Before meeting with Yuliana Pototskaya, I could not understand why the years go by, and I am still not married? It seems that I am not a freak, the boys at school and friends of my parents were always delighted with me. Colleagues respect me. And for some reason, men bypass or disappear after the second date. Juliana had two news for me and everyone who wants to get married - good and very good.

The good news is that any woman can get married if she really wants to. Very good news that it is an interesting exciting game, a personal development project with a million dollar prize fund and happy marriage. If you are ready to take a sober look at yourself from the outside, work on yourself in order to meet your happiness and create family union, this article is for you.

Each of the causes of celibacy is in itself a great obstacle to marriage. Several of these reasons deserve huge effort to overcome them! It's good that thanks to the masters of the ALMA Academy, nothing is impossible! For three weeks of daily work on myself, I changed so much both externally and internally that I had to choose from three admirers at once. And it's not the same as choosing Wedding Dress(what I am doing now), because I accepted a marriage proposal from the best of them! So what's stopping you from getting married?

1. Groomed appearance

Being a woman is hard work. But my mom didn't teach me that. Now I know this, so I will teach my daughter to groom and cherish herself: first, hair, nails, then I will instill a taste for beautiful clothes. Every day, regardless of how we feel, weather or circumstances, we should always have time to take care of ourselves. A woman at any age is supposed to have pearl teeth in order to smile at ease, radiant velvet skin well-groomed nails, shiny clean hair.

It would seem - it's all so obvious! I didn't even know how to use makeup! And I didn’t know anything about regular detox programs that cleanse the body so that I lost it in a week acne, which confused me with transitional age. After anti-aging procedures and a little work with the image, I became so prettier that my boss suddenly invited me on a date - and we have been working together for five years, and before that he did not even notice me.

2. Stiffness

As it turned out, I was not ready to meet men and was even a little afraid of their attention. On the train, on the plane, at work, I was gloomy silent if men addressed me. I was timid and lost. After the seminar "The First Pearl of Women's Perfection" I managed to remove the fear of men. And now I can even meet a man myself, if he is interesting to me. I have become so confident in myself that I don’t worry if he will like me, but I only think about whether he will like me!

A popular question, who should be the first to get acquainted - a man or a woman, is now also not a mystery to me. I know what and how to tell about myself on the first date, how to intrigue a man so that he only thinks about me later. I can freely communicate with any men, including rich ones, and before that I was embarrassed to even look at them! My Cleopatra necklace gives me special strength and confidence, which Zhanna Belozerova charged for me to succeed in attracting worthy husband when I came to the "Pearl of female perfection". "You are so interesting and unusual woman“, the men now tell me, and in response I only smile enigmatically and agree with them with a graceful nod.

3. The program "I myself"

Yes, I must admit, I often appeared masculine and too independent. She carried heavy bags herself, volunteered to help with a fire at a picnic, and always paid for herself in a restaurant. Friends sometimes joked like this: “You are a great guy, Natasha!”. Yes, I had many male friends, but none of them wanted to marry me. Of course, who needs a woman who sends a signal “I can and do everything myself”? Only weaklings and gigolos! Such a husband is of no use to me! I began to let men take care of myself as often as possible: carry my suitcases, look after me, pay for my phone, give gifts.

I was inspired by the article “5 life hacks to marry a rich man” and the story of one girl in our classes. Once a fan took her to dinner, parked, got out of the car and went to a restaurant, and the girl remained in the car. He had already flung open the doors to the restaurant, looked around - but she was not there ... He ran back, opened the car door for her, offered his hand and apologized, crimson with shame. Months later, he admitted that at that moment he was ready to fall through the ground and realized to the depths of his soul that he would take care of this girl all his life.

recently my future husband couldn't get through to me because my battery was dead. When he bought me a new phone without hesitation, and bought a power bank for the old one and offered to give it back younger sister, I realized that with such a man I will always be calm. And this is a great test! If your fan does the same, your relationship has a future. If in the same situation he scolds you or tries to ridicule you, leave without regrets, this relationship will not bring you happiness.

4. Program "Who needs me"

During the deep study of this topic with Yuliana, the formula “who needs you, and even with a child in her arms” surfaced from the depths of my subconscious. And no matter how hard I tried to change it on my own, this belief deprived me of self-confidence and vital energy, I felt cornered, and my hands dropped, that I didn’t even want to live. Such programs must be removed once and for all with the help of special exercises which will be personally selected for you.

