If the wife is the head of the family. How to determine who is the head of the family? What are the duties of a husband and wife
What happens to us at this moment? What do we gain by becoming the head of the family? Does it make us happy? A poodle husband, children do not respect their father, a lot of responsibility and problems that a woman has to solve, quarrels and discontent, stress. Is it possible to remain a woman in this situation? And can we talk about the happy future of such a family?
There is also an opinion that there can be no main thing in the family and all issues must be resolved together. Nothing is decided together. There is always one person who makes the decision.
Or there are such statements: “In my family, the main husband. (Although I earn more, and do everything around the house, raising children). Let my husband think so." Such words are another illusion. The husband does not think so, so you do everything yourself.
Let's remember the basic male need.
It is vitally important for a man to fulfill his main role as the breadwinner and breadwinner of the family. At the same time, the most important thing is that the family needs this male role. If a woman can do everything herself, earn money, raise children, then this male role becomes unclaimed, which means that the man will not do anything. He may even have doubts about the meaning of his existence.
The dream of a modern woman: “I am taller, faster, bigger and more independent! Join me and we will plow together for the benefit of the family!”
This is an unfulfilled dream of a huge number of women. The main need of a man is to be a leader, to be the first, and not to follow his wife.
A man needs to be superior to a woman in leading role- earner. Competition between spouses will lead such a family to collapse. A man is constantly competing in the outside world, but when he comes home, he wants to take off his armor. Accordingly, if he also has to fight for his place at home, then, as a rule, he stops fighting for his place in his career and at work. He can't compete all the time.
And only a woman who is able to understand this will gladly agree to give leadership in the family to a man. Only when you fully agree with the idea that the man is the head of the family, only then can you be a woman and your husband a man. Only then can you build harmonious relationships. If you want to be happy, you must play your part, and let the man play his part.
I have already written more than once that the transitional stage is the most difficult. Not everything will work out right away, you will not immediately notice that you are again trying to do everything in your own way, that you are making decisions again, and your husband is just offering to agree with you. Sometimes there will be resistance to the leadership of a man in the family. Don't stop, go ahead.
If you decide to surrender the mandate of the "head of the family", for initial stage These practical tips will help you:
1) You don't need any special conversations with your husband. Like, I decided to develop femininity and I no longer want to be the head of the family, I solemnly transfer this role to you. Rather, you will scare your husband with such conversations, and nothing will change. I'll tell you a million dollar secret: start agreeing with your husband on everything. He says: “I don’t want to go to my mother today. You answer: - Good. He says, "I don't want to make repairs." You answer: - As you say!
Start showing, not in words, but in deeds, that you respect his opinion. You not only transfer responsibility to your husband, but also the right to make a decision. Your task is to agree with his decisions.
2) You will have to stop being annoyed, nag your husband. You no longer have to give your husband advice. Even if he has some problems, and he shares them with you, wait, he also has a head, not only you. Often we begin to criticize the decisions of the husband, because we are very afraid that he will make a mistake. But he is a man, and even if he makes a mistake, he is able to draw conclusions. He is the head of the family, not your child and you are not his mother.
3) As for your earnings, here you have to decide for yourself. No one will take this responsibility for you, and no one will give you right advice. You must make the decision. Either you cut back on your activities and earn less, or you quit your job. Such a method is shown to be especially strong and hardworking. I am sure that if I had not completely abandoned my earnings, I would not have been able to transfer leadership to my husband. Many women write about maternity leave with admiration that they did not even think that a man would have the ability to support her and their child. But this is where your trust in a man begins. You will have to step back, you will have to start trusting and become obedient. Which interesting word. I promise that we will talk about this in more detail. Don't miss out and subscribe to the site update!
And in conclusion, I remind you once again: changes will occur VERY SLOWLY. If you even mentally argue with your husband, all this will result not in agreement, but in a quarrel. We must be patient. Don't pick on the little things. And remember, the male role is also difficult for him, just like the female role for you.
Tatyana Dzutseva
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It's a matter of questions. It's no secret that in modern society family breakdown has become commonplace. The family is sacred, at all times it was considered and is considered so. However, it has been weakening in recent years. I see one of the reasons for this in the process of emancipation of women. A woman works, earns a living. Maybe because of this, she has little regard for her husband. Maybe if a woman earns money, that's the way it should be? But I don't think so.
2013-07-15 12:00:07
Prosto4elovek replies:
, The head of the family should be a father who will earn and support his family, it will not be decent if everything is the other way around, the mother will work to support family and father will stay at home and play computer. Also financial questions the father should decide, not the children and not the mother. Almost all the responsibilities fall on the father, since he took this family, which means he must support it, take everyone on vacation, but they must all strive for some goal together. And the mother must , to do everything around the house. except for what is electric, electricity should also be done by the father, since he is a man and he must understand this. So in my opinion, I think that the main thing in the family should be, and he should also look after his children who go to school, he must check diaries and go to parent-teacher meeting.For example, most of the girls go to the parents' meeting with moms, and the boys with dads. In the family, the man should be the main one!
2013-07-15 12:23:02
Evgenij Markovich says:
, According to all the rules, the head and support of the family is the husband and father. Men earn money and women spend it. But it's a classic. Not every modern girl it's to taste. And not every family is like that. Now there are more and more families where the wife becomes a breadwinner, she has her own business or a highly paid job, at a time when the husband does an excellent job with the household and children. Everyone should perform the function that is more convenient for him and within his power. And in some families, like mine, for example, the husband earns money, helps around the house, takes care of his son - he helps me a lot, and I, the woman, decide global issues. What to do, where to go on vacation, how to spend your free time, how to make repairs, how to draw up documents. As well as full control difficult situations and problem solving. Always, before doing something and making a decision, I always consult with my husband, if he is against it, I explain why this way out is the best. He agrees. Thus, it turns out that the head of the family - the HEAD - is me, and he thinks that he is. And nothing disturbs his male pride!
MALE AND FEMALE ROLES
Female roles:
housewife
The masculine and feminine roles clearly defined above are not mere customs or traditions, but a God-ordained order. It was God who made the man the head of the family, saying to Eve: “Your desire is for your husband, and he will ruleover you." The man was also destined to become a protector, as he was given strong muscles, great physical endurance and masculine courage. In addition, God commanded him to provide for his family, saying: “In the sweat of your face you will eat bread,until you return to the ground from which you were taken, for dust you are and to dust you shall return.” This command was given to a man, not a woman (Genesis 3:16,19).
A woman has a different purpose. She must be byhelper, mother and mistress of the house. In Hebrew, the word assistant means a woman standing in front of him. Such a value cancels the idea that only minor, insignificant roles are destined for a woman. This meaning of the word byhelper explains that woman was created equal to man. In The Allure of the Feminine, we use the word assistant to denote the role of a wife in the sense that the wife understands, supports, and sometimes helps her husband. Since the biological characteristics of a woman make it possible for her to bear children, her role mothers undeniable. Role homemadeher mistress also, there is no doubt: she must raise children, run the household in order to free her husband to fulfill his functions as the breadwinner of the family (Genesis 2:18).
Male and female roles different in function but equalby importance. In Henry A. Bowman's Marriage in Modern Society, the author compares the partnership in marriage to images like a key and a lock, joined together in a functional unity. He writes: “Together they can do what neither of them alone can do. The task will not be completed if two locks or two keys take over. Each of the partners is unique, but no one, taken separately, is perfect. Their roles are not identical or interchangeable. Neither is superior to the other, since both are necessary. Each must be judged according to his functions, as they complement each other."
Division of labor
As you can see, the main task of the family stems from division of labor. Interestingly, modern researchers have proven that this ancient plan is the best option for people to cooperate. In the 1970s, several major industries in America joined forces in a research project to identify the most efficient structure, in which it would be possible friendly work without disagreements in teams, especially regarding psychological compatibility.
