Help troubled teenagers. Difficult vulnerable teenagers behavior. Forms of deviant behavior

09.04.2019

When small, these children are very cute. He was a wonderful, pleasant baby, very gentle and vulnerable. Those. impressionable and extremely nervous. Such children, especially boys, are very sensitive to rejection, their skin is so thin that you can literally see through it.
It is easy to offend them, anger appears in response to the offense, and such children and adolescents begin to hurt people, more often emotional, but sometimes physical. These boys are almost always terribly stubborn. Since childhood, such boys cannot do anything just like that, they always had to perform a little first. They always have fits of anger, which when wrong upbringing will lead to adolescence to very big problems at school and with the law.

It should be remembered that the teenager is seething puberty, it is loaded with hormones that make it grow and change the entire contents of a teenager. Growing up is painful, most of the time it seems to a teenager that his life has become unmanageable and he feels unhappy.
Parents need to take into account that the teenagers' heads are not all right. You need to treat the anger of the undergrowth as a delirium of a madman.
Teenagers often do things that are just plain stupid. The adolescent's reasoning is vague, it often explodes, and he has trouble managing his emotions. It is difficult for him to weigh the situation and take into account the risk.
Vulnerable adolescents have a core personality: intelligent, stubborn, sensitive. The task of parents is to teach a vulnerable teenager to use these qualities so as not to harm themselves or others. It is especially difficult that he is stubborn and if the parents establish any rules, such a teenager will fight them with all his might.
A vulnerable, difficult teenager communicates with parents using intimidation, hatred, and regularly exhausting them emotionally. Perhaps he can hatch a plan of physical influence in his thoughts. Such a boy considers himself a rebel (for no reason) and cool.

Usually, in families with such vulnerable difficult teenagers there are many quarrels, and everyone, both parents and children, is shouting. Nobody gives in. Disappointment and fear turn any parent into a beast. Parents need to change their behavior and not turn away from the child under the pretext that he has changed too much and this is not your boy. He remains the same boy he was, it's just harder to see behind teenage frenzy now. It's just that this child needs help to get out of trouble, he himself cannot yet.

First, select only one thing in his behavior that you want to fix. For example, he stopped being rude and there would be less quarrels in the house, and then start to lead what is happening in the family and show willpower. Seek every opportunity to show your teen that they are loved and will be there when they need help. At the same time, do not make his problems your own.
The most important thing that can be done when faced with a hurricane of anger and abomination is not to let yourself become limp, offended and complaining.
Stop, assess what is happening and do not give up, if you have to take drastic measures, then feel free to get down to business.
Tell your teen that you love him every time you get the chance, but that you won't tolerate his terrible behavior.
A temporary stay in a family shelter may seem like a last resort, but it is better than a stay in a prison or hospital.
The return home or the length of stay at home depends on how well your child follows the rules.

The adolescent period is one of the most interesting and difficult in the development of personality. Difficult both for the teenager himself and for his parents. Perhaps, for parents even more, because they have to not only accept the child's metamorphoses, but also help him overcome their negative influence, as well as rebuild the nature of relationships with the outside world.

The problem for parents is that they have forgotten that they were also once at this age and may have experienced similar problems and that they are not trying to understand their grown child.

Transitional age

Adolescence is divided into three stages:
Early adolescence: 10-11 to 14 years of age
Medium: 14 to 16-17 years old
Late: 16-17 years old to adulthood

The transitional age is the time of puberty with the final formation of secondary sexual characteristics. For different adolescents, this period can begin at different time... In girls, transitional age usually occurs a little earlier than in boys. Basically, the transitional age begins at 11-12-13 years old. During this time, many girls start menstruating and boys ejaculate. The child has abrupt change moods, irritability, anxiety, stubbornness, he wants to spend more time among his peers, there may be difficulties in school, etc. Parents should definitely take into account these natural physical and psychological changes. Various conflict situations may occur much more often than before, and your child may experience them more strongly than before. If parents begin to contribute to the emergence of a conflict, often reproach the child, show their dissatisfaction, this will only aggravate the situation.

It is noted that the transitional age is more difficult for the only children in the family. This age period difficult for both parents and children, but no one can say for sure how difficult it will be specifically for you. If you do not show proper patience, the child may develop neurosis. As a rule, by the age of 15, the situation is getting better.

The difficult task of educating teenagers: to love and appreciate them, even as prickly as they are now.

Raising adolescents is perhaps the most difficult task to be decided by the parents. Features of adolescence: a growing desire for independence, a sense of adulthood, a desire for independence and self-expression, the advantage of the authority of peers over the authority of adults - make teenagers rebel against literally everything. Naturally, it is not easy for parents, who until recently were the main ones in the life of their children, to accept such changes.

Difficulties in parenting a teenager

From 11 to 18 years old they become boys and girls. In physical and mental state adolescent, changes are taking place that require a lot of patience and understanding of others and loved ones.

A teenager is characterized by a critical perception of reality.
New idols appear in his life.
The teenager's mood often changes.
Financial requirements are increasing.
An opinion appears in the assessment of a partner and in matters of choosing a profession.

