Midlife crisis leaving the family. Midlife crisis in men. The consequences of a male midlife crisis for a woman can be compared to an earthquake. He leaves behind him frustration, dashed hopes, and shattered families. The thoughts of a man in

11.04.2019

The age of onset of the crisis varies from 37 to 42 years - this is one of the most difficult times in a man's life. It is also sometimes called the "fateful forties". How to survive a midlife crisis with minimal disruption? Psychologist's advice - for men and their wives.

If a man's thirty-year-old crisis mainly hits his revaluation of his social role, concerns the choice of the path of work, self-determination in life, and at the same time personal life suffers much less, then at forty is a real disaster.

There are several reasons for this - and they are not comparable to the reasons for the identity crisis.

First, it is the age of debriefing. If a man considers himself successful by the age of forty, that is, his social ambitions are satisfied, then he is a winner. And the winner needs an award and a pedestal, and thunderous applause, and admiring glances. A man is a hero! His family is in order, everything is in place. He fulfills the role of head of the family, in his opinion, perfectly. He has hobbies, his own social circle, external attributes of success. The world is simply obliged to admire his achievements. And who inhabits this world? The wife, who went with him all the way of his formation, saw both a "broken nose" and despair? She long ago stopped praising her husband and admiring him, and treats his success as something completely natural. Sometimes he will say: “You are great! We should also have this ... "- and will continue to calmly talk about family needs. These are not the "copper pipes" that longs for male pride, oh, not those!

Perhaps his children, who have reached their teens by the age of 40, admire the father? I can already see your smile, we will not even discuss it. Everything is clear here.

So who will appreciate the hero's feat? Who will look at him with loving eyes, full of admiration and delight? You know that very well too! Young women, captivated by the image of the "alpha male". And the point here is not that the man was drawn to exchange "an old forty-year-old wife for two young ones of twenty." And not that he is corrupted or depraved. He needs success like air! And the wife is in no hurry with the laurel wreath - or she appears at the wrong time and inopportune. And there are so many enthusiastic girls around ... "If not now, then when?" - the man thinks. He is haunted by the question: "What am I worth in life?" - and the person is not looking for an answer from colleagues and friends, this is a passed stage. He needs the admiration of women. Now the main thing for him is the attitude towards his powerful personality.

Fear is mingled with the hunger of recognition. Forty is not twenty or thirty. The man is in his fifties. It is not known how much is left male life where is the triumph?

Yes, here also the body prompts: youth flows away like sand through your fingers. Lungs, liver, blood vessels, stomach, heart begin to play pranks ... A man suddenly realizes that old age is not far off, that all the best is left behind, that he will soon begin to lose strength, that nothing can be turned back, that he is getting old.

The first signs of erectile dysfunction complete the bleak picture. Dear ladies, do not try to understand what this means for a man. Cellulite, wrinkles and other minor troubles that disturb us cannot give even a shadow of an idea of what a man feels! Any change at the hormonal level, anxiety, fear of impotence, decreased potency, erectile dysfunction in the middle of life cause panic in men.

Impotence for a man is the end of life, a curtain. Forever and ever.

Once we were having a philosophical conversation with a middle-aged gentleman. They talked about the meanings of life and death. And he exclaimed: “Death! This is natural and she is waiting for everyone! But it is better to die before you realize that you can no longer! That's what's really (really scary! ”He was sincere.

The man becomes withdrawn, irritated. He looks at himself in the mirror: it seems like nothing yet, not an old man. And it knocks in my head: “Soon you will become old and weak. Hurry while there is gunpowder in the flasks. " And he is in a hurry ...

Desperately rushes to restore health, sometimes hurting himself. This makes him even more frightened. And if we consider that testosterone, the hormone of aggressiveness, is released into the bloodstream during stress large volumes, then you can easily imagine the situation in the house of an aging man. It seems a little to no one. As a rule, the wife becomes the "scapegoat".

At forty years of age in men, all suffering is focused on his potency and intimate achievements. Self-identification suffers, because, as we already know, the phallus for him is a symbol of success and victory, prosperity and male strength.

