The husband is going through a crisis and will return. Middle age crisis? Why does a man "go to the left"

10.04.2019

The age of onset of the crisis varies from 37 to 42 years - this is one of the most difficult times in a man's life. It is also sometimes called the "fateful forties". How to survive a midlife crisis with minimal disruption? Psychologist's advice - for men and their wives.

If a man's thirty-year-old crisis mainly hits his revaluation of his social role, concerns the choice of the path of work, self-determination in life, and at the same time personal life suffers much less, then at forty it is a real disaster.

There are several reasons for this - and they are not comparable to the reasons for the identity crisis.

First, it is the age of debriefing. If a man considers himself successful by the age of forty, that is, his social ambitions are satisfied, then he is a winner. And the winner needs an award and a pedestal, and thunderous applause, and admiring glances. A man is a hero! His family is in order, everything is in place. He fulfills the role of head of the family, in his opinion, perfectly. He has hobbies, his own social circle, external attributes of success. The world is simply obliged to admire his achievements. And who inhabits this world? The wife, who went with him all the way of his formation, saw both a "broken nose" and despair? She long ago stopped praising her husband and admiring him, and treats his success as something completely natural. Sometimes he will say: "You are great! We should also have this ..." - and will continue to calmly talk about family needs. These are not the "copper pipes" that male pride craves, oh, not those!

Perhaps his children, who have reached their teens by the age of 40, admire the father? I can already see your smile, we will not even discuss it. Everything is clear here.

So who will appreciate the hero's feat? Who will look at him with loving eyes, full of admiration and delight? You know that very well too! Young women, captivated by the image of the "alpha male". And the point here is not that a man was drawn to exchange "an old forty-year-old wife for two young ones of twenty." And not that he is corrupted or depraved. He needs success like air! And the wife is in no hurry with the laurel wreath - or she appears at the wrong time and inopportune. And there are so many enthusiastic girls around ... "If not now, then when?" - the man thinks. He is haunted by the question: "What am I worth in life?" - and the person is not looking for an answer from colleagues and friends, this is a passed stage. He needs the admiration of women. Now the main thing for him is the attitude towards his powerful personality.

Fear is mingled with the hunger of recognition. Forty is not twenty or thirty. The man is in his fifties. It is not known how much is left male life where is the triumph?

Yes, here also the body prompts: youth flows away like sand through your fingers. Lungs, liver, blood vessels, stomach, heart begin to play pranks ... A man suddenly realizes that old age is not far off, that all the best is left behind, that he will soon begin to lose strength, that nothing can be turned back, that he is getting old.

The first signs of erectile dysfunction complete the bleak picture. Dear ladies, do not try to understand what this means for a man. Cellulite, wrinkles and other minor troubles that disturb us cannot give even a shadow of an idea of what a man feels! Any change at the hormonal level, anxiety, fear of impotence, decreased potency, erectile dysfunction in the middle of life cause panic in men.

Impotence for a man is the end of life, a curtain. Forever and ever.

Once we were having a philosophical conversation with a middle-aged gentleman. They talked about the meanings of life and death. And he exclaimed: "Death! This is natural and it awaits everyone! But it is better to die before you realize that you can no longer! This is what is really (really scary!" He was sincere.

The man becomes withdrawn, irritated. He looks at himself in the mirror: it seems like nothing yet, not an old man. And in my head knocks: "Soon you will become old and weak. Hurry, while there is gunpowder in the flasks." And he is in a hurry ...

Desperately rushes to restore health, sometimes hurting himself. This makes him even more frightened. And if we consider that testosterone, the hormone of aggressiveness, is released into the bloodstream during stress large volumes, then you can easily imagine the situation in the house of an aging man. It seems a little to no one. And the wife, as a rule, becomes the "scapegoat".

At forty years of age in men, all suffering is focused on his potency and intimate achievements. Self-identification suffers, because, as we already know, the phallus for him is a symbol of success and victory, prosperity and male strength.

He is absolutely sure that his relationship with his wife has outlived its usefulness, his feelings have evaporated, and only debt remains. A sense of duty is what inspires a man least of all in the forties. A sense of duty cannot make him happy in any way, rather the opposite. Therefore, during a crisis, a man claims that his wife tortured him, it is she who does not give him the opportunity to breathe full breast and feel young. The matrimonial bed grows cold. And the wife is also "to blame" for this.

A man feels that no one understands him, he is infinitely lonely, everyone needs something from him (that is necessary, he himself is not needed by anyone. He can become sentimental, shed tears. The very fact of tears, self-pity and sentimentality becomes for a man a sign of intolerable unhappiness. "If I cried, then life is really terrible."

The following text can be printed and attached with a magnet to the refrigerator, so as not to bother the faithful with the "composition" of the reasons for discontent and disappointment.

You have become non-sexual and uninteresting. Like a man in a skirt.
You have nothing to talk about, you have no interests other than household chores and your girlfriends.
You have ceased to understand me, in the family I am completely alone.
You don’t play sports, so you’re blurry and flabby.
You are only busy with your career and rags.
You treat me like a consumer.
I need freedom, and you spy on me all the time.
I plowed all my life, now I want to live for myself.
At home - continuous problems, it is you who raised the children! I was busy with work, earning money. And what you were doing is unclear.
You always talk to me with metal in your voice.
I'm an idiot for putting up with all this! I have one life!
Don't bother with stupid questions! You still won’t understand what’s wrong with me.

The changes that a man longs for at forty are already touching the foundations of his streamlined life. This is a jailbreak where the witch rules. And there are so many beautiful and kind fairies around! This is a breakdown of everything that is familiar and established, it is a thirst for "another life." Truly different!