In extreme cases, a painful addiction to drugs, anorexia, or a tendency to criminal activity may occur.

Are there problems in raising all adolescents?

What difficulties a teenager will have during puberty depends on many factors: character, temperament, relationship with parents, etc. If from childhood the relationship between the child and the parents was close and trusting, then it is easier for parents to keep them even in a difficult adolescence... The more democratic the relationship between parents and their child, the more more likely that he will not reject them or move away. Parents who try to convince their child from childhood that they are perfect and worthy of imitation will most likely be mercilessly deposed from a pedestal created by themselves. The teenager begins to openly conflict with his mother or father, discuss the style of their upbringing, often without avoiding harsh criticism. He has a sense of his own strength and significance.

How to deal with adolescent problems?

Parents need to be patient, loving, and reassure their teen that they can always count on their help and support. You should not be offended by your child if he begins to trust a stranger more, tries to imitate him and follow his example. The fact is that the bond of a child with his father and mother from an emotional point of view is always much more complicated than relations with other people. Of course, puberty is temporary, but you need to take it seriously and try to understand your child. Otherwise, the teenager will feel lonely and unnecessary. The consequences of such experiences can lead to adolescent suicide. Therefore, if a child threatens to commit suicide, in no case should you ignore such conversations, let alone laugh. You must watch him closely. Perhaps he is really disappointed in life and feels very unhappy. Since parents usually consider their parenting methods to be correct, unexpected criticism of the child unsettles them. It seems to them that their child is ungrateful and wrong. Nevertheless, it is necessary to try to accept criticism in any form, without interrupting the conversation with the emotionally-minded teenager. It is very important to be patient and try to calmly state your opinion, then the children may be able to understand the parents, their position and even agree with it.

Parents should not impose their opinions on their children. Young people must make their own decisions and make their own choices, parents can only help them.

During puberty, a teenager may have serious problems, for example, communication difficulties, alcohol, drug abuse, etc. If parents feel that their children are in real danger and no amount of talking is helping, they should contact a teen psychiatrist, psychologist or school psychologist.

Features of the development of adolescents

In the process of raising a teenager, parents can be alerted by many moments - parents begin to worry. But there is no need to be afraid of the ordinary things that are normal development adolescent (both physiological and mental):

Physiological development of a teenager

Puberty: in girls - the onset of menstruation, in boys - emission.
Rapid growth and noticeable external changes: girls - female body shapes, boys - beard growth, voice mutation.

Mental development of a teenager

A state of anxiety and a thirst for new experiences.
Awareness self-worth and the desire for self-affirmation.
Search for examples to follow.
Making new friends, critical attitude towards adults.
Frequent mood swings.
Excessive sensitivity.
Dreaminess.
Desire to establish a relationship with the opposite sex.
Excessive independence in decision making.

How to raise a teenager

During adolescence, children progress very much. There are certainly many crises to go through, but ultimately your child will become an independent, responsible, outgoing young adult.

So, we recommend that you remember the motto of many parents of teenagers: We go through this together, and we will get out of this - together! This principle can be deciphered. Actually, this article is like a map by which you can navigate while raising a teenager.

Self-preparation

Do not let it go by itself. Parents who know what to expect do a much better job. And the more you know, the easier it will be for you.

Here's what can really help:

Explore online resources and books about teens.

Think back to your own teenage years. Remember how you fought acne, talked with peers, perceived your puberty.

Expect changes in your child's mood. Get ready for possible conflicts because the child is trying to become an adult.

Preparing your child

Better to start talking about upcoming changes in advance. For example, talking about menstruation after it has already begun is not very relevant. Children worry about the differences between boys and girls, where they come from, and so on. Do not overload them with unnecessary information - only answer questions.

Well, what to say - you know your child. When you notice that your child starts joking about gender or when the focus on secondary sex characteristics increases. It - good time to get in with your own questions like:
Do you notice any changes in your body?
Do you have any strange feelings?
Does it sometimes seem like an unreasonable sadness?

A yearly visit to the doctor is also a good time to raise these issues. The doctor can tell your pre-adolescent child - and you - what to expect over the next few years. A visit to the doctor can serve as a starting point for a good discussion of maturation.

Note that the longer you wait to have this discussion, the more likely your child is to form misconceptions or become confused or intimidated by physical and emotional changes.

Also, the earlier you open lines of communication, the better chance you have of keeping them open throughout adolescence. Give your child your own children's puberty books written for kids going through this. Share your memories of your own youth. There is nothing better than knowing that mom or dad went through it.

Try to help the child, but do it at ease.

How to talk to teens?

Of course, dealing with teenagers is not easy. But to back down and just try to communicate less, fearing rudeness and mistrust, is much worse. Conversations are one of the methods when the upbringing process can take place unobtrusively but effectively.

First of all, remember that in the conversation you do not need to touch (from the critical side) the appearance of the child: for the tenth time, dyed hair, ripped jeans and other things to which children of this age are extremely painful. This is their style, a means of self-expression, and so far nothing can be done about it. There are more important and interesting topics for conversation.

