How to interact with peers. Forms of communication with peers of the opposite sex. How parents can help

18.05.2019

The problem has always been relevant in the studies of foreign and domestic figures of pedagogy and psychology.

And this is not without reason, as it is a completely natural phenomenon. Children love to share their impressions during different types activities. Joint games of children do not pass without communication, which is the leading need of children. Without communication with peers, a child can observe certain mental disorders.

Conversely, meaningful communication is an indicator harmonious development preschooler personality.

It should not be limited to relationships within the family. Preschoolers should have contacts with peers, teachers, and other adults.

The kindergarten group is practically a stage on which they unfold between the children - its actors. In the interpersonal, not everything goes smoothly. There is strife and peace. Temporary truce, resentment and petty dirty tricks.

In all positive relationships, preschoolers form and develop positive personality traits.

AT negative points socializing preschooler gets charged negative emotions, which is fraught with sad consequences in his personal development.

What are problematic peer relationships?

The forms of communication that are problematic include increased children's aggressiveness, excessive touchiness, shyness, other communication problems.

Let's take a quick look at the factors of wrong with peers.

Aggressive children

If a child is aggressive, then peers are unlikely to become friends with him. Most likely, children will avoid such a child. Such children are objects heightened attention by parents and teachers.

In most preschoolers, aggression manifests itself to one degree or another. And this is normal when a child reacts with some degree of aggression to unfair actions from the outside. However, this form aggressive behavior has no effect on general condition baby and always gives way to peaceful forms of communication.

But there are children who aggressive manifestations are a stable side of the personality, are preserved and even developed in quality characteristics preschoolers. This harms the normal communication of children.

Let us turn to another problem of communication between children.

touchy children

Although touchy children do not cause much harm to others, but it is also very difficult to communicate with them. Any wrongly cast glance in the direction of such preschoolers, an accidentally dropped word, and you already lose all contact with such a child.

Resentments are very long. touchy child it is not easy to overcome this feeling, and he can withdraw into himself for a long time.

This feeling has a destructive effect on any friendly relations. Resentment leads to painful experiences in children. They start at preschool age. Children over early age not yet familiar with this feeling.

During the period preschool childhood When a child's self-esteem is formed, resentment arises suddenly and takes root deep in the child's mind.

Unlike aggressive child, touchy baby does not fight, does not show physical aggression. But the behavior of a touchy preschooler is demonstratively suffering. And it does not encourage friendly communication.

Often, an offended preschooler specifically attracts the attention of others by deliberately refusing to communicate with anyone who approaches him.

shy kids

Communication with shy children brings little pleasure. FROM unknown children and they generally refuse to communicate with adults. Getting to know them is a top-level problem.

Unfortunately, most children preschool age you can see the beginnings of shyness. And if in 60% of preschoolers shyness disappears as soon as the child is offered something interesting, then it is very difficult to get others to talk.

Not everyone and not always manages to talk to a shy preschooler. When approaching a stranger, whether an adult or a child, shy kid feels emotional discomfort, shy. In his behavior, you can catch notes of anxiety, and even fear.

Shy preschoolers tend to have low self-esteem, which prevents them from engaging in relationships with peers. It seems to them that they will do something differently from what is required of them. And therefore they refuse to take any steps towards the collective of children.

Remain aloof from common affairs and any joint activities watching other children play from the sidelines.

I would like to note another type of children who have problems in communication.

Demonstrative children

Such children, as a rule, compare themselves with other children and demonstrate their success to everyone around them. They are arrogant and proud, even when childhood.

Demonstrativeness gradually turns into a stable quality of the child's personality and brings him a lot of negative experiences. On the one hand, the child is upset if he is perceived differently than he exposes himself. On the other hand, he does not want to be like everyone else.

At times, a demonstrative child is able to perform a positive act. But this is not at all for the sake of another, but only in order to again to show oneself, to show one's kindness.

Communication with a demonstrative child is very complicated at preschool age. Demonstrative children love to attract undue attention to themselves, often bring in Kindergarten beautiful toys to brag to the other kids.

Interestingly, demonstrative children are active in the process of communication. But this communication on their part is devoid of interest in the other.