Research, in particular, took place in hippie communities that appeared somewhat earlier, in the 1960s. These groups of idealists were not built on the principles of the division of labor, but on equality. Men and women evenly distributed daily chores among themselves. Women worked side by side with men in the fields and building shelters. Men, along with women, were engaged in household chores and raising children.
Scientists have discovered interesting fact: equality was not consistent with differences between men and women. Women were better at certain types of jobs, while men were better at others. Women's hands, more delicate and dexterous, darned and sewed more efficiently, while men were better adapted to carrying weights and digging. However, the most striking discovery of scientists was the fact that when people tried to do work on an equal footing, disagreements began. People argued, fought and even hated each other. For this reason, entire communities fell apart. Scientists have come to the conclusion that the best option for organizing teamwork is division of labor. So God has a perfect plan for the family.
The greatest success in the life of a family comes when the husband and wife faithfully and faithfully fulfill their roles. On the other hand, the biggest problems arise when one of them cannot or does not want to play his role, takes on the role of another, or shows too much concern about playing or not playing the role of another.
To excel in your role with great feelingyour responsibility, take on the performance of your own female role. Let it cares only you. Of course, you can hire helpers to run the house or have your children help you with this. But it is you who should be responsible for the order in this area.
To achieve even greater success, you need to master the female skills and abilities. Learn how to cook, clean up the house and manage the household in general. Learn women's thrift and how to raise children. Forget about yourself and devote yourself entirely to achieving well-being and happiness for your family.
Three male needs
To succeed in building a family, help your husband to succeed in his role. To do this, realize three male needs:
1. A man must function in his male role as head of the family, protector and breadwinner.
2. He must feel the need of the family for him to fulfill this role.
3. He needs to be superior to a woman in this role.
1. The implementation of the male role in practice. First, he needs to fulfill this role in real life as chaptersfamilies. He must see respect and support from the family towards himself. Secondly, he must really provide for the family meet her immediate needs and do it on her own, without outside help. And, thirdly, he should act as a protector of the family, protecting it from danger, adversity and difficulties.
2. He must see in the family the need for this male role. He needs to see that the family really needs in him as in his head, protector and breadwinner. When a woman starts earning enough to support herself when she finds own place in life, becoming independent of her husband, she ceases to feel the need for him. For him, this is a huge loss. His male need to see the need for him as a man is so strong that when the need for him disappears, he may doubt the very meaning of his existence. This situation may affect his attitude towards his wife, since his romantic feelings arose in part from her need for protection, shelter, and provision.
3. He must surpass the woman in the performance of his husbandrole. A man is usually aware of the need to perform this role more effectively than a wife. However, a threatening situation may arise when a woman achieves great success in his field, when she occupies a higher position, earns more or succeeds in everything that requires the application of the forces, skills or abilities inherent in men.
The failure of society
Unfortunately, we see how these age-old principles are violated in modern society. Women have invaded the world of men. We have a generation of working mothers competing with men to achieve greater results, more prestigious positions and higher salaries.
Not all is well at home either. A woman takes on the function of a leader and tries to do everything in her own way. The wife who knows how to unconditionally trust her husband, obeys his leadership and is ready to lean on his hand has almost disappeared. A woman performs many male functions herself. The independence of women has led to the fact that they no longer feel the need for male protection and provision, and this is a great loss for both of them.
Because the man does not see vital necessity in the performance of his male function, he does not see the need for himself, and therefore does not feel like a real man. When a woman takes on male roles, she also takes on masculine traits to better fit the job. This means - less femininity, loss female tenderness and charm. When she takes over masculine responsibility, she begins to experience ever-increasing stress, becomes more nervous and worried. This leads to a loss of peace, and this is very valuable quality if she wants to succeed in creation happy home. When she spends her time and energy doing men's work, she neglects important functions that are peculiar to her. As a result, the whole family is a loser.
To succeed
To succeed, one must firmly remember the male role of head of the family, protector and breadwinner. Remember, if you want your husband to be happy, he must perform husbandrole, to feel that you need him, and to surpass you in the performance of his role. Let him lead the family, do the men's work around the house and provide you with everything you need. And only in case of emergency you will be able to cross the line between your roles and take on the performance of men's work.
When he plays a male role, don't expect perfection from him. Do not find fault with trifles, do not interfere in how he does it. If he neglects to do a man's job and you end up in serious trouble as a result, don't complain. Just tell him, "I have a problem." Clearly and concisely state the essence of the problem and its consequences. Then ask, “What do you think we should do about it?” In this way, you will honor him as the head of the family, put the problem on his shoulders and help him feel needed. If he does not continue to take up the resolution of the problem, be patient. Change doesn't happen quickly.
Next, start praising him. Playing a male role is not easy, and I will explain what I mean shortly. Your praise will be his greatest reward. Be generous with words of gratitude. For him, this is more than a reward for work. And finally, faithfully and constantly fulfill your own household duties. Then you will draw a clear line between your roles and help him succeed in performing male functions.
Role confusion
When male and female roles are not clearly defined, mixing roles. In this case, the woman partly does the work of the man, and the man partly does the work of the woman. If this state of affairs is temporary, it's okay, but if this becomes a way of life, the family is seriously harmed.
Children need to develop in themselves the nature of their sex, and in this regard, they need to see in their parents not a blurred, but a clear image of a man and a woman in order to take an example from them. The mother shows her feminine image when she plays the female role. When she walks around the house in feminine clothes, performs household duties, tenderly caring for children, nursing a child, she forms a female image in children. If she radiates contentment and happiness in this role, she paints a positive picture of femininity for children.
When the father fills the male role as a strong leader, protector and provider, and when the children have the opportunity to see him in action, when he readily takes over men's duties and enjoys work, he presents them with auspicious male image. If there is a clear distinction between men and female image boys will grow up to be masculine, and girls will grow up to be feminine.
But when everything goes wrong, when the roles are blurred, then the family is brewing serious problem. Many instances of homosexuality originated in homes where the roles of men and women were blurred. Girls and boys in such families did not receive a clear understanding of the male and female image, and could not form an ideal that they could imitate.
Children in the process of education must learn a lot in order to become normal, successful and happy people. But there is nothing more important for a boy than to become masculine, and for a girl - to become feminine.
Are the roles fair?
Often, women who are burdened up to their necks with domestic responsibilities, occupied sixteen hours a day in the routine of household chores, question the concept of different roles in the family. They believe that such a division of roles is unfair, because women have to work harder and longer than men. Therefore, they say, men have no right to come home and rest while the wife continues to work. They believe that men should help them around the house and especially in raising children.
At first glance, this statement seems to be true. But there is another point of view on this issue: female role, however difficult it may be, is relevant only for about twenty years. Even if the family is large, a woman bears the main burden of care for twenty years. Then her life changes. She gains freedom and, as a rule, a lot of free time. But the male responsibility to provide for the family's livelihood lasts a lifetime. Even if he is lucky and he retires on time, he never completely relieves himself of the responsibility for ensuring prosperity in the family. If you accept this point of view, the division of labor for men and women will seem quite fair to you.
I suggest that you remember this period of twenty years. Do your work with joy and willingness, and do not demand too much from your husband. Don't complain if he doesn't help you, keep your marriage happy and cultivate a romantic relationship between you.
MALE LEADERSHIP
A man should play a man's role, feel that you need him, and surpass you in his performance.roles as head of the family, or leader.
The father is the head, president and primate of his family. He was appointed by God to this position, as the Scriptures make clear. The first commandment given to mankind was intended for a woman: "Your desire is for your husband, and he will rule over you." It is quite obvious that our Creator decided that it was very important for a woman to know this commandment, and therefore addressed these instructions specifically to her.
