Raising a child in a family environment. Conditions for raising a child in a family. The most common educational methods
Plan
Introduction
1. Socio-pedagogical activities with the family
1.2 Social status of the family and its typology
1.3 Pedagogical family styles
2. Five tactics of family education
2.1 Dictate
2.3 Confrontation
2.4 Peaceful coexistence
2.5 Collaboration
3. The main conditions for raising children in a family
3.3 The relationship between siblings
3.4 Modern family
Bibliography
Introduction
Every person has the right to a family - that cherished haven where he could find sympathy, mutual understanding, and care. It is in the family from the first days of life that a person comprehends the basics of it. His first and main teachers and educators throughout his life are his parents.
"The parental home, the beginning of the beginnings ..." The ingenuous words touch the soul. Still would! After all, a house is not only a building in which a person was born and raised, it is also a family - parents, a living thread coming from grandfathers and great-grandfathers. The family has always been and will be the main thing - a unique relationship, kindness, dedication, responsibility for the weak.
The family gives the original experience of the ability to live, teaches the modern way of life in its entirety of its social and moral manifestations. Raising children is the main layer family life... Spiritual wealth, the diligence of the mother and father, their moral purity - all this has the most beneficial effect on children.
The role of the family in society is incomparable in its strength, with any other social institutions, since it is in the family that a person's personality is formed and developed, and he is mastered. social roles necessary for the painless adaptation of the child in society. The family acts as the first educational institution, a connection with which a person feels throughout his life ..
Relevance of the topic is the upbringing of children in the family. It is in the family that the foundations of human morality are laid, norms of behavior are formed, the inner world and individual qualities of a person are revealed. The family contributes not only to the formation of personality, but also to the self-affirmation of a person, stimulates his social, creative activity, and reveals individuality.
Object of study: raising children in the family.
Subject of study: personality formation in family education.
Purpose of the study depends on the theoretical substantiation of the technology of forming the influence of family communication, as the most important factor of personality.
Section # 1. Social and educational activities with the family
Throughout the centuries, the family has felt the need to receive support in the upbringing of their children. History shows that when people lived in large families, the necessary knowledge and skills of family life were passed from generation to generation naturally and everyday. In modern industrial society, when family ties between generations are broken, the transfer of the necessary knowledge about forming a family and raising children becomes one of the important concerns of society.
The deeper the gap between generations, the more tangible is the need for parents to receive qualified assistance in raising their children. Nowadays, it becomes clearer and clearer the need for help to parents in raising children from professional psychologists, social workers, social educators and other professionals. This is needed not only by dysfunctional, but also quite prosperous families.
1.1 Basic functions of the family
Reproductive function(from Lat. productjo - self-reproduction, reproduction, production of offspring) is due to the need for the continuation of the human race.
Today the demographic situation is developing in such a way that the death rate exceeds the birth rate. V last years there is a tendency towards an increase in the share of families consisting of 2-3 persons. Children, according to such families, are possible limitations freedom of parents: in education, work, professional development, realization of their abilities.
Unfortunately, the attitude towards childlessness is not just there, it is increasingly spreading to spouses of childbearing age. This is due to growing material and economic difficulties, a spiritual and material crisis, as a result of which prestigious things (a car, a pedigree dog, a villa, etc.) become priorities in the value system, and other reasons.
A number of factors can be identified that determine the reduction in the size of the family: the fall in the birth rate; the tendency to separate young families from their parents; an increase in the share of families with one parent in the population as a result of an increase in divorces, widows, and the birth of children by single mothers; the quality of health of the population and the level of development of health care in the country. According to experts, 10-15% of the adult population for health reasons are not able to have children due to poor ecology, immoral lifestyle, disease, poor nutrition, etc.
Economic and household function. Historically, the family has always been the main economic unit of society. Hunting and farming, craft and trade could exist, since the family has always had a division of functions. Traditionally, women were in charge of the household, men were engaged in handicrafts. In the age of the scientific and technological revolution, many aspects of human life associated with everyday services - cooking, washing, cleaning, sewing clothes, etc. - were partially transferred to the sphere of household services.
The economic function was associated with the accumulation of wealth for family members: a dowry for the bride, kalym for the groom, inherited things, insurance for a wedding, for the day of majority, accumulation of funds.
The socio-economic changes taking place in our society are again activating the economic function of the family in matters of accumulating property, acquiring property, privatizing housing, inheritance, etc.
Primary socialization function. It is due to the fact that the family is the first and foremost social group, which actively influences the formation of the child's personality. The family is intertwined with natural biological and social connections parents and children. These connections are very important, because they determine the characteristics of the development of the psyche and the primary socialization of children at the earliest stage of their development.
As one of the important factors of social impact, a specific social microenvironment, the family has an overall impact on the physical, mental and social development of the child. The role of the family is to gradually introduce the child into society so that his development is in accordance with the nature of the child and the culture of the country where he was born.
Teaching the child the social experience that humanity has accumulated, the culture of the country where he was born and grows up, its moral standards, the traditions of the people - a direct function of parents.
Educational function. The upbringing of a child in a family plays an important role in the process of primary socialization. Parents were and remain the first educators of the child.
Raising a child in a family is a complex socio-pedagogical process. It includes the influence of the entire atmosphere and microclimate of the family on the formation of the child's personality. The possibility of an upbringing influence on a child is already inherent in the very nature of the attitude of parents to children, the essence of which lies in reasonable guardianship, the conscious care of the elders for the younger ones. Father and mother show care, attention, affection for their child, protect from life's adversities and difficulties. There are requirements of parents that are different in nature and the specifics of the relationship between parents and children.
The requirements of the parents are realized in their conscious educational activities with the help of persuasion, a certain way of life and activities of the child, etc. Personal example parents - essential tool influence on the upbringing of the child. His educational value is based on the propensity to imitate inherent in childhood. Without sufficient knowledge and experience, the child copies adults, imitates their actions. The nature of the parents' relationship, the degree of their mutual consent, attention, sensitivity and respect, ways of solving various problems, the tone and nature of conversations - all this is perceived by the child and becomes a model for his own behavior.
The direct experience of the child, acquired in the family, at a young age sometimes becomes the only criterion for the child's attitude to the world around him, to people.
True, even in family conditions, upbringing can be deformed, when parents are sick, lead an immoral lifestyle, do not have a pedagogical culture, etc. Of course, the family affects the development of the personality of children not just by the very fact that there is a family, psychological climate, healthy relationships between its members.
Recreational and psychotherapeutic function. Its meaning is that the family should be the niche where a person could feel absolutely protected, be absolutely accepted, despite his status, appearance, life success, financial position etc.
The expression "my home is my fortress" well expresses the idea that a healthy, non-conflict family is the most reliable support, the best refuge, where you can hide from all worries at least for a while. outside world, rest and recuperate.
Most of all, strength is restored in a family environment, in communication with loved ones, children. Joint rest together with children - a factor that has a beneficial effect on the strength of the family, which in our conditions has become almost impossible.
Thus, human existence is currently organized in the form of a family lifestyle. Each of the functions can be realized with more or less success outside the family, but their totality can be performed only in the family.
1.2 Social status of the family and its typology
Of all the problems facing the modern family, the most important problem for a social teacher is the problem of family adaptation in society. The main characteristic of the adaptation process is social status, i.e. the state of the family in the process of its adaptation in society.
Consideration of the family in the process social adaptation provides for a number of structural and functional characteristics, as well as an analysis of the individual characteristics of family members.
For the social educator, the following structural characteristics of the family are important:
The presence of marriage partners (complete, formally complete, incomplete);
stage of the family life cycle (young, mature, elderly);
the procedure for entering into a marriage (primary, repeated);
the number of generations in the family (one or more generations);
number of children (large, small).
The combination of the individual characteristics of family members with its structural and functional parameters adds up to a complex characteristic - the status of the family. Scientists have shown that a family can have at least 4 statuses: socio-economic, socio-psychological, sociocultural and situational-role. The listed statuses characterize the state of the family, its position in a certain sphere of life at a particular moment in time.