Middle age is when you can still do the same thing as before, but you prefer not to do it.

The male crisis of forty is a ten-point earthquake. The man is peddling. Everything is racing, the thirst for freedom is off the charts. Neither work nor habitual hobbies can save you. Everything is devalued. Only the last car of the departing train is important, into which you can jump on the go. And the man is jumping!

Yes, it is at forty that a man craves romantic relationship, "high feelings", sincere acceptance of himself, without any pretensions or reservations. In this respect, he looks like a teenager and thinks and feels the same anxious and vaguely.

At forty, having become more sentimental and vulnerable, a man does not just have an affair to test his sexual worth. No! He falls in love! He needs understanding and unconditional recognition. His soul requires inspiration, as in his youth. And this can only be given by a woman who is not like his wife.

There is another one here interesting moment... If a man's testosterone begins to decrease by the age of forty, and this is what makes him more sensitive and sentimental, then a woman, on the contrary, becomes more self-confident, stronger. And a man needs soul mate, gentle and sensual. It is such a woman that becomes sexually attractive to him. And the man begins to think that he will never return to his family. Who will voluntarily return to prison!

It is during this period that the peak of divorces falls. If a man divorced and created new family- with a good fairy, of course - after a while he will begin to compare her with " old wife", try to create a copy of it.

I have come across situations that look more like theater of the absurd than real life... They show what kind of confusion occurs in a man's head.

"We got married in the fifth year of the institute, both were a little over twenty. We grew up professionally together. Then a daughter and a son appeared one after another. My wife was more concerned with children than a career. And all my life I worked, worked, worked ... We lived together twenty years. Wife became dear, almost like a mother. We live like close relatives. But we are still young! There is no romance, no feelings. Life has become gray. A year ago I met a woman. Everything is like at twenty: wings behind my back. Head I understand that these new feelings will probably end someday too. What if not? But I don’t want to leave the family either. You won’t throw out the window for twenty years. It’s ashamed in front of the children, they definitely won’t understand me. How will I leave them all "So I'm torn to pieces. I can't see my wife! She knows everything. Irritation is huge. I can't look my children in the eyes, I'm ashamed of the thought of leaving my family. I go to the forest and cry there. I'm torn to pieces. Hell's torment! And love crazy, and despair, and shame, and the inability to live like this on ... Everything in one bottle. How can I settle all this? Maybe everything will somehow resolve itself? "

And this person sincerely believes that he will be able to somehow settle everything, everything will fall into place by itself. And the wolves will be fed, and the sheep are safe. He may even declare to his wife, who found out about his mistress: "Why are you so worried! I'm not going to marry her! I'm not leaving the family. Give me a little freedom!"

And he says this, confusing his forty for sixteen, and his wife with his mother. His wife decides that her husband is either crazy or has lost both his mind and conscience.

In reality, the husband really needs the support and help of his wife, but does not know how to ask for it, how to explain the terrible thing that is happening to him. Since the man behaves aggressively and inexplicably, then in response he is condemned and repulsed. The crisis will end someday, but the suffering man does not know about it. His problem is "forever".

Discussion

Hi all. Here I am already 40. I entered this stage half a year ago.
I share with you women, as it happens with men (with me).
What for? I don’t know, can anyone help.
It seems like there is a lot - a house, an apartment, and a car, good wife, two beloved children. Normal job with good income.
We have been living in perfect harmony for 15 years. Rare disputes. A couple of scandals over the years. No change.
But the number 40 is really scary. And really, thoughts of themselves appear about what he has achieved, that old age is just around the corner.
And most importantly, how much is left for me? No, don't live. How many more years can I? How many more years will they want me? Today (almost like 15 years ago) you can cover up, fall in love with almost any girl. And tomorrow, what? Old age has come. How many women have I seen in my life? ten? 15? probably so. And only a couple of them were really able to satisfy. It is to SATISFY the woman! Here is a real pleasure in sex! What about your wife? You ask me. But with my wife I could not. I couldn’t but I didn’t try. So you try! You say back. Tired. There were many attempts and aspirations. Especially when I was younger. Log. Bad word. I love and respect my wife. Log. 3-5 years after the wedding. And if not tris, do not lick. There is no passion, no emotion, no screams, no groans, no activity at all! There is a "machine", a lifeless machine, always available. It's not interesting. A man wants to achieve, create and conquer the peaks.
At some point I thought: - maybe only I need this sex? I went to the first floor to sleep. And I'm waiting, when will she, my beloved, want to love me? I waited half a year, maybe a year. And did not wait. Came, "rested" on his "machine". And as always, no passion, nothing, exactly. I sleep on the ground floor for 3-5 years. And I don’t want to go where they don’t expect me. I go when I'm unbearable. 5-10 minutes and free. And is there any sense longer when they are not waiting for me there.
So what's next? And then I remembered the number one with which I was insanely happy, for half a year, for sure, insane sex. I took that number and consoled me. I was ready to leave the family. In another family, with three children. Stopped me, mine new love, rubbed her eyes, explained. What, I will lose everything that I have. The wife doesn't know. And then what ??? And then the same midlife crisis. And I don't want a wife (anymore). Again to look for an opportunity to conquer "loved ones" on the side? DO NOT KNOW. I can say about my wife: she is gold! in everything. And with children. And around the house. Everywhere.

