Crisis 7 years old child psychology briefly. The crisis of seven years: characteristics and features, recommendations for parents. Conflict between needs and the environment
Often, adults perceive unexpected behavior of a child at critical age periods with great negativity. "He became uncontrollable!", "He completely got out of hand", "He completely obeys me!" - these and similar thoughts first come to the minds of parents of 6-7 year olds. Books, magazines, articles on the Internet give millions of tips on how to behave with a child at one time or another, but this does not work for you, or a temporary effect is achieved. Why? Does this mean that you are a bad parent and a completely incompetent educator? Well, of course not!
All the advice and behavior patterns that we follow on someone else's advice, without understanding what is happening with the child in this moment, brings little result. At the same time, children feel unnatural in their parents' behavior and practically do not perceive what we want to convey to them by memorized phrases and actions imposed on us. But even a small awareness of the reasons for children's behavior at the moment gives a sufficient understanding of the words or reactions to the situation that are needed right now, in order to return your relationship on the right track. You become more variable and meaningful in communicating with your child and achieve better results from your actions.
Let's look a little deeper into the reasons for the behavior of a child 6-8 years old
Main and distinctive feature this period is the appearance in the child personal opinion and adoption personal decisions... This happens from about 5 to 9 years old. If at 3 years old we were faced with the child's desires to do what he wants or likes at the moment, and these desires were of a situational nature, then closer to 7 years old, these desires become precisely his personal opinion. He doesn't just want to buy these particular clothes. He needs to buy it because it's fashionable. No matter how the mother insists, does not explain that another thing is more practical and convenient, the child is already beginning to give personal reasons and explanations of his own choice. And, if now we do not listen to him with respect, we cut off in mid-sentence with phrases: "You are still too young!", "When you grow up, then you will talk!"
With these words, you form a future weak-willed, easily controlled person who does not have his own opinion. Such people often do not know how to behave correctly in specific situations, and in order to choose a strategy of behavior, they will observe the first ones in their field of vision and copy the words and actions of others without proper understanding and comprehension. So people without their own opinion in the future fall into sects, criminal groups, etc. Therefore, it is very important to support the formation of our own opinion in the child, but at the same time we are not afraid to set the boundaries of behavior so that the child understands that this is possible and not allowed, permissible and unlawful.
It is very important that during this period the child has his own territory, if it did not exist before. This is his personal room or corner in the apartment with his personal bed, personal table, personal chair and personal shelf in the closet. And this is precisely his territory, where access to parents should be limited. The child will be the owner of this space. He himself cleans up there or not, arranges objects or asks for help, advice from parents. We can only suggest, assume, suggest, but not force, not impose! Now the child is becoming a person with his own personal space. Often mothers with an innate sense of order and cleanliness do not stand here and begin cleaning, which again breaks the personal opinion of their child and accustom him to laziness and idleness. The mothers themselves receive a personal psychological trauma since removing someone else's territory, they expect further thanks, but do not receive them.
If you do not listen to the opinion of the child, forcing them to do as the elders want, punishing them with a belt - all this leads to protest. And this rebellion, depending on the nature of the child, can reach two extreme opposite behavioral lines. There will either be a complete closure of him from his parents, or it will result in an open demonstration of his aggressiveness. In addition, in this case, children may begin to lie out of fear of punishment or the possible disrespectful attitude of their elders. It is important for every adult to understand and remember in order to avoid unnecessary conflicts and not to lose contact with the child.
Also this age stage associated with the beginning of the period socialization... Now the child needs to belong to some kind of group in the yard or at school. And it is very important not to dissolve in it, but to be a separate person with your own opinion, taste and appearance. Its position and status in each group is being formed.
At this age, to a greater or lesser extent, child theft... The child does not fully realize how bad and wrong such behavior is. They just like some thing and they take it, not realizing that they are stealing. This behavior must be controlled, again calmly and with respect for any action of the child. It is imperative to explain what theft is, how others relate to it and what it leads to.
Preparing for school
Crisis 7 years is a period of preparation for school and the beginning school education... In order for this period to pass more smoothly for the child, with less shocks, it is necessary to take care of his getting used to school in advance, if you can see that the child needs to get used to the new environment. It is very important to choose an educational institution based not on its prestige, but on the level of the teacher's qualifications. Psychological and emotional comfort in this case is more valuable than any cost spent on education in an elite school.
For many children, it will be extremely useful to take a preschooler to prepare for exactly the school where he is planning to enter. This is necessary, first of all, so that he understands, accepts and gets used in advance to a new environment, a new society, a new life. It happens that children are simply lost in school corridors, leaving, for example, from a lesson in need, which again leads to additional stress. To avoid similar situations it is advisable to take a walk around the school in advance and study the location of the classes. It will be great if the new school team will be formed from the main composition of the kindergarten group that the child attended. This will significantly reduce the level of anxiety and tension in the early days of school.
Often a first grader is not ready for the fact that he is not the only student in the class, but one of 20-30 of the same students. He often does not understand that the teacher cannot give him 100% of the attention. Hence, resentment, confusion arise, it seems to him that he is not worthy of attention. It is possible that it will be difficult for a child to navigate in communication and understanding of other children when he realizes that they are all different, each with their own individual character and behavior. To avoid or minimize these reactions, it is imperative that you attend kindergarten at least 2 years before school. Only then will they pass the stage of socialization, when such manifestations as anger, rage, aggression towards peers are worked out and transformed into acceptable strategies of behavior. If a child does not pass this stage, then he will most likely not be accepted by the school team and become an outcast in the class.
In order for the child to get used to school as quickly as possible and go there with greater joy and enthusiasm, it is enough to apply a few simple rules.
Firstly, every September 1st in elementary school can be turned into a small family holiday: decorate the room with thematic signs and posters, arrange a family dinner with a cake and discuss how that day went, and draw up an achievement plan for this school year. For first graders, the first time it will be a great support if parents discuss absolutely everything related to school with him.
So, seeing off the child in the morning, you can talk to him about how he will study today, how important and necessary it is for him. It is very important to do this in a good and positive mood in order to charge the child with positive energy for the entire school day. Meeting the student after class, it will be very useful to discuss how that day went, what marks he received, what he could answer in the lesson, what he could not answer, what he liked today and what he didn't. It is great when parents discuss not only educational problems, but also relationships with other students, with whom the child was good, it was pleasant to communicate, and with whom it was bad. It is imperative to draw final conclusions. And, of course, we communicate with the child with respect, support and do not scold for failures and mistakes.
It is very important to remember about the inadmissibility of comparing your child with others. Any comparison with someone leads to the fact that he begins to curry favor in order to gain the approval and love of an adult. So children start going to school not in order to learn and gain knowledge, but for the sake of good grades. This is further aggravated by the fact that, breaking away from the family, at school, children live in a new society, where they are perceived differently, not at home. Here they do not feel the love and care that they are used to receiving from their parents. It seems to them that they are lonely and no one loves them, does not understand. In this case, the family can provide great support and support to the child. For this, it is enough, for example, to arrange a family tea party at least once a week, where everyone, including the child, tells how his week went. And again, we never condemn anyone or discuss anyone. This will be a very important circle of family support for everyone, and not just the child.
All of the above plays a big role in shaping self-esteem child. In addition, many psychologists recommend that children should be involved in sports from the age of 5. This will not only help additionally in the formation of self-esteem, but also develop responsibility, skill physical work and internal state usefulness. You can offer a choice of several sports sections so that the child himself chooses an activity to his liking. There are parents who make mistakes here too. Often, when giving their child to clubs and sections, adults are guided only by their personal opinion and their choice. They choose exactly what they would like to do themselves, but for some reason they did not succeed. Now a grown-up person strives to realize himself through his own child, breaking his opinion and transgressing his personal desires. Naturally, children will resist as much as they can. Either they will not study in these circles and schools in general, or they will attend them through force and retain hatred and rejection of these activities for the rest of their lives. Naturally, there is no need to expect any benefit from such training.
In addition to all of the above, knowledge and understanding of the stages of cognition of the world, according to his age, helps very well in building the correct behavior with a child.