The apostle Paul compared the headship of the man over the wife with the headship of Christ over the Church: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church. But just as the Church is subject to Christ, so are wives to their husbands in everything.” Peter also commanded wives to honor and obey their husbands. He said, “You wives also, be subject to your husbands” (Genesis 3:16; Ephesians 5:23-24, 33; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1).
There is also logical reason why a man should be a leader. In any organization for the correct, without failures of work, there must be a leader. This is the president, captain, manager, director or boss. Such is law and order. A family is a small group of people, and it too needs to be organized to prevent chaos and anarchy. It doesn't matter if the family is small or large. And even if it has only two members, husband and wife, there must be one leader in order for order to reign in it.
But why should a man lead? Why not a woman? Again, resorting to logic, it should be said that a man by nature and temperament is a natural leader, with a tendency to make decisions and stand on his convictions. A woman, on the other hand, is prone to hesitation. An even stronger justification for nominating a man to a leadership role is the fact that he is the one who earns a living. If he works to provide for his family, he will need a legal basis for this in his life. Women and children adapt more easily to any changes. The last word rightfully belongs to the breadwinner.
Today, everything possible is being done to deprive the family of the headship of the man and to proclaim equality in which husband and wife make decisions by mutual agreement. At first glance, this is a completely reasonable idea, but in real life such an option is impossible and unrealistic. Very few decisions can actually be made by mutual agreement. Husband and wife, most likely, will never agree on certain issues. When a decision needs to be made, someone has to take the responsibility.
It takes time to reach mutual agreement. But it is not always available. Some solutions in Everyday life have to be taken very quickly. For example, take your daughter an umbrella and go to school in the pouring rain or have her father take her to school by car. When the father himself makes a decision, all problems are immediately resolved. And it doesn’t matter if the daughter gets her feet wet or not, because order in the house is more important. But the father should be the head of the family, not only because of the logic of such a situation. The whole point is the fulfillment of God's commandments, for they are all given with meaning and for a specific purpose.
The rights of the head of the family, or leader
1. Establishing family rules. When a family is properly organized, it has certain rules for general behavior and table manners, rules for cleaning the house, spending money, behaving in public places and using the family car. Family members can take part in setting the rules. A sensible father can convene family council so that all family members have their say. He can give his wife the opportunity to determine the rules of housekeeping, since this topic is closer to her. But being the head of the family, the last word he keeps to himself.
Family is not a democracy where all issues are resolved painmajority of votes. The family is a theocracy, where the word of the father is law, for God established it so. In the house, the main power belongs to the father, and no other power in the family is recognized. This issue is non-negotiable. Such is the law and order in the Kingdom of God.
You can claim some authority over children because you gave them life and take care of them day in and day out. You can decide on the upbringing and punishment of children, their education, religious beliefs and other important aspects. If you start to clash with your husband on these issues, you will want to have your say. However, you are wrong. You do have to fulfill the sacred duty of motherhood, but you cannot be the head or leader of the family. Your husband- this is the shepherd of the flock, and the reins of government of the family areare in his hands.
2. Decision making. The father also has the right to windowscareful decision on matters related to his personal life, work and family. Usually in a family every day you need to make a variety of decisions. Some of them are insignificant, for example, whether to take the dog with you on a picnic or leave it at home. But no matter how simple problems are, solutions still need to be made, and sometimes they need to be done very quickly. The father has the last word.
The father also has to make very important decisions about investing money, changing jobs, or moving to another place. Such decisions may require financial austerity or other life changes. If the husband is intelligent, he will first discuss all these matters with his wife in order to hear her opinion and win her over to his side.
It is interesting to note that in the biblical story about Jacob, who worked for his father-in-law for many years, there are such words: “And the Lord said to Jacob: return to the land of your fathers and to your homeland; and I will be with you." However, after receiving this command from the Lord, Jacob called Rachel and Leah into the field and spoke to them to secure their support. After he explained his situation, Rachel and Leah told him, "So do whatever God has told you." Now he had their support. This was exactly what Jacob needed, so that he would do everything that was planned with peace of mind (Genesis 31). Read this passage to your husband. Maybe he wants to consult with you more often on important issues.
Sometimes a husband seeks the support of his wife, but does not explain what the matter is. He may think that she does not have sufficient knowledge on this subject and she simply will not understand anything. Or he cannot explain the reasons and justify his plans. Maybe he is guided by intuition. In this case, do not torture your husband. Most likely, his feelings, not his mind, will lead him in the right direction.
In marriage, husband and wife are not a pair of horses pulling the same team. They are more like bow and string, as Longfellow said in his poem Hiawatha:
Husband and wife are like onions
A bow with a strong string;
Although she bends him, she herself is obedient to him;
Although she pulls him, she herself is inseparable from him;
Separately, both are useless.
(Translated by I. Bunin)
The role of the wife in leading the family
And although your husband is the undoubted head of the family, you also play very well in leading the family. important role. You obey your husband, support him, and sometimes play an active role in which you can clearly and even vividly express yourself. Your husband needs your support, and your thoughts are often valuable to him if you express them correctly. A heavy burden of responsibility rests on his shoulders. He needs to lead the family, make decisions, sometimes extremely important. All responsibility for decisions taken only he will bear, regardless of the consequences. Your understanding, support and thoughts are very important to him.
Mumtaz Mahal, the woman in whose honor the Taj Mahal was built, played an important role in her husband's life and provided strong influence to lead the country. The daughter of the chief minister, she received a good education, was very intelligent and had a worthy character. Sultan Shah Jahan consulted with her on many issues, including purely specific topics related to the government of the country. There is no doubt that she knew how to influence her husband very subtly, but she did it so skillfully that her husband did not feel the slightest threat to himself as the ruler of India from her side. The world is mostly unaware of her enormous contribution to the development of this country. This feminine art we teach in this chapter. The first step in achieving this art is in the exception of errors. See what the following list applies specifically to you:
Do you make similar mistakes?
1.Management. Do you hold the reins of the family in your hands and do you try to do everything your own way? Do you make important plans and make decisions that you think your husband should agree with? Do you consult with him on family matters, but in such a way that you always have the last word? Why are you doing it? Maybe you just don't know how to behave differently, or don't trust your husband's judgment, or do you think that you can handle these problems better than he can?
Does he oppose your dominance? Do you face each other? Do you find it difficult to submit to your husband's authority? Or do you think that the end justifies the means, and the main thing is that the deed be done, even to the detriment of respect for the husband?
2.Pressure. Maybe you insist on your own or even grumble and get annoyed? Maybe his resistance leads to frequent quarrels and disputes? Or is he making concessions for the sake of peace? In this case, you get your way by pressing. Soon your children will start using this method too.
3. Nagging. Maybe you find fault and criticize your husband's plans and decisions because you are afraid that he will make a mistake? Or do you not trust his judgment, watching him closely to immediately express your approval or disapproval? Do you ask him provocative questions with a note of fear in your voice? This behavior expresses your distrust of him, and he gets the impression that you do not believe in his ability to lead the family. A woman must don't tearsew, a create the husband has a sense of confidence.
4. Tips. A woman makes a serious mistake when she gives her husband too much advice, too many suggestions, when she tells him what to do and how to do it. When your husband begins to present to you the problem he is facing, listen to his point of view and take your time to offer advice. Or think, slowly, what can be done in this case and then discuss the course of action together. Otherwise, you will also show a lack of trust in him here, and he will get the impression that you know the answers to all questions, which means that you do not need him at all and you can quite cope in this life without him.
5. Disobedience. Do you obey your husband only when you agree with him, and if you disagree, do it your own way? If you are sure of something, but he does not approve of your decision, do you stand your ground? It is very easy to obey your husband when you agree with him. The real test comes when you disagree with him, but choose to obey. What to do in such a situation will be discussed later.