“If a woman likes, then a man is ready for anything for her! Over time, she will accept both children and a grumpy mother-in-law - after all, they are part of her beloved’s life, ”says Yuliana, smiling.

5. Technique "Four walls"

The final obstacle to marriage is the Four Walls technique. This means that you spend your life between home and work and never go anywhere else. Remember the joke about the unlucky one? “Oh, Lord, why are you so hard on me? I work all my life, but I am so poor and unlucky! And the Lord answers: “Are you at least one lottery ticket bought?!"

Yuliana said that one of her students followed all her recommendations and, moreover, did practices for ALMA video tutorials from our Youtube channel. Her femininity and sexuality were harmoniously revealed, by nature she was " perfect wife". But - every morning she went to work, in the evening - she returned home to her mother ... And so for years! This is called the Four Walls technique. But a girl of marriageable age must appear in a decent society at least 3 times a week. Not at work or on business, buy groceries or walk the dog. And just like that! For fun, show off. Show yourself and look at others! I have verified this from personal experience.

As soon as I gained strength and courage to go out into the world, I began to get acquainted every day with different men and choose which of them to go on a date with, who suits me and who does not. By the way, about how to distinguish worthy man from Alphonse, read a separate article on our blog. The video “7 Places to Meet Men” will also come in handy.

Take off the clamps, loosen up and “ripen” for the state of a woman! Worthy men take only Real Women as their wives, in the state of "mother's daughter" they will not perceive you as a bride. As a result, Juliana energetically transferred this girl from the status of “daughter” to the status of “wife”. She met a noble the next day, wealthy man. Soon they got married, and Juliana was invited to the wedding as an honored guest.

If you want to avoid common mistakes, read the article “8 signs that I will die an old maid, or a F for behavior” and come to our training “The Fourth Pearl of Female Excellence” in the spring of 2018.

Remember: it is not so important what legs and height you have, how many children you have, and where you work. Everyone can marry a worthy man! Thanks to Yuliana, she was able to give me the keys to my transformation - and thanks to her recommendations, I blossomed like a flower! Do you want to start as soon as possible? Sign up for a consultation with her! Start doing powerful practices that will launch a series of happy changes in your life and destiny! Be happy and loved!

Contents1. "He's cool, but..."2. "He owes me a star." “I didn’t find myself in the garbage heap”4. "I'll just stand by." "And I, and here I have" 6. “Not my type!”7. "The best are already taken." "Let's go faster!" 9. "I don't need anyone." “Is intimacy a must?”11. "No, I'm not jealous!"12. "I am a free bird"13. "Life is evil!"14. “I feel good and so”15. "I'm not her rival!"16. "Time is still waiting"

“Well, why doesn’t anyone like me? Why? Even a man in socks with bees finds me terrible, ”Bridget Jones wrote in her diary, feeling deeply unhappy ...

Is it a woman's fault that they don't marry her?! Perhaps, psychologists say and advise you to check yourself for typical mistakes behavior!

1. "He's cool, but..."

When meeting with a new lover, such a woman does not look for in a man your soul mate, noting the merits, and under a magnifying glass examines the shortcomings. “He doesn’t go in for sports, he doesn’t like coffee in the morning, but Cola, the salary is ridiculous, and the position is too small ...”. You can find "defects" in everyone, there would be a desire!

At the same time, the woman is sure that she is definitely the ideal! And if someone needs to change, then only him. And then he is so “absurd” and will never meet his Princess!

Alina, 32 years old

In my life there were many men who ran after me, gave flowers and gifts. I am very amorous, but love passes quickly. And I have not yet met such a man with whom I would like to spend days and nights.

I don't need "any" to just "be". I want what I will strive for myself - successful, self-confident, without material problems and all sorts of obligations. Yes, I have a high bar, but I myself try to live up to it! That's just tormented by the question: are there still real men on Earth?

2. "He owes me a star"

“I am looking for a husband who will solve my problems, and not create new ones for me,” the woman sighs sadly, complaining about an unfair life. Entering into a relationship, the fair sex wants to find support in everything, and also to see less words and more action. But it is hardly worth being equal to the heroes romance novels! During the first meetings, when only the grinding of characters takes place, it is still too early to demand something from a partner other than sympathy and love. And is it worth rushing things at all? A man cannot be perfect simply because he is a living person!

Alla, 30 years old A few days ago I turned thirty. I am not married and never have been. Once lived in civil marriage with a man, there were two ectopic pregnancies I had both tubes removed. Now I can only have children through IVF. When I saw that my man would not pull this expensive operation, I myself left him.

