Hospitals 

Features of the psychology of the child - advice for parents. Possible occurrence of school maladaptation. Features of raising a girl

Adolescence is one of the most interesting and difficult in the development of personality. It is difficult both for the teenager himself and for his parents. Perhaps even more so for parents, since they have to not only accept the child's metamorphoses, but also help him overcome them. Negative influence and reshape the nature of the relationship with the outside world.

The problem of parents is that they forgot that they too were once at this age and may have experienced similar problems and that they are not trying to understand their grown child.

Transitional age

Adolescence is divided into three stages:
Early adolescence: 10-11 to 14 years of age
Medium: 14 to 16-17 years old
Late: 16-17 years old to adulthood

Transitional age is the time of puberty with the final formation of secondary sexual characteristics. For different adolescents, this period may begin at different time. In girls, puberty usually occurs a little earlier than in boys. Basically, the transitional age begins at 11-12-13 years. At this time, many girls begin menstruation, and boys ejaculate. The child appears abrupt change moods, irritability, anxiety, stubbornness, he wants to spend more time among his peers, there may be difficulties in learning, etc. Parents should definitely take into account these natural physical and psychological changes. Various conflict situations may occur much more often than before, and your child may experience them more strongly than before. If parents begin to contribute to the emergence of a conflict, often reproach the child, show their displeasure, this will only aggravate the situation.

It is noted that the transitional age is more difficult in the only children in the family. This age period difficult for both parents and children, but no one can say for sure how difficult it will be for you specifically. If you do not show due patience, the child may develop a neurosis. As a rule, by the age of 15 the situation is getting better.

The difficult task of raising teenagers is to love and appreciate them, even as prickly as they are now.

The upbringing of teenagers is perhaps the most difficult task to be decided by the parents. Features of adolescence: a growing desire for independence, a sense of adulthood, a desire for independence and self-expression, the advantage of peer authority over adult authority - make adolescents rebel against literally everything. Naturally, it is not easy for parents who until recently were the main ones in the lives of their children to accept such changes.

Difficulties in raising a teenager

From 11 to 18 years old, fly become boys and girls. in the physical and mental state Adolescents are undergoing changes that require great patience and understanding of others and loved ones.

A teenager is characterized by a critical perception of reality.
New idols appear in his life.
Teenagers often change their mood.
Financial requirements are rising.
Appears his own opinion in the assessment of the partner and in matters of choosing a profession.

In extreme cases, drug addiction, anorexia, or a tendency to criminal activity may occur.

Do all teenagers have problems in raising?

What difficulties a teenager will have during puberty depends on many factors: character, temperament, relationship with parents, etc. If since childhood the relationship between the child and parents has been close and trusting, then it is easier for parents to maintain them even in a difficult adolescence. The more democratic the relationship of parents with their child, the more likely it is that he will not reject them and move away. Parents who try from childhood to inspire their child that they are perfect and worthy of imitation will most likely be ruthlessly overthrown from the pedestal they created themselves. The teenager begins to openly conflict with his mother or father, to discuss the style of their upbringing, often not avoiding harsh criticism. He has a sense of his own strength and significance.

How to solve problems of adolescence?

Parents need to be patient, loving and convince the teenager that he can always count on their help and support. You should not be offended by your child if he begins to trust a stranger more, tries to imitate him and follow his example. The fact is that the connection of a child with his father and mother from an emotional point of view is always much more complicated than relationships with other people. Of course, puberty is a temporary phenomenon, but this should be taken seriously and try to understand your child. Otherwise, the teenager will feel lonely and useless. The consequences of such experiences can lead to teen suicide. Therefore, if a child threatens suicide, in no case should one ignore such conversations, let alone laugh. You need to watch him carefully. Perhaps he is really disappointed in life and feels very unhappy. Since parents usually believe that their methods of raising a teenager are correct, the unexpected criticism of the child unsettles them. They think that their child is ungrateful and wrong. And yet, it is necessary to try to accept criticism in any form, without interrupting the conversation with an emotionally minded teenager. It is very important to be patient and try to calmly express your opinion, then the children may be able to understand their parents, their position and even agree with it.

Parents should not impose their opinions on children. Young people must make decisions and make their own choices, parents can only help them.

During puberty, a teenager may have serious problems, such as communication difficulties, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, etc. If parents feel that their children are in danger real danger and no amount of talking helps, they should go to an adolescent psychiatrist, psychologist or school psychologist.

Features of the development of adolescents

In the process of raising a teenager, many moments can alert parents - parents begin to worry. But there is no need to be afraid of the ordinary things that are normal development adolescent (both physiological and mental):

Physiological development of a teenager

Puberty: in girls - the onset of menstruation, in boys - wet dreams.
Rapid growth and conspicuous external changes: girls have female body shapes, boys have beard growth, voice mutation.

Mental development of a teenager

A state of anxiety and a thirst for new experiences.
Awareness of one's own importance and desire for self-affirmation.
Search for role models.
The emergence of new friends, a critical attitude towards adults.
Frequent mood swings.
Excessive sensitivity.
Dreaminess.
Desire to have a relationship with the opposite sex.
Excessive independence in decision-making.

How to raise a teenager

During adolescence, children progress a lot. There will certainly be many crises to go through, but eventually your child will become an independent, responsible, outgoing young adult.

So, we recommend that you remember the motto of many parents of teenagers: We get through this together, and we get out of this - together! This principle can be deciphered. Actually, this article is like a map by which you can navigate while raising a teenager.

Self-training

Don't let it go. Parents who know what to expect are much better at it. And the more you know, the easier it will be for you.

Here's what can really help:

Explore online resources and books about teenagers.

Think back to your own adolescence. Remember how you struggled with acne, communicated with peers, perceived your puberty.

Expect changes in your child's mood. Get ready for possible conflicts because the child is trying to become an adult.

Preparing your child

It is better to start talking about upcoming changes in advance. Say, talking about menstruation after it has already begun is not very relevant. Children are concerned about the differences between boys and girls, where they come from, and so on. Do not overload them with unnecessary information - only answer questions.

Well, what can I say - you know your child. When you notice that your child begins to joke about gender or when attention to secondary sexual characteristics increases. This - good time to jump in with your own questions such as:
Do you notice any changes in your body?
Do you have any strange feelings?
Does it sometimes seem like causeless sadness?