Do you want to talk? Cheat. Start a conversation in between, on the road, in the car, when you cook dinner. This way you will avoid the natural alertness caused by seriously spoken phrases such as: "We need to talk seriously." Do not pressure your teenager, speak softly and kindly. If maintaining trust is really important to you, don't lecture. It is better to try together to speculate on a topic that worries you in the future tense: "What if ...?" Parenting is not giving out ready-made options behavior and response. Invite your child to think and find options for action in certain situations on their own, tell something from your personal experience.

Respect each other. But be firm in the points that you think are important that relate to the health and safety of your child. Never try to prove something to a teenager if you see that he is angry, tired, or simply not ready to calmly discuss the problem. Let him cool down and recover. Don't go up to high tones yourself. Demanding respect for yourself is fair if you yourself treat your teen with respect and warmth.

What else do parents need to remember?

What matters is the amount of time and effort parents spend on upbringing. Extremes, as in any business, are unnecessary here. Situations when a child becomes the only meaning life, or vice versa, for his upbringing are accepted in case serious problems, as a rule, do not contribute to the formation of a responsible harmonious personality.

Parents, on whose shoulders the upbringing of adolescents, it is important to be adequate, flexible and capable of accepting and predicting the development of events.

They must see and understand the peculiarities of adolescence in their child, feel the changes taking place in his soul.

At the same time, the upbringing of adolescents must adapt to his individual growing up, adapt to changes in the family and its environment. Parents must accept the existence of other points of view, possibly different from their own.

And it is important to remember that hanging labels on any children: "bully", "bandit", "lazy" does not have the expected useful effect, but has a completely opposite effect. Hooligan? Well, I will be a bully! .. And gradually the child loses confidence in his own possibilities for correction and begins to confirm all the words said about him.

At first glance, it may seem that all the features of adolescence contribute to the separation of the child from the family, but this is only at first glance. Teenagers have a very strong need emotional contact and confidential close communication with parents. Very important emotional background families. An atmosphere of love and mutual respect will help to overcome many difficulties and depression. Do not hide your feelings, more often tell your recently quite babies, and now teenagers, how you love and appreciate them, even such prickly ones as they are. And they will surely reciprocate you.

Parenting adolescents

The ages from 14 to 16 years old is considered the most difficult in raising children, since this is the period of puberty, when hormonal, psychological, and social problems... The adolescence period is difficult not only for parents, but also for teenagers themselves. The task of parents is to make it as easy as possible for a child to pass such a difficult but necessary stage of growing up.

This must be done tactfully, respectfully, it is in adolescence that children begin to take drugs, leave home, join extremist groups, and fall into sects. Behind each such "splash" there is a child who did not find understanding at home among the closest people.

The first thing that parents need to pay attention to and take this into account when communicating with adolescents is that hormonal changes produce the majority adolescent problems... Rapid growth, changes in the body, almost obligatory dystonia lead to mood swings, fever, irritability, gratuitous tears, lethargy, increased appetite... These manifestations will go away by themselves as soon as it ends active growth, by the age of 18-19.

The second is psychological changes. The child constantly rejects everything that his parents offer him, and actively accepts everything that his friends and musical idols offer him. Moreover, this applies to everything: from the choice of clothing style and musical preferences to the nature of food, slang, gait and life aspirations. Parents should take into account that if a teenager wants to go to the cinema or bowling, but his parents offered him such leisure, the teenager will refuse. Even if he really wants to, he dreamed of watching a film, and then he will worry, cry, but he won't go.

This is necessary for the teenager himself: in order to become an adult, he must completely break away from his parents, therefore, all parenting is accepted with hostility. If you need to conduct an educational and moralizing conversation, then it is better to turn to your friends who have a child a little older (20-22 years old). Those few phrases that he throws at the table at a party with a casual smile will be remembered by your teenager better than hours of boring parenting lectures.

In the period of 14-16 years, adolescents try to protect their personal and internal life from outside interference as much as possible. Ideally, if the child has his own room, which you can arrange to your liking and retire with a friend, and just lie down to listen to music. You can enter a teenager’s room only after knocking, especially for mom in son’s room, and for dad in daughter’s room.

Never come with cleaning - let the teenager himself clean up in his "den": dust, vacuum, sort things in the closet, etc. If the child is sure that in his absence no one touches things, does not shift, does not leaf through the diaries, both personal and educational, he will feel calmer at home, trust between parents and the child will increase.

If it is not possible to provide a teenager with a separate room, then you can buy him a small box or chest that will be locked with a key. This box can be used to store a personal diary, photographs, etc.

At times, it seems to parents that adolescence will never end, in fact, it flies by as quickly as the entire childhood of a child.

A few years will pass and parents will see that their teenager has turned from an ugly duckling into beautiful swan who, spreading his wings, leaves his nest.

Good luck to you, dear dads and mothers!

Comments:

Dmitry, let's clarify for clarity what the so-called. deviant behavior, the reasons for his behavior, etc.

So, on the one hand, this is an act, a person's actions that do not correspond to the officially established or actually established norms or standards in a given society, and on the other - social phenomenon, expressed in mass forms of human activity that do not correspond to the officially established or actually established norms or standards in a given society. Social control is a mechanism of social regulation, a set of means and methods of social impact, as well as the social practice of their use.