The first component of the social adaptation of the family is the financial situation of the family. To assess the material well-being of the family, consisting of monetary and property security, several quantitative and quality criteria: the level of family income, its living conditions, the subject environment, as well as the socio-demographic characteristics of its members, which constitutes the socio-economic status of the family.
The second component of the social adaptation of the family is its psychological climate- more or less stable emotional attitude, which develops as a result of the moods of family members, their emotional experiences, attitudes towards each other, towards other people, towards work, towards the events around them.
As indicators of the state of the psychological climate of the family, the following are distinguished: the degree of emotional comfort, the level of anxiety, the degree mutual understanding, respect, support, help, empathy and mutual influence; place of leisure time (in the family or outside it), openness of the family in relations with the immediate environment.
Relationships built on the principles of equality and cooperation, respect for individual rights, characterized by mutual affection, emotional closeness, satisfaction of each family member with the quality of these relationships are considered favorable; in this case, the socio-psychological status of the family is assessed as high.
Unfavorable psychological climate in the family is the difficulties and conflicts; family members experience constant anxiety, emotional discomfort; alienation reigns in relationships. All this prevents the family from performing one of its main functions - psychotherapeutic, that is, relieving stress and fatigue, replenishing physical and mental strength each family member.
The third component of the structure of social adaptation of the family is sociocultural adaptation. When determining the general culture of the family, it is necessary to take into account the level of education of its adult members, since it is recognized as one of the determining factors.
moat in the upbringing of children, as well as the direct everyday and behavioral culture of family members.
The level of family culture is considered high if the family copes with the role of the guardian of customs and traditions; has a wide range of interests, developed spiritual needs; in the family life is rationally organized, leisure is varied.
If the spiritual needs of the family are not developed, the range of interests is limited, life is not organized, there is no cultural, leisure and labor activity that unites the family, the moral regulation of the behavior of family members is weak; the family leads a dysfunctional lifestyle, then its level of culture is low.
In the case when a family does not have a full set of characteristics that indicate a high level of culture, but realizes the gaps in its cultural level and is active in the direction of its increase, we can talk about the average sociocultural status of the family.
The state of the psychological climate of the family and its cultural level are indicators that mutually influence each other, since a favorable psychological climate serves as a reliable basis moral education children, their high emotional culture.
The fourth indicator is situational role adaptation, which is associated with the attitude towards the child in the family. In the case of a constructive attitude towards the child, high culture and family activity in solving the child's problems, her situational-role status is high; if in relation to the child there is an accentuation on his problems, then it is average. In the case of ignoring the problems of the child, and even more so negative attitude to him, which, as a rule, are combined with low culture and family activity, the situational-role status is low.
From the existing multitude family typologies (psychological, pedagogical, sociological) distinguish four categories of families.
Prosperous families successfully cope with their functions, practically do not need the support of a social teacher, since due to adaptive abilities, which are based on material, psychological and other internal resources, they quickly adapt to the needs of their child and successfully solve the problems of his upbringing and development. In case of problems, a one-time one-time assistance within the framework of short-term work models is enough for them.
Families at risk characterized by the presence of some deviation from the norms, which does not allow them to be defined as favorable, for example, incomplete family, low-income family etc., and reducing the adaptive abilities of these families. They cope with the tasks of raising a child with great exertion of their strength, therefore, a social teacher needs to monitor the state of the family.
Dysfunctional families, have a low social status, do not cope with the functions assigned to them, their adaptive abilities are significantly reduced, the process of family upbringing of a child proceeds with great difficulties, slowly, with little result. This type of family requires active and usually long-term support from a social educator.
Asocial families
- those with whom interaction takes place most laboriously and whose condition needs fundamental changes. In these families, where parents lead an immoral, illegal lifestyle and where living conditions do not meet basic sanitary and hygienic requirements, and, as a rule, no one is involved in raising children, children are neglected, half-starved, lagging behind in development, and become victims of violence , both on the part of parents and other citizens of the same social stratum. The work of a social educator with these families should be carried out in close contact with law enforcement agencies, as well as with guardianship and guardianship authorities.
1.3 Parents' pedagogical style
By a certain age, any person develops stereotypes of behavior. This is not to say that stereotypes are completely useless or harmful. They help us to be ourselves. On the other hand, sometimes it gets in the way of being flexible in changing circumstances.
You can rest assured that when a mother gets into trouble at work, she will not find sympathy from her daughter - the bill will be paid in the same coin.
Everything is like in war. However, in war, as a rule, the strongest wins. Here, both sides are a loser - there can be no victory. The Cold War, as children grow up and begin to deny the morality of obedience, turns into a "hot" one. The forces of the parties are balanced: for rudeness - with rudeness, for gloating - with gloating. Pedagogical collapse turns into family collapse.
I don’t want to make too pessimistic predictions - after all, sometimes it somehow settles itself out and forms itself, but the final reckoning comes only after many years, when helpless parents, in turn, will be forced to submit to the morality of obedience, which those who have entered into force and children who have preserved their fighting qualities.
2.4 Peaceful coexistence
The fourth type of family tactics is peaceful coexistence from a position of non-interference. Everything looks quite decent here. Everyone has their own affairs, their own problems, their own difficulties and successes. Parents work, children study, each has its own sphere, its own branch of activity. Nobody crosses the demarcation line, there can only be misunderstandings. And it seemed that this type of family relationship should only be welcomed.
It happens that parents even take pride in maintaining such neutrality. Mother says: "Senya lives my life, I live mine (she is divorced from her husband). The class teacher asks:" When did Semyon come home yesterday? " , and left school at two. Where was he, what did he do, five hours? "- I don't know what he was doing. I never ask him. If he needs to, he will tell him himself. He studies well, teachers do not complain. Does he ask about my affairs, about my life? ? Probably not. Why does he need this? I have mine, he has his own. "
The separateness of the worlds of the child and adults is often literally declared, under which a "pedagogical" foundation is even laid - let it grow independent, independent, uninhibited, free. How to treat this? There are, of course, different family circumstances. I admit that, in particular, my interlocutor had good reasons - it is difficult to raise a son without a father. But more often than not, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of the educator, who shies away from active intervention, preferring a comfortable and not requiring mental costs coexistence with a teenager.
What is the result? By embarking on the path of forming an individualist, parents reap the bitter fruits of individualism. Family as a center of attraction, as an emotional magnet, as family hearth for a child does not exist. The life of his family, their joys and hardships for him is sealed. And sooner or later a critical moment will come - trouble, illness, difficulties - when they will demand from him both participation and inclusion in general family problems, and good feelings, and will be convinced of his complete incapacity for all this. They will bitterly complain about the failure of a young man as a son, a girl as a daughter, not realizing that this is the failure of the existing system. family relations.
2.5 Collaboration
But there should also be an optimal type of tactics for family education. Yes, this is cooperation. It is in the situation of cooperation that the individualism of the child is overcome, the traits of the collectivist are formed. And this already presupposes that the family acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a special type, turns into a collective.
The harmony of family relationships presupposes reciprocity in the manifestation of complicity. Of course, parents, as a rule, when offering their child cooperation and support in business (helping him learn, teaching work and sports skills, sharing responsibility with him in difficult circumstances, etc.), find "complicity." However, is it always inherent in the addressee of parental emotions? Unfortunately, the child does not always reciprocate.
The life of an adult is replete with difficult, sometimes just difficult, sometimes dramatic situations. If we want our son or our daughter to become closer, dearer (note, we are talking about them moving closer to us, since it is unnecessary to encourage parents to approach), then the first rule is not to protect them from sorrows and joys an adult, and make them not only their witnesses, but also their direct participants. Moreover, to do this as early as possible, directly and boldly, giving accessible (taking into account age) explanations.
A family, three or four people connected by family ties, may or may not become a collective, depending on what character their relationship will acquire, whether it be confrontation, coexistence or complicity and cooperation.