An annual visit to the doctor is also a good time to raise these questions. The doctor can tell your pre-teen child - and you - what to expect in the next few years. A visit to the doctor can serve as a starting point for a good discussion about maturation.

Keep in mind that the longer you wait to have this discussion, the more likely your child will form misconceptions or become embarrassed or frightened by physical and emotional changes.

Also, the earlier you open lines of communication, the better chance you have of keeping them open throughout adolescence. Give the child your children's books on puberty written for kids going through this. Share memories of your own youth. There is nothing better than knowing that Mom or Dad has been through this.

Try to help the child, but do it naturally.

How to talk to teenagers?

Of course, it is not easy to communicate with teenagers. But stepping back and just trying to communicate less, for fear of rudeness and distrust, is much worse. Talking is one of the methods when the process of education can take place unobtrusively, but effectively.

First of all, remember that in a conversation you should not touch (from the critical side) the appearance of the child: hair dyed for the tenth time, ripped jeans and other things that children of this age are extremely painful. This is their style, a means of self-expression, and nothing can be done about it yet. There are more important and interesting topics for conversations.

Do you want to talk? Cunning. Start a casual conversation, on the road, in the car while preparing dinner. This way you avoid the natural wariness that serious phrases like: “We need to have a serious talk” cause. Do not pressure the teenager, speak softly and kindly. If you really care about maintaining trust, don't lecture. It’s better to try together to discuss a topic that worries you in the future tense: “What if ...?” Education is not giving away ready-made options behavior and response. Invite the child to think and find options for action in certain situations on their own, tell something from your personal experience.

Respect each other. But be firm on the points that you consider important, which relate to the health and safety of the child. Never try to prove something to a teenager if you see that he is angry, tired, or simply not ready to calmly discuss the problem. Give him a chance to cool down and come to his senses. Do not switch to raised tones yourself. Demanding respect for yourself is fair if you yourself treat your teenager with respect and warmth.

What else should parents remember?

What matters is the amount of effort and time that parents spend on education. Extremes, as in any case, are unnecessary here. Situations when a child becomes the only meaning life or vice versa, for his upbringing are taken in case serious problems, as a rule, do not contribute to the formation of a responsible harmonious personality.

Parents on whose shoulders the upbringing of adolescents lies, it is important to be adequate, flexible and able to accept and predict the development of events.

They must see and understand the peculiarities of adolescence in their child, feel the changes taking place in his soul.

At the same time, the upbringing of adolescents should be adjusted to his individual maturation, adapt to changes in the family and its environment. Parents must accept the existence of other points of view, perhaps different from their own.

And it is important to remember that labeling any children as “hooligan”, “bandit”, “lazy” does not have the expected effect. useful action but has the exact opposite effect. Hooligan? Well, I'll be a bully!.. And gradually the child loses confidence in his own ability to correct and begins to confirm all the words said about him.

At first glance, it may seem that all the features of adolescence contribute to the estrangement of the child from the family, but this is only at first glance. Adolescents have a very strong need for emotional contact and trusting close communication with their parents. Very important emotional background families. The atmosphere of love and mutual respect will help to survive many difficulties and depression. Do not hide your feelings, often tell your recently very young children, and now teenagers, how you love and appreciate them, even as prickly as they are. And they will definitely reciprocate.

Teen parenting

The age of 14 to 16 is considered to be the most difficult period in raising children, as this is the period of puberty, when hormonal, psychological, and social problems come together. Adolescence is a difficult period not only for parents, but also for teenagers themselves. The task of parents is to make it as easy as possible for the child to go through such a difficult, but necessary stage of growing up.

This must be done tactfully, respectfully, it is in adolescence that children begin to take drugs, leave home, join extremist groups, and fall into sects. Behind each such “outburst” is a child who was not understood at home among the closest people.

The first thing that parents need to pay attention to and take into account when communicating with teenagers is hormonal changes produce the majority teenage problems. Rapid growth, changes in the body, almost obligatory dystonia lead to mood swings, fever, irritability, causeless tears, lethargy, increased appetite. These manifestations will go away by themselves as soon as the active growth, by the age of 18-19.

The second is psychological change. The child constantly rejects everything that parents offer him, and actively accepts everything that friends and musical idols offer him. Moreover, this applies to everything: from the choice of clothing style and musical preferences to the nature of food, slang, gait and life aspirations. Parents should take into account that if a teenager wants to go to the cinema or bowling, but his parents offered him such leisure, the teenager will refuse. Even if he really wants to, he dreamed of watching a movie, and then he would worry, cry, but he wouldn’t go.

This is necessary for the teenager himself: in order to become an adult, he must completely break away from his parents, so everything parental is taken with hostility. If you need to conduct an educational and moralizing conversation, then it is better to turn to your friends who have a child a little older (20-22 years old). Those few phrases that he will throw at the table at a party with a casual smile will be remembered by your teenager better than hours of boring parental lectures.

In the period of 14-16 years, teenagers try to protect their personal and inner life from outside interference as much as possible. Ideally, if the child has his own room, which you can decorate according to your taste and retire with a friend, and just lie down and listen to music. You can only enter a teenager's room after knocking, especially for mom in her son's room, and for dad in her daughter's room.

Never come with cleaning - let the teenager clean up in his "lair" himself: dust, vacuum, take things apart in the closet, etc. If the child is sure that in his absence no one touches things, does not shift, does not leaf through the diaries, both personal and educational, he will feel calmer at home, trust between parents and the child will increase.

If it is not possible to give a teenager a separate room, then you can buy him a small box or chest that will be locked with a key. This chest can store The Diary, photos, etc.

At times, it seems to parents that adolescence will never end, in fact, it flies by as quickly as the entire childhood of a child.

A few years will pass and the parents will see that their teenager from ugly duckling turned into a beautiful swan, which, spreading its wings, will leave its nest.

Good luck, dear dads and moms!

Comments:

    Dmitry, for clarity, let's clarify what the so-called. deviant behavior, the reasons for his behavior, etc.

    So, on the one hand, this is an act, actions of a person that do not correspond to the norms or standards officially established or actually established in a given society, and on the other hand, social phenomenon expressed in mass forms of human activity that do not correspond to officially established or actually established norms or standards in a given society. Social control is a mechanism of social regulation, a set of means and methods of social influence, as well as the social practice of their use.