How to become obedient
1. Respect his status. Respect his position as head of the family and teach your children to treat him with respect. Believe in God's principles, according to which God put him in charge of the family and commanded you to obey him, as the Bible says. If this seems unfair to you, remember that God knows better how to organize our lives.
2. Let go of the reins. Do not try to dominate the family. Let your husband manage the affairs of the family. Let him lead and you just obey him. You will be surprised at how well he copes with problems without you. Then your faith in him and his self-confidence will grow. After you give him the opportunity to lead, he himself will give you authority in certain areas. You will discuss this issue together.
3. Trust him like a child. Don't worry about the consequences of his decisions. Let him worry about it himself. Trust him like a child. This trust is different from our trust in God, for God does not make mistakes, but people do. Give him the right to make mistakes, trust his motives and his judgment. Then you will help him grow, for only childish trust can help a man develop a sense of responsibility.
Sometimes your husband's decisions will be illogical. His plans may seem senseless to you, and his judgments unreasonable. Perhaps this is not so, but such an option is not excluded. Perhaps he is inspired. The ways of the Lord also do not always seem logical. Don't expect every decision your husband makes to please you or bring you the results you expect. God will take him through problems to achieve certain wise but unknown goals. We all have to go through a cleansing fire, and God does it in an incomprehensible way. When your husband acts on inspiration, you need to faithfully follow him, and then, looking back, you will see the hand of the Almighty in your life and be grateful for the outcome of the matter.
There may be frightening times when you want to trust your husband, want to see him act on inspiration, but you can't. You will find vanity, pride and selfishness at the basis of his decisions and make sure that he is heading for disaster. If he does not want to listen to you, what to do? The answer is: if you can no longer trust your husband, you can always trust God. He placed him at the head of the family, and commanded you to obey him. You have every right to ask God for help. If you will obey your husband and ask heavenlyFather to guide him, everything will change for the better in the most incomprehensible way.
4. Don't hesitate to adapt. Don't be stubborn and don't stand your ground. Adapt to changing circumstances. Obey your husband and follow him wherever he leads, adapt to the conditions he provides for you. Each perfect wife, capable of making her husband happy, has this quality. This is a rare quality, and it is all the more appreciated by men. To be flexible and malleable, you need to be selfless, think more about him than about yourself, and put your marriage first, above everything else. And towhen you cast your bread on the waters, it will return to you in due timeWith butter. In short, follow this rule:
To be flexible, one cannot have biased, hard on menie about what you want out of life, where and in what kind of house you want to live, what economic level or lifestyle you wanted to achieve, and what plans you have for children. It is perfectly acceptable to have predetermined questions, but they cannot be considered immutable. Your rigid opinion may come into conflict with the opinion of your husband, his plans that he bears in order to succeed in the performance of a male role.
In my youth, I had unchanging, rigid concepts. After marriage, I wanted to live in a white two-story house built on one acre of land with tall rustling trees in the backyard and a basement full of barrels of apples. The house was supposed to stand on the outskirts of a city with a population of about twenty thousand people. In winter, I wanted to see snow, and in summer, green fields. However, over time, I found that this dream interfered with me in many ways, and it was difficult for me to adapt to the circumstances of my real life. When I abandoned these rigid settings, it became much easier for me, as well as for my husband with me.
To be flexible make your dreams transportable and carry them with you at all times. Make the decision to be happy no matter the circumstances - on a mountaintop or in a burning desert, in poverty and in abundance. If you focus on success in your home, it's very easy to make dreams transportable.
5.Be obedient. Listen to the advice and admonitions of your husband, and you will do yourself a good service. Very important quality obedience. If you obey, but at the same time are reluctant to do your thing and complain, you will not get far. But if you obey willingly, with a spirit of joyful obedience, God will bless you and your home and give you harmony in your relationship with your husband. Your husband will appreciate your behavior and will soften when he sees your malleable spirit.
A wife who refuses to obey her husband's advice or commands brings serious disharmony to her marriage. Moreover, you can't do that. Since God has placed the husband in charge, the wife's rebellious behavior is a sin. Therefore, when a wife resists her husband, she loses God's Spirit. The subject of obedience will be dealt with more fully later in this chapter.
6.Be in the eyes of children a united front with your husband. Even if you and your husband have not reached mutual agreement, be a united front for the children. Never set children against their father, hoping in this way to win their favor. This will make the husband angry, and he may act harshly towards them. He will not be willing to yield to children if you intercede for them. But if you and your husband are at the same time, he will become much more compliant, as the following example clearly shows.
7. Support his plans and decisions. Sometimes your husband needs not only your submission, but also support. Maybe he needs to make a decision for which he does not want to bear all the responsibility. He may want you to help him with this. In this case, you will need to delve into his plans to make sure that you are ready to support them. If you can, give him the support he needs. If you cannot, explain your position as suggested in the next paragraph. He will be grateful to you for expressing your opinion. If he insists on his own, you can still express your support, even if you do not agree with him. You can support not his plans, but his right to make decisions. You can say something like this: "I do not agree with your decision, but if you are sure that you are right, do as you see fit, I support you." A little later in the same chapter, we will talk about this topic in more detail.
8. Explain your position. So far I have listed the qualities of an obedient wife. You need to respect his status, let go of the reins, trust him, be flexible, obedient, willing to support him, even if you do not agree with his opinion. However, there are times when you need express your position. Your understanding of the topic under discussion can be valuable to your husband, as well as your opinion. And it doesn't matter if he asks you to express your opinion or not, honestly - and if necessary persistently - speak out about this. You do not need to insist on your position, but you must express it. In such conversations, the following rules should be followed.
First, think it over for yourself first. You must be sure of your position. If you want to ask or offer something, ask yourself if you are not driven by selfish motives, if this is honest, if this is selfish, or maybe you just want to impose your opinion on your husband. If you disagree with your husband's plans, try to understand why this is happening. Maybe you are afraid of something, or here we can talk about the manifestation of selfishness on your part? If you reflect on your own motivation, the idea under discussion will become clearer to you. Or you will become even more confident in your position. Many women miss this important point thinking about their own ideas, believing that this should be done by a husband. He, in turn, may simply not be disposed to consider your ideas. Then he will become stubborn or categorically refuse your proposals. If you are confident in the reasonableness of your arguments, then be sure to speak out and move on to the next step.
Next, you need to pray about it. Thanks to prayer, everything will become much clearer to you. You will either strengthen your beliefs, or you will see serious shortcomings in them. If you see errors in your reasoning, discard the idea itself and do not think about it anymore. If you are unsure, continue to pray and meditate on the subject. If your prayer is answered in the affirmative, move on to the next step.
Approach your husband with confidence. Don't be shy. Be firm. Speak clearly and, if necessary, firmly. Tell him that you have thought it over and prayed about it. Now you are asking him to think and pray about this too. After that, trust God. When explaining your position, follow the recommendations on how women should approach their husbands with advice.
wife's advice
A man wants to see his wife nearby not only for support, but also for advice. Sultan Shah Jahan turned to his wife Mumtaz Mahal for advice, and David Copperfield confided a lot to Agnes. After marrying Dora, he had no one to consult with. “Sometimes I wished,” he admitted, “that my wife was my adviser with a strong and decisive character and the ability to fill the void that seemed to me to arise around me.” Everything good wives are for their husbands advisers, mentors and best friends.
Women have a special, unique feminine gift insight and intuition who help them give their husband sound advice. Only a wife, like no one else, knows how to see her husband's life in perspective. You are closer to him than anyone else, but not as close to his problems as he is. He stands too close to them, and therefore his understanding of his own problems may be distorted. You see them much better. You are only a step or half a step away from the center of his life. You look wider and your vision is clearer. You care about him more than anyone else in the whole wide world, and are ready to make any sacrifice for him. And while you may know less than other people, your advice may be more reliable than other people's advice.