Involvement in work and responsibilities
In the period from 5 to 7 years old, the child learns work. It is very important to introduce him at this time to housework, help in the country. The child is already ready, can and should be able to perform the simplest tasks: wash the dishes, set the table, do the laundry, make the bed, wash the floor, etc. You can offer him a choice of some kind of work, which will become his responsibility. Only he will have to supervise and be responsible for the implementation of this work.
Teaching and teachers
At the age from 7 to 9 years old, in connection with the beginning of school education, the period of learning to study begins. I would like to note that at this time the value of a teacher becomes much more important than the value of a parent. Any teacher's opinion becomes indisputable and the most correct. Most parents are very upset by this, they are trying to break this barrier, but this will only lead to additional quarrels and conflicts. You should not react so negatively and sharply to this. Despite this position of the child, you still remain his parent, he still needs you, your support, love and care. And this is even more necessary now than it might seem at first glance.
The period at the age of 7 years is associated with the appearance of a large number of fears and stresses.
This may be due to the beginning of school, as well as to his personal characteristics.
During this period, the fear of bad grades arises. The fear of loneliness may appear. Often there is a fear of attack by fairy-tale characters. This is due to an excessive passion for modern cartoons, mystical films and programs. As a result, the so-called triad of fears may arise: loneliness - darkness - enclosed space. In such cases, it is very dangerous to punish children by locking them in a dark room. This can lead to very negative psychological problems.
After 5 years, the child begins to realize that everything in this life is temporary, people are mortal. There is a fear of death, both of one's own and of one's parents. Moreover, the fear for the parents is much stronger and more vividly felt than for oneself.
Doubts appear about their abilities and capabilities. Children are afraid not to correspond to public opinion, they do not want to be a “black sheep”. It seems to the child that if he is not what others want him to be, then he will not be loved. If he cannot overcome this fear, outgrow it, then in the future he will have problems with public speaking, he will be highly dependent on the opinions of others.
A large number of fears, worries, great physical, psychological, mental overload, all this can lead a child to stress. Should be drawn Special attention to those signs that indicate the presence of stress in a child:
- frequent rejection, resentment, aggression, exaggerated exactingness
- the child returns to infancy (cover himself with a blanket with his head, lie down in the fetal position, fencing himself off from problems with the words "I'm in the house", I'm not there)
- increased nervousness
- mood swings
- tears when new people appear
— unexpected change hyperactive behavior to passive
If you notice the appearance of these signs in behavior, and they persist for a long time, then you should not engage in "self-medication", you should definitely seek help from a qualified psychologist.
To prevent stress in children, you should use the following advice from psychologists:
- More peace and quiet.
- Protect the child as much as possible from radio, TV, computer
- Include soothing teas in the diet, hot milk with honey at night
- Diversify food bright colors... For example, you can add a bright red berry to the porridge, decorate the soup with a sprig of herbs.
- Walk a lot, communicate with animals, observe nature
- To devote more time to communication with the child. Now he needs your experience and knowledge more than ever.
Every child is different
It should be noted that there are general recommendations from psychologists, but each child is individual and has its own own experience and a set of innate mental properties of the personality. One child at the age of 7 will be open and extremely socially active, the other will be closed and full of fears. One quickly gets used to new people and surroundings, while the second will require a long adaptation. This must be taken into account.
INTRODUCTION
The question of the existence of stable and transitional, or critical, periods in the development of a child was raised in the 1920s and 1930s. in the research of P.P. Blonsky and L.S. Vygotsky on the periodization of childhood. The need to distinguish between these periods is dictated by pedagogical practice: teachers, educators, parents are constantly faced with difficult to educate, capriciousness, conflict, disobedience, rudeness of children in some periods of their lives. Diagnostics of this transition is one of the most pressing problems of modern developmental psychology. Research by many psychologists is devoted to detailed analysis of this complex phenomenon in various aspects.
A.L. Wenger, D.B. Elkonin, G.A. Zuckerman, as a criterion for the transition to a new age, is called the development of arbitrary behavior in children; special meaning attached to the process of forming the "inner position of the student". In the studies of E.E. Sapogova, as a criterion for the beginning of the transition from preschool to primary school age, the formation of the imagination and the symbolic function of the child's consciousness is highlighted.
On the example of the seven-year crisis in the works of LI Bozhovich, it was demonstrated that the delay in the transition to new living conditions leads to phenomena that were understood as evidence of a development crisis. This was the expression of the idea of A.N. Leontyev on the crisis-free nature of development. Crises were not considered a norm, but a developmental pathology, as a consequence wrong upbringing.
The critical age in the theory of A.N. Leontyev - the moment of a change in leading activity. At the age of seven, playing activities are replaced by educational ones. The emergence of new activity is associated with the mechanism of the emergence of new motives. Leont'ev believed that a crisis (painful, acute period in development) is not a necessary condition for the transition from one stable period to another, from one leading activity to another. With regard to this statement, there is a cardinal divergence of positions of L. S. Vygotsky and A. N. Leontiev.
There is no consensus among professional psychologists about age crises, so each parent decides for himself to hide and wait out the storm or to fight with all his might to ensure that the child avoids painful periods in his development. There are only opinions, but no general recipe.
The transition period of 6-7 years, called the crisis of seven years, has hardly been studied. This explains the relevance of our work. There is a contradiction between the need for a scientific approach to raising children during this crisis and the lack of appropriate qualifications and methods of parenting.
The purpose of this work is to investigate the symptoms of a crisis in modern first-graders and to offer parents the most rational methods of upbringing.
To achieve the above goal, the following tasks were set:
Research the literature on the crisis for 7 years.
Conduct a study of crisis symptoms in modern seven-year-olds.
To offer the best methods of upbringing that will help not only smooth out the negative symptoms of the crisis, but also lay the foundation for the formation of a personality in the child.
1. MENTAL FEATURES OF A CHILD AND THE MANIFESTATION OF A CRISIS 7 YEARS OLD
1.1 MENTAL FEATURES OF A CHILD AT 7 YEARS OLD
The crisis of seven years is a crisis of self-regulation. The child begins to regulate his behavior by rules. Previously docile, he suddenly begins to make claims for attention to himself, the behavior becomes pretentious. On the one hand, a demonstrative naivety appears in his behavior, which is perceived by others as insincerity. On the other hand, it seems too grown-up: it presents norms to others.
The transition period is characterized by exaggerated forms of behavior. The child does not control his feelings - he cannot restrain, but he also does not know how to control them. The fact is that, having lost some forms of behavior, he has not yet acquired others.
The basal need is respect. Any junior schoolchild makes a claim for respect, for being treated like an adult, for recognition of his sovereignty. If the need for respect is not satisfied, then it will be impossible to build a relationship with this person on the basis of understanding.
Children learn to meet their physical and spiritual needs in ways that are acceptable to themselves and those with whom they interact. Difficulties in assimilating new norms and rules of behavior can cause unjustified self-restraint and over-necessary self-control. E. Erickson says that children at this time "strive to quickly find such forms of behavior that would help them to introduce their desires and interests into a socially acceptable framework." He expressed the essence of the conflict with the formula "initiative against guilt." Encouraging children's independence contributes to the development of their intelligence and initiative. If the manifestations of independence are often accompanied by failures or children are excessively severely punished for any wrongdoing, this can lead to the fact that the feeling of guilt prevails over the desire for independence and responsibility.
The behavior and development of children is influenced by the leadership style of adults: authoritarian, democratic, or anarchic. Children feel better and develop more successfully under democratic leadership.
From the moment the child went to school, his emotional development more than before, depends on the experience he has outside the home. The child's fears reflect the perception of the surrounding world, the scope of which is now expanding. Unexplained and fictitious fears of the past are replaced by other, more conscious ones: visits to the doctor, natural phenomena, relationships between peers. Fear can take the form of anxiety or worry.
At this age, children's claims to a certain position in the system of business and personal relationships of the class appear. The emotional state of the child is increasingly beginning to be influenced by how his relationship with his comrades develops, and not just academic success and relationships with teachers. At the time of their arrival at school, the attitudes of schoolchildren towards each other are regulated mainly by the norms of "adult" morality, ie. academic success, meeting the requirements of adults.