Under deviant(from Lat. deviatio - deviation) behavior modern sociology implies, on the one hand, an act, a person's actions that do not correspond to the officially established or actually established norms or standards in a given society, and on the other hand, a social phenomenon expressed in mass forms of human activity that do not correspond to the officially established or actually established in a given society norms or standards.

The starting point for understanding deviant behavior serves as the concept of social norms, which is understood as a limit, a measure of what is permissible (permitted or obligatory) in the behavior or activities of people, ensuring the preservation of the social system. Deviations from social norms may be:

positive, aimed at overcoming outdated norms or standards and associated with social creativity, contributing to qualitative changes in the social system;
negative - dysfunctional, disorganizing the social system and leading it to destruction, leading to deviant behavior.

Deviant behavior is a kind of social choice: when goals social behavior incommensurate with the real possibilities of achieving them, individuals can use other means to achieve their goals. For example, some individuals, in pursuit of illusory success, wealth or power, choose socially prohibited means, and sometimes illegal ones, and become either delinquent or criminals. Another type of deviation from the norms is open disobedience and protest, a demonstrative rejection of the values and standards accepted in society, characteristic of revolutionaries, terrorists, religious extremists and other similar groups of people who are actively fighting against the society within which they are.

In all these cases, deviation is the result of the inability or unwillingness of individuals to adapt to society and its requirements, in other words, it indicates a complete or relative failure of socialization.

Forms of deviant behavior

Deviant behavior is relative, because it is commensurate only with the cultural norms of a given group. For example, criminals consider extortion to be a normal form of earnings, but most of the population considers this behavior to be deviant. This also applies to some types of social behavior: in some societies they are considered deviant, in others they are not. In general, forms of deviant behavior usually include criminality, alcoholism, drug addiction, prostitution, gambling, mental disorder, suicide.

One of the recognized in modern sociology is the typology of deviant behavior, developed by R. Merton in line with the concept of deviation as a result of anomie, i.e. destruction process basic elements culture, primarily in the aspect of ethical standards.

Typology of deviant behavior Merton builds on the concept of deviation as a gap between cultural goals and socially approved ways of achieving them. Accordingly, he distinguishes four possible types deviation:

innovation, implying agreement with the goals of society and denial of generally accepted methods of achieving them (“innovators” include prostitutes, blackmailers, creators of “financial pyramids”, great scientists);
ritualism associated with the denial of the goals of a given society and an absurd exaggeration of the importance of ways to achieve them, for example, a bureaucrat requires that each document be carefully filled out, double checked, filed in four copies, but the main thing is forgotten - the goal;
retretism(or escape from reality), expressed in the rejection of both socially approved goals and the ways to achieve them (drunkards, drug addicts, homeless people, etc.);
riot, denying both goals and methods, but striving to replace them with new ones (revolutionaries striving for a radical breakdown of all social relations).

The only type of non-deviant behavior, Merton considers conformal, expressed in agreement with the goals and means of achieving them. Merton's typology emphasizes that deviation is not the product of an absolutely negative attitude towards generally accepted norms and standards. For example, a thief does not reject a socially acceptable goal - material well-being, he may aspire to her with the same zeal as a young man concerned with a career. The bureaucrat does not abandon the generally accepted rules of work, but he follows them too literally, reaching the point of absurdity. At the same time, both the thief and the bureaucrat are deviants.

Some reasons for deviant behavior are not social, but biopsychic. For example, an addiction to alcoholism, drug addiction, mental disorders can be transmitted from parents to children. In the sociology of deviant behavior, there are several directions that explain the reasons for its occurrence. So, Merton, using the concept of "anomie" (a state of society in which the old norms and values no longer correspond real relationships, and the new ones have not yet established themselves), he considered the inconsistency of the goals put forward by society and the means that it offers to achieve them as the cause of deviant behavior. Conflict theory argues that social patterns of behavior are deviant when they are based on norms of another culture. For example, a criminal is viewed as a carrier of a certain subculture, conflicting with respect to the type of culture prevailing in a given society. A number of modern domestic sociologists believe that the sources of deviation are social inequality in society, differences in the possibilities of meeting needs for different social groups.

Between various forms deviant behavior, there are relationships, with one negative phenomenon reinforcing another. For example, alcoholism contributes to increased hooliganism.

Marginalization is one of the reasons for deviations. The main sign of marginalization is the rupture of social ties, and in the "classical" version, economic and social connections and then spiritual. As characteristic feature social behavior of the marginalized can be called a decrease in the level of social expectations and social needs. The consequence of marginalization is the primitivization of certain segments of society, which manifests itself in production, everyday life, and spiritual life.

Another group of reasons for deviant behavior is associated with the spread of various kinds social pathology, in particular the growth mental illness, alcoholism, drug addiction, deterioration of the genetic fund of the population.

Vagrancy and begging that represent a special way of life (refusal to participate in socially useful labor, focus only on unearned income), received in recent times widespread among different types social deviations. Social danger social deviations of this kind consists in the fact that vagabonds and beggars often act as intermediaries in the distribution of drugs, commit theft and other crimes.