They only talk about themselves. If they fail to assert themselves in the eyes of their peers, and especially adults, then such children begin to show aggression, scandal, quarrel with everyone.

And although other children do not particularly want to communicate with them, they themselves really need the environment. Because they need someone to listen to them in order to demonstrate themselves in front of society.

Features of communication of preschoolers with peers

As we discussed above, the communication of preschoolers with their peers is very dependent on themselves. If they are aggressive, touchy, envious or demonstrative, then they often have problems in the process of communication.

But all children of the age we are considering also have common features communication with peers.

Preschoolers are highly emotional. In a group of peers, they manifest other forms of communication.

This applies to expressive-mimic manifestations. Children in general are very fond of gesticulating during conversations, reinforcing their statements with facial expressions. This helps them to be emotionally expressive during communication.

I would like to note some features of the communication of children at preschool age. Children love to communicate. During communication with peers, they develop speech skills, develop communication skills. There are, of course, some communication problems associated with frequent conflicts in the children's group.

Communication with peers is more relaxed than with adults. Completely different forms of behavior prevail here. Non-standardized communicative patterns can also be attributed to the peculiarities of the behavior of preschool children during communication. Such as bouncing, bizarre poses, antics. One child may intentionally mimic another, which does not happen in communication with an adult.

But in each free manifestation, the child reveals his individual personality traits. And these distinctive features communication of children with peers remain until the end of preschool childhood.

Another feature children's communication at preschool age, it can be considered that the initiative in response actions prevails in the child. The preschooler quickly reacts to the replica of another child with response activity. At such moments, the development of dialogue speech occurs. At the same time, problems such as protests, resentment, conflicts can be noticed, because the child is trying to say his weighty word last. And none of the children wants to give in.

On the forms of communication between children and peers

Now it is worth talking a little about the forms of communication of the child in the circle of peers.

The first form of communication of preschool children is usually called emotional and practical.
A child, more often at a younger preschool age, expects complicity in undertakings and pranks. This form of communication is situational and depends on the specific situation.

Problems in this form of communication can arise at the moments of interaction of communication partners. Either the children switch their attention from the interlocutor to some object, or they fight because of this object.

This is due to the fact that the development of objective actions is not yet at a sufficient level, and the need to use objects in communication is already being formed.

In such cases, permission is reluctant.

Another form of communication between peers is called situational business.

Somewhere by the age of four, its formation begins and continues until the age of 6. Peculiarities this stage is that now children are beginning to develop role-playing skills, even role-playing game. Communication becomes already collective.

The development of cooperation skills begins. This is not the same as complicity. If in the emotional-practical form of communication, children acted and played individually, although they were in the same team. But each represented himself differently. Here, the children in the game are closely connected by a single plot and the roles they have taken on.

One role will fall out, and a problem arises - the plot of the game is broken.

Therefore, it can be stated that the situational business form arises on the basis of a common cause in order to achieve some common result of interaction with peers.

In popular children, the formation of communication skills in this form of cooperation is ahead of the development of communication skills of children who are less visible in the children's team.

It is even worth noting here that aggressive children and demonstrative, which we talked about earlier, succeed more in the formation of communication skills than touchy and envious children, who are more likely to stay away due to personal characteristics.

At the age of 6-7 years, communication skills in preschool children acquire a more or less formed character. Children become more friendly to peers. The formation of skills of mutual assistance begins. Even demonstrative children are already beginning not only to talk about themselves, but show attention to the statements of other children.

At this time, the formation of an extra-situational form of communication begins, which goes in two directions:

growth and formation of extra-situational contacts (children talk about what they did and saw, plan further actions and share their plans with others, learn to evaluate the words and actions of others);
the formation of the image of a peer (selective attachments to peers appear regardless of the situation of communication, and these attachments are very stable by the end of the preschool period of childhood).

Those are in in general terms features of forms and problems of communication of preschool children. Now let's take a look at effective ways development of communication skills between the child in a circle of peers.

How to develop the communication skills of preschool children in preschool?

The communication skills of a preschool child with peers are actively formed in the process dialogue between children. Children's dialogue speech carries the foundations of colloquial speech activity generally. Here both the development of monologue skills, and the formation of the preschooler's speech readiness for the upcoming schooling.