He is absolutely sure that his relationship with his wife has outlived its usefulness, his feelings have evaporated, and only debt remains. A sense of duty is what inspires a man least of all in the forties. A sense of duty cannot make him happy in any way, rather the opposite. Therefore, during a crisis, a man claims that his wife tortured him, it is she who does not give him the opportunity to breathe full breast and feel young. The matrimonial bed grows cold. And this is also the “fault” of the wife.

A man feels that no one understands him, he is infinitely lonely, everyone needs something from him (that is necessary, he himself is not needed by anyone. He can become sentimental, shed tears. The very fact of tears, self-pity and sentimentality becomes for a man a sign of intolerable unhappiness. "If I cried, then life is really terrible."

The following text can be printed and attached with a magnet to the refrigerator, so as not to bother the faithful with the "composition" of the reasons for discontent and disappointment.

You have become non-sexual and uninteresting. Like a man in a skirt.
You have nothing to talk about, you have no interests other than household chores and your girlfriends.
You have ceased to understand me, in the family I am completely alone.
You don’t play sports, so you’re blurry and flabby.
You are only busy with your career and rags.
You treat me like a consumer.
I need freedom, and you spy on me all the time.
I plowed all my life, now I want to live for myself.
At home - continuous problems, it is you who raised the children! I was busy with work, earning money. And what you were doing is unclear.
You always talk to me with metal in your voice.
I'm an idiot for putting up with all this! I have one life!
Don't bother with stupid questions! You still won’t understand what’s wrong with me.

The changes that a man longs for at forty are already touching the foundations of his streamlined life. This is a jailbreak where the witch rules. And there are so many beautiful and kind fairies around! This is a breakdown of everything that is familiar and established, it is a thirst for "another life." Truly different!

Middle age is when you can still do the same thing as before, but you prefer not to do it.

The male crisis of forty is a ten-point earthquake. The man is peddling. Everything is racing, the thirst for freedom is off the charts. Neither work nor habitual hobbies can save you. Everything is devalued. Only the last car of the departing train is important, into which you can jump on the go. And the man is jumping!

Yes, it is at forty that a man craves romantic relationship, « high feelings”, Sincere acceptance of oneself, without any claims and reservations. In this respect, he looks like a teenager and thinks and feels the same anxious and vaguely.

At forty, having become more sentimental and vulnerable, a man does not just have an affair to test his sexual worth. No! He falls in love! He needs understanding and unconditional recognition. His soul requires inspiration, as in his youth. And this can only be given by a woman who is not like his wife.

There is another one here interesting moment... If a man's testosterone begins to decrease by the age of forty, and this is what makes him more sensitive and sentimental, then a woman, on the contrary, becomes more self-confident, stronger. And a man needs soul mate, gentle and sensual. It is such a woman that becomes sexually attractive to him. And the man begins to think that he will never return to his family. Who will voluntarily return to prison!

It is during this period that the peak of divorces falls. If a man divorced and created new family- with a good fairy, of course - after a while he will begin to compare her with “ old wife", Try to create a copy of it.

I have come across situations that look more like theater of the absurd than real life... They show what kind of confusion occurs in a man's head.

“We got married in the fifth year of college, both were in their twenties. We grew up professionally together. Then, one after another, a daughter and a son appeared. The wife was more concerned with children than with a career. And all my life I worked, worked, worked ... We lived together for twenty years. The wife became dear, almost like a mother. We live like close relatives. But we are still young! No romance, no feelings. Life turned gray. A year ago I met a woman. Everything is like at twenty: the wings are behind. With my head I understand that these new feelings will probably end someday too. What if not? But I don't want to leave the family either. You can't throw twenty years out the window. It's a shame in front of the children, they definitely won't understand me. How do I leave them all? So I'm torn to pieces. I can't see my wife! She knows everything. The irritation is huge. I can't look my children in the eye, I'm ashamed of the thought of leaving the family. I go to the forest and cry there. I'm torn to pieces. Hell's torment! And crazy love, and despair, and shame, and the impossibility of living like this on ... All in one bottle. How can I settle all this? Maybe everything will somehow resolve itself? "

And this person sincerely believes that he will be able to somehow settle everything, everything will fall into place by itself. And the wolves will be fed, and the sheep are safe. He may even declare to his wife, who found out about his mistress: “Well, why are you so worried! I'm not going to marry her! I am not leaving my family. Give me some freedom! "

And he says this, confusing his forty for sixteen, and his wife with his mother. His wife decides that her husband is either crazy or has lost both his mind and conscience.