Here are the requirements for good advisers: First of all, stop handing out advice or suggestions how daily food. This can be boring for everyone. He will just stop listening to you. Save your advice for when he asks you to speak up or when a very crucial moment comes. If your advice is rare, he will listen to them more willingly.
Next, stop seeing everything in a negative light. Throw away doubts, fears and anxieties, otherwise your advice can only cause harm. Good advisers are people who always think positively. They are cautious, but do not allow any negative thoughts. If you notice a tendency to think negatively in yourself, read good book about the power of positive thinking.
Then a good adviser can always advise a person something worthwhile. Develop your character, acquire wisdom, deepen your philosophy of life. Expand your knowledge of life and what is happening around you. Become a selfless person who readily shares with those around him. If you become a good person, your husband will trust you and seek your advice. But if you are a limited and self-centered person, you will have nothing to offer him. A woman who does not have treasures within herself cannot be a good adviser. When sharing advice with your husband, observe the following rules.
How should a woman advise a man?
1. Ask leading questions. The most subtle way of giving advice is with leading questions, such as: "Have you ever imagined solving such issues in this way before?" or “Have you thought about such a possibility? ..” The key word in such questions is the word “you”. The husband may say, "I've already thought about it" or "Not yet, but I'll think about it." In any case, he will take this thought as his own and think it over without feeling any threat from the outside.
2. Listen. After leading questions, listen to him. From time to time show signs of attention to his words so that he continues to speak, and then again listen carefully. During the whole conversation, listen more and talk less. Good advisers are well aware of the importance of listening carefully to a person before giving advice. Better save the advice for the end of the conversation. Sometimes clever woman doesn't recommend anything at all. She will lead her husband to the fact that he himself will answer all his questions.
3. Share your understanding. When you share your point of view, say “I think...”, “I feel...”, or “I understand...”, because in this way you show your perception of this situation. He won't argue with your feelings or perceptions. Don't use phrases like "I think" or "I know." He may resist what you think or you know.
4. Don't try to prove that you know more than him. Do not seek to show that you are wise, know everything, or surpass your husband with your intellect. Do not try to prove yourself an expert in his field and do not expect him to appreciate your extraordinary mind. Don't ask too many leading questions and don't use the word "why" too much. If he made a mistake, and you all this time knew what to do to avoid it, being amazed that he did not know this, your complacency will only outrage him.
5. Don't play the role of a mother. Your inherent maternal nature and gracious attitude can make you feel like his mother. Don't look at him like little boy, for which you need an eye and an eye. He does not need to be protected from adversity and responsibility, you do not need to worry about him, as you worry about a child.
6. Don't talk to him like a man to a man. Do not speak harshly, as is customary for men, that is, do not put yourself on the same level with him. Don't say, for example, "Let's make a decision" or "Why don't we review this option again" or "I think I figured out what our problem is." Give him the opportunity to occupy a dominant position so that he sees that he is needed and appreciated as a leader.
7. Don't act like you're smarter than him. If you're giving a man advice on a subject that makes him fearful, don't make the mistake of showing more courage than he does. Suppose he wants to start new business change jobs, ask your boss for a raise, or try to implement new idea. He is nervous and afraid of the consequences of his step, since his venture may fail.
If you boldly say: "What are you hesitating about?" or “You have nothing to fear”, you will thereby show more masculine courage than he does. Instead, say, “I think this is a good idea, but I'm a little scared. Are you sure you really want to do this?" Such meekness can incline him to the manifestation of masculine courage, and then he will say: “It's not so scary. I think I can handle it." When a man sees timidity in a woman, his natural masculine courage awakens in him.
8. Don't give a hard-line opinion. When you give your husband advice, don't give a hard-line opinion. This kind of point of view will cause opposition and arguments, and you will lose your femininity and look like you are trying to get him to take your advice.
9. Don't insist that he do what you want. Let him listen to your advice, but do not put any pressure on him. Give him freedom of choice. It is better for a man to do everything his own way and make a mistake than to put pressure on him and harm your relationship.
Obedience
Now let's take a closer look at one of the most important requirements for your husband's successful leadership. It's about your obedience to him. The First Law of Heaven requires obedience, therefore this law should be the main one in every home. It is the foundation of every well-equipped home, a successful family and a prosperous life for children. The wife is the key to success in this matter. When she is a model of obedience to her husband, the children are sure to follow this example. This will not only bring immediate benefits, but will have far-reaching consequences throughout the life of the family.
On the other hand, when a wife refuses to obey her husband, she shows her own children a model of a rebellious spirit that her children will follow. They will conclude that they do not have to obey anyone if they themselves do not want to. They will decide that there are always some workarounds. When such children go out into the world, it is difficult for them to obey the law, higher authorities, teachers at school or college, or bosses at work. The problem of rebellious youth originates in the home, where the mother did not want to obey her husband or show no respect for his authority.
The English satirist Northcote Parkinson examined the causes of the 1970s student revolution that took place in America and blamed women for everything. He told a Los Angeles audience that the problem with American colleges stems from a lack of respect for authority that was born at home: “The general movement, I think, begins with the women's revolution. Women demanded the right to vote and equal rights with men, they ceased to be subject to the control of their husbands. As a result, they lost control over their own children." Mr Parkinson said that during his childhood in the Victorian era, "the word of the father was law, and the mother's greatest threat was her promise to 'tell everything to the father'. Today, a mother cannot tell her children that because she herself refused to submit to her husband's authority in the family."
On the other hand, women who strictly obey their husbands show reverence and respect for their status in the family, set an example of obedience to their children, and they follow this example. A few years ago I went to visit my daughter, and at the same time my son, who was studying at a university nearby, came to visit them. They talked and I listened. Suddenly, in their conversation, one phrase caught my attention.
Paul said to Christina: "When we were children, it never crossed my mind to disobey my father, but you, Christina?" The daughter answered categorically: “No, I never even thought of disobeying my father!” I interrupted their conversation with the question: "Why couldn't you disobey your father?" They answered right away: “You were the key to our obedience, Mom, because you always obeyed Dad, even if it was very difficult!”
At the same moment, an incident came to my mind, which had happened several years before. We have been planning a trip to the lakes of Florida for several years. Children marked the dates on the calendar, wishing to bring the date of departure to this remote state closer. When the time came, we bought a new minibus, and happily set off on the long-awaited journey.
When we arrived in South Florida, we bought fried chicken and sat under an Indian fig tree while our daughters played the guitars. The husband left for a few minutes to call his son, who was serving as a missionary in Sweden at the time. He began to have health problems, and we were a little worried. When the husband returned, he had a strange expression on his face. "We need to get back to California," he said. “The son fell ill and was sent home.”
At that time, I did not take his words seriously, because I am an optimist. I spoke to my husband, advising him to invite his son to us in Florida. I thought it would do him good. It seemed to me that I convinced him, after which we all climbed into the car and headed towards the lakes. In the middle of the night, I woke up to the fact that we were driving north, heading to California.
For a long time, in the presence of the children, I tried to persuade him to return to Florida. I was sure that I was doing everything right. I knew there was no need to return and that the children would be greatly disappointed. I remember how strong the temptation was to take and just exit fromcars. But I didn't. I was aware of the limits of what was permitted and, finally, retreated. The children silently watched me and remembered this episode for the rest of their lives. They understood how difficult it was for me.
Now I saw that scene even more clearly. I thought that they would suffer greatly from disappointment and the interrupted journey would leave scars in their souls for life. But imagine the far greater harm I could have done to the children by my example of rebellious behavior. I reminded Paul and Christine of that experience and asked if they were disappointed with the interrupted journey. “No,” they said, “we realized that we must sacrifice our desires for the well-being of one of us.” Our son recovered, and everything ended well, but then he was on the verge of death. I really could make a serious mistake.