When she met Igor, she immediately told everything about herself. He said that this is not a problem for him - we will do IVF. But for almost 5 years we have been living together and ... nothing. When I bring up the subject of marriage and complete family, he gets nervous, angry and immediately changes the subject. I would have left him long ago, but who needs me like that? And he constantly promises: soon everything will be, you just wait a bit, we will raise children together. Everyone around asks when to get married, when to have children, but I have nothing to say. I don't know myself.

3. “I didn’t find myself in the garbage dump”

Who doesn't want to marry a Prince? Or at worst - for a young millionaire ... Well, or a businessman middle class with commercial vein...

But there won’t be enough Princes for everyone, and millionaires have long been counted (or rather, busy). So it turns out that a woman selling postcards in the subway can’t cross paths with a man from “high society”. However, even chance meeting unlikely to solve anything. After all, people with different worldviews have too few topics for conversation. And every man (especially if he is a Prince or a millionaire) has his own needs and desires, and who said that they would coincide?

Nina, 35 years old I don't understand what these men need! I consider myself a beauty, IQ level corresponds to my appearance. It is interesting with me, I can support any conversation. Easy-going, always ready to meet and chat. But not around standing men! And so you want to meet your happiness!

4. "I'll just stand by"

Consider yourself a princess, which should the whole world, or Ugly, who is not capable of anything - equally bad. The first is afraid not to meet the right candidate, and the second is to accidentally catch his eye. That is why the first lesson in the Future Wives Club is always devoted to a woman's self-esteem. If she is in order, then the husband will be found pretty quickly and happiness will suddenly enter the house. Psychologists say that you need to love and appreciate yourself, at least in order for someone else to love you.

Lyudmila, 35 years old We have been dating for three years, but he did not call me to marry. He had his own house, his own job, his own life. As I understand it, he needed a woman only for meetings. I have already come to terms with it and mentally left him. And then - the news about the pregnancy! Do you think that made him propose? No matter how! He didn't say anything, nothing at all. For 7 months, he did not say a single word about the unborn child or life together. And then somehow I come to his house, and there his relatives came to get acquainted with future wife. Turns out they didn't even know he had someone. We got married on a whim two weeks later. Big belly didn't stop me from becoming beautiful bride. Now our son is 5 years old. We all live happily together.

5. "And I, but I have"

Another woman is so self-sufficient that a man next to her feels awkward. In a conversation, he now and then hears: “I”, “And here I am”, “And with me.” In the stream of endless words (it is possible that because of the excitement of the woman), he does not have the opportunity to express himself, and he is forced to remain passive. If the situation is repeated many times, the man ceases to see the prospect in the relationship, so he hastily retreats.

Irina, 27 years old Earlier - at the age of 21-22, I really wanted to get married, but now somehow I don’t pull. I have been living with a man for two years, before that we met for another two years. Everything about him suits me, except for his indecision. Although he says that I have a complex character. Whatever he decides, I will be unhappy.

Well material side stresses me out. He does not seek to grow materially, to make a career. Because of this, I hesitate to tie the knot.

6. "Not my type!"

Dividing men into types is natural selection in action. Only even more cruel and merciless. Only after seeing a photo of a man, the woman says that he does not suit her. And they haven't even met yet!

Who knows, maybe behind this “nerd” in the photo there is a real macho who will be able to kindle a spark of sympathy or even a flame of love? Indulging her own prejudices and not wanting to go to a meeting once, a woman remains alone for many months.

Expert commentaryVladislav Kurmanov, family and child psychologist

The older a woman becomes, the more she realizes in a profession or hobby, the more she becomes completely independent and independent, the more difficult it is for her to get married. It seems that he goes on dates, meets with men, but still does not find that one or refuses when he offers his hand and heart.

One of the reasons for this situation is a subconscious reluctance to change your lifestyle, change your habits and become to some extent dependent on a man. Our subconscious mind loves stability in everything and does not like to change anything around.

Starting a family is always change. In the place of residence, in the way of life, in joint leisure and so on. That's why they work psychological defenses, which make it clear to a woman that a man does not meet her expectations. And so it turns out: everything seems to be fine, a wonderful young man, but the woman breaks up with him as soon as it comes to the wedding.