In reality, the husband really needs the support and help of his wife, but does not know how to ask for it, how to explain the terrible thing that is happening to him. Since the man behaves aggressively and inexplicably, then in response he is condemned and repulsed. The crisis will end someday, but the suffering man does not know about it. His problem is "forever."

In marriage, the most common scenario is as follows: a man lived with his wife, the same age as 15-20 years old, and suddenly husband has a midlife crisis... At this moment, just a young girl appears on the horizon, who will take advantage of the situation and. A whirlwind romance occurs, which leads to the fact that.

As a rule, young women immediately begin to manipulate a man and their relationship, arguing that they do not like to live like this, and also share their man with another woman. The result of such actions is obvious, and leads to a divorce of a man from his wife. But in most cases, when a man leaves the family to, their passion over time is replaced by the same way of life and monotony.

If a man is satisfied with his young wife, then over time, she, as a rule, becomes pregnant and sits on his neck with the child. In such a situation, the main thing is not to become an amoebic fish and divorced from reality, because in the last family it was the same, and the man left this. A young woman should always remember this, as she herself may find herself in the same situation.

A woman should definitely find herself a hobby, passion, constantly improve herself and develop so that your man does not lose interest in you.

There is another scenario, which is more common. This is when, after a divorce, a man and his young wife begin to live together and soon realize that they still do not fit each other, their passions have subsided, there is no need to hide from anyone, all the movement has disappeared. On the other hand, a woman realizes that she no longer possesses the freedom that she had before, that she can no longer afford to meet with her friends in the club until the morning, short dresses and high heels, since the house, the husband and the stove are waiting for her.

In marriages between an older man and a young woman, one must be able to yield to each other, finding compromises. An excellent option will periodically rest from each other, so you can constantly maintain a man's interest in his person and learn to trust your partner.

Dear women, you should never try and especially impose your point of view on him. Listen to a woman and do the opposite!

It is worth remembering that your man somehow lived before you, and this left an imprint on his habits and outlook on life.

It is believed that marriage between a man and a woman, where their age varies significantly (the difference should be no more than 15 years), is successful for both partners. Both partners benefit from such a relationship: a woman in such a family plays the role of a weak and defenseless woman, and her man plays the role of a strong, wise man who takes care of his soul mate. In such a marriage, both are happy and contented.

Highly important advice for women who have decided for themselves to link their fate with an elderly man - constantly watch yourself!

If a man and a woman live together, then over time the woman ages faster than if she lived with a man of her age. Here important role playing common life and passing time on the same territory, common interests, movies, food, etc. It turns out that over time, a man and a woman become similar to each other. Also, do not forget that in a marriage with an elderly man, a woman needs to be very attentive, a good housewife, caring mom, beloved wife and personal doctor in general.

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"Middle age crisis". You've probably heard about this before. The phenomenon is usually associated with negative overestimation. own experience- when previous opportunities seem lost, and youth - irrevocably gone.

It is believed that this crisis mainly affects men around the age of 40, but there are no specific age limits - for some, it can occur at 30 years old. Early offensive midlife crisis can be triggered by a high pace of life.
When life has already been decided, and the personality has fully taken place, it would seem that there is nowhere to wait for unforeseen complications, you can safely enjoy prosperity and realize your potential. But it is during this period, most often, that a midlife crisis comes, and if at this moment a person succumbs to the surging emotions, it is possible that he will destroy his own life to the ground. What do you need to know to prevent this?