Deviant behavior in modern society has some peculiarities. This behavior is increasingly risky and rational. The main difference between deviants, consciously taking risks, and adventurers, is their reliance on professionalism, belief not in fate and chance, but in knowledge and a conscious choice. Deviant risk behavior contributes to self-actualization, self-realization and self-affirmation of the individual.

Often deviant behavior is associated with addiction, i.e. with the desire to avoid internal socio-psychological discomfort, to change their socio-mental state, characterized by internal struggle, intrapersonal conflict. Therefore, the deviant path is chosen primarily by those who do not have a legal opportunity for self-realization in the conditions of the prevailing social hierarchy, whose individuality is suppressed, personal aspirations are blocked. Such people cannot make a career, change their social status, using legitimate channels of social mobility, by virtue of which the generally accepted norms of order are considered unnatural and unfair.

If this or that type of deviation becomes stable, becomes the norm of behavior for many, society is obliged to reconsider the principles that stimulate deviant behavior, or to reassess social norms. Otherwise, behavior that was considered deviant may become normal. To prevent destructive deviation from becoming widespread, it is necessary:

expand access to legitimate ways to achieve success and advancement on the social ladder;
observe social equality before the law;
improve legislation, bringing it in line with new social realities;
strive for the adequacy of crime and punishment.

Deviant and delinquent behavior

Behavior that does not meet the requirements of social norms is called deviant(or deviating).

Illegal acts, misconduct and offenses are usually called delinquent behavior. For example, delinquent can include hooliganism, obscene language in a public place, participation in a fight and other actions that violate legal regulations but not yet a serious criminal offense. Delinquent behavior is a kind of deviant behavior.

Positive and negative deviations

Deviation (deviations), as a rule, are negative. For example, crime, alcoholism, drug addiction, suicide, prostitution, terrorism, etc. However, in some cases, it is also possible positive deviations, such as sharply individualized behavior characteristic of the original creative thinking, which can be assessed by society as "eccentricity", a deviation from the norm, but at the same time be socially useful. Asceticism, holiness, genius, innovation are signs of positive deviations.

There are two types of negative deviations:

deviations that are aimed at causing harm to others (various aggressive, illegal, criminal actions);
deviations that harm the person himself (alcoholism, suicide, drug addiction, etc.).

Reasons for deviant behavior

Earlier attempts were made to explain the reasons for deviant behavior on the basis of the biological characteristics of violators of the norms - specific physical traits, genetic abnormalities; based psychological characteristics - mental retardation, various problems mental nature. Wherein psychological mechanism the formation of the majority of deviations, addictive behavior was declared ( addiction- addiction), when a person seeks to escape from the complexities of real life, using alcohol, drugs, gambling. The result of addiction is the destruction of the personality.

Biological and psychological interpretations of the causes of deviation have not been unequivocally confirmed in science. More reliable conclusions sociological theories that consider the origin of deviation in a wider social context.

According to the concept disorientation, proposed by the French sociologist Emile Durkheim (1858-1917), social crises are fertile ground for deviations when there is a mismatch accepted norms and life experience a person and a state of anomie occurs - the absence of norms.

The American sociologist Robert Merton (1910-2003) believed that the reason for deviations is not the absence of norms, but the inability to follow them. Anomy - it is the gap between culturally prescribed goals and the availability of socially approved means to achieve them.

V modern culture the leading goals are considered to be success and wealth. But society does not provide all people with the legal means to achieve these goals. Therefore, a person has to either choose illegal means, or abandon the goal, replacing it with illusions of well-being (drugs, alcohol, etc.). Another variant of deviant behavior in such a situation is a rebellion against society, culture and established goals and means.

According to the theory stigmatization(or labeling) all people are prone to breaking norms, but those who are labeled as deviants become deviants. For example, a former criminal may abandon his criminal past, but others will perceive him as a criminal, avoid communicating with him, refuse to hire him, etc. As a result, he has only one option - to return to the criminal path.

Note that in modern world deviant behavior is most typical for young people as unstable and most vulnerable social group... In our country, youth alcoholism, drug addiction and crime are of particular concern. To combat these and other deviations, complex measures of social control are required.

Reasons for explaining deviant behavior

Deviance arises already in the process of primary socialization of a person. It is associated with the formation of motivation, social roles and statuses of a person in the past and present, which contradict each other. For example, the role of a student is not the same as that of a child. The motivational structure of a person is ambivalent; it contains both positive (conformal) and negative (deviant) motives for actions.

Social roles are constantly changing in the process of a person's life, enhancing either conformal or deviant motivations. The reason for this is the development of society, its values and norms. What was deviant becomes normal (conformal), and vice versa. For example, socialism, revolution, Bolsheviks, etc., motives and norms were deviant for tsarist Russia, and their carriers were punished with exile and imprisonment. After the victory of the Bolsheviks, the former deviant norms were recognized as normal. The collapse of Soviet society turned its norms and values back into deviant ones, which became the reason for a new deviant behavior of people in post-Soviet Russia.

