29.11.2017 Svetlana Afanasyevna 0

How to divorce an alcoholic?

One of the most difficult tests that fate can prepare for a woman is a divorce from an alcoholic. You can talk a lot about women's patience, love, compassion, the desire to keep the family together. It is allowed to doubt, fight, sacrifice oneself. But it is wiser to radically resolve this issue if it has arisen in your life.

A happy marriage is, first of all, mutual respect, love and mutual understanding of the spouses. The absence of at least one of these "building blocks" in the family foundation over time brings problem after problem. But, together, any, the most difficult situations easier to overcome. All but one - alcohol addiction.

Usually, the first year life together- cloudless. Husband and wife enjoy each other, get used to a new way of life, plan the main stages of coexistence, children. But there are families in which already at this time of romance a question arises related to the attitude to alcohol. This is a disaster!

Causes

Previous addictions (including those of a genetic nature) turn out to be stronger than the family aura.
Psychological incompatibility of spouses, scandals, low self-esteem everyone is not enough high level cultural development.

• Household troubles housing problem, material disorder.
• Interrupted career, frustration, lack of interest in life.
• Beer alcoholism - gambrinism.
• Male infertility.
• Death loved one.

When it is possible to correct the situation and save the family

Emerged problem situation can and should be corrected. True, given its seriousness. The largest percentage of divorces is at the expense of alcoholism. Despite the fact that deciding on a divorce from her husband, if he drinks quietly, without burdening his family with his behavior, it is very difficult. The most important thing is not to waste time.

If there is an opportunity to eliminate the cause that triggered the addiction to relieve stress with alcohol - this is one situation. We have survived and forgotten. If the drinking habit is second nature, it is completely different. Alcoholism is a serious disease that affects both body and soul. This is substance abuse Native sister addiction.

To get rid of a terrible illness, you need not only the help of a narcologist, a psychologist, but also the patient's desire, his willpower. The incentive for treatment should be clear awareness the fact that life with an alcoholic is an abnormal phenomenon, in fact. From a similar situation everyone suffers. Unhealing mental wounds remain to a ripe old age.

Emotional stress, social discrimination, psychological stress on the alcoholic's wife is extremely high. A child growing up in a family of a drinking man, against the background of constant conflicts and mutual reproaches, forms a model antisocial behavior in future. There are pathological traits of character, problems in communicating with peers.

What to look for before divorce

If the husband does not understand the whole tragedy of the situation, does not want to listen and hear, the problem will grow exponentially. In this case, when deciding on the possibility of correcting the situation, it is necessary to take into account:

1. How often the husband behaves beyond good and evil.
2. How long does it take to drink.
3. Is the spouse capable of normal communication, intimacy.
4. Whether he is aggressive when drunk.
5. What emotions are experienced by family members, especially children. How it affects their physical and mental health.
6. Is the loved one religious.
7. Is it financially independent?

Rules of behavior

If there is even a drop of hope to rectify the situation, you need to correctly position yourself in communication with your spouse:

• Never allow him to insult, humiliate himself. It is necessary to make it clear that you are ready to turn to the law, relatives, and the church for help. In the worst case, write a statement to the police.
• You cannot cover up his "sins", protect him from friends, colleagues, himself. The alcoholic must learn to take responsibility for his actions if you want to continue living with him.
• Do not solve his problems for him. Overcoming is the incentive to get rid of the addiction.
• Do not give him a descent, but never humiliate him.
• Take care of yourself, cultivate culture, socialize with friends, start attending the temple. Orthodoxy, Islam are powerful helpers. Do everything to interest your spouse in your life, social problems, to involve him in them.
• Establish communication between the husband and children, do everything so that they help him cope with the disease and do not cease to respect.
• Remove alcohol from the house.

When to break up with a drinking husband

Deciding to divorce an alcoholic husband is not easy. But if you have exhausted all conceivable and inconceivable methods of resolving the situation, it is simply necessary. For a woman, this is a real tragedy. She is sacrificial, in fact, therefore she is ready to endure hardships for a long time, material distress, everyday discomfort. And forgive.

However, there is a line that cannot be crossed. These are beatings. If your alcoholic husband raised his hand against you, leave him the same day without hesitation. The consequences are not important, the life of yours and your children is important. Once he hits, he will do it over and over again. Parting is the only way to avoid tragedy. No options.

The second unconditional reason for divorce from an alcoholic is moral terror. Stress, anticipation of trouble, a feeling of complete confusion, self-doubt. In such conditions, a woman cannot live. The situation is aggravated by the developing codependency, the need to lie to others. Divorce is the only solution to the problem.