Family leadership problems
1. When a wife is afraid of her husband's failure. Wives around the world are always wary of the plans or decisions of their husbands, because they are afraid of witnessing their failures. Women have to rely on either success or failure. Not a single person has ever achieved success without daring to take risks. It is impossible to reach the top of the mountain, figuratively speaking, without taking risks. Actually, the history of success is woven from many failures. Take, for example, the success story of Abraham Lincoln.
When he was a young man, he ran for the Illinois state legislature and was defeated. After that, he took up business and also failed, and for seventeen years he repaid the debts of his unlucky partner. Having entered politics, he got into Congress, but he also failed there. Then he tried to get into the department of land tenure in the United States, but did not achieve success in this field. He became a candidate for the US Senate and lost again. In 1856, he became a candidate for vice president, but even then he was not lucky. In 1858 he lost the election in Douglas. However, he still achieved great success v public life. Much of this success can be attributed to his wife, Mary Todd, who constantly said, "Someday he will be a great man."
The wife represents the key to her husband's success. If she wholeheartedly supports his decisions, whatever they may be, he will be able to survive the mistakes made and move on. Otherwise, she will cause him to live his whole life in the shadows. Men who could do great things in their lives have remained in the shadows only because they did not find the support of their wives on riceforged road to success.
2. When the wife rebels Fear of possible mistake or failure can provoke a woman to rebellion. Christian author Orson Pratt writes the following about this:
“A woman should never rely on her own judgment against that of her husband, for if her husband plans to do something good but errs in his judgment, the Lord will bless her willingness to follow her husband's advice. God made him the head of the family, and although he may indeed be mistaken in his assessment, God will not justify his wife if she is disobedient to his instructions and instructions. The sin of disobedience is much more serious than the mistakes made in seeking a solution. For this reason, she will be condemned for opposing her will to the will of her husband ... Be obedient, and God will turn everything for your good: in His appointed time, He will correct all the mistakes of her husband ... A wife, refusing to obey her husband’s advice, will lose Spirit of God."
3.When a husband is lost in doubt. Does your husband sometimes hesitate, unable to come to a definite decision? If he is naturally too cautious, come to terms with this trait of his character and learn to live with it. However, he may be driven by the fear that you will not understand him. Usually the husband is afraid that his decision will harm the well-being of the family. For example, a person wants to continue studying, but is afraid that his studies will become a burden for financial position families. In this case, you can support him in such a desire by saying that you are ready to make the sacrifices associated with this.
Or another option. Your husband may be afraid that his decision will lead to a reduction in financial security or a loss of prestige. He would gladly undertake the implementation of his plans, but he lacks the courage to do so. If you see that his fears are unfounded, help him gain confidence and help him make the right decision.
4.When the husband does not want to lead. Maybe you yourself want your husband to take over the leadership of the family. you dream about strong hand that you could lean on, but your husband is stepping back from his leadership position. In this case, the wife may become upset and take over the leadership of the family out of a sense of duty. What can be done to make the husband want to take the position of the head of the family?
First, read the passages of Scripture that speak of him as a leader. Discuss with him that there should be one head in the family. It is the man who is endowed with all the necessary qualities for this, and not the woman, and besides, you do not want to be the head of the family. Let him know that you need him as a leader who consciously takes on this responsibility. Offer him your help and support. After that, go about your household chores and do them well. Thus, you will clearly draw a line dividing the areas of responsibility between you and your husband.
5. When he takes the kids aside. If your husband corrupts the family, if he encourages children to lie, steal and lead an immoral lifestyle or do other wicked things, you have a moral right to take them out of such a house, away from this evil influence. If you don't have children, you have exactly the same right to leave on your own.
However, if he just weak person and due to weakness, only stumbled and no longer adheres to the same high moral principles as you, if he neglects spiritual values or otherwise shows a weak human nature, be patient and try to save your marriage.
Reward
In a house run by a husband, order always reigns. There are less disputes and disagreements, but more harmony. When he takes the lead, he grows into his masculine form. He develops traits such as firmness, determination, self-confidence and a sense of responsibility. When a wife moves away from a leadership position, she becomes more calm, less worried and fussy, can devote herself to household chores and succeed in this area.
Children raised in a family where the father's word is law have respect for authority, school teachers, church leaders, and leaders in all areas of society. In a male-led world, there is less crime and violence, fewer divorces and fewer cases of homosexuality. Marriages in such a society are happier, happier than the family, and hence the people themselves. If the patriarchy system could be implemented on a larger scale, we would live in a world based on law and order.
Remember: Better let a man do everything in his own way and oshibetter than to stand in his way and argue with him.
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Mendelssohn's waltz sounded, champagne ran out, all the guests went home and the newly-made husband and wife were left alone. But the trouble is, having counted the donated money for the wedding, the spouses cannot decide where to put them: buy a fur coat for the winter or make a down payment on a mortgage, because living with parents is not an option. A month has passed, and the spouses still cannot agree. Nobody gives in. And parents say: “You are now a family, solve your problems yourself!” But the parents are right! Now they decide for themselves what their life will be like together. Who will decide where to invest money, and who will have the final say in everyday matters. All this is up to the two of them to decide. To avoid conflicts in the early days married life, you need to decide who will be the head of the family?
V Lately social foundations and family relations have changed somewhat, equating women in rights with men. The very concept of “head of the family” has also changed. Let's take a look at what has changed and what has remained the same.
How to determine who is the head of the family
Just 100 years ago, this issue was not discussed. Now it depends on his decision how successful and long it will be. family life. From time immemorial, the head of the family has been a man. And here it is better to give preference to her husband, agreeing with social stereotypes. But what about the fact that today, more and more often, the main thing in the family is the one who solves all problems, establishes a stable order of things and is responsible for the peaceful existence of his own household.
When the husband is the head of seven, this means that the family is patriarchy.
When a woman is the head of the family, it means that the family is matriarchy.
So what is the right model of family relations?
What are the duties of a husband and wife
How to constructively solve problems without pulling the blanket of the head of the family over yourself? To do this, you need to know the duties of the spouses that have developed from time immemorial, which cannot be changed no matter what century it is in the yard.
The family needs a clear division of responsibilities and roles. The woman believes that all the worries and difficulties of family life are on her, underestimating the authority of the man and arguing that the wife is the main one in the family! The husband, quite often, claims to be the leader solely because he is a man and does not want to listen to a woman. Who is the head of the family? How to determine?
A successful marriage is rare these days. Every person dreams of a happy marriage, but not everyone knows how to achieve this. Happiness in marriage does not come by itself. It needs to be worked on. And increasingly, the question of headship stands in the way.
There cannot be two leaders in a family. There will always be someone who will make decisions and take responsibility. But the ability to yield does not mean that you show weakness. On the contrary, it is indicative of wisdom.
The spouses must agree - the main man or woman in the family, otherwise the blanket will be constantly pulled over. Despite the fact that much in family life depends on the man, psychological climate in the house it is mainly the woman who determines.
The following mini-test will help you find out the leader in the family. Circle the appropriate letter or two (if you are mutual on this question) in next test. Calculate which is more "m" or "g". So you will find out who is more important in your family: husband or wife.
| Functions of the head of the family | Duties family heads | ||
| m/f | control and implementation of clear rules | m/f | Making money . Who is the guarantor material well-being of his family. And also who is responsible for the safety and accumulation of family investments. |
| m/f | strategic and tactical allocation of costs | m/f | Making Important Decisions . Who takes the initiative in making all fundamentally important decisions. |
| m/f | resolving difficult issues and taking responsibility for the consequences | m/f | Security . Who is responsible for every member of the family? Who eliminates intra-family conflicts. |
| m/f | force resolution of the problem | m/f | Personal example . Who sets an example to follow by their behavior. Both spouses or just one? |
| m/f | representative functions | M = | |
| M = | F = | ||
| F = | |||
A father is a model of masculinity for a son, and for a daughter, a standard by which she will choose a life partner in the future.