Dialogues are actively used by children during games and other joint activities.

Wherein important role given to an adult who takes Active participation in such communication between children.

Joint games as a form public life a child of this age, contribute to solve many relationship problems.
Plots role playing help to develop community skills and building dialogue communication. In games, you can implement the formation of all forms of communication.

An adult needs to teach children to start, continue and end a dialogue. The child should be able to maintain a conversation, answering the questions posed during the dialogue.

Dialogue is a very difficult form of communication through which social interaction. Therefore, an adult should contact the child as often as possible, observing a positive emotional tone. This will encourage the preschooler to talk. Features of communication during a dialogue contribute to the formation of sentence building skills different types, from simple narrative to complex in their construction and phonetic aspects.

Before you can understand how you can help your child solve the problem of communication with peers, you need to determine the cause of the disagreement. Only by identifying it, it will be possible to pick up correct option resolving the issue. Finding the source of the conflict is sometimes very difficult. Because aggression is often caused by subjective rather than objective factors. For example, kind and sympathetic children become outcasts only because they do not want or cannot fight back the offenders. And adults need to help the teenager to adapt in society. Otherwise it will lead to serious psychological problems, from which it will be difficult for him to get rid of even as an adult.

How to help your teen build relationships with peers

If a teenager says that he has problems communicating with his peers, this is already good. This means that he trusts adults, understands that he can be helped. It is much worse when the child closes in on himself, and the parents do not even know that he has any difficult situations. First of all, it is hard for the teenager himself. He has no support either in the peer group or in the family. And this situation must be urgently corrected.

For a teenager to become frank, do not put pressure on him. I must say that you love him the way he is. What he desired child and can count on support in any situation. Even if he is wrong, you will be on his side and try to help solve all problems. conflict issues with peers. This does not mean at all that you have to call the child's acquaintances and persuade them to be friends with him. The main task frank conversation- to inspire a teenager with self-confidence and the knowledge that parents are always on his side. With such baggage, he will become much more courageous in communicating with peers, learn to respond to offenders, will not be shy about new acquaintances, which may well give rise to true friendship.

To make it easier for a teenager to build relationships with classmates or friends from the yard, offer to organize a holiday at home. The reason can be any - the successful completion of the quarter, New Year, birthday, etc. Give children freedom. Having prepared a treat for the holiday, leave the house. Without adults, teenagers become more open. And your child, being on his territory, without parental supervision, will be able to show all his the best qualities. Feeling like a master, he will become self-confident, and those around him will feel it. The attitude of acquaintances towards him will change, and these will be only positive changes. Such gatherings can be repeated several times to consolidate the result. Perhaps after them there will be a grand cleaning. But the small amount of energy is worth it to help the child adapt to the complex and sometimes aggressive teenage society.

The main task of parents is to help the child become more open and self-confident. Then he will have less conflict situations with peers. A teenager's passion or hobby will help to cope with this task. If he loves sports - enroll him in the section, if he draws beautifully - in an art school, if he sings and dances well - give him to a theater group. There, a teenager will meet people with similar hobbies, and will definitely find with them mutual language. He will learn to communicate with diverse acquaintances, and it will become much easier for him to solve problems with peers.

Parents whose children had problems communicating with their peers noted that most often they appeared when they switched to new school and moving to another area. It is at this moment that you need to be most attentive to the teenager. He may not admit that it is hard for him, hide his grievances. Therefore, it is very important to observe psychological state notice mood swings to Hard time to help.

When a child reaches adolescence, parents notice that their relationship with him becomes more intense and difficult, and sometimes simply unbearable. This problem occurs most often in our Everyday life. The child starts transition period from childhood to adulthood, the duration of which varies depending on the pace of its development. Usually after three or four years, everything goes back to normal. But how difficult it is to survive these years, and how many mistakes are made during this time.

The main feature of adolescence is the sharp hormonal and functional changes in the body. This is reflected in mental state teenager. He becomes more vulnerable, emotionally unstable, commits inexplicable, from the point of view of logic, actions.