Divorce for the sake of children - pros and cons

Probably, it's not a secret for anyone that “the weather in the house” is more important for the child than for you. Therefore, if you answer the question about divorce, protecting the interests of children, the answer is unambiguous, and you know it. The child cannot respect drinking father... He can love him subconsciously, but never respect.

Divorce of parents will bring a lot of suffering little man... But is there really a risk of being injured, falling under " hot hand», Constant fear, humiliation, a sense of shame in front of peers, burning resentment for abuse of mother will not weigh the scales. Add possible malnutrition, lack of beautiful clothes, not a happy childhood at all.

In the future, this is likely to turn into aggression against the background of self-doubt. Of course, if “there is no prophet in his own country,” all the more it is impossible to weigh the pros and cons of a divorce from an alcoholic from the point of view of a child. And yet, when divorcing a drinking husband, remember this:

• The child is what will bind you all your life. Therefore, if at least a drop of decency, responsibility, love is preserved in the husband, do not interfere with the communication between the father and the child. Naturally, if he is sober, not dangerous for the baby, and the child himself is happy to meet.
• Never denigrate the father in the eyes of the child. Explain that alcoholism is a disease and divorce is a compulsory measure.
• Do not refuse financial help from your ex-husband, but do not demand the impossible.
• Do not interrupt the connection between the child and the husband's parents.
• Surround your child with care and affection, do not impose your experiences on him, create emotionally favorable atmosphere in a family without a father.

Rules to help you break up with an alcoholic

If a break is inevitable, you need to act. How to divorce an alcoholic husband without unnecessary worries, mistakes, if he (God forbid!) does not give his consent, psychologists know. They recommend using some kind of rules of conduct:

1. The decision must be made irrevocably. Before divorce, you need to warn your spouse a couple of times (no more!) About a possible separation, if he does not refuse addiction... You can even try a temporary separation. If such measures are useless, leave without looking back.
2. Remember firmly that promises of improvement cannot be endless. If, after the forgiveness received, the booze does not leave your life, save yourself before it is too late.
3. Don't feel sorry for the alcoholic. He will disappear in any case, with or without you, if he does not part with the bottle.
4. Think about yourself, children, their mental and physical condition.
5. Leave home when your spouse is away. Extra pleas, extra tears. The end is known.

Legal aspects of divorce

In the absence of property claims, divorce does not pose a major legal problem. The divorce case is considered and resolved by the registry office at the place of residence of the former married couple. The division of property, disputes concerning minor children, the payment of alimony are the prerogative of the court. An application is submitted to it.

Departure with spouse

Perhaps, in our country, the lack of their own housing is one of the main problems for which women do not long time do not dare to dissolve a marriage with a drinking person. Even if he is a tyrant. However, with a properly executed, from a legal point of view, an application to the court, the problem has several solutions:

If the spouses do not have the funds to purchase separate housing and the husband's consent to travel, the court has the right to oblige the former married couple sell an apartment, divide the money from the transaction in equal shares.

A mortgage loan is also not a sentence. The debt, at the request of one of the spouses, can be in judicial procedure divided between husband and wife. In this case, the previous mortgage lending agreement is terminated, two new ones are concluded. This practice excludes the liability of the parties for each other's insolvency.

If your family rented a room, and you don't have friends who can shelter for the first time, this is not a reason to despair. In any city in the country there are services designed to solve similar problems... If necessary, they will provide the help of a psychotherapist, psychoanalyst.

Psychological help after divorce

Surviving a divorce from an alcoholic husband is not easy. Assess the psychological damage done to them, physical health close people is not always possible. But the emotional drain on the family is obvious. Given the incessant attempts at contact drinking person with a wife, children, support after a divorce is extremely necessary.

Specialized social services are called upon to provide it. Their task is to calm down a woman in shock, find temporary housing, arrange children in new school (kindergarten), provide work, assess the margin of safety emotional sphere, help rehabilitate, survive a divorce from her alcoholic husband.

There are several such organizations in accordance with the profile of the assistance provided:

• Centre social assistance women who have experienced divorce.
• Rehabilitation center to support victims of violence.
• Center for psychological assistance to children in difficult situations.

Contacting specialists helps to cope with feelings of loneliness, mood swings, depression. V critical situations- to stop suicide attempts. The psychologist will help children and adults in this situation gain self-confidence, restore personal relationships with family and friends.