To help such a woman, she needs to work out the topic of marriage with a psychologist: why do I want to get married, what awaits me in marriage, what am I ready to sacrifice for the sake of creating a family? Yes, it is to donate, because when we gain something, at that moment we lose something. As soon as the psychological blocks and defenses are worked out, a woman can easily get married and be happy in it.

7. "The best are already taken"

There are representatives of the fair sex who look towards only those men who are already busy. From the position, "if someone likes it, then I can like it too." But meanwhile, to seek one's happiness by breaking up someone else's union is not only a thankless task, but also of little advantage. rare man risk destroying his marriage for the sake of a fleeting relationship. And a woman who is comfortable (albeit temporarily) in the role of a mistress runs the risk of becoming firmly attached to her.

However, there is another problem! If a man cheats on that woman, where is the guarantee that he won't cheat on a new one?

Larisa, 29 years old I have been dating a married man for more than six years. It's not just dating for sex, it's full-fledged serious relationship. We practically live together. But he has a wife and children ... He says that nothing connects them, only life. But he is also in no hurry to leave me. And I'm almost thirty. This terrible figure is 30. I love him with all my heart, I love him madly. And he loves me, I know for sure. But then why doesn't he leave them? How much longer to wait?..

8. "Come on faster!"

Sometimes a woman wants to get married so much that she rushes things. Already on the first date, she knows what their wedding will be like, how many children she will give birth to, and what color the tablecloths will decorate the house. A man feels internal aggression, and such pressure repels him. After all, he himself wants to decide what will happen next, and not follow the script already written by someone.

I met a woman and on the second date I brought her home, before entering my apartment, she said that it is very convenient to live on the first floor, since the stroller does not need to be lifted up upper floors. This behavior immediately alerted me, and this was the last meeting with her.

An obsessive desire to get married is often a repulsive factor when dealing with men. It is clear to women that they themselves choose a man for themselves, but a man thinks differently, he is set up so that the choice always remains with him. In order for a relationship to lead a woman to marriage, a man must clearly understand that next to him is an adequate woman who knows how to cook. healthy food who loves children, while she must watch her physical condition by visiting the gym.

Also, a mistake in the relationship between a man and a woman is the use of alcoholic beverages. A woman should not encourage the use of alcohol with a man, and even more so support him in this. Need to find common occupation to spend as much time together as possible best case try to be useful man at his job. You need to make sure that a man understands your value, then he himself will offer you to marry him. One desire to “want to get married” is not enough, you must always remain self-sufficient, well-read and take care of yourself.

9. "I don't need anyone"

The reason for the loneliness of a woman may be the work of her subconscious. It is it that broadcasts the mantra to the world: “All men are goats!”. If in the past women were failed relationship or the marriage of her parents was hanging by a thread, the very prospect of marriage may frighten her, even if she does not realize it. The best defense- an attack, the subconscious considers, and starts the game according to its own rules.

The most relevant advice at this time is to contact a psychologist who will find the origins of the problem and help you understand and survive them correctly.

Dasha, 35 For me, marriage was like a black box with unknown contents. Or rather, famous - washing, cooking, cleaning, ironing. Step left-right - execution. You can’t talk with friends in a cafe, you can’t communicate with men either. Miscellaneous restrictions and attempts to lock the woman at home at all costs.

I imagined marriage in such a way that I was in no hurry to get married for a very long time. I wanted to live for myself, enjoy life, and not be tied to the stove and washing machine.

A civil marriage happened to me at the age of 25, and we legalized the relationship at 31. Family life turned out to be happy.

10. “Is intimacy a must?”

Some women consider love platonic feeling. This is romance, white roses and sleepless nights with thoughts “all about him and about him.” perspective intimacy scares them. Some are ashamed of their body, seeing only flaws in it, others are afraid to do something “wrong” and thereby push their partner away.

But if the lovers still move from words to deeds, they enjoy it and the woman's fear disappears without a trace. So why be afraid of what may never happen? If the fear of intimacy will lead to a break in relations much faster.

Alya, 26 years old I am 26 years old and still a virgin. And this is a huge problem that creates a barrier between me and men! I'm just afraid to date someone. I think if the guys find out about this, they will immediately laugh at me or trumpet it to the whole world.

I was always “not up to it” - studying at the institute, my first job, there was nowhere to go and no one with whom. I am pretty, men like me, but they see in me the image of an attractive, liberated woman that I created myself. And this is just a mask that I put on so that no one will guess anything. I even invented a non-existent admirer so that I would not be introduced to men. And so you want to arrange your personal life but my biggest fear is failure...

11. "No, I'm not jealous!"