A teenager develops a “sense of adulthood”, which parents need to support, confirming with examples from everyday life: “You helped me ..., you matured noticeably, learned a lot”, “You did ... already as an adult independent person, I am very pleased”, etc.

In addition, many parents notice that their children, becoming teenagers, are more eager to communicate with their peers, they can talk to them on the phone for hours. This is also one of the features given age. And the more difficult the relationship of a teenager with his parents, the more he listens to the opinions of his peers. This is because he begins to trust them more. In that age period it is very important for parents to maintain trust and understanding in relations with the child.

A big part of our relationship is communication. It proves its importance from the very birth of a person. Thanks to communication, we can keep the "thread of trust and understanding" for life or cut it off at any stage of a child's development (more often in adolescence). At the core confidential communication First of all, there should be an attitude towards the child as a person from birth. It is necessary to respect his opinion and take it into account in building joint plans. This is especially important in adolescence. The most important thing in a relationship with a child is sincerity. Teenagers are especially sensitive to lies. At this age, it is more difficult for them to forgive their parents for their insincerity. Sometimes they don't forgive her at all. In building relationships with a child of this age, it is important for parents to take into account his age features. There are several ways to help parents. effective communication with a teenager. Applying them in everyday life will help maintain trust and understanding between parents and their children:

Listening to the child, let him understand and feel that you understand his condition, feelings associated with the event that he tells you about. To do this, listen to the child, and then repeat in your own words what he told you. You will kill three "hares" at once:

the child will make sure that you hear him;
the child will be able to hear himself as if from the outside and better understand his feelings;
the child will make sure that you understand him correctly.

Conversation on serious topic spend when no one else is around. Watch your tone in conversation. He shouldn't be mocking. Maintain a calm tone, listen carefully. You don't have to have all the answers ready;

Try not to say: “I don’t care what they did there, but you better not get involved in this”, “I know what is best for you”, “Do what I tell you, and the problem will be solved.”

Support and encourage the child without words. Smile, hug, wink, pat on the shoulder, nod your head, look into your eyes, take your hand.

Never compare him to someone else, don't tell him that he must be like someone else.

Advise the child, but give him the freedom to choose actions.

Listening to the child, watch his facial expressions and gestures, analyze them. Sometimes children assure us that they are all right, but a trembling chin or shiny eyes they are talking about something completely different. When words and facial expressions do not match, always give preference to facial expressions, facial expressions, posture, gestures, tone of voice.

Never humiliate a child even with words.

Don't put your child in awkward position in the presence of strangers.

When encouraging your child, keep the conversation going, showing your interest in what he is telling you. For example, ask: “What happened next?” or "Tell me about it...".

Look away from the TV and put down the newspaper when your child wants to talk to you.

Let your child know that you are interested in him and always ready to help.

Rules for communicating with classmates

Show attention to your friends and classmates, try not to offend them with your words and actions;

Never laugh at handicapped of people;

Always and in everything help the younger and the weak;

Do not forget to thank for the service rendered to you;

Do not invent offensive nicknames for anyone;

If you yourself suffer from a nickname attached to you, do not respond to it; maybe then your offender will remember your name;

If a friend has lent you something, give it back to him within the promised time, without waiting for him to remind you of it;

Always keep the promises you make;

Never promise what you cannot deliver;

Treasure your word: your friends should know that you can rely on you in everything, that you always keep your word;

Always be precise: inaccuracy is first of all impoliteness;

Never eavesdrop on other people's conversations or read other people's letters;

Never show disrespect, arrogance, insolence, rudeness or rudeness to people.

Many are interested in the question “How to teach a child to communicate with peers”? The child begins to make friends by the age of three. This is the period when the baby enters kindergarten. It was at this time that he learns the basics of communication.

Social success and its conditions

Good luck in communication is guaranteed if the baby learns a few rules. Psychologists call such rules the conditions of social success. What is it?

1 condition. Personal attraction. The child needs to be explained that a person should be well-groomed, have good manners, be neat and clean and be able to be interesting to the interlocutor.
2 condition. Communication skills. The children receive the first communication skills in their family. Talk more, contact with the child. If the crumbs have an older brother or sister, it will be good if they communicate often.

Tip: Teach your child to communicate through long and active practice.