New life

It is important to start a new life with blank slate, having managed to turn the page of the past. Psychologists advise:

1. Eliminate contact with your ex-husband, at least at first.
2. Organize your time correctly so as not to be alone: ​​study, work, friends, theater, exhibitions.
3. Sign up for a spa salon, buy a new dress, dye your hair, change your image.
4. Spend more time with children, parents, loved ones.
5. Start swimming in the pool regularly.

Alcoholism is acute and, unfortunately, very actual problem for our society. Family members, as a rule, try to hide their misfortune from others, engaging in an uneven struggle with a serious illness.

An alliance with a person addicted to alcohol can hardly be called happy or prosperous. But can you really love an alcoholic or is it codependency? Before finding out whether an alcoholic can quit drinking for the sake of his beloved, one should understand the essence of this disease.

What is the psychology of an alcoholic? An irresistible desire to drink, panic, if there is no way to find alcohol, a willingness to steal, lie, sacrifice the interests of loved ones for the sake of alcohol. This explains aggressive attitude to people who want to limit their drinking. The addict regards their behavior as interference with his personal space and attempts to limit freedom.

Why it happens? We often ourselves do not notice how we cross the line between the willingness to sacrifice ourselves and our own interests for the sake of a loved one and the desire to completely control his life and actions. A person suffering from alcoholism feels constant pressure, mixed feelings of guilt and rejection and powerlessness, which only contributes to immersion in the world of bad habits.

At the same time, a heavy-handed relative quickly masters methods of manipulating the feelings of relatives. Can "press on pity", present himself as a victim, accuse loved ones of his own weakness for drunkenness. He tends to show aggression and psychological pressure to justify himself and get the desired dose of alcohol.

Psychoanalyst Nikolai Narytsin argues that so-called "henpecked people" often suffer from alcoholism.

Alcohol gives them a sense of confidence, courage, determination to raise their voice or beat their wife in a fit of anger. When such a man sober up, he publicly repents of his deed, kneels and presents gifts.

A quite reasonable question arises: can an alcoholic love a woman? Is love compatible with insults, beatings, theft of property, constant lies? If your partner prefers to spend time drinking alcoholic beverages and can only relax with a bottle. If your spouse doesn't appreciate your efforts to improve family life and taking care of him?

Reproaches, tears, pleading and threats will not be effective and will only push the patient towards abuse. It's pointless to live in control addicted person, protecting him from danger to his own detriment. Sacrifice own time and strength to fight in vain. The spouse, of course, needs support, care, but not tight control and self-denial.

Codependency, causes and consequences. How to avoid becoming a victim?

By definition, codependency is pathological condition, in which a person is deeply absorbed in the life of another, both emotionally and physically. Trying to control the behavior of a spouse or close relative, friend, we let him influence us.

Many wives and husbands are familiar with the tossing between the right to personal happiness, freedom and a sense of responsibility for the life of a sick person, which borders on guilt and hope for recovery. How to get away from an abusive spouse if separation is akin to betrayal?

The mechanism for the formation of codependency consists of several stages. First this remedy psychological protection, a way of adapting to difficult life circumstances, a reaction to stress, which gradually turns into a person's habit and lifestyle.

The state is accompanied by destructive thoughts that interfere with a sober assessment of the situation and create barriers to a radical change in one's own life. "Yes, he will disappear without me!", "I can not leave him!", "I love, I am ready to endure and forgive everything!"

Factors influencing the formation of this condition:

• character traits;
• psychological trauma of childhood, for example, education in dysfunctional family, alcohol dependence of one or both parents;
• violence;
• poor social adaptation;
• low self-esteem;
• copying the behavior pattern of the "codependent" parent.

For a person in similar condition characteristic:

• "Frozenness" of feelings as a defensive reaction to a stimulus;
• negation;
• a tendency to self-deception;
• deep feelings of guilt;
• self-hatred for the shown weakness of character;
• aggressiveness;
• suppressed anger.

You can also note ignorance and inattention to our own needs, focus on others to the detriment of their interests, isolation and compulsive actions - unconscious behavior, actions that we repeat over and over again, even regretting what we have done. As a ritual, without rational goals and as if under the compulsion of an invisible inner force.

Yielding to an impulse, a person feels temporary relief, pleasure. Refusal of the "ritual", as a rule, causes anxiety and internal discomfort. Codependency is often accompanied by problems in intimate life, depression, apathy, psychosomatic illnesses and even suicidal thoughts.