L.S. Vygotsky sees the psychological meaning of the crisis of seven years in the fact that, having lost spontaneity, the child gains freedom in the present situation. This freedom is given to him by the arbitrariness and mediation of his mental life. He begins to understand and be aware of his experiences, a "logic of feelings" arises. In addition, the ability to generalize their own experiences appears. Only now the child, fully aware of himself, can say “I like this, but this is not,” without being guided by the preferences of a significant adult. Through involvement in school life, the range of interests and social contacts child; communication with adults and with peers becomes arbitrary.
The main mental neoplasm, to which the crisis of seven years leads, is the ability and need for social functioning. The child strives to get a certain social position - the position of the student.
L. S. Vygotsky identifies some features that characterize the crisis of seven years:
1) Experiences acquire meaning (an angry child realizes that he is angry), thanks to this, the child has new relationships with himself, which were impossible before the generalization of the experiences.
2) By the crisis of seven years, for the first time there is a generalization of experiences, or affective generalization, the logic of feelings. A school-age child develops a generalization of feelings, i.e., if a situation has happened to him many times, he has an affective formation, the nature of which also refers to a single experience or affect, as a concept refers to a single perception or memory.
A characteristic feature of the psychoemotional sphere of children aged 7-10 years is curiosity, a keen interest in everything new and bright. This trait is combined with a pronounced desire to imitate a lot, and sometimes copy something without a sufficiently critical attitude to the object of attention, therefore the personal example of parents, their methods of moral and aesthetic influence on the child are extremely important upbringing value. The atmosphere of friendliness, love of adults for each other, mutual respect and understanding, a sensitive readiness to immediately come to the rescue only ennobles children, contributes to the formation of the kindest mental qualities, develop the world of their feelings, thoughts, views in the most favorable direction.
A bad example of parents can be the reason for the formation of a child's indifference to the norms of behavior in in public places, disrespectful and even rude attitude towards elders, females, comrades. If hypocrisy and deceit reign in the family, constant quarrels and scandals, all this will surely leave a deep imprint on the psyche and behavior of the child, can make him a nervous person or a person angry and cruel, rude and despotic, deceitful and unprincipled.
It is the duty of parents to do everything possible to protect the child's vulnerable psyche from influences that deeply traumatize his fragile nervous system.
Great moral damage is inflicted on the child by the desire of adults to approach children with a different moral standard than to themselves. Sometimes parents say swear words in front of their children, commit dishonest acts, but punish their child for such actions, demand neatness and smartness from their son or daughter, and they themselves are slovenly, careless. A hypocritical attitude towards a child gives rise to a feeling of resentment and anger in him, contributes to the formation of such a disgusting quality as deceit.
They react painfully to the infringement of their self-esteem, it is excruciatingly difficult to endure punishments if they are unfair or involve physical pressure. Corporal punishment of schoolchildren is completely unacceptable, as they deeply insult children, cause violent protests, and can cause nervous disease(stuttering, obsessive-compulsive neurosis, urinary incontinence).
Pedagogical experience shows that children who are subjected to corporal punishment grow up shy and timid, gloomy and deceitful, but willingly enter into fights with their peers, use every opportunity to offend the less powerful or younger, while showing malice and bitterness.
Even the so-called light corporal punishment (a slight slap or blow) subjects the child's psyche to the most severe test because of the collision in his soul of opposite feelings - love and hate - for a loved one.
Incentives vary, but it is important to use them wisely. Any extreme is undesirable: it is just as dangerous to over praise a child as it is not to notice his diligence. Appropriate praise of the student for the conscientiously completed task, for the initiative shown, strengthens his faith in his own strengths and capabilities, contributes to the development of will and self-affirmation.
Children of 7-8 years old are characterized by spontaneity and gullibility. Adults should reckon with this and take care of the manifestations of honesty, sincerity, straightforwardness in the reasoning and behavior of children. The accelerated development of intelligence in connection with schooling creates the basis for a more perfect formation of aesthetic and moral feelings in children, for subtle experiences born of communication with nature, literature, art, and most importantly - with people. Educating feelings in junior schoolchildren can be considered effective if parents and teachers are able to familiarize them with the beauty of nature, instill a love of beauty, teach them to appreciate the spiritual wealth of a person, his actions worthy of imitation.
In the upbringing and education of children of 7-10 years old, the role of the emotional beginning is great. Outstanding teacher V.A. Sukhomlinsky argued the impossibility of a full mental development a child “without a poetic, emotional and aesthetic stream”. He wrote: “Observing for many years brainwork pupils of primary grades, I was convinced that in periods of great emotional uplift, the child's thought becomes especially clear, and memorization occurs most intensively. "
1.2 TYPES OF HIGHER NERVOUS ACTIVITY IN CHILDREN
Academician N.I. Krasnogorsky concretized the Pavlovian doctrine of the types of higher nervous activity in relation to childhood.
Sanguine children are distinguished by a strong, balanced type of higher nervous activity, they have equally well expressed mental and emotional reactions... They are able to control their emotions and subordinate them to the requirements of the appropriate environment. Sanguine speech is well developed, loud, fast, well-formed, rich. Children adapt well to the school environment, successfully cope with school loads, and are emotional in their behavior. Typical traits of sanguine children: cheerfulness, optimism, faith in their own strengths and capabilities, a critical attitude towards the shortcomings of others and their own. However, these children often overestimate their physical and intellectual capabilities.
In phlegmatic children, rational activity clearly prevails over the emotional sphere. They control well, and, if necessary, suppress their emotions and desires, without complications adapt to the conditions school life... Phlegmatic people behave evenly, calmly, their speech is unhurried, measured, usually not accompanied by gestures. In a team, these guys are disciplined, restrained in relation to their own shortcomings and the shortcomings of others, calmly react to censure or approval of their actions, avoid conflicts, tend to be alone.
Children with choleric temperament are characterized by pronounced emotional excitability, rapid mood swings. They weakly restrain their desires and emotions, their actions are often characterized by outbursts of excitement, sometimes aggressiveness. Choleric people do not always adapt to school life right away, since they are prone to conflicts with others, show incontinence in the classroom, hot temper, passion in response to the teacher's comments. Such children, with a strong but unbalanced type of higher nervous activity, are more guided in their behavior by feelings and desires, and less by reason. They are disposed to study music, react vividly to poetry, art... In children with choleric temperament, autonomic reactions are aggravated; with any emotional arousal, they easily turn pale or redden. He was born, they have poorly developed inhibitory processes in the cerebral cortex, so it is difficult for them to overcome life barriers. If such a child's desires do not coincide with the possibilities of their realization, negativism and nervousness appear in his behavior. To the choleric type (extreme in its severity) N.I. Krasnogorsky attributed the so-called difficult-to-educate children, in whose behavior indiscipline, unbridledness, the desire to enter into conflicts with adults and peers, and simplified thinking are constantly manifested. Their upbringing requires purely individual approach and is not easy. However, most children choleric temperament very well amenable to educational influences if they are built on the correct pedagogical basis, taking into account the characteristics of temperament.
Melancholic temperament corresponds to a weak type of higher nervous activity. In melancholic children, the cortical and subcortical functions of the nervous system are weakened, there is a low mobility of the nervous processes. In other words, their thinking abilities and emotional sphere are easily depleted. Children quickly get tired, they are not able to tolerate either long-term, or one-time significant mental, emotional and physical exercise... They are touchy, whiny, proud, impressionable, very sensitive to punishments and rewards. Melancholic children find it difficult to adapt to the school environment; many of them are reluctant to attend school. With the wrong upbringing, they can easily develop neurotic conditions or diseases.
The crisis can proceed in different ways, depending on the child's readiness for a new type of activity and the time of transition to it. Firstly, negative symptoms can occur when the child is ready for learning activity and there is no transition to it. Secondly, a crisis can manifest itself in the event of a transition to educational activity and the child's unwillingness to proceed to it. Thus, we can distinguish two types of crisis 7 years.
The main phases of the first type of crisis:
I. Subcritical phase. Playing in general structure the child's activity gradually begins to fade into the background due to the formation of the prerequisites for the next phase of development. The child is not immediately aware of the reasons for his dissatisfaction with "pure" play. He tries to modify the game, adapt it to the solution of new problems, and is drawn to productive, meaningful, adult-valued activity. Through communication with adults and older children, through directed preparation for school in the family and preschool, the child begins to form a subjective desire to become a schoolboy.