Several versions are proposed to explain deviant behavior. V late XIX century, the theory of the Italian doctor Lambroso about genetic prerequisites for deviant behavior. "Criminal type", in his opinion, is the result of the degradation of people on early stages development. External signs of a deviant person: serving lower jaw, decreased sensitivity to pain, etc. In our time, the biological causes of deviant behavior include abnormalities of sex chromosomes or additional chromosomes.

Psychological the causes of deviation are called "dementia", "degeneration", "psychopathy", etc. For example, Freud discovered a type of person with an innate mental drive for destruction. Sexual deviation is allegedly associated with a deep fear of castration, etc.

Contagion The “bad” norms of the spiritual culture of representatives of the middle and upper strata from the lower strata are also considered to be the cause of deviant behavior. "Infection" occurs during communication "on the street", as a result of casual acquaintances. Some sociologists (Miller, Sellin) believe that the lower social strata have an increased willingness to take risks, thrills, etc.

Simultaneously influential groups treat people of the lower stratum as deviant, spreading to them isolated cases of their deviant behavior. For example, in modern Russia "persons of Caucasian nationality" are considered potential traders, thieves, criminals. Here we can also mention the influence of television, the annoying demonstration of scenes of deviant behavior.

The nebula of normative formulas of motivation guided by people in difficult situations- also the reason for deviant behavior. For example, the formulas “do your best,” “put the interests of society above your own,” etc., do not allow adequately motivating your actions in a specific situation. An active conformist will strive for ambitious motives and action projects, a passive one will reduce his efforts to the limit own peace of mind, and a person with conformist-deviant motivation will always find a loophole to justify his deviant behavior.

Social inequality - another major reason for deviant behavior. The fundamental needs of people are quite similar, and the possibilities to satisfy them are different for different social strata (rich and poor). In such conditions, the poor receive a "moral right" for deviant behavior towards the rich, expressed in various forms of expropriation of property. This theory, in particular, formed the ideological foundation of the revolutionary deviation of the Bolsheviks against the propertied classes: “rob the loot”, arrests of the propertied, forced labor, executions, the GULAG. In this deviation, there is a discrepancy between unrighteous goals (complete social equality) and unrighteous means (total violence).

Conflict between cultural norms this social group and society is also the cause of deviant behavior. The subculture of a student or army group, the lower stratum, gangs differ significantly in their interests, goals, values, on the one hand, and the possible means of their implementation, on the other hand. In the event of a collision in this place and in the given time- for example, on vacation - deviant behavior arises in relation to the cultural norms accepted in society.

The class essence of the state supposedly expressing the interests of the economically ruling class - important reason deviant behavior of both the state in relation to the oppressed classes, and the latter in relation to it. From the point of view of this conflictological theory, laws issued in the state protect, first of all, not the working people, but the bourgeoisie. The communists justified their negative attitude towards the bourgeois state by its oppressive nature.

Anomy - the cause of deviation, proposed by E. Durkheim in the analysis of the causes of suicide. It represents the devaluation of the cultural norms of a person, his worldview, mentality, conscience as a result of the revolutionary development of society. People, on the one hand, lose their orientation, and on the other hand, adherence to the old cultural norms does not lead to the realization of their needs. This happened with Soviet norms after the collapse of Soviet society. Overnight, millions of Soviet people became Russians living in the "jungle of wild capitalism," where "man is a wolf to man," where there is competition, explained by social Darwinism. In such conditions, some (conformists) adapt, while others become deviants up to criminals and suicides.

An important cause of deviant behavior is social (including warriors), man-made and natural disasters. They disrupt the psyche of people, increase social inequality, cause disorganization of law enforcement agencies, which becomes objective reason deviant behavior of many people. For example, one can recall the consequences of our protracted armed conflict in Chechnya, Chernobyl, and the earthquake.

How to make (I don’t know how to say - teach, it’s too late to teach) a child to keep order in his room? And observe body hygiene?

The girl is 17 years old. Not stupid, she reads a lot, does needlework, she studies averagely at school, I'm happy.

But order and hygiene do not consider this important. This is in last place for her. The family is prosperous, but not complete. Financial wealth, everything is.

How to make her help around the house, in the kitchen, etc ...

Alina, your problem is universal, many mothers of adult children complain about this. Shouting and reading lectures is useless, it has the opposite or temporary effect. Probably, you should be patient and look for an approach. One mom I know found this way. He asks his son to get out, waits a little. If there is no result, she simply turns the boxes on the floor, collects everything in a large bag and puts it in the hallway. The educational effect is amazing. The child, of course, gets offended, tries to find something in the package, but soon realizes that it is impossible, and puts everything on the shelves. Then order is restored for a long time. In a word, it works! It is also important to pray for children, the Lord will control everything, He is our best educator

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These people do not take anyone's opinion into account, they are rude and rude to their loved ones, they listen to intolerable music and dress without reckoning with They have problems not only in study and communication, but also with drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex. These people never regret their deeds and can bring normal to them. They are difficult teenagers.