Collaboration involves employees. The only question is: how many of them are needed for successful cooperation? Someone will definitely hurry up to answer: three (apparently, they mean father, mother, child). Someone will say: five means grandmother and grandfather did not remain forgotten. Still would! In a family ensemble, they are not the last employees. And rarely, rarely will someone increase this number by expanding the younger age group. In any case, it is difficult to expect that we will go beyond the magic number "seven".
The experiment of Latane, a well-known Western psychologist, proved that the more witnesses to someone else's misfortune, the less the victim has a chance of getting help. Each seems to believe that the other should take care of the victim.
Love and understanding and cooperation are the function of a small group of closely related people. How less family, the more chances she has to rally on emotional basis and successfully cooperate in solving common family problems. "
Section # 3. The main conditions for raising children in a family
3.1 Family climate
Education in the broad sense of this word is not only a deliberate influence on a child at the moments when we teach him, make comments, encourage, scold or punish. Often the example of the parents affects the child much more, although they may not be aware of their influence. A few words that parents will automatically throw themselves among themselves can leave a much larger mark on the child than long teachings, which often evoke nothing but disgust in him; an understanding smile, a passing word, etc., can have the same effect.
Research results have shown that between children who were brought up in severity (with punishment) with children who were brought up more gently (without punishment) - if you do not take extreme cases - no big difference... Consequently, the educational influence of the family is not only a series of purposeful educational moments, it consists in something more essential.
What, in fact, remains in our memory from childhood, when we have already become adults, when we are already forgotten isolated cases what happened to us during this period? Obviously, something remains in our memory that shaped us first of all: some special atmosphere of our home, associated with many daily insignificant events, or the fear that we experienced in connection with many events that are incomprehensible to us. It is such a calm and joyful or tense, full of fear and fear atmosphere that most of all affects the child, his growth and formation, leaves a deep imprint on all his subsequent development.
Today we know that the nature of this family atmosphere is determined primarily by how family members communicate with each other. There are friendly families in which no one is left on the sidelines, where there are no those who suppress the initiative and activity of others. An atmosphere of emotional warmth reigns in the family, here they share thoughts and experiences with each other. Agreement reigns here, contradictions are not hidden, but they are trying to resolve them. It is customary in the family to speak openly: here what they say is what they think, nothing is hidden, no one needs to dodge and lie. Everyone here talks not only about their own experiences, but also knows how to listen to the other. In such families, they love laughter and humor, there is no evil prickly sarcasm, no indiscriminate condemnation of everything and everyone. Parents here respect and support each other - they do not denigrate each other in the eyes of the child, do not undermine authority. And what is important - in these families it is customary to truthfully tell about their experiences outside the family. The family, thus, turns into a world in which all life is reflected and where all difficulties are overcome with the help of all family members.
It goes without saying that the family climate is changing; it reflects the difficulties that people face, that there are not sunny days here all the time. Much changes as children grow up, and the strength of the parents decreases, they age. As in nature, for example, the weather changes, so does the family atmosphere - one day can be clear and sunny, and the other cloudy, sometimes a thunderstorm can break out. And yet we can talk about the existence of a certain climate characteristic of a particular family, it is the main thing that largely determines the emotional, social and other types of child development.
3.2 The authority of parents in the family
An important condition successful upbringing is the authority of the parents. The authority of parents should be understood as the influence of the father and mother on children, based on love and respect for parents, trust in their life experience, their words, deeds, and deeds.
A. S. Makarenko made a great contribution to pedagogical science. After analyzing the experience of family education, he came to the conclusion: not all parents understand the importance of their authority in the upbringing of children, and actions and deeds to establish authority are far from always pedagogically justified.
Authority of suppression... Fathers especially suffer from them. On every occasion, such a father gets annoyed, angry, raises his voice, and often grabs his belt. With such a fatherly terror, the position of the mother in the family is reduced to zero, the children grow up either downtrodden, weak-willed, or tyrants, taking revenge for their depressed childhood.
The authority of swagger... Parents boast of their merits at every step, are arrogant in relations with other people. As a rule, their children behave in the likeness of their parents: "So I tell my dad, he will ask you" or "Do you know who my dad is?" With such authority, children grow up to be boastful, unable to self-criticize their behavior.
The authority of pedantry... Parents keep their children in obedience to orders, orders. The family does not consult with children, do not take their opinion into account. Children from such families do not know how to show independence, initiative, constantly wait for the orders of adults or resist the demands of adults.
The authority of resonance, in which parents literally seize their children with teachings and edifications. Parents start long and boring conversations on every occasion, sometimes the same ones. Children get used to them, do not react to them, often become embittered and stop listening and respecting their parents.
The authority of love Is the most common type of false authority. Parents without any measure speak tender words, kiss children, caress. If the child does not obey, he is immediately asked: “So you don’t love your mother?”. In this situation, the child understands that it is easy to deceive mom and dad, to beg for anything, it is only worth showing how you love them. In such families, egoists, cynics, and calculating businessmen grow up. Parents themselves are the first to suffer from such upbringing.
The authority of kindness, where children's obedience is bought by the kindness of parents, their compliance, gentleness. Adults appear in front of the child as good-natured people who allow everything, do not regret anything. Parents are afraid of conflicts in the family, they are for peace, even with great sacrifices. In such a family, children very soon begin to command their parents, they have whims and demands.
Bribery Authority- the most immoral authority when a child's obedience is bought with gifts and various promises. Parents do not hesitate and say: "If you study well, I'll buy you a bicycle." The consequences of this authority are especially grave in families where there is no agreement between parents, where a conflict situation has emerged. Each of the parents appeases the child in order to win him over to his side. The child takes advantage of this, but gradually ceases to respect both the father and the mother. A person grows up who is accustomed to maneuvering, adapting, being where he receives more benefits.
Conscientiously treat your work;
Expand your horizons;
To create a normal atmosphere in the family, when all its members are happy and happy to gather after working day together;
Show high demands on yourself and others. Demanding children should be combined with respect for them;
Have unity of requirements for children from all older family members; do not forgive bad deeds children.
3.3 The relationship between siblings
A family with one child used to be an exception, today there are a lot of such families. In a way, one child is easier to raise, parents can devote more time and energy to him; the child also does not have to share the love of his parents with someone, he does not have a reason for jealousy. But, on the other hand, the position of an only child is unenviable: he lacks an important life school, the experience of which can only partially make up for his communication with other children, but which cannot be fully replaced.
In a family with several children, the situation is usually more difficult than in families with one child. However, this complexity of the relationship in large families has very essential for the social maturation of children, and under certain circumstances contributes to the growth of a sense of satisfaction in parents, favorably affects the development of their personality. Growing up together with his brothers and sisters, the child acquires a lot of value for life: he learns to help each other in the process of communicating with beings as weak and dependent as he is, he gets used to not only taking, but also giving, learns to teach others - those who is smaller and weaker than him, he learns the benefits of cooperation in comparison with constant rivalry and quarrels, he uses not only the word "I", but also knows the word "we", learns to share not only toys, but also attention from adults, which , in spite of their love, now does not belong to him alone. A large family school is a great school where children learn not to be selfish.
However, the influence of siblings on child development is not strong enough to suggest that only child in his social development must necessarily lag behind a child from a large family. The point is that life in big family carries with it a number conflict situations, which are not always possible to solve correctly for children and their parents. First of all, the mutual jealousy of children: observations have shown that in large families this is a common occurrence, that there are simply no brothers and sisters who would not be jealous of each other. However, most children are able to overcome this feeling, find a way to regulate their relationships, although, maybe not immediately.
Problems usually arise where parents unreasonably compare their children with each other and say that one of the children is better, smarter, nicer, etc. ... Very often, quarrels between brothers and sisters parents try to resolve so that responsibility for them is usually blame the older child, who, from their point of view, should be wiser, who is to blame for everything, no matter what happens. If a child is constantly being compared to his brother or sister, and if the blame is constantly blamed on him, he has a feeling of injustice, bitterness, anger against the one who treats him like that.