II. The critical phase itself. Objectively and subjectively, the child is ready for the transition from play to learning, but the formal transition to learning is late: the child is forced to remain for some time within the framework of the old activity and old relationships with adults. He is dissatisfied with his position as a preschooler, experiences emotional and personal discomfort and, as a result, negative symptoms appear in his behavior, aimed primarily at parents.
III. Post-critical phase. With age, a child comes to school, begins to master educational activities that are adequate to his aspirations and capabilities. Internal comfort is gradually restored, and negative symptoms disappear in behavior.
Flow transition period first graders (second type) have significant differences... The content of these phases of the transition period in this case is as follows.
In phase I, the child is completely satisfied with play activity, since the possibilities for the formation of the prerequisites that transfer him to the next stage of development still exist in play. In the process of preparing for school that is the same for all children of this age, a child may develop a subjective desire for school and an awareness of himself ready for it, but the objective prerequisites for the transition have not yet been formed.
In phase II, when a child enters the I grade with the preconditions for the transition from play to educational activity unformed to a sufficient level, he receives the first disciplinary remarks, experiences failure in the implementation of educational activities, and continues to gravitate towards play. In these conditions, as well as starting to compare himself with other children, the child experiences dissatisfaction with his social position, experiences emotional and personal discomfort. As a result of this, negative behavioral symptoms appear, directed not only at the parents, but also at the teacher.
In rare cases, the parents take the child out of the I grade, and then the prerequisites for the transition to educational activity complete the formation in the continued play activity. In most cases (phase III), the child is forced to simultaneously carry out compulsory educational and desired play activities on equal terms. Prerequisites for a normal transition to new stage development completes the formation with the help of the means of continued play and mastered educational activities. Emotional and personal comfort is gradually restored, negative symptoms are smoothed out. But, firstly, the adaptation process under these conditions can be much longer and less productive, and, secondly, the lag that began in grade I can accumulate from grade to grade, causing the child to fail in school.
1.4 MANIFESTATION OF CRISIS IN CHILD'S BEHAVIOR
One of the main symptoms of the seven-year crisis is antics, mannerisms, disobedience. The child becomes uncontrollable, he does not react to the remarks of his parents, pretends not to hear them or goes into open conflict. In general, all crises are similar to each other. How adolescent crisis and the crisis of three or seven years, all of them are expressed in the denial of everything and can be illustrated by a simple dialogue familiar to all parents:
Seryozha, put on your hat. It's cold outside.
Not cold.
Put on your hat.
I will not wear
Not Seryozha!
However, despite the outward similarity, each age crisis has its own background. If earlier the child "fought" mainly for independence, the ability to act autonomously, then at the age of seven the manifestation of the crisis is associated with the loss of childish spontaneity, that is, with the "wedging" of the intellectual moment between the experience and the action. Regular household rules, established by the parents, become for the child the embodiment of the "childish" world, from which he rather wants to move away. The child feels an urgent need to be an "adult", to behave like an adult, to dress appropriately, to accept independent decisions... To a large extent, this is facilitated by the very cultural environment in which children are brought up. From an early age, a child is taught that when he goes to first grade, this will testify that he has grown up. Having become a schoolboy, a child expects to become an "adult" with the acquisition of his own social position.
Benjamin Spock writes: “The child stops using words that are too“ grown-up ”and his style of speech becomes rude. He only wants to wear clothes and hairstyles like the other guys ... He can completely forget how to eat at the table, sits down at the table with dirty hands, stuffs his mouth and picks his plate with a fork. He can absentmindedly kick on a chair leg, ... slam doors or forget to close them behind him. He changes his role model: he used to imitate adults, and now - his peers. He claims his right to be independent from his parents ... These bad manners and bad habits upset parents very much. They think that the child has forgotten everything that he has been taught for so long. In fact, these changes prove that the child has forever learned what it is good behavior otherwise he would not have rebelled against him. When the child feels that he has established his independence, good behavior will return.
The character of a younger student has the following features: impulsiveness, a tendency to act immediately without thinking, without weighing all the circumstances (the reason is age-related weakness of volitional regulation of behavior); general lack of will - a 7-8 year old schoolchild still does not know how to pursue the intended goal for a long time, persistently overcome difficulties. Capriciousness and stubbornness are explained by the shortcomings of family upbringing, this is a peculiar form of protest against the demands made by the school, against the need to sacrifice what "you want" for the sake of what you "need."
From time to time, school-age children develop a reluctance to go to school. The symptoms (headache, stomach cramps, vomiting, dizziness) are well known. This is not a simulation, and in such cases it is important to find out the reason as soon as possible. This can be fear of failure, fear of criticism from teachers, fear of rejection by parents or peers. In such cases, the friendly-persistent interest of the parents in the child's school attendance helps.
2. METHODS OF ELIMINATION OF NEGATIVE MANIFESTATIONS OF THE CRISIS 7 YEARS
The reason for the child's negative reactions is the discrepancy between parental relationships and requirements and the child's desires and capabilities. Change your attitude towards the child - he is no longer small - be more attentive to his opinions and judgments.
The tone of command and edification at this age is ineffective.
If scandals are frequent, take a break from each other.
As much optimism and humor as possible in communicating with children.
Strategy for positive assessment of the child:
A positive assessment of the child as a person, a demonstration of a benevolent attitude towards him (“I know you tried very hard” “You clever boy(girl))
Indications of mistakes made while completing the assignment or violations of the norms of behavior (“but today something didn’t work out for you”).
Analysis of the causes of mistakes and bad behavior ("Look, you did the opposite (not quite so)")
Discussion with the child of ways to correct mistakes and forms of behavior permissible in this situation.
Expression of confidence that he will succeed ("tomorrow (soon) you will succeed ...")
Try to be more attentive to your child, show more love, warmth, affection, tell him more often that you love him and miss him.
It will be useful for children to perform special tasks, assignments, "their" affairs. They need to be more occupied with productive activities - drawing, modeling, design, application. You should not force them to play, it is better to offer them special games-tasks (tasks for performing actions according to the model, tasks that require initiative and independence). In the classroom, such children should be offered tasks that look like a learning task, more complex, giving a productive result.
It is recommended to offer more tasks for the development of imagination, fantasy, creative initiative (playing "theater", coming up with a fairy tale with continuation "in a chain", staging and reading fairy tales by roles; creative tasks in productive activities- to sculpt "miracle-yudo" from plasticine, who imagines it as they imagine, draw, who saw how winter forest on a walk, cut out a "magical animal" from paper, which does not exist in the world, etc.). Such tasks will stimulate the development of the most important prerequisite for the transition to educational activity - a sign function.
Parents can be recommended quiet conversations before bedtime, evening conversations about what happened in the child during the day. It is important sometimes to put him in the position of “senior”, “adult”, when “responsibility” is assigned to him. To do this, you can leave him in the group for the elder, when the teacher leaves, appoint him responsible for the silence, for the toys. You can arrange a “day of shape-shifters”, when the children themselves will play the roles of the educator, nanny, nurse. At home, it is useful for children to highlight special assignments, completing which, they would see the result and feel its importance for the whole family (for example, keep the shoes of all family members clean, feed the cat, water the flowers).
If negative symptoms are recorded in the child's behavior, then the adult should not enter into an argument with the child, no need to insist on accepting his opinion, threaten with reprisals, tease him, “bargain” for good behavior, especially in the presence of other children, one should not treat such “ difficult "child is biased, to punish" for everything "at once. If it was not possible to avoid a conflict situation, it is better not to notice the child for a while (since negative symptoms are directed at adults, then in the absence of the viewer, they quickly fade away), and then behave as if nothing happened, find an opportunity to praise him for something. You can talk to your child in private, but without emphasizing your condescending attitude towards him, you can not demonstrate your authority. Better, on the contrary, to put him in the position of "having the right to vote", "big". It is very useful to create situations for the child when good behavior itself would become the goal (you can arrange a "day of obedience" and spend it without a single comment, "a day of good deeds", "a day of courtesy", you can play in teams). Parents are advised to start a behavior notebook for their child with two columns - red and black - where good and bad actions would be recorded in a week, and on Saturday to sum up. But this notebook should not be allowed to turn into a means of blackmail.