    Under deviant(from lat. deviatio - deviation) behavior modern sociology implies, on the one hand, an act, actions of a person that do not correspond to officially established or actually established norms or standards in a given society, and on the other hand, a social phenomenon expressed in mass forms of human activity that do not correspond to officially established or actually established standards. within a given society, norms or standards.

    The starting point for understanding deviant behavior is the concept of a social norm, which is understood as a limit, a measure of what is permissible (permitted or obligatory) in the behavior or activities of people, ensuring the preservation of the social system. Deviations from social norms can be:

    • positive, aimed at overcoming obsolete norms or standards and associated with social creativity, contributing to qualitative changes social system;
    • negative - dysfunctional, disorganizing the social system and leading it to destruction, leading to deviant behavior.

    Deviant behavior is a kind of social choice: when the goals of social behavior are incommensurable with the real possibilities of achieving them, individuals can use other means to achieve their goals. For example, some individuals, in pursuit of illusory success, wealth or power, choose socially forbidden means, and sometimes illegal ones, and become either delinquents or criminals. Another type of deviation from the norms is open defiance and protest, a demonstrative rejection of the values ​​and standards accepted in society, characteristic of revolutionaries, terrorists, religious extremists and other similar groups of people who are actively fighting against the society in which they are.

    In all these cases, deviation is the result of the inability or unwillingness of individuals to adapt to society and its requirements, in other words, indicates a complete or relative failure of socialization.

    Forms of deviant behavior

    Deviant behavior is relative, because it is commensurate only with the cultural norms of this group. For example, criminals consider extortion to be a normal type of income, but most of the population considers such behavior to be deviant. This also applies to certain types of social behavior: in some societies they are considered deviant, in others they are not. In general, forms of deviant behavior usually include criminality, alcoholism, drug addiction, prostitution, gambling, mental disorder, suicide.

    One of the recognized in modern sociology is the typology of deviant behavior developed by R. Merton in line with the ideas of deviation as a result of anomie, i.e. destruction process basic elements culture, especially in terms of ethical standards.

    Typology of deviant behavior Merton is based on the concept of deviation as a gap between cultural goals and socially approved ways to achieve them. Accordingly, he distinguishes four possible types deviations:

    • innovation, which implies agreement with the goals of society and the denial of generally accepted ways to achieve them (the "innovators" include prostitutes, blackmailers, creators of "financial pyramids", great scientists);
    • ritualism associated with the denial of the goals of a given society and an absurd exaggeration of the significance of the ways to achieve them, for example, a bureaucrat requires that each document be carefully completed, double-checked, filed in four copies, but the main thing is forgotten - the goal;
    • retreatism(or flight from reality), expressed in the rejection of both socially approved goals and ways to achieve them (drunkards, drug addicts, homeless people, etc.);
    • rebellion, denying both goals and methods, but striving to replace them with new ones (revolutionaries striving for a radical breakdown of all social relations).

    Merton considers the only type of non-deviant behavior to be conformal, expressed in agreement with the goals and means of achieving them. Merton's typology focuses on the fact that deviation is not the product of an absolutely negative attitude towards generally accepted norms and standards. For example, a thief does not reject the socially approved goal - material well-being, he can strive for it with the same zeal as a young man who is preoccupied with a career. The bureaucrat does not abandon the generally accepted rules of work, but he executes them too literally, reaching the point of absurdity. At the same time, both the thief and the bureaucrat are deviants.

    Some causes of deviant behavior are not social in nature, but biopsychological. For example, a tendency to alcoholism, drug addiction, mental disorders can be transmitted from parents to children. In the sociology of deviant behavior, there are several areas that explain the reasons for its occurrence. So, Merton, using the concept of "anomie" (the state of society in which the old norms and values ​​no longer correspond to real relationship, and new ones have not yet been established), he considered the inconsistency of the goals put forward by society and the means that it offers to achieve them to be the cause of deviant behavior. Within the framework of the direction based on the theory of conflict, it is argued that social patterns of behavior are deviant if they are based on the norms of another culture. For example, a criminal is considered as a bearer of a certain subculture that is in conflict with the type of culture that dominates in a given society. A number of modern domestic sociologists believe that the sources of deviation are social inequality in society, differences in the ability to meet the needs of different social groups.

    Between various forms deviant behavior, there are relationships, with one negative phenomenon reinforcing another. For example, alcoholism contributes to increased bullying.

    Marginalization is one of the causes of deviations. The main sign of marginalization is the rupture of social ties, and in the "classic" version, economic and economic social connections and then spiritual. As characteristic feature social behavior of the marginalized can be called a decrease in the level of social expectations and social needs. The consequence of marginalization is the primitivization of certain segments of society, manifested in production, everyday life, and spiritual life.

    Another group of causes of deviant behavior is associated with the spread of various kinds social pathologies, in particular, the growth of mental illness, alcoholism, drug addiction, the deterioration of the genetic fund of the population.

    Vagrancy and begging, representing a special way of life (refusal to participate in socially useful work, focusing only on unearned income), received in Lately widespread among various kinds social deviations. social danger social deviations of this kind lies in the fact that vagrants and beggars often act as intermediaries in the distribution of drugs, commit theft and other crimes.

    Deviant behavior in modern society has some features. This behavior is becoming more and more risky and rational. The main difference between deviants, who consciously take risks, and adventurers is their reliance on professionalism, faith not in fate and chance, but in knowledge and a conscious choice. Deviant risky behavior contributes to self-actualization, self-realization and self-affirmation of the individual.

    Often deviant behavior is associated with addiction, i.e. with the desire to avoid internal socio-psychological discomfort, to change their socio-psychological state, characterized by internal struggle, intrapersonal conflict. Therefore, the deviant path is chosen primarily by those who do not have a legal opportunity for self-realization in the conditions of the established social hierarchy, whose individuality is suppressed, personal aspirations are blocked. Such people cannot make a career, change their social status, using legitimate channels of social mobility, due to which the generally accepted norms of order are considered unnatural and unfair.

    If one or another type of deviation acquires a stable character, becomes the norm of behavior for many, society is obliged to reconsider the principles that stimulate deviant behavior, or to reassess social norms. Otherwise, behavior that was considered deviant may become normal. To prevent destructive deviation from becoming widespread, it is necessary:

    • expand access to legitimate ways to achieve success and move up the social ladder;
    • observe social equality before the law;
    • improve legislation, bringing it into line with new social realities;
    • strive for the adequacy of crime and punishment.