Sometimes parents believe that there will be no jealousy between brothers and sisters if they fairly divide everything between the children and each of them will be given the same share of tasty things, toys, gifts, etc. However, things and objects are more likely a reason for dispute and envy than their direct cause. Obviously, it is not so important to divide things fairly as to do the same with regard to sympathy, praise, recognition and admiration, as well as abuse and punishment. The disadvantageous position of the older and younger children in the family also brings with it a number of problems. Of course, the older child should have more responsibilities, but adults should not forget to praise him, recognize his authority, which will strengthen his sense of his own worth.
However, it is also necessary to ensure that the responsibilities that are assigned to older children are within their power and not to the detriment of doing other interesting things. Older children, comparing themselves to their comrades, often hide a grudge against their younger brother or sister, whom they have to "drag along", and, left alone with him, they can offend them. Younger children in this case, in revenge, begin to roar louder than usual, complain about every trifle.
Parents who have to deal with minor disputes between children should be diplomatic. They should draw the attention of children to the fact that some disadvantages associated with the existence of brothers and sisters are compensated by many advantageous moments. Worst of all, of course, if disputes between children develop into a conflict between parents, who begin to reproach each other for their inability to educate, for too condescending attitude towards the child, as a result, hostile groups arise within the family. Blaming a person for doing something badly means causing bitterness or a harsh reaction on his part, which usually does not lead to anything good. Parents who know how to live in peace and harmony are the best model good relationship between children. So, family relationships teach the child the ability to find a way to coexist with other people in a spirit of friendship and cooperation.
3.4 Modern family
Not only the child himself, but also the family as a social unit in its development goes through some difficulties, sometimes experiencing serious crisis moments. In some cases, difficulties observed in the development of a child are a reflection of family problems, a sign of a violation of normal family relations. And in order to help a child, first of all, it is necessary to help his family.
The modern family is in many ways different from the family of the past. Much is being said today about her precariousness, vulnerability, crisis situation. Too often, today's families break up, and among those that do survive, many experience internal collisions and conflicts. Of course, the influence of family collisions, the breakdown of families on a child can be very strong, especially if the parents cannot protect the child from quarrels and mutual grievances. You can often hear that today's family has already outlived its usefulness, and that it should be replaced with something.
But despite the losses and crisis situations, which the family has to experience and overcome, adapting to new social conditions, its importance does not disappear, but rather even increases. There is no doubt that the family is usually better environment for raising children, and often a lasting emotional "refuge" for adults. Efforts to help the family in solving its economic, social and other problems are currently more appropriate than conversations condemning the family as an outdated and outdated institution.
However, one cannot ignore the severe moral damage inflicted on the child. constant quarrels, rudeness, reproaches, mutual accusations of parents. Keeping a family for the sake of a child at any cost is not always the best solution for children. Divorce with an agreement on mutual contacts between the parents and the child can be a reasonable way out of a difficult situation, and the child often becomes calmer in such cases. An incomplete family or a family that has undergone changes faces more than difficult tasks, many problems are raised here, as it were. But if she manages to create a calm environment for the child, satisfy his most emotional elementary needs, then this family can provide him not only happy childhood but will also appear good example correct execution parental responsibilities, which will be useful to him in his future life.
At present, the tasks of education have become more complex. The fact is that in all areas of life, dramatic changes are taking place today. During the life of one generation, the way of life of people has completely changed. If earlier parents prepared their children to enter a world that they knew well, which was the same as the one in which they lived themselves, where the same laws and requirements were in force, today parents are preparing their children to enter life. which they cannot know, the requirements of which they have no idea. It is not enough today to give children only ready-made knowledge: in twenty or thirty years, it may not have any value; the grafted skills and skills are also unlikely to help them out, because all production and the whole way of life will radically change; obedience will hardly help them - who will they listen to as adults?
It seems that there is only one way out: to teach a child from an early age independent, creative thinking, which helps to find new solutions in new situations, teach him to be critical of other people's views and opinions, to be tolerant of the opinions of others, but principled and demanding of himself. ... Raising a child today should be more than a simple transfer of ready-made knowledge, skills, skills and behavior style. Genuine upbringing today is a constant dialogue between the educator and the child, in the process of which the child increasingly develops the ability to accept independent decisions that will help him become a full member of society, fill his life with meaning.
Output
The meaning of human existence has always been family. Popular wisdom says: "A land without water is dead, a person without a family is a barren flower." Statistics say that the upbringing of a child is influenced by: the media - 30%, the street - 10%, school - 10%, family - 50%. From this you can see what huge role the family must play in the development of the child's personality. The success of the family in fulfilling the educational function depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents, the level of which is not high enough for everyone. Therefore, it becomes necessary to plan and conduct with parents traditional classroom parenting meetings, lectures, conversations, workshops that contribute to the activation of self-education, consolidation of pedagogical knowledge, and the formation of educational skills. According to the data of numerous opinion polls, 7.8% of teachers accuse the family that the child is not being brought up in it.
There is a natural connection between the psychological climate of the family and the results of raising children: a strong, friendly family brings up direct, whole and sincere characters.
Literature
Azarov Yu.A. - " Family pedagogy". Moscow, 1989.
Vasilkova Yu.V., Vasilkova T.A. - " Social pedagogy: a course of lectures: a textbook for students of higher pedagogical educational institutions". - 2nd ed. stereotype. - M .: Publishing Center "Academy", 2000.
Gologuzova M.A. - "Lecture course". publishing center "Academy". Moscow, 2000.
Grebennikov I.V., Dubrovina, Razumikhina G.P. - "Ethics and psychology of family life." 1998
A. V. Mudrik - "Social Pedagogy" - Publishing Center "Academy". Moscow, 1999
Pilipovskiy V.Ya. - "Helping parents in raising children", Moscow, 1992.
Fromm A., - "ABC for Parents." Moscow 1994
Divorce can be stressful not only for parents, but also for their baby. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains how to ensure the optimal upbringing of children in conditions of divorce and suggests:
How to save your child from suffering due to the divorce of the parents?
How to avoid dangerous mistakes in raising a child in a divorce situation?
How go through a divorce painlessly, maintain psychological balance and pass it on to the baby?
What kind of stress response is possible for your child and what should be the focus of his upbringing during the divorce period?
The answers depend on the set of vectors of the child, which give him certain innate mental properties and reactions to life circumstances. Understanding them, you can successfully go through the most difficult moments of life, while maintaining a favorable model of raising a child.
Upbringingemotional and sensitive baby in the face of divorce
Babies with a visual vector (sensitive, emotional) can react to stress with sadness, tears, tantrums. Such a child may feel the loss of the love of the departed parent, the fear of losing the remaining parent.
Severe stress can cause a drop in vision in a visual child, a decrease in immunity. Nightmares and fear of the dark are also possible. For the visual vector, the loss of an emotional connection with one of the parents is a great grief that is experienced deeply and strongly.
How can you help your child avoid such psychological harm?
It can be explained that dad will continue to participate in the upbringing of the child, and he will not lose his dad's love at all. That dad still loves him no matter where he lives. Most importantly, maintain a strong emotional bond with your child. Teach him to empathize with others, then he can switch from a state of fear to compassion for people. Read literature for compassion. You can offer to draw a picture or write a letter and send to Orphanage, explaining that the guys there live without parents at all. Or help a neighbor's grandmother bring her bag, visit a sick friend.
Raising my mother's clever girl
It can also be difficult for a toddler with an anal vector to adapt the divorce of the parents. For him, family is the highest value. When the most sacred things are crumbling before our eyes, a baby with such a vector risks getting colossal stress. From obedient child and the best student in the class, he can become stubborn, aggressive and resentful.
May feel guilty that the parents are getting divorced because of him. Fear of the future often arises. What if you have to move to a new place or to another school, kindergarten?