P.S. Lovely women! Hold your husband's cock tightly. Do not be afraid of this word, in every possible sense. Surrender 100%! Do not restrain yourself in anything! Throw all unnecessary thoughts out of your head. Be passionate. INSATIOUS! Demand more and more every day, three cans a day. Anywhere. Pose. GIVE UP! HELP, participate in the process. (hear correctly, I do not demand perversions). Give the man the opportunity to truly satisfy you. Don't imitate. Especially if you didn’t have it, you don’t know how. Lying is not acceptable. Caress. Caress everything. Get happiness, pleasure, satisfaction! Try. Be liberated. Get an orgasm! together with her husband. This is important for him!
If you can take her husband tightly by the balls. No husband will ever leave! A midlife crisis does not threaten him. Even if the cabbage soup is undercooked or the sheets are not ironed.

My husband's crisis began at 43, now he is 44. We started building our house 4 years ago, my husband moved there, lives in it, builds and works not far from his house, but in a different city from his family (we are married for 18 years, two children). A young friend (27 years old) has appeared, he helps to build, he is always there. My children and I only went on weekends. My husband became very distant from us, changed his hairstyle, began to dress more youthfully, like this friend, he constantly began to spend time on the phone, began to take pictures, upload photos to Instagram. And this summer, in response to my bewilderment, he generally said that he no longer loved me and would never have sex with me. If you want - get a divorce. The house was built for the family, but who needs it now? I feel that this friend is giving her husband a lot and heightens the situation. I don’t understand why? The husband has always been independent, but here he is listening to some snotty boy. Is this a crisis? And he doesn't understand what he can get through? What should I do? And how long does this crisis usually last?

12/17/2018 00:57:56, Vera Shpak

Try to give your husband something for potency, and you will not have any problems. And he will not go to his mistress) That you are like small children. Is there really little money in this world? Buy a Detonator or blue pillboxes.

11.11.2018 07:41:25, Clumsy35

Serves you women! From the first day life together you look at your husbands like an ATM, instead of giving him a dick, except for monotonous and rare sex like rain in the desert. I am 30, I have a 4-year-old son, we don’t start a second, because I’m waiting for the first to grow up to divorce this nun and live the remaining 30-40 years with a beautiful, loving wife, not a boring, stupid, ugly aunt.

10/12/2018 18:33:07, Killer

It is advisable not only to admire, but also to help and support him. When my husband and I began to have an intimate discord, I sent him to the doctor, who advised how to establish potency. My husband was taking Effex Tribulus and went on vacation. They returned rejuvenated as newlyweds. Even children notice a change in our relationship.

02/13/2018 17:52:04, Zhanna Krotova

husband left a week ago. I was rushing about internally very strongly. I didn't want to leave. When I caught him on a dating site I began to lie and get out. I caught him completely by accident, I never followed him. I believed him like myself. We went through a lot together. But I can't stand lies and achieved the truth. He told me that as a woman he was not interested in me only as a friend. last years problems with potency. Now he is looking for young ones. Every day he sits in any free minute on the Internet. As if he’d lost his mind. I put him out of the house, I removed him from all contacts so as not to call back, because I understand that it’s useless, he’s like a zombie. Now I’m quietly going crazy. I don’t want to live.

04/21/2017 17:17:30, yulia vaseeva

Oh girls, to help you article .. A man should be admired! Well, the rest is how it goes

04/25/2016 09:27:36 PM, Daria88de

I will leave my comment ... In my opinion, this "scribbling" carries an exclusively rhetorical load, i.e. she does not provide specific answers to this problem, but helps to understand the scale of events. The solution to the problem depends on your own prudence and wisdom.

It's funny to read when a woman talks about how a man feels in his crisis. Moreover, by the tone of the presentation, it is guessed that the author herself was faced with male crisis in life and feels like an injured party.
I am a man. I am 40 years old soon. The author - you have not understood anything about men.

but all the same, what should wives do in such a situation?

Oh-oh, what poor men! And what are women to do? Just what is good for a man? But what about our feelings and experiences?

10/31/2013 2:58:21 PM, Anechka08

Comment on the article "Midlife crisis: when a man ruins everything. What to do?"

Symptoms of a midlife crisis in men. Age-related psychology... Man and woman, family. They say that men at forty have some kind of midlife crisis)) I heard this, but women have it?

Discussion

If you don’t want to, don’t live. Everyone makes a choice himself how to live and how to end his life.
We got such well-fed healthy bored aunts.
Lots of people who don't have choice, and life due to illness, it is limited to several years.
And they do not whine about a cold husband and stupid children.
This is all secondary

02/06/2019 12:39:05, got it already

Dear author. You are still doing well. Feelings have cooled, the husband has cooled down, and you have cooled down. But is there something that connects you? So there is hope. I also had, almost. But she endured. Dissolved into the family. When the son grew up and began to live separately - in a husband. She pampered like a child. I suffered drunkenness. I took it on trips. Supported, instilled confidence ... I waited for rare moments when he smiles, hugs. And then my husband said that he wanted to live alone. He just said without giving any reason. He said that even behind the wall in the apartment it was hard for him with me. I tried to explain, I don't make contact, I repulse hugs, I see that I disgust him. And so half a year already. We live in the same apartment. Two strangers. We do not talk, we lock ourselves in rooms. And they lived for 25 years in marriage. I cry, I suffer, I try to speak, I cook, I clean up, but I understand that if I suddenly disappeared from his life, he would be immensely happy. Sometimes such melancholy finds, but that I do not want to live, I never thought. I will not give him such joy! I would very much like to go to adultery, but so disgusting, so disgusting in my soul. If close person brought so much grief, what to expect from the first comer? With horror I think about cold rainy evenings, like today, about lonely old age, illnesses. But I still love life and believe in its hidden meaning.