The behavior of the mother is the key to a successful relationship between the son and his wife in the future, and for the daughter the standard of raising her children.
Now remember your father and mother, and the parents of your companion. Is it so? Do you copy the patterns adopted in childhood in your family.
What laws of distribution of constructive leadership in the family exist
Relationships between men and women are influenced by certain laws that must be followed if they want to have a happy family.
- The husband is the head of the family . Not formally, but in fact. He takes on the function of a breadwinner and breadwinner. And the more responsibilities he has, the better. When the father is the head of the family, he feels his responsibility - that he is irreplaceable, hope and support. As soon as a woman understands and agrees with the statement that a man is the head of the family, she will be able to build a harmonious relationship. If the clear leader is the husband, then the role of the “grey eminence” is given to the wife. She doesn't mind small things and quietly manages him when making important decisions, thus not undermining his authority.
- The wife is the head of the family . Sometimes a woman seizes the place of a leader in the family, doing it ahead of her and openly. Earning on an equal footing with her husband or more, raising children and looking after the household, a woman tries to bypass and suppress her partner, capturing his area of family responsibilities. Strong man, in turn, resists the onslaught. As a result, conflict situations arise, sometimes unresolvable. Once the wife gladly gives up leadership, she can be a woman and the husband a man.
- Two leaders in the family . If both spouses are leaders by nature, how to determine who is in charge in the family? Husband or wife? Such a family breaks up at the stage of formation. Any topic becomes a subject of dispute, acceptance simple solution- the cause of a serious conflict and long grievances, and a discrepancy of opinions - a scandal. The way out is in compromise and concession.
- Equality in the family is the fashion trend of our time. But, a priori, this cannot be. There will always be a leader. Equality refers to a partnership in which responsibilities, skills and abilities are shared equally. Each member of the family is a master in his own area. When making joint decisions, the spouses express their personal point of view to each other. Only one is responsible, the other supports the decision. Respecting each other's rights, they are ready to help their soul mate.
The attitude of psychologists to this issue
When is a woman the head of the family?
Then, when she builds relationships. When her wisdom is revealed in 
the ability to influence the husband's decisions: he is the head, she is the neck. The aphorism "A man and a dog are the masters in the yard, and a woman and a cat are in the house" and today has not lost its main point. The mother is the head of the family - this is the internal climate, spiritual comfort.
When is the man the head of the family? When a woman lets him.
Women are increasingly complaining that they cannot find a real man. But they simply cannot allow men to take over them. After all modern woman she is used to deciding everything herself and cannot allow herself to be commanded.
But sometimes our parents' script interferes with our lives. If in the husband’s family, the mother was responsible for everything, the children always went to the mother for help and did not decide anything on their own without her consent, then in his family, such a man will give leadership to his wife without hesitation.
Here are the women from patriarchal families, will not hesitate to agree with the leadership of the spouse.
What if a woman is used to deciding everything for herself all her life, used to being a captain, not an assistant. Very often, such women marry late, because they cannot find "the same Man." But the problem is not that there is no worthy men, but in the fact that (as mentioned above) they simply cannot allow someone to dominate them. Psychologists believe that in this case, the woman should soften, start to yield to the man and gradually delegate some leadership responsibilities to her partner. That's the only way she can feel real woman. But do not be upset and think that now you are subordinate. It's time to turn on female wisdom, remembering that a woman is "the neck that rules the head." If a woman remembers this more often and skillfully applies it, this will help to avoid numerous conflicts in family life. And the marriage will be long and happy. When handing over the post of “head of the family”, practical recommendations will help the spouse:
- Agree that the head of the family is the husband . Take it as an axiom. Transfer not only responsibility, but also the right to make decisions. Show not by word, but by deed that you respect his opinion.
- Stop being annoyed and nag your spouse. He also has a head, and the ability to draw conclusions. You can suggest something, give several options for solving the problem, but let him decide what to choose.
- Particularly industrious to reduce their activities or quit your job. From this begins trust in a man, and it is easier to transfer leadership to her husband. Unless, of course, it is necessary and does not significantly affect your family budget.
- Have patience . He, too, is given a difficult male role, as well as a female role for you. After all, a woman is also not an ideal hostess every day, so why do we demand from a man that he be perfect.
- Praise your husband for his strength and masculinity . He will appreciate it and will carry his wife in his arms. The ability to praise your spouse in time, notice his achievements, strengthen his self-confidence and increase productivity.
The real head of the family is the two who managed to agree.
Psychologists advise, still at the stage romantic relationship understand and agree who in the future family will make the final decision and be responsible for it. wedding tradition“Who will bite off the pie more” is like an instruction from the ancestors that it is still important to decide on the head family hearth.
Today, young couples are increasingly getting married because: “All my friends are married and I want to, I’m no worse”, “I have to go already”, “What will others say”, “All younger brothers and sisters are already married etc. And they completely forget about how they will live in this marriage later.
No one has to make all the decisions. Often in families such correct phrases are heard:
- “So, you take care of the children, I provide financial support” or
- “Issues of the family budget are regulated by you: where to spend, how much to save, where to invest, because. you are more competent/competent” or
- “I hire workers for repairs, I also control them, but you do the planning and interior design, I trust your taste.”
The main thing is that these phrases should not be the beginning of a conflict. It is important that both spouses come to a compromise, speak out loud all the responsibilities and agree. To avoid such "my mother gave more money for the wedding, that means me and decide where to spend them.
Proper distribution of responsibilities will build a harmonious climate within the family. Delegation of responsibilities, in the adoption of certain issues, will save you from conflict situations.
Family - this is not a place for the realization of leadership ambitions, this is a place where all family members feel safe and calm, where everyone respects each other's opinions . Family - this is a place where children come for advice in personal relationships in their mother, and for male support to their father .
The attitude of the church to this issue
Who should be the head of the family? In Christianity, the answer is clear and simple: husband.
The Christian headship of a husband is perceived as a duty to take care of, think about each member of the family, maintain well-being and peace in the family.
The church takes the position that the wife is subject to her husband, just as the church is to God. At the same time, the husband must also love his wife, and if necessary, then sacrifice for her, just as Christ sacrificed himself for the sake of faith. For the sake of the Church, Christ went to torment. Is the head of the family capable of doing this for the sake of his wife? Many men still need to grow up to this level.
The position of the church is that there can be no equality in the family. The inequality that God created in the relationship between a man and a woman is not at all humiliating. No matter what century is in the yard, you cannot shift the duty of a woman to give birth to children on her husband.
The recipe for a harmonious life is very simple: love and respect each other.
The legal position of leadership in the family
It is quite interesting how the law protects family foundations. Russian law provides that property acquired during marriage is jointly acquired and both spouses have equal rights to it, regardless of who was at home and took care of the children, and who went to work every day by 8 in the morning. That is, in order for the spouse to fulfill her main duties - the birth of a child and his upbringing, the law protects her from possible disputes when a division of property is required. After all, she also cared about the well-being of the family, like her husband. She made sure that everyone was full and happy, and her husband, so that there was something to buy food.
In some cases, during a divorce, a woman is even entitled to alimony if she was dependent on her husband for the period of marriage.
Julia Vysotskaya on why a woman is the main one in the family.
The family is the cell of society. And the fact that a woman has to bear everything on herself when her husband walks, drinks and rowdy, is solely to blame for him - the spouse. And the fact that there is no harmony in the family, the children are scattered over seven grandmas, and when they grow up they cannot have normal relationship the mother is to blame for not fulfilling her direct duties.