At the level of psychosomatics, severe stress in an anal baby, it can manifest itself in stuttering, problems with stool and stomach. Sometimes such children feel resentment against their mother and carry her through their whole lives, unconsciously accusing her of not being able or not wanting to keep the family together.
How can the damage from family breakdown be minimized for such a child?
Explain that his family is still there, that his dad is now living in a different place. For example, like one of your relatives, grandmother, aunt. Live in different places ah, but still be a family for him.
Try to make as little changes as possible in your child's life, from new furniture to new school... Everything new, any changes - for the anal conservative is always stress. First, give him time to adapt at least the changes in the family's lifestyle.
Raising a nimble and nimble kid
In a baby with a skin vector, under stress, irritability and nervousness may increase. There may be a tendency to steal. Do not be alarmed if you suddenly notice this in your child and in no case beat him. This behavior is typical, due to natural properties cutaneous vector, stress response.
At the level of psychosomatics, a nervous tic, skin problems, allergies, and problems with the spine may appear.
To help him cope with stress, add more novelty to parenting a skin vector child. Starting from new toys with the ability to search, mine, create constructions, count, and to new forms of joint pastime. It might be worth finding new places to walk or play. The natural tendency of the skin vector to change will help a little to alleviate the condition of the baby.
Use more gentle touches in communicating with him, stroke the back, legs, arms, and massage.
The mode and organization of time is important for a small skinner. It will be much easier for him to adapt his father's departure if he knows the exact schedule of meetings with him.
Raising a Little Silent Person under Stress
If your child is the owner of a sound vector, then his reaction to stress is even greater isolation in himself, a decrease in school performance, and sleep problems. He is not too sociable and not very emotional anyway. But the strength of his experiences is no less than that of other people, only the whole storm of feelings is lived inside.
In no case should you shout in front of such a child or, for example, use offensive words about a father who has left the family. No matter how bad you are, try to restrain yourself. In addition to headaches and the inability to perceive information by ear, a sound baby in such conditions may develop mental illness, from autism to schizophrenia.
What to bring to the upbringing of a child with such characteristics? This silent person really needs silence and the opportunity to retire. Try to talk to him in a very quiet voice, and give him the opportunity to be in silence more often. Can be turned on with a quiet background classical music so that he listens to the sounds. This listening skill will help the sound person to partially level out the stress.
Knowing about the structure of your child's psyche helps you choose the optimal parenting model and approach to the baby during the divorce period. But there is one more important factor -
psychological well-being of the mother.
Most of us don't even know how much we influence our mental state on the still unripe psyche of the baby.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains that up to 6 years old a child is 100% psychologically dependent on his mother, from 6 to 16 to a lesser extent, but still depends.
All difficult conditions and negative emotions are unconsciously read by the child from the mother and deprive him of the most important thing that a parent can pass on to his child - a sense of security and safety.
Antonina Kostrub
Features of the upbringing of young children at home and in a children's institution
No matter where a child is being raised(only in the family or, in addition, attends children's institution, he must be provided with timely harmonious development. but the living conditions and upbringing of children in a family and a child care institution are different, therefore, although the tasks the upbringing are the same, organization of life and techniques upbringing is very different.
In good, friendly family from the first days of life, a child develops under the influence of private individual communication with parents, a wealth of impressions that he receives from the life around him and as a result of a varied independent activity... Frequent positive emotional communication parents with a child creates intimate contact between them, educates love and affection of the child for his family. Very early on, the behavior of the child begins to be influenced by conversations and the nature of the relationship between parents and others and everything and their moral behavior. For the right education the family needs the following.
1. To familiarize parents with the objectives and principles education... Parents need to know the best course and peculiarities physical and nervous - mental development the child, correctly understand the tasks facing them, know how to raise a child at every age stage and what methods this can be achieved. Underestimating the child's capabilities and overestimating them are equally harmful. All techniques should be based on the achieved level of development and at the same time lead the development of the child forward.
2. The way of life of the family with the birth of a child must be changed, subordinated to the interests and tasks education, in order, first of all, to provide a small child correct mode and create conditions for his vigorous activity.
3. It is necessary to ensure complete consistency in educational reception by all adults related to raising a child... Inconsistent, and even more so mutually opposite, approaches to children not only slow down the formation of any stable habits, but also negatively affect the child's nervous system, lead to the emergence of whims, stubbornness and even early childhood nervousness.
4. The behavior of the surrounding adults should be an example for the child. Parents must remember that children easily imitate everything they see and hear, so you need to monitor your behavior, reckon with the presence of a child who is beginning to understand a lot, and avoid such actions and conversations that should not be repeated in the behavior of their child.
5. Not all impressions of the surrounding life are accessible to the child's understanding and are not always useful, then from the various impressions and phenomena of the environment it is necessary to select those that can contribute the development of positive forms of behavior, and, if possible, isolate the child from what can reinforce negative forms of behavior, cause severe nervous excitement or fatigue.
6. In the family, especially in the presence of an only child, care must be taken to avoid the formation of selfish traits, pampering, painful attachments to the mother or father. Already in early age it is necessary to ensure the communication of the child with other children in order to timely form their positive relationships.
7. Parents should systematically engage with the child - play with him, talk, read, look at pictures with him, show him how to draw, sculpt, etc. At the same time, it is important to teach the child to play independently, and not only with adults ...
The beginning of the right education it cannot be postponed until a later date, as many more parents believe possible. It should start from the first days, otherwise negative forms of behavior may take root early in the child, which will be very difficult to deal with in the future.
A significant difference conditions for raising children visiting the group early age, is, first of all, that along with family children receive social upbringing being in the team for a relatively long time children... Their education not only parents are involved, but also specially trained personnel children's institution. Parenting is built according to a certain work program drawn up on the basis of scientific research, in which the tasks are defined, the main content educational works and program material.
Upbringing in a team creates great opportunities for the formation of children many moral qualities, positive relationships. In the team children there are many reasons for communication. Interest in the actions of others children... Communicating with each other during games and activities, children learn to play together, provide help, sympathize, understand the state of the other. Joint stay children with different levels of development has a positive mutual influence on each other. By imitation the activities of children also become more complicated, rather, there is a transition to more complex actions, the new character of the game. Along with this, it should be borne in mind that with a large contact children from different places and concentration of a significant number children in the same room, more frequent infectious diseases than in the family. In front of workers children's institution specific tasks are set, to the solution of which serious attention should be paid.
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Conversation-workshop with pupils of the orphanage "Admission to vocational education institutions" Direction of activity: preparing pupils for independent life, increasing the level of responsibility for the actions taken.
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PI Tchaikovsky: The power of the country lies not only in material wealth, but also in the soul of the people. The wider, freer this soul, the more.
Speaking about the conditions for the successful upbringing of a child in a family, it should be noted right away that any home has its own rules. Parents rely on established traditions and their own ideas about correct pedagogical approaches. Even the most conservative experts in this matter do not insist on any rigid dogmas. But the basic principles of family education, as a rule, remain unchanged.
As you raise your children in a family, discuss the rules with all adult members. For laws to be respected, it is desirable that they be supported by all. The already commonplace example, when the mother does not allow the candy, and the grandmother gives it out, has not lost its relevance. If adults cannot agree on the principles of family education, then it is almost impossible for children to accept these rules, since they are contradictory.
Basic principles for setting the rules of family education
For family-based parenting to be successful, laws must naturally flow from what parents believe is right. The rules for children are not universal, they are born in each specific family, and are unique for each child. Attempts to apply to your child someone else's, prescribed by someone methods of raising children in a family, as a rule, end in failure.
Some family will teach their child to get up if women are in his presence, while for another family such a rule is archaism. In some family, you can eat only in the kitchen and at a strictly defined time, in another, it is permissible to eat where and when you want. So for almost any life phenomenon, there are various prescriptions on how to do the right thing. You should not look for common approaches to family education and bring all the rules to a common denominator. The family's job is to develop their own charter. Your child is right to do what you think is right.