Is it possible to build a relationship with a chronic alcoholic?

First of all, you should know that alcoholism as a disease has several stages:

1. The person is just "like a drink." Alcohol gives sensation psychological comfort, relaxation, the illusion of getting rid of problems and stress. After drinking, he can behave unusual, funny or aggressive, and after sobering up there are memory lapses.
2. There is a desire to get drunk. Drinks alcohol irregularly, but often "breaks down". Sometimes it's just an "innocent" bottle of beer in the evenings. I am convinced that it can always become, but this is only a dangerous illusion. At this stage, abuse becomes chronic.
3. Degradation of personality, which is accompanied by psychological and physical codependency, problems at work and in the family. Irreversible changes in the body, the manifestation of diseases, the catalyst of which is a bad habit.

Social psychology identifies three types of roles of codependent people in the model of the so-called "Karpman triangle". Obsessive help (the role of the "savior"), the willingness to devote life to the beloved (typical psychology of the "victim") and the role of the "persecutor", which manifests itself in the desire to completely control the life of another person. The only way getting rid of this model is an awareness of their role and a reassessment of values, which helps to get rid of addictive behavior.

There is only one conclusion: it is impossible to solve a person's problem without his desire and decisive action to the intended goal.

The rescue of drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves. - Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov, novel "Twelve Chairs"

The responsibility for healing lies with the partner who is suffering from alcoholic cravings. It is useless to try to heal a loved one by force, without a willingness and a strong desire to overcome addiction.

Necessary condition effective treatment- following the doctor's recommendations, strict adherence to instructions.

Take care of yourself first. Seek help from a psychotherapist or anonymous family groups for the addict. Please note that consultation with a narcologist is necessary and will be useful not only for the drinker, but also for relatives, as well as other relatives if they live next to him.

Psychologist's advice is simple and effective:

1. learn to issue ultimatums correctly and have the determination to fulfill your conditions. A person must see the specific consequences of his behavior and draw appropriate conclusions. Do not put things in order after him, let him do it himself. Do not try to "cover up" a loved one by shielding them in front of the authorities;
2. do not try to reason with the drunken beloved. The conversation should be postponed for a while and wait until the partner becomes sober and can adequately assess the situation.
3. it's not worth turning trying to “remember what happened yesterday” into fun. Sometimes the fear of amnesia helps to stop drinking;
4. be firm in your convictions, do not indulge. Do not buy alcohol to abusers and do not play "strands". The idea of ​​deliberately pouring the contents into the sink can trigger an outburst of aggression in the spouse;
5. avoid constant conflicts, constant reproaches and tantrums is an ineffective strategy. Morality in the style of “if you love, stop drinking” is usually useless;
6. do not believe in empty promises, do not indulge yourself with illusions. If, despite all attempts to desperately fight alcoholism, the partner does not change his lifestyle, then it is time to draw conclusions and change the attitude towards his own life.

It is believed that the addiction to alcohol abuse is a disease of the body, but the roots of addiction should be sought not only in psychological and physical codependency, but also in social disorder. Comprehensive treatment is effective only when active participation and a strong desire to quit drinking the drinker himself.

Cessation of alcohol abruptly is also harmful to the chronic drinker. Treatment should take place in stages and include methods of detoxifying the body to improve well-being.

Do not expect an immediate cure from an alcoholic. There is no “magic pill” that can end a spouse's addiction once and for all. The treatment plan is developed taking into account the severity of the binge and its duration.

Breaking a relationship with an addict can be very difficult, but remember that your own life and the right to personal happiness depend on your determination.

It is difficult to give advice on how to break up with an alcoholic husband, however general recommendations do exist.

When there is no hope

Alcoholism - serious illness, which is very difficult to cure. Even good complex treatment nor always helps. This is not only a physical problem, but also psychological dependence... A person feels comfortable and relaxed only after drinking. It is not worth tolerating an eternally drunk husband, especially an aggressive one, especially if there are children in the family.

Better let the child grow in calm atmosphere, sees examples of men among movie characters, relatives, happy mothers friends, than he lives in eternal stress and with a stigma in his memory in the form of a drunken inadequate father. How longer baby living with such a father, the higher the chances that he will become the same. If this is a daughter, it is possible that she will find herself the same husband.

Undoubtedly, if alcoholism burdens a man and he admits it, the woman should support and help him. There are many paid and free rehabilitation centers, the treatment in which, if the patient wishes, is quite effective. When a person himself does not want to get rid of the disease, and does not perceive attempts to help him adequately, then no one else can help him.