    Deviant and delinquent behavior

    Behavior that does not conform to social norms is called deviant(or deviant).

    Illegal actions, misdemeanors and offenses are commonly called delinquent behaviour. For example, hooliganism, obscene language in a public place, participation in a fight and other actions that violate legal regulations but not yet a serious criminal offence. Delinquent behavior is a type of deviant behavior.

    Positive and negative deviations

    Deviations (deviations), as a rule, are negative. For example, crime, alcoholism, drug addiction, suicide, prostitution, terrorism, etc. However, in some cases it is possible positive deviations, such as sharply individualized behavior characteristic of the original creative thinking, which can be assessed by society as "eccentricity", a deviation from the norm, but at the same time be socially useful. Asceticism, holiness, genius, innovation are signs of positive deviations.

    Negative deviations are divided into two types:

    • deviations that are aimed at causing harm to others (various aggressive, illegal, criminal actions);
    • deviations that harm the personality itself (alcoholism, suicide, drug addiction, etc.).

    Reasons for deviant behavior

    Previously, they tried to explain the causes of deviant behavior on the basis of the biological characteristics of violators of the norms - specific physical traits, genetic abnormalities; based psychological features- mental retardation, various problems mental nature. Wherein psychological mechanism formation of the majority of deviations, addictive behavior was declared ( addiction- addiction), when a person seeks to escape from difficulties real life using alcohol, drugs, gambling. The result of addiction is the destruction of personality.

    Biological and psychological interpretations of the causes of deviation have not been unambiguously confirmed in science. More reliable conclusions sociological theories that consider the origin of deviation in a broad social context.

    According to the concept disorientation, proposed by the French sociologist Emile Durkheim (1858-1917), social crises are the breeding ground for deviations, when there is a mismatch between accepted norms and human life experience and a state of anomie sets in - the absence of norms.

    The American sociologist Robert Merton (1910-2003) believed that the cause of deviations is not the absence of norms, but the inability to follow them. Anomie - it is the gap between culturally prescribed ends and the availability of socially approved means to achieve them.

    IN contemporary culture success and wealth are considered the leading goals. But society does not provide all people with legal means to achieve these goals. Therefore, a person has to either choose illegal means, or abandon the goal, replacing it with illusions of well-being (drugs, alcohol, etc.). Another option for deviant behavior in such a situation is a rebellion against society, culture, and established goals and means.

    According to the theory stigmatization(or labeling) all people are prone to breaking the rules, but deviants are those who are labeled deviant. For example, a former criminal may renounce his criminal past, but others will perceive him as a criminal, avoid communication with him, refuse to hire him, etc. As a result, he has only one option - to return to the criminal path.

    It should be noted that in the modern world, deviant behavior is most typical for young people as unstable and most vulnerable. social group. In our country, youth alcoholism, drug addiction, and crime are of particular concern. Comprehensive measures of social control are required to combat these and other deviations.

    Reasons for explaining deviant behavior

    Deviance arises already in the process of primary socialization of a person. It is associated with the formation of motivation, social roles and statuses of a person in the past and present, which contradict each other. For example, the role of a schoolboy does not coincide with the role of a child. The motivational structure of a person is ambivalent, it contains both positive (conformal) and negative (deviant) motives for actions.

    Social roles are constantly changing in the course of a person's life, reinforcing either conformal or deviant motivations. The reason for this is the development of society, its values ​​and norms. What was deviant becomes normal (conformal), and vice versa. For example, socialism, revolution, the Bolsheviks, etc., motives and norms were deviant for tsarist Russia, and their carriers were punished with exile and prison. After the victory of the Bolsheviks, the former deviant norms were recognized as normal. The collapse of the Soviet society turned its norms and values ​​back into deviant ones, which became the reason for the new deviant behavior of people in post-Soviet Russia.

    Several versions have been proposed to explain deviant behavior. IN late XIX century, the theory of the Italian doctor Lambroso arose about genetic prerequisites for deviant behavior. The "criminal type", in his opinion, is the result of the degradation of people on early stages development. External signs deviant person: serving lower jaw, reduced sensitivity to pain, etc. Nowadays, the biological causes of deviant behavior include anomalies of the sex chromosomes or additional chromosomes.

    psychological the causes of deviation are called "dementia", "degenerativeness", "psychopathy", etc. For example, Freud discovered a type of person with an innate mental drive to destroy. Sexual deviation is allegedly associated with a deep fear of castration, etc.

    Infection The "bad" norms of the spiritual culture of representatives of the middle and upper strata from the lower strata are also considered the cause of deviant behavior. "Infection" occurs during communication "on the street", as a result of casual acquaintances. Some sociologists (Miller, Sellin) believe that the lower social strata have an increased readiness for risk, thrills, etc.

    Simultaneously influential groups treat people of the lower stratum as deviant, extending to them individual cases of their deviant behavior. For example, in modern Russia, "persons of Caucasian nationality" are considered potential merchants, thieves, and criminals. Here we can also mention the influence of television, the annoying demonstration of scenes of deviant behavior.

    Nebula of normative formulas of motivation that guide people in difficult situations is also the cause of deviant behavior. For example, the formulas “do the best you can”, “put the interests of society above your own”, etc., do not allow you to sufficiently adequately motivate your actions in a particular situation. An active conformist will strive for ambitious motives and action projects, a passive one will reduce his efforts to the limits of his own calmness, and a person with a conformist-deviant motivation will always find a loophole to justify his deviant behavior.

    Social inequality - another major cause of deviant behavior. The fundamental needs of people are quite similar, and the ability to satisfy them in different social strata (rich and poor) is different. Under such conditions, the poor receive a "moral right" to deviant behavior towards the rich, expressed in different forms expropriation of property. This theory, in particular, formed the ideological foundation of the revolutionary deviation of the Bolsheviks against the propertied classes: “rob the loot”, arrests of the propertied, forced labor, executions, the Gulag. In this deviation, there is a discrepancy between unrighteous goals (complete social equality) and unrighteous means (total violence).

    Conflict between cultural norms given social group and society is also the cause of deviant behavior. The subculture of a student or army group, the lower stratum, a gang differ significantly in their interests, goals, values, on the one hand, and possible means of their implementation, on the other hand. In the event of their collision in this place and in given time- for example, on vacation - there is deviant behavior in relation to the cultural norms accepted in society.