First of all, you need to understand secret meaning happening. And for this you need to look back - in the days of your own youth. School is behind, parental prohibitions - there are endless possibilities ahead, healthy body, a soul that wants to turn the world upside down. Surely a little fear of huge world after all, there is, there are fears that the world will not accept you, but they only occasionally darken the soul young man or girls entering a new phase for themselves. And from 20 to 35 years old, each of us is busy looking for ourselves in this world, mastering new types of activities.

And in mature age when a stable job appeared, a family of their own, requiring constant attention, a person suddenly feels that he has fallen into a trap. Why? Because now his freedom is sharply limited. If in his youth he could flutter like a butterfly from partner to partner, now he is held by obligations to children, common life, and other reasons. Perhaps they do not in the least prevent him from still loving his loved ones, but a sense of duty begins to come to the fore, which overshadows tenderness and affection. And, as you know, a person has a desire to throw off the shackles, and when he begins to mindlessly struggle with his own life circumstances, his life cracks.

If the situation is complicated by the fact that family man forced to engage in an unloved business that generates income, giving up his hobbies and hobbies, this process is significantly accelerated, and it can be very difficult to stop it. Once having released the demon of destruction from your soul, you need to reconsider your whole life, change completely in order to see again the world fresh and beautiful, again to enjoy the smiles of their children, to feel an irresistible attraction to his wife.

Not everyone is capable of this difficult and painful process of internal transformation, so most people simply break off relations without going into a deep analysis of what is happening. Repeated probability happy marriage v in this case not that great. The fact is that the older a person becomes, the more difficult it is for him to adapt to a new partner. As a result, quarrels arise from scratch, and the novel, which began beautifully and romantically, quickly ends.

People who got married at the age of 20-25 have a more flexible psyche, they do not yet have such rigid stereotypes of behavior that appear in the future. Therefore, their lives are not complicated. similar problems... But, on the other hand, young people are not distinguished by tolerance and wisdom, they are not able to remain silent in conflict situation, and mutual tactlessness is the reason for parting. Therefore, you should not think that young age gives great advantages in the matter of building lasting relationship... Here, the internal compatibility of the pair is more important, which to age restrictions has nothing to do with it.

Such married couple It is also not immune from the devastating consequences of a midlife crisis, but people who trust each other and strive to find common ground always have a great chance of getting out of this test with the least losses.

The well-known saying “the best is the enemy of the good” fully justifies itself if a person in midlife crisis suddenly begins to blame others for the fact that they do not allow him to self-actualize, stand in his way. At the same time, he forgets about the relations that exist between them, acting as a consumer defending his rights in all instances. This is a destructive position that carries nothing positive. And without a timely understanding of this simple fact, a midlife crisis can lead to total collapse.

Why are men mainly affected by this crisis?

Among Americans, one in four people between the ages of 40 and 55 are affected by middle-aged problems, whether it is a man or a woman. In our country, a country of hidden matriarchy, men experience an inferiority complex almost from birth. Strong, energetic mothers give birth to it, and powerful and strong-willed wives continue to develop.

Since our men get married quite early - on average, at 25-27 years old, by the age of 35 they suddenly find with melancholy that their careers are still not working out, but family life has already become a routine.

Do not wait with horror for the “fatal” mark of 40 years. The onset of this period is individual, it can begin in different ages and flow differently. However, some common features, which are characteristic of the onset of the crisis.

Crises haunt a person throughout his life and are such a kind of examinations for adulthood. The first crisis, the crisis of independence, is considered 3 years. Then allocate adolescence, which is also a crisis for a developing personality. Psychologists date the crisis of first maturity to 30-33-35 years of age. The next one is the midlife crisis, the age of a new identity. After that, those who have successfully dealt with the crisis or have not experienced it at all enter a period of emotional stability, maturity, and dedication. But in recent times psychologists are beginning to identify another crisis - the crisis of ambition. It overtakes young people in the period 22-28 years old and is associated primarily with the severity of professional implementation.

Symptoms of a midlife crisis:

Insomnia, soreness, despondency, fatigue, inability to concentrate, thoughts about what was not ready or did not have time to do, regrets, inexplicable and unbridled desire for something (silver Porsche) or someone (that redhead from the personnel department). And finally, just at the moment of midlife crisis, a man suddenly begins to think about big questions like: "What is the meaning of my life?"