Fourty years. Tired. I look bad (no, well, I'll make up for work - like nothing, but I'm scared in the morning), I'm tired of work, teenage children Section: What to do? (how to bring a husband back to life in a crisis). About returns. It is better to return in 2 months than in a year, do not take, so as not to ...

Discussion

I'm a little older than you. I share my own, very recent experience. I was covered in the same way this fall, although my work is my favorite (apparently, professional burnout), and the children are golden, and in family life everything is quiet.

I decided to act like this: I have been working with my head all my life, now I will work with my hands for a change. I remembered that 30 years ago my grandmother taught me to knit, took the book "Housekeeping" left over from my grandmother and refreshed her knowledge. I found a model of a blouse and literally began to devote every free minute to knitting.

At first it was very difficult, I several times disbanded the already tied ranks, but, oddly enough, it was this struggle with difficulties that distracted me from heavy thoughts. And when it started to work out, it gave me strength: I can create beautiful thing... I bought more knitting books and improved my work in such a way that now it would be nice to have a look.

Little by little, I decided to aim for more: the blouse began to turn into a dress. And the hands were already moving mechanically, and it became boring for me to knit looking only at the knitting needles. I began to download various films that are considered masterpieces of world cinema, but which I somehow had no time to watch before, and knitted, looking at the screen with one eye. I got a lot of emotions from watching a really great movie.

Long sitting behind the knitting needles began to strain my back, and I drove myself into the pool, where I began to walk with pleasure and lose weight. In the meantime, the state of health was getting better and better - both psychological and physical. The whole family respected me in a new way for the dress, which will be ready soon. And I was so carried away by working with wool that I enrolled in art felting courses and am going to make jewelry and clothes for myself. And if my products ever manage to monetize! ..

This is just one of the possible recipes, but in my case it really worked. I wish you to find yours too!

Get busy social work... Do not want? Well, okay, live on as you want.

Greetings to all my readers. Midlife crisis occurs in both men and women. How old is the crisis? At about 40-45 years old. It is harder for the male half. This is where the support of the family is needed, especially the wife, so that it would be easier for a man to switch to new stage life.

Crisis is not the end of the world

The symptoms of a difficult phase are easy to recognize. This is self-pity, lost opportunities, emptiness, depression, the feeling that life has been lived wrong and not there, blaming the wife and parents for their failures. Such symptoms overtake even the most successful men who have reached great heights in their careers and life.

The companions of the crisis can break the most exemplary family, knock the ground out from under the feet of even the strongest man. Are there really no ways to combat this phenomenon?

At 40, a man is full of strength, but it seems to him that life has already passed. The most unpleasant thing is that during this period of his life he can have a young mistress, leave the family, trying to regain youth.

How long is this period? The "crisis trap" can last a year, or maybe 7-9 years, who can get out of it. It is dangerous that many complexes can still drag on for school years.

Parents who have a boy growing up should know what niche their son will occupy in the social environment. adolescence, so his further life will pass.

At the age of 14-15, parents should give their son the right, as far as possible, to make mistakes, find a way out of the situation himself, make decisions, take responsibility.

Understanding, trust of parents, respectful attitude to his wishes, even mistakes, will help not to drag complexes in adult life, which means it is calmer to survive the crisis period.

The role of the wife in overcoming the tipping point

What should a wife do, how to help her husband overcome this stage in his life? Noticing the signs of “aging” of her half, a woman should not focus on them, on the contrary, she should surround her beloved with care and understanding.

Noticing the beginning of a fracture in your husband, do not bombard him with reproaches, do not scoff at his desire to find a new place in life. Reproaches, ridicule, swearing can only aggravate his condition.

What should you do:

Hearing talk about the worthlessness of his existence, praise your husband, say how much he has achieved, that without him, that is, her wife, she would not have created such a family, would not have been able to raise such good children.
Let your soul mate feel how you need it, how important it is for your family.
Do not criticize, do not compare with others, do not praise the successes of others.
Show your loved one how proud you are of him, how you value him. More often, let's understand that he is the main one in the family. Arrange small holidays, give gifts, but not household gifts, but those that will really delight your man.
Try to give your husband a hobby that will distract him from vicious circle- "home work".
You can sign up for the pool with him, you can go where you have long dreamed of, more often go out into nature.
Consult your spouse more often, show how much you need his advice, kiss, hug, show his importance.

If you behave correctly, this period will quickly pass and your spouse will begin a new heyday, which means that your conjugal relationship.

You say, well, again, everything falls on the shoulders of his wife! But you are in grief and joy? So help your loved one to experience this "grief" in his life.

Coping with a midlife crisis

Women also experience a midlife crisis, sometimes it begins even at the age of 30, when the first wrinkles appear.

How does it manifest? A woman begins to cry more often, noticing how her body is aging, how wrinkles, cellulite and others appear. age changes... It becomes a shame if the husband's gaze rushes after a pretty girl.

Here it is important not to waste time, but to try. See How Many Women Blossom By Age 40 young beauties... The main thing is not to be lazy!

How to overcome this terrible period of life and can you get around it? Some say that it is impossible, while others find a wonderful way out.

From personal experience. My friend found out that at about 35-40 years in the life of every woman there is a midlife crisis with all the sad consequences. She shared her concerns with her friend, a general practitioner. The friend replied: just don't pay attention! But as? Live as you live! And you know - it helped! And the husband did not leave and the children are beautiful and she herself is still a young lady!

The main thing is, do not give bad mood win over you, finally begin to take care of yourself, truly, every day.