To form the child's position as a student and the prerequisites for the transition from play to learning, it is recommended to pay attention to the formation of voluntary behavior, the ability to plan their actions, to see their result. To do this, you can invite the children to plan their day on their own, ask the child to tell how you can mentally walk from the garden to the house, give the task to come up with how you can draw, sculpt, cut something. It is necessary to teach the child the simplest skills of educational work - the ability to accept a task, describe the means of its implementation, etc.
Therefore, tasks for the formation of independence, self-control, and learning skills are useful, that is, those that “teach to learn”, you can carry out small experiments in a living corner, physical experiments with children, and then ask them to explain the essence of the observed phenomena in their own way: why does the water in the kettle boil, why does it appear in the spring green grass, and turns yellow in autumn). It is very useful to use self-monitoring tasks: for example, parents can be advised to create a calendar for the child in which he would mark the completion of his standing assignments with colored markers.
2.2 RESEARCHING THE SYMPTOMS OF THE CRISIS OF MODERN PUPILS
To study the manifestation of the peculiarities of the crisis of 7 years in modern children, a questionnaire was used for the parents of Elena Vladimirovna Kulichkovskaya, (a teacher-psychologist of the highest qualification category). The questionnaire is aimed at identifying the level of socialization of the student.
The survey was carried out in three different schools: in a school with traditional teaching, in a school with a focus on a foreign language, in a school whose children are taught according to the “School 2100” system.
A survey in a regular school showed that 3% of the respondents lag behind their peers in development. In 97% of cases, there are difficulties in raising a child, of which 61% are due to a developmental crisis, in 36% of cases negative reactions child are a manifestation of individual characteristics or the result of improper upbringing.
A study of first-graders at a school with a focus on a foreign language showed the following results: 9% - lag behind their peers, 58% - are experiencing a developmental crisis, 33% of first-graders have negative behavioral reactions - the result of improper upbringing or individual characteristics.
A study of schoolchildren enrolled in the School 2100 system showed different results: no social backwardness was revealed, only 39% of first-graders experience a developmental crisis, and negative reactions in 61% of children are individual characteristics or the result of improper upbringing.
Thus, we can say that the crisis of 7 years is manifested in modern children and depends on a set of various factors, including the level of development and preparation for school.
CONCLUSION
To exclude the consolidation of negative symptoms of the crisis and to overcome the results of improper upbringing, it is necessary to change the attitude towards the child and revise the system of requirements for him. Since the main needs of a child at this age are respect for him and the desire to become an adult, it is necessary to develop independence in the child's actions, entrust him with important matters for the family, with which he can cope, and determine his role in the family. But the child is not yet an adult and often forgets about many of his assignments, or cannot control his emotions on his own. To overcome these problems, it is necessary to create conditions for the child in which he could control his actions on his own, without the instructions of adults. One of the solutions is a self-control system: reading diaries, sports diaries, lists of good deeds, etc. By writing down his actions, the child learns to look at himself from the outside, from a different position, controlling and analyzing his actions. Reading diary (Appendix 1), good behavior diary (Appendix 2), training diary (Appendix 3) have been tested in practice, their use gives a positive result.
In the course of the work, various literary sources on this topic were investigated. The features of the manifestation of the crisis and modern seven-year-old children were identified and investigated, as well as alternative ways out of the crisis were proposed.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
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- Eric G. Erickson. Childhood and Society. - Ed. 2nd, rev. and add. / Per. from English - SPb .: Lenato, ACT, University Book Foundation, 1996. 592 p.
Good day everyone! Now the girls' mothers can have a little rest and "skip" today's lecture. Today we will talk about mischievous boys and the peculiarities of their psychology and upbringing. However, all stay. We are already alone big family, in which other people's children and problems do not happen. By the way, about the problems.
It is believed that sons bring mothers much more worries and worries than daughters. It hurts too restless people. As soon as they learned to walk, they are already stuffing cones, climbing into puddles and trees, chasing pigeons. A sort of little bandits. How to deal with them?
We have already talked about how. Today I want to dwell on a specific period when it is necessary to pay special attention to many aspects of the child's behavior. The psychology of a 7-year-old child, especially a boy, requires a separate publication, I decided, and I invite you today to discuss the important points of this topic.
"Daddy's" son
Remember how boys were raised harshly in ancient Sparta? This was done without fail by men. And the weak and frail boys, they say, were completely thrown off the cliff. Those were terrible times. But now, with living fathers, there are a lot of pampered mama's sons growing up.
So, dear mothers, rule number 1 in raising a son is not to pamper or grow a houseplant. Moreover, at 6-7 years old, when the male nature in a boy begins to flourish in a violent color. Psychologists believe that it is at this age future man is already clearly aware of its gender, and this needs to be supported in every possible way, to explain to the son what is good and what is bad, where it is necessary to act like a man, to set a positive example.
Now is the time to "hand over" the child to the father for upbringing. Let them spend time together more often. The boy simply needs this, he, like a sponge, absorbs any word and action of the Pope. If dad is not there, or, for example, he works as a truck driver or a long-distance sailor, then grandfather, godparent, and uncle will also be suitable for the role of educator.
It happens that they are not there, what then? Mothers, well, we are a courageous people, and we may well raise a full-fledged man ourselves. Even if dad left you and sees his son once a month. You must not and have no moral right to speak ill of him. Whatever it was, but he is a father, and for the boy he is now sacred.
I am sure that most of you still have full happy families, and dad is "available". So, dear fathers, your silent presence at home is not enough. It's time to act! The son looks at you with all eyes and copies in everything. If you, coming home from work, fall on the sofa and watch TV, the child thinks that a real man should do just that. And I ought to get up, help my mother clear the dishes from the table, or even cook dinner.
Respect for female sex boys learn from dads.
A little more and at school he will meet new girls, and he will behave with them in the same way as you treat your spouse. Even if there are quarrels in the family, try to “swear in a civilized manner”. Remember that the child also participates in your conflicts, albeit as an observer. All the reproaches and insults that he hears from parents to each other are imprinted in his memory.
Now the father should involve his son more in male pursuits. Fishing, fixing a bicycle, playing football on the street - men of any age love this pastime. Ignoring your son, referring to fatigue and busyness, is fraught. Then do not be surprised that the kid broke the window at the school, beat the neighbor's boy or set someone on fire. mailbox... So he tries to draw attention to his person and at the same time takes out the resentment.
About pistils, stamens and first love
What should mom do during this period? Well, of course, don't sit back. Mom's tenderness and warmth are still necessary for the boy. Mom is the closest person who will regret, listen, and always help. Both parents in education should harmoniously complement each other. Do not forget that the baby is coming soon, and this is a new, yet unknown world for him.
Now we need not only to instill in our little son a love of order, but also the foundations of decency.
And again, do not forget about clarity, that is, about personal example... A dad who throws socks around the apartment and is rude to neighbors is a bad example. A dad who neatly arranges things, takes care of his hygiene and cleanliness of shoes, is polite and fair - a positive example. Take action, parents. Despite the fact that soon the first teacher will appear in your boy's life, you will remain the main teachers for him.
At the age of 7-8, according to the observations of psychologists, your son can visit his first love. Yes, early, school and slightly naive. So get ready, moms and dads. Very soon your child will want to have a serious talk with you. Sex education during this period has its own characteristics and subtleties.
· Try not to leave unanswered any questions about girls and their relationship with them. Surely the son will ask how you met. So tell it, but add fabulous, magical moments to your story.
· Of course, there will be questions about where and how you, a couple in love, got it. Be careful here. It's too early for a child to even talk about "stamen pistils". “You appeared with us because we love each other very much,” - this answer is quite suitable. It is better to explain everything to your little son in an accessible, childish language, and not in abstruse expressions from medical reference books.
· It is better not to mention violence and cruelty. If there is a movie on TV where a woman is insulted or raised a hand on her, switch immediately. For a developing and tender child's psyche, this is a real blow. Tyrants and maniacs, too, you know, do not grow by themselves. Everything comes from the family.
If you feel that your son is too aggressive towards the female sex, ask him to draw a simple drawing - your family. As a rule, according to the picture, you can determine many features of the future character and attitude towards oneself and parents. A little mother and a huge domineering dad are a sign that the mother clearly does not have authority in the family, her husband morally and physically oppresses her. This is how your son will behave with girls in the future.