The main reason for the crisis can be called the fact that a man begins to analyze his past and think about the future. This in itself is not bad at all, but for too many, these reflections lead to a sense of the collapse of everything achieved. There are thoughts about age, that life is short, time is running out. If a man became a parent early, then the children who have grown up by this time make them feel even more acutely their not young years... In combination with thoughts about their real or imagined inconsistency, this truly forms explosive mixture... It is then that feverish attempts begin to prove to others that this is not so, that youth is still with him, attempts to change the situation, changing everything, from family to type of activity.

In youth, we are directed to the future, not really thinking about comprehending life experience- especially since it is not that great during this period. But with age, the situation changes and a person begins to compare his real achievements with youthful dreams. This often translates into a "confession" that most of them have not been implemented.

A man during this period can withdraw into himself, fall into depression and become irritable. Trying to find a way out, he may suddenly change his hobbies and style of clothing. In "severe" cases, a change of place of work and even a break in family relations are possible. It is during this period that an exacerbation of alcohol dependence may occur.

As it happens in men:

The midlife crisis hits mostly men on the head, as creatures constantly competing with each other and having more time for "global" thoughts. Women tend to be more passionate about questions. kindergarten, cooking, cleaning, and they simply do not have time for this;

A man begins to think about how much he has done in life and compares himself with more successful peers. As a rule, not in their favor;

After this comparison, he begins to "look for the guilty." Not everyone has the courage to admit that if something is wrong, then the reason is in it. Therefore, it is often the close ones who are “guilty” - for example, the wife.

After the wife is defined as “guilty,” a logical conclusion follows: you have to leave your wife, alone I will achieve more. And the man leaves, especially if there is somewhere (for example, to another apartment);

During this period, a man starts relationships with other women. The motive is this: Am I cheating myself in marriage? Are other women better?

The truth is that this period is passing. A man begins to look at things more optimistically: he understands that there are peers who are more successful than him, but there are many who are much more unlucky. After that, the understanding comes that all these years the wife did not interfere, but rather helped (especially if everything was more or less in order in the marriage).

Connections with women are boring. He is no longer a boy, and in order to work calmly and his personal life must be calm. You need to have a place where you will be supported, where you were seen and accepted in “any” form: sick, and “under the fly”, and without money, and irritated. And with new women, you need to constantly be not yourself, but someone else: constantly cheerful, generous, cheerful ... So the man understands that he was “deeply wrong” when he decided to leave his wife.

The man comes out of the "midlife crisis" refreshed, but also pretty shabby. The crisis ends when a man sets himself some new global goals, redefines his place in life. And often this is the same place that was.

And now, a man who left the family wants to go back. But here a lot of obstacles arise. It turns out that his wife does not want to understand his "mental throwings" and is greatly offended by everything that he managed to tell her during the period of his and her reappraisal. And here all the wisdom, all the good will of the wife is needed to take back this "lost wanderer." And often the help of a psychologist to help the spouses ... no, not "to return to the past", but to re-create a family, taking into account the past experience.

Meanwhile a midlife crisis a great opportunity to become smarter, more calm, strong and (attention!) attractive to women than ever before. You just need to know something about this in advance. interesting period in your life and be ready to meet him fully armed.

Most main secret is to find yourself. Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and one of the founders of psychoanalysis, called this process individualization.

Here is a simplified version of Young's model. In your youth, you design yourself a spacesuit for outside world, a kind of disguise that will help to cope with studies, drag into bed maximum amount women, increase some sales, in general, succeed. Under a spacesuit, you hide your neuroses, fears and everything else, too gloomy, defiant or just eccentric in order to be accepted by a decent society and, again, to succeed in it.

As long as everything is going well, the onboard systems are functioning normally. But as soon as something happens (for example, despite all the precautions, you get divorced or you get fired), a crack appears in the spacesuit; hidden secrets begin to break out and cry out to you. To go from a young man to an adult, you need, firstly, to listen to these voices, and secondly, to do at least something of what they ask you to do. That is, throw off the fake wrappers.