    The class essence of the state, which supposedly expresses the interests of the economically dominant class, is an important reason for the deviant behavior of both the state in relation to the oppressed classes and the latter in relation to it. From the point of view of this conflictological theory, the laws issued in the state protect, first of all, not the working people, but the bourgeoisie. The communists justified their negative attitude to the bourgeois state by its oppressive nature.

    Anomie - the reason for the deviation proposed by E. Durkheim in the analysis of the causes of suicide. It represents the devaluation of the cultural norms of a person, his worldview, mentality, conscience as a result of the revolutionary development of society. People, on the one hand, lose their orientation, and on the other hand, following the old cultural norms does not lead to the realization of their needs. This is what happened to Soviet norms after the collapse of Soviet society. Overnight, millions of Soviet people became Russians, living in the "jungle of wild capitalism", where "man is a wolf to man", where there is competition, explained by social Darwinism. In such conditions, some (conformists) adapt, others become deviants, up to criminals and suicides.

    An important cause of deviant behavior is social (including warriors), man-made and natural disasters. They violate the psyche of people, increase social inequality, cause disorganization of law enforcement agencies, which becomes objective reason deviant behavior of many people. For example, we can recall the consequences of our protracted armed conflict in Chechnya, Chernobyl, and the earthquake.

How to force (I don’t know how to say - to teach, it’s too late to teach) a child to keep order in his room? And to observe body hygiene?

The girl is 17 years old. She is not stupid, she reads a lot, she does needlework, she studies average at school, I am satisfied.

But order and hygiene do not consider this important. This is the last one for her. The family is prosperous, but not complete. Financial wealth, everything is there.

How to make her help around the house, in the kitchen, etc…

    Alina, your problem is universal, many mothers of adult children complain about this. Shouting and preaching is useless, it has the opposite or temporary effect. You should probably be patient and look for a way. One familiar mother found such a way. He asks his son to get out, waits a little. If there is no result, she simply turns the boxes on the floor, collects everything in a large bag and puts it in the hallway. The educational effect is amazing. The child, of course, is offended, tries to find something in the bag, but soon realizes that it is impossible, and puts everything on the shelves. Then order is restored for a long time. In a word, it works! It is also important to pray for the children, the Lord will manage everything, He is our best educator

Discuss on the forum

In the modern world, the concept of "teenager" evokes the association of complexity, communication difficulties, incomprehensibility. It is difficult for adults to understand that, being in their youth, moving from childhood to adulthood (a life period of 13-15 years), a teenager feels like he has already grown up, in fact remaining a child. To remain in this difficult period for the child as his confidant is a great success, although it is incredibly difficult. To do this, you need to know about those features that appear at this stage of life and form his personality. The main action of the immediate environment (parents and friends of the older generation) is help and assistance, in other words, be attentive to him and communicate “in his language”. At this time, the young man is in a difficult period of his life. He is forming his views and his opinion on any issue and concept.

Teenagers shut themselves up

It is difficult for the surrounding people with a teenager because it is unbearably difficult for him with himself. He's not sure of anything. He is looking for his goal in life, focusing only on his opinion.

Stages of growing up


In this time period of his life, a young person begins to realize and motivate his own behavior in a new way. It is smart to lead them.

Psychologists often draw the attention of parents of children in their adolescence to this conditional transitional fragment (from 14 to 16 years old) in connection with the ongoing changes in them, both physiological and mental.

Because exactly this period, called the stage of personal and professional self-determination, is the most difficult in life for a growing teenager - a boy or a girl.


emotional sphere teenagers and motivation

At this time, the child is forming his individual personal position on all issues and situations. It often does not agree with the views and opinions on the same situation in adults, including parents, which leads to conflict, which may result in the loss of mutual understanding and contact relations between them.

Manifestations of psychological neoplasms in adolescents 14-16 years old

In order to overcome this most difficult period of life less painfully for the family, it is necessary to understand the psychological neoplasms that occur in middle adolescence.

Depending on the development (maturation) of the child's personality, neoplasms in adolescents can appear from the age of 13 and last up to 15.

There are several such innovations.


Problems in communicating with peers in adolescents are increasing dramatically

Switching your constant communication from teachers and parents to friends - classmates and peers, a little older, but who are an authority for a particular teenager. At this time, he develops social interaction skills, that is, he learns to obey someone else's opinion, but at the same time defending his rights. The consequence of this is the manifestation of two contradictions - belonging to a group of peers and the desire for isolation, that is, the presence of one's own individual personal space.


Unwillingness to listen to parents and teachers

Changes in the cognitive sphere of a teenager. Development framework 13 -15 years

The term "cognitive sphere" refers to the union of all human cognitive processes. Such as - attention and memory, intelligence and the development of logical and verbal-figurative thinking. In a special way there is an accession and development of creative abilities.

The manifestation of a phantom sense of adulthood

While still essentially a child, a teenager (often his age is 13-5 years old) feels and decides that he has already grown up. He develops and manifests with increasing frequency the desire to become independent from parental family. He is the birth of the first thought about the future profession. He strives to become "necessary", that is, useful for society and the family. And, of course, the emergence of close interest in the opposite sex.


Phantom adulthood in adolescents is manifested by prohibited actions

Possible occurrence of school maladaptation

The reason for it is ambiguous, usually complex, relationships with teachers or classmates.

Skills for the formation of communication and one's own individual personal position in a teenager

With the onset of acute adolescence, especially the middle stage, in the life of a person 14-16 years old, there is a reorientation from intra-family communication between parental family and the child on the outside - friends, peers - classmates and older teenagers who are authorities.

Most often, at the age of 14, an individual chooses a guide for himself - an ideal that becomes a life example and a confidant for him. Such communication is the main one at this age, as it is the main information channel. In addition, it is a specific type of emotional contact that develops in a teenager a sense of solidarity, self-esteem, emotional well-being and interpersonal relationships.


Under the influence of an idol, teenagers can change a lot

As a result of such contact, in order to be like his idol, the 14th teenager can change the appearance and style of communication with the people around him habitually.

There is a change in tastes, an interest in energy and alcoholic beverages and smoking, since it is these qualities that he associates with adulthood.

Changes in the cognitive sphere of a teenager

During adolescence, especially at its middle stage, there is an improvement in intellectual processes and thinking, which is the basis for the formation of personality.