It cannot be said how to correctly explain religion, life or death to a child. He needs to explain it the way you think. It will be correct and harmonious. The same applies to the peculiarities of raising a child. preschool age in the family: if you broadcast natural rules, they are accepted by the child. Other rules, strangers, will be simulated, strained.
Pedagogical features of family education of preschoolers
An important aspect of raising a child in a family is the analysis of their internal attitudes. Internal contradictions can have a huge impact on the position of the parent. The parent's uncertainty, his doubts about his own righteousness and leadership role are always read by the child. In whatever correct form you put on your requirements when raising children in a family, if you yourself are not sure of them, the child will feel it.
Children are much more than adults, tuned in to an intuitive perception of reality, since they have little developed adult methods of analysis and rational thinking. Children, like locators, pick up your inner mood and act accordingly.
The traditional complaints of parents of young children - it is impossible to put a child to bed in the evening, force him to brush his teeth, wash his hands after a walk. The mother is often worn out in such seemingly simple things, gets tired of always flirting with the child or forcing him. At the same time, parents report that the same child with a grandmother or nanny behaves completely differently - calmly fulfills the requirements, the child is being substituted. At the same time, it is not noticeable that the grandmother used any special tricks, read in the books. Everything seems to happen by itself. Obviously, the point is not in the child, but in the peculiarities of the family upbringing of preschoolers, in the adult who interacts with him. More often than not, the question is not that this adult does not own any special techniques communication, but in his internal attitudes.
Main factors and approaches to family education
One of the main factors in family education is predictability and consistency. The child will be calmer if he knows what and when is required of him.
For example, a baby often crawls into his mother’s bag, pulling out something to have fun out of it - a phone, lipstick, a hairbrush, etc. The mother reacts differently depending on her mood and circumstances. In front of her mother, she strongly scolds the child, she can spank him for encroaching on her things. With her husband, the woman loudly demands that he should stop the child. With her friend, when she wants to chat, she simply does not pay attention to the actions of the child - she is busy with something and okay! When a mother is in the company of strangers, she can smile sweetly, admiring how smart her baby is.
V this example the child will never accept the rule that before taking mom's things, you need to ask. The mother's reaction is unpredictable, the child is in an uncertain position. At the same time, the mother can sincerely believe that she has tried all the tricks in order to wean the child from getting into the bag. A variety of responses, in this case ineffective, can be viewed by the mother as a creative approach to the task. But this approach to raising children in a family is completely ineffective.
Let's compare the situation of uncertainty with the rules road traffic... If you enter the road and know exactly what the rules are on it, you will be calm, because you know how to behave in order to be safe and not earn a fine. In addition, you understand how other road users will behave, which also reduces anxiety. The more often you enter a road with predictable driving rules, the less alarming the situation seems to you. If you have entered a road whose rules are not fully known to you, you do not understand how to behave and what other road users will do. In this situation, you will be extremely tense and spend a lot of psychic energy on any decision you make. If you go out on a road every day, where the rules are different every day, then you will never be calm on such a road.
Increased anxiety is what distinguishes preschool children. The approach to raising in a family is unpredictable. When determining what is allowed and what is not allowed for a child in your family, try to achieve certainty and predictability.
Certainty, of course, when establishing the rules of family education should not reach the point of absurdity, otherwise it will turn from a blessing into a punishment. Of course, in exceptional cases, you can deviate from the rules. It is only important that this deviation in itself does not turn into a rule.
Conditions for the correct upbringing of children in a family
An important condition correct upbringing children in the family is to set only the necessary rules.
One of the typical difficulties in establishing family laws is the excessive number of them in a child's life. Many of the rules do not always reflect the severity of the parent; they often betray increased anxiety. Parent disturbing type may not even be aware of the rule palisade surrounding the child.
Such a parent may worry about the child's health and surround him with prohibitions:
- you can't run fast;
- you can't gasp for air and eat in large pieces;
- you can not sit on the ground;
- you cannot roll down the hill on your feet;
- you can not take snow in your hands;
- do not go out in the sun.
Otherwise, the parent may be too inclined to order, strive for control and establish following rules upbringing in the family:
- it is impossible to knock out snow with boots;
- you cannot drip onto the tablecloth;
- you can not walk in the mud;
- it is impossible to disturb the order in the house or in the clothes of the parent;
- it is impossible to stain clothes in the game.
"Children can be either clean or happy!" - this is how one mother of three children formulated her educational position. There is a lot of truth in this joke.
One of the features of raising a child in a family is that, in high demands, you can often completely not see the baby himself, perceive him as a mechanical executor of your high plan.
On the other hand, many rules and requirements for raising children in a modern family very often give opposite result- a child who is not allowed to do anything goes for broke, violates all prohibitions, no longer considering the degree of their importance. In such cases, parents may not even realize that their child's stubbornness is simply due to the fact that he is too limited by the framework that exists around him.
Principles of early childhood education in a modern family
The principles of raising children in a family should be based on encouragement if the rules are followed. Perhaps, main factor that allows you to make the rules enjoyable for the child is praise. Reward your child with your attention, praise, appreciation of his actions if he is following the rules. Encouragement is one of the most powerful ways you can shape a child's behavior in early childhood education in today's family.
Following the rules is not an easy task for a child, so do not ignore the efforts he makes to follow the rules. A person is controlled by anxiety, his attention is always automatically tuned to the search for flaws, danger. Only special work, a certain philosophy of life, conscious control of their thinking can change this process. Automatically, we will always focus on shortcomings, flaws. In the role of a parent, a person is calm and indifferent when his child behaves "normally": he does not row, obeys, does not contradict. It goes without saying, you don't need to pay attention to it. But if something goes wrong, then the person turns on, begins to manage, scold the child, in general, "educate". So it turns out that the "normal" behavior, which no one particularly notices, becomes unattractive to the child. A bad behavior that attracts so much attention to him sometimes becomes a way out of isolation.
"Good", "normal", from the point of view of an adult, the behavior of a child is not so easy for him. He makes an effort to restrain his activity, resist impulses, behave "politely". Considering these features of family education, notice the child's work, show that you value his efforts, and then the child will definitely cooperate with you. If you take the rules for granted, then you can soon be greatly disappointed.
Factors and conditions of family education: a successful method
One of the conditions for the successful upbringing of a child in a family is explaining to the child the meaning and reasons why the rules are established.
Many parents have a question - how much it is necessary to explain to the child the reason for prohibitions and prescriptions, is it important that the child understands why one or the other is demanded of him. This question is most closely related to the age of the child. At an early age (up to 3-5 years), the child, due to the limitations of his experience, is simply not able to understand most of the rules. However, many parents behave with children as with small adults, without realizing the huge difference that exists between an adult and a child. A great many parents of children under 3 years old are in the illusion that the child "understands everything", he just does it often in spite of them. Many do not take into account such features of family education of children as a fundamental difference in understanding three year old child situations from the understanding of the same situation by an adult. If you tell a child that you cannot put your hands in your mouth, because there are microbes on them and he will get sick, then he is unlikely to understand you in an adequate way. What are invisible germs? And what is “getting sick” for a child who has neither coherent memories of his past, nor an idea of who he is (both are absent in children younger age)? If a child repeats after you: “You can't get on the road, the car will hit you,” does this mean that he understands what this phrase means, what are the consequences of a collision with a car? What the child can repeat after you or nods to the question: "Got it?" - does not mean at all that he really understands something like an adult.
Some parents of very young children see the success of raising a child in a family in explaining the rules and the reasons for setting them - often long and detailed. And instead of physically establishing a ban on certain actions that are dangerous or grossly offend the interests of others, parents rely on explanations. Parents see this as a humane method. The problem with this method of raising children in a family is that parents operate with words behind which there is a whole system of concepts. The child, due to his weak command of language, inability for abstract thinking and limited experience, simply does not know this system, does not think in those concepts with which they try to explain the situation to him. The parent seems to be trying to rely on something that is not in the inner world little person. Children under 5 years of age can only think about what they see and can touch, they seem to “think with their body”. Yet the concepts that they cannot pass through the tactile experience are just empty words for them. This is the reason why explanations do not work on children, without these explanations being accompanied by real physical actions.