No wonder they say: "A gray head is a devil in a rib." Closer to the age of 40, a midlife crisis begins in men: leaving the family, lovers, scandals, new habits - it all overtakes them like a snowball. How should your wife behave in this case?

Midlife crisis in men - leaving the family:

What should a wife do?

40: what does a man feel?

The feelings of a man in midlife crisis are akin to those of a 17-year-old. All sensations are heightened, he becomes a maximalist, views and values change. What thoughts are hovering in his head?

... "Where is the applause?" - this is a common problem of men who have achieved a lot in life: they have their own business or are top managers, their opinions are listened to at work, they are an authority for other people. And they begin to want recognition.

But the people around have not changed. The wife is still busy with everyday life (children, career, hobbies), children, who by that time had become teenagers, do not put a penny own father... When men face a midlife crisis, leaving the family for one who will admire and be touched (that is, a new young lover) seems logical.

... “I am getting old and will soon become weak,” thinks a man at 40. Indeed, health begins to play pranks, then the heart will ache, then the liver will fail, or even problems in bed will appear. And the man begins to feverishly take care of his health (usually causing even more harm), visit gyms, where he again meets beauties. And then he begins to prove that he is "nothing yet" ...

... During a midlife crisis, a reassessment of values takes place. And since during this period a man looks more like a maximalist teenager who is looking for real feelings and trying to live a "real" life (and in fact, he is constantly looking for adventures on his own head), he begins to get bored with everyday life. The wife seems unkempt, the children are harmful, it seems that everyone around is callous and selfish people, busy only with themselves. Where will he seek comfort? That's right, in the arms of another beauty who will show interest in his suddenly sensual nature.

How do you know when rush hour has arrived?

Identifying a husband's midlife crisis is not that difficult. The combination of age 38+ and some behavioral features will surely indicate to you that the time has come.

... He became irritable. Reproaches with or without reason, constant "why are you following me?" and "let me be alone!" Unfounded claims, often associated with accusations of callousness, dryness and selfishness.

... For no reason, no reason, I took care of myself. Suddenly I decided that I needed to swing and go swimming. Classic example - fell in love extreme views sports or wanted to travel around the world, and, as a rule, alone.

... Interests have changed. My husband loved aeromodelling and now plays tennis. Or you used to have dinner with the whole family on weekends, and now he is playing poker with colleagues at this time. If he used to be a workaholic, now he can give up on work, and vice versa.

... He demands attention to himself and is offended if his wife does not extol him. it classic desire to hear the same "fanfare" in their honor.

... He had a mistress. This item combines the signs of the previous ones and a few more "bonuses" in the form of random calls, incomprehensible SMS-juice, frequent business trips and deadlines, lipstick on the collar and the smell of someone else's perfume.

What should a wife do?

If a woman is faced with such a phenomenon as a midlife crisis in men, leaving the family can be prevented only if we experience it with him and like him.

Arrange a new Honeymoon... Be more romantic, change your hairstyle, give it more attention, love and affection, but do not joke with him!

Share his passion for new hobbies. Want to go to the gym? Go together, at the same time tighten the figure. Are you fond of mountaineering? Well, the mountains are calling!

Give him some freedom, but remember to be genuinely interested in his new pursuits.

And be attentive, gentle and caring to him. Then no homeless woman is afraid!

What time is it, when it ends and how long does the midlife crisis in men last? We will try to answer these rather FAQ, exciting the majority of the strong part of humanity.

In the overwhelming majority of cases, changes begin after 40 years. Happens to some men given state appears earlier or does not occur at all. It depends on many factors in a person's life: status, social status, education, health and so on. Any individual sets goals and raison d'être for himself. When these goals are not achieved, difficulties arise, depression, anger at oneself or others.

Sometimes it turns out the other way around, a person achieves a goal, but is not happy, and depression, anger and others also come negative emotions... In this case, there are two reasons:

1. The wrong goal was set, which was imposed by the society or some of its members. She did not suit the man at all, but he blindly followed her.