An activity approach is being implemented in the growing up of a young person, under the influence of a comprehensive school education, part of which is the development of elements of the cognitive sphere of the personality, that is, the functions of the psyche of a teenager.


Adolescent absent-mindedness leads to learning problems

Such a process as perception, at this age, acquires a selective character, with the possibility of analytical and critical conclusions.

  1. Attention, during this period, acquires the possibility of clear switching and distribution. Its parameters are also improving and developing: the volume increases and stability is strengthened. It becomes arbitrary and controlled by the adolescent himself. This indicates the emergence and manifestation of selective attention.
  2. Memory also develops. It undergoes the same changes as attention - it acquires a completely meaningful character in terms of memorization and comprehension.
  3. In parallel with the above functions of the psyche of a teenager in the average period of growing up 14-16 years old, independent thinking develops. That allows the child to move and operate with individual conclusions.

Psychological protection expressed in behavioral disorders

Phantom sense of adulthood

Professional psychologists note that against the background of the developing cognitive sphere of personality, a teenager has a desire to "be like an adult." That is, he has a need to bear responsibility for a certain part (zone) of independently performed work.

At the same time, interest in people of the opposite sex awakens. The first platonic relationship between a boy and a girl, most often their age is 13 - 15 years. The first feeling of love appears. There is a desire to do something pleasant for the person you like, to show constant concern for him.


At this age, teenagers experience first love.

Parents should take into account that excessive interference in such a feeling and in this relationship can lead to a deterioration in mutual understanding between them and their child. As a result, cause alienation and isolation in him. Parents are advised not to interfere with the development of these relationships, but not to encourage them.

In the same period comes the desire to independently earn the first money. The motivation is the desire to become financially independent in order to once again do not beg for funds for your personal needs from your parents and do not give them an account of where and how they were spent. It can also include motivation for socially useful activities, as a result, encouragement from authority and adolescent peers.


In adolescence, many try to earn their first money.

The emergence of school maladaptation

A family where there is a teenager aged 14-16 quite often faces such a manifestation as school maladjustment, that is, the inability to feel comfortable in a peer group.

The reason for the emergence of such a situation in the life of a child may be a violation of relations (conflict) with teachers, classmates or older students, as a result of the unwillingness of a teenager to obey their requirements and tasks.


School maladjustment - the main signs

Outwardly, school maladjustment is expressed in resistance and even a complete refusal to attend classes. The child stops doing homework. There is a complete disruption in his educational activities. He tries to communicate with his family less often, trying to solve the problem on his own, which only exacerbates it.

Parents should pay attention to the problem of their child (13-16 years old), through the above-described signals and try to help him as soon as possible, after consulting with a psychologist, without showing him the child.

You can also involve a school psychologist in the problem by asking him to monitor the behavior and reactions of a teenager. Based on the results of his observations, the specialist can offer a program of assistance in this particular case.

A 14-year-old teenager grows up in the family. But how to bring up a real man in him? Each parent wanted to see in his son a responsible and purposeful person who knows how to make decisions, take care of loved ones, respect women, be brave and honest.

How to raise a teenager boy

From about the age of 14, rapid changes occur in the child's body:

  • physical;
  • psychological;
  • sexual.

All this affects the psyche and his behavior. Many boys cease to obey their parents, behave willfully, closed, aggressively. They have their own idols, they imitate them, so they begin to pay attention to their appearance.

Guys communicate more with their peers, parents fade into the background. A teenager often rejects their requests, disagrees with their opinion, argues and tries to prove his case.

A teenage boy lives in his own world of hopes and aspirations. At this age, the first romantic feelings are very often born.

The upbringing of a 14-year-old teenager is characterized by the fact that his character has already been formed by this time and nothing can be changed. It evolved throughout his life: in kindergarten, school, family.

The upbringing of a teenager boy largely depends on the relationship between the parents and their participation in the upbringing of the child. At this age, sometimes a teenager so wants to be supported, more often paid attention. And many fathers deviate from their duties. After all, any boy tries to imitate his father, seeing everything positive and negative in his behavior. Dads are obliged to remember this and always be an example for him.

The mother should show constant care, be aware of the affairs of the child, do small gifts, be gentle and kind. All this will entail proper education. He will first love his mother for life, and then the girl of his dreams.

A grown-up guy wants to be on an equal footing with his parents, and they consider him a child. Therefore, resentment often arises, the boy closes in on himself. You need to see him as an adult son, more instruct him to make decisions on his own.

Parenting 14 summer teenager the boy must be seen off deliberately, be prepared for this in advance, establish close contact with the school, with teachers and class teacher to help your child in mastering subjects, in relationships with peers.

Raising a teenager's son is a very responsible period for parents, everything depends only on them.

Psychologist's advice on raising a boy 14 years old

Psychologists do not consider this age difficult for education, they call it a new identification period for the formation of a future personality.

Experts say that this is the age of 5 “NOT”, these include:

  1. unwillingness to learn;
  2. do not do homework;
  3. do not listen to advice;
  4. do not clean up after yourself;
  5. do not come on time from a walk.

You need to educate a teenager boy of 14 years old carefully and tactfully, you need to try to restrain your nerves, never yell at him.

Do not forget that emotions come to the fore in adolescents, it seems to them that adults often treat them unfairly. The guys begin to sort things out, which lead to scandals at home and at school.

Mother and father should understand their son, stock up on great patience, resolve all issues without conflict and not scold for trifles.

School. The school is a great help to parents. Raising boys in high school takes place at different lessons: "Ethics and psychology family life", "Social Studies", " Physical Culture", as well as classroom hours, where various issues of personality development are considered, they often talk about the morality of schoolchildren, their deviant behavior (smoking, alcoholism, drug addiction).

  • you can not criticize the child in the presence of his friends;
  • be interested in success;
  • not be afraid to admit your mistakes;
  • never deceive a child;
  • always explain the correctness of the act;
  • consult with his son about financial costs, family plans;
  • listen carefully to the opinion;
  • trust the son;
  • love him with all your heart.

    • In order for the teenage period to pass painlessly, it all depends on the preparedness of the parents for it. Therefore, be patient, help your son overcome all age-related difficulties, always treat him with love and understanding!

    Good time of the day! When our children reach adolescence, a very difficult period begins, not only for them, but also for their parents. Since the daughter or son begins to behave indecently, they refuse to help around the house, they snap. And in the mind of parents, the question arises of how to educate a teenager. Today I am with you and I want to talk about this painful topic, since any family faces this sooner or later.