Teaching a child to communicate

Often the timidity and shyness of the crumbs becomes the reason for the inability to communicate. In this case, contribute to raising the self-esteem of the baby and let him become more liberated. So, to instill communication skills, adhere to the following rules.

You can not express dissatisfaction with the child. Don't judge him as a person. Criticize his objectionable and harmful act.
Do not make a lot of claims to the children so that the baby does not feel unwanted.
To teach your child to communicate with peers, maintain a friendly tone in contact with him. The kid should know that if he did something, he is still appreciated and loved very much, and for mom and dad he is the best. If the baby has such an attitude, he will more easily accept criticism in communication.
Allow your child to make their own decisions. Don't criticize them even if you don't like them very much. You can only express your opinion about this or that act of the baby and leave the choice to him. In addition, do not try to get into the children's classes and do not help them even in cases where the child can cope with his task on his own, although with difficulty.
When communicating, the child can endure resentment in his direction. Do not leave her alone with the child. Talk and listen to your son or daughter, explain who was to blame, so that later he would not repeat the same mistakes. Tip: Never tell your child that your problems are stupid and you were to blame for everything.
To raise a child's self-esteem and teach him how to communicate with friends, do not put pressure on him with your authority and do not strive to always be right. Sometimes let the baby learn from personal mistakes and make their own decisions. Let your toddler give you advice and criticize you. Thus, you will form self-respect and a sense of dignity in children.
In order for the baby not to be afraid to talk with peers, do this little trick. Sew a button on clothes or a jacket and tell him, as soon as he starts to be afraid of something, let him touch it and then you will think about him and help him.
To learn to communicate, you need to learn a few phrases, for example: “Hello, my name is Sasha. And you? Do you want me to treat you to some candy?”

Tips for helping your child get along with peers

The child got rid of timidity and indecision and is ready for new achievements. At this time, remember the above two conditions for social success. But do not forget that it is better to show the child how to communicate by personal example. The norm of learning for kids is the example of parents. So we offer the following tips.

Be affectionate, sincere and open with family members. Children, seeing this example, will apply it in communication with their peers. The child must know that kind people always have good friends.
Be caring, polite and respectful towards family members. Then the child will treat others with respect, show compassion, care and love.
Ask your child to help clean the house or make dinner. If you communicate a lot within the family, the child's communication skills will be better formed.
The child must be sure that he is loved in the family. In this case, he will easily open up to you and tell his friends about his inner emotions.
If there are several children in the family and they quarrel, do not encourage competition and disputes between them. Explain to your child that anger and hostility are bad allies in good communication.
The child should know that in addition to their interests, there are also the interests of friends. They should share their toys and learn the rules of politeness.
To cultivate inner determination, give the baby who establishes communication constant attention.
To properly teach your child to communicate, tell him that you need to politely ask for permission to take this or that toy, and not fight and shout loudly.
To communicate with friends, instill a sense of justice in children. For example, if a toy was taken by force, he can defend himself and defend his rights. If asked, you can let a peer play with her.
The child should know that there is nothing special about being the first to be asked to play. He can also offer friendship himself.
He needs to instill respect for others. He should not tease his peers, play by fair rules, and not spill the secrets entrusted to him.

Stick to these tips, instill communication skills with peers, teach the elementary rules of communication and you will see that soon good people will grow out of them.

Preview:

Problems with the child's communication with peers

In the life of every child, one day a very significant event: he enters new team- goes to school, meets the guys in the yard, etc. Not always new circle communication immediately becomes close, very often it is difficult for a child to find a true friend, and new impressions bring him nothing but resentment and disappointment.

What are the reasons for this? Getting into a new team, even sociable children are sometimes lost. What can we say about those who experience difficulties in communicating with peers because of their individual features: heightened emotionality, high or low self-esteem, conflict, aggressiveness, isolation, shyness?

The reasons similar deviations in the child's behavior can be very diverse: excessive attachment to one of the family members, spoiled, overprotection parents, limiting the child's communication due to fear negative influence on him from friends, a ban on playing with peers at home due to the illness of one of the family members, the fatigue of parents after a busy day, unwillingness to disturb the order in the house, etc.