Boy psychology and his upbringing
Psychologists advise parents during this period to pull themselves together, be patient and give themselves to the child as much as possible. Be on an equal footing with him. Authoritarian education has long been rejected by all teachers, it does not bear fruit.
Parents and friends who you can always turn to for advice, this is what you should become for your son now.
And from misunderstanding and "lack of attention" grow up embittered all over the world and at the same time indecisive and withdrawn men. This does not threaten your son, because now you know how to behave in order to raise a worthy, loving, just person, a real person. Continue in the same spirit! Well, I'll leave you for a little while. I look forward to your comments and feedback, see you soon!
7 years - difficult period in the life of a child. This is the time when all his stereotypes are broken, all his ideas about the world, which were formed throughout his early childhood. The whole life changes: play activity is replaced by educational, constantly present parents or educators in kindergarten - to strict teachers, free mode days - on a rigidly defined. All this results in a crisis of a 7-year-old child, which, of course, entails certain consequences. What is a 7-year-old child crisis and what are its consequences?
The essence and symptoms of a 7-year-old child's crisis
Despite the fact that the crisis moments of the child are always noticed by the parents, the crisis of 7 years sometimes passes quietly and imperceptibly. Many parents, despite the fact that they remember crises of 3 years well, or transitional age, the crisis of 7 years is marked as calm. But not everyone is so lucky. Those parents, whose child is still more difficult to endure the crisis for 7 years, note the appearance of anxiety, isolation, secrecy of their child.
This is due to the fact that the child's life is divided into internal (psychological) and external. Now there are fewer impulsive actions, because a clearer connection is established between intrinsic motivation and the actions of the child. In other words, during the crisis of 7 years, a certain semantic orientation appears in the actions of the child, and he, regardless of his desires, has to become an adult.
Compared to the "pre-crisis" age, the child's self-esteem changes radically. If earlier he treated himself positively, regardless of anything, now the child's “I” is divided into “I-real” and “I-ideal”. “I am real” is the child's awareness of who he really is. "I-ideal" is who he would like to be. As a result, self-esteem becomes more adequate, and "I-ideal" meets very high demands.
The attitude of the child towards adults also becomes different. If earlier he behaved in about the same way both with relatives and friends, and with strangers, without dividing them for himself, now he can already strictly separate who is his and who is a stranger, and adjust his behavior in relation to different people, and also create a different view of different people.
Another symptom of the onset of a 7-year-old crisis is cunning as a violation of the usual attitudes or requirements of the parents in a latent form and the deliberate creation of situations in which the child can gain some benefit for himself. This is usually playful and is a joke, not a serious offense. For example, instead of washing hands before eating, the child either does not wash them at all, or goes to the bathroom, spends some time there, then goes to the table without washing his hands. Can also play with water and come out with wet (but dirty) hands, demonstratively showing them to the mother. If his mother reproaches him for this, he says that he forgot, goes back to the bathroom and washes his hands. If the baby has brothers or sisters, this trick is often, first of all, aimed at relationships with them, and then at relationships with parents.
One of the least common symptoms is an inadequate response to parental criticism. The fact is that a child, doing something, counts on the praise of his parents, and when he does not receive it, he can react very violently: cry, accuse parents of misunderstanding, etc.
Another symptom of the onset of a 7-year-old crisis is that a child may start asking general questions, that is, not tied to a specific event and daily life. The key topics are: politics, the origin of the planets, life on Earth and other planets, the evolution of living things, life in other countries, moral and ethical issues (for example, seen films), sometimes even family ties are affected. All this testifies to the expansion of the sphere of interests of the child at the age of 7, his desire to learn something new about the world and find his place in it. Moreover, an adult in this kind of conversation acts as an expert for the child, and the child himself reveals his ability to analyze.
For a child in a crisis period of 7 years, independence becomes very important, the ability to do something without the help of an adult, independent choice areas of activity. For example, a child during this period gladly washes his things, goes to buy bread - in a word, he participates in activities in which he had not previously participated, often giving up what he was fond of before. Moreover, as a rule, if you ask him for something, the child will be stubborn and will not do it or will do it with reluctance, but if the idea of something has arisen from him personally, the baby will surely do it with great pleasure!
This feature, which characterizes the 7-year crisis, is associated with the development of independent activity child. For example, in addition to playing, he begins to enjoy doing things like sewing, knitting, designing, or other materials, etc. Moreover, the result of such independent activity is of great value for the child.
Thus, we can say that during the crisis of 7 years, the entire inner world of the child changes beyond recognition. The main symptom of the crisis that has begun, psychologists call the child's loss of immediacy, which manifests itself in antics, mannerisms, and artificial tension of behavior. After all, what does immediacy in behavior mean? This means that the child is outwardly the same as the inside. The crisis of 7 years, when the loss of this immediacy occurs, introduces an intellectual moment into the child's actions, which now acts as a mediator between the experience and the natural act.
Also, the child may become withdrawn, uncontrollable, the child may become disobedient, reject previously accepted requirements, may begin to conflict with parents and other family members, either simply ignoring them from the word or openly rejecting them.
Why is this happening and how to deal with such a naughty child?
To answer this question, you need to know that respect is becoming the main, and most importantly, a fundamentally new need for a child during this period. At this moment, children simply need to feel that they are respected, treated like an adult and recognize their independence. If this basic need for communication with a 7-year-old child is ignored, then understanding in a relationship with him will no longer be expected.
* Here is a specific example from psychological practice:
“Kirill is six years old and three months old. The boy is distinguished by curiosity and prudence. He is happy to help dad when something needs to be fixed or repaired. He is going to kindergarten himself, he puts things in order. IN senior group Cyril was considered one of the most responsible guys, he was entrusted with the most difficult tasks. At home, Cyril is used to obeying his parents, especially his dad, who is a great authority for him. For the summer, the parents sent their son to his grandmother. When asked how Kirill was behaving, the grandmother complained that he did not react to her words, that it was time to end the game and go to dinner, and it was very difficult to put him to bed at all. Typical answer: "Sasha (twelve-year-old cousin) is awake, why should I?"
Of course, parents do not understand what is happening with the boy and how to cope with it. But from the point of view of a psychologist, this is a natural stage in the development of a child approaching a crisis of 7 years. As we have already said, during this period, the formation of motivation for the baby's actions takes place, he defines new rules that were not established by him, and learns to act according to them. The child's first reaction in this situation is to break these rules.
Based on the foregoing, the most significant feature of the crisis of a 7-year-old child can be called the beginning of the process of separating the inner and outer sides of the child's personality, which gives rise to many new experiences for him and, consequently, certain changes in behavior and relationships with the outside world.
Features of the child's experiences accompanying the 7-year-old crisis:
Experiences become meaningful, that is, the child begins to understand the meaning of the expressions: "I am happy", "I am upset", "I am angry", "I am kind", can consciously navigate in his own experiences;
The child learns to generalize his experiences, that is, if the same situation is repeated with him many times, he is able to analyze it and draw certain conclusions. This has a certain meaning - generalizing his experiences, the child forms an attitude towards himself, his own self-esteem;
As a result of comprehending his experiences, the child may feel some kind of struggle between them, which will also be expressed in anxiety.
As already mentioned, by the beginning of the 7-year-old crisis, a child begins to feel like an adult, which is manifested in his urgent need to be an “adult”, to talk and dress like an adult, to demand that he be treated like an adult. This is largely facilitated by the parents themselves, who often tell the preschooler that he will become an adult when he goes to school. And waiting for this have a good day, the child firmly believes that he has automatically become an adult and has the right to demand an appropriate attitude towards himself. This is also associated with a neoplasm in the psychology of a 7-year-old child, which is called the "internal position of a schoolchild." What does it mean? In general, this neoplasm begins to form on average from the age of 5: at first, children dream of school, about how they will do really serious things at school, and closer to 7 years they have a real need to gain new knowledge and admission to school.
What are the stages of the formation of the student's position and his motivation?