    Learn and memorize while playing! Huge collection of case studies different ages — learn more

    Let's first learn about the transitional age of children, since it is because of it that children become uncontrollable.

    Transitional age

    And so, the transitional age is divided into three groups:

    • The first group: starts from 10 - 11 years old and lasts up to 14 years old (early)
    • Second: from 14 to 16 - 17 years old (medium)
    • Third: from 16 - 17 to adult (late)

    What is adolescence - this is the time when boys and girls begin puberty. And it starts at different times for different children.

    Girls develop a lot faster boys. Usually puberty in children begins at 11, 12, 13 years. Girls start menstruating and boys ejaculate.

    The main signs of puberty in a teenager are:

    • Mood changes quickly
    • Becomes irritable
    • restless
    • Stubborn
    • More attracted to peers
    • "Clogs" for study, etc.

    Based on the above, we can conclude: parents, take into account the psychological and physical changes your child. You do not need to provoke a conflict and show that you are unhappy with your child, as this will only exacerbate this situation.

    It is very difficult to survive the transitional age in a family that has one child. And if you contradict him, then he may begin to become neurotic. So you should be patient and wait for the end of a difficult time for everyone, usually by the age of 15 everything stops and the child gets back on track.

    Adolescent development

    Now let's talk about the development of adolescents. It is divided into physiological and mental.

    Physiological:

    1. Puberty: girls - the onset of menstruation, boys - wet dreams
    2. External changes: girls - the shape of the body changes, boys - hairline beards, voice mutation (becomes rougher)

    Mental:

    1. Very strong anxiety
    2. Desire for self-affirmation
    3. Find a role model
    4. Meeting new people
    5. Disgusting behavior towards adults
    6. Instant mood change
    7. Sharp sensitivity
    8. love to dream
    9. First love
    10. Striving for independence

    How to raise a teenager boy


    Under the influence of bad company, during the transitional age, boys most often fall and commit gross mistakes in his life, which in some cases are irreparable. That is why a boy is much more difficult to educate at that age than a girl.

    According to psychologists, you need to put yourself in the place of a child. Dads try to remember how they survived the 13-year-old adolescence. Become for difficult teenager true friend, because a friend will not offend or condemn you, but on the contrary will help and provide assistance. Lend your friendly shoulder. You don’t need to immediately attack the boy with a cry and a belt for bringing a deuce or for. So you can lose his trust once and for all.

    If you find out that the child smokes, then explain to him that girls do not like the smell of tobacco, that with the money saved from cigarettes, you can buy the thing that he dreamed of, and in general you are afraid for his health.

    As a rule, at this age, children are no longer sitting at home with their parents. Why do you think? Yes, because they are bored. Parents spend time watching TV, for example, watching the news, but a teenager is not interested in them. Therefore, first of all, you need to find out the interests of the child, his tastes, inner world. But, in no case should one condemn his interests and tastes. If he listens to rap, then do not tell him that this is not music, but complete nonsense. Turn on Yura Shatunov and prove that this is music, but what you are listening to is complete nonsense.

    How do you think? When does a boy become a man? It is when he is trusted and given a responsible task. So, dads, take your boys with you to the garage when you fix your car. Give him small instructions: give the key, tighten the bolt, explain to him what this part is for, etc.

    Under no circumstances should you start intimate topics. If the boy expresses a desire to ask you about it, then you do not need to try to explain everything in your own language. Most the best way is to give him certain literature to read.

    The scariest thing is raising a teenager as a single mother. When a boy has no one to take an example from and therefore he is looking for an example to follow in the circle of social society. And as a rule, the choice falls on the most inveterate bully. Therefore, mother, you need to monitor your child and his behavior. spend with him trusting relationship, give examples successful people who, in spite of everything, have achieved everything in life themselves. The most important thing is to use words like: cool, famous, successful, etc.

    Also, a teenager boy must be engaged in any section. And he must make his own choice. Whether it's boxing, karate or dancing, you have to come to terms with his choice. This is how you build a trusting relationship with your teenager. Remember this!

    Advice from a psychologist

    How to raise a teenager girl


    With girls, the situation is certainly milder, but still in adolescence they behave as obscenely as boys. And if your 10-year-old sweet and beloved charm turns into the opposite character, then in this case there are certain rules for education.

    Don't ever reprimand a teenage girl about her appearance or wardrobe. It was during this period that the first signs of femininity appear in the girl. And many girls worry about this, comparing themselves with peers who look older and more feminine.

    In this case, the daughter needs to be explained that all girls grow up sooner or later, it depends on the development of the body. Some develop quickly, others slower. And it's just a matter of time. So the girl will calm down and will know what will pass certain time And she will grow up too.

    Do not forbid your daughter to dress the way she wants, of course, within acceptable limits. Since at this age, teenagers emphasize the opinion of their peers than their parents. If you used to be an authority for your daughter, then for many girls it disappears. And in order to keep it, you need to build adult friendship. Children strive to become like their favorite idols, so prove to your daughter that a mother can be and look no worse than a star.

    Mothers are the closest person for a daughter, so you can arrange a game. Choose for each other's wardrobe, and then share an opinion. Induce new hairstyles, etc. The daughter must see that you approve of her choice and decision, she needs your support. Make it so that she does not have to look for her on the side.

    Just as in the case of boys, let the daughter choose an activity for herself: sports, music, dancing, etc. Give her the opportunity to do exactly what she wants. Let her throw out all the energy that has accumulated in her during this difficult period.

    Also in adolescence, teach your daughter to take care of herself. Behind the face, hands, feet, intimate hygiene etc. And make sure that you are an example for your daughter.