Character is fate, sometimes a sentence - how it turns out for someone. If during the first meetings a man can still turn a blind eye to a woman’s excessive jealousy or love for loud scandals and reconciliations, it becomes difficult to put up with this state of affairs in the future. If they get married (which does not happen in this life!), then different points vision in key issues will inevitably lead to divorce. That is why it is so important to discern behavioral errors “on the shore”, while they have not yet rushed into the pool (that is, marriage) with their heads!

Dina, 28 years old Of all my friends and girlfriends, only I am married. Although some live together for 5-6 years, and there are common children. But when a conversation about a wedding comes up among men they know, they immediately retreat: “I am not a man burdened with a stamp” or “Only wimps get married!”, “They won’t call a good thing a marriage.” It becomes very unpleasant.

My husband and I got married exactly two years after we met. He knew my position: if after 2 years from the beginning of the relationship the couple does not marry, the probability of marriage is melting every day. This prospect did not appeal to me. I would go looking for my husband further. But he did not let me in, dragged me to the registry office.

And to those unmarried, the husband always says that he is very glad that he - family man. This year our stamp in the passport will be 8 years old.

12. "I am a free bird"

In the old days, when a woman got married, she really married her husband and stood behind him as if stone wall. Modern representatives of the fair sex, at least, want equality in relationships. And some - also do not change anything in their lives, except for the habit of waking up not alone, but with someone.

Such a woman manages her life herself, does not agree to compromises, and instead of an evening movie show with her beloved, she will prefer to light up with her friends in a cafe. And when a man has to beg for almost every meeting, we are not even talking about marriage!

Olga, 38 years old I have always believed that it is possible and necessary to attract the attention of men you like. His charisma, looseness, sexuality. It seemed to me that girls of conservative views would grow old lonely and useless. Therefore, I was not shy about presenting my virtues advantageously.

However, life has proven me wrong. My modest girlfriends and even familiar "gray mice" have been married for a long time and have several children, and I'm all alone. In my student years, there was no end to boyfriends, but now - someday, they will never be called on a date ...

13. "Life is evil!"

Of course, life is not an easy thing, but even in it you can find reasons for joy and happiness! If a woman exudes negativity instead of cheerfulness, optimism and energy, a man is unlikely to want to associate fate with her. There are enough difficulties and stress during daylight hours for a man to want to see them in the evening - in his house.

Anna, 32 years old

I am 32 years old and even have no one to give birth to a child. Salary - tears, career advancement is not expected, the apartment is rented. Men are either not interested in me, or run away as soon as they get to know each other. The latter went to the woman "with a trailer" and built a house for her. Well, why not me? What didn't I like?

14. "I feel good and so"

As people age, it becomes increasingly difficult to leave their comfort zone. A 10-hour work day makes you think of a warm bed, not a date with a man and a long preparation for it. But if a woman still decides to open the door and step out of her comfort zone, she gets much more than just another 7 hours of sleep.

Alina, 22 years old

It seems to me that a man marries only in one case: if he feels that he is losing her. Or the relationship creates problems for him personally: for example, he has to go on dates to another city, which is inconvenient. Or the girl is categorically against intimacy before marriage, and he really wants to know this secret side her life.

Even according to my observations, if a couple began to live together, every month the chances of getting married are melting. Usually, they either get married right away, or the girl has to literally drag him to the registry office on a leash. Such that a man suddenly wants to marry himself, already living in a civil marriage, I have never met.

15. "I'm not her rival!"

Low self-esteem can play a trick on a woman. As soon as the fair sex sees that the man she likes is interested in another woman, she immediately retreats. One of the reasons is the fear of competition - a woman does not find the strength and desire in herself to "fight for her happiness." The second is fear of the opponent's reaction, aggression or intrigue. At the same time, the woman does not realize that she just does not need to do anything, the man himself will make his choice, the main thing is not to leave his field of vision.

Svetlana, 21 There are men who panic when it comes to marriage. I have a girlfriend who lived in a civil marriage with a man 2 years older than her. Her mother constantly reprimanded her: “Is this a marriage? And if you have children, what will you do? The girlfriend gave up and left him.

And two months later, he himself proposed to her. I was a witness at their wedding. We go in the car to the registry office, and he laments: “Is this really happening to me? Is this really my wedding? How did I get to this?!" It took him a few months to get used to having a family. And now he rejoices that he was so lucky with his wife.