They are distinguished by 3:
1) At the age of 6, the child has a desire to go to school, but so far it is aimed only at external shape, without taking into account the meaningful moment of school life. In other words, the kid likes to listen to stories about the school, he wonders if there is a form there, how lessons and changes are organized, the external attributes of the school. But this position, in fact, is still preschool - the child does not think about the responsibilities that school imposes on him, does not think about the obligatory change in his daily routine, etc. For him, only the external form is important.
2) Slightly later baby already takes into account the meaningful moments of school life, but, basically, his attention is directed to social aspects, and not to educational ones. In other words, the school attracts the child with the opportunity to make new acquaintances, the opportunity to be “like everyone else” (after all, society says that everyone needs to go to school), and not to learn something.
3) During the 7-year-old crisis, a child is already beginning to have a real "schoolchild's position", which is expressed not only in social, but also in educational interest. But this position is fully formed only by the age of eight.
During the crisis of 7 years, as you could already understand, there is an active development of the motivational sphere, new motives of behavior arise, among which the motives that induce the child are of particular importance. These are the following motives:
Cognitive (educational) motive, that is, the desire to learn and learn something new;
Broad social motives, that is, the child accepts the general opinion that it is necessary to learn;
Positional motive, that is, the child's desire to take a new position in society;
Motives external to learning itself, that is, those that accompany the external aspect of learning at school, for example, obedience to the requirements of adults;
Game motive, that is, the expectation that educational life is a kind of game;
The motive for getting a high mark, that is, the expectation of the teacher's praise and self-affirmation due to this among peers.
How do you know which motivation prevails in your child?
Each child has different leading motives. Someone goes to school, first of all, in order to make new acquaintances, someone - to please their parents good grades, someone - to really get knowledge. How to understand what exactly your child is guided by when going to school?
There are many methods for studying the motives of a child. But there is one very simple way to understand what exactly your child expects from the school.
Can be read to your baby little story, where each of the characters explains their desire to go to school in different ways (in accordance with one of the listed motives). What motivation a child chooses for himself means that it prevails in his attitude towards his enrollment in school.
Research shows that 6-year-olds are more likely to choose playful motivation (often in combination with others, such as social or positional). Moreover, there is a very interesting feature: in the learning environment, that is, if baby is coming to school from the age of 6, this motive gives way to positional, and then cognitive much slower than it could have happened. Based on this, young mothers can be advised not to send their child to school earlier than the generally accepted age - because this can slow down his motivational development.
What should parents do when they notice the onset of a 7-year-old crisis in their child?
As a rule, the beginning of school life leads to the resolution of the crisis for 7 years. But this does not mean that parents should sit back and calmly wait for the first teacher to take their child into her arms. The fact is that even school is not a panacea for all problems. If your baby has low level psychological readiness for school, then when he gets into a new, unfamiliar environment, the crisis can only get worse and fall on the parents in its most colorful manifestations. This can be explained by the fact that in such children the crisis of 7 years simply began a little later, which once again confirms the regularity of this stage of the child's mental development, and parents should treat with patience and understanding the peculiarities of the behavior of their children in this difficult period. First of all, you need to understand that the child will behave worse if your attitude towards him does not meet his expectations. Try to change your attitude towards him, look at him as an adult and pay attention to his judgments. So, in the end, a few valuable tips for raising a child during a 7-year crisis and organizing communication with him:
- "including" the tone of order and edification in relation to a child at this age, you will achieve absolutely nothing in establishing relationships with your child;
If you feel that scandals with a child are becoming more and more frequent - take a break from each other;
Maintain a great deal of optimism and humor when communicating with your child;
Always try to evaluate your child positively - both him as a person and his actions. If you point out the child's mistakes, analyze together the causes of these mistakes and discuss ways to correct them and express confidence that he will succeed;
Try to be more attentive to your child, show more love, warmth, affection, tell him more often that you love him and miss him;
Come up with special tasks for children, task games, various assignments, "your" affairs. Engage them in productive activities - do with them various crafts, evaluate the results, praise them. During classes, take more breaks aimed at changing types of activities: for example, physical education, music break;
Give your child more activities related to the development of creativity, imagination and imagination. 
This will stimulate the sign function - the most important prerequisite for the transition to educational activity;
When communicating with your child, do not forget about quiet conversations before bedtime, evening conversations, discussions of daytime events. Try to show attention to the inner world of the child, talk to him like an adult;
If a child is naughty, you do not need to argue with him, impose your opinion, threaten with punishment. It is better to take a time-out and stop communicating for a while, and then just not remember what happened. It is useful to create situations where good behavior would be an end in itself (arrange a “day of obedience” and spend it without a single comment, “a day of good deeds,” “a day of courtesy,” etc.). You can create a "behavior notebook", where in 2 columns in different colors the bad ones would be recorded and good deeds for a week, and at the end of the week to summarize. But this notebook should never be used to blackmail a child;
Tasks aimed at developing independence, decision-making skills, and self-control will be useful.
If you use at least some of the recommendations given here, you will be able to overcome the negative manifestations of the 7-year crisis and come out with honor from this period, equally difficult for both the child and the parents.
How should parents behave? How can you help your child adapt to school?
Parents are usually given special attention a similar phenomenon do not attach, and, in general, few people believe in the existence of any development crises. Everyone remembered a long time ago that only adolescence is terrible, mothers await this terrible puberty with horror, sometimes without even assuming that the ground for future hysterics is being prepared now, at 7-9 years old, and if you successfully pass this test by nature, then the future hormonal changes will not become so scary and dangerous.
So what happens to a child at this age? And is this crisis connected only with the fact that the child passes into a new social status of a student? The transition to a new status is very important, but even more important are the changes that the child's brain undergoes in the process of maturation at this age. In the age range from 6-7 to 9-10 years, there are significant changes in general nature interactions of the cerebral hemispheres, as a result of which the child can already regulate his behavior and moves from objective activity to mental action(analysis, generalization, reasoning, inference, etc.).
By the age of 7, the child changes a lot. The face loses its "doll" features, teeth change, begins fast growth, changing the diet, taste, increasing endurance, muscle strength, improving coordination of movements. The central nervous system and glands play a significant role in this. internal secretion, new relationships in their work; it is at this age that he begins to work intensively thyroid... According to many scientists, it is this gland that is responsible for the well-known emotional instability and quick change moods in seven-year-old children. Naturally, the main test for a first grader is not endocrine changes, but they cannot be ignored.
Very rarely, a 7-year-old crisis is expressed in direct aggression emanating from a child, this is probably the quietest age crisis, sometimes, if the parents behave correctly and think over their requirements, it can be avoided altogether. It is necessary to explain to the child in time, if he himself did not realize the seriousness of the situation, what exactly has changed in his life, to help the child make the correct reassessment of his own values. Games, walks, cartoons are secondary, in the first place - study.
But all this is easy in theory; in practice, beliefs alone are not enough. It is necessary to constantly remind the kid that he is becoming an adult, which means he is responsible, and the territory of his responsibility lies in gaining knowledge. And here the parents themselves will have to show patience. IN this period In the process of becoming, the child pays more attention to his experiences, becomes extremely emotional, harsh in his statements, and if adults, instead of calmly and easily explaining the new school requirements, set specific tasks for him, will blame and force, then the result will not even be zero. Is it worth spending extra energy, your own and your child's, on getting a minus at the exit?
Several years ago, Oleg, one of my students, having become a first grader, could not understand why he was forced to go to school. On September 1, he honestly stood on the line, took a picture, gave the teacher a bouquet, he gladly went to school on the second and third, but by the end of the week he was tired of this occupation. For the sake of truth, it is worth noting that he did not attend kindergarten, he was brought up mainly by his grandmother and about the responsibilities of growing up young man had no idea. Naturally, he was not ready for such a test as a school. Two weeks later, he categorically refused to go to school, and a month later he fell ill, and very seriously. It wasn’t a simulation, it’s just his nervous system malfunctioning. And the parents are primarily to blame for this. Not only was the child not prepared for the changes in the general course of his life, the parents, having decided that Oleg had already grown up and had to study, went “the easiest way” - without going into the details of his experiences, they simply forced him to go to school and do hometasks. Now he is in the tenth grade, wanders from three to three and has bronchial asthma... And I'm sure that if anything could be changed, my mother would gladly return to those days and behave a little differently in relation to her son. But then she didn’t want to hear anything - after all, Oleg was “obliged and obliged”, and the terms of her task included “to force and punish” when the boy does not obey.