Look in the mirror as if you have no flaws at all! Praise yourself more often for beautiful hairstyle, but you never know there is something to praise.

Psychologist's advice:

Just don't be idle.
Change.
Refresh your wardrobe.
Sign up for dancing.
Do not suffer for the passing years, this useless occupation.
Give yourself a mindset for youth and health.

How to avoid family breakdown

If you and your husband are about the same age, then the "crisis" wave can overtake you at the same time. But every woman should remember that worries about an extra wrinkle are nothing compared to the suffering of a forty-year-old man about possible impotence. Most often, this becomes the reason for leaving the family, for the appearance of a mistress.

For you, he is just a husband, but for another lady, he is a knight, and a handsome man, and a man - anywhere! What if the husband began to look to the side?

Psychologist's advice:

Be patient.
Praise him more often for everything, even if there is nothing.
Admire his masculine abilities.
In short, do whatever another woman can do to him.

Believe me, men don't like to change familiar image life, and those who dare to do so, very soon begin to regret.

How to deal with crisis husband:

Do not take his reproaches personally.
If he finds someone to blame in your face, don't stir up the conflict.
Do not try to get angry with him, pity will be more appropriate.
Never remember. Never!
Do not scold him in front of children, do not grumble. Grumpy wife- the first impetus to leave the family.
Be beautiful, well-groomed, let your husband be proud of you.

Only a wife can help her husband get out of transition period.

How to live without a husband

If my husband left, what to do? The midlife crisis lasts for about 2 years. If you really love your spouse, be patient.

Sometimes, after a divorce, a man is left without a good job and cannot find a similar position. In such cases, sometimes a decision is made to return: for the sake of a good salary, for the sake of connections. Alternate airfield Some men prefer to live "on two fronts": in a new life they feel good, but old family continue to be perceived as a place where you can always return if something goes wrong. They can spend several days a week with the family, wondering personal life ex-wife(and even jealous), promise that they are about to return. If the wife still loves her husband, this life can go on for years. She will try to please him, to be "perfect", and he will take it for granted. Most likely, the ex-husband will not return "for good".

Why do men come back

How harmonious the union will become depends on how the woman will behave correctly in communicating with her chosen one. Content

Midlife Crisis: What's Happening?
Applause to the studio
Life didn't work out
Who is guilty?
Caution - mistress!
Midlife crisis: how to help your husband

Midlife Crisis: What's Happening? At the age of 36-40, hormonal changes begin in the body of men, and at the mental level, life priorities are reassessed, the worldview changes, and all habitual patterns of behavior and perception begin to seem ineffective and are questioned.

A person realizes that half of his life has already passed, there is a need to “collect stones” and take stock of everything that has been done.

Midlife crisis in men: leaving the family, or "dad is 17 again"

With a spouse, you need to come up with something new, and everything new inevitably runs into the barrier of laziness. It seems easier to start over, because your wife sees right through you, just like you see her.
When you don't know whom to choose (and this, by the way, applies not only to the choice between a wife and a mistress), you need to dream and imagine yourself in the future as if your dreams have already come true. Imagine that you have decided to build new family With girl.

Let me quote you as the wonderful intuitive psychologist L.N. Tolstoy, the changes that occurred to Natasha Rostova after she married Pierre: Natasha married in the early spring of 1813, and in 1820 she already had three daughters and one son, whom she passionately desired and now fed herself.
She grew fat and widened, so it was difficult to recognize in this strong mother the former thin, agile Natasha.

Husband has a midlife crisis: how to keep a family

Men, "who have a devil in the ribs," why are you so sure that young girl Do you truly love you, better and stronger than your current spouse? On what basis life experience Does the girl understand that this is a real feeling? What does she know about the seriousness of love and the work behind building relationships in the family? To enjoy the attitude of a girl for whom you are a man in the full sense of the word is undoubtedly very flattering for male pride... Just remember that she admires you because she compares your successes in life with the successes of young men of her age.

Attention

It's so easy to be an ace in sex when you're not dealing with the most experienced girl. It is much more difficult to feel like a super-duper in an intimate sense with your wife, and, most likely, it is just poorly decided to attract to your married life fresh jet.

A practical forum about true love

One of the most painful problems of the midlife crisis is the sudden appearance of dissatisfaction with one's marriage, partner, and relationships. For this reason, there is a mass unpleasant situations in the family, many marriages collapse.

However, before lamenting the topic “how unlucky I was” and passively waiting for the same crisis moment for you or your spouse to come, you can try in advance with all your might to prevent the worst and save the family for another long years... Why is this happening? In both men and women, by a certain age, the first, but persistent feeling of outgoing youth begins to gradually come.

Info

Suddenly it begins to seem that the natural sexual potential is fading away, that the former romance, activity and emotional excitement can no longer survive. Accordingly, it seems that some very important and interesting part of life has been irretrievably lost.

If the husband has a midlife crisis

The risk of family breakup during this period is too great - a man wants recognition and admiration, the restrained praise of his wife is not enough for him. In addition, the crisis exacerbates feelings - your husband may even fall in love with some young silly girl, mistaking a moment's passion for the love of his life.

Life did not work out When ambitions remain unfulfilled, a man experiences depression. Of course, there is one significant plus for such a state - during a crisis, your husband is unlikely to want an increased female attention.

Although he may not refuse an affair on the side, especially if he lacks your understanding and desire to listen. The main feature depression from dissatisfaction - your partner will want drastic changes - go to another job in a completely new sphere or move to live in a completely unexpected place.