2. It seems that the person is happy, has achieved what he wanted, but something is missing. Fear comes, but what to do next, why do I exist? This arises because the previously set tasks have been completed, and new ones have not yet been set. At this moment, a person is disoriented, the meaning to achieve something is lost. We all live for something or someone, for example, for the sake of children, ourselves, work, parents, money or other people.

3. Experiencing teenage years, everyone wants freedom, earn money themselves, live for their own pleasure, not depend on anyone, be like adults, set themselves many goals for great life... But closer to the age of 30-40, already having their own families, work or business, people ask themselves the question: “Am I living the right way?”, And begin to wonder how good it was when they were teenagers. This period was characterized by complete freedom, where you lived for your pleasure, without burdens in the form of bills and thoughts about how to feed your family, raise children or not let your boss down. Two opposite images appear in the head, which conflict with each other and cause a complex range of emotions, leading to a tipping point.

How does a midlife crisis manifest in men? They can quit their job, cheat or file for divorce, especially if there are problems in the relationship of the spouses, they can destroy everything and live for themselves as before. Some become happier, but often, then the understanding comes that they did wrong, did not value their happiness, which became even worse. After all, it was possible to live like that for oneself, without destroying anything, since the children have matured, work can be changed or grow further, develop.

After 40 years, life is just beginning! This happens after a turning point, when people open themselves up in a new way, rethink their views and values, set new realistic goals, based on an already large baggage of knowledge.

4. There is another reason. When a young man makes plans in his youth, he imagines his future and sees a certain picture. He goes to this dream wearing "rose-colored" glasses. But in the end it turns out not as great as planned. It seems to have achieved the set task, but something is wrong. There are many examples:

there is a wife, but it turned out that the relationship is not developing as smoothly as desired
have a favorite job, but no career growth, or wage does not suit, or problems with bosses or employees, or, conversely, in the financial sector has achieved great success, but the work does not bring pleasure.
have a hobby, but no health
I want children, but I can't, and so on

Then it is very easy to get into a midlife crisis. The main thing is not to panic, not to make hasty decisions, to have common sense... You can find a way out of most situations. It is also worth learning to appreciate what you have, to see the good in small things, to rejoice, as children rejoice. Perhaps everything is not as bad as it seems at first glance.

To be ready for possible consequences, you need to know how many years a difficult time may come. Basically, the stronger sex is faced with such a problem within the range of 30 to 50 years. Until this moment there is certain stages individual growth. If he passes these them perfectly, then the problem may go unnoticed, painlessly, or not come at all. It depends on a number of factors.

What should be done?

The first point affecting further development events takes place at about 27 years old. During this period, there are bells for young men that he did not do something, did not realize it. In psychology, certain stages are distinguished at which there are tasks, in the solution of which, as a result, the question of how to survive the midlife crisis will not arise.

27-30 years old

What should be done to make it go unnoticed among men of 30 years old? Until the age of 27, a young man must be mentally born, that is, become a psychologically mature person. To do this, you need to solve a number of issues:

1. Disconnect from parents and be independent.

2. Make money and support yourself.

3. To teach to understand what a girl is, why she is needed, that is, her deep essence and relationship with her.

4. Become a professional in family relations, be the “captain of the family ship”. If the "captain" is illiterate, where can he lead the ship? Women, in such cases, seeing such a "captain", move him away from the helm and begin to lead themselves. This point is now the least resolved among the representatives of the stronger sex.

Here are the main steps psychological maturity guy. It is desirable to do this before the age of 27, up to a maximum of 30. First of all, parents should push this idea. But, unfortunately, they often do not have certain knowledge, so the young man himself is forced to come to this by trial and error.

If a person is not endowed by the age of 27 certain qualities, described above, there are bells that manifest themselves in the form of any difficulties: there are health problems, in business or in relationships, etc. The older a person gets, the more such bells begin to affect, become purposeful, more rigid. It’s very easy to get depressed at such a moment.