Who is the head of the family?
How wonderful is the life of a man and a woman in the period of the birth and flow of relationships - it is full of romance, declarations of love and fidelity, courtship and caresses! A man and a woman are in absolute harmony, spiritually adjusting to each other, walking in insignificant conflict situations to compromise, not allowing scandals and misunderstandings to penetrate their lasting union.
Closer to the logical outcome of a romantic relationship - a wedding and the creation of a family, future spouses discuss the "rules of the game" in family relationships, which, as a rule, include joint management economy, the general solution of problem situations, mutual assistance and respect, attentiveness and consideration of the needs of each of the parties, the distribution of responsibility for solving everyday issues and, most importantly, the absolute equality of the rights and freedoms of each of the members future family. Many couples initially agree that there will be no main and secondary ones in their family, each will be responsible for a certain range of duties - a man will earn money and do men's housework (hammer a nail, screw a light bulb, etc.), and a woman will take care of her spouse, raise children and run the household (clean the house, cook, do laundry, etc.). However, this list of duties is not necessarily distributed in this way, and here, as they say, options are possible (if the spouse gets a job, the man takes on the responsibility of cleaning the house).
The main principle of family life, negotiated before the conclusion of marriage, is equality and the absence of an absolute head of the family - each is appointed chief for his own range of duties, the other family member does not claim leadership in this area family life and can only provide assistance and support in it.
You may object: “But it is not so! In many families, a decision is immediately made about the headship of one of the spouses, as a rule, a man is appointed the head of the family. And it’s hard to disagree with you, however, in view of the fact that this article is called “Who is in charge in the family?”, Families with a deliberately distributed dominant role of one of the family members as the owner are not considered in it.
The set of final rules for family life is the unspoken basis for happy life, the absence of conflicts and disagreements in it. At least, each of the potential spouses wants to think so.
And finally, a happy day comes when two loving hearts will unite once and for all to beat in harmony of love and joy, overcome all difficulties and hardships, be together until the end of their days, preserving the harmony and warmth of the family hearth. The newlyweds are immensely happy on this day, the whole world today exists only for the two of them, they carelessly fly in the clouds, absolutely not thinking about the upcoming difficulties. Uncertainty, worries and doubts remain far in the past, never before have these two been as happy as they are now.
In the first months of the wedding, everything really looks like in a romantic film - complements, bouquets of white roses, joint trips to the theater and cinema, absolute harmony and mutual understanding. Courting each other brings indescribable joy to the newlyweds, they are happy that their love has remained as strong as it was before the formation of the family.
However, over time, the sensitive attitude of the spouses to each other begins to weaken due to the emergence of problems, sometimes even minor ones that do not require special attention. Many couples become so busy with their problems that they don’t even notice the transition from a quivering relationship to everyday life, and therefore these changes in relationships are perceived by them as the norm, as a natural process. Life is arranged in such a way that, no matter how hard you try, even the most warm feelings sooner or later they will weaken. At the onset of this stage of the relationship, the main task of the spouses is to remember how grateful they are to each other, to maintain respect for their soul mate.
So, we found out that feelings tend to fade away. What is happening at this moment? Spouses “get bored” with each other, begin to show their dissatisfaction with the behavior of their spouse. Each of the spouses makes a certain contribution to the overall well-being of the family. And each of them, of course, considers his contribution more significant and valuable. This leads to the fact that at a certain point the question is raised: “Who is the head of the family?”.
Several hundred years ago this question was considered absurd, since the primacy of the man in the family was not questioned. A woman was obliged to serve her husband, respect him and fear his wrath, obey him in everything and not argue with anything.
By nature, men are called to be the heads of their families. They are strong, brave and determined. A woman who honors her husband can count on his kindness and favor. A woman should admire the virtues of her husband, compliment him. A man, in turn, must support his family and respect his wife. But this has all been done before.
To date, the situation has changed somewhat. Society has given women more rights, in fact, making them equal in rights with men. A modern woman strives to become (and not unsuccessfully) independent of male influence, she is not going to wait for the mercy of a man and receives everything from life herself.
The most interesting thing is that, despite the desire to equalize with men in rights, more than 50 percent married women Russians are of the opinion that the head of the family, of course, should be a man. It is he who must bear absolute responsibility for his family, but he must make important decisions only after consulting with his wife, and not otherwise. Often you can hear from women: “If I am the head of the family and make all the important decisions in it, then why do I need a husband at all?”. However, very often women, recognizing the absolute supremacy of the spouse, take on most of the family responsibilities themselves, while presenting everything as if the main merit in solving family issues belongs to their spouse. Sometimes such tactics justify themselves - the spouse feels like a real master of the family, he is very grateful to his wife for her help, which will be expressed in an exceptional attitude towards her. But it also happens that a man, seeing such activity in solving family issues of problems on the part of a woman, simply gets used to it, elementarily sitting on his wife “on the neck”. Is every woman's neck capable of withstanding such a load?
Another variation of a woman's behavior model in relation to headship in the family is the unconditional transfer of the title "Head of the Family" to her husband. There are also positive and negative point. The positive thing is that a man will feel his importance and even power, in addition, a woman will retain her strength that would be spent on solving family problems, and reward her husband for his dedication. In addition, a wise woman will never miss the opportunity to praise her husband for his strength and masculinity. Believe me, such a compliment will not leave indifferent any man. The disadvantage of this model of behavior is the potential claims on the part of the spouse regarding the inertia of the wife in economic matters, which will be expressed in the phrase: “Yes, how tired I am of doing everything myself!”
Whatever model of behavior a woman would choose, the most the worst option of all there will be an attempt to take away power from the spouse and resolve all issues alone. Many women try to bypass their spouses on the career ladder, take control of family budget into their own hands, to suppress the will of the spouse, thereby making it clear who is the true master in the family. Women who adhere this behavior, commit big mistake, despite the fact that most men are proud and powerful, they want to dominate, and only a few are ready to live “under the heel” of their wife. If your spouse does not belong to the last type of men, then long time a man will not put up with such a state of affairs. Another significant disadvantage of trying to seize power in the family is the loss of a woman ... her femininity. A woman is called by nature to bring warmth, affection and care to her man, and the seizure of power requires courage from a woman, thereby she becomes like a man in character, without giving her husband the opportunity to be one.
Men, in relation to the headship in the family, are also very controversial - they want them to be the heads of families, but the duties should be shared equally. A rare man wants to see a woman as the head of the family, as it hurts male ego and he thinks, “How is that? After all, I’m in charge!”
But what to do if both a man and a woman in the role of the sole owner of the family do not guarantee a successful solution of family problems? There is a way out, and some families living in peace and harmony long years, follow this model of headship in family relationships, which is called equality.
Therefore, if you and your soul mate plan to live in peace and harmony all your life (otherwise, why would you get married), you will have to learn how to observe equality in family relationships. Spouses should be partners in all matters. It doesn’t matter whose responsibilities include this or that area of the economy - husband or wife - both spouses are equally responsible for its result, since this is one family, and there should be no distinction between “yours” and “mine”. Sometimes from some men you can hear a reproach towards their wives: “These children of yours have already tired me!”. It seems that a man did not take any part in the birth of children.
Considering all of the above, one should general advice for both sexes: “Spouses! Divide duties equally, women - give the initiative to your husbands, and husbands - honor and respect your wives. Divide duties equally, according to your skills and abilities, and do not strive for the sole seizure of power in the family, let each family member be its master in his own specific area.
This advice is justified, because one person cannot be a professional in everything, to each his own. It should be remembered that the title of head of the family carries not only great rights, but also great responsibilities, and before applying for such a high position, ask yourself if you are ready to be responsible for the whole family. Respect each other's rights, be ready to help your soul mate - and your family life will certainly be happy, which I sincerely wish you.