Better to part with an alcoholic without waiting for him to injure his family in a state of delirium tremens.

If a woman decides to part with an alcoholic, it is necessary to understand 3 basic postulates:

1. Don't change your mind.
2. Do not believe.
3. Don't be sorry.

It is always difficult to take such a step. You need to be firm in your choice. Once, maximum 2 times, he can be warned that if he does not quit drinking (by himself or with medical help), parting is inevitable. There should not be a third time, otherwise it will turn into an endless series of promises. If a woman has already repeatedly told a man that she is breaking up, but she herself did not do anything for this, then he will not believe again... Have made a decision - act.

Drunkards are very good at manipulating, lying and promising to improve as soon as they feel real danger parting. Men’s tears, flowers, and kneeling are also used. In fact, this is a common fear of loneliness and the fear of being left with your problem without support.

Women, by nature, are compassionate, and addicted alcoholics take advantage of this. A drunkard can colorfully describe how hard it will be for him. Don't believe it. This is a one-actor theater. Tomorrow will be the same.

It always seems to a woman that a man will disappear without her. However, it should be remembered that the wife marries her husband, and does not adopt difficult teenager... He is a grown man, despite his ailment. Sometimes a woman, without noticing it, sinks morally with the man and becomes codependent. it serious problem, interfering with a full life.

If the husband lives in his wife's apartment and it is not possible to expel him, then tough measures should be taken. When he is not at home, collect his things and take them to his next of kin. Then change the locks and leave the house for a few days too. If you stay at home, you may not withstand his pressure and requests to open and stay. All relatives need to be warned about such an act in advance so that they do not ask unnecessary questions and do not spoil plans.

The legal side of parting

If it interferes with parting joint property, you should consult with a lawyer about its section.

If there are joint children, the divorce is filed in the magistrates' court. A corresponding application is submitted, and the court considers it within 1 month. At the same time, you can file for the recovery of alimony and the division of property.

Divorce is even easier when there are no children. The application is submitted without the presence of the spouse to the registry office at the place of residence. However, if an agreement on the division of property between the spouses is not reached, then the dispute can also be resolved in court.

We solve the problem of housing

Parting with a husband is often hindered by the problem of housing. If the spouses live in one apartment, then during the division of property, the obligation to sell the apartment and buy 2 others in shares determined by the court can be secured in court.

If there is a joint consumer or mortgage, we also solve this issue. You can allocate your part of the debt or divide the loan equally in the bank (terminate the old agreement and conclude a new one with the consent of both parties) and in court.

When parting is not burdened with such problems, you can temporarily go to live with your parents, relatives, friends, or save up money in advance and rent an apartment (room). It is better to move away from your ex-husband so as not to meet. Such meetings can provoke bouts of pity, compassion and, as a result, a return to ex-husband.

If possible, you can save up for a down payment for the purchase after the divorce of the apartment on a loan or mortgage.

By the way, the programs providing social housing nobody canceled. Citizens in need can contact local administrations, write an application, submit required package documents and queue up for social housing.

Live a new life

When the decision is made, the hardest part is to start living new life... A woman can be so codependent that after breaking up with her husband, she falls into a deep depression. The alcoholic replaces her child and satisfies her maternal instincts.

Alcoholism is not a disease of one person, it is a disease of the whole family. A person suffering from this ailment develops addiction, and his family members develop codependency. Codependents often experience feelings of guilt, anger, and aggression. They are prone to overprotection, when a dependent person wants to feel sorry for, save, "pull out of the abyss."

Relationship psychology

Alcoholics' wives have a tough time. These are women with low self-esteem, who are used to playing the role of a victim in life. And since the victim loves to suffer, then subconsciously she is looking for someone who will deliver this suffering to her. It is important here that one more problem does not arise, such as. Breaking out of this circle is not so easy, but nothing is impossible. Of course, it also happens that a man starts drinking suddenly. Loving woman cannot just decide to divorce an alcoholic without trying to help him.