Middle age crisis. part 4. cheating or a new family

In marriages between an older man and a young woman, one must be able to yield to each other, finding compromises. An excellent option will periodically rest from each other, so you can constantly maintain a man's interest in his person and learn to trust your partner.

Dear women, you should never try to ALWAYS a man and especially impose your point of view on him. Listen to a woman and do the opposite! It is worth remembering that your man somehow lived before you, and this left an imprint on his habits and outlook on life.

It is believed that marriage between a man and a woman, where their age varies significantly (the difference should be no more than 15 years), is successful for both partners. Both partners benefit from such a relationship: a woman in such a family plays the role of a weak and defenseless woman, and her man plays the role of a strong, wise man who takes care of his soul mate.
It is as if you are starting your story anew, it is not necessary to stir up the past over and over again.

If possible, visit together from time to time interesting events, go to a cafe for lunch, in a word, remember how your romance began.
Hint to mutual acquaintances that you do not hold a grudge against ex-husband that he is still important to you, that you treat him well and appreciate him. Don't overdo it! Not worth it once again show how much you suffer and how bad you feel without him.

Do husbands return to ex-wives during a midlife crisis

In addition, I would like to recommend the wonderful book "How to enter a state of flow, when everything works out and life is a pleasure." difficult period life. Build relationships! Be sure to share our article on social networks- perhaps one of your friends has already encountered similar problems, her support will help you a lot.
If you misjudge the situation and behave incorrectly, any woman who does not stint on praising the merits of your chosen one will seem to him against your background. fairy fairy... In order not to make a mistake, not to get angry and not to become jealous of your husband for all the women around you, try to put yourself in his place. Remember how you feel when thoughts of near old age begin to creep into your head. Awful feeling, isn't it? So, all women's experiences and anxieties about wrinkles and gray hair cannot be compared with one main male fear- fear of becoming impotent.

That's why average age causes them a real panic - the feeling of their physiological omnipotence begins to dull little by little, but the presence of force and the circulation of sexual energy in the body are still very tangible. This is where this thirst for new exploits and a surge in sexual activity come from.

It is sometimes difficult to refuse a three-course dinner prepared the way a man loves, traditional walks with his son, and even your favorite sofa, from which it is so convenient to watch football! Prudent males In many cases, a man is associated with a woman not only by a joint feeling, but also joint property... Then the husband can return because it is expensive to pay for rent, and it was possible to live in the apartment of his ex-wife practically free of charge. And even with joint budget life was better than on one salary. Whether or not to accept a man who clearly needs to make his own existence easier is up to his ex-wife to decide.

Such marriages can last a long time, but often there is no happiness in them. The same is true when the husband is dependent on the relatives of the ex-wife.

He can work for one of them, or seek their protection.
At the same time, it is worth paying attention to the fact that all this “understanding” does not occur in an obvious way, a person does not sit and do the counting two and two: this is more profitable for me, it will be better for me there for this and that reason. All this happens on an unconscious level. So our unconscious processes play out certain scenarios and outcomes, and then consciousness already has ready plan- I must, I’m leaving, changing. And in the unconscious, everything is boiling, like in a huge cauldron: something didn't work, the spouse was wrong about something, everything got screwed up, got confused, he was told, he got angry ... Everything will be repeated several times, and here is the result - “I will change everything until it's not too late". So why do they get frustrated and leave? Man 1. He wants to prolong his youth, wants to feel that not the best half of his life is behind, but exactly the same, and that an equally interesting and full-fledged personal story awaits him. 2.

No wonder they say: "A gray head is a devil in a rib." Closer to the age of 40, a midlife crisis begins in men: leaving the family, lovers, scandals, new habits - it all overtakes them like a snowball. How should your wife behave in this case?

Midlife crisis in men - leaving the family:

What should a wife do?

40: what does a man feel?

The feelings of a man in midlife crisis are akin to those of a 17-year-old. All sensations are heightened, he becomes a maximalist, views and values change. What thoughts are hovering in his head?

... "Where is the applause?" - this is a common problem of men who have achieved a lot in life: they have their own business or are top managers, their opinions are listened to at work, they are an authority for other people. And they begin to want recognition.

But the people around have not changed. The wife is still busy with everyday life (children, career, hobbies), children, who by that time had become teenagers, do not put a penny own father... When men face a midlife crisis, leaving the family for one who will admire and be touched (that is, a new young lover) seems logical.

... “I am getting old and will soon become weak,” thinks a man at 40. Indeed, health begins to play pranks, then the heart will ache, then the liver will fail, or even problems in bed will appear. And the man begins to feverishly take care of his health (usually causing even more harm), visit gyms, where he again meets beauties. And then he begins to prove that he is "nothing yet" ...

... During a midlife crisis, a reassessment of values takes place. And since during this period a man looks more like a maximalist teenager who is looking for real feelings and trying to live a "real" life (and in fact, he is constantly looking for adventures on his own head), he begins to get bored with everyday life. The wife seems unkempt, the children are harmful, it seems that everyone around is callous and selfish people, busy only with themselves. Where will he seek comfort? That's right, in the arms of another beauty who will show interest in his suddenly sensual nature.

How do you know when rush hour has arrived?

Identifying a husband's midlife crisis is not that difficult. The combination of age 38+ and some behavioral features will surely indicate to you that the time has come.

... He became irritable. Reproaches with or without reason, constant "why are you following me?" and "let me be alone!" Unfounded claims, often associated with accusations of callousness, dryness and selfishness.

... For no reason, no reason, I took care of myself. Suddenly I decided that I needed to swing and go swimming. Classic example - fell in love extreme views sports or wanted to travel around the world, and, as a rule, alone.