Unfortunately, now many families know firsthand what it is. The upbringing of difficult adolescents is complicated by the fact that they do not want to listen to parents, teachers and simply not indifferent people. Morality and pathetic attempts to influence such children end in failure and do not bring any results. Difficult teenagers have their own opinion about everything, they are not familiar with the feeling of shame, and they only reckon with their desires. Unfortunately, they control their parents, and not vice versa, as it should be in the civilized world. But until recently, these children were the pride and support of their parents, they were loving and kind, fair and honest. Why is this happening in their lives and what kind of work with difficult teenagers can bring at least some results?

Parents often do not think that it is they who are responsible for the fact that their nice and sweet child suddenly turned into an immoral creature. Difficult teenagers become such, first of all, because of mistakes in their upbringing. When parents, making demands on the child, rush to one extreme or another. That is, they either allow a lot and do not require anything, or, on the contrary, allow little, but require a lot. In addition, parents should understand that they need to communicate with the child commensurate with his age. You should not consider him constantly small and not understanding anything or an adult with life experience.

Often moms and dads, in pursuit of material well-being, forget about warmth and friendly relations the child is waiting for. In this case, he has no choice but to give a damn about everyone and everything. It is imperative that you be consistent in your upbringing. The family should have clear rules for praise and censure. And mom and dad ideally promote one model of upbringing, and do not each pull the blanket in their own direction.

Difficult teenagers want to get parental attention, which they were deprived of or, on the contrary, received so much that now they are all little and little. These children show with all their appearance and behavior that they have the right to their own opinion and

You can not surround children with excessive attention and make them family idols, as well as not devote time to them at all, welcome polite cool relations in the family. Often difficult teenagers turn away from the whole world due to constant conflicts at home, parents in in this case cannot find among themselves, they are constantly dissatisfied with each other.

Children are mirrors parenting mistakes... Dragging a child to a psychologist and hoping that he will cope with the problem on his own is pointless. You need to realize your mistakes and tune in joint work to restore normal, friendly and respectful relationship with kids. In no case should the entire responsibility for the complex behavior of the child be shifted to him alone. It is often very difficult to force yourself to believe that your son or your daughter has become unsociable boors because of your mistakes. But once you manage to do it, professional psychologist will be able to save not only a teenager, but also your entire family. Be sure to contact a professional, do not hope that your exhortations and moral admonitions will be able to change something. It is the model of family relationships that needs to be fundamentally changed, and then communication between parents and children can become sincere, sincere and honest.

Difficult teenagers - they fall out of generally accepted norms, live by their own laws, are inconvenient to those around them. Their behavior discourages full upbringing... What if your child has become like this? How can parents influence the situation?

If the teenager has become uncontrollable and aggressive, then the parents should realize that the child:

out of their power;
matured as a person;
can be responsible for themselves and their actions.

And the time has come to rebuild both the parents and the child. This will help build new trusting relationships with a difficult teenager, affect his uncontrollability and character.

To solve a problem is to understand its cause.

The origins of adolescent uncontrollability and aggression are not in his difficult nature (at this age physical development ahead of the personal, there is a search for oneself), and in:

uncomfortable family environment (parents shout, swear, reproach or are completely indifferent to each other, inconsistent in their actions);
lack of attention and love from parents;
copying the behavior of parents with a sincere misunderstanding: “Why they can, but he can’t ...”;
desire to assert themselves (protest against parental guardianship and authority);
desire to take revenge (for grudges against parents);
lack of faith in yourself and your success.

By his behavior, the teenager is trying to attract attention to himself.

And parents need to pay attention to their reaction to disobedience and aggression of the child:

you get annoyed when a child fights for your attention;
you get angry when a child rejects your will;
you are offended when the child takes revenge;
you are in despair when the child in himself experiences his own trouble.

Your senses are a mirror emotional problems teenager. Understanding her through your feelings, try to establish a trusting relationship with him, help him return to the social framework. Remember that a child's uncontrollability is open way behavior that allows parents to influence and help the teenager.

Tips for Parents of Unruly Difficult Teens

1. Do not treat adolescents in a directive way (directions, remarks, concerns), but use metaphors and comparisons that do not hurt the child.

2. Be always delicate with the teenager: do not be indignant (this was to be expected! And what you were thinking!), But give the child the opportunity to identify the problem himself (he has already matured).

3. Do not stoop to humiliation and punishment, even by word. Always evaluate only actions, not personality (you are not bad, but your actions are bad).

4. Share the feelings of the difficult teenager (I also know how it feels; I understand that you are angry).

5. Do not get irritated, do not respond with aggression to aggression. Just say that you are very angry with the child. This will relieve tension and affect your teen's behavior.

6. Block aggression with laughter, joy, surprise (give your child a chocolate bar - he will be surprised).

7. Teach your child to unload emotionally through physical activity(punching bag, darts, treadmill).

8. If the child is agitated, irritated, out of control - keep him at home and release the tension (start banging pillows or tearing newspapers).

9. Do not disregard rudeness: do not talk to a teenager if he is rude. Relieve stress by saying that you feel hurt when someone is being rude and yelling at you.

10. Do not provoke anxiety in adolescents (it is dangerous to go there, do not talk to those, do not approach these, etc.). Instead of “be careful,” say “call if you can”.