If the husband is an alcoholic - leave or stay? This is a rhetorical question that all wives sooner or later ask themselves. drinking men... A woman must find the answer to this question herself - specific advice on this score it cannot be. If your husband started drinking recently, and you know what caused this, then you can try to help him. However, you should not take all the problems onto yourself. Remember that man is the creator of his own destiny. If your loved one doesn't want to deal with their difficulties, there is nothing you can do about it. So what can be done:

1. Determine if the problem really exists. As strange as it may sound, this point is very important, since women tend to exaggerate. They regard ordinary gatherings with friends as the first sign of alcohol addiction. The main symptoms of the disease are: the presence of a hangover syndrome, impaired control while taking alcoholic beverages, a categorical denial of the disease;
2. Entrust the treatment to professionals. You should not treat the disease at home, relying on advice from newspapers, the Internet and other unreliable sources. Addiction should be treated by a narcologist. Modern medicine has enough ways that help not only cope with the disease, but also not return to it again. The main thing is to motivate the husband for treatment. Without this, it will be ineffective;

Talk frankly with your spouse, try to convince him that alcoholism is necessary and can be treated. If he flatly refuses to attend specialized clinic, call a specialist at home. The doctor will set the husband up for treatment, give him the necessary guidelines. Only after he sees that the patient is motivated for speedy recovery, he will refer him to the clinic. Here he will be assigned an examination and a set of medical procedures.
Do not dwell solely on drug treatment, it is important to provide moral support and continue the course of therapy at home.

How to leave an alcoholic husband: the first step

If you have tried many times to help your spouse, but the problem persists, and you do not know, you should think about how to break dependent relationship and start living your own life. How to decide on a divorce from an alcoholic husband? Take a piece of paper and answer the following questions:

1. What prevents me from leaving my spouse? What am I afraid of?
2. What am I depriving myself of, staying in a relationship with an addicted person?
3. What will I get when I leave my husband?

In order to make it easier to give answers, contact a loved one. Straightforward conversation will help you make the final decision.

Typically, the women victims are the wives of the drinkers. If you do not work out this role, then you will not be able to finally break off the codependent relationship. To do this, you need to sign up for a consultation with a psychologist. You don't have to go to a paid specialist. There are free psychological services, rehabilitation centers, helpline, etc. You can try to deal with the problem yourself, with the help of expert advice.

For effective treatment of alcoholism, experts advise tool "AlcoLock"... This drug:

Eliminates alcohol cravings

Repairs damaged liver cells

Removes toxins from the body

Soothes nervous system

Has no taste or smell

Comprises natural ingredients and completely safe

AlcoLock has an evidence base based on numerous clinical studies. The tool has no contraindications and side effects... Opinion of doctors >>

1. Talk to your husband when he is sober, let him know that you want to end the relationship with him. Most likely, he will persuade you to stay, he will promise that he will improve. The main thing is not to succumb to these persuasions. You can trust a person a maximum of 2 times. If your husband is aggressive, leave silently, leaving a letter in which you describe in detail your feelings and the reasons that prompted you to end the relationship;
2. Before leaving the alcoholic, change the phone number so that he cannot get through to you. At first there is high probability the fact that you succumb to his tricks and come back. Do not agree to dates, meetings with your husband. Discard any contact. If possible, rent an apartment or room in another area or city. Live with relatives whose place of residence is unknown to the husband;
3. Keep in touch with your neighbors, ask if your ex-spouse's behavior has changed. It often happens that after a breakup, a person realizes his mistake, decides to change. Even if this happens, do not immediately reestablish the bond with your husband. This is necessary in order to make sure that after 1-2 months it does not return to old life.

If after you leave, your husband's behavior has not changed, then the only way out will be divorce. How to divorce an alcoholic husband? Take colored pencils and draw as you see further life with a person who is addicted to alcohol. Surely, the picture will not turn out very rosy. Now draw what your life will be like when you don't need to suffer, worry and fear for your life. How will your children's lives change? Which drawing do you like best? For better clarity, hang the drawings on the refrigerator or on the wall so that you see them as often as possible. If after a while you feel like tearing up and throwing away the "bad" drawing, do it. This is the first signal that you are ready to make an important decision in your life. It remains to find out the legal aspects of how to leave an alcoholic husband, and you are free!
You have learned how to part with an alcoholic husband, now it is important to learn how to live without him. Do not be isolated in yourself, communicate with friends and family as much as possible. Contact a counseling center. Here you can get not only support from specialists, but also find like-minded women - the same women as you.

What do the experts say?

In psychology, it is believed that a divorce from an alcoholic is a trauma that needs to be treated for more than one year. AND best medicine- this is live communication and self-care. Long years alcoholics' wives deny themselves this, which is why it is so important for them to enjoy it. Even, you have coped with the question of how to get away from an alcoholic, the advice of a psychologist will be necessary, because your husband cannot just let you go. You need to be prepared for this. If you hesitate and feel that you can return to your ex-spouse again, change the place of residence that only those closest to you will know about. If possible, you need to change jobs so that the husband does not come there with claims or requests.