... Interests have changed. My husband loved aeromodelling and now plays tennis. Or you used to have dinner with the whole family on weekends, and now he is playing poker with colleagues at this time. If he used to be a workaholic, now he can give up on work, and vice versa.

... He demands attention to himself and is offended if his wife does not extol him. it classic desire to hear the same "fanfare" in their honor.

... He had a mistress. This item combines the signs of the previous ones and a few more "bonuses" in the form of random calls, incomprehensible SMS-juice, frequent business trips and deadlines, lipstick on the collar and the smell of someone else's perfume.

What should a wife do?

If a woman is faced with such a phenomenon as a midlife crisis in men, leaving the family can be prevented only if we experience it with him and like him.

Arrange a new Honeymoon... Be more romantic, change your hairstyle, give it more attention, love and affection, but do not joke with him!

Share his passion for new hobbies. Want to go to the gym? Go together, at the same time tighten the figure. Are you fond of mountaineering? Well, the mountains are calling!

Give him some freedom, but remember to be genuinely interested in his new pursuits.

And be attentive, gentle and caring to him. Then no homeless woman is afraid!

At the very core life path a man can pause and think: am I living the right way? And if earlier such thoughts did not have of great importance, now they suddenly began to literally devour from the inside. Everything familiar and valuable seemed to fall under a large magnifying glass, the man looked at his life from the outside and doubted. This strange period of revaluation of values scares not only men, but also their household members. But there is nothing wrong or terrible in it. A midlife crisis is a natural stage that needs to be overcome profitably and without panic. To act wisely, you must learn to identify the symptoms of this important period.

How long does a midlife crisis last?

It is impossible to say unequivocally how long the midlife crisis lasts for the male half of the population. It depends on many internal factors... Someone is so busy with personal life and work that they do not even attach importance to inner experiences, connecting them with current events. Others, on the other hand, fall into an emotional tornado and cannot get out of it for years. Some men bypass the crisis - or they carefully hide it. And there are especially impressionable individuals who remain in a state of crisis for the rest of their lives.

Causes of a midlife crisis in men

"Gray in the head - a devil in the rib" - isn't the crisis to blame for this? Before a certain age the male consciousness believes in immortality, and the man does not hear his ticking The biological clock... He is full of strength, enjoys life and victories, is ready to cope with any trials. But the hour of "epiphany" comes, and age-related changes for the first time make themselves felt. Men who by nature love to mine, win and overcome difficulties, begin to be afraid of old age. Everything that happens to the body adds up to large complex factors that form the midlife crisis:

changes in hormonal levels;
decreased libido;
deterioration in potency;
poor erection;
weight gain, the appearance of the "abdomen";
age-related changes in appearance, hair loss and gray hair.

Not only women experience menopause, men also have a kind of "pause" in their lives. If in women, aging begins with menopause, then in the stronger sex - with a decrease in testosterone in the blood and unpleasant surprises in sexual life... Feeling that the inner Casanova is losing ground, the man unconsciously panics. He is not at all ready to turn into an old man and be uninteresting to ladies. That is why forty-year-old men are trying by all means to establish themselves in their former role of invader and conqueror. Lonely or family man- no matter. He will seek interesting acquaintances and flirt with women of all ages, and there are those who start. Each smile of a new acquaintance, an interested gleam in the eyes - like a balm for a lost soul.

V young age a man is constantly looking for himself and tries to succeed in the most important points of his life. Having reached the fourth ten, the man looks back and assesses what he has achieved, what status he has earned. Psychologists around the world emphasize that men suffer not only from a lack of achievement, but also from their a large number... This seems paradoxical, however, if the main male target- to achieve, to conquer, then, having received what he wants, a person remains without anticipation of future victories. And this is the main psychological reason crisis of middle years.

By the age of 40-45, the main goals are usually achieved:

a career has been created (a warrior has asserted himself);
there is a wife and children (the man became the head of the family and established himself in the role of a breadwinner);
bought a car (you can conquer distances, demonstrating courage and speed);
received a status in society (the man passed all the tests and was rewarded with universal recognition).

It would seem that you can live and enjoy, put your achievements on the shelf and admire. But this is impossible - a man needs new victories, he cannot live without regular approval and admiration. If the cufflinks are silver, then gold is needed. But physical strength has already diminished. A woman who has been faithful and supported at all crossroads for many years is no longer able to reappraise his masculine splendor - she is fed up with him in full. And a man - the eternal Don Juan - cannot live without female attention and admiration. He loves his companion, but with her it is so difficult to believe that old age is just around the corner, but he is still sexy and strong. A man falls into a psychological trap and with all his might begins to get out of it.

Such a phenomenon as a midlife crisis in men is always associated with uncertainty. This is another fear of a forty-year-old man. Years have passed, the awards have been received - but what next? Will he turn into impotent and play solitaire for the rest of his life? Or you need to sound the alarm right now and start new life? A man is not afraid of numbers, he is afraid of himself. A new self, with whom he is not familiar. The person looking out of the mirror is not a male or a conqueror. It's just a sad creature with a broken phallus and graying hair. The male psyche is not able to survive such a blow. Losing the working capacity of the phallus is like burying alive in oneself a male who longs for conquest, but cannot get out of this aging shell.

The man is sure: a woman will not need him without an erection. That's why elderly age is perceived so painfully and incompletely. Depressing thoughts, cheating, pessimistic pictures of the future - this pushes a man to search for love adventures. As a rule, they choose very young and sexual mistresses believing that this way you can improve potency. Men over 40 are always tense, anxious and inconsistent. For many, relations with their wives deteriorate, even purely everyday communication is reduced to conflicts, not to mention the intimate sphere. Mutual understanding in the family is completely lost, the midlife crisis becomes the director of all life.