When setting the rules for family education, consider this pedagogical feature as a child's low ability to absorb words. Young children do not need words so much as gestures that set rules. If you do not want to be hit by a child, you need to restrict him at the moment he tries to hit you. This also applies to most other situations. An important factor raising children in a family is to accompany the prohibition with a gesture at an early age, then, growing up, the child will already be aware that the prohibition is something that must be fulfilled, these are not empty words of the parents. If the child is repeatedly given prescriptions that he violates, he will not be able to accept these prescriptions.
How can a child know that he is acting in an undesirable way if the parents calmly continue to talk or play with him? After two unsuccessful tactics, a third one is turned on, the same unsuccessful one - explanations. The mother appeals to a certain "agreement" that took place at home. For a mother, an agreement (by the way, the concept is inaccessible for a two-year-old child) is an important matter that cannot be violated. But what is a "contract" for a two-year plan? Absolutely nothing, an empty sound! He has no idea about "responsibility", "obligations" and other things that are absolutely not exciting at the age of two. Further, the mother reminds that, they say, Misha "promised" to behave well. And again falls into the same simple trap. She puts a certain meaning in her words and naively believes that this is enough for the child to think the same way. In further words, it turns out that Misha should understand that in public (in a cafe) there are different rules of behavior, not the same as at home. All this happens against the background of the fact that the child clearly exceeds his powers in the family - he decides where the adults sit, he can hit the mother.
Trying to influence a child in this way is a waste of time. The condition of family education is, first of all, the physical limitation of the child's activity. For example, take the baby off the bench, indicating that you can jump on the floor, and on the bench you can sit or stand without shoes. Further, the best solution would be to offer him a quiet activity that would suit the interests of the child (puzzle, drawing, etc.). After the boy has been sitting quietly for some time, it would make sense to turn his attention to this, to stroke the baby, be sure to give him some time, to say that he is behaving very nicely and politely.
Some parents are frightened by the idea of physical limitation of the child's activity as a condition for the correct upbringing of children in the family, since it seems to them a kind of unacceptable violence. However, physical limitations are not the same as physical punishment... Despite his protests, you firmly grip the child's hand in places where it is dangerous to walk alone. You restrain a child who throws heavy objects or hits others. You can keep your child in bed by putting your arm around his shoulders, despite his desire to go for a walk after lights out. You take pictures of the child and do not let him climb on the cabinets and window sills. You fasten your child with a seat belt, despite the fact that he pulls out and protests. It is precisely such features of modern family upbringing as soft, but certain influences that ultimately become a guarantee that the baby understands words and prohibitions. At first, these prohibitions are physical, only then they move to the level of words. If the stage of physical limitation has not been passed, the little person does not
meets no boundaries on his way, subsequently he will not listen to a word.
Given the conditions for a successful family upbringing, it is certainly necessary to explain the rules, but all laws must be observed regardless of whether the child understands the essence of the rules or not. Explain in simple words, preferably succinctly, in a friendly manner, and adjust your explanations depending on the level of development, age of the child.
The specifics of the approach to raising a child in a family
Consider the specifics of raising a child in a family, such as friendliness when setting the rules. For many people, rules and boundaries are associated with rigidity, severity, and therefore unattractive. They do not want to set rules because they do not like strictness and rigidity. In fact, effective leadership (including in a parent-child pair) is not built on the toughness of the leader (in this case, the parent). Effective management is just friendly and takes into account the interests of the governed.
A feature of raising a child in a modern family, in contrast to the ancient authoritarian principles, is necessarily friendliness. Saying "No!" definitely possible and necessary, but not aggressive.
Feedback is given to the child in excessive aggressive form, which will surely cause additional confrontation. In fact, it would be enough to definitely hold the baby, not letting him push, wait for the storm to pass, and calmly inform him that pushing in the house is not accepted and adults go around the house where they need to.
An important factor in family upbringing is the absence of aggressiveness: if the rules are involved in the parent's anger, then the child in this situation will experience depression, or be angry with the parents, and constantly fight with them.
Aspects of raising a child in a family: basic methods and laws
If you have confidence in yourself and in the rules, regulations and boundaries that you set for the child, then most likely you will not have any problems with obeying the laws of raising a child in a family. You will automatically choose the behavior that matches your inner state of confidence and calmness.
However, not all parents are in such happy harmony in their inner world that they can afford not to think about the form of their statements. Most parents will benefit if they deliberately turn their attention to the form in which the prohibitions are expressed. It is to them that this chapter is addressed. When you establish rules for a child, both the essence, the content of these rules, and the form in which you express them are important.
When setting boundaries, what matters is how you look, how confident and weighty you are.
Here are some examples that illustrate the ineffective way of setting rules due to the fact that the parent transmitted conflicting signals to the child - verbally calling for one thing, and using body language to demonstrate something completely different.
In order for the child to obey your instructions, your gestures and body language must synchronize with your words to show the child the desired direction of behavior.
Another important condition for the family upbringing of a child is the choice of words in which you clothe your prescriptions for the child.
Use appropriate words when setting the rules. If you want to prohibit a child from something, speak about it definitely, without pretending that you are interested in the child's opinion on this matter, and you are ready to negotiate with him. Of course, if you have a real opportunity to take into account the child's opinion, you are not indifferent to it, you are ready to compromise, then you need to ask his opinion. However, in most cases, the so-called "agreement" with the child is a fiction, the parent is not ready to accept the child's refusal. The contract in such cases looks something like this - "let's agree that you do as I need!"
The parent is not really ready to hear the answer - no, but, supposedly to mitigate the situation, he chooses the interrogative "contractual" form. The child in such a situation remains a fool, since the parent will still insist and only for the sake of form is interested in the child's opinion.
It is useful for a parent to have a wide repertoire of reactions, then he will be able to accurately and appropriately react to any situation. If a parent has only two options for approaching a child - to speak in a good way or to shout, he is squeezed into too tight a framework.
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Having been born, every baby has a need for care, nutrition, sound and healthy sleep. As it grows, the baby develops, and soon its character begins to be traced through games and life situations. Children begin to show their character during crisis period, this can manifest itself in each baby in different ways, ranging from the usual whims and ending with disobedience and self-will. This behavior of the child entails difficulties in raising your child. And sometimes it is very difficult to deduce the reason for the disobedience of a child
Why is my child uncontrollable?
Anything can be the reason for the change in the child's behavior. And in order to understand why this is happening, you need to figure out what was the impetus for such changes:
- First of all, in children during growing up periodically begin critical moments... And from the outside it seems that the child is simply trying to piss off his parents, to annoy them for something. But in reality, it is not the parents who suffer, but the child himself. These critical periods they become enormous stress. Children themselves do not understand why they act in this or that way, why they want to do exactly that, what caused this behavior. At these moments, the child wants to gain new knowledge, to understand what is good and what is bad.
- Also, even a small child can be called a developing personality with his own desires. He has his own needs, his own rights. And here it is very important to correct the baby's actions. Nobody talks about full control, it should be completely invisible. Only occasionally with a commanding tone. It is important to communicate with children no longer as with children, but on an equal footing, in order to instill independence, loyalty, and obedience from childhood.
- Another reason is the selection of the wrong parenting method. The child begins to be self-willed. This is due to the fact that either everything is forbidden to the baby, or too much is allowed.
- Difficulties in raising a child can be caused by problems in the family. Frequent quarrels, disputes.
How to deal with this?
Conversations in parenting play the most important role... Speech, tone, selection of words and phrases, intonation. At such moments, you need to communicate with the child carefully, try to speak calmly, quietly, and clearly, so he will receive only the information that he needs.