A divorce from an alcoholic can bring a lot of trauma. The psychology of such relationships, as a rule, does not carry anything good. This is a very serious step in a woman's life. It is not so easy to decide on it, because she is codependent on him. The main thing is to gather the will "into a fist" and make a decision. After that, all questions are answered immediately.

Alcoholism is an ailment that not only destructively affects the patient's health, but also breaks the life of his loved ones. In families where the husband is fond of alcohol, scandals are frequent, and domestic violence flourishes. Capable of drunkenness a person cannot control himself. He is prone to unreasonable aggression, therefore, any quarrel is fraught with beatings, and in other cases - serious injury. Most of all, his wife and children suffer from living together with an alcoholic. Added to physical injuries constant stress, shaking their nervous system, leading to neuroses and even mental disorders.

The most logical way out in such a situation is to divorce an alcoholic. Unfortunately, this is not easy: Russian laws cannot be recognized as incapacitated persons who suffer from alcoholism, but do not have others mental illness... Therefore, unilateral divorce in in this case impossible. Divorce is carried out by general rules prescribed in Family Code RF.

As in other cases, when the family is threatened with divorce, you need to think carefully about your choice, weighing all the pros and cons. As a rule, a wife does not immediately decide to break off relations with a drinking husband, because he is not a stranger to her, this is a close person with whom she has already experienced a lot.

At first, the woman takes pity on the alcoholic, takes care of him, and treats him like a patient. She tolerates aggression, mood swings, insults, and even assault. A significant role in this is played by the formula happy marriage- "in sorrow and in joy." It is difficult for a woman to leave her beloved husband, who, in her opinion, is simply ill, and if he is cured, he will become the same again.

But alcoholism, like any disease, progresses without treatment, which is accompanied by a gradual degradation of the patient's personality. The alcoholic's character changes, he becomes unbalanced, proud, capricious. Anything can provoke an outbreak of aggression: spilled milk, crying of children, lost TV remote control. The main blow is taken not only by the wife: the child can also fall under the hot hand of an alcoholic father.

If attempts to persuade a husband to recover from addiction do not lead to anything, and during drunkenness he becomes dangerous to others, then it is better to dissolve the marriage. In such a situation, one's own life and the well-being of children are more important than the health of a husband, which he destroys of his own free will.

When is it possible to correct the situation and save the family?

It is real to save the marriage if the husband drinks. The main condition for this is that he himself would like to recover from alcoholism and go to meet his wife. He should be aware that he is sick, but this is not enough: both spouses need a considerable supply of determination, patience and willpower, since treatment is long way, and it is often difficult to pass it.

In addition, it is worth finding out what led a loved one to addiction to alcohol. Sometimes it all starts with frequent quarrels, when the atmosphere in the family gradually becomes unbearable, there is no understanding between the spouses, and as a result, one of them feels unnecessary, and alcohol helps him to calm down. Another factor undermining marriage is the birth of a child, when the husband fades into the background. The wife pays all her attention to the baby, and tears off fatigue and irritation in the "second half."

If the cause of alcoholism is family problems, it is worth trying to fix it. Often, a joint visit to a psychologist helps, who will find out what exactly destroys the marriage, and will suggest ways out of difficult situation... Will help and straight Talk heart to heart, if the husband does not mind.

When the reasons are clarified, it remains to get rid of the addiction. The choice of treatment methods in modern medicine very wide - from sewing in a "torpedo" under the skin, to hypnosis and hardware brain stimulation (EFT).

When to break up with a drinking husband: domestic violence, the impact of a drunkard on children

One of the main reasons to divorce an alcoholic is assault. If a spouse in a state of intoxication raised his hand against his wife or child, there is a chance that this will happen more than once. A drunk person does not control himself, in anger he can seriously injure others. Sometimes family scandals lead to dire consequences such as the disability of a wife beaten by a drunken husband, or even murder.

Living with an alcoholic father is also dangerous for children. Among negative consequences, to which it leads, the following can be distinguished:

• Low self-esteem;
• Claustrophobia;
• Sociophobia, isolation;
• Relationship problems with the opposite sex;
• Propensity for alcohol or drug addiction;
• Lagging in physical or mental development;
• Imbalance, tendency to sadism, if domestic violence was the norm;
• Lack of self-care skills, household skills (inability to regularly wash, comb your hair, wash clothes, etc., if little attention was paid to children).