Symptoms of a midlife crisis in men

"I survived completely out of my mind" - this is often heard in the address of forty-year-old men, and not out of the blue. A midlife crisis is a kind of ailment that has its own symptoms. In many men, they are identical, but they can manifest themselves with different intensities. It is important for households to understand: men go crazy not of their own free will, but through their fault. hormonal changes and a shattered, suffering psyche. What happens to a man in a crisis?

Lingering. It would seem that a strong and successful dork just cannot be depressed. For those around him, this is nonsense, but for a man it is a real mental torture.
Self-pity. A man can literally "whine" about every occasion, like a wounded dog. And this is only part of the suffering, the worst thing is deep inside. It is very important not to shame a man, but to listen and tune in to the good.
Internal devastation. When a chasm arises between a man and his youth, all the stimuli of life are irrevocably drowning in it. It is very difficult to worry alone, a man really needs support.
Dissatisfaction with yourself. The man has the feeling that it was his life that failed, it was he who lost and remained in the grip of this trap.
Career dissatisfaction. Even if he is the owner of a large business, he will still find something to cling to. Everything could have been done better, but he could not. And if his peers were able to achieve more than he, it hurts even more. The impulsive desire to give up everything and start life anew constantly torments, tears from the inside. There is so little time left, and there will definitely not be a third chance.
Dissatisfaction with personal life. The most unloving wife and the most ungrateful children - only with him. The rest of the men are happy, loved, adored and respected.
Fear for your health. The man turns into a real hypochondriac. Any minor sore can cause internal panic in him. And the wife becomes guilty of not treating and caring well enough.

The symptoms of a middle-aged crisis are highly dependent on the character of the man. Weak-willed people begin to drink excessively, get carried away gambling, endlessly find fault with his wife and children, make love on the side. Those who are more strong in soul, hold back the negativity inside, try to gather strength and direct energy for the good: they immerse themselves in work, hobbies, communication with friends.

How to overcome a midlife crisis

40 years - it happens to everyone. This is one of life stages that needs to be experienced with dignity. It is at the age of 40 that a person begins to see his victories and defeats from the outside, compare them with the dreams of youth and draw legitimate conclusions. It is impossible to realize every single one of your dreams. And you cannot blame yourself for what has not been embodied. Life is not over yet, and there will be many achievements ahead. And the experience gained in youth will help not to make the same mistakes.

The past must be let go, it has done its job and left invaluable skills and abilities. It is better not to waste time regretting something that can no longer be corrected and not relived. The focus should be on important things, those that are needed in the future and will be useful.

If a man under 40 remains lonely, this is not at all a reason to give up on himself. Fertility functions did not stop, but physical strength still allow to lead active image life. You can simply change your aura: change your car, work, make new friends. Many 40-year-old men successfully meet the fair sex and create full-fledged families... 40-year-old husband is reliable rear for a spouse and wise, loving father able to provide for a family.

How to help a man overcome the crisis?

The middle-aged male crisis is always an ordeal for the second half. Read about that on our website. It is especially painful for the wife if the husband is mentally weak or prone to despotism. Such a man does not want to blame only himself for his failures. He puts responsibility on his spouse: she did not love enough, did not appreciate his successes, did not give an incentive to achieve, therefore he became such a loser and impotent, and with another woman he would be able to develop a huge business and lose his worries. To better understand a man, learn more about. Even more difficult situation occurs when a man's middle-aged crisis coincides with

Often, wives suffer in silence, not knowing how to survive a midlife crisis in their husbands without falling into the dirt on their faces. Calmness he perceives as indifference, and any remark - immediately with hostility. But there are a number of rules, observing which, a woman can smooth out the psychological discomfort in a relationship and let her husband know that she is not indifferent and is ready to help him get through this difficult period.

- - Restrained behavior. A man in a crisis doesn't care what difficult teen- he will not listen to comments, and any dispute will turn into a bloated conflict. Let him speak out and ease his soul a little. It is not he, but his depression, who is in control of the situation, so it is not worth taking offense at a man in a crisis: it’s more expensive for yourself.
  - Regular praise. Even if you have to frankly flatter, it will still seem like a healing balm to a man. You need to praise him often, for any reason, comparing with colleagues and friends - and putting your husband in the best light... Then he will not have to look for self-assertion somewhere on the side, he will rush home to wise wife, generous in praise.
  - Faith in the future. Men in crisis experience a breakdown, their self-esteem goes down. They believe that they are no longer capable of anything. If a woman manages to convince the sufferer of this, proving to him that 40 years is far from old age, and there are still many achievements ahead, the situation will improve significantly. But for this, the wife herself needs to believe in her man.
  - The moral support. If a man feels an urgent need to change something in life - work, car, clothing style - a woman needs to support this zeal. Naturally, within reasonable limits. Most of all, a man now needs support and inspiration.
  - Improvement intimate relationships... The greatest panic in men is the weakening of potency. But it is difficult to admit that age is to blame, so the man blames his wife, and in the worst case, turns on a young mistress. Few of the wives will be able to forgive such a betrayal - here the excuse in the form of a crisis will no longer work. But there is also wise women who overstep the resentment because they understand: the husband has changed not because the feelings are gone, but because he is scared and alone in the face of a powerless and ugly old age, which has already shown its appearance from beyond the horizon. It is possible to prevent cheating and increase self-esteem in a man - you just have to think about how to diversify intimate life than surprise. Find out from our article.