One of the most common problems that I work with is situations where a woman wants to get married, but for some reason it does not work out. The reasons are different.

One option is unrealistic (inflated or contradictory) requirements for potential partner. Many successful women in business see only a man who has achieved even greater success as a spouse. In this case, the candidate must be single and it is desirable that he does not have children from his first marriage. A woman often likes men who are successful with the opposite sex, but she wants to be the only one, demands fidelity and wants the man to stop looking at other women altogether.

The second reason why acquaintances do not reach the registry office is too desire"want to get married". A woman strives for her goal, puts pressure on a man, throws tantrums or is gloomy silent, not getting what she wants - thereby delaying the achievement of what she aspires to, because normal man in no hurry to make serious decisions when the relationship is complex and there is a lot of negativity.

The third reason for failure is called a script or a script - this is an early baby solution, which the woman has already forgotten about, but which has not been canceled and is working. For example, if the girl's father offended her mother, then the child could decide that “I'd rather be alone” - and it doesn’t matter that the adult part of the woman wants to get married: the unconscious mindset will still win.

All three reasons are psychological programs that control the thoughts, emotions and behavior of a woman. Until these programs are canceled and replaced with others, the desired changes in life will not happen, no matter how hard you try. In the first and second cases, a woman can carry out this work of awareness and replacement of old attitudes on her own. In the third case, the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist is needed.

Expert commentAnna Vladimirovna Smetannikova, clinical psychologist, ITA trainer, hypnotherapist

The main reason why a woman cannot get married is herself. Her attitudes about herself, her beliefs about others.

“I can’t” in psychology equals “I don’t want to.” No matter how outwardly a woman strives for marriage and family, inside she does not want, she is afraid. This is a kind of internal conflict, behind which are psychological defenses against pain. The pain of self-loathing and self-acceptance. What is self acceptance? It is, first of all, to know yourself. What am I really? To find out not the one that colleagues, parents, friends, lovers are used to seeing, but the real one. With advantages and disadvantages, with pimples and extra pounds, With beautiful posture or chubby cheeks. Nervous, greedy, sometimes angry and dissatisfied, and sometimes too trusting and funny.

Accepting yourself as different is the way to the real you. A woman who has recognized and accepted herself clearly knows her boundaries, understands what kind of partner she needs, she has her own desires and needs, she does not prove her worth to anyone. Can interfere with marriage the following reasons and states:

Complexes;

High or low self-esteem;

Childhood traumas that are still not lived through;

Adverse past experience;

The presence of internal conflict.

These and other questions can be solved in cooperation with a psychologist or coach. A woman will not immediately, gradually, learn to be honest with herself and understand what she really wants. And as we know, what a woman wants, God wants it.

How to become loved and desired Dupliakina Oksana Viktorovna

Part Three Why am I not married yet?

Part Three

Why am I not married yet?

I haven't walked yet!

Who is an enviable bride? As you have already found out while reading this book, this is a girl (of any age from 15 to 100 or more years old) who intends to get married. She has neither conscious nor subconscious contradictions that prevent her from realizing this intention. That is why in her life, as from a cornucopia, the most best men dreaming of marrying her.

If a girl consciously wants to get married, but subconsciously resists this, the wrong men will constantly appear on her life path. Either married, then stupid, then poor, then drinkers.

Why this happens and how you can get rid of your subconscious fears and delusions, we will talk in this part of the book.

So why am I not married yet? Many women are afraid to ask themselves this question. And there are many reasons for that. But all of them can be reduced to one thing: they do not know "why". If they knew, they would already be married.

Unfortunately, in modern world exists great amount women's myths and misconceptions that prevent marriage. For example: “I still need to take a walk”; "need to choose perfect man, that's why I'm not in a hurry to get married", "career is first of all, but you can always get married."

What these beliefs-delusions lead to - I will tell in this part of the book. And also tell you why, in fact, a woman needs to get married.

“I haven’t walked yet!” This is a very common belief. Say, a girl before marriage needs to take a good walk, practice sex, change a lot of men in order to better understand them. Again, it is believed that it is important to play tricks in youth, drink a lot of beer, visit many beautiful entertainment venues - take everything from life! To have something to remember in old age.

That this is the delirium of a madman, leading to grave consequences Nobody, of course, thinks.

Let's start with the fact that by changing partners like gloves, women do not begin to understand them better. This knowledge is acquired in a very different way. A woman can go through men for decades, but never find a better one for herself. And in the end, and generally remain alone.