Another manifestation of the crisis at the age of seven can be emotional closeness, inventing incredible stories, and outright deception. Naturally, you cannot fail to notice this, but before you scold and call for honesty, figure out what provoked your son or daughter to such behavior.
One of my students, coming home from school, told my mother how hard it is for him to combine study with work. We do not know where and when he heard this phrase, but that is how he expressed himself. Moreover, as it turned out later, he was entrusted with a very serious job - he was grinding very important parts for aircraft engines on the machine, and during the break he managed to work on recipes and solve math problems. At first it all looked like a simple childhood fantasy, but by the middle school year"Work at an aircraft factory" exhausted him so much that he began to complain about the constant headache, often cried and felt very unwell. His deception was not just a fantasy - it was a need to reach out to his parents, to try to explain to them how difficult it is for him to learn, that he needs help and compassion.
Not every child, and especially a boy, who is taught from a young age that “men never cry, they are strong, brave and patient,” is ready to confess with their loved ones. The task of parents is to discern the problems of their own children and provide assistance. Sometimes elementary sympathy may be sufficient: “I understand that it is difficult for you. I see that you are trying, and not everything turns out the way you would like. But you are not alone, we love you and are always ready to help. "
In the period of 6-7 years, serious changes take place in the emotional sphere of the child. If for a preschooler any criticism of his abilities or appearance is “they are unhappy with me” and nothing more, then for a first grader any word or action aimed at a negative assessment of his capabilities is deadly. Unflattering reviews at this age can radically affect the formation of his personal qualities in the future.
I am always amazed at this exclusive right of adults to "scourge" their own children. Of course, we want our children to avoid mistakes, so that they do not waste time, study well, play sports ... We want everything that we ourselves did not do in childhood, and if we did, it was not diligent enough.
We feel sorry for our missed opportunities, and we transfer our desires to children. We adults want the best for the child. And for him to hear and understand - we shout. Only, including "fair anger" and criticism, we, unfortunately, instead of urging own child to a new understanding of the school, doing homework, killing any desire to learn in it at the root. We ourselves form a person with complexes in the future who does not believe in our own abilities and capabilities.
One of my acquaintances, a very pretty girl in childhood, having become a girl, could not understand in any way that young people were caring for her not at all because it was possible to write off her term paper and not out of compassion for her unprepossessing appearance. In elementary school, my mother loved to compare her with her classmates, and every time, looking at the photographs, she noted with sadness in her voice: “What a pity that your small features like Sveta's "or:" If only you have a nose like Tanya's ", ending the conversation with the same phrase:" But you have legs like a ballerina. " By the age of twenty, Zinaida realized that she was attractive not only for the slenderness of her legs, men have feelings for her that are far from compassion, and rushed into "real life." Now she is married for the third time and seems to be happy. But, perhaps, her life would have turned out a little differently if her mother, instead of engaging in evaluative activities, simply rejoiced at how beautiful and smart her daughter is.
The first year of school is non-judgmental, that is, no grades are used to evaluate student performance. But this does not mean that you need to "close your eyes" to the insufficiently responsible attitude of your son or daughter towards fulfilling the duties of a student. Lack of control and valuelessness are not the same thing. Needed golden mean- you can’t scold, but you mustn’t be allowed to relax either. The best would be to include the child's own assessment. But for all my long enough teaching practice I met only two elementary school students who could mark their own efforts.
Discuss mistakes with your child, but do not scold or educate, comparing with other children, even if at this moment other people's children seem exemplary to you. In no case do not evaluate knowledge and skills, but be sure to discuss his actions and aspirations.
“You cannot easily pull a fish out of the pond” - let this proverb become the motto of your life, keep your child active in overcoming difficulties, notice the slightest achievements of your own son or daughter, celebrate big and small victories with all your heart.
Transition to school age- this is not only a change in activity, it is also a complete change in the daily routine, lifestyle, and not to take into account this very important point in the life of a little person is impossible. More recently, he went to kindergarten, had breakfast, dined at certain times of the day, slept during the day, walked on the playground - he lived according to the exact schedule drawn up by the kindergarten teachers. But, having become a student, he was somewhat lost - it would seem that his free time has become much more, at school he is busy no more than four hours, doing homework- another 3 hours, sleeping during the day is not necessary, walking is not always possible, but it is necessary to occupy yourself with something. And then best friend the student becomes a computer or TV.
In elementary school, when the loads are not yet very high, games on the computer and cartoons do not bother us much: “Let the child rest, no matter what, but unloading”. Namely, that there is no unloading either. Let's not deceive ourselves - the first grade is difficult not only for children, but also for parents, therefore “trusting our daughter or son to the computer”, we provide, first of all, the opportunity to relax a little for ourselves.
Make a daily routine for the week. But this should not be a verbal plan, with conversations that "it would be nice to go to the cinema on Sunday, and finish reading a book about a wizard on Wednesday." If for some reason you cannot plan the whole week, let it be the schedule for the next day. The child's participation in discussing and drawing up this plan is mandatory.
You can hang a large metal board in the child's room (similar boards are sold in the clerical departments), on Sundays a "strategic weekly plan" can be applied to it with a special marker. As they are completed, the points are erased, on Saturday the parents and the child must summarize and discuss their own mistakes.
The larger the board, the better - the schedule needs details. The most important thing in this kind of work, I see the time for homework and the school schedule. When your son or daughter knows that every day at eight in the morning he has to go to school, even if he doesn’t feel like it, or it’s freezing outside, from 16 to 18 - maths recipes and examples given by the teacher at home, the question is "why?" will disappear by itself. Remember Exupery's fairy tale about the Little Prince? The lamplighter, who lights the lanterns every evening, did this not at all because he so wanted - "such an agreement." And this agreement seems to us indisputable, even though we, like the Little Prince, know that "there is no one on the planet except the lamplighter."
The plan drawn up for the week is especially convenient for those children who, in addition to school, attend circles and sport sections... At first glance, it seems that there is nothing difficult in such a combination. But gradually some of the activities "begins to limp." Cherish own time, don't waste it and it won't happen. We are adults, and it is easy for us to understand this, but for a child, our conversations about how difficult it is to catch up and recover lost time are not informative. Examples can be convincing. Enter the circle of interests of your own son or daughter, choose a character that is especially important for the child and tell stories from his life, better truthful, albeit somewhat exaggerated by you. Draw his attention to artistic images, to the statements of the heroes of his favorite films. One of my students, having watched the next episode " Star Wars"And having heard the phrase:" Life is nothing, time is everything! "
Clearly write down the time for classes outside of school, do not let "sit out" the prescribed hours, explain (and be consistent in this) that "you should not sit at your desk and pretend that you are doing something."
Approximate daily routine of a primary school student
7.00 - Rise.
7.00-7.30 - Bed cleaning, washing.
7.30-8.00 - Breakfast.
8.30-13.00 - Classes at school.
13.30-15.00 - Lunch, rest.
15.00-16.00 - Walk or home games (not on the computer).
16.00-18.00 - Doing homework.
18.00-18.30 - Dinner.
18.30-20.00 - Free time.
20.00-20.15 - Getting ready for bed.
20.15-21.00 - Reading books with dad or mom. (A child can read independently only if there is good lighting.)
A daily routine will help you get through the process of physiological adjustment to school more easily.
Psychologists identify 3 main stages of this adaptation.
1. Stage of "physiological storm" - the first 3-4 weeks of training. It, like any storm, ends with significant energy costs of all body systems. For some children, this stage is so difficult that they can get sick, most have weight loss.
2. The stage of initial or unstable adaptation. During this period, the child's body finds acceptable, close to optimal options for responses to new conditions.
3. The stage of relatively stable adaptation - the tension subsides, the body has almost adapted to the new way of life.
Pay attention to the general condition of the child at this time. It is possible that his capriciousness, violation of self-regulation of behavior, complaints of headaches, lack of appetite are not explained at all by the fact that he “is a quitter and does not want to study”. We must try to survive this period without any significant losses to health, and here your task is not to force, but to help cope with very difficult task adaptation of your son or daughter to a new social environment.