If drinking husband refuses to make contact with the family, does not want to negotiate and, moreover, to be treated for addiction, it is better to get a divorce - the marriage can hardly be saved.

How to behave with children if the family has broken up?

For children, divorce is no less a tragedy than for their parents. Family breakdown, destruction habitual way life they endure very hard. You should support children in this difficult time, treat them gently, and make it clear that, despite what happened, they are still needed and loved. If financial position the family has worsened, you can find a mother for yourself additional source earnings (part-time work, remote work, freelance).

When talking with children, in no case should you scold their father. You can not drag them into squabbles between spouses, and thereby cause them additional pain. It is also not necessary to forbid children to see their father, if they themselves want to. If necessary, you can determine the conditions for the ex-husband that he will be obliged to comply - for example, to meet with the children sober.

Rules to help you break up with an alcoholic

When the decision to divorce is made, it is worth adhering to the rules that will help facilitate this difficult process:

1. Don't hesitate. Endless threats to divorce, followed by reconciliation with the husband, will lead to the fact that he will not take his wife seriously.
2. Find a temporary apartment for yourself and your children, where you can move from your previous home.
3. Do not feel sorry for your husband and do not worry about his fate - he himself is to blame for the destruction of the marriage; do not give in to his persuasions and promises not to drink anymore.
4. Rely on friends and close relatives, and surround yourself with people who can help you survive divorce.
5. Think about the future of your family, about permanent housing, and how to support yourself and your children.
6. Do not lose faith in yourself, firmly know that all difficulties are surmountable.

Legal aspects of divorce

If there are no children or joint property, the marriage is dissolved through the registry office. Common children who have not yet turned 18, property claims, common real estate are a reason to go to court. When the real estate is divided, the previous apartment is sold, so that each of former spouses could buy a separate home. In the case of loans that were paid by the husband and wife, the previous agreement with the bank is terminated, and two new agreements are concluded - separately for each. The issue of alimony is also decided in court.

If after a divorce ex-wife nowhere to live, she can turn to a specialized psychological and legal center that deals with helping women who have suffered from domestic violence.

Departure with spouse

To get the husband to move out of his apartment, the following is recommended:

• While the spouse is not at home, you need to take his personal belongings to a place where he can live during the divorce - for example, to his family;
• Next, you need to change all the locks so that he cannot get into the apartment without the knowledge of his wife;
• Finally, the wife must leave home - to a place where the husband will not look for her.

If a wife lives in an apartment owned by her husband, she must:

• In his absence, collect their belongings, as well as the property of the children;
• Leave a note, SMS, message in a messenger or social network, where you can summarize the decision to leave;
• Move to a place that is unknown to her husband - to be sure that he will not find her.

After the move, the spouses can start the divorce proceedings.

Your Narcologist recommends: Psychological help after divorce for men and women

The recommendations of psychologists will help you to safely overcome the painful divorce period. Here are some tips to help you cope with your worries:

1. The best thing is to come to terms with the divorce. It is worth looking at it as a difficult but necessary lesson, a transitional stage, after which you can start life from scratch.
2. New life - new opportunities that could not have appeared in the old hateful marriage.
3. Loneliness is harmful. It is much better when there is an opportunity to rely on friends and relatives, to spend as much time as possible with people who will not condemn, but, on the contrary, support.
4. New hobbies new job, change of lifestyle, place of residence - all this will help to distract from painful thoughts.

The rule with switching of attention works most effectively. You can occupy your mind with anything - if only it helps to expel negative emotions... Helps very well social work such as volunteering.

New life

A divorce from an alcoholic took place - the worst thing is over, it won't get any worse. Whatever trials life prepares, they will be easier than what has already been experienced.

Often women are afraid to get divorced, because they do not know if they will be able to financially support themselves and their children. In this case, you should think in advance about a new, more suitable, job, or extra earnings, which will allow you not to deny yourself anything. Another fear, no less frequent, is the fear of leaving the comfort zone, albeit not very pleasant, but habitual. The unknown is always frightening, and in order to build a new cozy "shell" for yourself, you should show willpower and boldly meet changes.

In addition, you should always remember that this is done for your own good and for the sake of the children. As often as possible, you should remember everything that was bad in your previous life, and which the family got rid of thanks to the divorce. And, despite all the stereotypes about "divorces" prevailing over society, a chance to create new family very large. Just do not enter into a relationship immediately after a divorce - it is better to take a pause so that the longing for the ex-husband and the natural distrust of the opposite sex in this situation pass away.