A woman can make the same mistakes with men at twenty, and at thirty, and at forty. AND frequent change partners will not teach her anything.

So what kind of knowledge gives a woman the opportunity to better understand men? Personal development, the study of the psychology of relationships, the development of communication skills, etc. By the way, this is exactly what our ancestors taught girls, and, oddly enough, without changing men at all and not knowing sex, they could choose for themselves good husbands and live happily. Divorces had not yet been invented, and compatibility in pairs was a hundred times higher than now.

What's happened " personal development"? It is to him that all my articles and books are devoted, we deal with it on the course. It is enough for a woman to master, for example, communication skills, and she already has insights, she sees the essence of people, she understands them better, which means she chooses her husband more consciously.

Why is it still harmful to take a walk before marriage? Because the later a girl marries, the worse it is for her. And there are many factors at play here.

Let's start with the obvious. In Russia, men marry early, and from the age of twenty or twenty-three, the number of free men is becoming less and less. Their quality is also noticeably reduced.

Women who choose and sort out men for a long time run the risk of being left without a mate altogether. At eighteen, finding a husband is a hundred times easier than, for example, at thirty or forty. To adequately marry at thirty, you need to be an enviable bride! Such is the reality.

Where better to meet good guy, realize that you are creating an alliance with him “for centuries”, and build strong quality relationships, increasing wealth and prosperity in them, than changing and changing men, looking for someone better. I speak from my own experience.

The most successful marriages are found in couples in which the man older than wife. After all, they grow up later, and it’s best that the guy, getting married, really realized what goes. After all, marriage is not only regular free sex and cutlets for dinner, it is also a pregnant wife, and then children who will have to be supported, and even help wash diapers.

A wonderful age difference for spouses - six or more years. Then a woman will always look younger than husband and remain young for him both at forty and at sixty. If a man is older, it is easier to treat him with respect (after all, he is more serious, more responsible and has already achieved a lot). A woman will always ask such a man for advice and even agree with him. And this is very important for a happy family life.

But if your husband is the same age or younger than you, do not be discouraged - clever woman can always create a wonderful family. (And even get younger without plastic surgery.)

We all know what the "telegony" effect is (you can ask Yandex for what it is). I won’t talk about it in detail, I’ll only add that men are more respectful of women who don’t immediately jump into bed with them and, in general, take marriage seriously. Why are they treated with respect? Because tribal memory or superconsciousness cannot be taken away from a person. I've asked hundreds of men questions. At first she was interested in whether it is good to have an experienced woman in sex, and received a positive answer. And then she asked how they would react to a woman with great sexual experience, who prefers to change partners regularly, and not a single man spoke well of such a young lady. Having a woman is one thing, but treating her with respect is another. Draw your own conclusions.

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1. Relations with a man - a projection of your attitude towards yourself

All love relationship in a sense, like a fairy tale, in which the bewitched man is forced to do things that reflect your own qualities.

Not to hurt you - although you will have that impression until you wake up from your long, deep sleep - but so that you can heal and understand what you really are.

Imagine that your relationship with a man is a movie showing how you feel about yourself and projecting it onto a big blank wall called Him. In the film, all your thoughts about yourself - from "I'm fat" to "I'm attractive" - ​​will magically spoken by Him and reflected in His conduct.

You may have always come across guys who criticized you, or those who cheated on you. It is difficult to agree with this, but you yourself are convinced that you should be treated that way.

The first time I heard this statement, I laughed. It pissed me off - sure sign that you are dealing with a subconscious belief.

Nobody gets angry about something unless they know deep down that it is at least partly true.

2. Your face can express too much.

If your head is usually spinning negative thoughts it reflects on your face. Compressed lips, a heavy look in the eyes, contemptuously twisted cubes, stiffness of the shoulders or arms can say something that you did not want to say.

You probably know what they say about men: they love with their eyes. This means that they extract a ton of information about you in a visual way. For you, this means - it may seem strange, but it is important - that you must watch what you think.

Some of my most bitchy friends have no idea how eloquent facial expressions can be. Otherwise, they would be much more attentive to their thoughts and facial expressions.

3. Better not to give in to momentary impulses

My friend Lauren is the most impulsive girl in the world. For example, she once sent a man 19 text messages during one crazy party that lasted all night - and it all culminated at 6:40 in the morning with a call to his voice mail with the message that it was all over.

By three o'clock next day she wanted to take everything back, but the guy wisely didn't pick up the phone at all. They work for the same company, and to say that the situation is awkward is to underestimate the degree of awkwardness by about a thousand times.