11. Always offer help to a difficult child, while talking about your feelings (I don’t understand what’s wrong with you, and I’m confused; you are angry, I don’t understand what is bothering you). If you refuse help, say that you are always ready to help anyway. Create a rear for the teenager.

12. Never put pressure on a teenager, do not assess the situation, do not scold, do not raise your voice. By your behavior, show that you are ready to help him, by his side, support his self-esteem.

13. If a teenager asks you uncomfortable questions, do not pull away, put yourself in the child's shoes, respond sincerely and tactfully. This will gradually build trust.

14. Try to teach your child something useful that will be useful to him in life. Pay attention to the area of his interests and offer him a business to his liking.

15. A difficult teenager needs to make a “life” schedule, in which the need will be mixed with desires.

Return the teenager to normal behavior and continue. harmonious upbringing- this is a great mutual work of parents and a child.

There is no definite concept that describes exactly what these children are, who are called difficult teenagers... This concept is broad enough. Most of these children can be identified by their inability to find mutual language with adults, difficulties in communicating with peers, as well as in study, difficulty in education and communication with educators and teachers.

Why is this happening? Most often - due to the presence of wrong foundations or not tactful relationships, as well as neglected moral and pedagogical education. Such children can be identified by the fact that they are stubborn, capricious, hysterical, demanding of their needs. They have mood swings, disobedience and manifestations of negativity to the advice and morality of adults.

Special attention is demanded by adolescents who have a clearly expressed trait such as laziness. They are usually indifferent to the problems of others. Such children need to be stimulated by encouraging their aspiration and attempts at something, to awaken in them the need to work by encouraging their results and to instill a desire for activity.

These teenagers also often have the trait of lying. Behind this, these teens usually hide their fear of being punished, perhaps even disappointing their parents in failure. Therefore, it is necessary, first of all, to find a reason, and then create an atmosphere of trust based on mutual respect.

In adolescents, such forms of command as aggressiveness, arrogance, increased vulnerability and resentment may also arise. To avoid this, it is necessary to satisfy the real needs of such adolescents, while emphasizing their positive qualities.

Difficult teenagers. Why do they become like this?

As you know, everything that happens to us today was laid down to us yesterday. Those. the age from which such a concept as “ difficult child”Has been going on since childhood. Therefore, it is necessary to understand and analyze the reasons that could influence the formation of the character of difficult adolescents from the early years of life.

The first example of a child is his parents, then educators and teachers. And, unfortunately, they make a lot of mistakes. Parents serve as a role model for the child. At this age, he is still unable to adequately and objectively assess the situation critically. He, like a "parchment sheet" absorbs the information received and gives it out with his behavior. And if you make mistakes, then this example will lead to the fact that the child will have deviations in behavior and communication, difficulty in playing and learning activities.

Analyzing the causes of a certain psychological state and behavior difficult adolescents, it is worth finding out the foundations, attitudes and behavior in the family. This is what the child lives with every day and draws information, from him the inclinations to certain forms behavior.

The functions of the psychologist's work with these children have such criteria as diagnosis, counseling, correction. To identify positive and negative sides use individual psychological research. In this case, adolescents, on the one hand, are subjected to and require psychological and pedagogical correction, and on the other hand, the potential of the individual is revealed, from which one can take a model of behavior in the process of upbringing. The process of re-education, like the process of education, should be formed on the basis of the individual psychological qualities of a teenager.

Those specific circumstances and unfavorable conditions of upbringing, which contributed to the emergence of various asocial manifestations and deviations, are taken into account.
It is worth putting emphasis on encouragement and emphasis positive qualities these teenagers.
Statements: "You still won't succeed," "There is no sense in this," etc. are strictly prohibited.
It is important to pay great attention future goals of the teenager. Such children often have difficulties in choosing a profession. It is necessary to see and develop those qualities and abilities to which the child is open, and help him develop them, as well as direct them in the direction where they will be leading.
With regard to behavior correction, here it is necessary to find the reasons again, identifying the origins of dysfunctional communication with adolescents and adults. An analysis of their status in society, with adults and peers, and determination of their place in the system of interpersonal relations is carried out.

Sometimes symptoms depression in adolescence, they are manifested not only by decreased mood and performance, but also sharp drops mood, manifestations of negativity, which is often accompanied by skipping classes, bad behavior and deterioration in academic performance. Such adolescents can easily lose control over themselves, become aggressive and irritable, despite the fact that they were not previously "difficult" in behavior.

The instructions for parents of difficult teenagers are as follows:

Remember that the concept of "light" children is not. Raising a child is not easy even under favorable conditions.

Drop your panic. Don't spray conflict out of every little thing. You should not turn small failures of children into their complete inaction and complete inability.

Look at this from the positive side. Set yourself up for the fact that your child is promising, and if you see a problem, then consider that it has already been half-solved. Accepting it is the main step towards resolving it.

It is also worth remembering that trust is hard to earn, and it is easy to lose, even more so in a situation with such adolescents. Treat with respect for the "secrets" and secrets entrusted to you. And learn not only to complain and scold, but also to praise and see the good side from their children.