33 years

Next important stage starts at 33 years old. It is no coincidence that this period is called the age of Jesus Christ. At this time, you need to be born spiritually, to open yourself more voluminously. Such birth mostly happens spontaneously, people do not consciously do it. But in vain! Often they let this process take its course, and spiritual birth is not committed. Or, for example, a person is mentally not born, skipping this stage, is born immediately spiritually. It is these people who are at risk in later periods, their "roof" can be blown off.

After passing this time, the following qualities must be present:

must be financially secure,
be able to provide for not only yourself, but also your family,
clearly build deep relationships with your wife, in general, with a woman,
to understand the depth of the world, etc.

As a result, a young person must progressively form in himself knowledge that goes beyond the limits of ordinary consciousness. This is precisely the indicator of a correctly proceeding process. The moment the difficult masculine comes psychological period, he will pass it imperceptibly or with the least loss, since before that he went through all the stages sequentially.

But if this does not happen, and there are health problems, with girls, work or something else, then it comes turning point... You need to listen to the prompts and to your feelings.

How to overcome the midlife crisis in men? Psychology answers this question very easily.

It is necessary to complete those tasks that were not completed in the early periods.

The main symptoms

Midlife crisis in men, symptoms are very easy to track - no growth in family relationships, in health, in business, etc. He begins to die morally, can go into drunkenness or acquire others bad habits, begins to break down, because something may collapse or does not go according to his plan, feels emptiness, pity, irritation, anxiety, emptiness, melancholy.

The most big problem is a blatant illiteracy in matters of life, family and own condition. For this reason, problems arise. A person feels that he is capable of great things, wants to change something, but he himself does not understand what exactly. At this moment, he can radically change his life, mostly not in better side while destroying everything. Each situation can be solved by building a chain of events. For this you only need elementary knowledge in psychology, and then any representative of the stronger sex becomes the master of the situation.

How can you help?

How to help a man survive a midlife crisis and what to do in such a situation? A beloved woman, a spouse, can help to overcome the crisis. How to help? No matter how trite it sounds, with love, building close partnerships. A woman should develop an understanding that she needs to focus as much as possible on her companion, take care of him, but most importantly, remain feminine and attractive. They should be a couple, in no case put someone above themselves, someone below, but be just a couple. Do not blame yourself or your soul mate in any way. We must try to understand and support each other. This is the main value in life for both partners.

When husbands have a midlife crisis, it is very important to try to help them in a timely manner, because often during this period the marriage is destroyed. There are situations with which it is very difficult to cope, and a woman becomes a hostage of this process.

Representatives of the stronger sex sometimes do not themselves realize what is happening to them, begin to suffer, try to compensate different ways, can blame someone, are looking for different explanations. Defense mechanisms, rationalization, intellectualization, repression can be used in order not to face a situation when it is really clear that something is happening to oneself.

How can I help my husband get through a midlife crisis?

A representative of the fair sex must arrange a number of things in a certain order:

1. Second half to first place. At the age of 40, most men have this difficulty, and a woman herself should want to help her companion, because if he feels good, then a woman will have a loved one on whom she can rely on, to build life together, plans. It is not always easy to do this, but when you yourself feel comfortable, then those who are next to him are filled with this feeling.

2. Space of life, that is, you need to equip necessary conditions for family life.

The wisdom of a woman is to be constantly interesting. Strong sex without female love Is an aggressor who breaks himself and the world around him. After 40 years, a woman needs to slow down in activity and pay maximum attention to herself, her development, femininity, health, and for her the second begins childbearing period... It was by this time that males really became fathers.

Psychological struggle is always difficulties, difficulties, pain. It so happens that at this moment personality, thinking, behavior, emotional sphere face certain obstacles, conflicts that literally tear apart from the inside. If a person copes with this state, then he is reborn in a new quality, acquiring certain new meanings and opportunities. It is worth remembering the words of the great thinker Friedrich Nietzsche:

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

On this topic many books have been written, but we can advise you on "Men - Midlife Crisis" by Jim Convey. In it, the author popularly talks not only about the causes of the occurrence, but also gives specific advice how best to cope with life's problem.