    Explain to your daughter that you don’t need to fall in love and throw yourself on the neck of the first boy you meet. The most important thing is to keep the feeling dignity. That you shouldn't show your feelings in front of everyone. Explain that relationships are built on trust and caring for each other. If you start teaching this from adolescence, it will be easier for your child to build relationships as an adult. Of course best example role model is yourself (dad and mom)

    Tips for parents

    The main mistakes parents make when raising a teenager boy

    1. Do not under any circumstances deprive your son of love and affection, as depriving him of this you will bring up an insensitive man.
    2. Do not try to raise a son similar to yourself, you still have different characters.
    3. Never quarrel in front of your son, he can become cruel towards women.
    4. In no case do not compare your son with peers (for example, physically)

    The main mistakes of parents when raising a teenager girl

    1. Just like with boys, girls need care, attention and love from their parents. Only then, such as education as a "hedgehog" will give a positive result.
    2. If your daughter is constantly on your orders and orders that you give her, and even with such a requirement - “this is not discussed!” Then she can withdraw into herself from the rejection of her personality and hold a grudge against the entire male sex.
    3. You are also making a serious mistake if you put your daughter on a pedestal, turning her into "", life into a fairy tale. Such an upbringing will damage her future, because if in childhood everything was allowed to her, so that she didn’t want to - everything is for her, then in adulthood it could be completely different.
    4. Do not allow maternal self-will, this applies to the discussion of any issues, especially intimate ones. Since it can break the daughter's psyche. Also, excessive hidden criticism of the behavior of the pope, in the future may be an obstacle in relation to the male sex.

    Children are the flowers of life, and they need proper care only then will we grow something unique out of them, exactly what will bring benefit and joy to the whole world.

    Happiness, health and good luck in education! Bye!

    Parents of teenagers need to understand and accept that during this period the personality of a teenager is undergoing changes, there is a struggle between childhood and adulthood, self-awareness as a person. It is at this time that adolescents really need the help of caring and loving parents to help them transition into adulthood.

    The key question that a child asks himself at this age is “Who am I?”. This period is called the formation of the "I - concept", which will accompany the child throughout his life.

    Physical development of the child

    In adolescence, the formation of the skeleton, nervous, endocrine, cardiovascular systems continues.

    During this period, special attention should be paid to the warning different kind curvature due to development skeletal system organism: it becomes stronger than in younger age, but the ossification of the spine does not yet end, chest, pelvis and limbs. Especially harmful is the wrong posture when a teenager is sitting at a table: pulmonary ventilation is difficult, the supply of oxygen to the brain decreases, and a curvature of the spine is fixed.

    It should be noted that if at this age special attention is not paid to the development of dexterity, plasticity and beauty of movements, then in the subsequent period it is usually more difficult to master them, and the awkwardness and angularity of movements inherent in a teenager can persist for life.

    The nervous system of a teenager is still in the formative stage, and is relatively imperfect. Therefore, during this period, it is so important to protect the teenager from sudden overwork, to regulate the load on his fragile nervous system.

    In addition, during puberty, the production of sex hormones in the body of adolescents begins, which leads to significant mood swings.

    intellectual development

    A teenager at the age of 14–16 is already an intellectually formed person who has his own opinion on various issues. Adolescents are quite capable of reasoning, expressing their thoughts, arguing them. More and more time in their lives begins to take serious matters, less and less time is devoted to recreation and entertainment. Actively developing logical memory. Due to the emergence of new school subjects in the school, the amount of information that a teenager must remember is significantly increasing.

    Psychological development

    Along with mental changes caused exclusively by hormonal effects, adolescents also experience deeply psychological, personality changes, which occur unevenly: in a teenager, both childish traits and stereotypes of behavior and adults are present at the same time. A teenager rejects children's stereotypes of behavior, but does not yet have adult clichés. Since the need for recognition of one's own adulthood in adolescence is maximum, and the social situation, by and large, does not change, this can cause numerous conflicts with parents and teachers.

    During this period, psychologists recommend talking more with your child, remembering that you are no longer a child, but an adult who is looking for his own path. In a conversation with him, do not use categorical forms, do not show his intellectual immaturity, do not be overly intrusive.

    8 rules of behavior with a teenager aged 14-16

    1. Don't impose your point of view

    In older adolescence, the child develops his own taste in clothes, in music, in cinema and other manifestations of art. Naturally, the preferences of the child may not coincide with the preferences of the parents.

    This is not a reason to try to dissuade a teenager and deny his choice. It is best to listen and try to understand the interests of a growing person. This will only add trust to your relationship with him.

    2. Be willing to accept rejection of certain family activities.

    The adolescent spirit is the spirit of denial. Hormones spur a teenager to go against everything. And if three years ago the child loved family trips with his younger sister, now he can refuse them.

    He no longer fears the prospect of being alone at home. At the same time, refusing at the beginning to participate in a holiday or any other family event, a teenager can quickly change his mind. This happens more often if parents take the rejection calmly and do not try to persuade the child.

    Listen and try to understand the interests of a growing person

    3. Give your teen some space

    It is very important for a teenager to know that he has his own space. A place where he can put personal things, books that no one will move or rearrange.

    Learn to knock when entering a teenager's room. Even if you've never done it before. Keeping a growing child will help to avoid conflict situations.

    4. Set a Good Example

    Bad habits of parents are instantly reflected in children. If mom or dad allows himself to drink alcohol or smoke with a teenager, he believes that he can afford the same. The authority of the parent who is addicted is undermined.

    The same can be said about moral character. If parents lie to relatives and colleagues, commit unseemly acts, then the teenager will either behave in the same way or completely distance himself from his parents.

    5. Help shape your own worldview

    Parents should encourage individual thinking of a teenager. If the child takes sides in a peer conflict, try to build a dialogue with him. “Do you really think that your friend is right?”, “What would you do?”.

    In any questions, ask him to express his opinion so that he feels like a full member of the family, on which the choice of a place for a vacation or celebration of an anniversary depends.

    An open censure of the people in whose circle the teenager revolves will either entail a protest on his part, or the fact of communicating with "undesirable" friends will be hidden from the parents. Only the right decision- let the child see for himself negative qualities certain peers. And, if this happens, support the teenager, perhaps by talking about a similar example from your life.

    7. Let your teen take responsibility for their mistakes.

    Even those parents who give the child enough freedom tend to take responsibility for his unseemly or wrong actions. Instead, let your teen deal with problems on their own. If he accidentally broke a friend's phone, he must earn money for repairs. If received bad grade in a quarter - he himself must agree with the teacher on how to correct it.

    If a child accidentally breaks a friend's phone, he must earn money for repairs himself

    A teenager does not control his mood. Hormones do it instead. To be offended or to swear at him is useless and not pedagogical. In addition, it may affect his interpersonal relationships in the future.

    Therefore, it is best to explain to the child what caused his emotions and teach him to express anger calmly, with the help. And restrain yourself. In the end, the transitional age tends to end.

    Elena Kononova