationship. A couple is a dynamic structure, not formed once and for all and cemented in a fragile balance. According to psychologist and abundance consultant Pauline Arens, the strength of a relationship is determined by the balance of investments, in other words, a couple will be stable as long as both partners are equally interested in the relationship and regularly invest their time, energy, emotions and finances in approximately equal proportions into a relationship.

What causes harmony in relationships to be disrupted?

In psychology, this situation in a relationship is called the “paradox of passion,” in which the importance of each partner determines how harmonious and strong the couple will be.

This theory is based on psychologist Kurt Lewin's idea of field theory. According to this theory, we are all part of the same energy field, and objects or persons of high significance to us are also part of our own energy field. If we talk about the energy field of a couple, we can say that it will be stable only if both partners are of equal importance, otherwise the same imbalance will occur in which the weaker partner wants to return the attention and love of the stronger one.

Passive aggression or manipulation

Feeling that he is being pressured and manipulated, the strong man experiences both guilt and irritation towards his once adored lover. There is a desire to both free yourself from this pressure and at the same time continue to meet the expectations of your partner. It is this paradox that explains the temporary improvement in relationships after dramatic quarrels and all kinds of manipulative techniques. But irritation only accumulates and will very soon burst out at the most inopportune moment. A strong partner will leave sooner or later, and the self-esteem of a weak one will be completely destroyed.

So, we are faced with the question: how to build strong and harmonious relationships without manipulation?

Firstly, never forget about the free will of the one who is next to you, because harmonious relationships are possible only when both partners grow and develop in them.