A child forcibly isolated from peers does not satisfy the natural need for communication. Over time, even the most beloved toys bother the child, and he begins to experience emotional discomfort. Communication with children is replaced by many hours of sitting in front of a TV or computer, which can also lead to headaches, visual impairment, mental disorders. Having become accustomed to solitude, the child is unlikely to be able to establish contact with other children.

When a child first begins to communicate with peers in a new team, he is faced with an unusual environment for him: there are many new faces around, not similar friend each child has his own character. Everyone wants to make friends, but something prevents them from feeling comfortable in this seemingly desirable environment.

There is nothing surprising in this. The fact is that the child is accustomed to communication in close family circle, where he feels protected, surrounded by care, where all attention is paid only to him, where there is always mom, dad, grandma or grandpa who will explain, help, pity ... Now he has to independently solve such difficult problems even for an adult as an approach to new people, the choice of a friend or girlfriend.

One of the most common reasons is the excessive shyness of the child. This problem occurs, as a rule, if the parents are very domineering and intolerant. Noticing any shortcomings in the child, they try to put pressure on him, believing that talking in raised tones can eradicate them.

Another reason that a child cannot establish contact with other children is his excessive selfishness and desire for leadership. Most often, this problem is faced by the only children in the family or children who were born first and for some time brought up as the only ones.

A selfish child is always the creation of the hands of close relatives with whom he lives: mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers. Having become accustomed to general attention in the family, the child strives to take a central place in the new team, to become a leader. But peers, as a rule, do not accept such children in the company, they do not want to obey the will of the newcomer, it is very difficult for them to understand and accept their whims.

So, two types of children are especially prone to difficulties in communicating with their peers: "quiet" and potential leaders. One way or another, the leader will find his place "under the sun", will not make friends in the world, so he will "win" them. It will be much more difficult shy child Therefore, it is precisely this type of children that needs to be helped.

How to overcome shyness

One of the main reasons why your child cannot interact with other children is excessive shyness. It happens that even gullible children, kind, sincere, potentially ready for communication, cannot overcome the psychological barrier and establish contact with their peers.

How can you help your son or daughter learn to communicate freely?

First of all, do not tie it to yourself. Of course, it is very nice to feel needed. But such attachment can lead to the formation of an unviable personality, following the lead of a stronger one, hiding from solving any problems that arise.

Parents need to learn that communication with other children is just as necessary for preschoolers as communication with family members. If being with family makes a child feel self-importance, then contacts with peers stimulate the development of personality.

To prevent the child from being closed, parents should adhere to the following simple rules:

Try to create conditions so that the child has a constant opportunity to communicate with peers, since the rarer such contacts, the less likely it is to find friends. Go to visit families with children, invite neighbor children to your home, arrange holidays, allowing kids to show initiative, invention, abilities.
Do not patronize children excessively, do not suppress their will, more often provide the opportunity to act independently.
Help your child find a consistent fun partner from the neighborhood boys and girls. The sooner you do this, the better. Even the most warm relationship with parents will not replace the child's communication with other children.
Do not remain an outside observer when your son or daughter communicates with peers. Get involved in the conversation as a participant, helping to establish friendly contacts between children. If urgent intervention is needed, for example, if the children have a fight, act as a peacemaker; if the game suddenly goes wrong, take the initiative into your own hands, try to interest the children in its continuation, offer something new, more interesting.
Do not overdo it when helping children in their fun. If every next act of a son or daughter is prompted by you, each toy is made by your hands with their passive participation, the game is not conceived by them, but by you, these efforts will not benefit the child, but harm. Instead of interest, hopeless boredom arises, and as a result - lack of will, lack of independence, disbelief in one's own strengths, excessive susceptibility to extraneous influences, dependence on more strong man, and consequently, the impossibility of full-fledged communication.
Teach your child not only to play the games you invented, but also to create their own. Help him learn to sensibly explain the rules of the game he offers to play.
Teach him to openly and calmly express his own opinion, to prove it without raising his voice, without hysteria and resentment.
Welcome and support the child's desire to communicate with peers, to create good relations with them. The praise of parents is a wonderful stimulus for every child.