Very often, difficulties begin to appear when the child listens to TV and friends more than his parents. He may not respond to shouts, punishment. And they do something just for what they want. For example, a chocolate bar, going to the movies with friends, etc. Children are often very powerful manipulators.
First, the parents themselves need to learn to listen. Mom and Dad are the biggest example. And they need to show the child how to act correctly by their own example. In this case, listening to the child is more than talking or scolding.
When you try to get a child to behave well by shouting and ordering, then first of all, you teach the child to behave in the same way or not at all to pay attention to you. Communication with your child should be based on the pattern of the treatment that you would like to see in relation to yourself.
Do not speak into the void. Starting a conversation when the son / daughter is busy is not the right thing to do. The conversation will not be taken seriously. You need to talk to your child only when he drew attention to you. It is advisable to sit with your child at the same level and look into each other's eyes. This both draws attention and will endear the child to you.
It is very difficult to make the baby switch attention from what is interesting for him. Therefore, you must first of all warn him that some work awaits him. It is necessary to say in such a way that the child understands that you need his help. Thus, you prepare him for the future business.
Try to give tasks briefly: "Make the bed" or "Put the markers in the drawer." But the phrase should not sound like an order, i.e. the timbre was calm. There are no instructions for raising children, and since each child is individual, he needs exactly the same approach in education.
Problems of parenting
It is worth remembering that for every child, for every age and character, the same upbringing method will not work, and all methods of upbringing are written only in general according to the observations of specialists. Exact result they may not give at all. And if one child with the help of parenting methods becomes more obedient, then the other may rebel even more.
In raising a child, one must take into account not problems in general, but specific difficulties in the aggregate. This will help to maximize the development of a comprehensive personality in the child.
Modern problems of raising children
In modern times, the approach to education has changed dramatically. Earlier, the main questions for mothers were - colic teething, now they are interested in methods of developing children from the very first days of life. And they want to give the baby everything at once. Thus, receiving everything in childhood, the child becomes bored and with age he generally ceases to enjoy life. And appear contemporary problems raising children.
Modern childhood life can suppress the child's fantasy and desire to take initiative. The stores have everything you want, but the child is very quickly saturated from these toys, and the game in the development process is very important for the baby. It is also wrong to use games to distract the baby. The toy should evoke delight and true joy in him. She should immediately become a part of his fairy tale, which he invented. The game also helps the baby to develop. But the effect is the one that is necessary is achieved only when the small learns the world with the help of toys and the attention of parents.
Problems of family education of children
The climate in the family plays key role in the behavior of the baby. This becomes a kind of foundation for the formation of a personality. The child is very sensitive to the irregularities in the family. And for him, the family should be a comfort zone. Those. the baby should not see arguments, squabbles, screams. He should feel safe.
Here, the joint work of both mother and father is very important. Since they are a true example, support and support for the child.
It is also wrong to teach the child all the time. Screaming is also not a solution to parenting problems. Learn to control your speech. If a child does something bad, then he had a motive for this.
When the baby is doing some kind of prank, you should not immediately grab the belt and put the baby in a corner. This will only worsen the situation. You need to calmly find the reason for this behavior, for this you need: listen to the child, help find solutions, together draw a conclusion. So the child realizes his mistake very quickly. Conversation is very helpful in education. Try to calmly understand the situation, propose solutions, listen to the child's suggestions and draw the right conclusion together.
The problem of moral education of children
From a very young age, a child begins to learn what is good and what is evil. It helps to lay the foundation for morality. Therefore, the task of parents is to raise a child with tasks, to have a positive attitude towards nature, towards care. For example, why you can't kill a ladybug.
Explain to the child why it is right to do this, the child will be glad that he did a good deed.
Pedagogical problems in raising children
Modern children are taught cruelty, they lose the feeling of fear and delight. They can also lose their sense of reality if they play too much. At this time, the parents are busy with work, and when they come home, there is no longer any strength for the children, but the children need attention, and they go to receive it where they will be given it. Virtual reality is the best outcome. And if in bad company? Parents should pay as much attention as possible to their children, talk to them, teach them something. Do not throw off these tasks on the Internet. The experience of parents is also interesting to children if you talk about it.
Typical cases
The most common difficulties in raising your child appear before the age of 10, then the problems are already of a slightly different nature. But children's whims and disobedience become a hotbed for the ignition of the crisis in adolescence... And these are quite common cases that, having noticed, you need to urgently change the tactics of education:
I don’t want to swim! I will not brush my teeth!
Even as a toddler at the age of 2-4 years, the child already understands that he can express his protest, manipulate his parents and even understands that this puts some pressure on the parents. A child shows his stubbornness much more often than a teenager, and at the most inopportune moments.
So often, babies are categorically against the daily maintenance of hygiene. But that's only because he just doesn't like the process. What do they do when a child doesn't like something? - try to interest him in another way.
It is not difficult to make the bathing and washing procedure interesting. To do this, in the store you can find a beautiful toothbrush, delicious toothpaste, a loofah in the shape of an animal, soap in the shape of a cartoon character, pour a bubble bath.
I want and give!
Every kid, when the raster begins to understand that he can express his want, and they can even help him get what he dreamed of. For example, new toy, a chocolate bar. And some parents are ready to give him what he wants just to avoid tantrums. But such compliance can lead to the fact that the child will always wait to receive what he wants so much. And also it will be difficult for him to understand that real opportunities and desires do not always coincide.
Communication crisis.
Often, kids prefer to play alone or only with their parents until they are 3 years old, and then they do not understand why they need to share their toys with someone, why play with anyone at all. But don't worry if you explain to your child that sharing is important, over time he will gain more communication skills and the problem will fade into the background, or disappear altogether. All the difficulties that parents may have in raising their children are temporary. Many situations, even if they seem insoluble, are then remembered with a smile on their face. Upbringing is always not an easy process, the main thing is not to make obvious mistakes.
Parents' mistake in raising children
A typical mistake parents make is that they do not set rules, boundaries, which are very important for a growing child. Many believe that this prevents the child from developing in free flight. But this is a misleading opinion. Nobody talks about tight control. Others can set rules for the child, but encourage him to resist them.
It all depends on the nature of the people and their way of life. Another mistake is if you stick to the rules too strictly.
When the rules are adhered to, but at the same time they are considered boring, then the child has a feeling of inconsistency and uncertainty.
But it would be right to teach the child some norms without crossing the border. In this case, the rules do not have to be regarded as the law of the family, you can simply have a plan that the family must adhere to. Such mistakes cause difficulties in raising your child.
Tips for parents: What to do if mom allows and dad forbids or vice versa?
The problems of raising children in a family often appear due to the fact that parents do not understand this process. And very often it turns out that mom allows, dad forbids. Here the association is triggered: "bad cop and good." This confuses the child in relation to what is right and what is wrong.
- In this case, parents need to remember that they must be a close-knit team. And the upbringing process needs to be constantly discussed so that there are no disagreements. All parenting methods should be used by parents by mutual consent.
- Separation of duties will help a lot. Involve the father in raising the children so that he does not feel rejected.
- Be more specific about your requests. Don't contradict each other. The work must be well-coordinated.
- But the most important thing is not to quarrel in front of the child.
- Don't damage each other's reputation.
- Don't take your anger out on your child. Listen to his problems, even if you have your own. Ask for his opinion, discuss difficulties that affect the whole family.
- Honesty is very important in parenting. Don't lie to your child, even for the sake of playing. How you behave, so will the baby.
- Everyone should have freedom of choice. Therefore, listen to the child's opinion carefully, offer him your version, but do not impose. Let this be advice, and the kid himself decides finally.
- Don't use a commanding tone. Instead, ask and explain why this is so important to you. For a job well done - praise.
- Use collaboration. Children love to be treated like adults.
Raising a child is a very difficult process. But if parents care about what their child will be like in the future, then these difficulties are worth it. Child - clear sheet... Everything that you write on this sheet will be read by you in the future. Therefore, be the closest person to the child and educate as your heart and our advice tells you.