Writing venomous, emotional or eccentric messages is the same as playing Russian roulette, with the difference that in this case clip is almost fully loaded.

There is a tiny chance that the impulsive message that you send him out of an urgent need to do it right now, right this second, will positively affect your relationship. But this chance is too small to outweigh the risk of this act.

4. To move on, forgive those who hurt you.

Imagine that you are going to try on shoes in the store, but the shoes are tied with such elastic gizmos so that they stay together. What happens when you put on those shoes, forgetting they're tied, and take the first step?

You almost fall over because this stretchy contraption, just 5 cm long, holds them together.

And in the same way, your forward movement is limited by anger, fear, or the usual defensive attitude towards all men.

To forgive is to cut the rubber band that holds you in place. And the only person who can do this is you.

You must decide that you are not bound by the past.

For a while, you will probably notice that while you are taking very tiny steps, it is as if your shoes are still tied together. But gradually, as you practice forgiveness, you will feel more open, more loving, more free.

To forgive is to allow yourself to be off the hook and leave your mother alone, former lover and everyone else who has ever hurt you - even if they really hurt you severe pain. Not because you are a bigger person, but because you have finally realized that there is no hook.

What is the first thing you ask a friend you haven't seen for a hundred years? Right! "You got married?" I hate this question! I'm tired of explaining to everyone I meet why, at the age of 27, no one needs me for eternal use.

1. “Oh, what are you, it’s too early for me!"
In support of your words, immediately tell us about the oldest bride in the world. This title is held by 102-year-old Minnie Munro, who married 83-year-old Dudley Reid on May 31, 1991 in Point Clare (New South Wales, Australia). So you still have at least a few decades left!

2. "Let's think logically..."
If you wish, list the advantages of a late marriage. For example, already solved housing problem and a solid wedding budget. When you are ripe for marriage, the financial side of the event will worry you less than young and penniless brides and grooms.

3. “Remind me, does your ex pay child support?”
It is clear that this argument only applies to divorced girlfriends with children. But for sure! The conversation can end as suddenly as it began.

4. "No one takes me."
And immediately continue the joke: “But I have already posted my profile on all dating sites in the “Looking for a millionaire” section and now I am waiting for letters.” Girlfriend is unaware that you told the truth!

5. “Now is not the right time because…”
There are many options: May is coming soon (I don’t want to toil all my life), fasting is underway (the church does not approve of such marriages). With a broad outlook, you can come up with an “iron” excuse for any time of the year.

By the way

• 25 years for men and 23 years for women average age marriage in Russia.
• 50% of girls who marry for the first time are pregnant.
• married men are more likely to occupy higher positions at work than unmarried employees. married women earn about 4-5% more than their unmarried counterparts.
• The chances of divorce are reduced by 50% if the family lasted 7 years.

DATA

When is it customary to get married (country - average age of women getting married)

• Sweden - 30.4
• France - 29.1
• Spain - 29.1
• Australia - 28.6
• Finland - 28.3
• Germany - 28.2
• Austria - 27.9
• UK - 27.7
• Canada - 27.4
• Japan - 27.3
• Italy - 27.1
• Belgium - 26.6
• USA - 25.0
• Russia - 23

VERBATIM

Anna(27):“To say that I am pestered with questions about marriage is to say nothing. Already ate a hole in my head! The father periodically grumbles that he is too picky and generally requests over the edge. Most of all, the godfather pesters and cousins: “When will we drink vodka at the wedding?” Usually I answer: “Let me just buy you a box of vodka.” But then they say: "We're not drunks - we can't do it without a reason." I had to say that in 2008 I'm getting married. Now everyone is waiting tensely and trying to find out who he is - my hero.

Evgeniya(29):“Most of all, distant acquaintances pester me. Even if you pass by, if we meet on the street, they will definitely ask a sacred question! And, as a rule, men. Apparently, this malevolent pleasure causes them: “Yeah, I got another one! "At work, some people also ask, they say, when will we drink you. We have to laugh it off rudely, from the series:" What did I do wrong to you? You were hobbled, so at least let me run! uncomfortable situation."

Svetlana(31):“There are men who, stuffing themselves into boyfriends, ask why I’m still not married. I answer that they don’t. This is usually followed by surprise: “Why? it's my turn, I put on a serious face and say: "Well, then marry me!" This is a blow below the belt, but sometimes it is useful. And if they agree, then I have to retire."